1
00:00:01,111 --> 00:00:02,746
Does anyone celebrate,
uh, Apple here?
2
00:00:02,846 --> 00:00:04,114
(man laughs)
3
00:00:04,214 --> 00:00:07,217
No? No one
who observes Apple? Okay.
4
00:00:07,317 --> 00:00:09,052
Apple made big news.
5
00:00:09,152 --> 00:00:11,454
Uh, they announced
that starting next year
6
00:00:11,555 --> 00:00:15,091
they're gonna allow people
to fix their own phones now,
7
00:00:15,191 --> 00:00:17,027
which is huge.
8
00:00:17,127 --> 00:00:18,895
Yeah, people are super excited.
9
00:00:18,995 --> 00:00:20,697
Like, "Yes, finally,
I can fix my..."
10
00:00:20,797 --> 00:00:23,833
Which is also, like,
shows you how smart Apple is.
11
00:00:23,934 --> 00:00:25,235
Like, 'cause now
they've just tricked us
12
00:00:25,335 --> 00:00:28,071
into fixing our own phones.
You know what I mean?
13
00:00:28,171 --> 00:00:30,206
Like, "Yeah!
I get to fix my own...
14
00:00:30,307 --> 00:00:31,508
"Wait, how does this...
15
00:00:31,608 --> 00:00:33,276
Wait, how do you
put the screen on the..."
16
00:00:33,376 --> 00:00:34,911
I mean, have you tried just
to put, like, a screen cover
17
00:00:35,011 --> 00:00:37,180
on your phone?
Just a screen protector--
18
00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:38,481
have you ever tried to do that?
19
00:00:38,582 --> 00:00:40,283
Now you're gonna be there
fixing your own phone.
20
00:00:40,383 --> 00:00:42,519
Mm, mm, mm. Yeah.
21
00:00:42,619 --> 00:00:44,721
Apple's probably there like,
"Yeah, no, no, you guys try,
22
00:00:44,821 --> 00:00:46,723
and then we'll see you-we'll
see you at the store."
23
00:00:46,823 --> 00:00:48,592
Yeah. You'll have
a cracked screen and then
24
00:00:48,692 --> 00:00:52,262
you'll come in later with,
like... just, like, 500 pieces,
25
00:00:52,362 --> 00:00:53,697
begging to get the new iPhone.
26
00:00:53,797 --> 00:00:57,300
"Please, I don't know
what happened, guys. Please."
27
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,202
It's still a good thing, though.
28
00:00:59,302 --> 00:01:01,871
It's good because it means now
you can get the phone fixed
29
00:01:01,972 --> 00:01:04,374
at, like, a "professional"
repair store.
30
00:01:04,474 --> 00:01:06,276
You don't have to go to Apple.
31
00:01:06,376 --> 00:01:07,644
And, also, it means
we no longer
32
00:01:07,744 --> 00:01:09,412
have to take it
to the Genius Bar.
33
00:01:09,512 --> 00:01:11,514
That was the thing
I resented the most.
34
00:01:11,615 --> 00:01:12,883
Those smug people,
35
00:01:12,983 --> 00:01:14,985
"Eh, I'm a genius."
No, you're not.
36
00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:16,887
You just know how
to fix the phone and I don't.
37
00:01:16,987 --> 00:01:18,388
You just have
a special screwdriver.
38
00:01:18,488 --> 00:01:19,956
And I have to call you
a genius because
39
00:01:20,123 --> 00:01:21,491
you have a screwdriver
that I don't have.
40
00:01:21,591 --> 00:01:24,794
You're not genius, you're
just a well-tooled individual.
41
00:01:24,895 --> 00:01:27,797
Don't tell me I'm a genius.
You know what I mean?
42
00:01:27,898 --> 00:01:29,866
That's not genius.
43
00:01:29,966 --> 00:01:32,135
Genius can figure
quantum things out.
44
00:01:32,168 --> 00:01:33,837
And you-you just, like,
screw the phone.
45
00:01:33,937 --> 00:01:35,939
Welcome to the Genius Bar now.
Yeah.
46
00:01:36,039 --> 00:01:37,274
Look at me now, look at me.
47
00:01:37,374 --> 00:01:39,142
(heavy African accent):
Now I am the genius.
48
00:01:39,209 --> 00:01:41,711
-♪ ♪ -ANNOUNCER: Coming to you
from the heart of Times Square
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00:01:41,811 --> 00:01:44,614
in New York City--
the only city in America--
50
00:01:44,714 --> 00:01:46,716
it's The Daily Show.
51
00:01:46,816 --> 00:01:50,186
Tonight: other countries
have issues too,
52
00:01:50,287 --> 00:01:52,522
giving thanks on the cheap,
53
00:01:52,622 --> 00:01:55,659
and Halle Berry.
54
00:01:55,759 --> 00:02:00,263
This is The Daily Show
with Trevor Noah.
55
00:02:00,363 --> 00:02:02,198
Hey, what's going on,
everybody?
56
00:02:02,299 --> 00:02:03,934
Welcome to The Daily Show.
I'm Trevor Noah.
57
00:02:04,100 --> 00:02:06,369
Let's jump straight
into today's headlines.
58
00:02:06,469 --> 00:02:08,705
And there is a lot
going on today.
59
00:02:08,805 --> 00:02:12,242
Now, obviously, the new
Adele album drops at midnight,
60
00:02:12,342 --> 00:02:13,643
which means you're
about to be able to tell
61
00:02:13,743 --> 00:02:16,346
who's going through a breakup
through your walls.
62
00:02:16,446 --> 00:02:18,248
The judge in the
Kyle Rittenhouse trial
63
00:02:18,348 --> 00:02:20,951
took a bathroom break
and let Kyle be the judge
64
00:02:21,117 --> 00:02:22,252
while he was gone.
Yeah.
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00:02:22,352 --> 00:02:23,920
Which I've never seen before,
but he insists
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00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:26,323
it's totally normal.
And two men
67
00:02:26,423 --> 00:02:29,759
who were framed for the killing
of Malcolm X 50 years ago
68
00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:33,029
were finally exonerated,
which means
69
00:02:33,129 --> 00:02:34,764
the real killer
70
00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:37,767
could be anyone in this room.
71
00:02:37,867 --> 00:02:39,603
(whispering voices)
72
00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,910
But while American news
is always breaking,
73
00:02:47,010 --> 00:02:48,245
it's also good to remember
74
00:02:48,345 --> 00:02:51,248
that other countries
have news, too.
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00:02:51,348 --> 00:02:54,017
♪ ♪
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00:02:55,418 --> 00:02:57,454
All right, let's kick things off
with Russia,
77
00:02:57,554 --> 00:03:00,257
the fictional country
depicted in Creed II.
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00:03:00,357 --> 00:03:02,259
They're also the real-life
country that likes
79
00:03:02,359 --> 00:03:04,728
invading other countries,
and now they might
80
00:03:04,828 --> 00:03:06,563
be back on their bullshit.
81
00:03:06,663 --> 00:03:07,964
Overseas tonight,
and the growing concern
82
00:03:08,098 --> 00:03:09,633
involving Russia.
The U.S. is warning
83
00:03:09,733 --> 00:03:12,736
Russia may be weighing
a potential invasion of Ukraine.
84
00:03:12,836 --> 00:03:15,538
Satellite images tonight showing
Russian troops and equipment
85
00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:19,276
gathering about 142 miles north
of the border with Ukraine.
86
00:03:19,376 --> 00:03:22,379
NEWSMAN: Despite an estimated
100,000 Russian troops gathering
87
00:03:22,479 --> 00:03:25,248
along their border, Ukrainian
forces appear confident
88
00:03:25,348 --> 00:03:28,118
and prepared for battle.
89
00:03:28,151 --> 00:03:29,920
After years
of pushing for membership,
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00:03:30,020 --> 00:03:32,989
the Eastern European country
is still not a part of NATO,
91
00:03:33,123 --> 00:03:36,426
meaning they don't have treaty
protection if Russia invades.
92
00:03:36,526 --> 00:03:38,128
Although this hasn't
stopped the Americans,
93
00:03:38,228 --> 00:03:41,598
British and French from
offering statements of support.
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00:03:41,698 --> 00:03:44,167
We are going to, uh,
watch very closely, uh,
95
00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:47,637
as the Russian Federation,
um, uh, chooses its actions
96
00:03:47,737 --> 00:03:49,039
in the coming days and weeks.
97
00:03:49,139 --> 00:03:51,841
Yeah. That's what
I want from my allies,
98
00:03:51,942 --> 00:03:53,843
is for them
to watch very closely
99
00:03:53,944 --> 00:03:55,579
as someone whips my ass.
100
00:03:55,679 --> 00:03:58,582
Guys! Guys, I'm getting
attacked! I'm getting attacked!
101
00:03:58,682 --> 00:04:00,617
Don't worry, man! We watching
them land every punch!
102
00:04:00,717 --> 00:04:02,152
Yo, Darnell,
you're recording right?
103
00:04:02,252 --> 00:04:03,420
Yeah, we got you, boy,
we got you!
104
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,222
We see them beating your ass!
105
00:04:05,322 --> 00:04:06,790
If you're Ukraine,
this situation sucks, man.
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00:04:06,890 --> 00:04:08,225
Because Russia are
the bad guys, right?
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00:04:08,325 --> 00:04:10,093
But it doesn't seem like
the world is willing
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00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:13,163
to get into a war
to protect Ukraine.
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00:04:13,263 --> 00:04:14,931
And can I be honest?
Can I be honest with you?
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00:04:15,098 --> 00:04:16,433
I think it's
because people don't have
111
00:04:16,533 --> 00:04:18,235
a personal connection
to Ukraine.
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00:04:18,335 --> 00:04:21,871
Like, if Russia
was invading Italy or France,
113
00:04:21,972 --> 00:04:23,573
well, people would do something
about it.
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00:04:23,673 --> 00:04:26,610
Oh, no! The art! the Colosseum!
115
00:04:26,710 --> 00:04:27,978
We have to protect it!
116
00:04:28,111 --> 00:04:30,213
Like, if I was Ukraine,
I would have bought
117
00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:33,116
the worldwide rights
to all the Seinfeld reruns.
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00:04:33,183 --> 00:04:34,517
Then people would care.
119
00:04:34,618 --> 00:04:36,286
(Ukrainian accent): if you
don't protect us from Russia,
120
00:04:36,386 --> 00:04:39,556
you will never again see Kramer
open door like crazy.
121
00:04:39,656 --> 00:04:41,258
Also, this is genius timing
from Russia, right?
122
00:04:41,358 --> 00:04:42,959
You realize it's not a mistake.
123
00:04:43,126 --> 00:04:44,594
Because anyone who knows history
124
00:04:44,694 --> 00:04:46,696
knows you're not gonna
send troops into Russia
125
00:04:46,796 --> 00:04:48,498
at the beginning of winter.
126
00:04:48,598 --> 00:04:50,000
So basically, Russia has, like,
127
00:04:50,133 --> 00:04:52,435
what, five months
to do whatever they want?
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00:04:52,535 --> 00:04:54,771
Yeah, the rest of the world
is gonna be standing by, like:
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00:04:54,871 --> 00:04:57,207
This will not stand, Russia!
130
00:04:57,307 --> 00:05:01,311
Your ass is gonna pay-- as
soon as mid-April rolls around.
131
00:05:01,411 --> 00:05:03,647
Depends on what
the groundhog says.
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00:05:03,747 --> 00:05:05,515
And, like, why does Russia
even need more land?
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00:05:05,615 --> 00:05:08,184
Have you seen Russia? It's huge.
134
00:05:08,285 --> 00:05:10,353
Why are you doing this?
Like, I would get it
135
00:05:10,453 --> 00:05:12,289
if Monaco wanted to invade
another country.
136
00:05:12,389 --> 00:05:14,658
I mean, they're running out
of closet space. But Russia?
137
00:05:14,758 --> 00:05:17,093
Now, while Russia
is getting ready to invade,
138
00:05:17,127 --> 00:05:18,929
another country in Europe
is setting up
139
00:05:19,095 --> 00:05:20,764
a different kind of invasion.
140
00:05:20,864 --> 00:05:23,733
Because they're not using
tanks or missiles.
141
00:05:23,833 --> 00:05:26,403
They're using immigrants.
142
00:05:26,503 --> 00:05:28,171
Turning now
to the border crisis,
143
00:05:28,271 --> 00:05:30,206
this one playing out in Europe
as thousands of migrants
144
00:05:30,307 --> 00:05:33,276
try to enter the European Union
from Belarus.
145
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:35,512
NEWSWOMAN: These are the front
lines of what the European Union
146
00:05:35,612 --> 00:05:37,814
says is a hybrid war.
The E.U. accusing
147
00:05:37,914 --> 00:05:40,584
Belarus's dictator
Alexander Lukashenko
148
00:05:40,684 --> 00:05:44,020
of using migrants as weapons,
purposefully luring them
149
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,690
into Belarus from countries
like Iraq and Syria
150
00:05:46,790 --> 00:05:49,226
by promising them easy access
to Europe.
151
00:05:49,326 --> 00:05:51,027
Poland then refusing
to let them in,
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00:05:51,127 --> 00:05:53,730
Belarus refusing
to take them back,
153
00:05:53,830 --> 00:05:56,399
leaving thousands of people
stuck in the middle.
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00:05:56,499 --> 00:05:58,668
Man, come on, people,
this is just dirty.
155
00:05:58,768 --> 00:06:01,371
Basically, what's going on
is that for a while now,
156
00:06:01,471 --> 00:06:03,740
the European Union
has been imposing sanctions
157
00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,076
on Alexander Lukashenko,
158
00:06:06,109 --> 00:06:09,379
the dictator of Belarus and
Eastern Europe's MyPillow guy.
159
00:06:09,479 --> 00:06:11,982
And, you see,
he's been stealing elections,
160
00:06:12,082 --> 00:06:13,717
he's been cracking down
on protesters,
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00:06:13,817 --> 00:06:16,086
jailing journalists,
basic dictator shit.
162
00:06:16,152 --> 00:06:20,190
And now Lukashenko is trying to
get back at the European Union
163
00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:23,226
by flying in migrants
from the Middle East,
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00:06:23,326 --> 00:06:25,228
and then sending them
into Poland
165
00:06:25,328 --> 00:06:27,097
to create a border crisis.
166
00:06:27,130 --> 00:06:30,600
Which is the most passive-
aggressive military tactic
167
00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:32,335
I have ever heard of.
168
00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:34,371
This is like when your parents
start cooking with peanuts
169
00:06:34,471 --> 00:06:35,805
to get you to move out
of the house
170
00:06:35,906 --> 00:06:37,374
because they know
you're allergic.
171
00:06:37,474 --> 00:06:39,109
It's a dick move.
172
00:06:39,142 --> 00:06:40,844
And, honestly, everyone
is really mad about this,
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00:06:40,944 --> 00:06:42,846
not just because it's inhumane
to these migrants,
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00:06:42,946 --> 00:06:44,581
but because, unlike Ukraine,
175
00:06:44,681 --> 00:06:46,816
we can't let anything happen
to Poland.
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00:06:46,917 --> 00:06:50,120
I mean, that's where
all our water comes from.
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00:06:50,153 --> 00:06:52,455
Because you realize, people,
this is especially cruel, right?
178
00:06:52,556 --> 00:06:54,791
It's especially cruel
to these migrants.
179
00:06:54,891 --> 00:06:56,459
These are real people
180
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:59,162
who are just trying
to live better lives.
181
00:06:59,262 --> 00:07:01,798
It is disgusting
to use them as weapons.
182
00:07:01,898 --> 00:07:04,134
I mean, say what you want
about Drake and Kanye's beef,
183
00:07:04,234 --> 00:07:07,470
but at least they didn't
catapult Mexicans at each other.
184
00:07:07,571 --> 00:07:10,206
But let's move on,
because while Belarus is trying
185
00:07:10,307 --> 00:07:12,342
to destabilize Poland,
there's another country
186
00:07:12,442 --> 00:07:14,644
that's already
on the brink of collapse.
187
00:07:14,744 --> 00:07:17,614
NEWSWOMAN: Ethiopia, where
a brutal year-long conflict
188
00:07:17,714 --> 00:07:20,150
has forced millions
out of their homeland
189
00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:22,085
and is threatening
to disintegrate
190
00:07:22,118 --> 00:07:23,820
into an all-out civil war.
191
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,323
Rebels from Tigray Province
appear to be advancing
192
00:07:26,423 --> 00:07:28,525
toward the capital, Addis Ababa.
193
00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:31,995
Ethiopia's prime minister
called for national unity,
194
00:07:32,095 --> 00:07:33,730
and authorities in Addas Ababa
195
00:07:33,830 --> 00:07:36,399
rounded up ethnic Tigrayans
today.
196
00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:38,101
NEWSMAN: Two weeks ago,
the state department
197
00:07:38,168 --> 00:07:40,370
urged all Americans
to leave Ethiopia.
198
00:07:40,470 --> 00:07:42,806
But with echoes of Afghanistan,
the state department
199
00:07:42,906 --> 00:07:44,774
doesn't know or won't say
200
00:07:44,874 --> 00:07:47,510
how many Americans
are in the country.
201
00:07:47,611 --> 00:07:49,613
Last week, the state department
did make a point
202
00:07:49,713 --> 00:07:52,616
of saying there would be
no Afghan-style evacuation
203
00:07:52,716 --> 00:07:54,684
for Americans stuck in Ethiopia.
204
00:07:54,784 --> 00:07:56,486
They did, however,
offer to help them
205
00:07:56,586 --> 00:07:58,355
get on commercial flights out.
206
00:07:58,455 --> 00:08:00,724
Yeah, this is tough news
for Ethiopians,
207
00:08:00,824 --> 00:08:04,728
and this is tough news
for Americans in Ethiopia.
208
00:08:04,828 --> 00:08:06,363
Because in Afghanistan,
209
00:08:06,463 --> 00:08:08,865
the U.S. government
staged an all-out airlift.
210
00:08:08,965 --> 00:08:10,901
Meanwhile, in Ethiopia,
they're like,
211
00:08:11,067 --> 00:08:13,703
"Might we suggest
Priceline.com?"
212
00:08:13,803 --> 00:08:15,272
Like, I don't even know what
that means. What do they mean
213
00:08:15,372 --> 00:08:16,573
when they say,
"The State Department
214
00:08:16,673 --> 00:08:18,909
will help you book
a commercial flight out"?
215
00:08:19,075 --> 00:08:21,311
That's not helpful.
People know how to book flights.
216
00:08:21,411 --> 00:08:23,713
That's like going, "Hey!
Hey, you, do you need a ride?
217
00:08:23,813 --> 00:08:25,849
"Do you need a ride?
Yeah, well, I'm happy to help.
218
00:08:25,949 --> 00:08:28,285
"So, what you got to do
is open Uber on your phone,
219
00:08:28,385 --> 00:08:31,121
then you hit 'request a ride.'
Best of luck, buddy."
220
00:08:31,221 --> 00:08:32,889
Also, flying commercial
is the worst way
221
00:08:32,989 --> 00:08:36,126
to evacuate a war zone.
Can you imagine that stress?
222
00:08:36,226 --> 00:08:38,762
"Please, please, the soldiers.
The soldiers are coming.
223
00:08:38,862 --> 00:08:40,330
We need to get out now."
224
00:08:40,430 --> 00:08:42,699
"Sir, are you
a Diamond Medallion Member?
225
00:08:42,799 --> 00:08:44,234
"Okay, please step aside.
226
00:08:44,334 --> 00:08:46,970
"Anyone in group 'A' or above,
we're boarding you now.
227
00:08:47,103 --> 00:08:48,338
"Sir, please...
Please stand back.
228
00:08:48,438 --> 00:08:49,906
Just relax. Thank you."
229
00:08:50,006 --> 00:08:51,975
And you know who this is a great
opportunity for, though, right?
230
00:08:52,108 --> 00:08:53,877
Alexander Lukashenko.
231
00:08:53,977 --> 00:08:56,913
I bet he's already sliding
into American DMs like,
232
00:08:57,013 --> 00:08:59,349
"I can hook you up
with free private flights
233
00:08:59,449 --> 00:09:02,285
to the Polish border.
Are you interested?"
234
00:09:02,385 --> 00:09:04,054
But you got to feel
for Ethiopians, man,
235
00:09:04,154 --> 00:09:06,056
because anytime their country's
in the news,
236
00:09:06,122 --> 00:09:09,059
it is either because of war
or famine
237
00:09:09,159 --> 00:09:11,962
or some long-distance runner
broke the world record,
238
00:09:12,062 --> 00:09:14,464
which are all pretty extreme
things, if you think about it.
239
00:09:14,564 --> 00:09:16,533
I feel like we need
more coverage
240
00:09:16,633 --> 00:09:18,535
of just, like,
regular-ass Ethiopians,
241
00:09:18,635 --> 00:09:19,903
you know, who can't run,
242
00:09:20,070 --> 00:09:22,339
don't know how to fight
and just want to chill.
243
00:09:22,439 --> 00:09:24,608
And please understand this.
Please understand.
244
00:09:24,708 --> 00:09:27,310
This is a really complicated
and sensitive story, right?
245
00:09:27,410 --> 00:09:29,079
Because
for-for about a year now,
246
00:09:29,179 --> 00:09:31,681
the government has been at war
with a rebel group.
247
00:09:31,781 --> 00:09:33,750
But that's, like,
the simplified version,
248
00:09:33,850 --> 00:09:36,386
because there are
so many layers of this conflict
249
00:09:36,486 --> 00:09:38,855
that we just don't have the time
to do it justice.
250
00:09:38,955 --> 00:09:40,123
This is a huge beef
251
00:09:40,223 --> 00:09:42,259
with a history
that goes back decades
252
00:09:42,359 --> 00:09:44,561
involving rival ethnic groups,
253
00:09:44,661 --> 00:09:47,497
different territories,
foreign interference
254
00:09:47,597 --> 00:09:50,800
because African conflicts
are never simple.
255
00:09:50,901 --> 00:09:52,836
They're super complicated,
256
00:09:52,936 --> 00:09:55,105
and everyone has
different versions of events.
257
00:09:55,205 --> 00:09:57,207
They're-they're basically
like white people conflict
258
00:09:57,307 --> 00:09:58,975
but with more seasoning.
259
00:09:59,109 --> 00:10:01,611
So, from Russia's military
to migrants in Belarus
260
00:10:01,711 --> 00:10:02,879
and armies in Ethiopia,
261
00:10:02,979 --> 00:10:04,948
people everywhere
are on the move.
262
00:10:05,048 --> 00:10:06,650
Meanwhile, in India,
263
00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:08,552
the only place
people might be moving to
264
00:10:08,652 --> 00:10:10,554
is back inside.
265
00:10:10,654 --> 00:10:14,157
Smothered by smog, a toxic haze
hanging over New Delhi,
266
00:10:14,257 --> 00:10:16,459
and it is raising
the level of air pollution
267
00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:18,161
to dangerous levels.
268
00:10:18,261 --> 00:10:19,462
Schools in the Indian capital
269
00:10:19,563 --> 00:10:21,197
have shut their doors
until further notice,
270
00:10:21,298 --> 00:10:24,334
and private construction banned
at least for now.
271
00:10:24,434 --> 00:10:27,070
NEWSWOMAN: India's environmental
ministry panel on air pollution
272
00:10:27,170 --> 00:10:29,172
has directed Delhi
and other states
273
00:10:29,272 --> 00:10:32,008
to encourage private offices
to allow work from home.
274
00:10:32,108 --> 00:10:33,810
But for street vendors,
275
00:10:33,910 --> 00:10:36,313
staying home is not an option.
276
00:10:36,413 --> 00:10:37,714
(speaking foreign language)
277
00:10:37,814 --> 00:10:39,149
(translated):
The pollution is unbearable.
278
00:10:39,249 --> 00:10:41,318
The government
must take some steps.
279
00:10:41,418 --> 00:10:42,485
We are forced to work,
280
00:10:42,586 --> 00:10:44,688
because we can't
stay indoors forever.
281
00:10:44,788 --> 00:10:45,922
NEWSWOMAN:
For now, Delhi's residents
282
00:10:46,022 --> 00:10:48,091
will be inhaling this toxic air,
283
00:10:48,191 --> 00:10:50,727
which, according to a report
by the University of Chicago,
284
00:10:50,827 --> 00:10:53,897
is ten times worse
in northern India
285
00:10:53,997 --> 00:10:56,733
than anywhere else in the world.
286
00:10:56,833 --> 00:10:58,368
Goddamn, did you hear that?
287
00:10:58,468 --> 00:11:00,704
The air in New Delhi right now
288
00:11:00,804 --> 00:11:02,772
is ten times worse
289
00:11:02,872 --> 00:11:06,877
than anywhere else in the world.
290
00:11:06,977 --> 00:11:09,613
That means you'd be better off
291
00:11:09,713 --> 00:11:11,414
just sticking your face
in that steam
292
00:11:11,514 --> 00:11:13,583
that comes out of the ground
in New York City.
293
00:11:13,683 --> 00:11:15,852
Which, by the way,
what is that shit?
294
00:11:15,952 --> 00:11:17,287
Like, is there a fire
down there?
295
00:11:17,387 --> 00:11:18,521
I've lived here for many years.
296
00:11:18,622 --> 00:11:19,623
I still don't understand
what that is.
297
00:11:19,723 --> 00:11:21,157
Like, is someone
dry-cleaning a rat?
298
00:11:21,258 --> 00:11:23,293
What-what... Feel
like it's worth looking into.
299
00:11:23,393 --> 00:11:25,295
No one? Just me?
300
00:11:26,263 --> 00:11:27,964
You know, one detail I like
from this story
301
00:11:28,131 --> 00:11:29,699
is that the Indian government
put together
302
00:11:29,799 --> 00:11:32,702
an environmental ministry panel
on air pollution
303
00:11:32,802 --> 00:11:35,739
who confirmed that the air
was, indeed, polluted.
304
00:11:35,839 --> 00:11:38,308
Uh, you don't need a panel.
I don't know why they did that.
305
00:11:38,408 --> 00:11:40,343
Why do governments like
doing this? You just need eyes.
306
00:11:40,443 --> 00:11:42,145
"Yes, after three years
of study,
307
00:11:42,212 --> 00:11:44,848
"we have concluded
that Delhi's air is brown
308
00:11:44,948 --> 00:11:47,217
and that this is, uh, bad."
309
00:11:47,317 --> 00:11:48,919
But, you see,
this is a great example
310
00:11:49,019 --> 00:11:52,222
of why we all need to move
to cleaner energy.
311
00:11:52,322 --> 00:11:54,591
Because, yes,
it is expensive to do,
312
00:11:54,691 --> 00:11:57,027
but it is also hella expensive
313
00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,529
to constantly shut down
the economy
314
00:11:59,629 --> 00:12:02,399
when your city turns
into a sandstorm from Dune.
315
00:12:02,499 --> 00:12:04,668
Except this time,
Timothée Chalamet isn't there
316
00:12:04,768 --> 00:12:06,503
to make you feel better
with that smile.
317
00:12:06,603 --> 00:12:08,305
And you might be like,
"Well, Trevor,
318
00:12:08,405 --> 00:12:10,707
why don't they just start
carpooling in India?"
319
00:12:10,807 --> 00:12:12,876
My man, they're way ahead of
you, and it's still not enough.
320
00:12:12,976 --> 00:12:14,844
It's actually a real
rough spot for India because,
321
00:12:14,945 --> 00:12:17,414
as a nation,
you want to keep modernizing,
322
00:12:17,514 --> 00:12:19,149
you want to keep growing,
but then,
323
00:12:19,249 --> 00:12:22,118
the fallout of those effects
make it so
324
00:12:22,185 --> 00:12:24,387
that you can't even enjoy
the fruits of modernization.
325
00:12:24,487 --> 00:12:25,922
You know, it's almost like
326
00:12:26,022 --> 00:12:27,524
someone who gets really
into CrossFit
327
00:12:27,624 --> 00:12:29,593
to help them attract women,
but then,
328
00:12:29,693 --> 00:12:31,595
they push everyone away
because they can't stop talking
329
00:12:31,695 --> 00:12:33,129
about the fact
that they joined CrossFit.
330
00:12:33,163 --> 00:12:34,798
Now those abs are useless.
331
00:12:34,898 --> 00:12:36,733
And you wouldn't be able
to tell this from the story,
332
00:12:36,833 --> 00:12:40,704
but New Delhi is one of the most
beautiful places in the world.
333
00:12:40,804 --> 00:12:43,473
I mean, this is what
it looked like last year
334
00:12:43,573 --> 00:12:47,477
after months of lockdown
and the smog dissipating.
335
00:12:47,577 --> 00:12:50,046
But now, it's back
to looking like it's stuck
336
00:12:50,146 --> 00:12:52,816
on a permanent sepia filter.
337
00:12:52,916 --> 00:12:55,919
All right, but let's move on to
our final international story.
338
00:12:56,019 --> 00:12:57,621
And like most things
in the world,
339
00:12:57,721 --> 00:12:59,789
this story was made in China.
340
00:12:59,890 --> 00:13:01,391
NEWSMAN: The royalty
of professional tennis
341
00:13:01,491 --> 00:13:05,629
expressing concern about
the welfare of one of their own.
342
00:13:05,729 --> 00:13:07,364
Honestly, it's shocking, you
know, that-that she's missing.
343
00:13:07,464 --> 00:13:09,799
NEWSMAN: Peng Shuai,
a Chinese tennis champion,
344
00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:12,969
hasn't been seen
or heard from in weeks.
345
00:13:13,103 --> 00:13:16,006
In early November, Peng
published this bombshell post
346
00:13:16,106 --> 00:13:18,408
on her Chinese
social media account--
347
00:13:18,508 --> 00:13:21,144
an open letter
to a former top communist leader
348
00:13:21,244 --> 00:13:24,414
named Zhang Gaoli, now age 75,
349
00:13:24,514 --> 00:13:27,117
who Peng accuses
of sexually assaulting her
350
00:13:27,150 --> 00:13:30,120
after the two had an affair.
351
00:13:30,153 --> 00:13:32,289
Shortly after
the controversial post,
352
00:13:32,389 --> 00:13:36,126
Peng's online profile
more or less disappeared.
353
00:13:36,192 --> 00:13:38,528
Until recently,
Peng Shuai was one
354
00:13:38,628 --> 00:13:41,131
of the biggest
tennis stars in China.
355
00:13:41,164 --> 00:13:43,466
But look what happens when
you try to search for people
356
00:13:43,567 --> 00:13:47,370
with her name
in the Chinese internet.
357
00:13:47,470 --> 00:13:51,841
You get the message,
"No results found."
358
00:13:51,942 --> 00:13:54,844
Censors have all
but scrubbed this woman
359
00:13:54,945 --> 00:13:56,880
from the Chinese Internet.
360
00:13:56,980 --> 00:13:59,282
Now today, a new twist,
361
00:13:59,382 --> 00:14:02,452
with Chinese state media
releasing this email,
362
00:14:02,552 --> 00:14:05,255
purportedly written by Peng
to the head
363
00:14:05,355 --> 00:14:07,190
of the Women's
Tennis Association.
364
00:14:07,290 --> 00:14:10,393
It completely disavows
the previous allegations
365
00:14:10,493 --> 00:14:12,429
of sexual assault, adding,
366
00:14:12,529 --> 00:14:15,098
"I'm not missing,
nor am I unsafe,"
367
00:14:15,165 --> 00:14:19,569
and, "I hope Chinese tennis
will become better and better."
368
00:14:19,669 --> 00:14:23,273
Yo, this is really disturbing.
369
00:14:23,373 --> 00:14:26,176
Someone speaks out
about sexual assault,
370
00:14:26,276 --> 00:14:30,113
and then China's government
just makes them disappear?
371
00:14:30,213 --> 00:14:31,448
And then what's even worse is
372
00:14:31,548 --> 00:14:32,816
that they release
some bullshit email
373
00:14:32,916 --> 00:14:34,251
pretending
like everything is fine?
374
00:14:34,351 --> 00:14:35,785
'Cause, come on, people.
375
00:14:35,886 --> 00:14:37,754
That email from
the tennis star was as legit
376
00:14:37,854 --> 00:14:39,122
as the letters I got
377
00:14:39,189 --> 00:14:41,024
from my supermodel girlfriend
in fifth grade.
378
00:14:41,124 --> 00:14:43,159
"She's coming next year, guys.
I swear."
379
00:14:43,260 --> 00:14:44,628
This is what makes China
so terrifying.
380
00:14:44,728 --> 00:14:46,029
Like,
if you're on their good side,
381
00:14:46,129 --> 00:14:47,597
well, things are great.
382
00:14:47,697 --> 00:14:49,366
But if you try to tell the truth
383
00:14:49,466 --> 00:14:52,869
about how China is a country
that constantly oppress...
384
00:14:52,969 --> 00:14:55,005
(translated):
385
00:14:58,575 --> 00:15:02,312
what the hell was that?!
I'm not even in China!
386
00:15:02,412 --> 00:15:03,813
Look, man, it's one thing
387
00:15:03,914 --> 00:15:05,415
for your government
to come after you.
388
00:15:05,515 --> 00:15:09,085
It's another thing for them
to just make you never exist.
389
00:15:09,119 --> 00:15:11,955
I mean, they scrubbed
the Internet of anything
390
00:15:12,088 --> 00:15:14,157
about this tennis player.
391
00:15:14,257 --> 00:15:16,359
Do you know how hard it is to
get stuff off of the Internet?
392
00:15:16,459 --> 00:15:18,361
Only China can do that.
393
00:15:18,461 --> 00:15:20,697
In fact, if you have
embarrassing pictures online
394
00:15:20,797 --> 00:15:23,300
or problematic tweets,
just move to China
395
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,801
and talk shit
about the communist party.
396
00:15:24,901 --> 00:15:26,970
Yeah, they'll clean up
your reputation in no time.
397
00:15:27,103 --> 00:15:28,672
I mean, yeah, you'll be locked
in a basement somewhere,
398
00:15:28,772 --> 00:15:31,374
but, hey, at least
you didn't get canceled.
399
00:15:31,474 --> 00:15:33,376
And this also really puts
into perspective
400
00:15:33,476 --> 00:15:35,145
when people in America complain
401
00:15:35,245 --> 00:15:37,180
about being censored
by big tech.
402
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,149
Aw, Twitter took down my tweet.
403
00:15:39,249 --> 00:15:40,850
This is a tyranny!
404
00:15:40,951 --> 00:15:43,820
Guys, Peng Shuai literally
does not exist
405
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,355
on the Internet anymore.
406
00:15:45,455 --> 00:15:48,124
Like, yeah, maybe
Trump can't tweet right now,
407
00:15:48,191 --> 00:15:49,926
but you can still google him.
408
00:15:50,026 --> 00:15:52,162
Trust me.
Just yesterday, I searched for
409
00:15:52,262 --> 00:15:53,997
"Donald Trump big butt photos."
410
00:15:54,130 --> 00:15:55,665
I got 80 million hits.
411
00:15:55,765 --> 00:15:57,367
And, no, I'm not gonna tell you
why I googled that.
412
00:15:57,467 --> 00:15:59,469
I like big butts,
and I cannot lie.
413
00:15:59,569 --> 00:16:00,737
All right,
that's all the time we have
414
00:16:00,837 --> 00:16:02,806
for international news.
When we come back,
415
00:16:02,906 --> 00:16:04,507
we'll tell you
how you can survive
416
00:16:04,608 --> 00:16:07,210
the most expensive Thanksgiving
of all time.
417
00:16:07,310 --> 00:16:09,613
And Halle Berry is still
joining me on the show.
418
00:16:09,713 --> 00:16:11,214
You don't want to miss it.
419
00:16:13,883 --> 00:16:15,050
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
Thanksgiving
420
00:16:15,151 --> 00:16:17,019
is just around the corner,
but with the price
421
00:16:17,119 --> 00:16:19,922
of groceries these days, a big
dinner could be more expensive
422
00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:22,525
than buying Yeezys
for your Lamborghini.
423
00:16:22,625 --> 00:16:24,660
Fortunately, Desi Lydic
has some up with
424
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:28,063
some tips for celebrating
Thanksgiving on a budget.
425
00:16:28,164 --> 00:16:30,766
♪ ♪
426
00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:32,968
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
427
00:16:33,068 --> 00:16:34,803
They say that this year
is going to be
428
00:16:34,904 --> 00:16:37,306
the most expensive
Thanksgiving ever.
429
00:16:37,406 --> 00:16:39,108
Inflation is hitting
everything:
430
00:16:39,208 --> 00:16:42,144
groceries, cookware,
decorative gourds,
431
00:16:42,244 --> 00:16:45,347
even the really
ugly, bumpy ones.
432
00:16:45,447 --> 00:16:47,116
I know I'm tightening
my belt this year,
433
00:16:47,216 --> 00:16:49,151
but don't worry--
you can still have
434
00:16:49,251 --> 00:16:52,087
an amazing Thanksgiving
without breaking the bank.
435
00:16:52,188 --> 00:16:53,656
Let's start with the turkey.
436
00:16:53,756 --> 00:16:55,524
This year, turkey prices
are almost double
437
00:16:55,624 --> 00:16:57,793
what they were a few years ago,
but there are still
438
00:16:57,893 --> 00:17:00,663
deals out there
if you know how to shop smart.
439
00:17:00,763 --> 00:17:03,499
For instance,
did you know that
440
00:17:03,599 --> 00:17:05,267
you can get
factory-reject turkeys
441
00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:07,536
at Butterball outlet stores
nationwide?
442
00:17:07,636 --> 00:17:09,839
This one only cost ten dollars.
443
00:17:09,939 --> 00:17:12,174
And it has three necks,
444
00:17:12,274 --> 00:17:13,242
so there's even
more to go around.
445
00:17:13,342 --> 00:17:15,177
You can also check Craigslist
446
00:17:15,277 --> 00:17:17,513
for some perfectly good
447
00:17:17,613 --> 00:17:19,281
gently-used turkeys.
448
00:17:19,381 --> 00:17:21,217
Now, why should this
go to a landfill just because
449
00:17:21,317 --> 00:17:23,552
one person already owned it?
450
00:17:23,719 --> 00:17:26,922
But if your turkey budget
is zero, here's a great hack.
451
00:17:27,022 --> 00:17:29,425
You just trace your hand...
452
00:17:33,829 --> 00:17:36,131
Now we're gonna
want to do a little beak
453
00:17:36,232 --> 00:17:39,235
and some googly eyes.
454
00:17:39,335 --> 00:17:41,937
Voilà! How cute
is this little turkey?
455
00:17:42,037 --> 00:17:45,741
Now, you're gonna want to drench
this bad boy in olive oil.
456
00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:47,810
No one likes a dry turkey.
457
00:17:49,211 --> 00:17:51,547
We're gonna want to roast this
at 400 degrees
458
00:17:51,647 --> 00:17:54,316
for about one hour.
459
00:17:54,416 --> 00:17:56,519
Of course, you can't
have turkey without stuffing.
460
00:17:56,619 --> 00:17:58,754
But you don't need to take out
a second mortgage
461
00:17:58,821 --> 00:18:00,222
or start an OnlyFans
462
00:18:00,322 --> 00:18:02,525
to pay for all the ingredients
that you need.
463
00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:06,128
Most of us have
perfectly good stuffing already
464
00:18:06,228 --> 00:18:09,198
right inside
our kids' teddy bears.
465
00:18:11,267 --> 00:18:14,570
Just going
to want to get in there.
466
00:18:14,703 --> 00:18:18,807
Just going to want to take
the stuffing, scoop it out.
467
00:18:18,908 --> 00:18:21,377
Just shove it in that bird.
468
00:18:21,477 --> 00:18:24,013
Get it in there, roast it.
469
00:18:24,113 --> 00:18:26,549
It's going to soak up
all those flavors,
470
00:18:26,715 --> 00:18:28,884
and really help the turkey
keep its shape.
471
00:18:28,984 --> 00:18:31,854
And the best stuffing
is right in the face.
472
00:18:33,756 --> 00:18:35,457
(quietly):
There we go.
473
00:18:35,558 --> 00:18:37,593
But let's talk side dishes,
because this is where
474
00:18:37,726 --> 00:18:40,229
the dollars
can really start adding up.
475
00:18:40,329 --> 00:18:42,798
One of my favorites
is mashed potatoes.
476
00:18:42,898 --> 00:18:44,834
They're delicious,
and I have a simple trick
477
00:18:44,934 --> 00:18:47,102
for making a little go
a long way.
478
00:18:47,203 --> 00:18:51,173
So, you just make
one mashed potato...
479
00:18:51,273 --> 00:18:53,409
chew it up...
480
00:18:53,509 --> 00:18:55,177
Mmm. Mmm.
481
00:18:57,313 --> 00:18:58,547
Spit it back out.
482
00:18:58,647 --> 00:19:00,249
And then you want
to just pass it around the table
483
00:19:00,349 --> 00:19:02,318
for everyone to enjoy.
484
00:19:02,418 --> 00:19:04,220
They're mashed anyway,
so it will not affect
485
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,522
the texture or flavor at all.
486
00:19:08,491 --> 00:19:09,558
What about drinks?
487
00:19:09,658 --> 00:19:11,193
Most of the grown-ups
at the table
488
00:19:11,293 --> 00:19:13,696
are probably going to want
a nice glass of wine,
489
00:19:13,729 --> 00:19:15,865
especially when Uncle Steve
starts talking about QAnon.
490
00:19:15,965 --> 00:19:18,067
And that can get expensive fast.
491
00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:20,703
But fortunately, you can get
the same pleasant buzz
492
00:19:20,769 --> 00:19:24,273
at a fraction of the price
with paint thinner.
493
00:19:24,373 --> 00:19:26,308
♪ ♪
494
00:19:34,016 --> 00:19:36,185
Mmm.
495
00:19:36,285 --> 00:19:39,121
I'm detecting notes of my garage
496
00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:41,957
and just a hint of
the previous owners of my house
497
00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:43,959
who left this behind
when they moved.
498
00:19:44,059 --> 00:19:46,195
This also pairs well
with the hallucinations.
499
00:19:46,295 --> 00:19:49,565
(echoing voices):
Hallucinations...
500
00:19:50,633 --> 00:19:53,903
Hallucinations...
hallucinations...
501
00:19:54,003 --> 00:19:58,774
Now to the most important part
of the meal: dessert.
502
00:19:58,874 --> 00:20:00,809
Pumpkin pie can get expensive,
503
00:20:00,910 --> 00:20:02,344
whether you're making it
from scratch,
504
00:20:02,444 --> 00:20:04,747
buying it from the store
or buying it from the store
505
00:20:04,780 --> 00:20:06,749
and saying you made it
from scratch,
506
00:20:06,782 --> 00:20:08,918
then carrying
the shame and guilt of that lie
507
00:20:09,018 --> 00:20:11,253
for the rest of your life.
508
00:20:11,353 --> 00:20:13,155
But why spend money
when we already have
509
00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:15,691
so much pumpkin spice stuff
around the house?
510
00:20:15,724 --> 00:20:17,359
Like this scented candle
511
00:20:17,459 --> 00:20:19,962
I got from my Secret Santa
three years ago.
512
00:20:20,062 --> 00:20:22,164
It's an absolute garbage gift,
513
00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:25,301
but wait until you taste it
in a dessert.
514
00:20:25,401 --> 00:20:27,236
Just cook it at...
515
00:20:27,336 --> 00:20:29,972
I don't know, 200? 500?
516
00:20:30,072 --> 00:20:32,374
Honestly, it doesn't even make
a difference,
517
00:20:32,474 --> 00:20:36,145
because as you can see,
it comes out...
518
00:20:36,245 --> 00:20:38,948
perfect every time.
519
00:20:42,084 --> 00:20:43,419
(grunts)
520
00:20:45,421 --> 00:20:47,790
-Mmm.
-(crunching)
521
00:20:50,326 --> 00:20:52,628
And for all of you thinking
about holiday weight gain,
522
00:20:52,728 --> 00:20:54,964
wax is not digestible,
523
00:20:55,064 --> 00:20:57,800
so no worries there.
524
00:20:57,900 --> 00:21:00,803
Comes out the same
as it goes in. (chuckles)
525
00:21:00,903 --> 00:21:02,938
(music slowing, distorting)
526
00:21:04,907 --> 00:21:07,276
(echoing):
Am I a turkey?
527
00:21:08,544 --> 00:21:11,747
Finally, if you really want
to save money on Thanksgiving,
528
00:21:11,780 --> 00:21:14,683
just remember the original
spirit of the holiday
529
00:21:14,783 --> 00:21:17,520
and do what the pilgrims did:
steal.
530
00:21:17,686 --> 00:21:19,288
They stole food, land,
531
00:21:19,388 --> 00:21:21,423
even valuables
from Native American graves.
532
00:21:21,524 --> 00:21:23,959
So why not take a page
from history
533
00:21:24,059 --> 00:21:26,762
and steal whatever you need?
534
00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:30,966
Hey, with Christmas
around the corner,
535
00:21:31,066 --> 00:21:33,035
go ahead and steal
whatever you want for that, too.
536
00:21:33,135 --> 00:21:36,005
Look, I'm Santa.
537
00:21:36,105 --> 00:21:37,907
Ho ho ho.
538
00:21:38,007 --> 00:21:40,442
-Ooh! My paper turkey's ready.
-(fire alarm beeping)
539
00:21:40,543 --> 00:21:41,977
Mmm, yum!
540
00:21:42,077 --> 00:21:44,713
(coughing)
Oh. Shit.
541
00:21:44,813 --> 00:21:46,916
Shit.
Got to get this out of here.
542
00:21:47,016 --> 00:21:48,083
(coughing continues)
543
00:21:48,184 --> 00:21:51,353
Evacuate! Evacuate!
544
00:21:51,453 --> 00:21:53,489
♪ ♪
545
00:21:57,226 --> 00:22:00,296
All right, when we come back,
the one and only Halle Berry
546
00:22:00,396 --> 00:22:04,099
will be joining me
in the studio, so don't go away.
547
00:22:06,384 --> 00:22:07,685
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
548
00:22:07,785 --> 00:22:09,687
My guest tonight is Oscar, Emmy
549
00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:12,256
and Golden Globe-winning actor
Halle Berry.
550
00:22:12,356 --> 00:22:14,926
She's here to talk about
making her directorial debut
551
00:22:15,026 --> 00:22:17,395
in the new film Bruised.
552
00:22:17,495 --> 00:22:19,430
Aah!
553
00:22:19,530 --> 00:22:21,565
(both grunting)
554
00:22:24,268 --> 00:22:27,204
You don't look like
no UFC, Justice.
555
00:22:31,742 --> 00:22:34,779
And five seconds, four,
556
00:22:34,879 --> 00:22:37,782
three, two...
557
00:22:37,882 --> 00:22:39,050
(whistle blows)
558
00:22:41,152 --> 00:22:42,420
-Whew!
-(chuckles)
559
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,122
-Halle Berry.
-It was rough. (laughs)
560
00:22:45,222 --> 00:22:46,791
-It-it looked rough.
-Yes.
561
00:22:46,891 --> 00:22:48,059
It looked extremely rough.
Welcome to the show.
562
00:22:48,159 --> 00:22:50,561
Thank you, thank you.
I'm so happy to be here.
563
00:22:50,661 --> 00:22:51,963
Uh, I'm happy
to have you here, but I-I...
564
00:22:52,063 --> 00:22:55,366
I'm not gonna lie, I was...
I was genuinely surprised
565
00:22:55,466 --> 00:22:57,468
in, like, such a fun way,
watching this movie,
566
00:22:57,568 --> 00:23:00,104
because I've seen you
kick ass in a lot of films.
567
00:23:00,204 --> 00:23:03,541
Right? I've seen you act your
heart out in so many films.
568
00:23:03,641 --> 00:23:06,077
But, I don't know why,
for me, this movie felt like
569
00:23:06,177 --> 00:23:08,179
the culmination of
everything coming together.
570
00:23:08,279 --> 00:23:09,947
You know? It was Halle Berry
the fighter,
571
00:23:10,047 --> 00:23:11,816
it was Halle Berry the actress,
572
00:23:11,916 --> 00:23:13,484
it was Halle Berry,
you know, feeling pain,
573
00:23:13,584 --> 00:23:14,885
showing moments of joy.
574
00:23:14,986 --> 00:23:16,787
It-it felt like
it was a culmination
575
00:23:16,887 --> 00:23:19,390
of a lot of just you
as a human being.
576
00:23:19,490 --> 00:23:21,492
Congratulations
on your directorial debut.
577
00:23:21,525 --> 00:23:22,860
-What was that like?
-Thank you.
578
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:24,795
Wow. It's funny you said that,
because you know what,
579
00:23:24,895 --> 00:23:27,331
I felt that way, too.
And being at the helm
580
00:23:27,498 --> 00:23:28,766
and being in charge,
581
00:23:28,866 --> 00:23:31,702
I could put all of that
into the movie.
582
00:23:31,802 --> 00:23:34,105
I could play to,
you know, not only
583
00:23:34,205 --> 00:23:36,507
my strengths but to the
strengths of all the characters,
584
00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:37,708
-you know, in the movie.
-I can only imagine.
585
00:23:37,808 --> 00:23:39,844
-All the actors, so, yes.
-This story has
586
00:23:39,944 --> 00:23:41,846
such a fascinating beginning.
This was a story
587
00:23:41,946 --> 00:23:43,814
-that wasn't originally
written for you, you know? -No.
588
00:23:43,914 --> 00:23:45,950
It-it went out,
I think it was to Blake Lively,
589
00:23:46,050 --> 00:23:47,518
and-and people were like,
"Oh, it's this
590
00:23:47,618 --> 00:23:49,820
"Irish Catholic white woman
and it's gonna be the story
591
00:23:49,921 --> 00:23:53,324
of this twentysomething-year-old
scrappy UFC fighter."
592
00:23:53,424 --> 00:23:54,926
And you saw the story and said,
"I think there's a different
593
00:23:55,026 --> 00:23:57,628
-way to tell this story."
-Yeah, and you know, the idea
594
00:23:57,728 --> 00:23:59,964
came because I desperately
wanted to play this character.
595
00:24:00,064 --> 00:24:03,334
I love the fight game, I've been
a boxing fan since I was a kid.
596
00:24:03,434 --> 00:24:06,170
I was now, when I got
this script, an avid MMA fan,
597
00:24:06,270 --> 00:24:08,472
especially of all the women
in the sport.
598
00:24:08,506 --> 00:24:10,007
So when I read it,
I thought this is
599
00:24:10,107 --> 00:24:12,043
the kind of role
that I would kill for.
600
00:24:12,143 --> 00:24:13,577
-It's meaty. It's juicy.
-I love that.
601
00:24:13,678 --> 00:24:15,246
I get to use
all of my physicality.
602
00:24:15,346 --> 00:24:17,481
Except it wasn't written
for someone like me,
603
00:24:17,515 --> 00:24:19,684
so that was the impetus
for reimagining it.
604
00:24:19,784 --> 00:24:22,987
And I told my agent,
if Blake decides not to do this,
605
00:24:23,087 --> 00:24:25,790
can you please let me get
to the producers
606
00:24:25,890 --> 00:24:28,659
and give them my pitch
on how and why
607
00:24:28,759 --> 00:24:31,095
I think a reimagining
would be in order.
608
00:24:31,195 --> 00:24:33,164
And for me, I felt like,
609
00:24:33,264 --> 00:24:36,033
based on where we are
in the world and, you know,
610
00:24:36,133 --> 00:24:38,636
Time's Up and Me Too,
and where we as Black women
611
00:24:38,736 --> 00:24:40,504
and Black people
are arriving to,
612
00:24:40,538 --> 00:24:42,273
-Mm-hmm.
-it's time that we get a chance
613
00:24:42,373 --> 00:24:45,977
to tell our stories from our own
point of view through our lens.
614
00:24:46,077 --> 00:24:49,013
And so I said, if we're going
to remake a fight movie,
615
00:24:49,113 --> 00:24:52,383
they've been made by the greats,
some of the best movies,
616
00:24:52,516 --> 00:24:54,619
Rocky and Fight Club
and Million Dollar Baby,
617
00:24:54,719 --> 00:24:56,153
if we're going to redo it,
the only reason to do it
618
00:24:56,254 --> 00:24:58,322
is to have
a fresh new point of view,
619
00:24:58,422 --> 00:25:01,058
something we have never seen,
and we've never seen it...
620
00:25:01,158 --> 00:25:03,327
a Black female fighter,
621
00:25:03,427 --> 00:25:06,163
especially from
a Black female director.
622
00:25:06,264 --> 00:25:07,565
-Right? So...
-Definitely, definitely.
623
00:25:07,665 --> 00:25:09,033
it was new--
there was a reason to do it.
624
00:25:09,133 --> 00:25:10,968
Yeah, and you know what, and
it also feels like it comments
625
00:25:11,068 --> 00:25:12,637
on so many things, you know?
626
00:25:12,737 --> 00:25:14,171
So as a fan of UFC,
I'm sure you know
627
00:25:14,272 --> 00:25:16,007
you know, what it feels like
on the inside, you know?
628
00:25:16,107 --> 00:25:18,909
I've talked to some of
the female fighters in the UFC,
629
00:25:19,010 --> 00:25:21,279
where they go:
Man, we feel like we have to be
630
00:25:21,379 --> 00:25:23,314
so much more brutal
to get acknowledged.
631
00:25:23,481 --> 00:25:25,650
We have to feel like
we have to fight so much harder
632
00:25:25,750 --> 00:25:27,485
to just maintain our spot
in that Octagon.
633
00:25:27,585 --> 00:25:30,621
And they do get the respect,
but they really, really,
634
00:25:30,721 --> 00:25:32,256
really have to work towards it.
635
00:25:32,356 --> 00:25:34,058
And it feels like
it's no different in Hollywood,
636
00:25:34,158 --> 00:25:36,193
you know,
is that a woman in Hollywood,
637
00:25:36,294 --> 00:25:37,628
especially a Black woman
in Hollywood,
638
00:25:37,728 --> 00:25:39,630
-you have to fight so much
harder to be recognized. -Yes.
639
00:25:39,730 --> 00:25:41,399
You have to be,
you know, I mean,
640
00:25:41,499 --> 00:25:43,301
everyone would think,
Halle Berry wins the Oscar,
641
00:25:43,401 --> 00:25:44,936
and then it's, like,
this is it, you know?
642
00:25:45,036 --> 00:25:46,637
It seems like it's like,
oh, this is going to be
643
00:25:46,737 --> 00:25:49,206
the end of your life,
you get to do whatever you like,
644
00:25:49,307 --> 00:25:51,509
but you have had to continue
working hard
645
00:25:51,609 --> 00:25:53,678
-Yeah. -to fight for what
you want to do in the industry.
646
00:25:53,778 --> 00:25:55,913
True.
One of the big misconceptions
647
00:25:56,013 --> 00:25:58,916
was when I won that Oscar,
that somehow the script truck
648
00:25:59,016 --> 00:26:01,786
-just backed up to my door.
-(laughing)
649
00:26:01,886 --> 00:26:05,222
Like, no truck came. My fight
didn't really get any easier.
650
00:26:05,323 --> 00:26:07,658
I still had to face that I was
a Black woman in an industry,
651
00:26:07,758 --> 00:26:11,462
and there was no real way
for me that had been paved.
652
00:26:11,495 --> 00:26:13,364
I had to figure that out
for myself.
653
00:26:13,464 --> 00:26:15,700
And, as with fighting,
Shannon Knapp,
654
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:17,702
who runs Invicta, you know,
the all-female league,
655
00:26:17,802 --> 00:26:20,137
-Yes. Yes. -She told me that
having her female fighters
656
00:26:20,237 --> 00:26:21,372
when she went to a venue,
657
00:26:21,472 --> 00:26:23,541
she would have to pay
to come to the venue.
658
00:26:23,641 --> 00:26:26,110
-Where with the male fighters,
they would pay them. -Wow.
659
00:26:26,210 --> 00:26:29,480
So it is indelibly harder
for women across the board,
660
00:26:29,513 --> 00:26:31,882
and especially
in the fight game.
661
00:26:31,983 --> 00:26:34,485
You know, the movie was...
it's brutal,
662
00:26:34,552 --> 00:26:36,020
is the best way to put it.
663
00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:38,956
And it's brutal in the way life
is brutal, is the way I see it.
664
00:26:39,056 --> 00:26:41,726
And I couldn't help wondering,
as Halle Berry, the actress,
665
00:26:41,826 --> 00:26:44,929
have you often felt like, man,
you're always fighting
666
00:26:45,029 --> 00:26:47,365
to keep your career
where you want it to be
667
00:26:47,498 --> 00:26:49,233
as opposed to
letting people decide
668
00:26:49,333 --> 00:26:50,368
when and where you're done?
669
00:26:50,501 --> 00:26:51,802
Because you-you come
from a generation
670
00:26:51,902 --> 00:26:53,304
where, let's be honest,
they would go,
671
00:26:53,404 --> 00:26:54,939
-"You're 40,
and it's over for you." -Yeah.
672
00:26:55,039 --> 00:26:56,841
So many actresses talk
about that. 40 and done.
673
00:26:56,941 --> 00:26:59,110
And now it seems
like the fight is working
674
00:26:59,210 --> 00:27:00,645
-in changing that perspective.
-Yeah.
675
00:27:00,745 --> 00:27:02,613
Theoretically, I should have
been done a decade ago.
676
00:27:02,713 --> 00:27:03,948
-Damn.
-(chuckles) You know?
677
00:27:04,048 --> 00:27:05,750
So, I... But I do feel that.
678
00:27:05,850 --> 00:27:07,285
And as a woman,
I do feel like that.
679
00:27:07,451 --> 00:27:09,287
I have to keep fighting
and keep reinventing
680
00:27:09,453 --> 00:27:11,289
and keep, you know, proving
681
00:27:11,455 --> 00:27:14,892
that there's still, you know,
more left for me to do.
682
00:27:14,992 --> 00:27:16,961
-Mm-hmm.
-And-and I actually feel
683
00:27:17,061 --> 00:27:18,362
that there's more left
for me to do.
684
00:27:18,462 --> 00:27:21,065
I'm still inspired
by this car... by this craft.
685
00:27:21,165 --> 00:27:22,466
I still love what I do.
686
00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:24,635
I want to keep challenging
myself and keep growing.
687
00:27:24,735 --> 00:27:27,471
I want to see how long I could
stay in this physical shape
688
00:27:27,538 --> 00:27:29,140
-and do these kinds of movies.
-Right. Right, right.
689
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:30,374
You know, that's the joy of it.
690
00:27:30,474 --> 00:27:31,809
I want to try new things.
691
00:27:31,909 --> 00:27:33,144
-How long... -You know?
I want to take new risks.
692
00:27:33,244 --> 00:27:34,578
How long can you stay
in this physical shape?
693
00:27:34,679 --> 00:27:36,781
-You broke how many ribs
doing this movie? -(laughs)
694
00:27:36,881 --> 00:27:39,216
-Two. -Two ribs break...
broken in this movie.
695
00:27:39,317 --> 00:27:41,385
-Yes. -I remember distinctly
'cause I'm a big fan.
696
00:27:41,485 --> 00:27:43,754
John Wick,
you broke ribs, as well.
697
00:27:43,854 --> 00:27:45,556
-Three ribs.
-Three on that.
698
00:27:45,656 --> 00:27:47,825
-So I'm getting better. (laughs)
-I mean, I guess.
699
00:27:47,925 --> 00:27:49,393
-It's still five ribs...
-Next year, it'll just be one.
700
00:27:49,493 --> 00:27:51,195
It's still five ribs in total.
There's a lot of ribs that...
701
00:27:51,295 --> 00:27:53,030
-Same ribs or different ribs?
-Different ribs.
702
00:27:53,130 --> 00:27:54,699
-Okay. -Because here's
the thing. But here's the thing
703
00:27:54,799 --> 00:27:56,100
that I would like
people to know.
704
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,502
It's not just, "Oh,
Halle Berry always gets hurt."
705
00:27:58,569 --> 00:28:01,272
When you are a performer
that does your own stunts,
706
00:28:01,372 --> 00:28:02,573
that's par for the course.
707
00:28:02,673 --> 00:28:04,542
Every stuntman, stuntwoman,
708
00:28:04,642 --> 00:28:06,644
usually, on every film,
gets hurt in some way.
709
00:28:06,744 --> 00:28:08,713
We don't hear about it
because they don't talk about it
710
00:28:08,813 --> 00:28:10,114
-and the public doesn't
really care. -Oh, yes. Okay.
711
00:28:10,214 --> 00:28:11,582
That's their job, right?
712
00:28:11,682 --> 00:28:14,819
So, when a performer gets hurt,
it becomes a big deal
713
00:28:14,919 --> 00:28:17,288
because most performers
don't do their own stunts,
714
00:28:17,455 --> 00:28:18,623
so they don't get hurt.
715
00:28:18,723 --> 00:28:20,258
So I sort of get this bad rap
716
00:28:20,358 --> 00:28:22,093
of always getting hurt,
always getting hurt,
717
00:28:22,193 --> 00:28:24,462
but I always demand
to do my own stunts.
718
00:28:24,528 --> 00:28:26,063
-I always face that challenge.
-Yeah, but in this film,
719
00:28:26,163 --> 00:28:27,465
it wasn't just doing
your own stunts.
720
00:28:27,565 --> 00:28:29,066
I mean, with John Wick,
they paused production.
721
00:28:29,166 --> 00:28:31,202
This film was a smaller,
independent film.
722
00:28:31,302 --> 00:28:33,070
-Yes. -You're directing it.
And you decide,
723
00:28:33,170 --> 00:28:36,707
"I've broken the ribs. I'm gonna
keep fighting in the movie."
724
00:28:36,807 --> 00:28:40,144
I mean, I-I can barely carry on
if I've, like, stubbed a toe.
725
00:28:40,244 --> 00:28:41,979
I'll be like, "Let's pause
production for a while, guys.
726
00:28:42,079 --> 00:28:43,347
-Let's-let's chill."
-But you're a man.
727
00:28:43,481 --> 00:28:45,082
-That's true. That is true.
-(laughs)
728
00:28:45,182 --> 00:28:46,651
I have bigger toes.
That's when you're saying.
729
00:28:46,751 --> 00:28:48,352
-We have babies. (laughs)
-We have more toes. (laughs)
730
00:28:48,486 --> 00:28:50,488
-Women have higher tolerance
for pain. -Yes.
731
00:28:50,521 --> 00:28:52,223
That's why we have the children
and you guys don't.
732
00:28:52,323 --> 00:28:54,659
That-that is very true.
But I think of it as like,
733
00:28:54,759 --> 00:28:56,060
"Man, Halle Berry's a badass."
734
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:57,662
I go like,
"You're breaking ribs."
735
00:28:57,762 --> 00:28:59,630
You know, you're-you're
in these fight scenes,
736
00:28:59,730 --> 00:29:01,399
you're doing these things.
737
00:29:01,499 --> 00:29:03,935
Like, you had to learn
how to fight again for this.
738
00:29:04,035 --> 00:29:05,469
You-you learned...
You learned martial arts
739
00:29:05,569 --> 00:29:07,238
for X-Men, right?
740
00:29:07,338 --> 00:29:09,140
-Mm, a little bit.
More for Catwoman. -Yes.
741
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:11,075
I learned capoeira for Catwoman.
742
00:29:11,175 --> 00:29:13,778
-Like, capoeira capoeira? Wow.
-Yes, capoeira, yeah.
743
00:29:13,878 --> 00:29:15,179
-Yeah, Brazilian, yeah.
I learned that. -Okay.
744
00:29:15,279 --> 00:29:16,714
'Cause that was all a part
of bringing that cat...
745
00:29:16,814 --> 00:29:18,950
-It was low to the ground,
it was sinewy. -Oh, okay.
746
00:29:19,050 --> 00:29:20,251
What else have...?
What other martial arts?
747
00:29:20,351 --> 00:29:23,287
I did, uh, boxing
and kickboxing, but for this,
748
00:29:23,454 --> 00:29:26,023
like, the jujitsu,
the Tae Kwon Do, the judo,
749
00:29:26,123 --> 00:29:28,125
-the wrestling, Muay Thai.
-It's terribly hard.
750
00:29:28,225 --> 00:29:29,760
-Jujitsu is so hard.
-So hard.
751
00:29:29,860 --> 00:29:31,529
It's just, like,
all clothes and fingers
752
00:29:31,629 --> 00:29:33,197
-and, like, getting knocked
in the face. -Yeah.
753
00:29:33,297 --> 00:29:35,066
-Why would you do this?
-It's so... 'cause it's so fun.
754
00:29:35,166 --> 00:29:37,668
It's also so fun.
And I was a gymnast as a kid.
755
00:29:37,768 --> 00:29:39,670
-I didn't know this.
-So, yeah.
756
00:29:39,770 --> 00:29:41,238
I was supposed
to be Simone Biles.
757
00:29:41,339 --> 00:29:45,176
-But Simone became Simone,
not me. (laughs) -(laughs)
758
00:29:45,276 --> 00:29:47,511
Oh, that was my dream--
to go to the Olympics
759
00:29:47,612 --> 00:29:49,780
-and win a gold medal some day
in gymnastics. -Oh, you never...
760
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:51,582
That could be your next film.
You never know.
761
00:29:51,682 --> 00:29:54,051
-Or you could make a film
with Simone Biles. -Really.
762
00:29:54,151 --> 00:29:55,553
-Just bring the whole story
together. -Maybe.
763
00:29:55,653 --> 00:29:57,555
-You know what I'm saying?
-I could be the oldest woman
764
00:29:57,655 --> 00:29:59,557
to win a gold medal
at the Olympics. (laughing)
765
00:29:59,657 --> 00:30:01,926
Anything can happen
in this day and age.
766
00:30:02,026 --> 00:30:04,662
Um, your story is one that
you're continuing to write.
767
00:30:04,762 --> 00:30:06,664
What did you love about
directing that was different?
768
00:30:06,764 --> 00:30:07,999
Because you've been
on this side of the lens
769
00:30:08,099 --> 00:30:09,433
-for such a long time.
-Mm.
770
00:30:09,500 --> 00:30:10,668
NOAH: There must have
been something new
771
00:30:10,768 --> 00:30:11,969
that you discovered
that you loved
772
00:30:12,069 --> 00:30:14,438
about buying on the other side
of the camera.
773
00:30:14,505 --> 00:30:18,276
I think what I loved most
was that I got to have this idea
774
00:30:18,442 --> 00:30:21,812
in my head, and I got
to shape it and form it
775
00:30:21,912 --> 00:30:23,981
and reshape it and reform it.
776
00:30:24,081 --> 00:30:26,817
And I got to sort of bring
to the screen
777
00:30:26,918 --> 00:30:29,587
-pretty much exactly
what I had in my head. -Mm.
778
00:30:29,687 --> 00:30:32,156
And I was worried that
I wouldn't be able to do that.
779
00:30:32,256 --> 00:30:34,091
-Because we had
such a low budget. -Right.
780
00:30:34,191 --> 00:30:35,760
And while my days
kept getting cut,
781
00:30:35,860 --> 00:30:37,228
and I kept losing money
left and right--
782
00:30:37,328 --> 00:30:39,030
it's hard
in the independent world--
783
00:30:39,130 --> 00:30:42,466
What I loved was that,
as a Black woman,
784
00:30:42,500 --> 00:30:45,770
I got a story out of my body
that was true to my gaze,
785
00:30:45,870 --> 00:30:48,306
that was true to my community,
it was true to my race,
786
00:30:48,472 --> 00:30:52,910
to my sex, that all of it felt
like an amalgamation
787
00:30:53,010 --> 00:30:55,212
of all the three years
that I worked on this.
788
00:30:55,313 --> 00:30:57,581
I got to tell a true
point of view about a sport
789
00:30:57,682 --> 00:30:59,150
-from a female point of view.
-Hmm.
790
00:30:59,250 --> 00:31:00,585
And had I not been myself,
791
00:31:00,685 --> 00:31:02,520
I don't know
if that would have happened
792
00:31:02,620 --> 00:31:05,056
because I loved the sport
and I also loved the drama
793
00:31:05,156 --> 00:31:06,490
of it at the same time.
794
00:31:06,591 --> 00:31:09,994
So I tried to put equal emphasis
on both elements.
795
00:31:10,094 --> 00:31:12,430
Well, I'll tell you this.
You did a fantastic job.
796
00:31:12,530 --> 00:31:14,031
-Thank you, Trevor. -I think
you had a lot of fun making it.
797
00:31:14,131 --> 00:31:15,666
It's a lot of fun watching it.
And thank you so much
798
00:31:15,766 --> 00:31:18,269
-for joining me on the show.
-Thank you for having me.
799
00:31:18,436 --> 00:31:21,472
All right, people, Bruised is
in select theatres right now,
800
00:31:21,572 --> 00:31:24,108
and will be available
on Netflix November 24.
801
00:31:24,208 --> 00:31:25,443
We're gonna take a quick break,
802
00:31:25,476 --> 00:31:28,079
but we'll be right back
after this.
803
00:31:30,581 --> 00:31:31,849
Well, that's our show
for tonight, but before we go,
804
00:31:31,949 --> 00:31:33,251
please consider supporting
805
00:31:33,351 --> 00:31:36,254
the Native American Food
Sovereignty Alliance-- NAFSA.
806
00:31:36,354 --> 00:31:39,590
They support native communities
by restoring food systems
807
00:31:39,691 --> 00:31:41,526
that rebuild relationships
with the land,
808
00:31:41,626 --> 00:31:45,063
water, plants, and animals
that sustain all of us.
809
00:31:45,163 --> 00:31:47,165
If you want to support them in
their work, this Thanksgiving,
810
00:31:47,265 --> 00:31:49,901
then donate at the link below.
811
00:31:50,001 --> 00:31:51,502
Also, if you're in Grand Rapids,
Michigan,
812
00:31:51,602 --> 00:31:53,071
or Chicago this weekend,
813
00:31:53,171 --> 00:31:55,907
my Back to Abnormal Comedy Tour
is gonna be in your city.
814
00:31:56,007 --> 00:31:57,909
And if you're in Seattle,
Portland
815
00:31:58,009 --> 00:31:59,243
or Kennewick, Washington,
816
00:31:59,343 --> 00:32:00,712
well, next weekend,
I'm coming to you.
817
00:32:00,812 --> 00:32:02,013
And if you're in none
of those places,
818
00:32:02,113 --> 00:32:04,082
well, then, just ignore
that this ever happened.
819
00:32:04,182 --> 00:32:06,150
Otherwise head to:
820
00:32:06,250 --> 00:32:07,618
to get your tickets.
821
00:32:07,719 --> 00:32:08,853
Until next time,
stay safe out there,
822
00:32:08,953 --> 00:32:10,555
get your vaccine,
and remember, people.
823
00:32:10,655 --> 00:32:12,657
On Thanksgiving,
start a political fight
824
00:32:12,757 --> 00:32:14,359
right after the turkey.
825
00:32:14,459 --> 00:32:16,027
That way,
everyone will be distracted
826
00:32:16,127 --> 00:32:17,495
while you get all the dessert.
827
00:32:17,595 --> 00:32:19,997
Now, here it is--
Your Moment of Zen.
828
00:32:20,098 --> 00:32:23,034
I guess the Muppets
are getting to me, man.
829
00:32:23,134 --> 00:32:25,136
After spreading
their communist-inspired
830
00:32:25,236 --> 00:32:26,938
COVID propaganda last week,
831
00:32:27,038 --> 00:32:29,140
well, now, they've unveiled
an Asian Muppet.
832
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,309
I'm not sure what this Muppet
is supposed to portray.
833
00:32:31,409 --> 00:32:34,045
Muppets-- I didn't think
they had nationalities.
834
00:32:34,145 --> 00:32:36,547
What race are Bert and Ernie?
835
00:32:36,647 --> 00:32:40,518
The Count-- he's got an accent,
but he's purple.
836
00:32:40,618 --> 00:32:43,287
And you, Kermit, you.
837
00:32:43,388 --> 00:32:44,756
Still waiting to debate you.
838
00:32:44,856 --> 00:32:46,391
Step up to the plate, froggy!
839
00:32:46,491 --> 00:32:48,159
♪ ♪