1 00:00:01,111 --> 00:00:02,746 Does anyone celebrate, uh, Apple here? 2 00:00:02,846 --> 00:00:04,114 (man laughs) 3 00:00:04,214 --> 00:00:07,217 No? No one who observes Apple? Okay. 4 00:00:07,317 --> 00:00:09,052 Apple made big news. 5 00:00:09,152 --> 00:00:11,454 Uh, they announced that starting next year 6 00:00:11,555 --> 00:00:15,091 they're gonna allow people to fix their own phones now, 7 00:00:15,191 --> 00:00:17,027 which is huge. 8 00:00:17,127 --> 00:00:18,895 Yeah, people are super excited. 9 00:00:18,995 --> 00:00:20,697 Like, "Yes, finally, I can fix my..." 10 00:00:20,797 --> 00:00:23,833 Which is also, like, shows you how smart Apple is. 11 00:00:23,934 --> 00:00:25,235 Like, 'cause now they've just tricked us 12 00:00:25,335 --> 00:00:28,071 into fixing our own phones. You know what I mean? 13 00:00:28,171 --> 00:00:30,206 Like, "Yeah! I get to fix my own... 14 00:00:30,307 --> 00:00:31,508 "Wait, how does this... 15 00:00:31,608 --> 00:00:33,276 Wait, how do you put the screen on the..." 16 00:00:33,376 --> 00:00:34,911 I mean, have you tried just to put, like, a screen cover 17 00:00:35,011 --> 00:00:37,180 on your phone? Just a screen protector-- 18 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:38,481 have you ever tried to do that? 19 00:00:38,582 --> 00:00:40,283 Now you're gonna be there fixing your own phone. 20 00:00:40,383 --> 00:00:42,519 Mm, mm, mm. Yeah. 21 00:00:42,619 --> 00:00:44,721 Apple's probably there like, "Yeah, no, no, you guys try, 22 00:00:44,821 --> 00:00:46,723 and then we'll see you-we'll see you at the store." 23 00:00:46,823 --> 00:00:48,592 Yeah. You'll have a cracked screen and then 24 00:00:48,692 --> 00:00:52,262 you'll come in later with, like... just, like, 500 pieces, 25 00:00:52,362 --> 00:00:53,697 begging to get the new iPhone. 26 00:00:53,797 --> 00:00:57,300 "Please, I don't know what happened, guys. Please." 27 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,202 It's still a good thing, though. 28 00:00:59,302 --> 00:01:01,871 It's good because it means now you can get the phone fixed 29 00:01:01,972 --> 00:01:04,374 at, like, a "professional" repair store. 30 00:01:04,474 --> 00:01:06,276 You don't have to go to Apple. 31 00:01:06,376 --> 00:01:07,644 And, also, it means we no longer 32 00:01:07,744 --> 00:01:09,412 have to take it to the Genius Bar. 33 00:01:09,512 --> 00:01:11,514 That was the thing I resented the most. 34 00:01:11,615 --> 00:01:12,883 Those smug people, 35 00:01:12,983 --> 00:01:14,985 "Eh, I'm a genius." No, you're not. 36 00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:16,887 You just know how to fix the phone and I don't. 37 00:01:16,987 --> 00:01:18,388 You just have a special screwdriver. 38 00:01:18,488 --> 00:01:19,956 And I have to call you a genius because 39 00:01:20,123 --> 00:01:21,491 you have a screwdriver that I don't have. 40 00:01:21,591 --> 00:01:24,794 You're not genius, you're just a well-tooled individual. 41 00:01:24,895 --> 00:01:27,797 Don't tell me I'm a genius. You know what I mean? 42 00:01:27,898 --> 00:01:29,866 That's not genius. 43 00:01:29,966 --> 00:01:32,135 Genius can figure quantum things out. 44 00:01:32,168 --> 00:01:33,837 And you-you just, like, screw the phone. 45 00:01:33,937 --> 00:01:35,939 Welcome to the Genius Bar now. Yeah. 46 00:01:36,039 --> 00:01:37,274 Look at me now, look at me. 47 00:01:37,374 --> 00:01:39,142 (heavy African accent): Now I am the genius. 48 00:01:39,209 --> 00:01:41,711 -♪ ♪ -ANNOUNCER: Coming to you from the heart of Times Square 49 00:01:41,811 --> 00:01:44,614 in New York City-- the only city in America-- 50 00:01:44,714 --> 00:01:46,716 it's The Daily Show. 51 00:01:46,816 --> 00:01:50,186 Tonight: other countries have issues too, 52 00:01:50,287 --> 00:01:52,522 giving thanks on the cheap, 53 00:01:52,622 --> 00:01:55,659 and Halle Berry. 54 00:01:55,759 --> 00:02:00,263 This is The Daily Show with Trevor Noah. 55 00:02:00,363 --> 00:02:02,198 Hey, what's going on, everybody? 56 00:02:02,299 --> 00:02:03,934 Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Trevor Noah. 57 00:02:04,100 --> 00:02:06,369 Let's jump straight into today's headlines. 58 00:02:06,469 --> 00:02:08,705 And there is a lot going on today. 59 00:02:08,805 --> 00:02:12,242 Now, obviously, the new Adele album drops at midnight, 60 00:02:12,342 --> 00:02:13,643 which means you're about to be able to tell 61 00:02:13,743 --> 00:02:16,346 who's going through a breakup through your walls. 62 00:02:16,446 --> 00:02:18,248 The judge in the Kyle Rittenhouse trial 63 00:02:18,348 --> 00:02:20,951 took a bathroom break and let Kyle be the judge 64 00:02:21,117 --> 00:02:22,252 while he was gone. Yeah. 65 00:02:22,352 --> 00:02:23,920 Which I've never seen before, but he insists 66 00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:26,323 it's totally normal. And two men 67 00:02:26,423 --> 00:02:29,759 who were framed for the killing of Malcolm X 50 years ago 68 00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:33,029 were finally exonerated, which means 69 00:02:33,129 --> 00:02:34,764 the real killer 70 00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:37,767 could be anyone in this room. 71 00:02:37,867 --> 00:02:39,603 (whispering voices) 72 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,910 But while American news is always breaking, 73 00:02:47,010 --> 00:02:48,245 it's also good to remember 74 00:02:48,345 --> 00:02:51,248 that other countries have news, too. 75 00:02:51,348 --> 00:02:54,017 ♪ ♪ 76 00:02:55,418 --> 00:02:57,454 All right, let's kick things off with Russia, 77 00:02:57,554 --> 00:03:00,257 the fictional country depicted in Creed II. 78 00:03:00,357 --> 00:03:02,259 They're also the real-life country that likes 79 00:03:02,359 --> 00:03:04,728 invading other countries, and now they might 80 00:03:04,828 --> 00:03:06,563 be back on their bullshit. 81 00:03:06,663 --> 00:03:07,964 Overseas tonight, and the growing concern 82 00:03:08,098 --> 00:03:09,633 involving Russia. The U.S. is warning 83 00:03:09,733 --> 00:03:12,736 Russia may be weighing a potential invasion of Ukraine. 84 00:03:12,836 --> 00:03:15,538 Satellite images tonight showing Russian troops and equipment 85 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:19,276 gathering about 142 miles north of the border with Ukraine. 86 00:03:19,376 --> 00:03:22,379 NEWSMAN: Despite an estimated 100,000 Russian troops gathering 87 00:03:22,479 --> 00:03:25,248 along their border, Ukrainian forces appear confident 88 00:03:25,348 --> 00:03:28,118 and prepared for battle. 89 00:03:28,151 --> 00:03:29,920 After years of pushing for membership, 90 00:03:30,020 --> 00:03:32,989 the Eastern European country is still not a part of NATO, 91 00:03:33,123 --> 00:03:36,426 meaning they don't have treaty protection if Russia invades. 92 00:03:36,526 --> 00:03:38,128 Although this hasn't stopped the Americans, 93 00:03:38,228 --> 00:03:41,598 British and French from offering statements of support. 94 00:03:41,698 --> 00:03:44,167 We are going to, uh, watch very closely, uh, 95 00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:47,637 as the Russian Federation, um, uh, chooses its actions 96 00:03:47,737 --> 00:03:49,039 in the coming days and weeks. 97 00:03:49,139 --> 00:03:51,841 Yeah. That's what I want from my allies, 98 00:03:51,942 --> 00:03:53,843 is for them to watch very closely 99 00:03:53,944 --> 00:03:55,579 as someone whips my ass. 100 00:03:55,679 --> 00:03:58,582 Guys! Guys, I'm getting attacked! I'm getting attacked! 101 00:03:58,682 --> 00:04:00,617 Don't worry, man! We watching them land every punch! 102 00:04:00,717 --> 00:04:02,152 Yo, Darnell, you're recording right? 103 00:04:02,252 --> 00:04:03,420 Yeah, we got you, boy, we got you! 104 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,222 We see them beating your ass! 105 00:04:05,322 --> 00:04:06,790 If you're Ukraine, this situation sucks, man. 106 00:04:06,890 --> 00:04:08,225 Because Russia are the bad guys, right? 107 00:04:08,325 --> 00:04:10,093 But it doesn't seem like the world is willing 108 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:13,163 to get into a war to protect Ukraine. 109 00:04:13,263 --> 00:04:14,931 And can I be honest? Can I be honest with you? 110 00:04:15,098 --> 00:04:16,433 I think it's because people don't have 111 00:04:16,533 --> 00:04:18,235 a personal connection to Ukraine. 112 00:04:18,335 --> 00:04:21,871 Like, if Russia was invading Italy or France, 113 00:04:21,972 --> 00:04:23,573 well, people would do something about it. 114 00:04:23,673 --> 00:04:26,610 Oh, no! The art! the Colosseum! 115 00:04:26,710 --> 00:04:27,978 We have to protect it! 116 00:04:28,111 --> 00:04:30,213 Like, if I was Ukraine, I would have bought 117 00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:33,116 the worldwide rights to all the Seinfeld reruns. 118 00:04:33,183 --> 00:04:34,517 Then people would care. 119 00:04:34,618 --> 00:04:36,286 (Ukrainian accent): if you don't protect us from Russia, 120 00:04:36,386 --> 00:04:39,556 you will never again see Kramer open door like crazy. 121 00:04:39,656 --> 00:04:41,258 Also, this is genius timing from Russia, right? 122 00:04:41,358 --> 00:04:42,959 You realize it's not a mistake. 123 00:04:43,126 --> 00:04:44,594 Because anyone who knows history 124 00:04:44,694 --> 00:04:46,696 knows you're not gonna send troops into Russia 125 00:04:46,796 --> 00:04:48,498 at the beginning of winter. 126 00:04:48,598 --> 00:04:50,000 So basically, Russia has, like, 127 00:04:50,133 --> 00:04:52,435 what, five months to do whatever they want? 128 00:04:52,535 --> 00:04:54,771 Yeah, the rest of the world is gonna be standing by, like: 129 00:04:54,871 --> 00:04:57,207 This will not stand, Russia! 130 00:04:57,307 --> 00:05:01,311 Your ass is gonna pay-- as soon as mid-April rolls around. 131 00:05:01,411 --> 00:05:03,647 Depends on what the groundhog says. 132 00:05:03,747 --> 00:05:05,515 And, like, why does Russia even need more land? 133 00:05:05,615 --> 00:05:08,184 Have you seen Russia? It's huge. 134 00:05:08,285 --> 00:05:10,353 Why are you doing this? Like, I would get it 135 00:05:10,453 --> 00:05:12,289 if Monaco wanted to invade another country. 136 00:05:12,389 --> 00:05:14,658 I mean, they're running out of closet space. But Russia? 137 00:05:14,758 --> 00:05:17,093 Now, while Russia is getting ready to invade, 138 00:05:17,127 --> 00:05:18,929 another country in Europe is setting up 139 00:05:19,095 --> 00:05:20,764 a different kind of invasion. 140 00:05:20,864 --> 00:05:23,733 Because they're not using tanks or missiles. 141 00:05:23,833 --> 00:05:26,403 They're using immigrants. 142 00:05:26,503 --> 00:05:28,171 Turning now to the border crisis, 143 00:05:28,271 --> 00:05:30,206 this one playing out in Europe as thousands of migrants 144 00:05:30,307 --> 00:05:33,276 try to enter the European Union from Belarus. 145 00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:35,512 NEWSWOMAN: These are the front lines of what the European Union 146 00:05:35,612 --> 00:05:37,814 says is a hybrid war. The E.U. accusing 147 00:05:37,914 --> 00:05:40,584 Belarus's dictator Alexander Lukashenko 148 00:05:40,684 --> 00:05:44,020 of using migrants as weapons, purposefully luring them 149 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,690 into Belarus from countries like Iraq and Syria 150 00:05:46,790 --> 00:05:49,226 by promising them easy access to Europe. 151 00:05:49,326 --> 00:05:51,027 Poland then refusing to let them in, 152 00:05:51,127 --> 00:05:53,730 Belarus refusing to take them back, 153 00:05:53,830 --> 00:05:56,399 leaving thousands of people stuck in the middle. 154 00:05:56,499 --> 00:05:58,668 Man, come on, people, this is just dirty. 155 00:05:58,768 --> 00:06:01,371 Basically, what's going on is that for a while now, 156 00:06:01,471 --> 00:06:03,740 the European Union has been imposing sanctions 157 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,076 on Alexander Lukashenko, 158 00:06:06,109 --> 00:06:09,379 the dictator of Belarus and Eastern Europe's MyPillow guy. 159 00:06:09,479 --> 00:06:11,982 And, you see, he's been stealing elections, 160 00:06:12,082 --> 00:06:13,717 he's been cracking down on protesters, 161 00:06:13,817 --> 00:06:16,086 jailing journalists, basic dictator shit. 162 00:06:16,152 --> 00:06:20,190 And now Lukashenko is trying to get back at the European Union 163 00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:23,226 by flying in migrants from the Middle East, 164 00:06:23,326 --> 00:06:25,228 and then sending them into Poland 165 00:06:25,328 --> 00:06:27,097 to create a border crisis. 166 00:06:27,130 --> 00:06:30,600 Which is the most passive- aggressive military tactic 167 00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:32,335 I have ever heard of. 168 00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:34,371 This is like when your parents start cooking with peanuts 169 00:06:34,471 --> 00:06:35,805 to get you to move out of the house 170 00:06:35,906 --> 00:06:37,374 because they know you're allergic. 171 00:06:37,474 --> 00:06:39,109 It's a dick move. 172 00:06:39,142 --> 00:06:40,844 And, honestly, everyone is really mad about this, 173 00:06:40,944 --> 00:06:42,846 not just because it's inhumane to these migrants, 174 00:06:42,946 --> 00:06:44,581 but because, unlike Ukraine, 175 00:06:44,681 --> 00:06:46,816 we can't let anything happen to Poland. 176 00:06:46,917 --> 00:06:50,120 I mean, that's where all our water comes from. 177 00:06:50,153 --> 00:06:52,455 Because you realize, people, this is especially cruel, right? 178 00:06:52,556 --> 00:06:54,791 It's especially cruel to these migrants. 179 00:06:54,891 --> 00:06:56,459 These are real people 180 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:59,162 who are just trying to live better lives. 181 00:06:59,262 --> 00:07:01,798 It is disgusting to use them as weapons. 182 00:07:01,898 --> 00:07:04,134 I mean, say what you want about Drake and Kanye's beef, 183 00:07:04,234 --> 00:07:07,470 but at least they didn't catapult Mexicans at each other. 184 00:07:07,571 --> 00:07:10,206 But let's move on, because while Belarus is trying 185 00:07:10,307 --> 00:07:12,342 to destabilize Poland, there's another country 186 00:07:12,442 --> 00:07:14,644 that's already on the brink of collapse. 187 00:07:14,744 --> 00:07:17,614 NEWSWOMAN: Ethiopia, where a brutal year-long conflict 188 00:07:17,714 --> 00:07:20,150 has forced millions out of their homeland 189 00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:22,085 and is threatening to disintegrate 190 00:07:22,118 --> 00:07:23,820 into an all-out civil war. 191 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,323 Rebels from Tigray Province appear to be advancing 192 00:07:26,423 --> 00:07:28,525 toward the capital, Addis Ababa. 193 00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:31,995 Ethiopia's prime minister called for national unity, 194 00:07:32,095 --> 00:07:33,730 and authorities in Addas Ababa 195 00:07:33,830 --> 00:07:36,399 rounded up ethnic Tigrayans today. 196 00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:38,101 NEWSMAN: Two weeks ago, the state department 197 00:07:38,168 --> 00:07:40,370 urged all Americans to leave Ethiopia. 198 00:07:40,470 --> 00:07:42,806 But with echoes of Afghanistan, the state department 199 00:07:42,906 --> 00:07:44,774 doesn't know or won't say 200 00:07:44,874 --> 00:07:47,510 how many Americans are in the country. 201 00:07:47,611 --> 00:07:49,613 Last week, the state department did make a point 202 00:07:49,713 --> 00:07:52,616 of saying there would be no Afghan-style evacuation 203 00:07:52,716 --> 00:07:54,684 for Americans stuck in Ethiopia. 204 00:07:54,784 --> 00:07:56,486 They did, however, offer to help them 205 00:07:56,586 --> 00:07:58,355 get on commercial flights out. 206 00:07:58,455 --> 00:08:00,724 Yeah, this is tough news for Ethiopians, 207 00:08:00,824 --> 00:08:04,728 and this is tough news for Americans in Ethiopia. 208 00:08:04,828 --> 00:08:06,363 Because in Afghanistan, 209 00:08:06,463 --> 00:08:08,865 the U.S. government staged an all-out airlift. 210 00:08:08,965 --> 00:08:10,901 Meanwhile, in Ethiopia, they're like, 211 00:08:11,067 --> 00:08:13,703 "Might we suggest Priceline.com?" 212 00:08:13,803 --> 00:08:15,272 Like, I don't even know what that means. What do they mean 213 00:08:15,372 --> 00:08:16,573 when they say, "The State Department 214 00:08:16,673 --> 00:08:18,909 will help you book a commercial flight out"? 215 00:08:19,075 --> 00:08:21,311 That's not helpful. People know how to book flights. 216 00:08:21,411 --> 00:08:23,713 That's like going, "Hey! Hey, you, do you need a ride? 217 00:08:23,813 --> 00:08:25,849 "Do you need a ride? Yeah, well, I'm happy to help. 218 00:08:25,949 --> 00:08:28,285 "So, what you got to do is open Uber on your phone, 219 00:08:28,385 --> 00:08:31,121 then you hit 'request a ride.' Best of luck, buddy." 220 00:08:31,221 --> 00:08:32,889 Also, flying commercial is the worst way 221 00:08:32,989 --> 00:08:36,126 to evacuate a war zone. Can you imagine that stress? 222 00:08:36,226 --> 00:08:38,762 "Please, please, the soldiers. The soldiers are coming. 223 00:08:38,862 --> 00:08:40,330 We need to get out now." 224 00:08:40,430 --> 00:08:42,699 "Sir, are you a Diamond Medallion Member? 225 00:08:42,799 --> 00:08:44,234 "Okay, please step aside. 226 00:08:44,334 --> 00:08:46,970 "Anyone in group 'A' or above, we're boarding you now. 227 00:08:47,103 --> 00:08:48,338 "Sir, please... Please stand back. 228 00:08:48,438 --> 00:08:49,906 Just relax. Thank you." 229 00:08:50,006 --> 00:08:51,975 And you know who this is a great opportunity for, though, right? 230 00:08:52,108 --> 00:08:53,877 Alexander Lukashenko. 231 00:08:53,977 --> 00:08:56,913 I bet he's already sliding into American DMs like, 232 00:08:57,013 --> 00:08:59,349 "I can hook you up with free private flights 233 00:08:59,449 --> 00:09:02,285 to the Polish border. Are you interested?" 234 00:09:02,385 --> 00:09:04,054 But you got to feel for Ethiopians, man, 235 00:09:04,154 --> 00:09:06,056 because anytime their country's in the news, 236 00:09:06,122 --> 00:09:09,059 it is either because of war or famine 237 00:09:09,159 --> 00:09:11,962 or some long-distance runner broke the world record, 238 00:09:12,062 --> 00:09:14,464 which are all pretty extreme things, if you think about it. 239 00:09:14,564 --> 00:09:16,533 I feel like we need more coverage 240 00:09:16,633 --> 00:09:18,535 of just, like, regular-ass Ethiopians, 241 00:09:18,635 --> 00:09:19,903 you know, who can't run, 242 00:09:20,070 --> 00:09:22,339 don't know how to fight and just want to chill. 243 00:09:22,439 --> 00:09:24,608 And please understand this. Please understand. 244 00:09:24,708 --> 00:09:27,310 This is a really complicated and sensitive story, right? 245 00:09:27,410 --> 00:09:29,079 Because for-for about a year now, 246 00:09:29,179 --> 00:09:31,681 the government has been at war with a rebel group. 247 00:09:31,781 --> 00:09:33,750 But that's, like, the simplified version, 248 00:09:33,850 --> 00:09:36,386 because there are so many layers of this conflict 249 00:09:36,486 --> 00:09:38,855 that we just don't have the time to do it justice. 250 00:09:38,955 --> 00:09:40,123 This is a huge beef 251 00:09:40,223 --> 00:09:42,259 with a history that goes back decades 252 00:09:42,359 --> 00:09:44,561 involving rival ethnic groups, 253 00:09:44,661 --> 00:09:47,497 different territories, foreign interference 254 00:09:47,597 --> 00:09:50,800 because African conflicts are never simple. 255 00:09:50,901 --> 00:09:52,836 They're super complicated, 256 00:09:52,936 --> 00:09:55,105 and everyone has different versions of events. 257 00:09:55,205 --> 00:09:57,207 They're-they're basically like white people conflict 258 00:09:57,307 --> 00:09:58,975 but with more seasoning. 259 00:09:59,109 --> 00:10:01,611 So, from Russia's military to migrants in Belarus 260 00:10:01,711 --> 00:10:02,879 and armies in Ethiopia, 261 00:10:02,979 --> 00:10:04,948 people everywhere are on the move. 262 00:10:05,048 --> 00:10:06,650 Meanwhile, in India, 263 00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:08,552 the only place people might be moving to 264 00:10:08,652 --> 00:10:10,554 is back inside. 265 00:10:10,654 --> 00:10:14,157 Smothered by smog, a toxic haze hanging over New Delhi, 266 00:10:14,257 --> 00:10:16,459 and it is raising the level of air pollution 267 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:18,161 to dangerous levels. 268 00:10:18,261 --> 00:10:19,462 Schools in the Indian capital 269 00:10:19,563 --> 00:10:21,197 have shut their doors until further notice, 270 00:10:21,298 --> 00:10:24,334 and private construction banned at least for now. 271 00:10:24,434 --> 00:10:27,070 NEWSWOMAN: India's environmental ministry panel on air pollution 272 00:10:27,170 --> 00:10:29,172 has directed Delhi and other states 273 00:10:29,272 --> 00:10:32,008 to encourage private offices to allow work from home. 274 00:10:32,108 --> 00:10:33,810 But for street vendors, 275 00:10:33,910 --> 00:10:36,313 staying home is not an option. 276 00:10:36,413 --> 00:10:37,714 (speaking foreign language) 277 00:10:37,814 --> 00:10:39,149 (translated): The pollution is unbearable. 278 00:10:39,249 --> 00:10:41,318 The government must take some steps. 279 00:10:41,418 --> 00:10:42,485 We are forced to work, 280 00:10:42,586 --> 00:10:44,688 because we can't stay indoors forever. 281 00:10:44,788 --> 00:10:45,922 NEWSWOMAN: For now, Delhi's residents 282 00:10:46,022 --> 00:10:48,091 will be inhaling this toxic air, 283 00:10:48,191 --> 00:10:50,727 which, according to a report by the University of Chicago, 284 00:10:50,827 --> 00:10:53,897 is ten times worse in northern India 285 00:10:53,997 --> 00:10:56,733 than anywhere else in the world. 286 00:10:56,833 --> 00:10:58,368 Goddamn, did you hear that? 287 00:10:58,468 --> 00:11:00,704 The air in New Delhi right now 288 00:11:00,804 --> 00:11:02,772 is ten times worse 289 00:11:02,872 --> 00:11:06,877 than anywhere else in the world. 290 00:11:06,977 --> 00:11:09,613 That means you'd be better off 291 00:11:09,713 --> 00:11:11,414 just sticking your face in that steam 292 00:11:11,514 --> 00:11:13,583 that comes out of the ground in New York City. 293 00:11:13,683 --> 00:11:15,852 Which, by the way, what is that shit? 294 00:11:15,952 --> 00:11:17,287 Like, is there a fire down there? 295 00:11:17,387 --> 00:11:18,521 I've lived here for many years. 296 00:11:18,622 --> 00:11:19,623 I still don't understand what that is. 297 00:11:19,723 --> 00:11:21,157 Like, is someone dry-cleaning a rat? 298 00:11:21,258 --> 00:11:23,293 What-what... Feel like it's worth looking into. 299 00:11:23,393 --> 00:11:25,295 No one? Just me? 300 00:11:26,263 --> 00:11:27,964 You know, one detail I like from this story 301 00:11:28,131 --> 00:11:29,699 is that the Indian government put together 302 00:11:29,799 --> 00:11:32,702 an environmental ministry panel on air pollution 303 00:11:32,802 --> 00:11:35,739 who confirmed that the air was, indeed, polluted. 304 00:11:35,839 --> 00:11:38,308 Uh, you don't need a panel. I don't know why they did that. 305 00:11:38,408 --> 00:11:40,343 Why do governments like doing this? You just need eyes. 306 00:11:40,443 --> 00:11:42,145 "Yes, after three years of study, 307 00:11:42,212 --> 00:11:44,848 "we have concluded that Delhi's air is brown 308 00:11:44,948 --> 00:11:47,217 and that this is, uh, bad." 309 00:11:47,317 --> 00:11:48,919 But, you see, this is a great example 310 00:11:49,019 --> 00:11:52,222 of why we all need to move to cleaner energy. 311 00:11:52,322 --> 00:11:54,591 Because, yes, it is expensive to do, 312 00:11:54,691 --> 00:11:57,027 but it is also hella expensive 313 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,529 to constantly shut down the economy 314 00:11:59,629 --> 00:12:02,399 when your city turns into a sandstorm from Dune. 315 00:12:02,499 --> 00:12:04,668 Except this time, Timothée Chalamet isn't there 316 00:12:04,768 --> 00:12:06,503 to make you feel better with that smile. 317 00:12:06,603 --> 00:12:08,305 And you might be like, "Well, Trevor, 318 00:12:08,405 --> 00:12:10,707 why don't they just start carpooling in India?" 319 00:12:10,807 --> 00:12:12,876 My man, they're way ahead of you, and it's still not enough. 320 00:12:12,976 --> 00:12:14,844 It's actually a real rough spot for India because, 321 00:12:14,945 --> 00:12:17,414 as a nation, you want to keep modernizing, 322 00:12:17,514 --> 00:12:19,149 you want to keep growing, but then, 323 00:12:19,249 --> 00:12:22,118 the fallout of those effects make it so 324 00:12:22,185 --> 00:12:24,387 that you can't even enjoy the fruits of modernization. 325 00:12:24,487 --> 00:12:25,922 You know, it's almost like 326 00:12:26,022 --> 00:12:27,524 someone who gets really into CrossFit 327 00:12:27,624 --> 00:12:29,593 to help them attract women, but then, 328 00:12:29,693 --> 00:12:31,595 they push everyone away because they can't stop talking 329 00:12:31,695 --> 00:12:33,129 about the fact that they joined CrossFit. 330 00:12:33,163 --> 00:12:34,798 Now those abs are useless. 331 00:12:34,898 --> 00:12:36,733 And you wouldn't be able to tell this from the story, 332 00:12:36,833 --> 00:12:40,704 but New Delhi is one of the most beautiful places in the world. 333 00:12:40,804 --> 00:12:43,473 I mean, this is what it looked like last year 334 00:12:43,573 --> 00:12:47,477 after months of lockdown and the smog dissipating. 335 00:12:47,577 --> 00:12:50,046 But now, it's back to looking like it's stuck 336 00:12:50,146 --> 00:12:52,816 on a permanent sepia filter. 337 00:12:52,916 --> 00:12:55,919 All right, but let's move on to our final international story. 338 00:12:56,019 --> 00:12:57,621 And like most things in the world, 339 00:12:57,721 --> 00:12:59,789 this story was made in China. 340 00:12:59,890 --> 00:13:01,391 NEWSMAN: The royalty of professional tennis 341 00:13:01,491 --> 00:13:05,629 expressing concern about the welfare of one of their own. 342 00:13:05,729 --> 00:13:07,364 Honestly, it's shocking, you know, that-that she's missing. 343 00:13:07,464 --> 00:13:09,799 NEWSMAN: Peng Shuai, a Chinese tennis champion, 344 00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:12,969 hasn't been seen or heard from in weeks. 345 00:13:13,103 --> 00:13:16,006 In early November, Peng published this bombshell post 346 00:13:16,106 --> 00:13:18,408 on her Chinese social media account-- 347 00:13:18,508 --> 00:13:21,144 an open letter to a former top communist leader 348 00:13:21,244 --> 00:13:24,414 named Zhang Gaoli, now age 75, 349 00:13:24,514 --> 00:13:27,117 who Peng accuses of sexually assaulting her 350 00:13:27,150 --> 00:13:30,120 after the two had an affair. 351 00:13:30,153 --> 00:13:32,289 Shortly after the controversial post, 352 00:13:32,389 --> 00:13:36,126 Peng's online profile more or less disappeared. 353 00:13:36,192 --> 00:13:38,528 Until recently, Peng Shuai was one 354 00:13:38,628 --> 00:13:41,131 of the biggest tennis stars in China. 355 00:13:41,164 --> 00:13:43,466 But look what happens when you try to search for people 356 00:13:43,567 --> 00:13:47,370 with her name in the Chinese internet. 357 00:13:47,470 --> 00:13:51,841 You get the message, "No results found." 358 00:13:51,942 --> 00:13:54,844 Censors have all but scrubbed this woman 359 00:13:54,945 --> 00:13:56,880 from the Chinese Internet. 360 00:13:56,980 --> 00:13:59,282 Now today, a new twist, 361 00:13:59,382 --> 00:14:02,452 with Chinese state media releasing this email, 362 00:14:02,552 --> 00:14:05,255 purportedly written by Peng to the head 363 00:14:05,355 --> 00:14:07,190 of the Women's Tennis Association. 364 00:14:07,290 --> 00:14:10,393 It completely disavows the previous allegations 365 00:14:10,493 --> 00:14:12,429 of sexual assault, adding, 366 00:14:12,529 --> 00:14:15,098 "I'm not missing, nor am I unsafe," 367 00:14:15,165 --> 00:14:19,569 and, "I hope Chinese tennis will become better and better." 368 00:14:19,669 --> 00:14:23,273 Yo, this is really disturbing. 369 00:14:23,373 --> 00:14:26,176 Someone speaks out about sexual assault, 370 00:14:26,276 --> 00:14:30,113 and then China's government just makes them disappear? 371 00:14:30,213 --> 00:14:31,448 And then what's even worse is 372 00:14:31,548 --> 00:14:32,816 that they release some bullshit email 373 00:14:32,916 --> 00:14:34,251 pretending like everything is fine? 374 00:14:34,351 --> 00:14:35,785 'Cause, come on, people. 375 00:14:35,886 --> 00:14:37,754 That email from the tennis star was as legit 376 00:14:37,854 --> 00:14:39,122 as the letters I got 377 00:14:39,189 --> 00:14:41,024 from my supermodel girlfriend in fifth grade. 378 00:14:41,124 --> 00:14:43,159 "She's coming next year, guys. I swear." 379 00:14:43,260 --> 00:14:44,628 This is what makes China so terrifying. 380 00:14:44,728 --> 00:14:46,029 Like, if you're on their good side, 381 00:14:46,129 --> 00:14:47,597 well, things are great. 382 00:14:47,697 --> 00:14:49,366 But if you try to tell the truth 383 00:14:49,466 --> 00:14:52,869 about how China is a country that constantly oppress... 384 00:14:52,969 --> 00:14:55,005 (translated): 385 00:14:58,575 --> 00:15:02,312 what the hell was that?! I'm not even in China! 386 00:15:02,412 --> 00:15:03,813 Look, man, it's one thing 387 00:15:03,914 --> 00:15:05,415 for your government to come after you. 388 00:15:05,515 --> 00:15:09,085 It's another thing for them to just make you never exist. 389 00:15:09,119 --> 00:15:11,955 I mean, they scrubbed the Internet of anything 390 00:15:12,088 --> 00:15:14,157 about this tennis player. 391 00:15:14,257 --> 00:15:16,359 Do you know how hard it is to get stuff off of the Internet? 392 00:15:16,459 --> 00:15:18,361 Only China can do that. 393 00:15:18,461 --> 00:15:20,697 In fact, if you have embarrassing pictures online 394 00:15:20,797 --> 00:15:23,300 or problematic tweets, just move to China 395 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,801 and talk shit about the communist party. 396 00:15:24,901 --> 00:15:26,970 Yeah, they'll clean up your reputation in no time. 397 00:15:27,103 --> 00:15:28,672 I mean, yeah, you'll be locked in a basement somewhere, 398 00:15:28,772 --> 00:15:31,374 but, hey, at least you didn't get canceled. 399 00:15:31,474 --> 00:15:33,376 And this also really puts into perspective 400 00:15:33,476 --> 00:15:35,145 when people in America complain 401 00:15:35,245 --> 00:15:37,180 about being censored by big tech. 402 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,149 Aw, Twitter took down my tweet. 403 00:15:39,249 --> 00:15:40,850 This is a tyranny! 404 00:15:40,951 --> 00:15:43,820 Guys, Peng Shuai literally does not exist 405 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,355 on the Internet anymore. 406 00:15:45,455 --> 00:15:48,124 Like, yeah, maybe Trump can't tweet right now, 407 00:15:48,191 --> 00:15:49,926 but you can still google him. 408 00:15:50,026 --> 00:15:52,162 Trust me. Just yesterday, I searched for 409 00:15:52,262 --> 00:15:53,997 "Donald Trump big butt photos." 410 00:15:54,130 --> 00:15:55,665 I got 80 million hits. 411 00:15:55,765 --> 00:15:57,367 And, no, I'm not gonna tell you why I googled that. 412 00:15:57,467 --> 00:15:59,469 I like big butts, and I cannot lie. 413 00:15:59,569 --> 00:16:00,737 All right, that's all the time we have 414 00:16:00,837 --> 00:16:02,806 for international news. When we come back, 415 00:16:02,906 --> 00:16:04,507 we'll tell you how you can survive 416 00:16:04,608 --> 00:16:07,210 the most expensive Thanksgiving of all time. 417 00:16:07,310 --> 00:16:09,613 And Halle Berry is still joining me on the show. 418 00:16:09,713 --> 00:16:11,214 You don't want to miss it. 419 00:16:13,883 --> 00:16:15,050 Welcome back to The Daily Show. Thanksgiving 420 00:16:15,151 --> 00:16:17,019 is just around the corner, but with the price 421 00:16:17,119 --> 00:16:19,922 of groceries these days, a big dinner could be more expensive 422 00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:22,525 than buying Yeezys for your Lamborghini. 423 00:16:22,625 --> 00:16:24,660 Fortunately, Desi Lydic has some up with 424 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:28,063 some tips for celebrating Thanksgiving on a budget. 425 00:16:28,164 --> 00:16:30,766 ♪ ♪ 426 00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:32,968 Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. 427 00:16:33,068 --> 00:16:34,803 They say that this year is going to be 428 00:16:34,904 --> 00:16:37,306 the most expensive Thanksgiving ever. 429 00:16:37,406 --> 00:16:39,108 Inflation is hitting everything: 430 00:16:39,208 --> 00:16:42,144 groceries, cookware, decorative gourds, 431 00:16:42,244 --> 00:16:45,347 even the really ugly, bumpy ones. 432 00:16:45,447 --> 00:16:47,116 I know I'm tightening my belt this year, 433 00:16:47,216 --> 00:16:49,151 but don't worry-- you can still have 434 00:16:49,251 --> 00:16:52,087 an amazing Thanksgiving without breaking the bank. 435 00:16:52,188 --> 00:16:53,656 Let's start with the turkey. 436 00:16:53,756 --> 00:16:55,524 This year, turkey prices are almost double 437 00:16:55,624 --> 00:16:57,793 what they were a few years ago, but there are still 438 00:16:57,893 --> 00:17:00,663 deals out there if you know how to shop smart. 439 00:17:00,763 --> 00:17:03,499 For instance, did you know that 440 00:17:03,599 --> 00:17:05,267 you can get factory-reject turkeys 441 00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:07,536 at Butterball outlet stores nationwide? 442 00:17:07,636 --> 00:17:09,839 This one only cost ten dollars. 443 00:17:09,939 --> 00:17:12,174 And it has three necks, 444 00:17:12,274 --> 00:17:13,242 so there's even more to go around. 445 00:17:13,342 --> 00:17:15,177 You can also check Craigslist 446 00:17:15,277 --> 00:17:17,513 for some perfectly good 447 00:17:17,613 --> 00:17:19,281 gently-used turkeys. 448 00:17:19,381 --> 00:17:21,217 Now, why should this go to a landfill just because 449 00:17:21,317 --> 00:17:23,552 one person already owned it? 450 00:17:23,719 --> 00:17:26,922 But if your turkey budget is zero, here's a great hack. 451 00:17:27,022 --> 00:17:29,425 You just trace your hand... 452 00:17:33,829 --> 00:17:36,131 Now we're gonna want to do a little beak 453 00:17:36,232 --> 00:17:39,235 and some googly eyes. 454 00:17:39,335 --> 00:17:41,937 Voilà! How cute is this little turkey? 455 00:17:42,037 --> 00:17:45,741 Now, you're gonna want to drench this bad boy in olive oil. 456 00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:47,810 No one likes a dry turkey. 457 00:17:49,211 --> 00:17:51,547 We're gonna want to roast this at 400 degrees 458 00:17:51,647 --> 00:17:54,316 for about one hour. 459 00:17:54,416 --> 00:17:56,519 Of course, you can't have turkey without stuffing. 460 00:17:56,619 --> 00:17:58,754 But you don't need to take out a second mortgage 461 00:17:58,821 --> 00:18:00,222 or start an OnlyFans 462 00:18:00,322 --> 00:18:02,525 to pay for all the ingredients that you need. 463 00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:06,128 Most of us have perfectly good stuffing already 464 00:18:06,228 --> 00:18:09,198 right inside our kids' teddy bears. 465 00:18:11,267 --> 00:18:14,570 Just going to want to get in there. 466 00:18:14,703 --> 00:18:18,807 Just going to want to take the stuffing, scoop it out. 467 00:18:18,908 --> 00:18:21,377 Just shove it in that bird. 468 00:18:21,477 --> 00:18:24,013 Get it in there, roast it. 469 00:18:24,113 --> 00:18:26,549 It's going to soak up all those flavors, 470 00:18:26,715 --> 00:18:28,884 and really help the turkey keep its shape. 471 00:18:28,984 --> 00:18:31,854 And the best stuffing is right in the face. 472 00:18:33,756 --> 00:18:35,457 (quietly): There we go. 473 00:18:35,558 --> 00:18:37,593 But let's talk side dishes, because this is where 474 00:18:37,726 --> 00:18:40,229 the dollars can really start adding up. 475 00:18:40,329 --> 00:18:42,798 One of my favorites is mashed potatoes. 476 00:18:42,898 --> 00:18:44,834 They're delicious, and I have a simple trick 477 00:18:44,934 --> 00:18:47,102 for making a little go a long way. 478 00:18:47,203 --> 00:18:51,173 So, you just make one mashed potato... 479 00:18:51,273 --> 00:18:53,409 chew it up... 480 00:18:53,509 --> 00:18:55,177 Mmm. Mmm. 481 00:18:57,313 --> 00:18:58,547 Spit it back out. 482 00:18:58,647 --> 00:19:00,249 And then you want to just pass it around the table 483 00:19:00,349 --> 00:19:02,318 for everyone to enjoy. 484 00:19:02,418 --> 00:19:04,220 They're mashed anyway, so it will not affect 485 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,522 the texture or flavor at all. 486 00:19:08,491 --> 00:19:09,558 What about drinks? 487 00:19:09,658 --> 00:19:11,193 Most of the grown-ups at the table 488 00:19:11,293 --> 00:19:13,696 are probably going to want a nice glass of wine, 489 00:19:13,729 --> 00:19:15,865 especially when Uncle Steve starts talking about QAnon. 490 00:19:15,965 --> 00:19:18,067 And that can get expensive fast. 491 00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:20,703 But fortunately, you can get the same pleasant buzz 492 00:19:20,769 --> 00:19:24,273 at a fraction of the price with paint thinner. 493 00:19:24,373 --> 00:19:26,308 ♪ ♪ 494 00:19:34,016 --> 00:19:36,185 Mmm. 495 00:19:36,285 --> 00:19:39,121 I'm detecting notes of my garage 496 00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:41,957 and just a hint of the previous owners of my house 497 00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:43,959 who left this behind when they moved. 498 00:19:44,059 --> 00:19:46,195 This also pairs well with the hallucinations. 499 00:19:46,295 --> 00:19:49,565 (echoing voices): Hallucinations... 500 00:19:50,633 --> 00:19:53,903 Hallucinations... hallucinations... 501 00:19:54,003 --> 00:19:58,774 Now to the most important part of the meal: dessert. 502 00:19:58,874 --> 00:20:00,809 Pumpkin pie can get expensive, 503 00:20:00,910 --> 00:20:02,344 whether you're making it from scratch, 504 00:20:02,444 --> 00:20:04,747 buying it from the store or buying it from the store 505 00:20:04,780 --> 00:20:06,749 and saying you made it from scratch, 506 00:20:06,782 --> 00:20:08,918 then carrying the shame and guilt of that lie 507 00:20:09,018 --> 00:20:11,253 for the rest of your life. 508 00:20:11,353 --> 00:20:13,155 But why spend money when we already have 509 00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:15,691 so much pumpkin spice stuff around the house? 510 00:20:15,724 --> 00:20:17,359 Like this scented candle 511 00:20:17,459 --> 00:20:19,962 I got from my Secret Santa three years ago. 512 00:20:20,062 --> 00:20:22,164 It's an absolute garbage gift, 513 00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:25,301 but wait until you taste it in a dessert. 514 00:20:25,401 --> 00:20:27,236 Just cook it at... 515 00:20:27,336 --> 00:20:29,972 I don't know, 200? 500? 516 00:20:30,072 --> 00:20:32,374 Honestly, it doesn't even make a difference, 517 00:20:32,474 --> 00:20:36,145 because as you can see, it comes out... 518 00:20:36,245 --> 00:20:38,948 perfect every time. 519 00:20:42,084 --> 00:20:43,419 (grunts) 520 00:20:45,421 --> 00:20:47,790 -Mmm. -(crunching) 521 00:20:50,326 --> 00:20:52,628 And for all of you thinking about holiday weight gain, 522 00:20:52,728 --> 00:20:54,964 wax is not digestible, 523 00:20:55,064 --> 00:20:57,800 so no worries there. 524 00:20:57,900 --> 00:21:00,803 Comes out the same as it goes in. (chuckles) 525 00:21:00,903 --> 00:21:02,938 (music slowing, distorting) 526 00:21:04,907 --> 00:21:07,276 (echoing): Am I a turkey? 527 00:21:08,544 --> 00:21:11,747 Finally, if you really want to save money on Thanksgiving, 528 00:21:11,780 --> 00:21:14,683 just remember the original spirit of the holiday 529 00:21:14,783 --> 00:21:17,520 and do what the pilgrims did: steal. 530 00:21:17,686 --> 00:21:19,288 They stole food, land, 531 00:21:19,388 --> 00:21:21,423 even valuables from Native American graves. 532 00:21:21,524 --> 00:21:23,959 So why not take a page from history 533 00:21:24,059 --> 00:21:26,762 and steal whatever you need? 534 00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:30,966 Hey, with Christmas around the corner, 535 00:21:31,066 --> 00:21:33,035 go ahead and steal whatever you want for that, too. 536 00:21:33,135 --> 00:21:36,005 Look, I'm Santa. 537 00:21:36,105 --> 00:21:37,907 Ho ho ho. 538 00:21:38,007 --> 00:21:40,442 -Ooh! My paper turkey's ready. -(fire alarm beeping) 539 00:21:40,543 --> 00:21:41,977 Mmm, yum! 540 00:21:42,077 --> 00:21:44,713 (coughing) Oh. Shit. 541 00:21:44,813 --> 00:21:46,916 Shit. Got to get this out of here. 542 00:21:47,016 --> 00:21:48,083 (coughing continues) 543 00:21:48,184 --> 00:21:51,353 Evacuate! Evacuate! 544 00:21:51,453 --> 00:21:53,489 ♪ ♪ 545 00:21:57,226 --> 00:22:00,296 All right, when we come back, the one and only Halle Berry 546 00:22:00,396 --> 00:22:04,099 will be joining me in the studio, so don't go away. 547 00:22:06,384 --> 00:22:07,685 Welcome back to The Daily Show. 548 00:22:07,785 --> 00:22:09,687 My guest tonight is Oscar, Emmy 549 00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:12,256 and Golden Globe-winning actor Halle Berry. 550 00:22:12,356 --> 00:22:14,926 She's here to talk about making her directorial debut 551 00:22:15,026 --> 00:22:17,395 in the new film Bruised. 552 00:22:17,495 --> 00:22:19,430 Aah! 553 00:22:19,530 --> 00:22:21,565 (both grunting) 554 00:22:24,268 --> 00:22:27,204 You don't look like no UFC, Justice. 555 00:22:31,742 --> 00:22:34,779 And five seconds, four, 556 00:22:34,879 --> 00:22:37,782 three, two... 557 00:22:37,882 --> 00:22:39,050 (whistle blows) 558 00:22:41,152 --> 00:22:42,420 -Whew! -(chuckles) 559 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,122 -Halle Berry. -It was rough. (laughs) 560 00:22:45,222 --> 00:22:46,791 -It-it looked rough. -Yes. 561 00:22:46,891 --> 00:22:48,059 It looked extremely rough. Welcome to the show. 562 00:22:48,159 --> 00:22:50,561 Thank you, thank you. I'm so happy to be here. 563 00:22:50,661 --> 00:22:51,963 Uh, I'm happy to have you here, but I-I... 564 00:22:52,063 --> 00:22:55,366 I'm not gonna lie, I was... I was genuinely surprised 565 00:22:55,466 --> 00:22:57,468 in, like, such a fun way, watching this movie, 566 00:22:57,568 --> 00:23:00,104 because I've seen you kick ass in a lot of films. 567 00:23:00,204 --> 00:23:03,541 Right? I've seen you act your heart out in so many films. 568 00:23:03,641 --> 00:23:06,077 But, I don't know why, for me, this movie felt like 569 00:23:06,177 --> 00:23:08,179 the culmination of everything coming together. 570 00:23:08,279 --> 00:23:09,947 You know? It was Halle Berry the fighter, 571 00:23:10,047 --> 00:23:11,816 it was Halle Berry the actress, 572 00:23:11,916 --> 00:23:13,484 it was Halle Berry, you know, feeling pain, 573 00:23:13,584 --> 00:23:14,885 showing moments of joy. 574 00:23:14,986 --> 00:23:16,787 It-it felt like it was a culmination 575 00:23:16,887 --> 00:23:19,390 of a lot of just you as a human being. 576 00:23:19,490 --> 00:23:21,492 Congratulations on your directorial debut. 577 00:23:21,525 --> 00:23:22,860 -What was that like? -Thank you. 578 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:24,795 Wow. It's funny you said that, because you know what, 579 00:23:24,895 --> 00:23:27,331 I felt that way, too. And being at the helm 580 00:23:27,498 --> 00:23:28,766 and being in charge, 581 00:23:28,866 --> 00:23:31,702 I could put all of that into the movie. 582 00:23:31,802 --> 00:23:34,105 I could play to, you know, not only 583 00:23:34,205 --> 00:23:36,507 my strengths but to the strengths of all the characters, 584 00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:37,708 -you know, in the movie. -I can only imagine. 585 00:23:37,808 --> 00:23:39,844 -All the actors, so, yes. -This story has 586 00:23:39,944 --> 00:23:41,846 such a fascinating beginning. This was a story 587 00:23:41,946 --> 00:23:43,814 -that wasn't originally written for you, you know? -No. 588 00:23:43,914 --> 00:23:45,950 It-it went out, I think it was to Blake Lively, 589 00:23:46,050 --> 00:23:47,518 and-and people were like, "Oh, it's this 590 00:23:47,618 --> 00:23:49,820 "Irish Catholic white woman and it's gonna be the story 591 00:23:49,921 --> 00:23:53,324 of this twentysomething-year-old scrappy UFC fighter." 592 00:23:53,424 --> 00:23:54,926 And you saw the story and said, "I think there's a different 593 00:23:55,026 --> 00:23:57,628 -way to tell this story." -Yeah, and you know, the idea 594 00:23:57,728 --> 00:23:59,964 came because I desperately wanted to play this character. 595 00:24:00,064 --> 00:24:03,334 I love the fight game, I've been a boxing fan since I was a kid. 596 00:24:03,434 --> 00:24:06,170 I was now, when I got this script, an avid MMA fan, 597 00:24:06,270 --> 00:24:08,472 especially of all the women in the sport. 598 00:24:08,506 --> 00:24:10,007 So when I read it, I thought this is 599 00:24:10,107 --> 00:24:12,043 the kind of role that I would kill for. 600 00:24:12,143 --> 00:24:13,577 -It's meaty. It's juicy. -I love that. 601 00:24:13,678 --> 00:24:15,246 I get to use all of my physicality. 602 00:24:15,346 --> 00:24:17,481 Except it wasn't written for someone like me, 603 00:24:17,515 --> 00:24:19,684 so that was the impetus for reimagining it. 604 00:24:19,784 --> 00:24:22,987 And I told my agent, if Blake decides not to do this, 605 00:24:23,087 --> 00:24:25,790 can you please let me get to the producers 606 00:24:25,890 --> 00:24:28,659 and give them my pitch on how and why 607 00:24:28,759 --> 00:24:31,095 I think a reimagining would be in order. 608 00:24:31,195 --> 00:24:33,164 And for me, I felt like, 609 00:24:33,264 --> 00:24:36,033 based on where we are in the world and, you know, 610 00:24:36,133 --> 00:24:38,636 Time's Up and Me Too, and where we as Black women 611 00:24:38,736 --> 00:24:40,504 and Black people are arriving to, 612 00:24:40,538 --> 00:24:42,273 -Mm-hmm. -it's time that we get a chance 613 00:24:42,373 --> 00:24:45,977 to tell our stories from our own point of view through our lens. 614 00:24:46,077 --> 00:24:49,013 And so I said, if we're going to remake a fight movie, 615 00:24:49,113 --> 00:24:52,383 they've been made by the greats, some of the best movies, 616 00:24:52,516 --> 00:24:54,619 Rocky and Fight Club and Million Dollar Baby, 617 00:24:54,719 --> 00:24:56,153 if we're going to redo it, the only reason to do it 618 00:24:56,254 --> 00:24:58,322 is to have a fresh new point of view, 619 00:24:58,422 --> 00:25:01,058 something we have never seen, and we've never seen it... 620 00:25:01,158 --> 00:25:03,327 a Black female fighter, 621 00:25:03,427 --> 00:25:06,163 especially from a Black female director. 622 00:25:06,264 --> 00:25:07,565 -Right? So... -Definitely, definitely. 623 00:25:07,665 --> 00:25:09,033 it was new-- there was a reason to do it. 624 00:25:09,133 --> 00:25:10,968 Yeah, and you know what, and it also feels like it comments 625 00:25:11,068 --> 00:25:12,637 on so many things, you know? 626 00:25:12,737 --> 00:25:14,171 So as a fan of UFC, I'm sure you know 627 00:25:14,272 --> 00:25:16,007 you know, what it feels like on the inside, you know? 628 00:25:16,107 --> 00:25:18,909 I've talked to some of the female fighters in the UFC, 629 00:25:19,010 --> 00:25:21,279 where they go: Man, we feel like we have to be 630 00:25:21,379 --> 00:25:23,314 so much more brutal to get acknowledged. 631 00:25:23,481 --> 00:25:25,650 We have to feel like we have to fight so much harder 632 00:25:25,750 --> 00:25:27,485 to just maintain our spot in that Octagon. 633 00:25:27,585 --> 00:25:30,621 And they do get the respect, but they really, really, 634 00:25:30,721 --> 00:25:32,256 really have to work towards it. 635 00:25:32,356 --> 00:25:34,058 And it feels like it's no different in Hollywood, 636 00:25:34,158 --> 00:25:36,193 you know, is that a woman in Hollywood, 637 00:25:36,294 --> 00:25:37,628 especially a Black woman in Hollywood, 638 00:25:37,728 --> 00:25:39,630 -you have to fight so much harder to be recognized. -Yes. 639 00:25:39,730 --> 00:25:41,399 You have to be, you know, I mean, 640 00:25:41,499 --> 00:25:43,301 everyone would think, Halle Berry wins the Oscar, 641 00:25:43,401 --> 00:25:44,936 and then it's, like, this is it, you know? 642 00:25:45,036 --> 00:25:46,637 It seems like it's like, oh, this is going to be 643 00:25:46,737 --> 00:25:49,206 the end of your life, you get to do whatever you like, 644 00:25:49,307 --> 00:25:51,509 but you have had to continue working hard 645 00:25:51,609 --> 00:25:53,678 -Yeah. -to fight for what you want to do in the industry. 646 00:25:53,778 --> 00:25:55,913 True. One of the big misconceptions 647 00:25:56,013 --> 00:25:58,916 was when I won that Oscar, that somehow the script truck 648 00:25:59,016 --> 00:26:01,786 -just backed up to my door. -(laughing) 649 00:26:01,886 --> 00:26:05,222 Like, no truck came. My fight didn't really get any easier. 650 00:26:05,323 --> 00:26:07,658 I still had to face that I was a Black woman in an industry, 651 00:26:07,758 --> 00:26:11,462 and there was no real way for me that had been paved. 652 00:26:11,495 --> 00:26:13,364 I had to figure that out for myself. 653 00:26:13,464 --> 00:26:15,700 And, as with fighting, Shannon Knapp, 654 00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:17,702 who runs Invicta, you know, the all-female league, 655 00:26:17,802 --> 00:26:20,137 -Yes. Yes. -She told me that having her female fighters 656 00:26:20,237 --> 00:26:21,372 when she went to a venue, 657 00:26:21,472 --> 00:26:23,541 she would have to pay to come to the venue. 658 00:26:23,641 --> 00:26:26,110 -Where with the male fighters, they would pay them. -Wow. 659 00:26:26,210 --> 00:26:29,480 So it is indelibly harder for women across the board, 660 00:26:29,513 --> 00:26:31,882 and especially in the fight game. 661 00:26:31,983 --> 00:26:34,485 You know, the movie was... it's brutal, 662 00:26:34,552 --> 00:26:36,020 is the best way to put it. 663 00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:38,956 And it's brutal in the way life is brutal, is the way I see it. 664 00:26:39,056 --> 00:26:41,726 And I couldn't help wondering, as Halle Berry, the actress, 665 00:26:41,826 --> 00:26:44,929 have you often felt like, man, you're always fighting 666 00:26:45,029 --> 00:26:47,365 to keep your career where you want it to be 667 00:26:47,498 --> 00:26:49,233 as opposed to letting people decide 668 00:26:49,333 --> 00:26:50,368 when and where you're done? 669 00:26:50,501 --> 00:26:51,802 Because you-you come from a generation 670 00:26:51,902 --> 00:26:53,304 where, let's be honest, they would go, 671 00:26:53,404 --> 00:26:54,939 -"You're 40, and it's over for you." -Yeah. 672 00:26:55,039 --> 00:26:56,841 So many actresses talk about that. 40 and done. 673 00:26:56,941 --> 00:26:59,110 And now it seems like the fight is working 674 00:26:59,210 --> 00:27:00,645 -in changing that perspective. -Yeah. 675 00:27:00,745 --> 00:27:02,613 Theoretically, I should have been done a decade ago. 676 00:27:02,713 --> 00:27:03,948 -Damn. -(chuckles) You know? 677 00:27:04,048 --> 00:27:05,750 So, I... But I do feel that. 678 00:27:05,850 --> 00:27:07,285 And as a woman, I do feel like that. 679 00:27:07,451 --> 00:27:09,287 I have to keep fighting and keep reinventing 680 00:27:09,453 --> 00:27:11,289 and keep, you know, proving 681 00:27:11,455 --> 00:27:14,892 that there's still, you know, more left for me to do. 682 00:27:14,992 --> 00:27:16,961 -Mm-hmm. -And-and I actually feel 683 00:27:17,061 --> 00:27:18,362 that there's more left for me to do. 684 00:27:18,462 --> 00:27:21,065 I'm still inspired by this car... by this craft. 685 00:27:21,165 --> 00:27:22,466 I still love what I do. 686 00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:24,635 I want to keep challenging myself and keep growing. 687 00:27:24,735 --> 00:27:27,471 I want to see how long I could stay in this physical shape 688 00:27:27,538 --> 00:27:29,140 -and do these kinds of movies. -Right. Right, right. 689 00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:30,374 You know, that's the joy of it. 690 00:27:30,474 --> 00:27:31,809 I want to try new things. 691 00:27:31,909 --> 00:27:33,144 -How long... -You know? I want to take new risks. 692 00:27:33,244 --> 00:27:34,578 How long can you stay in this physical shape? 693 00:27:34,679 --> 00:27:36,781 -You broke how many ribs doing this movie? -(laughs) 694 00:27:36,881 --> 00:27:39,216 -Two. -Two ribs break... broken in this movie. 695 00:27:39,317 --> 00:27:41,385 -Yes. -I remember distinctly 'cause I'm a big fan. 696 00:27:41,485 --> 00:27:43,754 John Wick, you broke ribs, as well. 697 00:27:43,854 --> 00:27:45,556 -Three ribs. -Three on that. 698 00:27:45,656 --> 00:27:47,825 -So I'm getting better. (laughs) -I mean, I guess. 699 00:27:47,925 --> 00:27:49,393 -It's still five ribs... -Next year, it'll just be one. 700 00:27:49,493 --> 00:27:51,195 It's still five ribs in total. There's a lot of ribs that... 701 00:27:51,295 --> 00:27:53,030 -Same ribs or different ribs? -Different ribs. 702 00:27:53,130 --> 00:27:54,699 -Okay. -Because here's the thing. But here's the thing 703 00:27:54,799 --> 00:27:56,100 that I would like people to know. 704 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,502 It's not just, "Oh, Halle Berry always gets hurt." 705 00:27:58,569 --> 00:28:01,272 When you are a performer that does your own stunts, 706 00:28:01,372 --> 00:28:02,573 that's par for the course. 707 00:28:02,673 --> 00:28:04,542 Every stuntman, stuntwoman, 708 00:28:04,642 --> 00:28:06,644 usually, on every film, gets hurt in some way. 709 00:28:06,744 --> 00:28:08,713 We don't hear about it because they don't talk about it 710 00:28:08,813 --> 00:28:10,114 -and the public doesn't really care. -Oh, yes. Okay. 711 00:28:10,214 --> 00:28:11,582 That's their job, right? 712 00:28:11,682 --> 00:28:14,819 So, when a performer gets hurt, it becomes a big deal 713 00:28:14,919 --> 00:28:17,288 because most performers don't do their own stunts, 714 00:28:17,455 --> 00:28:18,623 so they don't get hurt. 715 00:28:18,723 --> 00:28:20,258 So I sort of get this bad rap 716 00:28:20,358 --> 00:28:22,093 of always getting hurt, always getting hurt, 717 00:28:22,193 --> 00:28:24,462 but I always demand to do my own stunts. 718 00:28:24,528 --> 00:28:26,063 -I always face that challenge. -Yeah, but in this film, 719 00:28:26,163 --> 00:28:27,465 it wasn't just doing your own stunts. 720 00:28:27,565 --> 00:28:29,066 I mean, with John Wick, they paused production. 721 00:28:29,166 --> 00:28:31,202 This film was a smaller, independent film. 722 00:28:31,302 --> 00:28:33,070 -Yes. -You're directing it. And you decide, 723 00:28:33,170 --> 00:28:36,707 "I've broken the ribs. I'm gonna keep fighting in the movie." 724 00:28:36,807 --> 00:28:40,144 I mean, I-I can barely carry on if I've, like, stubbed a toe. 725 00:28:40,244 --> 00:28:41,979 I'll be like, "Let's pause production for a while, guys. 726 00:28:42,079 --> 00:28:43,347 -Let's-let's chill." -But you're a man. 727 00:28:43,481 --> 00:28:45,082 -That's true. That is true. -(laughs) 728 00:28:45,182 --> 00:28:46,651 I have bigger toes. That's when you're saying. 729 00:28:46,751 --> 00:28:48,352 -We have babies. (laughs) -We have more toes. (laughs) 730 00:28:48,486 --> 00:28:50,488 -Women have higher tolerance for pain. -Yes. 731 00:28:50,521 --> 00:28:52,223 That's why we have the children and you guys don't. 732 00:28:52,323 --> 00:28:54,659 That-that is very true. But I think of it as like, 733 00:28:54,759 --> 00:28:56,060 "Man, Halle Berry's a badass." 734 00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:57,662 I go like, "You're breaking ribs." 735 00:28:57,762 --> 00:28:59,630 You know, you're-you're in these fight scenes, 736 00:28:59,730 --> 00:29:01,399 you're doing these things. 737 00:29:01,499 --> 00:29:03,935 Like, you had to learn how to fight again for this. 738 00:29:04,035 --> 00:29:05,469 You-you learned... You learned martial arts 739 00:29:05,569 --> 00:29:07,238 for X-Men, right? 740 00:29:07,338 --> 00:29:09,140 -Mm, a little bit. More for Catwoman. -Yes. 741 00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:11,075 I learned capoeira for Catwoman. 742 00:29:11,175 --> 00:29:13,778 -Like, capoeira capoeira? Wow. -Yes, capoeira, yeah. 743 00:29:13,878 --> 00:29:15,179 -Yeah, Brazilian, yeah. I learned that. -Okay. 744 00:29:15,279 --> 00:29:16,714 'Cause that was all a part of bringing that cat... 745 00:29:16,814 --> 00:29:18,950 -It was low to the ground, it was sinewy. -Oh, okay. 746 00:29:19,050 --> 00:29:20,251 What else have...? What other martial arts? 747 00:29:20,351 --> 00:29:23,287 I did, uh, boxing and kickboxing, but for this, 748 00:29:23,454 --> 00:29:26,023 like, the jujitsu, the Tae Kwon Do, the judo, 749 00:29:26,123 --> 00:29:28,125 -the wrestling, Muay Thai. -It's terribly hard. 750 00:29:28,225 --> 00:29:29,760 -Jujitsu is so hard. -So hard. 751 00:29:29,860 --> 00:29:31,529 It's just, like, all clothes and fingers 752 00:29:31,629 --> 00:29:33,197 -and, like, getting knocked in the face. -Yeah. 753 00:29:33,297 --> 00:29:35,066 -Why would you do this? -It's so... 'cause it's so fun. 754 00:29:35,166 --> 00:29:37,668 It's also so fun. And I was a gymnast as a kid. 755 00:29:37,768 --> 00:29:39,670 -I didn't know this. -So, yeah. 756 00:29:39,770 --> 00:29:41,238 I was supposed to be Simone Biles. 757 00:29:41,339 --> 00:29:45,176 -But Simone became Simone, not me. (laughs) -(laughs) 758 00:29:45,276 --> 00:29:47,511 Oh, that was my dream-- to go to the Olympics 759 00:29:47,612 --> 00:29:49,780 -and win a gold medal some day in gymnastics. -Oh, you never... 760 00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:51,582 That could be your next film. You never know. 761 00:29:51,682 --> 00:29:54,051 -Or you could make a film with Simone Biles. -Really. 762 00:29:54,151 --> 00:29:55,553 -Just bring the whole story together. -Maybe. 763 00:29:55,653 --> 00:29:57,555 -You know what I'm saying? -I could be the oldest woman 764 00:29:57,655 --> 00:29:59,557 to win a gold medal at the Olympics. (laughing) 765 00:29:59,657 --> 00:30:01,926 Anything can happen in this day and age. 766 00:30:02,026 --> 00:30:04,662 Um, your story is one that you're continuing to write. 767 00:30:04,762 --> 00:30:06,664 What did you love about directing that was different? 768 00:30:06,764 --> 00:30:07,999 Because you've been on this side of the lens 769 00:30:08,099 --> 00:30:09,433 -for such a long time. -Mm. 770 00:30:09,500 --> 00:30:10,668 NOAH: There must have been something new 771 00:30:10,768 --> 00:30:11,969 that you discovered that you loved 772 00:30:12,069 --> 00:30:14,438 about buying on the other side of the camera. 773 00:30:14,505 --> 00:30:18,276 I think what I loved most was that I got to have this idea 774 00:30:18,442 --> 00:30:21,812 in my head, and I got to shape it and form it 775 00:30:21,912 --> 00:30:23,981 and reshape it and reform it. 776 00:30:24,081 --> 00:30:26,817 And I got to sort of bring to the screen 777 00:30:26,918 --> 00:30:29,587 -pretty much exactly what I had in my head. -Mm. 778 00:30:29,687 --> 00:30:32,156 And I was worried that I wouldn't be able to do that. 779 00:30:32,256 --> 00:30:34,091 -Because we had such a low budget. -Right. 780 00:30:34,191 --> 00:30:35,760 And while my days kept getting cut, 781 00:30:35,860 --> 00:30:37,228 and I kept losing money left and right-- 782 00:30:37,328 --> 00:30:39,030 it's hard in the independent world-- 783 00:30:39,130 --> 00:30:42,466 What I loved was that, as a Black woman, 784 00:30:42,500 --> 00:30:45,770 I got a story out of my body that was true to my gaze, 785 00:30:45,870 --> 00:30:48,306 that was true to my community, it was true to my race, 786 00:30:48,472 --> 00:30:52,910 to my sex, that all of it felt like an amalgamation 787 00:30:53,010 --> 00:30:55,212 of all the three years that I worked on this. 788 00:30:55,313 --> 00:30:57,581 I got to tell a true point of view about a sport 789 00:30:57,682 --> 00:30:59,150 -from a female point of view. -Hmm. 790 00:30:59,250 --> 00:31:00,585 And had I not been myself, 791 00:31:00,685 --> 00:31:02,520 I don't know if that would have happened 792 00:31:02,620 --> 00:31:05,056 because I loved the sport and I also loved the drama 793 00:31:05,156 --> 00:31:06,490 of it at the same time. 794 00:31:06,591 --> 00:31:09,994 So I tried to put equal emphasis on both elements. 795 00:31:10,094 --> 00:31:12,430 Well, I'll tell you this. You did a fantastic job. 796 00:31:12,530 --> 00:31:14,031 -Thank you, Trevor. -I think you had a lot of fun making it. 797 00:31:14,131 --> 00:31:15,666 It's a lot of fun watching it. And thank you so much 798 00:31:15,766 --> 00:31:18,269 -for joining me on the show. -Thank you for having me. 799 00:31:18,436 --> 00:31:21,472 All right, people, Bruised is in select theatres right now, 800 00:31:21,572 --> 00:31:24,108 and will be available on Netflix November 24. 801 00:31:24,208 --> 00:31:25,443 We're gonna take a quick break, 802 00:31:25,476 --> 00:31:28,079 but we'll be right back after this. 803 00:31:30,581 --> 00:31:31,849 Well, that's our show for tonight, but before we go, 804 00:31:31,949 --> 00:31:33,251 please consider supporting 805 00:31:33,351 --> 00:31:36,254 the Native American Food Sovereignty Alliance-- NAFSA. 806 00:31:36,354 --> 00:31:39,590 They support native communities by restoring food systems 807 00:31:39,691 --> 00:31:41,526 that rebuild relationships with the land, 808 00:31:41,626 --> 00:31:45,063 water, plants, and animals that sustain all of us. 809 00:31:45,163 --> 00:31:47,165 If you want to support them in their work, this Thanksgiving, 810 00:31:47,265 --> 00:31:49,901 then donate at the link below. 811 00:31:50,001 --> 00:31:51,502 Also, if you're in Grand Rapids, Michigan, 812 00:31:51,602 --> 00:31:53,071 or Chicago this weekend, 813 00:31:53,171 --> 00:31:55,907 my Back to Abnormal Comedy Tour is gonna be in your city. 814 00:31:56,007 --> 00:31:57,909 And if you're in Seattle, Portland 815 00:31:58,009 --> 00:31:59,243 or Kennewick, Washington, 816 00:31:59,343 --> 00:32:00,712 well, next weekend, I'm coming to you. 817 00:32:00,812 --> 00:32:02,013 And if you're in none of those places, 818 00:32:02,113 --> 00:32:04,082 well, then, just ignore that this ever happened. 819 00:32:04,182 --> 00:32:06,150 Otherwise head to: 820 00:32:06,250 --> 00:32:07,618 to get your tickets. 821 00:32:07,719 --> 00:32:08,853 Until next time, stay safe out there, 822 00:32:08,953 --> 00:32:10,555 get your vaccine, and remember, people. 823 00:32:10,655 --> 00:32:12,657 On Thanksgiving, start a political fight 824 00:32:12,757 --> 00:32:14,359 right after the turkey. 825 00:32:14,459 --> 00:32:16,027 That way, everyone will be distracted 826 00:32:16,127 --> 00:32:17,495 while you get all the dessert. 827 00:32:17,595 --> 00:32:19,997 Now, here it is-- Your Moment of Zen. 828 00:32:20,098 --> 00:32:23,034 I guess the Muppets are getting to me, man. 829 00:32:23,134 --> 00:32:25,136 After spreading their communist-inspired 830 00:32:25,236 --> 00:32:26,938 COVID propaganda last week, 831 00:32:27,038 --> 00:32:29,140 well, now, they've unveiled an Asian Muppet. 832 00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,309 I'm not sure what this Muppet is supposed to portray. 833 00:32:31,409 --> 00:32:34,045 Muppets-- I didn't think they had nationalities. 834 00:32:34,145 --> 00:32:36,547 What race are Bert and Ernie? 835 00:32:36,647 --> 00:32:40,518 The Count-- he's got an accent, but he's purple. 836 00:32:40,618 --> 00:32:43,287 And you, Kermit, you. 837 00:32:43,388 --> 00:32:44,756 Still waiting to debate you. 838 00:32:44,856 --> 00:32:46,391 Step up to the plate, froggy! 839 00:32:46,491 --> 00:32:48,159 ♪ ♪