on everybody?
WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SOCIAL
DISTANCING SHOW."
I’M TREVOR NOAH.
TODAY IS TUESDAY, THE 17th OF
NOVEMBER, WHICH MEANS THERE’S
ONLY 64 DAYS LEFT UNTIL DONALD
TRUMP AND MIKE PENCE CAN STOP
PRETENDING THEY’RE FRIENDS.
ANYWAY, COMING UP ON TONIGHT’S
SHOW:
WHY THIS THANKSGIVING COULD BE
YOUR LAST.
HOW TRUMP MIGHT STILL WIN THIS
ELECTION.
AND KEVIN HART JOINS ME ON THE
SHOW FOR ONE OF THE MOST FUN
INTERVIEWS I’VE EVER HAD.
SO LET’S DO THIS PEOPLE!
WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SOCIAL DISTANCING SHOW."
Announcer: FROM TREVOR’S
COUCH IN NEW YORK CITY TO YOUR
COUCH SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD,
THIS IS "THE DAILY SOCIAL
DISTANCING SHOW," WITH TREVOR NOAH."
Trevor: look, there’s no
denying there’s a lot of heavy
stuff in the news right now.
BUT BEFORE WE GET TO THAT, LET’S
KICK IT OFF WITH A FUN CRIME
STORY THAT’S OUT OF THIS WORLD.
AND NOW THAT I HEAR THAT, IT
PROBABLY SOUNDED LIKE IT HAS
SOMETHING TO DO WITH OUTER
SPACE, WHICH IT DOESN’T.
NO, IT’S NOT OUT OF THIS WORLD.
IT’S PRETTY COOL, THOUGH.
A WILD CHASE WORTHY OF THE
BIG SCREEN.
THE SUSPECT IN A MULTIMILLION-
DOLLAR PONZI SCHEME TRIED TO
ESCAPE THE FEDS UNDER THE WATER
OF LAKE SHASTA.
THE U.S. ATTORNEY’S OFFICE SAYS
MATHEW PERCY TOOK OFF IN HIS
TRUCK WHEN THE F.B.I. SHOWED UP
AT HIS HOME AND EVENTUALLY
JUMPED ON A SEA SCOOTER, A
DEVICE THAT PROPELS PEOPLE UP TO
100 FEET UNDER WATER.
WELL, AGENTS EVENTUALLY SPOTTED
HIS BUBBLES AND WAITED HIM OUT.
WHEN HE FINALLY CAME OUT, THEY
CUFFED HIM.
Trevor: MAN, THERE IS SO MUCH
I LOVE ABOUT THIS STORY.
FIRST OF ALL, I LOVE HOW THE GUY
HAD THE SEA SCOOTER READY, LIKE,
HE KNEW HE WAS GOING TO HAVE TO
OUTRUN THE FEDS AT SOME POINT.
THAT’S GOING TO BE A HARD ONE TO
EXPLAIN TO THE JUDGE.
"NOT GUILTY, YOUR HONOR!
ALTHOUGH, YES, I DID TRY TO
ESCAPE WITH A METHOD USED MOSTLY
BY CARTOON SUPER VILLAINS."
AND HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TRY TO
ESCAPE IN A LAKE?
MY MAN, A LAKE DOESN’T GO
ANYWHERE!
IT’S LIKE IF O.J. TOOK THE WHITE
BRONCO AROUND A NASCAR TRACK.
YOU’RE NOT ESCAPING.
YOU’RE JUST WASTING EVERYONE’S TIME!
I’M ALSO DISAPPOINTED THAT THE
COPS JUST "WAITED HIM OUT."
WHAT’S THE POINT OF EVEN HAVING
AN AQUAMAN, IF WE’RE NOT GOING
TO USE HIM?
BUT LET’S MOVE ON THO THE ONLY
STORY OF THE WORLD-- THE RAGING
CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC.
THIS MORNING, ALARMING COVID
NUMBERS ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY,
1 MILLION AMERICANS DIAGNOSED
WITH COVID-19 THIS WEEK.
THAT’S ABOUT 100 AMERICANS
DIAGNOSED EVERY MINUTE.
IN PHILADELPHIA, WHERE CASES ARE
RISING, THE CITY STARTING
SWEEPING RESTRICTIONS FRIDAY,
CLOSING INDOOR DINING, GYMS, AND
PUTTING AN END TO YOUTH SPORTS
THROUGH THE END OF THE
YEAR.
CALIFORNIA ALSO SEEING A SURGE.
STARTING TUESDAY, 94% OF THE
STATE WILL FALL UNDER ITS
STRICTEST TIER OF RESTRICTIONS.
IN MICHIGAN, RAPID SPREAD,
ALMOST 13,000 NEW COVID-19 CASES
IN ONE DAY.
IN UTAH, I.C.U.s ARE NEARING
CAPACITY.
FRONTLINE WORKERS FROM NEW YORK,
ONCE THE EPICENTER OF THE VIRUS,
ARE NOW HEADING THERE TO HELP.
IN IOWA, THE STRAIN ON STATE HOSPITALS LED GOVERNOR KIM
REYNOLDS TO ORDER A NEW MASK
MANDATE AND NEARLY ALL INDOOR
SPACES, AND A BAN ON INDOOR
GATHERINGS OF MORE THAN 15
PEOPLE AFTER MONTHS OF RESISTING
CALLS TO DO SO.
IF IOWANS DON’T BUY INTO
THIS, WE LOSE.
Trevor: YOU KNOW, GUYS, IT’S
AMAZING TO ME THAT WE’RE EIGHT
MONTHS INTO THIS PANDEMIC, AND
WE’RE SOMEHOW GETTING WORSE AT
DEALING WITH IT.
IT MAKES NO SENSE.
IMAGINE IF I STARTED LEARNING
FERENCE TODAY, AND EIGHT MONTHS
AFTER PRACTICING, I DON’T SPEAK
FRENCH.
AND I THINK IT’S A LITTLE INSANE
THAT THESE RESTRICTIONS ARE JUST
NOW HAPPENING.
BECAUSE WE’VE KNOWN THE
IMPORTANCE OF WEARING A MASK FOR
MONTHS, AND SOME STATES ARE JUST
NOW PUTTING A MASK MANDATE INTO
PLACE.
ONLY NOW?
THIS IS LIKE HOSTING A POOL
PARTY, AND THEN IN THE LAST TEN
MINUTES SAYING "OKAY, NEW RULE:
NO SHITTING IN THE POOL."
YEAH!
LOOKING AT YOU, DAVID!"
I MEAN, BETTER LATE THAN NEVER,
BUT THAT’S SOME SHIT FLOATING
AROUND.
BUT THIS IS WHY IT IS SO
IMPORTANT TO ALWAYS WEAR A MASK
IN PUBLIC SPACES.
YOU CAN PROTECT YOUR LOVED ONES
AND YOUR WHOLE COMMUNITY WITH A
$3 STRIP OF FABRIC, PEOPLE.
YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE.
AND MAYBE YOU’RE SAYING, "BUT
TREVOR, I’M A RICH SNOB.
I WOULD NEVER WEAR SOMETHING
THAT ONLY COSTS $3."
WELL, NOW YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE,
EITHER.
WHO SAYS STAYING SAFE CAN’T
ALSO BE A FASHION STATEMENT?
THE WORLD’S MOST EXPENSIVE
FACE MASK NOW MAKING ITS DEBUT.
THE $1.5 MILLION MASK WAS
CREATED BY AN ISRAELI JEWELRY
COMPANY.
HEY, THE HOLIDAYS ARE COMING.
IT FEATURES MORE THAN 3,600
BLACK AND WHITE DIAMONDS SET IN
250 GRAMS OF PURE 18-CARAT GOLD.
THE DESIGNER SAYS IT’S MADE TO
BE 100% WEARABLE.
IT FEATURES A SLOT FOR THE
WEARER TO INSERT A-- YES,
DISPOSABLE N91 MASK, WHICH IS
FINER THAN A N95 MASK.
Trevor: WOW, A $1.5 MILLION
FACE MASK!
RICH PEOPLE-- LEARN HOW TO READ
THE ROOM.
PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD ARE
LIKE, "WE’RE STARVING, AND WE
NEED A MORE EQUAL SOCIETY," AND
THEN RICH PEOPLE ARE LIKE, "IS
THERE ANY WAY I CAN BREATHE
THROUGH DIAMONDS?"
I’M JUST SAYING, MAYBE LAY LOW
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
HONESTLY, GUYS, WHERE ARE YOU
EVEN GOING TO WEAR THIS THING, A
FANCY PARTY?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO WEAR A
DIAMOND MASK?
YOU’RE NOT GOING TO WEAR IT IN
THE STREET.
YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE
PARTIES DURING CORONA!
YOU’RE GONNA END UP WEARING THIS
AROUND THE HOUSE, JUST SHOWING
IT OFF TO YOUR CAT.
"SO... MR. WHISKERS.
IMPRESSED?"
( CAT MEOWS )
NO, YOU GO BACK WHERE YOU CAME
FROM!
OF COURSE, MASKS AREN’T THE ONLY
IMPORTANT THING NEEDED TO SLOW
THE SPREAD OF CORONAVIRUS.
WE ALSO HAVE TO KEEP UP SOCIAL
DISTANCING.
AND RIGHT NOW, THAT MEANS NOT
HAVING BIG FAMILY GET-TOGETHERS
FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
WHICH SUCKS, PLEASE, DON’T GET
ME WRONG.
I GET IT.
BUT DOES IT SUCK MORE THAN
HAVING YOUR LOVED ONES DIE OF
COVID?
WELL, ACCORDING TO THE TRUMP
ADMINISTRATION, YES, IT DOES.
DR. SCOTT ATLAS, WHO IS ONE
OF THE PRESIDENT’S SOURCES AS IT
RELATES TO THE PANDEMIC, AND HE
HAS NOW COME OUT AND IS TALKING
ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE SHOULD BE
DOING AS THEY HEAD INTO
THANKSGIVING WITH SO MUCH
ATTENTION ON THE HOLIDAY RIGHT
NOW.
THIS KIND OF ISOLATION IS ONE
OF THE UNSPOKEN TRAGEDIES OF THE
ELDERLY, WHO ARE NOW BEING TOLD,
"DON’T SEE YOUR FAMILY AT
THANKSGIVING."
FOR MANY PEOPLE, THIS IS THEIR
FINAL THANKSGIVING, BELIEVE IT
OR NOT.
WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?
I THINK WE HAVE TO HAVE A
POLICY, WHICH I HAVE BEEN
ADVOCATING, WHICH IS A WHOLE-
PERSON, WHOLE-HEALTH POLICY.
Trevor: NO, MAN, THIS DUDE IS
NOT SERIOUS.
"FOR MANY PEOPLE THIS IS THEIR
FINAL THANKSGIVING"?
REALLY?
I MEAN, YES, THANKS TO THE TRUMP
ADMINISTRATION, IT’S DEFINITELY
GOING TO BE MANY PEOPLE’S FINAL
THANKSGIVING, BUT STILL...
AND I LOVE THAT WHOLE "WHOLE
PERSON" HEALTH POLICY.
IF YOU DIE OF COVID, THAT’S THE
WHOLE THING!
IT’S NOT LIKE YOU’RE GOING TO
SAY, "WELL, I DIED OF COVID,
BUT, DAMN, THOSE MASHED POTATOES
WERE GREAT!"
LOOK, I DO THINK IT’S IMPORTANT
FOR PEOPLE TO SEE THEIR
FAMILIES, ESPECIALLY AROUND
THANKSGIVING.
PEOPLE LOOK FORWARD TO IT.
BUT I ALSO THINK IT’S MORE
IMPORTANT TO BE ABLE TO SEE YOUR
FAMILY FOR THE NEXT 10
THANKSGIVINGS THEY’LL HOPEFULLY
GET TO HAVE AFTER IT.
IT’S NOT LIKE AMERICANS AREN’T
USED TO THE IDEA OF NOT GOING
HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS BECAUSE
THEY HAVE TO KEEP THE COUNTRY
SAFE.
AMERICAN GENERALS IN WORLD WAR
II WEREN’T LIKE, "SURE, BEATING
HITLER IS IMPORTANT, BUT WHAT’S
THE POINT OF FREEDOM IF WE HAVE
TO MISS CRANBERRY SAUCE FOR ONE
YEAR?
LET’S GO HOME, SOLDIERS!"
AND IT’S SO HILARIOUS THAT
CONSERVATIVES HAVE ENDED UP
HERE BECAUSE WHEN THIS PANDEMIC
STARTED-- REMEMBER-- THEY SAID
"WE DON’T HAVE TO SHUT DOWN THE
ECONOMY.
JUST BE SAFE AND RESPONSIBLE."
THEN THEY WERE LIKE, "WE DON’T
HAVE TO WEAR MASKS.
JUST PROTECT THE ELDERLY."
NOW THEY’RE LIKE, "YOU KNOW
WHAT, BRING THE ELDERLY IN HERE.
I CAN’T FIT ALL THESE LEFTOVERS
IN MY FRIDGE, OKAY.
GET IN HERE?
IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.
IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE WHY
TRUMP IS WILLING TO RISK OLD
PEOPLE BEING EXPOSED SO MUCH TO
CORONA THIS MUCH.
UNLESS HE THINKS THAT IT WILL
END UP MAKING HIM LOOK GOOD IN
THE LONG RUN, BECAUSE YOU WON’T
HAVE OLD PEOPLE DYING IF ALL THE
OLD PEOPLE ARE ALREADY DEAD.
WE’RE GOING TO TAKE A QUICK
BREAK, BUT WHEN WE COME BACK,
DONALD TRUMP’S LAST-DITCH PLAN
TO WIN THE ELECTION WHICH HE
LOST.
AND AFTER THAT, MY CAN’T-MISS
INTERVIEW WITH KEVIN HART. STICK AROUND.
DAILY SOCIAL DISTANCING SHOW."
IT HAS NOW BEEN 10 DAYS SINCE
JOE BIDEN WAS DECLARED THE
WINNER OF THE 2020 PRESIDENTIAL
ELECTION, BUT OUTGOING
PRESIDENT, DONALD JIGGLYPUFF
TRUMP, IS STILL LOOKING FOR WAYS
TO OVERTURN THE RESULTS.
RECOUNTS HAVEN’T WORKED.
LEGAL CHALLENGES HAVEN’T WORKED.
HE EVEN TRIED SIGNING AN
EXECUTIVE ORDER THAT NOVEMBER
3rd WAS OPPOSITE DAY, BUT THAT
SOMEHOW DIDN’T WORK.
BUT IT TURNS OUT THERE IS ONE
MORE THING THAT TRUMP COULD TRY.
COULD FAITHLESS ELECTORS SAVE
PRESIDENT TRUMP’S RE-ELECTION?
SOME REPUBLICANS TRYING TO
GET FAITHLESS LEGISLATORS TO
VOTE AGAINST THE WILL OF THE
PEOPLE.
PRESIDENT TRUMP’S ALLIES AND
HIS FAMILY TODAY URGED
REPUBLICAN STATE LEGISLATURES TO
IGNORE THE WILL OF VOTERS IN
THEIR STATES AND TO INSTALL
ELECTORS THAT WILL CAST
ELECTORAL VOTES FOR PRESIDENT
TRUMP.
Trevor: YEAH, EVEN THOUGH
TRUMP LOST THE ELECTION, SOME OF
HIS PEOPLE ARE HOPING HE CAN
PULL OUT A WIN BY USING
"FAITHLESS ELECTORS."
AND ALTHOUGH FAITHLESS ELECTORS
SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF YOUR
AUNTIE’S GROWN-UP NOVELS,
THEY’RE NOT.
AND, LOOK, PLEASE DON’T GET ME
WRONG.
THIS WOULD BE A LOOOONG SHOT.
IT’S ABOUT AS LIKELY AS MITCH
McCONNELL BEING ON THE COVER
OF "MEN’S HEALTH."
BUT, THEORETICALLY, FAITHLESS
ELECTORS COULD GIVE TRUMP THE
PRESIDENCY.
SO THE QUESTION IS: WHO ARE
THEY?
WHAT ARE THEY?
AND HOW COULD THEY BE USED TO
OVERTURN THE ELECTION?
LET’S FIND OUT, IN ANOTHER
INSTALLMENT OF "IF YOU DON’T
KNOW, NOW YOU KNOW." ♪ ♪ ♪
WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE KID, YOU
PROBABLY BELIEVED THAT PEOPLE
VOTE FOR PRESIDENT, AND WHOEVER
GETS THE MOST VOTES WINS, YEAH.
SIMPLE CHILD MIND.
THE SAME WAY YOU BELIEVED THAT
YOUR YOUNGER BROTHER WAS BROUGHT
BY THE STORK.
BUT ONCE YOU GOT OLDER, YOU
LEARNED THAT ACTUALLY YOUR MOM
AND DAD WERE RIDING THE F-TRAIN
TO BONE TOWN, BECAUSE BONE TOWN
IS WHERE THE STORK LIVES, AND
THAT’S HOW THEY GOT YOUR
BROTHER.
AND IN THE SAME WAY, THE SYSTEM
FOR ELECTING A PRESIDENT IS MORE
COMPLEX THAN JUST "ONE-PERSON,
ONE-VOTE," BECAUSE AMERICA’S
FOUNDING FATHERS WANTED TO COME
UP WITH SOMETHING THAT WOULD
PREVENT THEIR BIGGEST FEAR: THE
PEOPLE CHOOSING SOMEONE
TERRIBLE.
THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE IS A
SORT OF GLUED-TOGETHER SOLUTION
TO A PROBLEM THAT THE
CONSTITUTIONAL CONVENTION
COULDN’T SOLVE.
THEY SAID, SHOULD THE
CONGRESS ELECT THE PRESIDENT?
NO, IF THEY DO THAT THEN THAT
CONGRESS WILL OWN THE
PRESIDENCY.
ANOTHER OPTION WAS TO HAVE
THE PEOPLE SELECT THEIR LEADER,
BUT AT THE TIME, THEY THOUGHT
THE COUNTRY WAS TOO LARGE AND
THE PEOPLE NOT INFORMED ENOUGH
TO MAKE THAT CHOICE.
AND ONE OF THE ODD
COMPROMISES THAT THEY CAME UP
WITH WAS ACTUALLY USING THIS SET
OF POLITICAL ELITES TO DO THE
ACTUAL VOTING FOR PRESIDENT, BUT
STILL PROVIDING A MECHANISM TO
SELECT THOSE ELECTORS.
THEY THOUGHT BY CREATING THIS
WISE GROUP OF ELITES, THESE
ELECTORS COULD FILTER POPULAR
PASSIONS.
THEY WERE AFRAID OF A DEMAGOGUE
BEING CHOSEN.
THEY MISTRUSTED DIRECT
DEMOCRACY.
ALEXANDER HAMILTON WROTE THAT
THE GOAL WAS TO ENSURE THAT,
"THE OFFICE OF PRESIDENT WILL
NEVER FALL TO THE LOT OF ANY MAN
WHO IS NOT IN AN EMMINENT DEGREE
ENDOWED WITH THE REQUISITE
QUALIFICATIONS. Trevor: THAT’S RIGHT.
ACCORDING TO ALEXANDER HAMILTON:
THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT
WILL NEVER FALL
♪ TO THE LOT OF ANY MAN
WHO IS NOT IN AN IMMINENT DEGREE
ENDOWED ♪
DAMN-- I SHOULD MAKE A MUSICAL
OUT OF THIS!
BUT THE POINT IS AMERICANS DON’T
VOTE FOR THE PRESIDENT.
AMERICANS VOTE FOR A SLATE OF
ELECTORS WHO WILL THEN GO AND
VOTE FOR THE PRESIDENT.
IN MANY BASIS, IT’S THE SAME WAY
THAT AMERICAN HIGH SCHOOL KIDS
DON’T BUY THE BEER.
THEY GIVE THE HOMELESS MAN
MONEY, AND THEN HE GOES TO BUY
THE BEER ON THEIR BEHALF.
THAT WAY IT’S MORE RESPONSIBLE.
IT’S AMAZING HOW IF YOU READ
INTO IT, THE FOUNDING FATHERS
REALLY THOUGHT EVERYONE IN THE
COUNTRY WAS SUPER DUMB.
BECAUSE EVERYONE TALKS ABOUT
THEY WANTED TO BUILD A NEW,
PERFECT SOCIETY, WHEN REALLY THEY WERE BASICALLY INSTALLING
CHILDPROOFING TO KEEP THE
COUNTRY SAFE AND STOP PEOPOLE
FROM EATING SAND.
NOW, THIS WHOLE IDEA OF ELECTORS
BEING SMARTER THAN THE MASSES
FELL BY THE WAYSIDE PRETTY
QUICKLY.
AND ONE OF THEIR MAIN REASONS
FOR DOING THIS WAS BECAUSE THEY
THOUGHT A LOT OF AMERICANS
WOULDN’T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT THE
CANDIDATES TO VOTE FOR THEM.
BUT THAT WAS HUNDREDS OF YEARS
AGO WHEN INFORMATION WAS HARDER
TO COME BY.
YOU ONLY FOUND OUT NEWS WHEN
SOMEONE DELIVERED IT BY HORSE.
BUT NOW, WE GOT THE INTERNET
PEOPLE.
PEOPLE ARE SUPER INFORMED.
AMERICAN VOTERS KNOW ALL ABOUT
HOW...
HUNTER BIDEN MOVED TO RUSSIA AND
SOLD HIS LAPTOP TO RUDY GIULIANI
FOR DRUGS, AND HOW HILLARY
CLINTON IS IN A PEDOPHILE RING
THAT WANTS TO DRINK THE BLOOD OF
CHILDREN, AND I KNOW MELANIA HAS
A BODY DOUBLE WHO’S HAVING AN
AFFAIR WITH GARY BUSEY?
ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
MAYBE WE SHOULD GO BACK TO THE
HORSE.
I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THIS INTERNET
THING.
BUT THE POINT IS, TODAY IT’S
UNDERSTOOD THAT A STATE’S
ELECTORS WILL VOTE FOR THE
CANDIDATE WHO WON THEIR STATE’S
POPULAR VOTE.
THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT’S JUST
AN UNDERSTANDING, NOT AN ACTUAL
LAW.
ACCORDING TO THE NATIONAL
ARCHIVES, THERE IS NO
CONSTITUTIONAL PROVISION OR
FEDERAL LAW THAT REQUIRES
ELECTORS TO VOTE ACCORDING TO
THEIR RESULTS OF THE POPULAR
VOTE IN THEIR STATE.
THOSE WHO DON’T FOLLOW THE
WISH, THE WILL OF THE
ELECTORATE, THEY’RE CALLED
FAITHLESS ELECTORS.
IN 2016, FOUR OF THE 12
ELECTORS IN WASHINGTON CHOSE NOT
TO VOTE FOR HILLARY CLINTON,
DESPITE CLINTON WINNING THE
POPULAR VOTE IN THE STATE.
INSTEAD, THREE VOTED FOR
COLIN POWELL AND ONE VOTED FOR
THE NATIVE ACTIVIST FAITH
SPOTTED EAGLE.
IT ISN’T A NEW CONCEPT.
ACCORDING TO "FAIR VOTE," THERE
HAVE BEEN 167 FAITHLESS ELECTORS
SINCE THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE WAS
FOUNDED.
43% CHANGED THEIR VOTE BECAUSE
THE CANDIDATE THEY WERE SUPPOSED
TO VOTE FOR DIED BEFORE THE
ELECTORAL COLLEGE COULD VOTE.
40% CHOSE TO VOTE FOR THE
CANDIDATE THEY WANTED RATHER
THAN MATCHING THE POPULAR VOTE.
17% EITHER DIDNT VOTE OR CAST AN
ABNORMAL BALLOT.
IN THE 2004 ELECTION, RATHER
THAN CASTING THEIR VOTE FOR JOHN
KERRY, THE UNKNOWN ELECTOR CAST
THEIR VOTE FOR KERRY’S V.P.,
JOHN EDWARDS, AND ALSO
MISSPELLED EDWARD’S NAME AS
"EWARDS."
Trevor: wow.
SO THE FOUNDERS JUST LET
LEGISLATORS DO WHATEVER THEY
WANT.
THEY CAN CHOOSE SOMEONE THE
PEOPLE DIDN’T VOTE FOR.
THEY CAN VOTE FOR A THIRD PARTY.
THEN CAN EVEN JUST VOTE FOR A
TYPO!
I CAN’T BELIEVE WHAT A GIANT
FLAW IN THE AMERICAN ELECTORAL
SYSTEM THIS IS.
IT’S LIKE FINDING OUT THEY KEEP
A KEY TO FORT KNOX UNDER THE
DOORMAT.
AND JUST, BY THE WAY, I DON’T
KNOW IF WE SHOULD BE HOLDING
VOTERS ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE
CORRECT SPELLING OF NAMES,
I DON’T THINK THAT’S FAIR.
ESPECIALLY IN A COUNTRY THAT’S
GOT A HUNDRED DIFFERENT WAYS TO
SPELL "ALLISON."
HOW DO YOU HAVE FOUR "L"s IN
YOUR NAME, ALISON.
NOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE DO REALIZE
THAT THIS SYSTEM IS A PROBLEM.
IN FACT, STATES WERE RECENTLY
GIVEN THE POWER TO REQUIRE
ELECTORS TO FOLLOW THE WILL OF
THE PEOPLE.
UNFORTUNATELY, VERY FEW OF THEM
ACTUALLY DO.
IN THE PAST TERM, THE SUPREME
COURT UPHELD THE RIGHT OF THE
STATES TO INSIST THAT ELECTORS
VOTE FOR THE PERSON WHO WON THE
POPULAR VOTE, BUT HERE’S THE
DEAL: ONLY 14 OF THOSE 50 STATES
ACTUALLY HAVE THAT LEGAL
REQUIREMENT.
IN THOSE 14 STATES, IF A
FAITHLESS ELECTOR GOES ROGUE,
THE STATE CAN THROW THEM OUT ON
THE STREET AND GET SOMEONE ELSE
IN TO VOTE ACCORDING TO THE
POPULAR VOTE.
BUT IN ALL THE REST OF THE
STATES, IF A FAITHLESS ELECTOR
GOES OFF ON THEIR OWN TOOT,
THERE’S NOTHING THE STATE CAN DO
ABOUT IT EXCEPT FINE THEM.
Trevor: really?
ELECTORS CAN SUBVERT THE WILL OF
THE VOTERS AND UNDERMINE THE
BASIS OF DEMOCRACY, AND THEIR
PUNISHMENT IS THE SAME AS
PARKING IN FRONT OF A FIRE
HYDRANT?
IN FACT, PARKING IN FRONT OF A
HYDRANT IS EVEN WORSE.
YOU DON’T JUST GET A FINE, YOU
GET TOED.
CHARGES SOMEONE $1,000 FOR
GIVING THE PRESIDENCY TO SOMEONE
DOESN’T MEAN THEY WON’T DO IT.
IT JUST MEANS THE BIDDING STARTS
AT $1,000.
TRUMP IS DOWN SO MANY ELECTORS
IT’S UNLIKELY HE CAN GET ENOUGH
TO VOTE FOR HIM.
THE BAD NEWS IS IT’S EASY TO SEE
HOW A FUTURE ELECTION COULD BE
CLOSE ENOUGH THAT THE LOSING
CANDIDATES COULD CONVINCE ENOUGH
ELECTORS TO MAKE THEM THE
WINNING CANDIDATES.
AND IT WOULD BE TOTALLY LEGAL.
SO JUST A WARNING TO ALL THE
STATES OUT THERE: YOU GUYS MIGHT
WANT TO FIRM UP YOUR LAWS ABOUT
FAITHLESS LEGISLATORS, BECAUSE
TRUMP MIGHT NOT SUCCEED THIS
TIME, BUT IT’S ONLY A MATTER OF
TIME BEFORE DON JR. RUNS.
AND GOD HELP US ALL IF THAT
CHILLLESS ( BLEEP ) EVER GETS
INTO THE WHITE HOUSE.
SO THOSE ARE THE ELECTORS AND
THAT’S HOW THEY CAN CHANGE THE
GAME.
AND IF YOU DON’T KNOW, NOW YOU
KNOW.
STICK AROUND, BECAUSE WHEN WE
COME BACK, JORDAN KLEPPER GOES
TO THE MAGA RALLY IN D.C.
AND KEVIN HART TELLS US WHY HE’S
QUITTING EVERYTHING. YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS IT.
THE "THE DAILY SOCIAL DISTANCING
SHOW."
Last Saturday, Washington, D.C.
was the site of the million MAGA
march, which was thousands of
angry, fired up people refusing
to believe the results of the
election.
SO, OF COURSE, WE SENT OUR VERY
OWN JORDAN KLEPPER THERE TO CHAT
WITH THEM.
AND HE FILED THIS VERY TENSE
EDITION OF "JORDAN FINGERS THE
PULSE."
♪ ♪ ♪
TRUMP’S PEOPLE WERE
GATHERING, SO I WENT TO
WASHINGTON, D.C., TO THE
SELF-PROCLAIMED AND SELF-COUNTED
MILLION MAGA MARCH, WHERE MOMS
FOR TRUMP, MAGA DADS, AND FREE
JAZZ INSTRUMENTALISTS FOR
TRUMP...
♪ ♪ ♪
...CONVERGED TO DO WHAT,
EXACTLY?
WE ARE HERE TO CELEBRATE THE
WINNING OF DONALD TRUMP.
YOU’RE FOUR YEARS TOO LATE?
HUH?
YOU’RE FOUR YEARS TOO LATE.
WHAT?
NO, NO, NO.
HE IS-- HE WON THIS TIME.
THIS TIME?
HE WON.
♪ ♪ ♪
NOT THE SIZE OF THE FLAG THAT
MATTERS.
IT’S HOW MANY VOTES YOU GET IN
THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE SYSTEM.
THEY WERE HERE TO CELEBRATE THE
FACT THAT AMERICA IS A RICH,
DIVERSE NATION, WITH SO MANY
DIFFERENT KINDS OF ALLEGED
ELECTION FRAUD.
THERE’S PEOPLE-- THERE’S
PEOPLE THAT’S CHANGING VOTES.
WHO?
PEOPLE-- ACROSS--
WHO?
ACROSS THE UNITED STATES.
WHERE DID YOU HEAR THIS?
ALL OVER.
WE CAN’T IGNORE IT.
WE’RE TALKING ABOUT HAVING DEAD
PEOPLE VOTE, NUMBER ONE.
SHOULD TRUMP HAVE APPEALED
MORE TO THE DEAD PERSON VOTE?
SHOULD HE APPEAL-- WE JUST
NEED FAIRNESS.
TO ME THE BIGGEST FRAUD IS,
UNFORTUNATELY, THE MILLIONS OF
VOTERS THAT VOTED FOR BIDEN THAT
WERE...
BRAINWASHED BY THE MEDIA.
... STAND ON YOUR FLAG?
IT’S A BIG FLAG.
PLEASE DON’T STAND ON IT.
IT’S ALSO NOT AN AMERICAN
FLAG.
THERE ARE STARS AND STRIPES
ON IT, BROTHER.
I JUST APPRECIATE IT IF YOU
DON’T STAND ON IT.
I FEEL LIKE IT’S DONALD TRUMP
OBSECURING-- TO BE HONEST, IF
ANYBODY IS DISRESPECTING THE
FLAG I THINK IT’S THE
10-FOOT-HIGH DONALD TRUMP.
I HAVE AN ANALOGY.
IN THE N.F.L., THERE’S A CLOSE
PLAY.
WHAT DO THEY DO?
THEY REVIEW IT, RIGHT?
SOMETIMES IT TAKES THEM 15
MINUTES.
IT DELAYS THE GAME.
THEY HAVE TO LOOK AT EVERY
TECHNICALITY.
I HAVE AN NATIONAL.
IT’S THE N.F.L., THERE’S A GAME,
THE LIONS VERSUS THE PACKERS,
THE LIONS LOSE, EVERYBODY GOES
HOME.
BUT THE LIONS STAY ON THE FIELD
AND SAY, "WE DIDN’T LOSE."
AND EVERYBODY SAYS, "IF YOU LOOK
AT THE SCORE BOARD" AND THEY DID
UH-UH.
HE DIDN’T LOSE.
HE HAD LESS VOTES.
YOU TAKE CALIFORNIA OUT OF
THE EQUATION AND HE WINS THE
NATIONAL.
IF YOU DISCOUNT CERTAIN
PEOPLE, THE NUMBERS ADD UP IN
YOUR FAVOR.
OKAY.
YOU WANT A FLAG.
STOP THE STEAL, ( BLEEP )
BRO.
THEY STOLE IT BLATANTLY.
WHAT’S THE EVIDENCE?
THE MAIL-IN BALLOTS.
FIRST OF ALL, WE ALL KNOW THE
CORONA WAS TO SEND THE MAIL-IN
BALLOTS OUT ALONG WITH THE
VOTING MACHINES ARE COMPROMISED.
WAIT WARKT, THE CORONA WAS
CREATED TO--
THE DEMOCRATS ARE WORKING
WITH THE COMMUNIST CHINESE TO
PUT BIDEN IN BECAUSE CHINA HAS
BLACKMAIL ON JOE BIDEN.
THAT IS A FACT.
DO YOU HAVE THAT ON ANY
T-SHIRTS?
NO.
PEOPLE ARE STEALING OUR
ELECTION.
IT’S OBVIOUS.
THIS IS OUR COUNTRY.
PEOPLE ARE STEALING OUR
ELECTION.
HOW ARE THEY STEALING THE
ELECTION?
THEY’RE PUTTING VOTER FRAUD,
IT’S SUSPICIOUS.
HOW ARE THEY PUTTING VOTER
FRAUD.
THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND
SECURITY SAID IT’S THE MOST
SECURE ELECTION.
THAT’S ONE GUY LIKE YOU AND
ME.
THAT’S DONALD TRUMP’S
DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY
SECURITY.
AND BECAUSE ONE PERSON SAYS
SOMETHING THAT’S-- THAT’S
DEFINITELY MEANS WHAT IT IS.
THAT’S THE GOVERNMENT, AND
THE COURTS -- TRUMP LAWYER’S
SAID THERE’S NO FRAUD.
DON’T TRY TO TWIST IT, BABY.
I’VE BEEN IN POLITICS A LONG
TIME.
YOU’RE IN POLITICS.
I AM THE REGIONAL TEA PARTY
CHAIRMAN.
YOU’RE THE TEA PARTY.
I’M THE TEA PARTY, BABY.
I’M THE REGIONAL TEA PARTY
LEADER IN THE PITTSBURGH REGION.
WE ARE PATRIOTS!
YOU’RE YELLING AT ME TO FIND
A SAFE SPACE AND YOU ELEVATED
YOURSELF A MEGAPHONE AND YOU
HAVE A SHIELD.
THEY WERE HAVING TROUBLE FACING
REALITY AT HAND, THOUGH THERE
WERE OCCASIONAL SIGNS OF
PROGRESS.
SOMETHING FITTING ABOUT A U-HAUL
TRUCK HERE.
YET, NO ONE SEEMS TO ACKNOWLEDGE
TRUMP’S LEGAL DEFENSE IS
CRUMBLING.
DID DOESN’T MATTER, THOUGH.
FOR SOME OF THESE GUYS, THE
BATTLE NEVER ENDS.
THAT’S TRUMP ON THE
CONFEDERATE FLAG.
THAT’S THE CONFEDERATE FLAG,
YEAH!
SEE THAT, CNN!
SEE THAT!
DIXIE STILL LIVES!
BUD BUDDY, YOU DON’T KNOW HOW
PICK A WINNER.
YOU MIGHT WALZ PUT A JETS HAT
ON.
IF THEY DON’T TRUST THE
NARRATIVE, WHICH THE REST OF THE
WORLD HAS SEEN, WHAT DO THEY
TRUST?
I TRUST TRUMP AND WHAT HE
SAYS AND WHAT HE KNOWS.
I DON’T TRUST THE MEDIA THAT
MUCH.
THE ONLY PERSON YOU BELIEVE
IS DONALD TRUMP HIMSELF.
THAT’S NOT THE ONLY PERSON I
KNOW.
HOELSE DO YOU BELIEVE?
ULTIMATELY I BELIEVE JESUS IS
KING AND THE BIBLE.
THAT’S TWO, JESUS AND TRUMP.
I TRUST A LOT OF PEOPLE, MY
FRIENDS, MY FAMILY, TUCKER
CARLSON.
TUCKER CARLSON, JESUS, AND
DONALD TRUMP.
AND MORE.
I CAN GO ON AND ON.
NO, I THINK I GET THE
PICTURE.
WE USED LIKE FOX.
WE DON’T LIKE FOX.
WE DON’T LIKE MSNBC, WE DON’T
LIKE CBS.
-- WE DON’T LIKE ANY OF THE FAKE
CHANNELS BECAUSE THEY LOVE ALL
THE TIME.
WHAT ABOUT FOX?
HANNITY, AND TUCKER.
JUST TWO HOURS OF FOX NEWS,
AND OTHERWISE IT’S A BOYCOTT. ABSOLUTELY.
EVEN FOX WASN’T WELCOMAL THIS
MAGA-PA-LOSA.
ANTIFA!
SIGNALING THE END OF AN ERA
COMPLETE WITH ACTUAL KNIFE
VIOLENCE.
ARE YOU GUYS THE LIBERAL
MEDIA?
I HAVE ONE WORD FOR YOU.
YOU ARE CONTROLLED BY THE DEEP
STATE--
THAT’S FOUR, FIVE, SIX WORDS,
10 WORDS.
( BLEEP ) YOU.
THAT’S EVEN TWO, THAT ONE IS
EVEN TRUE.
FAKE NEWS!
( BLEEP ).
AND I HAVE ONE WORD FOR YOU
FAKE NEWS-- ( BLEEP ) YOU.
THE SILENT MAJORITY I?
TWO WORDS, THAT’S TWO WORDS.
( BLEEP ) YOU!
CAN NO ONE IN THE MAGA WORLD
COUNT?
Trevor: thank you so much
for that Jordan.
I’M GLAD YOU WERE ABLE TO MAKE
NEW FRIENDS.
ALL RIGHT, STICK AROUND, BECAUSE
WHEN WE COME BACK, KEVIN HART IS
GOING TO BE JOINING US ON THE
SHOW AND IT’S GOING TO BE A
BLAST. YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS IT.
Show."
MY GUEST TONIGHT IS THE KEVIN
HART.
HE JOINED ME ON THE SHOW TO TALK
ABOUT THE ACCIDENT THAT CHANGED
HIS LIFE, AND HIS LATEST NETFLIX
COMEDY SPECIAL CALLED "ZERO
( BLEEP ) GIVEN."
MY WIFE TOLD ME THE OTHER
DAY.
SHE SAID, "HONEY, YOUR SEX IS NO
LONGER WHAT IT USED TO BE."
TO MY ( BLEEP ) FACE.
I DON’T MIND BEING HOND WITH YOU
ALL ALL.
TO MY ( BLEEP ) FACE.
TOLD ME MY SEX WAS FALLING OFF.
YOU KNOW WHAT I RESPONSE WAS,
"HAPPENS?
"
THAT’S WHAT I SAID.
"HAPPENS."
I DON’T GIVE A SHIT.
I’M ( BLEEP ) 41.
I DON’T HAVE TIME TO BE
( BLEEP ) ALL DAY.
I’M TIRED!
I DON’T BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN BE
SUCCESSFUL AND HAVE GOOD DICK.
I SAID IT.
THAT’S HOW I FEEL.
Trevor: Kevin hart,
welcome to "The Daily Social
Distancing Show."
NICE, NICE.
I LIKE IT.
I LIKE THE CREATIVE BEHIND IT.
I LIKE THE WHOLE SOCIAL
DISTANCING THING BUT STILL
KEEPING IT GOING.
I LIKE IT, TREV.
I LIKE WHAT YOU’RE DOING.
( LAUGHS )
Trevor: man, you know
what’s crazy about you is you
haven’t changed.
A LOT OF PEOPLE DON’T KNOW THIS,
SOME OF THE DYE HARD FANS OF THE
SHOW WOULD, BUT YOU WERE THE
FIRST GUEST EVER ON "THE DAILY
SHOW WITH TREVOR NOAH."
A LOT OF PEOPLE DIDN’T WANT TO
COME ON THE SHOW.
KEVIN HART WAS LIKE, I’LL STICK
MY NECK OUT.
IT WAS A SMALL NECK, BUT YOU DID
IT AND I APPRECIATE THAT.
YOU ARE A COMEDIAN.
YOU ARE A FELLOW COMIC AND I
LIKED THE FACT THAT YOU WERE A
COMIC COMING FROM ACROSS THE
WATER AND EMBRACING AN
OPPORTUNITY HERE IN THE STATES.
I THOUGHT IT WAS DOPE.
I THOUGHT YOUR STFERS DOPE.
AND IT WAS MORE ABOUT SUPPORTING
YOU AND THAT PLATFORM.
Trevor: I was shocked you
said yes because you were
already Kevin hart the
superstar.
YOU ARE TRULY, IN MY OPINION,
THE MOST BANKABLE STAR IN
HOLLYWOOD.
I WATCHED MOVIES WHERE YOU GAVE
CAMEO APPEARANCES AND GAVE 300%.
I SAW YOU ON STAGE IN COMEDY
CLUBS WHERE NOBODY KNEW YOUR
NAME BUT YOU GAVE 500%.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEXT, COMING
OUT WITH A KEVIN HART VACCINE
FOR THE PANDEMIC?
NO, NO VACCINE IS ON THE WAY
OR UNDERWAY.
RIGHT NOW, MAN, IT’S CRAZY
BECAUSE WE-- WE WERE IN THIS--
THIS THING, THIS CRAZY MOMENT,
AND I FOUND MYSELF SITTING WITH,
LIKE, YOU KNOW, NOTHING TO DO
FOR ONE OF THE FIRST TIMES IN MY
CAREER.
WHEN WE WERE SHUT DOWN, THERE
WAS LITERALLY NOTHING.
AND I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF HAVING
THAT TIME, OF COURSE, SPENDING
IT WITH MY FAMILY, CHILLING.
AND I DECIDED TO PUT THE PEN TO
THE PAD AND COME UP WITH A NEW
SET.
I ENDED UP TAPING A SET DURING A
PANDEMIC.
AND NOW IT’S ABOUT TO RELEASE.
SO I THINK THAT’S THE THING I’M
LOOKING MOST FORWARD TO, SEEING
PEOPLE’S REACTION TO THIS
VERSION OF ME IN STAND-UP
COMEDY.
I LIKE TO CALL IT A RAW VERSION
OF MYSELF-- HENCE THE TITLE
"ZERO ( BLEEP ) GIVEN."
Trevor: I feel like
there’s a deeper meaning to this
about "zero ( BLEEP ) given."
ABSOLUTELY.
Trevor: when you were
talking about the accident and
you were talking about the lifep
that Kevin hart is living now,
talk me through some of that.
I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW BECAUSE THE
WHOLE WORLD WENT THROUGH THAT
MOMENT.
KEVIN HART, WE HEARD HIS BACK
MIGHT HAVE BEEN BROKEN, AND WE
DIDN’T KNOW IF HE WAS COMING
BACK.
AND THE NEXT THING WE KNOW YOU
WERE BACK AND BACK ON THE GRIND
AGAIN.
THERE WAS A MOMENT THAT WAS
MISSING.
AND THIS SPECIAL ANSWERS THAT
QUESTION.
WHAT DOES "ZERO ( BLEEP )"
ACTUALLY MEAN?"
WHEN YOU YOU HAVE A MOMENT
LIKE THAT, YOU PUT THINGS IN
PERSPECTIVE DIFFERENTLY, YOU
LOOK AT LIFE DIFFERENTLY.
THE VERSION OF MYSELF
PREACCIDENT WAS A GUY WHO TOOK
THINGS FOR GRANTED.
I EXPECTED THINGS TO B
CERTAIN WAY BECAUSE THAT’S HOW
THEY SEEMED TO BE.
I WAS IN CONTROL.
I, I, I, I USED THAT WORD A LOT.
ZERO ( BLEEP ) GIVEN FOR THE
FIRST TIME IS HE BEING OKAY WITH
BEING MYSELF.
AND NOT EXPLAINING WHY I’M BEING
MYSELF, YOU KNOW.
IN STAND-UP COMEDY I’VE ALWAYS
HAD TO DO IT A CERTAIN WAY AFTER
A CERTAIN LEVEL OF SUCCESS
BECAUSE OF ALL THAT I HAVE AND
ALL THE PEOPLE UNDERNEATH ME
THAT ARE MY PYRAMID, YOU KNOW,
AS A C.E.O., AS A CHAIRMAN OF
MULTIPLE COMPANIES, YOU KNOW,
WHAT I DO AFFECTS SO MANY
OTHERS.
AND I’VE HAD TO WALK A CERTAIN
WAY, WALK ON THE STRAIGHT LINE
AND TRY NOT TO PUT OTHERS’ LIVES
IN JEOPARDY, BASED OFF OF MY
RECKLESS BEHAVIOR AND MISTAKES.
IN THIS ONE, THIS IS ABOUT ME
BEING OKAY WITH-- WITH NOT JUST
MISTAKES BUT ( BLEEP ) VERBAL
FREEDOM.
IT MEANS I’M NOT SAYING THINGS
AND CLOSING MY EYES BECAUSE OF
THE CONSEQUENCES THAT’S GOING TO
COME WITH IT.
Trevor: right, I hear you.
DOING STAND-UP COMEDY, AND
I’M DOING IT BEING OBLIVIOUS OF
OUR CULTURE OF TODAY.
I DIDN’T LET TODAY’S TIMES
AFFECT MY DEVELOPMENT OF THIS
MATERIAL.
AND WHEN I SAY "ZERO ( BLEEP )
GIVEN," IT BASICALLY MEANS,
GUYS, I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE
CONVERSATION OUTSIDE ANYMORE.
I’VE LOST A LITTLE BIT OF
PATIENCE.
AND I DON’T MIND TELLING YOU
WHY.
HERE’S WHY I’M A LITTLE
FLUSTERED.
HERE’S WHY I’M A LITTLE
FRUSTRATED.
HERE’S WHY THERE’S A LITTLE CHIP
ON MY SHOULDER.
HERE’S WHY I AM THE MAN THAT I
AM.
HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED WITH ME,
ESPECIALLY AFTER MY ACCIDENT.
BUT IT’S ME IN A WAY WHERE I
DON’T GIVE A ( BLEEP ) ABOUT HOW
YOU FEEL ABOUT WHAT I’M SAYING.
I’M SAYING IT BECAUSE I WANT TO.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
Trevor: the only concern I
have, though, is Kevin hart is,
how come you’re still driving
those cars?
WHY DO YOU DRIVE CARS WITHOUT AN
AIR BAG?
THAT’S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW.
YOU HAVE SO MUCH MONEY, KEVIN,
WHY WOULD YOU GO BACKWARDS AND
BUY CARS THAT DON’T HAVE AIR
BAGS.
HERE’S WHY: YOU GET ONE LIFE,
TREVOR --
THAT MEANS YOU SHOULD DRIVE A
CAR WITH AN AIR BAG.
THAT LOGIC IS FLAWED.
I’M GOING TO GIVE YOU MY
LOGIC.
AND IF YOU FEEL IT’S FLAWED,
GUESS WHAT, I DON’T GIVE A
( BLEEP ).
THAT’S PART OF THE SPECIAL.
THAT’S PART SPECIAL.
YOU KNOW WHAT, I LOVE OLD CARS.
I LOVE BUILDING CARS.
I LOVE DEVELOPING CARS FROM
BEGINNING, MIDDLE, TO END.
I LOVE MOPAR, I LOVE WHAT IT
MEANS, I LOVE THE MUSCLE AND
IDEA BEHIND IT.
I LOVE HAVING COLLECTORS’ ITEMS.
I LOVE THE FACT THAT SOME OF MY
CARS WILL NEVER BE DRIVEN AND
WILL BE PRICELESS.
THAT’S A HOBBY THAT I HAVE.
AS YOU GET OLDER YOU HAVE TO
FIND MORE THINGS THAT YOU CAN
PUT YOUR ALL INTO, THAT YOU
LOVE, THAT YOU ENJOY.
SO STAND-UP COMEDY IS ONE OF
THOSE THINGS.
Trevor: right.
IT’S ONE OF THOSE THINGS.
BUT AS YOU GET OLD ETHOSE THINGS
TAKE UP A LOT OF YOUR TIME.
AS YOU GET OLDER, YOU WANT TO BE
HOME MORE.
BUT YOU NEED HOBBIES, AND THOSE
HOBBIES AREN’T JUST YOUR WIFE
AND YOUR KIDS.
YOU NEED THINGS THAT OCCUPY YOUR
MENTAL, YOUR CREATIVE THINKING,
YOUR CREATIVE SPACE.
AND FOR ME, THAT’S A WORLD WHERE
I FIND JOY.
I’M NOT GOING TO COMPROMISE MY
HAPPINESS BECAUSE OF THE THOUGHT
OR FEELING FROM OTHERS.
IT MAKES ME HAPPY.
SO --
YOU’RE JUST GOING TO BE A
MECHANIC, KEVIN, IS THAT WHAT
YOU’RE TELLING ME?
HEY, MAN, I’LL BE THE BEST
FATHER AND HUSBAND AND MECHANIC
AND CHILL GUY EVER.
( TREVOR LAUGHING )
I AM NOT-- I AM NOT GOING TO
BE THE ANGRY GUY.
Trevor: okay, okay.
SPEAKING OF BEING-- SPEAKING OF
BEING A GOOD FATHER AND BEING AT
HOME AND EVERYTHING, WHERE ARE
YOU?
IT FEELS LIKE YOU SNUCK INTO AN
ABANDONED BUILDING AND, LIKE,
YOU’RE DOING THIS FROM AN OFFICE
THAT GOT SHUT DOWN BECAUSE OF
COVID.
WHERE ARE YOU?
THIS IS NOT YOUR HOUSE.
YOU HAVE A NICE HOUSE.
WHERE ARE YOU?
I’M IN-- I’M IN TORONTO.
I’M IN A HOUSE-- I’M DOING A
MOVIE.
Trevor: "man from
Toronto."
YOU LOVE MAKING MOVIES.
I DON’T THINK YOU’LL EVER STOP
MAKING MOVIES.
I HAVE A STRONG PASSION FOR
IT, BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND
IT’S A PERSON-TO-PERSON
INTERACTION.
SO LOOK AT WHERE WE ARE TODAY.
YOU KNOW, I’M PRAYING TO GOD
THAT WE RECOVER, BUT I’M DOING A
MOVIE IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS
COVID PANDEMIC.
Trevor: right, right.
WE’VE GOT MASKS.
WE HAVE TO BE SIX FEET APART.
THERE’S SOCIAL DISTANCING.
I’M PRAYING THAT WE GET BACK TO
THE PLACE OF OLD AND GET OUT OF
THIS.
BUT FOR ME, I’M-- I FEED OFF THE
ENERGY.
I FEED OFF POSITIVITY.
THAT’S WHAT THE MOVIE BUSINESS--
THAT’S WHAT IT’S DONE FOR ME.
Trevor: right.
MAKING MOVIES AND SEEING
PEOPLE GO WATCH THE MOVIES, GO
LAUGH AT THOSE MOVIES.
THAT MAKES ME HAPPY.
THAT’S JOY TO ME.
WHEN I CAN’T DO IT AT THE LEVEL
THAT I’VE DONE IT-- AND I’VE
DONE IT AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL--
WELL, THEN IT’S TIME TO START
RETHINK AND I HAVE DIFFERENT
CONVERSATIONS.
NOT THAT WE’RE THERE YET, IT’S
JUST HOW I’M JUST-- IT’S JUST
PERSPECTIVE.
I’M 41.
SO AM I GOING TO BE 45 AND STILL
THE SAME?
IF SO, LET’S KEEP RIDING.
AT 50, IS IT STILL THE SAME?
IF SO, LET’S KEEP RIDING.
BUT IF WE KEEP SLIDING DOWN
THIS-- THIS ROAD OF-- ERRRR--
YOU CAN SEE THE BACK OF MY HEAD
( BLEEP ) Y’ALL, I’M OUT.
I’M OUT.
Trevor: we’re going to
fight to make sure that doesn’t
happen, man.
I LOVE WATCHING YOUR COMEDY.
I LOVE WATCHING YOU.
I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU AS A
HUMAN BEING.
THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME.
THANK YOU FOR SHARING THE
POSITIVITY.
GOOD LUCK WITH THE MOVIE.
DON’T QUIT, DON’T BE A MECHANIC.
BUT IF YOU ARE A MECHANIC, I’M
GOING TO BRING MY CAR TO YOU
BECAUSE YOU’LL HOOK ME UP.
YOU KEEP THAT PIECE OF SHIT.
Trevor: I have an air bag,
Kevin hart.
MY CAR IS IN THE GOING TO SEND
ME TO A HOSPITAL IF I BUMP INTO
A POLE, KEVIN HART.
I HAVE AN AIR BAG.
I HAVE CARS THAT NEED THEM.
Trevor: oh, man--
HENDRIX, KAYORA, KENSO, THE
HART HOUSEHOLD, I LOVE YOU GUYS.
I CAN’T WAIT TO GET BACK HOME
SOON.
DAD IS WORKING HARD ON ANOTHER
MOVIE THAT WILL HOPEFULLY BRING
US BACK TO A PLACE OF OLD AND
BRING US CLOSER TOGETHER AND
MAKE US SMILE.
TREVOR, THAT’S WHAT YOU DO, MAN.
DON’T YOU STOP DOING WHAT YOU
DO.
I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL YOU GET OUT
OF THIS CORNER AND GET BACK IN
THE GODDAMN STUDIO.
Trevor: nobody puts me in
a corner, Kevin hart.
MY DUDE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
THE TIME AND LOOK AFTER
YOURSELF.
DON’T FORGET "ZERO ( BLEEP )
GIVEN" IS NOW STREAMING ON
NETFLIX.
WE’LL TALK A QUICK BREAK BUT WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS.
Trevor: THAT’S OUR SHOW FOR
TONIGHT, BUT BEFORE WE GO:
REMEMBER THANKSGIVING IS COMING
UP, BUT IN THE CORONA ERA,
THERE ARE SENIORS STUCK AT HOME
THAN EVER BEFORE.
ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO DON’T KNOW
WHERE THEIR NEXT MEAL IS COMING
FROM.
BUT MEALS ON WHEELS IS OUT THERE
IN THE STREETS, DELIVERING MEALS
TO ELDERLY AMERICANS EVERY DAY
TO KEEP THEM SAFE AND NOURISHED
IN COMMUNITIES ACROSS THE
COUNTRY.
IF YOU CAN HELP OUT, AND WANT TO
SUPPORT THE WORK THEY DO, PLEASE
DONATE AT THE LINK BELOW.
UNTIL TOMORROW, STAY SAFE OUT
THERE, WEAR A MASK, AND
REMEMBER: IF YOU SPEND $1
MILLION ON A FACE MASK, IT WILL
PROBABLY PROTECT YOU FROM
CORONAVIRUS.
BUT YOU’LL PROBABLY TEST
POSITIVE FOR BEING A DOUCHEBAG.
NOW HERE IT IS, YOUR MOMENT OF
ZEN:
♪ ♪ ♪
PRESIDENT TRUMP’S FOREIGN
POLICY AND NATIONAL SECURITY
RECORD IS COMPARABLE ONLY TO
RONALD REAGAN.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
REAGAN!
RONALD REAGAN THE ACTOR?
YEAH, WAKE US UP WHEN YOU’RE
TALKING ABOUT A REAL PRESIDENT
LIKE GROVER CLEVELAND.
I LIKE THAT GUY.
HAS TRUMP CONCEDED YET? ( BIRDS CHIRPING )