♪ ♪ Announcer: FROM NEW YORK CITY, THE ONLY CITY IN AMERICA, IT'S THE SHOW THAT
INVENTED NEWS. THIS IS "THE DAILY SHOW" WITH YOUR HOST, JOHN LEGUIZAMO! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] John: YO, YO, YO! WHAT'S UP!
WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW." LEGUIZAMO HERE IN THE HOUSE! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT'S MY THIRD NIGHT BEHIND THE DESK AND I'VE BEEN GETTING SOME GREAT FEEDBACK SO FAR. I MEAN, MOSTLY FROM MY MOM.
SO I ASKED HER WHAT SHE THOUGHT OF THE SHOW LAST NIGHT AND SHE WAS LIKE, "I'M SORRY, I FELL ASLEEP AFTER
"WHEEL OF FORTUNE. BUT I'M SURE YOU ARE GREAT, MIJO MIJO." WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT,
SO LET'S GET INTO THE HEADLINES. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] LET'S KICK THINGS OFF WITH SOME SPORTS.
THE NFL HAS ANNOUNCED THAT IT WILL ALLOW ITS PLAYERS TO PUT THE NUMBER ZERO ON THEIR JERSEYS NEXT SEASON FOR THE FIRST TIME
EVER. MEANWHILE, THE JETS ANNOUNCED THAT THEY'LL PUT ZERO ON THE SCOREBOARD FOR THE 40TH SEASON
IN A ROW. HEY! HEY! [APPLAUSE]
SERIOUSLY, I THINK THIS IS A GREAT WAY FOR FOOTBALL PLAYERS TO CELEBRATE THE AMOUNT OF BRAIN CELLS THEY'LL HAVE LEFT
WHEN THEY RETIRE. I KNOW, THAT'S SO [BLEEP] UP. BUT IT'S TRUE! OKAY, LET'S MOVE ON TO SOME
INTERNATIONAL NEWS. OVERSEAS, A DUTCH MAN IS GETTING LEGAL ACTION FOR ALLEGEDLY FATHERING AT LEAST
550 CHILDREN. THE 41-YEAR-OLD IS A SPERM DONOR. HE'S ACCUSED OF LYING ABOUT THE
NUMBER OF KIDS HE'S FATHERED THROUGH SPERM BANKS VIOLATING AGREEMENTS. LIMITS ARE PLACED ON DONORS TO
PROTECT CHILDREN'S HEALTH. IT'S UNCLEAR WHAT LEGAL RAMIFICATIONS HE COULD FACE. John: HOLY SHIT!
HE DONATED ENOUGH SPERM FOR 550 KIDS? GOD DAMN, DUDE, SAVE SOMETHING FOR THE SHOWER, BRO!
WHAT? BUT IN THIS GUY'S DEFENSE, WHEN YOU'RE THIS COOL, YOU HAVE AN OBLIGATION TO PROCREATE.
I MEAN, WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO GET KNOCKED UP BY THIS SPERM? BUT STILL, THOUGH, THIS IS GOING TO MAKE FOR SOME AWKWARD
CONVERSATIONS. "MOMMY, WHAT'S MY BIOLOGICAL FATHER LIKE?" "HONEY, ALL I KNOW ABOUT HIM IS,
HE LOVED TO JACK OFF. NIGHT, NIGHT, HONEY!" LET'S MOVE ON TO WISCONSIN. THEY'RE ABOUT TO HAVE AN
ELECTION FOR THE STATE SUPREME COURT THAT'S HUGELY IMPORTANT, AND NOT JUST THERE, BUT FOR THE WHOLE GODDAMN COUNTRY.
AND IT'S A LITTLE COMPLICATED TO EXPLAIN WHY IN A SHORT TIME, BUT FORTUNATELY, I'M A LATINO NEW YORKER AND I CAN TALK VERY
FAST. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT, I KNOW YOU ARE WITH ME.
I KNOW YOU ARE WITH ME. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT. SO LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU
IN MY NEW SEGMENT: "A NEW YORK MINUTE." HIT THE CLOCK! OKAY, HERE'S WHAT THAT STEAK.
ONE: ABORTION. WHEN ROE VERSUS WADE WAS OVERTURNED, WISCONSIN AUTOMATICALLY WENT TO
STRICT ANTIABORTION LAW FROM 1849. THAT'S SO LONG AGO! YOU KNOW WHAT THE NUMBER ONE
MOVIE WAS IN 1849? NOTHING! THEY WEREN'T INVENTED YET! IF THE LIBERAL WINS, SHE CAN
ABORT THAT LOT! TWO, GERRYMANDERING. REPUBLICANS HAVE PERMANENTLY STROLLED ON THE STATE
LEGISLATURE. A LIBERAL JUDGE COULD FIT THAT SHIT. IT IS MORE TECHNICAL THAN THAT
BUT I DO HAVE TO [BLEEP] TIME TO EXPLAIN IT. THREE, DONALD TRUMP -- [BUZZER]
SHIT! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] JUST VOTE. OKAY?
AND FINALLY, LET'S MOVE ON TO THE MAJOR NEWS ABOUT THE ARREST OF DONALD TRUMP. WHICH IS THAT...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] TRUMP STILL HAS NOT BEEN ARRESTED. BUT DON'T WORRY.
BECAUSE THERE'S STILL 50 OTHER INVESTIGATIONS GOING ON INTO TRUMP, AND ONE OF THEM IS ABOUT TO FEATURE A SURPRISE WITNESS.
IN A MAJOR RULING, A FEDERAL JUDGE HAS ORDERED FORMER VICE PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE TO TESTIFY BEFORE A GRAND JURY
ABOUT FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP. PENCE HAS BEEN ORDERED TO GIVE TESTIMONY IN THE SPECIAL COUNSEL INVESTIGATION OF TRUMP'S
ATTEMPTS TO OVERTURN THE 2020 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION. THE JUDGE RULED PRIVATE EXCHANGES BETWEEN TRUMP AND
PENCE ARE NOT OFF LIMITS. PROSECUTORS ARE FOCUSED ON CONVERSATIONS THE TWO MEN HAD ON JANUARY 6TH AND ALSO IN THE DAYS
LEADING UP TO THE CAPITOL ATTACK. THE CONVERSATIONS BEFORE JANUARY 6TH WHEN DONALD TRUMP
AND MIKE PENCE WERE ON THE PHONE, ONE-ON-ONE, AND DONALD TRUMP APPARENTLY WAS BERATING HIM, CALLING HIM NAMES,
THAT SORT OF THING IN THIS CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION. HE IS GONNA HAVE TO SHARE THAT. John: OH, COME ON, MAN, DON'T
MAKE PENCE SAY ALL THE NAMES THAT TRUMP CALLED HIM! YO, THAT COULD TAKE WEEKS. THESE JURY MEMBERS HAVE
FAMILIES TO GO HOME TO. ALTHOUGH AS A VIEWER, IT'S SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO SEE,
ACTUALLY. "PRESIDENT TRUMP BROUGHT ME INTO HIS OFFICE AND CALLED ME A LITTLE MASHED POTATO BOY,
A JERK-OFF FOR JESUS, A SILVER-HAIRED BABY-BITCH. HE CALLED ME THE WHITE MITT ROMNEY --
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. HE SAID IF I DIDN'T OVERTURN THE ELECTION HE WOULD, UH, HOW
WOULD I PUT THIS: MAKE LOVE TO ME IN THE HOLE WHERE THE POO-POO COMES OUT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NOW FOR MORE ON THIS STORY, WE GO LIVE TO THE COURTHOUSE AND ROY WOOD JR. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ROY, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT PENCE HAVING TO TESTIFY AGAINST TRUMP? I THINK IT IS ABOUT TO BE THE
BRIGHTEST TRIAL OF ALL TIME. YOU GOT MIKE PRINCE, YOU GOT DONALD TRUMP, THIS IS GOING TO BE WHITER THAN THE
GWYNETH PALTROW CASE. AND THAT CASE HAS SNOW, SKIING, AND GWYNETH PALTROW! John: THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
IT SEEMS LIKE PENCE REALLY DOESN'T WANT TO TESTIFY. OF COURSE HE DOESN'T. TRUMP SUPPORTERS ARE GOING TO
TRY TO KILL HIM AGAIN. AND SOME OF THOSE SUPPORTERS ARE WOMEN, SO MIKE PENCE IS DOUBLE SCARED.
ACCORDING TO HIS BELIEFS, IF YOU GET KILLED BY A WOMAN, YOU GO TO SUPER HELL. THEY DON'T EVEN GIVE YOU
BATHROOM BREAKS IN SUPER HELL. John: IT'S ALMOST LIKE AN AMAZON WAREHOUSE.
[AUDIENCE REACTS] THERE IS A WAY OUT FOR MIKE PENCE, THERE IS A WAY FOR DONALD TRUMP, BUT NEITHER ONE
ARE GOING TO LIKE IT. IF PENCE DOESN'T WANT TO TESTIFY AGAINST TRUMP, THEN TRUMP AND PENCE GOT TO GET MARRIED.
John: WEIGHT? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WHAT? WAIT, WAIT, WAIT UP.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MARRIED? I'M TALKING ABOUT THE LAW, JOHN!
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TESTIFY ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE. I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, I WATCH ALL THE "LAW & ORDER"S,
EVEN THE BAD SPIN-OFFS. John: OKAY, OKAY, BUT STILL, HOW CAN THEY BE MARRIED? THEY HATE EACH OTHER!
ALL MARRIED PEOPLE HATE EACH OTHER. IT'S NOT LIKE HATING YOUR SPOUSE WOULD BE A BIG ADJUSTMENT FOR
TRUMP. MELANIA WOULD LOCK HIM DOWN THE AISLE HIMSELF. "WHO PRESENTS HIS MEN FOR
MARRIAGE? ME DO, MELANIA." AND ALSO, LET'S JUST BE REAL ABOUT THIS, JOHN, TRUMP AND
PENCE GET MARRIED, THEY MIGHT JUST END UP HITTING IT OFF. MAYBE THEY FALL IN LOVE, MAYBE THE ADOPT A CHILD TOGETHER.
THE KID GROWS UP TO BE THE WHITEST KID HISTORY. A KID SO WHITE HE CAN GENTRIFY A BUILDING JUST BY TOUCHING IT.
I'M TALKING ABOUT SUPER WHITE. I'M TALKING ABOUT A KID SO WHITE THAT HE DOESN'T EVEN GO TO COACHELLA,
HE JUST SUMMONS COACHELLA AROUND HIM. John: FOCUS, FOCUS, PLEASE, MY BROTHER.
SORRY, MAN, I'M SORRY, IT IS ALSO WHITE. ALL THESE WHITE ASS KIDS. I GOT TO GO, I NEED TO DO
SOMETHING BLACK JUST TO REBALANCE MYSELF. HEY! CAN SOMEONE DENY ME A BANK LOAN!
HOW ARE YOU DOING, SIR? HEY! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] John: THANK YOU, ROY!
ROY WOOD JR., EVERYBODY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT, WHEN WE COME BACK, I'M GONNA HIT THE STREETS OF
NEW YORK CITY. SO DON'T GO AWAY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
John: WELCOME BACK TO "THE DAILY SHOW." YOU KNOW, ONE THING I LOVE DOING
IS EDUCATING PEOPLE ABOUT NEW YORK'S LATINO CULTURE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THAT'S RIGHT.
SO I WENT ON THE STREET TO DO JUST THAT. BUT THINGS DIDN'T GO QUITE AS I PLANNED.
YO, YO, WHAT'S UP? I'M OUT HERE ON THE STREETS OF NEW YORK CITY AND I'M DOING A LATINX IQ TEST.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME? I'M KENDALL. John: WHERE YOU FROM? HERE'S A SIMPLE LATINX IQ TEST.
CAN YOU POINT WHERE THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC IS? DOWN HERE? John: SORRY!
YOU DON'T KNOW. NEXT? WHAT IS YOUR NAME? D.J.
John: WHERE YOU FROM? THE BRONX. John: HERE IS A SIMPLE LATINX IQ TEST.
CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE PUERTO RICO IS THAT? PUERTO RICO. John: YEP.
SOMEWHERE ON THIS MAP. John: THAT'S A GOOD START. WHAT IS YOUR NAME? WHERE YOU FROM?
NEW YORK CITY. John: CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE THAT I MAKE INTERPUBLIC'S -- ARE YOU JOHN LEGUIZAMO?
DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS? IT IS JOHN LEGUIZAMO. HE DID THE BOYS HAVE SAID IN "ICE AGE."
YOU LOVE THOSE MOVIES. CAN YOU DO THAT VOICE, PLEASE? John: I WOULD LOVE TO BUT
I -- John: I WANT TO HEAR SID. John: I APPRECIATE YOU, THANKS FOR BEING FANS.
CAN YOU POINT WHERE THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC IS? John: WHAT IS YOUR NAME? WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
LONDON. John: CAN YOU TELL ME, WHERE IS HAITI AND THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC?
OH, HAITI, RIGHT? John: THAT'S A GOOD START. [BUZZER] THIS WILL BE A SIMPLE LATINX IQ
TEST. CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE GUATEMALA IS? GUATEMALA.
MY FATHER LIVES IN BELIZE. IT IS IN CENTRAL AMERICA. AND GUATEMALA IS... THERE!
John: YES! WHAT IS YOUR NAME? WHERE ARE YOU FROM? MIDTOWN.
John: MIDTOWN, NICE. CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE PUERTO RICO IS? YEAH.
[BUZZER] John: YOU THINK THAT MEXICO IS PUERTO RICO? GOT TO BE SERIOUS.
HEY, DO THE VOICE? John: WHERE IS YOUR MOM AT? DON'T WORRY ABOUT HER, DO THE VOICE.
DO THAT VOICE. DO SID. John: GUYS, GUYS, EASE UP. IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING.
HEY, EVERYONE, THIS IS SID! HE IS THE VOICE OF SID! DU! VOICE!
John: I'M NOT DOING THE VOICE, OKAY? CAN YOU JUST LEAVE US ALONE? ♪ ♪
[SCREAMS] ♪ ♪ DO IT! DO IT!
John: THINK GOD, OFFICER, THESE KIDS, THEY ARE TRYING TO ATTACK ME. THEY WANT YOU TO DO THIS SID
VOICE. PLEASE, HELP ME! COME ON, KIDS. ♪ ♪
J John: OH, SHIT. THESE KIDS. John: HELL, YEAH. ALL RIGHT, KIDS, BREAK IT UP,
LEAVE JOHN LEGUIZAMO ALONE. GET HIM! HEY, HEY, HEY! HEY!
[COUGHS] John: NO, NO, NO. PLEASE! DON'T HURT ME!
DO THEIR VOICE, MR. LEGUIZAM. JUST GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT WANT. ♪ ♪
John: OKAY. OKAY. I CAN DO THE VOICE. "HEY, KIDS, I'M SID NO SLOTH.
I HELP AN ASTEROID DOESN'T HIT US! YEAH! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANKS, MR.! John: THANK YOU. NOW DO BRUNO. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
John: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! STAY TUNED BECAUSE WHEN WE COME BACK, PRINCESS NOKIA WILL BE JOINING ME ON THE SHOW.
SO DON'T GO AWAY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> John: WELCOME BACK TO
"THE DAILY SHOW."
MY GUEST TONIGHT IS THE QUEEN OF
THE NEW YORK UNDERGROUND.
A RAPPER, SONGWRITER, AND ACTOR.
HER NEW EP IS CALLED
"I LOVE YOU BUT THIS IS
GOODBYE."
PLEASE WELCOME PRINCESS NOKIA!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
SIT DOWN, PLEASE!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
LOOK AT THAT RECEPTION!
THEY LOVE YOU!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YEAH!
NOW YOU ARE A MULTIHYPHENATE, A
SINGER, ACTOR, PRODUCER,
DIRECTOR.
>> BULLSHITTER.
>> John: ISN’T THE IDEA OF
BEING VERY SUCCESSFUL TO HAVE TO
WORK LESS?
>> YES.
SOME WOULD SAY, WORKING HARDER
NOT SMARTER.
I AM A MULTIHYPHENATE, I HAVE
DONE SO MANY THINGS, MUSICIAN,
ACTRESS, COMEDIAN, DIRECTOR,
SONGWRITER.
>> John: WHAT DRIVES ALL THAT?
>> CREATIVITY.
THE NEED TO WANT TO EXPRESS
MYSELF, TAKING BOREDOM AND
THEY SAY IDLENESS IS THE DEVIL’S
PLAYGROUND AND I DON’T WANT TO
BE IN THE DEVIL’S PLAYGROUND.
I WANT TO HAVE FUN.
>> John: YOUR WORK IS SO
POWERFUL.
WE ARE BOTH STREET KIDS.
>> YES, WE ARE.
>> John: I WENT TO THE
NEW YORK CITY PUBLIC SCHOOL
SYSTEM.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOW DO YOU USE YOUR STREETNESS
AND YOUR LENS OF THE LATINIDAD
TO DO YOUR STORYTELLING?
>> I WAS REALLY FORTUNATE TO
GROW UP IN AN EXTREMELY VIVID
CULTURAL UPBRINGING, YOU KNOW,
BEING AFRO-INDIGENOUS WAS WHAT I
WAS SUPPOSED TO DO ON THE
WEEKEND.
WHEN MY GIRLFRIENDS WERE PLAYING
DOUBLE DUTCH AND HANGING, I WAS
AT POW-WOWS, JUST, LIKE, I
LOVED MY UPBRINGING.
BUT IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE, YOU
KNOW, THERE’S SO MANY
INTERSECTIONS OF MY CHILDHOOD,
AND THERE IS THE PUBLIC SCHOOL,
YOU KNOW, BEING IN JEFFERSON
PARK WITH MY FRIENDS AND THEN
THERE WAS THE TIMES WHEN I
DIDN’T CONNECT WITH MY FRIENDS,
DIDN’T HAVE TO HAVE SNEAKERS OR
BE WEARING LIP GLOSS, THAT I HAD
TO GO TO CEREMONIES OR DO -- GO
TO THE U.N. TO DO A PERFORMANCE.
[LAUGHS]
SOMETHING OF THE SORT.
BUT I AM VERY PROTECTIVE.
I WAS TAUGHT TO FIGHT WITH MY
WORDS AND MY HANDS.
>> John: OH, YEAH.
>> AND BE VIVACIOUS, AND BE
PROTECTIVE , AND I AM PROTECTIVE
OF MYSELF AND MY LOVED ONES.
>> John: THAT COMES OUT IN
YOU WORK, I’M SUCH A BIG FAN OF
YOUR WORK.
I FEEL LIKE I SEE MYSELF IN YOU.
IT REVITALIZES ME AS AN OLDER
ARTIST, SEEING, LIKE, THE YOUNG
LATINAS THAT HAVE SUCH
SELF-WORTH AND STRENGTH AND
VIVACITY AND NOT AFRAID OF THEIR
POWER AND STRENGTH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YEAH.
>> [LAUGHS]
I WAS TELLING JOHN -- TO THE
CROWD, I WAS TELLING JOHN
EARLIER, THAT HE IS ONE OF MY
BIGGEST INSPIRATIONS, HIM AND
MARTIN LAWRENCE.
>> John: [LAUGHS]
>> THAT CREATED MY IDENTITY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> John: I FEEL LIKE MARTIN
LAWRENCE.
WE ARE ABOUT THE SAME HEIGHT.
WE ARE BOTH SHORT KINGS.
[LAUGHTER]
>> YEAH, I WATCHED "FREAK"
"SEXAHOLIC," "GHETTO CLOWN."
>> John: THEY LET YOU WATCH
THAT INAPPROPRIATE CRAP?
>> THEY ALLOWED ME TO WATCH.
IT WAS OUR HOUSEHOLD THING.
WE SAW YOU AND WE SAW OURSELVES.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> John: THAT IS BEAUTIFUL,
THANKS.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU FOR THAT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I MEAN, WHEN I WROTE MY STUFF, I
WANTED TO WRITE IT FOR ALL THE
YOUNG LATINO KIDS THAT WEREN’T
SEEING THEMSELVES AND THEY FELT
INVISIBLE AND I WANTED THEM TO
FEEL LIKE I SAW THEM.
THAT IS WHY I WROTE IT.
NOW YOU GOT YOUR NEW EP COMING
OUT, RIGHT?
>> IT’S ALREADY OUT.
>> John: OH, IT’S ALREADY OUT.
>> THAT’S OKAY, EVERYTHING IS
MISINFORMED.
[LAUGHS]
>> John: THIS IS ABOUT LOVE.
>> HOW MANY RUMORS HAVE YOU
HEARD ABOUT ME?
[LAUGHTER]
>> John: THIS IS ABOUT LOVE.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU ARE
TALKING ABOUT LOVE?
YOU’VE NEVER BEEN THIS
VULNERABLE BEFORE.
>> NO.
>> John: WHY NOW?
>> IT WAS THE TIME.
I ALWAYS SPEAK FROM MY HEART,
ALWAYS SPEAK FROM PERSONAL
EXPERIENCE.
"1992" COVERS MY LIFE AS A CHILD
GROWING UP AND THE INTERSECTIONS
OF MY LIFE, FROM CHILDHOOD TO
ADULT, YOU KNOW,
MY LOVE FOR ROCK MUSIC,
"EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL" IS A
NEO-SOUL JAZZ ALBUM WITH R&B,
"EVERYTHING SUCKS" KIND OF HAD
AN ICP AFFECT TO IT.
IT WAS A LITTLE MORE FUN.
AND THIS, I STRIPPED IT DOWN.
I WANTED TO -- I ALWAYS SAY WHEN
I SING, I’M HAPPY AND WHEN I
SING I AM SAD.
WHEN I GOT THE BLUES, I SING.
SO I GOT THE BLUES AND I WAS
GOING TO GET MARRIED IN THAT
DRESS AND I DIDN’T.
AND I LIKE USING -- NO, IT’S
OKAY.
IT’S OKAY, LIKE, I AM A YOUNG
WOMAN.
AND I SAID THIS TO BILLBOARD AND
THE INSIDER, EVERYONE IS SO USED
TO ME BEING THE RAPPER, THE
STRONG WOMAN, THE SOUP THROWER,
YOU KNOW, THE VOICE OF A
GENERATION, BUT NO ONE HAS EVER
HEARD ME -- AND I HAVE NEVER
ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE THAT
VULNERABLE.
I DON’T TALK ABOUT MY PERSONAL
LIFE ONLINE.
SO NO ONE WOULD KNOW WHO I AM
DATING, NO ONE KNOWS WHO I’M
TALKING ABOUT, IT’S NO ONE I
HAVE EVER POSTED PUBLICLY.
SO SOMEONE COULD HAVE AN IDEA
AND THEY COMPLETELY HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT IS GOING ON.
SO I PUT ALL OF THESE INTRICATE
THINGS ABOUT A FAILED
RELATIONSHIP, BUT THE TAKE AWAY
OF THE PROJECT IS REALLY THAT
THAT PERSON WAS -- EXCUSE ME.
THAT PERSON ALLOWED ME TO FEEL
LOVE.
THEY ALLOWED ME TO FEEL
A LITTLE SOMETHING.
I HADN’T FELT, I HADN’T DATED
IN, LIKE, FIVE YEARS.
>> John: WOW.
>> I THINK I JUST HOOKED UP WITH
MY CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART AND WE
HAD A LOVE TUNNEL, IT WAS
FABULOUS.
IT WAS HOT AND SEXY AND SCARY.
[LAUGHTER]
IT WAS SCARY.
THEN WE WERE GOING TO GET
MARRIED AND WAS GOING TO BE
AMAZING AND THEN I LEFT BECAUSE
IT DIDN’T SERVE ME, DIDN’T SERVE
MY HIGHER PURPOSE, I SPOKE TO
GOD AND GOD SAID GET YOUR ASS
OUT THERE.
AND I SAID, OKAY.
I TELL HIM, HE’S LISTENED TO THE
MUSIC, HE LOVES THE PROJECT, WE
ARE STILL GOOD FRIENDS.
>> John: THAT’S BEAUTIFUL.
LOVE YOU.
THANK YOU FOR COMING!
"I LOVE YOU BUT THIS IS GOODBYE"
IS AVAILABLE NOW.
OKAY.
WE ARE GOING TO TAKE A QUICK
BREAK.
WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> John: WELL, THAT’S OUR SHOW
FOR TONIGHT.
BUT BEFORE WE GO, PLEASE
CONSIDER SUPPORTING THE FRESH
AIR FUND.
THEY PROVIDE FREE OUTDOOR SUMMER
EXPERIENCES FOR CHILDREN FROM
NEW YORK CITY’S UNDERSERVED
COMMUNITIES.
AND I WAS ONE OF THEM.
THEY TOOK MY BROTHER AND ME AND
MY COUSIN AND IT WAS
LIFE-CHANGING.
IF YOU CAN COME I REALLY
APPRECIATE YOU DONATE TO THEM AT
THE LINK BELOW.
NOW HERE IT IS, YOUR
"MOMENT OF ZEN."
>> POSSIBLY TO BE SEEN FROM
UNITED STATES.
>> YOUR NETS WILL BECOME
ONE-SIDED.
>> I THINK IT WAS URANUS.