1 00:00:02,635 --> 00:00:05,905 ♪ ♪ Announcer: FROM NEW YORK CITY, THE ONLY CITY IN AMERICA, IT'S THE SHOW THAT 2 00:00:05,905 --> 00:00:12,746 INVENTED NEWS. THIS IS "THE DAILY SHOW" WITH YOUR HOST, JOHN LEGUIZAMO! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 3 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:32,265 ♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] John: YO, YO, WHAT'S UP! WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW." 4 00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:43,076 I'M JOHN LEGUIZAMO. AND I'M BACK FOR NIGHT TWO AS YOUR AS YOUR FIRST LATINO "DAILY SHOW" HOST EVER. 5 00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:49,048 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, IF YOU CHANGE THE CHANNEL NOW, YOU'RE A RACIST, BITCH. 6 00:00:49,048 --> 00:00:53,920 BUT WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. SO LET'S GET INTO THE HEADLINES! ♪ ♪ 7 00:00:53,920 --> 00:01:06,666 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT. LUTZ KICK THINGS OFF WITH DONALD TRUMP, 8 00:01:06,666 --> 00:01:15,341 THE FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AND FUTURE PRESIDENT OF CELLBLOCK D. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 9 00:01:15,341 --> 00:01:28,421 YESTERDAY, TRUMP SAT DOWN FOR AN INTERVIEW ON FOX NEWS WITH SEAN MAN-TITTIES. THAT'S HIS REAL NAME. 10 00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:32,859 IT SOUNDS LIKE RON DeSANTIS. RON CAME TO SEE ME, TEARS IN HIS EYES. HE SAID, "I NEED YOU TO DO ME A 11 00:01:32,859 --> 00:01:37,030 BIG FAVOR." "WOULD YOU ENDORSE ME? I FOUGHT FOR YOU." SO, I SAID: "LET'S GIVE IT A 12 00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:43,102 SHOT, RON, OKAY?" AND HE WAS DESPERATE. I SAID, OKAY. I GAVE HIM A NICE ENDORSEMENT. 13 00:01:43,102 --> 00:01:51,211 I GOT HIM THE NOMINATION. BY THE WAY, COULD HAVE NEVER GOTTEN THE NOMINATION. HE WOULD BE WORKING IN EITHER A 14 00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:59,919 PIZZA PARLOR PLACE OR A LAW OFFICE RIGHT NOW, OKAY? AND HE WOULDN'T BE VERY HAPPY. John: WOW, RON DeSANTIS WOULD 15 00:01:59,919 --> 00:02:11,664 BE WORKING IN A PIZZA PARLOR? I GUESS IN TRUMP'S MIND, EVERY ITALIAN IS WORKING IN A PIZZA PLACE OR A LAW OFFICE. 16 00:02:11,664 --> 00:02:20,907 OR EVEN BETTER, A PIZZA PLACE THAT IS A LAW OFFICE. ♪ ♪ HAD IT ON BACKWARDS. 17 00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:24,978 [LAUGHS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HEY, HEY! HEY, YOU, COME HERE! 18 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:34,320 HAVE YOU BEEN INJURED ON THE JOB AND YOU ARE HUNGRY? THEN COME ON IN TO DeSTEFANO AND SONS. 19 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:54,407 AND IF WE CAN'T WIN YOUR CASE, THE GARLIC KNOTS ARE TO DIE FOR!" [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 20 00:02:54,407 --> 00:03:02,515 NOW YOU PROBABLY MISSED THIS BECAUSE OF THE CASUAL RACISM, BUT TRUMP SAID THAT RON DeSANTIS CAME TO HIM 21 00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:06,886 CRYING. THOUGH, IF YOU HEAR HIM AND OTHER STORIES, YOU PROBABLY NOTICE THAT THIS HAPPENS TO 22 00:03:06,886 --> 00:03:13,059 TRUMP ALL THE TIME. I MEAN, I HAD A MAN COME UP TO ME, WHO'S A STRONG, TOUGH GUY AND HE HAD TEARS COMING DOWN HIS 23 00:03:13,059 --> 00:03:18,164 EYES. PEOPLE CAME TO ME AND THEY SAW ME AND THEY WERE CRYING. I STOOD YESTERDAY WITH 24 00:03:18,164 --> 00:03:25,271 75 CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. HALF OF THEM HAD TEARS POURING DOWN THEIR FACE. AND THEY WALK INTO 25 00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:29,842 THE OVAL OFFICE AND THEY START CRYING. THIS GUY, HE HASN'T CRIED SINCE HE WAS A BABY AND PROBABLY 26 00:03:29,842 --> 00:03:37,584 DIDN'T CRY THEN EITHER AND NOW HE'S CRYING. THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. 27 00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:44,857 THANK YOU. TEARS. TEARS! John: [LAUGHS] 28 00:03:44,857 --> 00:03:51,531 WHY? WHY? WHY ARE PEOPLE ALWAYS IN TEARS AROUND DONALD TRUMP? 29 00:03:51,531 --> 00:03:59,172 WHAT IS UP WITH THIS GUY? IS HIS BODY ODOR SO STRONG THAT PEOPLE'S EYES JUST START WATERING AROUND HIM? 30 00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:03,309 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] RIGHT? IS HE CONSTANTLY CHOPPING ONIONS? 31 00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:14,087 IS HE ALWAYS JUST PLAYING THE BEGINNING OF "UP" FOR SOME REASON? ALL RIGHT, LET'S MOVE ON TO SOME 32 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:18,091 NEWS. THAT HAS BECOME ALL TOO COMMON NOW. THERE WAS YET ANOTHER SCHOOL 33 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:29,602 SHOOTING YESTERDAY, THIS TIME IN NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE. YES, SIR, WERE SIX PEOPLE WERE KILLED INCLUDING THREE CHILDREN. 34 00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:34,540 FOR THIS TO HAPPEN EVEN ONCE IS UNACCEPTABLE AND I WOULD NEED SEEMS TO HAPPEN ALL THE GODDAMN TIME. 35 00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:40,413 I AM SICK TO DEATH OF THIS. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT OUR REPRESENTATIVE IS PLANNED TO DO ABOUT IT. 36 00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:47,253 BECAUSE IF YOU ASK THIS -- YES. [APPLAUSE] OH, YEAH. BECAUSE IF YOU ASK THIS 37 00:04:47,253 --> 00:04:51,958 REPRESENTATIVE FROM TENNESSEE, HE PLANS TO DO JACK SHIT ABOUT IT. SO IT'S A HORRIBLE HORRIBLE 38 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:55,328 SITUATION. AND WE ARE NOT GONNA FIX IT. CRIMINALS ARE GOING TO BE CRIMINALS. 39 00:04:55,328 --> 00:04:59,265 AND MY DADDY FOUGHT IN THE SECOND WORLD WAR, FOUGHT IN THE PACIFIC, FOUGHT THE JAPANESE. AND HE TOLD ME, HE SAID, BUDDY, 40 00:04:59,265 --> 00:05:04,871 HE SAID, IF SOMEBODY WANTS TO TAKE YOU OUT AND DOESN'T MIND LOSING THEIR LIFE, THERE'S NOT A WHOLE HECK OF A LOT YOU CAN DO 41 00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:18,051 ABOUT. [BOOS] John: "THERE IS NOT A LOT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT," THAT'S THE 42 00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:25,491 BEST YOU HAVE TO OFFER? YOU ARE A CONGRESSMAN! IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY IDEAS ABOUT HOW TO KEEP OUR KIDS SAFE? 43 00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:33,066 GET THE [BLEEP] OUT OF THE WAY! AND GO WORK AT A PINKBERRY OR SOME SHIT! BY THE WAY, NO DISRESPECT TO HIS 44 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:40,039 FATHER BUT IF GOING TO SCHOOL AND AMERICA FEELS LIKE FIGHTING IN WORLD WAR II, THAT SHOULD BE A SIGN THAT THINGS ARE SERIOUSLY 45 00:05:40,039 --> 00:05:48,448 [BLEEP] UP IN AMERICA. OKAY? [APPLAUSE] NOW THERE IS STILL A LOT WE 46 00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:54,620 DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS CRIME. THE POLICE SAY IT IS POSSIBLE THAT THE SHOOTER WAS BORN FEMALE AND NOW IDENTIFIES AS MALE. 47 00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:58,624 SO OF COURSE, A LOT OF REPUBLICANS, LIKE MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE ARE NOW SAYING THAT TRANS PEOPLE ARE 48 00:05:58,624 --> 00:06:05,465 THE PROBLEM. WHICH I KNOW SEEMS CRAZY SINCE [BOOS] THAT'S RIGHT. 49 00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:12,171 IT SEEMS CRAZY. BECAUSE SINCE 99.9% OF THE MASS SHOOTERS ARE NOT TRANS. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, MARJORIE, I 50 00:06:12,171 --> 00:06:19,679 THINK I HAVE A PROPOSAL FOR YOU. HERE'S THE THING, MARJORIE: I AGREE WITH YOU. I DON'T THINK TRANS PEOPLE 51 00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:25,785 SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO OWN ASSAULT RIFLES EITHER. SO LET'S STOP THEM! BUT JUST TO BE SAFE, WE SHOULD 52 00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:42,001 ALSO BAN NON-TRANS PEOPLE FROM OWNING ASSAULT RIFLES, OKAY? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] JUST IN CASE THEY BECOME TRANS. 53 00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:49,008 OKAY? YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? NO ASSAULT WEAPONS FOR ANYBODY, THAT'LL SHOW THEM! 54 00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:56,115 AND SOME PEOPLE MIGHT TRY TO TELL YOU THAT I'M TRICKING YOU INTO SUPPORTING GUN CONTROL, BUT WE ALL KNOW YOU ARE TOO SMART 55 00:06:56,115 --> 00:07:05,124 FOR THAT! COME ON, YOU CAN TRUST ME, HOMEGIRL. IT'S JUST YOU AND ME, BABY. 56 00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:15,101 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT, AND FINALLY, LET'S MMOVE ON TO A FUN STORY. YOU KNOW THAT AS A PLANET WE 57 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:19,939 NEED TO FIND A MORE HUMANE AND SUSTAINABLE WAY TO GO MEAT. WELL, NOW, SOME SCIENTISTS HAVE FOUND A NEW SOURCE OF MEAT THAT 58 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:25,878 MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE. A TEAM OF SCIENTISTS FROM AUSTRALIA HAS ANNOUNCED THAT THEY'VE CREATED A MEATBALL FROM 59 00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:30,683 THE DNA OF THE EXTINCT WOOLY MAMMOTH. IT WAS CREATED FROM THE CELLS OF A WOOLLY MAMMOTH AND GROWN IN 60 00:07:30,683 --> 00:07:37,156 A LAB. AND THEY TOOK THE DNA SEQUENCE FROM A MAMMOTH MUSCLE PROTEIN AND FILLED IN THE GAPS WITH 61 00:07:37,156 --> 00:07:42,094 CELLS FROM AN ELEPHANT, THE MAMMOTH'S CLOSEST LIVING RELATIVE. SCIENTISTS SAY THE MEAT SHOULD 62 00:07:42,094 --> 00:07:49,402 TASTE PRETTY GOOD, BUT THEY'RE AFRAID TO EAT IT, IN CASE THE ANCIENT PROTEIN IS DEADLY TO OUR CURRENT IMMUNE SYSTEM. 63 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:58,444 THE MAMMOTH MEATBALL IS NOT FOR CONSUMPTION, BUT INSTEAD IS A SYMBOL THAT WE HOPE INVITES VIEWERS AND YOUR AUDIENCE TO 64 00:07:58,444 --> 00:08:11,557 START THINKING ABOUT WHERE THEIR FOOD COMES FROM. John: FIRST OFF, AS SOMEONE WHO WAS BEST FRIENDS WITH A 65 00:08:11,557 --> 00:08:21,133 WOOLLY MAMMOTH... [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] FOR NINE FILMS AND THREE TV SPECIALS, I GOT TO SAY... 66 00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:28,708 I HAVE BEEN DYING TO KNOW WHAT A WOOLY MAMMOTH TASTES LIKE. THE AMOUNT OF TIMES I THOUGHT ABOUT MARINATING MANFRED AND 67 00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:36,949 GRILLING HIM UP. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. IT'S JUST GOOD TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE SOME SCIENTISTS WHO 68 00:08:36,949 --> 00:08:42,255 ARE FOCUSED ON THE IMPORTANT PROBLEMS OF OUR TIME. BECAUSE THEY ARE LIKE... [IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT] 69 00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:47,326 "LISTEN, WE DON'T HAVE A CURE FOR CANCER, BUT WE CAN TELL YOU WHAT MR.SNUFFLEUPAGUS TASTES LIKE." 70 00:08:47,326 --> 00:08:54,533 [IN NORMAL VOICE] THAT SOUNDED MORE COCKNEY THAN AUSTRALIAN, BUT THAT'S ALL RIGHT. 71 00:08:54,533 --> 00:09:07,146 FOR MORE ON THIS MEATBALL STORY, WE TURN LIVE TO DULCE SLOAN AT THE LABORATORY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 72 00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:24,030 DULCE, WHAT'S THE NEWS OVER THERE? LISTEN, WHY ARE WE DOING THIS? 73 00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:30,736 SCIENTISTS OUT HERE MAKING MEAT THEY AFRAID TO EAT WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY ANIMALS WE HAVE NEVER WRITTEN INTO? 74 00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:39,512 AND WE HAVEN'T TRIED, YOU KNOW, EATING A SEA OTTER, HIPPOPOTAMUS, OR MOST BIRDS. SO WHY ARE WE GOING BACK IN 75 00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:44,517 TIME? LISTEN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT SEA LIONS TASTE LIKE BUT THEY DON'T WALK SO I AM SURE THEY ARE 76 00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:55,294 BUTTERY. John: I UNDERSTAND THAT, BUT LET'S THINK ABOUT THIS SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY, OKAY? 77 00:09:55,294 --> 00:10:03,336 BECAUSE DULCE, THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE FEAT. THE MAMMOTH'S BEEN EXTINCT FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS. 78 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:08,741 IF THEY'RE ABLE TO MAKE A SUSTAINABLE MEAT SOURCE, IT COULD CHANGE THE WORLD. SO WHAT? 79 00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:12,745 I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT EATING AN UNSHAVED ELEPHANT. USE THIS SCIENCE SHIT TO BRING BACK WHAT THE WORLD REALLY 80 00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:22,555 NEEDS: CAVEMEN! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] John: WAIT, WAIT. COME ON. 81 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:27,960 BUT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, CAVEMEN, REALLY? YOU HEARD ME! TEST TUBES REGENERATING SHIT. 82 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:36,869 THEY OUT HERE PLAYING WITH TEST TUBES REGENERATING SHIT. WELL, THEN BRING BACK THOSE CAVEMEN THAT WERE BUILT LIKE 83 00:10:36,869 --> 00:10:46,645 SOMETHING I CAN USE. BRING BACK THOSE CAVEMEN THAT WERE BUILT LIKE MORRIS CHESTNUT. LIKE A REAL MAN. 84 00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:54,754 THEY AIN'T MAKING MEN LIKE THAT NO MORE! LISTEN. HE'S GOT PECTORALS AND REAL 85 00:10:54,754 --> 00:11:00,893 CALVES, NO IMPLANTS. YOU SEE MEN TODAY? THEY AIN'T GOT IT. TALKING ABOUT SHORT KINGS, 86 00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:05,531 PLEASE. SHORT KINGS ARE A LIE. DON'T START WITH ME. THEY CAN'T PICK NOTHING UP, THEY 87 00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:12,571 ARE WALKING AROUND IN SKINNY JEANS, THEIR LEGS LOOKING -- 30s JUST LOOK LIKE LEG KNUCKLES. 88 00:11:12,571 --> 00:11:21,380 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT? I WANT TO MEN WHO LOOKED LIKE HE CAN PROVIDE FOR ME. ALL RIGHT? 89 00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:29,622 GO AND KILL A WHOLE ANTELOPE WITH HIS HANDS BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW HIS STRENGTH. LIKE, YOU KNOW HOW MANY MEN HAVE 90 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:35,795 HAD ME OVER THE HEAD, THROWN ME OVER THEIR SHOULDER, TAKING ME BACK TO THEIR MAN CAVE? NONE. 91 00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:49,108 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] John: EVEN IF YOU WERE ABLE TO BRING BACK CAVEMEN, THEIR BRAINS WERE DIFFERENT. 92 00:11:49,108 --> 00:12:00,786 THEY MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO PICK UP THE LANGUAGE. OH, THE STRONG SILENT TYPE? TAKE MY MONEY! 93 00:12:00,786 --> 00:12:13,132 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] PLUS, I HEARD THAT THEM CAVEMEN WERE HUNG LIKE CURTAINS! ALL RIGHT! 94 00:12:13,132 --> 00:12:18,404 LISTEN! THEY GET TO RUN AROUND, THAT THING IS SWINGING LIKE A CEILING FAN! 95 00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:24,977 [LAUGHS] John: O OH, GOD, OH, JESUS. DULCE, I DON'T KNOW THAT SCIENTISTS HAVE THE RESOURCES TO 96 00:12:24,977 --> 00:12:32,751 BRING BACK A CAVEMAN FOR YOU. THEY DON'T NEED TO. LISTEN, I'M ON IT. I'M DOING SCIENCE, AND BACK IN 97 00:12:32,751 --> 00:12:40,226 SCHOOL. I'VE GOT A WHOLE FIVE YEAR PLAN. I GET MY MASTERS, THEN I GET MY DOCTORATE, THEN I GET MY MAN. 98 00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:55,074 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] BECAUSE IF YOU WANT TO GET WOMEN IN STEM, THEN YOU GOT TO GET A CAVEMAN IN ME! 99 00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:59,044 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] John: ALL RIGHT. OKAY. WELL, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT IS ALL 100 00:12:59,044 --> 00:13:03,649 I CAN SAY. DULCE SLOAN, EVERYONE. ALL RIGHT, WHEN WE COME BACK, I [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 101 00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:05,417 GO HEAD-TO-HEAD WITH THE LEGEND HIMSELF, CRAZY LEGS. 102 00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:52,565 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] John: WELCOME BACK TO "THE DAILY SHOW." 103 00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:58,337 ONE THING I WANT TO DO THIS WEEK IS TO INTRODUCE YOU ALL TO MY NEW YORK. SO I DECIDED TO GO CATCH UP WITH 104 00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:04,777 MY BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER, THE MAN WHO GAVE NEW YORK STREET GRAD. I DON'T LOOK A DAY OVER 35 105 00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:09,649 BUT I ACTUALLY GREW UP IN THE '70s IN NEW YORK CITY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THROUGH THE CULTURE, I MET 106 00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:18,057 AMAZING PEOPLE LIKE MY FRIEND CRAZY LEGS, A PIONEER OF THE ART FORM THAT WHITE PEOPLE CALL BREAK DANCING AND EVERYBODY ELSE 107 00:14:18,057 --> 00:14:21,928 CALLS BREAK. CRAZY LICKS HER DANCING AT AGE NINE. HE WAS PART OF THE LEGENDARY 108 00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:31,504 ROCK STEADY CREW IN THE EARLY 1980s. HE WAS EVEN A BODY DOUBLE. HE WAS INSTRUMENTAL AT TURNING 109 00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:33,506 BREAKING INTO A WORLDWIDE PHENOMENON. CRAZY! WHAT'S UP! 110 00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:38,978 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] John: SO LOOK, YOU ARE CALLED CRAZY LEGS, AND I AM CALLED JOHNNY LEGS. 111 00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:45,351 IS THAT WHY WE ARE FRIENDS? FIRST OF ALL, I WOULD LIKE TO, YO, I HEAR YOUR NAME. [LAUGHTER] 112 00:14:45,351 --> 00:14:49,221 YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN A LITTLE COMPETITIVE. John: SO HOW DID YOU GET THE NAME CRAZY LEGS? 113 00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:55,261 I WOULD PRACTICE AFTER SCHOOL IN THE AUDITORIUM. AND THE CAPTAIN OF THE CHEERLEADER WOULD BE PRACTICING 114 00:14:55,261 --> 00:15:01,300 AND SHE WOULD BE LIKE, OH, HE GOT SOME CRAZY LEGS. John: [LAUGHS] NOW THAT YOU ARE OLDER, YOU 115 00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:06,038 THINK YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR NAME FROM CRAZY LEGS TO SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE MATURE LIKE STABLE LEGS? 116 00:15:06,038 --> 00:15:12,578 "CRAZY" IS KIND OF BECOME AN ABLEIST TERM. MAYBE SOMETHING LIKE "NEURODIVERGENT LEGS." 117 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:18,951 [LAUGHTER] MORE LIKE "GIVE IT UP LEGS." John: WHEN DID YOU MEET ME QUESTION MARKS I MET YOU 118 00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:23,456 AT AVENUE A ON A CLUB, SHORTLY AFTER THAT, WE CONNECTED ON FREAK. John: OH, MY GOD. 119 00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:27,493 YOU MADE ME LOOK LIKE I HAD REALLY DO SHIT. I HURT MYSELF. YOU DID? 120 00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:35,034 I TORE MY HAMSTRING. John: BREAK DANCING WHEN YOU ALL A BREAK SOMETHING. GOES WITH THE TURF. 121 00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:43,175 ♪ ♪ BREAKING. John: WE'VE BOTH BEEN INVOLVED WITH THE PUERTO RICAN 122 00:15:43,175 --> 00:15:48,714 COMMUNITY FOR EVER. YOU ESPECIALLY WORKING ON THE ISLAND FOR RELIEF. AND I HAVE BEEN CAST AS A 123 00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:56,756 PUERTO RICAN BY HOLLYWOOD. YOU THINK I AM BELIEVABLE? I THINK ANY LATINO FROM NEW YORK IS BELIEVABLE -- 124 00:15:56,756 --> 00:16:01,127 John: REALLY? BECAUSE WE ARE SO INTERCHANGEABLE WITH EACH OTHER. WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER'S 125 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:07,700 ACCENTS. SO YOU GOT THAT. John: YES. THE SEAL OF APPROVAL. 126 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:14,140 THAT IS DELICIOUS. SOME HIP-HOP CULTURE, MAN, IT STARTED UNDERGROUND. NOBODY KNEW ABOUT IT, IT WAS A 127 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:22,148 BLACK AND LATINO THING, AND NOW SUBURBAN -- 1 OUT OF 5 SUBURBAN DADS WANT TO BREAK-DANCE. YOU CAN BUST A MOVE? 128 00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:30,990 I CAN DO THAT BREAK DANCING THING, IT IS FANTASTIC. FOR US TO COME FROM NOTHING TO CREATE SOMETHING THAT HAS 129 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:40,633 BEEN AROUND THE GLOBE, WE ARE LOOKING AT DANCING IN THE STREET IN THE BRONX TO BREAKING INTO THE OLYMPICS IN 2024 IN PARIS. 130 00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:47,873 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] MY MISSION RIGHT NOW IS TO SEE HOW MUCH MONEY I CAN RAISE TO SUPPORT SOME OF THE DANCERS TO 131 00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:56,782 HAVE THE SAME EQUAL PLAYING FIELD IN THE OLYMPICS. REALLY ONLY TAKES ABOUT $100,000 TO SECURE -- 132 00:16:56,782 --> 00:17:03,522 John: JUST $100,000. WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT FOR THE YEAR, THAT GETS THEM TO NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL QUALIFIERS, IT 133 00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:11,430 ALLOWS THEM A TRAINER, A MEAL PLAN, AND JUST TO NOT HAVE TO WORK. John: YOU CAN'T DO BOTH. 134 00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:17,803 ANYONE ELSE WHO HAS THAT ABILITY TO SUPPORT, HIT PEOPLE UP. John: HIT US UP, SEND THE 135 00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:26,779 MONEY TO ME. I MIGHT GET IT TO HIM. MAY BE. ♪ ♪ 136 00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:33,285 WHAT? [LAUGHTER] IN THE HOUSE. John: BACK IN THE DAY, THEY 137 00:17:33,285 --> 00:17:40,926 SAID, BREAK DANCING STARTED WHEN KIDS WOULD SETTLE THEIR FIGHTS THROUGH BREAK DANCING, THEY WOULD DO BATTLING. 138 00:17:40,926 --> 00:17:48,134 HERE'S THE THING. THAT WAS A FALLACY ABOUT US SOLVING BEEFS WITH DANCE. John: IS IT? 139 00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:55,374 IF YOU DISRESPECTED ME, WE ARE NOT GOING TO DANCE, MAN. [LAUGHTER] NO, MAN. 140 00:17:55,374 --> 00:18:00,679 John: I'M GULLIBLE, MAN, I BELIEVE EVERYTHING. I GET IT, YOU GOT INFORMATION LATE. 141 00:18:00,679 --> 00:18:06,452 YOU ARE FROM QUEENS. John: THAT IS COLD-BLOODED, MAN. WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO SET 142 00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:15,628 SETTLE DISPUTES THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY BY B-BOY DANCING! QUEENS AGAINST WHAT? 143 00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:24,870 VERSUS QUEENS! John: COME ON! ♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 144 00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:33,812 ♪ ♪ WE GOT JOHN LEGUIZAMO! AND CRAZY LEGS! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 145 00:18:33,812 --> 00:18:57,836 ♪ ♪ OH! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪ 146 00:18:57,836 --> 00:19:16,855 ♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] DOING A DANCE OFF! RIGHT NOW! 147 00:19:16,855 --> 00:19:23,996 CRAZY LEGS! MAKE SOME NOISE! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AND JOHN LEGUIZAMO, MAKE SOME 148 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:42,848 NOISE! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 149 00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:47,920 John: ALL RIGHT! STAY TUNED BECAUSE WHEN WE COME BACK, DIANE GUERRERO WILL BE JOINING ME ON THE SHOW. 150 00:19:56,730 --> 00:20:25,758 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] John: WELCOME BACK TO 151 00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:30,497 "THE DAILY SHOW." MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACTIVIST, AUTHOR, AND ACTOR YOU MAY KNOW FROM "ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK," 152 00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:37,070 "DOOM PATROL," AND "ENCANTO." PLEASE WELCOME DIANE GUERRERO! PLEASE! YEAH! 153 00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:42,208 WHOO! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 154 00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:45,245 YES! CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN. RELAX, Y'ALL, RELAX. HI. 155 00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:50,517 John: THEY'RE EXCITED. THEY'RE EXCITABLE. I'M EXCITED! John: HEY, DIANE, DO PEOPLE 156 00:20:50,517 --> 00:20:53,620 BELIEVE YOU THAT YOU DO THE VOICE FOR "ENCANTO"? BECAUSE WHEN I TELL KIDS, NOBODY BELIEVES ME. 157 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:57,824 I HAVE TO SING THE ENTIRE SONG. John: THE WHOLE SONG, BUT THEN THEY BELIEVE YOU? 158 00:20:57,824 --> 00:21:06,065 THEN THEY BELIEVE ME. I HAVE TO DO A FEW LINES. LIKE "FLOWERS." "I'VE BEEN STUCK!" 159 00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:10,803 John: AND NOW I BELIEVE YOU. [LAUGHS] I WASN'T SURE IF YOU WERE IN "ENCANTO," BUT NOW I GOT IT. 160 00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:17,577 NOW, I ALSO HEAR THAT YOU ARE THE LEADING ACTOR IN THE VISIONARY ALLIANCE FOR THE NATIONAL HISPANIC MEDIA 161 00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:22,448 COALITION. I HAD TO READ THAT BECAUSE THAT'S A LONG TITLE. I'M NOT THE LEADING ACTOR. 162 00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:25,718 John: YOU'RE NOT THE LEADING ACTOR. I'M NOT THE LEADING ACTOR, I AM ONE OF THE ACTORS. 163 00:21:25,718 --> 00:21:29,756 John: OH, ONE OF THEM, OKAY. YES. John: WHAT IS THE MISSION STATEMENT OF THE COALITION? 164 00:21:29,756 --> 00:21:33,393 I'LL GIVE YOU NUMBERS. I'M NOT A MATH GIRLY BUT I WILL GIVE YOU SOME NUMBERS. IN 2022, ONLY THREE WOMEN OF 165 00:21:33,393 --> 00:21:42,702 COLOR DIRECTED A TOP 100 FILM. John: WHAT? IN THE SPAN OF 16 YEARS, OKAY, 21 FEMALE DIRECTORS, WOMEN 166 00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:50,944 OF COLOR DIRECTORS DIRECTED 21 FILMS OUT OF 1600 FILMS. John: THAT'S CRAZY. I'M NOT A MATH GIRLY, LIKE I 167 00:21:50,944 --> 00:21:55,548 SAID. John: PEOPLE OF COLOR ARE AT LEAST 40% OF THE POPULATION, IF NOT A LOT MORE, BECAUSE WHITE 168 00:21:55,548 --> 00:22:00,286 PEOPLE ARE ONLY 59% OF THE POPULATION. RIGHT, RIGHT. I MEAN, THAT IS GETTING INTO 169 00:22:00,286 --> 00:22:08,661 MORE NUMBERS THAN I REHEARSED, BUT -- John: I'M A MATH BOY. YOU ARE A MATH BOY. 170 00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:14,033 ALL I KNOW IT IS THAT'S CULTURAL APARTHEID. John: YES, FOR REAL. THAT IS A TERM YOU USE A LOT. 171 00:22:14,033 --> 00:22:18,671 I FOLLOW YOU AND I FOLLOW YOUR WORK, THANK YOU SO MUCH, FOR DOING ALL OF THIS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 172 00:22:18,671 --> 00:22:25,979 AND INSPIRING ME TO DO THE WORK THAT I'M DOING ALONGSIDE YOU. WE WANT REPRESENTATION, WE WANT THE RIGHT KIND OF 173 00:22:25,979 --> 00:22:31,751 REPRESENTATION. WE ARE TIRED OF THE ONLY THINGS GETTING MADE ABOUT US, DRUG LORDS -- 174 00:22:31,751 --> 00:22:37,190 John: NEGATIVE THINGS. CRIMINALS, COPS. John: RIGHT, RIGHT. MAIDS, HOOKERS. 175 00:22:37,190 --> 00:22:48,434 RIGHT. WE WANT TO BE REPRESENTED AS WE ARE: REAL, BEAUTIFUL, CURIOUS. EXISTENTIAL CRISES HAPPENING! 176 00:22:48,434 --> 00:22:59,412 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] John: PREACH, MAMA, PREACH! AND YES, MAYBE EVEN MEDIOCRE. John: SOMEDAY. 177 00:22:59,412 --> 00:23:05,084 SOMETIMES. John: CAUSE WHITE PEOPLE GET TO BE MEDIOCRE ALL THE TIME. I'M JEALOUS BECAUSE WHITE 178 00:23:05,084 --> 00:23:09,289 PEOPLE GET TO FAIL UPWARDS. JUST PERUSE -- John: I CAN BARELY SUCCEED UPWARDS. 179 00:23:09,289 --> 00:23:18,564 AGREED, LIKEWISE. JUST PERUSE THROUGH THE CANON OF, LIKE, MEDIOCRE FILMS OF DYSFUNCTIONAL WHITE FAMILIES. 180 00:23:18,564 --> 00:23:25,838 John: "JACK AND JILL." THE CANON IS RICH, WE DESERVE TO BE -- John: ALLOWED TO FAIL ON 181 00:23:25,838 --> 00:23:36,282 CAMERA, PEOPLE! I WANT TO FAIL IN BIG MOVIES! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] CAN WE MAKE CRAP? 182 00:23:36,282 --> 00:23:42,622 John: I WANT TO BE MAKE CRAP ON TELEVISION, ON STREAMING! I WANT TO BE LIKE WHITE PEOPLE. I WANT TO MAKE WOOLLY MAMMOTH 183 00:23:42,622 --> 00:23:48,194 MEATBALL. John: AND GET PAID FOR IT! AND GET PAID FOR IT. John: WORK REALLY WELL IN 184 00:23:48,194 --> 00:23:52,999 SUSHI KITCHENS, PIZZERIAS, WE GOT TO COOK ALL THE FOOD FOR THE GODDAMN COUNTRY. JUST LIKE WE DESERVE TO BE 185 00:23:52,999 --> 00:23:58,738 EXCELLENT, WE DESERVE TO MAKE CRAP AS WELL AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 186 00:23:58,738 --> 00:24:05,611 [LAUGHTER] John: THANK YOU SO MUCH! [LAUGHTER] WE ARE GOING TO TAKE A QUICK 187 00:24:05,611 --> 00:24:08,014 BREAK BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS. 188 00:24:18,492 --> 00:24:46,953 ♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] John: THAT'S OUR SHOW FOR TONIGHT, BUT BEFORE WE GO: 189 00:24:46,953 --> 00:24:52,359 PLEASE CONSIDER DONATING TO EVERYTOWN FOR GUN SAFETY. THEY'RE FIGHTING TO END GUN VIOLENCE AND BUILD SAFER 190 00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:55,892 COMMUNITIES BY ENACTING COMMON-SENSE GUN SAFETY REFORMS. IF YOU CAN SUPPORT THEM IN THIS WORK, PLEASE DONATE AT THE LINK