[music playing]
ANNOUNCER: In New York City, the only city in America,
it's the show that invented news.
This is The Daily Show with your host, Kal Penn.
[cheers and applause]
Hello!
Welcome to The Daily Show.
I'm Kal Penn, and I have had so much fun.
I wish I could stay forever.
Honestly, like, now I understand why Trump refused
to leave the White House.
What do you think?
Should we do an insurrection and just stay forever?
[loud cheers]
Oh.
Oh, I was joking.
You guys are messed up.
I love it.
OK, we got a great show for you tonight.
Chasten Buttigieg is here, everyone.
We have a lot to talk about.
So let's get into the headlines.
Let's begin with some breaking news from the Vatican.
No, not about you.
You're still going to hell.
But there is some good news for priests.
REPORTER: Pope Francis says the Catholic Church's
thousand-year-old practice of celibacy for priests
could be changed.
He tells an Argentine publication
the ban on priests having sex was only temporary
and that there is no contradiction
for a priest to marry.
That's right.
Yeah.
Pope Francis just stepped out on his balcony and said,
(ITALIAN ACCENT) I am proud to announce the end
of our no-nut millennium.
We did it!
(NORMAL ACCENT) Oh, gosh.
And then-- and then a cloud of white
just shot out of the Vatican chimney.
Anyway, this is wild, OK?
The Pope suddenly decided that a thousand-year-old ban on sex
was just temporary the whole time?
Does anyone else feel like the Pope just
found out Giselle was single?
(ITALIAN ACCENT) She dumped Tom Brady?
Oh, look, everybody, I just found a new page in the Bible.
Yes, the two pages in Leviticus,
they were stuck together this whole time.
Oh, my gosh.
(NORMAL ACCENT) Look, I got to say--
I got to say, I think priests are going
to clean up on dating apps.
You ever heard of missionary?
I invented that.
No, this could really be a game changer.
I mean, think about it.
Now that priests can knock someone up,
it means that they might change their mind on abortion.
(ITALIAN ACCENT) You're pregnant?
Oh, look at this, two more pages stuck together.
My goodness.
(NORMAL ACCENT) Thank you.
OK, look, moving on.
We've got some inspiring news out of Nebraska.
Yeah, how often do we get to say that?
Like in a lot of places, Republicans
are pushing an anti-trans bill through the state legislature.
But this time, an incredible state senator
is speaking out--
and speaking, and speaking, and speaking.
A Democratic lawmaker taking a stand against what she says
is attacks on fundamental human rights.
This is out of Nebraska, where a Republican bill is trying
to ban what they call gender-affirming care
to people who are under 19 years old.
Now, this Democratic state senator
is halting all business in the chamber
and filibustering, or vowing a kind of obstruction set
of tactics that work in Nebraska, for the last three
weeks, saying she'll "burn the session
to the ground over this bill."
REPORTER: During her filibuster,
she has discussed everything from her favorite Girl
Scout cookies to the plot of the movie Madagascar.
If this legislature collectively
decides that legislating hate against children
is our priority, then I am going to make it
painful, painful for everyone.
Hell, yeah!
All right, look, at a time when so many of us are all talk,
she's actually--
well, she's all talked too, but in a useful way.
And I'm sure it's hard for Senator Cavanaugh
to come up with stuff to say for three weeks straight.
But it means a lot to so many families
that someone is fighting for them.
And it also means a lot to DreamWorks
that someone is still talking about Madagascar.
I mean, like, it's not their best movie.
Honestly?
Anyway, just today, Cavanaugh finally
got Republicans to agree to an actual debate
on this bill, which they were trying to avoid.
This is great if you're into civility.
I personally would have just gone nuclear and just been,
like, kill this bill now or I spoil
the end of The Last of Us!
And finally, spring break is coming up.
If you were thinking of going to Florida to lie on the beach
and not be surrounded by 5,000 miles of seaweed, well--
REPORTER: Florida is bracing for a 5,000-mile-wide
seaweed bloom, almost twice as wide
as the entire United States.
REPORTER: Enormous mounds of brown, mucky macroalgae
are now floating towards Florida.
The popular shores of South Beach
are only speckled with this kind of seaweed,
called sargassum, so far.
But in several weeks, that's likely to change,
with sightings already this month in Key West, Antigua,
and the crowded Mexican resort of Playa
Del Carmen preparing for up to three feet of buildup.
The biggest issue with the seaweed, a serious rotten egg
smell, not ideal for tourism.
Holy shit, that's a lot of seaweed.
It sounds like a plague God sends when he's mad
but, like, not that mad.
Like, I'm not hurricane angry, I'm just disappointed.
And if I had to guess about what God's mad about,
it's probably that Ron DeSantis eats
pudding with three fingers.
Look, I'm not a Florida parent, but I'd rather
let my kid watch a drag queen read Goodnight Moon
than watch a grown man in a suit finger a pudding cup.
And--
[cheers and applause]
The worst part-- the worst part about all this seaweed
is there's nothing Florida can do about it.
But it is Florida, so they'll probably just try to shoot it.
For more on the seaweed story, we go live to Miami Beach
with Roy Wood, Jr., everybody.
Roy, what's the situation over there, man?
What's going on, man?
What's happening, Kal?
What's going on?
What's going on, man? How you been, brother?
I'm good.
But what is-- what is the situation over there, Roy?
You see the situation.
It's disgusting, Kal.
Seaweed everywhere, man.
This beach looks like it's covered
in hair-- looks like an Italian man's back out here.
[sniffs] And this stuff smells like a truck
full of hard-boiled eggs that crashed into a factory that
makes wet farts. It's bad.
It's stinking.
Say, have you ever smelled a wet fart, Kal?
Like, you think it's a dry fart,
then a little juice come out, and you get a little juice.
Yeah, I mean-- yes.
- Some juice farts. - I know.
I get it. I get it.
We've all been there.
But-- but-- but why are you cleaning up the beach?
That's so kind of cleaning.
Cleaning?
Man, I'm not cleaning.
I'm taking all this home.
Hey, hang on, man.
The tour's over there.
Hey, get your ass back.
Get your ass back!
I'm the one that-- all this ocean vomit is mine.
Wait, Roy, why are you taking home the seaweed?
Why else?
I'm going to sell it to white folks.
What do you think I'm going to do?
White folks are not going to buy rotting seaweed.
No, but white people will buy it
once I call it naturally sourced
organic oceanic sargassum.
Oh, my god, you're right.
White people will buy the shit out of that!
I know.
I'm going to be printing money.
All I got to do is stick all this shit
in a classy tin, put a little white baby face on it.
It'll be in Whole Foods next week.
Oh, my working days are over, bro.
My grandkid's going to be so spoiled.
I hate him already.
OK, but what's it used for?
Like, do you eat it, or wrap yourself in it, or?
Man, I don't care.
You can eat it, smoke it, put it in your coffee,
rub it on your balls.
White people will figure it out.
Look, I just got to get all this done before Gwyneth
Paltrow has the same idea.
She'll steal it.
You know what, that's true.
- She'll steal it. - Yes.
Yes. - You know Paltrow.
I know.
You've got to hurry, though.
She stole turmeric from us.
You know-- you know the problem though, man?
The problem-- what's slowing us down-- what's slowing down
the cleanup is all this trash.
I got to pick all this trash out of the seaweed.
Oh, man, why don't you just leave it in there?
Just say it's rich and bioactive upcycled exfoliants.
Bitch, get your ass down here, Kal.
We going into business together.
We partners.
All right, I'm going to leave right after the show.
Come on down here, man.
You smart.
Oh, shit, Gwyneth Paltrow here.
I got to go, man.
Back off, Pepper Potts!
Hold her off, Roy.
Get out of here, Pepper Potts!
I'm coming!
Roy Wood, Jr., everybody.
All right, when we come back, we'll find out what
scares politicians the most.
Don't go away.
[cheering]
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
You know, there's a lot that we don't know about the 2024
election, like who the candidates will be
or which campaign Beto O'Rourke is going to lose.
But as someone who headed up youth issues at the White
House, I can tell you that if history is any indicator,
we already know what one of the big talking points
is going to be.
Every election, it's like, oh,
the young people are coming. Young people are coming.
And, usually, they don't come.
They just don't show up.
Are you hearing me, nieces?
I was having this conversation tonight.
They don't.
Someone said, this convention was not--
they're in their 20s-- was not made for us.
We did--
That's because you don't vote.
I said, you guys don't vote.
Yeah, because you don't vote.
They never ever vote. They complain about everything.
Why would people cater to you if you never come out?
Sorry.
Not to be annoying, but we're with NBC News.
And I'm just trying to figure out,
anybody here going to vote in the election on November 6?
Anybody?
Nobody's going to vote.
REPORTER: What can get younger voters
to actually turn out to vote?
You know, turn out for what?
[DJ SNAKE AND LIL JON, "TURN DOWN FOR WHAT"]
You've got your own theme song, Gadi.
[laughs] Yeah.
[laughter]
Well, young people aren't going to be voting now.
The point is the media loves to whine
about young people not voting.
But what gets much less attention
is that the establishment feels so threatened by the power
of young voters that they actually
try to get them to not vote.
To many in the establishment, low youth turnout
is not a problem.
It's a goal.
And that's what I want to talk about in the latest
installment of Long Story Short.
[cheering]
Let's say that a political party wants
to suppress the youth vote.
What are some things they might try to do?
Their best bet is to put restrictions
on college students.
Because for the most part, they're
all young except for that one guy
who used to sit in the back of your sociology lecture.
What was his deal?
Was that like an inspiring thing
or like a 21 Jump Street situation?
Anyway, one thing that they try to do
is to target student IDs.
In some states, you can't use a school ID to vote,
even though for a lot of students
it's the only thing showing that they live in the state.
And don't tell me that they aren't
legitimate residents, OK?
College students pay local taxes for four years.
And the dumb ones up to six.
[laughter]
One of those states is Texas, where you can't use
your student ID to vote, but you can use your gun permit,
which sure feels like a law made
by Republicans to make it easier for other Republicans
to vote.
It's basically like a liberal state letting you vote if you
still wear your COVID mask.
Another thing they try to do is move
voting booths off campuses.
Now, this is a big deal for college students
since they're less likely to have a car.
If they do know someone with a car,
it's usually that, like, kind of hot but sort of sketch
dude with a 2007 Subaru that, like, reeks of weed, and all
the seat belts are missing.
And it's just, like, is voting for state assembly really
worth getting car herpes?
When it comes to trying to make polling places inaccessible,
the state of Texas is also at the forefront.
Texas Republicans are pushing a bill
that would ban voting booths from every campus
across the state.
Voting rights advocates are slamming a Texas
lawmaker's plan to remove polling
places from college campuses.
REPORTER: Now, young voters favored
Democrats by nearly a 30-point margin in the midterms.
But the Republican who's behind this proposal
tells ABC 13's Briana Conner it is not about that.
Republican State representative Carrie Isaac
says it's a matter of school safety.
I don't believe it's wise that we
invite people onto our campuses that
would not otherwise be there.
REPORTER: Texas Southern University freshman Jordan
Jones points out that public universities like TSU
already have open campuses.
Our library that's literally right there is also public.
Anybody can go in there and use it.
So I feel like there shouldn't be much of a difference
whenever it comes to voting.
She has a good point.
The library is already open to the public.
Although knowing Texas Republicans,
that other lady is just going to be like,
this student is right.
We should also ban "liberries."
[laughter]
I realize.
Thank you.
I realize that so far I've given you Republican examples.
But to be fair, that doesn't mean all voter suppression
is committed by Republicans-- just like 98% of it.
But there are Democrats who do engage in voter suppression.
And I know this from personal experience.
During the Democratic primary in 2007,
I lobbied a local election board
in North Carolina that wanted to remove voting machines
from a campus where there were a lot of Obama Democrats
and send those machines to a wealthy suburb, where
there were a lot of non-Obama Democrats.
Although that's obviously not how they put it.
They were just like, OK, we're doing this
because college students are just less likely to vote
than people in the suburbs.
And then I was like, oh, well, maybe college students don't
vote because you keep [bleep] taking
their voting machines away!
[cheering]
And then I lost.
Sorry.
While those are some of the more common obstacles that you
might encounter as a young voter,
it can get a lot more creative.
REPORTER: Welcome to North Carolina A&T.
It's the largest historically Black
college in the country and a big Democratic voting block.
But when you look at a congressional map,
A&T looks like two separate colleges.
It's split between district 6 and district 13.
So if you move from this dorm over to that dorm,
you're in a different district with different representatives
and a different polling place.
REPORTER: By splitting the campus
into two separate congressional districts,
it diluted the power of A&T's collective voice.
So what was once one congressional district
with an African-American representative,
it is now two congressional districts with two
white Republican legislators.
Have you seen people discouraged
from voting because of this?
Not only do you get discouragement.
There's also not wanting to register at all.
It validates and affirms what young folks
are saying when they say that their votes don't count.
Yeah, that's a bummer.
And, honestly, I haven't seen college
students that disappointed since they
saw me in Van Wilder 2.
In my defense-- in my defense, that movie paid very well.
Yeah.
But, look, this is the point of it.
All of this is meant to freeze you out of the process
and discourage you from participating.
And I get it.
It's easy as a young person to get
demoralized and super high.
I'm not-- not sure why I mentioned that.
Sorry.
To be more clear, things are not hopeless.
You know that gerrymandering at A&T?
Well, it sparked a student revolt.
And after a court order reunified the school,
students there are now voting in record numbers.
Yeah, pretty great.
And it's not just them.
It's not just them.
Despite all of those barriers, young voters have shown
up big in recent elections.
In fact, last year, they may have made all the difference.
The Gen Z-ers, Millennials, they're now
voting in record numbers.
REPORTER: Gen Z voters, people born in 1997 and later,
are lapping their older millennial counterparts.
REPORTER: I know a lot of people talk
about young people talking about being
engaged but not being engaged.
We are seeing engagement.
The energy from these young folks is real.
REPORTER: They all but canceled out
the votes of their grandparents,
of senior citizens, who are some of the most reliable
voters out there and also some of the most
Republican voters out there.
If not for young people, we have a starkly different
result. We saw not a red wave.
We didn't see a blue wave, but we certainly
saw a young voter, Gen Z wave.
A Gen Z wave!
[cheering]
Come on!
Not a red wave, not a blue wave,
not a Millennial pink wave.
So remember when I said the establishment
feels threatened by you?
Well, that's because when you vote,
you often get a lot of the things to happen--
marriage equality, climate action,
and, yes, weed decriminalization.
It's young people who overwhelmingly
pushed to get this stuff done.
So keep it up.
Don't let them make you feel complacent.
Because long story short, you're powerful,
and that's why they're scared of you.
So go make them scared!
All right?
When we come back, Chasten Buttigieg will be joining me.
Stay tuned.
[cheering]
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
My guest tonight is an author, teacher, and advocate.
His latest book is based on his New York
Times best-selling memoir.
It's called I Have Something to Tell You, For Young Adults.
Please welcome Chasten Buttigieg.
[music playing]
Hey, man!
Have a seat.
There you go.
How's it going?
Man, OK, I'm really excited to talk about your book.
But this is sort of just newsy because of the week
that this has been.
At the Gridiron Dinner in Washington DC,
that's a dinner where politicians
are known to make humorous speeches, Vice President--
They try.
[laughs] They try, yes.
Vice President Mike Pence made a joke about your husband
taking paternity leave, and he referred
to it as maternity leave.
And when I saw, that my biggest reaction was, really?
You're just going to recycle a 1998 joke that's,
like, been around forever?
But what was your reaction?
I mean, I think "joke" is being generous there.
[laughs] Yeah.
Especially at The Daily Show, you know.
Yeah, yeah. Of course.
You know, it's a sad trend of people
on the other side using homophobia and misogyny
to try to make a point.
I mean, he's trying to launch a presidential campaign.
And from my experience in presidential politics,
it's about who you bring into the fold,
right, what you inspire people to believe,
believe a better version of America,
especially in those early days.
So I guess that's how he wants to start his campaign,
which I don't think is surprising to any of us.
OK, so in that case, he's using us to be relevant,
and we're going to move on. - Exactly.
We're just going to not give him-- not give him that time.
Yeah.
[applause]
This is the-- this is the young adult version of your New York
Times bestseller, which I assume is just
going to get banned as soon as it comes out,
so congratulations.
CHASTEN: Yeah, we'll probably send it to Mike Pence.
He might learn a thing or two from it.
Yeah, exactly.
But why did you-- why did you write a young adult version?
You know, I'm very proud of this one.
It's the book that I wish I would have had
when I was in eighth grade.
You know, I grew up in conservative
rural northern Michigan, where I did not know any out people.
I thought that I had a sort of disease.
I thought something was wrong with me.
And this book is an opportunity to tell
young people that there is nothing wrong with you.
There are millions of people out here who love you,
who will support you.
You know, and that-- that's the best part about projects
like this, is you get an opportunity to go out there
and do good with that platform.
So we're going to take this book on tour.
And we're going to go to some of these red places,
like Texas, Florida, Utah, Missouri.
And we're going to have those conversations with kids about
how there's-- there is nothing wrong with who you are,
and there are a lot of people out here backing you up.
That's awesome, very nice.
You-- you are not jaded, from what I gather,
if you're saying things like that
and you're actually going to those places.
How long have you guys lived in DC now?
Two years, I guess? Yeah.
KAL: OK, so what was the expectation
of DC versus the reality of DC for you?
[laughs] Well, I mean, it is a tremendous opportunity
for our family to have, you know, that chance
to be part of something big.
I certainly thought that people were
elected into office to go and make change in this country.
And then I got there and realized that there are
incredible people who are focused
on improving people's lives.
And there are also people who use
Washington just to audition to be on Tucker Carlson,
you know.
DC has kind of become this content farm for some people,
where they go into hearings, and they say something
lambastic or offensive because they know
it'll get people outraged.
And then they can cut that and put it on their podcast.
And so that experience of Washington-- you know,
the district is beautiful.
People are great.
And then there's Washington, and I try to keep as much
of a distance as I can from it, focus on my family,
focus on the good, and allow the other stuff
to fall off the shoulder.
OK, you mentioned Tucker Carlson.
He's like kind of obsessed with you.
Did I?
I try not to.
KAL: [laughs] Well, my question is like,
how do you deal with--
I remember there was something he did, like,
is Pete Buttigieg gay?
And I'm like, how do you even-- like, why are they
so obsessed with you and him?
I think they just-- you know, it's easier to focus on really
weird shit, you know.
And that gets people fired up.
And it gets people talking about you online.
And people make a lot of money.
People make a lot of money about-- by you being mad.
And so, like, I wish this guy would, like, send us
some diaper money or something--
the amount of money that he's raising off our family.
Yeah, exactly.
He's making money off of you.
But then you see people like the State senator
in Nebraska, who uses her platform to do good things.
You see the Elliott-Larsen Civil Rights Act passed
in Michigan today, extending civil rights protections
to the people of Michigan.
So that's the stuff we stay focused on
and let people on late night television talk
about the things they want.
All right, so as we wrap up, how do you stay that hopeful?
How do you-- like, how do you go from people-- idiots
like me asking you about Tucker Carlson, and then you're like,
here's the things that I actually find hopeful.
How do you do that?
Well, I mean, my draft folder is long, but--
KAL: Oh, of tweets that you haven't said?
Yeah, I try to put the good stuff out there.
But it's my kids, you know.
They've changed everything.
At the end of the day, you've got two
screaming twins who just want their dinner,
and they-- and they want their bath time.
And that grounds me because that's the good work.
You know, you're raising the next generation.
You're focused on the good.
You're focused on the opportunity
to make this a better country.
And you let the weird people on television talk
about whatever they want to do because I
know that we are all part of something
much bigger than ourselves.
Chasten Buttigieg, everyone.
Thank you so much for being here.
You are incredible.
I Have Something to Tell You, For Adults
is available for preorder.
Thanks, man.
All right, we're going to take a quick break,
but we'll be right back after this.
[music playing]
Well, that's our show for tonight.
And that's my time as guest host.
But stay tuned for next week, when
your host will be Al Franken.
And if you want more of me, you can pick up a copy of my book
or audiobook, it's called You Can't Be Serious, wherever
books and audiobooks are sold.
And now, here it is, your moment of zen.
Mr. Scharf, have you seen Harold
and Kumar Go to White Castle?
Excuse me?
Have you seen the movie Harold
and Kumar Go to White Castle?
No, I've not, Congresswoman.
[singsongy "mtv"]