1 00:00:01,034 --> 00:00:06,373 ♪ ♪ Announcer: FROM NEW YORK CITY, THE ONLY CITY IN AMERICA, IT'S THE SHOW THAT 2 00:00:06,373 --> 00:00:12,412 INVENTED NEWS. THIS IS "THE DAILY SHOW" WITH YOUR HOST, MARLON WAYANS! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 3 00:00:12,412 --> 00:00:34,734 ♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Marlon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW!" 4 00:00:34,734 --> 00:00:41,741 I'M MARLON WAYANS. AND IT'S MY LAST NIGHT HOSTING THE SHOW. BUT LIKE I ALWAYS SAY: 5 00:00:41,741 --> 00:00:51,351 "DON'T CRY BECAUSE IT'S OVER, SMILE BECAUSE YOU WAS HIGH ALL WEEK." [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 6 00:00:51,351 --> 00:00:56,456 OR MAYBE THAT WAS JUST ME. ANYWAY. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 7 00:00:56,456 --> 00:01:02,362 SO, HEY, LET'S GET INTO THE HEADLINES! ♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 8 00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:09,803 WELL, SADLY, IT'S MY LAST DAY HOSTING "THE DAILY SHOW." AND I ALMOST GOT THROUGH THE WHOLE WEEK WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT 9 00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:23,216 RACIST COPS. BUT GUESS WHAT WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT TODAY: RACIST COPS. AFTER THE LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY, 10 00:01:23,216 --> 00:01:28,655 POLICE KILLED BREONNA TAYLOR, THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT LAUNCHED AN INVESTIGATION INTO WHETHER THE DEPARTMENT DISCRIMINATES 11 00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:31,858 AGAINST BLACK PEOPLE. AND AFTER TWO YEARS, GUESS WHAT THEY FOUND OUT. THE RESULTS THIS MORNING FROM 12 00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:36,429 THE U.S. JUSTICE DEPARTMENT AREN'T FLATTERING AT ALL TO LOUISVILLE POLICE. THE REPORT CONCLUDES THAT THE 13 00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:44,037 UNIT'S ACTIVITIES WERE PART OF AN OVERALL ENFORCEMENT APPROACH THAT RESULTED IN SIGNIFICANT AND UNLAWFUL RACIAL DISPARITIES. 14 00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:49,275 FEDERAL AUTHORITIES FOUND THAT POLICE IN THE CITY WERE FOUR TO FIVE TIMES MORE LIKELY TO STOP BLACK DRIVERS THAN WHITE 15 00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:56,049 ONES FOR THE SAME TRAFFIC VIOLATIONS, FIVE TIMES MORE LIKELY TO CHARGE BLACK PEOPLE FOR LOITERING OR DISORDERLY 16 00:01:56,049 --> 00:02:02,322 CONDUCT, AND MORE LIKELY TO STOP AND SEARCH BLACK AMERICANS FOR THE SAME BEHAVIORS. Marlon: THAT'S RIGHT. 17 00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:09,729 THE DOJ LAUNCHED A TWO-YEAR INVESTIGATION TO FIND OUT SOMETHING EVERY BLACK PERSON ALREADY KNEW. 18 00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:15,034 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THE POLICE DISCRIMINATE AGAINST BLACK PEOPLE? WHAT ELSE DID YOU GUYS FIND OUT? 19 00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:31,451 NICK CANNON DOESN'T USE CONDOMS? OR HE HAS A REALLY TERRIBLE PULLOUT GAME. THE BLACK WOMAN BEHIND 20 00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:41,060 MERRICK GARLAND WAS LIKE, "I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT, MERRICK, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FLEW ME UP TO LOUISVILLE FOR 21 00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:53,973 THIS BULLSHIT. NEXT TIME, JUST ASKED ME, DAMN IT. "EVERY TIME 22 00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:56,709 THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT INVESTIGATES A CITY'S POLICE DEPARTMENT, THE CONCLUSION IS THAT THEY'RE RACIST. 23 00:02:56,709 --> 00:03:01,681 JUST ONCE, I'D LOVE TO HAVE THEM HOLD A PRESS CONFERENCE LIKE THIS. AFTER A TWO-YEAR INVESTIGATION 24 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:06,319 INTO THIS POLICE DEPARTMENT, WE HAVE FOUND SHOCKING LEVELS OF TOLERANCE. OFFICERS WERE FIVE TIMES MORE 25 00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:12,358 LIKELY TO HIGH-FIVE A BLACK PERSON THAN A WHITE PERSON. AND SOME WHITE OFFICERS WERE CAUGHT IN TEXT MESSAGES 26 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:26,472 DISCUSSING THE WORKS OF JAMES BALDWIN. IT IS A TOUGH DAY FOR AMERICA. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 27 00:03:26,472 --> 00:03:34,847 LET'S MOVE ON TO TENNESSEE. HERE'S ANOTHER SURPRISE YOU PROBABLY SAW COMING A MILE AWAY: AN ANTI-GAY REPUBLICAN JUST GOT 28 00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:41,087 CAUGHT IN A THIRST TRAP. OUR TOP STORY THIS MORNING, TENNESSEE'S LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR IS RECEIVING CRITICISM AFTER 29 00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:47,527 MAKING SEVERAL COMMENTS ON NEARLY NAKED PHOTOS OF A 20-YEAR-OLD GAY MAN WITH HIS BLUE CHECKED GOVERNMENT ACCOUNT. 30 00:03:47,527 --> 00:03:53,032 OVER THE LAST THREE YEARS, THE LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR HAS BEEN REGULARLY COMMENTING ON THESE EXTREMELY RACY PICTURES OF AN 31 00:03:53,032 --> 00:04:00,106 INFLUENCER. EVERYTHING FROM TYPING OUT FIRE EMOJIS WHERE THE MALE USER POSTED HIS BACKSIDE TO 32 00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:04,377 COMMENTING THAT HE HAS "A SUPER LOOK" AND THAT HE LOVES HIS CONTENT. HERE'S WHAT HIS PRESS TEAM HAD 33 00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:11,484 TO SAY: "TRYING TO APPLY SOMETHING SINISTER AND INAPPROPRIATE ABOUT A GREAT GRANDFATHER'S USE OF SOCIAL 34 00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:18,791 MEDIA SAYS MORE ABOUT THE MIND OF THE LEFT WING OPERATIVE MAKING THE IMPLICATION THAN IT DOES ABOUT RANDY McNALLY. 35 00:04:18,791 --> 00:04:22,462 DOES HE ALWAYS USE THE PROPER EMOJI AT THE PROPER TIME? MAYBE NOT, BUT HE ENJOYS INTERACTING WITH CONSTITUENTS 36 00:04:22,462 --> 00:04:28,167 AND TENNESSEEANS OF ALL RELIGIONS, BACKGROUNDS, AND ORIENTATIONS ON SOCIAL MEDIA, ADDING HE HAS NO INTENTION OF 37 00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:41,047 STOPPING. Marlon: YEAH, I BET HE HAS NO INTENTION OF STOPPING. I DON'T LIKE TO STOP WHILE I'M 38 00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:51,958 JERKIN' EITHER! I LOVE HIS EXCUSE, THOUGH. HIS EXCUSE IS THAT HE'S A GREAT-GRANDFATHER. 39 00:04:51,958 --> 00:05:00,333 THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER! THE WORST PART IS, YOU KNOW HE PROBABLY CALLED HIS GRANDSON TO TEACH HIM HOW TO DO INSTAGRAM. 40 00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:10,977 "HEY, BLAKE, GRANDPA WANTS TELL THIS HOT YOUNG TWINK THAT HE CAN RIDE MY FACE LIKE A UNICYCLE. WHAT EMOJIS SHOULD PAPA USE?" 41 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:16,883 AND FINALLY, CARS IN MAINE ARE GETTING A LITTLE MORE BORING TODAY. A VEGAN IN MAINE, WHOSE 42 00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:22,488 CUSTOM LICENSE PLATE CONTAINS THE WORD "TOFU" IS ONE OF THE DRIVERS CAUGHT UP IN THE STATE CRACKDOWN ON VULGAR VANITY 43 00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:30,730 PLATES. THIS APPARENTLY THE PLATE IN QUESTION, IT SAYS, "LOVE TOFU" BUT THE STATE THINKS IT COULD BE 44 00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:46,813 SEEN AS AN INAPPROPRIATE REFERENCE. Marlon: I LOVE TO F-U? ARE WE SURE THAT CAR DOESN'T 45 00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:55,621 BELONG TO THE LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR OF TENNESSEE? [LAUGHS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 46 00:05:55,621 --> 00:06:01,828 PAW PAW. I SAY, LET THAT MAN HAVE HIS LICENSE PLATE. HOW ARE YOU GONNA PUNISH A 47 00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:07,467 VEGAN? ISN'T THAT DIET PUNISHMENT ENOUGH ALREADY? FOR MORE ON THIS STORY, WE TURN 48 00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:17,343 TO MICHAEL KOSTA. MICHAEL! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MAINE'S 49 00:06:17,343 --> 00:06:23,716 CRACKDOWN ON VANITY LICENSE PLATES? IT IS RIDICULOUS. THIS IS MORE UNFAIR THAN WHEN I 50 00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:30,256 WAS KICKED OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL FOR CUTTING CLASS. STUDENTS CAN DO IT, BUT THE SUBSTITUTE TEACHER CAN'T? 51 00:06:30,256 --> 00:06:37,597 DOUBLE STANDARD MUCH? Marlon: I THINK MAINE IS JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE THAT LICENSE PLATES AREN'T OBSCENE. 52 00:06:37,597 --> 00:06:40,900 OKAY, BUT THEY'RE GOING TOO FAR! THEY REJECT ALL KINDS OF COMPLETELY INNOCENT PLATES, JUST 53 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:47,807 BECAUSE THEIR MINDS ARE IN THE GUTTER? AND I'M SPEAKING FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE HERE. 54 00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:56,215 AS YOU WOULD EXPECT, I SUMMER IN MAINE, AND JUST TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF MY PLATES THAT THEY REJECTED FOR NO REASON. 55 00:06:56,215 --> 00:07:02,955 I AM NOT A VEGAN, SO I'M NOT ABOUT TO HAVE "LOVE TOFU." THAT'S WHY I WENT WITH THIS. I'M A CHICKEN GUY. 56 00:07:02,955 --> 00:07:12,064 WHITE MEAT, DARK MEAT. I LOVE IT ALL. PUT IT IN MY MOUTH! Marlon: UH, MICHAEL, I GOT TO 57 00:07:12,064 --> 00:07:17,904 BE HONEST, THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE TROLLING FOR SEX. BOY, YOU SOUND LIKE JUST ALL THOSE GUYS DOWN AT THE TRUCK 58 00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:22,475 STOP. YOU'RE SEEING MESSAGES THAT JUST AREN'T HERE. LIKE, CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY ALSO 59 00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:31,517 SAID NO TO THIS ONE ABOUT MY LOVE OF NASCAR? I'M MR. RACE! BUT NO! 60 00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:37,590 THAT ONE ACTUALLY LANDED ME ON SOME KIND OF LIST, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? I DID GET A SHOUT-OUT FROM 61 00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:47,667 TUCKER CARLSON, THOUGH, APPARENTLY, THIS IS ALSO THE NAME OF HIS BOAT. Marlon: THAT ONE MAKES ME 62 00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:55,541 WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN YOUR FACE. SO YOU'RE NOT A NASCAR FAN, I GET IT. BUT IF THAT UPSETS YOU, JUST 63 00:07:55,541 --> 00:08:04,650 WAITED TILL YOU SEE THE ONE THAT THE MAINE DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES SENT ME. Marlon: OH, OKAY, THAT'S JUST 64 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:09,021 A REGULAR PLATE. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? L-2-E-F-D-P? "LOVE TO EAT FAT DONKEY PUSS?" 65 00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:15,761 THIS IS OBSCENE, MARLON! I HAVE A FAMILY! Marlon: I THINK YOU'RE OVERREACTING, OKAY. 66 00:08:15,761 --> 00:08:22,301 WHAT PLATE DID YOU END UP WITH? WE'RE STILL GOING BACK AND FORTH. BUT I'M HOPING THIS IS THE ONE 67 00:08:22,301 --> 00:08:36,115 THEY'LL ACCEPT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Marlon: OKAY... SO YOU MEAN LIKE ASSISTING ON 68 00:08:36,115 --> 00:08:41,754 BASKETBALL PLACE? NO, IT'S "ASS PLAY." IT'S TO EXPRESS MY LOVE OF ASS PLAY. 69 00:08:41,754 --> 00:08:48,361 I LOVE THE ASS, MARLON. Marlon: I LIKE IT MYSELF. OKAY, LET'S LEAVE IT RIGHT THERE, MICHAEL. 70 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,097 WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL TELL YOU HOW TO SAVE YOUR KIDS! 71 00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:24,831 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Marlon: WELCOME BACK TO "THE DAILY SHOW." 72 00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:31,171 WE ALL KNOW THERE'S A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH AMERICAN SCHOOLS. LOW TEST SCORES, NASTY ASS SCHOOL LUNCH, NO PRIVACY WHEN 73 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:38,311 YOU ARE TRYING TO FINGER BANG FINGER BANG IN THE STAIRWELL. BUT THERE IS ONE ISSUE THAT DOESN'T GET AS MUCH ATTENTION. 74 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:42,482 THERE HAS BEEN AN INCREASED DEMAND FOR AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS THROUGHOUT THE PANDEMIC. THE ONLY PROBLEM IS, THEY 75 00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:46,486 DON'T HAVE THE STAFF TO HANDLE IT. AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS HAVE BEEN INUNDATED ACROSS THE 76 00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:51,158 COUNTRY, BUT A LACK OF FUNDING PLUS STAFFING SHORTAGES HAVE MADE THE CRUSH OF STUDENTS IMPOSSIBLE TO KEEP UP WITH, WITH 77 00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:54,961 85% OF THESE PROGRAMS FEARING BEING ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH DEMAND. WE HAVEN'T HAD WAITLISTS LIKE 78 00:09:54,961 --> 00:10:00,667 THIS BEFORE, SO WE HAVE NEEDED TO CAP OUR ENROLLMENT. FOR EVERY CHILD PARTICIPATING IN AFTER SCHOOL IN NEW YORK, 79 00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:02,936 FOUR ARE WAITING FOR AN AVAILABLE PROGRAM. THAT'S MORE THAN 1.6 MILLION CHILDREN. 80 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:11,545 IN 2020, MORE THAN 340,000 CHILDREN WERE ALONE AND UNSUPERVISED BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 3:00 AND 6:00 P.M. 81 00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:18,652 Marlon: THAT'S RIGHT. JUST IN NEW YORK ALONE, 340,000 KIDS ARE ALONE AND UNSUPERVISED EVERY AFTERNOON. 82 00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:25,058 NOW IF YOU CARE ABOUT KIDS, THAT'S TERRIBLE NEWS. UNLESS YOU'RE A PEDOPHILE, THEN IT'S THE BEST NEWS YOU EVER 83 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:34,768 HEARD! YOU ARE LIKE, WHOO! THAT'S LIKE HEARING WINDOWLESS VANS WENT ON SALE! 84 00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:41,408 BUT THERE IS A GREAT SOLUTION FOR THIS. AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS! AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY IN ANOTHER 85 00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:47,848 INSTALLMENT OF "LONG STORY SHORT." [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪ 86 00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:52,686 THE FIRST BENEFIT OF AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS SHOULD BE OBVIOUS: THEY GIVE KIDS A PLACE TO GO AFTER SCHOOL. 87 00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:59,626 IT'S RIGHT THERE IN THE NAME! COME ON, KEEP UP, STUPID! IT'S TRUE. KIDS NEED TO STAY BUSY, 88 00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:04,364 ESPECIALLY TEENS. IF THEY DON'T HAVE SOMETHING TO DO, THEY'RE GONNA FIND SOMETHING TO DO. 89 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:12,839 THAT'S WHY JUVENILE CRIME PEAKS BETWEEN 2:00 P.M. AND 6:00 P.M. EVERY DAY. BUT KIDS IN AFTER-SCHOOL 90 00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:17,010 PROGRAMS ARE LESS LIKELY TO DO DRUGS, OR DRINK ALCOHOL, OR JOIN A GANG. BECAUSE KIDS GET TIRED PRETTY 91 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:28,922 QUICKLY. THEY ONLY GOT ENOUGH ENERGY FOR EITHER A CARJACKING OR A DANCE RECITAL. 92 00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:36,363 THEY CAN'T DO BOTH. [APPLAUSE] KIDS AREN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO BENEFIT, BECAUSE FOR EVERY 93 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:41,001 DOLLAR SPENT ON AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS, THE STATE GETS NEARLY $7 BACK IN POTENTIAL BENEFITS THANKS TO 94 00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:47,440 LOWER TEEN PREGNANCY, SUBSTANCE ABUSE, AND CRIME. NOW, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT EVERY KID IN AN AFTER-SCHOOL 95 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:52,479 PROGRAM IS NEVER GONNA COMMIT A CRIME. BUT IF A KID STAYS OFF THE STREETS AND MAKES IT TO COLLEGE, 96 00:11:52,479 --> 00:12:04,291 THEN SOMEDAY, HE CAN COMMIT A WHITE-COLLAR CRIME. THAT'S THE DREAM! BUT THE IMPACT GOES FAR BEYOND 97 00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:09,562 KEEPING KIDS BUSY. THEY ALSO HELP KIDS SUCCEED IN SCHOOL. AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS ARE LINKED 98 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:19,639 TO HIGHER GRADES, ATTENDANCE, AND GRADUATION RATES. THE ONLY THING BETTER THAN THAT IT'S BRIBING YOUR KID'S TEACHER. 99 00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:29,950 TAKE IT FROM ME, THAT SHIT CAN GET EXPENSIVE. SHAWN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 100 00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:36,856 THEY ALSO EXPOSE KIDS TO INTERESTS AND OPPORTUNITIES THAT MUSIC, ART, LANGUAGE. THERE'S NO LIMIT TO THE WAYS 101 00:12:36,856 --> 00:12:43,630 AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS CAN BROADEN YOUR HORIZONS. AND I MEAN, NO LIMIT. PARENTS IN SOUTHEAST VIRGINIA 102 00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:50,870 VOICING OUTRAGE OVER A PROPOSAL TO ADD AN AFTER-SCHOOL SATAN CLUB TO A LOCAL PUBLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL THAT TEACHES 103 00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:56,343 PRE-K THROUGH SECOND GRADE. THE NATIONAL DIRECTOR FOR THE SATAN CLUB DEFENDED THE IDEA. WE DON'T TRY TO INDOCTRINATE 104 00:12:56,343 --> 00:13:05,285 THEM INTO SATANISM. WE JUST WANT TO OFFER A PLACE THAT'S, YOU KNOW, FUN, YOU KNOW, EXCITING, FREE FROM ANY SORT OF 105 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:22,969 THREATS OF ETERNAL DAMNATION. Marlon: HOW COME THAT BITCH DIDN'T BLINK? [LAUGHS] 106 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:27,474 YES, THEY EVEN HAVE A SATANISM CLUB. YOU KNOW THERE'S SOME PARENTS WHO ARE LIKE, 107 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:36,583 "THAT'S HORRIBLE. BUT IS IT FREE, THOUGH? SO IT'S CLEAR THAT AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS ARE HUGELY BENEFICIAL. 108 00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:40,920 THE PROBLEM IS THAT THEY JUST DON'T GET A LOT OF MONEY. THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IS BARELY FUNDING THESE PROGRAMS AND THE 109 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:47,127 STATE GOVERNMENTS AREN'T DOING MUCH BETTER. BUT IT IS POSSIBLE BECAUSE CALIFORNIA DID IT. 110 00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:54,067 IN FACT, FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS, CALIFORNIA HAS OUTSPENT ALL THE OTHER 49 STATES COMBINED ON AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS. 111 00:13:54,067 --> 00:14:03,576 WHICH IS MESSED UP, BECAUSE CALIFORNIA ACTUALLY HAS SHIT TO DO AFTER SCHOOL. SERIOUSLY, COMPARE THAT TO 112 00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:08,948 SOUTH DAKOTA. THERE AIN'T SHIT TO DO IN SOUTH DAKOTA! KIDS CAN ONLY LOOK AT 113 00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:16,790 MOUNT RUSHMORE FOR SO LONG BEFORE THEY'RE LIKE, "AIGHT, IT'S TIME TO DO SOME METH." 114 00:14:16,790 --> 00:14:24,831 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] BUT THE REASON CALIFORNIA SPENDS SO MUCH ON AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS IS THANKS TO THE WORK OF ONE 115 00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:33,039 VERY DEDICATED KINDERGARTEN TEACHER. IN 2002, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER WAS ALMOST 116 00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:38,845 SINGLE-HANDEDLY RESPONSIBLE FOR CALIFORNIA'S PASSAGE OF PROP 49, WHICH MADE AFTER-SCHOOL FUNDING MANDATORY. 117 00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:45,151 EVEN TODAY, THE FORMER GOVERNOR RAISES MONEY FOR AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS WITH FUN CHARITY EVENTS, LIKE CRUSHING THINGS 118 00:14:45,151 --> 00:14:51,724 WITH HIS TANK. I'M INVITING YOU PERSONALLY TO LOS ANGELES THE CRUSH THINGS IN MY TANK WITH ME. 119 00:14:51,724 --> 00:15:01,067 LET'S CRUSH A TAXICAB. LET'S CRUSH A PIANO. THIS WOULD BENEFIT THE AFTER-SCHOOL ALL-STARS. 120 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:14,447 SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? LET'S GO AROUND AND GO CRUSH THINGS WITH A TANK. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 121 00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:23,289 Marlon: WHO KNEW THAT BIG BUFF [BLEEP] HAD KIDS? I KILLED THEM. WE GOT TO GET MORE CELEBRITY TO 122 00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:32,532 TURN THEIR OBSESSIONS INTO CHARITY. TOM CRUISE, START JUMPING OUT OF AIRPLANES TO SAVE BABY SEALS! 123 00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:37,403 SNOOP DOGG, SMOKE WEED FOR GLOBAL WARMING, BABY! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] LEONARDO DiCAPRIO... 124 00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:53,052 WELL, IF YOU SEEN HIS GIRLFRIENDS, HE'S ALREADY RUNNING AN AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAM. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 125 00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:58,525 I'M SORRY, LEO, THEY MADE ME SAY IT. PLEASE LET ME IN YOUR PARTY IS [LAUGHTER] 126 00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:02,762 NOW, AS AWESOME AS THIS IS, OUR AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS SHOULDN'T DEPEND ON WHETHER ANYONE WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH ARNOLD 127 00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:12,405 SCHWARZENEGGER. WE NEED TO FIND A MORE RELIABLE WAY TO FUND THESE PROGRAMS, BECAUSE THEY'RE IMPORTANT 128 00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:15,675 TO UNDERPRIVILEGED KIDS. AND I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, BECAUSE AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS WERE SO IMPORTANT FOR 129 00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:21,648 ME. THAT'S WHY I'M TALKING ABOUT THIS SHIT! I GREW UP IN THE PROJECTS IN 130 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:27,086 NEW YORK CITY AND THERE WERE 10 OF US WAYANS KIDS. BUT THANK GOD WE HAD AN AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAM FOR US TO 131 00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:36,262 GO TO. IT EXPOSED US TO THE ARTS. IMAGINE IF ALL OF THAT ENERGY AND WORK ETHIC 132 00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:41,534 WAS DIRECTED TOWARD SLINGING DRUGS INSTEAD. I'M NOT SAYING THERE WOULD BE A WAYANS CARTEL. 133 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:48,608 BUT WE WOULD'VE GOT A LOT OF [BLEEP] HIGH. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] LISTEN, CHANGED OUR LIVES, NOT 134 00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:54,047 JUST FOR OUR FAMILY, BUT FOR A LOT OF KIDS IN THE AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS, THEY DID WELL. BUT FOR THOSE WHO STAY ON THE 135 00:16:54,047 --> 00:17:01,421 STREETS, NOT SO MUCH. SEE, IT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE TO BE IN A PLACE THAT KEEPS YOU BUSY, KEEPS YOU FED, AND KEEPS 136 00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:08,795 YOU PROTECTED. EVEN FOR THE BULLIES, ALL THE BULLIES WHO SAY, "3:00, I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS," YOU ARE 137 00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:16,135 LIKE, SO WHAT, I AM HERE UNTIL 6:00." [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [LAUGHS] 138 00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:22,976 THE BULLY HAS TO JOIN THE DRAMA PROGRAM JUST TO FIND YOU. "I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS AFTER REHEARSAL, MARLON. 139 00:17:22,976 --> 00:17:31,851 BUT FIRST, READ LINES WITH ME." LET'S READ THIS SONNET FROM "HAMLET." SO, LONG STORY SHORT, WE NEED TO 140 00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:37,423 MAKE FUNDING AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS A NATIONAL PRIORITY. IT LITERALLY BENEFITS EVERYONE. THE KIDS, THE COMMUNITY, AND 141 00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:44,731 ESPECIALLY YOU. BECAUSE IF I DIDN'T HAVE AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS, YOU COULD'VE BEEN ROBBED BY A 142 00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:53,139 WAYANS! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AND THERE IS A LOT OF US. ALL RIGHT, STAY TUNED BECAUSE 143 00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:58,845 WHEN WE COME BACK, MY BROTHER OMAR EPPS WILL BE JOINING ME ON THE SHOW. 144 00:18:09,723 --> 00:18:39,119 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Marlon: WELCOME BACK TO "THE DAILY SHOW." 145 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:42,922 MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACTOR, PRODUCER, AND AUTHOR. AND HE JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD. 146 00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:50,797 HIS NEW BOOK IS CALLED "NUBIA: THE AWAKENING." PLEASE WELCOME MY BROTHER OMAR EPPS! 147 00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:59,239 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] OMAR! 148 00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:02,142 YEAH, YOU KNOW. Marlon: LOOKING GOOD, BROTHER. I MEAN, THIS IS A LITTLE 149 00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:09,315 WEIRD BECAUSE WE GREW UP TOGETHER. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [LAUGHTER] 150 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:13,753 Marlon: I KNOW OMAR -- I KNEW HIM IN HIGH SCHOOL, I'VE KNOWN HIM SINCE HIGH SCHOOL. AND WHEN WE FIRST MET, OMAR IN 151 00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:22,695 HIGH SCHOOL USED TO CARRY AROUND THIS LITTLE BLUE BALL. HE WAS SKINNY, HAD A BIG ASS HEAD AND SHOULDERS. 152 00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:26,833 HE WAS LIKE AN ARROW. YOU CAN JUST PUT HIM IN THINGS AND SLING HIM. HE IS A BIG ASS HEAD AND HE HAD 153 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:30,069 A BLUE BALL AND HE WOULD BOUNCE IT ALL AROUND AND ALL I COULD THINK WAS, I WANT TO KICK HIS ASS. 154 00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:35,041 FOR NO GOOD REASON. THE THING WAS, REMEMBER "ROCKY," THE FIRST MOVIES? HE HAD THE BLUE BALL. 155 00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:42,549 THAT WAS MY THING. I WAS DRINKING RAW EGGS, BOUNCING THE BLUE BALL LIKE ROCKY. 156 00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:49,155 I THOUGH I COULD KICK SOMEBODY'S ASS. Marlon: WE ACTUALLY DIDN'T LIKE EACH OTHER UNTIL -- WE 157 00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:52,625 ALMOST FOUGHT. WE WAS IN THE LOCKER ROOM AND THEN WE GOT EACH OTHER IN A HEADLOCK. 158 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:56,629 WE GOT TO A STALEMATE. WE WERE STUCK. Marlon: WE HAD THE SAME TECHNIQUE. 159 00:19:56,629 --> 00:20:04,204 I HAD YOU LIKE THIS AND YOU WAS DIGGING THIS PART OF YOUR WRIST INTO MY JAW AND I WAS DIGGING THAT INTO YOUR HEAD AND YOU WAS 160 00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:09,175 LIKE, YO, WE HAVE THE SAME TECHNIQUE. WE SHOULD JOIN FORCES. [LAUGHTER] 161 00:20:09,175 --> 00:20:15,682 [APPLAUSE] YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY, IT'S THE TRUTH. THAT IS WHAT MAKES IT FUNNY. 162 00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:20,420 [LAUGHS] WE LITERALLY GOT STUCK, WE GOT COOL AFTER THAT, AND WE'VE BEEN THICK AS THIEVES EVER SINCE 163 00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:30,196 THEN. [APPLAUSE] Marlon: I'M GLAD. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE ROLE? 164 00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:38,037 BECAUSE YOU HAVE DONE A LOT OF GREAT WORK. I ALWAYS LOOK AT IT LIKE, I FEEL LIKE, EACH ROLE IS A PIECE 165 00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:45,778 OF A MOSAIC THAT IS A BIGGER THING, THAT WILL BE DONE ONCE IT IS SAID AND DONE, ONCE MY TIME ON THIS EARTH IS DONE. 166 00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:52,652 SO I DON'T HAVE A FAVORITE ROLE. I POUR THE SAME AMOUNT INTO EVERY ROLE THAT I POUR INTO THE NEXT ONE, AND FOR ME, BUT AS YOU 167 00:20:52,652 --> 00:21:00,727 KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE THE FIRST, YOU KNOW, THAT FIRST ROLE THAT IS JUST LIKE -- Marlon: YOU KNOW IT IS 168 00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:06,032 CRAZY, AS YOU WAS TELLING ME THAT, I WAS SITTING THERE GOING, WHERE THE [BLEEP] DID YOU LEARN THE WORD "MOSAIC?" 169 00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:19,545 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? [LAUGHTER] NO, BUT YOU ARE AN AUTHOR NOW, MAN. 170 00:21:19,545 --> 00:21:26,719 THIS, THIS, THIS MADE ME SO PROUD OF YOU! THIS BOOK, I WAS LIKE, THIS IS THE DUDE THAT CUT EVERY CLASS, 171 00:21:26,719 --> 00:21:32,925 IS WRITING BOOKS. I COULDN'T EVEN READ THE NOTE THAT YOU PASSED TO ME IN CLASS. IT WAS IN SOME GRAFFITI OR WEIRD 172 00:21:32,925 --> 00:21:39,332 LANGUAGE. BUT MAN, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO WRITE THIS BOOK? 173 00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:48,474 WELL, I JUST -- IT IS A COMING OF AGE BOOK ABOUT THESE THREE TEENS, IT TAKES PLACE IN 2098, AND I JUST WAS IMAGINING, 174 00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:53,112 WHAT IS THE WORLD GOING TO LOOK LIKE? WHAT IS SOCIETY GOING TO LOOK LIKE? 175 00:21:53,112 --> 00:21:57,984 AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, FOR ME, BECAUSE WE ARE BORN AND RAISED IN NEW YORK, WHAT IS NEW YORK GOING TO LOOK LIKE? 176 00:21:57,984 --> 00:22:05,625 TO THOSE KIDS? AND I JUST STARTED DISSECTING IT AND BREAKING IT DOWN, AND REALLY TRYING TO LOOK THROUGH THE EYES 177 00:22:05,625 --> 00:22:12,632 OF A BUDDING MIND. YOU KNOW, BECAUSE I AM REALLY -- YOU KNOW, MY MOTHER WAS AN EDUCATOR. 178 00:22:12,632 --> 00:22:22,308 SO I AM REALLY INTO SPEAKING TO KIDS AT DIFFERENT SCHOOLS AND THINGS OF THAT NATURE, AND OFFER WHAT I CAN. 179 00:22:22,308 --> 00:22:30,683 AND THIS IS MY OFFERING IN THAT WAY OF, HEY, CLIMATE CHANGE HAS HAPPENED, IT'S ABOUT CLASSISM, IT'S ABOUT SEXISM, IT'S 180 00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:38,725 OBVIOUSLY ABOUT RACISM IS STILL IN THERE. ALL OF THE ISMS, AND HOW DO WE SPIN THAT ON ITS HEAD? 181 00:22:38,725 --> 00:22:45,965 BECAUSE IT'S REALLY ABOUT THE KIDS WHO ARE TRYING TO FIGURE THEMSELVES OUT BECAUSE THE 14, 15-YEAR-OLD STAGE IS AN AWKWARD 182 00:22:45,965 --> 00:22:52,372 PART OF LIFE, JUST FOR ANYONE. SO IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE YOU COME FROM. YOU COULD BE FROM ARKANSAS, 183 00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:59,011 NEBRASKA, OR YOU COULD BE FROM AN URBAN SPACE LIKE CHICAGO OR NEW YORK OR ATLANTA OR WHATEVER, AND I BELIEVE THAT THERE IS 184 00:22:59,011 --> 00:23:05,451 SOMETHING IN THERE FOR EVERY KID TO TAKE AWAY, BECAUSE IT'S ALSO ABOUT ESCAPISM. TO GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO, LIKE, 185 00:23:05,451 --> 00:23:10,156 GET THEM THROUGH THE NEXT DAY, YOU KNOW? Marlon: I READ THE BOOK, AND IT'S AMAZING. 186 00:23:10,156 --> 00:23:17,563 AND I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU. THANK YOU. Marlon: I SWEAR, IT WASN'T UNTIL THE EXPLANATION THAT YOU 187 00:23:17,563 --> 00:23:25,271 JUST GAVE ME, I THOUGHT YOU CHEATED ON SOMEBODY TO WRITE THIS BOOK BUT NOW I KNOW, YOU DO KNOW THEM BIG WORDS. 188 00:23:25,271 --> 00:23:28,474 [APPLAUSE] I LOVE YOU, MY BROTHER. YOU GUYS, GO GET THE BOOK. IT IS ON AMAZON RIGHT NOW! 189 00:23:28,474 --> 00:23:36,282 ON AMAZON! GIVE IT UP FOR MY BROTHER, OMAR EPPS! "NUBIA: THE AWAKENING" IS NOW 190 00:23:36,282 --> 00:23:40,686 AVAILABLE! OKAY, WE ARE GOING TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT WE ARE GOING TO BE RIGHT BACK! 191 00:23:55,513 --> 00:24:30,481 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Marlon: ALL RIGHT. THAT WRAPS UP MY WEEK AT "THE DAILY SHOW." 192 00:24:30,481 --> 00:24:36,921 BUT STAY TUNED BECAUSE YOUR NEXT POST IS MY BOY KAL PENN! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] IF YOU WANT TO SEE MORE OF ME, 193 00:24:36,921 --> 00:24:40,859 YOU CAN WATCH MY SPECIAL "GOD LOVES ME" ON HBO MAX OR CATCH ME ON TOUR, BUY TICKETS AT THE LINK BELOW!