1
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:13,211
I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE
THAT THEY MOVED US
TO THIS LOUSY TABLE.
2
00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:16,348
YEAH, I CAN SEE
THE ICE IN THE URINALS,
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
3
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:21,954
THAT'S IT, I'M GONNA GO TALK
TO THE GUY IN THE MONKEY SUIT
AND FIND OUT WHAT'S GOIN' ON.
4
00:00:21,956 --> 00:00:25,590
WELL, EVERYBODY,
I'D LIKE TO
PROPOSE A TOAST.
5
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:28,293
UH, NO.
NO, HARRY.
LET ME.
6
00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:31,797
( clears throat )
TO SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN
AN INSPIRATION TO US ALL
7
00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:34,132
AND A BEACON OF LIGHT
IN A DARK
8
00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:36,567
AND OMINOUS FOG
OF MEDIOCRITY--
9
00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:38,637
TO ME.
10
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:42,207
- CAN I SEE IT?
- I'VE BEEN IMMORTALIZED.
11
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,442
AH, YEP.
IT'S NOT JUST ANYBODY
12
00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:46,812
WHO GETS TO BE
IN THE PENDLETON
YEARBOOK.
13
00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:50,949
ONLY THOSE PEOPLE
WHO WORK AT
OR ATTEND PENDLETON.
14
00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:54,753
OKAY, WELL, MARIZIO SAID
HE CAN'T GIVE US
OUR TABLE BACK.
15
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:57,222
HE'S SAVING IT
FOR SOMEONE IMPORTANT,
SOME BIGWIG.
16
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:59,491
A BIGGER WIG THAN I?
17
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:02,827
WHOA!
CHECK IT OUT, YOU GUYS.
IT'S MARK HAMILL.
18
00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:12,204
I CANNOT BELIEVE WE HAD
TO GIVE UP OUR TABLE
FOR LUKE SKYWALKER.
19
00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:14,539
“OOH, LOOK AT ME.
I'M SO IMPORTANT.
20
00:01:14,541 --> 00:01:17,375
MY FATHER'S
DARTH VADER.”
21
00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:19,545
HE IS?
22
00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:22,080
I'M GONNA GO OVER THERE
AND I'M GONNA GET
OUR TABLE BACK.
23
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,182
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
REMEMBER, SALLY,
24
00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:26,985
HE'S A CELEBRITY
AND THEREFORE
OUR SUPERIOR.
25
00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:29,688
( scoffs )
26
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:32,291
- UH, YOU'RE
MARK HAMILL, RIGHT?
- YES.
27
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:36,495
- OKAY, WELL, LOOK, I HATE
TO DO THIS, BUT I REALLY--
- NO PROBLEM AT ALL. IT'S OKAY.
28
00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:39,764
- HERE WE GO.
- UM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
29
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,866
WELL, SIGNING
MY NAME.
30
00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:44,102
( scoffs )
I DON'T NEED
PROOF, PAL!
31
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,104
I KNOW IT'S YOU!
32
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,907
MOVE OVER, SWEETIE.
GET UP!
33
00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:53,545
ALL RIGHT,
HERE'S WHAT'S GONNA
HAPPEN, OKAY?
34
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,681
MY FAMILY IS
GONNA SIT HERE
35
00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:58,950
AND YOU GUYS ARE GONNA
SIT OVER THERE.
36
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,885
( making whirring sounds )
37
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:06,892
HEY, HOW ABOUT THIS: I'LL GIVE
YOU A COPY OF MY NEW BOOK,
AND WE'LL CALL IT EVEN.
38
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:10,828
OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS?
WHY DON'T YOU BOOK
OVER TO THAT TABLE?
39
00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:13,131
LOOK, I'M SORRY.
I'M NOT MOVING
ANYWHERE.
40
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,433
( chuckles )
I DISAGREE.
41
00:02:15,435 --> 00:02:17,369
WHAT--
42
00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:25,010
HE SEEMS VERY
DOWN-TO-EARTH.
43
00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:30,081
OOH!
( chuckles )
SCRAPPY.
44
00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:33,151
MAY THE FORCE
BE WITH YOU, BUDDY!
45
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,688
( '50s rock music playing )
46
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:09,221
HEY, GUYS,
GUESS WHO'S ON
THE FRONT PAGE?
47
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:12,491
- ♪ TA-DA ♪
SALLY SOLOMON.
- WHAT?
48
00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,593
“LOCAL WOMAN
SALLY SOLOMON
49
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,995
PUT HER FOOT DOWN FOR
THE COMMON MAN LAST NIGHT
50
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,997
SQUARE ON THE CHEST OF
51
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:22,300
STAR WARS: SPECIAL EDITION
STAR MARK HAMILL.”
52
00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:24,302
THIS IS HUGE!
“SAID SOLOMON,
53
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:27,205
'JUST BECAUSE I'M
A NOBODY DOESN'T MEAN
I'M NOT SOMEBODY'.”
54
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:31,009
WOW, THAT SOUNDS LIKE
THEY'RE MAKING YOU OUT TO BE
SOME KIND OF HERO OR SOMETHING.
55
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,144
THAT'S NICE, SALLY.
56
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:38,450
NOT AS NICE AS BEING
PUBLISHED IN THE YEARBOOK,
BUT IT'S...
57
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:42,787
( phone ringing )
58
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:45,823
HELLO?
YEAH, SHE DOES.
59
00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:48,093
WHAT, TODAY? YEAH, YEAH.
HOLD ON, I'LL ASK HER.
60
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:51,329
UH, SALLY, THEY WANT YOU
TO BE ON GOOD AFTERNOON,
RUTHERFORD.
61
00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:59,538
THAT'S MY
SECOND-FAVORITE SHOW.
62
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:03,875
- WHAT'S YOUR FIRST FAVORITE?
- GOOD MORNING, RUTHERFORD.
63
00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:07,479
WHY ARE THEY MAKING SUCH
A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS THING?
THIS IS A JOKE, RIGHT?
64
00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:10,014
NO, IT'S NOT
A JOKE AT ALL.
WE'RE SUPERIOR BEINGS.
65
00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:12,484
THE SPOTLIGHT WAS
BOUND TO FIND US
SOONER OR LATER.
66
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:14,686
SHE'LL BE THERE.
67
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:17,956
- IN FACT, THEY'LL PROBABLY
WANT TO INTERVIEW ALL OF US.
- YEAH.
68
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,958
THEY'LL PROBABLY WANT
THE PERSPECTIVE OF THE GUY
69
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,960
WHO SPENT THE WHOLE FIGHT
HIDING IN THE LADIES' ROOM.
70
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:25,130
I WAS NOT HIDING!
71
00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:28,433
I WAS FRESHENING UP.
72
00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:35,874
Host: WHEN WE COME BACK,
WE'LL MEET SALLY SOLOMON,
RUTHERFORD'S NEWEST HERO.
73
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,442
GOOD AFTERNOON,
RUTHERFORD!
74
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,211
CLEAR!
75
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:47,219
- HI.
- HEY.
76
00:04:47,221 --> 00:04:49,354
- I'M A BIG FAN.
- OH!
77
00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:01,099
NOW, IS THERE ANYTHING
I CAN GET YOU?
SODA, WATER, COFFEE--
78
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:03,535
OH, NO, I CAN GET IT,
THANKS. HEY, YOU KNOW,
ENOUGH ALREADY.
79
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:07,005
- OH, SALLY, THERE YOU ARE.
- DICK, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
80
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:09,674
PUTTING ON MY OWN MAKEUP,
FOR STARTERS.
81
00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:11,909
- WHERE WILL I BE SITTING?
- WHO ARE YOU?
82
00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:15,313
OH, I'M DICK SOLOMON.
PERHAPS YOU'VE READ MY BOOK.
83
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,448
WHY DON'T YOU GO
SIT OVER THERE
ON THAT COUCH
84
00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:19,450
UNDERNEATH
THE AIR CONDITIONER.
85
00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:22,187
IS THAT WHERE YOU DO
EMOTIONAL FAMILY
REACTION SHOTS?
86
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,222
UH, SURE.
87
00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:31,296
SALLY SOLOMON,
YOU TOOK YOUR
TABLE BACK.
88
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:35,166
WELL, JUST 'CAUSE
A GUY'S FAMOUS DOESN'T MEAN
HE CAN WALK ON PEOPLE.
89
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,568
( audience applauding,
cheering )
90
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:41,873
Woman:
WE LOVE YOU, SALLY!
91
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:45,844
LET'S GO TO THE PHONES.
YOU'RE ON THE AIR
WITH SALLY SOLOMON.
92
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:48,680
Man:
Uh, yeah, Sally,
I just want to say,
93
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,682
to heck
with Mark Hamill,
94
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,352
you should be in
the next Star Track movie!
95
00:05:53,354 --> 00:05:55,454
( audience applauding,
cheering )
96
00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:59,825
NO, I'M JUST
A HOMEMAKER.
97
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:03,428
Just because you're
a nobody doesn't mean
you're not a somebody!
98
00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:06,497
( audience applauding,
cheering )
99
00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:08,933
WOW.
100
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:12,270
OKAY, LET'S TAKE
ANOTHER CALLER.
GO AHEAD.
101
00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:14,338
Man, Indian accent:
Oh, my goodness, yes.
102
00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:17,509
I am congratulating
Miss Sally Solomon,
103
00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:21,146
and I am wondering
if she can speak a bit about
104
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:24,182
the brave and,
some might say,
gorgeous person
105
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:27,352
who made
the reservations.
106
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:32,624
THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.
107
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:37,361
( low )
OH, I THINK IT'S GREAT.
108
00:06:37,363 --> 00:06:39,163
( normal )
WELL, HI, DICK.
I SAW THE SHOW.
109
00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:42,333
SALLY WAS WONDERFUL.
SHE HAS SUCH A PRESENCE.
110
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:44,468
OH.
111
00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:46,471
YEAH, THAT.
112
00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:49,607
IT'S SO EXCITING TO SEE
SOMEBODY YOU KNOW ON TV.
113
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:53,044
YEAH, JERRY SPRINGER HAD
MY UNCLE JENNIFER ON ONCE.
114
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,717
WELL, I GUESS IT'S GREAT
BEING ON TELEVISION
115
00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:03,354
IF YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE
THAT ALWAYS HAS TO BE
LOOKED AT-- YOU KNOW,
116
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:07,825
ONE OF THOSE PATHETIC TYPES
THAT ALWAYS NEEDS TO BE
THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.
117
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:11,229
HELLO!
I'M SPEAKING OVER HERE!
118
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,764
- I'M SORRY.
DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?
- ALL I'M SAYING IS,
119
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:16,434
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG
IN THIS COUNTRY WHEN
PEOPLE ARE FAWNED OVER
120
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:19,637
FOR ATTACKING MOVIE STARS
WHILE BRILLIANT
PHYSICS PROFESSORS
121
00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:22,207
TOIL ON IN OBSCURITY.
122
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:24,676
ISN'T THAT WHAT
THE NOBEL PRIZE IS FOR?
123
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,678
OH, PLEASE,
DON'T GET ME STARTED
124
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:30,482
ON THAT VACUOUS
POPULARITY CONTEST.
125
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,684
OH, REMEMBER WHAT
ANDY WARHOL SAID.
126
00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:34,986
WHAT?
“I BET IF I PAINT
THIS CAN OF SOUP,
127
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:38,022
SOME SUCKER WILL PAY
A MILLION DOLLARS FOR IT”?
128
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:41,693
AFTER THAT. THE THING
ABOUT EVERYBODY BEING
FAMOUS FOR 15 MINUTES.
129
00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:45,263
- FIFTEEN MINUTES?
- THIS IS SALLY'S 15 MINUTES.
LET HER ENJOY THEM.
130
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:49,000
FIFTEEN MINUTES?
OH.
131
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,169
FAME IS SO FLEETING.
132
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,104
( chuckling maniacally )
133
00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:57,509
POOR SALLY.
134
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:05,817
HEY, SOLOMON,
THAT LADY WHO DECKED
LUKE SKYWALKER
135
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,820
HAS THE SAME
LAST NAME AS YOU--
“SOLOMON.”
136
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,689
- YEAH, YEAH,
SHE'S MY AUNT.
- NO WAY.
137
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:14,191
- ACTUALLY, SHE IS.
- YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR!
138
00:08:14,193 --> 00:08:16,260
- LET'S GET HIM!
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
139
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,400
YES, I WILL TELL HER.
140
00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:24,602
OKAY, I'LL TELL HER!
141
00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:26,871
TOMMY, I'VE BEEN
TRYING TO CALL YOU
FOR TWO HOURS.
142
00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:28,873
THE PHONE'S BEEN
RINGING OFF THE HOOK.
143
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:30,875
EVERYBODY WANTS
TO TALK TO SALLY.
144
00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:33,778
THAT LAST GUY WAS THE MANAGER
OF THE SCONE ZONE.
145
00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:35,880
THEY WANT TO NAME
A LATTE AFTER HER.
146
00:08:35,882 --> 00:08:39,250
OH, THOSE POOR,
MISGUIDED FOOLS.
147
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,319
EVEN WITH A GENEROUS
GRACE PERIOD,
148
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:44,822
HER 15 MINUTES
WERE OVER HOURS AGO.
149
00:08:44,824 --> 00:08:46,924
WHAT A GREAT DAY!
150
00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:49,427
HARRY, COULD YOU DO ME
A FAVOR AND GRAB ME
A MINERAL WATER?
151
00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:52,330
- OKAY, SALLY.
- SALLY, WHEN'S DINNER?
152
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:53,998
OH, I ATE.
153
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,267
- WHERE?
- MARIZIO'S.
154
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,603
- MARIZIO'S?
- YEAH, HE CALLED THE STATION
RIGHT AFTER THE SHOW.
155
00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:02,607
HE SAID HE FELT AWFUL
ABOUT HOW I WAS TREATED THERE.
GUESS WHICH TABLE HE GAVE ME?
156
00:09:02,609 --> 00:09:04,543
- NO!
- YES!
157
00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:08,013
WHILE YOU WERE WITH MARIZIO,
I'VE BEEN ACTING LIKE
YOUR STUPID SECRETARY.
158
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:10,315
I'LL TAKE THOSE,
'CAUSE FROM NOW ON
159
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:13,918
I'M SALLY'S
STUPID SECRETARY.
160
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,954
( ringing )
161
00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:19,957
HELLO. MM-HMM.
162
00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:23,261
WELL, IT'S KIND OF
SHORT NOTICE.
WELL, OKAY.
163
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,663
WE'LL EXPECT YOU TO SEND
A TOWN CAR.
164
00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:28,533
OH! WITH A DRIVER.
OKAY.
165
00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:30,702
THIS IS BIG.
166
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:33,871
SALLY,
YOU ARE THROWING OUT
THE FIRST PITCH
167
00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:37,809
AT THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
OF THE RUTHERFORD
SENIOR CITIZENS'
168
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,877
HIGH-ARC MODIFIED
169
00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:42,279
SLOW-PITCH
WORLD SERIES.
170
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,883
I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED.
171
00:09:45,885 --> 00:09:49,153
- I'LL LAY OUT YOUR GOWN.
- JUST A MINUTE, MISSY.
172
00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:51,823
I THINK YOU'RE
FORGETTING SOMETHING--
OUR DINNER.
173
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:54,259
TONIGHT I'D LIKE YOU
TO MAKE SOMETHING
STROGANOFF-Y.
174
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,594
MMM, I'M SORRY,
BUT DUE TO
A PRIOR COMMITMENT,
175
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,863
MISS SULLIVAN'S
DINNER-MAKING WILL
HAVE TO BE RESCHEDULED.
176
00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:00,465
ENOUGH!
177
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:03,468
LIEUTENANT, AS OF RIGHT NOW,
I ORDER YOU TO BE
NO LONGER FAMOUS.
178
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,670
- YOU CAN'T ORDER THAT.
- THINK OF THE MISSION.
179
00:10:05,672 --> 00:10:10,008
THIS IS BIGGER THAN THE MISSION!
I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS MANTLE.
180
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:13,144
THE PEOPLE OF RUTHERFORD
NEED A SALLY SOLOMON,
181
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:15,146
AND IT JUST SO HAPPENS
182
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:17,782
I AM SALLY SOLOMON.
183
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:21,952
SO I WILL BE
THEIR SALLY SOLOMON.
I CAN DO NO LESS.
184
00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:24,221
PLAY BALL!
185
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:37,268
HI, HI, HI, HI.
MORE FLOWERS FOR SALLY.
186
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:39,770
GLADIOLAS.
VERY NICE.
187
00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:41,839
HELLO, DUBIE.
188
00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:50,648
LISTEN, BE A LOVE
AND PUT THEM WITH
THE OTHERS, WOULD YOU?
189
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,418
HI, BOYS. SORRY
TO KEEP YOU WAITING.
190
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:55,653
NOW, SALLY, THEY JUST
WANT TO DO AN INTERVIEW
191
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,322
AND POP A FEW PHOTOS
OF YOU JUST BEING YOURSELF.
192
00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,391
WELL, THAT'S FINE.
WHY DON'T I JUST
WALK OVER
193
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:03,194
TO MY FAVORITE CHAIR
AND RELAX LIKE I ALWAYS DO.
194
00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:15,439
I DID SOME MODELING
IN MY DAY.
195
00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:18,176
'COURSE, I HAD A VERY
BAD EXPERIENCE, THOUGH.
196
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:21,613
THE RUNWAY STOPPED
AND I DIDN'T.
197
00:11:21,615 --> 00:11:24,682
- OUT, OUT, OUT, OUT, OUT.
- WHY DO I HAVE TO STAY
IN THE KITCHEN?
198
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,951
THE RUTHERFORD BUGLE
IS HAVING A PHOTO SHOOT
199
00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:29,420
TO CAPTURE THE PRIVATE
SIDE OF SALLY SOLOMON,
200
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:31,790
AND WE NEED TO
KEEP THE PUBLIC
OUT OF THE WAY.
201
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:34,792
BUT-- BUT IT'S
MY LIVING ROOM!
202
00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:37,928
DICK, WE'RE TRYING TO
CREATE AN ATMOSPHERE HERE--
203
00:11:37,930 --> 00:11:41,366
YOU KNOW, SOMETHING
WITH A LITTLE LESS YOU.
204
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,367
( gasps )
205
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,570
KEEP MOVING, BOYS!
WE'RE LOSING LIGHT!
206
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:50,341
- DON'T THEY KNOW THAT
I'M IN THE YEARBOOK?
- BOY, IS THIS SUCKING.
207
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:52,343
WOULD YOU PLEASE
208
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:55,412
KEEP IT DOWN, PEOPLE?
209
00:11:55,414 --> 00:11:57,414
“PEOPLE!”
210
00:11:57,416 --> 00:11:59,416
HE CALLED US
“PEOPLE!”
211
00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:02,553
NO ONE...
CALLS US “PEOPLE”"
212
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,857
AND THEN HE SCREAMED
LIKE A LITTLE GIRL.
213
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:08,927
- THAT'S GREAT, I LOVE THAT.
- I'VE GOT A TERRIFIC IDEA
FOR A PHOTO.
214
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:11,095
SALLY, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW THEM
HOW MANY LITTLE DEBBIES
215
00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:12,930
YOU CAN SHOVE
INTO YOUR MOUTH AT ONE TIME?
216
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:14,733
( gasps )
217
00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,835
YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU
LET 'EM TAKE
A PICTURE OF YOU
218
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:19,270
IN THE KITCHEN,
BURNING OUR DINNER?
219
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:22,073
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
A PICTURE OF HER TRYING
TO FIND A BOYFRIEND?
220
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:25,977
ALTHOUGH IT'D HAVE TO BE
A LONG EXPOSURE.
221
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:28,146
LIES! LIES!
222
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,481
THEY'RE ALL LIES!
223
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:39,223
HEY, SORRY ABOUT OUR
LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING
THE OTHER DAY, SOLOMON.
224
00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:41,225
I GUESS SHE REALLY
IS YOUR AUNT.
225
00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:43,428
OH, YEAH.
YEAH, WHATEVER.
226
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:46,197
YEAH, MUST BE
PRETTY COOL LIVING
WITH A CELEBRITY.
227
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:49,500
YEAH, YOU WANT TO COME
UNDER THE BLEACHERS AND THROW
STUFF AT THE SOCCER TEAM?
228
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:52,437
OH, I HAVE A CLASS
RIGHT NOW, ACTUALLY.
229
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,439
OH. SO NOW
YOUR AUNT'S ON TV
230
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,441
AND SUDDENLY YOU'RE TOO COOL
TO HANG OUT WITH US?
231
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,376
- LET'S GET HIM!
- WAIT--
232
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,813
FOR GOD SAKES, PEPPER,
GET OUT!
233
00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:08,652
LOOK, IT'S THAT SLUTTY LITTLE
BEAGLE FROM NEXT DOOR!
234
00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:10,588
( whimpering )
235
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:17,328
CAREFUL!
DON'T LET HIM IN!
236
00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:21,098
RUN ALONG, PEPPER.
237
00:13:23,737 --> 00:13:26,003
I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO GET HIM OUT
FOR AN HOUR.
238
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,074
THAT MUST BE
AN AWFULLY LONG TIME
IN MARY WORLD,
239
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:35,613
WHERE 15 MINUTES
LASTS FOR FIVE DAYS!
240
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:38,182
- IS THIS ABOUT SALLY?
- YES!
241
00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:42,687
DO YOU THINK YOU COULD
GET HER TO SPEAK AT MY
ROTARY LUNCHEON NEXT WEEK?
242
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,856
HARRY WON'T RETURN
MY CALLS.
243
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:47,758
- OH, MARY, YOU TOO?
- OH, DICK,
244
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:50,728
WHY ARE YOU SO
UPSET ABOUT THIS?
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
245
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:53,130
FAME! I WANT
TO LIVE FOREVER,
246
00:13:53,132 --> 00:13:55,933
LIGHT UP THE SKY
LIKE A FLAME-- FAME!
247
00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:02,206
DON'T BLAME SALLY.
248
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:05,509
SHE PUNCHED OUT A STAR
AND SOME GLITTER STUCK
TO HER FIST.
249
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:08,212
COULD HAVE HAPPENED
TO ANYBODY IN THE RESTAURANT.
250
00:14:09,783 --> 00:14:12,082
I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT.
251
00:14:12,084 --> 00:14:14,619
MY GOD,
YOU'RE RIGHT!
252
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:17,922
OH, MARY!
( kisses )
253
00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:20,258
HOW CAN I REPAY YOU?
254
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,192
GLAD I COULD HELP.
255
00:14:24,063 --> 00:14:26,264
NO-OO!
256
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,408
MARK HAMILL!
257
00:14:38,844 --> 00:14:40,811
YES.
258
00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,813
I'M SORRY, SIR.
THERE IS A LINE.
259
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,650
AND YOU HAVE CROSSED IT.
YOU'RE SITTING AT MY TABLE.
260
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:48,920
- WHAT?
- PREPARE TO BE HEAVED
INTO NONFICTION.
261
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:53,190
- HEY, HEY,
HEY, HEY. SECURITY.
- UH, WE DON'T HAVE SECURITY.
262
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:56,326
NOT SO TOUGH
WITHOUT “CHEW-BACON”
AROUND, ARE WE?
263
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,630
- I THINK I CAN TAKE HIM.
- THANKS.
264
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:02,400
YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE
YOU'RE SOMEBODY
265
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:05,536
DOESN'T MEAN
THAT I'M NOT...
SOMEBODY ELSE!
266
00:15:11,343 --> 00:15:14,679
WELL, NOW I SEE
HOW FAME WORKS.
267
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:17,682
WHEN A WOMAN STANDS UP
TO A CELEBRITY,
SHE'S A HERO,
268
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:20,117
BUT WHEN A MAN
THREE TIMES HIS SIZE
PICKS A FIGHT WITH HIM
269
00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:23,520
FOR NO APPARENT REASON,
SUDDENLY HE'S THE BAD GUY.
270
00:15:24,858 --> 00:15:28,659
IT'S JUST SO UNFAIR!
271
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,794
UH, TOMMY,
272
00:15:30,796 --> 00:15:34,398
MAYBE WE SHOULD GET OUT
OF HERE AND MAYBE GO GRAB
A RUSTY BURGER OR SOMETHING.
273
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,700
OH, WELL, I THOUGHT
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO
BE SEEN WITH ME
274
00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:38,702
'CAUSE SALLY WAS
SO FAMOUS.
275
00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:42,072
OH, LET IT GO, TOMMY.
SALLY IS SO OVER.
276
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:46,176
- SHE IS?
- SHE IS?
277
00:15:46,178 --> 00:15:48,212
YEAH, NOW EVERYONE'S
TALKING ABOUT THAT WOMAN
IN EAST RUTHERFORD
278
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:50,214
WHO'S LIVING ON
NOTHING BUT SPICES.
279
00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:52,115
- WHAT, LIKE PAPRIKA?
- PROBABLY.
280
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,120
- HIDE THE PAPER!
HIDE THE PAPER!
- WHY?
281
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,789
BECAUSE SALLY'S
NOT IN IT.
282
00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:04,461
ANY PHONE CALLS?
283
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,501
- NO.
- THANK GOD.
284
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:13,170
PEACE AND QUIET.
PEACE AND QUIET.
285
00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:15,740
UH, HARRY, WHERE ARE
THE FRESH FLOWERS THAT
COME EVERY MORNING?
286
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:18,276
THE ONES IN THERE ARE WILTED.
THEY DID COME THIS MORNING,
DIDN'T THEY?
287
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,080
YES.
288
00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:26,050
THEY CAME.
BUT THEY WERE MUMS.
289
00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:29,586
AND I KNOW
YOU DON'T LIKE MUMS,
AND SO I THREW 'EM OUT.
290
00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:31,555
AND THAT'S
WHAT HAPPENED.
291
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:36,027
YOU ARE GOOD TO ME.
292
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:38,329
AND NOW I MUST REST.
293
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:44,768
AND TO THINK THAT I WANTED FAME.
THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME.
294
00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:48,006
IT'S SO SAD.
SHE WAS SO BIG.
295
00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:50,508
SHE STILL IS BIG.
296
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:53,478
IT'S THE PLANET
THAT GOT SMALL.
297
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:58,349
NOW IF YOU'LL
EXCUSE ME,
298
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,484
( choking up )
MADAM NEEDS ME.
299
00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:13,197
( imitating lasers firing )
300
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,465
( screaming )
301
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,773
- ( knock at door )
- YES?
302
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:25,609
- Harry: HOUSEKEEPING.
- OH, COME ON IN.
303
00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:27,778
MR. HAMILL, I WILL NOT
LIE TO YOU.
304
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:30,381
I AM NOT
FROM HOUSEKEEPING.
305
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,651
I'M HERE BECAUSE
MY SISTER,
306
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:36,320
WHO IS YOUR BIGGEST
FAN IN THE WORLD,
307
00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:40,190
HAS ONLY 72 HOURS TO LIVE!
( sobbing )
308
00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:44,662
GEE, I'M SO SORRY.
I WISH THERE WAS
SOMETHING I COULD DO.
309
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:47,131
ACTUALLY, THERE IS.
310
00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:49,466
COME WITH ME TO OLD
DOWNTOWN RUTHERFORD,
311
00:17:49,468 --> 00:17:51,869
WHERE YOU WILL
BE SEEN WITH HER
IN A CROWDED RESTAURANT.
312
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:54,605
SHE THEN GETS TO
PUMMEL YOU AND BECOME
A MEDIA SWEETHEART.
313
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:56,473
I'LL GO GET YOUR BAGS.
314
00:17:56,475 --> 00:18:00,377
OH, THIS WOULD BE NICE.
YOU CAN WEAR THIS.
315
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:02,379
( cries out )
316
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:07,918
COULD YOU GET
SOMEBODY FROM SECURITY
UP RIGHT AWAY?
317
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,553
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
THERE ISN'T ANY?
318
00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:13,323
THE FREAKIN' EWOKS
AT THE SHERATON HAD SECURITY!
COME ON!
319
00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:17,761
- MR. HAMILL!
- HE'S GETTING OUT!
320
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,930
- MR. HAMILL!
- HELP!
321
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:25,136
Man on TV:
We love you, Sally!
322
00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:27,838
Man #2: Just because
you're a nobody doesn't
mean you're not somebody.
323
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,873
( clicks off,
rewinding )
324
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,044
Man:
We love you, Sally!
325
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:37,348
Man #2: Just because
you're a nobody doesn't
mean you're not somebody.
326
00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:40,417
SALLY.
327
00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:43,320
- THEY DID LOVE ME, DIDN'T THEY?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP?
328
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:46,857
- THE PHONE MIGHT RING.
- WELL, BUT IT'S
4:00 IN THE MORNING.
329
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:49,193
IT'S ONLY 1:00
ON THE COAST.
330
00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:53,030
SALLY, I KNOW THIS MUST
BE VERY PAINFUL.
331
00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:55,099
HOW COULD YOU KNOW?
332
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:57,101
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
WHAT I HAD.
333
00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:59,103
SURE, YOU'RE
THE HIGH COMMANDER
334
00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:02,506
OF AN INTERGALACTIC
EXPLORATORY MISSION,
BUT ME?
335
00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:04,909
( exhales )
I WAS A STAR.
336
00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:07,044
AT LEAST YOU GOT TO BE FAMOUS
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
337
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:09,046
IT WAS GOOD
WHILE IT LASTED.
338
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:11,081
HOW CAN I GO ON?
339
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:14,184
I'M NOT FAMOUS ANYMORE,
I'M NOT SPECIAL.
340
00:19:14,186 --> 00:19:17,454
- I'M NOBODY!
- YOU'RE NOT NOBODY.
341
00:19:17,456 --> 00:19:20,591
YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BE FAMOUS
TO BE SPECIAL.
342
00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:22,727
THE WORLD DOESN'T
KNOW ABOUT NINA
343
00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:25,763
AND HOW SHE GOES
TO THE OLD FOLKS' HOME
EVERY WEDNESDAY
344
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:28,232
AND SINGS THEM
HAPPY SONGS
345
00:19:28,234 --> 00:19:30,968
DESPITE HER BUSY SCHEDULE
AND THEIR CONSTANT REQUESTS
346
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,037
THAT SHE GO AWAY.
347
00:19:34,107 --> 00:19:36,107
THAT'S SPECIAL.
348
00:19:36,109 --> 00:19:39,042
OFFICER DON
SOMETIMES TAKES MONEY
OUT OF HIS OWN POCKET
349
00:19:39,044 --> 00:19:41,445
AND FEEDS EXPIRED
PARKING METERS.
350
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:43,247
TO SAVE PEOPLE
FROM GETTING TICKETS?
351
00:19:43,249 --> 00:19:46,750
NO, HE JUST HATES
DOING THE PAPERWORK, BUT...
352
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:49,120
IT'S STILL SPECIAL.
353
00:19:49,122 --> 00:19:52,556
I KNOW SOMEONE ELSE
WHO'S SPECIAL.
354
00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:54,558
SOMEONE WHO HELPED
TO RESCUE ME
355
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,693
FROM AN INVISIBLE BOX
356
00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:59,863
AND TOOK CARE
OF A HUMAN BABY AS THOUGH
IT WERE HER VERY OWN.
357
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:02,466
IT WASN'T SOMEONE ELSE!
THAT WAS ME, YOU IDIOT!
358
00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:05,937
YOU'RE THE IDIOT!
THAT'S MY WHOLE POINT!
THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SPECIAL!
359
00:20:05,939 --> 00:20:07,638
OH.
360
00:20:11,176 --> 00:20:14,678
I GUESS I AM--
SPECIAL, I MEAN,
NOT AN IDIOT.
361
00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:19,049
THANK YOU,
COMMANDER.
362
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,318
- GOOD NIGHT, LIEUTENANT.
- GOOD NIGHT.
363
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,725
HARRY,
WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?
364
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,727
CHASIN' THE DREAM,
SALLY.
365
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,929
CHASIN' THE DREAM.
366
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:34,097
LET IT GO, HARRY.
367
00:20:34,099 --> 00:20:36,533
IT'S OVER.
368
00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:40,771
OH, NO.
369
00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:43,107
IT'S NOT OVER.
370
00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:46,910
IT'S FAR FROM OVER!
371
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,218
“IN AN OBVIOUS
AND DESPERATE ATTEMPT
372
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:57,588
TO CASH IN ON
MARK HAMILL'S
INTERSTELLAR SUCCESS,
373
00:20:57,590 --> 00:21:01,125
A SOURCE CLOSE TO
SALLY SOLOMON LAST NIGHT
CALLED THE BUGLE
374
00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:03,994
TO TELL ALL OF RUTHERFORD
THAT SALLY SOLOMON
375
00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:06,863
IS IN FACT AN ALIEN
FROM A DISTANT GALAXY
376
00:21:06,865 --> 00:21:09,133
FAR, FAR AWAY.”
377
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,604
WE'RE BACK ON TOP, SALLY!
378
00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:16,907
WE'RE BACK ON TOP!
379
00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:25,716
OH, TOMMY, DID YOU SHOW
YOUR DAD WHAT I WROTE
IN YOUR YEARBOOK?
380
00:21:25,718 --> 00:21:27,584
( Dick gasps )
381
00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:31,021
- TOMMY HAS A YEARBOOK?
- NO.
382
00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:34,091
- YES.
- YES. NO.
383
00:21:34,093 --> 00:21:36,093
WHERE IS IT?
384
00:21:36,095 --> 00:21:38,028
IN THE OVEN.
385
00:21:40,899 --> 00:21:42,833
( yelps )
386
00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:46,803
YOURS IS SLIGHTLY BIGGER.