1 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:13,211 I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THEY MOVED US TO THIS LOUSY TABLE. 2 00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:16,348 YEAH, I CAN SEE THE ICE IN THE URINALS, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. 3 00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:21,954 THAT'S IT, I'M GONNA GO TALK TO THE GUY IN THE MONKEY SUIT AND FIND OUT WHAT'S GOIN' ON. 4 00:00:21,956 --> 00:00:25,590 WELL, EVERYBODY, I'D LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST. 5 00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:28,293 UH, NO. NO, HARRY. LET ME. 6 00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:31,797 ( clears throat ) TO SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN AN INSPIRATION TO US ALL 7 00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:34,132 AND A BEACON OF LIGHT IN A DARK 8 00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:36,567 AND OMINOUS FOG OF MEDIOCRITY-- 9 00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:38,637 TO ME. 10 00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:42,207 - CAN I SEE IT? - I'VE BEEN IMMORTALIZED. 11 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,442 AH, YEP. IT'S NOT JUST ANYBODY 12 00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:46,812 WHO GETS TO BE IN THE PENDLETON YEARBOOK. 13 00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:50,949 ONLY THOSE PEOPLE WHO WORK AT OR ATTEND PENDLETON. 14 00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:54,753 OKAY, WELL, MARIZIO SAID HE CAN'T GIVE US OUR TABLE BACK. 15 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:57,222 HE'S SAVING IT FOR SOMEONE IMPORTANT, SOME BIGWIG. 16 00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:59,491 A BIGGER WIG THAN I? 17 00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:02,827 WHOA! CHECK IT OUT, YOU GUYS. IT'S MARK HAMILL. 18 00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:12,204 I CANNOT BELIEVE WE HAD TO GIVE UP OUR TABLE FOR LUKE SKYWALKER. 19 00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:14,539 “OOH, LOOK AT ME. I'M SO IMPORTANT. 20 00:01:14,541 --> 00:01:17,375 MY FATHER'S DARTH VADER.” 21 00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:19,545 HE IS? 22 00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:22,080 I'M GONNA GO OVER THERE AND I'M GONNA GET OUR TABLE BACK. 23 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,182 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! REMEMBER, SALLY, 24 00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:26,985 HE'S A CELEBRITY AND THEREFORE OUR SUPERIOR. 25 00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:29,688 ( scoffs ) 26 00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:32,291 - UH, YOU'RE MARK HAMILL, RIGHT? - YES. 27 00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:36,495 - OKAY, WELL, LOOK, I HATE TO DO THIS, BUT I REALLY-- - NO PROBLEM AT ALL. IT'S OKAY. 28 00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:39,764 - HERE WE GO. - UM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 29 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,866 WELL, SIGNING MY NAME. 30 00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:44,102 ( scoffs ) I DON'T NEED PROOF, PAL! 31 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,104 I KNOW IT'S YOU! 32 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,907 MOVE OVER, SWEETIE. GET UP! 33 00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:53,545 ALL RIGHT, HERE'S WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN, OKAY? 34 00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,681 MY FAMILY IS GONNA SIT HERE 35 00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:58,950 AND YOU GUYS ARE GONNA SIT OVER THERE. 36 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,885 ( making whirring sounds ) 37 00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:06,892 HEY, HOW ABOUT THIS: I'LL GIVE YOU A COPY OF MY NEW BOOK, AND WE'LL CALL IT EVEN. 38 00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:10,828 OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS? WHY DON'T YOU BOOK OVER TO THAT TABLE? 39 00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:13,131 LOOK, I'M SORRY. I'M NOT MOVING ANYWHERE. 40 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,433 ( chuckles ) I DISAGREE. 41 00:02:15,435 --> 00:02:17,369 WHAT-- 42 00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:25,010 HE SEEMS VERY DOWN-TO-EARTH. 43 00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:30,081 OOH! ( chuckles ) SCRAPPY. 44 00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:33,151 MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU, BUDDY! 45 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,688 ( '50s rock music playing ) 46 00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:09,221 HEY, GUYS, GUESS WHO'S ON THE FRONT PAGE? 47 00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:12,491 - ♪ TA-DA ♪ SALLY SOLOMON. - WHAT? 48 00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,593 “LOCAL WOMAN SALLY SOLOMON 49 00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,995 PUT HER FOOT DOWN FOR THE COMMON MAN LAST NIGHT 50 00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,997 SQUARE ON THE CHEST OF 51 00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:22,300 STAR WARS: SPECIAL EDITION STAR MARK HAMILL.” 52 00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:24,302 THIS IS HUGE! “SAID SOLOMON, 53 00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:27,205 'JUST BECAUSE I'M A NOBODY DOESN'T MEAN I'M NOT SOMEBODY'.” 54 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:31,009 WOW, THAT SOUNDS LIKE THEY'RE MAKING YOU OUT TO BE SOME KIND OF HERO OR SOMETHING. 55 00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,144 THAT'S NICE, SALLY. 56 00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:38,450 NOT AS NICE AS BEING PUBLISHED IN THE YEARBOOK, BUT IT'S... 57 00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:42,787 ( phone ringing ) 58 00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:45,823 HELLO? YEAH, SHE DOES. 59 00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:48,093 WHAT, TODAY? YEAH, YEAH. HOLD ON, I'LL ASK HER. 60 00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:51,329 UH, SALLY, THEY WANT YOU TO BE ON GOOD AFTERNOON, RUTHERFORD. 61 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:59,538 THAT'S MY SECOND-FAVORITE SHOW. 62 00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:03,875 - WHAT'S YOUR FIRST FAVORITE? - GOOD MORNING, RUTHERFORD. 63 00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:07,479 WHY ARE THEY MAKING SUCH A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS THING? THIS IS A JOKE, RIGHT? 64 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:10,014 NO, IT'S NOT A JOKE AT ALL. WE'RE SUPERIOR BEINGS. 65 00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:12,484 THE SPOTLIGHT WAS BOUND TO FIND US SOONER OR LATER. 66 00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:14,686 SHE'LL BE THERE. 67 00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:17,956 - IN FACT, THEY'LL PROBABLY WANT TO INTERVIEW ALL OF US. - YEAH. 68 00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,958 THEY'LL PROBABLY WANT THE PERSPECTIVE OF THE GUY 69 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,960 WHO SPENT THE WHOLE FIGHT HIDING IN THE LADIES' ROOM. 70 00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:25,130 I WAS NOT HIDING! 71 00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:28,433 I WAS FRESHENING UP. 72 00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:35,874 Host: WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'LL MEET SALLY SOLOMON, RUTHERFORD'S NEWEST HERO. 73 00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,442 GOOD AFTERNOON, RUTHERFORD! 74 00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,211 CLEAR! 75 00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:47,219 - HI. - HEY. 76 00:04:47,221 --> 00:04:49,354 - I'M A BIG FAN. - OH! 77 00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:01,099 NOW, IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN GET YOU? SODA, WATER, COFFEE-- 78 00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:03,535 OH, NO, I CAN GET IT, THANKS. HEY, YOU KNOW, ENOUGH ALREADY. 79 00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:07,005 - OH, SALLY, THERE YOU ARE. - DICK, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 80 00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:09,674 PUTTING ON MY OWN MAKEUP, FOR STARTERS. 81 00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:11,909 - WHERE WILL I BE SITTING? - WHO ARE YOU? 82 00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:15,313 OH, I'M DICK SOLOMON. PERHAPS YOU'VE READ MY BOOK. 83 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,448 WHY DON'T YOU GO SIT OVER THERE ON THAT COUCH 84 00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:19,450 UNDERNEATH THE AIR CONDITIONER. 85 00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:22,187 IS THAT WHERE YOU DO EMOTIONAL FAMILY REACTION SHOTS? 86 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,222 UH, SURE. 87 00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:31,296 SALLY SOLOMON, YOU TOOK YOUR TABLE BACK. 88 00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:35,166 WELL, JUST 'CAUSE A GUY'S FAMOUS DOESN'T MEAN HE CAN WALK ON PEOPLE. 89 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,568 ( audience applauding, cheering ) 90 00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:41,873 Woman: WE LOVE YOU, SALLY! 91 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:45,844 LET'S GO TO THE PHONES. YOU'RE ON THE AIR WITH SALLY SOLOMON. 92 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:48,680 Man: Uh, yeah, Sally, I just want to say, 93 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,682 to heck with Mark Hamill, 94 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,352 you should be in the next Star Track movie! 95 00:05:53,354 --> 00:05:55,454 ( audience applauding, cheering ) 96 00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:59,825 NO, I'M JUST A HOMEMAKER. 97 00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:03,428 Just because you're a nobody doesn't mean you're not a somebody! 98 00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:06,497 ( audience applauding, cheering ) 99 00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:08,933 WOW. 100 00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:12,270 OKAY, LET'S TAKE ANOTHER CALLER. GO AHEAD. 101 00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:14,338 Man, Indian accent: Oh, my goodness, yes. 102 00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:17,509 I am congratulating Miss Sally Solomon, 103 00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:21,146 and I am wondering if she can speak a bit about 104 00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:24,182 the brave and, some might say, gorgeous person 105 00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:27,352 who made the reservations. 106 00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:32,624 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 107 00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:37,361 ( low ) OH, I THINK IT'S GREAT. 108 00:06:37,363 --> 00:06:39,163 ( normal ) WELL, HI, DICK. I SAW THE SHOW. 109 00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:42,333 SALLY WAS WONDERFUL. SHE HAS SUCH A PRESENCE. 110 00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:44,468 OH. 111 00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:46,471 YEAH, THAT. 112 00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:49,607 IT'S SO EXCITING TO SEE SOMEBODY YOU KNOW ON TV. 113 00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:53,044 YEAH, JERRY SPRINGER HAD MY UNCLE JENNIFER ON ONCE. 114 00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,717 WELL, I GUESS IT'S GREAT BEING ON TELEVISION 115 00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:03,354 IF YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE THAT ALWAYS HAS TO BE LOOKED AT-- YOU KNOW, 116 00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:07,825 ONE OF THOSE PATHETIC TYPES THAT ALWAYS NEEDS TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION. 117 00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:11,229 HELLO! I'M SPEAKING OVER HERE! 118 00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,764 - I'M SORRY. DID YOU SAY SOMETHING? - ALL I'M SAYING IS, 119 00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:16,434 THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG IN THIS COUNTRY WHEN PEOPLE ARE FAWNED OVER 120 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:19,637 FOR ATTACKING MOVIE STARS WHILE BRILLIANT PHYSICS PROFESSORS 121 00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:22,207 TOIL ON IN OBSCURITY. 122 00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:24,676 ISN'T THAT WHAT THE NOBEL PRIZE IS FOR? 123 00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,678 OH, PLEASE, DON'T GET ME STARTED 124 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:30,482 ON THAT VACUOUS POPULARITY CONTEST. 125 00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,684 OH, REMEMBER WHAT ANDY WARHOL SAID. 126 00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:34,986 WHAT? “I BET IF I PAINT THIS CAN OF SOUP, 127 00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:38,022 SOME SUCKER WILL PAY A MILLION DOLLARS FOR IT”? 128 00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:41,693 AFTER THAT. THE THING ABOUT EVERYBODY BEING FAMOUS FOR 15 MINUTES. 129 00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:45,263 - FIFTEEN MINUTES? - THIS IS SALLY'S 15 MINUTES. LET HER ENJOY THEM. 130 00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:49,000 FIFTEEN MINUTES? OH. 131 00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,169 FAME IS SO FLEETING. 132 00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,104 ( chuckling maniacally ) 133 00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:57,509 POOR SALLY. 134 00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:05,817 HEY, SOLOMON, THAT LADY WHO DECKED LUKE SKYWALKER 135 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,820 HAS THE SAME LAST NAME AS YOU-- “SOLOMON.” 136 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,689 - YEAH, YEAH, SHE'S MY AUNT. - NO WAY. 137 00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:14,191 - ACTUALLY, SHE IS. - YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR! 138 00:08:14,193 --> 00:08:16,260 - LET'S GET HIM! - WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! 139 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,400 YES, I WILL TELL HER. 140 00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:24,602 OKAY, I'LL TELL HER! 141 00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:26,871 TOMMY, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU FOR TWO HOURS. 142 00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:28,873 THE PHONE'S BEEN RINGING OFF THE HOOK. 143 00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:30,875 EVERYBODY WANTS TO TALK TO SALLY. 144 00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:33,778 THAT LAST GUY WAS THE MANAGER OF THE SCONE ZONE. 145 00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:35,880 THEY WANT TO NAME A LATTE AFTER HER. 146 00:08:35,882 --> 00:08:39,250 OH, THOSE POOR, MISGUIDED FOOLS. 147 00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,319 EVEN WITH A GENEROUS GRACE PERIOD, 148 00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:44,822 HER 15 MINUTES WERE OVER HOURS AGO. 149 00:08:44,824 --> 00:08:46,924 WHAT A GREAT DAY! 150 00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:49,427 HARRY, COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR AND GRAB ME A MINERAL WATER? 151 00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:52,330 - OKAY, SALLY. - SALLY, WHEN'S DINNER? 152 00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:53,998 OH, I ATE. 153 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,267 - WHERE? - MARIZIO'S. 154 00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,603 - MARIZIO'S? - YEAH, HE CALLED THE STATION RIGHT AFTER THE SHOW. 155 00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:02,607 HE SAID HE FELT AWFUL ABOUT HOW I WAS TREATED THERE. GUESS WHICH TABLE HE GAVE ME? 156 00:09:02,609 --> 00:09:04,543 - NO! - YES! 157 00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:08,013 WHILE YOU WERE WITH MARIZIO, I'VE BEEN ACTING LIKE YOUR STUPID SECRETARY. 158 00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:10,315 I'LL TAKE THOSE, 'CAUSE FROM NOW ON 159 00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:13,918 I'M SALLY'S STUPID SECRETARY. 160 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,954 ( ringing ) 161 00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:19,957 HELLO. MM-HMM. 162 00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:23,261 WELL, IT'S KIND OF SHORT NOTICE. WELL, OKAY. 163 00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,663 WE'LL EXPECT YOU TO SEND A TOWN CAR. 164 00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:28,533 OH! WITH A DRIVER. OKAY. 165 00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:30,702 THIS IS BIG. 166 00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:33,871 SALLY, YOU ARE THROWING OUT THE FIRST PITCH 167 00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:37,809 AT THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME OF THE RUTHERFORD SENIOR CITIZENS' 168 00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,877 HIGH-ARC MODIFIED 169 00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:42,279 SLOW-PITCH WORLD SERIES. 170 00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,883 I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED. 171 00:09:45,885 --> 00:09:49,153 - I'LL LAY OUT YOUR GOWN. - JUST A MINUTE, MISSY. 172 00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:51,823 I THINK YOU'RE FORGETTING SOMETHING-- OUR DINNER. 173 00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:54,259 TONIGHT I'D LIKE YOU TO MAKE SOMETHING STROGANOFF-Y. 174 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,594 MMM, I'M SORRY, BUT DUE TO A PRIOR COMMITMENT, 175 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,863 MISS SULLIVAN'S DINNER-MAKING WILL HAVE TO BE RESCHEDULED. 176 00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:00,465 ENOUGH! 177 00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:03,468 LIEUTENANT, AS OF RIGHT NOW, I ORDER YOU TO BE NO LONGER FAMOUS. 178 00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,670 - YOU CAN'T ORDER THAT. - THINK OF THE MISSION. 179 00:10:05,672 --> 00:10:10,008 THIS IS BIGGER THAN THE MISSION! I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS MANTLE. 180 00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:13,144 THE PEOPLE OF RUTHERFORD NEED A SALLY SOLOMON, 181 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:15,146 AND IT JUST SO HAPPENS 182 00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:17,782 I AM SALLY SOLOMON. 183 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:21,952 SO I WILL BE THEIR SALLY SOLOMON. I CAN DO NO LESS. 184 00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:24,221 PLAY BALL! 185 00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:37,268 HI, HI, HI, HI. MORE FLOWERS FOR SALLY. 186 00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:39,770 GLADIOLAS. VERY NICE. 187 00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:41,839 HELLO, DUBIE. 188 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:50,648 LISTEN, BE A LOVE AND PUT THEM WITH THE OTHERS, WOULD YOU? 189 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,418 HI, BOYS. SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING. 190 00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:55,653 NOW, SALLY, THEY JUST WANT TO DO AN INTERVIEW 191 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,322 AND POP A FEW PHOTOS OF YOU JUST BEING YOURSELF. 192 00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,391 WELL, THAT'S FINE. WHY DON'T I JUST WALK OVER 193 00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:03,194 TO MY FAVORITE CHAIR AND RELAX LIKE I ALWAYS DO. 194 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:15,439 I DID SOME MODELING IN MY DAY. 195 00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:18,176 'COURSE, I HAD A VERY BAD EXPERIENCE, THOUGH. 196 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:21,613 THE RUNWAY STOPPED AND I DIDN'T. 197 00:11:21,615 --> 00:11:24,682 - OUT, OUT, OUT, OUT, OUT. - WHY DO I HAVE TO STAY IN THE KITCHEN? 198 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,951 THE RUTHERFORD BUGLE IS HAVING A PHOTO SHOOT 199 00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:29,420 TO CAPTURE THE PRIVATE SIDE OF SALLY SOLOMON, 200 00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:31,790 AND WE NEED TO KEEP THE PUBLIC OUT OF THE WAY. 201 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:34,792 BUT-- BUT IT'S MY LIVING ROOM! 202 00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:37,928 DICK, WE'RE TRYING TO CREATE AN ATMOSPHERE HERE-- 203 00:11:37,930 --> 00:11:41,366 YOU KNOW, SOMETHING WITH A LITTLE LESS YOU. 204 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,367 ( gasps ) 205 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,570 KEEP MOVING, BOYS! WE'RE LOSING LIGHT! 206 00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:50,341 - DON'T THEY KNOW THAT I'M IN THE YEARBOOK? - BOY, IS THIS SUCKING. 207 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:52,343 WOULD YOU PLEASE 208 00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:55,412 KEEP IT DOWN, PEOPLE? 209 00:11:55,414 --> 00:11:57,414 “PEOPLE!” 210 00:11:57,416 --> 00:11:59,416 HE CALLED US “PEOPLE!” 211 00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:02,553 NO ONE... CALLS US “PEOPLE”" 212 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,857 AND THEN HE SCREAMED LIKE A LITTLE GIRL. 213 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:08,927 - THAT'S GREAT, I LOVE THAT. - I'VE GOT A TERRIFIC IDEA FOR A PHOTO. 214 00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:11,095 SALLY, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW THEM HOW MANY LITTLE DEBBIES 215 00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:12,930 YOU CAN SHOVE INTO YOUR MOUTH AT ONE TIME? 216 00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:14,733 ( gasps ) 217 00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,835 YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU LET 'EM TAKE A PICTURE OF YOU 218 00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:19,270 IN THE KITCHEN, BURNING OUR DINNER? 219 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:22,073 WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A PICTURE OF HER TRYING TO FIND A BOYFRIEND? 220 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:25,977 ALTHOUGH IT'D HAVE TO BE A LONG EXPOSURE. 221 00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:28,146 LIES! LIES! 222 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,481 THEY'RE ALL LIES! 223 00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:39,223 HEY, SORRY ABOUT OUR LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING THE OTHER DAY, SOLOMON. 224 00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:41,225 I GUESS SHE REALLY IS YOUR AUNT. 225 00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:43,428 OH, YEAH. YEAH, WHATEVER. 226 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:46,197 YEAH, MUST BE PRETTY COOL LIVING WITH A CELEBRITY. 227 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:49,500 YEAH, YOU WANT TO COME UNDER THE BLEACHERS AND THROW STUFF AT THE SOCCER TEAM? 228 00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:52,437 OH, I HAVE A CLASS RIGHT NOW, ACTUALLY. 229 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,439 OH. SO NOW YOUR AUNT'S ON TV 230 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,441 AND SUDDENLY YOU'RE TOO COOL TO HANG OUT WITH US? 231 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,376 - LET'S GET HIM! - WAIT-- 232 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,813 FOR GOD SAKES, PEPPER, GET OUT! 233 00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:08,652 LOOK, IT'S THAT SLUTTY LITTLE BEAGLE FROM NEXT DOOR! 234 00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:10,588 ( whimpering ) 235 00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:17,328 CAREFUL! DON'T LET HIM IN! 236 00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:21,098 RUN ALONG, PEPPER. 237 00:13:23,737 --> 00:13:26,003 I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET HIM OUT FOR AN HOUR. 238 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,074 THAT MUST BE AN AWFULLY LONG TIME IN MARY WORLD, 239 00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:35,613 WHERE 15 MINUTES LASTS FOR FIVE DAYS! 240 00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:38,182 - IS THIS ABOUT SALLY? - YES! 241 00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:42,687 DO YOU THINK YOU COULD GET HER TO SPEAK AT MY ROTARY LUNCHEON NEXT WEEK? 242 00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,856 HARRY WON'T RETURN MY CALLS. 243 00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:47,758 - OH, MARY, YOU TOO? - OH, DICK, 244 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:50,728 WHY ARE YOU SO UPSET ABOUT THIS? WHAT DO YOU WANT? 245 00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:53,130 FAME! I WANT TO LIVE FOREVER, 246 00:13:53,132 --> 00:13:55,933 LIGHT UP THE SKY LIKE A FLAME-- FAME! 247 00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:02,206 DON'T BLAME SALLY. 248 00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:05,509 SHE PUNCHED OUT A STAR AND SOME GLITTER STUCK TO HER FIST. 249 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:08,212 COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ANYBODY IN THE RESTAURANT. 250 00:14:09,783 --> 00:14:12,082 I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT. 251 00:14:12,084 --> 00:14:14,619 MY GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT! 252 00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:17,922 OH, MARY! ( kisses ) 253 00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:20,258 HOW CAN I REPAY YOU? 254 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,192 GLAD I COULD HELP. 255 00:14:24,063 --> 00:14:26,264 NO-OO! 256 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,408 MARK HAMILL! 257 00:14:38,844 --> 00:14:40,811 YES. 258 00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,813 I'M SORRY, SIR. THERE IS A LINE. 259 00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,650 AND YOU HAVE CROSSED IT. YOU'RE SITTING AT MY TABLE. 260 00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:48,920 - WHAT? - PREPARE TO BE HEAVED INTO NONFICTION. 261 00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:53,190 - HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. SECURITY. - UH, WE DON'T HAVE SECURITY. 262 00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:56,326 NOT SO TOUGH WITHOUT “CHEW-BACON” AROUND, ARE WE? 263 00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,630 - I THINK I CAN TAKE HIM. - THANKS. 264 00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:02,400 YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE SOMEBODY 265 00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:05,536 DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M NOT... SOMEBODY ELSE! 266 00:15:11,343 --> 00:15:14,679 WELL, NOW I SEE HOW FAME WORKS. 267 00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:17,682 WHEN A WOMAN STANDS UP TO A CELEBRITY, SHE'S A HERO, 268 00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:20,117 BUT WHEN A MAN THREE TIMES HIS SIZE PICKS A FIGHT WITH HIM 269 00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:23,520 FOR NO APPARENT REASON, SUDDENLY HE'S THE BAD GUY. 270 00:15:24,858 --> 00:15:28,659 IT'S JUST SO UNFAIR! 271 00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,794 UH, TOMMY, 272 00:15:30,796 --> 00:15:34,398 MAYBE WE SHOULD GET OUT OF HERE AND MAYBE GO GRAB A RUSTY BURGER OR SOMETHING. 273 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,700 OH, WELL, I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE SEEN WITH ME 274 00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:38,702 'CAUSE SALLY WAS SO FAMOUS. 275 00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:42,072 OH, LET IT GO, TOMMY. SALLY IS SO OVER. 276 00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:46,176 - SHE IS? - SHE IS? 277 00:15:46,178 --> 00:15:48,212 YEAH, NOW EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT THAT WOMAN IN EAST RUTHERFORD 278 00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:50,214 WHO'S LIVING ON NOTHING BUT SPICES. 279 00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:52,115 - WHAT, LIKE PAPRIKA? - PROBABLY. 280 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,120 - HIDE THE PAPER! HIDE THE PAPER! - WHY? 281 00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,789 BECAUSE SALLY'S NOT IN IT. 282 00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:04,461 ANY PHONE CALLS? 283 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,501 - NO. - THANK GOD. 284 00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:13,170 PEACE AND QUIET. PEACE AND QUIET. 285 00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:15,740 UH, HARRY, WHERE ARE THE FRESH FLOWERS THAT COME EVERY MORNING? 286 00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:18,276 THE ONES IN THERE ARE WILTED. THEY DID COME THIS MORNING, DIDN'T THEY? 287 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,080 YES. 288 00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:26,050 THEY CAME. BUT THEY WERE MUMS. 289 00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:29,586 AND I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE MUMS, AND SO I THREW 'EM OUT. 290 00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:31,555 AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED. 291 00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:36,027 YOU ARE GOOD TO ME. 292 00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:38,329 AND NOW I MUST REST. 293 00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:44,768 AND TO THINK THAT I WANTED FAME. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. 294 00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:48,006 IT'S SO SAD. SHE WAS SO BIG. 295 00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:50,508 SHE STILL IS BIG. 296 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:53,478 IT'S THE PLANET THAT GOT SMALL. 297 00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:58,349 NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, 298 00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,484 ( choking up ) MADAM NEEDS ME. 299 00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:13,197 ( imitating lasers firing ) 300 00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,465 ( screaming ) 301 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,773 - ( knock at door ) - YES? 302 00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:25,609 - Harry: HOUSEKEEPING. - OH, COME ON IN. 303 00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:27,778 MR. HAMILL, I WILL NOT LIE TO YOU. 304 00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:30,381 I AM NOT FROM HOUSEKEEPING. 305 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,651 I'M HERE BECAUSE MY SISTER, 306 00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:36,320 WHO IS YOUR BIGGEST FAN IN THE WORLD, 307 00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:40,190 HAS ONLY 72 HOURS TO LIVE! ( sobbing ) 308 00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:44,662 GEE, I'M SO SORRY. I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO. 309 00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:47,131 ACTUALLY, THERE IS. 310 00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:49,466 COME WITH ME TO OLD DOWNTOWN RUTHERFORD, 311 00:17:49,468 --> 00:17:51,869 WHERE YOU WILL BE SEEN WITH HER IN A CROWDED RESTAURANT. 312 00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:54,605 SHE THEN GETS TO PUMMEL YOU AND BECOME A MEDIA SWEETHEART. 313 00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:56,473 I'LL GO GET YOUR BAGS. 314 00:17:56,475 --> 00:18:00,377 OH, THIS WOULD BE NICE. YOU CAN WEAR THIS. 315 00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:02,379 ( cries out ) 316 00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:07,918 COULD YOU GET SOMEBODY FROM SECURITY UP RIGHT AWAY? 317 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,553 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THERE ISN'T ANY? 318 00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:13,323 THE FREAKIN' EWOKS AT THE SHERATON HAD SECURITY! COME ON! 319 00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:17,761 - MR. HAMILL! - HE'S GETTING OUT! 320 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,930 - MR. HAMILL! - HELP! 321 00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:25,136 Man on TV: We love you, Sally! 322 00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:27,838 Man #2: Just because you're a nobody doesn't mean you're not somebody. 323 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,873 ( clicks off, rewinding ) 324 00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,044 Man: We love you, Sally! 325 00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:37,348 Man #2: Just because you're a nobody doesn't mean you're not somebody. 326 00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:40,417 SALLY. 327 00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:43,320 - THEY DID LOVE ME, DIDN'T THEY? - WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP? 328 00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:46,857 - THE PHONE MIGHT RING. - WELL, BUT IT'S 4:00 IN THE MORNING. 329 00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:49,193 IT'S ONLY 1:00 ON THE COAST. 330 00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:53,030 SALLY, I KNOW THIS MUST BE VERY PAINFUL. 331 00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:55,099 HOW COULD YOU KNOW? 332 00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:57,101 YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT I HAD. 333 00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:59,103 SURE, YOU'RE THE HIGH COMMANDER 334 00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:02,506 OF AN INTERGALACTIC EXPLORATORY MISSION, BUT ME? 335 00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:04,909 ( exhales ) I WAS A STAR. 336 00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:07,044 AT LEAST YOU GOT TO BE FAMOUS FOR A LITTLE WHILE. 337 00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:09,046 IT WAS GOOD WHILE IT LASTED. 338 00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:11,081 HOW CAN I GO ON? 339 00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:14,184 I'M NOT FAMOUS ANYMORE, I'M NOT SPECIAL. 340 00:19:14,186 --> 00:19:17,454 - I'M NOBODY! - YOU'RE NOT NOBODY. 341 00:19:17,456 --> 00:19:20,591 YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE FAMOUS TO BE SPECIAL. 342 00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:22,727 THE WORLD DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT NINA 343 00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:25,763 AND HOW SHE GOES TO THE OLD FOLKS' HOME EVERY WEDNESDAY 344 00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:28,232 AND SINGS THEM HAPPY SONGS 345 00:19:28,234 --> 00:19:30,968 DESPITE HER BUSY SCHEDULE AND THEIR CONSTANT REQUESTS 346 00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,037 THAT SHE GO AWAY. 347 00:19:34,107 --> 00:19:36,107 THAT'S SPECIAL. 348 00:19:36,109 --> 00:19:39,042 OFFICER DON SOMETIMES TAKES MONEY OUT OF HIS OWN POCKET 349 00:19:39,044 --> 00:19:41,445 AND FEEDS EXPIRED PARKING METERS. 350 00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:43,247 TO SAVE PEOPLE FROM GETTING TICKETS? 351 00:19:43,249 --> 00:19:46,750 NO, HE JUST HATES DOING THE PAPERWORK, BUT... 352 00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:49,120 IT'S STILL SPECIAL. 353 00:19:49,122 --> 00:19:52,556 I KNOW SOMEONE ELSE WHO'S SPECIAL. 354 00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:54,558 SOMEONE WHO HELPED TO RESCUE ME 355 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,693 FROM AN INVISIBLE BOX 356 00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:59,863 AND TOOK CARE OF A HUMAN BABY AS THOUGH IT WERE HER VERY OWN. 357 00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:02,466 IT WASN'T SOMEONE ELSE! THAT WAS ME, YOU IDIOT! 358 00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:05,937 YOU'RE THE IDIOT! THAT'S MY WHOLE POINT! THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SPECIAL! 359 00:20:05,939 --> 00:20:07,638 OH. 360 00:20:11,176 --> 00:20:14,678 I GUESS I AM-- SPECIAL, I MEAN, NOT AN IDIOT. 361 00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:19,049 THANK YOU, COMMANDER. 362 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,318 - GOOD NIGHT, LIEUTENANT. - GOOD NIGHT. 363 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,725 HARRY, WHERE'VE YOU BEEN? 364 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,727 CHASIN' THE DREAM, SALLY. 365 00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,929 CHASIN' THE DREAM. 366 00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:34,097 LET IT GO, HARRY. 367 00:20:34,099 --> 00:20:36,533 IT'S OVER. 368 00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:40,771 OH, NO. 369 00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:43,107 IT'S NOT OVER. 370 00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:46,910 IT'S FAR FROM OVER! 371 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,218 “IN AN OBVIOUS AND DESPERATE ATTEMPT 372 00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:57,588 TO CASH IN ON MARK HAMILL'S INTERSTELLAR SUCCESS, 373 00:20:57,590 --> 00:21:01,125 A SOURCE CLOSE TO SALLY SOLOMON LAST NIGHT CALLED THE BUGLE 374 00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:03,994 TO TELL ALL OF RUTHERFORD THAT SALLY SOLOMON 375 00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:06,863 IS IN FACT AN ALIEN FROM A DISTANT GALAXY 376 00:21:06,865 --> 00:21:09,133 FAR, FAR AWAY.” 377 00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,604 WE'RE BACK ON TOP, SALLY! 378 00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:16,907 WE'RE BACK ON TOP! 379 00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:25,716 OH, TOMMY, DID YOU SHOW YOUR DAD WHAT I WROTE IN YOUR YEARBOOK? 380 00:21:25,718 --> 00:21:27,584 ( Dick gasps ) 381 00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:31,021 - TOMMY HAS A YEARBOOK? - NO. 382 00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:34,091 - YES. - YES. NO. 383 00:21:34,093 --> 00:21:36,093 WHERE IS IT? 384 00:21:36,095 --> 00:21:38,028 IN THE OVEN. 385 00:21:40,899 --> 00:21:42,833 ( yelps ) 386 00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:46,803 YOURS IS SLIGHTLY BIGGER.