1
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:07,639
NINA!  THIS NEEDS
TO GO OUT RIGHT AWAY!

2
00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:10,208
- WHAT'S SO URGENT?
- IT'S THE PHONE
COMPANY SURVEY.

3
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:13,812
I'M VERY SATISFIED
WITH MY SERVICE.
NINA!

4
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:16,315
- MAIL THIS.
- I'LL DO IT
ON MY WAY OUT.

5
00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:18,650
- I'VE GOT A BLIND DATE.
- WELL, THAT'S EXCITING.

6
00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:21,887
WHY, IS HE DRIVING?

7
00:00:21,889 --> 00:00:25,457
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
YOU'LL HAVE TO CANCEL.
WE HAVE TOO MUCH WORK TO DO.

8
00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:27,659
WHY NOW?
YOU HAVEN'T DONE
ANY WORK IN TWO DAYS.

9
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:30,095
I KNOW.
AND NOW I'M
PAYING FOR IT.

10
00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:32,764
IF YOU WANT,
YOU CAN INVITE
YOUR BLIND DATE HERE

11
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:36,067
AND TELL HIM IT'S A DISCO.
THAT'S THE BEST I CAN DO.

12
00:00:36,069 --> 00:00:38,236
CAN'T THIS WAIT
UNTIL TOMORROW?

13
00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:40,705
NO, NINA.
YOU'RE PAID
TO DO MY BIDDING.

14
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:43,442
- I WAS NEVER PAID
TO WORK FOR YOU.
- WHAT?

15
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,443
I AM DR. ALBRIGHT'S
ASSISTANT.

16
00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:47,445
WHEN YOU SHOWED UP,
THEY DOUBLED MY WORKLOAD,

17
00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:50,649
AND THE ONLY RAISE I GOT
WAS THE PRIVILEGE
OF WORKING FOR YOU.

18
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:53,052
I THINK YOU'RE STARTING
TO TAKE THAT PRIVILEGE

19
00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:55,053
A LITTLE FOR GRANTED.

20
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:58,123
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I DON'T DESERVE YOU.
I QUIT.

21
00:00:58,125 --> 00:01:00,592
- WHAT?
- NINA, YOU CAN'T QUIT.
I NEED YOU.

22
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,828
LET HER GO!

23
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:06,197
I GUARANTEE YOU'LL NEVER
WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN.

24
00:01:06,199 --> 00:01:09,601
I'M STILL WORKING
FOR DR. ALBRIGHT.
I'M JUST QUITTING YOU.

25
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:12,904
OH, NO.  NO, NO.
NO, THAT'S NOT
HOW IT WORKS.

26
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,473
WE'RE A PACKAGE.
YOU QUIT ONE OF US,
YOU QUIT US BOTH.

27
00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:18,776
- ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MARY?
- SEE YOU IN THE MORNING,
NINA.

28
00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:20,045
HA!

29
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:40,732
HARRY, I HAVE GREAT NEWS.
YOU'RE GOING TO BE
MY NEW ASSISTANT.

30
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:42,901
WHOA!

31
00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:46,237
ASSISTANT HIGH
COMMANDER HARRY.

32
00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:49,307
- I KNEW THIS DAY
WOULD COME.
- NO, HARRY,

33
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:51,309
MY OFFICE ASSISTANT.

34
00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:54,246
YOU'LL FIND ME TO BE
AN EASY PERSON
TO WORK FOR.

35
00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:56,315
MY DEMANDS ARE SIMPLE.

36
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:58,317
SIMPLY SOMEONE
WHO UNDERSTANDS

37
00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:00,585
THAT WORKING FOR ME
IS IN AND OF ITSELF

38
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:02,721
A REASON TO LIVE.

39
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:05,123
IT SEEMS
LIKE I SHOULD
BE PAYING YOU.

40
00:02:06,993 --> 00:02:09,494
I CONSIDERED THAT,
BUT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

41
00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:11,796
YOU'LL BE MAKING
VIRTUALLY NOTHING.

42
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,899
YOU'LL ONLY HAVE TO PERFORM
THE MOST BASIC OF TASKS.

43
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:18,403
- YOU'VE SENT OUT
MAIL BEFORE.
- NOPE.

44
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:22,240
- WELL, YOU'VE
STAPLED BEFORE.
- I HAVE NOT.

45
00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:24,309
WELL, SURELY YOU'VE
USED A PAPER CLIP.

46
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:27,178
YOU MEAN
THOSE COTTON THINGS
YOU PUT IN YOUR EARS?

47
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,849
HOW MANY FINGERS
AM I HOLDING UP?

48
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:33,050
- TWO.
- YOU'RE HIRED.

49
00:02:33,052 --> 00:02:35,053
<i> ( '50s rock music playing )</i>

50
00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:06,985
HAVE SOME TEA.

51
00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:11,589
UM... THERE'S
NO TEA IN HERE.

52
00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:15,327
IT'S PINK TEA,
AND IT'S GOOD TEA.

53
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:18,930
KID, DID YOU FALL
OFF THE JUNGLE GYM
OR WHAT?

54
00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:20,932
WHAT'S GOING ON?

55
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:23,534
I'M WATCHING DUBCEK'S
ILLEGITIMATE GRANDKID.

56
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:28,306
- YOU'RE LATE FOR TEA.
- SORRY.

57
00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:35,447
THERE'S NO ACTUAL
TEA, RIGHT?

58
00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:38,517
IT'S PINK TEA,
AND IT'S GOOD TEA.

59
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:41,819
- THE CAKE IS PINK, TOO.
- THE CAKE IS PINK, TOO.

60
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:45,524
ALL RIGHT,
MAYBE THIS IS TEA,

61
00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:47,626
BUT THIS IS
DEFINITELY NOT CAKE.

62
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:07,679
HI, HARRY.
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

63
00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:09,581
I WORK HERE.

64
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,849
OH, YOU'RE DICK'S
NEW ASSISTANT.

65
00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:13,685
YES, SIR,

66
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,854
I'M THE NEW GUY.

67
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:18,690
YOU KNOW, AT FIRST,
NO ONE LIKES THE NEW GUY.

68
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:21,426
PEOPLE ARE THREATENED
BY THE NEW GUY,

69
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:25,129
BUT OTHER PEOPLE
ARE SECRETLY ATTRACTED
TO THE NEW GUY.

70
00:04:27,201 --> 00:04:31,003
HELLO, MR. DR. SOLOMON,
SIR.  WELCOME BACK.

71
00:04:31,005 --> 00:04:33,038
"WELCOME BACK."

72
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,973
HARRY, UNLIKE NINA,
YOU ARE A GENTLEMAN.

73
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:40,312
HERE ARE YOUR MAIL
AND YOUR MESSAGES.

74
00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:43,381
I'VE ALREADY TAKEN CARE
OF THE FIRST TWO, AND I
RESTOCKED YOUR STATIONERY.

75
00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:46,084
- THANK YOU, NINA.
- HARRY, DID I GET
ANY PHONE CALLS?

76
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:48,286
OH, YES.
IT RANG REPEATEDLY.

77
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:52,924
AND, UM...
WHO CALLED?

78
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,259
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
I'M NOT CLAIRVOYANT.

79
00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:01,667
OF COURSE NOT.
BUT I'M SURE YOU
FILED MY MIDTERMS.

80
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,501
NO...

81
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:06,271
BUT I DID PRE-LICK
ALL YOUR STAMPS...

82
00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:10,575
AND I HAVE PLACED
THEM HERE

83
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:12,510
ON YOUR FILING CABINET
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE.

84
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:19,417
NICE WORK, HARRY.

85
00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:21,753
NOW, WHEN I WANT
TO MAIL A LETTER,

86
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:24,322
I'LL JUST STEAM,
SCRAPE, AND TAPE.

87
00:05:28,194 --> 00:05:30,361
SO, ANYWAY,
SHE LOOKS AT ME,

88
00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:33,331
AND SHE SAYS,
"IT'S PINK TEA,
AND IT'S GOOD TEA."

89
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,333
OH, THAT'S SO SWEET.

90
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,802
I'M NOT DONE
WITH THE STORY.
IT WAS IMAGINARY TEA.

91
00:05:37,804 --> 00:05:40,338
- DID SHE SERVE IMAGINARY
CAKE AND MUFFINS?
- YES!

92
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,607
Both:
THAT'S SO CUTE!

93
00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:47,512
IS THERE SOME SORT
OF IMAGINARY BAKERY
I'M MISSING OUT ON?

94
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:50,515
OH, I ALWAYS HAD
BARBIE TEA PARTIES.

95
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,950
OH, BARBIE--
BLOND HAIR,

96
00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:55,120
TINY WAIST, LEGS
UP TO HER NECK.

97
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:57,455
- WHO GROWS UP
TO LOOK LIKE THAT?
- YEAH, WHO?

98
00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:59,057
YEAH, WHO?

99
00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:05,463
WHY DID EVERYTHING SEEM
POSSIBLE AT THAT AGE?

100
00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:08,733
- DID YOU EVER DO
YOUR BEST FRIEND'S HAIR?
- YES.

101
00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:11,402
- DID YOU EVER PLAY DRESS-UP?
- WEARING YOUR MOTHER'S
CLOTHES?

102
00:06:11,404 --> 00:06:13,504
MY BROTHER ROY
DID THAT.

103
00:06:15,442 --> 00:06:17,775
- BALLET LESSONS.
- Both: OH, BALLET!

104
00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:19,511
BALLET!

105
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,679
ON MY RECITAL NIGHT,

106
00:06:21,681 --> 00:06:23,515
I FELT LIKE CINDERELLA.

107
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:26,317
OF COURSE, I LOOKED
LIKE ONE OF THE HIPPOS
IN "FANTASIA."

108
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,419
YEAH, ME--

109
00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:31,256
NO, I...
I LOOKED CUTE.

110
00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:34,793
SO, REMEMBER WHEN
WE USED TO DO... WHAT?

111
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:37,028
I CAN STILL REMEMBER
TAKING MY BOW.

112
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:39,664
MY DAD GAVE ME
A SINGLE WHITE ROSE.

113
00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:42,366
I WAS HIS
LITTLE PRINCESS.

114
00:06:42,368 --> 00:06:44,302
I WANT MY CHILDHOOD.

115
00:06:45,772 --> 00:06:47,706
DON'T WE ALL?

116
00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:54,379
- TOMMY!
- Tommy:<i> I'M NOT COMING OUT.</i>

117
00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:56,381
I WANT TO PLAY BARBIE.

118
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:10,795
I FEEL LIKE
TOMMY LONGSTOCKING.

119
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:13,131
THAT'S WHAT
I WAS GOING FOR.

120
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:15,066
NOW SIT DOWN.
YOU'RE KEN.

121
00:07:19,739 --> 00:07:22,740
OKAY, KEN,
SO WHAT DO YOU
WANT TO DO TODAY?

122
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:25,677
HMM, NOTHING
THAT INVOLVES BENDING
MY KNEES OR ELBOWS.

123
00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:30,715
OKAY, WELL, HAVE
A GREAT DAY AT WORK.

124
00:07:30,717 --> 00:07:33,551
I WILL.
AND WHILE THERE, I'LL
EARN 25% MORE THAN YOU

125
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:35,720
BECAUSE I'M A MAN.

126
00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:37,822
THAT'S NOT FAIR.

127
00:07:37,824 --> 00:07:41,459
I'M GOING TO SUE YOU
IN MALIBU DREAM COURT.

128
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,529
DON'T GET YOUR MINK
IN A BUNCH, PRECIOUS.

129
00:07:44,531 --> 00:07:46,831
WELL, NOW YOU'RE
TALKING DOWN TO ME.

130
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,100
SO NOW I HAVE TO
RIP YOUR HEAD OFF.

131
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,607
YOU DON'T PLAY RIGHT.

132
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,942
BABY.
YOU FORGOT YOUR HEAD.

133
00:07:57,944 --> 00:08:00,645
<i> SHUT UP!</i>

134
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,014
SO, DICK, YOU KNOW
WHAT I OVERHEARD

135
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:05,016
- AT THE WATER COOLER?
- WHAT?

136
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:08,386
THAT THERE'S
THIS WEIRD GUY HANGING
AROUND THE WATER COOLER.

137
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:13,992
DICK, I'M SO GLAD
YOU'RE HOME.
READ THAT.

138
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,828
AN APPLICATION
TO LITTLE MISS SLIPPERS
BALLET ACADEMY?

139
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,830
YEAH.  I REALLY NEED
BALLET LESSONS.

140
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,999
- IT'S IMPERATIVE
TO MY MISSION.
- CAN YOU GET IN?

141
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:24,502
- DO YOU HAVE $150?
- FOR THIS?

142
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:27,638
- DON'T MAKE ME BEG.
- NO, LIEUTENANT.

143
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:32,176
PLE-EEEEASE!

144
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,446
ALL RIGHT!

145
00:08:34,448 --> 00:08:36,114
ENJOY.

146
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:39,384
I'M GOING TO BE
THE BEST DAMN BALLERINA
IN THAT WHOLE CLASS!

147
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,889
( high-pitched voice )
OOH!  MY BOYFRIEND
DRIVES A CAMARO.

148
00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:47,659
- OOH!  OOH!
- HARRY, GET UP!

149
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,661
YES, SIR.

150
00:08:55,469 --> 00:08:58,035
- I WANT TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT WORK TODAY.
- OH!

151
00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:00,505
IT WAS THE GREATEST
DAY OF MY LIFE.

152
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:02,741
- IT WAS A DISASTER.
- I'M GLAD IT'S OVER.

153
00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:05,510
- NOW I CAN STOP PRETENDING.
- HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.

154
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:08,079
THERE'S GOING
TO BE SOME CHANGES
AROUND HERE.

155
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:11,249
FROM NOW ON, YOUR DESK
WILL BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
HER NAME WILL BE LUCILLE.

156
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:14,252
SHE WILL BE
THE ONLY WOMAN
IN YOUR LIFE.

157
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,521
DICK, I DON'T LIKE
YOU LIKE THIS.

158
00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:19,256
I DON'T WANT YOU
TO LIKE ME BECAUSE
LIKING LEADS TO LOVING,

159
00:09:19,258 --> 00:09:21,993
AND LOVING LEADS TO
REPRODUCTION, AND NOBODY
REPRODUCES WITH ME!

160
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:24,095
- UNDERSTOOD?
- YES, SIR.

161
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,097
NOW GET SOME SLEEP.

162
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:29,033
STARTING TOMORROW,
I'M GOING TO WHIP YOU
INTO SHAPE.

163
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:35,339
OKAY, BUT DON'T
TOUCH THE FACE

164
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:37,375
'CAUSE I'M
A PRETTY MAN.

165
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,282
Dick:
<i> HARRY!</i>

166
00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:49,587
- MY PENCILS ARE DULL.
- TALK TO DR. ALBRIGHT
INSTEAD.

167
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,523
SHE'S RIVETING.

168
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:55,259
THANK YOU, HARRY.

169
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:58,196
SHARPEN THESE.
THAT'S EIGHT PENCILS
AT SEVEN SECONDS EACH.

170
00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:01,466
AND I WANT A PROGRESS REPORT
TYPED AND ON MY DESK
IN 50 SECONDS.

171
00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:04,102
NOW GO, GO, GO,
GO, GO, GO!

172
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:07,772
- HARRY--
- NOT NOW, NINA.
I'M ON A DEADLINE.

173
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:10,041
DON'T YOU THINK
DR. SOLOMON'S MAKING

174
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:12,043
SOME UNREASONABLE
DEMANDS OF YOU?

175
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,345
- DON'T BE SILLY.
- HARRY!

176
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:19,717
PEE IN THIS CUP.
I WANT TO SEE IF YOU'VE
BEEN EATING MY MINTS.

177
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,158
IT'S FINE.
DICK'S JUST TRYING

178
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,194
TO WHIP ME INTO
A FIRST-CLASS ASSISTANT.

179
00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:31,662
LOOK, NEXT TIME HE STARTS
TO GET ON YOUR CASE,

180
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:35,100
YOU TELL HIM
TO TALK TO THE HAND.
TALK TO THE HAND.

181
00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:39,003
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
-<i> HARRY, GET OUT HERE-- NOW!</i>

182
00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:42,574
- WHY IS MY OUT BOX FULL?
- BECAUSE THE MAIL
JUST CAME IN.

183
00:10:42,576 --> 00:10:44,576
WHY DID YOU PUT IT
IN THE OUT BOX?

184
00:10:44,578 --> 00:10:47,244
BECAUSE IT CAME
OUT OF THE MAIL.

185
00:10:47,246 --> 00:10:49,747
WHY IS MY LETTER
TO THE DEAN
IN THE IN BOX?

186
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:53,651
THE DEAN WON'T BE BACK TILL
TOMORROW, BUT ONCE HE'S IN,
THE IN GOES OUT.

187
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,120
THINGS IN THE OUT BOX
ARE GOING OUT.

188
00:10:56,122 --> 00:10:58,522
WELL, WHY DON'T WE
JUST GET ONE BIG BOX?

189
00:10:58,524 --> 00:11:00,524
THAT WAY WE'LL PUT
EVERYTHING IN THERE.

190
00:11:00,526 --> 00:11:04,295
- I MEAN, THAT'S 50% LESS BOX.
- THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S DONE.

191
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:06,731
ANYONE WITH HALF A BRAIN
COULD DO THIS JOB.

192
00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:08,165
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?

193
00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:14,271
- DICK?
- YES.

194
00:11:14,273 --> 00:11:16,207
TALK TO THE HAND.

195
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:24,215
( humming )

196
00:11:48,775 --> 00:11:51,475
DICK.
DICK, LOOK AT ME.

197
00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:54,412
JUST TRY TO KEEP
YOUR FOOT OUT
OF THE EGG SALAD.

198
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,920
LOOK AT ME.
LOOK WHAT I LEARNED.

199
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,855
LOOK.

200
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,258
OH.  GOOD.

201
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,894
THEY TAUGHT YOU
TO SQUAT.

202
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:13,030
IT'S NOT A SQUAT.
IT'S A PLIÉ.

203
00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:15,132
- WHAT'S A PLIÉ?
- A FRENCH SQUAT.

204
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,736
I'M PRACTICING
FOR MY RECITAL.

205
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,972
I'M SO EXCITED.
EVERYBODY'S PARENTS
WILL BE--

206
00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:26,978
- SALLY--
- OOH, TOMMY!

207
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:34,885
OH, TOMMY,
YOU ARE STYLIN'.

208
00:12:34,887 --> 00:12:38,122
YEAH, THANK YOU.
WILL YOU PLEASE FIX WHAT
YOU'VE DONE TO MY HEAD?

209
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:40,791
NO, BUT I WILL LET
YOU BORROW SOME
OF MY BARRETTES.

210
00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:42,627
WELL, THAT'LL
LOOK BETTER.

211
00:12:42,629 --> 00:12:46,231
I CANNOT WAIT FOR YOU
TO SEE THE RECITAL.

212
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:48,299
I DO A PIROUETTE
AT THE END.

213
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:51,769
THE TEACHER SAYS
I LOOK LIKE
A DRUNK BEAR.

214
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,504
I'LL BE THERE.

215
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:57,274
LOOK AT ME, DAMN IT!
I'M YOUR LITTLE PRINCESS!

216
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:59,276
AW!  YOU LOOK

217
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:01,513
BEAUTIFUL!

218
00:13:01,515 --> 00:13:03,781
THANK YOU.
COME ON, TOMMY.

219
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,783
- I NEED YOU
FOR THE<i> PAS DE DEUX.</i>
- Tommy: WHAT THE HELL?

220
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,152
- HARRY, COME
WATCH ME PRACTICE!
- SORRY, SALLY.

221
00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:11,455
I HAVE TO SIT HERE
AND SILENTLY GLARE
AT DICK.

222
00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:20,932
AM I GOING TO HAVE
AN EMOTIONAL OUTBURST,

223
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:22,767
- OR ARE YOU?
- YOU JUST DID.

224
00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:24,702
- I DID NOT!
- AH-HA!

225
00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:28,706
HARRY, I HIRED YOU
TO REPLACE NINA,

226
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:32,243
BUT INSTEAD
SHE'S TURNED YOU INTO
HER SASSY DOPPELGÄNGER.

227
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:34,378
- IS THAT RIGHT?
- THAT'S RIGHT.

228
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,080
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
- WHAT?

229
00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:39,150
I'M NOT TAKING IT ANYMORE.
THE CARNIVAL IS
LEAVING DICKSVILLE.

230
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,919
- I QUIT!
- YOU CAN'T QUIT.
YOU'RE FIRED.

231
00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:44,022
NO-OOO!

232
00:13:50,863 --> 00:13:52,863
I'M SORRY THINGS
DIDN'T WORK OUT,

233
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:55,866
BUT BEST OF LUCK
IN YOUR FUTURE
ENDEAVORS.

234
00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:58,169
- OKAY,
SEE YOU TONIGHT.
- ALL RIGHT.

235
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:03,774
DOES THIS MEAN YOU'VE COME
TO YOUR SENSES, AND YOU'RE
GOING TO APOLOGIZE TO NINA?

236
00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:06,210
NO, I WILL NEVER
COME TO MY SENSES.

237
00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:11,516
I DON'T NEED NINA.
I DON'T NEED HARRY.
I DON'T NEED ANYBODY.

238
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,851
FROM NOW ON,
I'M GOING TO BE
MY OWN ASSISTANT.

239
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,220
( rings )

240
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:18,055
HELLO.

241
00:14:18,057 --> 00:14:20,457
YES, I'LL BE
AT THE SEMINAR.

242
00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:24,095
I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT DR. SOLOMON.
HOLD ON A SECOND.  DICK?

243
00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:26,697
TRANSFER IT
TO MY ASSISTANT, PLEASE.

244
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,532
OKAY.

245
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:30,634
<i> ( intercom buzzes )</i>

246
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:37,408
DR. SOLOMON'S LINE.
WHO'S CALLING, PLEASE?

247
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:40,544
UH... I'LL ASK HIM.
THE SEMINAR?  YES.

248
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:43,481
I'LL ASK HIM
AND GET BACK TO YOU
THIS AFTERNOON.

249
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,483
- ( rings )
- DR. SOLOMON'S LINE.

250
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,485
WHO'S CALLING, PLEASE?

251
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,987
HOLD ON, PLEASE.
I'LL TRANSFER YOU.

252
00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:51,922
<i> ( intercom buzzes )</i>

253
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:58,929
THIS IS DICK SOLOMON.
HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

254
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:01,365
NO, NO, NO, YOU
WANT DICK SULLIVAN

255
00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:03,768
IN THE ENGLISH
DEPARTMENT.

256
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:06,270
TRANSFER YOU?
I'M ALREADY DOING
THE JOB OF TWO MEN.

257
00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:08,606
NEXT TIME, PICK UP
A PHONE BOOK,
YOU MORON!

258
00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:14,812
<i> ( phone rings )</i>

259
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:17,115
- DICK, I THINK
YOUR PHONE'S RINGING.
- ( shrieks )

260
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:20,118
<i> ( rings )</i>

261
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,119
<i> DICK SOLOMON'S LINE.</i>
<i> WHO'S CALLING?</i>

262
00:15:22,121 --> 00:15:25,355
THIS IS LUELLA
FROM THE DEAN'S OFFICE.

263
00:15:25,357 --> 00:15:27,357
PLEASE TELL
DR. SOLOMON WE NEED

264
00:15:27,359 --> 00:15:30,627
COPIES OF ALL
PAST PURCHASE ORDERS
FOR THE PAST 18 MONTHS.

265
00:15:30,629 --> 00:15:32,629
<i> UH, UH...</i>
<i> PURCHASE ORDERS?</i>

266
00:15:32,631 --> 00:15:35,566
UH, YES, I DROPPED
THEM OFF THIS MORNING.

267
00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:38,235
YOU NEVER DROPPED
THOSE OFF!  YOU LIE!
HOW DO YOU KNOW?

268
00:15:38,237 --> 00:15:40,971
YOU WEREN'T EVEN THERE.
I CAN TELL JUST
BY LOOKING AT YOU.

269
00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:43,240
I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS.
OBVIOUSLY NOT.

270
00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:45,242
SUCH MISTRUST!
WELL, GET OUT, THEN!

271
00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:47,211
FINE!  I WILL!

272
00:15:49,883 --> 00:15:52,116
NOT SO EASY,
IS IT, DICK?

273
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,118
ON THE CONTRARY.

274
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,487
ALL I HAVE TO
DO NOW IS...

275
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,489
TAKE DR. SOLOMON'S EXAM

276
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,591
TO HIS 10:00 CLASS.

277
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,230
THERE'S ONLY ONE HERE.
I HAVE 30 STUDENTS.

278
00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:08,565
WELL, THAT'S FUNNY.

279
00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:10,568
THEY USUALLY
DUPLICATE THEMSELVES.

280
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,469
( gasps )

281
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:15,906
NO, WAIT.
NINA ALWAYS
MADE THE COPIES.

282
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:18,709
OH, NINA MADE
THE COPIES, HUH?

283
00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:20,944
THEN I CAN MAKE
THE COPIES.

284
00:16:20,946 --> 00:16:23,581
I'LL JUST TAKE
THIS PAPER

285
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,750
AND WALK
OUT THIS DOOR

286
00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:28,852
AND TURN TO THE, UH...

287
00:16:28,854 --> 00:16:31,455
- THE RIGHT.
- YES, I KNEW THAT.

288
00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:34,959
AND THEN WALK RIGHT
INTO THE, UH...

289
00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:37,561
THIRD DOOR
ON THE LEFT.

290
00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:39,530
DON'T PATRONIZE ME.

291
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:43,901
IT SAYS "XEROX"
ON IT.

292
00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:47,372
OBVIOUSLY.

293
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:50,374
<i> ( electronic beeping )</i>

294
00:16:50,376 --> 00:16:52,443
OKAY.

295
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:55,346
I PUT THIS UNDER HERE,

296
00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:59,650
PRESS THIS, ENTER
THE NUMBER "30,"

297
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,819
AND START.

298
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:04,555
<i> ( mechanical humming )</i>

299
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:06,557
PIECE OF CAKE.

300
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,493
<i> ( beeps )</i>

301
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,398
"PAPER JAM"?

302
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,466
OKAY, FINE.

303
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:17,501
I JUST PRESS THIS,

304
00:17:17,503 --> 00:17:20,571
OPEN THIS,

305
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,806
REMOVE THE PAPER,

306
00:17:22,808 --> 00:17:25,543
AND PRESS THIS
AND "START."

307
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,879
<i> ( beeps )</i>

308
00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:30,314
"SEE KEY OPERATOR."

309
00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:33,417
WELL, THAT'S ME.
I'M OPERATING THE KEYS.

310
00:17:33,419 --> 00:17:35,352
ME!  DAMN YOU!

311
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:39,757
I'M GOING TO PRESS "CANCEL."
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

312
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:42,927
- 'CAUSE I'LL DO IT.
I'LL PRESS IT.
-<i> ( beeping )</i>

313
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:45,896
- STOP IT!  DAMN YOU!
-<i> ( beeping stops )</i>

314
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:49,700
( yells )

315
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:52,737
I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU
WITH YOUR OWN TONER CARTRIDGE!

316
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,671
( yelling )

317
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:03,547
THERE'S MY DADDY.

318
00:18:03,549 --> 00:18:06,049
THERE'S<i> MY</i> DADDY.

319
00:18:06,051 --> 00:18:07,818
DICK?

320
00:18:09,121 --> 00:18:10,621
DICK?

321
00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:12,856
HER DADDY'S
NOT HERE.

322
00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:15,125
HER DADDY'S
A BAD MAN.

323
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:20,731
-<i> ( jazz playing on stereo )</i>
-<i> ( doorbell rings )</i>

324
00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:26,370
<i> ( music stops )</i>

325
00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:28,706
( gasps )
DR. SOLOMON!

326
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,643
WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOU?

327
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:35,145
- OH, NINA, I WAS SO...
- OH, NO, NO, NO, NO!

328
00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:37,147
( yells )
UH-UH!

329
00:18:37,149 --> 00:18:39,717
I THOUGHT I DIDN'T
NEED ANYONE, BUT I DO.
I NEED YOU.

330
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,719
- GET OFF THE CARPET.
- WHY?

331
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:44,955
( screams )
DON'T SIT THERE.

332
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,525
NINA.

333
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:49,627
NINA, YOUR PLACE
IS BEAUTIFUL.

334
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,695
OH, NO!

335
00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:53,664
BUT WHERE ARE
YOUR FILE CABINETS,

336
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,633
YOUR PENCIL SHARPENERS,
YOUR OFFICE FURNITURE?

337
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:59,469
YOU THINK THE ONLY NINA
THAT YOU SEE EXISTS
IN THE OFFICE?

338
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,705
YOU'RE WRONG.
THERE'S ANOTHER NINA.

339
00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:04,975
WILL SHE WORK
FOR ME?

340
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:08,779
YOU DON'T RESPECT ME.
IF YOU WANT ME TO WORK FOR
YOU, I NEED YOUR RESPECT.

341
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:11,282
NINA...
I RESPECT YOU.

342
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:13,784
- I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

343
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:16,954
- CRAWL ON MY HANDS AND KNEES?
- OH NO!  GET UP!

344
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:19,189
NO, YOU RESPECT--
OKAY, I'LL COME BACK.

345
00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:21,392
- OH, NINA, THANK YOU!
- ( shrieks )

346
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:28,398
I'LL SEE YOU
AT THE OFFICE.

347
00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:38,809
GYPPED.
ALL I WANTED WAS
A NORMAL CHILDHOOD,

348
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:41,045
BUT DICK JUST COULDN'T
LET ME HAVE ONE.

349
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:43,547
I FELT SO HUMILIATED.

350
00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:46,951
I BET WHEN YOU LOOKED OUT
INTO THAT AUDIENCE AND YOU
DIDN'T SEE DICK THERE,

351
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:49,720
- YOU FELT LIKE YOUR HEART
WAS TORN OUT.
- YEAH.

352
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:52,123
- AND YOU FELT
BETRAYED AND ALONE.
- UH-HUH.

353
00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,391
AND NOW YOU'RE PROBABLY
PRETTY MUCH DAMAGED
FOR LIFE,

354
00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:56,894
- AND YOU'LL NEVER TRUST
ANYONE EVER AGAIN.
- EXACTLY.

355
00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:58,996
YEAH.  WELL,
CONGRATULATIONS, SALLY.

356
00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:01,598
YOU'VE JUST TAKEN
YOUR FIRST STEP
INTO CHILDHOOD.

357
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:05,068
- I HAVE?
- YEAH.

358
00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:07,137
AND NOW YOU TAKE
ALL THIS EMOTIONAL DAMAGE

359
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:09,840
AND LET IT FEED
YOUR ADULT NEUROSES.

360
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:12,509
AND THE BEST PART
IS THAT IF YOU
EVER KILL A GUY

361
00:20:12,511 --> 00:20:15,112
OR BALLOON UP
TO 400 POUNDS,
YOU GET TO BLAME DICK.

362
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:16,914
YEAH.

363
00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:18,949
Dick:
<i> TOMMY! </i> SALLY!

364
00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:20,951
SALLY,

365
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:24,354
I AM SO SORRY
I MISSED YOUR RECITAL.

366
00:20:25,591 --> 00:20:28,158
YEAH, YOU DID.
THANKS, DICK.

367
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,862
- WHAT FOR?
- YOU'VE GIVEN ME THE MOST
PRECIOUS GIFT OF ALL--

368
00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:35,366
EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE.
THANKS.

369
00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:37,968
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
- NOW I GOTTA GO EAT.

370
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:44,708
I'M SORRY, HARRY.
I THOUGHT I DIDN'T
NEED ANYONE.

371
00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:47,511
I THOUGHT I COULD DO
EVERYTHING BY MYSELF.

372
00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:50,781
IT TURNS OUT I WAS WRONG.
I DO NEED SOMEONE,

373
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:52,716
JUST NOT YOU.

374
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:56,987
WELL, IT TAKES
A BIG MAN TO ADMIT THAT.

375
00:20:56,989 --> 00:21:00,624
I GUESS IT JUST GOES
TO SHOW YOU, YOU CAN'T
WORK WITH YOUR FAMILY.

376
00:21:00,626 --> 00:21:02,626
BUT, TECHNICALLY,
WE'RE NOT A FAMILY.

377
00:21:02,628 --> 00:21:04,561
WE'RE MORE
LIKE CO-WORKERS.

378
00:21:04,563 --> 00:21:07,864
WELL, IT JUST GOES
TO SHOW YOU CAN'T WORK
WITH YOUR CO-WORKERS.

379
00:21:09,501 --> 00:21:12,603
ISN'T THAT THE MOTTO
OF THE POSTAL SERVICE?

380
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:24,114
OKAY, THIS IS
HOW IT WORKS.

381
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:26,217
- YOU PUT THE PAPER IN THERE.
- I DID THAT.

382
00:21:26,219 --> 00:21:28,051
- PRESS THIS BUTTON.
- I DID THAT.

383
00:21:28,053 --> 00:21:29,720
- IT SHOULD WORK.
-<i> ( beeps )</i>

384
00:21:29,722 --> 00:21:31,722
- PAPER JAM.
- NOT A PROBLEM.

385
00:21:31,724 --> 00:21:33,724
- PULL THIS OUT.
- I DID THAT.

386
00:21:33,726 --> 00:21:35,826
- PRESS THIS BUTTON.
-<i> ( beeps )</i>

387
00:21:35,828 --> 00:21:38,596
IT'S NOT WORKING.

388
00:21:38,598 --> 00:21:41,098
WHAT IS WRONG
WITH THIS?!  DAMN IT!

389
00:21:43,002 --> 00:21:45,503
( yelling )

390
00:21:45,505 --> 00:21:47,505
STUPID!

391
00:21:47,507 --> 00:21:50,074
THE OTHER SIDE.
HARDER.