1
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:06,671
HEY, DICK, CAN I
BORROW THE CAR KEYS?
I HAVE A DATE WITH AUGUST.

2
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:09,074
- SURE, TOMMY.
- YOU CAN'T GIVE HIM THE KEYS.
HE CAN'T DRIVE.

3
00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:12,010
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
I'VE NEVER TRIED IT.
I COULD BE GREAT AT IT.

4
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:15,079
- CHECK AND MATE.
- HE DOESN'T EVEN
HAVE A LICENSE.

5
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:17,749
- YOU DON'T HAVE
YOUR LICENSE YET?
- I'M TAKING DRIVER'S ED.

6
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:20,152
- SHE'S RIGHT.
NO KEYS FOR YOU.
- HA HA!

7
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:23,288
- THEN WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO DO?
- SALLY, YOU DRIVE HIM.

8
00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:25,890
HA HA!

9
00:00:25,892 --> 00:00:28,827
( playing "Strangers
In The Night" )

10
00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:37,502
( chuckles )

11
00:00:37,504 --> 00:00:39,905
HEY THERE, TIGER.

12
00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,840
( growls )

13
00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:46,277
YOU REMEMBER
MY DAUGHTER VICKI,
DON'T YOU?

14
00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:49,647
SURE.  I PUT
A TURKEY CARCASS
ON MY HEAD

15
00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:52,617
AND HAD SEX WITH HER
ON YOUR KITCHEN TABLE.

16
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:59,891
THAT'S MY LITTLE GIRL.

17
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,894
SO, WHAT BRINGS YOU
TO RUTHERFORD?

18
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,129
SHE'S BACK FOR HER
HIGH SCHOOL REUNION.

19
00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:07,699
THANKS FOR KILLING
THE SURPRISE, MAMA.

20
00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:11,937
EVER SINCE
THEY CANCELED
"RYAN'S HOPE,"

21
00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:13,972
SHE'S BEEN
REAL MOODY.

22
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,376
SO, VICKI,

23
00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:19,878
WHY DIDN'T YOU RETURN
ANY OF MY PHONE CALLS?

24
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:22,113
WELL, I WANTED TO,
BUT THEY...

25
00:01:22,115 --> 00:01:24,115
THEY PUT A LOCK
ON THE PHONE

26
00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:26,384
DOWN AT SOCIAL
SERVICES.

27
00:01:26,386 --> 00:01:28,620
WELL, I'M GLAD
YOU'RE HERE

28
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:31,622
'CAUSE I COULD USE
SOME SOCIAL SERVICES.

29
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,764
<i> ( '50s rock music playing )</i>

30
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,230
COME ON, COME ON.
ANYONE.

31
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,903
- "Y" TO THE FOURTH POWER.
- NO.

32
00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:20,839
11?

33
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,707
NO.

34
00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:25,644
- VELOCITY SQUARED?
- NO.

35
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,312
THAT GUY
FROM "JEOPARDY"?

36
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:30,215
NO, NO, NO!

37
00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:33,218
DR. SOLOMON,
CAN'T YOU JUST
TELL US THE ANSWER?

38
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:35,687
WE'VE BEEN GUESSING
FOR 45 MINUTES NOW.

39
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,689
YOU'VE BEEN GUESSING?

40
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,159
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE,

41
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,161
DUE TO YOUR
STAGGERING INEPTITUDE

42
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,930
WITH THE MOST BASIC CONCEPTS
OF QUANTUM SUPERPOSITIONS,

43
00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:47,932
I AM ISSUING
THE FOLLOWING ASSIGNMENT:

44
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:50,101
YOU WILL WRITE A FIVE-PAGE
LETTER TO YOUR PARENTS

45
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:52,103
APOLOGIZING FOR
WASTING THEIR MONEY.

46
00:02:54,574 --> 00:02:57,342
I WANT THEM ON MY DESK
TOMORROW MORNING
FOR MY APPROVAL

47
00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:59,444
AND A BLISTERING P.S.

48
00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:02,781
AND BRING A STAMP, DAMN IT.
I'M NOT A POST OFFICE.

49
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:09,821
Don:
<i> THE WEDDING CHAPEL WAS</i>
<i> ONLY TWO MILES AWAY.</i>

50
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:13,492
ALL SHE HAD TO DO WAS
COME TO A COMPLETE STOP

51
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:16,427
AND TURN ON
HER BLINKER,

52
00:03:16,429 --> 00:03:20,164
BUT I GUESS SHE HAD
MORE IMPORTANT THINGS
TO THINK ABOUT.

53
00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:22,234
AND NOW SHE'S DEAD!

54
00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:29,641
- ANY QUESTIONS?
- YEAH.  WHERE CAN
I RENT THAT MOVIE?

55
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,176
YOU CAN'T.

56
00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:34,346
CLASS DISMISSED.

57
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,651
HEY, TOMMY.

58
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:42,087
( deepens voice )
HELLO, DON.

59
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:44,089
- HELLO, SALLY.
- TOMMY SAID

60
00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:47,492
YOU WERE SHOWING
"THE BRIDE
WORE ASPHALT."

61
00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:49,928
- DID I MISS IT?
- YES, BUT...

62
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:52,564
- MAYBE I CAN ARRANGE
FOR A PRIVATE SCREENING.
- WHEN?

63
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,566
- NOW.
- CAN WE WATCH IT
BACKWARDS?

64
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,901
YOU'RE A SUCKER
FOR A HAPPY ENDING.

65
00:03:59,639 --> 00:04:02,774
<i> ( dramatic instrumental</i>
<i> music playing )</i>

66
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,943
LOOK,
HER HEAD'S BACK ON.

67
00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:12,383
- JUDITH.
- AS HEAD OF
THE DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE,

68
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:14,385
IT IS MY SAD DUTY
TO INFORM YOU

69
00:04:14,387 --> 00:04:17,088
THAT ONE OF YOUR STUDENTS
HAS REGISTERED A COMPLAINT
AGAINST YOU.

70
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,990
THERE MUST BE
SOME MISTAKE.

71
00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:22,694
IS IT TRUE THAT YOU FORCED
THEM TO WRITE HUMILIATING
LETTERS TO THEIR PARENTS?

72
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:26,431
WELL, YES,
BUT THAT CAN'T BE IT.

73
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:29,668
I'M AFRAID IT IS,
AND ACCORDING TO
UNIVERSITY RULES OF CONDUCT,

74
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,769
YOU MUST ATTEND
SENSITIVITY TRAINING.

75
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:35,407
MY OFFICE
WILL CONTACT YOU.

76
00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:38,443
OH, AND DICK,
I WOULDN'T LEAVE TOWN.

77
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,915
I DON'T NEED
SENSITIVITY TRAINING,

78
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:46,751
YOU STRIDENT,
POWER-MAD TART!

79
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,489
- ( groans )
- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD.

80
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:53,725
OF COURSE
I REMEMBERED.

81
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:55,960
HOW'S THE CHEST PAINS?

82
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,896
MARY, DO YOU THINK
I'M INSENSITIVE?

83
00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:02,834
YOU JUST HUNG UP
ON MY FATHER.

84
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:05,604
NOW, DON'T TRY
TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

85
00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:07,906
OKAY, FINE.
YOU'RE INSENSITIVE.

86
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,574
I AM?

87
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:12,177
OH, COME ON, DICK.
IT WOULDN'T KILL YOU

88
00:05:12,179 --> 00:05:15,480
TO OCCASIONALLY THINK
OF PEOPLE'S FEELINGS
BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

89
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,515
( laughs )
WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP.

90
00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:23,455
YOU LOG 40 BILLION
LIGHT-YEARS WITHOUT
A SINGLE MOVING VIOLATION,

91
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,857
THEY MAKE YOU TAKE
A ROAD TEST ANYWAY.

92
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,459
WELCOME
TO EARTH, FOLKS.

93
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:31,129
YOU DON'T NEED THAT BOOK.
JUST USE YOUR COMMON SENSE.

94
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,431
GREEN MEANS GO.
YELLOW MEANS
SLOW DOWN.

95
00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:35,367
RED MEANS
STOP AND CHECK
YOUR MAKE-UP.

96
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,405
THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND.

97
00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:42,808
THAT'S KENNY.

98
00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:46,277
OOH, JACE CARTER.
OOH!

99
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,380
WHOA!  WHO'S
THE BIKER CHICK

100
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:51,750
WITH THE CONFEDERATE FLAG
AND THE BOTTLE OF BOURBON?

101
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,919
THAT'S ME.

102
00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:59,491
NICE.

103
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,994
HARRY, I WAS WONDERING

104
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:06,898
IF MAYBE... YOU'D BE
MY DATE TO THE REUNION.

105
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,067
I'D LOVE TO.

106
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:11,069
WILL THERE BE...

107
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,838
TURKEY?

108
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:17,843
-<i> ( door slams )</i>
- FAMILY MEETING!
FAMILY MEETING!

109
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:19,077
Both: WHAT?

110
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:22,680
I'VE JUST HEARD
THE MOST UPSETTING THING.

111
00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:25,983
SOMEONE HAS ACCUSED ME
OF INSENSITIVITY.

112
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:29,621
YOU'RE NOT FAMILY!
GET OUT!

113
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:38,529
WHAT IS IT WITH THIS
PLANET'S PREOCCUPATION
WITH SENSITIVITY?

114
00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:42,134
YOU SHOULD BE ABLE
TO HAVE AN OPEN DIALOGUE
WITH ANYONE, LIKE WE DO.

115
00:06:42,136 --> 00:06:45,036
WE CAN SAY ANYTHING
TO EACH OTHER
AND NOT TAKE OFFENSE.

116
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:47,205
FOR EXAMPLE, TOMMY
WOULDN'T OBJECT
IF I MENTIONED

117
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,374
THAT HE WAS A GREASY
LITTLE DISAPPOINTMENT.

118
00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:51,209
WHAT'S TO ARGUE?

119
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:53,545
SALLY COULDN'T
DISPUTE THAT SHE'S
A SADISTIC BIMBO.

120
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:57,048
YOU GOT ME.
AND, DICK, YOU'RE
A RUBBER-FACED BAG OF WIND.

121
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:59,717
WELL SAID!
AND HARRY, YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

122
00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:02,420
THANK YOU, SIR.
MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?

123
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:08,559
HOORAY...

124
00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:10,561
FOR PERSONAL GROWTH.

125
00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:13,198
TODAY WE'RE
GOING TO LEARN
HOW TO BREATHE,

126
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,499
HOW TO LISTEN,

127
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:19,103
AND HOW TO SAY
"I HAVE A PERSONALITY DISORDER."

128
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:22,541
- WAIT A MINUTE--
- DICK, I HEAR YOU.

129
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:25,777
CAN... YOU...
HEAR... ME?

130
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:30,448
YES.  YOU'RE
THE ANNOYING GUY
IN THE UNITARD.

131
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:34,886
DICK, LABELS DISABLE.

132
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:43,962
OKAY, WE'RE ALL
SHIPWRECKED AT SEA.

133
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,964
THERE'S VERY LITTLE
FOOD LEFT

134
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,600
AND ONE PASSENGER
TOO MANY.

135
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:51,803
I SAY WE EAT
THE BIG, FAT GUY.

136
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,238
BOO, DICK!
BOO!

137
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:58,776
HOW ABOUT THE WOMAN
WITH THE BAD HAIRDO?

138
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:06,184
YOUR WORK IS INCOMPETENT.
YOU GET AN "F."
YOU FAIL.

139
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:08,185
( high-pitched voice )
YOU'RE RIGHT.

140
00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:11,155
MY WORK HAS BEEN WEAK,
BUT IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

141
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,591
I'M JUST NOT
AS SMART AS YOU ARE.

142
00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:16,026
( gruff voice )
AH, I SUPPOSE
YOU HAVE A POINT.

143
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:18,463
I AM EXCEEDINGLY
BRILLIANT.

144
00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:21,899
YOU JUST GO SO FAST,
I CAN'T FOLLOW YOU.

145
00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:23,901
AND NOW I'LL
NEVER GET A JOB.

146
00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:26,337
I'LL HAVE TO SELL
MY FEET FOR KEYCHAINS.

147
00:08:29,243 --> 00:08:31,509
I'VE NEVER
HEARD THINGS

148
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,577
FROM YOUR POINT
OF VIEW BEFORE.

149
00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:37,314
MAYBE I HAVE BEEN
A LITTLE HARD ON YOU.
I'M-- I'M...

150
00:08:37,316 --> 00:08:39,250
( sniffles )

151
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,586
I'M SORRY.
( sobbing )

152
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:54,598
I THINK SOMEONE
NEEDS A HUG.

153
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:13,217
OKAY, CLASS,

154
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,987
I THOUGHT WE'D TRY
SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

155
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:18,689
- NO KIDDING.
- NOW,

156
00:09:18,691 --> 00:09:22,193
LET'S REFLECT
ON THE BALLET
THAT IS PHYSICS.

157
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:24,028
( clears throat )

158
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:28,666
IN STANDARD
QUANTUM CHROMODYNAMICS,

159
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:31,035
THE LAGRANGE DENSITY

160
00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:33,537
EQUALS ONE
OVER FOUR PI

161
00:09:33,539 --> 00:09:36,708
TIMES THE SQUARE
OF THE FIELD
STRENGTH TENSOR.

162
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,442
NOW,

163
00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:40,544
GIVEN THAT THERE IS

164
00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:42,613
THIS CONCENTRATION

165
00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:45,249
OF INTENSE
NUCLEIC ENERGY,

166
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:49,187
HOW MANY HYDRONIC JETS
WILL EMERGE

167
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:51,355
WHEN THE QUARK-
ANTIQUARK LINE

168
00:09:51,357 --> 00:09:53,791
WITHIN THE MESON
RUPTURES?  BUG?

169
00:09:57,364 --> 00:09:58,996
A MILLION?

170
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,704
- DOES THAT MEAN I'M RIGHT?
- NO, NOT EVEN CLOSE, BUG,

171
00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:10,275
BUT YOU TRIED,
AND THAT'S WHAT
MAKES YOU SPECIAL.

172
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,343
WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

173
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:15,446
- DO YOU WANT ME
TO SAY IT SLOWER?
- NO.

174
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:18,716
CLASS, I HAVE
YOUR MIDTERMS.

175
00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:22,153
NOW, I DIDN'T WANT
ANYONE TO FEEL STRESS,

176
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,155
SO I'VE ABANDONED

177
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:26,491
THE TRADITIONAL
GRADING SYSTEM,

178
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:29,060
AND I'M GIVING
YOU ALL HAPPY FACES.

179
00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:34,966
I CAN'T APPLY
TO GRADUATE SCHOOL

180
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,068
WITH A HAPPY FACE
IN PHYSICS.

181
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:39,070
GRADUATE SCHOOL?

182
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:42,340
I DON'T THINK
ANY OF YOU HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT THAT.

183
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:54,051
( whines )

184
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:57,355
NINA, DID YOU MAKE
THE APPOINTMENT
FOR MY HIGH COLONIC?

185
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,991
THERE ARE TWO THINGS
I DON'T DO.

186
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:04,529
I DON'T PICK UP
DRY CLEANING, AND I DON'T
SCHEDULE ENEMAS, OKAY?

187
00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:06,697
THAT'S OKAY.
I FORGIVE YOU.

188
00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:09,700
- MARY, ARE WE STILL ON
FOR DINNER?
- SURE.

189
00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:12,203
I WAS THINKING
OF WEARING THIS.

190
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,006
IT'S NOT COMING OFF
ANYTIME SOON, IS IT?

191
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,275
DR. SOLOMON--

192
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:24,248
OH, DEAR GOD.
I'LL MAKE THIS BRIEF.

193
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:27,018
YOUR STUDENTS HAVE FILED
A CLASS-WIDE COMPLAINT
AGAINST YOU.

194
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,752
YOU ARE REQUIRED
TO APPEAR

195
00:11:28,754 --> 00:11:30,988
BEFORE THE DISCIPLINARY
COMMITTEE, WHICH I CHAIR.

196
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:34,158
WHAT?!
I GIVE THEM HAPPY FACES
ON THEIR MID-TERMS,

197
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,160
AND THIS IS HOW
THEY REPAY ME?

198
00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:38,196
- YEAH, THAT'S MESSED UP.
- ( groans )

199
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,998
THAT'S IT.
NO MORE MR. NICE GUY.

200
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,934
AND NO HUG FOR YOU,
FOUR EYES.

201
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:49,641
FINE!

202
00:11:49,643 --> 00:11:52,376
THIS IS THE LAST TIME
I SHOP AT GOTTA DANCE.

203
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:55,479
THE EDACITY!
THEY WON'T ALLOW ME
TO RETURN MY UNITARD.

204
00:11:55,481 --> 00:11:57,248
WHY NOT?

205
00:11:57,250 --> 00:12:00,451
- BECAUSE I WORE IT
WITHOUT MY UNDERPANTS.
- OH, MY GOD!

206
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:04,889
THIS REMINDS ME
OF YOUR PROM NIGHT.

207
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,724
- OH!
- ( shutter clicks )

208
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,860
ONLY THIS TIME
YOUR DATE ISN'T MARRIED.

209
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:12,197
HI, FOLKS.

210
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:15,533
UNLESS YOU HAVE A WARRANT,
YOU CANNOT COME IN HERE.

211
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:19,270
- NO, THAT'S
SALLY'S DATE.
- OH.

212
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:22,373
WELL, IT'S NICE
TO MEET YOU.

213
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,375
DON'T I KNOW YOU?

214
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,510
NO, I DON'T--
LET'S GO.

215
00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:28,446
MAMA, LET'S GO.

216
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,114
GO, GO, GO.

217
00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:31,248
HELLO, DON.

218
00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:35,120
HELLO, SALLY.

219
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:38,122
I THOUGHT
WE WOULD SKIP DINNER

220
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:41,459
AND DRIVE STRAIGHT
TO LOOKOUT POINT.

221
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:44,128
THAT IS, IF YOU
CAN STAND THE HEAT.

222
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:48,399
YOU KNOW ME, DON.
THE HOTTER, THE BETTER.

223
00:12:49,703 --> 00:12:51,302
- READY, TOMMY?
- YEAH.

224
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:57,441
- TOMMY'S COMING?
- THE KID NEEDS TO SEE
HOW IT'S DONE.

225
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,449
YOU COULD SHOW HIM
HOW TO PUT THE KEY
IN THE IGNITION.

226
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,820
COULDN'T I JUST BUY HIM
SOME MAGAZINES?

227
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:13,124
HE'S BEEN READING
ABOUT IT FOR WEEKS.

228
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,192
HE'S READY FOR
THE REAL THING,
AND I FIGURE...

229
00:13:15,194 --> 00:13:18,129
HE SHOULD LEARN
FROM THE MASTER.

230
00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:22,100
OKAY, HE CAN COME,

231
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,469
BUT I'M NOT
PROMISING ANYTHING.

232
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:33,578
IF YOU'LL ALL
TAKE YOUR SEATS,
THIS HEARING CAN BEGIN.

233
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,579
ALL RIGHT, DICK,
OUT WITH IT.

234
00:13:35,581 --> 00:13:38,582
WHERE DID YOU GRAB HER?
AND HOW MANY TIMES?

235
00:13:38,584 --> 00:13:40,518
IT'S NOT THAT KIND
OF HEARING.

236
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:45,289
FIRST, WE WILL HEAR
FROM DR. MARY ALBRIGHT

237
00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:47,292
WHO WILL SPEAK
ON BEHALF OF
DR. SOLOMON.

238
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:50,294
DR. ALBRIGHT,
HOW WOULD YOU
DESCRIBE DR. SOLOMON?

239
00:13:50,296 --> 00:13:52,296
WELL, IT'S
KIND OF HARD.

240
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:54,031
I MEAN...

241
00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:57,801
HAVE YOU EVER HAD
A PIECE OF REALLY
STINKY CHEESE?

242
00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:02,573
I ENJOY
STINKY CHEESE.
CONTINUE.

243
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,575
THE THING IS,
IT HAS

244
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,711
THESE WONDERFULLY
RICH FLAVORS

245
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:09,213
THAT YOU
CAN'T GET TO

246
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:10,982
WITHOUT
THE STINKINESS.

247
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:17,055
Man:<i> HAVE YOU EVER</i>
<i> FOUND DR. SOLOMON</i>
<i> TO BE INSENSITIVE?</i>

248
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:20,624
NO.  DR. SOLOMON IS
WARM, KIND, AND A CREDIT
TO PENDLETON STATE.

249
00:14:20,626 --> 00:14:22,860
AND HE'S NEVER BEEN
ABUSIVE TOWARDS YOU?

250
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:25,262
NO.  DR. SOLOMON
IS WARM, KIND,

251
00:14:25,264 --> 00:14:27,264
AND A CREDIT
TO PENDLETON STATE.

252
00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:29,867
- HAVE YOU BEEN COACHED
TO SAY THAT?
- NO.

253
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:33,304
DR. SOLOMON IS WARM,
KIND, AND A CREDIT
TO PENDLETON STATE.

254
00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:40,578
- JUST KEEP YOUR EYE
ON THE WHITE LINE.
- WHERE IS IT?

255
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:42,513
LOOK OUT!

256
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,216
UH... DON, MAYBE
YOU OUGHT TO DRIVE.

257
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:49,420
NO!  YOU'RE PASSING
THAT TEST TOMORROW
IF IT KILLS US ALL!

258
00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:54,091
YOU HEARD THE LADY.

259
00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:57,862
<i> ( chatter over police radio )</i>

260
00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:59,697
A 3-11.

261
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:01,698
TOMMY, STEP ON IT.

262
00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:03,968
-<i> ( tires squeal )</i>
-<i> ( siren wailing )</i>

263
00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:06,570
OH, PARTY, MAN!

264
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:13,077
OKAY, HARRY,
DON'T YOU LET THESE
PEOPLE INTIMIDATE YOU.

265
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,846
YOU JUST BE YOURSELF.
YOU'RE GREAT.
REMEMBER THAT.

266
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:21,853
- HELLO, VICKI.
- HELLO, ELROY.

267
00:15:21,855 --> 00:15:25,122
THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND.
HE'S A FAMOUS BRAIN SURGEON.

268
00:15:26,692 --> 00:15:28,960
VICKI DUBCEK?

269
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,928
( both squealing )

270
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,300
- LOOK AT YOU!
- OH, LOOK AT<i> YOU.</i>

271
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:38,369
WHAT WAS THAT NICKNAME
WE USED TO CALL YOU?

272
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:40,305
"WHORE."

273
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:44,242
WHORE!
ISN'T SHE
PRICELESS?

274
00:15:45,544 --> 00:15:47,611
AND WHO ARE YOU?

275
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:50,948
HARRY SOLOMON,

276
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,117
UNITED STATES
AMBASSADOR

277
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:55,052
TO PORTUGAL.

278
00:15:59,358 --> 00:16:03,027
WHAT BOTHERS YOU MOST
ABOUT DR. SOLOMON'S
TEACHING METHODS?

279
00:16:03,029 --> 00:16:05,028
HE'S ALWAYS
SAYING I'M WRONG.

280
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:06,730
AND HOW OFTEN
ARE YOU WRONG?

281
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:09,366
ALWAYS.

282
00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:14,038
ONE DAY HE TOLD ME

283
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,440
IF I LIKED
LONG HAIR SO MUCH,

284
00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:18,543
MAYBE I SHOULD
JOIN THE CIRCUS.

285
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,714
- WERE YOU HURT BY THAT?
- NO.

286
00:16:22,716 --> 00:16:24,648
MORE CONFUSED.

287
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,986
AND THEN
HE STARED AT ME,

288
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,922
AND I FELT ALL DIRTY.

289
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:35,693
HE DID WELL
IN THE SESSION,

290
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:38,763
BUT WHEN HE LEFT,
HE STOLE THE PUPPETS.

291
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,301
DR. SOLOMON, DO YOU
HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY

292
00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:46,937
- IN YOUR DEFENSE?
- I HAVE PLENTY TO SAY.

293
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:49,273
I SHOULD HAVE
BROUGHT A BOOK.

294
00:16:51,377 --> 00:16:54,544
I STAND HERE ACCUSED
OF INSENSITIVITY.

295
00:16:54,546 --> 00:16:56,647
SURE, I'VE TRIED
TO CHANGE MY WAYS.

296
00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:59,283
I'VE CRIED.
I'VE HUGGED.
I'VE BEEN HUGGED.

297
00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:01,352
AND YOU KNOW WHAT
I'VE DISCOVERED?

298
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:03,820
I'M AN OFFENSIVE
PERSON.

299
00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:05,823
BUT IN A TOLERANT
SOCIETY,

300
00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:08,092
IS THERE NO PLACE
FOR MY KIND?

301
00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:11,028
WHY MUST EVERYONE
LIKE ME?

302
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,030
WHY CAN'T
WE ALL JUST...

303
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,666
NOT GET ALONG?

304
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:17,668
CONFLICT
IS NECESSARY.

305
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:20,037
THROUGHOUT HISTORY,
HUMAN BEINGS

306
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,506
HAVE PERSECUTED
THE GREAT AGITATORS--

307
00:17:22,508 --> 00:17:24,675
SOCRATES, GALILEO,

308
00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:26,810
AND NOW DICK SOLOMON.

309
00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:28,880
WHERE WOULD YOU BE
WITHOUT US

310
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:32,116
TO PROVOKE
AND ENLIGHTEN YOU?

311
00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:34,419
TO ATTACH THE ELECTRODES
OF KNOWLEDGE

312
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,353
TO THE NIPPLES
OF IGNORANCE?

313
00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:40,658
THROUGHOUT HISTORY,

314
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:42,660
ALL OVER THE WORLD,

315
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:45,162
PEOPLE HAVE
RIGHTFULLY LOOKED
TO PENDLETON STATE

316
00:17:45,164 --> 00:17:47,297
FOR VIRTUALLY NOTHING.

317
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:50,200
BUT MAYBE ONE DAY
THEY'LL BE ABLE TO SAY

318
00:17:50,202 --> 00:17:53,437
THAT AN UNPOPULAR BATTLE
WAS WON THERE

319
00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:57,341
FOR AN UGLY LITTLE THING
CALLED... THE TRUTH.

320
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:04,214
- THANK YOU.
- AND WHEN THEY MAKE
A MOVIE OF THIS--

321
00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:06,216
AND THEY WILL--

322
00:18:06,218 --> 00:18:08,886
I DON'T WANT TO BE PLAYED
BY WOODY HARRELSON.

323
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:18,062
WE WILL NOW
DELIBERATE
AND RETURN

324
00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:19,997
WITH A GUILTY
VERDICT.

325
00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:26,971
WHO WOULD HAVE
THOUGHT THAT I'D BE
SPENDING THIS NIGHT

326
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:30,074
IN A VERITABLE WONDERLAND
OF TWINKLY LIGHTS,

327
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:32,643
TINY WIENIES,

328
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:35,880
AND THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
WOMAN FROM ORLANDO?

329
00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:38,248
MMM.

330
00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:41,018
SO WHAT DID YOU DO
AT YOUR HIGH SCHOOL
REUNION?

331
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:43,054
VICKI,

332
00:18:43,056 --> 00:18:45,990
I DIDN'T EXACTLY GRADUATE
FROM HIGH SCHOOL.

333
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,259
OH.  WELL...

334
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,428
I DIDN'T EXACTLY
GRADUATE, EITHER.

335
00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:55,399
JACE?
JACE CARTER?

336
00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:58,569
- YEAH?
- WELL, IT'S...

337
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:00,871
VICKI DUBCEK HERE.

338
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:03,874
OH.  RIGHT.

339
00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:09,647
I DON'T THINK
YOU UNDERSTAND.

340
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,282
THAT'S VICKI DUBCEK.

341
00:19:12,284 --> 00:19:15,118
- WHO ARE YOU?
- I'M VICKI'S HUSBAND,

342
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,888
HARRY SOLOMON,
HOLLYWOOD STUNTMAN.

343
00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:22,192
AND WHEN I'M NOT CRASHING
THROUGH PLATE GLASS WINDOWS

344
00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:24,461
OR CATCHING ON FIRE,

345
00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:28,131
YOU'LL FIND ME
AT MY HOLLYWOOD MANSION
WITH MY WIFE.

346
00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:30,133
YOU SEE,
I COULD HAVE

347
00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:32,069
ANY WOMAN I WANT,
INCLUDING HER...

348
00:19:34,139 --> 00:19:36,140
BUT I CHOOSE VICKI

349
00:19:36,142 --> 00:19:40,077
TO SHARE MY FABULOUS
HOLLYWOOD LIFESTYLE.

350
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:43,213
WOW!  VICKI,
YOU MADE IT.

351
00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:46,216
YEAH.
YEAH, I DID.

352
00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:48,886
I'M ALSO
THE POSTMASTER
GENERAL.

353
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,925
AFTER REVIEWING
ALL THE TESTIMONY,

354
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:57,227
THE DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE
UNANIMOUSLY VOTES

355
00:19:57,229 --> 00:19:59,229
TO ADMONISH
DR. SOLOMON.

356
00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:02,700
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
- YOU'RE OFFICIALLY
ADMONISHED.

357
00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:07,505
DOES THAT COME
WITH A PAY CUT?

358
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:11,074
NO.  HOWEVER, IF THERE'S
ANOTHER VIOLATION,
YOU WILL BE CENSURED.

359
00:20:11,076 --> 00:20:13,144
DOES<i> THAT</i> COME
WITH A PAY CUT?

360
00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:15,313
NO, BUT SHOULD THAT
FAIL TO STOP YOU,

361
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:17,681
YOU WILL BE SANCTIONED,
WHICH MEANS A 30-DAY
SUSPENSION.

362
00:20:17,683 --> 00:20:19,550
- WITH PAY?
- YES, WITH PAY.

363
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:24,955
THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
COULD I BE SANCTIONED
RIGHT NOW?

364
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,024
NO.  WE'RE
ADJOURNED.

365
00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:33,697
DR. SOLOMON,

366
00:20:33,699 --> 00:20:37,435
I'M REALLY SORRY.
WE NEVER MEANT FOR
THERE TO BE A HEARING.

367
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:39,770
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
HOW IT GOT THIS FAR.

368
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,675
NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE.

369
00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:46,744
YOU'RE STUPID, I'M RUDE.
SEE YOU TOMORROW.

370
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:49,213
WE'LL SEE YOU.

371
00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:53,850
WELL, DICK, I THINK
YOU MADE A NICE POINT.

372
00:20:53,852 --> 00:20:55,953
YES, FOR A PIECE
OF STINKY CHEESE.

373
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:57,788
OH, DICK,

374
00:20:57,790 --> 00:21:01,658
YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE,
AND THAT'S THE GUY
I LOVE.

375
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:03,760
THANK YOU, MARY.

376
00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:05,762
- AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
- WHAT?

377
00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:08,132
- I LOVE ME, TOO.
- GOOD.

378
00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:12,036
IT'S SOMETHING I LEARNED
IN SENSITIVITY CLASS--
TO LOVE MYSELF.

379
00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:15,039
- GOOD.
- AND I REALLY
LOVE MYSELF.

380
00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:16,974
I MEAN, A LOT.

381
00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:26,350
WELL, I FAILED
BY DRIVER'S TEST.

382
00:21:26,352 --> 00:21:28,352
I CAN HANDLE
A HIGH-SPEED
POLICE CHASE,

383
00:21:28,354 --> 00:21:30,487
BUT FOR SOME REASON,
AT 20 MILES AN HOUR

384
00:21:30,489 --> 00:21:32,823
I HIT THREE PARKED CARS.

385
00:21:32,825 --> 00:21:35,058
DON'T WORRY ABOUT
NOT HAVING YOUR LICENSE.

386
00:21:35,060 --> 00:21:37,160
LORD KNOWS IT
HASN'T STOPPED ME.

387
00:21:37,162 --> 00:21:39,496
I'M GOING TO BE
THE LAUGHINGSTOCK
OF MY WHOLE SCHOOL.

388
00:21:39,498 --> 00:21:42,166
WELL, I'VE DISCOVERED
SOMETHING, TOMMY.

389
00:21:42,168 --> 00:21:44,502
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT
YOU DO IN HIGH SCHOOL,

390
00:21:44,504 --> 00:21:47,505
AS LONG AS YOU CAN MAKE
PEOPLE FEEL LIKE LOSERS

391
00:21:47,507 --> 00:21:49,440
AT THE REUNION.