1
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:08,874
GO TO HIM, FRANCESCA!
GET IN HIS TRUCK!

2
00:00:08,876 --> 00:00:10,842
GET IN HIS TRUCK
AND RUN AWAY WITH HIM!

3
00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:14,813
( growls )
DAMN!

4
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:17,649
THESE STUPID BOOKS
NEVER END THE WAY
I WANT THEM TO!

5
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:19,217
- LIEUTENANT!
- SIR!

6
00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:21,886
REWRITE THIS BOOK
SO THAT FRANCESCA
RUNS OFF WITH ROBERT!

7
00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:23,822
WHAT?!  THAT'S NOT
IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION!

8
00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:26,891
BUT THEY
SHOULD BE TOGETHER.

9
00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:31,997
( sighs )
"SALLY, MAKE DINNER.
SALLY, DO THE LAUNDRY."

10
00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:34,433
"SALLY, REWRITE THIS
INTERNATIONAL BEST-SELLER."

11
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,935
YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOMETHING
ABOUT DOING THIS CRAPPY JOB

12
00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:39,137
DAY IN AND DAY OUT THAT
MAKES ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF.

13
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:42,908
AND YOU.

14
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:45,176
WELL, SALLY, I'M TIRED
OF HEARING YOU COMPLAIN.

15
00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:47,079
- I'M NOT APPRECIATED--
- SHUT UP!

16
00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:48,613
ALL RIGHTY.

17
00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:50,449
NO, SALLY, NO.

18
00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:52,451
I MEAN,
I HAVE A DIFFICULT JOB TOO.

19
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:55,254
( stammers )
WHEN-- AND--

20
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,356
I THINK THAT<i> YOU</i>
SHOULD SHUT UP.

21
00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:14,406
WHAT IS YOUR JOB...
EXACTLY?

22
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:16,941
I AM THE SPONGE.

23
00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:20,945
( quivers )
I KNOW MANY THINGS.

24
00:01:20,947 --> 00:01:23,715
LIKE WHAT,
OH GREAT SPONGE?

25
00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:25,283
OKAY.

26
00:01:25,285 --> 00:01:29,621
LIKE HOW MANY BAGS OF TRASH
DO OUR NEIGHBORS PRODUCE
PER WEEK.

27
00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:32,624
WHAT ARE BARNEY'S
FRIENDS NAMES?

28
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,959
HIS<i> REAL</i> FRIENDS.

29
00:01:34,961 --> 00:01:37,862
HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE
TO GET TO THE CENTER
OF A MARBLE!

30
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:42,400
YOU DON'T KNOW,
DO YOU?

31
00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:45,403
- WELL, HE'S GOT YOU THERE.
- YEAH, HE SURE DOES.
BUT, UM...

32
00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:47,840
I DO ALL THE SHOPPING,
COOKING, CLEANING,

33
00:01:47,842 --> 00:01:49,841
BANKING AND THE KILLING
OF ALL SPIDERS!

34
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,843
HA, SPIDERS!

35
00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,078
SPIDERS ARE MORE AFRAID
OF US THAN WE ARE OF THEM.

36
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:56,815
- HARRY, THERE'S A SPIDER
ON YOUR NECK.
- GET IT OFF!

37
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,817
GET IT OFF!

38
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:01,386
( chuckles )
THAT'S VERY FUNNY.

39
00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:04,522
- YOU COULD NEVER HANDLE MY JOB!
- I COULD DO IT WITH
MY EYES CLOSED.

40
00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:06,724
YOU DO EVERYTHING
WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED.

41
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:10,995
OKAY,
BIG GUY.

42
00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:13,565
WHAT DO YOU SAY
YOU AND I TRADE JOBS?

43
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,501
ALL RIGHT,
SALLY.

44
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:18,770
I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE.

45
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,340
OKAY...

46
00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:24,343
I KNOW THIS IS SILLY,
BUT...

47
00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:26,845
DO YOU THINK MARY
WOULD JUMP IN THE TRUCK
OF SOME...

48
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:29,181
RUGGED,
BRIDGE-LOVING PHOTOGRAPHER?

49
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:31,182
AAH,
PROBABLY.

50
00:02:31,184 --> 00:02:33,684
( chokes )

51
00:02:33,686 --> 00:02:37,288
- HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?!
- BECAUSE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
IS SO BORING!

52
00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:40,292
BORING?!  WE'RE
PASSIONATE, UNPREDICTABLE.

53
00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:42,927
WE'RE WILD!
WILD, I TELL YOU!
JUST WILD!

54
00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:47,699
( stammers )
I MEAN, LET'S SEE...
TONIGHT'S WEDNESDAY,

55
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:50,568
YOU GOT TO HER HOUSE,
YOU WATCH "JEOPARDY,"
THEN THE WHEEL--

56
00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:52,804
8:15, DELIVERY
FROM THE BAMBOO GARDEN.

57
00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:55,807
AND TWO VIDEOS:
ROBERT REDFORD AND PAULY SHORE.

58
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,809
BUT WHICH TO WATCH FIRST?

59
00:02:57,811 --> 00:03:00,078
All:
HMM...

60
00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:03,548
PAULY SHORE!

61
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:05,483
BUT NOT ALWAYS!

62
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:09,687
OKAY, ALWAYS.

63
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,889
<i> ( '50s rock music playing )</i>

64
00:03:43,256 --> 00:03:45,356
- HELLO, MY LOVE.
- HI.

65
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:48,627
WHATCHA DOING?

66
00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:53,498
I HAVE 15 PAPERS TO GRADE
THIS AFTERNOON, SO PLEASE.

67
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,434
VERY WELL.

68
00:03:58,105 --> 00:04:01,039
YOU THINK WE'RE STILL
AN EXCITING COUPLE,
DON'T YOU?

69
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:04,676
- MM-HMM.
- ( exhales sharply )
GOOD.

70
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:07,345
BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON,
SALLY SAID THAT WE WERE BORING.

71
00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:11,183
( both laugh )

72
00:04:12,952 --> 00:04:14,786
MARY...

73
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,788
SUPPOSE A RUGGED,
ITALIAN WOMAN

74
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:19,123
WITH A CAMERA
APPEARED IN A PICK-UP

75
00:04:19,125 --> 00:04:21,393
AND GAVE ME THE OLD
"HONK AND WAVE"?

76
00:04:22,629 --> 00:04:24,629
I SHOULDN'T JUMP
IN HER TRUCK

77
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:26,565
AND DRIVE OFF
WITH HER, SHOULD I?

78
00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:28,699
- MM-HMM.
- NO!

79
00:04:29,969 --> 00:04:32,137
- WHAT?!
- WE ARE BORING,
AREN'T WE?!

80
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:36,141
( stammers )
WELL, WE MIGHT BE
IN A LITTLE RUT.

81
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:39,176
- HOW ABOUT WE DO
SOMETHING SPECIAL TONIGHT?
- OKAY.

82
00:04:39,178 --> 00:04:42,180
YOU COME OVER,
WE'LL WATCH "JEOPARDY"
AND "THE WHEEL,"

83
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:44,582
AND WE CAN ORDER
FROM THE BAMBOO GARDEN.

84
00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:49,520
YUM.

85
00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:56,161
HI, WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY
A NEW FAT-FREE PIZZA NIBBLER?

86
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:59,163
OOH!
"TASTY, TASTY PIZZA TREAT!"

87
00:04:59,165 --> 00:05:02,100
- I USED TO WATCH
A LOT OF TV.
- MM-HMM.

88
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,511
NO, I'M SORRY, LADY.

89
00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:16,013
ONLY THE BEST
FOR MY FAMILY.

90
00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:18,450
IT'S MY JOB,
YOU KNOW.

91
00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:39,304
AGUA-LA-VISTA,
BABY.

92
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,708
OH, HI!
( chuckles )

93
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:47,044
GIVE UP?  SHOPPING'S
NOT AS EASY AS YOU
THOUGHT IT WAS, HUH?

94
00:05:47,046 --> 00:05:50,048
ACTUALLY, I'M GREAT AT IT.
AND CHECK OUT THESE VALUES.

95
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:52,050
SKINNY BAR, FAT BAR,
FAT BAR, FAT BAR,

96
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:54,319
SKINNY BAR, FAT BAR,
$1.26.

97
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:57,522
YOU CRACKED THE BAR CODE?

98
00:05:58,891 --> 00:06:00,492
YEAH.

99
00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:03,562
OH, HI GUYS!

100
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,730
HEY, LOOK WHAT
I WAS DOING TODAY.

101
00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:07,632
- CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
- Tommy: COOL.

102
00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:09,167
WHAT'S A "DIGFA"?

103
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,569
UM, APPARENTLY IT'S
THE CAPITAL OF FRANCE.

104
00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:13,105
BUT, UM...
( clears throat )

105
00:06:13,107 --> 00:06:15,573
AND YOU KNOW THAT SIGN
ON THE BACK OF THE TV
THAT SAYS...

106
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:18,943
"RISK OF ELECTRICAL SHOCK.
DO NOT OPEN"?  WELL, THEY'RE
NOT FEEDING YOU GUYS

107
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:21,379
A LINE OF CRAP.
I MEAN...

108
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,714
- WOW.
- YEAH.

109
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,482
- SO HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
- NOT AS EXCITING.

110
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:26,484
- TOMMY.
- IT WAS GREAT!

111
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:28,920
AUGUST WON THE RUTHERFORD
COUNTY ESSAY CONTEST!

112
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,089
AND I WAS SO SURPRISED
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,

113
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:34,793
I WON LAST YEAR TOO
AND NO ONE'S EVER WON
TWO YEARS IN A ROW.

114
00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:37,862
I'M<i> SO</i> PROUD.

115
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:39,931
I'M GONNA GO CALL MY MOM.

116
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:41,599
( sighs )

117
00:06:41,601 --> 00:06:43,601
I CAN'T TAKE IT,
SALLY.

118
00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:45,837
EVERYTHING ABOUT HER
IS SO PERFECT.

119
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,539
YOU WANT ME
TO MESS HER UP A LITTLE?

120
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:51,109
- NO.
- PLEASE?

121
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:54,045
I'M CAGED HERE!
ALL I'M KILLING IS TIME!

122
00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:57,282
OH, HI, DICK.
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

123
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:59,584
GREAT!
( yelps )

124
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:02,587
- WHAT?
- OH, I CAN'T KEEP UP
THE FACADE.

125
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:05,590
- YOU WERE RIGHT!
THE THRILL IS GONE!
-<i> OH.</i>

126
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:08,593
OH, MARY AND I
USED TO BE LIKE CHAMPAGNE.

127
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,728
FRESH AND BUBBLY.

128
00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:13,665
BUT NOW, WE'VE BEEN
UNCORKED TOO LONG.

129
00:07:14,967 --> 00:07:16,968
WE'RE LUKE WARM,
FLAT.

130
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,970
COLLECTING FLIES.

131
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:21,006
AND THERE'S A CIGARETTE BUTT
FLOATING IN US.

132
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:24,976
OH.
( laughs )

133
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:26,344
SHH, SHH,
I'M HIDING.

134
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,279
WHY,
WHAT'S HAPPENING?

135
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:33,485
- WHO ARE YOU?
- I'M THE LUSTY FARMHAND.

136
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,653
( giggles )

137
00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,755
Both: OOH.

138
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:43,595
- OH, EVERYBODY,
THIS IS CHARLIE.
- HI, FOLKS.

139
00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:45,964
CHARLIE BROUGHT THE MAGIC
BACK INTO MY LIFE.

140
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,132
- OOH.
- ( growls )

141
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:48,066
OH!

142
00:07:49,502 --> 00:07:51,770
- OH, NO!
- ( growls )

143
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:57,442
-<i> ( door shuts )</i>
- THAT'S GOTTA BE HER FIFTH
MAGICIAN THIS YEAR.

144
00:07:57,444 --> 00:07:59,443
MAGIC.

145
00:07:59,445 --> 00:08:02,514
THE FIRST TIME I SAW MARY,
IT WAS MAGIC.

146
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:04,682
BUT NOW
THE RABBIT JUST...

147
00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,618
SITS IN HIS HAT.

148
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:14,058
( sighs )

149
00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:16,594
- NINA?
- I'M ON MY BREAK.

150
00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:18,796
THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
I DON'T MIND.

151
00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:20,799
IT'S ABOUT
DR. ALBRIGHT AND ME.

152
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:23,735
OH, DON'T INVOLVE ME
IN THAT FREAK SHOW.

153
00:08:25,705 --> 00:08:28,706
THINGS HAVE CHANGED BETWEEN US
AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.

154
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:31,108
( sighs )
OKAY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING DIFFERENTLY?

155
00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:33,778
NOTHING.
SAME MOVIES, SAME TAKE-OUT.

156
00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:35,713
SAME AS IT EVER WAS.

157
00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:39,884
- WAIT, THERE'S AN ARTICLE
RIGHT HERE ON THAT VERY THING.
- OH, WHAT LUCK.

158
00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:44,422
HERE, ALL THE WISDOM YOU SEEK
AND 10 NEW WAYS TO SHOW OFF
YOUR BREASTS.

159
00:08:44,424 --> 00:08:47,425
AH-HA!
10 SURE-FIRE TIPS

160
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:49,427
ON BRINGING
YOUR LUKEWARM LOVE LIFE

161
00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:52,364
BACK TO A BOIL.
YES.

162
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:55,500
NOW...

163
00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:59,170
SHOWING OFF MY BREASTS.

164
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,145
Mary:
<i> THEN THE HIGH PRIESTESS</i>
<i> IS CARRIED</i>

165
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:10,382
-<i> INTO A MUD-THATCHED</i>
<i> </i> ROOF HUT WHERE...
-<i> ( slide projector clicks )</i>

166
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:13,718
-<i> FOR SEVEN DAYS</i>
<i> </i> AND SEVEN NIGHTS SHE'S--
-<i> ( thump )</i>

167
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,654
<i> ( Mary grunts )</i>

168
00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:20,524
OH, OH!
THANK YOU, KAREN.

169
00:09:21,594 --> 00:09:23,294
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

170
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:26,931
I'M BOILING OUR LOVE
BY SURPRISING YOU
IN YOUR WORKPLACE.

171
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:29,600
- DICK!
-<i> AND</i> I'VE DONE
SOME SHAVING.

172
00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:33,371
SOMEWHERE ON MY BODY
YOU WILL DISCOVER
A TUFTED HEART.

173
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:36,408
- ( all gasp )
- Leon: OH, GOD.

174
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:40,879
LEON!  TWO CLASSES?
ISN'T THAT A TAD WEIGHTY
FOR YOU?

175
00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:44,616
- DR. SOLOMON.
- YES, DR. ALBRIGHT?

176
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,117
GET OUT.

177
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,953
BUT I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT
TO CASUALLY MENTION

178
00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:52,790
- THAT MAY RE-IGNITE
OUR RELATIONSHIP.
- WHAT?

179
00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:55,226
- I'M NOT WEARING
ANY PANTIES.
-<i> ( bell ringing )</i>

180
00:10:00,132 --> 00:10:02,634
- YOU HAVE LOST YOUR MIND.
- NO, MARY!

181
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:04,336
I JUST WANT US TO BE
THE WAY WE WERE.

182
00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:06,237
THE GREATEST
LOVERS IN HISTORY!

183
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:09,240
DICK!  PUT YOUR PANTIES
BACK ON AND SIT DOWN!

184
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:11,909
WE'RE FINE!  THERE'S
NOTHING WRONG WITH US.

185
00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:13,978
OUR RELATIONSHIP
IS NORMAL.

186
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:16,981
I DON'T WANT NORMAL!
I WANT CEASELESS JOY

187
00:10:16,983 --> 00:10:20,050
AND NEVER-ENDING PASSION
LIKE ROMEO AND JULIET!

188
00:10:20,052 --> 00:10:22,820
THEY BOTH WOUND UP DEAD.

189
00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:24,822
- ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA.
- DEAD.

190
00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:26,691
( stammers )
THAT COUPLE
FROM "WUTHERING HEIGHTS".

191
00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:28,325
<i> INSANE</i> AND DEAD.

192
00:10:28,327 --> 00:10:30,361
F. SCOTT FITZGERALD
AND ZELDA.

193
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:32,663
<i> DRUNK,</i>
INSANE AND DEAD.

194
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:34,732
( says German couple )

195
00:10:34,734 --> 00:10:36,568
( speaks German )

196
00:10:36,570 --> 00:10:38,570
AH-HA!

197
00:10:38,572 --> 00:10:40,271
ZIEGFRIED AND ROY!

198
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:43,274
OKAY, ONE.

199
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,146
WELL, HERE YOU GO,
TOMMY.

200
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:51,549
A BOWL OF CRUNCHY FLAKES
IN SKIM MILK.

201
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:54,385
THIS IS A BOWL
OF COLD GOO.

202
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:57,187
THAT'S RIGHT.
BECAUSE IN AN EFFORT
TO BE MORE EFFICIENT,

203
00:10:57,189 --> 00:10:59,290
I PREPARED BREAKFAST
LAST NIGHT.

204
00:11:01,027 --> 00:11:03,027
AND FOR YOU, SALLY,

205
00:11:03,029 --> 00:11:05,963
A HOT CUP
OF STEAMING JAVA.

206
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:18,042
SINCE WHEN DID RELATIONSHIPS
BECOME SO MUCH WORK?

207
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:20,178
COFFEE, DICK?

208
00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:24,715
NO.

209
00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:26,550
WHAT IS IT
WITH THIS PLANET?

210
00:11:26,552 --> 00:11:30,054
NOTHING EVER STAYS FIXED.
EVERYTHING IS IN A CONSTANT
STATE OF DECAY.

211
00:11:30,056 --> 00:11:32,723
IT'S THIS DAMN GRAVITY.
IT BRINGS EVERYTHING DOWN!

212
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:37,895
GOT TO GET THE MAGIC BACK!
BUT HOW?!

213
00:11:37,897 --> 00:11:40,231
I NEED SOME GUIDANCE,
SOME MENTOR.

214
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,500
SOMEONE WHO CAN TEACH ME
THE FINE ART OF ROMANCE.

215
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:44,736
BUT WHO?
WHO?!

216
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:47,405
HI, HI, HI.

217
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:50,341
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING
FOR ROPE BURNS?

218
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:55,079
<i> ( lounge music playing )</i>

219
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,350
I'M SO GLAD YOU KIDS
COULD JOIN US.

220
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:00,918
OH,
THE PLEASURE'S OURS.

221
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:04,422
THANK YOU FOR LETTING US
BE THE TWO LITTLE FLIES
ON YOUR WALL OF LOVE.

222
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,357
RIGHT, MARY?

223
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:10,161
AREN'T YOU GONNA EAT
YOUR FAT, POOKEY?

224
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:12,097
NO.

225
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:16,367
- COME ON, BOOM-BOOM,
LET'S SHAKE IT!
- YEAH.

226
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:22,106
JUST THINK...

227
00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:24,041
THAT COULD BE US
IN 10 YEARS.

228
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,111
JUST THINK.

229
00:12:27,113 --> 00:12:29,447
- COME ON, MARY,
LET'S SHAKE IT.
- I'D RATHER NOT.

230
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,115
- OH, COME ON!  COME ON!
- NO, NO, NO.

231
00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:33,451
LET'S BREAK OUT OF THIS RUT,
REKINDLE THE FIRE.

232
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,419
EAT MY FAT, POOKEY.
EAT MY FAT.

233
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:37,288
( laughing )
NO, I COULDN'T.

234
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:40,291
I GUESS THE MAGIC
IS GONE.

235
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:42,660
NO,
THE MAGIC'S NOT GONE!

236
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:44,729
LET'S GO BACK TO YOUR PLACE
AND I'LL PROVE IT.

237
00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:46,664
REALLY?

238
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,535
REALLY.

239
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:57,608
( wretches )

240
00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:00,545
<i> ( romantic music playing )</i>

241
00:13:06,986 --> 00:13:08,719
RELAXED?

242
00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:10,454
- VERY.
- GOOD.

243
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:14,425
BECAUSE IT'S TIME
FOR A LITTLE BEDTIME STORY.

244
00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:20,165
"FINALLY, HIS EYES
CAME TO REST

245
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:24,602
UPON THE LUSH, MOSSY VALLEY
FROM WHENCE ALL PLEASURE
SPREAD."

246
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:29,841
WHAT ARE YOU READING TO ME?
A HIKING GUIDE?

247
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:31,809
SHH.

248
00:13:41,187 --> 00:13:43,187
"SHE SUCCUMBED TO HIM.

249
00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:46,857
AND LIKE A LILLY UNFOLDING
TO MORNING'S FIRST LIGHT,

250
00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:51,862
GAVE HERSELF OVER
TO THE POLLINATING BEE
OF EARTHLY PLEASURE."

251
00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:54,532
( inhales sharply )
MMM.

252
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,968
( snores )

253
00:14:01,908 --> 00:14:04,842
YEAH, HI.
CAN I PLEASE SPEAK
WITH OPRAH?

254
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,315
THIS IS SALLY SOLOMON.

255
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:13,550
A VIEWER.

256
00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:15,887
OH, DON'T GIVE ME THAT B.S.!
SHE'S NOT ON VACATION,

257
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:17,889
SHE'S RIGHT THERE--
I CAN SEE HER ON MY TV!

258
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:21,392
WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM,
STUPID?!  HELLO?

259
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:25,430
LIFE OF A SPONGE
ISN'T EASY AS IT LOOKS,
IS IT, SALLY?

260
00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:28,666
NO, I'M NOT GIVING UP.
EVEN IF OPRAH WON'T
TALK TO ME.

261
00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:30,668
WELL, YOU KNOW,
ONE THING I LEARNED?

262
00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:34,172
TELEVISION ALWAYS
GOES BETTER WITH FOOD.

263
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:36,574
UM,
WHAT IS THIS, HARRY?

264
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:38,176
ICE CREAM.

265
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:41,913
YOU KNOW,
I'M REALLY ENJOYING
YOUR JOB, SALLY.

266
00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:44,515
OH, AND I DISCOVERED
ANOTHER TERRIFIC
HOUSEHOLD TIP.

267
00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:46,851
IF YOU LAY THE DIRTY DISHES
IN THE MULLER'S BACKYARD,

268
00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:49,353
THEIR DOG'LL JUST
CLEAN THEM RIGHT UP FOR YOU.

269
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:55,259
AND NOW, THE WINNER
OF THE RUTHERFORD COUNTY
ESSAY CONTEST

270
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:57,261
FOR THE SECOND YEAR
IN A ROW,

271
00:14:57,263 --> 00:14:59,363
AUGUST LEFLER.

272
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,568
( audience laughing )

273
00:15:09,275 --> 00:15:12,209
I THINK BAUDELAIRE
SAID IT BEST.

274
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:18,216
MARY, I THINK I'VE FIGURED OUT
WHY WE'RE SO INCREDIBLY
TEDIOUS TOGETHER.

275
00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:21,318
WELL, WE'RE NOT
TEDIOUS TOGETHER.

276
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,955
MARY, DON'T YOU SEE?
WE USED TO BE NEW.

277
00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:25,957
UNCHARTED TERRITORY.

278
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:29,393
BUT NOW I'VE READ
EVERY PAGE IN THE MARY BOOK.

279
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,464
- IS THAT RIGHT?
- MM-HMM.

280
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,299
SADLY, YES.

281
00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:38,802
THERE ARE<i> VOLUMES</i>
ABOUT ME YOU DON'T KNOW.

282
00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:40,538
- REALLY?
- YEAH.

283
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,206
FACE IT, MARY,

284
00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:44,608
I'VE CHECKED YOUR FOOTNOTES,
COMBED YOUR STACKS,

285
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:47,278
THUMBED YOUR INDEX.

286
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,547
THERE ARE NO
SURPRISES LEFT.

287
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:51,816
IS THAT RIGHT?

288
00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:54,385
<i> ( acoustic guitar</i>
<i> music playing )</i>

289
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:56,387
WHERE ARE WE,
GRANDMA'S HOUSE?

290
00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:58,989
YEAH, THIS IS SIDE OF YOU
I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE.

291
00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:00,624
THE EVENING'S YOUNG.

292
00:16:04,997 --> 00:16:07,832
- WHAT IS THIS?!
- YOU'VE NEVER BEEN
TO A KEGGER?!

293
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:09,833
( laughs )

294
00:16:09,835 --> 00:16:13,337
STAY CLOSE
AND FOLLOW MY LEAD.

295
00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:18,376
<i> ( TV blaring )</i>

296
00:16:20,679 --> 00:16:22,814
( laughs )

297
00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:25,616
YOU'RE FUNNY.

298
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,985
HE CAN'T HEAR YOU, SALLY.
TRUST ME.

299
00:16:29,355 --> 00:16:31,288
WHERE IS THAT REMOTE?

300
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:35,493
( gasps )

301
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:38,429
HARRY, I CAN'T
FEEL MY BUTT.

302
00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:42,032
I CAN'T FEEL MY BUTT!

303
00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:45,469
- YOU JUST HAVE
28-HOUR KEISTER.
- ( gasps )

304
00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:47,472
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE,
HARRY.

305
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:50,073
PLEASE, GIVE ME
MY LIFE BACK!

306
00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:51,742
( chuckles )

307
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:54,278
NO.

308
00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:57,548
GIVE ME THE VACUUM,
HARRY.

309
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,750
JUST PUT IT DOWN
AND WALK AWAY.

310
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,353
NO!  NO!
IT'S MINE!

311
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:05,756
- DON'T BE A FOOL, HARRY.
GIVE IT OVER!
- NO!

312
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,424
NO, A DEAL'S A DEAL!

313
00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:10,527
( screams )
SPIDER!

314
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:12,530
YOU WANT ME TO KILL
THE SPIDER, HARRY?

315
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:15,232
HUH?  JUST GIVE ME THE VACUUM
AND I'LL KILL THE SPIDER.

316
00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:20,171
I CAN KILL THE SPIDER.
I'VE BEEN PRACTICING
WITH GRAPES.

317
00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:25,409
OKAY, HERE'S THE DEAL.
GRAPES DON'T HAVE
EIGHT LEGS.

318
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:28,079
- AND THEY DON'T JUMP!
- ( screams )

319
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:29,513
( chuckles )

320
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:34,885
<i> ( thump )</i>

321
00:17:36,088 --> 00:17:38,189
YOU DID IT, HARRY.
OH MY GOD, YOU WON.

322
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,192
YES, I DID.

323
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:44,862
( crying )
POOR LITTLE SPIDER!

324
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:49,367
I HOPE HE DOESN'T
HAVE KIDS!

325
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:55,940
IT'S OVER, HARRY.
IT'S OKAY.

326
00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:58,109
SALLY'S HERE.

327
00:17:58,111 --> 00:18:00,211
SALLY'S BACK.

328
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:06,450
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST
AT THERE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

329
00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:08,452
- YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY
TO HELP ME.
- ( sighs )

330
00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:11,088
AUGUST,
EVER SINCE I'VE KNOWN YOU,

331
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,124
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN
SO TOGETHER--

332
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,492
WHAT?

333
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:16,494
WELL, IT'S JUST
EVERYTHING YOU SAY

334
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:19,463
AND EVERYTHING YOU DO
AND EVERYTHING YOU ARE
IS SO PERFECT,

335
00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:22,966
AND UP THERE
WAS THE FIRST TIME
I EVER SAW YOU ACTUALLY BE...

336
00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:24,968
HUMAN.

337
00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:27,972
YOU KNOW,
THAT'S WHAT I'M
LOOKING FOR IN A WOMAN.

338
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:29,907
PERFECT?
ME?

339
00:18:31,143 --> 00:18:33,143
I JUST GOT A "C-"
IN PHYS ED

340
00:18:33,145 --> 00:18:35,145
'CAUSE I CAN'T LIFT
MY OWN BODY WEIGHT.

341
00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:39,483
I BITE MY NAILS.
I HAVE A LOUSY SENSE
OF DIRECTION.

342
00:18:39,485 --> 00:18:43,220
AND THIS NOSE
IS NOT EXACTLY
CINDY CRAWFORD'S.

343
00:18:45,157 --> 00:18:49,092
- YOU'RE RIGHT.  IT HOOKS
A LITTLE TO THE LEFT THERE--
- SO...

344
00:18:50,362 --> 00:18:52,830
- I AM NOT PERFECT.
- CERTAINLY ARE NOT.

345
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,832
GOOD.

346
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:58,302
BUT WHY STOP AT THE NOSE?
I MEAN, YOU'RE--

347
00:18:58,304 --> 00:18:59,904
STOP AT THE NOSE.

348
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:04,976
NINER.

349
00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:06,977
DEUCE.
LADY.

350
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:09,313
ONE-EYED JACK.
BUG, YOU'VE GOT
A PAIR SHOWING.

351
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,248
I CAN'T HELP IT.

352
00:19:13,018 --> 00:19:14,519
- I'M OUT.
- IN.

353
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:17,587
- I'M OUT.
- READ 'EM AND WEEP.

354
00:19:17,589 --> 00:19:20,157
- ( all groan )
- ( laughs )

355
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,992
GOOD BYE,
UNDERWEAR.

356
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:24,561
LEON, YOU STILL GOT
YOUR SOCKS ON, BUDDY!

357
00:19:24,563 --> 00:19:26,497
MY FEET GET COLD.

358
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,567
SEVEN CARD STUD.

359
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:35,139
- YOU IN?
- I'VE GOT NOTHING LEFT
TO LOSE.

360
00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:37,908
- GET ME A BEER?
- UH--

361
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:40,911
I'D RATHER NOT.

362
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:51,222
SO YOU GLAD
WE TRIED SOMETHING NEW?

363
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:53,224
NOT REALLY.

364
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:57,161
IN FACT, IT MADE ME
UNCOMFORTABLE AND COLD.

365
00:19:58,397 --> 00:20:00,330
AND KIND OF SHRIVELLY.

366
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:03,734
I GUESS WE HAVE TO ACCEPT
THE INEVITABLE--

367
00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:05,736
THINGS WILL NEVER
BE NEW AGAIN.

368
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,704
BUT I'M STRONG ENOUGH
TO GO ON.

369
00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:10,741
AND ON, AND ON,
AND ON.

370
00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:12,676
( flatulence )

371
00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:18,148
EXCUSE ME.

372
00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:23,887
- MARY!
- I SAID EXCUSE ME.

373
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,424
NO.
NO, IT'S FINE.

374
00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:28,893
I'VE NEVER HEARD YOU
DO THAT BEFORE.

375
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:31,495
DO YOU REALIZE
WHAT THIS MEANS?

376
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:33,097
BEEF AND BROCCOLI?

377
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:35,265
YES, BUT SO MUCH MORE!

378
00:20:35,267 --> 00:20:38,769
DON'T YOU SEE,
IT DIDN'T BOTHER YOU.
AND I DIDN'T BOTHER ME.

379
00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:41,472
WELL, GOOD, 'CAUSE
THERE'S ANOTHER ONE
ON THE WAY.

380
00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:43,774
IT'S THE BEST POSSIBLE SIGN.

381
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:46,109
WE'VE ENTERED A NEW PHASE.
IT'S LIKE YOU SAID,

382
00:20:46,111 --> 00:20:49,112
RELATIONSHIPS CHANGE.
WE'VE BECOME...

383
00:20:49,114 --> 00:20:51,181
COMFORTABLE
WITH EACH OTHER.

384
00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:55,119
IT'S AS IF YOU'VE
TRUMPETED THE DAWN
OF OUR NEW ERA!

385
00:20:57,790 --> 00:21:01,125
- SO, WHAT DO YOU
WANT TO DO TOMORROW?
- THIS.

386
00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:02,826
- YOU?
- THIS!

387
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:05,563
- OH, MARY!
- OH!

388
00:21:05,565 --> 00:21:07,498
<i> ( flatulence )</i>

389
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:12,068
WAS THAT YOU OR ME?

390
00:21:12,070 --> 00:21:14,005
- DOES IT MATTER?
- NO.

391
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:25,216
I'M SORRY,
LITTLE SPIDER.

392
00:21:27,653 --> 00:21:30,654
IF I COULD TRADE PLACES
WITH YOU...

393
00:21:30,656 --> 00:21:32,589
I WOULD.

394
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,160
( crying )
GOD, THIS IS SO HARD!

395
00:21:36,162 --> 00:21:38,162
( toilet flushes )

396
00:21:38,164 --> 00:21:41,098
( playing "Amazing Grace" )