1
00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:04,036
( jingle playing )
2
00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:08,407
44 ACROSS,
"MEN ARE FROM MARS,
WOMEN ARE FROM..."
3
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:11,776
LET'S SEE, FIVE LETTERS
STARTING WITH V.
4
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:17,416
AH! "VEGAS."
5
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:20,819
DICK! DICK, LOOK WHO
I MET OUTSIDE-- MICHEL.
6
00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:22,920
MICHELLE?
YOU'RE A GIRL?
7
00:00:22,922 --> 00:00:25,623
- NO, HE'S FROM FRANCE.
- HELLO.
8
00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:27,159
MICHEL ASKED ME TO TAKE
A PICTURE OF HIM
9
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:29,327
STANDING NEXT TO THAT STATUE
OF GENERAL RUFUS PUTNAM--
10
00:00:29,329 --> 00:00:31,663
OOH, DID YOU MAKE HIM
PUT HIS FINGER IN THE
GENERAL'S NOSE?
11
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:33,899
OUI.
12
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:36,134
"OUI."
THAT MEANS YES.
13
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:38,069
( speaking French )
14
00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:44,509
( all laugh nasally )
15
00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:46,211
MARY! NINA!
16
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,714
THIS IS SALLY'S DELIGHTFUL
NEW FRENCH GUY, MICHEL.
17
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:52,384
AH. MARY, NINA.
YOUR NAMES COULD BE FRENCH.
18
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,619
( both laugh )
19
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,755
( both sigh )
20
00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:58,924
I TOOK THREE YEARS
OF FRENCH IN HIGH SCHOOL
21
00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:01,360
AND I CAN'T REMEMBER
A THING.
22
00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:03,462
NO NO NO NO,
I AM IN AMERICA,
23
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:06,264
I AM THE ONE
WHO NEEDS TO LEARN, HMM?
24
00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:08,200
OKAY.
25
00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:13,905
OH! MICHEL,
HOW DO YOU SAY "NICE
TO MEET YOU" IN FRENCH?
26
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,874
- ENCHANTÉ.
- ENCHANTÉ.
27
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:19,111
OKAY, HOW DO YOU SAY,
FIVE, FIVE, FIVE, O,
ONE, EIGHT, NINE?
28
00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:21,846
CINQ, CINQ, CINQ,
ZÉRO, UN, HUIT, NEUF.
29
00:01:21,848 --> 00:01:24,349
OKAY, YOU MIGHT WANT
TO WRITE THAT DOWN.
30
00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:25,783
NINA!
31
00:01:25,785 --> 00:01:28,220
UH, MICHEL,
WE SHOULD BE GOING.
32
00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:30,521
YEAH, IT WAS FANTASTIC
TO MEET YOU ALL.
33
00:01:30,523 --> 00:01:32,691
OH, YEAH. OH.
34
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,225
HE IS SO CHARMING.
35
00:01:34,227 --> 00:01:36,628
OW! OUI!
36
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,164
ON MY FOOT I HAVE A BIG,
37
00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:42,267
PAINFUL, OOZING BLISTER.
38
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,906
All:
A BLISTER!
39
00:01:47,908 --> 00:01:49,841
( theme music playing )
40
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,904
( French national anthem
playing )
41
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:24,142
SO MICHEL,
WHAT TIME IS IT
IN FRANCE RIGHT NOW?
42
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:27,011
UH... 4:00 A.M.
43
00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:30,382
WOW, IT'S SO EARLY.
44
00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:32,717
YOU HAVE BEEN
SO WONDERFUL TO ME, SALLY.
45
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:34,419
I NEVER MEET
A WOMAN LIKE YOU.
46
00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:37,889
AND YOU NEVER WILL AGAIN.
47
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:41,025
YOU ARE NOT ONLY
BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE KIND--
48
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:45,564
- BUT MORE BEAUTIFUL RIGHT?
- YES.
49
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:49,134
SO, UM, HOW LONG
ARE YOU PLANNING ON
STAYING IN RUTHERFORD?
50
00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:53,771
SALLY, I-- I LOVE
THIS PLACE, I WOULD LIKE
TO STAY VERY MUCH,
51
00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:58,376
BUT YOUR GOVERNMENT
IS... NOT SO NICE.
52
00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,011
EXCEPT FOR ABRAHAM LINCOLN.
53
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:03,048
YES, NICE MAN,
VERY VERY NICE MAN.
54
00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:05,183
BUT...
55
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,819
YOUR COUNTRY IS NOT SAFE
FOR SOMEONE LIKE ME.
56
00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:11,623
UH... THERE IS ONLY ONE
SAFE WAY FOR ME
TO STAY HERE,
57
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:15,360
KIND GIRL.
I NEED TO GET MARRIED.
58
00:03:17,096 --> 00:03:18,630
SALLY?
59
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,732
WOULD YOU MARRY ME?
60
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,801
( yelling )
YEOW! DAMN!
61
00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:26,538
HOT DIGGITY DOG!,
OH MAN, OH MAN, OH MAMA!
62
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:32,276
IT'S JUST THAT...
NOBODY HAS EVER ASKED ME
THAT BEFORE.
63
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:36,247
- OUI.
- OH!
64
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:40,551
( theme music playing )
65
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,854
- All: YOU'RE WHAT?!
- I'M GETTING MARRIED.
66
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:45,189
- WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
- TWO REASONS, I'M A WOMAN,
67
00:03:45,191 --> 00:03:48,259
- AND HE ASKED ME.
- LIEUTENANT, AREN'T YOU
FORGETTING SOMETHING?
68
00:03:48,261 --> 00:03:51,696
- YOU'RE RIGHT,
THE WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT!
- NO NO! THE MISSION.
69
00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:54,832
DICK, THIS IS MY MISSION.
IT'S WHAT WOMEN ARE
SUPPOSED TO DO--
70
00:03:54,834 --> 00:03:57,802
GET MARRIED, HAVE BABIES,
HIRE TOTAL STRANGERS
TO RAISE THEM
71
00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,938
AND THEN WONDER
WHERE THEY WENT WRONG.
72
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,606
Tommy and Harry:
VERY TRUE.
73
00:04:01,608 --> 00:04:04,376
IT HAPPENED SO QUICKLY.
HOW DID HE KNOW IT WAS
TIME TO ASK?
74
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:07,145
HE'S A MAN,
MEN KNOW THESE THINGS.
75
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:09,748
BUT I'M A MAN.
AM I MISSING SOMETHING?
76
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:13,117
- YOU? NEVER.
- NO FLIES ON YOU.
77
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,254
DICK, TRUST ME,
I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
78
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,956
BESIDES, I'VE DATED
MORE THAN ANY OF YOU.
79
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:20,058
BUT BY NO STRETCH
OF THE IMAGINATION
80
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:22,160
HAVE YOU BEEN
THE MOST PROMISCUOUS.
81
00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:26,932
TRUST ME, HIGH COMMANDER,
MICHEL'S A GREAT GUY.
82
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,434
PLUS HE'S LOADED, LOOK.
83
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:32,503
HE'S GIVING ME $5,000,
HE WANTS TO MARRY ME
SO BADLY.
84
00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:34,772
2,000 UPFRONT AND THE REST
WHEN THE DEAL'S DONE.
85
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:37,609
- AS A GIFT?
- NO NO, TOMMY...
86
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,945
THIS IS WHAT'S KNOWN
AS A DOWRY.
87
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:42,947
IT'S AN OLD-WORLD
MARRIAGE CUSTOM AND MICHEL
IS FROM THERE.
88
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:46,751
MAYBE IF WE HOLD OUT,
HE'LL THROW IN
A GOAT OR TWO.
89
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:50,555
AND THE BEST PART
OF EVERYTHING IS I GET
TO HAVE A WEDDING, YOU KNOW?
90
00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:55,293
BIG WHITE DRESS,
LONG VEIL, CRAPPY BAND.
91
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:58,463
AH. IT WILL BE A DAY
I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER.
92
00:04:58,465 --> 00:04:59,964
OKAY, THERE'S WORK
TO BE DONE!
93
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:02,267
HARRY, I WANT YOU TO FIND ME
SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW,
94
00:05:02,269 --> 00:05:04,169
SOMETHING BORROWED,
SOMETHING BLUE, GO!
95
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:05,970
- GET ME A DEAL
ON FLOWERS!
- FLOWERS!
96
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:09,441
YOUR JOB IS TO SIT BACK
AND JUST GET OVERWHELMED
BY THE WHOLE PROCESS, OKAY?
97
00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:16,948
( bell rings )
98
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,950
HI, CAN I HELP YOU
WITH SOMETHING?
99
00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:21,286
YEAH, MY SISTER IS GETTING
MARRIED, SHE NEEDS FLOWERS.
100
00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:22,754
- ANYTHING IN MIND?
- CHEAP.
101
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,722
AH. YOU KNOW WHAT?
102
00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:28,393
I HAVE A SAMPLE BOUQUET
FROM A WEDDING WE DID
YESTERDAY.
103
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:31,329
SOMETHING LIKE THIS MAYBE?
104
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,698
YEAH YEAH, THAT'S NICE,
105
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:37,035
BUT IT DOESN'T REALLY
UH... POP, YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M SAYING?
106
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:39,637
I WAS THINKING
SOMETHING MAYBE
A LITTLE MORE LIKE THIS
107
00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:42,974
AND MAYBE A SPRAY OF THESE--
OH, THESE ARE GREAT.
108
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,310
- COULD YOU HAND ME
THE RIBBON BACK THERE?
- SURE.
109
00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:47,345
NO, THE IVORY.
110
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,347
LET'S SEE.
111
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,482
NOW THIS ROCKS.
112
00:05:51,484 --> 00:05:54,786
YOUNG MAN, YOU HAVE
QUITE A KNACK FOR THIS.
113
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,421
COOL.
114
00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:59,423
( trombone playing )
115
00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:02,760
- SHE'S GETTING MARRIED.
- OH, THAT'S SO ROMANTIC!
116
00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:05,730
- SHE JUST MET HIM!
- I WISH I'D HAVE
MET HIM FIRST.
117
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,967
DICK, DO YOU HAVE
A PROBLEM WITH THIS?
118
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:11,770
NO, WHY SHOULD I?
SALLY'S FULFILLING
HER PURPOSE AS A WOMAN.
119
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,538
( sighs )
120
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,573
OH, PLEASE, DICK,
NOT EVERY WOMAN
121
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:17,975
FEELS HER LIFE IS INCOMPLETE
UNTIL SHE GOT A MAN.
122
00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:21,946
WELL, HASN'T YOUR LIFE
BEEN BETTER SINCE
YOU MET ME?
123
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:24,983
YES. BUT WE'VE
TAKEN THE TIME
124
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:27,419
- TO LEARN ABOUT EACH OTHER.
- AND WE'VE LEARNED A LOT.
125
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,921
WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER
OVER A YEAR, WE'RE NOT
GETTING MARRIED.
126
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,989
- CERTAINLY NOT.
- WE'VE NEVER EVEN
DISCUSSED IT.
127
00:06:31,991 --> 00:06:33,858
- YOU NEVER BROUGHT IT UP.
- NEITHER HAVE YOU.
128
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:35,794
WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT IT NOW.
129
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,501
- ( panicky ) I HAVE
A PHONE CALL TO MAKE.
- ME TOO.
130
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:52,410
- WHOA, BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS.
- OH, THANKS, I ARRANGED THEM.
131
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,011
REALLY?
YOU DID A GREAT JOB.
132
00:06:54,013 --> 00:06:56,714
AH-AH, DON'T TOUCH.
YOU DON'T WANT TO
OVER-BUNCH THE VASE.
133
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:01,286
EACH FLOWER
HAS TO BE ALLOWED
TO HAVE ITS OWN MOMENT.
134
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:03,988
OH, YEAH, MOMENT.
135
00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:07,192
UH, MY UNCLE WALLY
OWNS A FLOWER SHOP
IN FLORIDA.
136
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:10,195
HIS ROOMMATE JASPER
HELPS HIM RUN IT.
137
00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:13,898
SO, YOU THINK HE'LL
PASS IT DOWN TO HIS KIDS?
138
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:19,137
NO, I THINK THE LEGACY
STOPPED RIGHT THERE IN
SOUTH BEACH. SORRY.
139
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:22,073
SEE, THIS IS THE THIRD SET
OF LITTLE PEOPLE
YOU'VE SENT ME,
140
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:26,645
AND ONCE AGAIN THEY BEAR
NO RESEMBLANCE TO ME
OR MY FUTURE HUSBAND.
141
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:28,580
GET IT RIGHT!
142
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,717
SALLY! I GOT IT,
EVERYTHING YOU ASKED FOR.
143
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:34,786
OH, WHAT A RELIEF!
144
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:41,059
SOMETHING OLD--
145
00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:45,863
A RADIAL, COURTESY
OF THE ALLEY.
146
00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:47,899
SOMETHING NEW--
147
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:51,302
A TUB OF VASELINE
WITH AN UNBROKEN SEAL.
SWEET!
148
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:55,206
SOMETHING BORROWED--
149
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:58,243
A CUP OF SEA SALT
FROM MISS DUBCEK.
150
00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:02,813
AND FINALLY, THE PIÈCE
DE RESISTENANCE--
151
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:06,451
SOMETHING BLUE--
A LIFESAVER!
152
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,288
MINTY.
153
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,824
THAT'S PERFECT, HARRY.
154
00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:22,166
OOH! THOSE ARE BEAUTIFUL!
155
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,936
OH THANKS, I WAS TEMPTED
TO USE WILLOW BRANCHES,
156
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:27,572
BUT THEY SEEMED
A BIT STARK.
157
00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:31,009
- YOU'RE VERY ARTISTIC.
- YEAH, I'M SURE THAT'S
THE WORD.
158
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:36,280
- HELLO, SALLY.
- HEY.
159
00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:38,349
I HEARD THE NEWS.
WOW!
160
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,351
IT HAPPENED SO SUDDENLY.
161
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,987
CUT TO THE CHASE, MARY.
SALLY, SHE THINKS
YOU'RE CRAZY.
162
00:08:42,989 --> 00:08:44,923
- WHAT?!
- NO, I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
163
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:47,458
IT'S-- IT'S JUST
THAT I'M CONCERNED.
164
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:50,495
I WANT THE BEST FOR YOU
AND THIS ALL HAPPENED
SO QUICKLY.
165
00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:53,898
MARY, YOU ARE
SO TRANSPARENT.
166
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:56,401
- YOU'RE JEALOUS.
- Both: WHAT?
167
00:08:56,403 --> 00:09:00,071
- YOU ARE. YEAH.
- YOU ARE!
168
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:03,174
- YOU WANNA
GET MARRIED TOO.
- YOU DO!
169
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:06,477
- WELL SURE, WHEN I'M READY.
- AND YOU DON'T THINK
I'M READY?
170
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,813
WELL, I JUST THINK
YOU SHOULD WAIT.
171
00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:12,417
UNTIL WHEN? I'M MIDDLE-AGED
AND I HAVE TO WALK OUT OF
THE BEDROOM BACKWARDS
172
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:14,418
SO MY HUSBAND WON'T SEE
MY RIPPLY BUTT?
173
00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:18,089
( chuckles )
OH, STOP.
174
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:21,259
MARY!
THAT'S WHAT YOU DO!
175
00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:31,002
OKAY. I GUESS THIS WAS
NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
176
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:33,905
YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN!
177
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,040
I'M SORRY I EVEN TRIED.
178
00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:38,076
WAIT, NO NO NO,
DR. ALBRIGHT. WAIT
WAIT WAIT!
179
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:42,146
LOOK. LOOK, JUST-- HERE.
SIT DOWN HERE, OKAY?
180
00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:44,248
IT'S JUST THAT I GOT SO...
181
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:47,418
DAMN ARROGANT, YOU KNOW,
THAT I GOT PROPOSED TO.
182
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:51,288
I MEAN, IT'S LIKE I FINALLY
GOT SOMETHING I CAN LORD
OVER OTHER WOMEN.
183
00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:53,124
- AND THAT'S
NOT RIGHT, NO.
- NO.
184
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:56,061
I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY
FOR ME, MARY.
185
00:09:56,063 --> 00:09:58,029
I'D LIKE YOU TO BE
IN MY WEDDING.
186
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,101
BRIDESMAID?
187
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:06,003
BETTER.
I WANT YOU TO BE
MY MAID OF HONOR.
188
00:10:06,005 --> 00:10:09,340
- ( both gasp )
- MY BITTER OLD MAID
OF HONOR.
189
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:14,712
( trombone playing )
190
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:18,082
GENTLEMEN, HOW DO YOU KNOW
WHEN IT'S TIME TO GET MARRIED?
191
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:20,418
RIGHT WHEN THAT LITTLE
STICK THING TURNS BLUE.
192
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:22,220
- UH-HUH.
- YUP.
193
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:26,858
I MEAN, DO YOU GET MARRIED
WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP
STOPS TO BE ABOUT SEX
194
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,993
AND STARTS BECOMING DEEPER?
195
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:35,233
DEEPER THAN SEX?
196
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:37,202
I JUST DON'T KNOW
IF I'M READY.
197
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:40,471
DR. ALBRIGHT IS TIGHTENING
THE OLD MATRIMONIAL CHOKEHOLD,
ISN'T SHE?
198
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:43,507
OH I WISH.
UNFORTUNATELY SHE WANTS
TO GET MARRIED.
199
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:46,877
I GUESS I'M JUST
GONNA HAVE TO ASK HER.
200
00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:51,082
WHY DON'T YOU BUY YOURSELF
SOME TIME BY GIVING HER
AN ENGAGEMENT RING?
201
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:54,051
- A RING?
- SOMETHING BIG
AND SHOWY, YOU KNOW.
202
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:58,622
IT PROVES HOW MUCH YOU CARE
FOR HER AND THAT WAY YOU CAN
DRAG IT OUT FOR YEARS.
203
00:10:58,624 --> 00:11:00,925
SO I JUST TAG HER,
PUT HER ON THE SHELF,
204
00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:04,996
SO I CAN PICK HER UP
WHENEVER I WANT LIKE--
LIKE HUMAN LAYAWAY?
205
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:09,733
I LIKE IT.
206
00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:12,737
( whimsical music plays )
207
00:11:12,739 --> 00:11:15,974
- I LIKE THAT ONE.
- HMM, IT'S VERY YOU.
208
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:19,344
SALLY, I'VE BEEN
AN INSENSITIVE CLOD.
209
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,579
YEAH, I'M USED
TO THAT BY NOW.
210
00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:24,815
NO NO. NOT TO YOU,
TO DR. ALBRIGHT,
211
00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:28,652
- WHICH IS WHY I'VE DECIDED
TO ASK HER TO MARRY ME.
- GOOD FOR YOU.
212
00:11:28,654 --> 00:11:30,387
THANK YOU.
AND AS HIGH COMMANDER,
213
00:11:30,389 --> 00:11:32,623
MY WEDDING IS
MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOURS.
214
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:34,826
SO I GET TO GO FIRST.
215
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:37,028
( gasps )
WHAT?!
216
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:40,231
YOU HORRIBLE,
HORRIBLE MAN!
217
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:41,833
WHY DO YOU WANNA RAIN
ON MY PARADE?
218
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:44,035
THE ONE CHANCE
I GET TO FEEL SPECIAL,
219
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,837
AND YOU WANT
TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME!
220
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:49,106
I WANT TO BE THE BRIDE!
ME, BRIDE!
221
00:11:49,108 --> 00:11:52,776
- ( sobbing )
- ( mumbles )
222
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:59,717
I-- I'M SORRY, FORGIVE ME.
I'M BEING SELFISH.
223
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,019
YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU SHOULD GO FIRST.
224
00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:04,855
- YEAH.
- YOU'VE ALREADY
ORDERED YOUR CAKE AND...
225
00:12:04,857 --> 00:12:07,158
I HAVEN'T EVEN POPPED
THE QUESTION YET.
226
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:10,695
NOW STOP CRYING.
THERE IS MY GIRL...
227
00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:16,968
AND WHAT A BIG GIRL
YOU ARE.
228
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:20,638
AND SOON I'LL HAVE
TO GIVE YOU AWAY
TO ANOTHER MAN.
229
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:24,008
AND WHAT A PRETTY BRIDE
YOU'LL MAKE.
230
00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:30,148
♪ WHERE ARE YOU GOING,
MY LITTLE ONE, LITTLE ONE? ♪
231
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:35,986
♪ WHERE ARE YOU GOING,
MY BABY, MY OWN? ♪
232
00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:38,989
♪ TURN AROUND
AND YOU'RE TINY ♪
233
00:12:38,991 --> 00:12:42,193
♪ TURN AROUND
AND YOU'RE GROWN ♪
234
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:45,396
♪ TURN AROUND
AND YOU'RE A YOUNG WIFE ♪
235
00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:49,600
♪ WITH BABES OF YOUR OWN. ♪
236
00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:53,872
( accordion playing )
237
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:57,074
- TO YOU, DR. SOLOMON.
- TO ME.
238
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:02,313
YOU ARE A GREAT AMERICAN.
239
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:04,348
IN FRANCE, IT WOULD BE
VERY HARD TO FIND A MAN
240
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,350
THAT WOULD ACCEPT MONEY
FOR HIS SISTER.
241
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:09,654
TSK. AND IT WAS
IMPOSSIBLE IN WISCONSIN.
242
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:11,155
HMM, YEAH.
243
00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:14,893
SHE'S ALL YOURS NOW.
I BET YOU CAN'T WAIT
TO SLEEP WITH HER.
244
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:18,729
- PARDON?
- YOU KNOW, THE BIG NIGHT,
LA NUIT GRANDE.
245
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,732
NO NO NO,
PROFESSOR SOLOMON,
246
00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:23,935
THIS IS A LEGAL ARRANGEMENT
ONLY, I WILL NOT TOUCH
YOUR SISTER.
247
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:27,939
YOU HAVE TO!
SHE'S DYING TO!
248
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,707
ARE YOU POSITIVE?
249
00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:33,745
OF COURSE, IT'S LIKE
THOSE SNEAKERS ADS SAY,
"JUST DO HER."
250
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:42,420
YOU ARE A VERY
STRANGE FAMILY...
251
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:45,389
BUT STRANGE IN A WAY...
252
00:13:45,391 --> 00:13:47,525
I CAN ACCEPT, HUH?
253
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:49,527
- SALUT!
- A VOTRE SANTÉ!
254
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,496
- D'ACCORD.
- ( laughs nasally )
255
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,731
( trombone playing )
256
00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:58,369
( rattles )
257
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:03,608
OH, DON'T PUSH.
I'LL BUZZ YOU IN.
258
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:06,477
- ( buzzes )
- ( rattles )
259
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:08,246
WAIT TO PUSH.
260
00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:11,082
I'LL BUZZ, THEN YOU PUSH.
261
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,017
( buzzing )
262
00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:19,723
L-LISTEN TO ME!
263
00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:22,192
WAIT FOR THE BUZZER
TO STOP!
264
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:27,265
( buzzing )
265
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:35,073
AND THEY WONDER WHY
OLD DOWNTOWN RUTHERFORD
IS DEAD.
266
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:37,208
YOU CAN'T GET
INTO THE STORES!
267
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:42,313
OH!
268
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,048
GOOD MORNING, SIR,
LOVELY DAY.
269
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:48,119
UH-- UH, YES. IS THERE
SOMETHING I CAN SHOW YOU?
270
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:49,820
OH, ENGAGEMENT RINGS
FOR WOMEN.
271
00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:51,956
OH, EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT.
272
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:54,758
DIAMOND ENGAGEMENTS
ARE RIGHT OVER HERE.
273
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:57,395
UH... WE'LL START SMALL.
274
00:14:57,397 --> 00:15:00,664
OOH, THIS ONE LOOKS NICE.
HOW MUCH IS IT?
275
00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:03,600
AH-HA, THAT ONE IS...
$3,000.
276
00:15:03,602 --> 00:15:06,838
( chokes )
FOR A DIAMOND!
277
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,874
WHERE I COME FROM,
WE USE THE BIG ONES
FOR DOORSTOPS!
278
00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:13,011
SIR, YOU MUSTN'T THINK
IN TERMS OF PRICE.
279
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:15,680
- THE RING IS A SYMBOL.
- A SYMBOL?
280
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:19,516
YES, THE CIRCULAR SHAPE
REPRESENTS NEVER-ENDING LOVE.
281
00:15:19,518 --> 00:15:21,686
CIRCULAR SHAPE...
282
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:24,922
GREAT!
I'LL GIVE HER MY WATCH.
283
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:28,359
( carousel music playing )
284
00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:41,539
- KNICKERS?
- THEY'RE CRUSHED VELVET.
285
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:44,675
DO YOU... LIKE THEM?
286
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:47,745
I MADE THEM.
287
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:49,747
TOMMY...
288
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:51,682
KISS ME.
289
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:56,955
EH... DO YOU WANNA
GO OUT TO THE RAMBLER?
290
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,957
THERE'S A FEW MINUTES
BEFORE THIS WHOLE
PROCESSION.
291
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:03,160
NO, I WAS JUST
CHECKING SOMETHING.
292
00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:05,897
HEY! HEY, DON'T START
THE MOWER
293
00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:08,132
UNLESS YOU'RE READY
TO CUT THE GRASS!
294
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:13,604
( gasps )
295
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,606
OH, SALLY...
296
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:18,109
YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL,
297
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:21,012
SO EXQUISITE, SO--
298
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:23,046
BOLD!
299
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:26,517
YOU, MY LUCKY LADY,
ARE IN CHARGE
OF THAT TRAIN.
300
00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:31,021
HEY, HARRY.
301
00:16:33,292 --> 00:16:36,627
UM... WHO'S THAT?
302
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,897
SALLY, MEET
BLIND JOE SLOCUM.
303
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:42,933
HE'S OLD, I BORROWED HIM
FROM THE TIP TOP CLUB
304
00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:45,503
AND HE PLAYS THE BLUES.
305
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:50,174
- OKAY, SO WHAT
DO YOU HAVE THAT'S NEW?
- HE'S MY NEW FRIEND.
306
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:54,045
SO ARE YOU
OF THE BRIDE'S FAMILY
OR THE GROOM'S?
307
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:57,281
NEITHER, I AM
WITH THE IMMIGRATION AND
NATURALIZATION SERVICE.
308
00:16:57,283 --> 00:17:01,051
I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT
THERE IS AN ILLEGAL ALIEN
IN THE WEDDING PARTY.
309
00:17:01,053 --> 00:17:03,487
REALLY?
310
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,528
MARY.
311
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,798
THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE GOT
TO ASK YOU BEFORE THIS WHOLE
THING STARTS.
312
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,601
OH DICK, NOT AGAIN.
YOU'RE ON SALLY'S LEFT
313
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:19,036
AND REMEMBER, NO SKIPPING
DOWN THE AISLE.
314
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,605
( knocks )
315
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,242
CAN I BORROW
A TOOTHBRUSH?
316
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:27,211
THERE IS THE MOST
ADORABLE MAN OUT THERE
WITH THE GOVERNMENT.
317
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:29,680
- HE'S LOOKING FOR ALIENS.
- ( yelps loudly )
318
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:34,184
THANK YOU, MISS DUBCEK.
319
00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:37,755
NOW GO OUT THERE
AND HYPNOTIZE HIM
WITH YOUR FEMININE WILES.
320
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:40,291
- IT'S NEVER BEEN
A PROBLEM. OH!
- OKAY.
321
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:43,394
FAMILY MEETING!
FAMILY MEETING.
322
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,229
- ( whispers )
- ( all yelp )
323
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,131
- WHERE?
- ARE YOU SURE?
324
00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:50,001
- I'VE GOT TO SEE MICHEL.
- ( all yelling )
325
00:17:50,003 --> 00:17:52,936
NO, WAIT WAIT WAIT!
NO, WAIT WAIT WAIT!
326
00:17:52,938 --> 00:17:55,306
WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT
WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT
327
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,141
WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!
328
00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:59,243
WAIT WAIT!
329
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,945
I'M SORRY,
I'M SO SORRY, MICHEL,
330
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:04,381
- BUT I CAN'T MARRY YOU.
- WHAT?!
331
00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:07,217
- I'M SORRY.
- BUT I NEED
TO GET MARRIED,
332
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:08,986
THEY'LL SEND ME BACK.
I'M AN ALIEN.
333
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:10,521
WHAT?
334
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:13,157
I-- I'M AN ALIEN.
335
00:18:13,159 --> 00:18:16,193
WOW, OKAY.
336
00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:20,030
SEE THIS IS NEVER
GONNA WORK BECAUSE...
I'M AN ALIEN TOO.
337
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:24,068
- WHAT? THEN-- THEN WHAT
IS THE POINT OF THIS?
- I DON'T KNOW.
338
00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:25,536
THEN GIVE ME BACK
MY MONEY.
339
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:27,037
WELL I CAN'T,
I SPENT IT ON THE DRESS.
340
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:28,572
WHAT? BUT--
341
00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:31,508
JUST PULL YOURSELF
TOGETHER, MAN.
342
00:18:31,510 --> 00:18:34,512
LISTEN, SOMEBODY'S HERE
LOOKING FOR YOU. NOW COME
WITH US AND WE'LL PROTECT YOU.
343
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:38,716
NO! NO NO NO NO,
I AM SICK OF YOU AND
YOUR CRAZY PEOPLE.
344
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:41,752
CRAZY PEOPLE!
YOU'RE CRAZY!
345
00:18:41,754 --> 00:18:44,154
HEY, YOU!
346
00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:46,323
COME ON, ALBRIGHT.
347
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:08,479
( music playing )
348
00:19:17,389 --> 00:19:19,991
- OH!
- ( Harry gasps,
clears throat )
349
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:22,993
OH, MARY, UH--
WE ARE LEAVING TOWN.
350
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:26,230
NO PARTICULAR REASON,
YOU KNOW, CALL OF THE ROAD.
351
00:19:26,232 --> 00:19:28,499
OH, DICK, YOU SHOULDN'T
BE EMBARRASSED.
352
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,434
MICHEL'S THE ONE
WHO GOT ARRESTED.
353
00:19:30,436 --> 00:19:32,904
THEY GOT MICHEL!
OH!
354
00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:36,707
THE OTHER GUY
FROM IMMIGRATION.
IT WAS AN UGLY FIGHT.
355
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:40,210
THE FRENCH TEND TO KICK
A LOT WHEN FRIGHTENED.
356
00:19:40,212 --> 00:19:42,413
IMMIGRATION?
357
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:46,550
YEAH, THEY SAID
THEY'LL BE SENDING HIM BACK
TO FRANCE IN THE MORNING.
358
00:19:46,552 --> 00:19:50,321
OF COURSE, HE'S FROM
ANOTHER COUNTRY!
359
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,556
THAT'S WHY HE'S AN ALIEN.
360
00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:54,791
- ALIEN FROM FRANCE.
- OH.
361
00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:57,695
NOT A QUIVERING PURPLE TUBE
FROM A DISTANT GALAXY
362
00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,096
SENT TO STUDY HUMANKIND.
363
00:20:00,098 --> 00:20:03,601
WHAT? I SAID "NOT."
364
00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:05,702
I'M SORRY, SALLY.
365
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:08,739
IT'S ALL RIGHT,
YOU KNOW. I GOT THE CAKE,
I GOT THE DRESS,
366
00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:10,774
I GOT ALMOST ALL THE WAY
TO THE ALTAR.
367
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:14,077
- BUT YOU DIDN'T GET MARRIED.
- I KNOW, BUT WHAT THE HECK.
368
00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:16,913
HEY, AS LONG AS WE'RE ALL
DRESSED UP, WHO WANTS
TO GO BOWLING?
369
00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:19,883
TOMMY, HARRY,
GRAB MY TRAIN.
370
00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:23,220
SHE MADE
A BEAUTIFUL BRIDE.
371
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:26,490
SHE'LL MAKE
A BEAUTIFUL BOWLER.
372
00:20:26,492 --> 00:20:29,493
MARY.
373
00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:31,495
( door closes )
374
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:35,699
THERE'S SOMETHING
I'VE BEEN WANTING TO ASK YOU
FOR SEVERAL DAYS NOW.
375
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:39,303
I THOUGHT ABOUT IT LONG
AND HARD AND I KNOW IT'S
THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
376
00:20:39,305 --> 00:20:41,439
MARY...
377
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,674
WILL YOU WEAR MY WATCH?
378
00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:50,648
I CAN'T WEAR THIS.
379
00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:53,350
OH, I SEE...
380
00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:55,086
I THOUGHT IT'S
WHAT YOU WANTED.
381
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:58,055
IT'S JUST TOO BIG.
382
00:20:58,057 --> 00:21:00,290
I KNOW IT'S A BIG STEP,
383
00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:03,327
BUT DON'T YOU THINK
THAT MAYBE SOMEDAY
YOU MIGHT WANT TO WEAR IT?
384
00:21:04,563 --> 00:21:07,264
WELL... MAYBE IF--
385
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,900
IF I GAIN
A LOT OF WEIGHT.
386
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,940
CAKE?
387
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:20,577
( classical instrumental
music plays )
388
00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:26,450
SOME WHITE IRISES,
GERBER DAISIES
389
00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:29,086
AND A SPRIG OF EUCALYPTUS
FOR BALANCE AND SCENT.
390
00:21:29,088 --> 00:21:31,755
- ( sniffs )
- COOL, WHAT YOU DOING?
391
00:21:31,757 --> 00:21:34,325
I'M MAKING A CENTERPIECE
FOR THE FOOTBALL TEAM.
392
00:21:36,696 --> 00:21:39,697
- REALLY?
- YEAH, IT'LL GO GREAT
ON THEIR TRAINING TABLE.
393
00:21:39,699 --> 00:21:43,066
I CAN'T WAIT
TO SEE THEIR FACES
WHEN THEY SEE THIS BABY.
394
00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:50,608
OOH, IT'S FUN TO STAY
AT THE ♪ Y.M.C.A. ♪