1 00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:05,904 OH, HI, NINA. 2 00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:08,339 WOULD YOU STAND UP ON THE DESK AND ADJUST THAT VENT? 3 00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:10,341 IT'S BLOWING RIGHT IN MY FACE. 4 00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:13,077 UH, YEAH. I'LL GET TO THAT REAL SOON. 5 00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:15,881 UNTIL THEN, YOU JUST DO IT YOURSELF. 6 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:18,016 FAIR ENOUGH. 7 00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:23,321 OH HI, DICK. WOULD YOU ADJUST MY VENT? 8 00:00:26,293 --> 00:00:27,893 WITH NINA IN THE ROOM? 9 00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:32,031 GET UP ON THE DESK AND ADJUST MY VENT. 10 00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:36,401 - OH, OF COURSE. NINA, PLEASE LEAVE THE ROOM. - NO PROBLEM. 11 00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,238 I... 12 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,407 I CAN'T REACH IT FROM HERE. 13 00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:44,576 - PUT YOUR FOOT ON THE CHAIR. - WHA-- 14 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:47,078 ( stammers ) ARE YOU SURE? IT'S-- IT'S WOBBLY. 15 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,248 - WELL, I'LL HOLD IT DOWN. - WELL, ALL RIGHT. 16 00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:52,184 - A LITTLE FURTHER. - OKAY. 17 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,419 ( grunts ) 18 00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:56,922 - AH, THERE. HOW'S THAT? - HOLD ON, I'LL CHECK. 19 00:00:56,924 --> 00:00:58,957 ( screams ) 20 00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:01,260 OH, MY FOOT! MY FOOT! 21 00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:03,495 OH, I'M SO SORRY! I'M SO SORRY! 22 00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:06,865 IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU! ( groans ) 23 00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:09,034 ( '50s rock music playing ) 24 00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,898 THAT SHOULD DO IT, DR. SOLOMON. 25 00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:43,000 WELL, THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE. I FEEL NO PAIN. 26 00:01:43,002 --> 00:01:45,971 WELL YOU MAY FEEL SOME DISCOMFORT WHEN THE SHOCK WEARS OFF. 27 00:01:45,973 --> 00:01:50,075 NO. OBVIOUSLY, THE FALL HAS MADE ME IMPERVIOUS TO PAIN. 28 00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:55,314 YOU SHOULD GO HOME AND TRY TO STAY OFF YOUR FOOT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. 29 00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:57,382 KEEP IT ELEVATED, KEEP ICE ON IT. 30 00:01:57,384 --> 00:01:58,883 JUST USE GOOD JUDGMENT. 31 00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:00,685 I HAVE EXCELLENT JUDGMENT. 32 00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:02,520 YEP. 33 00:02:02,522 --> 00:02:05,457 IN FACT, NINA, HAND ME THE STAPLE GUN. 34 00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:10,162 - CALL ME IF YOU NEED ME. - OH, THANK YOU, DOCTOR. 35 00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:12,263 I'll TAKE HIM HOME RIGHT NOW. 36 00:02:12,265 --> 00:02:15,934 - I CAN DRIVE MYSELF. - OH! DON'T BE SILLY! IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO. 37 00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:18,337 I'LL TAKE YOU HOME, COME BACK HERE, PICK UP MY CAR, 38 00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:21,439 GO TO THE DRUG STORE, THE GROCERY STORE, PICK UP ANYTHING YOU NEED. 39 00:02:21,441 --> 00:02:25,377 - OKAY. - I'LL JUST BRING THE CAR AROUND, OKAY? 40 00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:28,880 WHA-- WHY IS SHE DOING THIS? 41 00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:30,882 SIT BACK AND RELAX. YOU'RE IN PAIN, 42 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,851 SHE KNOWS SHE CAUSED IT, SHE FEELS GUILTY. 43 00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:36,154 WHA-- WHY SHOULD SHE BE GUILTY? I'M NOT IN PAIN. 44 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:39,091 I HAVE A SUPERHUMAN THRESHOLD FOR PAIN. 45 00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:45,731 ( screaming ) 46 00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,969 OKAY. 47 00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:54,172 AND WHA-LAH! 48 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:56,875 HARRY? 49 00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,810 I'M IN MY ROOM! 50 00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:07,285 THIS ISN'T A ROOM. THIS IS A SHOWER CURTAIN IN A HALL WAY. 51 00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:10,222 IS THAT SO? THEN WHY ARE MY LINENS HERE? 52 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:14,893 BECAUSE YOUR LINENS FELL OFF THE WASHING MACHINE. 53 00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:16,995 I'M SICK OF SLEEPING ON THE WASHING MACHINE. 54 00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:21,966 OH, SURE, A VIBRATING BED IMPRESSES THE LADIES... 55 00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:25,236 BUT I WANT MY OWN ROOM! DICK SAID THAT I COULD HAVE ONE. 56 00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:29,073 NO. DICK SAID THAT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES COULD YOU HAVE YOUR OWN ROOM. 57 00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:31,743 LET'S NOT QUIBBLE OVER SEMANTICS. 58 00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,912 BESIDES, YOU GUYS HAVE YOUR OWN ROOMS. 59 00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:36,414 I SLEEP IN A STORAGE SPACE BEHIND DICK'S CHIMNEY. 60 00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:40,585 AND MY ROOM IS AN UNINSULATED ALCOVE OVERLOOKING A TOILET. 61 00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:44,322 ROOM WITH A VIEW... RUB IT IN. 62 00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:49,193 ( sighs ) HARRY, YOU CAN'T SLEEP IN THE HALLWAY! 63 00:03:49,195 --> 00:03:52,931 ( gasps ) HOME WRECKER! 64 00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,933 ( Dick groaning ) 65 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,601 Sally: WHAT'S WRONG?! 66 00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:58,770 - SHE HURT ME! - IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! 67 00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:00,772 - OH, SOME ACCIDENT. - WELL... 68 00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:04,075 WE CAN MAKE ACCIDENTS HAPPEN TOO, LADY. 69 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,444 HERE, LET ME ELEVATE THAT FOOT. 70 00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:08,279 ( screams ) NO TOUCHING! 71 00:04:08,281 --> 00:04:09,948 - NO TOUCHING! - NO TOUCHING. 72 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,950 OOH, WHAT DID MY BODY EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS? 73 00:04:12,952 --> 00:04:16,388 WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?! MARY, TURN IT OFF! 74 00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:19,891 WELL I CAN'T. THE DOCTOR SAID HE DOESN'T GIVE DRUGS FOR A SPRAIN. 75 00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:23,428 - ( groans ) - BUT THAT'S GOOD NEWS, ISN'T IT? IT'S NOT BROKEN. 76 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:26,164 I HEARD SOMETIMES A SPRAIN CAN BE WORSE THAN A BREAK. 77 00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:29,167 - ( Tommy excited ) OH, IS THAT ONE WORSE?! - YES, IT IS! MUCH WORSE! 78 00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:31,002 WELL, I SAID I WAS SORRY! 79 00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:32,671 CAN I FIX YOU SOMETHING TO EAT? 80 00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:36,841 JUST FIX MY FOOT! I DON'T CARE IF I STARVE, JUST FIX MY FOOT! 81 00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:39,544 ( stammers ) I-- I'LL GET YOU SOME ICE. 82 00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:41,379 LOOK AT MY FOOT. 83 00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:44,015 IT'S ONE BIG BOO-BOO. 84 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,783 YOU SOUND PRETTY PATHETIC. 85 00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,785 IS IT PATHETIC TO SPRAIN YOUR FOOT 86 00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:51,089 WORSE THAN ANYBODY EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD?! SALLY?! 87 00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:54,092 SORRY, DICK. BUT YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT EARTH PAIN 88 00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:56,328 UNTIL YOU'VE BEEN A WOMAN, OKAY? 89 00:04:56,330 --> 00:05:00,699 ONE WEEK EVERY MONTH, I FEEL LIKE I GOT A PAIR OF PLIERS IN MY PANTS. 90 00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:03,969 YOU GOT A BOO-BOO? I'M IN THE NATIONAL GUARD OF PAIN. 91 00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:08,840 WHAT WAS I THINKING? I AM SO STUPID! I AM SO STUPID! 92 00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:11,342 MARY SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND MY PAIN. 93 00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:14,279 DICK? I TOO UNDERSTAND YOUR PAIN. 94 00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:18,483 - IT'S RIGHT HERE. - ( all scream ) 95 00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,692 AH, CRESPIN, TWO BOXES? 96 00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:30,696 RUPSIN, JOHNNY, ONE BOX. 97 00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:32,597 SOLOMON? 98 00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:35,033 15? 99 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:38,036 YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN SELL 15 BOXES OF CHOCOLATE? 100 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:40,004 SELL? 101 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,773 THAT'S RIGHT. 102 00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:44,976 AFTER SCHOOL, ON THE WEEKENDS-- UNTIL EVERY BAR OF CHOCOLATE IS SOLD. 103 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:46,978 NO ONE'S GONNA WANNA BUY THIS CRAP! 104 00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:49,480 - IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE RAISINS! - I'LL GIVE YOU RAISINS. 105 00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:52,217 - OR NOUGAT! - I'M GONNA NOUGAT YOU, SOLOMON! 106 00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:54,252 WHAT DO I GET FOR SELLING THIS CRAP? 107 00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:56,254 YOU GET THE SATISFACTION OF HELPING TO PAY 108 00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:57,989 TO SEND THE BAND TO WASHINGTON! 109 00:05:57,991 --> 00:06:01,927 - NOW HOW'S THAT FOR COMPENSATION?! - OH, ALL RIGHT, COOL. 110 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,996 ( animated firing ) 111 00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:13,171 I BROUGHT YOU SOME SOUP. 112 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,908 ( softly ) LET ME JUST FIX THIS FOOT HERE. 113 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:19,344 ( screams ) 114 00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:23,748 - EAT YOUR SOUP. - OKAY. 115 00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:26,017 ( groans ) 116 00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:29,587 MMM, THIS TASTES SUMPTUOUS. 117 00:06:29,589 --> 00:06:32,590 MY MOTHER USED TO MAKE THIS SOUP FOR ME WHENEVER I WAS FEELING-- 118 00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:34,559 DID SHE ALWAYS SERVE IT THIS COLD? 119 00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,863 - I'LL HEAT IT UP SOME MORE. - THANK YOU, MARY. 120 00:06:38,865 --> 00:06:40,798 THANK YOU. ( groans ) 121 00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:44,635 ( groans ) 122 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:48,105 - IS SOMETHING WRONG? - OH... 123 00:06:48,107 --> 00:06:50,842 NO, BUT, COULD YOU ALSO GET ME SOME CRACKERS? 124 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,778 ( sighs ) SURE. 125 00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:58,750 ( groans ) 126 00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:02,887 - ARE YOU OKAY? - OYSTER CRACKERS? 127 00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:10,061 ( groans ) 128 00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:15,233 ( groans louder ) 129 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:19,770 MARY, I JUST WANTED TO SAY 130 00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:22,707 I'M SO HAPPY THAT IT WAS YOU WHO HURT ME SO HORRIBLY. 131 00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:27,912 ALL RIGHT. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH YOUR SOUP AND CRACKERS. 132 00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:31,316 ( yelps ) 133 00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:33,318 OYSTER CRACKERS! 134 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,654 MY GOD! 135 00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:37,589 I HAVE A MAGIC FOOT! 136 00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:44,662 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - EATING YOUR SOUP. 137 00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:46,998 - WELL, YOU CAN'T DO THAT! - IT'S NOT THAT TERRIBLE. 138 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,901 YOU PUT A BUNCH OF OYSTER CRACKERS IN IT, YOU CAN BARELY TASTE IT. 139 00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:52,970 DON'T EAT ALL OF THESE! DICK IS LYING IN THERE HURT. 140 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:57,342 I'M FINE AND I'M HUNGRY. BESIDES, I'M NOT THE ONE WHO BROKE HIS FOOT. 141 00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,177 ( sternly ) SPRAINED. 142 00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:01,179 HAVE A LITTLE COMPASSION, SALLY. 143 00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:03,214 WE'RE HEALTHY. WE HAVE TO HELP HIM. 144 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,149 I SAY HE'S LAME. SHOOT HIM. 145 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,954 AND WHA-LAH! 146 00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:18,096 HARRY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? 147 00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,431 DANCING TO THE NATURAL SOUNDS OF PLUMBING. 148 00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:23,034 OKAY, WELL, GET OUT 'CAUSE I'VE GOT TO USE THE BATHROOM. 149 00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:25,370 YOU CAN'T KICK ME OUT OF MY OWN ROOM! 150 00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:27,705 OKAY, PILGRIM. IT'S YOUR FUNERAL. 151 00:08:27,707 --> 00:08:30,641 OH, DEAR GOD! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! 152 00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:39,884 HI, MY NAME'S TOMMY SOLOMON. 153 00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:43,487 I'M SELLING CHOCOLATE BARS TO SEND THE HIGH SCHOOL BAND TO WASHINGTON. 154 00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,325 ( doorbell rings ) 155 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:50,729 HEY, FAT GUY! IS THIS A DREAM OR WHAT?! 156 00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,664 CANDY DOOR TO DOOR-- 157 00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:55,967 - ( doorbell rings ) - Tommy: HI, FATHER. 158 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,969 I'M TRYING TO SELL THESE CHOCOLATE BARS 159 00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,238 SO THE HIGH SCHOOL BAND CAN GO TO WASHINGTON. 160 00:09:01,774 --> 00:09:03,708 AND LEARN ABOUT CHRISTIANITY. 161 00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:07,745 ( stammers ) AND... BECOME PRIESTS. 162 00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:11,749 FINE THEN. THEY'LL STAY HERE IN RUTHERFORD 163 00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:13,684 AND WORSHIP SATAN! 164 00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:18,589 NOW THIS IS WHAT I CALL A ROOM. ( exhales sharply ) 165 00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:20,425 I'VE GOT EVERYTHING A MAN COULD NEED. 166 00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,827 A PIECE OF PLYWOOD, THE GNOME, A VERY THIN BLANKET, 167 00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:25,830 NO FOOD, AND MY NEW FRIEND, THE CROW. 168 00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:27,832 ( crow cawing ) 169 00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:30,168 ( mocking crow ) HI, NEIGHBOR! 170 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,103 ( cawing ) 171 00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:43,114 NOT EXACTLY THE HOUSE-WARMING GIFT I HOPED FOR. 172 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:45,383 BUT YOU CAN'T PICK YOUR NEIGHBORS. 173 00:09:47,321 --> 00:09:48,619 TOMMY, MAKE ME A SANDWICH. 174 00:09:49,789 --> 00:09:51,556 YOU HAVE A SANDWICH RIGHT THERE. 175 00:09:51,558 --> 00:09:54,559 I KNOW, BUT MARY CUT IT IN HALF, AND NOT DIAGONALLY 176 00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:56,494 AND THAT HURTS MY FOOT. 177 00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:02,734 WELL, YOU CAN CHALK IT UP TO ME BEING A TEENAGER, BUT I JUST DON'T CARE. 178 00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:08,039 MARY WON'T BE BACK FROM THE COLORING BOOK STORE FOR HALF AN HOUR. 179 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:10,041 YOU KNOW, THIS DAY HAS BEEN HELL! 180 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:12,143 I THINK I MET ONE NICE GUY ALL DAY. 181 00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,878 HOW MANY BARS DID HE BUY? 182 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:17,749 ON, NONE. BUT HE SOLD ME THIS NICE SET OF ENCYCLOPEDIAS. 183 00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:20,819 TOMMY? 184 00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:23,154 TOMMY, IT'S AN EMERGENCY! I NEED THE REMOTE! 185 00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:25,090 ( groans ) 186 00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:28,326 SALLY?! SALLY?! 187 00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:30,929 ( hollers ) 188 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:33,431 - GOD, WHAT?! - I CAN'T REACH THE REMOTE. 189 00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,933 - IT'S RIGHT THERE! - BUT I CAN'T GET TO IT, SALLY. 190 00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:38,169 - SO?! - OH, LIEUTENANT. 191 00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:40,237 DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO FEEL HELPLESS? 192 00:10:40,239 --> 00:10:42,239 TO BE ROBBED OF YOUR FREEDOM BY AN INJURY? 193 00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:44,241 TO BE A BURDEN ON YOUR FAMILY? 194 00:10:44,243 --> 00:10:46,744 OH, GOD, HOW YOU MUST HATE ME! 195 00:10:48,681 --> 00:10:51,449 ( stammers ) I'M-- EXPERIENCING THE STRANGEST SENSATION. 196 00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:55,086 I FEEL BAD THAT YOU FEEL BAD AND... 197 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:58,323 EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IT'LL BE ANNOYING, 198 00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:01,058 I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO FIGHT IT. DICK, CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?! 199 00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:03,895 MAKE ME A SANDWICH AND CUT IT DIAGONALLY. 200 00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,663 OKAY. 201 00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:08,967 OH, YOU FORGOT THE REMOTE! 202 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,945 MY FOOT! IT'S BETTER! 203 00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,148 NO! 204 00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:34,526 GO ON, DOCTOR. GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT. 205 00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:37,228 THE ANKLE LOOKS GREAT. 206 00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:40,298 - ARE YOU SURE? - YES, YOU'RE ALL BETTER. 207 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:43,735 ( cries ) 208 00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:46,136 DON'T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD BREAK IT AND SET IT AGAIN 209 00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:47,939 JUST TO MAKE SURE IT HEALS PROPERLY? 210 00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:50,809 - NO. - DOCTOR, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. 211 00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,810 THE MOMENT I SPRAINED THAT FOOT, 212 00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:55,813 MY LIFE WENT FROM VCR TO VCR PLUS! 213 00:11:55,815 --> 00:11:58,082 YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME! 214 00:11:58,084 --> 00:12:00,885 DICK? THE ANKLE IS HEALED. 215 00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:05,923 I WON'T BE TREATED THIS WAY BY YOUR HEARTLESS HMO! 216 00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:08,426 I DEMAND CONTROL OF MY TREATMENT OPTIONS! 217 00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:12,763 BECAUSE IT'S NOT THE LENGTH OF OUR TIME HERE THAT MATTERS, IT'S THE QUALITY OF OUR LIVES! 218 00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,932 AND IF YOU'RE NOT QUALIFIED TO BREAK MY FOOT, 219 00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:17,535 THEN BY GOD, I'LL FIND A DOCTOR WHO WILL! 220 00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:25,443 SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT IN THIS COLORFUL, MONOCHROME WRAPPER 221 00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:28,446 - IS A BAR OF CHOCOLATE? - THAT'S RIGHT. 222 00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,281 DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE. 223 00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:33,284 NOW, HOW FAR WOULD YOU WALK FOR A BAR OF CHOCOLATE? 224 00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:36,721 TO GET A BAR OF CHOCOLATE, OR AT THE REQUEST OF A BAR OF CHOCOLATE? 225 00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:40,791 - TO GET. - OH, 53 MILES. 226 00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:44,295 WELL, NOW YOU CAN HAVE CHOCOLATE IN YOUR OWN HOME. 227 00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:46,397 IN MY OWN HOME?! 228 00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:50,235 THAT'S RIGHT. NOW, HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY FOR THAT? 229 00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:53,171 FOR MY OWN HOME OR FOR A BAR OF CHOCOLATE? 230 00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,207 - BAR OF CHOCOLATE. - AH-- 231 00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:58,476 WELL, WE TRIED. 232 00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:02,714 OW! 233 00:13:02,716 --> 00:13:04,716 EXCUSE ME, MY FRIEND HURT HIS LEG. 234 00:13:04,718 --> 00:13:06,751 COULD YOU HELP US OUT AND BUY A CHOCOLATE BAR? 235 00:13:11,824 --> 00:13:13,324 OH, NINA... 236 00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:14,825 I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW GOOD IT IS 237 00:13:14,827 --> 00:13:17,662 TO BE AMONG PEOPLE WHO BRUSH THEIR OWN TEETH. 238 00:13:18,764 --> 00:13:20,931 YOU'RE NOT BRUSHING HIS TEETH? 239 00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:25,502 DO I HAVE ANY MESSAGES? 240 00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:28,606 1:00, DR. SOLOMON CALLED. HE WANTS TO KNOW WHERE YOU ARE. 241 00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:32,843 - OH, GOD. - 1:05, DR. SOLOMON CALLED AGAIN. 242 00:13:32,845 --> 00:13:36,981 HIS FOOT FEELS HOT. DOESN'T KNOW IF THAT'S A GOOD THING OR A BAD THING. 243 00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:41,252 1:12, DR. SOLOMON CALLED. HE'S HUNGRY. CAN YOU MAKE HIM A PERSONAL PAN PIZZA? 244 00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:44,822 1:17, DR. SOLOMON CALLED. 245 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:48,659 WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU'VE FORGOTTEN THAT YOU WERE THE ONE THAT HURT HIS FOOT. 246 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,595 ( phone ringing ) 247 00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:59,637 ( speaking with accent ) HELLO? 248 00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:03,307 NO, YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER. 249 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:07,378 OH, YOUR FOOT HURTS? 250 00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:10,815 HAVE YOU TRIED HITTING IT WITH A HAMMER? 251 00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,986 ( both laughing ) 252 00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,390 - ( doorbell rings ) - I'VE COLD CALLED, 253 00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:22,726 I'VE DIRECT MAILED. I CAN'T AFFORD A PAY-PER-VIEW SPECIAL. 254 00:14:22,728 --> 00:14:25,229 - NOTHING WORKS. - THIS ISN'T MY PROBLEM, BUDDY. 255 00:14:25,231 --> 00:14:28,833 WELL, JUST HELP OUT AN INCREDIBLY SCREWED KID AND BUY A CHOCOLATE BAR. 256 00:14:30,236 --> 00:14:32,736 IF I BOUGHT EVERY STUPID THING THAT CAME TO MY DOOR-- 257 00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:35,072 TOMMY, FORGET IT. THE GUY'S NOT BUYING ANYTHING. 258 00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:39,010 I'D BE LIVING UP TO MY PLEDGE TO HELP EVERY KID WHO CAME TO MY DOOR. 259 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:45,349 - CASH OR CHECK? - HOW 'BOUT BOTH? 260 00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:49,420 OH, COME ON! THAT IS JUST SO CHEAP! 261 00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,355 GOD! 262 00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:57,094 I REALLY WANT SOME CANDY! 263 00:14:57,096 --> 00:15:01,465 ( "Sexual Healing" playing ) 264 00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:03,401 ( radio playing "Sexual Healing" ) 265 00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:11,442 - WHAT IS THAT? - 93.9, THE WAVE. 266 00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:14,178 THE BEST OF THE '70s, '80s AND TODAY. 267 00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:17,081 WELL, I KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT WHERE IS IT COMING FROM? 268 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:20,451 FROM MY NEW TREE ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM! 269 00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:21,952 OH, LOOK! 270 00:15:21,954 --> 00:15:25,223 THE SQUIRRELS ARE GETTING IT ON TO MARVIN GAYE. 271 00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:30,461 - SO IT'S NICE UP THERE? - ONLY THE BEST ROOM IN THE HOUSE. 272 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:33,731 - SEE YOU LATER, DICK. - ( stammers ) BUT-- BUT-- 273 00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:35,732 WHA-- WHA-- OH, SALLY? 274 00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:39,136 THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE. 275 00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:41,972 YOU KNOW HOW I HATE ASKING FOR YOUR HELP, 276 00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:44,141 BUT COULD YOU JUST PLEASE 277 00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:47,578 - DO ME THIS ONE LITTLE FAVOR? - WHAT? 278 00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,948 I WANT TO SEE HARRY'S COOL TREE HOUSE. CARRY ME? 279 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,950 NO WAY. 280 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,485 OH, PLEASE, SALLY? 281 00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:56,387 - THERE'S SO LITTLE JOY IN MY LIFE. - NO. 282 00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:59,056 BUT SALLY, I ASK YOU FOR SO LITTLE! 283 00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:01,191 - CAN YOU JUST ONCE-- - NO! 284 00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:05,830 YOU'RE RIGHT. 285 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:09,834 WHAT GOOD IS A TREE HOUSE VISIT WHEN DEATH IS ONLY MOMENTS AWAY? 286 00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:12,770 - WHAT? - TONIGHT'S MEAL MAY BE MY LAST. 287 00:16:14,006 --> 00:16:16,006 AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? 288 00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:17,942 MEXICAN NIGHT! 289 00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:24,115 - I THINK I HATE YOU, DICK. - ( yelps ) 290 00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:27,518 TOMMY, HARRY! WE GOTTA GO BACK TO THE STORE! 291 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,021 - IT'S MEXICAN NIGHT! - Both: OH, GREAT! 292 00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:33,024 YOU KNOW WHAT IS SO WEIRD, DICK? 293 00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:36,360 I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S, UH, WHAT YOU'RE SAYING OR... 294 00:16:36,362 --> 00:16:38,429 HOW YOU'RE SAYING IT, BUT, UM... 295 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:41,099 ALL THAT STUFF THAT USED TO MAKE ME WANT TO HELP YOU, 296 00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:43,234 WELL, NOW IT'S JUST PISSING ME OFF! 297 00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:47,872 - OH, AND SALLY? - WHAT?! 298 00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:50,708 CORN TORTILLAS, NOT FLOUR. 299 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,777 SI, SEÑOR. 300 00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:57,815 ( radio headset playing ) 301 00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,388 NO WAY! 302 00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:06,324 YOU GUYS! YOU GOTTA SEE THIS! 303 00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:15,966 Sally: OHH, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. 304 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:17,401 Mary: WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? 305 00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:19,337 All: SSH! 306 00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:24,241 THAT BASTARD! 307 00:17:24,243 --> 00:17:27,744 - THERE GOES MEXICAN NIGHT. - OH, IT'S MEXICAN NIGHT ALL RIGHT. 308 00:17:27,746 --> 00:17:29,913 MEXICAN PRISON NIGHT. 309 00:17:29,915 --> 00:17:31,915 I SAY WE STICK A BUCKET ON HIS HEAD 310 00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:35,486 AND WHACK HIM WITH A BAT LIKE A PIÑATA AND WE DON'T STOP TILL CANDY COMES OUT! 311 00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:37,754 - TOMMY, HARRY, LET'S GO! - WAIT A MINUTE, SALLY! 312 00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:41,091 WHAT ABOUT ME? HE'S TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF ME WORSE THAN ANY OF YOU. 313 00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:43,461 HE MADE ME CUT UP HIS FOOD AND FEED IT TO HIM. 314 00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:46,397 HE MADE ME SING TO HIS FOOT! 315 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:49,366 HE MADE ME TAKE HIS TEMPERATURE... 316 00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:50,968 THE HARD WAY. 317 00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:56,007 BESIDES, I DON'T THINK WE HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO GET EVEN. 318 00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:59,209 I HAVE A METAL BUCKET AND THREE SOFTBALL BATS. 319 00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:01,145 THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD START. 320 00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:13,390 - ( walkman clicks ) - ( music stops ) 321 00:18:15,894 --> 00:18:17,829 ( panting ) 322 00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,975 OOH-OH. HI. 323 00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:33,911 THE, UM-- THE LADDER APPEARS TO BE DISCONNECTED. 324 00:18:35,914 --> 00:18:37,848 FUNNY HOW THAT HAPPENED, EH? 325 00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:41,152 THAT MUST BE PAINFUL UP THERE ON THAT LADDER 326 00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:43,720 WITH THAT TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE SPRAIN. 327 00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:45,722 ( stammers ) AH, YEAH... 328 00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:47,724 IT HURTS A LOT. 329 00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:49,660 HEY, DICK, HOW DID YOU GET UP THERE? 330 00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:52,096 WELL, UH... YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. 331 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,967 - NO, TELL US. - COULD ONE OF YOU JUST, UH... 332 00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:58,035 GRAB THE END OF THE LADDER AND PULL IT IN? 333 00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:03,341 Mary: GEE, I DON'T KNOW. IT'S AWFULLY FAR. MY ARM HURTS. 334 00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:05,343 - ( all agree ) - WELL... 335 00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:07,878 WHY DON'T YOU LET ME DOWN AND I'LL HAVE A LOOK AT THEM? 336 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,181 ADMIT IT, DICK! YOU'RE A LIAR! 337 00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:12,349 Sally: YOU MANIPULATED US! YOU TORTURED US! 338 00:19:12,351 --> 00:19:14,351 IT JUST HAPPENED! IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT! 339 00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:16,521 - ( branch cracks ) - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY! 340 00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:19,690 IT'S MY FAULT. YOU FORTITUDE JUST FELT SO GOOD. 341 00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,526 SO APPROPRIATE. 342 00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:24,362 - ( branch cracks ) - ( yelps ) 343 00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,364 - I'M SORRY. - Mary: THAT'S BETTER. 344 00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,533 - ( branch cracks ) - AAH! 345 00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:30,201 ( thump ) 346 00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:32,637 - ( branches cracking ) - WOW, NOW THAT'S GOTTA HURT. 347 00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:38,375 NOT AS MUCH AS THAT. 348 00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:43,113 ALL RIGHT! 349 00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:45,382 EVERYBODY LINE UP INTO A CIRCLE. 350 00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:50,888 - SOLOMON! - SORRY I'M LATE, COACH. 351 00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:55,392 HEY, ANYBODY WHO CAN SELL 15 BOXES OF CHOCOLATE IN MY CLASS CAN BE A LITTLE TARDY. 352 00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:57,328 WHAT'S YOUR SECRET, CHAMP? 353 00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:59,329 WELL, YOU KNOW... 354 00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:02,199 I JUST KEPT THINKING ABOUT SENDING THE BAND TO WASHINGTON. 355 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:06,169 WELL, THEY'RE GONNA OWE YOU SOME REAL THANKS WHEN THEY GET BACK NEXT WEEK. 356 00:20:06,171 --> 00:20:09,106 WELL, WHAT? THEY'RE COMING BACK? 357 00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:12,977 WELL, YEAH. 358 00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:14,979 ALL RIGHT, WHICH ONE OF YOU TOOLS 359 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:17,648 SOLD ENOUGH CHOCOLATE TO BUY THEM A RETURN TICKET?! 360 00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:21,319 EH? HEY, YOU LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU! COME HERE! 361 00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:28,492 GUILT IS LIKE A BELLY BUTTON THAT DOESN'T EVEN COLLECT LINT. 362 00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:34,765 IT'S A WASTED EMOTION THAT JUST NAGS AND NAGS AND NAGS AND NAGS-- 363 00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:37,268 UNTIL DICK FALLS OUT OF THE TREE. 364 00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:39,202 ( all mocking groans ) 365 00:20:42,508 --> 00:20:46,510 MAYBE GUILT IS SOME KIND OF ANCIENT GUIDANCE SYSTEM. 366 00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:48,746 A STEALTH EMOTION DESIGNED TO MAKE PEOPLE 367 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:51,081 HELP EACH OTHER OUT EVEN IF THEY DON'T WANT TO. 368 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:55,852 IF I COULD JUST BREAK THAT CODE, I COULD GET YOU ALL TO SERVE ME. 369 00:20:55,854 --> 00:20:58,088 YOU DON'T NEED GUILT TO GET ANYONE TO SERVE YOU. 370 00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,124 WE PROVED THAT WHEN WE WERE SELLING CANDY. 371 00:21:00,126 --> 00:21:02,760 ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS REMIND PEOPLE THEY LIKE SEX. 372 00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,428 OH. 373 00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:08,365 WOULDN'T IT BE SCARY IF SEX AND GUILT WERE CONNECTED? 374 00:21:09,635 --> 00:21:11,736 ( all laughing ) 375 00:21:13,639 --> 00:21:15,639 SEX AND GUILT CONNECTED! 376 00:21:15,641 --> 00:21:17,908 - HARRY, YOU'RE AN IDIOT! - I KNOW, I KNOW! 377 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:26,283 DICK, I'VE BEEN WATCHING TV AND I THINK YOU CAN WALK WITHOUT THESE CRUTCHES. 378 00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:27,651 NO, I CAN'T. 379 00:21:27,653 --> 00:21:29,653 THIS MAN SAYS THAT HE CANNOT WALK, 380 00:21:29,655 --> 00:21:31,989 BUT I SAY THAT HE CAN. 381 00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:34,325 I SAY I FEEL THE SPIRIT IN DICK SOLOMON. 382 00:21:34,327 --> 00:21:36,493 - NOW STAND UP AND WALK. - BUT MY FOOT IS BROKEN. 383 00:21:36,495 --> 00:21:38,495 OH, FOOT'S BROKEN. THOSE ARE JUST WORDS! 384 00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:40,497 NOW DEEP INSIDE AND WALK, MY BROTHER! 385 00:21:40,499 --> 00:21:42,499 - WALK! - AAH! 386 00:21:42,501 --> 00:21:45,436 ( screams ) 387 00:21:46,838 --> 00:21:50,240 STAY IN BED, MY BROTHER. STAY IN BED.