1
00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:16,214
- DICK, I NEED A FAVOR.
- UH, NOT NOW, TOMMY.
2
00:00:16,216 --> 00:00:19,350
I'M DOING RESEARCH.
I'M FINDING OUT WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN THE SPIT HITS THE FAN.
3
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,655
NO, DICK, LOOK,
4
00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:25,657
THIS IS IMPORTANT.
5
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:28,627
- TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
- ACTORS ON ACTING?
6
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:31,062
YEAH. YOU KNOW HOW
YOU'RE ALWAYS TRYING
TO FIND NEW WAYS
7
00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:33,098
TO EXPLORE
THE HUMAN FEELINGS?
8
00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:36,035
AH, “USING YOUR
EMOTIONAL MEMORY,
THE SEARCH FOR EMOTIONAL TRUTH
9
00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:39,138
WILL STIMULATE
YOUR EMOTIONAL JUICES.”
10
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,340
“EMOTIONAL JUICES”?
11
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:43,308
I LOVE MY JUICES.
THIS IS EXCITING!
12
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:46,978
YEAH, I KNEW YOU'D LIKE IT.
THAT'S WHY I VOLUNTEERED YOU
TO DIRECT OUR SCHOOL PLAY.
13
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:50,115
- ME, DIRECT? AS IN, CONTROL?
- YEAH, IT'S ROMEO AND JULIET.
14
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:53,351
AUGUST WANTS TO PLAY JULIET,
AND IF YOU DIRECT, YOU CAN
CAST ME AS ROMEO.
15
00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,821
I'LL DO IT!
16
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:58,890
THAT'S SO GREAT,
'CAUSE THERE ARE SOME
MAJOR MAKE-OUT SCENES.
17
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:03,895
AND ALSO SOME REALLY
POWERFUL EMOTIONAL STUFF.
18
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,897
I GET TO DIE.
19
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:09,000
I CAN JUST SEE IT NOW
ON THE MARQUEE--
20
00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:11,036
“DICK SOLOMON DIRECTS
A DICK SOLOMON PRODUCTION
21
00:01:11,038 --> 00:01:14,505
OF DICK SOLOMON'S
ROMEO AND JULIET.”
22
00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:17,142
- YEAH, WHATEVER.
- HMM.
23
00:01:17,144 --> 00:01:20,111
“NATURALLY, AN ACTOR
MUST PLAY THE TRUTH
OF THE SCENE
24
00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:23,014
AND NOT INDULGE
IN EMOTION FOR ITS OWN SAKE.”
25
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:25,083
WELL, ANYONE KNOWS THAT.
26
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,085
I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE INTERESTED
IN ACTING.
27
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,888
WELL, YES, I AM,
BUT WHAT I REALLY
WANT TO DO IS DIRECT.
28
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,225
I'M NOT SAYING
THAT I COULDN'T ACT.
29
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:35,560
I COULD BE VERY CONVINCING.
LIGHT COMEDY--
30
00:01:35,562 --> 00:01:38,096
( forced laughter )
31
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,565
HORROR--
( hysterical screaming )
32
00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:43,635
TRAGEDY.
( sobbing )
33
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:46,471
- MORNING.
- LOOK, MARY!
34
00:01:46,473 --> 00:01:49,975
I'M DISTRAUGHT!
35
00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:52,710
OR AM I?
36
00:01:52,712 --> 00:01:55,913
- OKAY. YOU HAVE
A REGISTERED LETTER.
- OH, WHAT IS IT?
37
00:01:58,686 --> 00:02:00,819
DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!
38
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:04,223
I OWE $1,500
IN PARKING TICKETS.
39
00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:06,758
SO THEY FINALLY
CAUGHT UP WITH YOU.
40
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,760
GUESS I'LL HAVE
TO DIP INTO MY SAVINGS.
41
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:12,363
OH, NO, NO, I COULDN'T
BEAR TO LET YOU DO THAT.
I'LL PAY THEM.
42
00:02:12,365 --> 00:02:15,833
- YOU WILL?
- NO. I'M ACTING!
43
00:02:15,835 --> 00:02:17,836
( '50s rock music playing )
44
00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:49,434
( mouthing words )
45
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:57,509
Man on videotape:
Lo, and resolve itself...
46
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,977
DICK!
DICK, GUESS WHAT?
47
00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:02,280
MS. DUBCEK'S GIVING ME
ALL HER OLD JUNK.
48
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:04,282
YEAH.
49
00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:07,185
YEAH, I'VE GOT
SOME FRIENDS DROPPING BY
I HAVEN'T SEEN IN 10 YEARS.
50
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,187
I'M CLEANING OUT
THE PLACE.
51
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:13,057
THERE'S SOME
REALLY GREAT
STUFF IN HERE.
52
00:03:13,059 --> 00:03:15,293
DR. SOLOMON,
IF YOU WANT TO COME DOWN,
53
00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:17,896
- I'LL LET YOU RUMMAGE
THROUGH MY TCHOTCHKES.
- OH, I'M--
54
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:21,099
I'M FLATTERED, MRS. DUBCEK,
BUT I THINK OF YOU
MORE AS A FRIEND.
55
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:27,505
- WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?
- OH, IT'S HAMLET
WITH LAWRENCE “OLIVER.”
56
00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:29,674
I'VE WATCHED IT
THREE TIMES ALREADY.
57
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:32,143
HUH. I LIKE THE WAY
HE MAKES HIS VOICE
58
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,479
- GO UP AND DOWN LIKE THAT.
- I KNOW.
59
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:36,949
IT MAKES EVERYTHING
HE SAYS SOUND SO...
60
00:03:36,951 --> 00:03:39,351
FRUITY?
61
00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:41,286
- NO, IMPORTANT!
- OH.
62
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:45,390
HEY, GUYS. YOU STILL
WATCHING THAT STUFF?
63
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,392
IT'S NOT “STUFF,”
IT'S HAMLET.
64
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:50,628
YEAH, BUT WHY DO THEY
HAVE TO TALK THAT WAY?
I CAN'T FOLLOW THE STORY.
65
00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:53,331
HAMLET?
THE STORY IS
AS OLD AS TIME.
66
00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:56,268
PRETTY-BOY SON
HAS A RICH DADDY
AND A GOOD-LOOKING MOMMY.
67
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:59,071
THE UNCLE
KNOCKS OFF DADDY,
MARRIES MOMMY,
68
00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:02,541
AND HE CUTS PRETTY BOY
OUT OF THE ACTION.
69
00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:06,044
SO JUNIOR GOES CRAZY
AND HE KILLS THEM ALL.
70
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:08,747
NOT A PRETTY STORY,
BUT THERE IT IS.
71
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:16,087
ISN'T THAT THE PLOT
TO THE LION KING?
72
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:20,692
OH, PLEASE!
73
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:24,762
- I NEED YOUR HELP, DON.
I'M IN A BIT OF A SCRAPE.
- FIGURES.
74
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,532
DAMES LIKE YOU
ALWAYS ATTRACT TROUBLE.
75
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:31,436
I GOT ANOTHER
PARKING TICKET.
CAN YOU FIX IT, DON, OR...
76
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,772
AM I LEANING
TOO HARD?
77
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,343
GO AHEAD
AND LEAN, BABY.
78
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:40,512
- DON'LL MAKE
THE TICKET GO AWAY.
- ( gasps )
79
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,814
YOU CAN MAKE
PARKING TICKETS
DISAPPEAR?
80
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:45,417
OF COURSE HE CAN.
DON HAS CONNECTIONS
DOWNTOWN.
81
00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:47,419
I HAVE A FRIEND WHO HAS
SOME PARKING TICKETS.
82
00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:49,987
- I CAN'T ALWAYS--
- DON CAN FIX IT, RIGHT?
83
00:04:49,989 --> 00:04:52,189
- WELL, UH--
- RIGHT?
84
00:04:52,191 --> 00:04:55,293
- SURE.
- OH, THIS IS JUST GREAT!
85
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,228
OH, I CAN'T WAIT
TO TELL MARY.
86
00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:17,649
SOME OF YOU
WILL NOT BE CAST.
87
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:20,485
THOSE WILL BE
THE LUCKY ONES.
88
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,688
OVER THE LONG AND GRUELING
REHEARSAL PERIOD,
89
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:25,256
I WILL BE YOUR DIRECTOR,
YOUR TEACHER, YOUR MENTOR,
90
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:27,358
YOUR MOTHER, YOUR FATHER,
YOUR LOVER!
91
00:05:30,563 --> 00:05:34,065
MY ASSISTANT, NINA,
WILL READ YOUR NAMES.
92
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,234
- NINA?
- OKAY, UM,
93
00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:38,770
TIMOTHY MAFFERTY--
HE'S READING MERCUTIO.
94
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:42,307
( clears throat )
“TRUE, I TALK
OF DREAMS, WHICH--
95
00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:44,842
YES, YES, YES,
OF COURSE.
96
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,945
BUT HAVE YOU
TRIED IT LIKE THIS?
97
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:48,947
MAKE YOUR VOICE GO HIGH,
AND THEN SUDDENLY
98
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:51,249
BRING IT DOWN.
99
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:54,485
HERE.
“TRUE, I SPEAK OF DREAMS
WHICH ARE BUT CHILDREN
100
00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:57,455
OF AN IDLE
( low register )
BRAIN,
101
00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:59,190
BEGOT OF NOTHING
BUT VAIN FAN...
102
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,359
( low register )
...TASIES.”
103
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,695
FROM NOW ON,
I WANT EVERYONE TO
TRY TO SPEAK THAT WAY.
104
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,697
OH, OH, AND USE
YOUR HANDS A LOT.
105
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,732
WE'RE ACTING.
REMEMBER THAT.
106
00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:10,067
REMIND ME NEVER
TO ASK YOU FOR
ANOTHER FAVOR AGAIN.
107
00:06:10,069 --> 00:06:12,971
- YOU WEREN'T RIGHT
FOR THE ROLE.
- HEY, HOW'D THE AUDITION GO?
108
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:16,641
I LOST THE PART.
THE DIRECTOR DIDN'T THINK
I WAS GOOD ENOUGH.
109
00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:19,478
YOU WERE GOOD.
YOU HAD DELIVERY,
PRESENCE, TIMING.
110
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,881
YOU JUST DIDN'T HAVE
THAT INDEFINABLE
SOMETHING EXTRA.
111
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:27,018
I WAS JUST TRYING TO SCORE
SOME POINTS WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.
IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?
112
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:29,554
ROMEO AND JULIET
IS A SHAKESPEARIAN TRAGEDY.
113
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:32,357
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH A HORNY TEENAGER
AND HIS GIRLFRIEND.
114
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,631
GO AHEAD,
DR. ALBRIGHT.
115
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:43,435
HELLO, DON. DR. SOLOMON
THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE ABLE
TO HELP ME WITH THIS.
116
00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:46,304
WELL, I HAVE BEEN KNOWN
TO BEND A FEW--
117
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:50,441
( gasps )
YOU HAVE $1,500 IN FINES.
118
00:06:50,443 --> 00:06:54,412
- AND, POOF, THEY'RE GONE.
- I CAN'T “POOF”
THIS MANY TICKETS.
119
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,748
ONE MORE, AND SHE'D
BE IN HANDCUFFS.
120
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,883
- I WAS GOING TO PAY THEM.
- WHAT HAPPENED?
121
00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:01,219
I DIDN'T.
122
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,888
WELL, MAYBE IF YOU GOT
A LENIENT JUDGE,
123
00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:06,090
HE MIGHT REDUCE
THE FINE.
124
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:09,260
YOUR COURT DATE IS
ON THE 27th.
125
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,663
TWENTY-SEVENTH--
OH.
126
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:13,765
JUDGE DEBELKO.
127
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,100
- SOUNDS BAD. IS IT BAD?
- IT'S BAD.
128
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,369
YOU'D BE BETTER OFF
WITH JUDGE CONTI.
129
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:20,872
NOW, WHEN I GO TO COURT,
SHOULD I APOLOGIZE
130
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:23,775
TO JUDGE CONTI
OR JUST SHOW SOME REMORSE?
131
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:27,745
ACTUALLY, IT MIGHT
BE HELPFUL IF YOU'D
SHOW SOME CLEAVAGE.
132
00:07:27,747 --> 00:07:30,115
- HE CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
- TRUST ME.
133
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:32,350
WE'RE GONNA PAINT YOUR FACE
AND HIKE YOUR PUPPIES.
I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
134
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:34,218
- RIGHT DON?
- ( chuckling )
135
00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:40,492
“O ROMEO, ROMEO,
WHEREFORE ART THOU”--
136
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:42,494
YES, YES.
VERY LOVELY.
137
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:50,735
DARLING, WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING?
FEAR, LOVE, LUST?
138
00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:53,838
BECAUSE THE AUDIENCE
IS PLAYING BOREDOM.
139
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,007
I'M PLAYING JULIET,
140
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:59,878
- AND IT'S REALLY HARD FOR ME
TO CONCENTRATE WHEN YOU--
- PROPS? WHERE'S PROPS?
141
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,213
- WHAT?
- THIS CANDLESTICK
142
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,816
IS 18th-CENTURY
ENGLISH.
143
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:08,219
- SHAKESPEARE WAS ENGLISH.
- TRUE.
144
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,221
BUT THE PLAY
IS SET IN VERONA.
145
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:12,690
PLEASE, TOMMY,
I'M STRUGGLING TO WRING
A PERFORMANCE OUT OF THIS
146
00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:15,527
RAGTAG COMPANY OF MANNEQUINS
FROM THE JUNIOR MISS DEPARTMENT.
147
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:19,597
I CAN'T DO YOUR JOB TOO.
IN THE FUTURE I SUGGEST
YOU LEAVE IT LAY.
148
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:22,066
NOW, EVERYONE
WATCH ONCE AGAIN
AS I ACT OUT THE PLAY
149
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:24,235
IN ITS ENTIRETY.
150
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,974
NINA, NINA,
READ ME IN.
151
00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:33,745
CURTAIN RISES.
A BIG, POMPOUS BLOWHARD
152
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:35,946
FLOUNCES
ONTO THE STAGE.
153
00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:47,592
LISTEN,
I'M REALLY SORRY
154
00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:50,761
YOU HAD TO BE
THE PROP GUY,
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,
155
00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:52,763
IF YOU WERE CAST
AS ROMEO,
156
00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:55,800
WE COULD HAVE DONE
SOME SERIOUS MAKING OUT.
157
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:59,503
WE-- WE COULD MAKE OUT
RIGHT NOW.
158
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:03,942
WITH THE PROP GUY?
HA! SORRY.
159
00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:08,212
HEY, WHAT YOU MAKIN'?
160
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,848
AN AUTHENTIC
RENAISSANCE
SLEEPING POTION.
161
00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:13,818
NOW I JUST HAVE TO FIND
AN 15th-CENTURY
ITALIAN VIAL.
162
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:18,255
OH. WELL, I FIND
GALILEO “VILE.”
163
00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:26,263
WELL, THIS IS
THE FINAL BOX.
164
00:09:26,265 --> 00:09:29,200
- I AM BEAT.
- OH, THANK YOU.
YOU WANT SOME JUICE?
165
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:33,504
OH, PLEASE. I'LL HAVE TO
INTRODUCE YOU TO MY FRIENDS
WHEN THEY DROP BY.
166
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:35,807
THEY'RE LOVELY,
VERY NICE.
167
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:38,042
THERE'S DIANE
AND HER HUSBAND
168
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:40,378
AND JIMMY.
169
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:47,285
JIMMY'S AN OLD FLAME.
I KNEW HE'D COME BACK
FOR MORE.
170
00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:50,355
COME BACK
FOR MORE WHAT?
171
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:54,492
I SAID, “COME BACK
FOR MORE WHAT?”
172
00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:59,497
- ( screaming )
- WHAT HAPPENED?
173
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:03,234
OH, GREAT!
YOU LET HER
DRINK THE PROP?
174
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:05,770
WELL, AT LEAST
WE KNOW IT WORKS.
175
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:16,047
I BEG FOR JUSTICE,
WHICH THOU, PRINCE,
MUST GIVE.
176
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:19,216
ROMEO SLEW TYBALT,
ROMEO MUST NOT LIVE.
177
00:10:19,218 --> 00:10:21,218
NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO, NO,
178
00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:24,022
NO, NO, NO!
179
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,062
YOU ARE LADY CAPULET.
180
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:33,831
YOUR KINSMAN TYBALT
HAS BEEN KILLED!
HE'S DEAD!
181
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:38,369
YOU'RE ASKING FOR JUSTICE,
NOT EXTRA PICKLES ON YOUR
HAPPY BURGER. JUSTICE!
182
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:42,140
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ACT!
NOW BLEED! JUST ACT!
NOW ACT!
183
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:45,944
- I CAN'T ACT, DR. SOLOMON.
- YES, YOU CAN!
184
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:49,881
I CAN'T--
I CAN'T ACT.
185
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,816
DO YOUR LINES.
NOW, NOW!
186
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:54,786
I BEG FOR JUSTICE,
187
00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:58,156
WHICH THOU, PRINCE,
MUST GIVE.
188
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,158
ROMEO SLEW TYBALT,
189
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,094
ROMEO MUST NOT LIVE.
190
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,970
I WANT EVERYONE
TO TAKE A GOOD LOOK
AT CHERYL,
191
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:17,041
BECAUSE CHERYL
192
00:11:17,043 --> 00:11:18,976
IS AN ACTOR.
193
00:11:21,748 --> 00:11:24,982
HELLO?
DAMN IT, VOICE MAIL.
194
00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:27,752
- ( beeps )
- HELLO, DR. ALBRIGHT?
195
00:11:27,754 --> 00:11:29,687
THIS IS SERGEANT--
196
00:11:31,891 --> 00:11:35,492
THIS IS A FRIEND
WITH A MESSAGE.
197
00:11:35,494 --> 00:11:39,630
DON'T COME TO COURT TODAY.
THERE'S BEEN A CHANGE IN PLANS.
198
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:44,568
NEXT,
DR. MARY ALBRIGHT?
199
00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:47,304
HERE, YOUR HONOR.
200
00:11:55,481 --> 00:11:58,283
SALLY, DIDN'T YOU
GET MY MESSAGES?
201
00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:02,487
- WHAT MESSAGES?
- THEY SWITCHED JUDGES.
I'VE BEEN CALLING ALL MORNING.
202
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:05,790
YOU'RE CHARGED WITH $1,500
IN OUTSTANDING FINES.
203
00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:08,560
- HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
- ALL I CAN SAY
204
00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:11,763
IS I'M SO SORRY,
205
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:15,332
AND I THROW MYSELF
ON THE MERCY OF THE COURT.
206
00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:17,368
REALLY.
207
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:20,505
DR. ALBRIGHT, WILL YOU
PLEASE APPROACH THIS BENCH?
208
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:28,746
YOU HAVE A VERY BIG BENCH.
209
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,882
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THIS LITTLE
CHARADE IS ABOUT.
210
00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:35,553
- WE'RE TRYING TO INFLUENCE YOU.
- SERGEANT, PLEASE REMOVE
THAT WOMAN.
211
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:39,290
DOESN'T HE KNOW WHO YOU ARE?
YOU HAVE A GUN, DON!
USE IT!
212
00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:44,628
DR. ALBRIGHT, YOU HAVE
INFLUENCED THIS COURT.
213
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:46,997
- REALLY?
- I AM FINING YOU
THE FULL AMOUNT
214
00:12:46,999 --> 00:12:48,999
PLUS COURT COSTS
215
00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:52,837
PLUS $500 FOR CONTEMPT.
NEXT.
216
00:12:52,839 --> 00:12:54,472
- BUT, YOUR HONOR--
- NEXT.
217
00:12:57,611 --> 00:12:59,611
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
218
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:02,947
THE ONE TIME THAT I CAN HELP
THE WOMAN I LOVE, AND YOUR
FRIEND DON FALLS THROUGH!
219
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:05,216
IT WAS JUST AN IRONIC
TWIST OF FATE.
DON'T BLAME DON.
220
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,819
I DON'T WANT YOU HANGING
AROUND THAT POLICE STATION
ANY MORE, YOU HEAR ME?
221
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:10,454
- FINE, I'LL GO TO HIS PLACE.
- OH, NO, YOU WON'T.
222
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:14,425
- OH, YES, I WILL!
- YOU HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU YET.
223
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:17,328
OH, UH, HEY,
MRS. DUBCEK,
WOULD YOU MIND--
224
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:22,433
( gasps )
MY GOD, SHE'S DEAD!
225
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:27,539
OH, WHAT IS IT?
OH, HER.
226
00:13:27,541 --> 00:13:31,342
- SHE'S NOT DEAD.
- BUT SHE'S COLD.
SHE'S NOT BREATHING.
227
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:33,777
OH, YOU GUYS.
SHE'S FINE.
228
00:13:33,779 --> 00:13:35,913
SHE DRANK THE POTION.
229
00:13:35,915 --> 00:13:38,716
THE SLEEPING POTION?
FROM ROMEO AND JULIET?
230
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:42,620
WELL, GUESS WE CAN TAKE HER
DOWNSTAIRS UNTIL SHE COMES TO.
231
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:45,356
HERE, HARRY, GET HER FEET.
SALLY, HELP WITH THE DOOR.
232
00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:49,860
Woman:
HI, BABY, IT'S US!
233
00:13:49,862 --> 00:13:52,931
- All: HI!
- GET HER INSIDE!
GET HER INSIDE!
234
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:55,666
- WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE?
- OH, WELL, UM,
235
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,968
IT'S DIANE
AND HER HUSBAND
AND JIMMY,
236
00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:00,171
AN OLD FLAME
COMING BACK FOR MORE.
237
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:04,008
THIS IS JUST GREAT!
DIDN'T YOU MAKE
AN ANTIDOTE?
238
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,610
HMM, IS THERE ONE
IN THE PLAY?
239
00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:10,281
IF THEY SEE HER LIKE THIS,
THE SPIT IS REALLY
GONNA HIT THE FAN.
240
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:13,250
- WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
- WAIT! I HAVE
A BRILLIANT IDEA.
241
00:14:13,252 --> 00:14:16,688
HARRY, DID YOU KNOW
THAT IN A THEATER
OF SHAKESPEARE'S DAY
242
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,756
- THE WOMEN'S ROLES
WERE PLAYED BY MEN?
- REALLY?
243
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:21,225
YEAH, AND THEY
ALSO TIED UP BEARS
AND THREW ROCKS AT 'EM.
244
00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:23,928
( exclaims )
245
00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:26,864
IT'S THE ROLE
OF A LIFETIME, HARRY,
AN ACTOR'S DREAM.
246
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,967
- COME ON, LET'S GET HER
IN THE BATHROOM.
- I DON'T WANT TO!
247
00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:33,872
DICK, YOU CAN'T PASS
HARRY OFF AS MRS. DUBCEK!
THEY'LL KNOW!
248
00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,741
AH! YOU FORGET,
THEY HAVEN'T SEEN HER
IN OVER 10 YEARS.
249
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,343
- BESIDES, HARRY HAS
A SECRET WEAPON.
- WHAT?
250
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:41,545
A GREAT DIRECTOR!
251
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:44,449
HELLO?
ANYBODY HOME?
252
00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:47,751
UH, NO, NOBODY'S HERE.
WHY DON'T WE GO INTO
THE LIVING ROOM, OKAY?
253
00:14:47,753 --> 00:14:49,853
YEAH, THIS WAY. RIGHT,
MOVE ALONG. FASTER.
254
00:14:49,855 --> 00:14:51,956
( chuckling )
OKAY, RIGHT THERE.
255
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:54,792
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SEAT,
MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE?
256
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:56,794
I CAN'T BELIEVE
SHE GOT SOMEBODY
257
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:59,830
TO PAY RENT
FOR THIS CRAP-HOLE.
258
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:02,133
- YEAH, EVERY MONTH.
- YEAH,
259
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:04,502
- AND WE JUST LOVE
MRS. DUBCEK.
- OHH.
260
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:07,538
EVEN MORE
SINCE THE ACCIDENT.
261
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,474
- ( shaver buzzing )
- “ACCIDENT”?
262
00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:13,177
YES.
CHANGED HER,
CONSIDERABLY.
263
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:15,480
UH, AND, UH,
SHE REFUSED
264
00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:18,148
THE ESTROGEN THERAPY.
265
00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:21,285
BUT DON'T MENTION IT TO HER.
SHE'S VERY SENSITIVE.
266
00:15:21,287 --> 00:15:23,554
- IS THERE A BATHROOM AROUND--
- Both: NO!
267
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:26,991
- WE USE THE ONE
AT THE GAS STATION.
- YEAH.
268
00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:30,194
EXCUSE ME.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
TALK TO THEM.
269
00:15:30,196 --> 00:15:34,198
Sally:
WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?
WHOA, MAMA!
270
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,366
Dick:
DO YOU MIND? AN ACTOR
NEEDS TIME TO PREPARE.
271
00:15:36,368 --> 00:15:39,003
Harry:
DICK, I DON'T THINK
I CAN DO THIS.
272
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:41,739
Dick:
SHOW TIME!
NOW, LET'S GO.
273
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,741
OH, AND HARRY,
REMEMBER,
274
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:46,143
YOU'RE GOING OUT THERE
A YOUNGSTER, BUT YOU'RE
COMING BACK A STAR!
275
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:48,079
NOW, LET'S GO.
276
00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:07,664
MAMIE, HONEY!
277
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,735
WELL,
278
00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:14,038
I SEE YOU'VE MET
MY TENANTS.
279
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,741
OH, UH, WE LOVE
MRS. DUBCEK.
280
00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:20,811
- HI, MAMIE.
- LOVELY TATTOO.
VERY NICE.
281
00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:25,315
I DON'T BLAME YOU
FOR BEING DISTANT,
282
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:27,451
NOT AFTER WHAT
WE WENT THROUGH.
283
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:29,453
SHE AND JIMMY
USED TO BE ENGAGED.
284
00:16:29,455 --> 00:16:31,822
OH, YOU'RE JIMMY!
285
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:35,059
SHE MENTIONED YOU
JUST THE OTHER EVENING.
286
00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:38,596
I JUST WANTED
TO SAY THANKS
287
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,332
FOR KICKING ME OUT
ALL THOSE YEARS AGO.
288
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:44,468
THAT WAS THE WAKE-UP CALL
THAT FINALLY GOT ME
OFF THE SAUCE.
289
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:46,136
- AWW!
- THAT'S SO SWEET.
290
00:16:46,138 --> 00:16:47,404
FORGIVE ME?
291
00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:50,274
SURE.
292
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,750
STOP IT, STOP IT,
STOP IT!
293
00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:04,721
- ( groans )
- UH, UH--
294
00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:08,059
I'M SORRY.
SHE HAD SOMETHING
CRAWLING UP HER CHIN.
295
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:10,361
WHY DON'T YOU ALL
GO DOWNSTAIRS
296
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,363
AND, UH, GET
REACQUAINTED?
297
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,865
MRS. DUBCEK,
THERE WE ARE.
298
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:18,536
BYE, BYE, NOW.
BYE, BYE.
BYE, BYE, NOW.
299
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,538
MANHANDLE ME AGAIN,
300
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,673
AND YOU'LL ANSWER
TO JIMMY.
301
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:32,350
WE ARE BREATHING,
WE ARE BREATHING.
302
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:34,752
- ( inhaling )
- ALL RIGHT!
303
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:37,488
WHICH ONE OF YOU
JAMOKES IS SOLOMON?
304
00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:41,793
- THAT WOULD BE I.
- YOU'RE OUT.
305
00:17:41,795 --> 00:17:44,829
- OUT? WHO ARE YOU?
- I'M COACH MAFFERTY.
306
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:46,831
MY WIFE'S WITH THE P.T.A.
307
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:49,066
AND THERE'S A LOT OF
COMPLAINTS THAT THESE KIDS
ARE COMING HOME
308
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:52,169
WITH LOW SELF-ESTEEM,
AND THEY'RE WETTING THEIR BEDS
AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
309
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:55,840
- SO YOU'RE LOOKING
AT THE NEW DIRECTOR!
- THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.
310
00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:58,576
- SORRY, SPIELBERG,
YOU'RE OUT.
- ( cheering softly )
311
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,212
NO, NO.
DO NOT WEEP FOR ME.
312
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:03,780
I HUMBLY QUIT THE STAGE.
313
00:18:03,782 --> 00:18:06,451
NO, NO,
NO TEARS.
314
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,986
THE THEATER IS
A CRUEL MISTRESS.
315
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:12,122
ADIEU, ADIEU.
REMEMBER ME.
316
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:16,160
( blowing whistle )
OKAY, KIDS,
LET'S HUDDLE UP.
317
00:18:18,031 --> 00:18:21,565
LET'S BACK IT UP TO,
“I PRAY YOU, GOOD MERCUTIO,
LET'S RETIRE.”
318
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:23,568
OKAY, NOW, WHO'S
PLAYING MERCUTIO?
319
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:26,537
UH, COACH MAFFERTY,
IF I MAY,
320
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:29,774
I THINK THERE
IS SOMEONE HERE
WHO CAN PLAY MERCUTIO.
321
00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:36,013
AAH!
I AM HURT!
322
00:18:36,015 --> 00:18:39,517
AYE, AYE,
A SCRATCH, A SCRATCH.
323
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:42,386
MARRIAGE IS ENOUGH.
'TWILL SERVE.
324
00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:44,989
ASK FOR ME TOMORROW
AND YOU WILL FIND ME
325
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:48,258
A GRAVE
( low register )
MAN.
326
00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:53,363
ROMEO,
BRAVE MERCUTIO
IS DEAD.
327
00:18:53,365 --> 00:18:55,465
A PLAGUE O'
BOTH YOUR HOUSES,
328
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,534
FOR THEY HAVE MADE
WORMS' MEAT...
329
00:18:57,536 --> 00:18:59,770
OF ME-E-E!
330
00:19:02,075 --> 00:19:03,874
- ROMEO--
- I HAVE IT,
331
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:06,310
AND SOUNDLY TOO.
332
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:09,847
YOUR... HOUSES!
333
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,782
( coughing )
334
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:17,988
I'M DEAD NOW.
335
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:33,704
WELL, HERE IT IS--
THE REVIEW IN MY
HIGH SCHOOL PAPER.
336
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:37,675
THE REVIEW?
( reading quickly )
337
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,677
AH, AH, AH.
338
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,980
“DICK SOLOMON'S
OVER-THE-TOP
PERFORMANCE
339
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:48,152
GAVE NEW MEANING
TO THE WORD 'TRAGEDY.'"
340
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:53,691
I HAVE REDEFINED
MY ART,
341
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,993
- AND SO I RETIRE.
- NO!
342
00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:58,596
NO, NO, PLEASE, PLEASE.
TO GO ANY FURTHER WOULD
JEOPARDIZE THE MISSION.
343
00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:01,365
TOMMY, HANG UP
MY CODPIECE.
344
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:05,036
DICK, I'M NOT YOUR
PROP LACKEY ANYMORE.
345
00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:09,006
BESIDES, AS OF NEXT MONTH,
YOUR CODPIECE TURNS INTO
SANCHO PANZA'S HAT.
346
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,410
I WONDER
WHAT DON'S DOING?
347
00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:16,547
“DON.” I NEVER WANT
TO HEAR THE NAME “DON”
MENTIONED IN THIS HOUSE AGAIN.
348
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,549
NOW, THAT'S
AN ORDER!
349
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,484
- HI, THERE.
- ( all gasp )
350
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:24,755
WHAT AM I DOING
ON THE ROOF?
351
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:27,458
YOU KNOW, WE WERE
ABOUT TO ASK YOU
THE SAME THING.
352
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:31,161
- YEAH.
- YOU SHOULD BE INSIDE.
MRS. DUBCEK, LET US HELP YOU.
353
00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:36,033
OH, DON, DON.
354
00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:39,069
WHY SHOULD THE NAME “DON”
MAKE DICK SO ANGRY?
355
00:20:40,172 --> 00:20:43,307
- Don: SALLY.
- WHO'S THERE?
356
00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:47,010
I WOULD TELL YOU,
BUT MY NAME IS SO
OFFENSIVE TO YOUR FAMILY
357
00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:49,013
I DARE NOT
SPEAK IT ALOUD.
358
00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:51,015
DON, IF THEY FOUND YOU,
359
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:52,749
THERE'S NO TELLING
WHAT THEY'D DO TO YOU.
360
00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:55,286
I'M OKAY.
I HAVE NIGHT'S CLOAK
361
00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:57,688
TO HIDE ME
FROM THEIR EYES.
362
00:20:57,690 --> 00:21:00,691
AND IF THOU LOVE ME,
LET THEM FIND ME HERE.
363
00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:03,627
MY LIFE WERE BETTER
ENDED BY THEIR HATE,
364
00:21:03,629 --> 00:21:05,762
THAN DEATH PROLONGED
365
00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:09,133
WANTING OF THY LOVE.
366
00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:11,535
WOW, THAT'S
SO ROMANTIC.
367
00:21:11,537 --> 00:21:13,971
AH, WELL,
368
00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:15,906
I WROTE IT MYSELF.
369
00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:24,749
I'VE ASKED YOU BACK HERE
FOR A REASON.
370
00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:28,085
YOU SEEM LIKE AN INTELLIGENT
WOMAN, SO I'M GOING TO
MAKE YOU AN OFFER.
371
00:21:28,087 --> 00:21:31,622
I WILL LOWER THE FINES,
REMOVE THE CONTEMPT CHARGE,
372
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:35,059
AND ELIMINATE
THE COURT COSTS
ON ONE CONDITION--
373
00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:37,761
YOU HAVE TO PROMISE ME
THAT YOU WILL SPEND
374
00:21:37,763 --> 00:21:40,864
THE WEEKEND WITH ME
AT A HOTEL IN CHICAGO.
375
00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:45,602
- THE AMBASSADOR EAST?
- THE SHERATON.
376
00:21:47,406 --> 00:21:49,340
NO.