1
00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:07,305
HMM. I MADE THE FRONT PAGE
OF THE DAILY BADGERIAN AGAIN.
2
00:00:07,307 --> 00:00:09,407
WHAT'S IT SAY?
3
00:00:09,409 --> 00:00:13,445
“PHYSICS PROFESSOR
CALLS EINSTEIN 'IDIOT...'
4
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:17,782
PROCLAIMS SELF
MUCH SMARTER.”
5
00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:22,053
- SOMETHING SMELLS DIVINE.
- IT'S ME.
6
00:00:22,055 --> 00:00:24,189
I JUST KNOW
IT'S ME.
7
00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:26,925
( thunder rumbling )
8
00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:32,064
- OOH, LOOK AT THOSE CLOUDS.
- THAT ONE LOOKS LIKE ME.
9
00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:35,200
SO DOES THAT ONE.
10
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:38,670
THAT ONE MAKES ME
LOOK FAT.
11
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:40,939
THAT ONE LOOKS
LIKE A POODLE--
12
00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:43,174
A DARK,
MENACING POODLE.
13
00:00:43,176 --> 00:00:45,510
YEAH, IT'S WHEEZING
LIGHTNING.
14
00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:49,214
- I THINK WE SHOULD GO IN.
- YEAH.
15
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,316
HARRY?
YOU COMING?
16
00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:54,119
- YEAH, JUST A SEC.
- DON'T BE LONG.
17
00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:57,655
HEY! THAT CLOUD LOOKS
LIKE A GIANT FUNNEL
18
00:00:57,657 --> 00:01:01,159
WITH MOBILE HOMES
STUCK IN IT.
19
00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:03,195
OH, LOOK!
A FLYING COW!
20
00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:13,304
WHOA!
21
00:01:13,306 --> 00:01:15,674
DICK!
22
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,684
WHERE AM I?
23
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:31,222
WHO AM I?
24
00:01:31,224 --> 00:01:33,258
( '50s rock music playing )
25
00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:10,195
MARY! YOU'RE HERE.
I DIDN'T SEE YOUR CAR.
26
00:02:10,197 --> 00:02:13,665
- I HAVE A NEW PARKING SPACE.
- REALLY? WHERE?
27
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,235
- THERE.
- WHERE?
28
00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:19,538
- THERE.
- WHOO!
29
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:22,174
- WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- IT'S RIGHT THERE.
30
00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:25,710
IN FRONT OF THE BUILDING.
I CAN ALMOST SMELL YOUR
LITTLE PINE TREE.
31
00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:29,347
- YEAH, IT'S A GREAT
SPACE, ISN'T IT?
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
32
00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:31,383
THE UNIVERSITY SHOULD
HAVE OFFERED IT
TO ME FIRST.
33
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,451
I'M THE STAR
OF THE FACULTY.
34
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:36,788
I'M THE ONE WHOSE BRAIN
EVERYONE WANTS TO
DISSECT FOR SCIENCE.
35
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:39,624
RIGHT,
FOR SCIENCE.
36
00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:41,927
- I DESERVE IT!
- I HAVE TENURE!
37
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:44,296
OH, TENURE!
38
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:47,099
I SUPPOSE IF SOMEONE
STICKS AROUND A THIRD-RATE
UNIVERSITY LONG ENOUGH,
39
00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:50,268
THEY'D HAVE TO RECOGNIZE
HER LACK OF DRIVE SOMEHOW.
40
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:53,705
- DICK, YOU'RE OVERREACTING.
- I'M NOT OVERREACTING.
41
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:56,241
OVERREACTING WOULD BE GOING
STRAIGHT TO THE PRESIDENT
OF THE UNIVERSITY
42
00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:58,310
AND TELLING HIM
EXACTLY HOW I FEEL.
43
00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,512
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- STRAIGHT TO THE PRESIDENT
OF THE UNIVERSITY
44
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,215
- AND TELLING HIM
EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!
- DICK, IT'S A PARKING SPACE!
45
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,250
- YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A CHILD.
- NUH-UH!
46
00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:07,219
- YEAH-HUH!
- ( blows raspberry )
47
00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:15,860
SIT DOWN.
TELL ME WHAT'S
ON YOUR MIND.
48
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,963
PRESIDENT DEWEY,
A GREAT INJUSTICE
HAS BEEN COMMITTED.
49
00:03:18,965 --> 00:03:21,866
OH? HAVE I BEEN
INDICTED?
50
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,901
WORSE. I DON'T LIKE
MY PARKING SPACE.
51
00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:26,705
- YES, THAT IS TROUBLESOME.
- I WAS THINKING OF SOMETHING
52
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,740
ALONG THE LINES
OF G-34.
53
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,009
NOW, THAT'S A GOOD SPOT.
I LIKE THAT SPOT.
54
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,678
AND YOU'RE A GOOD MAN.
I LIKE YOU.
55
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:36,214
- WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
- WELL--
56
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,283
- THE SPACE.
- OH, SORRY.
57
00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:40,319
THAT'S FOR TENURED
PERSONNEL ONLY.
58
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,454
THEN I ORDER YOU TO GIVE ME
AN EVEN CLOSER SPOT.
59
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:44,990
- DICK, I'M GONNA
DO YOU A FAVOR.
- YOU'RE GIVING ME THE SPACE?
60
00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:48,526
- NO, I'M GONNA
TELL YOU A STORY.
- CAN'T YOU SEE I'M UPSET?
61
00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:51,062
YOU'RE RIGHT, I'M GOING
TO LET YOU DO WHATEVER
YOU THINK IS RIGHT.
62
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,798
WELL, THEN, I--
I'M GOING TO
TAKE THE SPACE.
63
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:57,202
SORRY, NO CAN DO.
CIGAR?
64
00:03:57,204 --> 00:04:00,071
I'M WARNING YOU,
EITHER YOU GIVE ME
THAT SPACE OR I QUIT!
65
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,073
AH, I UNDERSTAND.
66
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,209
- WHAT SPACE ARE YOU IN NOW?
- X-17. WHY?
67
00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:07,379
'CAUSE I'M GIVING THAT
TO MY SECRETARY.
BYE, DICK.
68
00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:15,220
ALL RIGHT, FOR STARTERS,
LOOKS LIKE THE STORM
KNOCKED OFF SOME SHINGLES.
69
00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:18,323
- YOU LOSE ANYTHING ELSE?
- I DON'T KNOW. LIKE WHAT?
70
00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:19,924
- DID YOU HAVE
ANY GUTTERS?
- NO.
71
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,426
- SCREENS?
- NO.
72
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,927
- ANTENNAS?
- NO.
73
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,797
DIRECT SATELLITE TV?
74
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:28,400
YES.
75
00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:31,336
UM, EXCUSE ME.
76
00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:35,673
UM, IS THIS
417 PENSDALE ROAD?
77
00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:38,844
- YEAH.
- ARE YOU MY WIFE?
78
00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:42,914
- NO.
- AH. GOOD.
79
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:46,451
HARRY, YOU'RE BACK!
80
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:49,487
OH, WE WERE SO
WORRIED ABOUT YOU!
81
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:51,989
WHOA!
ARE YOU MY WIFE?
82
00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:56,193
YEAH, RIGHT.
83
00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:00,331
HARRY, WE HAVE BEEN
LOOKING ALL OVER
FOR YOU.
84
00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:02,734
- GEEZ, HARRY, YOU'RE A MESS.
- WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
85
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,736
WELL, I'M NOT SURE.
86
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:07,739
MY MIND'S
A COMPLETE BLANK.
87
00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,841
- SO THEN YOU'RE FINE.
- YEAH.
88
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:12,044
THAT'S A RELIEF, HONEY.
YOU GO WATCH YOUR STORIES.
89
00:05:12,046 --> 00:05:13,978
I'LL MAKE YOU
SOME TOAST.
90
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:18,282
NO SOFA?
THAT'S WEIRD.
91
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:26,791
MMM. HIGH COMMANDER'S
LOG BOOK.
92
00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:29,427
WELL, THIS SOUNDS
INTERESTING.
93
00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:31,429
JANUARY 9th.
94
00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:33,831
WE HAVE SUCCESSFULLY
ASSUMED HUMAN FORM
95
00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:35,833
AND HAVE TRICKED
THE EARTHLINGS
INTO THINKING
96
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,868
THAT WE ARE
OF THEIR SPECIES.
97
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:49,046
OH, MY GOD!
98
00:05:49,048 --> 00:05:51,116
THEY'RE ALIENS!
99
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,587
♪ LA, LA, LA. ♪
100
00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,924
- YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.
- NOPE. I DID IT--
101
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:02,894
WALKED OFF THE JOB,
STUCK IT TO THE MAN,
102
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:06,130
TOLD HIM TO KISS
MY HAIRY POLENTA.
103
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:08,800
- BYE NOW!
- YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
104
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:12,003
I COULDN'T BE MORE SERIOUS.
PLEASE, PASS ME MR. POTATO MAN.
105
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,674
- WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
- BECAUSE IT'S NOT FAIR.
106
00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:20,579
- WELL, LIFE ISN'T FAIR.
- YOU COULD REMEDY THAT, MARY,
BY GIVING ME THE SPACE.
107
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:23,381
- THAT WOULDN'T BE FAIR TO ME.
- WELL, LIFE ISN'T FAIR.
YOU SAID SO YOURSELF.
108
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,317
- LET IT GO, DICK.
- FINE!
109
00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:28,853
UH, THAT'S
UNIVERSITY PROPERTY.
110
00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:32,990
WELL, THEY SHOULD HAVE
THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE
GIVING AWAY MY PARKING SPACE.
111
00:06:32,992 --> 00:06:36,327
- WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO NOW?
- OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.
112
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:39,864
I GIVE DEWEY ABOUT 10 MINUTES
BEFORE HE COMES CRAWLING
BACK TO ME.
113
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:41,932
UH--
114
00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:46,738
NINA, CAN YOU HELP ME
WITH THE WATER COOLER?
115
00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:06,124
Sally:
DICK. DICK!
116
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,793
YOU HAVE BEEN
SITTING THERE
FOR 10 DAYS.
117
00:07:08,795 --> 00:07:11,929
FOR THE LAST TIME,
THE UNIVERSITY'S
NOT GONNA CALL.
118
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,532
OH, THEY'LL CALL.
119
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:16,901
THEY'LL CALL.
AND WHEN THEY DO,
120
00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:21,473
THIS PHONE IS GONNA
REALLY, REALLY RING.
121
00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:25,777
I JUST WONDER WHETHER IT'S
WORTH GETTING ALL MESHUGA
OVER A PARKING SPACE.
122
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,346
DICK, I HATE TO INTERRUPT
THE CREEP-FEST,
123
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:31,816
BUT WOULD YOU STOP THINKING
OF YOURSELF FOR A MINUTE
AND THINK OF THE MISSION?
124
00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:34,919
OH, MY GOD,
THEY'RE ON A MISSION.
125
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,988
I AM THE MISSION!
126
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:40,591
WE CAME TO THIS PITIFUL
PLANET TO EXPERIENCE
THE HUMAN CONDITION,
127
00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:43,361
AND FROM ALL
THAT I CAN ASCERTAIN,
THE HUMAN CONDITION REQUIRES
128
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:47,631
NOTHING MORE THAN COMPLETE
AND UTTER SOLIPSISTIC
SELF-ABSORPTION!
129
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:50,568
AND YOU CAN INCLUDE THAT
IN YOUR NEXT TRANSMISSION
TO THE YOU-KNOW-WHO.
130
00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:52,737
UH, WHO?
131
00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:55,707
THE BIG, GIANT HEAD!
HAVEN'T YOU BEEN
LISTENING?
132
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:59,611
OH, THE BIG,
GIANT, HEAD...
133
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,319
THANK YOU FOR
SEEING ME, FATHER.
134
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:11,322
I... DIDN'T KNOW
WHERE ELSE TO TURN.
135
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,391
WELL, THAT'S...
136
00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:15,627
WHY THEY PAY ME
THE BIG BUCKS, YOU KNOW?
137
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:20,165
FATHER, IF SOMEONE--
138
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,934
SAY, A FAMILY MEMBER--
HAD HELPED YOU,
139
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:24,970
CARED FOR YOU,
GIVEN YOU SHELTER,
140
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:27,471
AND YOU KNEW SOMETHING
TERRIBLE ABOUT THEM,
141
00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:30,275
IT'D BE OKAY TO TURN THEM
OVER TO THE AUTHORITIES
142
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:33,111
FOR DISSECTION,
WOULDN'T IT?
143
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:37,248
- ARE THEY DANGEROUS?
- I DON'T KNOW!
144
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:41,719
I'M SO ALONE
AND CONFUSED!
145
00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:44,923
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
146
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:48,459
THERE'S SOMEONE UP THERE
WHO'S WATCHING OVER
EVERYTHING YOU DO...
147
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:51,963
AT ALL TIMES.
148
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:54,131
- THERE IS?
- MM-HMM.
149
00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:57,602
IS THIS PERSON CALLED
“THE BIG, GIANT HEAD”?
150
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:03,341
- HE GOES BY MANY NAMES.
- AND YOU KNOW HIM?
151
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,710
KNOW HIM?
I WORK FOR HIM.
( chuckling )
152
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,216
I SEE.
153
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,985
- WELL, THANK YOU
FOR YOUR TIME.
- IT'S FUNNY--
154
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:22,394
OH, MY GOD!
155
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:24,796
THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!
156
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:33,438
WE'RE OUT OF CEREAL.
157
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,742
WE'RE OUT OF MILK.
158
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,778
WE'RE OUT OF MONEY.
159
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:42,780
NO MILK?
WHAT AM I GONNA
USE IN MY COFFEE?
160
00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:45,850
NO PROBLEM.
WE'RE OUT OF COFFEE TOO.
161
00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:49,187
HARRY KEEPS DRINKING IT.
IT'S LIKE HE'S AFRAID
TO GO TO SLEEP.
162
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:52,290
HARRY?
HARRY, COME IN HERE.
163
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,892
- ARE YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT?
- FINE. I'M FINE.
164
00:09:54,894 --> 00:09:57,728
WHEN I'M FINE, I'M FINE.
HOW ARE YOU?
'CAUSE I'M FINE.
165
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,600
TOMMY, GO TUCK HARRY IN BED.
SEE THAT HE GETS SOME SLEEP.
166
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,869
NO! NO, NO.
167
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:06,805
NO, I'M FINE.
168
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:13,144
WELL, I GUESS THIS
HAS BEEN KIND OF TOUGH
ON ALL OF US.
169
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:16,181
DICK, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST APOLOGIZE
AND GET YOUR JOB BACK?
170
00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:19,150
APOLOGIZE?
SHOULD THE VENUS DE MILO
171
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:22,854
APOLOGIZE TO THE THUG
WHO BROKE ITS ARMS OFF?
NO!
172
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,056
SHOULD THE SPHINX APOLOGIZE
TO THE DESERT WINDS
173
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:27,458
FOR ERODING ITS NOSE?
NO!
174
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,493
SHOULD JIM CARREY
APOLOGIZE TO AMERICA
175
00:10:29,495 --> 00:10:31,629
FOR THE CABLE GUY?
176
00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:40,671
PERHAPS.
177
00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:43,741
NO, I'M NOT GONNA
APOLOGIZE. I CAN PLAY
THEIR WAITING GAME.
178
00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:46,544
YEAH, WELL, IF YOU WANT
TO PLAY THE EATING GAME,
YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.
179
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:49,214
OH, I PLAN TO.
I'M GONNA GET MYSELF
A NEW JOB,
180
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:51,015
A JOB WORTHY OF ME!
181
00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:52,583
OH, REALLY?
AND WHERE WOULD THAT BE?
182
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:55,720
IN AMERICA,
LAND OF OPPORTUNITY!
183
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,926
WELCOME TO RUSTY'S.
HOW MAY I SERVE YOU?
184
00:11:01,928 --> 00:11:04,729
- HOW DO YOU MAKE
YOUR BURGERS?
- EXCELLENT QUESTION.
185
00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:07,265
FIRST A CLAMP COMES DOWN
ONTO THE COW'S HEAD,
186
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:09,701
FORCING IT ONTO
A CONVEYOR BELT,
187
00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:12,503
WHERE A PROD IS INSERTED
INTO THE COW'S RECTUM,
188
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,972
ELECTROCUTING IT.
189
00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:17,909
- GIVE ME TWO.
- THANK YOU.
190
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,945
AND REMEMBER,
AT RUSTY'S,
191
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:23,114
E. COLI IS NOT
ON THE MENU.
192
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:26,150
STOP SAYING THAT!
193
00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:28,920
- WELCOME TO RUSTY'S.
- RUSTY BURGER
AND A MONSTER FRIES.
194
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:33,191
- VERY WELL.
- SOLOMON,
195
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:36,194
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ASK HIM
IF HE WANTS A FRIED
APPLE PIE WITH THAT.
196
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:39,264
BUT DOUGY, I CAN'T.
I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT HIM.
197
00:11:39,266 --> 00:11:41,533
THE RUSTY BURGER ALONE
IS ENOUGH TO GIVE HIM
A CORONARY.
198
00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:44,002
THE FRIED PIE WILL BE
THE DEATH BLOW!
199
00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:47,572
LOOK, I DIDN'T GO
TO HAMBURGER COLLEGE
TO TAKE CRAP FROM YOU.
200
00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:50,809
HAMBURGER COLLEGE.
201
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:54,078
THEY'RE NOT BY CHANCE
LOOKING FOR A PHYSICS
PROFESSOR, ARE THEY?
202
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,514
IT'S A HAMBURGER SCHOOL!
203
00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,549
ONCE AGAIN, I FIND
MYSELF AT THE MERCY
204
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,452
OF SOMEONE I WOULDN'T
LET PICK MY NOSE.
205
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:05,189
I'M THE MOST QUALIFIED.
I'M THE SMARTEST.
I SHOULD BE RUNNING RUSTY'S!
206
00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:07,391
THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE OFF REGISTER.
207
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,527
REPORT IMMEDIATELY
TO THE DRIVE-THRU WINDOW.
208
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:12,630
DEMOTED?
DOUGY, NO!
209
00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:20,405
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
IF I COULD COME BACK
TO THE UNIVERSITY.
210
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:24,275
NO.
WELL, I AM DEEPLY HURT.
211
00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:29,080
I DON'T CARE
HOW MUCH YOU BEG.
I AM NOT COMING BACK.
212
00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:33,551
NO. NO.
213
00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:35,820
WELL, TO BE HONEST,
I'M ENTERTAINING
214
00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:38,322
SOME VERY INTERESTING OFFERS
EVEN AS WE SPEAK.
215
00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:44,295
WELL, YOU'D BETTER GET GOING,
DICK. YOU KNOW HOW DOUGY
HATES IT WHEN YOU'RE LATE.
216
00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:46,965
I'LL GO, AS SOON
AS I FIND MY HAT.
217
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,266
UH, YOU'RE WEARING
YOUR HAT.
218
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:51,469
DON'T... BE
RIDICULOUS.
219
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:54,138
DON'T YOU THINK I'D KNOW
IF I WERE WEARING
MY OWN HAT?
220
00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:56,507
AH!
THERE IT IS.
221
00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:58,643
YES, OPERATOR,
222
00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:02,280
YOU HAVE TO LISTEN
VERY CAREFULLY.
223
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:05,250
I'M AT 417 PENSDALE ROAD,
224
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:08,319
AND I'M SURROUNDED
BY ALIENS.
225
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:13,458
I NEED TO TALK
TO THE PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES.
226
00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:17,795
YEAH, I KNOW I NEED HELP.
THAT'S WHY I'M CALLING.
227
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,964
HELLO.
228
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:22,066
- HELLO?
- ( dial tone )
229
00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:24,001
HELLO?
230
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:28,506
THEY'VE GOTTEN TO
THE PHONE COMPANY TOO.
231
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,949
THANK YOU FOR
MAKING RUSTY'S
A PART OF YOUR DAY.
232
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:48,592
HELLO, BUG, PITMAN.
233
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:50,628
WELCOME TO RUSTY'S.
HOW MAY I SERVE YOU?
234
00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:52,863
WE JUST WANTED TO COME IN
AND SEE IF YOU WERE REALLY
235
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:55,532
FLIPPIN' PATTIES
IN THE HAMBURGER
FREAK-OUT WARD.
236
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:57,768
YOU INSOLENT
LITTLE TWERPS!
I SHOULD--
237
00:13:57,770 --> 00:14:00,804
WELL, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?
A CUSTOMER SATISFACTION CARD.
238
00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:02,806
MMM!
239
00:14:02,808 --> 00:14:06,410
“RATE THE PERFORMANCE
OF YOUR SERVER.”
240
00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:08,412
Both: “F.”
241
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:10,981
THANK YOU FOR
MAKING RUSTY'S
A PART OF YOUR DAY.
242
00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:21,426
SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREAT MINDS
OF RUTHERFORD GO WHEN THEY'RE
FEELING UNDERAPPRECIATED?
243
00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,261
- HELLO, MARY.
- HELLO, DICK.
244
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:25,463
I SEE THEY'VE GOT YOU BACK
BEHIND THE REGISTER.
245
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:29,166
NO, I'M JUST COVERING FOR
MAURICE-- HE'S OUT BACK
HAVING A SMOKE.
246
00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:33,404
A MAN OF YOUR BRILLIANCE
QUITTING HIS JOB
247
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,707
OVER A STUPID
PARKING SPACE!
248
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:38,109
- IF IT'S SO STUPID,
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE IT TO ME?
- NEVER.
249
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,645
- AH-HA! SO YOU ADMIT
IT'S IMPORTANT.
- I ADMIT NOTHING.
250
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:42,647
GIVE ME A RUSTY DOG,
NO ONIONS.
251
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:44,582
( clears throat )
252
00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:49,620
WOULD YOU LIKE
A FRIED PIE WITH THAT?
253
00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:52,089
- YES.
- NO, MARY, DON'T DO IT!
254
00:14:52,091 --> 00:14:56,060
- GIVE ME THE PIE.
- MARY, YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE
LIFE AHEAD OF YOU!
255
00:14:56,062 --> 00:15:00,431
OH, DICK, WHY ARE YOU
DOING THIS TO YOURSELF?
CAN'T YOU JUST COME BACK?
256
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:03,033
NO, MARY.
I HAVE MY PRIDE!
257
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,107
SO YOU'RE WORKING
AT RUSTY'S.
258
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:13,043
YES, THEY HAVE SOME
WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITIES
FOR ADVANCEMENT HERE.
259
00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:16,580
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE FRY MAN
WHO USED TO WORK HERE
IS NOW A MULTIMILLIONAIRE?
260
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:20,851
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- HE LOST HIS ARM IN THE PATTY
PRESS AND GOT A GREAT LAWYER.
261
00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:27,959
ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN,
PREPARE YOURSELF
FOR A FANCY FEAST.
262
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:30,961
- FANCY FEAST?
CAN WE AFFORD THAT?
- YES, WE CAN.
263
00:15:30,963 --> 00:15:33,498
BECAUSE WHILE I WAS
SHOPPING TODAY, I FOUND
THIS AISLE IN THE BACK
264
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,733
THAT HAD THESE
UNBELIEVABLE SAVINGS--
265
00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:39,503
TUNA, LIVER,
AND NEW SEAFOOD BLEND
FOR YOU FINICKY TYPES.
266
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:44,308
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'RE FEEDING US CAT?
267
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:46,744
IT'S NOT CAT, TOMMY,
IT'S SALMON.
268
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:49,113
THERE'S JUST A PICTURE
OF A CAT ON THE LABEL.
269
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:52,616
THE BEST PART IS,
NEXT TO THE FOOD THEY HAD
THESE ADORABLE LITTLE GIFTS.
270
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:55,052
- LOOK.
- OH, OH, OH, OH, OH.
271
00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:01,926
I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER
IN MY LIFE!
272
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:05,362
I WAS PLAYING WITH IT TODAY,
AND IT GOT STUCK BEHIND
THE REFRIGERATOR,
273
00:16:05,364 --> 00:16:08,098
AND I WENT NUTS
TRYING TO GET IT!
274
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,677
HELLO? HELLO--
( screams )
275
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:27,085
I'VE BEEN AWAKE
FOR 16 DAYS.
276
00:16:28,754 --> 00:16:30,821
THAT MUST BE
A RECORD.
277
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,823
SO, I'VE GOT TO KNOW,
278
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,093
ARE YOU ONE OF THEM?
279
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:38,096
I'M JUST GOING TO STEP
OUT OF THIS CLOSET NOW.
280
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:40,098
( screams )
281
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,333
IF YOU ARE WHO
YOU SAY YOU ARE,
282
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:45,503
THEN WHO WON
THE WORLD SERIES
IN 1956?
283
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,972
HUH? HUH?
WHO? WHO?
HUH? HUH?
284
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:51,242
- I DON'T KNOW!
- I DON'T KNOW EITHER!
285
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:58,249
HA!
286
00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:01,385
OH, I SEE WHAT IT'S COME TO.
YOU'RE TOO GOOD
FOR A RUSTY'S MAN.
287
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:03,654
NO--
288
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:07,391
DICK, IT'S NOT WHAT
YOU THINK IT IS.
289
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:11,395
I'M NOT SURE
WHAT IT WAS.
290
00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:14,231
I ONLY CAME BY
TO TELL YOU THAT I SPOKE
WITH PRESIDENT DEWEY,
291
00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:17,568
- AND HE'S WILLING
TO MEET WITH YOU.
- NEVER! I HAVE MY PRIDE.
292
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,637
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, KEEP YOUR PRIDE.
293
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,040
SUFFER ALL YOU WANT.
BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?
294
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:26,109
- THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH MY FAMILY.
- YOUR SON IS EATING CAT FOOD!
295
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:30,181
Both:
CAT FOOD?
296
00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:32,916
( all gagging )
297
00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:41,692
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
298
00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:43,694
I'M BEGINNING TO WONDER
IF I WAS RASH,
299
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,696
QUITTING MY JOB
OVER A PARKING SPACE.
300
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,631
STOP WONDERING.
301
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:51,001
I CAN'T HELP THINKING
THAT IT WAS MY PRIDE
302
00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:53,003
THAT CLOUDED
MY JUDGMENT.
303
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:55,239
STOP THINKING.
IT DID.
304
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:58,509
WAS IT FOLLY
OR SHEER IDIOCY
THAT LED TO MY DOWNFALL?
305
00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:00,344
- FOLLY.
- IDIOCY.
306
00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:02,513
NO, I CHANGE MY VOTE
TO “IDIOCY.”
307
00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:05,616
( cat meows )
308
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:08,786
- HELLO, PRESIDENT DEWEY.
- HELLO, MARY.
309
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:12,055
DR. SOLOMON AND I--
DICK!
310
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,692
HELLO, PRESIDENT DEWEY.
311
00:18:15,694 --> 00:18:18,228
AND THANK YOU,
DR. ALBRIGHT,
FOR ANNOUNCING ME.
312
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,700
I BELIEVE YOU HAVE
SOMETHING TO SAY
TO PRESIDENT DEWEY.
313
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:27,038
I WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS
THE TERMS UNDER WHICH
I WILL RETURN TO PENDLETON.
314
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:30,641
- HE WANTS TO DROP
THE PARKING THING.
- THAT'S GOOD TO HEAR.
315
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:33,177
AND IN RETURN,
YOU WILL ADMIT
THAT YOU WERE WRONG
316
00:18:33,179 --> 00:18:36,314
AND THAT THIS UNIVERSITY
WAS FALLING APART
WITHOUT ME.
317
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:39,717
- OR NOT.
- WE'RE GETTING ALONG
VERY WELL WITHOUT YOU.
318
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:42,420
- THANK YOU AND GOOD-BYE.
- OH, NO.
319
00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:45,989
PRESIDENT DEWEY, DR. SOLOMON
IS AWARE OF HOW PATHETIC
HE'S BEEN OVER THE PAST--
320
00:18:45,991 --> 00:18:49,260
MARY--
MARY, MARY, MARY, MARY.
THIS IS BENEATH YOU.
321
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,262
WHY DON'T YOU WAIT OUTSIDE,
322
00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:53,897
AND I'LL SETTLE THIS
ON MY OWN TERMS, ALL RIGHT?
323
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,968
PLEASE!
324
00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,771
PLEASE TAKE ME BACK!
325
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:03,040
- SORRY, CAN'T DO IT.
- PLEASE! PLEASE!
326
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:05,343
I'LL DO ANYTHING!
JUST NAME IT!
327
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:08,412
- YOU CAN APOLOGIZE.
- YOU WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE?
328
00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:12,283
- YES.
- I'M SORRY,
I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!
329
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:14,418
FINE, YOU CAN
BEGIN TOMORROW.
330
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:16,920
IN MY NEW
PARKING SPOT?
331
00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:18,922
I'M SORRY,
I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!
332
00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:20,858
( sobbing )
333
00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:25,496
( kissing )
334
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:31,235
SO, DICK, ANY PROBLEMS
GETTING YOUR JOB BACK?
335
00:19:31,237 --> 00:19:32,670
ARE YOU KIDDING?
HE BEGGED ME.
336
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,873
WELL, HE DIDN'T
“BEG,” BEG,
337
00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:39,176
BUT IT WAS
CLEAR ENOUGH.
338
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,779
I TAKE IT
YOU DIDN'T GET
THE SPACE EITHER.
339
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:44,281
NOT THE “SPACE”"
SPACE.
340
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:46,984
- BUT YOU KNOW, I LEARNED
SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT.
- WHAT?
341
00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:50,020
THAT EVEN IF YOU'RE
THE HIGH COMMANDER
AND BRILLIANT,
342
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,556
THERE'S STILL TIME
FOR A LITTLE HUMILITY.
343
00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:55,159
- THANKFULLY, THAT TIME
IS NOW OVER.
- ( bell dings )
344
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:57,695
AH, DINNER!
345
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,663
LET'S EAT, HARRY.
346
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:02,233
DID YOU JUST SAY,
“LET'S EAT HARRY”?
347
00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:06,804
YEAH, WE'RE HUNGRY,
SO IT'S TIME TO EAT, HARRY.
348
00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:09,239
“EAT HARRY.”
349
00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:11,842
I SEE.
350
00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:14,078
COULD I JUST HAVE
A MOMENT, PLEASE?
351
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,547
WHATEVER.
352
00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:20,017
WOULD YOU HURRY IT UP?
I'M STARVING.
353
00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:22,820
- ( guttural gasp )
- ( thunder crashing )
354
00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:26,256
WHOA.
355
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:28,825
THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.
356
00:20:28,827 --> 00:20:31,962
( electricity crackling )
357
00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:45,709
MMM, MY FAVORITE!
358
00:20:45,711 --> 00:20:49,079
MEAT LOAF DELUXE-O.
359
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,081
WELL, HARRY,
WE HAVEN'T HAD THAT
360
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,150
SINCE DICK QUIT HIS JOB
THREE WEEKS AGO.
361
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:55,686
DICK QUIT HIS JOB?
362
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:57,955
YEAH, WHY DO YOU THINK
HE WAS WORKING AT RUSTY'S?
363
00:20:57,957 --> 00:21:00,224
DICK WAS WORKING
AT RUSTY'S?
364
00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:04,028
GEEZ, HARRY,
DON'T YOU KNOW
ANYTHING?
365
00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:06,030
NO.
ALL I KNOW IS,
366
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,265
I GOT A TRANSMITTER
IN MY HEAD
367
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,967
AND CHARLIE'S ANGELS
IS ON WEEKNIGHTS AT 7:00.
368
00:21:12,738 --> 00:21:15,406
OH, MY GOD!
IT'S 7:00 NOW!
369
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:17,541
( all exclaiming )
370
00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:19,610
( Charlie's Angels
theme playing )
371
00:21:24,517 --> 00:21:26,517
MMM, THANKS FOR
THE RIDE THIS MORNING.
372
00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:29,420
OH, I COULDN'T
LET YOU WALK.
IT'S POURING.
373
00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:37,027
- HOW'S YOUR NEW PARKING SPOT?
- AWFUL!
374
00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:40,331
MY HOUSE IS CLOSER.
DEWEY IS GONNA HEAR
ABOUT THIS.
375
00:21:40,333 --> 00:21:42,332
AND AFTER THAT,
FOR LUNCH, I'LL HAVE
376
00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:45,001
A RUSTY BURGER
WITH FRIES.
377
00:21:47,006 --> 00:21:48,973
ACTUALLY, IT'S NOT
SO BAD.