1 00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:07,305 HMM. I MADE THE FRONT PAGE OF THE DAILY BADGERIAN AGAIN. 2 00:00:07,307 --> 00:00:09,407 WHAT'S IT SAY? 3 00:00:09,409 --> 00:00:13,445 “PHYSICS PROFESSOR CALLS EINSTEIN 'IDIOT...' 4 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:17,782 PROCLAIMS SELF MUCH SMARTER.” 5 00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:22,053 - SOMETHING SMELLS DIVINE. - IT'S ME. 6 00:00:22,055 --> 00:00:24,189 I JUST KNOW IT'S ME. 7 00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:26,925 ( thunder rumbling ) 8 00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:32,064 - OOH, LOOK AT THOSE CLOUDS. - THAT ONE LOOKS LIKE ME. 9 00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:35,200 SO DOES THAT ONE. 10 00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:38,670 THAT ONE MAKES ME LOOK FAT. 11 00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:40,939 THAT ONE LOOKS LIKE A POODLE-- 12 00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:43,174 A DARK, MENACING POODLE. 13 00:00:43,176 --> 00:00:45,510 YEAH, IT'S WHEEZING LIGHTNING. 14 00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:49,214 - I THINK WE SHOULD GO IN. - YEAH. 15 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,316 HARRY? YOU COMING? 16 00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:54,119 - YEAH, JUST A SEC. - DON'T BE LONG. 17 00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:57,655 HEY! THAT CLOUD LOOKS LIKE A GIANT FUNNEL 18 00:00:57,657 --> 00:01:01,159 WITH MOBILE HOMES STUCK IN IT. 19 00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:03,195 OH, LOOK! A FLYING COW! 20 00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:13,304 WHOA! 21 00:01:13,306 --> 00:01:15,674 DICK! 22 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,684 WHERE AM I? 23 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:31,222 WHO AM I? 24 00:01:31,224 --> 00:01:33,258 ( '50s rock music playing ) 25 00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:10,195 MARY! YOU'RE HERE. I DIDN'T SEE YOUR CAR. 26 00:02:10,197 --> 00:02:13,665 - I HAVE A NEW PARKING SPACE. - REALLY? WHERE? 27 00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,235 - THERE. - WHERE? 28 00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:19,538 - THERE. - WHOO! 29 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:22,174 - WHAT'S THE MATTER? - IT'S RIGHT THERE. 30 00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:25,710 IN FRONT OF THE BUILDING. I CAN ALMOST SMELL YOUR LITTLE PINE TREE. 31 00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:29,347 - YEAH, IT'S A GREAT SPACE, ISN'T IT? - I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 32 00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:31,383 THE UNIVERSITY SHOULD HAVE OFFERED IT TO ME FIRST. 33 00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,451 I'M THE STAR OF THE FACULTY. 34 00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:36,788 I'M THE ONE WHOSE BRAIN EVERYONE WANTS TO DISSECT FOR SCIENCE. 35 00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:39,624 RIGHT, FOR SCIENCE. 36 00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:41,927 - I DESERVE IT! - I HAVE TENURE! 37 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:44,296 OH, TENURE! 38 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:47,099 I SUPPOSE IF SOMEONE STICKS AROUND A THIRD-RATE UNIVERSITY LONG ENOUGH, 39 00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:50,268 THEY'D HAVE TO RECOGNIZE HER LACK OF DRIVE SOMEHOW. 40 00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:53,705 - DICK, YOU'RE OVERREACTING. - I'M NOT OVERREACTING. 41 00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:56,241 OVERREACTING WOULD BE GOING STRAIGHT TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNIVERSITY 42 00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:58,310 AND TELLING HIM EXACTLY HOW I FEEL. 43 00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,512 - WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - STRAIGHT TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNIVERSITY 44 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,215 - AND TELLING HIM EXACTLY HOW I FEEL! - DICK, IT'S A PARKING SPACE! 45 00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,250 - YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A CHILD. - NUH-UH! 46 00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:07,219 - YEAH-HUH! - ( blows raspberry ) 47 00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:15,860 SIT DOWN. TELL ME WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND. 48 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,963 PRESIDENT DEWEY, A GREAT INJUSTICE HAS BEEN COMMITTED. 49 00:03:18,965 --> 00:03:21,866 OH? HAVE I BEEN INDICTED? 50 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,901 WORSE. I DON'T LIKE MY PARKING SPACE. 51 00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:26,705 - YES, THAT IS TROUBLESOME. - I WAS THINKING OF SOMETHING 52 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,740 ALONG THE LINES OF G-34. 53 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,009 NOW, THAT'S A GOOD SPOT. I LIKE THAT SPOT. 54 00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,678 AND YOU'RE A GOOD MAN. I LIKE YOU. 55 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:36,214 - WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND? - WELL-- 56 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,283 - THE SPACE. - OH, SORRY. 57 00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:40,319 THAT'S FOR TENURED PERSONNEL ONLY. 58 00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,454 THEN I ORDER YOU TO GIVE ME AN EVEN CLOSER SPOT. 59 00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:44,990 - DICK, I'M GONNA DO YOU A FAVOR. - YOU'RE GIVING ME THE SPACE? 60 00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:48,526 - NO, I'M GONNA TELL YOU A STORY. - CAN'T YOU SEE I'M UPSET? 61 00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:51,062 YOU'RE RIGHT, I'M GOING TO LET YOU DO WHATEVER YOU THINK IS RIGHT. 62 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,798 WELL, THEN, I-- I'M GOING TO TAKE THE SPACE. 63 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:57,202 SORRY, NO CAN DO. CIGAR? 64 00:03:57,204 --> 00:04:00,071 I'M WARNING YOU, EITHER YOU GIVE ME THAT SPACE OR I QUIT! 65 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,073 AH, I UNDERSTAND. 66 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,209 - WHAT SPACE ARE YOU IN NOW? - X-17. WHY? 67 00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:07,379 'CAUSE I'M GIVING THAT TO MY SECRETARY. BYE, DICK. 68 00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:15,220 ALL RIGHT, FOR STARTERS, LOOKS LIKE THE STORM KNOCKED OFF SOME SHINGLES. 69 00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:18,323 - YOU LOSE ANYTHING ELSE? - I DON'T KNOW. LIKE WHAT? 70 00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:19,924 - DID YOU HAVE ANY GUTTERS? - NO. 71 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,426 - SCREENS? - NO. 72 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,927 - ANTENNAS? - NO. 73 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,797 DIRECT SATELLITE TV? 74 00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:28,400 YES. 75 00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:31,336 UM, EXCUSE ME. 76 00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:35,673 UM, IS THIS 417 PENSDALE ROAD? 77 00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:38,844 - YEAH. - ARE YOU MY WIFE? 78 00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:42,914 - NO. - AH. GOOD. 79 00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:46,451 HARRY, YOU'RE BACK! 80 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:49,487 OH, WE WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU! 81 00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:51,989 WHOA! ARE YOU MY WIFE? 82 00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:56,193 YEAH, RIGHT. 83 00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:00,331 HARRY, WE HAVE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU. 84 00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:02,734 - GEEZ, HARRY, YOU'RE A MESS. - WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 85 00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,736 WELL, I'M NOT SURE. 86 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:07,739 MY MIND'S A COMPLETE BLANK. 87 00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,841 - SO THEN YOU'RE FINE. - YEAH. 88 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:12,044 THAT'S A RELIEF, HONEY. YOU GO WATCH YOUR STORIES. 89 00:05:12,046 --> 00:05:13,978 I'LL MAKE YOU SOME TOAST. 90 00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:18,282 NO SOFA? THAT'S WEIRD. 91 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:26,791 MMM. HIGH COMMANDER'S LOG BOOK. 92 00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:29,427 WELL, THIS SOUNDS INTERESTING. 93 00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:31,429 JANUARY 9th. 94 00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:33,831 WE HAVE SUCCESSFULLY ASSUMED HUMAN FORM 95 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:35,833 AND HAVE TRICKED THE EARTHLINGS INTO THINKING 96 00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,868 THAT WE ARE OF THEIR SPECIES. 97 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:49,046 OH, MY GOD! 98 00:05:49,048 --> 00:05:51,116 THEY'RE ALIENS! 99 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,587 ♪ LA, LA, LA. ♪ 100 00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,924 - YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING. - NOPE. I DID IT-- 101 00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:02,894 WALKED OFF THE JOB, STUCK IT TO THE MAN, 102 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:06,130 TOLD HIM TO KISS MY HAIRY POLENTA. 103 00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:08,800 - BYE NOW! - YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS. 104 00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:12,003 I COULDN'T BE MORE SERIOUS. PLEASE, PASS ME MR. POTATO MAN. 105 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,674 - WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? - BECAUSE IT'S NOT FAIR. 106 00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:20,579 - WELL, LIFE ISN'T FAIR. - YOU COULD REMEDY THAT, MARY, BY GIVING ME THE SPACE. 107 00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:23,381 - THAT WOULDN'T BE FAIR TO ME. - WELL, LIFE ISN'T FAIR. YOU SAID SO YOURSELF. 108 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,317 - LET IT GO, DICK. - FINE! 109 00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:28,853 UH, THAT'S UNIVERSITY PROPERTY. 110 00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:32,990 WELL, THEY SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE GIVING AWAY MY PARKING SPACE. 111 00:06:32,992 --> 00:06:36,327 - WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW? - OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. 112 00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:39,864 I GIVE DEWEY ABOUT 10 MINUTES BEFORE HE COMES CRAWLING BACK TO ME. 113 00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:41,932 UH-- 114 00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:46,738 NINA, CAN YOU HELP ME WITH THE WATER COOLER? 115 00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:06,124 Sally: DICK. DICK! 116 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,793 YOU HAVE BEEN SITTING THERE FOR 10 DAYS. 117 00:07:08,795 --> 00:07:11,929 FOR THE LAST TIME, THE UNIVERSITY'S NOT GONNA CALL. 118 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,532 OH, THEY'LL CALL. 119 00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:16,901 THEY'LL CALL. AND WHEN THEY DO, 120 00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:21,473 THIS PHONE IS GONNA REALLY, REALLY RING. 121 00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:25,777 I JUST WONDER WHETHER IT'S WORTH GETTING ALL MESHUGA OVER A PARKING SPACE. 122 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,346 DICK, I HATE TO INTERRUPT THE CREEP-FEST, 123 00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:31,816 BUT WOULD YOU STOP THINKING OF YOURSELF FOR A MINUTE AND THINK OF THE MISSION? 124 00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:34,919 OH, MY GOD, THEY'RE ON A MISSION. 125 00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,988 I AM THE MISSION! 126 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:40,591 WE CAME TO THIS PITIFUL PLANET TO EXPERIENCE THE HUMAN CONDITION, 127 00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:43,361 AND FROM ALL THAT I CAN ASCERTAIN, THE HUMAN CONDITION REQUIRES 128 00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:47,631 NOTHING MORE THAN COMPLETE AND UTTER SOLIPSISTIC SELF-ABSORPTION! 129 00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:50,568 AND YOU CAN INCLUDE THAT IN YOUR NEXT TRANSMISSION TO THE YOU-KNOW-WHO. 130 00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:52,737 UH, WHO? 131 00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:55,707 THE BIG, GIANT HEAD! HAVEN'T YOU BEEN LISTENING? 132 00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:59,611 OH, THE BIG, GIANT, HEAD... 133 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,319 THANK YOU FOR SEEING ME, FATHER. 134 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:11,322 I... DIDN'T KNOW WHERE ELSE TO TURN. 135 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,391 WELL, THAT'S... 136 00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:15,627 WHY THEY PAY ME THE BIG BUCKS, YOU KNOW? 137 00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:20,165 FATHER, IF SOMEONE-- 138 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,934 SAY, A FAMILY MEMBER-- HAD HELPED YOU, 139 00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:24,970 CARED FOR YOU, GIVEN YOU SHELTER, 140 00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:27,471 AND YOU KNEW SOMETHING TERRIBLE ABOUT THEM, 141 00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:30,275 IT'D BE OKAY TO TURN THEM OVER TO THE AUTHORITIES 142 00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:33,111 FOR DISSECTION, WOULDN'T IT? 143 00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:37,248 - ARE THEY DANGEROUS? - I DON'T KNOW! 144 00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:41,719 I'M SO ALONE AND CONFUSED! 145 00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:44,923 YOU ARE NOT ALONE. 146 00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:48,459 THERE'S SOMEONE UP THERE WHO'S WATCHING OVER EVERYTHING YOU DO... 147 00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:51,963 AT ALL TIMES. 148 00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:54,131 - THERE IS? - MM-HMM. 149 00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:57,602 IS THIS PERSON CALLED “THE BIG, GIANT HEAD”? 150 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:03,341 - HE GOES BY MANY NAMES. - AND YOU KNOW HIM? 151 00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,710 KNOW HIM? I WORK FOR HIM. ( chuckling ) 152 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,216 I SEE. 153 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,985 - WELL, THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. - IT'S FUNNY-- 154 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:22,394 OH, MY GOD! 155 00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:24,796 THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! 156 00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:33,438 WE'RE OUT OF CEREAL. 157 00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,742 WE'RE OUT OF MILK. 158 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,778 WE'RE OUT OF MONEY. 159 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:42,780 NO MILK? WHAT AM I GONNA USE IN MY COFFEE? 160 00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:45,850 NO PROBLEM. WE'RE OUT OF COFFEE TOO. 161 00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:49,187 HARRY KEEPS DRINKING IT. IT'S LIKE HE'S AFRAID TO GO TO SLEEP. 162 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:52,290 HARRY? HARRY, COME IN HERE. 163 00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,892 - ARE YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT? - FINE. I'M FINE. 164 00:09:54,894 --> 00:09:57,728 WHEN I'M FINE, I'M FINE. HOW ARE YOU? 'CAUSE I'M FINE. 165 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,600 TOMMY, GO TUCK HARRY IN BED. SEE THAT HE GETS SOME SLEEP. 166 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,869 NO! NO, NO. 167 00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:06,805 NO, I'M FINE. 168 00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:13,144 WELL, I GUESS THIS HAS BEEN KIND OF TOUGH ON ALL OF US. 169 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:16,181 DICK, WHY DON'T YOU JUST APOLOGIZE AND GET YOUR JOB BACK? 170 00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:19,150 APOLOGIZE? SHOULD THE VENUS DE MILO 171 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:22,854 APOLOGIZE TO THE THUG WHO BROKE ITS ARMS OFF? NO! 172 00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,056 SHOULD THE SPHINX APOLOGIZE TO THE DESERT WINDS 173 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:27,458 FOR ERODING ITS NOSE? NO! 174 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,493 SHOULD JIM CARREY APOLOGIZE TO AMERICA 175 00:10:29,495 --> 00:10:31,629 FOR THE CABLE GUY? 176 00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:40,671 PERHAPS. 177 00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:43,741 NO, I'M NOT GONNA APOLOGIZE. I CAN PLAY THEIR WAITING GAME. 178 00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:46,544 YEAH, WELL, IF YOU WANT TO PLAY THE EATING GAME, YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING. 179 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:49,214 OH, I PLAN TO. I'M GONNA GET MYSELF A NEW JOB, 180 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:51,015 A JOB WORTHY OF ME! 181 00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:52,583 OH, REALLY? AND WHERE WOULD THAT BE? 182 00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:55,720 IN AMERICA, LAND OF OPPORTUNITY! 183 00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,926 WELCOME TO RUSTY'S. HOW MAY I SERVE YOU? 184 00:11:01,928 --> 00:11:04,729 - HOW DO YOU MAKE YOUR BURGERS? - EXCELLENT QUESTION. 185 00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:07,265 FIRST A CLAMP COMES DOWN ONTO THE COW'S HEAD, 186 00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:09,701 FORCING IT ONTO A CONVEYOR BELT, 187 00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:12,503 WHERE A PROD IS INSERTED INTO THE COW'S RECTUM, 188 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,972 ELECTROCUTING IT. 189 00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:17,909 - GIVE ME TWO. - THANK YOU. 190 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,945 AND REMEMBER, AT RUSTY'S, 191 00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:23,114 E. COLI IS NOT ON THE MENU. 192 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:26,150 STOP SAYING THAT! 193 00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:28,920 - WELCOME TO RUSTY'S. - RUSTY BURGER AND A MONSTER FRIES. 194 00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:33,191 - VERY WELL. - SOLOMON, 195 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:36,194 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ASK HIM IF HE WANTS A FRIED APPLE PIE WITH THAT. 196 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:39,264 BUT DOUGY, I CAN'T. I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT HIM. 197 00:11:39,266 --> 00:11:41,533 THE RUSTY BURGER ALONE IS ENOUGH TO GIVE HIM A CORONARY. 198 00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:44,002 THE FRIED PIE WILL BE THE DEATH BLOW! 199 00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:47,572 LOOK, I DIDN'T GO TO HAMBURGER COLLEGE TO TAKE CRAP FROM YOU. 200 00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:50,809 HAMBURGER COLLEGE. 201 00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:54,078 THEY'RE NOT BY CHANCE LOOKING FOR A PHYSICS PROFESSOR, ARE THEY? 202 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,514 IT'S A HAMBURGER SCHOOL! 203 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,549 ONCE AGAIN, I FIND MYSELF AT THE MERCY 204 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,452 OF SOMEONE I WOULDN'T LET PICK MY NOSE. 205 00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:05,189 I'M THE MOST QUALIFIED. I'M THE SMARTEST. I SHOULD BE RUNNING RUSTY'S! 206 00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:07,391 THAT'S IT. YOU'RE OFF REGISTER. 207 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,527 REPORT IMMEDIATELY TO THE DRIVE-THRU WINDOW. 208 00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:12,630 DEMOTED? DOUGY, NO! 209 00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:20,405 WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD COME BACK TO THE UNIVERSITY. 210 00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:24,275 NO. WELL, I AM DEEPLY HURT. 211 00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:29,080 I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU BEG. I AM NOT COMING BACK. 212 00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:33,551 NO. NO. 213 00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:35,820 WELL, TO BE HONEST, I'M ENTERTAINING 214 00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:38,322 SOME VERY INTERESTING OFFERS EVEN AS WE SPEAK. 215 00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:44,295 WELL, YOU'D BETTER GET GOING, DICK. YOU KNOW HOW DOUGY HATES IT WHEN YOU'RE LATE. 216 00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:46,965 I'LL GO, AS SOON AS I FIND MY HAT. 217 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,266 UH, YOU'RE WEARING YOUR HAT. 218 00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:51,469 DON'T... BE RIDICULOUS. 219 00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:54,138 DON'T YOU THINK I'D KNOW IF I WERE WEARING MY OWN HAT? 220 00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:56,507 AH! THERE IT IS. 221 00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:58,643 YES, OPERATOR, 222 00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:02,280 YOU HAVE TO LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY. 223 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:05,250 I'M AT 417 PENSDALE ROAD, 224 00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:08,319 AND I'M SURROUNDED BY ALIENS. 225 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:13,458 I NEED TO TALK TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. 226 00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:17,795 YEAH, I KNOW I NEED HELP. THAT'S WHY I'M CALLING. 227 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,964 HELLO. 228 00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:22,066 - HELLO? - ( dial tone ) 229 00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:24,001 HELLO? 230 00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:28,506 THEY'VE GOTTEN TO THE PHONE COMPANY TOO. 231 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,949 THANK YOU FOR MAKING RUSTY'S A PART OF YOUR DAY. 232 00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:48,592 HELLO, BUG, PITMAN. 233 00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:50,628 WELCOME TO RUSTY'S. HOW MAY I SERVE YOU? 234 00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:52,863 WE JUST WANTED TO COME IN AND SEE IF YOU WERE REALLY 235 00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:55,532 FLIPPIN' PATTIES IN THE HAMBURGER FREAK-OUT WARD. 236 00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:57,768 YOU INSOLENT LITTLE TWERPS! I SHOULD-- 237 00:13:57,770 --> 00:14:00,804 WELL, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE? A CUSTOMER SATISFACTION CARD. 238 00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:02,806 MMM! 239 00:14:02,808 --> 00:14:06,410 “RATE THE PERFORMANCE OF YOUR SERVER.” 240 00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:08,412 Both: “F.” 241 00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:10,981 THANK YOU FOR MAKING RUSTY'S A PART OF YOUR DAY. 242 00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:21,426 SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREAT MINDS OF RUTHERFORD GO WHEN THEY'RE FEELING UNDERAPPRECIATED? 243 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,261 - HELLO, MARY. - HELLO, DICK. 244 00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:25,463 I SEE THEY'VE GOT YOU BACK BEHIND THE REGISTER. 245 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:29,166 NO, I'M JUST COVERING FOR MAURICE-- HE'S OUT BACK HAVING A SMOKE. 246 00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:33,404 A MAN OF YOUR BRILLIANCE QUITTING HIS JOB 247 00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,707 OVER A STUPID PARKING SPACE! 248 00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:38,109 - IF IT'S SO STUPID, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE IT TO ME? - NEVER. 249 00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,645 - AH-HA! SO YOU ADMIT IT'S IMPORTANT. - I ADMIT NOTHING. 250 00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:42,647 GIVE ME A RUSTY DOG, NO ONIONS. 251 00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:44,582 ( clears throat ) 252 00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:49,620 WOULD YOU LIKE A FRIED PIE WITH THAT? 253 00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:52,089 - YES. - NO, MARY, DON'T DO IT! 254 00:14:52,091 --> 00:14:56,060 - GIVE ME THE PIE. - MARY, YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU! 255 00:14:56,062 --> 00:15:00,431 OH, DICK, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF? CAN'T YOU JUST COME BACK? 256 00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:03,033 NO, MARY. I HAVE MY PRIDE! 257 00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,107 SO YOU'RE WORKING AT RUSTY'S. 258 00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:13,043 YES, THEY HAVE SOME WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITIES FOR ADVANCEMENT HERE. 259 00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:16,580 DID YOU KNOW THAT THE FRY MAN WHO USED TO WORK HERE IS NOW A MULTIMILLIONAIRE? 260 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:20,851 - WHAT HAPPENED? - HE LOST HIS ARM IN THE PATTY PRESS AND GOT A GREAT LAWYER. 261 00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:27,959 ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN, PREPARE YOURSELF FOR A FANCY FEAST. 262 00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:30,961 - FANCY FEAST? CAN WE AFFORD THAT? - YES, WE CAN. 263 00:15:30,963 --> 00:15:33,498 BECAUSE WHILE I WAS SHOPPING TODAY, I FOUND THIS AISLE IN THE BACK 264 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,733 THAT HAD THESE UNBELIEVABLE SAVINGS-- 265 00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:39,503 TUNA, LIVER, AND NEW SEAFOOD BLEND FOR YOU FINICKY TYPES. 266 00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:44,308 WAIT A MINUTE. YOU'RE FEEDING US CAT? 267 00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:46,744 IT'S NOT CAT, TOMMY, IT'S SALMON. 268 00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:49,113 THERE'S JUST A PICTURE OF A CAT ON THE LABEL. 269 00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:52,616 THE BEST PART IS, NEXT TO THE FOOD THEY HAD THESE ADORABLE LITTLE GIFTS. 270 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:55,052 - LOOK. - OH, OH, OH, OH, OH. 271 00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:01,926 I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER IN MY LIFE! 272 00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:05,362 I WAS PLAYING WITH IT TODAY, AND IT GOT STUCK BEHIND THE REFRIGERATOR, 273 00:16:05,364 --> 00:16:08,098 AND I WENT NUTS TRYING TO GET IT! 274 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,677 HELLO? HELLO-- ( screams ) 275 00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:27,085 I'VE BEEN AWAKE FOR 16 DAYS. 276 00:16:28,754 --> 00:16:30,821 THAT MUST BE A RECORD. 277 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,823 SO, I'VE GOT TO KNOW, 278 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,093 ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? 279 00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:38,096 I'M JUST GOING TO STEP OUT OF THIS CLOSET NOW. 280 00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:40,098 ( screams ) 281 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,333 IF YOU ARE WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE, 282 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:45,503 THEN WHO WON THE WORLD SERIES IN 1956? 283 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,972 HUH? HUH? WHO? WHO? HUH? HUH? 284 00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:51,242 - I DON'T KNOW! - I DON'T KNOW EITHER! 285 00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:58,249 HA! 286 00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:01,385 OH, I SEE WHAT IT'S COME TO. YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR A RUSTY'S MAN. 287 00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:03,654 NO-- 288 00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:07,391 DICK, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS. 289 00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:11,395 I'M NOT SURE WHAT IT WAS. 290 00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:14,231 I ONLY CAME BY TO TELL YOU THAT I SPOKE WITH PRESIDENT DEWEY, 291 00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:17,568 - AND HE'S WILLING TO MEET WITH YOU. - NEVER! I HAVE MY PRIDE. 292 00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,637 ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, KEEP YOUR PRIDE. 293 00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,040 SUFFER ALL YOU WANT. BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY? 294 00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:26,109 - THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY FAMILY. - YOUR SON IS EATING CAT FOOD! 295 00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:30,181 Both: CAT FOOD? 296 00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:32,916 ( all gagging ) 297 00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:41,692 MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. 298 00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:43,694 I'M BEGINNING TO WONDER IF I WAS RASH, 299 00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,696 QUITTING MY JOB OVER A PARKING SPACE. 300 00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,631 STOP WONDERING. 301 00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:51,001 I CAN'T HELP THINKING THAT IT WAS MY PRIDE 302 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:53,003 THAT CLOUDED MY JUDGMENT. 303 00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:55,239 STOP THINKING. IT DID. 304 00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:58,509 WAS IT FOLLY OR SHEER IDIOCY THAT LED TO MY DOWNFALL? 305 00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:00,344 - FOLLY. - IDIOCY. 306 00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:02,513 NO, I CHANGE MY VOTE TO “IDIOCY.” 307 00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:05,616 ( cat meows ) 308 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:08,786 - HELLO, PRESIDENT DEWEY. - HELLO, MARY. 309 00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:12,055 DR. SOLOMON AND I-- DICK! 310 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,692 HELLO, PRESIDENT DEWEY. 311 00:18:15,694 --> 00:18:18,228 AND THANK YOU, DR. ALBRIGHT, FOR ANNOUNCING ME. 312 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,700 I BELIEVE YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO PRESIDENT DEWEY. 313 00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:27,038 I WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS THE TERMS UNDER WHICH I WILL RETURN TO PENDLETON. 314 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:30,641 - HE WANTS TO DROP THE PARKING THING. - THAT'S GOOD TO HEAR. 315 00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:33,177 AND IN RETURN, YOU WILL ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG 316 00:18:33,179 --> 00:18:36,314 AND THAT THIS UNIVERSITY WAS FALLING APART WITHOUT ME. 317 00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:39,717 - OR NOT. - WE'RE GETTING ALONG VERY WELL WITHOUT YOU. 318 00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:42,420 - THANK YOU AND GOOD-BYE. - OH, NO. 319 00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:45,989 PRESIDENT DEWEY, DR. SOLOMON IS AWARE OF HOW PATHETIC HE'S BEEN OVER THE PAST-- 320 00:18:45,991 --> 00:18:49,260 MARY-- MARY, MARY, MARY, MARY. THIS IS BENEATH YOU. 321 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,262 WHY DON'T YOU WAIT OUTSIDE, 322 00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:53,897 AND I'LL SETTLE THIS ON MY OWN TERMS, ALL RIGHT? 323 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,968 PLEASE! 324 00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,771 PLEASE TAKE ME BACK! 325 00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:03,040 - SORRY, CAN'T DO IT. - PLEASE! PLEASE! 326 00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:05,343 I'LL DO ANYTHING! JUST NAME IT! 327 00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:08,412 - YOU CAN APOLOGIZE. - YOU WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE? 328 00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:12,283 - YES. - I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY! 329 00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:14,418 FINE, YOU CAN BEGIN TOMORROW. 330 00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:16,920 IN MY NEW PARKING SPOT? 331 00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:18,922 I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY! 332 00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:20,858 ( sobbing ) 333 00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:25,496 ( kissing ) 334 00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:31,235 SO, DICK, ANY PROBLEMS GETTING YOUR JOB BACK? 335 00:19:31,237 --> 00:19:32,670 ARE YOU KIDDING? HE BEGGED ME. 336 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,873 WELL, HE DIDN'T “BEG,” BEG, 337 00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:39,176 BUT IT WAS CLEAR ENOUGH. 338 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,779 I TAKE IT YOU DIDN'T GET THE SPACE EITHER. 339 00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:44,281 NOT THE “SPACE”" SPACE. 340 00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:46,984 - BUT YOU KNOW, I LEARNED SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT. - WHAT? 341 00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:50,020 THAT EVEN IF YOU'RE THE HIGH COMMANDER AND BRILLIANT, 342 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,556 THERE'S STILL TIME FOR A LITTLE HUMILITY. 343 00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:55,159 - THANKFULLY, THAT TIME IS NOW OVER. - ( bell dings ) 344 00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:57,695 AH, DINNER! 345 00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,663 LET'S EAT, HARRY. 346 00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:02,233 DID YOU JUST SAY, “LET'S EAT HARRY”? 347 00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:06,804 YEAH, WE'RE HUNGRY, SO IT'S TIME TO EAT, HARRY. 348 00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:09,239 “EAT HARRY.” 349 00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:11,842 I SEE. 350 00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:14,078 COULD I JUST HAVE A MOMENT, PLEASE? 351 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,547 WHATEVER. 352 00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:20,017 WOULD YOU HURRY IT UP? I'M STARVING. 353 00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:22,820 - ( guttural gasp ) - ( thunder crashing ) 354 00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:26,256 WHOA. 355 00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:28,825 THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE. 356 00:20:28,827 --> 00:20:31,962 ( electricity crackling ) 357 00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:45,709 MMM, MY FAVORITE! 358 00:20:45,711 --> 00:20:49,079 MEAT LOAF DELUXE-O. 359 00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,081 WELL, HARRY, WE HAVEN'T HAD THAT 360 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,150 SINCE DICK QUIT HIS JOB THREE WEEKS AGO. 361 00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:55,686 DICK QUIT HIS JOB? 362 00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:57,955 YEAH, WHY DO YOU THINK HE WAS WORKING AT RUSTY'S? 363 00:20:57,957 --> 00:21:00,224 DICK WAS WORKING AT RUSTY'S? 364 00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:04,028 GEEZ, HARRY, DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING? 365 00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:06,030 NO. ALL I KNOW IS, 366 00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,265 I GOT A TRANSMITTER IN MY HEAD 367 00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,967 AND CHARLIE'S ANGELS IS ON WEEKNIGHTS AT 7:00. 368 00:21:12,738 --> 00:21:15,406 OH, MY GOD! IT'S 7:00 NOW! 369 00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:17,541 ( all exclaiming ) 370 00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:19,610 ( Charlie's Angels theme playing ) 371 00:21:24,517 --> 00:21:26,517 MMM, THANKS FOR THE RIDE THIS MORNING. 372 00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:29,420 OH, I COULDN'T LET YOU WALK. IT'S POURING. 373 00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:37,027 - HOW'S YOUR NEW PARKING SPOT? - AWFUL! 374 00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:40,331 MY HOUSE IS CLOSER. DEWEY IS GONNA HEAR ABOUT THIS. 375 00:21:40,333 --> 00:21:42,332 AND AFTER THAT, FOR LUNCH, I'LL HAVE 376 00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:45,001 A RUSTY BURGER WITH FRIES. 377 00:21:47,006 --> 00:21:48,973 ACTUALLY, IT'S NOT SO BAD.