1
00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:07,739
COME ON,
I WANT TO GO
TO THE MAGIC SHOP.

2
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,674
HARRY, SALLY,
GO GET SOME CHANGE.

3
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,877
WE'LL WAIT HERE
WITH THE CAR.

4
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:19,918
I GOT TO GET NEW SNEAKERS.
MY TOES ARE BURSTING
OUT OF THESE THINGS.

5
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,421
I JUST BOUGHT YOU THOSE
THREE MONTHS AGO.

6
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:24,989
- YOU KNOW YOU'RE
A FREAK, DON'T YOU?
- LEAVE ME ALONE.

7
00:00:24,991 --> 00:00:27,992
- I'M GROWING.
- IF IT WERE JUST
THE GROWING,

8
00:00:27,994 --> 00:00:31,496
BUT FOR EVERY INCH
YOU SPROUT, YOU BECOME
THAT MUCH MORE INSOLENT

9
00:00:31,498 --> 00:00:33,965
- AND DO THAT MUCH
WORSE IN SCHOOL.
- SO WHAT?

10
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:36,468
YOU'RE GOING TO BECOME
THE WORLD'S TALLEST IDIOT.

11
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:38,370
WHY ARE YOU
ON MY CASE?

12
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:40,105
I JUST CAN'T STOMACH

13
00:00:40,107 --> 00:00:43,408
ANOTHER OF THOSE INTERMINABLE
PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCES.

14
00:00:43,410 --> 00:00:47,413
LOOK, I DID NOT ASK
TO BE THE TEENAGER, OKAY?
YOU MADE ME.

15
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:49,481
"LONE STAR
DRILLING COMPANY."

16
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:52,250
- I BET THEY HAVE CHANGE.
- YEAH.  OIL MEN ARE RICH.

17
00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:54,519
<i> ( techno pop music</i>
<i> playing )</i>

18
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,690
WELL, CHECK YOU OUT.

19
00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:00,992
YOU LOOK JUST LIKE
A REAL WOMAN.

20
00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:05,097
THANKS.

21
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:07,332
THAT'S WHAT
I WAS GOING FOR.

22
00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:10,302
YOU KNOW, I STILL
CAN'T GET USED TO
THOSE MOOD SWINGS.

23
00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:12,270
WAY TO COMMIT, GIRL.

24
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,607
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

25
00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:19,410
HELLO.

26
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:23,481
ARE YOU FAMILIAR
WITH THE ART
OF ILLUSION?

27
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:26,485
HI THERE.

28
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:28,187
HI<i> THERE.</i>

29
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:30,189
COULD YOU CHANGE
A DOLLAR?

30
00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:32,191
FOR YOU I COULD
CHANGE ANYTHING.

31
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:36,027
YOU KNOW, I DON'T
SEE A LOT OF MEN
AS GOOD-LOOKING AS YOU.

32
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:39,231
I DON'T SEE
A LOT OF MEN AS
GOOD-LOOKING AS YOU.

33
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,239
WELL, WE'RE FABULOUS,
AREN'T WE?

34
00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:51,843
OH, YEAH.

35
00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:53,845
<i> ( '50s rock music playing )</i>

36
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:26,445
HELLO, HELLO, HELLO!

37
00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:28,614
YOU'VE GOT
A VISITOR.

38
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:32,250
- DR. SOLOMON,
I'M CANDACE BALLARD.
- HELLO.  WHAT DO YOU WANT?

39
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:37,088
I'M TOMMY'S
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR.

40
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:41,693
AND, BY THE WAY,
MY GUIDANCE COUNSELOR
MIGHT STOP BY TONIGHT.

41
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:49,267
DIDN'T I TELL
YOU TO BECOME
THE MODEL STUDENT?

42
00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:51,703
- I DID.
I'VE ACED EVERY TEST.
- THEN WHAT'S SHE DOING HERE?

43
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:55,474
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M BRILLIANT,
NOT CLAIRVOYANT.

44
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:58,977
IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT
YOU JUST ONCE MAKE ME
A PROUD FATHER?

45
00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:02,380
IT'S NOT MY MISSION
TO MAKE YOU PROUD.

46
00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:04,449
- IT IS IF I SAY SO.
- IT IS NOT!

47
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:06,117
- SAY IT'S
YOUR MISSION.
- NO!

48
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:08,286
SAY IT'S YOUR MISSION.
SAY IT, SAY IT.

49
00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:10,455
IT'S MY MISSION.

50
00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:12,891
( clears throat )
IS EVERYTHING
ALL RIGHT?

51
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:14,992
- EVERYTHING'S FINE.
- THEN I'LL SEE YOU LA--

52
00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:18,162
YOU GET BACK IN HERE
AND SIT DOWN!

53
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,534
- SIT DOWN.
- THANK YOU.

54
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,536
- GIVE ME YOUR COAT.
- OKAY.

55
00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:44,589
HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO LEARN IF YOU KEEP
LETTING ME OUT?

56
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,430
( chuckles )
WELL,

57
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:54,932
I HAVE SOME NEWS.

58
00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:56,968
MAYBE YOU'D
BETTER SIT DOWN.

59
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:58,903
( sighs )

60
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:02,840
TOMMY SCORED HIGHER
ON THE NATIONAL
MERIT QUIZ

61
00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:04,843
THAN ANYONE
IN OHIO'S HISTORY.

62
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:07,913
- IT'S NOT MY FAULT!
- THAT'S A GOOD THING.

63
00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:10,682
NO, THAT'S A GOOD THING.
YOU SHOULD BE PROUD.

64
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,984
YOU'VE RAISED
A VERY BRIGHT BOY.

65
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:15,787
I'M SORRY.
COULD YOU REPEAT THAT?

66
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,823
YOU'VE RAISED
A VERY BRIGHT BOY?

67
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:20,525
NO ONE'S EVER SAID
THAT TO ME BEFORE.
SAY IT AGAIN.

68
00:04:20,527 --> 00:04:22,694
- WELL, ACTUALLY,
I WANTED--
- NO, JUST SAY IT!

69
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:25,197
I LOVE THAT--
THE BRIGHT BOY PART.
SAY IT!

70
00:04:25,199 --> 00:04:27,365
BRIGHT BOY.
IN FACT,

71
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:30,302
HE'S DONE SO WELL,
I THINK HE SHOULD
TRANSFER

72
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:33,204
TO THE PICKNEY
COUNTRY DAY SCHOOL
FOR THE GIFTED.

73
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,109
BECAUSE I RAISED
A GIFTED SON?

74
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:40,812
YES!
LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE
ALREADY GIVEN HIM--

75
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,148
THE STIMULATION,

76
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:45,150
THE NURTURING,

77
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:47,585
AND NOT TO MENTION...
THE GENES HE INHERITED.

78
00:04:47,587 --> 00:04:50,889
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I DO GIVE A LOT
AS A FATHER.

79
00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:53,992
OH!

80
00:04:57,865 --> 00:04:59,630
( pops )

81
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:05,603
SALLY.

82
00:05:05,605 --> 00:05:07,906
THERE'S SOMETHING
I HAVE TO TELL YOU

83
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,908
ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND.

84
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,243
HE COOKS,
HE LOVES THE ARTS,

85
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:14,345
HE WEARS GREAT SHOES,

86
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:16,581
AND HE'S SINGLE.

87
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:18,684
YEAH.
WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

88
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:20,518
SALLY,

89
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,520
MARRY THIS MAN.

90
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,824
TOMMY!
COME IN HERE!

91
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,826
TOMMY!
GREAT NEWS.

92
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,761
I'M SENDING YOU
TO THE PICKNEY SCHOOL

93
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:31,696
WHERE OUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS
WILL BE RECOGNIZED.

94
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:34,299
WHAT?!
NO, I DON'T
WANT TO GO.

95
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:37,535
- I'LL HAVE
TO LEAVE ALL MY FRIENDS.
- STOP THINKING OF YOURSELF.

96
00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:40,505
THINK OF ME
AND HOW PROUD I'LL BE.

97
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:43,675
- HE'LL GO.
- WONDERFUL.

98
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,845
A LITTLE SOMETHING
TO GRAZE ON.

99
00:05:51,484 --> 00:05:53,418
I'M OUT.

100
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,787
I'M OUT
OF THE CLOSET.

101
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,827
I LOVE THIS FAMILY.

102
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,767
WHAT IS DICK'S PROBLEM?

103
00:06:09,769 --> 00:06:13,104
- I DON'T WANT TO GO
TO THE PICKNEY SCHOOL.
- OF COURSE YOU DON'T.

104
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:15,006
YOUR FATHER'S
A PROFESSOR.

105
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:17,742
BY REJECTING EDUCATION,
YOU'RE REJECTING HIM.

106
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:19,811
REJECTION'S
THE MOST POWERFUL
WEAPON THERE IS.

107
00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,780
WELL, MAYBE ON EARTH.

108
00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:26,918
I KNOW THIS IS GOING
TO BE MISERABLE.
I ALREADY HATE IT THERE.

109
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,687
YOU KNOW,
ALL THOSE BRAINY GIRLS
ARE GOING TO BE UGLY.

110
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:33,157
ARE YOU SAYING THAT

111
00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:36,561
INTELLIGENT GIRLS ARE,
BY DEFINITION,
UNATTRACTIVE?

112
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,230
YEAH, MOST
OF THEM ARE.

113
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:44,235
OH, W--
WELL, NOT ALL
OF THEM ARE.

114
00:06:45,772 --> 00:06:48,272
I MEAN--
IN FACT,

115
00:06:48,274 --> 00:06:51,509
ON THE GRAPH OF SMART
GIRLS AND THE GRAPH
OF PRETTY ONES,

116
00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:53,511
YOU'RE THE SOLE
INTERSECTION,

117
00:06:53,513 --> 00:06:55,513
THE SINGLE POINT
OF PERFECTION

118
00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:58,149
IN AN INFINITY
OF STUPID AND HOMELY.

119
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:04,622
WOW.
YOU<i> ARE</i> GIFTED.

120
00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:06,791
Gloria Gaynor on sound system:
<i> ♪ I will survive ♪</i>

121
00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:09,227
<i> ♪ As long as I know</i>
<i> how to love ♪</i>

122
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:11,229
<i> ♪ I know</i>
<i> I will stay alive ♪</i>

123
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,231
<i> ♪ I've got all my life</i>
<i> to live ♪</i>

124
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:15,233
<i> ♪ I've got all my love</i>
<i> to give ♪</i>

125
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,235
<i> ♪ And I'll survive ♪</i>

126
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:19,237
<i> ♪ I will survive ♪</i>

127
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,339
<i> ♪ Hey, hey... ♪</i>

128
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,776
YOU'RE SMOKIN'.

129
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:28,713
I GUESS MY BODY
JUST RESPONDS
TO THE CLASSICS.

130
00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:31,549
THEY'RE HAVING
A DANCE CONTEST
HERE NEXT WEEK.

131
00:07:31,551 --> 00:07:34,919
- WE'D BE UNBEATABLE.
- ESPECIALLY IF WE TARGET
OUR KEY COMPETITION

132
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,921
AND SEVER THEIR
ACHILLES TENDONS.

133
00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:39,157
- ( laughs )
- WHAT?

134
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:41,192
YOU'RE JUST SO GREAT.

135
00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:43,528
YOU'RE A WARRIOR
IN A WORLD FULL OF PHONIES.

136
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:45,530
YOU'RE NOT AFRAID
TO BE WHO YOU ARE.

137
00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:47,665
YOU'RE IN THE MILITARY,
AND YOU WEAR A DRESS.

138
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:51,168
I JUST WANT TO BE
ALL THAT I CAN BE.

139
00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:53,404
YOU'RE THE STRONGEST
PERSON I'VE EVER MET.

140
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:56,307
<i> ♪ Somebody new ♪</i>

141
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,609
I KNOW.

142
00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:01,646
<i> ( wolf whistle )</i>

143
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:04,515
TOMMY, WE'RE THRILLED
TO HAVE YOU HERE.

144
00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:07,952
DR. SOLOMON,
AS A PARENT
AND EDUCATOR,

145
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:10,722
KUDOS TO YOU.
YOU'VE RAISED
A VERY SPECIAL BOY.

146
00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,824
YES, I HAVE.

147
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,326
AND YOU'VE HAD
THE FORESIGHT TO BRING HIM
TO THE RIGHT PLACE.

148
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,495
WELL, I AM
THE HIGH COMMANDER.

149
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,334
YES.  WELL,
PEOPLE OF BRILLIANCE

150
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,670
CAN'T BE EXPECTED
TO FUNCTION IN A SOCIETY

151
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,672
THAT'S RUN
BY INTELLECTUAL MIDGETS.

152
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,541
THAT'S WHAT
WE ALWAYS SAY.

153
00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:32,143
( hearty chuckling )

154
00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,782
YES, YES,
YOU AND TOMMY

155
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:39,784
HAVE FOUND A HOME HERE
AT THE PICKNEY.

156
00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:43,054
IT'S NOT JUST FOR
EXCEPTIONAL STUDENTS.
IT'S FOR EXCEPTIONAL PARENTS.

157
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:45,256
THEN YOU MUST BE
DELIGHTED TO MEET ME.

158
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,061
<i> ( knock at door )</i>

159
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,363
AH, ARAMIS, THANKS
FOR STOPPING BY.

160
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:55,867
TOMMY, CONSIDER ARAMIS
PICKNEY'S WELCOME WAGON.

161
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:59,237
I'M HERE TO SHOW YOU
WHAT'S WIRED AND WHAT'S TIRED.

162
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:02,740
SOMEBODY SHOOT ME
IN THE HEAD.

163
00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:05,844
WELL, DR. MENARD,
NOW THAT THE CHILDREN
ARE AWAY,

164
00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:08,246
LET'S DISCUSS ME
AT GREAT LENGTH.

165
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:22,160
<i> ( door opens )</i>

166
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,095
<i> ( footsteps )</i>

167
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,266
OH, HEY!
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

168
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:31,469
GREAT.
I AM THE KING
OF<i> DORKOPOLIS.</i>

169
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:36,808
MY LIEGE.

170
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:44,148
TOMMY.

171
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:47,485
LOOKIN' GOOD.

172
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:51,489
DICK, FEELIN'
STUPID.

173
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:55,126
OH, DICK!

174
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:58,128
YOU'VE GOT MONEY
IN YOUR SHOES.
OOH!

175
00:09:58,130 --> 00:10:01,032
YOU'VE GOT MONEY
IN<i> YOUR</i> SHOES.

176
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,068
I WANT MONEY SHOES.

177
00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:06,805
HARRY, NO,
MONEY SHOES ARE
FOR PICKNEY STUDENTS

178
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,573
AND PICKNEY
PARENTS ONLY.

179
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:10,908
OH... RATS.

180
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:20,685
TOMMY, LOOK AT THIS.

181
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:23,955
FIRST IN YOUR CLASS.
YOU'RE A GENIUS.

182
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,590
- ( groans )
- YOU'VE MADE ME
SO PROUD, SON.

183
00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:28,592
IS THERE ANYTHING
YOU NEED?
MONEY?

184
00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:30,594
A RIDE SOMEWHERE?
CUFF LINKS?

185
00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:33,698
CAN I BUILD YOU A DARKROOM?
ANYTHING YOU WANT--
NAME IT, IT'S YOURS.

186
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:36,667
I WANT TO GO BACK
TO MY OLD SCHOOL.

187
00:10:36,669 --> 00:10:38,602
CUFF LINKS IT IS.

188
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:09,734
DON'T PUT
BUMPER STICKERS
ON MY CAR.

189
00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:11,702
WHY DO YOU THINK
IT WAS ME?

190
00:11:11,704 --> 00:11:13,704
"I AM THE PROUD
SECRETARY

191
00:11:13,706 --> 00:11:16,340
FOR THE FATHER
OF THE SMARTEST
KID AT PICKNEY."

192
00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:19,877
IT MAY HAVE BEEN ME.

193
00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:29,721
DICK, DID YOU SEE
THIS ARTICLE ABOUT
TOMMY IN THE PAPER?

194
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:33,224
TOMMY, MY SON,
THE CHILD GENIUS?

195
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:34,892
YES, THAT TOMMY.

196
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:37,528
"FINEST TO COMPETE
IN PICKNEY'S
KNOWLEDGE BOWL.

197
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,530
SMARTEST KID
EXPECTED TO WIN."

198
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:42,367
( mutters )
AH, HERE IT IS.

199
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:47,838
"TOMMY'S FATHER,
DR. DICK SOLOMON,

200
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:51,208
PHYSICS PROFESSOR
AT NEARBY PENDLETON
UNIVERSITY,

201
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,911
REMINDS PEOPLE
THAT GENIUS IS

202
00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:55,913
1% PERSPIRATION

203
00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:58,182
AND 99%
BRILLIANT FATHER."

204
00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:03,053
YOU DON'T THINK
I OVERSTATED
MY INFLUENCE, DO YOU?

205
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,324
NO.

206
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,361
AND HIP,
AND HIP,

207
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,197
AND HIP, HIP, HIP.

208
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:14,432
NOW THE ARMS,
AND ARMS,

209
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,601
AND OUT,
AND IN.

210
00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:19,336
AND, SALLY, YOU'RE
LEADING AGAIN.

211
00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:23,775
I KEEP FORGETTING
I'M THE GIRL.

212
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,977
YEAH.

213
00:12:27,513 --> 00:12:29,980
I'VE GOT TO GO.
I'M GETTING
MY CHEST WAXED.

214
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:32,950
UH... HEY, YOU
WANT TO COME?

215
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:35,886
- I'VE GOT A COUPON.
- NO, I PREFER TO TWEEZE.

216
00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:39,324
OUCH.

217
00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:41,558
I'M NOT USUALLY
ATTRACTED TO YOUR TYPE,

218
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,827
BUT YOU ARE
SOMETHING SPECIAL.

219
00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:46,697
WELL, WHAT YOU SEE
IS WHAT YOU GET.

220
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:58,709
- SO YOU'RE
PRETTY INTO HIM, HUH?
- I THINK HE MIGHT BE THE ONE.

221
00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:02,313
<i> ( door closes,</i>
<i> footsteps )</i>

222
00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:07,351
WHY WOULD I WANT
TO WAX MY CHEST?

223
00:13:09,155 --> 00:13:11,222
OKAY, TOMMY,
I READ

224
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,390
THAT YOU'RE COMPETING
IN THE KNOWLEDGE BOWL.

225
00:13:13,392 --> 00:13:15,726
- SO WHAT?
- SO, WE HAVE TO REVIEW.

226
00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:17,728
WHAT?!  DICK,
THAT'S STUPID.

227
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,098
I'M THE INFORMATION OFFICER.
I KNOW EVERYTHING.

228
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,433
MAYBE, MAYBE NOT.

229
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:24,268
WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

230
00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:26,104
HOW ABOUT PHYSICS...

231
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:28,139
IN RUSSIAN?

232
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,241
( speaking Russian )

233
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:36,580
( speaking Russian )

234
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:39,884
WRONG.  IT'S...
( speaking Russian )

235
00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:41,552
YOU ASKED
THE QUESTION WRONG.

236
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:43,621
IF YOU WANT IT...
( speaks Russian )
YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED...

237
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:46,057
( speaking Russian )

238
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:54,064
FAMOUS ONTOLOGISTS
IN GREEK.

239
00:13:54,066 --> 00:13:56,100
( speaking Greek )

240
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:02,039
( speaking Greek )
BRYANT GUMBEL.

241
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,477
IN THE FORM
OF A QUESTION.

242
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:08,379
( speaking Greek )
BRYANT GUMBEL?

243
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,314
WHATEVER!

244
00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:15,119
POETS OF
THE LI RIVER DELTA.

245
00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:18,890
COMPLETE HUANG PO'S
CLASSIC COUPLET
OF LOVE AND BETRAYAL.

246
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:20,992
( speaking Chinese )

247
00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:27,231
( speaking Chinese )

248
00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:29,834
( growls )

249
00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:31,769
( speaking Chinese )

250
00:14:34,941 --> 00:14:36,874
( both speaking Chinese )

251
00:14:47,653 --> 00:14:49,253
( groans )

252
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:54,192
HMM.

253
00:14:58,264 --> 00:15:00,198
( chokes )

254
00:15:04,303 --> 00:15:06,403
THIS ISN'T EVEN
A SO-CALLED LIFE.

255
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:08,405
OH!  WELL,

256
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:10,441
AS HARRY HOUDINI
ONCE SAID,

257
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,043
PICK A CARD,
ANY CARD.

258
00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:15,045
IT'S MY MISSION
TO BE A TEENAGER,

259
00:15:15,047 --> 00:15:17,515
BUT RIGHT NOW
I HATE MY FATHER,
I HATE MY SCHOOL,

260
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:20,184
AND MY LIFE
SEEMS HOPELESS.
SOME TEENAGER I AM.

261
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:22,787
- CUT THE DECK.
- IF I'M GOING
TO DO MY JOB,

262
00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:24,789
I'VE GOT TO BE
IN A REAL SCHOOL,

263
00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:27,224
ONE WITH METAL DETECTORS
AND PREGNANT CHEERLEADERS.

264
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:31,929
FOLD THE EDGES
OF YOUR CARD
EVER SO SLIGHTLY.

265
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,431
WHY AM I EVEN
PUTTING MYSELF
THROUGH ALL THIS?

266
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:36,433
SO DICK CAN
FEEL PROUD?

267
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:39,871
PICK ANOTHER CARD,
ADD THE VALUE,
MULTIPLY IT BY FOUR.

268
00:15:39,873 --> 00:15:42,139
SO, I MEAN, THIS
WHOLE THING'S CRAZY.

269
00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:45,142
I'M NOT DICK'S SON.
I'M THE INFORMATION
OFFICER.

270
00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:47,378
I'VE GOT TO BRING
THIS MISSION BACK
ON COURSE.

271
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:50,014
WRITE THE NUMBER
ON YOUR ARM SO THAT
I CANNOT SEE IT.

272
00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:52,917
- THERE'S ONLY ONE
THING LEFT TO DO--
- SHUFFLE.

273
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:54,852
SABOTAGE.

274
00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:59,056
ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE OKAY

275
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:01,559
AS LONG AS NONE
OF THOSE ARE CLUBS.

276
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:04,529
PICK A CARD.

277
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:09,066
TA-DA!

278
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:14,572
REMEMBER TO PHRASE
YOUR ANSWER

279
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:18,008
IN THE FORM
OF AN ANSWER.

280
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:19,744
OKAY, NEXT QUESTION:

281
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:22,279
"TABULA RASA"
IS A LATIN TERM
MEANING WHAT?

282
00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:26,250
TOMMY KNOWS THIS ONE.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?

283
00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:29,187
- ( dings )
- "TABULA RASA"

284
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:31,322
- MEANS BLANK SLATE.
-<i> THAT IS CORRECT.</i>

285
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,491
- ( grunts )
- HE'S PROBABLY
JUST NERVOUS.

286
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,426
RELAX, DAMN YOU!
RELAX!

287
00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:41,465
WHICH IMPRESSIONIST
PAINTER

288
00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:44,602
IS KNOWN FOR HIS SERIES
OF WATER LILIES?

289
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:47,838
- ( dings )
- THAT'S A VERY EASY
ONE, DR. MENARD.

290
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,341
THE ANSWER IS...

291
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,443
PICASSO.

292
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:54,812
NO!

293
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:56,981
- ( dings )
- THE ANSWER IS

294
00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:59,016
CLAUDE MONET.

295
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,085
DR. SOLOMON,

296
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:03,220
COMPETITION IS
ESSENTIAL TO LEARNING.

297
00:17:03,222 --> 00:17:05,890
BITE ME.

298
00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:09,060
WHAT IS
THE OUTER ENVELOPE,
OR ATMOSPHERE, OF GAS

299
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:11,395
SURROUNDING
THE SUN CALLED?

300
00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:13,230
( dings )

301
00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:15,599
OOH, MMM...
THAT'S A TOUGHIE.

302
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:18,169
- ( groans )
- Dr. Menard:
<i>  YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS.</i>

303
00:17:20,173 --> 00:17:22,340
( grunts )

304
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:24,908
( groans )

305
00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:27,578
HAH!

306
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,313
<i> FIVE SECONDS.</i>

307
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:32,249
THREE, TWO, ONE.

308
00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:34,918
IT'S CALLED THE CORONA!
YOU'VE BEEN THERE!

309
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,354
YOU KNOW THAT!

310
00:17:37,356 --> 00:17:40,191
DICK, COME ON.
HE'S TRYING.
HE'S YOUR SON.

311
00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:42,226
SON?
HE'S NOT MY SON.

312
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,161
I HAVE NO SON!

313
00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:48,466
( rattles )

314
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:50,134
AH!

315
00:17:50,136 --> 00:17:51,735
OH.

316
00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:58,208
LET'S GO WIN US
A CONTEST.

317
00:17:58,210 --> 00:18:00,845
WHY DON'T YOU WEAR
THAT LITTLE RED NUMBER
YOU'VE GOT?

318
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:03,581
- IT'LL LOOK BETTER
WITH MY OUTFIT.
- BUT I LOOK SO HOT.

319
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,583
YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING
FLASHIER THAN THAT.
LET ME SEE YOUR CLOSET.

320
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,585
- FINE.  HELP ME
WITH THE ZIPPER.
- DON'T WORRY.

321
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,488
<i> I'M VERY GOOD AT THIS.</i>
<i> SLIP OUT OF THAT DRESS.</i>

322
00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:13,424
OH!

323
00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:22,934
OH!

324
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:25,502
LOOK, I'VE MADE
A BIG, BIG MISTAKE.

325
00:18:25,504 --> 00:18:28,306
- WHAT'S WRONG?
WHAT DID I DO?
- HOW CAN I PUT THIS?

326
00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:30,641
I EXPECTED... MORE.

327
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,712
WHAT, I'M NOT
YOUR KIND OF WOMAN?

328
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:37,214
OH, SALLY,

329
00:18:37,216 --> 00:18:39,650
YOU<i> ARE</i> A WOMAN.

330
00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:46,223
WELL, WHAT DID
YOU THINK I WAS?!

331
00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:47,758
<i> ( door closes )</i>

332
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:02,273
WOW.

333
00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:05,942
I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH
REPREHENSIBLE BEHAVIOR.

334
00:19:05,944 --> 00:19:08,912
I DON'T BLAME YOU
IF YOU HAVE TO
EXPEL TOMMY.

335
00:19:08,914 --> 00:19:12,483
DR. SOLOMON,
WE STILL CONSIDER TOMMY
PICKNEY MATERIAL.

336
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:15,619
IT IS YOU
WHO ARE BANNED
FROM THE PICKNEY.

337
00:19:15,621 --> 00:19:18,522
I'M BANNED?
WELL, GUESS WHAT.

338
00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:22,293
TOMMY DIDN'T EVEN
WANT TO COME TO THIS
ROBOT FACTORY OUTLET.

339
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:25,195
I MADE HIM.
ME, ME, ME!

340
00:19:25,197 --> 00:19:28,866
AND NOW I'M PUTTING HIM
BACK IN A REAL SCHOOL
WHERE HE CAN BE HIMSELF,

341
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:31,035
THE KIND OF SCHOOL
WHERE KIDS AREN'T JUDGED

342
00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:33,771
ON HOW WELL THEY TEST
OR HOW MUCH THEY KNOW,

343
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:36,240
WHERE THEY AREN'T
JUDGED AT ALL,

344
00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:39,310
WHERE THEY HAVE
THE FREEDOM TO STAY
FACELESS AND NAMELESS

345
00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:41,312
FROM "K" THROUGH 12,

346
00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:44,315
CARRYING THEIR DIPLOMAS
STRAIGHT THROUGH
THE GOLDEN ARCHES

347
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:47,952
AND ON INTO THEIR
WAITING McJOBS!

348
00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:50,721
COME ON, TOMMY.
WE'RE GOING HOME.

349
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:52,923
THANK YOU, SIR.

350
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,592
- ( slaps )
- AH!

351
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:02,233
DICK AND TOMMY WERE
THE BEST OF PALS.

352
00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:05,336
BUT THEN, ONE DAY,
DICK USED TOMMY

353
00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:08,005
TO MAKE HIMSELF
LOOK GOOD.

354
00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:10,908
NOW, TO GET BACK AT HIM,
TOMMY USED DICK

355
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:14,212
TO MAKE DICK
LOOK VERY BAD.

356
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:17,415
NOW, APART THEY WERE
JUST TWO SEPARATE
HANDKERCHIEFS.

357
00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:20,984
- OH, SHUT UP, HARRY.
- SHUT UP, HARRY.

358
00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:23,321
BUT THEN, MAGICALLY,
THEY GOT BACK TOGETHER.

359
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,428
WHY DID YOU DO
THAT TO ME?

360
00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:33,698
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS

361
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:36,433
'CAUSE YOU MADE
MY LIFE SUCK.

362
00:20:36,435 --> 00:20:38,869
- WHY DIDN'T YOU
JUST TELL ME THAT?
- I TRIED TO.

363
00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:40,638
YOU WERE
IMPENETRABLY HAPPY.

364
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,106
WHAT IS IT ABOUT
THE FATHER-SON
RELATIONSHIP

365
00:20:43,108 --> 00:20:46,443
THAT MAKES COMMUNICATION
SO DIFFICULT?

366
00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:48,445
IS IT THE FATHER
USING HIS SON

367
00:20:48,447 --> 00:20:50,814
TO MAKE GOOD ON
HIS UNFULFILLED DREAMS?

368
00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:52,850
OR IS IT THE SON

369
00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:55,485
DEFINING HIMSELF
BY REJECTING
HIS FATHER?

370
00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:58,556
IT'S NEITHER.
IT'S BOTH.

371
00:20:58,558 --> 00:21:01,558
IT'S MEN.

372
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,027
AND HOW DID YOU ACQUIRE
THIS NEW EXPERTISE?

373
00:21:04,029 --> 00:21:06,030
OH, YEAH.
WHAT HAPPENED
WITH GLENN?

374
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,032
WELL, REMEMBER
WHEN WE SAID

375
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:11,302
THAT TWO SEXES
MUST BE SO LIMITING?

376
00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:13,537
I THINK GLENN
FOUND A LOOPHOLE.

377
00:21:16,141 --> 00:21:18,375
<i> ♪ I WILL SURVIVE ♪</i>

378
00:21:18,377 --> 00:21:20,344
<i> ♪ HEY, HEY. ♪</i>

379
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:24,548
YOU'RE
A PRECOCIOUS KID,

380
00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:26,550
BUT THIS IS
A GAME OF WISDOM.

381
00:21:26,552 --> 00:21:28,386
ALL RIGHT, OLD MAN,

382
00:21:28,388 --> 00:21:30,621
LET'S SETTLE THIS
ONCE AND FOR ALL.

383
00:21:38,897 --> 00:21:40,897
- CHECKMATE!
- OH, DAMN IT!

384
00:21:42,902 --> 00:21:44,969
OH!

385
00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:46,803
OH, WAIT.  LOOK.

386
00:21:46,805 --> 00:21:48,805
MY ROOK CAN TAKE YOUR--

387
00:21:48,807 --> 00:21:50,407
OH.