1
00:00:02,636 --> 00:00:04,769
-<i> ( dog barking )</i>
- YOU KNOW, MR. RANDELL,

2
00:00:04,771 --> 00:00:08,206
WE'VE ONLY BEEN OUT
ON SIX DATES, BUT ALREADY
I FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH YOU.

3
00:00:08,208 --> 00:00:10,708
YOU MAKE ME FEEL
SO FEMININE,

4
00:00:10,710 --> 00:00:14,479
WHICH IS IRONIC
'CAUSE I COULD SNAP
YOUR NECK LIKE A TWIG.

5
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:19,218
THANKS.

6
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:21,153
OH, MR. RANDELL.

7
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,291
( sighs )

8
00:00:29,996 --> 00:00:33,632
SALLY, DO YOU
WANT TO GO BACK
TO MY APARTMENT?

9
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:36,634
OH, I KNOW WHAT'S
GOING TO HAPPEN THERE,

10
00:00:36,636 --> 00:00:38,737
UH-HUH.

11
00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:41,573
WE'LL CONTINUE
TO KISS AND TOUCH
AND KISS AND TOUCH

12
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:44,243
JUST LIKE THE MOVIES,
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN
THE SCENE ENDS,

13
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:46,411
AND WE'RE IN THE PARK
EATING HOT DOGS
AND LAUGHING.

14
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,751
THAT'S SUCH
A SALLY THING
TO SAY.

15
00:00:53,988 --> 00:00:55,988
YOU'RE NEVER
WHAT I EXPECT.

16
00:00:55,990 --> 00:00:58,256
YEAH, LIKE THAT TIME
YOU DIDN'T HAVE
TO PAY FOR DINNER

17
00:00:58,258 --> 00:01:01,760
'CAUSE I GOT US THROWN
OUT OF THE SIZZLER.

18
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:04,696
- LIKE THAT, YEAH.
- BUT THAT'S WHAT YOU
LIKE ABOUT ME, RIGHT?

19
00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:08,533
- RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT,
RIGHT, RIGHT?
- YEAH, YEAH.

20
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:10,802
BUT NOW IT'S
STARTING TO, UM...

21
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,537
I DON'T KNOW,

22
00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:14,305
IRRITATE ME.

23
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:21,012
- I'M NOT
THE PERFECT WOMAN?
- THIS CLOSE, REALLY.

24
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:24,849
JUST A COUPLE,
THREE, FOUR THINGS
YOU COULD CHANGE.

25
00:01:24,851 --> 00:01:28,486
MAYBE LET ME BE
IN CONTROL SOMETIMES,
JUST A LITTLE.

26
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:33,692
WELL, YOU'RE GOING
TO SEE A WHOLE NEW ME.

27
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,760
<i> ( funk music playing</i>
<i> on radio )</i>

28
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,929
GOD, I HATE THAT.

29
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,799
- IT'S GONE.
-<i> ( music stops )</i>

30
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,241
OH... I SHOULD HAVE
LET YOU DO THAT.

31
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:52,410
WHOOPSY DOODLE.

32
00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:54,412
<i> ( '50s rock music playing )</i>

33
00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:27,145
GOOD-BYE, BASKET
OF KITTENS.

34
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,448
I CAN ONLY PRAY THAT
NEXT MONTH'S PHOTO

35
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:32,217
WILL BRING US A FRACTION
OF THE JOY AND WHIMSY...

36
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,954
...THAT YOU DID.

37
00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:44,763
THANK YOU,
BANK OF RUTHERFORD.

38
00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:48,666
WHAT?
THAT'S A MONKEY
PLAYING GOLF.

39
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,769
I KNOW, BUT HE'S
PUTTING WITH A DRIVER.

40
00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:55,773
YOU NEVER SEE
YOURSELF CLEARLY

41
00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:58,710
UNTIL YOU SEE YOURSELF
THROUGH YOUR LOVER'S EYES.

42
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,446
I AM RED FREAKIN' HOT!

43
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:05,317
GOOD FOR YOU.
AND I'M A LOUD,
DESTRUCTIVE,

44
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:07,985
IRRITATING PAIN
IN THE BUTT.

45
00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:10,088
MR. RANDELL'S NOT CRAZY
ABOUT ME ANYMORE, DICK.

46
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:12,957
SALLY, DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE
FAILING AT YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

47
00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:14,960
- HOW COULD YOU?
- I DON'T KNOW.

48
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:17,729
I THOUGHT I HAD THIS
WHOLE WOMAN THING ACED.

49
00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:19,764
MY PERFORMANCE HAS BEEN
TECHNICALLY FLAWLESS.

50
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,468
HE WANTS ME
TO CHANGE.

51
00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:26,204
WELL, HERE ON EARTH,
HUMANS CHANGE
FOR THEIR LOVERS.

52
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,207
AUGUST AND I ALWAYS
ACCOMMODATE EACH OTHER'S
WANTS AND NEEDS.

53
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,275
FOR EXAMPLE, I STOPPED
WEARING OLD SPICE,

54
00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:34,278
AND SHE'S STOPPED
TELLING ME TO STOP
WEARING OLD SPICE.

55
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,314
OH...

56
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:39,150
DON'T COMPARE
MY MATURE RELATIONSHIP

57
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,219
TO YOUR LITTLE
"TIGERBEAT" TRYST.

58
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,221
YEAH, SHE'S RIGHT.

59
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,625
TOMMY, ADULTS HAVE FAR MORE
COMPLICATED PROBLEMS.

60
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:49,294
ALTHOUGH, COME TO THINK
OF IT, DR. ALBRIGHT
AND I ARE ADULTS,

61
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:51,296
AND WE HAVE NONE.

62
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:53,965
I HAVE STRUCK
GOLD WITH HER,
GRABBED THE PRIZE,

63
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,867
HIT THE JACKPOT.

64
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:58,102
DING, DING, DING,
DING, DING, DING!

65
00:03:58,104 --> 00:04:00,872
YOU'RE A WINNER.

66
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:03,074
YOU DIDN'T WIN.
YOU LUCKED OUT.

67
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,110
LOVE DOESN'T JUST
DROP INTO YOUR LAP.

68
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:08,213
YOU'VE GOT TO
FORCE IT THERE.

69
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:11,449
I DON'T KNOW, DICK.
I'M BEGINNING TO WONDER
IF I'VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

70
00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:14,252
OF COURSE YOU'VE
GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
YOU'RE A WARRIOR,

71
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,755
AND THIS IS
THE BATTLE
OF THE SEXES.

72
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,823
YOU CAN WIN IT!

73
00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:20,892
I ENVY YOU.
EVERYBODY IN THIS HOUSE

74
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:22,927
HAS GOT SOMEBODY
EXCEPT ME.

75
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,263
BUT WHEN I DO MAKE
MY LOVE CONNECTION,

76
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,766
LADY BEWARE.

77
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,535
I CHANGE FOR NO ONE.

78
00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:32,537
HARRY, YOU SOUND
LIKE AN IDIOT.

79
00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:34,473
AND THAT WILL
NEVER CHANGE.

80
00:04:37,243 --> 00:04:39,710
TOMMY?

81
00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:41,713
LET'S SAY

82
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:44,082
I GOT INTO THIS
HORRIBLE CAR CRASH,

83
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:46,084
AND I WASN'T
REALLY HURT,

84
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:48,086
BUT MY HAIR FELL OUT
FROM THE SHOCK.

85
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,321
WOULD YOU
STILL LIKE ME?

86
00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:54,059
- WHAT ABOUT THE EYEBROWS?
- GONE.

87
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:56,161
YEAH, SURE, I'D STILL
LIKE YOU, OF COURSE.

88
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,396
IT WOULD TAKE
A COUPLE OF DAYS
TO GET USED TO.

89
00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:01,432
- DID YOU SEE THE MONKEY?
- I SAW THE MONKEY.

90
00:05:01,434 --> 00:05:03,901
WHAT IF MY SIGHT
WENT NEXT?

91
00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:06,904
I'M BALD,
WITH NO EYEBROWS,

92
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:10,242
AND I CAN'T SEE.
WOULD YOU STILL
GO OUT WITH ME?

93
00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:12,177
I'D STAND BY YOU.

94
00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:15,313
OF COURSE, YOU
WOULDN'T KNOW IT.

95
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,985
WHY DON'T YOU
GO OUT AND FIND
YOUR OWN GIRLFRIEND?

96
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:24,356
WITH MY SCHEDULE,
WHERE WOULD I
FIND THE TIME?

97
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,193
OH, MY GOD.
I HAVE GOT

98
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:30,529
THE MOST BRILLIANT IDEA.

99
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,930
YOU SHOULD CONTACT
A VIDEO DATING SERVICE.

100
00:05:32,932 --> 00:05:35,633
- YOU THINK?
- YES!  AUGUST,
THAT'S GENIUS.

101
00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:38,403
IN FACT,
I BET THEY'RE
OPEN RIGHT NOW.

102
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:41,639
YES.

103
00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:43,708
YES, YES.

104
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:46,711
THERE IS A WOMAN
OUT THERE WITH
MY NAME ON HER.

105
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,515
I WILL FIND HER,

106
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:53,084
AND NOTHING'S
GONNA TO STOP ME,

107
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:55,920
UNLESS I GET DISTRACTED
BY SOMETHING SHINY.

108
00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:03,661
YOU LOOK
LOVELY TODAY.

109
00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:05,196
THANK YOU.

110
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,965
- AND YOU LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE
ABOUT ME, TOO?
- YES.

111
00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:10,702
- HAVE I DONE ANYTHING
TO UPSET YOU?
- NO.

112
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:14,038
GREAT, 'CAUSE I'M REALLY
TRYING TO CHANGE
FOR YOU, KEVIN.

113
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,107
I HAVE BEEN SO BAD.

114
00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:18,443
HAVE YOU DECIDED
ON A WINE?

115
00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:21,012
- WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE?
RED OR WHITE?
- I DON'T KNOW.

116
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:23,014
YOU DECIDE.

117
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:25,449
WE'LL HAVE
A BOTTLE OF MERLOT.

118
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:27,685
WE'RE OUT OF BREAD.
YOU WANT MORE BREAD?

119
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:29,621
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU DECIDE.

120
00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:33,391
IS IT COLD IN HERE,
OR IS IT JUST ME?

121
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,694
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU DECIDE.

122
00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:38,529
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I DON'T KNOW.

123
00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:40,899
YOU DECIDE.

124
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,767
IF THERE'S A PROBLEM HERE,
JUST SAY SO.

125
00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:45,070
OH, THERE'S NO PROBLEM.
I'M JUST TRYING
TO PLEASE YOU.

126
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,738
- WOULD YOU JUST DROP THIS?
- SOMETHING'S WRONG,
ISN'T IT?

127
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:50,675
YOU LIKE TO PLAY NAIVE,
BUT YOU KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

128
00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:54,145
BACK UP.
IS NAIVE A GOOD THING
IN A WOMAN OR A BAD THING?

129
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:57,215
ARE YOU TRYING
TO DRAG ME INTO SOME
NEOFEMINIST DEBATE?

130
00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:58,716
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU DECIDE!

131
00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:03,587
FINE.
I'VE DECIDED.

132
00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:05,523
LUNCH IS OVER.

133
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:11,630
AW, LISTEN, HON,
THERE ARE OTHER FISH
IN THE SEA.

134
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:14,732
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ABOUT THE SPECIALS, LADY.

135
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,536
<i> ( frog croaks )</i>

136
00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:22,774
Hi, my name
is Harry Solomon.

137
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:25,910
My turn-ons are
sunshine, beach houses,

138
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:28,179
and baking bread
with my blouse off.

139
00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:32,383
- I WASN'T ROLLING.
- OH, I'M SORRY.

140
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:34,886
ALL RIGHT, HARRY,
THIS IS ALL ABOUT

141
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:36,888
JUST BEING YOURSELF.

142
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,991
I WANT YOU TO JUST
RELAX, ACT NATURAL,

143
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:42,828
AND HAVE FUN, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

144
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:45,930
OKAY.
I WAS BROUGHT UP...

145
00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:48,333
♪ ON THE BACKSTREETS ♪

146
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:51,636
♪ LEARNED TO LOVE
BEFORE I COULD EAT ♪

147
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:54,906
♪ EDUCATED, OW-WW!
AT WOODSTOCK ♪

148
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:58,309
<i> ♪ I'M A SOUL MAN! ♪</i>

149
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,979
FRIDAY WOULD BE FINE.
YEAH, I SEE
NO PROBLEM WITH--

150
00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:05,716
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

151
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:08,920
( beeping )

152
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:11,756
( phone rings )

153
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:14,092
- HELLO.
-<i> HEH-WOH.</i>

154
00:08:15,429 --> 00:08:18,129
THIS IS
MR. POOPIE BEAR.

155
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,298
IS THIS MY<i> WITTLE</i>
BUNNY FACE DOLL?

156
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:28,339
HI, MR. POOPIE BEAR.
IS<i> WOU</i> HAPPY?

157
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:32,043
I'D BE HAPPIER
IF I WAS IN A BIG
SNUGGLE BUGGLE WITH<i> WOU.</i>

158
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,745
<i> ( laughs )</i>

159
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:36,214
- ( kisses )
-<i> SNUGGLE, SNUGGLE,</i>
<i>  SNUGGLE, SNUGGLE,</i>

160
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,882
SNUGGLE, SNUGGLE.

161
00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:41,653
- OH.
-<i> HEH-WOH?</i>

162
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:44,822
<i> HEH-WOH!</i>

163
00:08:44,824 --> 00:08:46,758
OH,<i> HEH-WOH.</i>

164
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:50,461
DICK, I NEED TO TALK.

165
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:53,198
- WELL, SURE.
- I JUST HAD A HORRIBLE
LUNCH WITH KEVIN.

166
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,667
- TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.
- I TRIED TO CHANGE FOR HIM,
AND HE STILL GOT MAD AT ME.

167
00:08:56,669 --> 00:08:59,037
- I THOUGHT I'D DONE
EVERYTHING RIGHT.
- I'M SURE YOU DID.

168
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:02,140
- WHAT DO YOU THINK
HE NEEDS FROM ME?
- SALLY, SIT DOWN.

169
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:05,377
HONEY, I'M A MAN,

170
00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:07,945
AND HERE'S SOMETHING
THAT I'VE LEARNED.

171
00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:09,947
HOW CAN I PUT THIS?

172
00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:12,884
MEN... ARE
COMPLETELY INCAPABLE

173
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:16,053
OF TALKING ABOUT
RELATIONSHIPS.

174
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:18,155
HERE'S TWO WOMEN.
DUMP ON THEM.

175
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,333
( both sigh )

176
00:09:29,335 --> 00:09:31,335
WHAT DOES THIS
REMIND YOU OF?

177
00:09:31,337 --> 00:09:34,171
THAT TIME IN VIENNA.

178
00:09:34,173 --> 00:09:36,875
THAT WAITER,

179
00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:39,844
- THOSE LONG WALKS.
- AND THIS COFFEE.

180
00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:41,679
YEAH.

181
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:46,384
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- SALLY'S TENSE.

182
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:49,520
I'M TAKING HER AWAY
WITH FLAVORED COFFEE.

183
00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:53,124
WHO AM I KIDDING?
I'VE NEVER EVEN
BEEN TO VIENNA!

184
00:09:54,528 --> 00:09:56,528
WELL, THIS
IS AMARETTO.

185
00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:58,530
A BROKEN HEART
DEMANDS MOCHA MINT!

186
00:09:58,532 --> 00:10:01,432
I'M SORRY.
YOU CAN'T BLAME ME...

187
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,768
- SALLY, WHAT'S WRONG?
- LOOK AT THESE CHAIRS.

188
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:06,271
I DON'T KNOW
IF IT'S THE FABRIC,
OR THE PATTERN,

189
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,940
OR THAT MR. RANDELL
HATES ME, OR MAYBE
WE JUST NEED A COUCH.

190
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,108
- THE FABRIC
IS A BIT LOUD.
- IT'S MR. RANDELL.

191
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:13,577
SALLY, PLEASE,
STOP BEING SO SAD.

192
00:10:13,579 --> 00:10:16,080
- I'M NOT SAD.  I'M ANGRY.
- THEN WHY ARE YOU LEAKING?

193
00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:19,351
I DON'T KNOW!
IT'S A WHOLE NEW LEAK.

194
00:10:20,987 --> 00:10:23,154
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH
MR. RANDELL IS BROKEN.

195
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:25,957
NO MATTER
WHAT I SAY TO HIM,
I CAN'T FIX IT.

196
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,226
STOP SAYING,
AND START DOING.

197
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,562
YOU'VE GOT TO
HAVE MORE SEX.

198
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,966
MORE?
I'VE NEVER HAD
ANY, EVER.

199
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,800
EVER?
WELL...

200
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:39,670
THERE'S THE BLACK FLY
IN YOUR CHARDONNAY.

201
00:10:42,341 --> 00:10:44,175
YOU'VE GOT TO START.

202
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:46,444
SEX FIXES EVERYTHING.

203
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:49,246
IT'S THE NEOSPORIN
OF<i> AMORE.</i>

204
00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:51,348
UH... DICK, I DON'T
KNOW ABOUT THAT.

205
00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:54,752
AUGUST SAYS IT'S
VERY IN NOWADAYS TO SAVE
YOURSELF FOR MARRIAGE.

206
00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:56,788
COULD WE PLEASE NOT
TALK ABOUT MARRIAGE?

207
00:10:56,790 --> 00:11:00,124
- I CAN'T EVEN GET THROUGH
DINNER WITH THIS GUY.
- ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE UP?

208
00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:02,259
HE'S JUST NOT HAPPY
WITH ME ANYMORE.

209
00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:05,330
YOU THINK YOU CAN
JUST WALK OUT OF HERE
AND FIND ANOTHER MAN?

210
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:08,165
- I MEAN, REALLY,
JUST LOOK AT YOURSELF.
- ( gasps ) WHAT?

211
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:11,202
OH, THOSE
COMICALLY LONG LEGS,

212
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:14,472
THAT BLINDINGLY SHINY HAIR,
THOSE UNRULY BREASTS.

213
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,841
ALL RIGHT!
I GET THE PICTURE!

214
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:19,010
SALLY, HE SEEMS
LIKE A NICE GUY.

215
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:20,945
MAYBE HE'LL DO IT
OUT OF PITY.

216
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,517
ARE YOU SURE?

217
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,519
COME HERE.
I KNOW THE THOUGHT

218
00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:29,521
OF GIVING YOURSELF
TO SOMEONE

219
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:32,023
IS AT ONCE FRIGHTENING
AND EXCITING,

220
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,025
BUT EMBRACE IT.

221
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,027
LET GO OF YOURSELF.

222
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:39,431
I MEAN, DR. ALBRIGHT
DOVE RIGHT IN, AND IT
WAS HER FIRST TIME.

223
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,635
UM... AHEM--
COFFEE, ANYONE?

224
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,007
LOOK, MAYBE YOU NEED
A LITTLE SOMETHING

225
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:51,042
TO, UH...

226
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,143
TO GET YOU
IN THE MOOD.

227
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,981
I HAVE A MOVIE
THAT YOU CAN BORROW.

228
00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:02,119
"HOMEWARD BOUND."

229
00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:04,322
- IS THIS
SUPPOSED TO HELP?
- COULDN'T HURT.

230
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:06,624
THE SCENE WHERE THE CAT
FALLS OFF THE WET LOG...

231
00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:12,964
YOU'LL NOTICE
THAT PART OF THE TAPE
IS A LITTLE WORN.

232
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,335
HERE.
MOCHA MINT FOR YOU.

233
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:19,604
- THANKS, TOMMY.
- YEAH.  ( clears throat )

234
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:21,606
PERSONALLY, I THINK
DICK'S GOING

235
00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:23,608
A LITTLE OVERBOARD
WITH THE WHOLE THING.

236
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:27,478
YOU HAVE TO REALIZE
MAKING LOVE TO MR. RANDELL
IS YOUR DECISION.

237
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,947
YOU'RE RIGHT.

238
00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:32,116
I'LL DO IT.
I MEAN,

239
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:35,620
WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOSE
EXCEPT MY VIRGINITY?

240
00:12:35,622 --> 00:12:37,555
GOOD-BYE, MR. HYMEN.

241
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:41,893
YOU'RE FIRING
OUR ACCOUNTANT?

242
00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:45,797
OH!

243
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:53,638
Man:
<i> What do you look for</i>
<i> in the opposite sex, Harry?</i>

244
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,706
Harry:
<i> Big bosoms...</i>

245
00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:57,708
<i> and teeth.</i>

246
00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:00,878
HARRY, YOU'RE
SO NATURAL
AND SO SINCERE,

247
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,781
NOT TO MENTION
YOUR FEATURES ARE
POSITIVELY CHISELED.

248
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:07,585
YOU KNOW, I HAD
NO IDEA THAT YOU PREFER
ONE LARGE MEAL A DAY,

249
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:10,588
- OR THAT YOUR FAVORITE
COLOR IS CLEAR.
- CLEAR.

250
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:15,292
TOMMY...

251
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:18,129
( all scream )

252
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:21,332
- WE HAVE TO TALK.
- AUGUST, ARE YOU OKAY?

253
00:13:23,002 --> 00:13:25,636
I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
FORTUNATELY,
THE HAMSTER

254
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,604
DIDN'T HAVE RABIES.

255
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:32,276
- THE HAMSTER?
- THE HAMSTER THAT
BIT MY NOSE OFF.

256
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,413
YES, THAT'S RIGHT,
TOMMY,

257
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:37,348
MY NOSE IS GONE.

258
00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:42,720
SO, I SUPPOSE YOU
WANT YOUR RING BACK.

259
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:45,757
UH... WELL, NO.

260
00:13:45,759 --> 00:13:47,859
UH... CAN'T THEY,

261
00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:50,595
LIKE, STICK IT
BACK ON SOMEHOW?

262
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:53,965
AND THAT WOULD BE
THE ONLY WAY YOU'D
CONTINUE TO SEE ME?

263
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:56,000
WITH MY NOSE BACK,
THAT IS?

264
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:59,336
NO, I DIDN'T
SAY THAT.
UH...

265
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:02,440
UH... I GUESS WE'LL
JUST WORK THROUGH

266
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,408
THIS WHOLE NOSE
THING TOGETHER.

267
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:07,444
- NO!
- SURPRISE!

268
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,248
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE
DOUBTED YOU, TOMMY.

269
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:20,424
<i> ( knocking )</i>

270
00:14:22,394 --> 00:14:24,729
<i> ( knocking continues )</i>

271
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:27,397
-<i> ( pounding )</i>
- YEAH!

272
00:14:27,399 --> 00:14:29,333
YEAH.

273
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:33,337
- HI, SALLY.
- HI.

274
00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:37,041
I WASN'T EXPECTING
TO SEE YOU.

275
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,477
WELL, YOU KNOW ME,

276
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:42,980
LITTLE OLD
IMPULSIVE SALLY.

277
00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:46,584
I'VE DECIDED
WE NEED TO TAKE THINGS
TO ANOTHER LEVEL.

278
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:50,354
SALLY, I THINK WE HAVE
A LOT OF ISSUES THAT
NEED TO BE RESOLVED.

279
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:52,356
BY ANOTHER LEVEL,
I MEAN THIS.

280
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:58,262
WE CAN PUT THOSE ISSUES
ON THE BACK BURNER
FOR AWHILE.

281
00:14:58,264 --> 00:15:00,698
( grunts )

282
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,670
I REALLY WANT
TO PLEASE YOU, KEVIN.

283
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:08,305
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO STOP
TO TELL ME THAT.

284
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,410
THIS IS GOING TO FIX
EVERYTHING, RIGHT?

285
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,779
WELL, IT'S GOING TO FIX
A COUPLE OF THINGS.

286
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:19,450
IF IT'S NOT GOING
TO FIX EVERYTHING,
WHY ARE WE DOING IT?

287
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:26,790
OKAY, THIS WASN'T
MY IDEA, SALLY.

288
00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:29,727
IT WASN'T MINE, EITHER.
IT WAS MY FAMILY'S.

289
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:31,929
YOUR FAMILY CONVINCED YOU
TO SLEEP WITH ME?

290
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,265
YEAH,
WE REALLY THINK
YOU'RE WORTH IT.

291
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,034
WHAT AM I, SOME KIND
OF EXPERIMENT?

292
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:38,903
YOU MAKE THAT SOUND
LIKE A BAD THING.

293
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,971
WHY DOES EVERYTHING
HAVE TO BE SO DIFFICULT
WITH YOU?

294
00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:43,474
IF I'M SO DIFFICULT,
WHY DO YOU WANT TO
HAVE SEX WITH ME?

295
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,476
BECAUSE YOU'RE LAYING
ON TOP OF ME.

296
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,478
- THAT'S YOUR ANSWER
FOR EVERYTHING.
- I GIVE UP.

297
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,481
- YOU GIVE UP, GOOD.
THAT MEANS I WIN.
- NO, YOU DON'T WIN.

298
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:52,650
- YOU WIN?
- I DON'T WIN, EITHER.

299
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:55,286
- NO ONE WINS?
- NO.

300
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,789
- THIS REALLY SUCKS.
- YES, IT DOES.

301
00:15:57,791 --> 00:16:00,091
- I DON'T WANT
TO PLAY ANYMORE.
- NEITHER DO I.

302
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:02,193
I THINK ONE OF US
SHOULD LEAVE.

303
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,734
AND SINCE THIS IS
YOUR APARTMENT,

304
00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:13,070
- I GUESS THAT
WOULD BE ME.
- GOOD-BYE.

305
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:24,348
YOU KNOW, I'VE...

306
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:27,318
- NEVER LOST BEFORE.
- I'M SORRY.

307
00:16:33,058 --> 00:16:36,059
( loud explosion )

308
00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:38,061
TELL ME
WHAT HAPPENED.

309
00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:41,899
I WENT OVER THERE TO FIX
THINGS, AND INSTEAD
I RUINED EVERYTHING.

310
00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:45,069
AND THE WORST PART IS,
I'M STILL A VIRGIN.

311
00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:47,572
OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE A VIRGIN?

312
00:16:47,574 --> 00:16:50,941
YES, I KNOW.
IT'S HORRIBLE.

313
00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:53,877
NO, NO, NO, NO,
IT'S WONDERFUL.

314
00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:55,813
IT IS?

315
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:59,217
YES.  IT'S PERFECTLY
ALL RIGHT TO SAVE YOURSELF
FOR THE RIGHT MAN.

316
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:01,152
<i> LIKE YOU DID</i>
<i> FOR DICK?</i>

317
00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:12,563
YES.

318
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,867
THE POINT IS,
BREAKING UP WITH
KEVIN WAS SMART.

319
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,036
HE WANTED YOU TO BE
SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT,

320
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,205
AND YOU'RE FINE
JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

321
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:23,207
I LIKE YOU, SALLY.

322
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,843
I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU LIKED ME.

323
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:27,912
WELL, I DO.

324
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:29,914
YOU'RE A STRONG,
OPINIONATED,

325
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:31,983
INTELLIGENT
YOUNG WOMAN.

326
00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:34,318
UNPREDICTABLE AT TIMES,
A LITTLE SCARY,

327
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,486
BUT, HELL,
THAT'S YOU.

328
00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:38,489
THAT<i> IS</i> ME.

329
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:42,159
I LIKE ME, TOO,
BUT WHY DIDN'T
MR. RANDELL?

330
00:17:42,161 --> 00:17:45,830
WELL, HE'S JUST NOT
THE RIGHT GUY FOR YOU.
BUT YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE.

331
00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:48,499
I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT YOU.
THOSE LEGS, THAT HAIR--

332
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:51,769
PLEASE!  I'VE BEEN
DRAGGED THROUGH
THE MUCK ENOUGH TODAY.

333
00:17:57,010 --> 00:17:59,376
JUST CHALK THIS UP
TO EXPERIENCE.

334
00:17:59,378 --> 00:18:01,712
THANKS, DR. ALBRIGHT.

335
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:03,614
YOU'RE SO NICE.

336
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,949
I ALWAYS THOUGHT
YOU WERE SUCH A BITCH.

337
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:12,022
OH, I AM,

338
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:13,857
BUT, HELL,

339
00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:15,626
THAT'S ME.

340
00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:25,236
<i> ( blues music playing )</i>

341
00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:33,911
( coughs )

342
00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:42,186
- WELL, HELLO.
- HI.

343
00:18:42,188 --> 00:18:44,622
I GOTTA SAY,
I'M SHOCKED.

344
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:48,025
THAT VIDEOTAPE
DID NOT DO YOU JUSTICE.

345
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:49,993
WHAT VIDEOTAPE?

346
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,765
OH.

347
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:57,101
THAT MUST BE LYDIA.

348
00:18:57,103 --> 00:19:00,104
A LITTLE MORE KNUCKLE HAIR
THAN I HAD HOPED FOR,

349
00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:03,674
BUT... A GUY HAS GOT
TO START SOMEWHERE.

350
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,183
( all inhale )

351
00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:13,851
( all sigh )

352
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:16,120
YOU KNOW
WHAT THIS COFFEE
REMINDS ME OF?

353
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:18,555
THAT LITTLE CAFE
IN AMSTERDAM?

354
00:19:18,557 --> 00:19:21,158
NO, THAT I USED
THE COFFEE POT
TO DRAIN THE FREON

355
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,327
OUT OF THE AIR
CONDITIONER.

356
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,529
All:
YEAH.

357
00:19:25,531 --> 00:19:27,765
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL
MORNING, ISN'T IT?

358
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:30,334
THE BIRDS ARE CHIRPING.
THE SKY IS BLUE.

359
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,970
YOU'RE AWFULLY CHEERY,
CONSIDERING YOU JUST
LOST YOUR BOYFRIEND.

360
00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:36,273
- I'M OKAY.
- YOU KNOW, I FEEL
SORRY FOR YOU.

361
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:38,609
THIS AFTERNOON,
I'M GOING SHOPPING
FOR DRAPES

362
00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:41,379
WITH DR. ALBRIGHT,
AND YOU'LL BE ALONE.

363
00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:44,448
AND TOMORROW
I'M TAKING DR. ALBRIGHT
TO THE RECYCLING CENTER,

364
00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:46,383
AND YOU'LL BE ALONE.

365
00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:49,320
THE WAY I LOOK AT IT,
DICK, I'M EMBARKING
ON AN ADVENTURE.

366
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:52,055
THE DATING WORLD IS LIKE
A HUGE FOOD COURT FOR ME,

367
00:19:52,057 --> 00:19:54,525
AND I CAN TAKE
MY LITTLE RED TRAY
ANYWHERE I LIKE.

368
00:19:56,129 --> 00:19:58,028
I DON'T FOLLOW.

369
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,731
YOU SEE, DICK,
IT'S LIKE, WITH YOU,

370
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:04,635
YOU KNOW YOU'RE
GOING TO HAVE GRILLED
CHEESE EVERY DAY,

371
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,870
DAY AFTER DAY

372
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:09,573
AFTER DAY
AFTER DAY.

373
00:20:09,575 --> 00:20:12,409
BUT ME, TONIGHT
I MIGHT GO ITALIAN.

374
00:20:12,411 --> 00:20:14,512
TOMORROW, GREEK.
NEXT WEEK, WHO KNOWS?

375
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,180
MEXICAN, CHINESE--

376
00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:18,115
HOT DOG ON A STICK.

377
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:22,420
HEY, HARRY,

378
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:25,055
COME ON,
IT'S SINGLES DAY
AT THE MALL.

379
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,990
LOCK AND LOAD.

380
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,729
GRILLED CHEESE.

381
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:34,865
TOMMY,

382
00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:36,700
WE'RE LATE.

383
00:20:36,702 --> 00:20:38,636
ENJOY YOUR LUNCH.

384
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,374
YEAH, YOU, TOO.

385
00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:52,316
GOD, I LOVE
GRILLED CHEESE.

386
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:58,990
YEAH.

387
00:20:58,992 --> 00:21:00,992
I COULD EAT IT
EVERY DAY.

388
00:21:03,029 --> 00:21:06,197
DAY AFTER DAY
AFTER DAY
AFTER DAY.

389
00:21:06,199 --> 00:21:08,799
MMM!

390
00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:11,368
HEY, DO YOU HAVE
ANY SLICED TOMATOES?

391
00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:13,971
YES!
YES, WE DO!

392
00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:25,883
PERFECT MATE HAS HUNDREDS
OF COMPATIBLE PEOPLE
FOR YOU.

393
00:21:27,653 --> 00:21:30,687
- LET'S GO.
- MY NAME IS SALLY,

394
00:21:30,689 --> 00:21:32,823
AND I'M STRONG,
LOUD, OPINIONATED,

395
00:21:32,825 --> 00:21:35,125
AND AGGRESSIVE.

396
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:38,895
I'M A BIG, ANGRY VIRGIN,
AND I'M HAPPY ABOUT IT.

397
00:21:38,897 --> 00:21:41,231
OH, AND I ALSO ENJOY WALKING
BAREFOOT IN THE SAND,

398
00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:43,000
AND THE POEMS
OF ROD McKUEN.

399
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:46,236
So, if you're
man enough for me,

400
00:21:46,238 --> 00:21:48,171
let's make a date.