1
00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:11,710
HIGH COMMANDER'S LOG.

2
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:17,850
MAKE THAT<i> FORMER</i>
HIGH COMMANDER.

3
00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:20,752
I AM WRITING THIS
SO THAT FUTURE
GENERATIONS

4
00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:22,988
WILL KNOW
THE TRUTH.

5
00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:25,323
IT ALL BEGAN
TWO DAYS AGO.

6
00:00:25,325 --> 00:00:27,326
OKAY, WHERE'S
MY SHOES?

7
00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:30,328
I THINK I SAW ONE OF THEM
RIGHT OVER THERE.

8
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:35,233
HARRY RECEIVED A MESSAGE
FROM THE BIG GIANT HEAD

9
00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:37,335
SAYING THAT I WAS
TO BE REPLACED

10
00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:39,404
THE VERY NEXT NIGHT.

11
00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:41,907
CRUELLY, THAT WAS
THE VERY NIGHT

12
00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:44,142
THAT MARY
FINALLY SAID,

13
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:46,411
"I CARE ABOUT YOU."

14
00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:49,080
MARY, YOU UNDERSTAND
MY EVERY THOUGHT.

15
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:52,717
I UNDERSTAND.
YOU'VE HAD THE MILK.
WHY BUY THE COW?

16
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:56,555
NO, I WANT YOU.
I WANT THE COW.

17
00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:02,427
BUT I WAS SUMMONED
INTO THE BASEMENT

18
00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:05,096
TO MEET
MY REPLACEMENT.

19
00:01:05,098 --> 00:01:08,533
AND HERE I AM
IN THIS ENCASEMENT.

20
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:10,535
NO.

21
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:15,106
I MUST MAKE
AN ERASEMENT.

22
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:23,682
IGNORING ALL
MILITARY PROTOCOL,

23
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:26,585
HE CONFINED ME
IN THIS INVISIBLE BOX.

24
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,687
( sinister laughter )

25
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,524
( gasps )

26
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:34,526
OH, MY GOD!

27
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:36,695
HE'S TURNED ME
INTO A MIME!

28
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:44,135
( sobs )

29
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:49,441
- WHAT'S GOING ON IN THAT PAN?
- I'M COOKING SAUSAGES.

30
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:52,444
THOSE ARE LINKS.
I LIKE PATTIES.

31
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,446
- I'M SORRY, SIR.
- SORRY WON'T DO.

32
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:57,615
PRESS THAT MEAT, SOLDIER.
I LIKE MY LINKS FLAT.

33
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,591
WHO ATE
MY STRAWBERRIES?

34
00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:08,927
- WHAT STRAWBERRIES?
- I HAD A PINT OF
STRAWBERRIES IN HERE

35
00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:10,929
WITH A NOTE
CLEARLY MARKED MINE.

36
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:12,597
- I DIDN'T TAKE 'EM.
- IT WASN'T ME.

37
00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:18,936
MAN, THEM STRAWBERRIES
WAS GOOD EATIN'.

38
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,881
IT IS BECOMING
ALL TOO CLEAR

39
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:33,151
HOW MY PREDECESSOR
CHOSE TO RUN THINGS.

40
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,588
YOU WILL FIND THINGS
TO BE QUITE DIFFERENT
UNDER MY COMMAND, TOMMY.

41
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:39,257
UH, NO, I'M HARRY.

42
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:44,796
NO, I'VE DECIDED THAT
FROM NOW ON YOU WILL
BE KNOWN AS TOMMY.

43
00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:47,165
WHAT ABOUT ME?

44
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,835
YOU WILL BE KNOWN
AS TOMMY, TOO.

45
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:53,205
BUT WAIT.
TOMMY AND THEN THE NUMBER 2,
OR TOMMY AS WELL?

46
00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:55,440
YOU WILL ALL BE
KNOWN AS TOMMY!

47
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,177
- AND THAT'S NOT ALL.
LIEUTENANT?
- SIR!

48
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,980
- FROM NOW ON,
YOU WILL WEAR SKIRTS.
- SKIRTS?

49
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:05,150
SOMETHING LONG
THAT LOOKS PRETTY
WHEN YOU TWIRL.

50
00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:08,720
<i> AND STAY AWAY FROM PLEATS.</i>
<i> YOU KNOW, NOTHING TOO FUSSY.</i>

51
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:10,422
OKAY.

52
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:13,525
FURTHERMORE,
WHEN COUPONS
ARRIVE IN THE MAIL,

53
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:16,561
I GET FIRST DIBS.

54
00:03:16,563 --> 00:03:19,398
I MAY OPEN
A BOX OF CEREAL
TO GET THE PRIZE,

55
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,799
BUT I DO NOT THEN
HAVE TO EAT...

56
00:03:21,801 --> 00:03:23,402
THE CEREAL.

57
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:29,241
THE BATHROOM HAS BEEN
STOCKED WITH TWO KINDS
OF TOILET PAPER.

58
00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:31,910
I, AND I ALONE,

59
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,845
GET THE QUILTED KIND.

60
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,683
YOU WILL GO TO A BARBER.
I WILL GO TO A STYLIST.

61
00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:41,986
BUT WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
WE HAVE SO MUCH MORE
HAIR THAN YOU DO.

62
00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:45,590
YOU WILL NEVER
MENTION THAT AGAIN!

63
00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:47,525
HAVE I MADE MYSELF
CLEAR, TOMMY?

64
00:03:49,029 --> 00:03:50,862
All: YES.

65
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:52,831
<i> ( '50s rock music playing )</i>

66
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:24,062
WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOU
WHAT TIME IT IS,

67
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:26,731
YOU DO NOT SAY
"IT'S TIME TO DIE."

68
00:04:28,701 --> 00:04:31,869
- AND, UH, WHERE
DO I GO FOR WORK?
-<i> THE UNIVERSITY.</i>

69
00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:35,173
AH.  SO I RUN
THE UNIVERSITY.

70
00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:40,044
NOT SO MUCH RUN.
YOU TEACH A PHYSICS CLASS.

71
00:04:40,046 --> 00:04:42,114
I'M A TEACHER?!

72
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:45,450
WERE ALL
THE JANITORS'
JOBS TAKEN?

73
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,487
SIX MONTHS ON THIS
PLANET, AND THAT'S ALL
MY PREDECESSOR ACHIEVED.

74
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:50,489
HOW PITIFUL.

75
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:53,625
HE WAS SPENDING A LOT
OF TIME ON THAT WHOLE
DR. ALBRIGHT THING.

76
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:57,228
AH, YES, MARY.

77
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,564
I'VE GOT PLANS
FOR HER.

78
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,772
THERE'S MY GIRL.

79
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:10,842
I FEEL SO PRETTY.

80
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:15,012
NOW PAY ATTENTION.
I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT
FOR YOU.

81
00:05:15,014 --> 00:05:16,948
LIEUTENANT,
TAKE THIS DOWN.

82
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:19,651
I WILL REQUIRE
THE FOLLOWING ITEMS:

83
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:23,855
500 ROLLS OF SILVER
REFLECTIVE DUCT TAPE,

84
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:27,025
144 CERAMIC
CUSTARD CUPS,

85
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:29,827
ONE SUBATOMIC SPECTROMETER,
AND ONE TURKEY BASTER.

86
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:34,532
YOU SEE, I AM BUILDING
THE GREATEST INCUBATOR

87
00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:36,801
THESE PUNY HUMANS

88
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:38,803
HAVE EVER KNOWN.

89
00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:40,805
AND WHEN IT
IS COMPLETED,

90
00:05:40,807 --> 00:05:44,342
I WILL SPAWN
MY OWN PRIVATE ARMY OF--

91
00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:49,381
OF...

92
00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:51,349
FUZZY EASTER CHICKS.

93
00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:56,054
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
YOU HAVE YOUR ASSIGNMENT.
HOP TO IT!

94
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:59,891
- CAN YOU GIVE US A RIDE?
- NO.  THE CAR IS MINE,
AND MINE ALONE.

95
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,761
YOU'RE HUMANS.
USE YOUR FEET.

96
00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:11,169
YOU KNOW,
I WAS THIS CLOSE
TO KICKING HIS BUTT.

97
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,071
YEAH.

98
00:06:14,308 --> 00:06:16,374
YEAH, I WAS GONNA
KICK HIS BUTT,

99
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:19,210
BUT, YOU KNOW,
I FIGURED YOU'D DO IT.

100
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:22,513
- WELL, WHEN HE COMES BACK,
I'M KICKING HIS BUTT.
- ALL RIGHT.

101
00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:24,515
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
COMPLAINING
ABOUT, HUH?

102
00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:26,751
I DESERVED HIS JOB.
I SHOULD BE
HIGH COMMANDER.

103
00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:29,387
I HAVE THE SENIORITY.
I KNOW THE TERRITORY.

104
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,690
SO WHY WASN'T
I PROMOTED, HUH?

105
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:33,725
BECAUSE I'M THE WOMAN.
ONCE AGAIN,

106
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,726
THE WOMAN
WAS PASSED OVER.

107
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:38,863
- YOU WANT ME
TO KICK HIS BUTT?
- HARRY,

108
00:06:38,865 --> 00:06:41,767
THERE'S NOT GOING TO
BE ANY BUTT-KICKING.
HE IS HIGH COMMANDER.

109
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:44,335
LIKE IT OR NOT,
WE'RE SWORN TO FOLLOW HIM.

110
00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:47,672
ANYWAY, MAYBE
THIS MISSION COULD USE
A LITTLE DISCIPLINE.

111
00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:49,841
YEAH, NICE SKIRT,
TOMMY.

112
00:06:53,513 --> 00:06:55,813
ALL RIGHT, HOW DO
YOU WORK A CAR?

113
00:06:57,384 --> 00:06:59,618
( thumping )

114
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:02,220
SEE, IT'S
THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN GOOD FABRIC

115
00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:05,190
AND CHEAP FABRIC.

116
00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,291
THEN AGAIN,
MY THIRD HUSBAND

117
00:07:07,293 --> 00:07:09,293
LIKED 'EM CHEAP.

118
00:07:09,295 --> 00:07:12,630
YES, YES, THAT'S
FASCINATING.

119
00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:14,866
SAY, DR. SOLOMON,
COULD YOU COME OVER

120
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:17,302
AND GIVE ME A HAND
WITH MY LINT TRAP?

121
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:21,639
NO, I...

122
00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:24,309
I'D LOVE TO REALLY,
BUT I'M AFRAID
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

123
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,478
YOU SEE, I HAVE
A BAD BACK.

124
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,547
I THINK I KNOW WHY
YOU'RE DOWN HERE.

125
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:31,550
SAME REASON
MY SECOND HUSBAND
USED TO COME DOWN HERE.

126
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:33,317
( loud bang )

127
00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:35,987
BOTTLE OF SCOTCH HIDDEN
IN THE INSULATION.

128
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:38,156
( banging )

129
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,158
OF COURSE,
I ALWAYS KNEW.

130
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:43,161
THE PINK FUZZ
IN HIS BEER
GAVE HIM AWAY.

131
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,430
( banging )

132
00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:47,465
( humming )

133
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,834
( pants )

134
00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:51,802
- MRS. DUBCEK.
- MM-HMM.

135
00:07:56,576 --> 00:07:58,976
YES?

136
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,146
I NEED YOU
TO DO ME A FAVOR.

137
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:04,315
COULD YOU GO UPSTAIRS
AND TELL SALLY

138
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,317
THAT I'M DOWN HERE?

139
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:09,254
BUT IF YOU SEE ME
STANDING THERE--

140
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:11,422
AND THIS IS
VERY IMPORTANT--

141
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:14,359
DON'T SAY
ANYTHING TO ME.

142
00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:18,796
JUST TAKE SALLY ASIDE
AND WHISPER IT TO HER.

143
00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:20,798
WHATEVER YOU DO,
MAKE SURE

144
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,201
<i> I</i> DON'T HEAR<i> YOU.</i>

145
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,605
COME AGAIN?

146
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:32,143
( sighs )
NEVER MIND.

147
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,079
( plinks )

148
00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:43,721
<i> ( door opens )</i>

149
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:53,998
STOP IT.

150
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,500
OKAY, HERE'S
THE DUCT TAPE.
HOW MUCH DO WE NEED?

151
00:08:56,502 --> 00:08:59,470
500 ROLLS,
SILVER REFLECTIVE.

152
00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,539
OKAY, WELL, HOW
ABOUT EIGHT ROLLS

153
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,708
- OF SORT OF GRAYISH?
- THAT'S FINE.

154
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:07,545
WHAT DO YOU THINK
DICK'S DOING NOW?
YOU KNOW, OLD DICK.

155
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,582
YOU DON'T THINK
THEY REASSIGNED HIM TO
THE BROWN PLANET, DO YOU?

156
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:13,151
OOH...

157
00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:17,555
- DENNIS!
- TOM, SALLY, HARRY.

158
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,657
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING HERE?

159
00:09:19,659 --> 00:09:23,061
- WE JUST HAD TO PICK
UP SOME DUCT TAPE.
- I MEAN ON EARTH.

160
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,063
OH.  WELL, WE'RE
DOING THAT THING

161
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,432
WHERE WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE A HUMAN FAMILY.

162
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:29,434
I DODGED
THAT ASSIGNMENT.

163
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:32,002
WE'VE SEEN YOU ON TV.
18 REBOUNDS A GAME.

164
00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:33,771
DON'T PEOPLE
SUSPECT ANYTHING?

165
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:37,775
LOOK AT YOU--
THE HAIR, THE TATTOOS.

166
00:09:37,777 --> 00:09:39,877
- LIKE<i> YOU</i>
COULD BE HUMAN.
- YEAH.

167
00:09:41,013 --> 00:09:44,015
THEY THINK I'M WEIRD
OR SOMETHING.

168
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,717
I HEAR THAT.

169
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,286
LISTEN, DENNIS,
I GOTTA ASK YOU.

170
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,288
MADONNA--
WHERE IS SHE FROM?

171
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:52,390
- DETROIT.
- DETROIT, EARTH?

172
00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:54,058
- GET OUT.
- NO.

173
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:56,327
YEAH, SHE'S HERE.
SHE'S HERE.

174
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:59,697
- WHAT ABOUT
MICHAEL JORDAN?
- ROBOT.

175
00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:03,068
- I TOLD YOU SO.  SEE?
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

176
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:05,503
WELL, GUYS,
I GOTTA BE GOING.

177
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:07,805
PROCEED BOLDLY
AND WITH STEALTH.

178
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,975
JAM ON.

179
00:10:23,656 --> 00:10:27,025
I LIKE
WHAT YOU'VE DONE
WITH YOUR DESK.

180
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,093
WOULD YOU LIKE ME
TO DO IT

181
00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:31,696
TO YOURS?

182
00:10:31,698 --> 00:10:34,766
NO.
I LIKE IT MESSY.

183
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,734
BAD GIRL.

184
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:40,171
SO, DR. ALBRIGHT,
REFRESH MY MEMORY.

185
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,173
HAVE YOU AND I...

186
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:43,808
HAD SEX YET?

187
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:46,711
WHY, YES,
I BELIEVE WE HAVE.

188
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,181
HOW WAS IT?

189
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,583
IT WAS... NICE.

190
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:55,453
NEXT TIME,
IT WON'T BE...
SO NICE.

191
00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:05,262
- WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?
- I DON'T KNOW, NINA.

192
00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:08,065
NINA, WHERE'S
THAT COMPREHENSIVE
COURSE SYLLABUS?

193
00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:11,369
YOU ONLY ASKED ME
TO DO IT 10 MINUTES AGO.
I'M NOT A MACHINE.

194
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:13,938
OH, PITY.

195
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:16,774
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
TRYING TO SHOW OFF
IN FRONT OF HER?

196
00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:18,776
I DON'T HAVE
TO SHOW OFF.

197
00:11:18,778 --> 00:11:20,678
I JUST HAVE TO...

198
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,714
SHOW UP.

199
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:26,918
ISN'T HE NAUGHTY?

200
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:34,292
OLD DICK WOULD HAVE
NEVER ORDERED US OUT
ONTO THE ROOF.

201
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:37,195
EXCEPT FOR THAT TIME
HE ORDERED US OUT
ONTO THE ROOF.

202
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,130
OH, WELL,
THAT TIME, SURE.

203
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:44,068
A SMALL FIRE
HAS BROKEN OUT
IN THE LIVING ROOM.

204
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:47,338
THERE'S A FIRE
EXTINGUISHER
NEXT TO THE STOVE.

205
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:52,009
THE STOVE IS
IN THE KITCHEN.

206
00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:54,779
OBVIOUSLY.

207
00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:56,613
THIS GUY'S
SUCH A HARD-ASS.

208
00:11:56,615 --> 00:11:59,050
MAY I REMIND YOU
THAT THAT HARD-ASS
IS OUR HIGH COMMANDER?

209
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,885
YOU'RE THE WEAPONS
EXPERT.

210
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,187
ISN'T THERE SOME WAY
TO GET RID OF HIM?

211
00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:05,022
NO, WE'RE STUCK
WITH HIM.

212
00:12:05,024 --> 00:12:07,892
WE CAN'T JUST FRAG HIM
WITH A GRENADE WHILE
HE'S TAKING A SHOWER.

213
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:11,329
BUT LISTEN,
SHOWERS ACCIDENTALLY
EXPLODE ALL THE TIME.

214
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,731
- I DIDN'T HEAR THAT, SOLDIER.
- HE SAID THAT SHOWERS--

215
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,767
SHUT UP!

216
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:19,270
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER
IS NOW ON FIRE.

217
00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:24,008
- I MISS THE OLD DICK.
- I MISS THE OLD DICK, TOO.

218
00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:27,178
MISSING HIM'S NOT GOING
TO BRING HIM BACK.

219
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:29,314
I WILL ADMIT THAT
THE OLD DICK'S METHODS

220
00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:32,484
WERE A LITTLE DIFFERENT
THAN THIS DICK, BUT...

221
00:12:32,486 --> 00:12:34,819
IT'S NOT UP
TO US TO QUESTION
HIS DIRECTIVES.

222
00:12:34,821 --> 00:12:36,988
HE IS IN COMMAND,
AND THAT'S THAT.

223
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,358
HE'S...

224
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,294
HE'S JUST MEAN,
AND THERE'S NOTHING
WE CAN DO ABOUT IT.

225
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,129
WHOA.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

226
00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:47,131
- YOU'RE GETTING
ALL WET.  STOP.
- STOP LEAKING.

227
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:49,133
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT,
YOU'RE RIGHT.

228
00:12:49,135 --> 00:12:51,469
AS DICK ALWAYS
USED TO SAY,

229
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,404
NEVER LET 'EM
SEE YOU LEAK.

230
00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:58,576
THE FIRE'S OUT OF CONTROL.
I'LL BE BACK IN TWO HOURS.

231
00:13:02,648 --> 00:13:04,749
I MISS DICK.
( sobbing )

232
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:08,152
( sobs )

233
00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:18,129
( rings )

234
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,064
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

235
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,569
( rings )

236
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:26,504
WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

237
00:13:28,207 --> 00:13:30,275
( rings )

238
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,777
STOP IT.

239
00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:34,512
( rings )

240
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,447
STOP IT!

241
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,687
HELLO.

242
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:45,557
DR. ALBRIGHT,
DINNER, MY PLACE,
TONIGHT.

243
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:49,561
- IS THAT AN INVITATION?
- NO.

244
00:13:49,563 --> 00:13:51,562
WELL...

245
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:54,698
THE CAT THINKS
HE HAS THE MOUSE
BY THE TAIL.

246
00:13:56,102 --> 00:13:58,269
YES, BUT SOMETIMES
THE CAT LIKES TO...

247
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,371
PLAY WITH HIS PREY

248
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,340
BEFORE HE GOES IN
FOR THE KILL.

249
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:06,444
WELL, THE CAT
MAY HAVE CLAWS,

250
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:08,846
BUT THE MOUSE
IS QUICK.

251
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,614
TRUE,

252
00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:13,017
BUT THE MOUSE
WILL ALWAYS FALL

253
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,952
FOR THE CHEESE.

254
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:18,990
THE CAT LIKES
A LITTLE CHEESE, TOO.

255
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:21,058
AND MILK,
AND DEAD BIRDS...

256
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,395
BUT HE ALWAYS

257
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:26,697
LICKS HIMSELF CLEAN.

258
00:14:31,971 --> 00:14:33,971
YOU WERE ASKING
ME TO DINNER?

259
00:14:33,973 --> 00:14:36,140
- UH, YES.
- I'LL BE THERE.

260
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,344
( yowls )

261
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:44,548
NO, I'M THE CAT!

262
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,986
HERE'S THE SYLLABUS
THAT YOU WANTED.

263
00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:51,489
WHY, THIS IS
BEAUTIFUL, NINA.

264
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:53,424
SO...

265
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,359
EXQUISITELY
BEAUTIFUL.

266
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:57,862
WELL, WE GOT A NEW
TONER CARTRIDGE--

267
00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:59,797
DON'T BE SO MODEST.

268
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,239
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

269
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:12,944
ALL RIGHT.

270
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:17,782
<i> ( class bell rings )</i>

271
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:31,996
EXCUSE ME.
THERE MUST BE
SOME MISTAKE.

272
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:34,165
THIS CLASSROOM IS MINE.
FIND YOUR OWN.

273
00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:38,269
DR. SOLOMON,
WE WERE ALL JUST
WAITING FOR OUR GRADES.

274
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,805
OH, GRADES.

275
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:43,040
I DIDN'T REALIZE
TEACHING INVOLVED

276
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:45,309
EVALUATION.

277
00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:48,078
VERY WELL.

278
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,114
YOU NEED YOUR HAIR
STRAIGHTENED.

279
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,816
YOU'RE TOO SHORT
FOR YOUR FACE.

280
00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:55,686
YOU HAVE
A MUSEUM-QUALITY
TORSO.

281
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:58,589
YOU... ARE HARMLESS.

282
00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:00,624
YOU WILL BE SPARED
AND USED TO CARRY

283
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,827
HEAVY THINGS.

284
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:05,863
- YOU--
- DR. SOLOMON, WE MEANT
OUR LETTER GRADES.

285
00:16:07,766 --> 00:16:10,101
I'VE DECIDED
TO GIVE YOU ALL...

286
00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,971
- "D"s.
- WE GOT "D"s.

287
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,907
( all cheering )

288
00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:22,513
<i> ( applause on TV )</i>

289
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:25,582
ISN'T THIS BEAUTIFUL?
I MEAN, LOOK AT HER,

290
00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:27,818
REUNITED WITH
THE BIRTH MOTHER

291
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:30,855
SHE NEVER KNEW.
( sobbing )

292
00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:33,857
I LOVE "RICKI LAKE."

293
00:16:33,859 --> 00:16:37,194
THE OTHER DAY, THIS WOMAN
FINALLY CAME FACE-TO-FACE
WITH HER STALKER.

294
00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:39,430
AND HE WAS SO SWEET,
SHE AGREED

295
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,932
TO GO OUT ON A DATE
WITH HIM.

296
00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:44,202
HMM, WELL, MAYBE IF
I WENT ON THAT SHOW,

297
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:46,403
THEY WOULD REUNITE
ME WITH DICK--

298
00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:50,641
JOHNSON.

299
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,877
DICK JOHNSON.
LITTLE DICKIE JOHNSON.

300
00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:54,812
STOP LOOKING AT ME.

301
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:59,650
AND WHO IS THIS
EXQUISITE CREATURE?

302
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:03,487
UH... MAYBE YOU'D
BETTER GO DOWNSTAIRS,
MRS. DUBCEK.

303
00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:05,389
MRS. DUBCEK.

304
00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:08,526
I WILL SEE YOU LATER,
MRS. DUBCEK.

305
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:18,936
( yowls )

306
00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:24,641
TURN THAT
RUBBISH OFF.

307
00:17:24,643 --> 00:17:27,078
FROM NOW ON,
WE WATCH ONLY GOLF.

308
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:31,615
BUT I WAS GOING TO WATCH
"THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW."

309
00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:36,587
TRANSMISSION INCOMING
FROM THE BIG GIANT HEAD.

310
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:39,090
WARNING, WARNING!

311
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:41,125
DANGER, DANGER!

312
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:43,126
DUE TO
A CLERICAL ERROR,

313
00:17:43,128 --> 00:17:46,430
YOUR HIGH COMMANDER
MAY HAVE BEEN
ACCIDENTALLY REPLACED

314
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:49,066
BY A DISGRUNTLED
FORMER EMPLOYEE

315
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,068
OF THE BIG GIANT HEAD.

316
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,070
HE SHOULD BE
CONSIDERED ARMED

317
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,106
AND EXTREMELY
UNPLEASANT.

318
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:58,376
AND REMEMBER,
WHEN YOU'RE THINKING
OF GIANT HEADS,

319
00:17:58,378 --> 00:18:00,611
THINK OF THE BIG
GIANT HEAD.

320
00:18:02,448 --> 00:18:05,216
RESUME NORMAL
FUNCTIONS IN THREE,

321
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:07,218
TWO, ONE.

322
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,694
ALL RIGHT,
WHAT WAS IT?

323
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,695
- WRONG NUMBER.
- OH.

324
00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:20,631
( chuckling )

325
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:30,674
NOW SHUT UP
AND GET ME THAT
TURKEY BASTER!

326
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:36,514
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE ME
GET THE TURKEY BASTER?

327
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,858
TWO.
♪ OH, HER NAME
WAS LOLA ♪

328
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:49,860
♪ SHE WAS A SHOWGIRL ♪

329
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,729
♪ WITH YELLOW FEATHERS
IN HER HAIR ♪

330
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:53,731
♪ AND A DRESS CUT
DOWN TO THERE ♪

331
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:57,134
♪ SHE WOULD MERENGUE ♪
HI, OLD DICK.

332
00:18:57,136 --> 00:19:00,537
♪ AND DO
THE CHA-CHA-- ♪

333
00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:05,476
- DICK!
- HARRY!

334
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,745
- OH!
- OH!

335
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:10,515
OW, OW, OW, OW,

336
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:12,449
OW-WW.

337
00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:19,023
- INVISIBLE BOX?
- YEAH.

338
00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:20,291
OH.

339
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,695
TOMMY!
TOMMY!  TOMMY!

340
00:19:26,265 --> 00:19:28,265
- YES?
- WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?

341
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:30,935
I DISTINCTLY ASKED FOR
REFLECTIVE DUCT TAPE.

342
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:33,770
OH, ABOUT THAT, SEE,
THAT WAS ALL THEY HAD.

343
00:19:33,772 --> 00:19:36,941
( scoffs )
TYPICAL.  DID YOU GET
THE CUSTARD CUPS?

344
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:39,376
WE DIDN'T
SO MUCH GET THEM

345
00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:41,345
AS FAILED
TO GET THEM, SIR.

346
00:19:43,449 --> 00:19:45,616
DID YOU TRY JENNY'S
RESTAURANT SUPPLY
ON FIFTH STREET?

347
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:48,485
- THEY'RE NOT OPEN
TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC.
- OH.

348
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:52,456
THAT'S RIGHT.
CAN'T LET JUST
ANYONE MAKE CUSTARD.

349
00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:54,458
NO, OF COURSE NOT,
NOT ON THIS PLANET.

350
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:57,161
NO, NO, THAT WOULD
BE TOO SIMPLE.

351
00:19:57,163 --> 00:20:00,131
NO, WE HAVE RETAIL,
AND WE HAVE WHOLESALE.

352
00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:02,767
WE HAVE PINK PACKETS
AND BLUE PACKETS,

353
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:04,768
REPUBLICANS
AND DEMOCRATS,

354
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:07,270
AND THE PARTY THAT
CRAZY MIDGET STARTED.

355
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:15,713
SO MANY CHOICES.

356
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:18,281
HOW THEY ALL LOVE
THEIR FREE WILL.

357
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:21,585
EVERYBODY HAS
A DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW.

358
00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:24,388
THERE SHOULD BE ONLY
ONE POINT OF VIEW--

359
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:27,057
MY POINT OF VIEW.

360
00:20:28,494 --> 00:20:32,096
WELL, I HAVE A MESSAGE
FOR THESE HUMANS.

361
00:20:32,098 --> 00:20:34,998
THE BUFFET IS
ABOUT TO CLOSE

362
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,934
FOREVER.

363
00:20:38,171 --> 00:20:40,204
( maniacal laughter )

364
00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:49,447
( panting )

365
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:52,716
- ( whimpers )
- WHAT IS IT, BOY?

366
00:20:56,522 --> 00:20:58,689
I THINK HE WANTS US
TO FOLLOW HIM.

367
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:04,695
- DICK!
- DICK!

368
00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:07,831
SALLY!  NO, LOOK OUT!
THERE'S AN INVISIBLE--

369
00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:10,267
- AN INVISIBLE--
- ( grunts )

370
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,903
( both groan )

371
00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:14,972
OH, YOU GUYS,

372
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:16,907
THERE'S
AN INVISIBLE BOX.

373
00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:25,850
<i> ( '50s rock music playing )</i>