1
00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:06,805
[people all talking at once]
2
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,811
Oh, what
a wonderful wedding.
3
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,480
I laughed,
I danced.
4
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:17,849
And I kicked
some old maid butt.
5
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:21,052
I can't think of anything
that would've made it more fun.
6
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:23,522
Being invited, maybe?
7
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:24,656
How was my toast?
8
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,024
Oh, good. Good.
9
00:00:26,093 --> 00:00:27,692
I guess you could've waited
until the father of the bride
10
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:28,693
finished his toast, but--
11
00:00:28,763 --> 00:00:30,095
No, no, no.
12
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:31,963
He was unfocused
and sentimental.
13
00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:33,465
Where to next?
14
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,835
Ooh, looks like we got
a Bar Mitzvah in ballroom C.
15
00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:39,471
Ooh. There we go.
16
00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:43,375
Point me
to the kugel.
17
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,711
You guys, check it out.
18
00:00:45,780 --> 00:00:47,945
Get a free
black-and-white TV.
19
00:00:48,015 --> 00:00:49,314
[shrieks]
20
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:52,484
I've only ever
seen color TVs.
21
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:56,087
All we have to do
is attend a brief
time-share presentation.
22
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:58,823
They're giving out
TVs and presentations?
23
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,025
What's in it for them?
24
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:02,060
Suckers.
25
00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:04,363
I'm going in.
26
00:01:04,431 --> 00:01:05,364
Wait. Wait. Wait.
27
00:01:05,432 --> 00:01:06,365
What about
the Bar Mitzvah?
28
00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:09,200
Oh, tell Jacob
or Daniel or Ben
29
00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:11,569
how proud I am of him.
30
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:16,675
Who here
would like to increase
their vacation value
31
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:19,678
while decreasing
their vacation costs?
32
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:21,847
It's uncanny.
33
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,148
How did you know
that I wanted
more for less?
34
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:27,385
Now, imagine owning
your very own luxury getaway
35
00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:31,790
at Pine Villa Estates
through the miracle
of time-share ownership.
36
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:34,593
Stop, you're teasing.
How much? How much?
37
00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:36,928
A mere $10,000.
38
00:01:36,997 --> 00:01:37,996
$10,000.
39
00:01:38,064 --> 00:01:39,864
Yes.
40
00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:41,566
Okay, people,
bachelor auction.
41
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,602
Do I hear $10,000?
42
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:48,173
♪♪ [theme]
43
00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:22,908
If we buy this time-share,
44
00:02:22,977 --> 00:02:26,244
we will have our own
little piece of earth.
45
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:29,614
Land. It's the only thing
that matters.
46
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:32,917
Dick, that's just dirt
from the backyard.
47
00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:37,890
Yeah, that's
not exactly dirt.
48
00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:46,498
We simply need to
raise another 5,000,
49
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:50,869
and a getaway
at Pine Villa Estates
will be ours.
50
00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:53,939
Well, I guess it's time
we sold that old
refrigerator of ours.
51
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,874
It is, after all,
solid gold.
52
00:02:56,944 --> 00:03:01,512
No, Harry, I think
the refrigerator
is harvest gold.
53
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:04,148
There are
three grades of gold,
54
00:03:04,217 --> 00:03:06,517
fool's gold,
black hills gold,
55
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,587
and harvest gold
being the most valuable.
56
00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:10,455
I did not know that.
57
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,923
Hey, everybody.
58
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,025
Tommy.
59
00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:14,426
Listen, I'm glad
you're here.
60
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:16,761
You're gonna have to
drop out of college.
61
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:18,796
We need the tuition money
for something more important.
62
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,233
We don't pay tuition.
I'm on scholarship.
63
00:03:21,301 --> 00:03:23,168
You idiot!
64
00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:24,736
I'll check out
the toaster.
65
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,838
It may be platinum.
66
00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:29,941
Tommy, you are
getting so big.
67
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,009
What are they
feeding ya?
68
00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:34,579
I don't know, fruits,
vegetables, milk.
69
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:38,316
Aw. College.
70
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,986
You know, Tommy...
I think you might
71
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,988
actually be taller
than Harry now.
72
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,021
Could be.
73
00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:46,191
Yeah. Right.
74
00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:48,860
Look, even
if Tommy was taller,
75
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:51,963
there's no way
you could prove it.
76
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:53,965
No, no.
Come back here, Harry.
77
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:56,902
Let me try something.
78
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:01,640
Uh, okay.
Tommy's taller.
79
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:04,776
Well, how about that.
80
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:06,878
Congratulations
there, partner.
81
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:09,614
I guess from now on,
you can just
call me Shorty.
82
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,316
All right, Shorty.
83
00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:13,051
I don't like
that nickname!
84
00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:14,519
Oh, I'm sorry, little man.
85
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,320
Stop it!
86
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:20,558
Okay, first off,
there are no rare metals
in this toaster.
87
00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:25,296
Second, we will be
enjoying our Pop Tarts raw
for some time to come.
88
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,533
Dick, why don't
you just go in
89
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,301
on the time-share
with someone?
90
00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:32,871
Share the time-share?
91
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,406
Sally, that's brilliant.
92
00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:37,109
We just need to find
someone smart enough
93
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:40,979
to recognize a great deal
when it drops into his lap.
94
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:44,716
Yeah, someone smart.
95
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:48,052
Walking in your own
mountain meadows.
96
00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:50,522
A little bit of paradise
at Pine Villa Estates
97
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:53,391
for only $5,000.
98
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,594
What do you think, Don?
99
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:58,830
Well, he did say, "only."
100
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,399
Oh, come on, Don.
101
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,201
You, me, and the girls.
102
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:06,071
Meadows.
103
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,708
$5,000?
That's my cop pension.
104
00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:13,945
Well, what's the point
of retiring if you have
no place to retire to?
105
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:14,946
I'll do it!
106
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:17,315
That a boy, Donnie!
107
00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:18,984
Partners!
108
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,351
Vacation buddies!
109
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:22,220
Hey, don't forget
your free TV.
110
00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:23,221
Huh?
111
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:27,025
Oh...he was talking to me.
112
00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:33,532
Okay, Mary, are you
ready to see the place
113
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:37,702
where you'll be
spending every vacation
for the rest of your life?
114
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,639
Ready.
115
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:44,609
I'm not ready.
116
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:49,614
Oh, my God.
Will you look
at this place?
117
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:54,753
My God, it's gorgeous!
118
00:05:57,090 --> 00:06:01,626
And only three hours
and four car barges away.
119
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,095
[gasps]
120
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:05,831
Swanky!
121
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,499
I want to
see everything!
122
00:06:08,568 --> 00:06:10,668
Oh, this must be
the living area.
123
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:13,105
Oh, look, Donnie!
The dining area!
124
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,406
And the bedroom area!
125
00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:18,343
Guys! I found another area!
126
00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:23,415
Wow. So we can
run away to this place
whenever we want
127
00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:27,219
during red-marked weeks
on only 90 days notice.
128
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,254
Oh, yeah.
129
00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:33,124
Yeah, there'll be a lot of
these Tuesday through
mid-day Thursday getaways.
130
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:36,328
So come on,
let's unpack.
131
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,897
Unpack where, Dick?
I don't see a closet.
132
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,164
I don't even
see a window.
133
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:43,735
Don't worry, Mary.
Here's the closet.
134
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:46,371
And there's your window!
135
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:57,214
Hello, Miss Dubcek.
136
00:06:57,283 --> 00:06:59,384
Tommy.
137
00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:03,320
How's the weather
down there, half-pint?
138
00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:05,456
Why don't you take off
the stilts, Harry?
139
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:09,561
Well, if you
think it'll make
a difference, pee-wee.
140
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,195
Oh.
141
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:17,269
That was
mighty bold, Shorty.
142
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:19,804
Why don't you
just admit that
I'm taller than you, man?
143
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,606
Yeah, right.
144
00:07:21,674 --> 00:07:24,042
You grew, yet
your clothes still fit.
145
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:27,211
Or did they grow, too?
146
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,147
Fine, I didn't grow.
Maybe you just shrunk.
147
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:32,483
Damn right.
What-- Shrunk?
148
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:34,853
Yeah, very possible.
149
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,554
It's in all
the medical journals.
150
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:37,688
Really?
151
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:40,658
Yeah. When you age,
you get shorter.
152
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:44,595
You see these capris?
They used to be bike shorts.
153
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:49,668
Oh, my God.
154
00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:53,538
Just minutes ago,
these pants hit
the top of my shoes,
155
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:56,541
and now
they touch the floor.
156
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:59,744
I am shrinking!
157
00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:03,915
Yeah?
158
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:06,016
Uh, I'll have
a glass of merlot.
159
00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:08,420
What?
160
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:10,087
It's wine.
161
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:13,791
I guess I could mix
blackberry schnapps
and tap water.
162
00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:18,062
Keep 'em comin'.
163
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:19,530
All around.
164
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:21,499
How are we gonna kill
three days up here?
165
00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:22,800
Oh, no, there's
plenty to do.
166
00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:25,036
We'll just get
the skinny from the locals.
167
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,938
Uh--
168
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:31,810
Excuse me, sir?
169
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:33,377
We're vacationing
in the area.
170
00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:35,913
What is the one thing
that we should not miss?
171
00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:38,850
Well, uh, there's the prison.
172
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,353
I see. Are there
any crafts fairs?
173
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:45,423
Oh, we got that.
Prison crafts.
174
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:46,958
Community theater?
175
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,927
They were gonna do Guys
and Dolls at the prison,
176
00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:52,897
but some of the guys
didn't want to be dolls.
177
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,231
Thank you.
178
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,837
Look, we're four
interesting people.
179
00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:02,707
We'll make our own fun.
[knife tapping]
180
00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:10,348
Excuse me.
181
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:12,584
Could we borrow the knife?
182
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:22,460
Dick?
183
00:09:22,528 --> 00:09:24,896
There's something
crawling up my back.
184
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:26,597
No, that's me, Mary.
185
00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:29,033
I'm just being frisky.
186
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,768
I can see your hands.
187
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,103
It's a bug.
188
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:35,306
Oh, stop making excuses
for this dump.
189
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:36,341
I know.
190
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,043
I made a terrible mistake.
191
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:41,046
I thought that owning my own
place would feel wonderful.
192
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,982
Instead, it's just itchy.
193
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:46,184
What do I do?
194
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:48,920
You've got to get rid of it.
Yeah, but how?
195
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,454
Sell it to Don.
196
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,393
You really think
he would buy it?
197
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:59,030
Why don't you roll over
and ask him?
198
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:08,006
Sorry. Coming through.
Gang way.
199
00:10:09,709 --> 00:10:11,542
No, no, don't worry, Mary.
200
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,044
I'll talk to Don tomorrow.
201
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,879
Good. Let it be
Don's headache.
202
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,013
[Sally]
Right.
203
00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:17,415
Now, you listen to me, Don.
204
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:19,217
You're a cop,
you have connections.
205
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:24,322
Can you please get us
a room in that prison?
206
00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:26,691
I know, Sally.
We're trapped.
207
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:27,826
What can I do?
208
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:34,432
Sell your share to Dick.
209
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:37,302
It's all his fault anyway.
210
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:43,307
Fine. I'll do it.
Okay.
211
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:47,845
Hey, are you
gettin' frisky?
212
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:49,580
No, why?
[yelps]
213
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,049
[All, screaming]
214
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,125
[grunting]
215
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,602
Isn't this great, Don?
216
00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:12,570
Splitting wood outside
our own time-share.
217
00:11:12,639 --> 00:11:16,341
Yeah. Good, wholesome
outdoor exercise.
Yeah.
218
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:18,309
I could do this for hours.
219
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:22,514
I don't even care that we
don't have a fireplace.
220
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:24,582
Me neither.
221
00:11:26,819 --> 00:11:29,053
By the way, Don,
222
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:31,589
I have good news
and bad news.
223
00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:33,024
What's the good news?
224
00:11:33,092 --> 00:11:36,527
Mary's dying.
225
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:39,430
That's good news?
Well, it is for you, Don.
226
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:42,099
'Cause I have to sell
my half of the time-share
227
00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:43,601
to pay for Mary's operation,
228
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:45,737
and the doctor feels that
I should sell it to you.
229
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:54,011
Well, uh, won't Mary need
a nice place in the country
to recuperate?
230
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,279
Maybe you should
buy me out.
231
00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:58,148
Who are you,
the Surgeon General?
232
00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:00,484
Mary's only chance is
for you to buy this place.
233
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,887
Yeah, well, my only chance
is to sell it.
234
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,389
Look at these blisters.
235
00:12:04,458 --> 00:12:06,458
I'm not cut out for this life.
236
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:08,359
Not that I don't love it.
237
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:11,462
If you love it, then
buy me out for $4500.
238
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,531
Or you could give me
$4,000 for my half.
239
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,634
3700 for my half,
but that's as low as I go.
240
00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:18,669
I'll take 3,000 and
throw in the flystrip.
241
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,738
Oh, come on, Don.
242
00:12:20,807 --> 00:12:24,208
Just buy it! For God's sake,
you only have to live there
one week a year!
243
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,310
You buy it!
244
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,878
You got me into this.
245
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:30,348
So this is what it comes
down to, eh, Orville?
246
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:33,818
I should warn you,
I'm pretty handy
with an axe.
247
00:12:33,886 --> 00:12:37,488
I saw you choppin'.
You're not.
248
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:39,591
[grunts]
249
00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:41,358
Okay, this is
my final offer.
250
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:45,729
Give me 2900 and I'll let
you take one swipe at me
with the axe.
251
00:12:57,110 --> 00:13:01,279
Tommy, I'm shrinking.
252
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,281
And who knows where
it might end.
253
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:07,018
So I've taken
some precautions.
254
00:13:11,090 --> 00:13:14,158
Stripes. They'll make
me look taller.
255
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,228
I also got you this.
Hearing aid.
256
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:18,429
I can hear you fine.
257
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,598
Well, sure, now.
258
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:22,299
But when I--
[high-pitched]
get real small
259
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:25,570
I'll sound like this and
I might need your help--
260
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,005
Okay, all right.
261
00:13:28,074 --> 00:13:29,907
I think you're
overreacting,
but look.
262
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,576
I can see you're
really freaked out,
263
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:34,779
so earlier on,
I saw this.
264
00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:37,381
Rutherford Enlargement Clinic.
265
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:41,386
"For the man who wants more."
266
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:45,589
"Let us help you become
the size you deserve."
267
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:54,098
Dick, did you work it out?
268
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,634
Yes, I did, Mary.
269
00:13:56,703 --> 00:13:59,237
I sold my half
of the time-share to Don.
270
00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:00,337
Oh, that's a relief.
271
00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:02,640
And I sold my half to Dick.
272
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:07,245
Oh, geez Louise.
273
00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:09,547
You mean we're gonna be
stuck in this dump forever?
274
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:12,116
Oh, I don't understand.
275
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:16,720
It's as if that salesman
exaggerated how desirable
this place is.
276
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:19,256
Now, look, I know that's
a harsh accusation.
277
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:22,693
It's the classic
bait-and-switch, Dick.
278
00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:25,930
In my line of work, I've
seen it a thousand times.
279
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,665
Well then, why didn't
you say something?
280
00:14:28,734 --> 00:14:31,335
Well, actually, I've
only seen it twice.
281
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,505
Well, get ready, Don.
282
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:37,775
Because you're about
to see it again.
283
00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:41,679
But this time, we
won't be the suckers.
284
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:44,715
Good.
285
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:48,219
Maybe we should
have a hand sign,
just in case.
286
00:14:56,962 --> 00:14:58,329
Hi.
287
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:00,265
Hi.
288
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:04,836
You look like you
could use another foot.
289
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,170
Hey.
290
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,773
Oh, I'm sorry.
291
00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:12,276
It's just it's hard to tell
when you're sitting down.
292
00:15:12,344 --> 00:15:15,613
So, he used to be
bigger than me,
293
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:19,216
and then my aunt realized
that I'm the bigger one now.
294
00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:22,019
He can't stand it.
295
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:25,857
He makes me measure him,
like, five times a day.
296
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,459
When he wakes up,
after his shower,
297
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,327
after his stretching
exercises.
298
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:37,468
These guys are weird.
299
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:44,342
Say, did you see that
sunrise over the tire
plant this morning?
300
00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:47,111
I say if those colors
come from chemicals,
301
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:49,847
bring on the chemicals!
302
00:15:49,915 --> 00:15:51,415
I think everyone's here, Dick.
303
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:54,385
Oh, good. Then let's
all get started. Sally?
304
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,455
Friends, neighbors,
thank you for coming.
305
00:15:57,523 --> 00:16:01,859
We are all united by
our love for Pine Villa
Estates time-shares.
306
00:16:01,927 --> 00:16:04,128
Now here's some
exciting news.
307
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:06,697
As great as
one time-share is,
308
00:16:06,765 --> 00:16:09,267
two time-shares
are even better.
309
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:10,301
Oh.
310
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:11,869
Yes, I would like
to talk to you
311
00:16:11,937 --> 00:16:15,105
about the miracle of
multi-time-share ownership.
312
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:18,108
I am already
a multi-time-share owner,
313
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:21,512
and am considering a third.
[Many] Oooh.
314
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:25,182
My question is, is it
wrong to be this happy?
315
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,885
Good question.
No, it's not.
316
00:16:28,954 --> 00:16:32,089
But you won't be happy
if someone here buys
this time-share first.
317
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,258
I'll throw in two
black-and-white TVs
318
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,494
and a free cord of wood.
Anyone?
319
00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:38,829
Did you feel that?
What?
320
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,397
It felt like
the floor was buckling.
321
00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:43,200
It's the clubhouse
all over again!
322
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:45,803
[chatter]
323
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:48,206
Excuse me, if you'll just--
324
00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:49,707
Be sure to take
some brochures!
325
00:16:49,775 --> 00:16:51,541
[Dick, Sally]
Brochures!
326
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,146
Okay, Mr. Solomon.
327
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:58,616
I've been
reviewing your chart.
328
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:02,753
Now, it says here you've
been trying a variety
of home remedies?
329
00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:06,390
Hanging from the ceiling?
330
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:09,860
With weights attached.
331
00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:12,863
That-that is unorthodox.
332
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:15,199
Well, I'm desperate!
333
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:17,534
I'm shrinking.
334
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:19,537
Shrinking?
335
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:21,972
You do know there
is a natural
fluctuation in size
336
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:25,376
based on excitement.
337
00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:33,050
You mean I'm bigger
when I'm watching
professional wrestling.
338
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:37,021
Well, to each his own.
339
00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:38,455
You gotta help me, doc.
340
00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:39,756
Make me taller.
341
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:42,993
Wait. Mr. Solomon, are you
concerned about your height?
342
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:48,765
Why else would I drag
my tiny butt down here?
343
00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:51,135
I think your height is stable.
344
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:53,704
Of course, I've examined
only one part of you.
345
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:57,642
Yeah, I was
wondering about that.
346
00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:01,411
Uh, but...
347
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,013
from what I've seen,
348
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,916
you should have
no fears about your
size in that area.
349
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:09,653
Oh?
350
00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:11,622
In fact, most of
the men who come to me
351
00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:13,691
would be quite pleased
to have what you have.
352
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:19,997
So should I go out there
353
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:24,168
and, uh, maybe
show these guys
what to shoot for?
354
00:18:24,237 --> 00:18:26,937
Oh, no, no, no.
355
00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:30,107
Well, why not?
Yeah!
356
00:18:33,245 --> 00:18:35,780
That one old guy seemed
kind of interested.
357
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:39,683
When everyone else rushed out,
he stayed behind.
358
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:43,287
He was trampled, Dick.
359
00:18:43,355 --> 00:18:45,956
He's still our
number one prospect.
360
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:51,328
It's my fault. I bought
into this American Dream
of home ownership.
361
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:54,031
The white picket fence,
the garden arbor,
362
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:59,503
the incredibly hot widow
next door who gives massages
in exchange for yard work.
363
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:02,306
Dick!
Mary, we were all fooled.
364
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,242
But I'm done with this place.
365
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:08,346
Let's just take the loss
and pretend this whole thing
never happened.
366
00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:11,582
Say goodbye to this
pathetic kitchenette
367
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:14,452
with its two inches
of counter space.
368
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:18,256
Hardly room for poor Don
to shave his back
in the morning.
369
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:23,761
And we'll never get in
that horrible pool again.
370
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:27,598
Do you remember when we
saw that thing in the water?
371
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,668
And we didn't know if
it was a bug or a turtle?
372
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:34,104
It turned out to be
kind of both.
373
00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:36,640
I have never seen you
run that fast.
374
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:37,774
Me neither.
375
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:40,144
I worked up
quite an appetite.
376
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:42,680
And then we came back here
377
00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:46,884
and tried to jam a frozen pizza
into that tiny oven.
378
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:49,720
Yeah, and then we put out
the fire with Mary's sweater.
379
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:53,824
It went up like
a cashmere sweater!
I know!
380
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:56,193
At least we were warm
for a little while.
381
00:19:56,262 --> 00:19:57,228
[All, laughing]
382
00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:02,632
Funny.
383
00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:04,101
In spite of everything,
we've ended up
384
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:06,970
with some pretty
special memories.
385
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:12,709
Maybe this crummy time-share
just needs a little love.
386
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:14,912
Someone to give it
a slap of paint.
387
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:19,249
Or just hose it down.
388
00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:21,284
You know something?
389
00:20:21,353 --> 00:20:27,257
I believe that,
like the mushrooms
growing in the corner,
390
00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:30,360
our love for this place
can only multiply.
391
00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:32,763
This is home.
392
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,097
Who the hell are you?
393
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:37,000
This is our time-share.
394
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,202
It's our weekend.
395
00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:40,904
Wait a second.
This is our home.
396
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,272
You have to leave.
397
00:20:42,341 --> 00:20:44,375
[stammering]
You know, maybe we should
398
00:20:44,443 --> 00:20:45,809
all stay here together.
399
00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:47,911
I'm sure that we would all
grow to love each other.
400
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:50,114
Have you folks visited
the prison yet?
401
00:20:50,183 --> 00:20:52,883
Lived there for four years.
402
00:20:52,952 --> 00:20:55,219
And I ain't afraid
to go back.
403
00:20:57,056 --> 00:20:58,656
Okay. Vacation's over.
404
00:21:00,126 --> 00:21:02,893
[chatter]
405
00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:09,666
Closed-Captioned by
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Burbank, CA