1
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:07,605
What're you doing?
2
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:11,376
Throwing stuff
in the time-space portal.
3
00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:13,344
We're not supposed to do that.
4
00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:15,781
So? It's fun.
5
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,283
Besides, Dick's not here.
We're alone.
6
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:20,919
Come on,
let's do it.
7
00:00:20,987 --> 00:00:23,588
You know you want to.
8
00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:27,592
I don't know. I don't
want to get a bad reputation.
9
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:29,360
I won't tell.
10
00:00:29,429 --> 00:00:33,832
Well...okay.
But just this once.
11
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:39,104
[loud whir]
12
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:41,906
[screams]
13
00:00:41,976 --> 00:00:45,043
Oh, that was quicker
than I thought it would be.
14
00:00:45,112 --> 00:00:47,312
Oh!
15
00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:49,715
What's going on here?
16
00:00:49,784 --> 00:00:52,251
It's not what it looks like.
17
00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:55,987
Have you two been
throwing stuff in
the time-space portal?
18
00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:57,489
No.
No.
19
00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,425
You better not.
20
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,393
Because if I ever catch
you doing that,
21
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:02,594
you will be in big trouble.
22
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,596
Oh, you're in a bad mood.
23
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:06,064
Oh, in fact I am.
24
00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:07,899
I'm having dinner
tonight with Mary
25
00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:10,536
and her horrible mother.
26
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:11,970
[loud whir]
27
00:01:12,038 --> 00:01:16,007
You have been screwing around
with the portal, haven't you?
28
00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:20,245
Like we'd do that
with you in the house.
29
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:22,214
That's just gross.
Yeah.
30
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:26,217
Well, you won't mind opening
the closet door then, will you?
31
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:29,220
That's cool.
Okay.
32
00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:34,092
[Both scream]
33
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:35,360
Oh, crap!
34
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,829
Oh, I knew it.
35
00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:38,696
An alien from the home planet.
36
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:41,133
My prongs are gone.
37
00:01:41,201 --> 00:01:43,701
My prongs are gone!
38
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,203
How did you get here?
39
00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,773
I was hanging around
the terrestrial vortex
40
00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:50,875
and all of a sudden
I got sucked in.
41
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,645
Oh.
42
00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:55,447
I hope you're happy.
43
00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:57,849
You leave the receptor open,
you didn't use precautions,
44
00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:59,918
and now look what you've got,
another mouth to feed.
45
00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:02,320
Wait a second, we don't wanna
be saddled with him.
46
00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:03,855
We got our whole lives
ahead of us.
47
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:05,924
You should've thought of that
before you had your fun.
48
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,861
30 seconds of pleasure...
49
00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:12,930
and a whole lifetime
of responsibility.
50
00:02:12,999 --> 00:02:14,266
[low gasp]
51
00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:15,933
[Harry]
This is your fault.
52
00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:18,303
Oh, you enjoyed
every second of it.
53
00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,872
[Harry]
Well, I guess we're
just gonna have to
54
00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:22,807
put our life on hold and
55
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:25,810
take care of him.
56
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:28,947
I don't know.
He is kind of cute.
57
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:30,882
[sneezes]
58
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:11,189
So, Martha, how are you
enjoying your visit
with our Mary?
59
00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:12,591
It's terrif.
60
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:15,827
Quite a hostess,
my little Mary Margaret.
61
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:18,329
Thank you, Mother.
62
00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:20,265
It's not every day
you get to sleep
63
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,834
on a mildewed metal cot.
64
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:25,403
I did offer you my bed.
65
00:03:25,472 --> 00:03:28,907
I know, I know, but it
just didn't seem right.
66
00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:33,945
Little bit too much
history there.
67
00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:40,986
Pumpkin, don't lean
over your plate.
68
00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:43,555
This is a restaurant.
69
00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:47,058
You're not
in a federal prison.
70
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:50,361
I could be.
71
00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:53,165
Real soon.
72
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,400
Would you two excuse
me for a minute?
73
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,269
I'll be right back.
74
00:03:57,337 --> 00:04:01,706
Those Cape Cods
go right through you.
75
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:04,108
I am in hell!
76
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:06,911
Oh, my poor Mary, I can't
stand to see you like this,
77
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:10,815
all miserable and freckled
with breadcrumbs.
78
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,049
I dread these visits.
79
00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:13,951
It's psychological torture.
80
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:16,788
I mean, this is the reason
I was fat when I was a child.
81
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:18,724
Food was my only friend.
82
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:22,094
Well, it's good to see
you two have stayed in touch.
83
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:27,598
Wh--why don't you tell your
mother how you feel?
84
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,100
Oh, I can't.
85
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:32,170
How can you tell your mother
she's a terrible mother?
86
00:04:32,238 --> 00:04:35,206
This is a perfectly
lovely restaurant
87
00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:36,808
you picked out,
Mary Margaret.
88
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:38,076
Thank you.
89
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:41,946
Nice woman in the ladies
room gave me this comb.
90
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:45,616
There you go.
Put it to good use.
91
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:50,088
So, Mary, first
a toast to Martha.
92
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:53,091
You are a terrible mother.
93
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,795
What was that?
94
00:04:56,864 --> 00:05:00,131
I'm sorry, that didn't
come out quite right.
95
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,767
To Martha, the worst
mother in all the world.
96
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:04,302
Dick!
97
00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:06,505
It's okay, I found
a way to tell her.
98
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:09,274
[silently]
The toast.
99
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:12,177
How dare you?
100
00:05:12,246 --> 00:05:15,213
I mean, really.
How dare you?
101
00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:17,148
If this drink wasn't
so bloody good,
102
00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:19,050
I'd toss it in your face.
103
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:21,385
Well, bring it on!
104
00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:23,421
Come on.
Come on, Martha!
105
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,890
Come on, let's take
it out back.
What in God's name--
106
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:28,727
Dick, you will not have
a fistfight with my mother!
107
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:31,029
It's okay, Mary.
I'll use the open hand.
108
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:32,864
Come on.
Come on, Martha.
109
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,166
Get out here.
Wait a minute!
110
00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:36,501
Oh, this is ridiculous!
I'm leaving.
111
00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:38,670
I'm telling you, Mary, it's
the only way to settle this.
112
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:42,974
You pissant!
Oh!
113
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:44,376
My hip!
114
00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:46,811
Waiter, we'll have
an ambulance for the lady,
115
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,714
and I still haven't
gotten my salad.
116
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:54,986
All right, little fella.
117
00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,022
Oh!
118
00:05:57,091 --> 00:06:00,058
You can't go out until you get
used to that new body of yours.
119
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:02,494
But I think there's
something wrong with this one.
120
00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:05,296
There's a hole in the back.
121
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,666
All right, you guys.
Smile.
122
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:09,835
[camera clicks]
123
00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:13,905
What'd you do
that for?
124
00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:15,172
The moment's over.
125
00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:16,641
You know what?
126
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,310
It would help if you
would take a little more
interest in this.
127
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,412
Fine.
128
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:21,779
[Sally]
Let's give him a name.
129
00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:24,181
It'll be easier
to yell at him.
130
00:06:24,250 --> 00:06:26,918
Well, let me see.
He's just a guy.
131
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:29,154
Let's call him...Guy.
132
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,955
Who's Guy?
133
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:32,223
Okay, see?
He's slow.
134
00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:33,491
Stop saying that!
135
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,826
I can say whatever I want.
136
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,829
[sobbing]
I hate it when you fight.
137
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,898
Are you happy now?
138
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,199
It's okay.
139
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:43,034
Hey, who's got your nose?
140
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:45,336
[screams]
141
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,942
Morning.
142
00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:52,677
Mary,
143
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,579
you look like you've
been up all night.
144
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,681
Oh, no, Dick.
145
00:06:56,749 --> 00:07:00,519
I had a very restful night
with my mother in the hospital.
146
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,520
I was only trying
to make things better
147
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:03,955
between the two of you.
148
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,557
I know.
149
00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,559
But you just made
things worse.
150
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,093
Now when she gets out
of the hospital
151
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:10,695
she's going to have
to stay with me.
152
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,930
Oh, I'm so sorry.
153
00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:14,699
Mary, I wish there
was something I could do
154
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,134
to make things
right for you.
155
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:19,170
As long as Martha Albright
is in my--my life,
156
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,506
there's nothing
any of us can do.
157
00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:23,808
I'll find a way,
my darling.
158
00:07:23,876 --> 00:07:27,212
For you, no sacrifice
is too great.
159
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,147
Oh, by the way,
160
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:30,748
with all the ruckus
at dinner last night,
161
00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:32,183
I accidentally over tipped.
162
00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:33,885
You owe me a fiver.
163
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,256
Finish your lunch.
164
00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:41,359
Well, there was
a sale on chops,
165
00:07:41,427 --> 00:07:42,927
and the market was a zoo.
166
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:44,696
[cartoon, on TV]
167
00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:46,263
What's going on here?
168
00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:49,100
You can't just plop him
down in front of the TV.
169
00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:51,803
Where are his phonics
flashcards?
170
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:53,204
When I left you agreed
171
00:07:53,272 --> 00:07:54,839
that you would do
his phonics flashcards.
172
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,841
You know what?
He took a bath with them.
173
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,876
The shampoo burned my eyes.
174
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:00,612
I'm going stir-crazy here.
175
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,881
It is so boring
having to watch him.
176
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:05,283
If you're bored,
let's play Doorbell.
177
00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:07,151
What's Doorbell?
Ding-dong.
178
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:10,455
No, no, no.
179
00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:12,257
Well, you can't blame him.
180
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,558
Of course he's hyper.
181
00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:15,827
You've been feeding
him candy all day.
182
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,962
Hey, wait a minute,
that candy is chock full
183
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,297
of nutritious sugar.
184
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:22,066
And it'll also help him
learn his letters.
185
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:25,436
Well, "M".
186
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,005
Hey, who wants
to play another game?
187
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:29,540
No way, man.
Oh, come on,
play with the boy.
188
00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:31,943
Fine, as long as it's
not Doorbell.
189
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,612
Double-Doorbell.
Ding-dong.
190
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,981
Oh, okay, fine then.
191
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,117
You just go,
you deadbeat.
192
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,152
We don't need ya.
193
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:44,722
Guy and I
will play Doorbell.
194
00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:53,931
Excuse me, are you
Martha Albright's doctor?
195
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:55,099
Who are you?
196
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,702
I'm here on behalf
of the Albright family.
197
00:08:57,771 --> 00:09:00,138
Sadly, we've decided
it's best to...
198
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:03,307
to pull the plug.
199
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,379
What?
200
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:08,979
She--she just had
a hip replacement.
201
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:11,816
Look, this is a quality
of life issue.
202
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,517
She's perfectly healthy.
203
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:17,088
No, not her quality of life,
her daughter's.
204
00:09:17,156 --> 00:09:18,890
I'm calling security.
205
00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:20,524
Oh, come on.
206
00:09:20,593 --> 00:09:22,093
It's almost ski season.
207
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:25,196
You're gonna need the beds.
208
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:31,469
[heart monitor beeping]
209
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:51,822
Who the hell unplugged my fan?
210
00:09:51,891 --> 00:09:53,157
Hello, Martha.
211
00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:57,262
What're you doing here?
The psych ward's on 6.
212
00:09:57,330 --> 00:10:00,898
Good to see the morphine
hasn't dulled the neurons
213
00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:03,668
where "mean" is stored.
214
00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:07,738
Dick, I have no
desire to talk to you.
215
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:09,874
The truth hurts,
doesn't it, Martha?
216
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:13,311
But there's no space-age
titanium hip replacement
217
00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:15,246
to mend Mary's
broken childhood.
218
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:18,349
Mary's broken childhood.
219
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:21,586
Puh-lease.
220
00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:25,790
Mary was loved, Dick.
221
00:10:25,858 --> 00:10:30,995
Mary had a lovely home, Dick.
222
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:35,567
Mary went to
the best schools...Dick.
223
00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:41,039
We even bought her a pony
when she was eight.
224
00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:42,240
A pony?
225
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,707
Yes.
226
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:45,343
Mary never told me that.
227
00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:47,378
And when she was a teenager,
228
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:48,813
[gasps]
229
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:50,247
what a handful.
230
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:51,982
Do you know
231
00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:55,052
I had to lace her
orange juice in the morning
232
00:10:55,121 --> 00:11:00,725
with crushed
birth control pills.
233
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:04,629
So...so you made sure
she got her vitamin C
234
00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:07,465
and kept her from
getting knocked up?
235
00:11:07,533 --> 00:11:10,768
That is so caring.
236
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:14,372
All right, I was hard on her.
237
00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:16,741
But I just wanted her
238
00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:19,744
to be the best
Mary Margaret ever.
239
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:23,013
I loved her, Dick.
240
00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:24,782
And I still do.
241
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:28,119
I just love her.
242
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:31,455
I never realized there was
another side to the story.
243
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,391
The mother's side.
244
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,693
Martha, from now on,
245
00:11:35,761 --> 00:11:38,363
you will want for neither
gratitude nor affection,
246
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:41,065
because, gentle Mother,
247
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,801
I will tend
to your every need.
248
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:47,839
Oh, Dick.
249
00:11:47,907 --> 00:11:49,907
I have to go to the john.
250
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:53,344
I'll ring for the nurse.
251
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,117
This is nice.
252
00:12:00,186 --> 00:12:03,354
We haven't been
out in a while.
253
00:12:03,422 --> 00:12:07,792
That was the nicest
washroom I've ever seen.
254
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:10,361
I don't know what those
women were screaming about.
255
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:12,497
Sit down.
256
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:13,965
Did you wash your hands?
257
00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:16,100
I'm not handling food,
and I'm not an employee.
258
00:12:16,168 --> 00:12:18,836
Okay, drop that sarcasm
right now, buster.
259
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,606
[scoffs]
When are you two
gonna get off my back?
260
00:12:21,675 --> 00:12:24,108
All right, let's go.
It's obviously too soon
to take him out in public.
261
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:25,142
He's not ready, let's go.
262
00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:27,445
I am ready!
All right,
then act it.
263
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,213
Hey, she's here.
264
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:32,516
You are about to interact
with a real human being
265
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:33,684
for the first time.
266
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:34,885
Do not screw it up.
267
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:37,388
Oh, you look so handsome.
268
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,723
Hi, hi, hi.
Hi.
269
00:12:39,792 --> 00:12:40,992
I'm sorry to be late.
270
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:44,862
Another pharmacy
is on to me.
271
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,298
Ms. Dubcek, this is Guy.
272
00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:49,633
Hi. Nice to meet you.
273
00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:52,303
Oh, so what do
you do, Guy?
274
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:55,539
I used to be a photon shunt
in the wavelength continuum,
275
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:59,110
but now I wear
pants and talk.
276
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:01,846
Can you talk
without the pants?
277
00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:04,382
Well, I don't know, but
I can put that on my list.
278
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,417
Oh.
[laughs]
279
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:09,387
[cackles]
280
00:13:14,861 --> 00:13:16,093
You like?
281
00:13:16,162 --> 00:13:20,931
Dick!
You're a genius.
282
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:24,935
How'd you get my bangs
to split apart like that?
283
00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:26,437
A little love,
a little talent,
284
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:29,407
and a little volumizing
spray make for miracles.
285
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:32,176
Oh, thank you, Dick.
286
00:13:32,244 --> 00:13:34,812
You are adorable.
287
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:37,415
Back at ya, cute thing.
288
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:40,050
I know someone who's
getting a new caftan.
289
00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:41,919
Now you just sit a spell,
290
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,522
and then we're gonna work
that shiny new hip of yours.
291
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:47,024
Oh, no, no!
Yes, yes, yes.
292
00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:48,926
Dick? Dick?
293
00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:50,495
Is that Mary?
294
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:53,598
Don't you worry,
I'll talk to her.
295
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,967
Dick, what the hell
is going on?
296
00:13:57,036 --> 00:13:59,037
Mary, please keep it down.
Your mother is resting.
297
00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:01,139
I went to the hospital
to pick her up
298
00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:03,174
and they said her son
came and got her.
299
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:05,309
Now, I know it can't be
my brother Roy,
300
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:08,446
she has a restraining
order out on him.
301
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,447
No, Mary, it was me.
302
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:13,150
Well...I'm here
to get her.
303
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,720
Why? So you can
take care of her
304
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:17,488
in some sort
of perfunctory manner?
305
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:20,391
Well, yeah.
306
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:23,194
Martha deserves
more than that.
307
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:26,564
She shed some new light
on your past, Mary.
308
00:14:26,632 --> 00:14:29,733
You were quite
the rebellious little tart.
309
00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:31,736
Dick, you have no idea
310
00:14:31,805 --> 00:14:33,804
what it was like living
with a mother like that.
311
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:37,107
And you don't know
how lucky you are
to have a mother.
312
00:14:37,176 --> 00:14:39,210
Yes.
313
00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:41,345
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I think I hear Mother calling.
314
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:42,813
I didn't hear anything.
315
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:45,616
That's because you're
listening with your ears...
316
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:47,718
and not your heart.
317
00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:55,792
I gotta say, he's not
screwing up like I thought.
318
00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:56,860
Yeah, he's doing great.
319
00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:58,596
She thinks he's
as normal as we are.
320
00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:01,031
That straw's on fire.
321
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:02,733
Yet you seem to love it.
322
00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:03,734
Gimme one.
323
00:15:03,803 --> 00:15:05,436
You touch that, you die.
324
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:06,770
Oh, no, no, no.
325
00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:08,672
See, if you say no,
that'll just make it taboo,
326
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,041
and he'll want
it that much more.
327
00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:11,642
It's your decision.
328
00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:14,378
Uh...
329
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:16,613
Give me that cigarette.
330
00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:18,316
Give it.
Right now.
331
00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:21,018
Hey, as long as you
live under my roof,
332
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:24,055
you live by my rules.
333
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:25,923
You two are so annoying.
334
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:28,359
Leave me alone
with my friends.
335
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:31,295
You heard the gent.
I'll drop him off later.
336
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:33,430
Oh, that's no problem.
That's a great idea.
337
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:34,698
See you at home, Harry.
338
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,567
Ooh, you know what?
By the way,
339
00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:38,402
let me see these
cigarettes, Dubcek.
340
00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:40,371
There you go.
341
00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:43,441
How do you like that,
Mr. I'm-Cool-'Cause-I-Smoke?
342
00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:45,810
Smoke 'em.
Smoke 'em all!
343
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:51,916
All right.
344
00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:54,985
Good, you made it all
the way around the kitchen.
345
00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:57,955
Oh, big deal.
346
00:15:58,024 --> 00:16:01,258
I've got closets at home
bigger than this kitchen.
347
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,494
Yeah, it is rather
cozy, isn't it?
348
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:07,197
Dick, a cottage is cozy.
349
00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:10,434
This is more like something
you'd keep a cricket in.
350
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:13,905
I think it's time
for your medication.
351
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,675
Put that on hold, please,
if you don't mind.
352
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:21,979
What I need
is 10ccs of vodka.
353
00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:25,816
I don't think you should
mix alcohol with your pills.
354
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:29,520
Oh, really?
Well...
355
00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:32,323
I don't think you should
mix that haircut
356
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:33,758
with that forehead.
357
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:42,366
Martha, that sounded
a little sharp.
358
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,468
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did it?
359
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,671
Oh, never mind.
Ice cream.
360
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,272
Yeah, good.
361
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,807
That's the stuff.
362
00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:54,712
Dick, if you're going
to snack like that,
363
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:56,880
you ought to start wearing
a lot of black.
364
00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:59,250
Black?
Yes, black.
365
00:16:59,318 --> 00:17:01,619
It's slimming.
366
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,987
But I don't need that.
367
00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:06,590
Well, on second thought,
maybe you're right.
368
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:10,428
It does tend to highlight
your dandruff.
369
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:23,240
Oh, I need a break.
She's a madwoman.
370
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:27,344
That little squinty guy's
not so great either.
371
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:29,379
It's like a sniper.
372
00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:31,916
I drop my guard for
one second and bang!
373
00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:35,352
A verbal shot about
my child-bearing hips.
374
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:38,355
They won't let me out
without adult supervision.
375
00:17:38,424 --> 00:17:41,092
I'm like a raisin
in a cage.
376
00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:44,561
A raisin in a cage?
377
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:47,364
I've been here
three days, man.
378
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,100
Lay off.
379
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,768
How would anyone
put up with such abuse?
380
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,705
Well, Harry and Sally
were there for me
381
00:17:54,773 --> 00:17:56,106
when I didn't know anything.
382
00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:57,908
When I didn't even know
the difference between
383
00:17:57,977 --> 00:18:00,911
Bill Pullman
and Bill Paxton.
384
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:02,313
One's a little beefier.
385
00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:04,215
I know that.
386
00:18:04,283 --> 00:18:06,851
Right, I guess these
relationships linger
387
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:10,087
because we feel indebted
to those who took care
of us in our infancy.
388
00:18:10,156 --> 00:18:11,822
Yeah, but they're
so annoying.
389
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:14,091
Well, that's what
you and I and Mary
390
00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:17,661
and anyone else with
parents has to put up with.
391
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:20,163
But Harry and Sally
aren't my parents.
392
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:24,902
Well, maybe not in the same
way that Martha is my mother.
393
00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:30,308
Hold on.
394
00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:34,011
Yeah, you can walk away
from this situation
395
00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:35,345
any time you want.
396
00:18:35,414 --> 00:18:37,915
Yeah, you're right!
397
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:41,152
It's time to bag
the old bag.
398
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:42,653
You could get out too.
399
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,521
Wh-- Yeah!
400
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:46,189
Wait a minute,
401
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:49,059
I think there's one thing
we're both forgetting about--
402
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,728
the gate on the top
of the stairs.
403
00:18:53,365 --> 00:18:56,733
You push the tabs together
and pull it back.
404
00:18:56,803 --> 00:19:00,304
Oh, man!
405
00:19:00,372 --> 00:19:01,738
You're the greatest.
406
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:03,340
What's your name again?
407
00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:07,344
Dick.
408
00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:12,149
Dick?
I know what that means.
409
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,724
[Martha]
Dick?
410
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:22,793
What?
411
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:26,130
I want you to rub
a little salve on my lumbar.
412
00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:30,167
I think it's time
to cut this millstone
413
00:19:30,236 --> 00:19:31,768
from around my neck.
414
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,036
[Mary]
Dick?
415
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:35,239
What?
416
00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:36,640
Dick!
417
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:39,109
Oh--Oh, I, uh...
I'm sorry, Mary.
418
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,945
For a moment there, you sounded
unnervingly like your mother.
419
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,614
Now, Mary, I'm gonna
go in there
420
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,716
and talk to your mother
and you are going to listen.
421
00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:47,951
No, no. You're gonna
listen to me.
422
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,253
Now, I know I've had a rough
history with that woman,
423
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,155
but there's one thing
that will never change,
424
00:19:52,224 --> 00:19:55,158
she'll always be my mother.
425
00:19:55,227 --> 00:19:57,461
She's my responsibility.
426
00:19:57,530 --> 00:20:01,198
Like it or not,
she's coming home with me.
427
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:04,168
Martha, your ride's here.
428
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:10,507
Well, this is it.
429
00:20:10,576 --> 00:20:12,976
You know, I'm actually
gonna miss you guys.
430
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:15,846
Listen, Guy,
be careful out there.
431
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:18,782
Ooh, and you're probably
gonna need a little money.
432
00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:27,491
Well, I guess I always
knew that this day would come.
433
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,261
But nothing ever quite
prepares you for it.
434
00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:32,362
I'm sorry. I promised
I wouldn't do this.
435
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:34,031
It's time, Harry.
436
00:20:34,099 --> 00:20:35,566
You taught me well.
437
00:20:35,635 --> 00:20:38,769
Now it's time for me
to spread my legs and fly.
438
00:20:41,307 --> 00:20:43,674
Good-bye.
439
00:20:45,477 --> 00:20:48,679
Good-bye, sir.
440
00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:50,681
[exhales]
441
00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,016
Well, Sally,
442
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,051
now I guess we'll
have the time
443
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,753
to do all those things
we always dreamed of.
444
00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:58,622
Oh, yeah, well,
like what?
445
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:01,525
Well, for starters,
Double-Doorbell.
446
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:11,435
Closed-Captioned by
J.R. Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA