1 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,170 You guys didn't have to do this. 2 00:00:06,239 --> 00:00:08,640 We couldn't send you off to college unprepared, Tommy. 3 00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:10,342 Oh, I hope we got the right kind. 4 00:00:10,410 --> 00:00:12,744 Yeah, we shopped for hours. 5 00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:15,313 It's beer! Ah! 6 00:00:15,382 --> 00:00:17,916 Not just beer, but... 7 00:00:17,984 --> 00:00:19,985 Fake ID. 8 00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:23,088 Look at you, Tommy. 9 00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:25,090 The first Solomon to go to college. 10 00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:27,226 You get to explore new horizons, 11 00:00:27,294 --> 00:00:28,694 expand your mind, 12 00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,762 and help us to further understand that curious race 13 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,530 we call human. 14 00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:36,802 Yeah, plus I don't have to live with you freaks anymore. 15 00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:38,036 We're so proud. 16 00:00:38,105 --> 00:00:40,472 Well, folks, say your good-byes. 17 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,073 We've got a long drive ahead of us. 18 00:00:42,142 --> 00:00:43,274 I'll load this into the car. 19 00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:46,644 Oh, gosh. Well, take care of yourself, Tommy. 20 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,446 I feel like I'm gonna cry. 21 00:00:48,515 --> 00:00:51,183 [sneezes] 22 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,118 No, not cry. Sneeze. 23 00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:55,287 All right. Bye-bye. 24 00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:57,889 Bye, our little Information Officer. 25 00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:00,792 How in the world are we ever gonna replace you? 26 00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:02,394 Well, you know, you'll just... 27 00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:05,497 [zapping] 28 00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,099 Who are they? 29 00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:08,934 Oh, we're interviewing for your replacement. 30 00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:10,102 So if you could just... 31 00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:12,371 Bye-bye, Tommy! Bye-bye. 32 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,072 Hi, there. Welcome. 33 00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:16,875 How are you? Hi, nice to see you. 34 00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:19,878 ♪♪ [rock 'n' roll] 35 00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:57,983 Well, this is a very impressive resumé, Christy. 36 00:01:58,052 --> 00:02:00,118 I'm hoping I can leverage my skill set 37 00:02:00,187 --> 00:02:01,953 to maximize the mission's effectiveness . 38 00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,522 You hear that? 39 00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:07,659 She gonna something the mission's whatever. 40 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,294 Christy, okay. 41 00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:11,029 Well, we've got some other aliens to see, 42 00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:13,565 but we're very interested, and we'll be in touch. 43 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:17,102 So, can we reach you with the transmitter in your head? 44 00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:19,137 I have a machine. Oh, that's great. 45 00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:20,505 So, Christy, 46 00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:22,106 how are you getting along with your body? 47 00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:23,275 You like the boobs? 48 00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:24,809 No, no, I really don't. 49 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,111 Mmm, yeah. 50 00:02:26,179 --> 00:02:28,079 The smaller ones aren't as much fun. 51 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,549 Well, bye-bye. 52 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,554 So, what do you think, Harry? 53 00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:36,655 Well, I think she's our man. 54 00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:37,756 Oh, she's amazing. 55 00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,258 She's got the job. 56 00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:40,925 Let's just crank through this next bunch of Bozos, 57 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,527 'cause we're not gonna find anybody better. 58 00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:45,197 [zapping] Hi. 59 00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:47,032 I'm here for the interview. 60 00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:49,535 You're hired. 61 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,336 Oh, that's great, thank you. 62 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:52,470 I'm Bryce Canyon. 63 00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:54,239 Oh, I like that. 64 00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:55,974 Sally, can I talk to you for a second? 65 00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:58,376 Sure, I'll be right back, Bryce Canyon. 66 00:02:58,445 --> 00:02:59,478 Isn't he great? 67 00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:00,946 I thought we were gonna hire Christy. 68 00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:02,513 I hated Christy. 69 00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:05,083 You didn't even ask him one question. 70 00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:07,685 I think you just wanna hire him because he's a pretty boy. 71 00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,754 Fine, you want a question? Okay. 72 00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,456 Bryce, when can you start? 73 00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:13,224 Now. 74 00:03:13,293 --> 00:03:17,261 That is the greatest answer to any question I have ever heard. 75 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,501 Well, here it is, Tommy. 76 00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:25,203 Your first dorm room. 77 00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:28,273 Oh hey, check this out, Dick. 78 00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:30,008 These walls are real cinderblock. 79 00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:32,210 Oh, I don't think so. 80 00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:34,579 Dear God, they are! 81 00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:37,649 Oh, this must be my roommate. 82 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:38,917 His name's Joel. 83 00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,585 I guess he's asleep. 84 00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:44,890 No, I don't think he's asleep. I think he's passed out. 85 00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:47,792 Kahlua and cream. 86 00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:49,227 I know he's unconscious, 87 00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:52,196 but I really get that kind of buddies-for-life vibe, you know? 88 00:03:52,265 --> 00:03:54,165 You know I was thinking... 89 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,768 with you here at college, and me back in Rutherford, 90 00:03:56,837 --> 00:04:00,238 this will be the first time we've been separated in-- 91 00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:03,442 how many missions have we been on together? Oh, dozens. 92 00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:05,877 It's not gonna be the same without you, Tommy. 93 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:07,279 You were my right arm. 94 00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:09,581 The one I could always turn to for good advice. 95 00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:10,582 I learned a lot from you. 96 00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,417 Well, thanks, Dick. 97 00:04:12,485 --> 00:04:17,222 If you wanted to say that you learned a lot from me, too... 98 00:04:17,290 --> 00:04:18,757 that would be fine. 99 00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:21,860 Uh...I mean, 100 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,428 I must've learned some things. 101 00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:26,764 Well, thanks, Tommy. Yeah. 102 00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:30,068 Well, my friend, I'll see you in four years. 103 00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:32,470 Five if you're doing it right. 104 00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:36,173 Yup, magnificent. 105 00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:42,246 So, Bryce, I understand you've gathered some information for us. 106 00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:43,948 We're all dying to hear it. 107 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:47,652 Well, earth beings, otherwise known as humans, 108 00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:51,222 get around in cars, which have four wheels. 109 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,292 Humans have no wheels. 110 00:04:55,996 --> 00:05:00,432 Yeah, we've known that for weeks, Bryce. 111 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,800 Why don't you tell us something we don't know? 112 00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:05,570 Harry. Go on, Bryce. 113 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,673 Well, uh, there are only two bagpipe factories in the world. 114 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:12,411 One in Edinburgh, Scotland, 6 Grant Road, and the other-- 115 00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,479 New Guy, New Guy, New Guy... 116 00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:16,514 You gotta be more specific. 117 00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:19,250 What side of the road? 118 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,186 Well, the factory's on the left side of the road-- 119 00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:23,321 No, it's too late now! 120 00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:24,890 Hey. 121 00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:27,058 Please, go easy on Bryce. 122 00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,394 I'm impressed with his work. 123 00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:32,531 Exceedingly impressed. 124 00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:36,467 Oops, I dropped my pencil. 125 00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:38,236 Oops. 126 00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:40,204 Oops. 127 00:05:40,274 --> 00:05:41,706 Hey! 128 00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:43,475 Morning, everybody. 129 00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:44,843 Oh, morning, Dick. 130 00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:47,879 Say, have you met Bryce Canyon, our new Information Officer? 131 00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:48,946 Oh, hello, Tommy. 132 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,348 Bryce. 133 00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:54,418 Oh, of course. Tommy used to be our Information Officer. 134 00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:55,653 He's away in college. 135 00:05:55,722 --> 00:05:57,254 You would've like him. 136 00:05:57,323 --> 00:05:59,691 I liked him. 137 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:03,094 Say, Bryce, we need some sunbathing information. 138 00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:05,096 What do you say you grease up, hit the rooftop, 139 00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:07,465 and I'll check on your progress later. 140 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:10,868 Okay, great. Bye-bye. 141 00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:13,839 It's nice to have some new blood around here, huh? 142 00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:16,741 But it is kind of odd to see someone else sitting in Tommy's chair. 143 00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:19,910 Well, it's not Tommy's chair anymore. It's Bryce's chair. 144 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,712 Don't you dare say that. That's Tommy's chair. 145 00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:23,348 That'll always be Tommy's chair. 146 00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:25,516 He's not dead, he's just in a different location, that's all! 147 00:06:25,585 --> 00:06:28,119 Just in a different location! 148 00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:29,854 What's wrong, Dick? 149 00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,322 I just don't want anybody 150 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:34,325 sitting in the wrong chair, that's all! 151 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:37,061 'Scuze me. Where's the roof? 152 00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,463 Oh, forget the roof. 153 00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,165 There's a little light coming in here. 154 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:43,034 You just slide right here. 155 00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:46,371 Ah, see, Harry? 156 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:50,075 This is the kind of information we need. 157 00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:55,813 Tommy, oh, there you are. 158 00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:57,682 Dick, what the hell are you doing here? 159 00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,951 I just wanted to see how you were doing. 160 00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,152 And who is this? 161 00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,654 Uh...Dick, this is Cindy. 162 00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:06,057 Um, Cindy, this is my dad. 163 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,193 Your dad. 164 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:09,694 That's cute. 165 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:11,662 See ya. 166 00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:13,564 Uh, oh, all right. 167 00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:15,066 Okay, see you later, Cind. 168 00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:16,634 See ya later, Cind. 169 00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:19,037 I think she thinks you're a dork. 170 00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,171 Why are you here? 171 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,006 Because I'm worried about you. 172 00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:23,708 I sensed that there was something wrong. 173 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,843 What are you talking about? I'm having a great time. 174 00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:28,046 I feel like we pressured you into going to college. 175 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,148 It was my idea! You mustn't be so hard on yourself. 176 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,050 Why don't you just forget the whole thing and come home? 177 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,518 Dick! 178 00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:35,319 I want to go to college. 179 00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:36,488 You could go to Pendleton. 180 00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:38,089 I don't wanna go to Pendleton! 181 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,525 You've been telling for 6 years how much Pendleton sucks. 182 00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:42,994 No, but it's gotten much better. 183 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,395 We just painted. 184 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,098 I am not leaving. 185 00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:51,402 Well, all right, I guess I was wrong. 186 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,804 [heavy sigh] 187 00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,005 You don't wanna leave, 188 00:07:54,073 --> 00:07:56,374 and I completely respect your desires. 189 00:07:56,442 --> 00:07:58,843 I'm sorry I barged in on you. 190 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,478 Mm-hm. 191 00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:03,715 I guess I'd better get back. All right. 192 00:08:05,351 --> 00:08:08,053 Oh, by the way, good luck on the freshman prank. 193 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,555 What--what freshman prank? 194 00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:14,325 Yeah, you know that sort of antisocial rebellious act 195 00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:17,195 that wreaks havoc, but makes you the most popular man on campus. 196 00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:18,429 Good luck with that. 197 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:21,332 Wait. Wait, what do you mean? Like-- 198 00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:23,968 like putting a goldfish in the dorm water cooler? 199 00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:26,971 Oh, no, no. No, no, no. 200 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,274 Something much more destructive than that. 201 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,908 You've gotta do some real damage 202 00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:34,011 if you wanna set the girls hearts aflutter. 203 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,247 Uh...mm-mm. I don't know. 204 00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:38,350 No, I understand. 205 00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:39,517 It is a risky endeavor. 206 00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:43,220 Well, look at your friend Cindy. 207 00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:46,090 Talking to that young rascal over there. 208 00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:51,328 I wonder what sort of freshman prank he's cooking up. 209 00:08:51,397 --> 00:08:52,897 You got any ideas? 210 00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,766 Only about a million. 211 00:08:57,904 --> 00:09:00,305 Bryce! 212 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,140 I've been waiting for that report 213 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:03,808 on mustards for over an hour! 214 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,310 Well, I'm still working on it, sir. I-- 215 00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:07,612 Well, while you dilly-dally around, 216 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:12,016 I got a pastrami and cheese here that's not getting eaten. 217 00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,419 Now you're the Information Officer . 218 00:09:14,488 --> 00:09:17,088 What's the proper mustard for my situation? 219 00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:19,890 Well, sir, you could try yellow, or maybe Dijon. 220 00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:22,493 [falsetto] You're just guessing. 221 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,429 I know, I'm sorry, I-- 222 00:09:24,498 --> 00:09:26,131 I'm a screw-up. I've-- 223 00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:27,865 I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. 224 00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:29,033 Have you ever felt that way? 225 00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:33,271 [inhales] No. 226 00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:36,540 No, but everyone's different. 227 00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:39,143 Such a tough planet. I mean-- 228 00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:42,614 Hey, would you help me? You know, be my mentor? 229 00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:47,251 Mm. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me that... 230 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,221 Well, the first thing you gotta do 231 00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:53,058 is just sort of get comfortable in your own skin. 232 00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:54,358 Yeah, about that. 233 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,660 I feel so tight. 234 00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,428 Especially under the arms. Mm. 235 00:09:57,497 --> 00:10:01,199 You know what's good for that? Vaseline. 236 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:03,234 Yean, you just lube them bad boys up, 237 00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,269 they work all day. 238 00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,772 I'm gonna try that. 239 00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:10,942 Also, little bit of advice here. 240 00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:13,912 Gum can double as adhesive, 241 00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:19,317 but most adhesives do not necessarily double as gum. 242 00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:22,620 This is great, sir. 243 00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:25,189 No, no, you don't have to call me sir. 244 00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:29,593 Yeah, call me Your Honor. 245 00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:31,195 Your Honor. Yeah, a little bit louder. 246 00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:32,964 Your Honor! That's it. 247 00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:43,008 [pounding] 248 00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:47,679 Okay, that should do it. 249 00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:49,013 All right. 250 00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:52,950 Yeah, when the chancellor comes in here tomorrow, 251 00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,352 he's gonna flip. 252 00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,020 Oh, yeah, he'll have to flip. 253 00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,490 Ah, flip! 254 00:10:58,558 --> 00:11:01,191 Oh, no wait. 255 00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:04,162 What do you say, we take off the doorknob? 256 00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:05,729 Yeah, that'll really get his goat. 257 00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:09,233 Oh, yeah, it sure will. 258 00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:10,334 There we are. 259 00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:11,836 Now for the signature moment. 260 00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,037 The pulling of the fire alarm. 261 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:14,505 The fire alarm? 262 00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,407 Oh, yeah, you always gotta pull the fire alarm. 263 00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:17,609 Nice touch. 264 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,110 [alarm ringing] 265 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,978 Okay, Tommy, go get the toolbox 266 00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:23,180 and we are out of here. Will do. 267 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,021 Dick, open the door. 268 00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,622 You have-- you have the doorknob. 269 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,925 I know. 270 00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:37,094 Oh, my God. You planned this! 271 00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:39,564 You're trying to get me expelled! 272 00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:41,732 Bingo! 273 00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:45,202 [alarm continues] Dick! Dick! 274 00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:52,844 That's why old men wear their pants higher than young men. 275 00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:57,214 That is fantastically useful. 276 00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:59,450 Bryce, thank you so much for staying up tonight 277 00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:02,520 and helping me out with this crutch. 278 00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:03,922 Well, that's my job. 279 00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:06,457 Oh, you know, you're making quite a name for yourself 280 00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:08,359 in the organization. 281 00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:10,461 Sally's Boy Wonder. 282 00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:11,896 That's what they're calling you. 283 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,632 Who's calling me that? 284 00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:15,866 Sally. 285 00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:19,103 Let's take a five, shall we? 286 00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:20,972 Let me pour you a glass of wine. 287 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,574 My research tells me that alcohol dulls your senses 288 00:12:23,642 --> 00:12:25,009 and impairs your judgment. 289 00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,077 I had not heard that. 290 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:29,614 You know something, Bryce? 291 00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:31,349 If you play your cards right, 292 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,785 I really think you have a chance to go far. 293 00:12:33,853 --> 00:12:35,853 How far? All the way. 294 00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:38,923 But that's just the beginning. 295 00:12:38,991 --> 00:12:41,225 How can all the way be just the beginning? 296 00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,261 I like the way you think, Bryce. 297 00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:46,730 But you can stop now. 298 00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:49,900 Don't you want to hear the rest of my research? 299 00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:51,569 Ooh, I'm dying to. But you know what? 300 00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:54,339 This chair isn't very comfortable. I wanna sit where you're sitting. 301 00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,541 Oh! No no no. Don't get up. 302 00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:00,845 Okay. What'cha got? 303 00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:04,882 Well, uh-- uh-- traffic lights? 304 00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,717 Green means go. [screams] 305 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,287 You cracked the code. 306 00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:12,323 Let's celebrate. 307 00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:13,791 Oh. [yelps, squeals] 308 00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:16,093 You know, if we're through working tonight, 309 00:13:16,162 --> 00:13:17,195 I think I'm gonna turn in. 310 00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:18,896 Oh, no. We're not through, Bryce. 311 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,399 You come back here, and you finish what you started. 312 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:24,235 I'm beginning to wonder if you care about traffic lights at all! 313 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,237 Oh, Bryce! No! 314 00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:28,940 [lustful sigh] 315 00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:39,484 I came as soon as I heard. 316 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:40,585 Tommy! What were you thinking? 317 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,019 You set me up, you bastard! 318 00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:43,387 He's been saying that all morning. 319 00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:44,989 Sure. Blame Dad. 320 00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:47,358 I suppose you'll be sending this good-for-nothing home with me. 321 00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:49,593 Well, it is a serious offense. 322 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,729 Where are the expulsion forms? In your desk? 323 00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,064 I-- I could give you a leg up. 324 00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:54,365 Tommy. 325 00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:58,036 For your infraction, I am issuing a warning. 326 00:13:58,104 --> 00:13:59,837 That's it, Tommy! Pack your bags! 327 00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:02,373 Get in the car-- [stammers] a warning? 328 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:05,676 Mr. Solomon, this is an institution of higher learning, after all. 329 00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:08,779 And we don't want to stifle youthful exuberance. 330 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,048 A warning? 331 00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:12,249 Why don't you just give him a big wet kiss? 332 00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:15,053 Dr. Solomon! It was only a prank. 333 00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:18,856 Only a prank! You would wipe scum like this off of your campus! 334 00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:22,626 [chuckles] I remember my own freshman prank. 335 00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,729 I messed with the marching band's formation, 336 00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:26,764 and made them spell out a dirty word. 337 00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:27,898 [laughs] That's very funny. 338 00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:29,033 Well, it's nothing like this. 339 00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:30,134 Well, you're too kind. 340 00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,135 What's happening here? 341 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,336 Are you dating anyone? 342 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:33,838 You know, I have a daughter about your age. 343 00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:35,540 I'd love to meet her. No, wait a minute! 344 00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:38,275 You know, I'm gonna call her up. She oughtta see this. 345 00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:39,810 Such attention to detail. 346 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,478 I love the coffee mug. Thank you. 347 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:44,115 But the coffee mug was my idea! What? 348 00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:46,584 This whole thing is mine. He had nothing to do with it! 349 00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:48,786 I'm the mastermind behind the freshman prank! 350 00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:50,021 Oh, really. Yes! 351 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,222 If there's anyone you should be 352 00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,591 foisting your daughter off on, it's me! 353 00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:56,193 Get out of here! 354 00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:57,895 Good day, sir! 355 00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:01,032 That's a picture of my daughter. 356 00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,407 Hey, guys! What's up? 357 00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:11,409 Sally? Sit down. 358 00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:14,779 Okay. 359 00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:20,217 Sally, there's been a complaint made against you 360 00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:22,720 by one of the employees of the mission. 361 00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:27,158 Who? 362 00:15:27,226 --> 00:15:29,359 Bryce, do you wish to remain anonymous? 363 00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:34,265 Sally, Bryce feels [sighs] 364 00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,667 that you've been sexually harassing him, 365 00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:39,570 and he has requested that he, at no time, 366 00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:43,774 be left alone in a room with you. 367 00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:46,944 I think that's something I'd like to discuss with Bryce privately. 368 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:49,747 Okay, I'll leave you two alone. 369 00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,049 Harry? 370 00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,350 Would you please stay? 371 00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:56,087 All right. [sighs] 372 00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:57,655 Bryce, look. 373 00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,190 You're very new here. 374 00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:00,825 And you must have misunderstood 375 00:16:00,894 --> 00:16:03,194 my professional encouragement. 376 00:16:03,262 --> 00:16:08,199 I mean, a pat on your muscular back is not harassment. 377 00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:09,700 Well, I looked it up. 378 00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:10,935 And according to state laws, 379 00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:12,703 harassment is any verbal or physical overture 380 00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:15,372 that makes me feel uncomfortable, and I'm very uncomfortable. 381 00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:18,343 Well, if you're not comfortable, you should take off your pants. 382 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,313 Casual Thursday. 383 00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:26,817 That is it. 384 00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,719 I don't think I can work here with Sally around. 385 00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:29,920 Either she goes, or I go. 386 00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,726 Sally? 387 00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:36,961 Okay. 388 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,896 Everything you said was true, Bryce. 389 00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:40,531 I treated you like a... 390 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,667 sexy, hunky object 391 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,069 instead of a sexy, hunky employee, 392 00:16:45,137 --> 00:16:46,270 and I'm sorry. 393 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,374 I'm the one who should go. 394 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:51,675 This is good. 395 00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:53,877 The system works. [sighs] Bye bye, Sally! 396 00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:55,146 See you, Harry! 397 00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:58,983 Bryce. 398 00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:00,918 Look, it's a small universe, 399 00:17:00,986 --> 00:17:03,320 and we may work together again. 400 00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:04,955 So I just wanna say that 401 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,958 I've learned a really valuable lesson here, today, and... 402 00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:10,561 well, no hard feelings. 403 00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:13,865 Of course not. 404 00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:17,034 Cool. In you go, you piece of meat! 405 00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:18,268 [zapping] 406 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,247 We're never hiring anyone every again. 407 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:31,949 Well, with him gone, 408 00:17:32,018 --> 00:17:33,151 I guess you'll be wanting me 409 00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:35,686 to oil up and put on the Speedos. 410 00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,356 No. No! No! 411 00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:46,630 What? 412 00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:47,965 I came to tell you I'm leaving! 413 00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:49,233 Then leave. 414 00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:51,001 But I can't leave without speaking my mind. 415 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,636 Well, you never could. 416 00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:54,906 You are making a big mistake, mister! 417 00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:56,406 College is not what you think it is. 418 00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:57,775 Oh, it doesn't matter what I think-- 419 00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,143 It's a big, ugly machine 420 00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:00,778 that will chew you up and spit you out. 421 00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:01,779 I don't approve of college-- 422 00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:03,180 You teach at a college! 423 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,048 Oh, sure! Throw that in my face! 424 00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:07,551 You know what the problem with your generation is? You never had to work! 425 00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:10,788 Work? I work! I'm third in command on this stupid mission! 426 00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:11,989 [both] Oh, ha ha ha! 427 00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:13,691 You know, I don't even know who you are anymore! 428 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,259 You've changed! I have not--! 429 00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:17,361 Oh, yes. With your new life of learning. 430 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,263 Your Internet. Your Nintendo. 431 00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:21,598 Your fancy friends. I-- 432 00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:25,636 MTV. Your virtual reality. Your-- your-- and your-- 433 00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:28,438 I don't even know! What are you talking about? 434 00:18:28,507 --> 00:18:30,875 What am I talking about? I'll tell you what I'm talking about! 435 00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,642 I don't want you to go! 436 00:18:35,247 --> 00:18:37,481 [sighs] I don't want you to go. 437 00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:43,821 Come here. Sit down. 438 00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:45,790 Come on! 439 00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,595 [sighs] Why did you have to grow up? 440 00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,364 I don't know. 441 00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:55,766 It's just the body I picked. 442 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,001 Well, I don't like it. 443 00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,670 Parenting's hard. 444 00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:03,607 You give love. You give encouragement. You give support. 445 00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:07,545 And then, if you do a good job, they just go away. 446 00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:09,614 Well, then I guess you did a pretty good job then, right? 447 00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:12,616 What do you mean? 448 00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:15,519 Parental love, at its best, 449 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,788 it's the only love there is that... 450 00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,324 inevitably leads to separation. 451 00:19:22,027 --> 00:19:23,994 How do you always know these things? 452 00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,295 I'm the Information Officer. 453 00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:28,198 I sent you a memo on this, years ago. 454 00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,369 I guess I did do a pretty good job. 455 00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:35,072 Yeah. 456 00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:37,141 You all right? 457 00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:38,141 Yeah. 458 00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:40,210 Want a beer? 459 00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:41,846 Sure. Okay. 460 00:19:45,317 --> 00:19:46,450 [cans opening] 461 00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:52,956 There's beer in this room. 462 00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:57,094 Nice to meet you, Joel. 463 00:19:57,162 --> 00:19:58,763 Isn't this yours? No, no, no. 464 00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:00,264 I was just leaving. 465 00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:06,304 I'll see you on your first break. 466 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,747 So how did things work out with the new guy? 467 00:20:17,816 --> 00:20:21,585 Oh, well, he decided to pursue career opportunities elsewhere. 468 00:20:21,653 --> 00:20:23,654 You came on to him, huh? 469 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,623 Like Germany came on to Poland. 470 00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:29,226 Our first Sunday night without Tommy. 471 00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:31,394 Feels kind of funny, being out here without him, doesn't it? 472 00:20:31,463 --> 00:20:32,796 Yeah, it kinda does. But, you know-- 473 00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:34,865 I'm okay with it. 474 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:37,067 After all, I've been left with two of the greatest guys 475 00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:38,669 I've ever been on a mission with. 476 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:39,837 [Sally and Harry] Aw... 477 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,639 [banging] Hey, guys. 478 00:20:41,707 --> 00:20:43,440 [All] Hey, Tommy. Hi. What's going on? 479 00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:45,008 Well, school's only an hour away, 480 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,043 so I figured I could do my laundry here. 481 00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:50,915 [all sighing] 482 00:20:50,984 --> 00:20:53,250 I wonder what Tommy's doin', right now? 483 00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:55,285 Mm. Separating his whites. 484 00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:56,821 Yeah. Maybe starti'' a pre-soak. 485 00:20:56,889 --> 00:20:59,289 Mm. I hope he goes easy on the bleach. 486 00:20:59,358 --> 00:21:01,025 But you know Tommy. 487 00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:02,326 He won't. Nope. 488 00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:09,133 Closed-Captioned by JR Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA