1
00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:09,841
[Sally, typing]
It's not easy being single
in New York City,
2
00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:14,746
especially when
you're an alien visiting
from a parallel universe.
3
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:22,353
Uh-oh, that's a little
too much information.
4
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,189
But there's nothing
a little success
5
00:00:25,258 --> 00:00:27,358
or a lot of sex can't fix.
6
00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:30,295
Take Dick, for example.
7
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,964
Finding his job
shallow and unrewarding,
8
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,732
he was ready to
load the pockets
9
00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:36,168
of his custom-tailored suit
with rocks
10
00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:37,735
and jump in the East River.
11
00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:41,172
Oh, my God.
Look at those shoes.
12
00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:44,809
Then he walked into
a dive on 48th
13
00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:47,946
where people ordered
drinks on the rocks.
14
00:00:48,015 --> 00:00:50,082
There he found
his true love,
15
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,916
and that rocks.
16
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:53,685
I'm a lawyer.
17
00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:56,654
While on
the other side of town,
18
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:59,557
Tommy was a big success
on Saturday Night Live.
19
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:02,060
His head was as big
as the Statue of Liberty's,
20
00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:05,697
only there weren't
any tourists
inside his face,
21
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:09,167
And Harry, either through
sheer determination
22
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:12,704
or sheer stupidity,
was climbing to
the top of his game
23
00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,906
as a network executive.
24
00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:17,709
Why don't we make
one night Will,
one night Grace?
25
00:01:19,013 --> 00:01:20,912
As for me,
I've heard it said
26
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:23,381
that you can't
fight City Hall.
27
00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:25,050
I don't know
if that's true or not,
28
00:01:25,118 --> 00:01:28,720
I just needed a segue into
'I'm sleeping with the Mayor.'
29
00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:10,228
♪ Romance is mush ♪
30
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:15,133
♪ Stifling those who strive ♪
31
00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:18,403
♪ I live a lush life ♪
32
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:24,142
♪ In some small dive ♪
33
00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:27,879
♪ And there I'll be ♪
34
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:33,552
♪ While I rot with the rest ♪
35
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:36,989
♪ Of those whose lives ♪
36
00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:40,792
♪ are lonely ♪
37
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:44,663
♪ Too ♪
38
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:53,739
Oh, Mary,
that was beautiful.
39
00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:57,141
Much more
upbeat than usual.
40
00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:59,211
Sweetie, I am hurrying.
41
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:01,179
These boots are super-high,
42
00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:03,047
plus they're really tight,
you know.
43
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:05,383
Just put it down,
would ya?
44
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:09,020
Don, I hope you realize
that this place
45
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:11,723
is a total
waste of my outfit.
46
00:03:11,791 --> 00:03:15,159
Well, as long
as I can see it,
what else matters?
47
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:19,865
You are such a doll.
Let's go someplace else.
48
00:03:19,934 --> 00:03:21,699
You know I can't.
49
00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:24,536
Of course, I do.
50
00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:30,742
Um, Tommy?
51
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:31,776
Hey, Darrell,
what's up?
52
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:32,777
Um, nothing.
53
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,245
I just saw Ana
out in the hallway.
54
00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:36,347
She's crying her eyes out.
What happened?
55
00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:37,983
Yeah, I broke up with her.
56
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,551
Oh...sorry. I--
57
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:43,955
Well, I was
chomping at the bit,
you know what I mean?
58
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,124
Sure. Sure.
59
00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:47,859
Don't mean anything
by it.
60
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:50,662
You know, Tommy,
it's really funny
61
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,664
how quickly
you guys hit it off.
62
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:55,867
I've been trying
to get Ana to go out
with me for years,
63
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,035
and she just
never would--
64
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,670
And she never will, man.
65
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:02,040
Because she doesn't know who
the real Darrell Hammond is.
66
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:04,109
What does that mean?
67
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:06,477
You hide behind
your impressions, man.
68
00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:09,447
With all your wigs,
your funny voices.
69
00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:13,718
She sees the mask
and she doesn't see the man.
70
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,286
Whoa.
71
00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:18,189
Let me ask you a question.
What are you doin'
on update this week?
72
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,125
I was gonna do Sean Connery
73
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:21,993
talking about how it feels
to be a senior citizen.
74
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:24,428
Yeah, well, why don't
you do Darrell Hammond
75
00:04:24,497 --> 00:04:28,133
talking about
what it feels like to be...
76
00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:30,902
to be Darrell Hammond?
77
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:34,072
I've been blind.
Tommy, I've been blind.
78
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:35,073
Thanks, buddy.
79
00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:36,374
Hey.
80
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:37,542
Thank you.
81
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:40,078
No problem, guy.
82
00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:47,352
You know, I don't think
it's such a good idea
83
00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:48,820
for you to be
spending so much time
84
00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:51,055
in a seedy bar
like this, Mary.
85
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,692
Maybe, instead,
you should be singing
in a Broadway show.
86
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,360
What a great idea.
87
00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:58,362
But I'm way
ahead of you, handsome.
88
00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:02,634
It won't be long
before I'll be joining
the cast of Cats.
89
00:05:04,238 --> 00:05:07,405
I've got bad news for you.
Mary, Cats is closed.
90
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:10,108
Damn, that was fast!
91
00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:12,944
Look. Here.
I've got something
that'll cheer you up.
92
00:05:13,012 --> 00:05:14,613
Ooh.
93
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:17,749
Saks.
94
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:20,051
Oh, you shouldn't
have done this.
95
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,453
Please, accept it.
96
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:24,823
I never said anything
about not accepting it.
97
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,424
It's beautiful.
98
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,559
The saleslady called it
a cocktail dress.
99
00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:31,362
I thought you'd get
a lot of use out of it.
100
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:35,099
Okay. So, I know
you're not supposed
to go anyplace else,
101
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,969
but, bear with me here,
what if we did?
102
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,470
What do you think
would happen?
103
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,439
Well, you know
what would happen.
104
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:43,274
Oh, I know.
105
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:46,144
But tell me anyway.
106
00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:48,946
Well, you-know-who
would have my ass in a sling.
107
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:53,018
[chuckles]
Oh, yeah. I know.
108
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:55,587
Who?
109
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:57,789
The wife.
110
00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:03,194
Of course.
Your wife.
111
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:04,863
You're married?
112
00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:06,164
Simmer down.
113
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:07,598
Oh, my God.
You're married!
114
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:09,901
This is so not good!
115
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:11,369
What's going on?
116
00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:13,338
You've been okay
with this arrangement
for years.
117
00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:14,872
I have?
118
00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:17,208
I can't believe
I'd do that.
I am out of here.
119
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:20,145
Come on.
Baby, baby, baby.
120
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:22,247
You know you're the one.
121
00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:25,583
I'm gonna divorce her.
122
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:28,820
I just need
a little time.
123
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,655
Okay.
124
00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:32,957
Sally.
125
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:33,958
Dick.
126
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:35,493
Don.
Albright.
127
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:38,162
Kiki.
Donnie.
128
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,497
Mary!
129
00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:48,707
[Darrell]
Um, you know,
New York is the only city...
130
00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:50,442
Isn't that
the guy who normally
does the impressions?
131
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:52,411
Darrell. Darrell Hammond.
132
00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:54,546
Yeah. Why isn't he funny?
133
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,147
Some sort of experiment.
134
00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:58,483
He wanted to
impress Ana Gasteyer,
135
00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:00,485
so he was gonna try
being himself.
136
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:02,454
Ah. Well, that's
a big mistake, man.
137
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:05,056
Man! That felt so great!
138
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,158
Tommy, they were
really listening to me,
weren't they?
139
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:08,427
They were, man.
140
00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:10,595
They were listenin'
for some jokes,
141
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:12,397
and they weren't
quite hearing 'em.
142
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,833
You know what?
I've been known to do
an impersonation myself.
143
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:16,167
Yeah. Here's you.
144
00:07:16,235 --> 00:07:17,902
"Boo-hoo-hoo.
I'm Darrell Hammond.
145
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,303
"I don't got
a job no more.
146
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:21,773
"Boo-hoo-hoo.
How am I gonna
feed my child?
147
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:22,841
Boo-hoo-hoo."
148
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:24,576
Hi, Tommy.
Hi, Mr. Solomon.
149
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:25,910
Did you see Darrell?
150
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:27,845
Um, yeah.
Yeah, some of it.
151
00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:32,150
Ana, that part
about me breaking my foot
on my sixth birthday,
152
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,985
that really happened, man.
153
00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:37,188
Fact is so much
stranger than fiction.
154
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:39,991
Stranger, but
it's not funnier.
155
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,826
Hey, guys,
check this out.
156
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,461
[as Sean Connery]
Could somebody
please tell me
157
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:45,430
where I can find
Miss Pussy Galore?
158
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:47,732
I didn't know
you did Sean Connery.
159
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:51,903
That's good. You oughta
do that on the show.
160
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,642
Can I open my eyes now?
161
00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:01,613
No. Just a...
162
00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:03,348
just a few
more steps.
163
00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:07,085
Oh, Dick,
I've had my eyes closed
ever since the oyster bar.
164
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:10,288
What was
that crunchy thing
you made me eat?
165
00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:14,092
I don't know.
I had my eyes closed, too.
166
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:18,730
Okay, you can look now.
167
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:21,632
The Manhattan skyline.
168
00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:25,770
Hmm. Got anything to drink?
169
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,739
Champagne.
170
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:30,141
I opened it this morning
so those annoying
little bubbles
171
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,076
would have
a chance to disperse.
172
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,311
Good thinking.
173
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,283
Cheers.
174
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:43,287
Would you care
for an hors d'oeuvre?
175
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:46,524
Duck eggs?
Salmon eggs?
176
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:49,627
Quail eggs? Eggs?
Anything you want.
177
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,763
The sky's the limit.
178
00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:53,564
Dick, if you're intent
on spending money on me,
179
00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:55,333
I can think of
other ways of doing it.
180
00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:56,901
Well, like how?
181
00:08:56,969 --> 00:08:59,337
Like giving me money.
182
00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:02,239
I'm sorry,
was that too blunt?
183
00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:04,676
Yes, but money's
not important.
184
00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:07,345
What's important is
that we love each other.
185
00:09:07,413 --> 00:09:09,147
What we have
is true love.
186
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:11,182
I can't do it.
187
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:14,285
I can't take advantage
of another deluded guy.
188
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:16,054
No, you're wrong, Mary.
189
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:17,956
You're the one
who's deluded.
190
00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:19,357
Because whether
you know it or not,
191
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:21,059
we were meant
to be together.
192
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:22,193
Oh, God.
193
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:23,461
I love you, Mary.
194
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:26,698
Oh, stop talking about love.
True love doesn't exist.
195
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,599
True love is real.
196
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:31,069
And powerful
and wonderful!
197
00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:34,472
Oh, don't you think
I'd like to believe in love?
198
00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:38,309
Life would be
a lot simpler if I could.
199
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:39,777
Then pretend.
200
00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:41,379
How?
201
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:43,748
It's easy.
202
00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:46,984
♪♪ [romantic jazz plays]
203
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,312
What's that smell?
204
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:15,680
[sniffs]
205
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:19,083
Is that platinum?
206
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:20,852
Oh.
207
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:24,822
Oh, Donnie.
Thank you, baby.
208
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:26,291
What are you doing here?
209
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:30,094
Isn't there some sort of
riot in the Bronx?
210
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:35,033
Yeah. Good thing
we don't live up there.
211
00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:37,969
Sally, what would you say
if I told you
212
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:39,403
that when
my wife asked me
213
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,839
why I was gonna be
late again tonight,
214
00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:43,775
I didn't lie?
215
00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:47,344
Oh, my God.
You told her
you wanted a divorce?
216
00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:50,448
No, I told her to shut up.
217
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:51,949
Uh, okay.
218
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:55,286
You know, I'm starting
to feel real bad.
219
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,788
I don't know
how much longer
I can do this.
220
00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,057
Well, hang in there.
221
00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:01,125
I'll tell my wife
as soon as I'm out of office.
222
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:04,496
I can't wait till you
step down as mayor.
223
00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:08,833
Not mayor. President.
224
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,568
I'm going for the big one.
225
00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:13,171
And I want you
right there beside me.
226
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,774
Behind the scenes.
227
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:19,677
Out of sight.
228
00:11:19,746 --> 00:11:21,412
That is not
good enough for me, Don.
229
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:23,981
I mean, I wanna be
involved in your life
230
00:11:24,050 --> 00:11:26,150
and share tender moments.
231
00:11:26,218 --> 00:11:29,186
I want to be your
Secretary of Defense.
232
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:33,258
Let's slow down
and reconsider this
in the shower.
233
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:34,992
You know what?
Forget it.
234
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:36,160
Sally--
235
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:37,595
No, no, no.
Seriously, it's over.
236
00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:40,632
Get out!
237
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:48,639
One last thing.
238
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,574
Can I still
count on your vote?
239
00:11:52,646 --> 00:11:55,680
Of course. We still
agree on the issues.
240
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:01,152
[knocking on the door]
241
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:04,188
Just a minute.
242
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:12,430
Come in.
243
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,832
Hey, look at that
putt I just made.
244
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:18,702
Lovely. Very nice.
Yeah.
245
00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:21,205
Mr. Solomon, your nephew
is here to see you.
246
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:25,609
Tommy! Good to see you!
247
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:27,745
Good to see you,
too, man.
248
00:12:27,814 --> 00:12:29,513
It's funny.
We work in
the same building,
249
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,282
I've never been
up to your office.
250
00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:32,783
It's very nice.
251
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:35,153
Yeah, well,
lots of room to putt in.
252
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,254
Oh, hey, can I
sit in your chair?
253
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:38,489
Oh, please.
254
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:41,025
I think
you'll find it
still warm.
255
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,559
[sighs]
256
00:12:42,628 --> 00:12:45,029
"Hey, look at me.
I'm Harry Solomon,
257
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:46,631
big president
of the network."
258
00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:49,834
"Look at me,
I'm Tommy Solomon,
259
00:12:49,902 --> 00:12:52,537
and I'm a big star
on Saturday Night Live."
260
00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:55,172
"I make important decisions
261
00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:58,309
like where to putt
in my office."
262
00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:00,311
"I get paid
the big bucks
263
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:04,182
just for
going whoo-whoo-whoo."
264
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:06,451
"Well, I've got
some news for you,
Tommy Solomon.
265
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:08,085
"Your ego's
gotten too big.
266
00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:10,354
You're demanding
too much money.
You're fired!"
267
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:13,024
"I am out of control,
and I do want
too much money.
268
00:13:13,092 --> 00:13:14,058
You're fired!"
269
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,027
"You can't fire me,
you peon.
270
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:18,195
You're a lowly
cast member on SNL."
271
00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:20,164
No, I'm Harry now.
272
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:21,899
You're fired!
273
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,134
What?
274
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:25,035
Yeah, I mean it.
You're really fired.
What for?
275
00:13:25,104 --> 00:13:27,639
Well, for the same reasons
that you just fired me.
276
00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:30,441
Your ego's too huge and
you want too much money.
277
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,877
Well, I'm not
taking it anymore.
You're off the show.
278
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:35,479
I am that show.
279
00:13:35,549 --> 00:13:38,349
Wait a second.
Who are you now?
280
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,185
I'm me.
281
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,119
Well, then
get away from my desk!
282
00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:43,120
You're confusing me.
283
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,121
You listen to me.
284
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:45,223
Lorne Michaels
is my boss.
285
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:46,791
He can fire me.
You can't fire me.
286
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:49,727
Well, I'll fire
his sad Canadian ass, too.
287
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,873
Good morning.
288
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:03,774
Good morning.
289
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:08,846
Well, this is different.
290
00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:11,615
Well, what do you mean?
Being here with me?
291
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,351
No, I mean
I can actually remember
292
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:17,755
everything I did
last night.
293
00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:20,558
So do I.
I feel wonderful.
294
00:14:20,626 --> 00:14:23,728
In fact, there's something
important I have to ask you.
295
00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:24,729
Hmm?
296
00:14:24,798 --> 00:14:26,297
Will you...
297
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,733
Will you move in with me?
298
00:14:28,802 --> 00:14:30,634
Move into
this beautiful loft?
299
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:34,138
Yes. We can have movers
bring over all your things,
300
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,607
or we could just burn them.
301
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:39,177
Okay. What the hell?
302
00:14:39,245 --> 00:14:41,179
Oh, yes!
303
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:44,215
See, Mary? You see?
How does it feel now?
304
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:45,216
What?
305
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:46,850
To know that you're
in love with me?
306
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:50,021
Oh, look,
I liked the Gershwin,
307
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:52,623
and the eager-to-please
lovemaking.
308
00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:53,925
Oh, we were so passionate.
309
00:14:53,993 --> 00:14:56,727
You called out
my name three times.
310
00:14:56,796 --> 00:15:00,798
"Larry! Larry! Larry!"
311
00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:03,534
Okay, maybe
it's not my name,
but the passion.
312
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:05,936
I was pretending.
313
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:07,705
You told me to pretend,
so I pretended.
314
00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:09,940
No, but it'll turn real.
I know it will.
315
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:13,244
Sorry, Dick.
That will never happen.
316
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:15,613
Love. Ha!
317
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:18,882
Mary Albright
can't feel love anymore.
318
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:20,918
You're so damaged!
319
00:15:20,987 --> 00:15:23,921
This life has been
so hard on you.
320
00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:25,456
Isn't there
anything I can do
321
00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:27,858
to make you see
that we would be
perfect together?
322
00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:30,328
No, Dick.
323
00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:35,166
Maybe it would've worked
in some other time
or some other place.
324
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:37,402
Wait.
325
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,303
What did you just say?
326
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,974
No, Dick.
327
00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:46,344
Maybe it would've worked
in some other time...
328
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:47,445
[both] or some other place.
329
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:48,579
I can do that.
330
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:51,482
Here, quick.
Mary, take this.
331
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,584
Come on.
Come on with me.
332
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:56,720
You're just like
all the rest,
tossing me out.
333
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,389
You didn't even
let me get dressed.
334
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,425
No, no, I still want
you to live here, Mary.
335
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:02,860
Go back to your place
and get your things
right now.
336
00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:04,562
Here, here's
some extra cash.
337
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:05,963
You can get dressed
in the cab.
338
00:16:06,032 --> 00:16:07,999
Are you sure
you wanna do this?
339
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,834
Absolutely.
This is your home now.
340
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:13,337
I hope it'll
make you happy.
341
00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:17,708
Good-bye, Kiki.
342
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:20,545
Bye.
343
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,215
Sally!
344
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:25,216
Sally, wake up!
345
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:27,718
Ugh!
346
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:28,719
What?
347
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:29,720
We're leaving.
348
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,555
I'm going home to Mary.
349
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:33,357
Wait a minute.
But she's here.
350
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:36,560
No. This Mary
is cold and soulless,
351
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,996
and only willing
to do one or two
more things in bed
352
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:41,698
than the other one.
353
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:43,500
The tradeoff
just isn't worth it.
354
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,102
All right, look.
355
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,772
Maybe you
are willing to give up
all this nice stuff,
356
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,506
but I sure am not.
357
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:53,511
I mean, whoever said
that diamonds are
a girl's best friend
358
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:57,081
never saw
those black pearls
at Tiffany's.
359
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,817
Hey, that sounded great.
Where's my laptop?
360
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:02,086
No. Forget the laptop.
361
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,687
I would think that
given what's happened,
362
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,255
you'd be dying
to see Don again.
363
00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:06,824
I don't know.
364
00:17:06,892 --> 00:17:09,259
I mean, after Mayor Don,
I just feel like
365
00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:11,562
I've seen a side of him
I really can't trust.
366
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:14,031
But that's not
the Don you love.
367
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:16,334
The one who went
to community college,
368
00:17:16,402 --> 00:17:18,702
and went to night school
to become a cop.
369
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,239
And went to
another night school
370
00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:25,143
after that one
didn't work out.
371
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:28,345
The Don who wouldn't
hurt a fly.
372
00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:30,281
The Don who loves you.
373
00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:33,217
I wish that Don
was here in this apartment.
374
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:35,753
No kidding.
375
00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:38,489
I'd almost be willing
to shack up here
with New York Mary
376
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:42,126
if she wasn't
such a big ball of
emotional scar tissue.
377
00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:46,363
Wow. We are gonna
sacrifice money for love.
378
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:48,599
We are so noble!
379
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:49,833
I know!
380
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,068
How many shoes
do you think
381
00:17:51,137 --> 00:17:52,836
I can get through
that portal, huh?
382
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:55,172
Well, I'm off to work.
Is my car here yet?
383
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:58,142
Harry, we're going
back to Rutherford.
384
00:17:58,211 --> 00:17:59,376
Well, have a nice trip.
385
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:01,912
I think I left the iron on,
so you might wanna check.
386
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:05,682
No, Harry.
Um, you're coming with us.
387
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,018
I don't think you understand.
388
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:12,890
I have got
a network to run!
389
00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:15,526
Look, we're not
leaving you here alone.
390
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,127
I'm not alone.
Tommy's here.
391
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:20,164
No, he went
through the portal
after you fired him.
392
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:23,668
Harry, you can't be
a network president
alone in Manhattan
393
00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:25,269
without adult supervision.
394
00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:30,574
Stop it!
You're treating me
the way you always treat me.
395
00:18:30,642 --> 00:18:33,511
Well, we're
in New York now,
and I'm respected here.
396
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,880
You get his arms,
I'll get his legs.
397
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:37,081
What? No!
398
00:18:37,149 --> 00:18:39,216
Dubcek, I've got
a situation here.
399
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,351
Send security
to the loft.
400
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:43,554
Huh? What?
401
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,824
Well, that's a shocker.
402
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:49,826
Mm-hmm. I see.
403
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:52,529
Yeah. Well, good luck.
404
00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:54,431
I don't believe it!
405
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,466
What?
406
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:57,735
I've been
replaced by Dubcek.
407
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,803
I'm so sorry, Harry.
408
00:18:59,873 --> 00:19:01,605
They said that
she was really in touch
409
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:06,009
with what men
between 18 and 49
really want.
410
00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:08,045
I see.
411
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:10,681
Last one in the shower's
a dirty dog!
412
00:19:10,749 --> 00:19:12,516
Whoo!
413
00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:15,086
Oh, shoes!
414
00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:24,395
Ah, that was great.
415
00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:27,197
Oh, home at last!
416
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:32,169
Ah, the damn shoes
don't transfer!
417
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:40,444
Good old Rutherford.
What an inspiring view.
418
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,746
Yeah, the tail lights
on the cars
419
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:46,784
and the flame burning
over at the refinery.
420
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,986
You can even see
the fast food signs
421
00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:51,488
out at the interstate
off ramp.
422
00:19:51,557 --> 00:19:53,790
It's simply breathtaking.
423
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:56,460
I find it
dumpy and depressing.
424
00:19:56,529 --> 00:20:00,430
Yeah, well,
not the pancake house.
425
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,566
Albright, you wanna
see depressing,
426
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:04,969
you should see
all the garbage
they have stacked up
427
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,171
along Central Park West.
428
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,539
Were you
in New York recently?
429
00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:09,940
No. No.
430
00:20:10,008 --> 00:20:14,879
Sally was, uh,
just looking at
a travel brochure.
431
00:20:14,948 --> 00:20:19,583
Was I a man who dreamed
he was a network executive,
432
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:24,588
or a network executive
who dreamed he was a man?
433
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,557
Human beings--
434
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:30,327
That is, we human beings
are so strange.
435
00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:33,997
We blindly go about
our daily activities,
436
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:37,635
unaware that
if we only made a few
slightly different choices,
437
00:20:37,703 --> 00:20:39,736
we'd turn out to be
completely different people.
438
00:20:39,806 --> 00:20:41,205
Yeah.
439
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:45,843
Different, lying,
cheating, weasely,
horrible people!
440
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:49,146
Did I do something?
441
00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:52,249
Oh, no, babe.
You're perfect
just the way you are.
442
00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:53,517
So are you, Mary.
443
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,053
Well, I'm gonna
go watch TV.
444
00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:59,089
My shows are on.
445
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:09,133
Closed-Captioned by
JR Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA