1 00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:06,238 Oh, look! 2 00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:08,773 That sexy new French film opened. 3 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,775 They shot it two years ago, but had to wait 4 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:14,880 until the actress was of legal age. 5 00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:16,548 Yeah, I saw that movie yesterday. 6 00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:17,715 Hey, how was it? 7 00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:19,351 I heard there was an awesome shower scene. 8 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,787 Oh, yeah. 9 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,422 But then this naked girl got in, 10 00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:26,658 and you could barely see the shower. 11 00:00:26,726 --> 00:00:28,460 I'm taking Mary to the 6:00 showing. 12 00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,495 Big Don and I are going to the 6:00. 13 00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:31,763 Well, maybe we should join you. 14 00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:33,965 Oh, that would be great. Does Mary have to come? 15 00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:36,335 Of course she does, Sally. 16 00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:40,506 She's my girlfriend. She's paying. 17 00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:42,241 Fine, but do me a favor this time. 18 00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:44,676 When we get to the theater don't yell "Fire!" just to see 19 00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,811 what everybody will do; it's my turn. 20 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,147 Agreed. 21 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:51,749 Well, family, I'm off to work. 22 00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:53,185 [in unison] See you later. 23 00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:54,586 Fire! Fire! 24 00:00:54,654 --> 00:00:56,020 [screaming panic] 25 00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:57,489 [laughing] 26 00:00:57,558 --> 00:01:00,525 It's never not funny. 27 00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,394 That guy's got a million of 'em. 28 00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:05,664 Yeah, and they're all that one. 29 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,499 Hey, Tommy, you know, I meant to ask you, 30 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,933 now that you have graduated, 31 00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:10,769 I guess your mission as a high-schooler is 32 00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:12,003 pretty much over, huh? 33 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,705 Yeah, that's true. On to the next phase. 34 00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:17,442 Aw, menopause. 35 00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,677 No, Harry, he's talking about college. 36 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:23,181 College? No, I've had enough of classes and schedules. 37 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,117 I'm gonna do my own thing. 38 00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:27,219 It's time to go out on the road, 39 00:01:27,287 --> 00:01:29,354 where life is a question mark, where you-- 40 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:30,989 [Sally and Tommy] "Make no promises--" 41 00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:34,059 "follow no plans and careen across the nation 42 00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:37,528 plucking experiences like grapes off the vine." 43 00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:39,998 Yeah, well, I can't be original yet. 44 00:01:40,066 --> 00:01:42,567 But I'm sure that Kerouac was pretty boring 45 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:44,436 before he went out on the road. 46 00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,037 And that's what I'm gonna do: 47 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,473 follow my wanderlust. 48 00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,274 Well, I'm going with ya. 49 00:01:49,342 --> 00:01:53,378 Because I, too, have a wanderlust 50 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,146 inspired by a different book. 51 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:56,147 You do? 52 00:01:56,216 --> 00:01:57,349 Indeed. 53 00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:59,684 And one day far from here, 54 00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:01,619 you and I will point our fingers at 55 00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:03,688 that bespectacled man with the sock hat 56 00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:08,626 and proudly say, "There's Waldo!" 57 00:02:09,864 --> 00:02:13,165 Harry, Waldo's a fictional character. 58 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:17,168 Ah, then it will be that much sweeter. 59 00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:19,671 when we find him. 60 00:02:56,476 --> 00:02:58,176 Nina, what are you looking for? 61 00:02:58,245 --> 00:03:00,812 It's Wednesday, and Dr. Solomon get's all 62 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,714 bent out of shape if the angry eyes 63 00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:04,650 aren't in his Mr. Potato Man. 64 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:08,186 You shouldn't have to do things like that for Dick. 65 00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:09,754 That's degrading. 66 00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,589 And it's not degrading to go out with him? 67 00:03:17,063 --> 00:03:21,099 Nina, it's Wednesday. Where are the angry eyes? 68 00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:24,636 Oh, there they are. 69 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:25,970 Hi, Dick. 70 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:29,073 Oh, Mary, would you like to go to the movies tonight, 71 00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:30,108 just you and me? 72 00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:31,343 That sounds like fun. 73 00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:32,510 And Don and Sally? 74 00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:34,079 That sounds like less fun. 75 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,148 Oh, come on, Mary, come with us. 76 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,382 And bring your big purse, 77 00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:38,984 'cause I'm poppin' corn for four. 78 00:03:40,653 --> 00:03:41,752 All right. 79 00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:42,820 But don't bring that walker. 80 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,322 I'm not gonna try and get you 81 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:45,590 a senior citizen discount again. 82 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,259 All right. 83 00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:51,296 If your dignity is worth $2 to you, then fine. 84 00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:52,997 Fine. 85 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,769 [laughing] 86 00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:58,936 That was good. 87 00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:00,739 Oh, I gotta tell ya, hombre, 88 00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:01,940 going out with you and Dick 89 00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:04,075 was not quite the spike in the forehead 90 00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,044 I thought it was gonna be. 91 00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:07,946 And to pay for all our movie tickets, 92 00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:09,280 that was just above and beyond. 93 00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:11,583 Oh, well, Dick convinced me that was the thing to do 94 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:14,786 when he grabbed my credit card and paid for everybody. 95 00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:16,254 Oh, that reminds me, Mary, 96 00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:19,858 I'll be needing that card back sometime after dessert. 97 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:22,627 Hey you guys, why don't we do this again Saturday night? 98 00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,196 Oh, great idea. How 'bout it, Mary? 99 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,797 Why not? Don? 100 00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,432 Well, I'll be on duty. 101 00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:28,433 [disappointed groans] 102 00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,135 But I can make it. 103 00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:32,904 Hey, hey, how about that movie? 104 00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,106 Oh, I know! 105 00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:36,674 That couple had so much passion for each other. 106 00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:39,077 That's how my Donny makes me feel 107 00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:40,545 when he looks into me eyes. 108 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:41,779 Aww... 109 00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:44,048 I dunno, I thought a few of those love scenes 110 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,283 were a little gratuitous. 111 00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:48,953 Mary, I'm surprised you're so prudish. 112 00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:51,757 Especially since she's such a hellcat between the sheets. 113 00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:53,524 Dick! 114 00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:54,859 No, it's true. 115 00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:57,896 What Mary does to my back with her nails is art. 116 00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:58,997 Oh, stop it. 117 00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:00,599 Stop it? Stop it? 118 00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:03,768 That's something you'll never hear her say under the sheets. 119 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,504 Wait, wait, hold on, not to take anything 120 00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:06,771 away from you all, right, 121 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:09,007 but my guy's no slouch in the sack, either. 122 00:05:09,075 --> 00:05:11,109 Now remember, Don's a public servant. 123 00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:12,544 He stays 'til the job gets done. 124 00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:13,545 Sally, please. 125 00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:15,113 Hey hey! Hey, Donny. 126 00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:16,848 You know, until I met Don, 127 00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:20,251 I had no idea you could get a cramp in your boobs. 128 00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:23,088 Oh, you can. 129 00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:25,456 Well, Mary likes to chase me around the bed wearing nothing 130 00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:28,927 but a tribal fertility mask and a small square of burlap. 131 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,829 Guess where? Not there. 132 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,664 Hey, how about the check? 133 00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:34,933 Huh, maybe I should get-- I'm gonna go get the check. 134 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,135 Oh, there's my cleaning lady. 135 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,943 Oh, man, look at this place. 136 00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:47,913 See, this is the kind of authentic Americana 137 00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,581 that you don't find in Rutherford. 138 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,817 Nope, only if you stand on our toilet 139 00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:54,953 and look out our bathroom window. 140 00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,855 What do you say to a cup of joe and a hunk of pie? 141 00:05:57,924 --> 00:06:01,393 I say, "Hello, pie." 142 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:06,531 What am I, with the rain man? Where the money? 143 00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,339 I thought we had more money than this. 144 00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:16,941 Well, I thought I had smaller holes in my pockets, 145 00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:20,845 but hey, that's what life on the road is all about. 146 00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:22,614 You know? Discovery. 147 00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:25,883 So then, what, are we completely tapped out now? 148 00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:28,219 No, you know what? This is good. 149 00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,722 This is good news, Harry. 150 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,724 This is how stories are born. 151 00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:36,361 Yeah, I feel like Kerouac strolling into Bakersfield, 152 00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:38,663 broke, looking to make some walkin' money. 153 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:42,634 And I feel like Waldo. 154 00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:47,104 At the beach, poking out from behind that cabana. 155 00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:52,209 Hi, Phil. 156 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:53,745 Can I help you boys? 157 00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:54,979 You sure can, Phil. 158 00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:57,148 My friend and I here haven't had a hot meal 159 00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:58,850 for a good two hours. 160 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,819 We're hungry drifters. 161 00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:03,188 That we are, and we'd be willing to work 162 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,655 for our two squares a day. 163 00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:07,558 I'm pretty handy, and my friend here, 164 00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:11,429 um, can draw fanciful caricatures 165 00:07:11,497 --> 00:07:12,430 of your patrons. 166 00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:15,500 Fanciful caricatures. 167 00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:25,910 That look familiar? 168 00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:30,181 It's a square with "Phil" written inside it. 169 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,283 Keep it. 170 00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:38,590 Man, my hair can do no wrong today! 171 00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:39,657 Morning, Sally. 172 00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:40,658 Hey. 173 00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:41,759 Say, Sally, 174 00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:44,262 last night when we were out with Don and Mary, 175 00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:45,963 did you notice anything strange? 176 00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:47,799 You mean the way they acted all weird 177 00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,834 when we talked about how good they are in bed? 178 00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:51,303 No. 179 00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,438 No, the way they didn't say anything about how good 180 00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:55,306 we are in bed. 181 00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:57,441 Hey, you're right! 182 00:07:57,510 --> 00:08:00,644 I mean, what kind of freaks don't openly discuss 183 00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:04,081 their lover's sex moves in public? 184 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,116 It's crazy, no? 185 00:08:05,184 --> 00:08:06,184 Yeah. 186 00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:07,485 I mean, we talked about everything. 187 00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:09,220 I mean, politics, money... 188 00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,322 Don's friend Cyrus from high school. 189 00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:13,524 Oh, and Albright got really passionate 190 00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:15,093 about electric cars. 191 00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,427 She hates 'em. 192 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,262 Yeah, so what's wrong with talking about sex? 193 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,931 We'd just seen a whole movie about it. 194 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:20,932 I know. 195 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,066 You see it everywhere. 196 00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:24,936 Magazines, billboards, music videos. 197 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,038 The whole planet revolves around it, 198 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:29,040 but when it comes to praising my attributes 199 00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:33,311 as a lover, Mary is bizarrely silent. 200 00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,914 Well, Don wasn't exactly beating the drum 201 00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:38,316 for me, either. 202 00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:41,052 Think that's cause there's nothing to talk about? 203 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:44,089 Oh, are you saying we're no good in the sack? 204 00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,923 [laughs] 205 00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:51,729 [in unison Oh my God! 206 00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:58,135 I stepped hopeful out of a dank shoebox attic 207 00:08:58,205 --> 00:08:59,937 in Rutherford, Ohio 208 00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:02,940 in the wheat-swept breadbasket of America. 209 00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:04,775 America, 210 00:09:04,844 --> 00:09:06,777 and now I dwell 211 00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:09,480 in a grease-marked palace of drills 212 00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:12,584 spills and guys named, "Phil." 213 00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:17,555 All right. I'm famous. 214 00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:20,791 So Phil, tell me your story. 215 00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:22,227 What brought you to this gas station? 216 00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:24,295 Was it the call of the open road? 217 00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:26,998 The never-ending circus of passing strangers? 218 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,533 Well, I didn't graduate from high school, 219 00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:33,004 and then my dad died. 220 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,739 That's a tragic story. 221 00:09:34,807 --> 00:09:36,074 I'm so jealous. 222 00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:37,975 [bell ringing] 223 00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:39,977 Well, Harry, we should get back to work. 224 00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:41,212 Help me put these tools away. 225 00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:45,616 All right. Mind if I grab a smoke? 226 00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:56,827 Mind if I quit smoking? 227 00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:59,264 You know, I love this kind of work. 228 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:00,865 Clears my head. 229 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,633 Real. Tools. 230 00:10:02,702 --> 00:10:04,835 Not afraid to get your hands dirty. 231 00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,271 Oh my God, what is this stuff? 232 00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:07,505 This doesn't come out, does it? 233 00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:08,973 It's okay. 234 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,041 [bell ringing] 235 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,142 Oh. 236 00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:14,011 Phil, do you have any club soda? 237 00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:20,785 Well, hello there, honky tonk angel. 238 00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:23,621 Anyone ever tell you that you're pretty enough 239 00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:26,825 to be on one of them naked ladymud flapsmudflaps? 240 00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:31,229 Anyone ever tell you to check under the hood 241 00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,364 and then drove right over you? 242 00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:38,836 I get it, you want full service. 243 00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:40,872 Uh-oh. 244 00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,748 Mind if I smoke? 245 00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:56,487 Does this tape work on metal? 246 00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:59,290 'Cause my gun barrel's kinda loose. 247 00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:01,659 Officer, I've only got one thing. 248 00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:03,661 Would you mind if I went in front of you? 249 00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:04,895 Oh, sure thing. 250 00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:07,499 Oh, excuse me. 251 00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:12,770 Mary! embarrassed laughter] 252 00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,472 Hi. 253 00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:15,539 How are ya? 254 00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,108 What a surprise. 255 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,610 Isn't this crazy? 256 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:21,079 How are ya? Good, good. 257 00:11:21,147 --> 00:11:22,413 Good seeing you the other night. 258 00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:23,715 Very. Yeah. 259 00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:26,183 Good. 260 00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,520 Anyway. 261 00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,254 It was kind of bizarre. 262 00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:31,655 Yeah. 263 00:11:31,724 --> 00:11:34,458 And what Sally said about how attentive you are in bed, 264 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:35,593 I... 265 00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:37,395 What Dick said about that burlap square, 266 00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:39,997 I just can't get that picture of you naked out of my head. 267 00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:43,067 I'm sorry. Oh, that's okay. 268 00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:46,337 What Sally said about you keeps playing in my head 269 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:47,572 on a loop. 270 00:11:47,641 --> 00:11:49,073 "Don stays until the job gets done. 271 00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:50,508 "Don stays until the job gets done. 272 00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:53,844 Don stays until the job gets done." 273 00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:56,113 Tell me about the mask, Mary. 274 00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:58,249 Is it red? Is it red? 275 00:11:59,785 --> 00:12:01,319 With pointy horns. 276 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,821 Holy mama. 277 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,090 Next. 278 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,558 Oh, oh. Price check. 279 00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:09,160 I don't know her. 280 00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:13,898 Good evening. 281 00:12:13,966 --> 00:12:14,899 Table for four, please. 282 00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:16,334 Smoking or non-smoking? 283 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,603 That's what we're here to find out. 284 00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:21,372 Why the hell are we out again? 285 00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:24,108 It was nothing. Just relax. 286 00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:25,109 You think they know? 287 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:26,144 Shh. 288 00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:27,445 Don't be silly. 289 00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,914 Come on, Mary. Ah, something smells good. 290 00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:31,949 Ah, they bake their own bread. 291 00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:33,718 Oh boy. 292 00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:36,353 It really smells. Nice. 293 00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:37,688 Yeah, it sure does. 294 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:42,527 So, Don, Mary, are Sally and I good in bed? 295 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,728 It starts. 296 00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:47,064 I think Don and I would prefer to talk about bread. 297 00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:48,732 Is that true, Don? 298 00:12:48,801 --> 00:12:50,901 Or the butter. 299 00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:54,238 Fine, yeah, we'll talk about bread. 300 00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:59,443 Is Irish soda bread really all-- 301 00:12:59,513 --> 00:13:01,479 Oh, I can't do it! 302 00:13:01,547 --> 00:13:03,381 There's something the two of you won't tell us. 303 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,416 We already know what it is, so what is it? 304 00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:06,617 Dick, I haven't the faintest idea-- 305 00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:07,852 Mary and I kissed. 306 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,020 Aw, geez. 307 00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:10,021 You what? 308 00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:11,188 You what? 309 00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:12,957 Well, it wasn't completely our fault. 310 00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:14,725 You lit the wick. What can I say? 311 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,527 Good way to soften the blow. 312 00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,329 Yeah, nice blow softener. 313 00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:20,965 Admit it, Mary, you kissed because we're inadequate. 314 00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:22,400 That's not it. 315 00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,869 Come on, Sally, let's leave these thoroughbreds alone 316 00:13:24,937 --> 00:13:26,170 in their stables. 317 00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:29,807 Yeah, the big stud and his feisty little broodmare. 318 00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:34,312 Mary, pay for dinner yourself. Here is you credit card. 319 00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:39,050 This place looks great. 320 00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:40,785 You didn't have to do this, Tommy. 321 00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:42,787 Ah, well, yeah, I have trouble writing 322 00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:44,555 in a cluttered environment. 323 00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,891 So I inventoried the tires 324 00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:49,694 and I composted these old sandwiches 325 00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:51,362 and I stacked these oil cans. 326 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:52,630 Okay. 327 00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:54,365 Oh, and I put all the dirty magazines 328 00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:57,168 in black shrinkwrap. 329 00:13:57,236 --> 00:14:00,137 Who asked you to do that? 330 00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:01,405 [bell ringing] 331 00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:02,840 I'll get that. Where's Harry? 332 00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:05,543 [bell ringing constantly] 333 00:14:09,081 --> 00:14:11,148 We gotta business to run, man, what are you doing? 334 00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:13,751 You didn't recognize the theme to Beverly Hills Cop? 335 00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:18,256 Look, here, try this one, all right? 336 00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:21,993 [bell ringing] 337 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,594 Here I am, rock you like a hurricane. 338 00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:25,330 Come on, we gotta get back to work. 339 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:28,332 Folks, I apologize. He's new here. 340 00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:29,600 Harry, we still on for later? 341 00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:31,002 We're meeting at the road house. 342 00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:33,404 Yeah, the band can't wait for you to sit in with 'em. 343 00:14:33,472 --> 00:14:37,641 Oh yeah, just gotta find an amp for my hose. 344 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,510 All right. Later. 345 00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:41,645 All right, we'll see you guys later. 346 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:45,749 [bell ringing] 347 00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:46,818 Who was that? 348 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,186 Oh, that's Amber and Duke. 349 00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:54,424 She's a pole dancer and he's a pole repairman. 350 00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:56,461 Nice couple. Hey, we're going out later on. 351 00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:57,762 You wanna come with us? 352 00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,396 No, I've got a lot to do tonight. 353 00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:00,898 I've got inventory and receipt totals. 354 00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:03,467 I'm gearing up for that tire recall. Are you sure? 355 00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:06,470 I could cover for you if you want to go out and have some fun. 356 00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:08,739 Harry, do you think that Kerouac went out drinking 357 00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:12,343 and having adventures with rowdy characters? 358 00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:14,145 It says right here-- 359 00:15:14,213 --> 00:15:16,847 I haven't had time to read it yet. 360 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:20,518 Well, that's too bad, because you have to kiss a man. 361 00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:32,396 You know, normally I'd twist Albright's head off 362 00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,965 like a bottle cap for kissing my man, 363 00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:38,269 but tonight I just don't have it in me. 364 00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:40,404 Oh, who can blame them? 365 00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:43,307 After years of wandering in a carnal desert, 366 00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:48,912 they finally stumbled on the sweet oasis of each other. 367 00:15:48,981 --> 00:15:53,818 My poor Donny, having to fake it all these years. 368 00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:56,020 Maybe I try to be too creative. 369 00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:59,323 Insisting that we make love on the beach. 370 00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,526 In an elevator. 371 00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:05,195 In that office supply store. 372 00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:10,535 Maybe I was just too forceful, too spontaneous. 373 00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:14,872 And I thought that showing up in a see-through cacamisoleosile 374 00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:17,241 and a thong was all I needed. 375 00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:25,149 Endless hot-oil massages. 376 00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:32,490 A leather halter and a sparkly platinum wig. 377 00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:37,995 Stallion-like endurance. 378 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,967 Yoga. 379 00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:45,503 Yoga? 380 00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:47,905 In bed? 381 00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,206 Tell me about it. 382 00:16:49,275 --> 00:16:53,343 Only if you tell me what kind of stallion you are. 383 00:16:53,412 --> 00:16:56,313 A great, big one. 384 00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:02,719 [screams] 385 00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:08,793 Bed flesh of my brother dinosaur 386 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,628 in cans, in tanks, 387 00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,030 petroleum. 388 00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:14,999 Petroleum. 389 00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:18,502 You have so many uses. 390 00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:23,540 I got nothing. 391 00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:24,775 [bell ringing] 392 00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,610 Freebird. 393 00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:28,812 Bye, you crazy road hogs! 394 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,847 Wow! I like those guys. 395 00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:32,583 [shouting] 396 00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,354 Nice of you boys to show up. Where've you been? 397 00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:40,491 Well, about the only place we haven't been is jail. 398 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,192 Harry, we were in jail. 399 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:46,497 Oh, yeah, no wonder that bathroom attendant was so aggressive. 400 00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:49,734 Look, can you guys help me out over here? 401 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:52,469 No can do, Tommy. Harry and I are gonna hit the open road. 402 00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:54,104 Yeah, the Allman brothers are in Branson. 403 00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:55,540 We got no choice. We're Allman-heads! 404 00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:56,640 What, you-- you can't go! 405 00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:58,242 Phil, you have to run the gas station. 406 00:17:58,311 --> 00:17:59,676 I'm not like you, Tommy. 407 00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:02,280 I don't want to run a gas station the rest of my life. 408 00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:03,280 Well, neither do I! 409 00:18:03,349 --> 00:18:04,314 Well, then come with us! 410 00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:05,783 I don't wanna do that, either! 411 00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:08,652 If I go with you, I know in two weeks, I'll just end up 412 00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:10,454 managing the Allman brothers. 413 00:18:10,522 --> 00:18:12,356 And at this stage in their career, 414 00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:14,324 that's just not smart. 415 00:18:14,393 --> 00:18:15,859 Well, what are you gonna do? 416 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,829 I'm too organized. 417 00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:19,063 I'm too driven. 418 00:18:19,131 --> 00:18:21,666 I need to learn how to be irresponsible. 419 00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:23,734 I need to go to a place where my potential 420 00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:26,470 won't shine through and I can just vege out. 421 00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,105 Does such a place exist? 422 00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:29,940 Yeah, it does. 423 00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:32,209 I'm going to college. 424 00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:38,549 Another coffee? 425 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,852 And bring the pot. I gotta lay low for a while. 426 00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:51,796 Hello, Don. 427 00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:53,163 Sally! 428 00:18:53,232 --> 00:18:55,999 You look dressed to kill. 429 00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:58,702 No, Don, I'm dressed to win you back! 430 00:18:58,771 --> 00:18:59,936 Huh? 431 00:19:00,005 --> 00:19:01,605 Look, come on. 432 00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:04,041 I know my curvy boobiness can't compare 433 00:19:04,109 --> 00:19:07,244 with Albright's mousy charms! 434 00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,545 Is this a trick? 435 00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:10,547 Because, you know, I can get backup just like that. 436 00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:12,450 Oh, see, that's just it, Don! 437 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,185 I don't have any tricks. 438 00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:18,355 But I want to learn. I want to satisfy you. 439 00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:24,362 So I kissed Albright, and you wanna satisfy me. 440 00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:27,765 Oh, yes, please help me, Don. 441 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:30,501 Well, I might be willing to teach you, 442 00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:34,271 but...it will be rigorous. 443 00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:37,575 I'll wear my leather halter and sparkly wig. 444 00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:39,176 And we're back. 445 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:44,748 [Mary] Dick? 446 00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:46,617 Are you out there-- 447 00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,789 Dick. 448 00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:53,023 We've got to talk. 449 00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:54,024 Uh-uh. 450 00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:55,159 Oh, what're you doing? 451 00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:56,760 Are you giving me the silent treatment? 452 00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,962 I invented the silent treatment. 453 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,231 Why talk? 454 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,300 Talk just ruins everything. 455 00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:06,637 One or two slightly colorful turns of phrase, 456 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,406 can make a man dump a woman, 457 00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:10,308 a woman throw over the love of her life, 458 00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:14,245 and a brilliant college professor kiss his own sister. 459 00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:15,613 Your sister? 460 00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:18,849 I'm not talking. 461 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,319 Oh, Dick, what I did was wrong, 462 00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:23,954 and I'm really embarrassed. 463 00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:27,424 But there's a reason why people's personal lives 464 00:20:27,493 --> 00:20:28,626 are personal. 465 00:20:28,695 --> 00:20:30,661 I guess I better watch what I say. 466 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:33,497 No, I don't want you to censor yourself. 467 00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:37,935 I love 80% of what comes out of your mouth. 468 00:20:38,003 --> 00:20:42,606 But let's keep what's special between us between us. 469 00:20:44,177 --> 00:20:45,609 So you don't love Don? 470 00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:48,145 I don't even like Don. 471 00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:49,513 Oh, Mary. 472 00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:53,650 Did you bring the mask? 473 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,018 No. 474 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,087 Oh, good, that thing never did anything for me. 475 00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:58,856 Oh. 476 00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:01,459 It was the burlap. 477 00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:36,394 Closed-Captioned by J.R. 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