1
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,507
"You almost won
a million dollars.
2
00:00:08,575 --> 00:00:09,975
Please try again."
3
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,187
What does it say,
Tommy? I can't look.
4
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:23,988
Who cares?
5
00:00:24,057 --> 00:00:26,725
Aw, man. Are you still
moping about Alissa?
6
00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:29,227
What am I supposed to do?
She won't even talk to me.
7
00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:32,063
Everything was going
really great right up
until graduation.
8
00:00:32,132 --> 00:00:33,565
I don't even know
what I did wrong.
9
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:36,235
You gave a commencement
speech that was mostly about
10
00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:38,670
making out with her
on her parent's bed.
11
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:42,975
No one ever
remembers those speeches.
12
00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:44,543
If it makes you feel
any better,
13
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:47,513
I don't think you'll ever
do any better than Alissa.
14
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:48,847
Ohh!
15
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:52,117
If I could just talk
to her face to face,
16
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:53,518
we could work it out.
I know it.
17
00:00:53,586 --> 00:00:56,421
You just need an
excuse to go over there.
18
00:00:56,489 --> 00:00:58,524
I know. Um...
19
00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:01,360
Think of something sentimental
that you gave her
20
00:01:01,429 --> 00:01:03,695
and then just
ask for it back. Yeah.
21
00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:06,665
That'll stir up her emotions
and get you in the door.
22
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:09,100
That is good.
Thank you, Sally.
23
00:01:11,205 --> 00:01:13,539
A beer tap?
24
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:16,275
Yeah, remember? We rented it
for our senior party
25
00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:17,976
and we forgot
to return it.
26
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,777
I'm out
40 bucks deposit.
27
00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:21,079
I never want
to see you again.
28
00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:22,880
20 bucks of it is yours.
29
00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:24,249
Oh.
30
00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:26,484
See? There's
a spark here.
31
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:28,086
Alissa, honey,
who is it?
32
00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:29,421
It's Tommy Solomon, Daddy.
33
00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:31,223
All right. Come in.
34
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:34,459
Uh, the tap's
up in my room.
I'll go get it.
35
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:36,728
Hello, Thomas.
36
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:37,895
Hello, Strudwick.
37
00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:40,698
I thought Alissa had given
you your walking papers.
38
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:41,999
I'm sorry. My what?
39
00:01:42,068 --> 00:01:45,170
Dumped you. Gave you the boot.
The old heave ho.
40
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:47,639
Oh, yes.
Yes, she did.
41
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:49,974
But she's a big girl.
She can change her mind.
42
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:51,810
She can make
her own decisions.
43
00:01:51,878 --> 00:01:54,813
And who's to say that
she won't make those
decisions with me...
44
00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:56,348
in your Jacuzzi?
45
00:01:59,352 --> 00:02:01,352
You shut your mouth.
46
00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:03,221
Okay! All right.
Bye-bye, Daddy.
47
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,622
Where are
you two going?
48
00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:06,090
What's in
that suitcase?
49
00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:07,825
Those must be
my walking papers.
50
00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:14,099
Dick? Dick?
51
00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:15,533
Is Alissa here?
52
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:17,335
No, she's not, Strudwick.
53
00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:20,772
Why don't you join her
and not be here together?
54
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:25,009
Well, she disappeared
three hours ago
55
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:26,377
with your
ragamuffin son.
56
00:02:26,446 --> 00:02:28,646
Ragamuffin?
57
00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:29,948
Sally, throw him out.
58
00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:31,149
Harry, bring me
a dictionary.
59
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,887
All I know is there was
a lot of whispering.
60
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:38,023
And when they left, Alissa
was carrying a suitcase.
61
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:40,191
Harry, did Tommy
say anything to you?
62
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:42,927
Only that he loved Alissa,
needed Alissa,
63
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,763
and would do anything
to get Alissa back.
64
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,498
Yet over ice cream cones,
65
00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:50,902
he spoke highly
of a girl named...Alisha.
66
00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:59,177
You know, Dick,
when Tommy left,
67
00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:00,578
he did say he had a plan
68
00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:02,747
that would bring him
and Alissa back together.
69
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:06,117
Oh. Young impassioned lovers
sneaking out of the house
70
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:09,554
on a secret mission
with a suitcase?
71
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:10,689
I'm stumped.
72
00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,359
Sounds to me
like they've eloped.
73
00:03:14,427 --> 00:03:15,994
See, I knew.
That's what I--
74
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:17,562
This is a catastrophe!
75
00:03:17,630 --> 00:03:18,930
Now, now, Strudwick.
76
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:21,366
As fathers, we must
bless our children's choices
77
00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:22,834
and let them
follow their hearts.
78
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:25,470
Dick! Does this mean that
you and beardy-face guy
79
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:28,140
are gonna be related?
80
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,308
No, not at all,
Harry. I--
81
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:33,378
Oh, my God.
We've got to stop them!
82
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:37,782
♪♪ [theme]
83
00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:14,653
Seat belt on.
84
00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:16,621
Lumbar support in.
85
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,223
Vanity mirror...
86
00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:20,591
Where the hell is it?
87
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:22,360
We're in a fantastic hurry.
88
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,062
We have to wait for Mary.
It's vital.
89
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:25,096
[Mary]
Dick!
90
00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:27,099
Over here, Mary!
Hurry up!
91
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,003
Oh! I got your message.
92
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:33,004
What's so important about
a Charlie Daniels CD?
93
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:35,039
Chase music, Mary.
94
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:36,942
What chase?
What's going on?
95
00:04:37,011 --> 00:04:39,610
There's no time to explain.
We're in a fantastic hurry.
96
00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:41,112
Tommy and Alissa
have eloped somewhere.
97
00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:42,714
Oh, no!
Yes!
98
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,116
They might be at that little
chapel by the state line.
99
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,684
Great idea. Get in.
Chop chop.
100
00:04:49,256 --> 00:04:51,456
Dick, could you move your
seat up just a little bit?
101
00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:52,858
I finally got it
how I like it.
102
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,026
Go in through
Strudwick's side.
103
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:01,800
Hey.
Hi, Tommy.
Hi, Tom.
104
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:05,603
Tommy, did you elope
with Alissa?
No.
105
00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:07,238
Mm. Goes to show ya.
I knew it.
106
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,741
But we returned
that tap together.
107
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,710
I convinced her to watch
a video with me tonight.
108
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:13,278
Yes!
109
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:15,580
I just came home
to change shirts.
Cool.
110
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:20,685
See, I figured out what was
wrong with our relationship.
111
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,321
She wants a man.
112
00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:26,090
She sees me as an
immature doofus, you know.
113
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,659
But...
114
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:29,994
I ask you this:
115
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:33,365
Would an immature
doofus rent this?
116
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:38,136
If I Were You, I'd Get Out
Of That House In A Hurry III.
117
00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:40,438
What gives?
118
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,674
What do you mean? We watch
that, she gets really scared,
119
00:05:42,742 --> 00:05:44,576
wants a big, strong man
to protect her.
120
00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:46,411
Yeah!
Ah!
121
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,513
It's all gonna go fine.
I know it is.
122
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:49,781
Or else I'll just
move to plan B.
123
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,182
What's plan B?
124
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,784
Flowers.
125
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,886
But sometimes even
they don't cheer me up.
126
00:05:57,324 --> 00:05:59,758
Poor Tommy.
He's desperate.
127
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:02,460
If Alissa isn't scared
into his arms tonight,
128
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,528
he'll spend the rest
of his life heartbroken.
129
00:06:04,597 --> 00:06:06,464
But you know, I'm a little
worried about this plan.
130
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,733
I mean, what if the scary movie
isn't scary enough?
131
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,902
Yeah. The problem
with scary movies is
132
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,003
you know they're not real.
133
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:15,140
It's a flawed genre.
134
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,675
What if we go over there
135
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:20,045
and make it real?
136
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:25,216
They'll be naked by 9:30.
That's right.
137
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:31,790
Here we are, Strudwick.
Pull over.
138
00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:34,025
All right, Mary. You can
do your business here.
139
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:36,495
I would have preferred
a rest stop, Dick.
140
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:38,997
And I want to live on
Big Rock Candy Mountain, Mary.
141
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:39,998
Remember...
142
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,467
I know.
"Fantastic hurry."
143
00:06:45,705 --> 00:06:47,272
I don't blame Alissa.
144
00:06:47,341 --> 00:06:50,475
How could she resist
marrying into the Solomons?
145
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:52,844
But Tommy
with your daughter?
146
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:56,414
Is this some kind
of science experiment
that got out of hand?
147
00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:58,650
I always knew that boy
of yours would walk off
148
00:06:58,718 --> 00:07:00,018
with something
from my house.
149
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:03,054
I figured it'd be something
from my curio cabinet.
150
00:07:03,122 --> 00:07:04,556
If Tommy really
wanted to hurt me,
151
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,625
he could have just
jumped off a bridge.
152
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:09,360
At least that wouldn't
have hurt me.
153
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,830
What's gotten into them?
154
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:15,232
Alissa's mother and I didn't
get married until we--
155
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,571
until we had Alissa.
156
00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:21,306
My God, Dick!
I think she's--
157
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:22,540
Pregnant?
Yes!
158
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:23,674
Gun it, Vincent!
159
00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:25,443
[tires screech]
160
00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:32,383
Dick? Is there an extra map
in the glove compartment?
161
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:34,820
Dick?
162
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,988
Dick!
163
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,094
[movie music playing on TV]
164
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,332
Okay, they're
on the couch,
165
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,201
but they're not
sitting very close.
166
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:52,103
Get over here.
167
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,572
Harry, listen and learn.
168
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:58,176
First, I got a chain
to drag against the wall.
169
00:07:58,244 --> 00:08:00,077
Then I got a rubber axe.
170
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:03,114
Then I got tomato juice,
which doubles for blood,
171
00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:07,085
and I got low sodium tomato
juice which doubles for blood
172
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,053
but is better for you.
173
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:12,424
This isn't scary.
174
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,691
We gotta be subtle.
175
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,392
Subtle?
Yeah!
176
00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:16,427
Did you
ever see Jaws?
177
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:20,298
Okay. The scary part
was not the shark.
178
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:23,101
It was the hint
of the shark.
179
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,036
The fin. Oh!
180
00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:29,173
Slicin' through the water.
181
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:31,542
What, so you got
something planned?
182
00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:33,277
Yes, I do.
183
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:42,854
Harry, that's adorable,
but you know, as a warrior,
184
00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:44,389
I think I know how to scare.
185
00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:46,024
Well, as someone who's
always scared,
186
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,058
I think you're wrong.
187
00:08:47,126 --> 00:08:49,094
Oh, really?
188
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,466
[screaming from TV]
189
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,534
This movie's pretty scary.
190
00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:58,103
Yeah, yeah.
191
00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,870
But notice that
all of the people
192
00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:01,339
that haven't been killed yet
193
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:03,408
are in committed
relationships
194
00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:05,343
with all their
ups and downs.
195
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,284
[thud]
196
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:18,355
[thud]
197
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,358
Not so tight.
198
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,232
Being in-laws
was bad enough.
199
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,867
But my blood
intermingling with yours
200
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:33,571
in the veins
of this spawn?
201
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:34,805
It's unholy.
202
00:09:34,874 --> 00:09:35,840
Go faster, Dick.
203
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,475
I only want to jump out
of this car once.
204
00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:40,845
Oh, no. No sweet embrace
of death for you, Vincent.
205
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,613
Like it or not, we're gonna
be grandparents together.
206
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:45,517
Well, if that's the case,
I wanna be called "Pop-pop".
207
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,418
I wanted "Pop-pop."
208
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:49,921
You snooze, you lose, Dick.
"Pop-pop." That's me.
209
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:51,856
That's not fair.
210
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,891
Take "Gramps" or "Gee-Gaw."
211
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,127
"Gee-Gaw?"
[stammering]
212
00:09:56,195 --> 00:09:57,695
You just made that up!
213
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,698
Mary, have you
ever heard of "Gee--"
214
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,700
Mary?
215
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:05,437
Was she with us when
we got that pecan roll?
216
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:07,005
No, I don't think so.
217
00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:09,574
Good God, Dick! We left
her at Mile Marker 20!
218
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,642
[groans] She should have
said something.
219
00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:13,544
She's unstable.
220
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,512
Has been ever since
she took up with you.
221
00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:17,982
You Solomons. You specialize
in destroying women.
222
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,584
It's the talk of the town.
"It's the talk of the town."
223
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:23,888
I hate your voice,
I hate your face,
224
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,557
I hate your glasses, I hate
the men who made your glasses,
225
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:27,892
I hate--
Look out
for that deer!
226
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,060
Look out for what, honey?
227
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:30,061
[thud]
228
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:48,079
There were two treasures
in my life, Dick.
229
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,547
The first was my daughter.
230
00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:52,016
The second was
my economy sedan.
231
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,785
You've taken them both.
232
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:57,722
You're no saint, Strudwick.
233
00:10:57,791 --> 00:11:00,324
You're the one who made us
wear these stupid t-shirts.
234
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:03,327
Our old shirts were covered
in deer blood and broken glass.
235
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:04,728
Oh...
236
00:11:04,797 --> 00:11:07,198
Call the fashion police.
237
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,533
You know, it's funny.
238
00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:10,968
I used to bring these
creamers home to Alissa.
239
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:13,838
She'd have little tea parties
with her stuffed animals.
240
00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:15,640
They grow up quick,
don't they?
241
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,375
Yeah.
242
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:18,710
I can remember
when Tommy
243
00:11:18,778 --> 00:11:21,546
didn't even know how to
wipe his own butt.
244
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:26,717
Then he figured it out
all on his own...
245
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,419
and taught me.
246
00:11:31,425 --> 00:11:32,524
You're right,
Strudwick.
247
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:34,892
They do grow up
too fast.
248
00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:38,530
This one's on you.
Dick--
249
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:39,997
No, no, no. I insist.
250
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,100
Dick, I don't have
any cash.
251
00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:44,101
I paid for the motel.
252
00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:45,970
There's only $20
in Mary's purse,
253
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,838
and you made me spend
that on the t-shirts.
254
00:11:47,907 --> 00:11:49,441
There's only one
thing to do, Dick.
255
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:51,810
Dine and dash.
Timing is everything.
256
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,244
Wait for my signal.
257
00:11:58,851 --> 00:12:00,751
They're onto us.
Relax.
258
00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:02,720
Anything else?
Now!
259
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,329
[sighs]
260
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:12,964
We did it your way.
261
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:16,100
And you know who
got terrified? Me.
262
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,402
Tommy and Alissa are
farther apart than ever.
263
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:21,339
What could I say? I was
hoping you'd bleed more.
264
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:25,777
Now we're gonna
try it my way.
265
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:28,112
Birdseed?
That's not scary.
266
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,348
Plus, you'll attract every
bird in the neighborhood.
267
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:34,152
Exactly. We'll feed 'em
a lot at first.
268
00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:36,921
But then bit by bit,
we'll pull back.
269
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,356
First we'll
get 'em hooked,
270
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:41,359
and then we'll
get 'em pissed.
271
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:48,333
Yeah, and then slowly
we'll start to replace
the seed with human flesh.
272
00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:50,301
That is not bad.
273
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:53,471
All right. How soon
do you think they'll come?
274
00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:54,706
Maybe tonight.
275
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,408
Maybe six months.
276
00:12:58,478 --> 00:12:59,410
Maybe never.
277
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:02,480
But they'll come.
278
00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:05,416
As God as my witness,
they'll come.
279
00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:07,385
Yeah, that's a great idea.
You know what?
280
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,020
While we're waiting
for your birds,
281
00:13:09,088 --> 00:13:12,456
I hope you don't mind
if I get a jump on
my next scare tactic.
282
00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:13,724
Go right ahead.
283
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:18,729
Why are you
putting that on me?
284
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,165
Well, I don't want to light
my head on fire.
285
00:13:25,872 --> 00:13:27,271
Alissa?
286
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,973
Does your streetlight
sometimes look
287
00:13:29,041 --> 00:13:30,742
like a flaming,
disembodied head?
288
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:35,446
Oh, Tommy. I've missed
your sense of humor.
289
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,981
You know, I went out
with some other boys
after we broke up,
290
00:13:38,050 --> 00:13:39,917
but don't be mad.
291
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,852
It could be swamp gas.
Are we near a swamp?
292
00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:43,321
But nobody
was like you.
293
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:45,423
I've decided
to forgive you.
294
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,225
[knock on door]
295
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:48,593
I'm a guest.
You should get that.
296
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:53,764
Officer Don.
297
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,334
Hello, Alissa. Tommy.
298
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,402
I'm here on
official business.
299
00:13:58,471 --> 00:13:59,770
Alissa...
300
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,040
we found your father's car
on the interstate,
301
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:03,540
crashed and covered
with blood.
302
00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:04,575
Oh, my God!
303
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:06,578
Do you mind?
I'm not done yet.
304
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:11,849
In addition, we found a dead
deer not far from the car.
305
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:13,750
This is horrible.
So my dad hit a deer?
306
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:16,320
Slow down, Nancy Drew.
307
00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:19,590
That's one explanation.
308
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:24,128
Another is a tri-county
murder spree with your
dad at the center.
309
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,996
What does that have
to do with a dead deer?
310
00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:28,365
Even a deer
can be a witness.
311
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:32,770
Maybe it saw something
and paid the price.
312
00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,972
[police radio chatter,
indistinct]
313
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:36,107
Orville. Go.
314
00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:39,010
[radio chatter,
indistinct]
315
00:14:39,078 --> 00:14:42,746
10-4. Your father was
spotted checking into a motel
316
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:48,185
with a psycho wearing a tight
t-shirt and carrying a purse.
317
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:50,755
So my dad's okay?
He's alive?
318
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:55,226
Yes. But my cop nose tells me
that there's an ugliness
319
00:14:55,294 --> 00:14:57,194
spreading throughout
this town.
320
00:14:57,263 --> 00:14:58,563
No one is safe.
321
00:14:58,631 --> 00:14:59,630
See ya.
322
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,936
Oh, Tommy.
I'm so scared.
323
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,537
Yeah, you should be.
324
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,539
[phone rings]
325
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:09,907
Hello?
326
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:12,109
Solomon! Strudwick!
[truck approaching]
327
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:13,844
I'm gonna kill you!
[truck honks horn]
328
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:20,985
I think that's the person
that's gonna kill us.
329
00:15:25,859 --> 00:15:28,425
Dick, my toothbrush
is wet.
330
00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:30,762
Did you brush
your teeth with it?
331
00:15:32,899 --> 00:15:38,269
No, I did not...brush my
teeth...with your toothbrush.
332
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,239
Well, let's try
and get some sleep.
333
00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:44,108
I never want to think
about this day again.
334
00:15:44,176 --> 00:15:46,210
Which part don't you
want to think about most?
335
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,045
Our abandonment of Mary?
336
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:49,881
Our collision
with that deer?
337
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:53,918
Or your coming epiphany
that I'm a nocturnal spooner?
338
00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:56,053
'Cause it's all
too much for me.
339
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:57,221
I can't take it any more.
340
00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,089
Dick, stop thinking
about yourself.
341
00:15:59,158 --> 00:16:00,525
Try thinking
about our kids.
342
00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:01,759
They've got no
education,
343
00:16:01,828 --> 00:16:03,794
no jobs,
no homes to live in.
344
00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:05,229
You're right.
They have nothing.
345
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:06,831
They're screwed.
346
00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:10,000
Our only choice is
to write them off.
347
00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:12,202
It's not that simple.
There's going to be a baby.
348
00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:14,205
A baby.
349
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:15,639
So pure.
350
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,175
So small.
351
00:16:17,243 --> 00:16:19,177
So not-so-screwed-up yet.
352
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,412
It's a lot of work.
It takes a village, you know.
353
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:23,781
Yeah, but don't you see?
354
00:16:23,849 --> 00:16:26,284
We have a shot
with a grandkid.
355
00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:28,352
It's the next generation.
356
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,553
Nature's do-over.
357
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:31,122
I don't know.
358
00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:32,790
Just picture it.
359
00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:34,959
That first magical moment.
360
00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:38,295
You're holding your perfect
grandchild in your arms.
361
00:16:38,364 --> 00:16:40,431
He looks into your eyes,
362
00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:42,700
reaches up with
his tiny fingers,
363
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:46,236
touches your
grizzly red stubble...
364
00:16:46,305 --> 00:16:49,373
and says,
"I wuv you Pop-pop."
365
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,310
We can make this work.
366
00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:57,281
I propose a toast.
All right.
367
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,719
To our grandchild.
To our grandchild.
368
00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:07,524
May he or she inherit
the best from both grandfathers.
369
00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:09,193
All right, dirtbags!
370
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:10,928
You're gonna get
what's coming to you!
371
00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:12,196
Don't shoot!
372
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:13,798
We're gonna have a baby!
373
00:17:20,139 --> 00:17:21,606
Thanks for stopping.
374
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:23,207
[Man] You got enough
room back there?
375
00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:24,642
Yeah, whatever.
376
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:31,248
At least your
night is over.
377
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,325
Still not naked.
378
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:42,526
Nothing's working.
379
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:47,698
Hey, what if I do
an eerie dance of death?
380
00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:53,571
No, it's too artsy.
381
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:57,575
I still say we stick
with the classics, okay?
382
00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:59,276
We have three options left.
383
00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:01,646
We can re-animate
a dead person,
384
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:03,280
pop out of Alissa's stomach,
385
00:18:03,349 --> 00:18:06,017
or go in after them
with a power tool.
386
00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:08,652
Let's meet
half way, okay?
387
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:10,921
'Cause I'm doing
the dance of death.
388
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:12,489
No, it's not scary!
389
00:18:12,558 --> 00:18:16,493
But... I'll do it
with a power tool.
390
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:21,899
What is it?
391
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,300
I don't know.
392
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:26,637
[trimmer whirring]
393
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:36,180
Tommy, I'm really scared.
394
00:18:36,248 --> 00:18:38,515
In these movies, the maniac's
always after the girl.
395
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,385
It's true.
396
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:46,457
He is always
after the girl.
397
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:49,627
Here's the girl!
398
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:51,194
Let's work
together!
399
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,568
Harry!
You were terrific!
400
00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:00,103
We did it!
They're hugging!
401
00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:02,673
Actually, he's being
a little rough.
402
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:04,608
But I guess
that's Tommy's style.
403
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:09,413
So you swear to me you
never saw that deer before?
404
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,548
No.
405
00:19:11,617 --> 00:19:13,351
I'm keeping
the case open.
406
00:19:13,419 --> 00:19:15,453
There's our honeymooners.
407
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:16,753
Can't keep their hands
off each other.
408
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:18,289
Thank God you're here!
409
00:19:18,357 --> 00:19:19,623
Tommy, I know I've shown
you nothing but contempt,
410
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:20,958
but I love you.
Welcome to the family.
411
00:19:21,026 --> 00:19:22,193
[Tommy]
There's something
out there!
412
00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:23,960
I want to feel
the baby kick.
The what?
413
00:19:24,029 --> 00:19:25,896
She's not pregnant!
414
00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:27,230
But there's
something evil outside!
415
00:19:27,299 --> 00:19:29,199
Not pregnant? No!
416
00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:30,567
Vincent, are you
as devastated as I am?
417
00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:31,802
Frankly, Dick,
I'm kind of relieved.
418
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:33,337
I'm telling you
we're not safe!
419
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:35,673
Are you abandoning me?
We were in this together.
420
00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:37,708
We were in bed.
I was vulnerable.
421
00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:43,080
Screw you, Pop-pop!
In your eye, Gee-gaw!
422
00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:45,316
Will you people shut up?
We're in horrible danger!
423
00:19:45,384 --> 00:19:47,084
What's all
the commotion,
everybody?
424
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:49,219
Anybody need
any help?
Did you guys see?
425
00:19:49,288 --> 00:19:51,088
There's something
out there.
It's terrifying.
426
00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:54,592
Which part of the terror
did you find most romantic?
427
00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:58,695
Romantic? He tried to
sacrifice me to the creature.
428
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,564
She called us
"The Creature."
429
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,266
Our work is done.
430
00:20:02,334 --> 00:20:06,070
Look, it's been a long
night of dashed dreams
and close calls.
431
00:20:06,139 --> 00:20:09,073
The important thing is that
we're all safe and sound.
432
00:20:09,142 --> 00:20:11,742
And no one
has been harmed.
433
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:14,311
Why did you leave me!
434
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:15,413
[all screaming]
435
00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:17,447
It's her!
It's the creature!
436
00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:19,750
[all screaming]
437
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:28,592
I'll be damned
if Strudwick becomes
a grandfather before I do.
438
00:20:28,661 --> 00:20:29,860
Oh, Tommy! Look!
439
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:31,696
There's one waiting
for the bus.
440
00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:32,963
She's the perfect mate.
441
00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:35,365
Hey, you!
Bus girl!
442
00:20:35,434 --> 00:20:39,470
What is the attraction
about being
a grandfather anyway?
443
00:20:39,538 --> 00:20:43,807
Grandchildren are vessels
of youth, optimism, and hope.
444
00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:44,909
And the wonderful thing is
445
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:46,343
by the time they
screw up their lives,
446
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:48,078
your either dead
or completely out if it.
447
00:20:49,715 --> 00:20:52,082
People don't
say that enough.
448
00:20:52,151 --> 00:20:54,285
Tommy, look!
There's another prospect!
449
00:20:54,353 --> 00:20:55,852
That's Dubczek.
450
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:59,422
Oh. Man, she fools
you from behind.
451
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:11,802
Closed-Captioned by
J.R. Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA