Anthraxic citrus peel, orange juice with a hint of papalla seed extract.
An experimental blend.
The success rate of your culinary experiments is not high.
Ensign Golwat thought it was delicious.
In fact, she had a second glass and she never has seconds.
Ensign Golwat is Bolian. Her tongue has a cartilaginous lining.
It would protect her against even the most corrosive acid.
All I ask is that you try it, Mr Vulcan.
Impressive.
I'll start squeezing that second glass. Breakfast is coming right up.
- Porakan eggs. - Porakan?
The most flavourful eggs in the sector.
Scrambled with a little dill weed, a touch of rengazo... A galactic favourite.
These eggs were not easy to prepare. After we picked them up on Porakas IV,
I had to sterilise them in a cryostatic chamber for three days.
- Then each had to be parboiled... - I'd prefer not to hear their history.
On Talax it's a tradition to share the history of a meal before eating.
It's a way of enhancing the culinary experience.
My mother was brilliant.
She could make every course come alive by making it a character in a story.
My favourite was the one about...
Ooh...
- What happened? - Some sort of power overload.
It decimated your breakfast. This is what my mother would call a tragic ending.
Engineering has been adjusting the conduits
to accommodate a new energy source. It may have created a thermal surge.
Janeway to Tuvok. Report to the bridge. Mr Neelix, I'd like you to join us.
Aye, Captain.
Captain's log, stardate 50126.4.
We've detected a gaseous anomaly containing sirillium,
a highly combustible energy source. We've altered course to investigate.
- Sirillium? - Yes, and possibly large amounts of it.
We'll need to stockpile as much as we can.
I'd like to convert bay 3 into a containment chamber.
- My pantry. - I'm sorry. Make other arrangements.
If I injected sirillium into my thermal array it might improve cooking time.
And blow up your kitchen! Sirillium is more useful as a warp plasma catalyst.
The gas can also boost deflector shield efficiency.
- The vultures are circling. - There's no shortage of good ideas.
Have all department heads submit proposals for sirillium usage.
- The anomaly is within visual range. - On screen.
- Analysis. - It's a class-17 nebula.
I'm detecting hydrogen, helium and 7,000 parts per million of sirillium.
The Bussard collectors will cut through like ice cream scoops.
I'm picking up plasmatic turbulence. It might be a bumpy ride.
Tuvok, can you modify the shields to compensate?
Tuvok?
- Are you all right? - I don't know.
I'm experiencing dizziness and disorientation.
- Permission to go to sickbay. - Granted.
Deck 5.
Help me!
Help me, Tuvok!
Please, don't let go!
Don't let me fall!
No!
I was holding a young girl by the hand, trying to prevent her from falling.
I was unable to keep my grip, and she fell to her death.
And there is more.
I had an emotional response - anxiety, fear.
An irrational anger for letting her fall.
- When did that happen? - It never happened.
The girl was unfamiliar,
and I've never been in that situation.
It was me as a child, and it did seem like a memory,
but I don't recall the incident.
It was definitely traumatic.
Your heart accelerated to 300 beats per minute,
your adrenaline levels rose by 113%,
and neuroelectrical readings nearly jumped off the scale.
If you were human, I'd say you had a panic attack.
- I am not human. - No kidding.
There can be any number of explanations -
hallucination,
telepathic communication from another race, repressed memory,
contact with a parallel reality.
Take your pick. The universe is a strange place.
I'll have Mr Kim examine the sensor logs. Maybe the nebula is affecting you.
Meanwhile, you can go.
Your vital signs have returned to normal, and I don't see systemic damage.
But I want you to wear this neurocortical monitor. If you have another episode,
it'll record a complete encephalographic profile and alert sickbay.
A wise precaution, Doctor. Thank you.
Structure, logic,
function, control.
A structure cannot stand without a foundation.
Logic is the foundation of function.
Function is the essence of control.
I am in control.
Enter.
Kes... what is it?
The doctor wanted me to adjust your monitor to pick up additional readings.
- I can come back if this is a bad time. - No. You may proceed.
- What are you working on? - It is called a keethara.
Keethara... What does that mean?
The approximate translation is "structure of harmony".
It is a meditational aid. Building it requires balance and spatial acuity.
It helps to focus thought and refine mental control.
At the moment, it doesn't look very harmonious.
No, it does not.
I'm curious. What does a keethara look like when it's done?
The form is not predefined. It is a reflection of the builder's state of mind.
- Thus, it is different each time. - I'd like to see it when it's finished.
Well, good night.
Kes...
It's all right. I understand.
Structure, logic,
function, control.
A structure cannot stand without a foundation.
Logic is the foundation of function.
Function is the essence of control.
I am in control.
How are you?
I haven't experienced any further problems. I am fit for duty.
I'm not concerned about your ability to perform. I'm concerned about you.
- There is no need for concern. - Sorry I asked.
My apologies, Commander. I am distracted.
I spent 14 hours last night in deep meditation
trying to determine the source of my behaviour. I could not.
Try to forget about it.
When you don't think about a problem, the solution comes to you.
It is difficult to forget when you're wearing a monitor on your parietal bone.
- Good point. Mr Kim? - I've checked all the sensor logs.
No sign of anything emanating from the nebula that would have affected Tuvok.
- Anything unusual about the nebula? - No, it's a standard class-17.
I suggest we conduct a tachyon sweep. It would reveal any cloaked ships.
- Cloaked ships? - Yes.
We should be cautious this close to Klingon Space.
Tuvok, the Klingon Empire is on the other side of the galaxy.
Yes. You are right, of course.
I'm uncertain why I would make such an obvious error.
Maybe you should go back to sickbay.
Tuvok?
Help me! Please, don't let go!
No!
We may be dealing with a repressed memory.
The memory engrams in the hippocampus are being disrupted.
It's causing damage to the surrounding tissue. This is known as t'lokan schism.
The subject is inhibiting a traumatic memory, which is beginning to resurface.
- And that's causing brain damage? - Strange, I know.
In humans, repressed memories are psychological traumas
which can be dealt with therapeutically.
But Vulcans have a physical reaction
to the battle between conscious and unconscious.
In extreme cases, the mind of the patient can literally lobotomise itself.
- What's the treatment? - There is no medical treatment.
Research suggests the patient initiates a mind-meld with a family member
and the two try to bring the repressed memory into the conscious mind.
I'm the closest he has to family here.
That's why I've asked you to come. He has a request to make of you.
- Did the doctor explain the situation? - Yes.
- Are you sure it's the right thing to do? - I don't know how else to proceed.
The doctor tells me it is a memory.
And yet, no matter how hard I try, I cannot remember.
If the doctor is correct,
if this is an experience I pushed into my unconscious mind.
It could be very dangerous to me, even life-threatening.
I realise it's asking a great deal of you, Captain.
I did consider turning to one of the Vulcans on the ship,
but this meld would be more intimate than most.
A family member is normally chosen because of the trust that usually exists.
On this ship, I trust you more than anyone else.
Whatever happens, I'll be there for you. I'll help you get through this.
I will initiate the meld and attempt to access the memory fragment.
Once that's been accomplished, you'll act as my pyllora.
- Your pyllora? - My guide, my counsellor.
You will help me reconstruct the memory and as I am reliving it
you'll help me objectify the experience.
By processing the experience, rather than repressing it,
I can begin to overcome my fear, anger and other emotional responses,
and reintegrate the memory into my conscious mind.
When I'm in your memory, will I be reliving it with you?
No. I will be the only one who notices your presence.
You will be an observer in the memory, but not a participant.
This will give you the freedom to guide me objectively.
- When do we start? - I will need time to prepare.
Please return in one hour.
We're ready when you are, Captain.
Your mind to my mind. Your thoughts to my thoughts.
I am taking us back, back to the boy that I was.
The boy lying on the precipice.
Return fire. They've knocked out our targeting scanners.
Damage report.
- Seal that conduit! - Hull breach on deck 12, section 47.
We've lost power on decks 5, 6 and 10.
Casualty reports coming in. 19 wounded.
- Tuvok, can you see me? - Yes.
- Where are we? - Aboard the Excelsior.
- Why bring us here? - I did not intend to.
- Can you take us to the precipice? - That is what I attempted to do.
Your mind brought us here. Maybe this memory is connected to the girl.
- How long ago is this? - Approximately 80 years ago.
- Who were you fighting? - The Klingons.
Before you collapsed, you thought we were approaching Klingon space.
- Why are you fighting Klingons? - This battle was started by an incident.
Gamma shift, time to defend the Federation against gaseous anomalies.
We were charting a gaseous anomaly on Voyager.
- That's when my problem began. - That's more than a coincidence.
- How are you, Ensign? - I am well, Commander.
I thought you might like to see some of this morning's com traffic.
There's a message from the Yorktown. It's from your father.
- Thank you. - You won't have time to drink that.
- You're due on the bridge in minutes. - It's not for me. It's for the Captain.
Captain Sulu drinks tea each morning. I thought he might enjoy a Vulcan blend.
I see. Trying to make Lieutenant in your first month?
I wish I'd have thought of that. It took me three years just to make Ensign.
- I assure you, I have no ulterior motive. - Whatever. See you on the bridge.
You've never brought me tea.
Outstanding. I may have to give you a promotion.
That was not my motivation. I am not attempting to curry favour with you.
Mr Tuvok, if you're going to remain on my ship,
you'll have to learn how to appreciate a joke.
And don't tell me Vulcans don't have a sense of humour, because I know better.
- I will work on it, sir. - Very good. And thanks again.
He doesn't look like his portrait at Headquarters.
In the 23rd Century, holographic imaging resolution was less accurate.
- This is a science station, isn't it? - Yes. I am a junior science officer.
Why doesn't your record reflect this?
Wasn't your first assignment on the Wyoming?
It's a long story. But suffice it to say, this was my first Starfleet career. I was 29.
Are we about to encounter the Klingons?
Not exactly. The Klingon moon, Praxis, is about to explode.
It was a primary source of energy for the Klingon Homeworld.
Praxis... yes. Its destruction would have repercussions throughout the quadrant.
It led to the first Federation-Klingon peace treaty.
- Correct. - What does it have to do with the girl?
Energy wave at 240 degrees, mark 6 port.
Visual.
My God!
Shields!
- She is not answering the helm! - Thrusters! Turn her into the wave!
Quarter impulse power!
- Damage report. - Checking all systems.
- Don't tell me it was any meteor shower. - Negative, sir.
The subspace shock wave originated at bearing 323, mark 75. Location...
It's Praxis, sir. It's a Klingon moon.
Praxis is their energy production facility.
Did you go to Praxis?
We were warned off by the Klingons and resumed our survey mission.
Two Starfleet officers were accused of murdering the Klingon chancellor.
They went to the Klingon Homeworld to stand trial.
Captain Sulu had served under both for many years and felt an intense loyalty.
Helm, set a course for Kronos, maximum warp.
Take us through the Azure Nebula. That should conceal our approach.
What's going on?
He is about to attempt a rescue of Captain Kirk and Dr McCoy.
Everyone seemed willing to go along with this breach of orders.
But I felt differently. Captain, have you decided to embark on a rescue mission?
That's right. Do you have a problem with that?
I do. It is a direct violation of our orders from Starfleet Command.
It could precipitate a conflict between the Klingons and the Federation.
Objection noted. Resume your station.
As a Starfleet officer, it is my duty to formally protest.
Tuvok!
A bold statement for an Ensign with only two months space duty under his belt.
I am aware of my limited experience,
but I am also aware of regulations and my obligation to carry them out.
That's enough. Ensign, you're relieved.
I'm sorry about this, Captain. I assure you it will not happen again.
Ensign, you're absolutely right. But you're also absolutely wrong.
You'll find that more happens on the bridge of a starship
than just carrying out orders and observing regulations.
There is loyalty to the men and women you serve with. A sense of family.
Those two men on trial, I served with them for a long time.
I owe them my life a dozen times over,
and now they're in trouble, and I'm going to help them.
Let the regulations be damned.
- That is an illogical line of reasoning. - You better believe it.
Helm, engage.
- You know, you did the right thing. - Perhaps.
- We're approaching the Azure Nebula. - On screen.
Tuvok?
That nebula...
It looks very similar to the one we observed on Voyager.
Help me, Tuvok!
Please, don't let go!
Fifty milligrams cordrazine!
There was a disruption in his hippocampus.
Luckily, he was in sickbay, or he'd be in a coma.
That's good news. The bad news is that his synaptic pathways are degrading.
If the memory keeps resurfacing,
eventually his neural structure will collapse, resulting in brain death.
We were just starting to make progress. We accessed the repressed memory.
I saw Tuvok as a boy. And the girl on the precipice. Can I talk to him?
Not yet. He suffered a neural trauma. I'm keeping him sedated for a few hours.
I'll let you know when it's safe to revive him.
Come in. Ah, Ensign, what have you found?
I don't see any connection between this nebula and the one the Excelsior saw.
This one's a class-17, while theirs was an 11.
Both contain trace amounts of sirillium, but that's about all.
- But they do look similar. - To the naked eye, but not to sensors.
Technically, they're very different. I've been talking to the doctor,
it's not unusual for a repressed memory to resurface because of a visual detail.
Maybe the visual similarities triggered Tuvok's memory of the Excelsior.
What about the memory of the girl?
What does she have to do with Tuvok's experiences on Sulu's ship?
The Excelsior is far removed from that incident.
Who knows what goes on in a Vulcan's mind.
Maybe there is no connection,
and the memory of the Excelsior was accidental -
a stray thought, because of the similarities between the two nebulas.
You may be right. Nevertheless, I've been studying the Excelsior logs.
- What do they say? - They don't say anything at all.
Captain Sulu decided not to enter that journey into his official log.
Some cryptic remark about the ship being damaged and needing repairs.
- But nothing else. - You mean he falsified his logs?
It was a very different time, Mr Kim. Captain Sulu, Captain Kirk, Dr McCoy...
They belong to a different breed of Starfleet officer.
Imagine the era they lived in. The Alpha Quadrant still largely unexplored.
Humanity on verge of war with Klingons. Romulans hiding behind every nebula.
The technology we take for granted was in its early stages.
No plasma weapons, no multiphasic shields. Their ships were half as fast.
No replicators, no holodecks. Since I took Starfleet history at the Academy,
I always wondered what it would be like to live in those days.
Space must have seemed a whole lot bigger back then.
It's not surprising they had to bend the rules a little.
They were slower to invoke the Prime Directive and quicker to pull phasers.
The whole bunch of them would be booted out of Starfleet today.
But I admit, I would have loved to ride shotgun with a group of officers like that.
- Sickbay to Captain. - Go ahead, Doctor.
- I'm ready to revive Mr Tuvok. - Acknowledged. I'm on my way.
Several hours after we entered the nebula, we were ambushed by Klingons.
A battle ensued, and we were forced to abort our rescue mission.
Do any of those events seem related to the girl?
No. If there is a connection I am not aware of it.
I suggest we attempt another mind-meld, and try to access my memory of the girl.
Agreed. Doctor.
Your mind to my mind.
Your thoughts to my thoughts.
I am taking us back, back to the boy that I was.
The boy lying on the precipice.
Tuvok, we're back in the battle with the Klingons again, 80 years ago.
I am at a loss to explain, but it's hard to accept this as a coincidence.
Agreed. I want to go back to the moment when you first saw the nebula.
What happened?
Captain Sulu estimated it would take five hours to enter Klingon space.
My shift needed some rest, so we returned to the crew quarters.
I attempted to sleep.
However, my bunk mate Dimitri Valtane felt the need to discuss our situation.
- Hey, Tuvok... are you asleep? - No.
Me neither. I can't believe we'll do this. I didn't think the Captain had it in him.
- Had what? - You know.
The guts to defy an order and run off on some mission to save old friends.
I take it from your tone that you admire this trait.
Yeah, it's courageous.
It's illogical and reckless, which I attempted to point out to him.
Come on, Tuvok. Isn't it more fun than charting gaseous anomalies?
The human fascination with fun has led to many tragedies in your history.
One wonders how your race has survived having so much "fun".
- Vulcans... You guys need to relax. - No, I will not relax.
Since I entered the Academy, I've had to endure the nature of humanity.
You believe that everyone should be like you,
that we should share your sense of humour and values.
If you hated it, why did you join Starfleet?
I joined under pressure from my parents.
But I've decided to resign once this assignment is complete.
Well, your loss.
Tuvok, did you really mean that?
At this point in my life, yes.
My experiences on board the Excelsior were not pleasant.
I knew you left Starfleet for over 50 years, but I never knew why.
I didn't realise it was because of a conflict with humans.
My perceptions were coloured by the fact that I did not want to be here.
Your parents forced you to go to the Academy?
It was their wish, and I felt an obligation to fulfil it.
What did you do during those 50 years?
I returned to Vulcan, where I spent several years in seclusion,
immersing myself in the Kolinahr, a discipline intended to purge emotions.
- I wanted to attain a state of total logic. - What happened?
Unfortunately, six years into my studies, I began the Pon farr. I took a mate.
- T'Pel? - Yes.
We decided to raise a family together, so I chose to postpone my studies.
What brought you back to Starfleet?
Raising children made me appreciate what my parents experienced.
I realised that the decisions I made as a young man were not in my best interest.
I understood their decision to send me to the Academy,
and that there were things I could learn from humans and other species.
I decided to expand my knowledge of the galaxy.
Starfleet provided that opportunity.
- I'm glad you had a change of heart. - As am I, Captain.
Although, heart had very little to do with it. It was a logical decision.
I'm sure it was.
Red Alert. All hands to battle stations!
I thought we were hours from Klingon space.
A Klingon cruiser decloaked inside the nebula.
At this moment, they were firing charges across our bow.
- We're being hailed. - On screen.
Mr Sulu, I see they have finally given you the captaincy you deserve.
- Thank you, Kang. - Do not let it end prematurely.
Kang, we've been on a survey mission studying this nebula.
Our navigation system malfunctioned and I'm afraid we got lost.
As soon as we've completed repairs we'll be on our way.
We'd be happy to escort you back.
- Very generous, but we can manage. - I insist.
Actually, an escort would be welcome. We'd hate to lose our way again.
Bring your ship about, bearing 181, mark 2.
Nice to see you again.
- Captain Sulu? - Man your station. We're not giving up.
Helm, come about.
- Tactical status. - Forward disruptors trained on us.
Ensign Tuvok, what is the composition of this nebula?
Primarily oxygen and argon, with traces of theta-xenon, fluorine and sirillium gas.
Sirillium? That's a highly combustible substance, isn't it?
- Affirmative. - Is there any way we could ignite it?
Modulating a beam to a subspace frequency,
would trigger a thermochemical reaction.
Like tossing a match into a pool of gasoline.
Would their shields withstand?
Yes, but their sensors and systems would be disrupted for several seconds.
That's all the time we need. Modulate a positron beam and stand by.
We'll ignite it, then clear the nebula.
Helm, prepare to engage maximum warp on my command.
All hands, this is the Captain. Secure stations and batten down the hatches.
- The positron beam is ready. - On my mark, Ensign.
- We're clearing the nebula. - Mr Tuvok, light the match.
The Klingon ship's been disabled. They're not pursuing.
Set a course for Kronos. Engage.
- Commander Rand... - Sir.
Detecting three Klingon battle cruisers. They're arming torpedoes.
- Heading, sir? - Maintain course.
Return fire!
- They've knocked out our scanners. - Switch to manual!
There's a rupture in the conduit behind your console. Get away.
- One second. - You must...
Bridge to sickbay. Medical emergency!
Tuvok...
Tuvok!
Help!
Don't let me fall!
No!
- What's happening? - Memory engrams are destabilising.
Something must be going wrong with the mind-meld. I'll bring them out of it.
- It's not working. - Their patterns appear locked together.
I can't break the meld.
The damage is accelerating. He'll be braindead. Get me a cortical stimulator!
I saw her again, Tuvok. The girl.
When Valtane died just now, it seemed to cause the memory to resurface.
- What is it? - Something's wrong with the mind-meld.
Who the hell are you?
- Intruder alert. Get security! - Why can he see me?
What are you doing on my ship?
The rate of deterioration in my brain has increased.
At advanced stages of t'lokan schism, memory processes become confused.
- Ensign, do you know this woman? - I will break the meld.
Don't. We're getting close to something.
Everything seems to be centred around the death of Valtane.
Hit on the port. Shields down to 20%. Losing atmosphere in decks 5, 6 and 7.
I'll reroute auxiliary power to structural integrity.
Maybe something happened in that moment.
Some detail you aren't remembering. Replay those events one more time.
I will. But if my neural structures collapse during the meld,
you will suffer brain damage as well.
- I understand. - Take those two to the brig.
If we replay those events and they see you, it will disrupt the memory again.
Then we've got to find a way to make me inconspicuous.
Gamma shift, time to defend the Federation against gaseous anomalies.
How are you, Ensign? Who are you?
We could have asked.
Asking female officers for their clothing could lead to misunderstanding.
I've programmed a cortical stimulator to emit thoron radiation.
We'll bombard his telepathic cortex. That should be enough to terminate the meld.
We'll begin with a 20 kilodyne burst of five second duration on my mark.
Now.
It's working. Their neural patterns are starting to separate.
- My God. - What is it?
That's Tuvok's memory engram. That's the Captain's.
- But this seems to be another engram. - How's that possible?
It's not. Which means it can't really be an engram.
I'd say it's something masquerading as an engram,
the way viruses mimic blood factors to avoid being destroyed by antibodies.
- So you're saying it's a virus. - I think so.
The thoron radiation must have caused it to manifest itself.
Increasing radiation levels should destroy it. Go to 40 kilodynes. Now!
The Klingon ship's been disabled. They're no longer pursuing.
Helm, set a course for Kronos. Engage.
Who's at communications?
Commander Rand is.
Detecting three Klingon battle cruisers. They're arming torpedoes.
Maintain course.
- Return fire! - They've knocked out our scanners.
Switch to manual!
There's a rupture in the conduit behind your console. Get away.
- One second. - You must...
It's about to happen. Try to remember every detail about the next few seconds.
Concentrate.
Tuvok...
Help me! Help me, Tuvok!
I saw her, Tuvok. I saw the girl. Stay with it.
I am trying but my mind is weakening.
This is our last chance. Take us to the precipice.
Concentrate. Take us to the girl.
The mind-meld is almost broken and the radiation appears to be killing the virus.
Increase thoron levels to...
The virus is embedding itself in the Captain's brain.
Cortical stimulator!
Kathryn! Help me, please! Don't let me fall!
Program a 50 kilodyne burst, five second duration on my mark. Now.
Help me, Tuvok!
The virus protein structures are breaking down. It's dying.
Increase thoron radiation to 80 kilodynes, 15 seconds. Now.
- Help me, Dimitri! Don't let me fall! - Again.
Don't let me fall! No!
No-ooo!
NO!
No!
No-ooo!
It's a viral parasite, but its origin and genome classification are not on record.
- We killed it using thoron radiation. - What do you know about it?
The virus thrives on peptides generated in the brain.
It evades the body's immune system by disguising itself as a memory engram.
Apparently the parasite used the memory of a falling girl as camouflage.
Creating a false memory so traumatic that the mind would repress it.
That's where it would live,
hiding in a part of the brain that the conscious mind would want to avoid.
When it sensed the death of the host, it would find another.
That's why it migrated to me.
What about the girl? Did she ever exist, or did the organism invent the memory?
Memory is a tricky thing. If it was a real event,
it's been buried and copied many times, there's no way to tell what happened.
Thank you, Doctor.
I'm curious. Did the Excelsior ever save Kirk and McCoy?
Not directly. We were forced to retreat back to Federation space.
As usual, Captain Kirk provided his own means of escape.
But we then played a pivotal role at the battle at Khitomer.
If I didn't know you better, I'd say you miss those days on the Excelsior.
On the contrary, I do not experience feelings of nostalgia.
But when I think back to those days, of meeting Kirk, Spock and the others,
I am pleased I was part of it.
In a funny way, I feel like I was a part of it too.
Then perhaps you can be nostalgic for both of us.