Hi, Leonard! How are you doing?
Heh heh heh heh! Ha ha!
Ricardo, I see you're feeling better. Good for you.
(Children laughing)
Hey, father cliff.
Hello, Victor, boys.
What's the story on Roger?
Is he getting booted out of here?
I hope not.
But he's a bad kid.
You weren't exactly a Saint when you first got here, were you?
Lest we forget.
(Laughs)
Got me there.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
Good-bye, boys.
¶ ...was a little, little man
¶ and a little, little man was he
¶ he climbed up to a sycamore... ¶
uh!
Who's...
I say, who's throwing...
Ow!
Father Clifford.
What are you doing, Roger?
Are you running away?
Who, me?
No, no. What would make you think that?
I just, uh... I lost my balance
while cleaning my outside windows.
Cleaning your windows with a suitcase, were you?
Oh, Roger!
Oh!
Roger!
My heart...
It hurts.
Whoa...
(Thud)
Oh, no!
Oh, look who's recovered!
Let go of me!
Now, now, now, what seems to be the problem?
(Crying) Oh...
Now, now, now, now, now...
(Roger) Whenever there's something I really, really want,
there's always some adult who comes along and says, "no,"
like Mr. byrne.
First he said I could be on the basketball team,
then he said I couldn't.
You thought blowing up the gymnasium
was an appropriate response?
Yes.
But your parents told Mr. byrne
they didn't want you playing any contact sports.
My parents say no to everything I want.
The other boys are very angry at you, Roger.
I don't care what they think.
Then why are you running away?
What's your IQ, son?
185.
Ah! My, you're a real genius.
Mine's 190.
Oh, wait. I forgot.
Mine is 195.
Oh, wait. I forgot.
Mine is almost 200,
but that's not really the point.
The point is that people like you and I,
when we get very frustrated,
can cause a lot of damage.
You're not like me.
Why? Because I'm all grown-up?
That's true. I've changed,
but when I was your age...
Ooh! I...
Let me tell you a story about when I was your age.
I was traveling with my parents to the island of Hawaii.
Weather conditions seem vastly improved, steffen.
I think now we can safely proceed
with the scheduled lift-off.
Splashdown!
Would you please stop hitting my chair?
I am trying to sleep.
I'm sorry, miss nice-older-person,
but I don't know what you're talking about.
Perhaps you were just having a nightmare
about your early days in the circus.
One more word, I'll call the flight attendant.
It wasn't very nice of the mean old lady
to smash your collar-bone, was it, steffen?
Ladies and gentlemen,
we'll be passing over Los Angeles
in about 10 minutes.
The skies are crystal clear.
It should be smooth sailing all the way to Honolulu.
(Yells)
Damn it! Clifford, why did you wake me?
I didn't. Steffen did.
Why wouldn't you let him sleep?
Now that you are awake, my papa,
when we land in Los Angeles,
can we then immediately go to dinosaur world?
I've told you, the plane doesn't go to Los Angeles.
It goes directly to Honolulu.
How can that be?
What?
That on my birthday,
I can be so close to dinosaur world and yet so far away?
Your birthday was six months ago.
Clifford,
daddy is on a business...
A business trip,
and this is not a vacation.
Drop this dinosaur world thing for five seconds.
Would you do that for me?
You're driving me crazy!
Looks like daddy is going to have a big stroke,
and then he'll be talking like this.
I swear to God... Clifford!
Would you just stop?
Whatever you say, sweet one who birthed me.
May I visit the captain?
I imagine he would be very brave and wise,
possibly with a cleft in his chin.
All right. Just be back for dinner.
Whatever you say, my papa.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Oh, God! Ow!
Captain, we have a young man here who has a request.
Hi. What's your name, son?
Clifford.
I think you're the bestest captain in the whole wide world,
thank... you, Clifford.
I was wondering if we could land in Los Angeles
so I could go to dinosaur world.
The only way we could land in Los Angeles
would be for an emergency.
Whatever you say, my captain.
Jeez, it's awful quiet in here.
Where's Clifford?
He shut the engines down.
I don't know why steffen did that.
Are you out of your tree, sir?
(All) Aah!
Steffen, hang in!
I've regained control of number four, Los Angeles.
Request permission for emergency landing procedures.
Roger, flight 43. This is l.A.X.
You're cleared for immediate landing on runway 23.
(Roger) Hee hee! What an amazing story.
You liked that, did you?
You got them to land the plane.
You got what you wanted.
But I risked the lives
of a couple of hundred people.
But no one got hurt.
But they could have. But they didn't.
That was a truly wonderful story, father,
but I have to get going now.
Fine. Bye-bye.
(Swish)
Oh!
Son, that's not the whole story.
It's just the beginning.
Oh, sorry, father.
That's all right.
Sit down and get comfortable.
Would you like a mint?
No, thank you. Mmm...
I guess we have to begin the story earlier that day.
You see... (Choking)
Yes. I'll save this for later.
You see, I had an Uncle named Martin
who was a famous architect,
and he had two dreams.
One was to build a great mass transit system
for what was known at that time
as the city of Los Angeles,
and his other dream was to marry Sarah,
the love of his life.
Sarah was a teacher who operated a daycare center
where he worked.
She loved him very much.
In fact, they were engaged to be married.
Hi.
You look so handsome.
I'm in a very good mood.
How come?
I'll tell you later.
Tell me now, right now.
(Martin) You will love this. It will literally be
the biggest surprise of your life.
We're here? We're here!
I'm excited! Don't peek!
I'm not! Don't peek!
Are you excited? Yeah.
I'm so excited.
Wait.
O.K. O.K.
Please don't peek.
I'm not. O.K.
All right.
O.K., look!
Are you stunned?
What am I looking at?
The house! I bought it!
It's on a cliff?
That's what you want... A cliff.
It's incredible, isn't it?
Uh-huh.
It's very minimalist,
but it's got a quiet intensity, doesn't it, honey?
Doesn't it?
It's very warm.
(Clifford) There was, however, one slight problem.
Sarah wanted children very much,
but Martin, it seemed, was in no hurry.
Martin...
How many bedrooms in this house?
One, honey.
One bedroom, honey.
But look at this view. Look at this!
The ocean!
You can see catalina out there.
Whoa! It is quite a drop!
(Door closes)
Honey?
I can't believe I let this happen again.
Honey, what's wrong?
I can't marry you.
You're just like my first husband.
He didn't want kids either.
When did I say I didn't want kids?
It's so obvious.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about this bachelor pad with one bedroom.
Where's a kid supposed to sleep?
Have you ever heard the word sofa-bed?
Have you ever heard the word stupid?
Stupid?
Stupid!
Are you saying this house couldn't work for kids?
Oh, no, it's just perfect.
"Where are the kids, honey?"
"Oh, the kids are just out back playing on the cliff."
I love kids.
No, you don't. I saw you at the daycare today.
You should see me with a kid I know... My nephew.
You never mentioned you had a nephew.
I love my nephew.
What's his name?
I want to say Mason.
Uh... Clifford. Little Clifford.
How old is he?
I haven't seen him since the christening.
He'd be older now... Like, 10.
My brother julien and I don't speak
as much as we'd like to.
I have heard that Clifford is a very special boy.
Where is that little monster?
Julien, please!
Ooh!
You did it, didn't you?
You did it again, didn't you?
You're banned from the flight. No.
They won't allow you back on the plane.
I'll miss the convention tomorrow
and lose thousands of dollars in speaker's fees.
Do you understand me?
Where did you get that walkman?
Did you steal it? No.
Is there no end to your madness?
A kindly old priest gave it to me.
You're lying. No.
You're lying to your own father's face.
I should leave you here, you little animal.
What a terrible thing to say to such a sweet child.
I'm sorry, Mrs. extra-wide-load.
What are you packing in, two dozen doughnuts a day?
Huh?
Julien, calm down!
Your heart...
Daddy, it's coming...
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Oh, theodora, what am I going to do?
I... I got to be on that plane.
Pappy, pappy, pappy.
What?
Doesn't Uncle Martin live in Los Angeles?
Maybe I can go to his house,
and then you could go to Hawaii,
and I could go to dinosaur world.
(Telephone rings)
Wait. Sarah?
(Julien) Martin? Yes?
Martin, it's julien, your brother.
Your brother julien. Yes?
I haven't made much of an attempt to keep in touch.
I wouldn't blame you if you hung up on me,
but don't hang up, o.K.?
I'm in a terrible dilemma.
I have a tremendous favor to ask you.
Ha ha ha!
I can't believe it. He went for it.
I'm going to dinosaur world!
I told him I had this speaking engagement
and that Clifford gets airsick.
Dinosaur world I'm going to!
He almost seemed excited about it.
Ha ha ha!
I'm Martin Daniels.
I'm here to pick up my nephew Clifford.
Do you have any identification?
Yeah.
All right.
He's in the back room resting. Come with me.
Thank you.
Clifford.
This is so cute.
Come here. Look.
¶ LA LA LA
¶ LA LA LA LA
¶ LA LA
¶ LA LA ¶
mmm... mmm...
¶ LA LA LA
¶ LA LA... ¶
Clifford.
Don't reject me!
¶ LA LA LA LA LA... ¶
Uncle Martin?
Yes.
¶ LA... ¶
I'm going to go big.
Oh!
¶ LA LA LA
¶ LA LA LA LA
¶ LA LA LA ¶
dearest Uncle Martin,
can we go to dinosaur world now?
Dinosaur world? It's closed.
It's 10:30, Clifford.
I'll let you in on a little secret.
I've got a lifetime pass to dinosaur world
because I designed Larry the scary...
Scary Rex? You designed Larry the scary Rex?
¶ I'm Larry the scary Rex ¶
¶ I'm a scary dinosaur
¶ but don't be scared of my sharp, sharp teeth
¶ and my mighty, mighty roar ¶
oh, boy, you're some sort of hero.
Let's go get your bags.
Yes.
Somebody stole my dog sneakers.
Calm down!
Have you unloaded everything off flight 791 yet?
Oh, yeah.
So far I'm missing a Mountain bike,
a stereo, a surfboard,
and a big brown dog.
You brought a lot of stuff.
Dad's scared of burglars.
He makes us take everything when we travel.
And your dog.
I couldn't leave my sneakers at home.
Of course you couldn't.
Sarah will be so excited.
I told her how special you are to me.
We've never met before.
I was with you at the christening.
I spent the better part of a day in your company.
I have the utmost admiration for you.
Oh, Uncle Martin!
Oh!
O.K., you can let go now.
Okey-dokey.
Okey-dokey. O.K.
(Arf)
Oh, Sarah loves dogs.
Come on, sneakers.
Come on.
(Meow)
(Martin) Come on, boy.
Come on, sneakers.
Please, boy. Get out of the car. Oh!
(Meow)
Whoa!
(Sarah) Just face it, Sarah.
You'll be alone the rest of your life,
just like that maid on the Brady bunch,
faking enthusiasm for other people's happiness.
And there's, of course,
the pity of others to look forward to.
"Isn't that Sarah Davis?
"My! She's aged.
"She drove off every man she ever had,
"and then she just withered up
like an old prune who couldn't..."
Aah!
Sarah?
Aah!
Don't judge me. It was steffen's fault.
Shame on you. Shame on your eyes.
What? Sarah!
Martin?
Are you o.K.?
That was a lousy trick to play.
What trick?
Your stupid dinosaur in the shower.
Oh, no, no. That was Clifford.
Who is Clifford?
My nephew. Remember? I was telling you about him.
Your nephew's here?
My brother julien called. He was flying to Hawaii.
Julien said would I look after him for a week.
I said, "of course." He's a wonderful kid.
Come on, meet him.
O.K.
Hi.
Uncle, Martin, I hope your friend doesn't mind
that I helped myself to a snack.
That's o.K.
Martin.
Oh, Clifford, this is Sarah Davis.
¶ LA LA
¶ LA ¶
hello.
Hello, miss Sarah Davis.
Whew! That's a lovely bathrobe you're wearing.
I'm sure on anyone else it wouldn't look half as lovely.
(Sighs)
Thank you. What a sweet thing to say.
Isn't he everything I said he was?
I love you, Uncle Martin.
And I you, Clinton.
Clifford.
Isn't there an incredible family resemblance?
Well, I guess so. Yes.
I'd like to see more of you, Clifford.
Perhaps you can convince your Uncle
to make sure of that.
Absolutely! But right now, sleepyhead,
we got to get you to Uncle Martin's.
Normally I would despise
when someone ruffles my hair like that,
but not when you do it.
Isn't he something?
Yes. He certainly is.
O.K., honey, let's go.
Good night, darling.
Good night.
O.K., Clifford, come on.
Good night.
Good night to you.
Good night, sweet Sarah.
May all your dreams be pleasant ones.
May the rainbow arches...
Come on, sweetie. Time for bed.
(Door closes)
Like other native peoples,
the lake girls copy the movement of animals.
Since the beginning of...
(Slurp)
Allow them to enter the prayer land.
There has been mutual respect.
This dance, called the...
Time to turn off the videos.
Is an expression of their culture.
O.K. Time to go to sleep.
Steffen felt that was a very cruel action, Uncle Martin.
Oh, well, you tell steffen...
That it's 2:00 in the morning
and we have to get up very early
because tomorrow we're going to dinosaur world.
Oh, you're the bestest Uncle in the whole wide world!
Thanks.
Good night, Clifford.
Good night, Uncle Martin.
Good night, Clifford.
Good night, Uncle Martin.
You wouldn't lie to me, would you, Uncle Martin?
If you lied to me, I'd be so angry,
I don't know what I'd do.
No, I wouldn't lie to you.
Get in the bed.
Cozy, cozy.
Uncle Martin, whose ring is this?
Where did you get that?
On the dresser.
Give me that. No.
That's my grandmother's wedding ring.
Then wouldn't she be my great-grandmother?
Yes.
Then wouldn't it be just as much mine as yours?
What's your point?
I want to marry Sarah and give her this ring.
That's very sweet,
but it's, it's, it's very unrealistic.
I still want the ring.
You can't have it.
I, I... give it...
But it sparkles.
I like sparkle as well.
I will give Sarah this ring someday.
How exciting!
Ring bearer?
We'll see.
(Sarah) This is smiling, isn't it?
(Knock on door)
Hi, Martin. Hi, Clifford.
Hello, miss Sarah Davis.
I didn't know you were a teacher.
Had I known, I would have brought you an apple.
What a charming thing to say. How very thoughtful.
I'm taking Clifford to dinosaur world.
Then I've got a meeting with Ellis.
This deadline is really closing in on me.
It'll be o.K. Your ideas are great.
It's a little odd
that this daycare center has been here for over six months,
and Mr. Ellis hasn't even dropped in once.
I'm sure he hates kids.
What makes me nervous is that if I don't talk fast enough
he snaps his fingers at me.
I hear he's a womanizer and he's obsessed with himself
and that's supposed to be a wig that he's wearing.
Ellis wears a rug?
Oh!
Mr. Ellis, how are you?
Thanks for coming in.
I don't believe we've met.
This is miss Sarah...
Sarah Davis, of course.
I want to thank you for the wonderful job you've done.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, isn't that impressive?
You know, I don't think
there's anything more meaningful to me
than the welfare of our employees'...
(All laugh)
This is my nephew Clifford.
Say hello to my boss Mr. Ellis.
Isn't he a cute little fella?
Hi, Sonny.
My! That's the bestest-looking wig I've ever seen!
Oh, no, no, no.
That's, that's not a wig.
You said it was a wig.
You called it a rug, too.
You misunderstood me.
I never said that, sir.
Good.
What are you looking at?
It's not a wig.
It's not a rug either.
(All laugh)
Just don't worry about that.
Right. Don't worry about that.
I guess we have work to do.
I was wondering one thing.
Later on, could I give you a call?
Me? No. Her.
There's something I would love
to talk to you about.
Oh, well...
That'd be f... fine.
Su... o.K.
Well, good-bye, sir.
Charming.
(Martin) You want me to redesign the entire model
in two days?
The bottom line is,
you've got to move the train line.
What?
Yeah. 2 Miles.
That's impossible!
That'll put the train line
right through the sepulveda dam.
Hmm.
That's not good.
Well.
You'll come up with something.
You'll hole up for a few days
and drink a lot of coffee.
You being the professional I know you are,
I know you'll hit another home run for us.
You all right? No.
Good man.
If you're a visitor, would you do me a favor?
Enter your visitor card number.
(Martin) Clifford!
Hello, Uncle Martin.
Are we ready to go to dinosaur world?
Uh, Clifford, uh...
I've got some bad news.
I can't take you right now!
The freeway to dinosaur world is back there.
You're going to make us crash!
(Tires squealing)
Steffen, make it all better somehow.
Get ahold of yourself! You're out of control!
(Hyperventilating)
What? What?
A whole gang of chocolate, I need it badly.
(Hyperventilating)
Jesus!
(Horn honking)
(Hyperventilating)
O.K. All right. O.K.
Wait one minute. I'll be right back.
Don't... don't breathe so much.
O.K. Excuse me.
O.K., kids, next stop... dinosaur world!
Who's excited?
(Kids cheering)
I have to go to the bathroom.
You're out of chocolate? How can that be?
Everybody wants chocolate.
I need chocolate!
I might have an easter bunny left over.
Get me the bunny!
Thanks for making us wait, you dork.
Clifford?
Well, where did you get those clothes?
This kid bought my dinosaur costume.
What's the matter with you?
Are you crazy?
I'm terribly sorry.
Where's my son?
He was counting the money
he was given in the men's room.
You pervert!
Ahh!
Ah!
Ow! My ear! You hit my ear!
Tell me where he is!
Mom, I'm over here!
Oh, Kevin!
You're all right!
What in the world is...
So...
Any luck with that chocolate?
"Any luck with that chocolate?
Any luck with that chocolate?"
Bad boy, Clifford! Bad boy!
I don't know what to say to you.
You could have given those parents a heart attack.
If they press charges,
you could end up in prison.
And the wasted time!
I happen to be very busy, young man.
The city of Los Angeles
is relying on me for public transit.
My boss is breathing down my neck.
That was so embarrassing with Mr. Ellis.
Don't tell someone they have a nice wig.
I said, "the bestest-looking wig."
It was a compliment.
(Sighs) He says he doesn't wear a wig.
People don't take it as a compliment
if you say, "nice wig."
I didn't say, "nice wig."
I said, "bestest-looking wig."
There is a difference.
Why are you such an authority on wigs?
My teacher Mr. Cavanaugh wears one.
He lets us play with it.
He lets you play with it?
Frisbee.
(Whistles)
Miss gathecold, the art teacher,
borrows it as well.
That would be for different reasons.
Let's just forget about the wig.
I've got to punish you,
and that means dinosaur world is out.
I don't understand.
I've got a bombshell for you.
I'm the boss in this house.
You cannot fight city hall.
Surely someone as wise as you
would realize that breaking a little boy's promise
and punishing him for it would be a terrible thing.
That little boy wouldn't be responsible
for what he was going to do next.
I don't like threats.
You're going to spend the day in your room.
Now you march, young man!
March!
It's not fair, steffen.
He was the one who broke his promise,
and now I'm the one who's being punished.
It isn't fair.
They're never fair.
I am going to go to dinosaur world.
I don't care what he says.
(Ring)
Hello.
Hi, it's me. How was dinosaur world?
I postponed it.
Ellis hit me with a hundred changes
to make on the model.
(Gasps)
Oh, you poor thing.
How's Clifford? He must be heartbroken.
No, he's fine.
We're in the kitchen making popcorn.
Use a potholder, cliffie!
I was calling about tonight.
Tonight?
My parents' anniversary.
Why? Did you forget?
No! Are you kidding?
I can't miss your parents' anniversary party!
It's 7:00.
I can't wait for my folks to meet Clifford.
See you then. Bye.
(Line disconnects)
Isn't that something, steffen?
Too busy for a boy's dream,
but not too busy to go out to dinner.
(Martin) Punish you,
and that means dinosaur world is out.
I've got a bombshell for you.
I'm the boss in this house.
You cannot fight city hall.
(Tape rewinding)
Steffen, do you like Uncle Martin?
So do I.
This is Martin Daniels.
I've got a bomb.
(Clifford) Wow! Is this house ever huge!
Uncle Martin, do they live in a hotel?
You're not still mad at me
for grounding you, are you, Clifford?
Of course not.
Whatever would make you think that?
There they are.
Now, daddy, be nice to Martin for me.
If I have to, honey.
I don't understand a man at his age
and still not married.
Hi, honey.
Hi. Daddy, look. It's Martin.
Hi.
Congratulations, sir.
Happy anniversary.
I hope you have many, many more.
Daddy, this is Martin's nephew Clifford.
Well, now, look at this big fella.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
A dinosaur.
Ha ha ha!
Do you like dinosaurs, miss Sarah?
I adore dinosaurs.
Would you like some punch?
I would like that very much.
Martin, bloody Mary?
Thank you.
You have a most exceptional daughter.
Thank you for letting me know.
You must be having the time of your life.
Why do you say that, miss Sarah?
Getting to spend time
with your Uncle finally and everything.
Oh.
Uncle Martin.
Yeah.
Scary Uncle Martin.
Sarah! Hello, darling!
Oh, how fabulous you look!
I always loved you in that dress.
It's new, Julia.
Oh, yes. Of course it is.
Oh, come and meet raweejni.
I'll be back soon.
Okey-dokey.
Hi, Clifford. Have you seen Sarah?
She was taken by a lady who looks like this...
What makes her face look like that?
They call that a face-lift.
What's a face-lift?
Let's not shout so much.
Oh, sorry.
I believe your drink is right there.
Oh, thanks.
Martin!
Oh, Mrs. Davis.
Oh, I knew you'd come.
Parker said you'd try to weasel out of it.
I knew better.
Oh, not to come to your 35th anniversary,
that would be unthinkable.
(Both laugh)
Ha ha ha!
Is this Clifford?
Yes, I believe it is me.
I'm Sarah's mother.
I'm Annabelle.
If you're miss Sarah's mother,
you must be the most wonderful person
in the whole wide world!
What a gorgeous,
gorgeous child!
Oh!
Wait.
Wait. No.
(Yells) Wait!
I believe Uncle Martin
would like to offer you a toast.
Oh, how sweet.
Parker. Sarah.
Everybody, come on. Gather around.
Sarah's Martin is toasting.
Come on. Quickly.
Here we go.
A toast.
We raise our glasses
first to Parker Davis,
the patriarch of the Davis family,
for 35 years, a devoted husband
and a loving, loving father.
We love you very much, sir.
Hear. Hear.
Next...
Aren't you going to
say something about Sarah's mother?
(Parker) Goddamn it, Daniels! Get on with it!
Are you feeling o.K.?
(Glass shatters)
Ahh!
Ah!
Ahh!
Excuse us.
I would like a word with my nephew.
The paprika sauce was the talk of the party.
You're trying to punish me
because I haven't taken you to dinosaur world.
You put something in my drink.
In your drink? In my drink!
My mouth was going to burn off!
You think it's funny?
No.
It was funny, Uncle Martin,
because you made a toast,
"here's to Parker Davis.
We love you, sir."
And then you held up the drink...
(Gagging)
Everyone was staring and saying,
"what a goof!"
You ran to the punch bowl.
Argh!
(Yells)
Oh! Oh! Oh!
See, when you are looking at the baseball,
look at it.
Oh, I see now.
Keep your eye on the ball.
Tricky to remember, Uncle. Thanks.
Well, so...
O.K.? Yes.
They're starting to serve dinner now.
Dinner is served.
Oh! Hungry boy am I.
(Sarah) Clifford, maybe you'd like to wash your hands.
Oh.
Yes.
Bye, captain.
You'd tell me if you were having
a nervous breakdown, wouldn't you?
(Both laugh)
Nervous breakdown.
He wants me to fly to San Francisco with him tomorrow
to open a daycare center.
What did you say?
I said yes.
It's only for one night.
You're spending the night in San Francisco with Ellis?
He is my boss. Was I supposed to say no?
What's wrong with you tonight?
Clifford, what are you doing?
I just wanted to borrow
your lip-thingy stuff.
My lips are somewhat parched.
You can't put your hand into somebody's pocket.
No. You cannot borrow it. It's not sanitary.
Whatever you say, Uncle Martin.
Here are your pickles, sir.
Oh, thank you ever so kindly, sir.
What a nice, polite young man you are.
He said even though you're a worrywart,
he has confidence you'll come through in the end.
Then maybe he'll take me to San Francisco.
Because I'm in a good mood and you're not,
you just can't stand it.
I can stand it.
Just forget it.
Hi.
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Oh, Martin,
you are hysterical!
(Guests laughing)
Wha...
Go like this...
Martin, go to the bathroom and wipe it off.
(Guests laughing)
There's a bathroom on the second floor, madam.
Are you Martin Daniels?
Yes.
May I sleep at your house?
Oh...
Madam, come quickly, please.
You're making a terrible mistake.
Stop this. I'm the fiance of...
ugh!
I'm miss Davis' fiance!
Martin!
Sorry, ladies and gentlemen.
We are police officers. Don't be alarmed.
This gentleman is suspected of planting an explosive device.
What? No!
I'm with the city!
I'm designing a public transit system
for the entire city of Los Angeles.
Honestly, this is insane!
You've made some sort of mistake.
We don't think so.
It's not as if I didn't warn her.
Oh, wait.
Uncle Martin!
No!
In the name of all that's holy,
somebody help my Uncle!
He's an innocent man, I tell you!
An innocent...
Man.
Mission accomplished, friend.
Why don't you tell us where the bomb is hidden?
What are you talking about?
Do I look like someone
that would put a bomb under city hall?
You're trying to get a confession from me
by grilling me under hot lights.
Sorry.
Well, you know, now I can't see anything.
That's... No.
Is that better?
I don't want to make this about lighting.
Let's move on.
You wanted to get caught. You called us.
What? Yeah.
Hi. This is Martin Daniels.
I've got a bomb under city hall.
Talk to you later.
This is part of my answering machine message!
This is a prank!
You don't have to believe me!
Call my home!
Here. Speaker's on.
(Ring)
Hi. This is Clifford.
I can't tell you where my Uncle Martin is,
but I'll give you a hint... kaboom!
Clifford? Ah!
I didn't mean to scare you.
Morning, miss Sarah.
You're all dressed up to go dreaming.
Don't say I'm wrong.
Oh, thank you.
I didn't hear you get up.
I've been up since 5:00.
I don't sleep as much as one might assume.
Well, I see you found something to eat.
(Knock on door)
Hi.
It's the jailbird.
Oh, Martin, I've been so worried!
You've been worried.
There he is. Hi, Clifford. You o.K.?
Hi, Uncle Martin.
How was your stay in penitentiary?
Did you meet any interesting hoodlums?
Ha ha ha!
Ah!
Are you really in trouble?
I've told you about Larry gould, right?
No.
You know, Mr. practical jokes?
The whole thing was a setup.
Oh, no! I don't believe what I'm hearing!
I don't either.
Honey, be careful how you eat your cereal.
This boy and his cereal.
Ha ha ha!
Explain to me what happened.
Larry tapes my answering-machine message
and my phone conversation.
He edits them together.
The police play it for me,
and I think I'm going insane.
That's sick!
It gets better.
The two cops who arrested me?
Larry's cousins.
No! I don't think that's funny at all!
I didn't either, and then I started thinking about it,
and I got to laughing.
Ah.
It is funny.
Those guys are certifiable.
Tell me about it.
I'm so relieved.
Oh, now, Clifford, see?
Didn't I tell you that everything would be just fine?
Yes, you did,
but I don't like those men.
They're liars.
Everybody knows that liars
eventually get caught.
That's right...
You little pecker-head.
O.K., I'll see you tomorrow.
Try to get some sleep.
I got a lot of work to catch up on.
I'm sorry I was a jerk about your trip with Ellis.
I know, sweetheart. I know.
I'm staying at the wemberton hotel.
You can phone my suite.
You have a suite? Yes.
Bye, Clifford.
Make sure by the time I get back
your Uncle's not working on a chain gang.
That's very good.
O.K. Bye.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Bye!
Get in the car.
I am now out on bail.
Are you listening to me?
Are you?
Yes, I am.
I have a criminal record,
but you know what you're going to have?
A one-way ticket back to your parents.
No! They hate me!
Not as much as I do!
(Crying)
Stop with the fake tears!
I'm not faking! I'll admit anything!
Just don't send me back to my parents.
I'll tell miss Sarah I put the lipstick in your pocket,
which I didn't.
Her father did it!
He wanted to embarrass you.
He said you were a simple-minded moron.
He called me a moron?
A simple-minded moron.
And Sarah's father put the lipstick in my pocket?
Yes.
Why would he do that?
Because he hates you!
I don't know why.
I certainly think you're a nice enough sort.
I suppose that Sarah's father
also put the hot sauce in my drink.
That I don't know.
You don't? No.
You have no idea who did that?
I would suspect the bartender. Theory.
Well, you know, I would suspect someone else.
Now, who could that be?
If you're about to say what I think,
then I don't want to hear it,
because Sarah Davis loves you.
She wouldn't do that.
She has problems with you,
but every relationship goes through that.
Oh.
Oh, you...
you don't think it was me?
Uncle Martin! Stop!
I had to be made naked in the jail!
I was strip searched! I was humiliated!
I know. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I made the tape.
Oh, God, it was wrong!
Why did I do it?
I think I know why.
Because I was angry at you for having promised
that you would take me to dinosaur world
and then breaking that promise!
What is it with you and dinosaur world? It's sick!
You're obsessed with this dinosaur world!
I believe dinosaur world is the only place
where a boy like me can be happy.
(Sobbing)
Oh.
Listen to me. Listen to me. Shut up a minute!
Will you listen to me?
I'm listening.
Don't put the dinosaur on me like that.
Just leave the dinosaur over there like that.
I'm trying to tell you something.
When I... when I was a little boy...
you touch the dinosaur, I'll kill you.
Steffen wanted to stand here.
Give it to me! I'll rip its head off!
God almighty, boy!
Listen. I'm trying to tell you something to help you.
Clifford, I'm trying to tell you something
about when I was a little boy in Chicago.
All right? Yes.
There was a great amusement park called riverview.
Did your father mention it?
Yes.
I thought that was the only place I could be happy,
but my father never took me.
And then one day...
They tore it down,
before I ever got to go there.
I understand how you feel.
You do? Yes.
Does it ever get easier, my Uncle Martin?
Not really.
Now listen to me.
Here's the deal... you go to your room,
write a confession that I'll take to the police,
and I won't send you back to your parents.
You tell Sarah that you and I are best friends.
We are, aren't we? Shut up.
But if you even look at me funny,
if you do one thing I find weird,
which is, like, your middle name...
You're doing it now.
Can you act like a human boy for one minute?
Look at me like a person.
You can't do it.
Look at me like a human boy!
Don't mess around with me,
or you'll be back on that plane.
You understand me?
I understand that I love you.
All right. All right. Let it go. Let it go.
Steffen walked back.
Give me that! Give me that, Clifford!
Please don't hurt him.
He's the only one left in his family.
Take the dinosaur and go to your room.
You take the dinosaur. Write your confession.
Yes.
Pretty soon, there won't be anyone left in his family!
O.K., I've got 20 hours.
I can do it if I don't panic.
Clifford, come on down and get some lunch.
Clifford?
(Clifford) My dearest Uncle Martin,
I've failed you many ways.
I have taken the 1:45 train to San Francisco
to find Sarah Davis.
With all the love in my little heart,
Clifford.
Oh, my God. What have I done?
Clifford!
Have you seen this boy?
No, sir.
(Train starts)
Have you seen this boy?
No. No, I haven't.
¶ San Francisco,
¶ open your golden gate
¶ you'll let nobody wait
¶ outside your door
¶ San Francisco,
¶ here is your wandering one
¶ saying I'll wander no more
¶ other places only make me love you best
¶ tell me you're the one in all the golden west
¶ aaaahhh! ¶
would you like a hunk?
(Loud music playing on headphones)
(Porter) San Francisco.
(Telephone rings)
Hello?
Who's this?
This is Brian. Who's this?
Whose house is this?
Um, it's the kid who's throwing the party.
I think his name is Clifford.
Is Clifford there?
I saw him in the back
bashing the shit out of a pinata.
He said we could party if we took him to dinosaur world.
Should I get him?
I'll get him later.
Where you going? Uh, the airport.
Swing by the wemberton hotel.
(Thunder cracking)
Driver, let's just forget about the hotel.
Let's go to the airport. What am I doing?
Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Stop the car!
Hey, buddy.
I'll get out here.
You'll get hit. (Horn honks)
This is not just from me.
This is from us at the company.
Here, let me help you with it here.
I saw you eyeing it.
There you go.
Little tight.
You like it?
I don't know what to say. It's very beautiful, but I... ahh!
What? What's the matter?
Nothing, uh... It's I'm so excited.
Ahh! Excited.
I thought you would be.
I'd like to go see how it looks on me.
O.K. O.K.
I'll be right back. Excuse me.
What are you doing spying on me?
What am I doing? What are you doing?
What's with the necklace?
The company gave this to me.
I have no intention of keeping it.
You are such a baby. Clifford should be baby-sitting you.
I prefer baby-sitters who aren't affiliated
with the manson family.
What are you talking about? Where is Clifford?
Don't worry about Clifford.
He's happy with a ton of sugar and a book about Hitler.
What's that supposed to mean?
I mean Clifford tricked me into coming to San Francisco.
Why would he do that?
Why? Because he wanted to throw a party.
You don't know anything about Hitler... Clifford.
He's a lying, conniving, evil little monster.
You see, Martin,
that is the reason you and I can never get married.
If Clifford were your own, you'd be talking the same way.
It was all a big act, wasn't it?
The special relationship with Clifford.
The loving Uncle.
Well, let me tell you something.
You're a phony.
Believe me, I can spot a phony.
Excuse me.
Have you seen a collie?
No, ma'am, I haven't.
That's why I feel sorry for you, Martin,
because you're going to end up one lonely old man.
Well, I feel sorry for you.
Don't think you won't age.
Don't call me a lonely old man and a phony.
¶ I like the way you move, yeah
¶ I like the way you move ¶
ohh, no!
You creep!
Oh!
I think you broke a rib.
I'll break more than that if you try that again.
(Chuckling)
As for this stupid thing,
which I had no intention of keeping...
no?
No.
Don't think I don't know what you're doing
with your romantic little dinners
and showering me with gifts.
What is this thing, soldered on?
Ha ha.
Shut up!
I'll help. No!
Ooh, ooh.
Oh! Thanks but no thanks!
Hmm.
Aw, honey.
If you think this
frightened little high school virgin act is turning me off...
You're wrong. Ooh, God!
Oh, my God! It's true!
Ha ha.
Put that back.
No.
Put that back on my head.
No, no... No, you don't!
(Muttering)
Clifford!
Uncle Martin!
Uncle Martin, I'm so glad you're here!
I got on a train,
but a person tried to touch my no-no place!
There were bikers here,
and they tied me up, Uncle Martin!
And then they told me stories.
Some were fun, but some were scary!
(Phone ringing)
Hi. This is Clifford.
I can't tell you where Uncle Martin is right now...
Hello?
Clifford?
Miss Sarah Davis?
How are you?
Not very good.
Why?
Uncle Martin is becoming nuts.
He went away for the longest time. He came back crazy.
I know, Clifford, but I think he's just overworked.
I'll get the first plane home in the morning.
I love you, miss Sarah Davis.
I love you, too, Clifford.
(Panting)
Sometimes I scare myself.
(Boards rattling)
Ohh.
Aren't you a sight for sore eyes.
Ohh.
Miss Sarah Davis, my little mouth is parched
from my long night of bondage.
You poor, dear darling.
Are you o.K.? What has he done to you?
Ask him how he got tied up.
Tell about the bikers and your damn no-no place.
You stay away from him.
Larry gould didn't make the bomb threat, he did.
I don't know what he's saying.
Why is his face twisted so?
You need help.
He needs help.
Good. Take him away.
But don't blame me when his head starts spinning around.
Watch out for the green vomit!
(Beep)
Oh, God!
The cassette.
My model cassette. Where is it?
How did it get out? Ahh.
Gee, I don't like him.
We live in an age of gridlock.
Our projections for the year 2000
indicate that the average speed...
Where have you been?
You should have been here an hour ago.
I've been listening to this idiot...
What are you looking at?
Nothing. Good.
Did you make the changes?
Yes.
Yeah, but you didn't shave.
The press is here. You look like shit.
I look like shit?
You look like Willie Nelson.
Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to introduce
the man who was the chief designer
of this entire mag-trans project.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Martin Daniels.
Marty, come on up, you son of a gun.
Come on. They love you.
Hey, go get them.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Thank you very much.
I just want to say that...
(screaming)
Fire extinguisher!
Look out!
Congratulations, Clifford. Brilliant.
Who the hell is responsible for this?
I am.
Then you're fired.
Of course I am.
And by the way, I love Willie Nelson.
This is his...
I underestimated the evil one.
Oh, Clifford, what shall we do?
Whatever shall we do now?
(Recorder playing)
¶ I'm Larry the scary Rex
¶ I'm a scary dinosaur, but...
¶ Don't be scared of my sharp, sharp teeth
¶ or my mighty, mighty roar
¶ I love kids, and kids love me, even... ¶
shut up!
Well, there it is, Clifford.
Dinosaur world.
Are you happy?
I'd say I'm the happiest boy in the whole world, Uncle mental case.
I'm the mental case?
You're in the strait jacket.
I imagine when they put you in yours,
they'll need a much larger one, sir.
That's cute.
(Beep beep) Hi, Mitchell.
Hi, Mr. Daniels.
He's crazy about dinosaurs.
I'd like to take him on a tour.
I'll take full responsibility.
Yes, sir.
And throw some light on the Rex, would you?
Okey-dokey.
Climb aboard, Clifford.
Are you excited, Clifford?
Yes, 'cause this has always been my dream, Uncle Martin.
The same way as building a transit system was always my dream.
Was? Has something happened to it?
"Has something happened to it?"
We'll see how you feel about your dream
after being on the ride for 10 hours.
I'd like it even more!
Then we'll see how you feel after 100 hours.
Wow! Ah!
Oh! Ah!
Ha ha ha ha!
Ah! Ha!
(Squawk)
Hello. I'm Terry the pterodactyl.
I'd turn back if I were you.
Larry is in a horrid mood.
Things haven't been going well around here.
(Rumble)
Oh, dear! An earthquake!
Ah! Ah!
Aah!
Whoa! Ah!
Ha ha!
Heh heh heh!
Oh!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
(Squawk)
You'd better get out before it's too late.
Save yourself.
No one has ever wandered into Larry's lair
and lived to tell the tale.
Aah!
(Grrr)
Oh, boy. You're big.
(Grrr)
(Terry) Use your laser.
It's the only chance of surviving.
Lady luck, you owe me.
(Grr)
Steffen, we did it!
We killed that big lug.
(Terry) Bravo!
And don't forget our new frozen-yogurt bar.
¶ Larry the scary Rex
¶ he's a scary dinosaur
¶ but don't be scared of his sharp, sharp teeth
¶ or his mighty, mighty roar
¶ he loves kids, and kids love him
¶ even though his... ¶
was that scary?
That was fun!
How many years will you get for kidnapping me,
Uncle 10-most-wanted?
Life. Let's go a little faster, shall we?
Yes!
Ah!
Aah!
Was that scary?
Not at all.
Ah, a thought occurred to me.
Do you think that miss Sarah and Mr. Ellis
perhaps would name their first child Martin?
That is so cute.
You know, Clifford, I really shouldn't put this in hyperdrive,
but I just can't seem to help myself.
Oh, well...
Ah!
Ha ha!
Aah!
Oh, boy!
Aah!
Hee hee!
Hee hee hee!
Hello. I'm Terry the pterodactyl.
I'd turn back if I were you.
(Grrr)
Ah!
Someone help!
Uncle Martin, save me!
Uncle Martin?
I'm thinking it over.
Please. I'm scared.
I'm scared of what might happen if I save you.
Maybe I should do mankind a tremendous favor...
let that dinosaur eat you.
What horrors you might unleash!
What if you got your hands on some plutonium?
"I just made the bestest nuclear bomb
in the whole wide world."
Aah!
Ah!
Uncle Martin!
Aah!
Take my hand.
Come on! (Grrr)
Help me, please.
Uh! Ah! Come on!
(Grrr)
I'm sorry.
No, Clifford, don't!
I don't want to hug you.
I can't imagine anyone ever wanting to hug you.
But I really am sorry.
You really are sorry?
You know, sorrow is a human emotion.
As we know, you're not a human boy.
You're just this, this destructive thing.
Eventually, everyone just gets to hate you.
Let's go.
If that's how you feel, why should I go with you, then?
Then don't go with me.
It's your choice.
(Clifford) For the first time in my life,
I felt very confused.
I had thought that I didn't care
how Uncle Martin felt about me,
but I was wrong,
and his words had devastated me.
And I thought I was so clever...
And yet I hadn't figured out until that moment...
That if you destroy everyone
who stands in the way of your dreams...
Then you end up alone...
With no dreams at all.
Is that what will happen to me?
You?
No. You're much too intelligent for that.
Did your Uncle ever forgive you?
I begged him to.
I sent him over 287 letters of apology,
all of them returned unopened.
You're improving, lofty.
Ha ha ha!
Whatever became of his girl friend?
Miss Sarah Davis.
Well, one day, out of the blue,
which is an expression we used to use back then,
I received a phone call from her...
With the bestest request in the whole wide world.
Uncle Martin had forgiven me,
and that single act of kindness changed my life.
Thank you, father.
You're welcome, Roger.
Hey, father.
You were some kid.
I'd really have to go a long way to match you,
but I won't.
Why is that?
I want people to like me.
How will you do that, Roger?
I'm going to write 287 letters of apology.
Ah...
See you next week, father.
Bye-bye.
Mission accomplished, old friend.
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