1
00:00:04,212 --> 00:00:07,965
It's so weird. How did Joey
end up kissing Charlie last night?

2
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:12,302
- I thought you'd end up kissing Charlie.
- I thought I'd end up kissing Charlie too.

3
00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:14,304
But surprise!

4
00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:18,017
I missed most of the party.

5
00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:19,601
Charlie's a girl, right?

6
00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:25,149
Yeah, she's this new professor
in my department that I did not kiss.

7
00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:30,070
I don't know why Joey had to kiss her.
Of all the girls at the party, God!

8
00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:35,534
- Why do you care so much?
- Yes, Rachel. Why do you care so much?

9
00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:43,500
Because Ross is the father of my child.

10
00:00:43,668 --> 00:00:47,880
You know, and I want him
to hook up with lots of women.

11
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:53,177
All I'm saying is, I don't think that Joey
and Charlie have anything in common.

12
00:00:53,344 --> 00:00:57,514
I don't know. They seemed to have
a shared interest in each other's tonsils.

13
00:00:57,974 --> 00:01:02,394
Wow. Joey and a professor.
Can you imagine if they had kids?

14
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:05,022
And if the kids got her intelligence...

15
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:08,192
...and Joey's raw sexual magnetism...

16
00:01:08,359 --> 00:01:10,778
...those nerds would get laid!

17
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:16,075
All right. So, Ross, you're
okay with all this? I mean...

18
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:19,328
It's no big deal.
I just met her. I'm fine with it.

19
00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:25,042
God, I forgot how hot she was.

20
00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:28,045
- I'm gonna get some more coffee.
ALL: Hi.

21
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:31,173
- Oh, you know, I'll come with you.
- Okay.

22
00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:36,637
- So a professor, huh?
- Yeah. She is cool. And she's so smart.

23
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:39,681
Her mind is totally acrimonious.

24
00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:47,898
Guess that's not how she used it.

25
00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:52,319
I feel like I owe you an explanation.

26
00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:56,490
I don't ordinarily go around
kissing guys at parties.

27
00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:58,117
I'm...

28
00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:02,704
Well, I'm kind of embarrassed. I really
hope you don't think less of me.

29
00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:05,415
Think less of you? No.
I don't think less of you.

30
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:08,418
I mean, you saw someone you liked
and you kissed them.

31
00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:11,964
Those people who like someone
and don't kiss them...

32
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:15,968
...those people are stupid.
I hate those people.

33
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,470
Actually, I'm a little surprised
at myself.

34
00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:21,849
I mean, Joey's so different
from the guys I usually date.

35
00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:25,185
They're all professors, intellectuals.
Paleontologists mostly.

36
00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:28,313
- You know, very cerebral...
- Yeah, I know the type.

37
00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:33,152
If we want to grab a bite before work,
we'd better get acrimonious.

38
00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:38,407
No?
Am I getting close?

39
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:32,419
- Hey!
MONICA: Hi.

40
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:35,047
Hey, you guys.
Look what I just got.

41
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,593
Oh, wow! I love those!
Where did you get them?

42
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:44,681
I bought them off eBay. They used
to belong to the late Shania Twain.

43
00:03:47,685 --> 00:03:50,103
Phoebe, Shania Twain is still alive.

44
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,898
Oh, then I overpaid.

45
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:56,860
MONICA:
Hey, what's this?

46
00:03:57,028 --> 00:04:00,155
Oh, it's a gift certificate
to this new spa in SoHo.

47
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:04,159
You can't show Phoebe this. She hates
those corporate massage chains.

48
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,870
What, now I can't get a massage?

49
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:10,415
There are so many things
that she disapproves of.

50
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:13,710
I can't eat veal. I can't wear fur.

51
00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:16,296
I can't go hunting.

52
00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:20,759
- Do you want to go hunting?
- I would like to have the option.

53
00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:25,555
- What's that? Hey, Rachel?
- Ah...

54
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:27,516
No, you can't go there!

55
00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:30,310
You know how I feel about
these big massage places.

56
00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:32,938
They're putting people like me
out of business.

57
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,399
She wants to go hunting too!

58
00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:41,154
Phoebe, come on,
I don't want to waste it.

59
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,532
It would be like throwing
away 100 bucks.

60
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,702
Okay, this is not about
the money. Okay?

61
00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:50,080
It's about corporate greed
destroying our hearts...

62
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:53,417
...and leaving us hollow shells.

63
00:04:54,752 --> 00:04:57,379
I don't care about any of that.

64
00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:04,052
Well, do you care about friendship?
I feel really strongly about this.

65
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:07,973
Please don't use this gift certificate.
I'm asking you as a friend.

66
00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:12,227
Oh, not as a friend. Phoebe!

67
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:14,396
Fine. I won't use it.

68
00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,523
- Promise?
- I promise.

69
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:20,277
- Thank you.
- Well, I am going hunting.

70
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:25,991
[DOOR OPENS]

71
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,535
Hey, honey. I missed you today.

72
00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:31,204
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah?
- Yeah. Hey.

73
00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:36,793
- What do you wanna do tonight?
- Oh, well, maybe we could, uh...

74
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:49,931
Okay, trying to turn me on
by making a mess?

75
00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:51,683
Know your audience.

76
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:56,646
Besides, tomorrow we're doing
those fertility tests.

77
00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:59,816
Until then, you need to keep
your tadpoles in the tank.

78
00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:03,403
Do we really need to take those tests?

79
00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:05,655
We've been trying
to have a baby for a year.

80
00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:08,742
I think it's a good idea
to find out if everything's okay.

81
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:12,954
- Just a few routine tests.
- But I don't want to do it in a cup.

82
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:17,626
- What is the big deal?
- It's weird! You're in a doctor's office.

83
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:20,128
It's not okay to do it
in a doctor's office...

84
00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:23,715
...but it is okay to do it in
a parked car behind a Taco Bell?

85
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:30,222
I cannot believe Ross told you that.

86
00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:34,768
And in my defense, it was a Wendy's.

87
00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:37,687
Look, I don't want to do
these tests either.

88
00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:40,190
But I really do think
it's a good idea.

89
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,734
I'm sure a doctor's office
can't be worse...

90
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:46,154
...than on a class trip
to the Hershey factory.

91
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:49,157
Oh, yeah! Rachel talks too!

92
00:06:56,290 --> 00:06:59,626
Who says wine has to cost
more than milk?

93
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,504
[KNOCKING]

94
00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:06,591
JOEY: Hey!
- Hi.

95
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,010
- Come on in. How are you?
- I'm good.

96
00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:11,888
- Can I offer you a drink?
- Please.

97
00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:14,349
I have been crazed all day.

98
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:17,644
I had a meeting with the dean,
my syllabus for summer school's due...

99
00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:19,938
...and I'm writing the foreword
for a book.

100
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:23,358
I had a pretty hectic day at work too.
Today I had to open a door and go:

101
00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:24,651
[GASPS]

102
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,072
So I am just so excited to be here.

103
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,492
- I can't wait to explore the city.
- If you need a tour guide...

104
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,078
Oh, you mean it?
That would be so fun.

105
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:39,291
Oh, yeah, definitely. Definitely. Okay.
What do you want to see first?

106
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:43,628
We could go see the Kronos Quartet
at Avery Fisher Hall.

107
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:48,467
Okay.

108
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:52,637
There's a collection of Walt Whitman
letters on display at the public library.

109
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,764
I know.

110
00:07:56,184 --> 00:08:00,437
- But first, I have to see the Met.
- Okay, let me stop you right there.

111
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:03,565
The Mets suck, okay?

112
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,903
You wanna see the Yankees.

113
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,780
No. No, not the Mets.
The Met. Singular.

114
00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:13,366
Which one? They all suck.

115
00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:15,702
The museum.

116
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:19,498
I don't think so.

117
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,632
- Hi there.
- Hello. Welcome to Lavender Day Spa.

118
00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:30,675
How may I help you?

119
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:35,305
Hi. I have a massage appointment
under Rachel Green.

120
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:40,268
- Okay.
- And here is my gift certificate.

121
00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:46,691
- This has been torn up.
- And taped back together.

122
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:51,446
Okay. Well, I'll call you as soon
as your massage therapist is ready.

123
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,199
- Okay.
- Have a seat through the glass doors.

124
00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:58,620
- Through the glass doors.
- Through the glass doors.

125
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,206
Alrighty then.

126
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:11,758
Phoebe, your next client's
in the waiting room.

127
00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:15,345
Do we have to talk like that
when they're not around?

128
00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:20,141
Oh, no. No, no.

129
00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:24,354
Listen, is there someone
who can fill in for me?

130
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,899
- Sorry. Everyone is booked.
- That woman can't know I work here.

131
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,610
She's a friend of mine
and I made this big stink...

132
00:09:30,778 --> 00:09:32,904
...about how awful
these massage chains are.

133
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:36,700
- Then why do you work here?
- Because it's good money.

134
00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:38,868
But that doesn't change the fact...

135
00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:42,247
...that this is an evil, bloodsucking
corporate machine.

136
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:46,001
Well, I think this is a great place
to work.

137
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:50,505
Okay, are they listening?

138
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:55,927
- Ross. Hey.
ROSS: Hi.

139
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:59,222
I need to talk to you about Charlie.

140
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,891
Oh, do you? Do you really?

141
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:04,853
Yeah, I'm kind of having
a little problem.

142
00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:10,025
Look, if you don't know what the word
"acrimonious" means, just don't use it.

143
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:12,569
Look, you know Charlie, right?

144
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:16,698
- She's cool, funny, her body is so...
- Get to the problem.

145
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:21,328
Right. She's just so much smarter
than all the girls I've ever dated.

146
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:23,413
Combined.

147
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:28,460
You know? And I just...
I don't want her to think I'm stupid.

148
00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,882
Are you wearing two belts?

149
00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:37,761
Hey, what do you know?

150
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,684
You were saying you didn't want
to seem stupid.

151
00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:49,189
Well, she wants to go
to all these cultural places...

152
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:53,610
...and I don't know how to talk about
that stuff. You gotta help me out.

153
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,738
I don't want to get involved
in your guys' relationship.

154
00:10:56,906 --> 00:11:00,033
Oh, dude, please. Come on,
you're the smartest person I know.

155
00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:04,329
And I really like this girl, okay?
I don't want to lose her.

156
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,042
- Fine.
- Thanks.

157
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,044
Okay. Let's see.

158
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:15,048
- Oh, you should take her to the Met.
- The Mets.

159
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:20,220
No, no, no. The Met.
The Metropolitan Museum of Art.

160
00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:24,182
Oh, that's what she meant.

161
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,852
If they're gonna shorten it, they
should call it the "Muse," you know?

162
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,772
Short for "museum"
and avoid all the confusion.

163
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:37,987
Yeah, most days the place is packed
with confused, angry baseball fans.

164
00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:41,032
Okay. All right,
so I'll take her to the Met.

165
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:47,163
Yeah. Okay. There's this great
rare bookstore on Madison Avenue.

166
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:49,791
You know what?
She loves architecture.

167
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:53,545
You should take a walk down Fifth
to the St. Patrick's Cathedral.

168
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:57,424
And there, there's this great
little pastry shop that she'd love.

169
00:11:57,591 --> 00:12:00,218
Jeez. Sounds like you
should be going on this date.

170
00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:02,554
But I'm not.

171
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:06,266
- And you know what...?
- Okay, slow down.

172
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:07,892
You're going way too fast. Okay?

173
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,728
- Just go back to the Met.
- Okay.

174
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:12,605
So you gotta tell me exactly
what to do there.

175
00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:15,275
When you walk into the museum,
take a right, okay?

176
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:17,026
That's the antiquities wing.

177
00:12:17,194 --> 00:12:20,488
Ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia,
up to the Byzantine Empire.

178
00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:22,574
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

179
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:27,287
Okay. So I walk in the door
and make a right.

180
00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:43,261
I have a weird feeling about
this place. How do I know...

181
00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:47,474
...they won't secretly videotape me
and put it all over the Internet?

182
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:53,062
Because, honey, and I mean this
in the sweetest way possible...

183
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:55,690
...nobody's gonna wanna watch that.

184
00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:58,985
Mr. Bing? Here you are.

185
00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:02,155
Go into that room and deposit
your specimen into the container.

186
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:03,782
Deposit my specimen?

187
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:07,494
I usually have to call a 900 number
for that kind of talk.

188
00:13:11,707 --> 00:13:13,625
Thanks. Got it.

189
00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:16,711
All right. Honey, my tests
are down the hall.

190
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:20,089
- Are you sure you're gonna be okay?
- Yeah, I guess.

191
00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:23,134
Look, I know this is embarrassing,
but nobody cares.

192
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:26,095
No one here even knows you.

193
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:31,518
Oh, my God!

194
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:36,022
Oh, come on!

195
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,196
[LAUGHING]

196
00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:47,659
How great is this?

197
00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:50,829
We're probably fertile.
Let's go home.

198
00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:55,083
Why are you here?

199
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:58,545
Sid and I are trying again
and we had trouble last time...

200
00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:02,549
No, no, no. I mean, why?
Why is she here?

201
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:07,428
Oh, someone's a little cranky today
because they have to do it in a cup. Ha, ha, ha.

202
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:10,181
Oh, they gave you the kiddie size.

203
00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:14,936
What?

204
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:16,479
[LAUGHING]

205
00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:22,235
This was fun. But I've got
an invasive vaginal exam to get to.

206
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:27,323
I'd love to stay
but I've got a hot date.

207
00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:31,578
Please go. Just let me know
if you need a hand. Ha, ha, ha.

208
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,586
I think it just fell off.

209
00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:43,965
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

210
00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:47,218
PHOEBE [IN FOREIGN ACCENT]:
Hello, ja.

211
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,598
It's time for your massage, ja?

212
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:53,850
Put your face in the hole.

213
00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:59,731
A Swedish massage
from a real Swedish person.

214
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,650
Okay, then I'm Swedish.

215
00:15:04,778 --> 00:15:07,155
RACHEL:
So, what's your name?

216
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:10,116
It's a normal Swedish name.

217
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:11,951
Ikea.

218
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,789
- Wow. What an interesting name.
- Yeah.

219
00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:18,917
- You know, I...
- Time for your scalp massage.

220
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:20,168
Oh.

221
00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:24,589
Wow. I really love your...

222
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,049
[GASPS]

223
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:31,095
- Is something wrong?
- No, it's just, um...

224
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:33,348
It just feels so good...

225
00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:35,308
...lkea.

226
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:39,604
Hey, say, you'll know this.
What's the capital of Sweden?

227
00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:41,814
Um...

228
00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:43,441
Stockholm.

229
00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:46,486
Damn. I wish I knew
if that was right.

230
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:52,492
Note the painterly lines
and subtle impasto on this canvas.

231
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:55,411
Monet painted quickly,
and usually outdoors...

232
00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:59,749
...as his elusive subject
was light itself.

233
00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:05,213
Now, do you have any idea
what you just said?

234
00:16:08,175 --> 00:16:12,303
No, no. My mouth says the words,
my brain is thinking "monster trucks."

235
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,849
Now, remember,
when you get to the museum...

236
00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:21,020
...Monet is not spelled M-O-N-A-Y.
I just...

237
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:25,733
- I wrote that out phonetically for you.
- Phonetically?

238
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:30,029
Yeah, that means...
We just don't have time for this.

239
00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:34,909
I gotta say, I'm really impressed you
were able to memorize all this so quickly.

240
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,662
I'm an actor.
I can memorize anything.

241
00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:39,455
Last week on Days, I had to say:

242
00:16:39,623 --> 00:16:41,958
"Frontal temporal
zygomatic craniotomy."

243
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:46,087
- Wow. What does that mean?
- No idea.

244
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:49,632
But the guy I said it to
dies in the next scene...

245
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,719
...so I guess it means,
"You'll get eaten by a bear."

246
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,182
Okay.

247
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:01,978
- So let's move on to the Renaissance.
- Okay.

248
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:05,481
Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here...

249
00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:08,735
...to highlight the anguish
of the central figure.

250
00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:10,611
Touch it. It's really bumpy.

251
00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:16,701
Nuh-uh. Uh-uh. No, no, no. No ad-libbing.
And, dude, you can't touch the paintings.

252
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,119
- Come on.
- No. No!

253
00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:31,299
My specimen's in the room.

254
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:35,720
I just want to thank whoever knocked
on the door while I was in there.

255
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,014
Really helped speed the process along.

256
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,728
Janice, you're not gone?

257
00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:46,230
Sid is still in his room.

258
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:50,777
I don't allow porn at home,
so this is like a vacation for him.

259
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:54,989
So did you do it?
Did you make your deposit?

260
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:59,452
- Yeah. The hard part's over.
- That's not the hard part, honey.

261
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:04,165
The hard part's what comes next.
Aren't you worried about the results?

262
00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:06,834
I haven't even thought
about the results.

263
00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:09,337
I just assumed everything
would be okay.

264
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,798
Well, you know what? It probably is.

265
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,549
But what if it's not okay?

266
00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:16,928
I mean, what if there's a reason
we can't have a baby?

267
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:20,431
Chandler. Look, you and Monica
are meant to have children.

268
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,642
I'm sure it's gonna be just fine.

269
00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:29,565
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thanks. I can't
believe I didn't even think of that.

270
00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:34,320
I guess I was so worried about
having to come here and do that.

271
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:36,823
You can do it
in a Taco Bell parking lot...

272
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:39,492
...but you can't do it
at a doctor's office?

273
00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:44,122
It was a Wendy's!

274
00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:52,296
[SINGS IN MADE-UP LANGUAGE]

275
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:58,594
And that's the Swedish national anthem.
Thank you for asking.

276
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:02,140
RACHEL:
Wow, lkea.

277
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,184
What a rich culture.

278
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:08,146
You know what?
I have a friend who's a masseuse.

279
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:12,024
- Oh? Ja, ja?
- Ja. She's not very good, though.

280
00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,904
Uh-huh, uh-huh.

281
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:20,950
- And why do you think that is?
- I don't know.

282
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:24,328
Maybe it's because she's got
such callousy fingers...

283
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:27,165
...from playing crummy guitar.

284
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,920
[PHOEBE CHUCKLES]

285
00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:38,759
Or maybe she has trouble
loosening your knots...

286
00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:42,388
...because you're such
a high-maintenance tight-ass.

287
00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,348
- Phoebe!
- You know it's me?

288
00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:46,767
Well, for like a half an hour!

289
00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:49,770
Man, you can lie about Sweden!

290
00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:52,982
How can you come here?

291
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:56,694
- Why didn't you tell me you work here?
- I don't have to tell you everything!

292
00:19:56,862 --> 00:20:00,364
You do if you're gonna make me feel
guilty for getting a free massage.

293
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:02,783
- Tip's not included.
- Oh!

294
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,621
Why did you lie to me
about working here?

295
00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:11,083
Because I was ashamed, okay?
I sold out for the cash.

296
00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:16,505
And they give me benefits, like medical
and dental and a four-oh-wunk.

297
00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:26,682
But, you know, you pay a price.
Now I'm this corporate stooge...

298
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:29,143
...and punching a clock...

299
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,187
...and paying taxes!

300
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,982
Phoebe, honey,
if you hate it so much...

301
00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:38,903
...you should walk out there
right now and quit.

302
00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:41,697
Be true to what you believe in.

303
00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:45,493
Honey, you have principles,
and I so admire that.

304
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,870
I don't have any.

305
00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:52,625
You know what? You're right.
I am gonna quit.

306
00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:55,878
- It's time I took my life back.
- Good for you, Pheebs.

307
00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:57,380
Okay.

308
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:04,637
If you guys have microphones in
there too, I didn't mean any of that.

309
00:21:05,305 --> 00:21:07,181
I love you.

310
00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:13,688
Aha! Got you! Die! Die! Die!

311
00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:15,231
[GUNFIRE ON LAPTOP]

312
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:22,154
- Respectfully, Professor R. Geller. Hey.
- Hi.

313
00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:24,240
- Hey, how was the Met?
- Oh!

314
00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,492
- The museum was amazing.
- Yeah?

315
00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:29,036
Yeah, Joey really knows his art, huh?

316
00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:31,372
Not so much, no.

317
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:34,250
He had clearly memorized
all this stuff to say...

318
00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:37,169
...and some of it didn't
even make any sense.

319
00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:39,714
- What do you mean?
- Well, for one...

320
00:21:39,881 --> 00:21:42,842
...he was talking about paintings
that were nowhere around.

321
00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:50,182
Wait a minute. When you guys walked
into the Met, did you go to the right?

322
00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:54,312
- No. No, we went to the left.
- Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey.

323
00:21:56,648 --> 00:22:00,234
Still, it seems like you guys
are having a great time together.

324
00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:03,738
Yeah. Yeah, it's fun.

325
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:07,033
What?

326
00:22:08,827 --> 00:22:10,703
Actually, Joey's your friend...

327
00:22:10,871 --> 00:22:13,497
...and you don't know me that well.
It'd be weird.

328
00:22:13,832 --> 00:22:16,542
Well, I mean, a little.
But no, what? Go on.

329
00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:17,752
Well...

330
00:22:18,879 --> 00:22:22,506
I'm thinking that maybe Joey
isn't the right guy for me right now.

331
00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:25,885
You know, maybe I should
be with someone...

332
00:22:27,929 --> 00:22:31,682
...I have more in common with.
You know what I mean?

333
00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:34,602
Yeah.

334
00:22:37,105 --> 00:22:39,607
Yeah, but you know what?

335
00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:43,778
I think you should give Joey a chance.

336
00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:45,780
I mean, he's a great guy.

337
00:22:45,947 --> 00:22:48,532
And sure, he doesn't know
that much about art...

338
00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:51,410
...but you can always talk about
that with someone else.

339
00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:53,829
- I guess that's true.
- If you think about it...

340
00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:58,167
...he memorized all that stuff because
he thought it was important to you.

341
00:22:58,335 --> 00:23:01,045
You know, that's the kind of guy
Joey is.

342
00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:03,756
He is very sweet.

343
00:23:03,924 --> 00:23:05,591
Plus, he is hot!

344
00:23:06,927 --> 00:23:10,429
That was gonna be my next argument.

345
00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:12,598
JOEY: Hey.
ROSS & CHARLIE: Hey.

346
00:23:12,766 --> 00:23:14,850
- You ready?
- Yeah. Let's go.

347
00:23:15,018 --> 00:23:16,060
JOEY:
Wow.

348
00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:19,980
- Thanks, Ross.
- Yeah.

349
00:23:21,149 --> 00:23:24,777
Hey, Ross. That art stuff worked.
You hooked me up.

350
00:23:26,571 --> 00:23:27,863
Glad I could help, man.

351
00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:32,118
Some of the stuff wasn't where you said
it would be, but I made it work.

352
00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:46,632
It is not okay that I'm aroused
by this now.

353
00:23:47,843 --> 00:23:48,968
[PHONE RINGS]

354
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:51,303
Hello?

355
00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:54,765
Oh. Hi, Dr. Connelly.

356
00:23:55,142 --> 00:23:57,518
No. Well, she's not here...

357
00:23:57,686 --> 00:23:59,228
...but I can tell her.

358
00:23:59,396 --> 00:24:02,148
Should I be sitting down for this?

359
00:24:06,736 --> 00:24:08,279
Oh.

360
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:15,202
Uh-huh.

361
00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:20,040
Well, so, what does that mean?

362
00:24:24,921 --> 00:24:27,298
Okay. Okay, thank you.

363
00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:29,091
Thanks.

364
00:24:35,390 --> 00:24:36,849
Hey, sweetie.

365
00:24:37,767 --> 00:24:39,268
Dr. Connelly just called.

366
00:24:39,436 --> 00:24:41,770
With good news?
Of course it's not good news.

367
00:24:41,938 --> 00:24:43,772
You said, "Dr. Connelly just called."

368
00:24:43,940 --> 00:24:46,984
If it was good, you'd have said,
"Dr. Connelly just called!"

369
00:24:47,152 --> 00:24:49,320
So, what is it? Is it?

370
00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:53,532
Is there a problem? Is there
a problem with me, or with you?

371
00:24:55,285 --> 00:24:57,495
Actually, it's both of us.

372
00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:00,414
What?

373
00:25:00,582 --> 00:25:03,751
Apparently, my sperm
have low motility...

374
00:25:03,919 --> 00:25:08,797
...and you have
an inhospitable environment.

375
00:25:12,802 --> 00:25:14,470
Oh.

376
00:25:16,973 --> 00:25:19,058
Well, what does that mean?

377
00:25:19,267 --> 00:25:22,770
It means that my guys won't
get off their Barcaloungers...

378
00:25:22,938 --> 00:25:26,649
...and you have a uterus that is
prepared to kill the ones that do.

379
00:25:29,444 --> 00:25:31,695
- It means...
- Wait, Chandler.

380
00:25:35,951 --> 00:25:38,786
It means that we can keep trying...

381
00:25:39,412 --> 00:25:43,123
...but there's a good chance
this may never happen for us.

382
00:25:48,838 --> 00:25:50,798
Oh, my God.

383
00:25:52,926 --> 00:25:54,593
I'm sorry.

384
00:25:55,178 --> 00:25:57,012
I'm sorry too.

385
00:26:00,684 --> 00:26:02,059
Well...

386
00:26:02,602 --> 00:26:05,604
...we're gonna figure this out.

387
00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:10,401
I know.

388
00:26:27,085 --> 00:26:30,879
- Good morning, Phoebe.
- Good morning, receptionist.

389
00:26:31,047 --> 00:26:34,592
Here's your schedule for the day.
Your first client is in Room 1.

390
00:26:34,801 --> 00:26:39,013
"Rachel Green."
Son of a bitch! She came back?

391
00:26:39,472 --> 00:26:41,098
[GROANS]

392
00:26:45,604 --> 00:26:47,021
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

393
00:26:47,188 --> 00:26:50,566
[IN SCOTTISH ACCENT]
Are you ready for your Scottish massage?

394
00:26:50,900 --> 00:26:53,152
Put your face in the hole, lassie!

395
00:26:59,117 --> 00:27:01,118
[English - US - SDH]