1 00:00:04,337 --> 00:00:06,171 - Morning, roomie. - Hey! 2 00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:08,882 You remembered to put clothes on this morning. 3 00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:12,678 - Fifth day's the charm. - Oh. 4 00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:18,434 It's so great to be back here. You're making it so easy on me and Emma. 5 00:00:18,601 --> 00:00:21,520 It's great having you back. Stay as long as you want. 6 00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:24,398 And when does she stop crying all night? 7 00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:31,238 Hey! You're not naked. Heh. 8 00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:33,991 So, hey, Rach, when will we expect to see you tonight? 9 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,953 I'll probably be back around 6. But she's in the bedroom, all ready to go. 10 00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,955 But she did fall back to sleep, so... 11 00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:44,209 She's probably exhausted from all that adorable screaming she did last night. 12 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:45,878 - Bye. ROSS: Bye. 13 00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:49,298 Hey, I hope Emma isn't making it too hard on you. 14 00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:50,716 No, hey, it's been great. 15 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:51,925 - Yeah? - Yeah. 16 00:00:52,093 --> 00:00:54,595 I want you to know that with Rachel staying here... 17 00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:57,931 ...all my feelings from before are totally over. 18 00:00:58,099 --> 00:00:59,433 And even if they weren't... 19 00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:02,186 ...when you walk in on a woman using a breast pump... 20 00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:04,563 - Yeah, that'll do it. - Wow. 21 00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:07,483 So how are you? 22 00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,651 - I'm okay. - Really? 23 00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:13,947 Sure. I mean, do I wish me and Rachel living together would have worked out? 24 00:01:14,115 --> 00:01:17,951 Of course. You know, I'm disappointed, but it's not like it's a divorce. 25 00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:22,664 - Well, actually it... - It's not a divorce. It is not a divorce! 26 00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:27,878 Anyway, I think Rachel and I need to get on with our lives. 27 00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:30,380 Maybe start seeing other people. 28 00:01:31,299 --> 00:01:33,133 Wow. Really? 29 00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:36,595 Sure, why not? In fact, if you know anyone that'd be good for me? 30 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:40,015 - Sure. I know lots of girls. - Yeah? Any names come to mind? 31 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,434 Ooh. Names? 32 00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:26,478 - Hey. - Hey. 33 00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:29,606 - I was just gonna eat. Want something? - What you got? 34 00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:33,402 Okay, let's see, we got strained peas, strained carrots... 35 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:36,155 ...ooh, strained plums. We haven't tried that yet. 36 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:37,614 Goody! 37 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,742 Thanks. Ha, ha. 38 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,996 So how is it living with Rachel again? 39 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,665 - I mean, apart from the great food? - Ha, ha. 40 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,834 I'm fine, I'm fine. It's just... 41 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,503 It's just weird what's happening with her and Ross. 42 00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:54,089 Yesterday he asked me to fix him up with somebody. 43 00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:56,800 Rachel asked me if I knew anyone for her too. 44 00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:59,052 - Why are they doing this? - I don't know. 45 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:01,597 They're so perfect for each other. It's crazy. 46 00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:03,807 You know what's crazy? These jars. 47 00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:06,476 What is there, like, two bites in here? 48 00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:12,482 I just wish they'd realize they should be together. 49 00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:16,236 When they moved in together, I figured that's where things were headed. 50 00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:19,656 They should be a family. They should marry and have more children. 51 00:03:19,824 --> 00:03:22,534 Yes. And they should name one of their kids Joey. 52 00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:27,831 I may not have kids. Someone's gotta carry on the family name. 53 00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:33,754 You know what? Maybe once they start dating and see what's out there... 54 00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:36,506 ...they'll realize how good they are for each other. 55 00:03:36,674 --> 00:03:39,593 Yeah, because it is slim pickings. 56 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,554 - I had this date last night. Yuck! - Mm. 57 00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:45,849 But we should probably keep it down, she's still in the bedroom. 58 00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:51,647 So, what are we gonna do? Are we just gonna set them up with people? 59 00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:55,651 I know, that just pushes them further and further apart. 60 00:03:55,818 --> 00:03:59,446 I know what we can do. We could set Ross and Rachel up on horrible dates... 61 00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:02,032 ...so they'll realize how good they are together. 62 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,368 - Ooh, that's a great plan. - Yeah. 63 00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:07,246 You know what the best part of it is? I get to do my plan laugh: 64 00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:09,498 [LAUGHS MANIACALLY] 65 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,626 [BOTH LAUGH MANIACALLY] 66 00:04:14,003 --> 00:04:18,465 Okay. Shh, shh. Not so loud. We don't wanna wake up, uh... 67 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:34,648 Hi. You guys aren't doing anything tonight, are you? 68 00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:38,360 See, now, why would you assume that? Just because we're married? 69 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:42,739 I mean, I will have you know that we are very hip, happening people. 70 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:47,286 Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to reading the obituaries. 71 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:51,415 I was just asking because I need someone to watch Emma tonight. 72 00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:53,375 Sure we'll do it. What are you up to? 73 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,085 Well, Phoebe set me up on a date. 74 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,670 - Oh, my God. - Wow. 75 00:04:56,838 --> 00:05:00,841 - Why? What's the big deal? - I figured because you and Ross are... 76 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:04,428 What? Slept together a year and a half ago? Yeah, I'm all set. 77 00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:09,850 I think it's great you're going on a date. It sounds healthy. 78 00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:13,353 I mean, you have needs. Embrace your womanhood. 79 00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:17,858 You want a job? Turn off Oprah and send out a résumé. 80 00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:23,322 - I'll bring her by around 7, okay? - That's perfect. 81 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,533 You guys are gonna have so much fun. She's at such a cute age. 82 00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:30,245 A couple things. Now that she eats solid food, she poops around the clock. 83 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:33,332 And watch out for your hair because she likes to grab it. 84 00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:37,961 She's also in this phase where if you leave the room, she screams, but, oh... 85 00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:39,963 ...thanks, you guys. Have fun. 86 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:46,303 Suddenly I wish I was reading my own name. 87 00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:51,808 - Ooh, Joey, hey. I'm so excited. - Hey. 88 00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:55,812 - I just set Rachel up with the worst guy. - All right. Who is he? 89 00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:58,231 It's this guy I used to massage. By "massage"... 90 00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:01,401 ...I mean hold down so he wouldn't turn over and flash me. 91 00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:04,154 Okay, okay. 92 00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:06,990 - Wait till you hear who I got for Ross. - Oh, yeah. 93 00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:11,495 She's this really boring woman. She's a teacher. 94 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:16,333 - A teacher? - She's into history and foreign movies. 95 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:19,044 Oh, oh. And she loves puzzles. Huh? 96 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,422 Come on, who loves puzzles? 97 00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:25,050 Well, Ross does. 98 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,928 You're ruining the plan! 99 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:31,181 Joey, you fixed him up with his perfect woman. 100 00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:33,308 - Oh, my God, you're right! - Yeah. 101 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:36,228 - She even reads for pleasure! - Ugh. 102 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:37,938 [JOEY SCOFFS] 103 00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:41,775 - How do you know a woman like that? - I'm not allowed to know smart women? 104 00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:45,695 - Joey? - I met her at the library. I went in to pee. 105 00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:50,784 - So now what do we do? - Well, okay. 106 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:54,788 I'll call her and tell her the date's canceled and find him somebody else. 107 00:06:56,457 --> 00:07:00,085 What if we don't find him somebody else? We'll just tell her the date's off... 108 00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:03,547 ...but we don't tell Ross. He goes to the restaurant and gets stood up. 109 00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,132 Ooh! 110 00:07:05,299 --> 00:07:06,716 Ooh, I hear that's bad. 111 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:11,638 Ooh, so this is great. Rachel's gonna have a terrible date... 112 00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:15,642 ...Ross gets stood up, and then they'll realize how good they have it together. 113 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:17,185 Ah, yes, the plan. 114 00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:19,646 Ho-ho-ho. 115 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,399 It's not Santa's plan. 116 00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:26,361 No, it's: 117 00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,280 [LAUGHS MANIACALLY] 118 00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:31,908 [BOTH LAUGHING MANIACALLY] 119 00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:36,079 - Yeah, you know, it's not that fun. - No, I think we killed it. 120 00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:41,084 Emma? Emma, look at me. 121 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:45,589 Well, I think I'll go downstairs for a while. 122 00:07:49,093 --> 00:07:52,095 [CRYING] 123 00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:55,223 No, no, no. No, no, no. It's okay. It's okay. I didn't go. 124 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:57,642 Don't cry, it's just a bit. 125 00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:00,854 I'm your Uncle Chandler. Funny is all I have! 126 00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:06,109 Okay, just so you know, I'm gonna be ovulating from tomorrow until the 6th. 127 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,446 So don't touch yourself for the next 48 hours. 128 00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:12,657 I don't do that. 129 00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:14,201 I'll try to stop. 130 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,163 - Wait, did you say until the 6th? - Yeah. 131 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,915 Today is the 6th. 132 00:08:20,082 --> 00:08:22,751 No, it's not. Look. 133 00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:25,795 Yes, it's also 2003. 134 00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:28,840 Oh, my God. Today's the 6th? 135 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,842 I may be done ovulating! 136 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:35,263 I may have also served some very questionable meat at the restaurant. 137 00:08:35,723 --> 00:08:38,600 - Go take the test, see if we're okay. - Okay. 138 00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:41,061 [GIBBERING] 139 00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:47,400 Tough crib. 140 00:08:48,152 --> 00:08:52,155 Hey, where are all my ovulation sticks? There's only one here. 141 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:58,161 I might have checked to see if I was ovulating a couple times. 142 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:00,997 Chandler. 143 00:09:01,165 --> 00:09:04,167 I am not working! There's not much to do around here! 144 00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:19,266 Excuse me. Um... Heh. 145 00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:22,644 Is there a woman waiting at the bar? 146 00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:27,566 Um, someone average height, dark hair? Or perhaps doing a puzzle? 147 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:30,735 Uh, there's a drunk Chinese guy. 148 00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:35,365 Well, if I'm still here in an hour, buy him a drink on me. 149 00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:38,410 Um, can I get you another glass of wine? 150 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,580 I don't know if I should. I don't wanna be drunk when I... 151 00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:43,873 ...go home alone tonight. 152 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:49,087 - Got stood up, huh? - Eh, it's no big deal. It's just a blind date. 153 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,840 Are you worried your date came, saw you and left? 154 00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:55,427 No! 155 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,641 We're okay. I'm still ovulating. 156 00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:06,229 Oh, good, because as of 4:00 this afternoon, I am not. 157 00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:08,815 So let's do this. 158 00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:12,944 - I don't think I can. - Oh, come on. 159 00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:15,572 I know you're not 18 anymore, but give it a minute. 160 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:21,202 - Because of Emma. - Oh, my God, Emma. 161 00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:23,246 Oh, sweetie, I forgot you were here. 162 00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:24,456 [EMMA COOS] 163 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,208 Oh, you're right, we can't do this. We can't leave her alone. 164 00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:29,294 Sorry. 165 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,463 Unless... 166 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,049 ...maybe we do it here. 167 00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:37,052 I mean, how much can she even be aware of at this age? 168 00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:41,431 Well, she's aware when we leave a room. She may notice if we start... 169 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,391 ...canoodling in it. 170 00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:47,520 - "Canoodling"? - Well, I can't say "hump" or "screw"... 171 00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:49,773 ...in front of the B-A-B-Y. 172 00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:54,361 I don't know, I guess having sex in front of a baby... 173 00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:57,906 ...isn't so... - Horrifying? Scarring? 174 00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:00,533 Something people go to jail for? 175 00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,245 - I guess you're right. - You guess? 176 00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:06,706 At that bed-and-breakfast, we didn't have sex... 177 00:11:06,874 --> 00:11:10,043 ...because you thought a deer was staring through the window. 178 00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:14,005 Well, what kind of a sick bastard wants to do it in front of a deer? 179 00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:23,890 Wow, everything looks so good. 180 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:26,476 I think I'm gonna have the chicken. 181 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,399 I just have to say this. 182 00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:36,903 - You're really beautiful. - Oh. Wow, that's very sweet. Thank you. 183 00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:38,822 [CHUCKLES] 184 00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:41,074 I'm kind of funny-looking. 185 00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:44,911 - What? - Look, I mean, come on... 186 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:49,040 ...you're way out of my league. Everybody in here knows it. 187 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,376 I bet that guy over there is probably saying: 188 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,421 "Ooh, why's she out with him? He must be rich." 189 00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:58,425 Well, I'm not. 190 00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:03,179 What do you think you want to order? I'm real excited about that chicken. 191 00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:04,848 I'm not funny, either. 192 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:10,019 So if you were thinking, "Well, he's not that good-looking... 193 00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:14,315 ...but maybe we'll have some laughs," that ain't gonna happen. 194 00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:20,196 Well, come on, Steve, let's not rule out nervous laughter. Ha-ha-ha. 195 00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:25,160 Hey, now, wait a minute, Phoebe told me... 196 00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:28,455 ...that you owned your own restaurant. That's impressive. 197 00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:32,333 I lost it to drugs. 198 00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:39,382 I silk-screen T-shirts now. 199 00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:43,136 Really? What's that like? 200 00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:47,182 It's really fulfilling doing something you hate for no money. 201 00:12:48,684 --> 00:12:52,353 That's right. I have no money, I'm not funny... 202 00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:58,067 ...I live in a studio apartment with two other guys. 203 00:12:58,235 --> 00:13:02,822 And I'm pretty sure I'm infertile. 204 00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,703 Now, come on. Come on, Steve. 205 00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:12,207 There must be something that you like about yourself. 206 00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:16,336 I do like my hair. 207 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,131 Really? 208 00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,093 [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] 209 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,641 [CELL PHONE RINGS] 210 00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:33,853 - Hello? - Phoebe, it's me! 211 00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:38,316 I'm going to hunt you down and kill you. 212 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:41,277 Hey, Rach. 213 00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:46,991 This is the worst date ever! How could you set me up with this creep? 214 00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:50,370 You know, you are talking about one of my dear, dear friends. 215 00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:53,414 I don't care. This guy is a nightmare. 216 00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:56,292 All right, so he gets a little crazy when he's stoned. 217 00:13:58,754 --> 00:14:01,589 - He's not stoned. - Did he go out for a cigarette? 218 00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:05,093 - Yeah. Four times. - My dear, sweet Rach. 219 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:06,553 Oh. 220 00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:11,850 Well, our plan is working. Rachel's having a miserable time... 221 00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:15,061 ...and Ross is just stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone. 222 00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:17,272 Great. Pretty soon they'll be back together. 223 00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:21,985 By the time anyone's figured out what we've done, we'll be in sunny Mexico. 224 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,781 Oh, wait, that's the end of a different plan. 225 00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:31,452 [WHISPERS] Oh, she's asleep. Chandler? 226 00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,916 - What are you doing? - Emma was doing it. 227 00:14:38,627 --> 00:14:39,836 She's asleep. 228 00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:41,379 Ooh! 229 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:44,799 - She's asleep. That means we can... - Yes. But we have to be fast. 230 00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:47,677 Oh, okay, I'll try. 231 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:51,097 - And you can't make any noise. - Okay, I'll try. 232 00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,187 [WHISTLES] 233 00:14:58,355 --> 00:14:59,397 Hello? 234 00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,316 [EMMA CRYING] 235 00:15:02,359 --> 00:15:03,985 Emma? 236 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:09,407 Hey! Hi! 237 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:13,620 How are you? How are you? 238 00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:16,247 Where are your babysitters, huh? 239 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,709 Why is the bedroom door closed? 240 00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:23,630 [CHANDLER & MONICA MOANING] 241 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:30,929 You can't have S-E-X when you're taking care of a B-A-B-I-E. 242 00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:40,772 I've got bad news. The Chinese guy left. 243 00:15:42,524 --> 00:15:45,318 Eh, if it was meant to be, it's meant to be. 244 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,445 Look, you got stood up. Who cares? 245 00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:50,531 We're gonna show you a good time. Sit and relax. 246 00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:54,327 In fact, let me bring you a crab-cake appetizer on the house. 247 00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:58,289 Wow, free crab cakes? Well, that's nice. 248 00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:02,418 Although I was hoping to have sex tonight. Heh. 249 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,837 Ooh. 250 00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:10,635 Just the crab cakes. 251 00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:14,514 What are you doing? Are you trying to get him to stay? You can't do that. 252 00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:18,518 - Just get out of here, okay? - I'm sorry, what's going on? 253 00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:22,105 Uh, okay, um, the waiters have a little pool going. 254 00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:26,901 We have a bet on how long it'll take before you give up and go home. 255 00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,488 What? 256 00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:34,158 You're making money off my misery? 257 00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:37,036 Well, if you stay till 9:20, I am. 258 00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:41,833 This is unbelievable. I have never been so insulted in my life. 259 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:45,753 Now, if you'll wrap up my free crab cakes, I'll be on my way. 260 00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:53,052 Well, that was weird. You were loud and I was fast. 261 00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:55,138 I think we may have done it this time. 262 00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:58,057 Oh, I wish I didn't have to wait to take a pregnancy test. 263 00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,308 [CHUCKLES] 264 00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:01,310 You may wanna get some more of those too. 265 00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:05,481 Where's Emma? 266 00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:08,151 Oh, my God, where's Emma? Where's Emma? 267 00:17:08,318 --> 00:17:11,529 Don't ask me. I was in there canoodling you. 268 00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:16,117 Okay. Okay. I'm sure that Rachel came home early and picked up Emma. 269 00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:18,661 You go look across the hall, I'll call her cell. 270 00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,913 - Okay. - You better hope we're pregnant... 271 00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:24,625 ...because one way or another, we're giving a baby back to Rachel! 272 00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:27,628 [STEVE SOBBING] 273 00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:30,757 I can't believe I'm crying in front of you. 274 00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:32,967 You must think I'm so pathetic. 275 00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:36,512 No, no, no, I admire a man who can cry. 276 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,474 - Really? - Don't touch my coat! 277 00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:41,350 [CELL PHONE RINGS] 278 00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:43,770 Oh. Sorry, that's my phone. 279 00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:46,564 - Hello? - Hey, Rach, how's it going? 280 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,400 Oh, my God, this is the worst date ever. 281 00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:51,527 [WHINES] 282 00:17:51,695 --> 00:17:53,154 Oh, come on. 283 00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:57,366 Look, you know what, I'm sorry, but did you really think that this was going well? 284 00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:02,789 - What's up? - Hey, did you stop by here? 285 00:18:02,956 --> 00:18:06,334 - No. - Oh, my God! Then... 286 00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:09,796 Oh, thank God! Emma, there you are! 287 00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:15,301 What? What do you mean, "there you are"? Where was she? 288 00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:21,140 Uh, we were playing peekaboo. She loves it when I'm dramatic. Heh. 289 00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:28,648 - Why the hell did you take her? - Because you two were having sex! 290 00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:34,153 - No, we weren't. - Don't you lie to me. 291 00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:38,407 I can tell by Chandler's hair. You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once? 292 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,790 All right. All right, we were. 293 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,334 We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating. 294 00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:51,712 It is unacceptable that you'd have sex with Emma in the next room. 295 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:55,550 - I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this. - No, please don't. She will kill us. 296 00:18:55,717 --> 00:18:58,261 Hey, I gotta. Unless... 297 00:18:58,470 --> 00:18:59,512 Unless what? 298 00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,974 Unless you name your first-born child Joey. 299 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,770 - What? Why? - Hey, I may never have kids... 300 00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:10,523 ...and somebody's gotta carry on my family name. 301 00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:15,069 Your family name is Tribbiani. 302 00:19:23,036 --> 00:19:25,121 Oh, ha, ha. You almost had me. 303 00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:32,920 - Well, um... - Look... 304 00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:37,091 ...I think I know the answer to this question, but... 305 00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,595 ...would you like to make love to me? 306 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:49,187 Really, really not. 307 00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:52,356 Ah, it's just as well. 308 00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,901 It doesn't work anyway. 309 00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:06,454 All right, well, that's good to know. Good night, Steve. 310 00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:14,170 [GRUNTS] 311 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,589 [SIGHS] 312 00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:19,675 - Hey, what's wrong? - I just had a rough night. 313 00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:21,093 Oh. Crab cake? 314 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:22,845 Ugh. 315 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:25,348 - Well, what happened? - Uh... 316 00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:28,434 Well, I... It's kind of weird to talk to you about this, but... 317 00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:30,645 Monica told me you had a blind date. 318 00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:32,313 Yeah. 319 00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:33,689 - I did too. - Oh. 320 00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:37,985 Uh, but is it technically a date if the other person doesn't show up? 321 00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:39,487 Oh. 322 00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:43,324 Oh, no. Do you think she walked in, saw you and left? 323 00:20:46,995 --> 00:20:49,330 Why does everyone keep saying that? 324 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:53,584 If it makes you feel any better, I wish my date hadn't shown up. 325 00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:56,629 - That bad? - Well, he makes T-shirts for a living... 326 00:20:56,797 --> 00:21:01,008 ...and he thought it would be appropriate to give me... 327 00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:02,802 ...this. 328 00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:07,348 "Female Body Inspector"? 329 00:21:08,475 --> 00:21:10,726 - What size is that? - Ugh. 330 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:13,479 Now wait a minute. 331 00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:15,982 - So they'll name their first child Joey? - Uh-huh. 332 00:21:16,149 --> 00:21:18,859 How do I get them to name the next one after me? 333 00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:22,822 It's easy. You just walk in on them having sex. 334 00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:26,325 Oh, so they owe me, like, three Phoebes. 335 00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:29,787 Oh, my God! Look, it's Ross and Rachel! 336 00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,622 The plan is working! 337 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,082 [LAUGHS MANIACALLY] 338 00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:35,293 Don't do the plan laugh. 339 00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:36,752 [CHUCKLES] 340 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,839 The first dates we've had in months, and they were both such disasters. 341 00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:41,674 Oh. 342 00:21:42,092 --> 00:21:44,885 Huh. You know, it is weird... 343 00:21:45,053 --> 00:21:49,515 ...that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful... 344 00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:54,145 ...on the same night Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show. 345 00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:57,064 Wait a minute. 346 00:21:57,691 --> 00:22:00,651 You don't think it was intentional? 347 00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:03,279 I mean, that's just stupid. 348 00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:06,615 We're geniuses. Huh? 349 00:22:06,783 --> 00:22:11,704 - Look at them! They're really bonding. - They're falling in love all over again. 350 00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:16,083 Oh, they see us. Oh, they look mad. 351 00:22:18,045 --> 00:22:20,254 Oh, they figured it out. They're coming. Run! 352 00:22:20,422 --> 00:22:22,548 - Where? - Mexico! 353 00:22:28,305 --> 00:22:30,514 Can you believe they're still not here? 354 00:22:31,516 --> 00:22:34,894 I know. A double blind date and we both get stood up. 355 00:22:35,062 --> 00:22:37,313 What are the chances? 356 00:22:37,898 --> 00:22:40,524 I know, I'm so bummed. 357 00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:43,069 Could we have our free crab cakes now? 358 00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:47,531 - What? - We've been stood up. 359 00:22:47,699 --> 00:22:50,785 And we want our free crab cakes. 360 00:22:50,952 --> 00:22:53,621 Guys, give it a rest. Nobody's betting on you tonight. 361 00:22:53,789 --> 00:22:58,125 Although we do have a pool going to see how long it takes that guy to cry. 362 00:22:59,836 --> 00:23:02,755 I have such fat hands! 363 00:23:08,970 --> 00:23:10,971 [English - US - SDH]