1
00:00:03,796 --> 00:00:06,007
- Hey.
- Yeah. Yeah, okay. Sure.

2
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:09,093
Look, can we talk
about what happened here last night?

3
00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:13,055
Sure. Just give me a second
to get all huffy and weird like you.

4
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:19,061
You believe that whoever did something
last night did what they did or didn't do?

5
00:00:19,729 --> 00:00:22,356
Okay, you really don't know
what I'm talking about?

6
00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:25,026
- No.
- Okay. Last night, after the party...

7
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:28,779
...I saw Rachel kissing that jerk
from her office out on your balcony.

8
00:00:28,988 --> 00:00:30,406
Our balcony? Seriously?

9
00:00:30,573 --> 00:00:33,951
That's so funny. I told Monica
we should put lights on our balcony...

10
00:00:34,118 --> 00:00:37,788
...and she said, "No, no. It's too cold.
Nobody will go out there." And I said:

11
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:40,416
"Maybe if we put some lights
out there they will."

12
00:00:42,793 --> 00:00:46,464
Right, that's what I came over to talk
about. I saw Rachel kissing some guy...

13
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:50,384
...on your balcony,
even though there were no lights!

14
00:00:51,594 --> 00:00:54,305
So are you gonna talk to her?

15
00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:58,350
Why? Why should I? I mean,
if she wants to move on, that's fine.

16
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:02,146
You know when "that's fine" sounds
true? When someone yells it and spits.

17
00:01:02,897 --> 00:01:07,610
No, I'm serious. I mean, if she wants
to date people, fine. I don't care.

18
00:01:07,777 --> 00:01:09,945
But at least she could have told me.

19
00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:13,616
You know, I've been putting my life on
hold and concentrating on Emma.

20
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:19,455
But if she wants to go out there kissing
guys she barely knows, then so will I.

21
00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:24,752
Very funny! Ross is gay! Ha, ha.

22
00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:28,130
No, no.
Good, so you're moving on.

23
00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:30,800
Do you have any idea
where you're moving on to?

24
00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:32,885
I've got plenty of opportunities.

25
00:01:33,052 --> 00:01:37,556
Just now, there was some woman
at the coffeehouse smiled at me.

26
00:01:37,723 --> 00:01:43,270
And then the other day on the subway,
a woman "accidentally" sat on my hand.

27
00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:48,275
Dude, don't rub my face
in your crazy single life.

28
00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:51,195
And there's an anthropologist
atschooL"

29
00:01:51,362 --> 00:01:55,116
...who totally came on to me during
the interdepartmental potluck dinner.

30
00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:57,952
Why did I get married?

31
00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:52,047
Hey, let me ask you guys something.

32
00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:54,008
I'm having new headshots
taken tomorrow.

33
00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:57,511
The photographer said she thinks
I should have my eyebrows waxed.

34
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,972
Is that weird for a guy?

35
00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:02,349
- Well, it depends.
- On?

36
00:03:02,558 --> 00:03:05,394
On how far along he is
in the sex-change process.

37
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:11,025
No, I totally disagree. I think it's fine
for a guy to do something like that.

38
00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:12,776
Especially an actor.

39
00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:15,863
I mean, not that you need to.
Your eyebrows are...

40
00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:22,870
Stop it, you guys. Stop staring,
you're freaking me out.

41
00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:25,372
Your knuckles are kind of hairy too.

42
00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:28,876
Oh, man, now I have to get
those done too?

43
00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:33,130
- Wow, talk about high maintenance.
- You dye your hair.

44
00:03:33,339 --> 00:03:36,550
- I'm a woman.
- Double standards!

45
00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:40,804
Before I forget, are you coming
to Mike's piano bar tonight?

46
00:03:41,013 --> 00:03:44,850
- Only if I don't have to get up and sing.
- But everybody sings. It's so fun.

47
00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:49,188
Last time, this adorable old man got up
there, forgot all the words, flipped out...

48
00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:53,734
...and everyone booed him off the stage.
It was so funny.

49
00:03:55,069 --> 00:03:57,404
Look, I'm not good at singing.

50
00:03:57,613 --> 00:04:01,742
Oh, what's the matter? You scared?
You afraid I'm a better singer?

51
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,119
You afraid I'm gonna beat you
at singing?

52
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:09,875
Nope. Nope. It's not working on me.

53
00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:13,087
Wow, I must be growing up.

54
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:19,134
Okay, fine. Just please come and
support Mike. You don't have to sing.

55
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:23,472
So I don't have to sing, and I can just sit
there and pass judgment on others?

56
00:04:23,681 --> 00:04:25,933
- While drinking.
- I'm there.

57
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,938
Hi, you guys.
Listen, I really need your help.

58
00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:33,607
I think I did something
really stupid.

59
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:37,444
Well, yes, Rachel, but you got something
so beautiful out of it.

60
00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:42,866
No, not that.
I kissed Gavin last night.

61
00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:44,159
- My God.
- You kissed him?

62
00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:46,912
Yeah, it was after the party,
we were on the balcony--

63
00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:50,457
Wait, wait, wait. I was at home
the whole time. How did I miss that?

64
00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:54,795
Well, it was the end of the party. You
were probably ironing wrapping paper.

65
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,214
Oh, yeah.

66
00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:01,802
So how did you end up kissing?

67
00:05:02,011 --> 00:05:04,346
We were all alone
and he was being really nice...

68
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:07,725
-...and he gave me this scarf.
- I thought you hated him.

69
00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,644
Well, there is a thin line
between love and hate...

70
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:15,399
...and it turns out that line
is a scarf.

71
00:05:17,276 --> 00:05:19,820
Are you thinking of starting
something up with this guy?

72
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:23,032
I don't know. It's so complicated.
I work with this guy.

73
00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:26,744
I have the baby, and I have Ross.
I don't know what to do.

74
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:30,164
And I have to be at the office
and see Gavin in 10 minutes.

75
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:33,917
Sounds like you need to think
about what you want and talk to Gavin.

76
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:38,047
- And you definitely should talk to Ross.
- Or...

77
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,800
...I could call in sick
and not deal with it at all.

78
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,804
Wow! Five months maternity leave,
you're back for four days...

79
00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:50,267
...kiss a co-worker and call in sick.
They are lucky to have you.

80
00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,318
- Hi.
- Hi.

81
00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:04,281
- I'm here for my eyebrow appointment.
- Name?

82
00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:06,241
Chandler Bing.

83
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,162
Okay, very good.

84
00:06:10,329 --> 00:06:13,540
Have a seat right here, Mr. Bing,
and Sonya will be right with you.

85
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,793
- Okay. Thanks.
- Mm-hm.

86
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:43,362
Ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh.

87
00:06:48,534 --> 00:06:50,327
Uh-oh.

88
00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:04,133
I touched the stuff.

89
00:07:04,967 --> 00:07:07,219
I'll take care of it.

90
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:12,766
Thanks.

91
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:16,019
So do you...?
Do you get a lot of guys in here?

92
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:18,981
- Oh, absolutely.
- Oh, good.

93
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:22,818
- You looking to meet somebody?
- All right, let's just do this.

94
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:26,655
Okay, we'll get to the wax in a minute.

95
00:07:26,822 --> 00:07:29,575
First, I want to tweeze
some of the strays, okay?

96
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:33,704
- Now, this may sting just a little bit.
- I have an extremely high threshold--

97
00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:37,958
Holy Mother of God!
Oh, my face! My face!

98
00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:46,300
I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm all right.

99
00:07:46,467 --> 00:07:49,845
It's just a bit of shock, that's all.

100
00:07:50,012 --> 00:07:54,475
- But I'll be fine. You can go again.
- Okay.

101
00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,646
Sorry.

102
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,446
Damn it, woman!

103
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:10,324
QW, ow! Oh!

104
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:14,620
Okay.

105
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:20,584
_H6Y-
_H6Y-

106
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:24,171
It's the most eligible man in New York.
How's the moving on going?

107
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:29,885
Not well. I went on the subway again
and someone did sit on my hand...

108
00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:34,014
...but that person was neither female
nor wearing pants.

109
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:39,394
Maybe you're going about this
the wrong way. I mean, think about it:

110
00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:44,024
Single white male, divorced three times,
two illegitimate children.

111
00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:48,904
The personal ad writes itself.

112
00:08:49,905 --> 00:08:53,867
You know, that's funny. Yeah.
So do you think you'll ever work again?

113
00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:58,664
What are you doing?
You know I can only dish it out.

114
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:03,919
I can't believe Rachel just moved on
and didn't say anything to me.

115
00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:05,712
Maybe she didn't move on.

116
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:09,508
Maybe that kiss was just an impulsive,
one-time birthday thing.

117
00:09:09,675 --> 00:09:12,678
No, a month ago, she gave her number
to some guy in a bar.

118
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,972
- Did she go out with him?
- No. When he called...

119
00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:16,640
...I threw the message away.

120
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,477
Ah, the highroad.

121
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:25,691
All right, you know what? Enough.
Enough talking. I have to get moving.

122
00:09:26,275 --> 00:09:30,946
Hey, check out those two blonds
over there. Hey, come with me.

123
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:33,782
Are you trying to get
everybody divorced?

124
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:37,869
You don't have to do anything.
It'll just be easier if it's two of us.

125
00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:42,374
Like college, remember? First, you
break the ice with some kind of a joke...

126
00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:46,628
...so they know you're the funny one. I
swoop in with interesting conversation...

127
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:51,049
...so they'll see that I'm the brilliant,
brooding sexy one.

128
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,471
I thought I got to make the jokes.

129
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:01,435
- Don't you have to be at work?
- Oh, come on.

130
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:09,109
Hello. Hi, my name's Chandler.
This is my friend Ross right here.

131
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,861
We were wondering...

132
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:15,032
...if you're up for it, we only need
six more people for a human pyramid.

133
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:18,910
Swoop. Swoop.

134
00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,789
Uh... So, um...

135
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:26,752
Hey, I notice
you're reading the paper.

136
00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:29,254
Another flood in Europe, huh?

137
00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:33,717
Um, here's a question:

138
00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:40,140
Would you rather drown
or be burned alive?

139
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:45,896
- I'm sorry, we're just leaving.
- Okay.

140
00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:50,734
We still got it.

141
00:10:57,866 --> 00:10:59,618
[KNOCKING ON DQOR]

142
00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:03,830
- Who is it?
GAVIN: Gavin. I brought you some soup.

143
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,500
- Why?
- Uh, I heard your were sick.

144
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:10,545
Oh, right! Hold on,
let me just clean up in here a little bit.

145
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:23,392
Hello, Gavin.

146
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:26,269
I missed you at work.
How you feeling?

147
00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:30,190
I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm pretty sick.

148
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:33,527
Oh, good. Because I was having
a totally paranoid moment...

149
00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:35,904
...where I thought you
called in sick to avoid me.

150
00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:39,032
Oh, no, no, no.

151
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,951
[COUGHS]

152
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:43,870
So I had fun last night.

153
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,540
So did I.

154
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,461
Exactly how contagious
is this thing you have?

155
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:56,883
Is it a cold from standing on
the balcony, or did a monkey bite you?

156
00:11:57,426 --> 00:12:00,303
- It's just a cold.
- Do you have a fever?

157
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:02,764
Let me see.

158
00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:08,311
Um...

159
00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:10,188
What? What is it?
What's the matter?

160
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:12,858
What's Ross doing to you
in that picture?

161
00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:16,778
Oh, he's dusting me with a fossil brush.

162
00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:20,365
He thought it would be funny.

163
00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:22,784
- Right. Right.
- Yeah.

164
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,953
- Ross.
- Yeah.

165
00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:28,957
What's the deal with you guys? I don't
wanna get in the middle of anything.

166
00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:32,961
Oh, you're not getting in the middle
of anything. Don't worry about Ross.

167
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:34,171
[KEYS RATTLING]

168
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:36,757
Hide! That's Ross! Hide!

169
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,634
- Hide! Hide!
- Yeah, but you said not to worry--

170
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:42,596
I lied and I'm not sick either!
Just stay behind the curtain!

171
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:49,770
- Hi.
- Oh, Molly. You're not Ross.

172
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:52,814
No. I'm here to take Emma
to your mother's, remember?

173
00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:54,608
Right. Yes, yes.

174
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:57,652
- Don't panic.
RACHEL: What?

175
00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,071
There is a man behind your curtain.

176
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:03,867
- I have Mace in my purse.
- No, that's okay! No, no, no.

177
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:09,080
This is my business associate Gavin
being silly. Come out from behind there.

178
00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:13,460
Hi. Gavin. Pleased to meet you.

179
00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:16,880
It was my idea to stand there.

180
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:21,343
- Hello. I'll just go get Emma.
RACHEL: Okay.

181
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:23,261
[RACHEL CLEARS THROAT]

182
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,764
So...

183
00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:29,726
-...why did I have to hide?
- I thought it was Ross.

184
00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:32,687
I thought there was nothing
going on between you.

185
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,856
There isn't. There totally isn't.

186
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:39,611
You hear keys in the hall and you jump
like a bronco coming out of the chute.

187
00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:44,074
I used to be a rodeo clown.

188
00:13:45,784 --> 00:13:49,663
Um, all right, look, Gavin...

189
00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:56,002
...I guess I felt guilty
that you were here...

190
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,171
...Which I shouldn't.

191
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:01,925
You know, Ross and I
are not in a relationship...

192
00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:06,638
...but he is the father of my child.
And, you know...

193
00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:10,433
...we do live together. And plus,
there's just so much history, you know?

194
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,519
It's just-- I don't know.

195
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:16,815
- I'm sorry. I'm just all over the place.
- It's okay.

196
00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:20,944
It's probably not my place,
but can I give you a piece of advice?

197
00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:24,573
- Yes.
- You should talk to Ross about all this.

198
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:28,076
People keep saying that.

199
00:14:29,578 --> 00:14:32,414
Oh, I'm sorry, Gavin.

200
00:14:32,581 --> 00:14:34,249
Don't be.

201
00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:37,085
It's just bad timing.

202
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,547
So seriously, rodeo clown?

203
00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:44,092
One of the best, ma'am.
One of the best.

204
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,430
[PIANO PLAYING]

205
00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:52,017
<i>[SINGING]
No time for losers</i>

206
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:57,564
<i>'Cause we are the champions</i>

207
00:14:57,731 --> 00:15:01,818
<i>Of the world</i>

208
00:15:12,454 --> 00:15:16,207
Oh, she's my girlfriend.
That's not just how we do it here.

209
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,960
I'm gonna take a little break,
and when we come back...

210
00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:22,505
...we've got Kenneth singing
"I Touch Myself."

211
00:15:23,173 --> 00:15:25,842
I'm not here to judge.

212
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,095
[GIGGLES]

213
00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:32,515
- You have got to sing.
- No, I told you I can't.

214
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:36,186
But you would have so much fun.
And you have a really nice voice.

215
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,940
- When have you heard me sing?
- All the time, when you're cooking.

216
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,733
- What?
- Yeah, you're always singing:

217
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,694
"Yummy, yummy, yummy,
I've got love in my tummy."

218
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:47,697
Yeah, I do rock that one.

219
00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:53,078
Isn't there just a little part of you
that wants to get up there?

220
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:57,332
Just a little. But, God, it's so scary.

221
00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,501
I don't even know what I would sing.

222
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:02,379
- Well, I've got a book around--
-"Delta Dawn."

223
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:16,351
Hi. I couldn't help but notice,
but that's an unusual necklace.

224
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:19,396
You already hit on me an hour ago.

225
00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:24,734
Right. So that's a firm no?

226
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:33,535
I don't believe this.
I just keep striking out.

227
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:36,162
I don't get it either.

228
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:39,040
I mean, you're obviously desperate.

229
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:43,044
You're asking women
how they wanna be killed.

230
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:46,339
This is great.
Rachel's gonna keep kissing guys...

231
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:50,385
...until she finds the one she wants,
and I'm gonna die alone.

232
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:53,555
By drowning or...?

233
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:59,185
- Why would he break up with me?
- I don't know, sweetie.

234
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:03,648
All I ever wanted was to just love him
and have him love me back.

235
00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:07,569
I mean, am I so unlovable?

236
00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:10,864
- Wow.
- I know.

237
00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:24,586
All right. That was Kenneth with his...

238
00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:28,548
...much too literal rendition
of "I Touch Myself."

239
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:32,927
Coming up next, we've got Monica
singing "Delta Dawn."

240
00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:36,014
Wait. I can't sing in
front of all these people.

241
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:38,600
Just pretend they're not
even here. It's okay.

242
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:43,438
Once that spotlight hits you, it's so
bright, you won't see anyone anyway.

243
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:50,737
Hi, I'm Monica. And I'm going
to be singing "Delta Dawn."

244
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:57,368
[PIANO PLAYING]

245
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:06,586
<i>[SINGING] Delta Dawn
What's that flower you have on?</i>

246
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:13,468
<i>Could it be a faded rose
From days gone by?</i>

247
00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:19,390
- Can you totally see through her shirt?
- Like an x-ray.

248
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:23,311
Bad day not to wear a bra.

249
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:30,276
<i>Take me to that mansion in the sky</i>

250
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:35,573
JOEY:
Hey.

251
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:38,243
I need your help.

252
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,372
Wow, it seems serious.

253
00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:46,126
What seems to be the problem,
Ashley Judd?

254
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:50,296
I'm getting new headshots taken.
So I went to get my eyebrows shaped.

255
00:18:50,505 --> 00:18:53,424
I'm sorry.
Moment to make fun of that, please.

256
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:58,263
I may be a sissy, but I'll still
pound you into the ground.

257
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:02,308
Look, it hurt so bad, I could only
let her do one eyebrow, and now...

258
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:05,228
...they don't match!

259
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:21,661
It's like a baby caterpillar
chasing its mama.

260
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,998
You gotta help me out, okay?
Look, I have a magic marker.

261
00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:28,126
Fill in the skinny one
so I don't look stupid for my pictures.

262
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,920
Okay, first of all, this is green.

263
00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:34,174
- What the hell am I supposed to do?!
- I will help you out...

264
00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:38,970
...but you have to promise you won't
tell anyone what I'm about to tell you.

265
00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:41,764
What? What?

266
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:43,433
Okay.

267
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,728
You know how most kids get their
allowance from mowing the lawn...

268
00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:51,482
...or taking out the garbage?
Well, I earned mine...

269
00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:57,614
...by plucking the eyebrows of my father
and his "business partners."

270
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,284
[LAUGHS]

271
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,037
Oh, my God.

272
00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:07,790
Yeah, well, I guess you don't need
my help, Victor-Victoria.

273
00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:11,044
No, no, no. I do. I do.
I need your help.

274
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:14,881
But, Chandler, I don't know if I can take
any more plucking. It hurt so bad.

275
00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:19,844
Not with my combination of ice cubes,
aloe vera and my gentle...

276
00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:23,556
...self-loathing touch.

277
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:32,190
<i>[SINGING]
Take me to that mansion in the sky</i>

278
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,905
CROWD:
Aww...

279
00:20:39,113 --> 00:20:41,866
I'm sorry, the song's over.

280
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:47,413
- Did you see me up there?
- Every little bit of you.

281
00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:52,252
I can't believe I sang
in front of people and they liked me.

282
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:55,046
Did you hear that guy shouting,
"Look at those tips"?

283
00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:59,092
I mean, did I really help
you get a lot of tips?

284
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:00,385
Sure.

285
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:05,682
- Mon, not that you didn't sound good...
- Good?

286
00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:09,310
Didn't you hear them? I was great!

287
00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:14,148
Thank you so much for making me
do this. That is the best gift ever.

288
00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:17,110
Also a good gift: underwear.

289
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:23,491
Thank you so much
for letting me do this.

290
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:27,787
Public bathrooms freak me out. I can't
even pee, let alone do anything else.

291
00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:31,833
But what's great is, you don't
mind talking about it.

292
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:36,629
It is so amazing that I met you on the
same day that Eric broke up with me...

293
00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:40,675
...because it's like, you lose a boyfriend,
and you get a boyfriend.

294
00:21:40,883 --> 00:21:42,552
Uh-huh.

295
00:21:43,011 --> 00:21:47,974
No, don't worry. This is not some
rebound thing. I am totally over Eric.

296
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:50,101
Phew.

297
00:21:55,148 --> 00:21:57,692
Good choice, Ross.

298
00:21:59,402 --> 00:22:01,654
Oh, hey. Hi. There you are.

299
00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:05,450
- I've been looking for you everywhere.
- Hello. Well, here I am.

300
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:08,619
My mom is not bringing
the baby back until 9:00.

301
00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:12,040
So I was hoping you and I
could have a chance to kind of--

302
00:22:12,206 --> 00:22:13,499
[TOILET FLUSHES]

303
00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:18,588
- Somebody here?
- Oh, yeah. That's Michelle.

304
00:22:18,755 --> 00:22:21,924
- Who?
- Oh, just this woman I've been seeing.

305
00:22:23,468 --> 00:22:26,804
- You've been seeing someone?
- Yeah, didn't I mention that?

306
00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:29,891
I mean, we haven't been
going out too long...

307
00:22:30,058 --> 00:22:33,936
...but there's this amazing
connection between us.

308
00:22:34,103 --> 00:22:37,899
I mean, in fact just before you came in
she called me her boyfriend.

309
00:22:38,066 --> 00:22:42,111
I thought it was a little too soon,
but also, it felt kind of nice.

310
00:22:44,238 --> 00:22:48,076
What are you taking amoxicillin for?

311
00:22:53,289 --> 00:22:56,501
How great is this?
You're already comfortable enough...

312
00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:59,379
...to look through my stuff.

313
00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:02,006
I'm sorry, Michelle,
this is my roommate, Rachel.

314
00:23:02,215 --> 00:23:04,300
And I'm also Emma's mother.

315
00:23:05,051 --> 00:23:08,554
- Who's Emma?
- I told you about my daughter.

316
00:23:08,721 --> 00:23:11,182
This is your daughter?

317
00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:14,685
I could be your new mommy.

318
00:23:25,029 --> 00:23:26,781
And done.

319
00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:29,617
Oh, my God.

320
00:23:29,784 --> 00:23:32,870
I didn't feel a thing.
Hey, are you still looking for a job?

321
00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:36,624
Because you could tweeze circles
around that sadistic bitch at the salon.

322
00:23:38,042 --> 00:23:41,254
- Thanks. Wanna see what it looks like?
- Yeah.

323
00:23:41,546 --> 00:23:42,713
Hey!

324
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:46,175
They totally match. They look great.

325
00:23:46,342 --> 00:23:49,512
They look great. How you doing?

326
00:23:50,638 --> 00:23:53,975
Yeah, I think it looks pretty good.
I was a little worried I was...

327
00:23:54,142 --> 00:23:56,894
...uncovering a birthmark
right about there...

328
00:23:57,061 --> 00:24:00,148
...but it turned out to be
a little piece of chocolate.

329
00:24:00,356 --> 00:24:02,900
- Chandler, thank you so much.
- No problem.

330
00:24:03,067 --> 00:24:06,529
Listen, that was a pretty
girlie hour we just spent.

331
00:24:06,696 --> 00:24:09,157
We should do something manly
to make up for it.

332
00:24:09,323 --> 00:24:11,534
Yeah.

333
00:24:14,787 --> 00:24:17,165
- Curl my eyelashes.
- Yeah!

334
00:24:20,293 --> 00:24:25,214
For my next song, I think I'll sing
something a little more upbeat, all right?

335
00:24:25,381 --> 00:24:29,385
Oh, how about the Pointer Sisters'
"I'm So Excited"?

336
00:24:29,552 --> 00:24:31,888
And make it bouncy.

337
00:24:32,054 --> 00:24:35,016
Well, you can probably take care of that
on your end.

338
00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:39,937
I'm sorry I'm late. You'll understand
when you see Joey.

339
00:24:40,104 --> 00:24:43,691
Honey, you're just in time.
I'm about to sing another song.

340
00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:46,611
- Really? In front of all these people?
- And they love me.

341
00:24:46,777 --> 00:24:51,032
- Oh, my God.
- She gives the people what they want.

342
00:24:51,199 --> 00:24:53,743
All right, watch.

343
00:24:54,911 --> 00:24:56,496
[PIANO PLAYING]

344
00:24:58,372 --> 00:25:02,710
<i>[SINGING] Tonight, tonight we're gonna
Make it happen</i>

345
00:25:02,919 --> 00:25:07,089
<i>Tonight we'll put all other things aside</i>

346
00:25:07,465 --> 00:25:10,593
<i>Get in this time
And show me some affection</i>

347
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,888
Are those my wife's nipples?

348
00:25:14,222 --> 00:25:18,184
Isn't that funny? I didn't see that before.
I wouldn't have let her go up again.

349
00:25:18,351 --> 00:25:19,644
I've got to stop this.

350
00:25:19,810 --> 00:25:22,313
<i>Wrap myself around you--</i>

351
00:25:22,522 --> 00:25:25,233
[CROWD BOOING]

352
00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:28,361
CROWD:
Yeah!

353
00:25:34,283 --> 00:25:37,119
Oh, who cares? They still love me.

354
00:25:40,331 --> 00:25:44,085
You, touching yourself! Out!

355
00:25:46,504 --> 00:25:48,422
[TOILET FLUSHES]

356
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,968
Wow! She does that a lot.

357
00:25:53,511 --> 00:25:56,973
Ross, you didn't tell me
you were a doctor.

358
00:25:57,181 --> 00:26:00,309
Wait a minute. You haven't even
told her you are a doctor yet?

359
00:26:00,476 --> 00:26:02,436
How long have you known her,
like an hour?

360
00:26:02,645 --> 00:26:05,773
Actually, about an hour and a half.

361
00:26:05,940 --> 00:26:10,528
I told you it wasn't long, but there's
an amazing connection between us.

362
00:26:10,695 --> 00:26:13,030
You feel that too? Oh!

363
00:26:13,197 --> 00:26:17,910
- I thought that that was just me.
- Are you kidding?

364
00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:22,039
- Do you wanna go away this weekend?
- We'll see.

365
00:26:23,124 --> 00:26:24,625
Ross, what's going on here?

366
00:26:24,792 --> 00:26:27,753
Are we just bringing strange women
back to the apartment now?

367
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,464
I don't know. Are we just kissing
guys on balconies?

368
00:26:31,007 --> 00:26:34,635
- How do you know about that?
- Through the magic of sight.

369
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:42,018
- I was here, putting our child to sleep--
- Emma.

370
00:26:44,186 --> 00:26:47,189
When I looked through the window
and saw you kissing a guy...

371
00:26:47,356 --> 00:26:49,358
...you've known for what, a week?

372
00:26:49,525 --> 00:26:53,362
God, is that what this is all about?
You bring her up here to get back at me?

373
00:26:53,571 --> 00:26:57,074
No, actually, see, I had to pee
because I can't use public bathrooms...

374
00:26:57,241 --> 00:27:01,579
-...because of the doody parasites.
- Okay, Michelle, it's time to go.

375
00:27:01,746 --> 00:27:04,498
- Well, call me.
- Okay.

376
00:27:04,707 --> 00:27:06,459
Wait, you don't have
my phone number.

377
00:27:06,667 --> 00:27:09,837
You know what?
If it's meant to be, I'll guess it.

378
00:27:11,339 --> 00:27:13,674
Bye-bye.

379
00:27:14,383 --> 00:27:16,344
Score.

380
00:27:16,510 --> 00:27:19,221
Did you not like her? Because I was
hoping we could come...

381
00:27:19,388 --> 00:27:21,432
...to your kissing parties
on the balcony.

382
00:27:21,641 --> 00:27:25,186
I can't believe you are making a big deal
about this. It was one kiss!

383
00:27:25,353 --> 00:27:27,980
- One guy. One time!
- Oh, really?

384
00:27:28,189 --> 00:27:30,816
- Yeah.
- Oh, really?

385
00:27:32,526 --> 00:27:34,362
Oh, yeah.

386
00:27:34,570 --> 00:27:37,323
- What about the guy from the bar?
- Who?

387
00:27:37,531 --> 00:27:40,660
The guy you gave your number to.

388
00:27:40,826 --> 00:27:45,122
- How do you know about that?
- Because he called here looking for you.

389
00:27:45,289 --> 00:27:49,418
So don't tell me kissing this guy
from work is a one-time thing.

390
00:27:49,627 --> 00:27:52,922
Because you've been out there
in bars and on balconies...

391
00:27:53,089 --> 00:27:57,259
...for over a month now. And you
don't even have the courtesy to tell me.

392
00:27:58,135 --> 00:28:00,971
- Why didn't I get that message?
- What?

393
00:28:01,138 --> 00:28:04,934
From the guy in the bar?
Why didn't I get that message?

394
00:28:05,142 --> 00:28:08,312
Because I folded it up
and put it in my pants pocket.

395
00:28:08,479 --> 00:28:11,649
Do you--? Do you not look there?

396
00:28:13,609 --> 00:28:15,152
Ross.

397
00:28:17,863 --> 00:28:20,366
I never gave it to you.

398
00:28:20,533 --> 00:28:22,243
Why?

399
00:28:23,953 --> 00:28:26,622
- I don't know.
- Oh, God, you know what? I don't...

400
00:28:26,789 --> 00:28:29,542
Who do you think you are?
Who are you to decide...

401
00:28:29,709 --> 00:28:32,628
...what messages
I should or should not get?!

402
00:28:32,962 --> 00:28:35,756
Who am I? I'm the guy
who's taking care of our baby...

403
00:28:35,923 --> 00:28:39,218
-...while you're at bars meeting guys!
- I cannot believe you.

404
00:28:39,385 --> 00:28:43,597
I actually came in here hoping to have
a mature conversation about us.

405
00:28:43,764 --> 00:28:46,350
But I can't do that with someone
who hides my messages...

406
00:28:46,517 --> 00:28:49,353
...and brings crazy women
back to my apartment!

407
00:28:49,562 --> 00:28:53,858
Hey, none of the sane ones
wanted to come back with me!

408
00:28:56,569 --> 00:28:59,572
That's not the point, okay?
The point is...

409
00:28:59,739 --> 00:29:03,784
...you are the one who moved on
and didn't tell anyone.

410
00:29:03,993 --> 00:29:08,122
Oh, God, Ross,
this is just so messed up.

411
00:29:08,289 --> 00:29:12,418
What is wrong with us? When people
hear about our situation, they ask:

412
00:29:12,626 --> 00:29:15,629
"You live together, but you're not
a couple, yet you have a baby?

413
00:29:15,796 --> 00:29:19,967
Isn't that weird?" And I say,
"No. It's not, because it works for us."

414
00:29:20,176 --> 00:29:22,094
But you know what?
This doesn't work.

415
00:29:22,261 --> 00:29:26,390
- In fact, this is the opposite of working.
- Clearly.

416
00:29:28,142 --> 00:29:29,852
And you know...

417
00:29:30,019 --> 00:29:33,731
...we said that we would live together
as long as this makes sense...

418
00:29:33,898 --> 00:29:38,277
...and maybe this
just doesn't make sense anymore.

419
00:29:39,862 --> 00:29:42,323
Yeah, maybe not.

420
00:29:43,574 --> 00:29:46,035
So, what do you wanna do?

421
00:29:46,202 --> 00:29:47,536
[KNOCKING ON DQOR]

422
00:29:49,205 --> 00:29:52,041
- Hey.
- Hi.

423
00:29:52,208 --> 00:29:55,669
Can Emma and I live here for a while?

424
00:29:55,878 --> 00:29:58,255
God. Uh...

425
00:29:58,964 --> 00:30:02,843
- Of course.
- Thank you.

426
00:30:07,014 --> 00:30:09,850
Your eyebrows look weird.

427
00:30:17,274 --> 00:30:21,362
<i>[SINGING]
Jeremiah was a bullfrog</i>

428
00:30:21,570 --> 00:30:25,032
<i>Was a good friend of mine</i>

429
00:30:25,199 --> 00:30:28,452
<i>Never understood a single word he said</i>

430
00:30:28,661 --> 00:30:32,456
<i>But I helped him drink his wine</i>

431
00:30:35,376 --> 00:30:38,379
So you'll just touch yourself
for anything, then?

432
00:30:46,554 --> 00:30:48,556
[English - US - SDH]