1
00:00:04,212 --> 00:00:06,797
PHOEBE: He sprang to his sleigh
To his team gave a whistle

2
00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:09,967
And away they all flew
Like the down of a thistle

3
00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:13,262
But I heard him exclaim
Ere he drove out of sight

4
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:18,892
"Merry Christmas to all
And to all a good night."

5
00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:24,815
- Wow. That was great.
- Mm-hm.

6
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:26,066
You really wrote that?

7
00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:28,944
Uh-huh.

8
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,989
- Say goodbye, elves. I'm off to Tulsa.
ALL: Aw.

9
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:34,491
I can't believe you're not gonna be here
for Christmas.

10
00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:36,493
You're really not coming back?

11
00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:39,830
Yeah, we have this paperwork that
needs to be filed by the end of the year.

12
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,708
- If I don't get it done, I'll be fired.
- It's so unfair.

13
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,919
- You don't even like your job.
- So? Who does?

14
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:47,588
- I like my job.
- I love my job.

15
00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:50,841
- I can't wait to go back to work.
- I can't get enough dinosaurs.

16
00:00:55,263 --> 00:00:57,347
I'm sorry I won't be here.

17
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,309
It's just hard enough not seeing you
during the week...

18
00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:02,436
...but for Christmas...

19
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:04,772
If this is what you have to do,
I understand.

20
00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:07,316
Thanks.

21
00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:08,734
I'll see you New Year's Day.

22
00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:11,070
You're not gonna be here
New Year's Eve?

23
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,324
- Did I not mention that?
- No.

24
00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:17,701
And to all a good night.

25
00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:15,467
All right, everybody.
I know that it is Christmas Eve...

26
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:19,012
...and you'd rather be with your families,
but there is no call for writing:

27
00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:23,809
"Screw you, Mr. Bing"
on the back of my chair.

28
00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:26,353
By the way,
you can all call me Chandler.

29
00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:29,815
- Hey.
- Hey. Where you been?

30
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:33,318
I was, uh, checking out that insurance
company's Christmas party on three.

31
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:36,738
It was really beautiful. They have
all these decorations and this huge tree.

32
00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:39,908
And I just thought,
to hell with them, we have to work.

33
00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:42,661
So I stole their ham.

34
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,123
You hear that?
You may not be with your families...

35
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,917
...but at least it's gonna smell like ham
in here.

36
00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:52,254
My kid's in a play right now.

37
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,465
You know what?
I know what will cheer you guys up.

38
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,759
I had a talk with the boys in New York.

39
00:02:57,927 --> 00:03:00,095
I told them about all the hard work
you've been doing...

40
00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:03,098
...and that a little Christmas bonus
may be in order.

41
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:08,729
"A donation has been made in your name
to the New York City Ballet."

42
00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:12,691
Well, that's like money in your pocket.

43
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,695
All right, look, you want me to say it?
This sucks.

44
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:19,281
Being here sucks. This work sucks.

45
00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:21,783
Now it feels like Christmas.

46
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,119
I'm sorry.

47
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:27,247
Hey, at least you get to go home
and be with your families tonight.

48
00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:29,958
I have to back to an empty hotel room
and lay down...

49
00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:33,253
...on a very questionable bedspread.

50
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:37,049
Then tomorrow morning, you get to have
Christmas morning in your own houses.

51
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,635
Which, by the way,
none of you have invited me to.

52
00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:44,097
- You can come to my house.
- Ha, ha. No, thanks.

53
00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:47,684
- It was a nice pep talk.
- Oh, thanks.

54
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:51,313
I'm actually thinking about becoming
a motivational speaker.

55
00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:56,151
So if you were home right now,
what would you be doing?

56
00:03:56,361 --> 00:04:00,656
Typical Christmassy stuff, you know.
Our holidays are pretty traditional.

57
00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:03,742
So here's a very special
holiday song...

58
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:07,537
...that I wrote for some
very important people to me.

59
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:14,670
[SINGING]
Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap

60
00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:17,881
Asked him to bring my friends
All kinds of crap

61
00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:22,844
Said all you need
Is to write them a song

62
00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:27,474
They haven't heard it yet
So don't try to sing along

63
00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:30,143
No don't sing along

64
00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:36,775
Monica, Monica
Have a happy Hanukkah

65
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:44,658
Saw Santa Claus
He said hello to Ross

66
00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:51,999
And please tell Joey
Christmas will be snowy

67
00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:56,837
And Rachel and Chandler

68
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:59,715
[SINGS GIBBERISH]

69
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:04,303
Happy holidays, everybody.

70
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:07,764
Okay, Pheebs, look in the kitchen.
I'll look in the back closet.

71
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:11,393
I can save you time, ladies.
I'm right here.

72
00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:14,104
Yeah.
Chandler, why don't you take a walk?

73
00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:16,231
This doesn't concern you.

74
00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:19,651
We are looking for
our Christmas presents from Monica.

75
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:23,196
CHANDLER: What? That's terrible.
- No, no. We do it every year.

76
00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:25,866
Oh, well, that makes it not terrible.

77
00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:31,496
No. Yeah, we never find them.
She's always bested us, that wily...

78
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:32,998
...minx.

79
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,876
Don't worry.
We're gonna search here for an hour...

80
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:38,170
...and then we're gonna go to Joey's
and search. Okay?

81
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,131
No, not okay.
You can't look for Monica's presents.

82
00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:43,175
- No, we have to.
- No, you don't have to.

83
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:47,304
And you can't, because I live here too.

84
00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:51,975
- Well, then you should look with us.
- Why?

85
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:55,145
Chandler, aren't you worried about
what to get Monica for Christmas?

86
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,564
No, I have a great idea
for a present for her.

87
00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,817
Oh, pfft. That's it? A great idea again?

88
00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:04,404
Chandler, that's not enough.
What if she gets you a great present...

89
00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:06,740
...two medium presents
and a bunch of little presents...

90
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:10,160
...and you got her one great present?
That's just gonna make her feel bad.

91
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:13,121
Why would you do that to her, Chandler?
Why? Why?

92
00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:17,250
- If I helped, we could find them faster.
- That's right.

93
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:22,506
- Ooh, ooh, we have a live one.
- It's a Macy's bag.

94
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:23,965
Yeah.

95
00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:27,928
- Oh.
- Ooh. Who's it for?

96
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:33,266
"Dear Losers: Do you really think
I'd hide presents under the couch?

97
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:37,312
P.S. Chandler, I knew they'd break you."

98
00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,442
Rach, these are for you.

99
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:47,364
Wiper blades. I don't even have a car.

100
00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:51,701
No, but with this new car smell,
you'll think you do.

101
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,499
Okay, Pheebs, your turn.

102
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:02,462
Ah. Toilet seat covers.

103
00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:08,218
Is that what you were doing
while I was getting gas?

104
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,887
You guys.

105
00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:15,434
And for Ross, Mr. Sweet Tooth.

106
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:23,150
- You got me a cola drink?
- And... a lemon-lime.

107
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:27,028
Wow. Well, this... This is too much.

108
00:07:27,196 --> 00:07:30,073
I feel like I should get you
another sweater.

109
00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:35,036
And last, but not least...

110
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,583
They're ribbed, for your pleasure.

111
00:07:40,918 --> 00:07:42,878
Well, hey, Ben.

112
00:07:43,045 --> 00:07:49,259
What if the Holiday Armadillo
told you all about the Festival of Lights?

113
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,969
Cool.

114
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,888
MONICA:
Come on, Ben.

115
00:07:55,558 --> 00:08:02,105
Years and years ago, there were
these people called the Maccabees.

116
00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:06,109
Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas.

117
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:10,197
BEN: Santa.
- Hey.

118
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:14,034
What are you doing here, Santa?

119
00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:18,788
Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben.

120
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:21,208
What are you doing here...

121
00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:25,170
...weird turtle-man?

122
00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:33,470
I'm the Holiday Armadillo,
your part-Jewish friend.

123
00:08:34,805 --> 00:08:38,558
You sent me here to give Ben
some presents.

124
00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:41,019
Remember?

125
00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:44,356
What?

126
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,733
Okay, Ben, why don't you open
some more presents?

127
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:49,653
Santa, the armadillo and I
will have a talk in the kitchen.

128
00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:53,657
There's a sentence I never thought
I'd say.

129
00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:56,159
What are you doing?

130
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:59,496
You called everyone and said
you had trouble finding a Santa costume...

131
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:02,290
...so I borrowed one
from a guy at work.

132
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:05,001
Thank you, but you gotta leave.

133
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:06,670
- Why?
- Because...

134
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,589
...I'm finally getting him excited
about Hanukkah.

135
00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:11,258
And you're wrecking it.

136
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:15,512
But I didn't get to shake my belly
like a bowl full of jelly.

137
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:22,477
I'm sorry, Chandler,
but this is really important to me.

138
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:26,856
Okay, fine. I'll give the suit back.

139
00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:31,361
Hey, you think you can keep it
another night?

140
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:35,156
Santa? Really?

141
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:40,996
- Yeah, is that okay?
- Did your dad ever dress up like Santa?

142
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:46,126
- No.
- Then it's okay.

143
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,505
You know what, everybody?

144
00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:52,882
Go home.
You should be with your families.

145
00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:55,302
It's bad enough that we're working
New Year's Eve.

146
00:09:57,805 --> 00:10:01,182
Did I not tell anyone
about New Year's Eve?

147
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:05,395
All right, look, go. Go home, okay?
Merry Christmas. Go.

148
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,981
ALL: Merry Christmas.
CHANDLER: Peace on earth.

149
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:12,861
ALL: Bye.
- Good. Godspeed, good people.

150
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:17,741
- You're not gonna go?
- Nah. I couldn't leave you alone.

151
00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:20,201
Oh. Thanks.

152
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:24,414
Besides, I can't leave until that
Christmas party downstairs clears out.

153
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:27,876
There are some pissed-off insurance people
looking for that ham.

154
00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:29,252
Ah.

155
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:30,837
[PHONE RINGS]

156
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:34,090
- Chandler Bing.
- Hi, honey. We're all here.

157
00:10:34,258 --> 00:10:36,051
We just want to wish you
a Merry Christmas.

158
00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:37,761
ALL:
Merry Christmas.

159
00:10:37,928 --> 00:10:39,971
[PHOEBE SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

160
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:43,266
Aw, merry Christmas. I miss you guys.

161
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,061
So is it horrible?
Is everybody working really hard?

162
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:49,105
Uh, well, no, it's just, uh, me and Wendy.

163
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:52,025
Wendy? That sounds like a girl's name.

164
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:55,403
It is. Did I not tell you about her?

165
00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:59,366
Mm-hm. About the time you told me
about New Year's Eve.

166
00:10:59,575 --> 00:11:02,661
- Where's everybody else?
CHANDLER: I sent them home.

167
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:06,623
Oh, you are such a good boss.
Is she pretty?

168
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:11,544
- Uh... Uh...
- Answer faster. Answer faster.

169
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:14,589
- I don't know.
- Answer better. Answer better.

170
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,718
I don't think of her that way.
I mean, she's a, uh, colleague.

171
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:21,971
- What does she do there?
- Oh, she's regional vice president.

172
00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:24,641
- She's just below me.
- She did what?

173
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:32,065
Below me.

174
00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:35,819
Oh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up
Miss Oklahoma?

175
00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:37,654
What?

176
00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:41,157
Well, she didn't win.

177
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,327
All right, well, maybe I should let you...

178
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:47,497
...and the second-prettiest girl
in Oklahoma get back to work.

179
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,040
Well, second prettiest that year.

180
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,710
Of all the girls in Oklahoma,
she's probably...

181
00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:53,378
Chandler, stop talking.

182
00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:58,091
Honey, there's really
nothing to worry about.

183
00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:00,552
- Okay.
- I'm serious.

184
00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:02,011
Okay.

185
00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:05,014
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

186
00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:07,892
- Merry Christmas, you guys.
ALL: Merry Christmas.

187
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,185
[PHOEBE SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

188
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:18,069
- The wife says hi.
- Ah. Fun conversation?

189
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:21,322
Ah, well, she's just got
this weird idea that, uh...

190
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,867
...just because you and I are alone
something's gonna happen.

191
00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:26,745
Huh? Really?

192
00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:30,540
Hmm. Would that be so terrible?

193
00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:35,587
This is probably the wrong thing
to be worrying about...

194
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:39,591
...but you're getting ham
on my only tie.

195
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:49,809
- Whoa, back off, missy.
- Ha, ha. Missy?

196
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:52,645
I don't know. I'm not used to girls
making passes at me.

197
00:12:52,813 --> 00:12:56,858
Wait a minute.
Am I sexy in Oklahoma?

198
00:12:57,818 --> 00:13:02,405
- You are to me.
- No. No. No.

199
00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:06,993
- Look, I'm married.
- So? I'm married.

200
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:09,078
I'm happily married.

201
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,873
Oh. What's that like?

202
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:17,212
- Right. So I'm sorry, but...
- Seriously? Happily married?

203
00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:20,507
So that phone call before,
that was happy?

204
00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:23,927
Well, look, it's not easy
to spend this much time apart.

205
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,346
She's entitled to be a little paranoid.

206
00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:29,182
Or, in this case, right on the money.

207
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:34,771
You know, she's amazing
and beautiful and smart.

208
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:38,566
And if she were here right now,
she'd kick your ass.

209
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:46,574
Look, you're a really nice person,
ham stealing and adultery aside.

210
00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:51,246
But what I have with my wife
is pretty great.

211
00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:54,457
So nothing's ever gonna happen
between us.

212
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,252
Okay, let me ask you something.

213
00:13:57,419 --> 00:14:01,005
If what you and your wife have
is so great...

214
00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:04,425
...then why are you spending
Christmas with me?

215
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,429
You were the most beautiful woman
in the room tonight.

216
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,015
- Really?
- Are you kidding?

217
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:14,185
You're the most beautiful woman
in most rooms.

218
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:24,612
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on?
You and I just made out.

219
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:27,240
- You and I are making out?
- Well, not anymore.

220
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:31,828
- But we don't do that.
- I know. I just thought it would be fun.

221
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:35,999
- How drunk are you?
- Drunk enough that I know I wanna do this.

222
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:39,419
Not so drunk that you should feel guilty
about taking advantage.

223
00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:43,214
That's a perfect amount.

224
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,347
- You know what's weird?
- What?

225
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,933
- This doesn't feel weird.
- I know.

226
00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:59,314
- You're a really good kisser.
- Well, I have kissed over four women.

227
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,400
- You wanna get under the covers?
- Uh-huh.

228
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,110
Okay.

229
00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:14,662
Wow, you are really fast.

230
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:18,041
It bodes well for me
that speed impresses you.

231
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:22,503
- We're gonna see each other naked.
- Yep.

232
00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:25,340
- You want to do it at the same time?
- Count of three?

233
00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:27,008
- One.
- Two.

234
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:29,260
Three.

235
00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:37,185
Well, I think it's safe to say
that our friendship is effectively ruined.

236
00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:40,021
Eh, we weren't that close anyway.

237
00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:44,400
So are you really gonna go out
with that nurse-man?

238
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,820
Well, uh, you and I
are just goofing around.

239
00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:51,616
I thought, why not
just goof around with him?

240
00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:57,956
I don't know if you've ever looked up
the term "goofing around" in the dictionary.

241
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:00,416
Well, I have.

242
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:05,588
And the technical definition
is two friends...

243
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:12,053
...who care a lot about each other
and have amazing sex...

244
00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:18,810
...and just want to spend
more time together.

245
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,146
But if you have this newfangled dictionary
that gets you mad at me...

246
00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:26,025
...then we have to, you know,
get you my original dictionary.

247
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,571
I am so bad at this.

248
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:33,783
I think you're better
than you think you are.

249
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:37,787
- Really? Okay. So if...?
- Know when to stop.

250
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,039
You know, I sensed that I should stop.

251
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:43,292
- So we're okay?
- Yeah.

252
00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:49,465
- Don't do the dance.
- Right.

253
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,428
I can't get married without
something old, something new...

254
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:56,389
...something borrowed, something blue.
- Okay, okay.

255
00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:58,891
Here's something blue and new.

256
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:01,602
You are so efficient. I love you.

257
00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:03,146
- Let's go.
- No, no, wait.

258
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:05,023
We need something old.

259
00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:09,444
Okay. I have a condom in my wallet
that I've had since I was 12.

260
00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,488
That'll work.

261
00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:14,490
I don't think so.

262
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:17,160
Okay. Now we just need
something borrowed.

263
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:22,623
- Here, just take this.
- That's stealing.

264
00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:25,376
We'll bring it back.
Just put it under your dress.

265
00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:34,677
Aw.

266
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:39,015
Okay, one thing at a time.

267
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,144
Listen, um...

268
00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:46,731
...I've been thinking.

269
00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:51,152
It's not fair for me to ask you to spend
all of your money on our wedding.

270
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,405
I mean, you work...
You work really hard for that.

271
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:56,824
- Well...
- Well, you work for that.

272
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,454
Look, I've thought about it too.
And...

273
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:06,250
...I'm sorry. I think we should spend
all of the money on the wedding.

274
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:11,172
- You do?
- Yeah. I'm putting my foot down.

275
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:15,009
Yeah, look, when I proposed...

276
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:19,305
...I told you that I would do anything
to make you happy.

277
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:23,142
And if having the perfect wedding
makes you happy, then...

278
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:25,269
Then that's what we're gonna do.

279
00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:28,314
You are so sweet.

280
00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:35,113
But wait. What about our...?
What about the future and stuff?

281
00:18:35,322 --> 00:18:39,075
Ah, forget about the future and stuff.
So we only have two kids.

282
00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:43,412
You know, we'll pick our favorite,
and that one will get to go to college.

283
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,874
- You've thought about that?
- Yeah.

284
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:51,087
- How many kids were we gonna have?
- Uh, four. A boy, twin girls...

285
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:52,713
...and another boy.

286
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:57,260
- What else did you think about?
- Well, heh...

287
00:18:57,427 --> 00:19:01,097
...stuff like where we'd live, you know.

288
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:05,768
Like a small place outside the city where
our kids could ride their bikes and stuff.

289
00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:09,605
You know, we could have a cat
that had a bell on its collar...

290
00:19:09,773 --> 00:19:13,651
...and we could hear it every time
it ran through the little kitty door.

291
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:18,114
Of course we'd have an apartment
over the garage where Joey could grow old.

292
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,246
You know what?

293
00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:28,708
I don't...
I don't want a big, fancy wedding.

294
00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:31,377
- Sure you do.
- No.

295
00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:35,381
I want everything that you've just said.

296
00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:38,009
I want a marriage.

297
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,761
- You sure?
- Mm-hm.

298
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:46,726
- I love you so much.
- I love you.

299
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:05,119
- Ah! Oh, I love it.
- Really? You're not gonna return it?

300
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:06,787
Well, not this second.

301
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:12,043
Hey, look, you guys. It's snowing.

302
00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:14,003
RACHEL:
Oh.

303
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:20,468
- Oh, wow, it's so beautiful.
- Wow, it really is.

304
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,220
RACHEL:
Ah.

305
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:26,098
Wendy's a fat-girl name.

306
00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:28,768
PHOEBE:
Aren't we done with that?

307
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:33,022
Okay, fine. Fine. Let's talk about snow.

308
00:20:34,107 --> 00:20:35,566
Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa...

309
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:38,569
...where my husband's having sex
on a copying machine?

310
00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:43,532
- Hey.
- Oh, my God.

311
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:45,660
JOEY: Hey.
RACHEL: Aw.

312
00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:49,372
Hey. Look at that.
It's a Christmas miracle.

313
00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:55,461
- What are you doing here?
- I wanted to be with you.

314
00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:57,380
I missed you so much.

315
00:20:57,547 --> 00:21:00,841
- Hey, hey, uh, who'd you miss the most?
- Monica.

316
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,928
Gotcha.

317
00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:10,935
- I never wanna leave you again.
- But I thought if you left, you'd get fired.

318
00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:14,605
Turns out they can't fire me.
Because I quit.

319
00:21:14,982 --> 00:21:18,526
- What?
- What? You...? You really quit your job?

320
00:21:18,735 --> 00:21:22,196
Yeah. It was a stupid job,
and I could not stand leaving you.

321
00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:24,740
And why should I be the only one
who doesn't get to do...

322
00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,200
...what he really wants to do?

323
00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:31,330
- Well, what do you really wanna do?
- I have not thought this through.

324
00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:35,501
- Oh, my God.
- I know. I should've talked to you first.

325
00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:38,879
No, I think that this is what
you wanna do. I think it's great.

326
00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:41,674
Thanks.

327
00:21:41,883 --> 00:21:46,971
Chandler, your being here is the best
Christmas present I could ever imagine.

328
00:21:47,222 --> 00:21:48,306
Aw.

329
00:21:48,515 --> 00:21:51,017
- Now give me my real gift.
CHANDLER: Yeah.

330
00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:53,227
PHOEBE: Thank you.
- Here, pass those around.

331
00:21:53,812 --> 00:21:55,771
ROSS:
Oh, hey.

332
00:22:01,611 --> 00:22:05,906
"A donation has been made in your name
to the New York City Ballet."

333
00:22:07,659 --> 00:22:09,994
How did you know?

334
00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:14,165
What? Are you kidding?
I can't return this.

335
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:17,710
I thought it was time we started
thinking about other people.

336
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:20,338
And besides, this gift still says
I love you guys.

337
00:22:20,547 --> 00:22:24,342
- Mine says, "To Lillian Myers."
- I don't have a job.

338
00:22:29,556 --> 00:22:32,141
Actuary? No.

339
00:22:32,476 --> 00:22:35,644
Bookkeeper? Hmm, no.

340
00:22:35,812 --> 00:22:38,397
Topless dancer?

341
00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:47,365
Hey, you know what I just realized?
You are the sole wage earner.

342
00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:53,037
You are the head of the household.
I don't do anything. I'm a kept man.

343
00:22:53,246 --> 00:22:54,747
You are.

344
00:22:54,915 --> 00:22:56,332
Honey, here's 20 bucks.

345
00:22:56,625 --> 00:22:59,251
Go buy yourself something pretty
while I'm at work tomorrow.

346
00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:08,386
[English - US - SDH]