1 00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:04,545 Do you think they have yesterday's Daily News? 2 00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:06,714 MONICA: Why? - I just wanna check my horoscope... 3 00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:08,507 ...see if it was right. 4 00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:13,762 Oh, my God. Phoebe. Don't look now, but, behind you there's a guy... 5 00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:16,890 ...who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into depression. 6 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,517 Where? 7 00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:21,103 Ooh, come to Mama. 8 00:00:21,771 --> 00:00:24,106 Okay, he's coming. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. 9 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:26,567 - Nice hat. BOTH: Thanks. 10 00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:29,945 - We should do something. Whistle. - We're not gonna whistle. 11 00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:31,321 - Yeah, come on, do it. - No. 12 00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:33,490 - Do it. Do it. Do it. - Woo-hoo! 13 00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:36,285 [AMBULANCE SIRENS WAILING] 14 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,828 [TIRES SQUEALING THEN THUD] 15 00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:41,331 I can't believe you did that. 16 00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,298 MONICA: Why did I woo-hoo? 17 00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:33,884 I mean, what was I hoping? He'd turn around and say: 18 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,220 "Ooh, I love that sound. I must have you now"? 19 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:39,556 I just wish there was something we could do. 20 00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:41,100 [EKG BEEPING] 21 00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:44,478 Hello. Hello, coma guy. 22 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:48,398 Get up, you Girl Scout! Up, up, up! 23 00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:51,151 - Phoebe, what are you doing? - Maybe nobody's tried this. 24 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,241 I wish we at least knew his name. 25 00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:59,034 Would you look at that face? 26 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:03,288 I mean, even sleeping he looks smart. I bet he's a lawyer. 27 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,917 Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means he's artistic. 28 00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:11,588 Okay. He's a lawyer who teaches sculpting on the side. 29 00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:14,007 And he can dance. 30 00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:18,220 And he's the kind of guy who, when you're talking, he's listening... 31 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,722 ...you know, and not saying, "Yeah, I understand"... 32 00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:23,809 ...but wondering what you look like naked. - Oh, stop it. 33 00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:28,772 I wish all guys could be like him. 34 00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:31,984 I know. 35 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,783 Are there no conscious men in the city for you two? 36 00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:44,204 - He doesn't have anyone. - Yeah. We feel kind of responsible. 37 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:47,499 I can't believe you said, "Woo-hoo." 38 00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:49,585 I don't even say, "Woo-hoo." 39 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,461 Oh, she's coming up. She's coming up. 40 00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:52,671 Folks, when we come back... 41 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,882 ...we'll talk about her new book Euphoria Unbound... 42 00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:58,677 ...with always-interesting Nora Tyler Bing. Put the kids to bed for this one. 43 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:02,472 Don't watch this. Weekend at Bernie's is on Showtime and HBO and Cinemex. 44 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:05,684 - No way. - Come on. She's your mom. 45 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,936 Exactly. Weekend at Bernie's. 46 00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:10,731 Dead guy getting hit in the groin 20, 30 times. 47 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,567 - No? - Chandler, I gotta tell you... 48 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:16,153 ...I love your mom's books. I love her books. 49 00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:19,156 I cannot get on a plane without one. I mean, this is so cool. 50 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:21,283 You wouldn't think it's cool if you were 11... 51 00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:25,704 ...and all your friends were passing around page 79 of Mistress Bitch. 52 00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:28,874 Come on, Chandler. I love your mom. I think she's a blast. 53 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:32,085 - You can say that. She's not your mom. ROSS: Oh, please. She's the... 54 00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:34,588 RACHEL: Hi, sweetie. 55 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:39,134 When did Rigatoni get back from Rome? 56 00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,012 - Last night. - Really? 57 00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:45,474 So then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire? 58 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,601 Just a dream I had. 59 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,561 But, phew. 60 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:52,314 Hey, hey, hey. She's on. 61 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:56,568 Ah. Nora Bing. 62 00:03:57,862 --> 00:03:59,071 Before we get to the book. 63 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,366 What is this about you being arrested in London? What is that about? 64 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:06,954 - Your mom was arrested? - Shh, I'm busy beaming with pride. 65 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:09,122 This is kind of embarrassing... 66 00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:13,502 ...but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man... 67 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,964 - Why would she say that's embarrassing? - Shh. 68 00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:20,550 - I just get this craving for Kung Pao chicken. 69 00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:23,178 That's too much information. 70 00:04:26,724 --> 00:04:29,476 So now you're doing this book tour thing. How's that going? 71 00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:33,730 Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate. 72 00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:36,149 But I get to see my son, who I love. 73 00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:37,776 GROUP: Oh. 74 00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:41,863 This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone. 75 00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:46,034 You know, don't take this wrong, I just don't see you as a mom somehow. 76 00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:50,163 - I don't mean that bad. - Oh, no. I'm a fabulous mom. 77 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,791 I bought my son his first condoms. 78 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,174 And then he burst into flames. 79 00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:10,100 [EKG BEEPING] 80 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:14,146 MONICA: Let's see. "Congress is debating a new deficit-reduction bill. 81 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,606 The mayor wants to raise subway fares again. 82 00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:19,401 The high today was 45." 83 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,695 And, oh. And teams played sports. 84 00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,302 [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] 85 00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:51,016 PHOEBE: What about Glen? MONICA: No. 86 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,227 - He could be a Glen. - Mm-mm. Not special enough. 87 00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:56,855 Ooh, how about Agamemnon? 88 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,940 Way too special. 89 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,743 I'm famished. What do I want? 90 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:13,246 Please, God, don't let it be Kung Pao chicken. 91 00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:16,333 Oh, you watched the show. What did you think? 92 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:19,628 Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just... 93 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,632 What is this dive? 94 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,802 - Only you could've picked this place. - Oh. 95 00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:28,345 Come on. Shut up. It's fun. 96 00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,013 - Hi. NORA: Give me a hug. 97 00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:33,975 - Well, I think we're ready for some tequila. - I know I am. 98 00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:35,727 - Who's doing shots? - Hit me. 99 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,562 - I'm in. - There you go. Ross? 100 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:40,649 Uh, I'm not really a shot-drinking kind of guy. 101 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,526 Hi. Sorry. Sorry we're late. 102 00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:46,321 We, uh, kind of just, you know, lost track of time. 103 00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,659 But a man can change. 104 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:58,834 Anyone want me to appraise anything? 105 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:12,180 Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read everything you've ever written. 106 00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:14,558 No, I mean it. When I read Euphoria at Midnight... 107 00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:16,476 ...all I wanted to do was become a writer. 108 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:19,479 Oh, please, honey. If I can do it, anybody can. 109 00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:22,357 You just start with half a dozen European cities... 110 00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:24,985 ...throw in 30 euphemisms for male genitalia... 111 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:27,863 ...and, bam, you have got yourself a book. 112 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:31,575 My mother, ladies and gentlemen. 113 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:37,706 Yeah, any messages for room 226? 114 00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:42,252 - You okay, slugger? - Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine. 115 00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,600 What is with you tonight? 116 00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:59,728 Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. 117 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,938 NORA: Okay, thank you. 118 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:07,527 It's the Italian hand-licker, isn't it? 119 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,572 No. It's the one he's licking. 120 00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,158 She's supposed to be with you. 121 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,368 You're good. 122 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:20,165 Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold 100 million copies of my books... 123 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,458 ...and you know why? 124 00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,585 The girl on the cover with her nipples showing? 125 00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:31,426 No, because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. 126 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,595 Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. 127 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:37,057 People will not turn 325 pages for a Paolo. 128 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,975 Come on. The guy's a secondary character. 129 00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:42,979 He's just a... You know, a complication you eventually kill off. 130 00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:46,525 When? 131 00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:51,363 He's not a hero. 132 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:53,198 You know who our hero is? 133 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,076 The guy on the cover with his nipples showing? 134 00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:58,411 No, it's you. 135 00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,205 - Please. - No, really. 136 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,582 Come on. You're smart. You're sexy. 137 00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:05,168 - Right. - Oh, come on, kiddo. 138 00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:08,004 You're gonna be fine, believe me. 139 00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,010 Uh-oh. 140 00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:29,734 Uh, I'll just pee in the street. 141 00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:39,035 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 142 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,288 Is Chandler here? 143 00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:43,373 - Yeah. - Wait. Come here. 144 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,418 Okay, uh, about last night... 145 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,169 ...um, you know... 146 00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:50,297 ...Chandler. You didn't tell... 147 00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,507 Okay, I'm thinking we don't need to tell Chandler. 148 00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:54,968 It was just a kiss. One kiss. No big deal, right? 149 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:57,053 - Right. No big deal. - Okay. 150 00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:58,930 In Bizarro-world. 151 00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:03,560 You broke the code. 152 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:06,688 - What code? - You don't kiss your friend's mom. 153 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:10,525 Sisters are okay. Maybe a hot-looking aunt. 154 00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,694 But not a mom. Never a mom. 155 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,154 [ALL SHOUTING] 156 00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,657 What are you guys doing out here? 157 00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:21,703 Uh, well, Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. 158 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:26,249 But, um, apparently somebody overslept. 159 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,128 Yeah, well, you don't have your racquet. 160 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,422 No. No, I don't, because it's being restrung. 161 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:35,383 Ahem. Somebody was supposed to bring me one. 162 00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:39,346 Yeah. Well, you didn't call and leave your grip size. 163 00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,809 Okay, you guys are spending way too much time together. 164 00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,356 Okay, I'm scum. I'm scum. 165 00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:51,983 - Ross, how could you let this happen? - I don't know. 166 00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:56,196 Well, it's not like she's a regular mom. You know? She's sexy. She's... 167 00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,490 You don't think my mom's sexy? 168 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,535 Well, not in the same way. 169 00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:04,621 I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani... 170 00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:06,748 ...was a handsome woman in her day, all right? 171 00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:11,294 You think it's easy giving birth to seven children? 172 00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:12,754 Huh? 173 00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,466 Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here. 174 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,343 - Aah. - Hey. 175 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,136 - Hey. - What are you guys doing out here? 176 00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:23,473 Well, ha, ha, not playing racquetball. 177 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,687 - He forgot to leave his grip size. - He didn't get the goggles. 178 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,689 Oh. Right. 179 00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:34,526 Well, sounds like you two have issues. 180 00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:38,238 Goodbye, baby. 181 00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:39,698 [SPEAKING IN ITALIAN] 182 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,535 Do they wait for me to do this? 183 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,543 - So are you gonna tell him? - I'm not gonna tell him. 184 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,962 - Why would I tell him? - How about, because if you don't... 185 00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:56,256 ...his mother might? - Hmm. 186 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,550 What are you guys doing here? 187 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,845 Uh, he's not even wearing a jock strap. 188 00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,269 What did I ask? 189 00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:19,696 [EKG BEEPING] 190 00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:22,449 - Hi. - Hi. 191 00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:25,452 What are you doing here? 192 00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:28,455 Nothing. I just thought I'd stop by, you know, after the, ahem... 193 00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:31,332 That I, you know. Um, so, what are you doing here? 194 00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:35,170 I'm not really here. 195 00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:39,966 I just thought I'd drop these off on the way. My way. 196 00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:45,555 Do you, um, come here a lot... 197 00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:47,265 ...without me? 198 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:50,226 No, no, no. 199 00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:56,191 So, um, do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning? 200 00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,320 How would I know? I wasn't here. 201 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:03,948 Really? Not even to, um, change his pajamas? 202 00:13:07,661 --> 00:13:08,828 Oh, my God. 203 00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:11,873 You're my friend. I had to tell you. 204 00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,792 I can't believe it. 205 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,044 Paolo kissed my mom? 206 00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:20,673 Yeah, I mean, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink. 207 00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:23,510 I mean, you know how he gets when he's drunk... 208 00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,263 I can't do this. I did it. 209 00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:29,974 It was me. I'm sorry. I kissed your mom. 210 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:31,768 What? 211 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:35,480 I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo and I think I had too much tequila... 212 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,775 ...and Nora... Mrs. Mom, your Bing, was... 213 00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:43,154 She was just being nice, you know? But nothing happened. 214 00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:45,949 Nothing. Ask Joey. Joey came in... 215 00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:47,826 - You knew about this? - Uh... 216 00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,203 You know, knowledge is a tricky thing. 217 00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,957 I spent the entire day with you. Why didn't you tell me? 218 00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:56,251 Hey, hey. You're lucky I caught them when I did... 219 00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:58,169 ...or else who knows what would've happened? 220 00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,838 Thanks, man. Big help. 221 00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:02,465 I can't believe this. What the hell were you thinking? 222 00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,759 I wasn't. I don't know. I... 223 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:08,263 Of all my friends, no one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you. 224 00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:10,765 - I know. - I can't believe you did this. 225 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:13,226 - Me neither. - I'm mad at you for not telling me. 226 00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:16,771 - What are you mad at me...? - Let me slam the door. 227 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,357 Chandler, I didn't kiss her. He did. 228 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,150 See what happens when you break the code? 229 00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,194 - Joey. - Aah! Uh. 230 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,706 - Rach. - Hey. 231 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:38,042 "A Woman Undone. By Rachel Karen Green." 232 00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:41,629 Yeah, I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first chapter. 233 00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:46,968 Now, do you think his "love stick" can be "liberated from its denim prison"? 234 00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,722 Yeah, I'd say so. 235 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:54,142 And there's no "J" in "engorged." 236 00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,186 - Hey, Rach. - Hey. 237 00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:59,105 - Hello. - Hello. 238 00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:02,275 - You going to the hospital tonight? - No. You? 239 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,110 No. You? 240 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,656 You just asked me. 241 00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:10,909 Okay, maybe it was a trick question. 242 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:15,872 - Um, Rachel, can we do this now? - Okay. 243 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:19,250 I am so hot. 244 00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:23,504 And here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. 245 00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:26,507 Now, you tell me she's not a knockout. 246 00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,053 I cannot believe we're having this conversation. 247 00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,805 Come on, just try to picture her not pregnant. That's all. 248 00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:38,394 Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay. 249 00:15:38,562 --> 00:15:39,979 [CROWD CHEERING] 250 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:41,773 PHOEBE: Thanks. 251 00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:43,691 Hi. Um, ahem. Okay. 252 00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:47,195 I'd like to start with a song that's about a man I recently met... 253 00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:50,573 ...who's, um, come to be very important to me. 254 00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,202 Okay. 255 00:15:56,914 --> 00:16:00,667 [SINGING] You don't have to be awake To be my man 256 00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:07,882 Long as you have brain waves I'll be there to hold your hand 257 00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:11,719 Though we just met the other day 258 00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:15,181 There's something I have got to say 259 00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:19,310 Okay, thank you very much. I'm gonna take a short break. 260 00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:25,233 RACHEL: Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. Whoo! 261 00:16:26,443 --> 00:16:29,195 - What the hell was that? - Phoebe just started... 262 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:32,991 I believe I was talking to Joey. All right, there, mother-kisser? 263 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:34,283 [LAUGHING] 264 00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:40,123 "Mother-kisser." 265 00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:42,792 I'll shut up. 266 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,586 Chandler, can I say something? I know you're still mad at me. 267 00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:48,965 I just wanna say that there were two people there that night, okay? 268 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,051 - There were two sets of lips. - Yes, well, I expect this from her. 269 00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:54,971 Okay? She's always been a Freudian nightmare. 270 00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:58,349 Okay, but if she always behaves like this, why don't you say something? 271 00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:01,394 Because it's complicated. It's complex. 272 00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,229 Hey, you kissed my mom. 273 00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,444 We're rehearsing a Greek play. 274 00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:12,572 - That's funny. We done now? - No. 275 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,992 Okay, you mean you're not gonna talk to her, tell her how you feel? 276 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:19,454 That would be a no. Just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom... 277 00:17:19,621 --> 00:17:22,832 ...doesn't mean you know her, all right? Trust me, you can't talk to her. 278 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,376 Okay. "You can't"? Or you can't? 279 00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:30,965 Okay, that's my finger. Okay, that's my knee. 280 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,925 Still doing the play. 281 00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:34,469 [SHOUTS THEN HUMS] 282 00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:42,769 All right, what did you do with him? 283 00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:45,354 [TOILET FLUSHES] 284 00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:48,941 - You're awake. - Look at you. 285 00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,109 How do you feel? 286 00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:53,362 Uh, a little woozy, but basically okay. 287 00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,573 Gosh, you look good. 288 00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,533 I feel good. 289 00:17:58,410 --> 00:17:59,911 Who are you? 290 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,746 - Sorry. - I'm Phoebe Buffay. 291 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,499 I'm Monica Geller. I've been taking care of you. 292 00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:05,666 We both have. 293 00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:08,836 - So the Etch A Sketch is from you guys? - Actually, it's just from me. 294 00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:11,923 - Yeah, I got you the foot massager. - Know who shaved you? That was me. 295 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:15,009 - I read to you. - I sang. Ha. 296 00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:17,970 Well, thanks. 297 00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:20,389 - Oh, my pleasure. - You're welcome. 298 00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:23,518 So I guess I'll see you around. 299 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,354 What? That's it? 300 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,606 "See you around"? 301 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:32,068 - Well, what do you want me to say? - Well, I don't know. 302 00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:33,569 Maybe, uh: 303 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,113 "That was nice. 304 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,739 It meant something to me. 305 00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:39,867 I'll call you." 306 00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:44,038 - All right. I'll call you. - I don't think you mean that. 307 00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,377 This is so typical. 308 00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:50,670 You know, we give... 309 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:52,296 ...and we give... 310 00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:54,006 ...and we give. 311 00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:56,467 And then we just get nothing back. 312 00:18:56,635 --> 00:19:00,471 And then one day, it's just, you know, you wake up and "See you around." 313 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,559 Let's go, Phoebe. 314 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,896 You know what? We thought you were different. 315 00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:11,357 But I guess it was just the coma. 316 00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:17,613 NORA: The car's running downstairs. 317 00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:20,241 I wanted to drop off these copies of my book for your friends. 318 00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:25,580 - Anything you want from Lisbon? - No, just knowing you're there is enough. 319 00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:29,834 All right. Well, be good. I love you. 320 00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,130 You kissed my best Ross. 321 00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:38,551 Or something to that effect. 322 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,846 Okay. 323 00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,643 Look, it was stupid. 324 00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:50,188 - Really stupid. - Really stupid. 325 00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,692 And I don't even know how it happened. 326 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:58,738 I'm sorry, honey. I promise it will never happen again. 327 00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:03,034 - Are we okay now? - Yeah. 328 00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:06,495 No. No. 329 00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:12,960 Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door. 330 00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:14,378 Shh. 331 00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:18,466 He did it. He told her off. And not just about the kiss, about everything. 332 00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:19,675 - You're kidding? - No. 333 00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:22,511 He said, "When are you gonna grow up and start being a mom?" 334 00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:24,764 - Wow. - Wait, then she came back with: 335 00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:29,477 "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realize I have a bomb?" 336 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,105 Okay, wait. Are you sure she didn't say: 337 00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:37,109 "When are you gonna grow up and realize I am your mom?" 338 00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:42,823 - That makes more sense. - You think? 339 00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:44,533 Yeah. 340 00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:46,786 So, what's going on now? 341 00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:49,997 I don't know. I've been standing here spelling it out for you. 342 00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,335 I don't hear anything. Wait, wait, wait. 343 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:55,711 What do you see? 344 00:20:55,879 --> 00:20:58,297 It's hard to tell. They're so tiny and upside down. 345 00:20:58,465 --> 00:20:59,799 Wait, wait, wait. 346 00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:03,386 They're walking away. They're walking away. 347 00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:06,973 No, they're not. They're coming right at us. Run, run! 348 00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:10,810 You okay, kiddo? 349 00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:14,230 - Yeah, I'm okay. - All right. You be good. 350 00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,148 Drive safe. 351 00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:17,692 [CHUCKLES] 352 00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:20,778 - Mrs. Bing. - Mr. Geller. 353 00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:27,201 Hey. 354 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,621 You mean that? 355 00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:33,457 Yeah, why not? 356 00:21:35,168 --> 00:21:36,877 - So I told her. - Oh. 357 00:21:37,587 --> 00:21:39,588 - How did it go? - Awful. Awful. 358 00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:41,674 Couldn't have gone worse. 359 00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:45,261 - Well, how do you feel? - Pretty good. 360 00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:48,848 I told her. 361 00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:51,017 Well, see? 362 00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:55,354 So maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, you know, me kissing your mom, huh? 363 00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:58,024 But we don't have to go down that road. 364 00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:06,657 Now, this is just the first chapter... 365 00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:11,954 ...and I want your absolute honest opinion. Okay? 366 00:22:12,205 --> 00:22:16,834 Oh, and on page two, he's not reaching for her "heaving beasts." 367 00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:18,961 What's a "niffle"? 368 00:22:19,212 --> 00:22:22,131 You can usually find them on the heaving beasts. 369 00:22:24,259 --> 00:22:26,510 All right, all right, so I'm not a great typist. 370 00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:30,723 Wait, did you get to the part about his "huge, throbbing pens"? 371 00:22:31,558 --> 00:22:34,810 Tell you, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those. 372 00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:38,105 - All right, that's it. Give them back. GROUP: No.