1
00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:05,337
Monica, which of all of this
kitchen stuff is mine?

2
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:07,840
This bottle opener.

3
00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:11,260
- And?
- And it's a magnet.

4
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:17,683
Look at that.

5
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,978
How weird is that?
You know, you're moving in with me...

6
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:24,273
...and you have the one thing
I don't have. Ha, ha.

7
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:29,403
It's like, in a way, you complete me.
Huh?

8
00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:33,365
- Kitchen.
- What?

9
00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:36,243
You complete me kitchen, matey.

10
00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:41,165
- Ross, I know what you're thinking.
- What?

11
00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:43,167
That she's gonna move in with you...

12
00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:45,335
...and then maybe fall in love with you,
and then...

13
00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:49,256
...when she finds out you're already
married, oh, she'll be happy.

14
00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:52,217
You know? You're just... You're very sad.

15
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,721
Oh, my God.

16
00:00:56,931 --> 00:01:01,894
I see what this is.
You are in love with Rachel.

17
00:01:02,937 --> 00:01:05,230
- What?
- Of course. It all adds up.

18
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:07,274
I mean, you're obsessed with her.
It's always:

19
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,193
"Ross, what are you gonna do
about Rachel?

20
00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,487
Ross, why are you moving in
with Rachel?

21
00:01:11,654 --> 00:01:14,281
When are you gonna confess
your secret marriage to Rachel?"

22
00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:17,868
- You want her.
- No!

23
00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:19,036
[PHONE RINGS]

24
00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:21,747
Uh-oh. Saved by the bell.

25
00:01:22,373 --> 00:01:23,916
Hello.

26
00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:27,377
Hey, Rach.
Aren't these candlesticks mine?

27
00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:28,879
No, no, I bought those.

28
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:32,049
- Oh, right. I forgot.
- Yeah.

29
00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,009
[WHISPERING]
That you're a liar.

30
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:40,057
No, no, that's great. I'll be there Monday.
And thank you again.

31
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:41,725
Okay.

32
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:45,479
Um, that was the head
of the paleontology department...

33
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:49,525
...at NYU.

34
00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:53,737
Wow. What did he say?

35
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:59,284
Uh, remember that paper I had published
last year on sediment flow rate?

36
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:02,246
- Well, they loved it.
- Well, who wouldn't?

37
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,998
I know!

38
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:09,211
Anyway, they asked me
to be a guest lecturer.

39
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:14,007
I mean, it's temporary, but if they like me,
it could lead to a full-time job.

40
00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:17,678
How great would that look
on the mailbox, huh? Professor Geller.

41
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:20,139
Yeah. Professor and Mrs.

42
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,058
And Mrs?

43
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,937
Oh, yeah, you know,
you and Ross are still married.

44
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:29,815
What?

45
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,818
Just kidding.

46
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,653
[CHUCKLING]

47
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,864
Oh, God.

48
00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:42,161
Saved your ass.

49
00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:22,367
- Hey.
- Hi.

50
00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:23,660
- Hey.
- What's the matter?

51
00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:25,954
Well, ahem.

52
00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:28,248
- You know that psychic I see?
- Yeah?

53
00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:30,500
She told me
that I'm gonna die this week...

54
00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:32,502
...so I'm kind of bummed about that.

55
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:36,089
- What?
- I know you don't know about readings...

56
00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:39,218
...but that one is pretty much
the worst one you can get.

57
00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:42,012
Phoebe, that's crazy.

58
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:43,805
I can't believe she'd say that to you?

59
00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:45,724
Yeah, honey,
you don't believe her, do you?

60
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:48,936
I don't know.
She, you know, said that I'd have triplets...

61
00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:51,188
...but she also said one of them
would be black.

62
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:52,606
CHANDLER:
Oh.

63
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,984
Just out of curiosity,
did she tell you how you were gonna go?

64
00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:59,321
No, because she didn't tell me
I was gonna die till the end of the session.

65
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:02,032
And I was not gonna waste
a whole other hour there.

66
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,909
I mean, I've only got a week left,
you know?

67
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,787
I've really gotta start living now.

68
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:12,501
- Hey, everyone.
- Oh, hi.

69
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:15,504
- Hey.
- Hey. Well, today's my first lecture...

70
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:18,632
...and I kind of wanted to try it out
on you guys. Do you mind?

71
00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:22,761
No, that'd be great.

72
00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:25,305
Okay.

73
00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:28,642
[SIGHS AND CLEARS THROAT]

74
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:37,818
"There are three primary theories
concerning sediment flow rate.

75
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:41,530
Each of these theories can be further
subcategorized into two..."

76
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:44,449
Oh, this is it.
This is what's gonna kill me.

77
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:51,331
"...subcategories.
The first of these subcategories is..."

78
00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:53,125
JOEY:
Um, Ross? Heh.

79
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,877
Are there, uh, naked chicks
on that piece of paper?

80
00:04:58,506 --> 00:04:59,548
No. Why?

81
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:02,134
Well, I just never seen a guy
stare so hard at paper...

82
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,844
...that didn't have naked chicks on it.

83
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:09,433
Oh, okay. Okay.

84
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,771
"There are three primary theories...

85
00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:19,443
...concerning sediment flow rate.

86
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:23,572
Each of these theories...

87
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:27,826
...can be further subcategorized into..."

88
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,037
Why don't you open with a joke?

89
00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:35,083
Open with a joke?
It's a university, not a comedy club.

90
00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,210
Wait a minute, hold the phone.

91
00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:40,297
You're not talking about
Chuckles University?

92
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:42,716
Okay.

93
00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:44,426
GROUP:
Come on, we're kidding.

94
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,636
You know what might make it
less boring?

95
00:05:46,804 --> 00:05:48,096
Thank you.

96
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:51,016
Some, um... Some visual aids.

97
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,851
Oh, oh!
You know what's a good visual aid?

98
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,895
Please don't say naked chicks.

99
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,522
Why not?

100
00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:01,151
I don't even know why I bothered
to even talk to you guys about it.

101
00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:04,613
You know, I'm just gonna do it on my own,
with no naked chicks.

102
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:07,574
That's the way I did it till I was 19.

103
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,289
- Hey.
- Hey.

104
00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:15,916
Any good mail?

105
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:18,293
Yes, you got something
from the Screen Actors Guild.

106
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:22,422
Ooh, it's probably a residual check.
Hey, can you open it? I got...

107
00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:27,219
- "Benefits lapsed."
- Hmm. That's weird.

108
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,430
I don't remember being in a movie
called Benefits Lapsed.

109
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,516
Okay, it's not a check.

110
00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:35,852
They're saying your health insurance
expired because...

111
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:38,563
...you didn't work enough last year.
- Let me see that.

112
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,107
All right.

113
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:42,734
Oh, I can't believe this.

114
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,653
This sucks.

115
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,489
When I had insurance,
I could get hit by a bus...

116
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:50,158
...or catch on fire, you know?

117
00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:53,245
And it wouldn't matter.
Now I gotta be careful?

118
00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:57,290
I'm sorry, man.
There's never a good time to have to...

119
00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,793
...stop catching on fire.

120
00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:02,671
All right, well...

121
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,298
...I guess I gotta go get a job.
I'm gonna see my agent.

122
00:07:05,466 --> 00:07:08,343
Okay, make sure to look both ways
before you cross the street.

123
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:12,139
[MIMICKING] "Make sure to look both ways
before you cross the street."

124
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:21,523
- Hey.
- Hey, Pheebs, you're still alive.

125
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,068
How are you feeling?

126
00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:27,946
It's so exhausting, waiting for death.

127
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,699
Oh, by the way, do you think you...

128
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,576
[CHOKES]

129
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,746
Pheebs, what are you doing?

130
00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:39,541
I was preparing you for...
Didn't you think I was dead?

131
00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,293
Did that not come off?

132
00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:46,089
Oh, yeah, scared the hell out of me.
I thought we'd lost you forever.

133
00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:49,050
- Pheebs, you wanna lie down?
- Yeah, thanks.

134
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,344
And listen, can you do me a favor?

135
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,472
Could you just wake me up
in a couple hours.

136
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,724
You know, if you can.

137
00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:01,646
RACHEL:
Monica?

138
00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:05,650
Did you take these back?

139
00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:10,697
No, no. I just liked them so much
that I went out and bought some for myself.

140
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:13,116
Oh, yeah, they're really great,
aren't they?

141
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:14,743
- I love them.
- Yeah.

142
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,037
Nice try.

143
00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:21,917
- Hello.
- Hey, how'd the lecture go?

144
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:24,336
It went great.

145
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:28,423
And I didn't need any jokes
or naked chicks either.

146
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:31,635
Oh, that's great. I'm sorry
we weren't supportive before.

147
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:34,971
I knew all I had to do
was let the material speak for itself.

148
00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:38,225
Everyone's all, uh,
"Ross, you have to be funny and sexy."

149
00:08:38,392 --> 00:08:40,602
Well, I proved them wrong.

150
00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:44,648
And now I'm gonna pass
the news on to Joey and Chandler.

151
00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,609
- That you're not funny or sexy?
- That's right.

152
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:57,244
- Hey, Estelle, listen...
- Well, well, well.

153
00:08:57,411 --> 00:08:58,912
Joey Tribbiani.

154
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,206
So you came back, huh?

155
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,792
They think they can do better,
but they all...

156
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,962
...come crawling back to Estelle.

157
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,549
What are you talking about?

158
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:13,426
I never left you.
You've always been my agent.

159
00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:15,679
- Really?
- Yeah.

160
00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:19,224
Oh, well, no harm, no foul.

161
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:24,145
Look, Estelle, you gotta get me some work.
I lost my health insurance.

162
00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:27,607
All right, first thing we gotta do:
Damage control.

163
00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:30,318
- Why?
- Well, I think, uh...

164
00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:32,779
...someone out there...

165
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:36,449
...may have been bad-mouthing you
all over town.

166
00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:39,494
The bastard.

167
00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:49,045
- Hey.
- Hey.

168
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:53,091
So Estelle lined up a bunch
of auditions for me tomorrow.

169
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:56,177
And I'll have my health insurance
back in no time.

170
00:09:57,346 --> 00:10:00,890
That's great, but shouldn't you
be on the toilet right now?

171
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:06,855
- What?
- What's wrong with you?

172
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,023
Nothing.

173
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:13,028
Well, I got this blinding pain in my stomach
when I was lifting weights before.

174
00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:15,155
And then I, uh, passed out...

175
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:18,575
...and, uh, I haven't been able
to stand up since. Ha, ha.

176
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:21,536
But I don't think it's anything serious.

177
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:24,706
This sounds like a hernia.
You have to... Go to the doctor.

178
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,124
No way.

179
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,043
If I'm gonna go to the doctor
for anything...

180
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:31,463
...it's gonna be for this thing
sticking out of my stomach.

181
00:10:34,842 --> 00:10:36,009
That's a hernia.

182
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:39,054
Why'd I have to start
working out again?

183
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,556
Damn you, 15s.

184
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:48,104
We're a little early.
The lecture doesn't end for 15 minutes.

185
00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:50,732
- Yeah, but we can sneak in and watch.
- Yeah. Good.

186
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,610
Oh, hey, look.
There's some Kappa Kappa Deltas.

187
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,863
I was a Kappa. Hey, sisters.

188
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:01,409
Wow, we really are bitches.

189
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,165
[IN BRITISH ACCENT]
Right. So when Rigby got his samples...

190
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,833
...back from the laboratory...

191
00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:11,670
...he made a startling discovery.

192
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:18,760
What he believed to be igneous
was, in fact, sedimentary.

193
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:22,597
Imagine his consternation when...

194
00:11:26,602 --> 00:11:28,645
Oh, bloody hell.

195
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:35,735
What the hell are you doing?

196
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,279
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Look, I was nervous.

197
00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:41,116
You guys had me all worried
I was gonna be boring.

198
00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:44,744
I got up there and they were
all, like, staring at me.

199
00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:48,623
I opened my mouth and this
British accent just came out.

200
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,501
Yeah, and not a very good one.

201
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:53,712
Will you, please?

202
00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:55,755
Dr. Geller? Kurt Rathman.

203
00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:58,383
I'm a professor in the paleontology
department here.

204
00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:01,553
Do you have a moment
to talk about your lecture?

205
00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:04,723
[IN BRITISH ACCENT]
I'm sorry, I've got plans with my sister.

206
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:06,891
[IN IRISH ACCENT]
Monica Geller.

207
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:11,938
Right. Will you excuse us
for one moment?

208
00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:13,523
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
What are you doing?

209
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:15,817
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
You can have an accent, but I can't?

210
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,278
[IN IRISH ACCENT]
Top of the morning to you, laddies.

211
00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,989
Would you just please stop?

212
00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:23,074
[IN EAST INDIAN ACCENT]
Yes.

213
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:26,286
Bombay is very, very nice
this time of year.

214
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,836
[JOEY GRUNTING]

215
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,929
Hey, will you grab me a cruller?

216
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:48,057
Sit down.

217
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:53,104
- Will you go to the hospital?
- Dude, hernia operations cost, like...

218
00:12:53,272 --> 00:12:55,106
...a lot probably, okay?

219
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,692
Besides, it's getting darker
and more painful.

220
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,861
That means it's healing.

221
00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:02,614
Look, I will loan you the money.

222
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:06,367
Just go to the hospital and
let's just get that thing...

223
00:13:06,535 --> 00:13:08,369
...pushed back in.

224
00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:11,790
Thank you, but it'd take me
forever to pay you that money back.

225
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:14,375
And I don't want that
hanging over my head, okay?

226
00:13:14,543 --> 00:13:16,586
Besides, as soon as my insurance
kicks in...

227
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:19,631
...I can get all the free operations I want.

228
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,884
I think I'll probably start
with that laser eye surgery.

229
00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:26,596
- Hey.
- Hey.

230
00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:28,223
JOEY: Hey.
- What's going on?

231
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:29,891
Well, Joey's got a bad hernia...

232
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:33,228
...but it's nothing a little
laser eye surgery won't fix.

233
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:37,106
Look, I'm telling you, if I put my hand
on my stomach right here...

234
00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:39,442
...it doesn't hurt that bad. Ah.

235
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:42,320
Hey, maybe you'll die.

236
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,824
Chandler, I'm scared.

237
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:47,826
PHOEBE:
No, we can go together.

238
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:49,369
Just don't wait too long, though...

239
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:52,038
...because I'm out of here
sometime before Friday.

240
00:13:53,123 --> 00:13:54,707
But I don't want to die.

241
00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:55,875
No, no. It'll be fun.

242
00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:58,169
We can come back
and we can haunt these guys.

243
00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:06,386
- Give me them.
- No, they are mine.

244
00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:08,680
- You stole them from me.
- You stole them from me.

245
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,431
Give me them.

246
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:14,644
You just wanna each take one?

247
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:17,897
Yeah, that seems fair.
We never use them.

248
00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:22,318
Look, I really need some help, okay?

249
00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:26,406
Why? Why did I have to speak
in a British accent?

250
00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:28,032
What do I do?

251
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,744
Well, why don't you phase it out?
Yeah, phase the accent out.

252
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:35,039
People will think that you're
adjusting to life in America.

253
00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:37,625
Yeah, I mean, come on.
No one will even notice.

254
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:40,211
I mean, they're probably
not even listening to you.

255
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:43,840
They're not listening to me?

256
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,843
Of course they're listening to you.

257
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:48,511
Everybody listens to you.

258
00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:52,390
Monica, do you really think I should
try this phasing-out thing?

259
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,183
I think you look fine.

260
00:14:58,188 --> 00:15:00,565
DIRECTOR: Whenever you're ready.
- Okay.

261
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,610
Hey, Timmy.

262
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,738
I've got a surprise...

263
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,448
...for you.

264
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:10,283
DIRECTOR:
Hold it. I'm sorry.

265
00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:13,953
The surprise is a new swing set.
If you could play it less intense.

266
00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:18,166
Oh, yeah. Sure, no problem.
Just hold on one second.

267
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:21,669
[GROANS]

268
00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:26,966
Hey, Timmy.

269
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:30,553
I've got a surprise for you.

270
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:31,721
Oh, my God!

271
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:41,773
So that's why I feed my dog Purina One.

272
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,608
Pick up a bag today.

273
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:48,321
- That's where you pick up the bag.
- Exactly.

274
00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:53,284
No, the line is, "Pick up a bag,"
so you need to pick up the bag.

275
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:56,829
Or I could just point to it. Huh?

276
00:15:56,997 --> 00:16:01,960
Blah, blah, blah. Purina One.
Point to a bag today.

277
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,465
- I didn't get it, did I?
- No.

278
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:08,925
Yeah, okay.

279
00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:13,513
Hi.

280
00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:15,431
I'm Joey Tribbiani.

281
00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:18,226
I'm here to audition for "Man."

282
00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:20,311
You mean "Dying Man."

283
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:22,814
Yes.

284
00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:28,361
- Okay, come on. Do it one more time.
- Really? Really? Okay.

285
00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:33,449
[IRISH ACCENT]
Ross, this is Dr. McNeely...

286
00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:36,327
...from Fake Accent University.

287
00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:38,830
We'd like you to come onboard
with us full-time.

288
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,081
[BOTH LAUGHING]

289
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:44,043
- Hey.
- Hey.

290
00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:45,628
PHOEBE:
Listen to this.

291
00:16:46,296 --> 00:16:48,506
My reading was wrong.
I'm not going to die.

292
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,592
- Really? How do you know?
- Because my psychic is dead.

293
00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:57,682
- She must have read the cards wrong.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

294
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,767
Ah, better her than me.

295
00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:02,061
Hey, let's bake cookies!

296
00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:09,777
Listen, I'm really glad you got the part.

297
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:11,154
[GRUNTS]

298
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,198
- Are you sure you can do this?
- Yeah.

299
00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:15,950
And, hey, thanks for coming with me.

300
00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:19,287
And thanks again
for helping me take a shower.

301
00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:25,209
Now, is that
"never talking about it again"?

302
00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:29,297
Hey, Joey. We're ready for you.

303
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:32,175
Joey, this is Alex.
He's gonna be playing your son.

304
00:17:32,342 --> 00:17:33,551
Hi, Alex.

305
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:36,888
And, uh, as you can see,
my hands are not in my pants.

306
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:40,308
Okay.

307
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:44,687
All right, uh, Alex.
Now, when Joey says his line:

308
00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:48,816
"Take good care of your mama, son,"
that's your cue to cry. Got it?

309
00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:50,902
All right, let's do this.

310
00:17:54,531 --> 00:17:56,741
Scene five, take one.

311
00:17:58,243 --> 00:17:59,535
DIRECTOR:
And action.

312
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:12,423
Take good care of your mama, son.

313
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:17,428
Come on, son.

314
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,223
Your mama's good people.

315
00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:22,183
Cut.

316
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:25,186
Alex, remember,
you're supposed to cry.

317
00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:27,605
- Can you cry for us this time?
- Okay.

318
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:30,191
All right. From the top.

319
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:35,154
Scene five, take two.

320
00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:37,824
Take 36 is up.

321
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:40,201
DIRECTOR:
Let's try this again.

322
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:41,702
You ready, Joe?

323
00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:44,664
Uh, one thing,
is it all right with you if I scream...

324
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,749
...right up until you say, "Action"?

325
00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:48,793
- Sure.
- Okay.

326
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,336
[SCREAMING]

327
00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:54,590
- Action!
- Take good care of your mama, son.

328
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,095
- Cut.
- Aah!

329
00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:02,348
I'm sorry. Hey, hey.
Joe, why don't you lift up your shirt?

330
00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,392
Take a look at this, kiddo.

331
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,020
[CRYING]

332
00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:11,357
We have a crying child!
Roll the damn cameras!

333
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:14,026
[PHONE RINGING]

334
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:18,739
- Hello.
- Hello, is Ross there?

335
00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:20,449
No, he's not. Can I take a message?

336
00:19:20,617 --> 00:19:23,035
Yes, this is Russell,
Ross' divorce lawyer.

337
00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:25,246
Just tell him that since
I haven't heard from him...

338
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,665
...I assume he's decided
to give the marriage a try.

339
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:31,127
Ross got married again? Aah! No.

340
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:37,133
ROSS: All right, keep going.
We are phasing the accent out.

341
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,218
Phasing it out.

342
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:43,973
"So without retesting their results
in the laboratory...

343
00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:47,685
...the team would never
have identified...

344
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:56,152
...the initial errors
in their carbon dating analysis."

345
00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:00,489
Were there any questions
at this point?

346
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:04,327
- Yes.
- What's happening to your accent?

347
00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:10,124
[IN BRITISH ACCENT]
Come again? What's this nonsense?

348
00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:11,626
[CHUCKLES]

349
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,964
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
All right. I'm not English.

350
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,927
I'm from Long Island.

351
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:23,846
I was really nervous, and the accent...

352
00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:25,806
...just, um... Just came out.

353
00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:28,184
Ha, ha. I'm sorry.

354
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:33,022
So if we could just
get back to the lecture.

355
00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:36,984
Um, were there any questions?

356
00:20:39,696 --> 00:20:41,322
About paleontology?

357
00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:47,703
All right, look, I was just trying
to make a good first impression.

358
00:20:47,871 --> 00:20:49,747
Obviously, I screwed up.

359
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:52,083
But what you guys think of me
is really important...

360
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,294
...because I'm hoping
to get a permanent job here.

361
00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:58,839
So if you'd just give me another
chance to make a good impression...

362
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:00,258
[DOOR OPENS]

363
00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:02,510
Ross. Are you crazy?

364
00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:06,055
I am still your wife?
What, were you just never gonna tell me?

365
00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:08,391
What the hell is wrong with you?

366
00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:10,977
Ugh, I could just kill you!

367
00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:17,775
[BRITISH ACCENT]
Well, hello, Rachel.

368
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:29,662
- You've really done this before?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

369
00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:32,456
You just take a big, big swing, okay?

370
00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:34,542
Now, don't hold back.

371
00:21:36,878 --> 00:21:39,005
- Hey.
- Hey.

372
00:21:39,339 --> 00:21:40,381
What are you doing?

373
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:44,093
We're just celebrating that Joey
got his health insurance back.

374
00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:46,804
Oh, all right.

375
00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:54,145
[English - US - SDH]