1 00:00:02,460 --> 00:00:07,339 Ah, I can't believe we've never done this. It's so good! 2 00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:10,092 It's so good for Monica. 3 00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:13,512 [BELL DINGS] 4 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,722 Time's up! My turn. 5 00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:19,351 - That was half an hour? - It's your timer. 6 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:22,563 CHANDLER: Okay. MONICA: All right. 7 00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:27,234 I don't like to brag about it, but I give the best massages. 8 00:00:27,485 --> 00:00:30,320 All right, then massage me up right nice! 9 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,242 Aah! Aah! Aah. 10 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:36,952 It's so good, isn't it? 11 00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:39,413 I don't know what I did to deserve it. 12 00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:43,125 Say goodbye to sore muscles! 13 00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:45,335 Goodbye, muscles! 14 00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:38,430 She gives the worst massages ever. 15 00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:42,976 It was like she was torturing me for information. 16 00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:46,855 I wanted to give it up. I just didn't know what it was! 17 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,651 If it hurts that bad, you should tell her. 18 00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:53,654 For the first time, I'm in a real relationship. 19 00:01:53,905 --> 00:01:57,032 I won't screw that up by telling the truth. 20 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,702 Dude, look out! 21 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,579 You almost crushed my hat. 22 00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,414 Sorry. 23 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,376 And the bunny got away. 24 00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:19,138 This would be the place where you explain the hat. 25 00:02:20,014 --> 00:02:21,181 Oh. Yeah. 26 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:22,808 There's this play, right? 27 00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:27,020 I'm up for the part of this cool, suave, international guy. 28 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:29,106 A clothes horse, so I figure... 29 00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:33,902 ...everyone at the audition will wear ultra-hip, high fashion stuff. 30 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,904 And you'll make them disappear? 31 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:40,367 Like you could find something this sophisticated. 32 00:02:42,036 --> 00:02:43,245 Done! 33 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:48,750 If you want to look good, come to the store. I'll help you. 34 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,419 - Thanks! RACHEL: Sure. 35 00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:52,171 Please, take those off! 36 00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,426 ROSS: Hey, Pheebs. How's it going? 37 00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:01,680 Um, only okay. Because I just got back from the hospital. 38 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:03,724 ALL: Are you all right? 39 00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:06,935 I'm fine. But, uh, my grandma sort of died. 40 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,647 ALL: Pheebs, sorry. PHOEBE: It's okay. 41 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,858 She had a really incredible life. 42 00:03:13,109 --> 00:03:16,153 It's not like I won't see her again. She'll visit. 43 00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:21,408 Maybe she's with us right now. 44 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:26,538 Right. She's on a new spiritual plane and she'll come to the coffeehouse. 45 00:03:26,789 --> 00:03:30,250 I just saw two people having sex in a car right outside! 46 00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:35,672 Uh, Pheebs' grandmother just died. 47 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:39,134 Oh, my God! I'm so sorry. 48 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:42,721 Actually, it's kind of cool. Because it's like... 49 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,807 ...you know, one life ends and another begins. 50 00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:49,770 Not the way they're doing it. 51 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:54,358 What happened? How did she die? 52 00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:55,692 We were in the market... 53 00:03:55,944 --> 00:04:00,614 ...and she bent down to get some yogurt and never came back up again. 54 00:04:01,866 --> 00:04:03,158 I'm so sorry. 55 00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:05,327 The last thing she said was: 56 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:10,457 "You get the eggs, I'll get the yogurt, and we'll meet at the checkout counter." 57 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,167 You know what? 58 00:04:12,543 --> 00:04:15,003 We will meet at the checkout counter. 59 00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:25,597 Since you're returning all this stuff... 60 00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:27,933 ...you'll have to wear underwear. 61 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,895 All right. You'd better show me that too. 62 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,649 It's missing something. 63 00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:39,069 Oh, I know. Um, okay. 64 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,033 Really? A purse? 65 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:48,161 It's not a purse. It's a shoulder bag. 66 00:04:48,871 --> 00:04:50,872 - It looks like a woman's purse. - No. 67 00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:55,669 Trust me, all the men are carrying them in the spring catalog. 68 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,547 See, look. Men carrying the bag. 69 00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:02,134 See, look. Women carrying the bag. 70 00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:14,646 But it is odd how a woman's purse looks so good on me, a man. 71 00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:18,150 Exactly. Unisex! 72 00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,528 Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago. 73 00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:26,616 No, Joey. U-N-I sex. 74 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,704 I ain't going to say no to that! 75 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,964 URSULA: Who is it? - It's Phoebe. 76 00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:42,632 URSULA: Oh, great! 77 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,302 Oh, you. 78 00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:47,304 Um, what's up? 79 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:52,851 Um, well, I sort of have some bad news. Can I come in? 80 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,395 Um, no, thanks. 81 00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,065 Um... 82 00:05:58,232 --> 00:06:03,153 - Well, um, Grandma died today. - Wow! 83 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:06,448 Didn't she die like five years ago? 84 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:09,076 No, she just died today. 85 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:12,788 Um, we're having a memorial service tomorrow. 86 00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:15,707 Okay, I know I went to that already. 87 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,459 No, you didn't! 88 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:19,252 Then who's been dead? 89 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:20,670 Lots of people! 90 00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:25,300 Look, are you coming or not? 91 00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:27,010 Um, no. 92 00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:32,349 I thought she was dead, so I've made my peace. 93 00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:35,811 Plus I'm going to a concert. 94 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:39,564 I'd invite you, but, um, I only have two tickets left. 95 00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:45,570 - Fine. Okay, enjoy your concert. - Thanks. Enjoy your funeral! 96 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:50,158 - Hey. - Hey. 97 00:06:57,333 --> 00:07:00,210 You look just like your son, Mrs. Tribbiani. 98 00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:04,423 What? Are you referring to my man's bag? 99 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:09,386 I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. 100 00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:11,638 It's got compartments for all your stuff. 101 00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:15,016 - Your wallet, keys, address book... - Your makeup. 102 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,855 What are you doing? The audition's tomorrow. 103 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,649 Yeah, but sandwich time is right now. 104 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:26,069 You get mustard on that bag, you can't return it. 105 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:29,114 Why would I return this? I love this bag! 106 00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:32,617 - All right, then you owe me $350. JOEY: Fine. 107 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:36,163 Do you take Vasa or Mooster Card? 108 00:07:37,081 --> 00:07:38,123 Joey... 109 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:43,587 Relax, I'll pay you with the money from the job I'll get. Thanks to you. 110 00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:46,465 What's the part? Auntie Mame? 111 00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,301 Don't listen to them. I think it's sexy. 112 00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:51,887 You-and-I sexy? 113 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,980 Hello, Mrs. Pinilla. Thank you for coming. 114 00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:04,274 Here's your, um, 3-D glasses. 115 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:09,613 Reverend Pong will say when to put them on. 116 00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:14,576 Hi, sweetie. 117 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,828 - How are you holding up? PHOEBE: Fine. 118 00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,623 Hey, Pheebs. I'm so sorry. 119 00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:24,878 You know what? My grandma had the exact same bag! 120 00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:27,005 I brought you flowers. 121 00:08:27,256 --> 00:08:28,757 Oh, thanks! 122 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:31,927 Pulling flowers out makes the bag look masculine. 123 00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:37,224 Excuse me, is this the, uh, memorial? 124 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,017 Welcome. 125 00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:40,894 Here's your 3-D glasses. 126 00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:42,771 All right. 127 00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:46,775 So how did you know Frances? 128 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:49,611 Actually, I hadn't seen her for years. 129 00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:54,616 But, um, I was pretty tight with her and her daughter. 130 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:55,992 What's your name? 131 00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:57,953 Frank Buffay. 132 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:04,334 You know what? Strike that. My name, uh, actually, is Joe. 133 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,295 Um, uh, Joe, uh, Hill. 134 00:09:07,588 --> 00:09:10,966 - You're Frank Buf... - Shh. No! Joe Hill. 135 00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:13,343 You just said... 136 00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:16,388 I got to go. Thank you so much for coming. 137 00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,224 PHOEBE: But... 138 00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:21,726 Oh, my God! 139 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,103 ALL: What happened? 140 00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:24,688 That was my dad. 141 00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:27,482 ALL: Oh, my God! What? - Check it out! 142 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,527 It's like it's coming right at me. 143 00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:41,288 - Did you catch him? ROSS: What did he say? 144 00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:44,708 He said, um, "Nice to meet you, Glenda." 145 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:48,128 I couldn't give him my real name. 146 00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:49,462 Why not? 147 00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:51,172 You saw the way he ran. 148 00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:54,175 You think he'd talk to the daughter he abandoned? 149 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,136 What did you say to him? 150 00:09:56,387 --> 00:10:00,599 I said I was the executor of the will and I needed to talk to him. 151 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,685 I'm going to meet him at the coffeehouse. 152 00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:05,604 REVEREND: Could everyone take their seats? 153 00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:08,481 I just can't think about that now. 154 00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:11,776 - I want to say goodbye to my grandma. ALL: Okay. 155 00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,278 Let's go say goodbye. 156 00:10:13,487 --> 00:10:15,363 [ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING] 157 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,960 I'm off to my audition. How do I look? 158 00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:32,922 Great! That bag will get you that part. 159 00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:34,758 And a date with a man. 160 00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:40,847 You know what? Make fun all you want. This is a great bag. 161 00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:43,725 And it's as handy as it is becoming. 162 00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:48,146 Just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it wrong. 163 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:51,524 You guys have to get used to the fact that Joey... 164 00:10:52,276 --> 00:10:54,027 ...comes with a bag! 165 00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:57,906 I've got to meet my dad. 166 00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,908 Will you tell him who you are? 167 00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,744 Not at first. I don't want to freak him out. 168 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,871 But aren't you pissed at him? 169 00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:07,082 This guy abandoned you. 170 00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:11,586 If it were me, this guy would be in some serious physical danger. 171 00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:16,549 I'd walk in there, I'd be like, "Yo, Dad! 172 00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:20,011 You and me, outside. Right now!" 173 00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:22,764 I kind of scared myself. 174 00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:26,059 Well, at least you scared someone. 175 00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,854 You'd think I'd be angry. 176 00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:34,192 You'd think I'd want to rip his tiny little head off! 177 00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:37,320 Fortunately, I'm past it. 178 00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:41,491 You do seem a little tense. Here, let me help you. 179 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,868 Oh, get off! Ow! 180 00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:47,038 Stop it! Why are you doing that to me? 181 00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:49,040 What are you talking about? 182 00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:52,085 As a masseuse and a human... 183 00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:55,755 ...I'm begging you, never do that to anyone. 184 00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,508 I give good massages. 185 00:11:58,676 --> 00:11:59,759 [LAUGHS] 186 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,805 I gave them to Rachel before she got allergic. 187 00:12:06,475 --> 00:12:09,227 And Chandler, he loves them! Watch. 188 00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:13,356 He does not like it. He's in pain! 189 00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:16,317 - No, he's not. - Yes, he is! 190 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:20,280 - What? - I'm sorry but, ow! 191 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,119 You've been lying to me? 192 00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:28,079 I can't believe that. 193 00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:30,331 Maybe he didn't want to hurt you. 194 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,835 But the minute we start to lie to each other... 195 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,214 And by "we"... 196 00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:40,550 ...I mean society. 197 00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:45,847 Anytime you're ready. 198 00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:48,475 Ahem, well, you must be new here. 199 00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:51,019 Maybe we get a table, I buy you a drink. 200 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,521 Could you try it without the purse? 201 00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,192 Yeah, sure. 202 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:04,783 Ahem, well, you must be new here. Maybe we sit... 203 00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:08,036 - Can I ask you something? - Sure. What? 204 00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,872 Well, first, it's not a purse. 205 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:12,707 Okay... 206 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:13,917 Anytime. 207 00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:16,628 If you think it's a woman's bag, it's not. 208 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,797 It's a man's bag. 209 00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:22,258 Okay. And go. 210 00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:25,970 Let me show you the catalog. 211 00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:27,722 Look. See? 212 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,683 Huh? It's the latest thing. 213 00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:33,812 Everyone's got one. Men, women, children. 214 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,396 Do you sell these? 215 00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:40,777 No, these babies sell themselves. 216 00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:43,696 Thank you. That was great. 217 00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:45,740 But I didn't read anything. 218 00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:48,117 I think we've seen enough. 219 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,454 All right, I'll see you. 220 00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:53,498 We got it. We got it. 221 00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:58,253 - Is Rachel here? - No. 222 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:03,424 Listen, I just wanted to apologize about the whole massage thing. 223 00:14:04,134 --> 00:14:06,177 I really like them. 224 00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,930 Please stop. 225 00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,183 We're supposed to be honest. 226 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:16,104 I wish you could tell me, "I don't like your massages." 227 00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:23,319 I don't like your massages. 228 00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:27,866 See? It's no big deal. 229 00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:30,869 But now you're crying. 230 00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:35,248 I'm not crying about that. I'm crying about something at work. 231 00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:39,586 My boyfriend said he didn't like my massages. 232 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,797 You don't have to be best at everything. 233 00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:46,676 Oh, my God! You don't know me at all! 234 00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:49,721 Okay... 235 00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:52,473 You give the worst massages in the world. 236 00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:54,767 I'm crying here! 237 00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:56,686 Look, hear me out. 238 00:14:56,896 --> 00:15:00,231 You give the best bad massages. 239 00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:04,193 If anybody was looking for the best bad massage... 240 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,696 ...and they thought, "Who's the best?" 241 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,406 They'd have to go to you. 242 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,369 Huh. 243 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:17,790 So you're saying that if there was an award... 244 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:22,587 ...for the best bad massage... Who would get that? 245 00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:24,464 It would be you! 246 00:15:24,673 --> 00:15:27,842 You, Monica! And you'd get all the votes. 247 00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,429 So they could call the award, "The Monica"? 248 00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:34,807 Absolutely. 249 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,018 Okay... 250 00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:39,646 I suck! 251 00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:48,196 Thank you for meeting me. 252 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:49,822 Thank you. 253 00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:51,950 Come sit. 254 00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:55,495 Sit. 255 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:57,372 Sit! 256 00:15:58,832 --> 00:16:02,210 Um, alrighty. Um, before we get started, I need you... 257 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:06,631 ...to state for the record that you are, in fact, Frank Buffay. 258 00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,841 Yes, I am. Mm-hm. 259 00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:13,513 - Okay. - So, what did Frances leave me? 260 00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:16,557 - Huh? - That's why you wanted me to come. 261 00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,101 Oh, yes. 262 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:21,145 Yes, she did. She left you, um... 263 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,524 ...this lipstick. 264 00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:27,318 Oh. Huh. 265 00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,572 Oh, it's, ew, used. 266 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:35,326 Uh, cool. 267 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:43,167 I have just a few questions to ask, so I'll get out my official forms. 268 00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,589 So question one: 269 00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:53,136 You were married to Frances' daughter, Lilly. Correct? 270 00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,388 Yes, I was. 271 00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:58,933 Okay, um, question two: Um, did that marriage end... 272 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:00,768 ...A, happily... 273 00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:03,312 ...B, medium... 274 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:06,733 ...or, C, in the total abandonment... 275 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,027 ...of her and her two children? 276 00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:11,112 It really says that? 277 00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:12,447 Yeah, see? 278 00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:16,826 I guess then I would have to say C. 279 00:17:18,495 --> 00:17:20,121 Total abandonment. 280 00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:23,416 Reasons for abandonment: 281 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:27,003 Um, A, top secret government work... 282 00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:28,713 ...B, amnesia... 283 00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:32,258 ...or, C, you're just a selfish, irresponsible... 284 00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:34,886 ...bad, bad man. 285 00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:37,889 I don't want the lipstick that much. 286 00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:42,935 Would you do me a favor? 287 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:44,896 Would you give Lilly... 288 00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:47,774 ...that, please? - What? 289 00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:50,193 When you see Lilly, give her that note. 290 00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,862 I wanted to talk to her at the memorial... 291 00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:58,117 ...but I pictured her getting mad the way you did, and I chickened out. 292 00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:01,329 I wrote her a note. Give it to her, please? 293 00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:04,165 But you came to see Lilly? 294 00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:06,250 Yeah. Why? 295 00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:09,170 Lilly's dead. 296 00:18:10,714 --> 00:18:11,839 She what? 297 00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:13,257 She's dead. 298 00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:14,967 Are you sure? 299 00:18:15,135 --> 00:18:18,262 If she isn't, cremating her was a big mistake. 300 00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:22,517 I can't believe this. I just can't believe... 301 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:25,520 How? Oh, my God. 302 00:18:26,313 --> 00:18:27,355 How long ago? 303 00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:29,190 Seventeen years ago. 304 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,942 Oh. 305 00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:33,945 What about the girls? 306 00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:40,701 Well, Ursula is a waitress and she lives in Soho. 307 00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:44,413 And Phoebe... 308 00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:47,959 ...is on this couch. 309 00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:59,387 Yep, lipstick and a daughter. Big day for you. 310 00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:03,474 Phoebe, I, um... 311 00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:05,143 Whoops. 312 00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:09,272 It's just, I don't know what to say. 313 00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:15,403 I just can't believe that you're my daughter. You're so pretty. 314 00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:19,448 Yes, well, that's neither here nor there. 315 00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:24,537 Would it make you feel better if I said... 316 00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:28,374 ...that I was very, very sorry I left? 317 00:19:30,752 --> 00:19:33,963 It doesn't matter what you say. It won't make a difference. 318 00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:35,673 So you can just go. 319 00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:42,471 Well, you know, in my defense, I was a lousy father. 320 00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:45,433 - That's your defense? - Yes, it is. 321 00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:49,687 I burned the formula, and I put your diapers on backwards. 322 00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:54,483 I made up a song to sing to you, but that made you cry even more. 323 00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:56,569 You make up songs? 324 00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:59,906 Well, no, just that one. But it was stupid. 325 00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:02,950 Let's see, how did it go? Um... 326 00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:07,371 [SINGING] Sleepy girl, sleepy girl 327 00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:10,791 Why won't you go to sleep? 328 00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:14,086 Sleepy girl, sleepy girl 329 00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:16,464 You're keeping me up 330 00:20:35,525 --> 00:20:37,443 I'm not very good at this. 331 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:42,031 Well, I am. 332 00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:48,704 Not yet. No. 333 00:20:54,378 --> 00:20:55,419 Hey. 334 00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:57,421 ALL: Hey! How'd the audition go? 335 00:20:57,839 --> 00:20:59,257 Estelle said I didn't get it. 336 00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:02,718 What? Why? Joey, you were so ready for it. 337 00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:04,345 I thought so too... 338 00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:07,223 ...but the casting people had problems with me. 339 00:21:07,474 --> 00:21:08,641 What kind of problem? 340 00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:11,560 To tell you the truth... 341 00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:14,021 ...they had a problem with the bag! - Oh, my God! 342 00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:18,109 You know what? It was a stupid play anyway. 343 00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:20,820 It's time to give up the bag. 344 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,614 I don't want to give up the bag. 345 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:26,617 I don't have to give it up, do I, Rach? 346 00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:32,456 You think I should give up the bag! 347 00:21:32,749 --> 00:21:37,169 Joey, I'm sorry. As terrific as I think you are with it... 348 00:21:39,339 --> 00:21:44,051 ...I just don't know if the world is ready for you and your bag. 349 00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:48,139 I can't believe this! 350 00:21:48,390 --> 00:21:51,559 Wait, I'm not saying you shouldn't have a bag. 351 00:21:52,811 --> 00:21:56,981 There are other bags that are maybe a little less... 352 00:21:57,774 --> 00:21:59,275 ...controversial. 353 00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:02,987 Yeah, um, they're called wallets. 354 00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:09,702 [English - US - SDH]