1
00:00:03,503 --> 00:00:04,753
Okay. Hey.

2
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:06,964
- Does everybody hate these shoes?
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah.

3
00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:12,011
But I don't think anybody's gonna focus on
that as long as you wear that towel dress.

4
00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:13,971
Tell him.

5
00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:18,350
It's her first day at this new job.
You're not supposed to start with her.

6
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:21,854
All right. I suppose I can wait a day.

7
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,815
- Hey, what are you doing Friday?
- Why?

8
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:28,152
I need you to come to this bachelor party
for my weird cousin Albert.

9
00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:29,820
You know, he's the botanist?

10
00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:33,449
Oh, God. Yeah, botanists are such geeks.

11
00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:35,284
Yeah.

12
00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:36,493
Is that a dinosaur tie?

13
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:37,745
Hmm? Oh, yeah.

14
00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:40,330
[ROARS THEN GROWLS]

15
00:00:40,915 --> 00:00:42,041
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

16
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:43,709
- Morning.
CHANDLER: Hey.

17
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,962
Hey. Rach, I'm here with the purses.

18
00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:50,966
It must take you forever
to find your keys.

19
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,468
Thank you, thank you, Pheebs.

20
00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:55,471
Oh, you're welcome.
Oh, please want the one with the turtles.

21
00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:58,432
No, no, no, turtles scare me.
I don't need that today.

22
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:02,436
Honey, just relax. It's gonna be fine.

23
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:05,230
Hey, why don't I come down there
and take you to lunch?

24
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:08,025
Aw, honey, thank you,
but Mark's taking me out.

25
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:12,071
Mark? Is that the same Mark
that helped you get the job?

26
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:15,699
Yeah. It's kind of like a
"good luck on your first day" sort of thing.

27
00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:17,201
Is this actually a lunch box?

28
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:20,662
Um, no, it's a purse.
And there's a thermos in it.

29
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,122
Oh.

30
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,751
- Hey, so can you make it on Friday?
ROSS: What?

31
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:28,545
Oh, yeah, I think so.
Why am I invited to this again?

32
00:01:28,713 --> 00:01:30,464
- Apparently, Albert has no friends.
ROSS: Oh.

33
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,424
He's excited about the bachelor party,
though.

34
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,427
I think the only reason he's getting married
is so he can see a stripper.

35
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:36,804
[ROSS CHUCKLES]

36
00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:41,308
A stripper at a bachelor party.
That is so cliché.

37
00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:44,186
Why don't you guys get a magician?

38
00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:48,732
If a magician can open my beer
with his butt cheeks, then all right.

39
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,200
She's having lunch with him?
Lunch with him?

40
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:43,203
You should've seen the hug he gave her
when she got the job.

41
00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:46,081
And he's really good-looking.

42
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:50,002
- What am I gonna do?
- You don't do anything.

43
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,796
Keep it inside.
Learn how to hide your feelings.

44
00:02:54,465 --> 00:02:55,716
Don't cry out loud.

45
00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,511
Yes! Unh!

46
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:02,014
Guess who has an audition
for a Broadway musical.

47
00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:05,726
I wanna say you,
but it seems like such an easy answer.

48
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,269
It is me.

49
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:10,230
It's a musical version
of A Tale of Two Cities.

50
00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:12,691
So I think I'm gonna sing
"New York, New York"...

51
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:16,778
...and, uh, oh,
"I Left My Heart in San Francisco."

52
00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:23,202
Uh, Joey, I don't think
you get to pick the cities.

53
00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:27,080
- What?
- Mr. Dickens gets to pick them.

54
00:03:28,791 --> 00:03:30,250
Who?

55
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:33,337
I'll get you the CliffsNotes.

56
00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:35,297
The what?

57
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:36,924
The abridgment.

58
00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:40,135
Oh, okay. Ha, ha.

59
00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:42,304
The what?

60
00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,560
Then the style number...

61
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:52,773
...the invoice number,
and the shipping date.

62
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,900
Good. Any questions so far?

63
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,319
Yeah. What kind of discount do we get?

64
00:03:57,487 --> 00:04:02,032
- Ha, ha. Twenty percent.
- Oh. I love this job. Ha, ha.

65
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,450
[PHONE RINGS]

66
00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:05,160
- Ah! My first call.
- Here, let me.

67
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,037
Okay.

68
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:10,207
- Rachel Green's line. How may I help you?
- Hi, is Rachel there?

69
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,335
- And who may I say is calling?
- [OVER PHONE] This is Ross.

70
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:14,544
Ross of?

71
00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:18,090
Of "Ross and Rachel."

72
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,384
Oh. Hi, it's Mark.

73
00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:22,594
- Oh, hey, Mark. Heh. Hey.
MARK [OVER PHONE]: Hey.

74
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:24,096
- Hey, hold on a second.
- Uh, okay.

75
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,430
MARK: It's Ross.
RACHEL: Okay.

76
00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:27,891
- Hi, honey.
- Hi.

77
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,686
What's Mark doing
answering your phone?

78
00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:32,688
[OVER PHONE]
Oh, he's just goofing around.

79
00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:35,774
Oh, that's funny.

80
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:40,070
Why isn't he goofing around
in his own office?

81
00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:44,324
Ha, ha. Honey, this is his office too.
I told you, we're Joanna's two assistants.

82
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,743
Why does Joanna need two assistants?

83
00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:49,204
How lazy is she?

84
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:52,416
- Oh. Oh, my God. What did I just do?
- What?

85
00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:54,710
I think I just shipped 3000 bras
to Personnel.

86
00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:56,712
Honey, I gotta go. Mark, I need you.

87
00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:59,131
Okay. Bye-bye.

88
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,758
Ow! Ross!

89
00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:04,428
Huh? Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.
I was just trying to...

90
00:05:04,595 --> 00:05:07,472
Uh, I was dialing another number.

91
00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:24,281
All right, I just got changed in 30 seconds
so you could be alone with him.

92
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:28,076
- You better go for it.
- Please. I'm not going for anything.

93
00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:31,621
- Well, if you don't, I will.
- Would you please go?

94
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,041
Night, Mon.

95
00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:37,502
- Night, Julio.
- Adiós.

96
00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:50,807
Look, Julio,
someone left their book here.

97
00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:52,726
Actually, that is mine.

98
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:54,227
- Oh, yeah?
- Yes.

99
00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:55,812
What are you reading?

100
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:59,524
Flowers of Evil by Baudelaire.
Have you read it?

101
00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:02,444
Ha, ha. Have I read it?

102
00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:05,864
No. Are you enjoying it?

103
00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:09,951
I thought that I would,
but the translation's no good.

104
00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:11,161
[LAUGHS]

105
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:13,080
You're a poet and you don't know it.

106
00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:20,212
Actually, I, uh... I am a poet.

107
00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:22,631
Oh. Ha, ha.

108
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,883
So you do know it. Ha, ha.

109
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,593
[MONICA CLEARS THROAT]

110
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:33,350
Ahem. So, uh, what kind of things
do you write about?

111
00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:35,727
Things that move me.

112
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,938
The shadow of a tree...

113
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,232
...a child laughing...

114
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:43,360
...or this lip.

115
00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:45,529
Mine?

116
00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:47,656
Right here?

117
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:53,453
I could write an epic poem about this lip.

118
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,128
How would that go?

119
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:14,141
Well, it didn't rhyme, ha, ha...

120
00:07:14,308 --> 00:07:15,392
...but I liked it.

121
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:24,025
[SINGING]
You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys

122
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:31,199
You've got to pick a pocket or two

123
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:37,456
Lovely. Just lovely.

124
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,249
Really? Thanks.

125
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:42,919
Listen, Joey, we definitely wanna see you
for the callback on Saturday.

126
00:07:43,087 --> 00:07:44,379
Excellent.

127
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:46,339
- I'll be there.
- Ha, ha. Okay.

128
00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:49,926
And listen, don't forget to bring
your jazz shoes for the dance audition.

129
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:57,434
Uh, my agent said
that it wasn't a dancing part.

130
00:07:57,602 --> 00:08:00,479
Joey, all the roles gotta dance a little.
Ha, ha.

131
00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:03,815
But believe me, with your
dance background, it'll be a piece of cake.

132
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:07,277
Three years of modern dance
with Twyla Tharp?

133
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:11,239
Five years with
the American Ballet Theatre?

134
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,703
Hey, everybody lies
on their résumé, okay?

135
00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:19,581
I wasn't one of the Zoom kids either.

136
00:08:20,374 --> 00:08:22,626
Well, can you, like, dance at all?

137
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:25,253
Yeah, I can dance. You know:

138
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,306
Oh, no, no, no.

139
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,017
What is that?

140
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:42,354
Sure, it looks stupid now.
There's no music playing.

141
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,022
[PHONE RINGING]

142
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,483
All right, I have to get that. But no, no.

143
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,319
Hello?

144
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,655
Hi. Ha, ha.

145
00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:56,910
Yeah, listen, I'm in need of a stripper,
and I was told that you do that.

146
00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,663
[CHUCKLING]

147
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,875
Let me ask you this.
What do you do for the extra hundred?

148
00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:09,005
So would I have to provide the grapes?

149
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,174
- Hi.
- Ooh.

150
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:13,260
How was last night with Julio, señorita?
Ha, ha.

151
00:09:13,427 --> 00:09:14,886
It was so amazing.

152
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:18,139
He's so sexy and smart,
which makes him even sexier.

153
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:20,892
Oh, my gosh.
Last night we were fooling around...

154
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:24,104
...and all of a sudden he stops
to write a poem.

155
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:27,857
Get out.
I couldn't stop if a meteor hit me.

156
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:34,906
Okay, we have our stripper,
a Miss Crystal Chandelier.

157
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:38,535
Well, sure. You name a kid that,
what do you expect them to grow up to be?

158
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,665
Ahem. Anyway, when he left
he forgot to take the poem with him.

159
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:48,420
Now, I am totally dense about poetry,
but I think this is pretty good, all right?

160
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:51,339
Check it out. Read it.

161
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,842
"The Empty Vase."

162
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:55,176
Translucent beauty...

163
00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:57,178
To yourself.

164
00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:03,893
- Hey, you know, that's pretty good.
- Yeah, I think so too. Phoebe?

165
00:10:04,061 --> 00:10:06,563
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, great. I'm so glad you guys like it.

166
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:09,774
- Yay. All right, I gotta go to work.
- No, no. I'm not done.

167
00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:12,652
Give it back when you're through.

168
00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:14,446
- Okay, see you guys.
- Bye-bye.

169
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:15,947
PHOEBE:
Bye.

170
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:18,450
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Poor Monica.

171
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,910
- What? What? What?
PHOEBE: What?

172
00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:23,496
He was with her
when he wrote this poem. Look.

173
00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:26,499
My vessel so lovely
With nothing inside

174
00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:29,586
Now that I've touched you
You seem emptier still

175
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:32,672
He thinks Monica's empty.
She's the empty vase.

176
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:36,217
- You really think that's what he meant?
- Totally.

177
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:39,137
Oh, God.
Oh, and she seems so happy too.

178
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,181
Done.

179
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,027
Do you have the Ralph Lauren file?

180
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,946
Oh, yeah, sure. It's, uh right...

181
00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:59,115
[FRANCIS LAI'S "LOVE STORY" PLAYING
ON SPEAKER]

182
00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:03,286
What's that?

183
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:05,747
Uh, it's from Ross. It's a love bug.

184
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:06,956
[CHUCKLES]

185
00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:10,460
Wow. Somebody wants people to know
you have a boyfriend.

186
00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:13,630
Oh, no. No, no, no.
That's not what he's doing.

187
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:16,675
- He's just really romantic.
- Okay.

188
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,135
Excuse me. Are you Rachel Green?

189
00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:20,512
Yes, I am.

190
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,721
[PLAYS TONE]

191
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:22,972
One, two, three.

192
00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:25,183
QUARTET [SINGING]:
Congratulations on your first week

193
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,810
At your brand-new job

194
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:28,770
It won't be long
Before you're the boss

195
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:30,021
[SCATTING]

196
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,899
And you know who will be there
To support you

197
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,484
Your one and only boyfriend

198
00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:36,277
It's nice to have a boyfriend.

199
00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:40,323
Your loyal, loving boyfriend, Ross
Ross!

200
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,790
I'm hurt. I'm actually hurt...

201
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:53,002
...that you'd think I'd send you those things
out of anything other than love.

202
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:54,796
Hurt.

203
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:58,258
- Hurt.
- All right, Ross, I get it. You're hurt.

204
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:03,763
Can't a guy send a barbershop quartet
to his girlfriend's office anymore?

205
00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:07,934
Oh, please. Ross, it was so obvious.

206
00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,103
It was like you were marking
your territory.

207
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:14,858
I mean, you might as well have just come in
and peed all around my desk.

208
00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:18,445
I would never do that.

209
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:23,032
Look, I know
what's going on here, okay?

210
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:27,495
Mark explained it all to me.
He said this is what you guys do.

211
00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:31,499
Yeah, well, if Mark said that,
then Mark's an idiot.

212
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:33,001
Mark's a genius.

213
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:37,130
- Why? How? How is he a genius?
- Look, don't you see what's happening?

214
00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:40,425
Instead of hitting on her right away,
he's becoming her confidant.

215
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:44,053
Now he's gonna be the guy that she goes to
to complain about you.

216
00:12:44,221 --> 00:12:45,430
What am I gonna do?

217
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,557
Well, why don't you send her
a musical bug?

218
00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:49,976
Oh, no, you already did that.

219
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:54,981
All right, look, you're gonna have to
go there yourself now, okay?

220
00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:57,776
- Make a few surprise visits.
- I don't know, you guys.

221
00:12:57,943 --> 00:13:00,445
Fine, don't do anything.
Just sit here and talk to us.

222
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:04,949
Meanwhile, she is talking to him about you.
And he's being Mr. Joe-Sensitive.

223
00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:09,287
She starts thinking, "Maybe this is the guy
for me because he understands me."

224
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,456
And before you know it, she's with him.

225
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:14,459
And you'll be all, "Oh, man."

226
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,795
And he'll be all, "Yes!"

227
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:21,633
And us, we'll be like, "Oh, dude."

228
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,012
And pretty soon you'll be like:

229
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:28,264
[IN SAD VOICE]
"Hi."

230
00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:34,229
And, "Well, I can't go.
Rachel and Mark might be there."

231
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:38,149
[IN NORMAL VOICE] And we'll be like,
"Man, get over it. It's been four years."

232
00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:43,279
He paints quite a picture, doesn't he?

233
00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:48,618
Here's the Shelli Segal stuff
for December.

234
00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:51,788
- Oh, wait, I've got something for you.
- What? Oh... Mark.

235
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,832
It's okay. Rachel knows.

236
00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:56,167
Yeah, but even so... Ha, ha.

237
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:59,546
I can't help it. I'm just crazy about you.

238
00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:02,799
Oh, that is so sweet.

239
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:04,801
MARK:
Okay, okay.

240
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:07,720
I know I'm Mr. Inappropriate today,
but it's just so tough.

241
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:11,057
I see you walking around,
and I just wanna touch and hold you.

242
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:14,018
- Aw.
- Come on, no one's around. Just kiss me.

243
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:17,856
- All right, that's it. Get off. Get off of her.
- What is going on?

244
00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:20,817
What's going on?
I'll tell you what's going on.

245
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:22,861
Ross.

246
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:31,953
I have been down in your store
for 20 minutes, trying to get a tie.

247
00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:36,791
What do I have to do
to get some service?

248
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,420
Hi, Rach.

249
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,847
Uh, Joey? Joey Tribbiani?

250
00:14:56,312 --> 00:15:00,023
Listen, Joey, I got a problem.
I just got a call from my dance captain.

251
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:03,359
He's having a relationship crisis
and can't get out of Long Island.

252
00:15:03,527 --> 00:15:05,653
So does that mean the audition's off?

253
00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:09,407
Listen, Joey,
seeing as you've got the most experience...

254
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:13,161
...I want you to take these dancers
and teach them the combination.

255
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:15,705
What?

256
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,248
Oh, Joey, come on, it's easy.

257
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:22,086
You know, it's hand, hand, head, head...

258
00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:24,088
...up, pas de bourrée, pas de bourrée...

259
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,883
...big turn here, rond de jambe,
sissonne, sissonne...

260
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,385
...slide, step, step...

261
00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:31,471
...and jazz hands.

262
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:37,310
So that's steppity-step and jazz hands.

263
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:39,479
Have fun.

264
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:41,314
Bye.

265
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:45,902
- Hey.
- Hey.

266
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,570
- What are you wrapping?
- Oh.

267
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,156
Look what I got Julio.

268
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:55,995
- Yeah, it's a vase.
- Yeah.

269
00:15:56,163 --> 00:15:57,538
Just like the one in the poem.

270
00:15:57,706 --> 00:16:01,000
Yeah, well,
not exactly like the one in the poem.

271
00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:02,585
What do you mean?

272
00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:05,463
Remember how you said
you were really dense about poetry?

273
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,465
Yeah.

274
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:09,592
Oh.

275
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:16,516
- So I'm just an empty vase, huh?
- What?

276
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:19,060
So I don't read as many important books
as you do.

277
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:23,815
I don't write poems that seem to be about
one thing but are about something else.

278
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,526
And you know what?
I get excited about stupid stuff...

279
00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:29,070
...like when my People magazine comes
on Saturday...

280
00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:31,948
...and the new Hold Everything catalog.

281
00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:33,700
But that does not mean I'm empty.

282
00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:36,452
I care about things.
I care about my friends and family.

283
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,871
You have no right
to make that judgment about me.

284
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:40,957
- You don't even know me.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

285
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,251
The poem is not about you.

286
00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:48,381
- What?
- "The Empty Vase" is not about you.

287
00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,633
My baby preciosa.

288
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:53,094
You make me so sad
that you would think this.

289
00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:59,976
- I'm sorry. It's... My friend Phoebe said...
JULIO: No, it's...

290
00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:02,228
It's about all women.

291
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:07,150
Well, heh, all American women.

292
00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:10,403
You feel better now?

293
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:13,031
Oh, yeah.

294
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,201
All right, let's do it.

295
00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:19,037
[UPBEAT SHOW TUNE PLAYING
ON PIANO]

296
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:38,056
No, no, no.

297
00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:40,141
What was that?

298
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:42,894
I know,
it's the best I could get out of them.

299
00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:48,649
- Well, people.
- People, people, people.

300
00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:53,446
Let's try it again.
And this time, let's everybody watch Joey.

301
00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:57,200
Show them how it's done.

302
00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:03,873
Count it off, Mack.

303
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:05,833
[UPBEAT SHOW TUNE PLAYING
ON PIANO]

304
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:18,930
So did you have fun
at the bachelor party last night?

305
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,598
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Look what I got.

306
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,642
- See, she's fully dressed, right?
- Right.

307
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:26,229
And then you click it and,
uh-oh, she's naked.

308
00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:30,691
And then you click it again
and she's dressed.

309
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:33,277
She's a business woman,
walking down the street.

310
00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:36,030
She's window shopping,
and, oh, oh, oh, she's naked.

311
00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:44,705
Hi.

312
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:46,999
Hello.

313
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,920
You know what? I'm gonna spend
some alone time with the pen.

314
00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:03,057
I'm sorry. I was an idiot.

315
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:06,435
- A big idiot.
- A big idiot. Heh.

316
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:12,024
It's just, you have to realize,
this whole Mark thing is really hard for me.

317
00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:15,903
Honey, why is it hard?
We've been together for almost a year now.

318
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:22,410
Well, I was with Carol for like eight years,
and I lost her.

319
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:26,247
And now, if it's possible,
I think I love you even more.

320
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:30,042
So it's hard for me to believe
I'm not gonna...

321
00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:34,088
Well, that someone else
isn't gonna take you away.

322
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:37,258
Let it be me. Let it be me.

323
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:45,224
Honey, that's very sweet.

324
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:49,228
It just seems to me, though,
that if two people love each other...

325
00:19:49,396 --> 00:19:51,898
...and trust each other, like we do...

326
00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:54,275
...there's no reason to be jealous.

327
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,660
I gotta get going. Bye, Chandler.

328
00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:05,870
Oh, okay, Ross.

329
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:09,916
Listen, this pen's getting kind of boring,
so can you pick me up some porn?

330
00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:15,087
- Where you going?
- I've gotta go pick up Ben.

331
00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:16,923
We've got a playdate this afternoon.

332
00:20:17,090 --> 00:20:18,758
Oh. With who?

333
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:21,594
Just this woman I met last night
at the party.

334
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:23,429
There was a woman at?

335
00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:26,933
The stripper?

336
00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:29,602
Yeah.

337
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:32,146
You have a playdate with a stripper?

338
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,816
Man, I gotta get a kid.

339
00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:40,029
[LAUGHING]

340
00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:43,366
Uh, yeah, yeah.

341
00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:46,244
We started talking after she,
you know, did her thing...

342
00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:48,788
...and it turns out she's got a boy
about Ben's age.

343
00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:50,915
So we're gonna take the kids
to a Gymboree class.

344
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,333
- Meh.
RACHEL: Oh.

345
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:54,710
- Is that okay?
- Sure. Is she married?

346
00:20:54,878 --> 00:20:57,380
- No.
- Huh.

347
00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:03,177
Are you jealous?

348
00:21:04,471 --> 00:21:08,224
No. You know, I just don't see why
she has to play with you, that's all.

349
00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:10,101
I mean, doesn't she, you know...

350
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:13,813
...have any other stripper-mom friends
of her own?

351
00:21:17,025 --> 00:21:21,028
- You are totally jealous.
- Ugh. I'm not jealous, all right?

352
00:21:21,196 --> 00:21:23,531
This is about...

353
00:21:23,865 --> 00:21:27,952
...um, people feeling certain things...

354
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,288
...you know, about...

355
00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:31,622
...strippers.
- Oh.

356
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:35,793
- And, you know... And, um... I... Ugh.
- Honey, I love you too.

357
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:38,421
- Bye.
- Wait, wait, wait.

358
00:21:38,588 --> 00:21:40,047
What?

359
00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:48,347
[GRUNTS]

360
00:21:53,228 --> 00:21:56,272
Well, there's a kiss he won't forget
for a few hours, you know?

361
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:57,732
- Yeah.
- Ha, ha.

362
00:21:57,899 --> 00:22:01,444
Either that or you just turned him on
and sent him off to a stripper.

363
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:09,785
Is there a Julio here?

364
00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:11,329
I am Julio.

365
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:13,080
[SCATTING]

366
00:22:13,248 --> 00:22:14,832
[SINGING]
Mr. Pretentious

367
00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:16,834
You think there's no one finer

368
00:22:17,044 --> 00:22:20,588
Well, your poems are unpublished
And you work in a diner

369
00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:26,093
QUARTET: You're no God's gift to women
That's all in your head

370
00:22:26,261 --> 00:22:27,428
You are just a butt-munch

371
00:22:27,596 --> 00:22:28,804
No one likes a butt-munch.

372
00:22:28,972 --> 00:22:32,266
And you're also bad in bed

373
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,321
[English - US - SDH]