1 00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:06,296 So I told Carl, nobody, no matter how famous their parents are... 2 00:00:06,464 --> 00:00:08,924 ...nobody is allowed to climb on the dinosaur. 3 00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:11,427 But of course, this went right in one ear... 4 00:00:11,594 --> 00:00:14,346 RACHEL: I love how he cares so much about stuff. 5 00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:18,475 If I squint, I can pretend he's Alan Alda. 6 00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:23,897 MONICA: Oh, good. Another dinosaur story. 7 00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:28,027 When are those gonna become extinct? 8 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:34,658 CHANDLER: If I was a superhero who could fly and be invisible... 9 00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:37,077 ...that would be the best. 10 00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:44,293 GUNTHER: What does Rachel see in this guy? 11 00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:47,629 I love Rachel. 12 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,593 I wish she was my wife. 13 00:00:54,804 --> 00:00:57,306 [JOEY HUMMING IN HEAD] 14 00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:06,815 PHOEBE: Who's singing? 15 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:58,158 [HAPPY DAYS THEME PLAYING ON TV] 16 00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:01,995 Hey, when you guys were kids and you played Happy Days... 17 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:05,874 ...who were you? I was always Richie. - I was always Joanie. 18 00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:10,295 Question: Was, uh, "Egg the Gellers" the war cry of your neighborhood? 19 00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:14,049 Ew, ew! It's the Mattress King. 20 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,884 - Don't look. Change the channel. JOEY: Boo! 21 00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:18,679 Wait. I want to see this. After I divorce him... 22 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:21,974 ...half of that kingdom is gonna be mine. 23 00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:25,227 Despair fills the mattress showroom. 24 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:28,313 My kingdom is suddenly without a queen. 25 00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,065 I'm so depressed... 26 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,817 ...I'm going to slash... 27 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,111 ...my prices! Check it out! 28 00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:38,365 599 for a California king. 499 for a pillow-top queen set. 29 00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,826 I'm going medieval on prices. 30 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,870 What a wank. 31 00:02:43,037 --> 00:02:47,082 Oh, I cannot believe he's using our divorce to sell mattresses. 32 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:51,420 I know. At 499 for a pillow-top queen, who cares about the divorce? 33 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,922 Those babies will sell themselves. 34 00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:58,886 And I'm appalled for you, by the way. 35 00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:03,432 I'm close. I'm cheap. I'm the king. 36 00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:12,316 Okay. Okay, Daddy. We'll see you tomorrow night. Okay, bye-bye. 37 00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:15,277 - "We"? - Ahem. 38 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:19,948 - Are, uh, having dinner with my dad tomorrow night. I hope that's okay. 39 00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,409 Oh, shoot. Tomorrow's not good. 40 00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:25,078 I'm supposed to, um, fall off the Empire State Building... 41 00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:27,623 ...and land on a bicycle with no seat, so... 42 00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:32,419 Ross, my father doesn't hate you. 43 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:35,631 Please. He refers to me as "Wet-Head." 44 00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:39,259 Honey, he calls everybody by a nickname. 45 00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:42,721 Okay, look, I know. Just one dinner. Please, one night. For me. Please? 46 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,724 I just want him to love you like I do. 47 00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:48,852 All right. Well, not exactly like I do. 48 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,688 But if you do come to dinner... 49 00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:55,234 ...I'll love you like I do in that black thing that you like. 50 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,361 I'll go. 51 00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:03,492 - Fine. - Thank you. 52 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,497 Hi, Gunther. 53 00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:10,707 Yeah. We'll see. 54 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:14,336 - Hey, you guys. CHANDLER: Hey. 55 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,088 RACHEL: Hey. Hey. - Guess what. 56 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,881 - I got a gig. - Great. 57 00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:21,593 See, that's why I can never be an actor. Because I can't say "gig." 58 00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:25,013 Yeah, I can't say "croissant." Oh, my God. 59 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,809 - What's the part? - It's not a part. No. 60 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:31,979 I'm teaching Acting for Soap Operas at the Learning Extension. 61 00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:33,397 Come on. That's great. 62 00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:36,149 It's like my chance to give something back... 63 00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:38,485 ...to the acting community. 64 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,905 You know, you're probably not allowed to sleep with any of your students. 65 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,537 I know. 66 00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,795 Ugh. I don't know, Monica. It feels funny just being here. 67 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,756 I mean, if you buy a bed from Janice's ex-husband... 68 00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:01,675 ...that's like betraying Chandler. 69 00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:04,052 Not at these prices. 70 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,183 Hi. 71 00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:14,104 You know, in England this car would be on the other side of the store. 72 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,527 Whoosh. 73 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:24,406 Oh, oh, oh. 74 00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:26,825 Phoebe, come here. 75 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,952 Ah, this is my new bed. 76 00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:31,913 You gotta feel this bad boy. 77 00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:35,208 Ugh. Monica, it still feels so weird, you know? 78 00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:36,877 Chandler's your friend. Oh. 79 00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:38,086 [GASPS] 80 00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:39,588 Oh, my God. 81 00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:45,385 Oh. All right, take this bed. You can make other friends. Oh. 82 00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,103 Good evening. 83 00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:57,773 I am Mr. Tribbiani. 84 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,777 And I will be teaching Acting for Soap Operas. 85 00:06:02,236 --> 00:06:03,820 Now, um... 86 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:09,409 ...on my first day as Dr. Drake Ramoray on Days of our Lives... 87 00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:15,332 ...uh, ahem, I learned that one of the most important things... 88 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:18,502 ...in soap opera acting is reacting. 89 00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:21,380 This does not mean acting again. 90 00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:26,051 It means you don't have a line, but someone else just did. 91 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,595 And it goes something like this. Ahem. 92 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,306 [GASPS] 93 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,020 Thanks. Thanks. Thanks a lot. 94 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:40,023 By the way, before I forget. To work in soap operas... 95 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:43,235 ...some of you are gonna have to become much more attractive. 96 00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,154 All right, moving right along... 97 00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:51,868 - Hi. - Hey. 98 00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:55,664 - Oh! How was teaching last night? - Oh, it was great. You get to say stuff like: 99 00:06:55,873 --> 00:07:00,419 "Hey, the bell doesn't dismiss you. I dismiss you." 100 00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,296 - Oh, nice. - Yeah. 101 00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:05,799 Oh, and guess what. I got an audition for All My Children. 102 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,968 - Oh, yay! - Yeah, it's this great part. 103 00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:09,678 This boxer named Nick. 104 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:12,597 And I'm so, so right for it, you know? He's just like me... 105 00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:14,599 ...except that he's a boxer... 106 00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,393 ...and has an evil twin. 107 00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:17,894 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 108 00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:19,271 Oh. 109 00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:23,275 Dum-datta-dum. 110 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,695 Hear ye, hear ye. Delivery from the Mattress King. 111 00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:30,740 You Miss Geller? 112 00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:33,076 - Okay. - Sign here. 113 00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:36,037 - Ooh. Do I have a middle name? - Mm-hm. 114 00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:39,374 All right. Monica Felula... 115 00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:41,293 ...Geller. 116 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,462 It's that bedroom there. 117 00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:46,548 [CHUCKLES] 118 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,217 Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress King? 119 00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:52,721 Yeah. So please, please, please don't say anything to Chandler. 120 00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:55,682 - You want me to lie to Chandler? - Is that a problem? 121 00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,392 No. 122 00:07:58,394 --> 00:08:01,146 Oh, hey, hey, Nick the boxer. Let's see what you got. 123 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,064 - Yeah. - All right, put them up. Come on. 124 00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:05,650 - Hey, you're pretty good at this. - Ha, ha. 125 00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:07,944 Yeah, I had to learn. I was staying at the Y... 126 00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:10,739 ...and some of the young men weren't acting Christian enough. 127 00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:16,203 Hey, now. Hey. 128 00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:19,331 - Ow. And I'm bleeding. Okay, great. - Oh, oh! 129 00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:22,083 Wow. And I'm a vegetarian. 130 00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,712 All right, I'm sorry. We'll put some ice on it. 131 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,964 - Put your head back. Ooh. - Okay. All right. 132 00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:29,758 - I can't see. - I have you. 133 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,051 Oh, God. 134 00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,888 DELIVERY MAN: Which bedroom do you want it in, Ms. Geller? 135 00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:38,308 Oh. It's the compulsively neat one by the window, okay? 136 00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:40,101 Gotcha. 137 00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:48,693 Hi, Daddy. 138 00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:50,654 This is where they put us? 139 00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:53,782 What? There was no table available in the kitchen? 140 00:08:54,992 --> 00:08:56,618 - Hello, baby. - You remember Ross. 141 00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:58,787 - Mm-hm. - Nice to see you again, Dr. Green. 142 00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,122 So. 143 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,005 - How's the library? - Uh, museum. 144 00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:13,343 - What happened to the library? - There never was a library. 145 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:16,137 I mean, there are libraries. It's just that I, um... 146 00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:18,807 I've never worked at one. Ha, ha. 147 00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:23,603 You know what's really good here? 148 00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:25,146 - The lobster. - Mm. 149 00:09:25,314 --> 00:09:29,568 - What do you say? Shall I just order three? - Yeah, if you're really hungry. Ha, ha. 150 00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,116 It was a joke. I made a joke. 151 00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:40,245 Yeah, actually, Daddy, Ross is allergic to lobster. 152 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,080 What kind of person's allergic to lobster? 153 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:45,000 I guess the kind of person that works in a library. Ha, ha. 154 00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:46,835 - It's not... - I know. It's a museum. 155 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,671 What, you're the only who can make a joke? At least mine was funny. 156 00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:51,840 Uh, waiter. 157 00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:54,968 We will have two lobsters and a menu. 158 00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:01,641 So, Dr. Green, how's the old boat? 159 00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:03,685 They found rust. 160 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:07,814 - Do you know what rust does to a boat? - Gives it a nice antique-y look? 161 00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:16,448 Rust is boat cancer, Ross. 162 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,074 Wow, I'm sorry. 163 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,577 When I was a kid, I lost a bike to that. Ha, ha. 164 00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:28,376 Excuse me for a moment, will you, please? 165 00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:30,879 I wanna say good night to the Levines before we go. 166 00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,714 Okay. 167 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,886 Honey, stop. It's not that bad. 168 00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:40,013 Yeah. Oh. 169 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,724 Uh-oh. I think your dad must have added wrong. 170 00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,559 He only tipped, like, 4 percent. 171 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,561 Yeah. Ahem, that's Daddy. 172 00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:51,316 "That's Daddy"? Doesn't it bother you? You're a waitress. 173 00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:53,109 Yes, it bothers me, Ross. 174 00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:55,570 But, you know, if he was a regular at the coffee house... 175 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,405 ...I'd be serving him sneezers. 176 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,158 - So? - So, Ross... 177 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:04,329 ...I've bugged him about this a million times. He's not gonna change. 178 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,873 Do you really serve people sneezers? 179 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,668 Ahem, well, um, I don't. 180 00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,671 - All right, kids. Ready? - Yes. 181 00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:15,632 - Thanks again, Dr. Green. - Uh-huh. 182 00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:23,181 Wait, wait, wait, I think I forgot my receipt. 183 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,225 - Oh, you don't need that. - Ahem, why not? 184 00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:29,562 The carbon. It's messy. I mean, gets on your fingers and causes... 185 00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:31,272 ...the, uh, night blindness. 186 00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,277 What is this? 187 00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:38,321 Who put a 20 down here? 188 00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:40,740 - Huh? - Oh, yeah, that would be me. 189 00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:42,951 Um, I have... I have a problem. 190 00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:45,286 I tip way too much, way, way too much. 191 00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:47,539 - It's a sickness, really. - Yeah, it is. It is. 192 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,792 - We have to do something about that. - Excuse me. 193 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:53,044 You think I'm cheap? 194 00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,505 - He didn't mean anything by that. - Huh? 195 00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:59,426 - He really didn't. - Nothing I do means anything. Really. 196 00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:03,930 This is nice. I pay $200 for dinner. 197 00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:07,434 You put down 20 and you come out looking like Mr. Big-Shot. 198 00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:09,352 - You really wanna be Mr. Big-Shot? - Oh. 199 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:14,399 Here. I'll tell you what. You pay the whole bill, Mr. Big-Shot. All right? 200 00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:20,613 Well, "Mr. Big-Shot" is better than "Wet-Head." 201 00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:24,325 Okay, some tricks of the trade. 202 00:12:24,493 --> 00:12:26,828 Now, I've never been able to cry as an actor... 203 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,581 ...so if I'm in a scene where I have to cry... 204 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,666 ...I cut a hole in my pocket... 205 00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:34,043 ...take a pair of tweezers... 206 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,337 ...and just start pulling. 207 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:42,010 Okay. Or uh... Or let's say I want to convey... 208 00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:45,096 ...that I've, uh, just done something evil. 209 00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:49,267 Well, that would be your basic I've-got-a fish-hook-in-my-eyebrow-and-I-like-it. 210 00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:57,025 No? Okay. Let's say I've just gotten bad news. 211 00:12:57,193 --> 00:13:02,363 Well, all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. 212 00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,791 And that's how it's done. 213 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,335 Great soap opera acting tonight, everybody. 214 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,253 Class dismissed. 215 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,965 - Hey, Mr. Trib. - Hey. 216 00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,176 Guess what. I got an audition. 217 00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:26,805 Oh. One of my students got an audition. I'm so proud. 218 00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:30,892 I was wondering if you would consider coaching me for it. 219 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,895 - Oh, you bet. What's the part? - Oh, it's great. 220 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,898 It's a role on All My Children. Nick the boxer. 221 00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:47,909 Had to do it, didn't you? You couldn't leave it alone. 222 00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:52,580 Four percent, okay? I tip more than that when there's a bug in my food. 223 00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:55,625 Ross, tonight was about the two of you getting along. 224 00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:56,918 BOTH: Ugh. 225 00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,628 Would you see my chiropractor already? 226 00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:02,882 Yeah, I'm gonna go to a doctor who went to medical school in a mini-mall. 227 00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:09,222 Hey, Pheebs. What are you doing? 228 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:12,225 I'm... I'm freaking out. 229 00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:18,147 Monica kind of trusted me with something and she shouldn't have. 230 00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:21,276 All right, I haven't lived here in a while, so I have to ask you. 231 00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:23,820 Does Monica still turn the lights on in her bedroom? 232 00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:27,907 - Ahem. Yeah. - I am so dead. 233 00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,453 All right, look, here's the bottom line, Ross. 234 00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:35,164 This is fixable if we act fast, okay? 235 00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:38,126 So I'll invite him to brunch tomorrow and you can make nice. 236 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:41,546 Honey, I have tried to make nice. It doesn't work. 237 00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:43,882 Okay. Look, I realize my father is difficult... 238 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:47,677 ...but that's why you have got to be the bigger man here. 239 00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:51,556 Look, sweetie, I could be the bigger man. I could be the biggest man. 240 00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:55,435 I could be a big, huge, giant man and it still wouldn't make a difference. 241 00:14:55,644 --> 00:15:00,023 Except that I could pick your father up and say, "Like me. Like me, tiny doctor." 242 00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:05,320 Okay, well, can't you just try it one more time, Ross? For me? For me? 243 00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:08,114 Rachel, one brunch is not gonna solve anything. 244 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,575 You've gotta face it. We're never gonna get along. 245 00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,994 Okay, well, you are just going to have to. 246 00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:16,748 Okay? I've already got a mother and father who cannot stay in the same room. 247 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,917 I don't want to have a separate room for you too. 248 00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,169 Okay, okay. Okay. 249 00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:23,671 I'll get the bagels. 250 00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:30,261 What's this? 251 00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:34,015 Isn't it cool? Vroom. Vroom. 252 00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:36,726 This is not the bed I ordered. 253 00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:40,688 I know. You must have won, like, a contest or something. 254 00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:42,023 [MIMICKING RACING CAR] 255 00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:43,733 Phoebe. 256 00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:46,277 Why is this car in my bedroom? 257 00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,529 I'm sorry, okay. I wasn't looking... 258 00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:51,741 ...and the store said that they won't take it back because you signed for it. 259 00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,702 - When did I sign for it? - When I was you. 260 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:58,539 You know what? It's all Joey's fault because he left his nose open. 261 00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:01,751 Did you make brownies today? 262 00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:04,504 CHANDLER: Knock, knock. 263 00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:07,674 Quick. Take off your dress. He won't notice the bed. 264 00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,719 Hey, I'm going for sushi. Does anybody want, uh...? 265 00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:13,221 [LAUGHING] 266 00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:16,599 Whoa. Somebody missed the off-ramp. 267 00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:21,521 It's Monica's bed. What? 268 00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,398 Okay... 269 00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:26,234 It's a race car. 270 00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:30,113 So? This has always been Monica's bed. What, you're just noticing now? 271 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:31,906 How self-involved are you? 272 00:16:34,201 --> 00:16:35,660 Okay, well, if this bed isn't new... 273 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,371 ...then how come there's plastic on the mattress? 274 00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:42,458 Sometimes I have bad dreams. 275 00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,006 [SOBBING] Look... 276 00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:52,719 ...I just saw my best friend's brain smeared across the canvas. 277 00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:54,512 It's not gonna be me. 278 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,472 Not me. 279 00:16:57,891 --> 00:16:59,225 Wow. 280 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:02,812 That was good. That was... 281 00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:05,481 - Tweezers? - No. 282 00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:06,774 Oh, wow. 283 00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:10,945 - That was really good. - Thanks. 284 00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:12,697 Any suggestions? 285 00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:15,158 Hmm, I... 286 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:22,331 You told him to play the boxer gay? 287 00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:30,298 Well, I might have said "super-gay." 288 00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:33,259 You totally screwed him over. 289 00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:36,471 Joey, you're this guy's teacher. I mean, how could you do this? 290 00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,723 Because, Monica, the guy's so good. 291 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,184 And I really, really want this part. 292 00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:44,353 Well, if you really, really want it, then it's okay. 293 00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:48,566 - Hi, Daddy. - Baby. 294 00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:54,072 - Ross? - Dr. Green, how are you? 295 00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:58,409 Thanks for dinner last night. 296 00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:01,204 Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson. 297 00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:03,956 Nice hair. What did you do, swim here? 298 00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:10,088 Okay, that's it. I can't take it anymore. 299 00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:11,798 What, what? He's interested in you. 300 00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:15,384 - He just wants to know how you got here. - Oh, please. 301 00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:19,180 - Sweetie, it's hopeless. I'm just gonna go. - What? Ross. 302 00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:21,349 - I'm sorry. It's just... GREEN: Ross? 303 00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,101 What's with the neck? 304 00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:26,145 He's got this thing and I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor. 305 00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,231 You still going to that chiropractor? 306 00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:30,775 That man couldn't get into med school in lxtapa. 307 00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:34,237 Yeah, thank you. That's what I keep saying. 308 00:18:34,404 --> 00:18:38,199 Excuse me, ahem, Dr. Bobby happens to be an excellent doctor. 309 00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:41,577 Wait a minute. His name is Dr. Bobby? 310 00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:45,081 - Well, that's his last name. - And his first name. 311 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,542 He's Bobby Bobby? 312 00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:50,795 Ahem. It's Robert Bobby. 313 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,213 Oh. 314 00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:54,966 And, um, excuse me. He helps me. 315 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:58,344 - Oh. Please. Ask her how? - What do you need help for? 316 00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:00,805 With my alignment. One leg's shorter than the other. 317 00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:03,224 - Oh, my God. - Yeah. Argue with that. 318 00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:05,601 What? It's true. My right leg is two inches shorter. 319 00:19:05,769 --> 00:19:07,979 Come on, you're just tilting. 320 00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:11,190 - Her legs are fine. - I know that. 321 00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:14,235 - So why do you let her go to a chiropractor? - I'm sorry, "Let her"? 322 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:17,947 What can I do? She doesn't listen to me about renter's insurance, either. 323 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:20,992 Wait a minute. You don't have renter's insurance? 324 00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:25,079 - No. Ahem. - So, what if somebody steals something? 325 00:19:26,456 --> 00:19:29,917 How you gonna run after him with one leg shorter than the other? 326 00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:31,335 [BOTH LAUGHING] 327 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,383 Hey, would you, uh...? Would you like some juice? 328 00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,969 - I'd love some juice. - Okay. 329 00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:44,140 Well, this is going so well. Did you see us? Did you see? 330 00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:46,893 Yeah, honey. I was standing right there. 331 00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:49,770 Why don't you tell him about the mole I haven't gotten checked? 332 00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,272 Excellent. 333 00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:58,237 There will come a time in each of your careers... 334 00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:02,491 ...when you'll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. 335 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,954 I had such an opportunity in the recent present. 336 00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:11,459 And I'm ashamed to say... 337 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,252 ...that I took it. 338 00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:18,633 I advised a fellow actor to play a role... 339 00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,552 ...homosexually. 340 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:25,973 Yeah. 341 00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:29,560 We both auditioned for the part and, uh... 342 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,980 ...as it turned out... 343 00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:35,399 ...they... 344 00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:40,029 They liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. 345 00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:43,991 And now... 346 00:20:44,159 --> 00:20:47,078 ...he's got a two-year contract... 347 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:50,581 ...opposite Susan Lucci... 348 00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:53,918 ...the first lady of daytime television. 349 00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:56,170 And me? 350 00:20:56,672 --> 00:21:00,466 Me, I'm stuck here teaching a bunch of people... 351 00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:03,970 [SOBBING]... most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV. 352 00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:08,933 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 353 00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:20,319 Thank you. 354 00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:26,200 - Uh, may I help you? - Yes, hi. 355 00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:28,786 I'm the lady who got stuck with the race-car bed. 356 00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:33,374 Look, it's like I told you. There's nothing I can do. 357 00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:37,837 You signed for it. "Monica Felula Geller." 358 00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:40,715 All right, jester man, look, we wanna see the king. 359 00:21:40,882 --> 00:21:42,842 Nobody sees the king. 360 00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:45,928 Okay. I'm talking to the king. 361 00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:48,097 Hey, you can't go back there. 362 00:21:53,854 --> 00:21:57,732 Oh, my God. 363 00:22:07,451 --> 00:22:09,076 [MIMICKING RACE CAR] 364 00:22:11,246 --> 00:22:13,706 Hey, watch it, lady. 365 00:22:14,249 --> 00:22:15,583 [MIMICKING RACE CAR] 366 00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:21,922 Hey, good-looking. 367 00:22:23,925 --> 00:22:25,843 [HONKING HORN] 368 00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:28,012 [MIMICKING RACE CAR] 369 00:22:31,516 --> 00:22:33,559 All right, I'll leave. 370 00:22:33,727 --> 00:22:35,978 My bed's so boring. 371 00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:45,196 [English - US - SDH]