1
00:00:02,878 --> 00:00:04,380
- Hi.
GROUP: Hi.

2
00:00:04,547 --> 00:00:07,758
So I'm in my apartment doing
the Soap Opera <i>Digest</i> crossword puzzle...

3
00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:11,637
...and guess who is the clue
for three down?

4
00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:15,683
<i>Three down. "Days of Our Lives star,
blank Tribbiani."</i>

5
00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:19,103
That's me! I'm blank! Hey.

6
00:00:19,270 --> 00:00:23,190
How cool is. We know three down.
I'm touching three down.

7
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,317
Yeah, you are, baby.

8
00:00:25,484 --> 00:00:26,819
Three down knows I'm married.

9
00:00:26,986 --> 00:00:29,280
- What's three down doing?
- Sorry.

10
00:00:29,447 --> 00:00:32,116
So do they call you to tell you
your name's gonna be in this?

11
00:00:32,283 --> 00:00:33,743
No. They really liked me there.

12
00:00:33,909 --> 00:00:35,995
They wanted to do a profile on me.
I said no.

13
00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:37,621
Why'd you say no?

14
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:40,458
Remember what happened
the last time I did an interview?

15
00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:44,086
I said I write a lot of my own lines,
then the writers got mad...

16
00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:46,672
...and made my character fell down
the elevator shaft.

17
00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:49,008
So who knows
what I might say this time?

18
00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:53,345
If only there was something in your head
to control the things you say.

19
00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:57,183
Oh, come on, Joey,
you'll totally keep it in check this time.

20
00:00:57,349 --> 00:01:00,144
And plus, you know, the publicity
would be really good for your career.

21
00:01:00,311 --> 00:01:01,896
And you deserve that.

22
00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:04,482
And if you do the interview,
you could mention...

23
00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:07,526
...oh, I don't know, gal pal Rachel Green.

24
00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:11,072
Is that "gal pal" spelled L-O-S-E-R?

25
00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:14,408
Okay, don't listen to him. Please?

26
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:16,869
Fine, all right, I'll do it.

27
00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:18,996
But, hey. You guys have to be
at the next table...

28
00:01:19,163 --> 00:01:22,041
...so you can stop me if I,
you know, start to say something stupid.

29
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:27,129
Just then or all the time?
Because we have jobs, you know?

30
00:01:28,047 --> 00:01:31,634
Come on, we will be there for you
the whole time. Just remember:

31
00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:34,804
Gal pal, Rachel Green.

32
00:01:35,805 --> 00:01:37,640
<i>I'm gonna be in Soap Opera Digest.</i>

33
00:01:37,807 --> 00:01:40,935
And not just in the dumb
crossword puzzle.

34
00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:44,146
- Seriously, proud of you.
- Yeah.

35
00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:27,106
I really appreciate you
taking the time to do this.

36
00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:29,441
Oh, not at all. Happy to do it.

37
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,362
You think we're being obvious?

38
00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:37,950
No. We're just four people with
neck problems, who talk like this.

39
00:02:38,701 --> 00:02:41,328
I think it's great
that you wanted to meet here.

40
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:44,039
When most people hear
that the magazine's paying for it...

41
00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:47,793
...they want a big, fancy restaurant.

42
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,421
Actually, I didn't know
the magazine was paying.

43
00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:53,257
Wouldn't have mattered.

44
00:02:53,424 --> 00:02:56,886
I'm doing this for the fans,
not the free food. Ha, ha.

45
00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:59,555
- Can I get you anything?
- I'll have a cup of coffee.

46
00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:01,932
Yeah, and I'll have all the muffins.

47
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:08,022
- Hey.
- Shh. We're not talking.

48
00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:10,566
Oh, finally. Ugh.

49
00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:16,739
So according to your bio, you've done
quite a bit of work before Days of Our <i>Lives.</i>

50
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:19,700
Anything that you're
particularly proud of?

51
00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:25,623
<i>[SINGING]
All you want is a dingle</i>

52
00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:28,876
<i>What you envy's a shwang</i>

53
00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:32,463
<i>A thing through which you can tinkle</i>

54
00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:35,299
<i>Or play with, or simply let hang</i>

55
00:03:50,314 --> 00:03:53,567
<i>Folks, this ever happen to you?
You go to the fridge to get a glass of milk...</i>

56
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:57,112
<i>...but these darn cartons
are so fringing-flanging hard to open.</i>

57
00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:59,323
<i>Boy, you said it, Mike. I don't--</i>

58
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,575
<i>Oh, oh.</i>

59
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:05,454
<i>- There's gotta be a better way.
- And there is, Kevin.</i>

60
00:04:05,621 --> 00:04:07,414
<i>He's never used this product before.</i>

61
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:10,000
<i>You're gonna see how easy this is to do.
Go ahead.</i>

62
00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:13,837
<i>- This works in any milk carton.
- Wow, it is easy.</i>

63
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:17,675
<i>- Now I can have milk every day.
CROWD: Ah.</i>

64
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,803
So this is it, Victor?

65
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:25,933
Yeah, I guess it is. And so...

66
00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:30,980
...I'm gonna get on this spaceship...

67
00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:40,906
...and I'm gonna go to Blargon 7
in search of alternative fuels.

68
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:49,081
But when I return 200 years from now,
you'll be long gone.

69
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,875
But I won't have aged at all.

70
00:04:54,962 --> 00:05:00,050
So you tell your great-great-
granddaughter to look me up.

71
00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:04,138
Because, Adrian...

72
00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:05,806
."baby".

73
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:08,934
...I'm gonna want to meet her.

74
00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:21,780
Shh, shh. Okay, here I come. Here I come.
See, I'm coming to fix the copier.

75
00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:25,826
I can't get to the copier. I'm thinking,
"What do I do? What do I do?"

76
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:32,916
So I just watch them have sex.
And then I say-- Wait, here's my line:

77
00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:36,420
<i>JOEY [ON TV]:
You know, that's bad for the paper tray.</i>

78
00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:41,675
- Nice work, my friend.
- Wait, wait, wait, you see me again.

79
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,219
Hang on, the guy's butt's blocking me.

80
00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:48,182
There I am. There I am. There I am.

81
00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:53,145
Well, there are so many things,
you know, it's hard to pickjust one.

82
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:56,482
- I'm gonna get some coffee. Want anything?
RACHEL: Oh, yeah.

83
00:05:56,648 --> 00:06:00,944
- A blueberry muffin and chamomile tea.
- Double latte, extra foam.

84
00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:03,781
- And a bagel with only--
- I was just being polite.

85
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:08,410
Okay. How about
when you're not working?

86
00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:10,704
What do you do in your spare time?

87
00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:12,748
[HORN HONKS]

88
00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:15,292
Look at this clown.
Just because he's got a bigger boat...

89
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,419
...he thinks he can
take up the whole river.

90
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:20,297
Get out of the way, jackass!

91
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:25,052
Who names their boat
Coast Guard, anyway?

92
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:29,139
That is the Coast Guard.

93
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:32,810
What are they doing out here?
The coast is all the way over there.

94
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,397
- Hi.
- Hey, check it out. This is unbelievable.

95
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,858
Joey has been holding his breath
for almost four minutes.

96
00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:47,282
Dude, are you trying to kill me?

97
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:57,334
Well, I see you've had
a very productive day.

98
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,837
Don't you think the cowboy hat
is a little much?

99
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,089
Come on, it's fun.

100
00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:06,635
All right.

101
00:07:13,559 --> 00:07:15,853
Isn't this a woman's hat?

102
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:18,021
Dude, stop talking crazy
and make us some tea.

103
00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:23,235
You know what?
We have to turn off the porn.

104
00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:25,863
I think you're right.

105
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,783
CHANDLER: All right, ready?
JOEY: One.

106
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,035
CHANDLER: Two, three.
JOEY: Three.

107
00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:38,333
That's kind of nice.

108
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,086
- Yeah, it's kind of a relief.
- Yeah.

109
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,803
- You wanna see if we still have it?
- Yeah.

110
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,349
- Free porn! We have free porn here!
- Yeah.

111
00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:57,811
In my spare time,
I, uh, read to the blind.

112
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,397
And I'm also a mento for kids.

113
00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:05,611
- A mento?
- You know, a mento. A role model.

114
00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:10,616
- A mento?
- Right.

115
00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:13,076
- Like the candy?
- As a matter of fact, I do.

116
00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:19,500
Well, um, another thing that our readers
always want to know...

117
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,586
...is how soap stars
stay in such great shape.

118
00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:24,421
Do you have some kind
of a fitness regime?

119
00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:30,093
Uh, we stars usually just try to eat right
and get lots of exercise.

120
00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:35,098
Wow, you realize we've been throwing
this ball without dropping it for an hour?

121
00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:36,517
Are you serious?

122
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,394
I realized it a half-hour ago,
but I didn't want to say anything...

123
00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:41,855
...because I didn't want to jinx it.

124
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:45,692
- Wow, we are pretty good at this.
- Yeah.

125
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,694
Hey, we totally forgot about lunch.

126
00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:51,865
Oh. I think that's the first time
I've ever missed a meal.

127
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,826
Yeah, I think my pants are a little loose.

128
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,622
What's wrong with you?

129
00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:03,710
Oh, I got this blinding pain in my stomach
when I was lifting weights before.

130
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,797
And then I, uh, passed out.

131
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:12,135
I haven't been able to stand up since.
Ha, ha. But I don't think it's serious.

132
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:15,305
This sounds like a hernia.
You have to-- Go to the doctor.

133
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,557
No way.

134
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,600
Look, if I go to the doctor for anything...

135
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,895
...it's gonna be for this thing
sticking out of my stomach.

136
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:27,526
Why'd I have to start working out again?

137
00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,821
Damn you, 15's.

138
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:33,949
- What is it?
- It's a trifle. It's got all of these layers.

139
00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:37,494
First, there's a layer of ladyfingers,
then a layer of jam.

140
00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:41,123
Then custard,
which I made from scratch.

141
00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:43,584
Then raspberries, more ladyfingers...

142
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,003
...then beef sautéed
with peas and onions.

143
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:48,589
Then a little bit more custard.

144
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,217
It tastes like feet.

145
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:55,929
I like it.

146
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:03,145
- Are you kidding?
- What's not to like? Custard, good.

147
00:10:03,312 --> 00:10:06,523
Jam, good. Meat, good.

148
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,987
Well, you don't look good, Joe.

149
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:16,366
Well, the fridge broke,
so I had to eat everything.

150
00:10:17,326 --> 00:10:19,870
Cold cuts, ice cream, limes.

151
00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:22,831
Hey, what was in that brown jar?

152
00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:24,916
- That's still in there?
- Not anymore.

153
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,962
Oh, look. There's a piece
that doesn't have floor on it.

154
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,382
- Stick to your side.
- Hey, come on, now.

155
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:45,771
All right, what are we having?

156
00:10:49,608 --> 00:10:55,781
Uh, I don't believe in these crazy diets.
You know, just everything in moderation.

157
00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:57,824
- Your muffins.
- Uh...

158
00:10:59,201 --> 00:11:00,243
I'll take those to go.

159
00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:03,455
For the kids.

160
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:07,751
Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you.

161
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:10,671
You were on the show years ago
and then they killed you off.

162
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:11,880
What happened there?

163
00:11:12,047 --> 00:11:13,590
Oh, it's so stupid.

164
00:11:13,757 --> 00:11:16,593
I said some stuff in an interview
that I shouldn't have said.

165
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,012
But believe me,
that is not gonna happen today.

166
00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:22,391
Understood.
So, what did you say back then?

167
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:23,725
Oh, I said that I--

168
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:27,229
GROUP
Hey, Joey! How you doing?

169
00:11:33,402 --> 00:11:36,488
You guys, this is Shelly. She's
interviewing me for Soap Opera Digest.

170
00:11:36,655 --> 00:11:38,240
GROUP: Hi.
- Shelly, these are my friends.

171
00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:40,242
Hi, I'm gal pal Rachel Green.

172
00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:43,370
Um, and if you want the dirt,
I'm the one you come to.

173
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:46,748
This might be Joey's baby, who knows?

174
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:52,337
I'm just kidding.
Seriously, gal pal Rachel Green.

175
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:56,383
Who just lost the respect
of her unborn child.

176
00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:59,720
- I'm gonna go get this warmed up.
- Okay.

177
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:03,348
- Joey, you're doing great.
- So far, nothing stupid.

178
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:05,600
- Mento?
- No, thanks.

179
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:10,313
So as Joey's friends...

180
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,774
...is there anything you think
our readers ought to know?

181
00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:15,944
Uh, no, just that he is a great guy.

182
00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:19,322
Yeah, that's gonna get you
into Soap Opera <i>Digest.</i>

183
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:20,782
Well, I--

184
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:23,201
I would just like to say that Joey...

185
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:27,080
...truly has enriched
the days of our lives.

186
00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:33,170
Um, I just think that you don't expect
someone so hot to be so sweet.

187
00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:37,966
- Oh, I like that. What's your name?
- Phoebe Buffay.

188
00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:40,177
How do you spell that?
So we can get it right.

189
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:43,638
Okay, it's P as in Phoebe.
H as in Heebie.

190
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:45,932
O as in Obie. E as in Ebie.

191
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:50,270
B as in Beebee.
And E as in, "'ello there, mate."

192
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:54,149
Great.
Well, it was nice meeting all of you.

193
00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:56,318
- Yeah, you too.
- Thanks, you guys.

194
00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:57,652
MONICA:
Bye.

195
00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,739
So it seems like
you have a lot of friends.

196
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:03,241
- Yeah.
- Who would you say is your best friend?

197
00:13:06,328 --> 00:13:08,288
How come you have two?

198
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:11,500
Well, this one's for you.

199
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:14,920
- Get out.
- No, I can't.

200
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:19,299
No, no. Listen,
I know how much this means to you.

201
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,510
And I also know this is about
more than jewelry.

202
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:25,514
It's about you and me
and the fact that we're best buds.

203
00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:31,895
Wow. Is this friendship? I think so.

204
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:34,606
Check it out. We're bracelet buddies.

205
00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:37,776
That's what they'll call us.

206
00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:43,824
- Oh, Joey. I'm sorry.
- It's all right. Don't worry about it.

207
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:46,535
No, but look.
Oh, that's gonna leave a stain.

208
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:50,789
Rach, hey, it's fine. You're at Joey's.

209
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,917
- Really?
- Yeah, look.

210
00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:59,005
- Ha.
- Yeah.

211
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:02,801
- I've never lived like this before.
- I know.

212
00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:05,971
Whoo! Ha, ha.

213
00:14:06,388 --> 00:14:10,433
Well, don't waste it.
I mean, it's still food. Jeez.

214
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:14,104
I've been feeling guilty about this.
I wanna be a good friend...

215
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:17,232
...and damn it, I am a good friend.
So shut up and close your eyes.

216
00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:18,859
Yeah, uh--

217
00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,321
Wow.

218
00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:26,449
You are a good friend.

219
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:30,453
Of course, the audition was this morning,
and I didn't get it.

220
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:36,376
But that was a hell of a kiss.
Rachel is a very lucky girl.

221
00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:42,090
Let's get the contestants
out of their isolation booths.

222
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:46,136
And they're off. Oh.

223
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:48,513
Get your foot off my contestant.
Judge.

224
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,433
- Judge rules: No violation.
- Oh.

225
00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:56,229
- The duck gets the Nutter Butter.
- No. Wait, that's not a Nutter Butter.

226
00:14:56,396 --> 00:15:00,442
- That's an old wonton.
- Judge rules: Nutter Butter.

227
00:15:00,609 --> 00:15:03,695
- Oh. Tough call.
- Yeah.

228
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:06,656
I had seen this thing
on the Discovery Channel.

229
00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:09,993
Wait a minute. I saw that.
On the Discovery Channel.

230
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:13,038
Yeah, about jellyfish, and how if you--

231
00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:19,127
Ew. You peed on yourself?

232
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:24,758
BOTH: Ew.
- You can't say that. You don't know.

233
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:27,928
I mean, I thought I was gonna pass out
from the pain.

234
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:32,807
Anyway, I tried,
but I couldn't bend that way.

235
00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:37,145
O

236
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:40,649
GROUP
Ew.

237
00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:45,570
That's right, I stepped up.

238
00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:50,867
She's my friend and she needed help.

239
00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:55,038
If I had to, I'd pee on any one of you.

240
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:01,044
Uh, nope. No best friend.

241
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:04,089
No, just a lot of close friends. Yeah.

242
00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:08,051
So, uh, now back to the show.

243
00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:12,305
How does it feel
to have a huge gay fan base?

244
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,933
Really? Me?

245
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:18,061
Wow, I don't even know
any huge gay people.

246
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,731
It hurts me. It physically hurts me.

247
00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:27,153
Now, off the record, you're not...

248
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:31,241
What? Are you referring
to my man's bag?

249
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:36,579
At first, I thought it just looked good,
but it's practical too. Check it out.

250
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:40,750
It's got compartments for all your stuff:
your wallet, your keys, your address book.

251
00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:42,502
Your makeup.

252
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:47,465
Now, should I climb down your front
so we're face to face...

253
00:16:47,632 --> 00:16:52,929
...or should I climb down your back
so we're butt to face?

254
00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:56,683
- I think face is best.
- Yeah, face to face.

255
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,770
ROSS: Okay, here I come.
- All right.

256
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:06,317
Oh, my--
How much do you weigh, Ross?

257
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:12,907
I'd prefer not to answer that right now.
I'm still carrying a little holiday weight.

258
00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:16,661
[GASPING]

259
00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:22,292
You know, when we talked about
face to face...

260
00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:25,170
...I don't think we thought it
all the way through.

261
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,256
- Hey, Pheebs.
- Hey.

262
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,218
Check it out.

263
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,429
Huh?

264
00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:40,435
- How much of a man am I?
- Wow.

265
00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:44,397
Nice. Manly and also kind of a slut.

266
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,817
You're turning into a woman.

267
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:52,489
No, I'm not. Why would you say that?
That's just mean.

268
00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:56,868
Now I've upset you? What did I say?

269
00:17:57,702 --> 00:18:00,330
Not what you said,
it's just the way you said it.

270
00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:04,626
Oh, my God! I'm a woman!

271
00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:17,097
- Great nap.
- It really was.

272
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,681
[RACHEL CLEARS THROAT]

273
00:18:30,527 --> 00:18:32,779
Me? Gay? No. No. No.

274
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:36,533
Uh, but I have a number
of close friends who are.

275
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,162
So let's talk about women.

276
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:45,250
I'm sure our female readers will be
interested to know about your romantic life.

277
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:49,295
Oh, what I do is, I look a woman
up and down and I say:

278
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:53,133
"Hey. How you doing?"

279
00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:56,803
Oh, please.

280
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:59,973
Hey. How you doing?

281
00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:07,272
Hey. How you doing?

282
00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:10,441
He has the most amazing Porsche
under there.

283
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:13,695
I'd love to show you, but I just
tucked her in. She's sleeping.

284
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:14,946
[BOTH CHUCKLING]

285
00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:18,158
Hey, would you two girls
like to go for a drink?

286
00:19:24,581 --> 00:19:27,542
- Is Rachel here? I'm her sister.
- Oh, my God. Jill.

287
00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:30,420
- Oh, my God. Rachel.
- Oh, hi.

288
00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:34,674
- Oh, my God. Introduce us.
- Well, this is Chandler.

289
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,467
- Hi.
- You know Monica and Ross.

290
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,970
JILL: Hi.
- And that's Phoebe. And that's Joey.

291
00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:40,930
- Hey, how you doing?
- Don't!

292
00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:46,311
You're a really nice guy...

293
00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:49,898
...and I'm happy to be
your roommate and your friend.

294
00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:55,403
I'm just... You know,
I just don't feel that way about you.

295
00:19:56,237 --> 00:20:00,533
Oh, I see what happened. Ha, ha.

296
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:04,078
It's because I was trying
to repel you. Right?

297
00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:08,541
Believe me, you'd feel
a lot different if I turned it on.

298
00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:11,920
- I don't think so.
- Oh, I do.

299
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:17,175
How you doing?

300
00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:20,553
I'm okay.

301
00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:24,349
What? Oh, dear God.

302
00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:31,856
Not much to tell there. I'm really shy.

303
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,195
So that's it. I guess that's all I need.

304
00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:38,696
Thank you so much.

305
00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:41,616
I think they will be running this
in the beginning of next month.

306
00:20:41,783 --> 00:20:44,994
Oh, great. Great. Thank you.

307
00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:47,121
- Bye.
'Bye-bye.

308
00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:50,917
- I did it.
GROUP: Amazing.

309
00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:55,672
Oh, wait, I almost forgot.
We have to ask everybody this:

310
00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:59,092
Other than Days of Our <i>Lives,</i>
what's your favorite soap opera?

311
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:03,763
Oh, I don't watch soap operas.
Excuse me? I have a life, you know?

312
00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:09,352
Thank you.
The readers at Soap Opera Digest...

313
00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:10,812
...will be happy to learn that.

314
00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:13,356
Oh. Good enough.

315
00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:18,736
So close.

316
00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:26,202
Wow, I can't believe
they didn't put in the part...

317
00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:28,288
...where you said you didn't
watch soap operas.

318
00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:31,124
Yeah, I called the lady about that.
I told her I was joking.

319
00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:32,583
She was pretty nice about it.

320
00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:35,962
- You slept with her, didn't you?
- A little bit. Yeah.

321
00:21:37,588 --> 00:21:40,883
Wow.
This picture of you sure is steamy.

322
00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:44,762
Oh, yeah, that's just a little something
for my huge gay fan base.

323
00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:46,889
Did you just wink at me?

324
00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:49,017
Hey, you're the one
who loves the picture.

325
00:21:52,145 --> 00:21:54,147
[English - US - SDH]