- Are you excited about our honeymoon? - Yeah, I am.
[SINGING] Bermuda, Bahama Come on, pretty mama
Get it out of your system while we're alone.
- We came to say goodbye. - Have a great honeymoon.
- Thanks. - I'll go pack.
I already packed. The only thing I couldn't find, though, was your Speedo.
Speedo? Uh, I don't have a Speedo.
I'm gonna go pack my regular, long bathing suit.
Good, you're still here. I wanted to tell you to have a good honeymoon.
Oh, thank you.
And I wanted you guys to know that I am telling the father today.
What? What? What?
- We know it's Ross. - How? How do you know?
It was his sweater. But, oh, my God!
I so wanted Ross to know first. But I'm so relieved that you guys know.
- That's so great. I'll be your baby's aunt! - I know.
- Me too! - I'm gonna be an uncle! Come here.
- You'll all be aunts and uncles. - But I'm the only one related by blood.
Okay, great. Now that you all know, you can give me advice on how to tell Ross.
What were you gonna say?
That I'm gonna have the baby, and he can be as involved as he wants.
Well, that sounds good.
Yeah, but how do I start? What's the first thing that I say?
- Okay, great. Thanks. - Hey, good luck.
PHOEBE: Yeah, bye.
What was that all about?
Well, I guess no harm in telling you now. Rachel and Ross are having a baby.
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] What? I didn't even know! Why didn't you tell me?
Why am I talking like this?
I didn't think you could keep it a secret.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] What? I'm an excellent secret-keeper. I've kept all our secrets.
- What secrets? - No, no, Joey.
I'm not gonna tell you because I am an excellent secret-keeper.
- Psst. You'll tell me later? - You already know.
It's so romantic to send people off on their honeymoon.
You know, Monica and Chandler are married. Ross and Rachel are having a baby.
- Maybe you and I should do something. - All in good time, my love. All in good time.
Oh, shoot. I left my guitar in their apartment. You can let me in later, right?
No, I don't have a key. They took mine to give to you.
- What? They took mine to give to you. - Why would they take away our keys?
Maybe they don't trust us.
They let me keep my key the last time they were out of town.
You mean the time you broke the ketchup bottle...
...and cleaned it up with Monica's guest towels?
- I washed those. - No, you didn't.
Yeah, that didn't sound like me.
- What am I gonna do? I really need my guitar. - I have stuff in there too.
- What stuff? - Monica's chicken parm. I'll take care of this.
Mr. Treeger? It's Joey Tribbiani.
I need to get into Monica and Chandler's apartment. It's an emergency.
Uh... Uh... Gas leak. Oh, and bring garlic bread.
- Hey. - Hey.
- Did Rachel find you? - No, why?
- She was looking for you. - Well, I guess I'll catch up with her later.
- She really wanted to talk to you now. - Yeah, it seemed pretty important.
- Oh, no. PHOEBE: What?
I think I might know what this is about.
Really?
Yeah. We promised we weren't gonna tell anybody this...
...but a month ago, Rachel and I slept together.
And?
- Wow, I thought you'd be more shocked. - Oh, sorry. And?
Well, we said we'd just do it that one time...
...but now I think she may wanna start things up again.
Yeah, I don't think that's what it is.
- Why? What else could it be? - Oh, wow, I don't feel well.
I'm telling you, I'm telling you, that's what it is.
No wonder she was looking at me all funny during the wedding.
She didn't say anything to you?
- Maybe it's something you ate. - It could've been...
- Please, just go and talk to Rachel. - Yeah, I guess I should.
Man, you know what I have to realize?
Maybe I'm not the type of guy women can have just one night with.
They always seem to want a little bit more.
I should remember that.
CLERK: Next.
- They're kissing. Let's go around them. - Leave them alone. They're in love.
I'm in love too. But in an orderly fashion.
- Next. - Hi. Can you do that and walk?
Because she said, "Next."
Sorry, we didn't hear you. We're on our honeymoon.
Aw. Let me see what I can do. There are some first-class seats available.
They bumped them up to first class because they're on their honeymoon.
Let's act like we're on our honeymoon.
We are on our honeymoon.
- Grab my ass. - Next.
Sorry, I almost didn't hear you because I'm so in love with my new husband.
- We're on our honeymoon. - Congratulations.
Mr. Bing, you'll be in 25J, and Mrs. Bing, you're in 25K.
We're on our honeymoon, so can you do your little thing, bump us up to first class?
I'm sorry, all the first-class seats are taken. That couple got the last two.
If we'd gone around them like I said, she'd have given us those tickets. Damn it.
25J and K, any chance those aren't together?
I still can't believe they took away my key. You trust me with yours.
Of course I do. And I'll give it back to you...
...as soon as they're done with it at the key-shining place.
[LOUD BANGING]
What the hell is that?
- Whoa, whoa. Treeger, what are you doing? - You said there was a gas leak in here.
- Why don't you use your key? - I won't find it before the place explodes.
If that happens at another building I manage, people will start asking questions.
Come on, hurry up.
Oh!
We could have done that.
Look at that. They're going into the first-class lounge.
- Do you know what they have in there? - No.
Me neither. We have to get in!
- Just act like you belong. - Oh, my God! Oranges!
Shh!
- Nice to see you again. - Sir, may I see your tickets, please?
Yes, of course.
Would you move your thumb. I can't see the seat number.
That's all right. I have it memorized. It's 1A.
- Sir, this isn't a first-class ticket. I'm sorry. - Apology accepted. Excuse us.
Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Fine.
Go, go, go!
- Hi. - Hi.
Hi.
I think there's something that we really need to talk about.
I think we do. Why don't we go inside.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Look, I know why you're here. - You do?
Yeah, and to save you from any embarrassment, I think I should talk first.
- Okay. - Okay.
Here.
Ross and Rachel. Rachel and Ross. Heh.
It's been one heck of a seesaw, hasn't it?
What?
I mean, look, that one night we had was fun and certainly passionate.
But don't you think it's better if we just stay friends?
Seriously, what?
Okay, okay. You know what?
If you want to, we can do it one more time.
I'd be okay with that. In fact, I have some time right now.
- You know what? Ahem. Can I talk now? - Oh, sure.
I'm pregnant.
Ross?
Okay, whenever you're ready.
And you're the father, by the way. But you're good.
- Can I get you some water? - I'm good, I'm good.
Ross, there is no pressure on you. Okay? You can be as involved as you want.
Yeah, I, uh... I'm just, I don't know. I don't understand...
...how this happened.
- We used a condom. - I know.
But you know, condoms only work, like, 97 percent of the time.
What? What?
What?
Well, they should put that on the box!
- They do. - No, they don't!
Well, they should put it in huge block letters!
- Let's just forget about the condoms. - Well, I may as well have!
- Listen, I was really freaked out too when... - Freaked out? No, I'm not freaked out.
I'm indignant as a consumer!
- You know what? Let's talk later. - No. No, I wanna talk now.
In fact, I wanna talk to the president of the condom company.
- Okay, maybe I should come back... - Shh!
Yeah, I'll press one!
- I looked everywhere. There's no gas leak. - So now I can heat this up?
Anyway, I'll get moving on that new door.
Great. And could you do us a favor and not tell Chandler and Monica about this?
Because, you know, they don't have any kids of their own...
...and this door was like a child to them.
I have to put on a new lock. They'll find out anyway.
Oh, no.
This looks like an all-day job. I'll have to cancel my yoga class.
- Hey, Ross. - Hey.
Could you tell Jasmine I can't make it to yoga?
Sure.
[BOTH SPEAKING HINDl]
- My God. What happened to the door? - So it's noticeable, huh?
- Is Rachel here? I really need to talk to her. - Didn't you two already talk?
Yeah, but...
Okay, look. You guys know Rachel and I slept together, but there's something else.
Rachel's pregnant.
- Holy mother of God! - Oh, my God! I can't believe it!
- With my child. - That is brand-new information!
- You already know, don't you? - A little bit.
- How you doing? - Okay. Okay. I mean, I'll be okay.
It's just I don't think I handled it very well.
- What did you say to her? - Nothing.
But the complaint department at the condom company got an earful.
Then when I turned around, she was gone.
Oh, Ross.
But in my defense, I found out that condoms are only 97 percent effective.
- What? - I gotta go find her.
Hold on! Are you serious? So, like, 3 percent of the time they don't even work?
Huh? They should put that on the box!
- Evidently, they do. - What?
- I can't believe we're here. - You've gotta be kidding.
What?
As a wedding gift to you, the hotel would like to give you the Honeymoon Suite.
No! You have been screwing us all day!
- Who are you? - We're you. Just 10 seconds later!
You already got the first-class tickets, the lounge. We should get free stuff too!
You're not the only ones on your honeymoon!
You can have the suite, if you want. We don't care about where we stay.
We're here to celebrate our love for each other. We don't have to get free stuff.
We just want to be together.
We need the stuff.
Hey, Monica, it's Joey. Phoebe and I smell gas coming from your apartment.
- Are you serious? Joey smells gas. - What else is new?
- We'd check it out, but you took our keys. - Do something. Get in there!
- How? I guess I could break down your door. - Yeah, do that.
- You won't blame us for any damage? - No.
- Are you doing it? I can't hear anything. - Okay, I'll break it down.
He's doing it, he's breaking down the door.
Okay, we're in.
- Rachel, are you comfortable? - If I said I was, would you judge me?
The doctor will be here soon to do your sonogram.
Okay.
Oh, man, I swear, if they sold these at Pottery Barn...
[KNOCKING]
- Hi. - Hi.
We need to talk.
Right now? I kind of got an alfresco situation going on over here.
Please. Please, I want to apologize for the way I acted earlier today.
- That's fine. Can you stay up near my head? - Yeah, sorry.
I went crazy. I was thinking about myself when I should've been thinking about you.
- Head, Ross. Head, Ross. Head, Ross. - Right.
I want you to know that I'll be there through this whole thing. Okay?
The doctor's appointments, Lamaze classes, baby-proofing the apartment.
- We can do that after we get married. - Married?
Yeah, we should get married.
Because that's your answer to everything?
No, because that's the right thing to do.
Yeah, maybe, if you're in love. But, Ross, we are not in love, are we?
No, but still, I mean, you can't possibly do this alone.
Excuse me?
Come on, you can't even eat alone in a restaurant.
- What? - I'm saying if you can't eat by yourself...
...how can you have a baby by yourself?
- I can too eat by myself. - When have you ever?
When certain people leave the table and I am not finished!
Well, certain other people take two hours to eat a bowl of soup.
Please, you inhale your food.
I grew up with Monica. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat!
Am I interrupting?
No, Dr. Long, please come in. This is Ross, he's the father.
But not the husband, because she can do this alone.
Nice to meet you. I'll get started on this.
- Why can't you admit you need me? - I need you. I need you to stay near my head!
Okay. Everything looks good. Here it is on the screen.
There's your uterus...
...and right here is your baby.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
There it is, I see it.
Congratulations. I'll give you two a minute.
Thank you.
[SOBS]
Pretty amazing, huh?
I don't see it!
- What? What? - I can't see it.
- You just said that you did. - I know, I lied.
I didn't want her to think I was a terrible mother. I can't even see my own baby.
Come here. Sure you can. Come here. Look, it's right there.
Oh.
Oh, it's beautiful.
I see it now.
- Do you really? - No, I don't see it!
Okay, come on. Come on. All right. Okay. Okay.
You see this tiny thing that looks like a peanut?
Yeah.
Sweetie, that's it.
That's it? Well, I saw that.
Oh.
- Oh, thank you. - You're welcome.
Wow, I can't believe that's our baby.
Yeah, that's our baby.
- Hi. - Hey.
- So how was the doctor? - Everything went great.
- Good. - Hey, show them the picture of your uterus.
PHOEBE: Aw.
I don't see the baby. Where is it?
I know, I couldn't see it either at first. But it's right, um...
Ross, I lost it again.
[English - US - SDH]