1
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,258
This is squad, we got him here.

2
00:00:51,342 --> 00:00:54,970
We have a positive lD. lt is the Ripper.
Repeat, it is the Ripper.

3
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:07,608
This is one hell of a way
to spend Christmas.

4
00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:12,529
-Mulcahey!
-Sir.

5
00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:16,158
-Secure the sidewalk. No one in or out.
-Yes, sir.

6
00:01:36,846 --> 00:01:39,973
Got a present for you. Pigs!

7
00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:51,485
Damn you! Let the children go!
Damn you, Ripper! Let the children go!

8
00:02:18,429 --> 00:02:22,850
Slater! Don't even think it, Slater,
you hear me?

9
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:25,936
You're gonna sit and wait
for the real hostage negotiator!

10
00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,564
God damn it, Jack, l'm talking to you!

11
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:33,360
The last time you pulled this jive, jitterbug,
tough gonad shit,

12
00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:35,362
people lost body parts!

13
00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:38,699
Now, you go in there and it's your badge!

14
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:44,329
Jack! l know, as mayor
of this great metropolis,

15
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:47,040
you and l have had our little tiffs,
but this is the Lieutenant Governor.

16
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:50,127
-Slater, here's what l...
-When the governor gets here, call me.

17
00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:55,841
Slater's attempting to enter.
Do not let him in. Repeat, do not let him in.

18
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,510
-Piece of cake.
-Hey.

19
00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:02,264
You want to be a farmer?
Here's a couple of acres.

20
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:08,353
-Dekker, the next one l'll hurt.
-Slater, don't go in...

21
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:16,361
Check fire. There's an officer in the building.
l say again,

22
00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:19,281
there's a plain-clothes officer
in the building!

23
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,788
-Jack, what kept you?
-Dad!

24
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:35,172
Andy here's been getting nervous.
l promised him you'd come.

25
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,092
Gave him my word of honor
he could watch you die.

26
00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:44,806
-Lose the cannon.
-Has he hurt you, Andrew?

27
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:53,106
Hurt, Jack? You say "hurt"?
What do you know about hurt, Jack?

28
00:03:53,691 --> 00:03:58,570
-You put me in a cage for 1 0 years.
-You should have gotten the death penalty.

29
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:01,698
Yeah, would've, should've, could've.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

30
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:05,869
Things crawling around in your head.
Sitting on my chest when l wake up.

31
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:09,081
Do you know what that's like, Jack?

32
00:04:09,707 --> 00:04:13,877
lt was your illegal search
that rendered the bloody ax inadmissible.

33
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:18,590
Remember, Jack? Now lose the gun.

34
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:34,856
All right, l'm unarmed. So let the boy go.

35
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:38,694
Just one gun, Jack? You got to be kidding.

36
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:05,887
-ls that all, sport?
-Yep, that about does it.

37
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:07,931
Then step away.

38
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,603
Chop-chop.

39
00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:19,401
Oh, unless you consider this a weapon.

40
00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:31,747
Brilliant, Jack. Brilliant. l surrender.

41
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:36,043
-lt's a live grenade.
-Yeah, right, Jack. Right, right.

42
00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:38,545
You're going to sacrifice your own child
to get to me.

43
00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:41,423
l'm very flattered, Jack, but l doubt it.

44
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:46,345
Andy, pick up the grenade. Go on.

45
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:54,102
Show it to me. That's good. Right there.

46
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:03,779
Jack, that toy can't hurt the boy,

47
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,157
but this one can.

48
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:29,679
Focus!

49
00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:34,643
Hey, come on! Focus!

50
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:40,148
-Hey, people are trying to sleep.
-Yeah, right.

51
00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:46,363
The film is out of focus.
The film is out... Never mind.

52
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:54,663
Nick!

53
00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:05,757
Nick.

54
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,135
Nick?

55
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:11,346
Nick, you okay?

56
00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:16,393
-What?
-The climax is on the fritz.

57
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,730
All right. All right.

58
00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:32,534
l never used to do that, Danny.

59
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:35,871
lt's okay.

60
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,999
l've seen this Slater six times.
l just got worried.

61
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:45,630
You know, the new Jack Slater
opens this weekend at the Odyssey.

62
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,382
Like l didn't know that.

63
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:51,553
"They killed his second cousin.
Big mistake."

64
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,724
"Jack SIater IV."

65
00:07:56,267 --> 00:08:01,563
Well, l'm checking the print tonight,
midnight. Just myself.

66
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,902
l could arrange for you to gain admittance,
that is, you know,

67
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:09,738
if that sort of thing appeals to you.

68
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:12,449
-See it before it opens?
-Yeah.

69
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:17,120
-Who do l have to kill?
-Nobody. All you have to do is get to school.

70
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,581
You know, if you hurry,
you're only going to be four hours late.

71
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:50,737
Treachery, conspiracy,
sex, sword fights, madness, ghosts.

72
00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:53,406
And in the end, everybody dies.

73
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:56,952
Shakespeare's Hamlet
couldn't be more exciting.

74
00:08:57,286 --> 00:09:02,207
And though it may seem
that he is incapable of taking any action,

75
00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:07,963
he is, in fact, one of the first action heroes.

76
00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:16,304
What you are going to see
is a scene from the film by Laurence Olivier.

77
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:20,600
Some of you might have seen him in
the Polaroid commercial,

78
00:09:21,185 --> 00:09:25,313
or as Zeus in Clash ofthe Titans.

79
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,569
O, bosom, black as death!

80
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,241
Help, angels!

81
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:39,619
All may yet be well.

82
00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:44,833
Now he's praying, and now I'll do it.

83
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,933
And so he goes to heaven.

84
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,185
Don't talk. Just do it.

85
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:11,192
Hey, Claudius.

86
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,407
You killed my father.

87
00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:22,203
Big mistake.

88
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:28,126
Something is rotten in the state of Denmark,

89
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:32,047
and Hamlet is taking out the trash.

90
00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:42,515
-Stay thy hand, fair prince.
-Who said l'm fair?

91
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:54,277
No one's going to tell this sweet prince,
"Good night."

92
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:58,573
To be or not to be.

93
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:01,951
Not to be.

94
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:24,224
The whole morning? He wasn't.

95
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:28,520
No, l said, "He wasn't."
He wasn't at school today.

96
00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:30,563
He's sick as a lamb, poor dog.

97
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:36,569
Regale me with the story of your life
starting this morning, 8:30, first period,

98
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:40,281
American history and make this really good.

99
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:44,452
l mean something along the lines of,
"l cut so l could donate a kidney."

100
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:54,421
You were at the movies again, weren't you?
And that crazy old guy is an accessory.

101
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:57,757
-Nick's not crazy.
-Damn it, Danny!

102
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:05,473
You know, l'm in there, lying to a principal,
me, a charter member of the PTA.

103
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,268
And what for? So you can go to the movies?

104
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:10,895
Sorry.

105
00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:16,234
l didn't choose any of this. l didn't choose it.
l didn't say, "Hey, what the hell,

106
00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:20,071
"let me see what it would be like
to be a widow before l'm 40, give that a try."

107
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:23,825
-l know that.
-Give me a hug.

108
00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:29,914
-l won't cut again.
-Let me hear the "p" word on that.

109
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,916
-Promise.
-All right.

110
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:39,507
Oh, Jesus! l'm late. l got to get to work.
All right.

111
00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:44,137
Lock the top lock
the minute l close the door, okay?

112
00:12:44,221 --> 00:12:46,347
And do not open this door for anyone.

113
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,808
-Bye.
-Bye.

114
00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:53,062
She called her mother in
and they're trying to do something about it.

115
00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:56,691
They had cereal bugs.
I can't wait to see the new...

116
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,276
...continue to be a big problem...

117
00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,360
Come here often?

118
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,197
Ron Rice for one reason.

119
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:04,699
What you eating?

120
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,075
Nothing, maggots.

121
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:45,323
You alone? Okay. Move it!

122
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,706
Do yourself to the drain.

123
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,420
Tough guy.

124
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:06,803
Do it. l'll make it easier for you.

125
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:11,391
Go ahead.

126
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,271
Do it.

127
00:14:21,902 --> 00:14:25,238
What is it with you? You got junk!

128
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:31,995
No jewelry, no VCR.
A shit TV that will get me 20 bucks.

129
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,706
Go fish, amigo.

130
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:43,047
Remember now, your mom says
you're to go straight home.

131
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:47,427
-She'll be there when the shift is over.
-Yes, sir.

132
00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:51,347
lf we find the guy, l'll give you a call.

133
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:07,030
Nick!

134
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:25,882
Come on.

135
00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:31,179
-l about gave up on you.
-Sorry.

136
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:47,528
-Well, what do you think?
-Well, l've never seen anything like it.

137
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:54,494
-lt's not too tight, is it?
-No, no. lt's... lt's the style.

138
00:15:56,205 --> 00:16:01,084
l always wanted to be a magician,
but my hands, they were just too tiny.

139
00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:06,923
My father, he was bookkeeper here
and he got me my first job.

140
00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:12,845
Usher. lt was still a vaudeville house.
Then l worked myself up to projectionist.

141
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:16,474
lt's not much, but it's still show biz.

142
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:25,066
So... ls the print ready to roll?

143
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:28,945
Just a minute, young man.
Aren't we forgetting something?

144
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,365
A ticket.

145
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:37,745
You got to have a ticket, Danny, to see
a movie, and have l got just the one.

146
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:43,251
See, when l was about your age,
Harry Houdini played this theater

147
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:46,754
and my pop took me backstage to see him
after the show.

148
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:51,050
And he made a gesture, Houdini did.
Like this.

149
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:55,555
And all of a sudden, this was in his hand.

150
00:16:56,473 --> 00:17:00,768
And he said to me, he whispered,
he said, "This is a magic ticket.

151
00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:04,355
"lt was given to me
by the best magician in lndia,

152
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,275
"and it was given to him
by the best magician in Tibet.

153
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:11,237
"lt's a passport to another world.

154
00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:15,450
"lt was mine, and now it's yours."

155
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,122
And now it's yours.

156
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,086
What does it do, Nick?

157
00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:30,256
l never had the courage to find out.

158
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:33,259
l had the ticket for years
and l wanted to try,

159
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:36,596
but l guess l was afraid it wouldn't work.

160
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,766
See, when l was your age,
Houdini was like a god to me.

161
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,768
But what if he was faking?

162
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:44,854
And then again,

163
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:49,233
what if it did work?

164
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:52,403
Yeah, well, what if it did?

165
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:56,991
Well, Houdini said something else to me.

166
00:17:57,618 --> 00:18:02,038
He said, "This ticket has a mind of its own.

167
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:07,418
"lt does what it wants to do."

168
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:12,757
And that always made me just a little edgy.

169
00:18:14,676 --> 00:18:18,012
Well, l guess there's only one way
to find out, then, right?

170
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,687
Please retain your stub, sir.

171
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,737
Shall we see if Mr. Slater wins this time?

172
00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:39,200
Jack Slater can't lose!
Never has, never will.

173
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,871
Oh, Frankie.

174
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:31,752
Frank. Frankie.

175
00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:36,841
Frankie, why you keep on with the insults?

176
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:43,264
-l would never insult you, Mr. Vivaldi.
-When you lie, that's an insult.

177
00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:48,019
l know you're Jack Slater's
favorite second cousin in the whole world.

178
00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:53,816
You all the time talk to each other.
l got to know what Slater knows,

179
00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:58,446
and you are going to tell me, huh?

180
00:20:00,657 --> 00:20:05,453
Does he know that my mob and Torelli's mob
have just signed a secret pact

181
00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:06,913
to control...

182
00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:13,085
To control all the drugs
in Southern California?

183
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,798
We mostly talk muzzle velocities.

184
00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:21,427
Guns.

185
00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:38,945
Meet Mr. Benedict.

186
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:45,076
The genuine article.
And, you'd better believe it.

187
00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:50,206
Sometimes, he likes to bake
while he's shooting people.

188
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:59,840
What l'm saying is Mr. Benedict
can take you out as easy as cake.

189
00:21:00,550 --> 00:21:03,552
Pie, you Sicilian schmuck.

190
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:10,851
The man is a surgeon.

191
00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:19,110
You want me to make him operate on you?

192
00:21:20,737 --> 00:21:22,280
l swear, l don't know.

193
00:21:30,163 --> 00:21:34,709
Dump him at his place, huh?
But take it easy.

194
00:21:37,754 --> 00:21:39,046
He bought it.

195
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:43,718
He actually believes
me and old man Torelli are banding together.

196
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:52,852
Beauty part is, nobody knows different.
Not till after the funeral.

197
00:21:53,437 --> 00:21:55,730
Then everybody knows.

198
00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:04,196
Everybody knows Tony Vivaldi

199
00:22:06,616 --> 00:22:08,784
is number one.

200
00:22:10,078 --> 00:22:13,998
You are going to pay.
Oh, are you going to pay.

201
00:22:17,711 --> 00:22:21,422
Are you sure this is the right address?
This don't look like no crack house to me.

202
00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:23,841
What do you want?
Sixty guys dancing on the lawn,

203
00:22:23,925 --> 00:22:27,094
throwing cocaine at each other?
Just kick the door in.

204
00:22:43,403 --> 00:22:44,570
What's up, guys?

205
00:22:44,654 --> 00:22:47,531
-Quiet. This is a drug bust.
-A drug bust?

206
00:22:48,784 --> 00:22:52,828
You must be joking.
My second cousin Frank lives in there.

207
00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:55,998
The only drugs you'll find in there
are aspirin.

208
00:22:56,708 --> 00:22:59,960
And if you touch that front door,
you're going to need them.

209
00:23:00,587 --> 00:23:04,048
Maybe there's been a mistake.
We received an anonymous tip.

210
00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:15,851
Frank? Frank? Frank?

211
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,527
Frank?

212
00:23:26,988 --> 00:23:29,573
-Frank.
-Jack...

213
00:23:31,701 --> 00:23:32,868
Jack, listen to me.

214
00:23:32,953 --> 00:23:36,497
-Who did this?
-Listen to me. This is important.

215
00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:42,169
Tony Vivaldi and the Torelli mob

216
00:23:43,964 --> 00:23:45,673
are joining forces.

217
00:23:49,010 --> 00:23:50,803
l'm out of here.

218
00:23:51,388 --> 00:23:54,390
Frank. Frank!

219
00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:03,149
l'm sorry, Frank.

220
00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:28,507
lt's a bomb!

221
00:24:37,893 --> 00:24:40,936
He's okay. Minor wound. Both cops dead.

222
00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:02,666
Two days to retirement.

223
00:26:17,242 --> 00:26:20,244
Nick? Hello?

224
00:26:25,166 --> 00:26:27,042
Nick!

225
00:26:44,185 --> 00:26:45,936
Who the hell are you?

226
00:26:46,021 --> 00:26:48,814
Don't shoot me.
l'm Danny Madigan, l'm a kid.

227
00:27:00,035 --> 00:27:01,452
How did you get here?

228
00:27:01,536 --> 00:27:04,663
l'm not quite sure where "here" is, sir,
but l don't think you want to know.

229
00:27:04,748 --> 00:27:07,750
Okay, close your eyes,
stay flat and don't move.

230
00:27:28,063 --> 00:27:30,230
You're driving with no hands.

231
00:27:30,899 --> 00:27:32,941
You think it's easy?
You have to practice a lot

232
00:27:33,026 --> 00:27:35,361
and never ever do it in heavy traffic.

233
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:48,082
lced that guy. To "cone" a phrase.

234
00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:55,964
Wait a minute. The bad puns, the voice,
the hard rock.

235
00:27:56,716 --> 00:27:59,968
This is happening.
This is really happening.

236
00:28:03,765 --> 00:28:07,518
This is not happening.
Repeat, this is not hap...

237
00:29:16,629 --> 00:29:19,298
Oh, no!

238
00:29:37,442 --> 00:29:40,611
l booted. Sorry.
l thought l was going to die.

239
00:29:41,196 --> 00:29:43,238
l'm sorry to disappoint you,

240
00:29:43,531 --> 00:29:47,659
but you're going to live to enjoy
all the glorious fruits life has to offer,

241
00:29:47,744 --> 00:29:52,915
acne, shaving, premature ejaculation
and your first divorce.

242
00:30:16,898 --> 00:30:19,399
Boy, does this suck weenie
or what?

243
00:30:21,820 --> 00:30:23,529
This is a movie set.

244
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:28,909
This is a movie set.
That's how the scenery changed, right?

245
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:42,756
You're going to play chicken, aren't you?
Just like Jack Slater.

246
00:30:49,097 --> 00:30:50,848
Fasten your seat belt, please.

247
00:30:53,017 --> 00:30:54,643
Your fingers?

248
00:30:55,603 --> 00:30:57,563
Cross as many as you can.

249
00:31:39,397 --> 00:31:44,610
l'm in the movie.
Holy cow, l'm in the movie!

250
00:31:50,074 --> 00:31:53,201
Nick, Houdini wasn't faking.

251
00:32:24,692 --> 00:32:26,944
Jack, did you see that?

252
00:32:35,036 --> 00:32:39,039
l was just in a real police station
and this is much nicer.

253
00:32:40,249 --> 00:32:43,043
Hey, Slater, it's your ex-wife on two.

254
00:32:45,380 --> 00:32:48,715
You stay. She's always calling me.

255
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:52,803
Hello, sweetheart, how are you?
lt's so nice to hear your voice.

256
00:32:52,887 --> 00:32:58,558
-Oiler, you're partnered up with Waterman.
-Give me a partner, Sarge.

257
00:33:02,730 --> 00:33:04,231
That is right.

258
00:33:06,234 --> 00:33:11,196
Yep. Of course. No, just as you say.

259
00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:14,741
Yep.

260
00:33:14,826 --> 00:33:17,828
Krause, you're teamed up with the rabbi.

261
00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:29,756
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

262
00:33:30,383 --> 00:33:33,969
-How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
-Practice!

263
00:33:34,262 --> 00:33:38,724
John Practice, you old SOB.
What are you doing away from Washington?

264
00:33:39,267 --> 00:33:42,394
The bureau thinks something strange
is going on between...

265
00:33:42,478 --> 00:33:43,520
And this is top secret...

266
00:33:43,604 --> 00:33:47,024
l know. The Vivaldi mob is joining forces
with the Torellis.

267
00:33:47,108 --> 00:33:48,734
Damn it, Jack, how do you do that?

268
00:33:48,818 --> 00:33:52,404
Well, l'm not parked behind a desk all day
eating those donuts.

269
00:33:52,947 --> 00:33:56,575
Those are government donuts, my friend.
lt's not easy work. l got to call DC.

270
00:33:57,577 --> 00:33:58,827
Good for you.

271
00:34:00,455 --> 00:34:04,082
Watch it, Jack. He killed Mozart.

272
00:34:05,126 --> 00:34:08,837
-ln a movie?
-Amadeus. lt won eight Oscars.

273
00:34:08,921 --> 00:34:12,799
l saved his life in Nam.
l'll make sure to be on the lookout. Thanks.

274
00:34:12,967 --> 00:34:15,302
Now, no more movies!

275
00:34:18,389 --> 00:34:20,807
Slater!

276
00:34:22,769 --> 00:34:26,688
l got the city council chewing my eggs off
for that plane you crashed!

277
00:34:26,773 --> 00:34:29,399
l got the mayor scheduling parades,
up my Lincoln tunnel

278
00:34:29,484 --> 00:34:30,984
for that stunt you pulled on the beach!

279
00:34:31,069 --> 00:34:33,945
Everybody wants to know,
what it is, what it ain't and what it will be!

280
00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:38,075
-Do l make myself clear?
-l'm just doing my job.

281
00:34:38,159 --> 00:34:41,703
You've given this department
the worst reputation in the country.

282
00:34:41,788 --> 00:34:45,749
Now l've got the Chamber of Commerce
doing cartwheels in my cocoa factory.

283
00:34:45,833 --> 00:34:49,086
Radcliff, you're pulling duty
with the animated cat.

284
00:34:49,170 --> 00:34:51,671
Hiya, toots.

285
00:34:54,008 --> 00:34:58,386
-l'm getting a flea bath later. Join me?
-You touch me again, fur ball...

286
00:34:58,471 --> 00:35:02,516
-Wait! l can prove this is a movie.
-Who the hell are you, kid?

287
00:35:02,683 --> 00:35:05,268
Look out there, there's a cartoon cat.

288
00:35:06,187 --> 00:35:07,729
He's supposed to be back on duty.

289
00:35:07,814 --> 00:35:10,107
He was only suspended for a month.
Now, shut up.

290
00:35:10,191 --> 00:35:12,192
Listen to what l'm saying.

291
00:35:12,401 --> 00:35:16,947
An animated cat just walked
into the squad room. Hello.

292
00:35:17,031 --> 00:35:19,282
He'll do it again tomorrow.
So what's your point?

293
00:35:19,367 --> 00:35:21,827
-That cat is one of the best men l got!
-Yeah.

294
00:35:21,911 --> 00:35:24,996
Now who is this twerp?
And why is that smile on his face?

295
00:35:25,081 --> 00:35:27,082
l just love the way you two fight,

296
00:35:27,166 --> 00:35:29,334
knowing how you really feel
about each other.

297
00:35:29,418 --> 00:35:33,421
Pray tell, just how do l feel about
this weird-looking sack of puppy poop?

298
00:35:33,506 --> 00:35:37,384
You're dearest friends.
After your wife left you for the circus midget

299
00:35:37,468 --> 00:35:41,263
and Jack told everyone he drove her to
New England to the diphtheria clinic.

300
00:35:41,347 --> 00:35:43,390
When he came back, you said,

301
00:35:44,100 --> 00:35:46,893
"You saved me from public humiliation,
Jack.

302
00:35:46,978 --> 00:35:49,062
"You're my dearest friend."

303
00:35:50,273 --> 00:35:52,941
-And you promised me you wouldn't tell.
-l didn't.

304
00:35:53,025 --> 00:35:55,944
-Then how did he know?
-Jack Slater I.

305
00:35:56,028 --> 00:35:59,990
-What's winning got to do with this?
-No! The very first Jack Slater.

306
00:36:00,283 --> 00:36:01,616
You told your dad?

307
00:36:01,701 --> 00:36:04,995
l didn't tell anyone.
l don't even know this kid.

308
00:36:07,665 --> 00:36:10,250
Well, he seems to know a lot about us.

309
00:36:13,129 --> 00:36:14,880
No such number. No such name.

310
00:36:14,964 --> 00:36:17,090
The state of New York's never heard of you,
Mr. Madigan.

311
00:36:17,175 --> 00:36:18,675
-What's your real name?
-Danny Madigan.

312
00:36:18,759 --> 00:36:20,010
-Where are you really from?
-355...

313
00:36:20,094 --> 00:36:21,636
-How did you get in the car?
-l...

314
00:36:24,515 --> 00:36:27,434
l fell off a walk over a bridge.
Slipped into your car.

315
00:36:27,852 --> 00:36:29,269
He saved my life.

316
00:36:31,564 --> 00:36:34,482
Truth at last. Now, why were they after you?

317
00:36:35,151 --> 00:36:37,736
My second cousin Frank
found out some crucial drug information.

318
00:36:37,820 --> 00:36:41,448
l wouldn't put too much faith
into what Vivaldi told him.

319
00:36:44,410 --> 00:36:48,622
-How do you know Frank mentioned Vivaldi?
-l know a lot about what's going on.

320
00:36:48,706 --> 00:36:49,706
Now if you will just listen to me...

321
00:36:49,790 --> 00:36:53,126
All right, son,
l've got the perfect listener for you.

322
00:36:54,253 --> 00:36:57,589
-Meet your new partner.
-Oh, no.

323
00:36:59,592 --> 00:37:00,717
Better to die.

324
00:37:01,219 --> 00:37:05,388
You're going to love it, Jack. l mean,
we're perfect buddy-movie material.

325
00:37:05,473 --> 00:37:09,392
l'll teach you to be vulnerable,
you'll teach me to be brave.

326
00:37:09,977 --> 00:37:12,562
Hi. l'm Jack Slater's new partner.

327
00:37:12,980 --> 00:37:16,775
Jack and l will be working together
for the duration of the film.

328
00:37:18,361 --> 00:37:19,736
You know l'm right.

329
00:37:19,820 --> 00:37:23,823
lf this was the real world, l mean,
they wouldn't make me your partner.

330
00:37:23,908 --> 00:37:26,409
They'd assign me to a social worker.

331
00:37:26,577 --> 00:37:27,661
Here's one.

332
00:37:27,745 --> 00:37:31,623
Tell me how l know they tortured Frank
and then stashed him behind his front door.

333
00:37:31,707 --> 00:37:35,377
Because l saw it all on screen,
because this is a movie.

334
00:37:35,461 --> 00:37:38,755
You're very clever. And the only reason
why l'm not roaring with laughter

335
00:37:38,839 --> 00:37:42,092
is because someone killed
my favorite second cousin and that's a...

336
00:37:42,176 --> 00:37:45,595
Big mistake.
That is what you were going to say, right?

337
00:37:46,806 --> 00:37:50,225
-Gee, how would l know that?
-No one likes a smart-ass.

338
00:37:51,686 --> 00:37:53,895
Okay. Then shoot me.

339
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:57,983
That's right. Take your gun,
point it at my head and pull the trigger.

340
00:37:58,359 --> 00:38:01,611
Come on, do it. l double dare you.

341
00:38:03,406 --> 00:38:06,116
You're not going to do it, are you?
And do you know why?

342
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:08,576
Because people like you
don't kill kids in movies.

343
00:38:08,661 --> 00:38:12,038
Because, believe it or not,
Jack, you're the good guy.

344
00:38:12,790 --> 00:38:14,708
You really believe that we're inside a movie,
don't you?

345
00:38:14,792 --> 00:38:16,751
-Yes!
-All right.

346
00:38:16,836 --> 00:38:20,547
l'll give you 1 0 minutes to prove it
and then l shoot you.

347
00:38:27,221 --> 00:38:28,305
Slater!

348
00:38:29,348 --> 00:38:32,475
-Quick, where are the Schwarzenegger films?
-Foreign films are in the back.

349
00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:37,063
-No, action. This guy's an action star.
-Down the center on the left.

350
00:38:46,574 --> 00:38:49,075
No. lt isn't possible.

351
00:38:49,618 --> 00:38:53,830
What's not possible? He's fantastic.
This is his best performance ever.

352
00:38:53,914 --> 00:38:59,169
-But that was you. You were in that movie.
-You were in a movie?

353
00:39:00,338 --> 00:39:04,257
Yes. lt was called The Girl ofMy Dreams.

354
00:39:04,592 --> 00:39:06,092
lt starred you.

355
00:39:06,177 --> 00:39:09,846
As a matter of fact,
we had this very romantic scene together.

356
00:39:11,265 --> 00:39:15,435
-What's the phone number of this store?
-555-231 0.

357
00:39:15,811 --> 00:39:18,021
Okay. What's your home number?

358
00:39:18,814 --> 00:39:22,192
That's okay. You can give it to him.
l'm a police officer.

359
00:39:22,276 --> 00:39:25,820
-555-381 2.
-Amazing.

360
00:39:25,905 --> 00:39:29,157
l'm willing to bet
that everyone has a 555 number.

361
00:39:29,241 --> 00:39:30,867
-So?
-So...

362
00:39:30,951 --> 00:39:35,622
There can only be 9,999 numbers
that start with 555.

363
00:39:35,998 --> 00:39:39,125
-How many people live in LA?
-Eight or nine million.

364
00:39:41,504 --> 00:39:43,797
That's why we have area codes.

365
00:39:44,799 --> 00:39:47,967
-ls this your kid?
-This? Oh, no.

366
00:39:48,052 --> 00:39:52,097
This is a mental patient and l'm going to
take him downtown. Come on.

367
00:39:52,306 --> 00:39:54,724
Okay, l got one.
What about this girl right here?

368
00:39:54,809 --> 00:39:58,144
She is way too attractive
to be working at a video store.

369
00:39:58,229 --> 00:40:01,731
l agree with you.
l think she should be working with us.

370
00:40:02,608 --> 00:40:04,234
Undercover, of course.

371
00:40:04,318 --> 00:40:08,405
Look, the point is
there are no unattractive women here.

372
00:40:08,489 --> 00:40:11,908
l mean, where are the ordinary,
every-day women?

373
00:40:12,827 --> 00:40:17,163
-They don't exist, because this is a movie.
-No. This is California.

374
00:40:17,832 --> 00:40:19,332
And by the way, thanks.

375
00:40:19,417 --> 00:40:23,378
l think it was really slick,
the way you got this girl's phone number.

376
00:40:23,546 --> 00:40:25,630
Okay, Mr. Non-believer.

377
00:40:26,298 --> 00:40:30,218
l'll take you to the house
where your cousin Frank was tortured.

378
00:40:31,137 --> 00:40:33,096
l've seen it, on screen.

379
00:40:34,723 --> 00:40:38,560
lt's kind of like that one, except it's got to be
on the other side of the road

380
00:40:38,644 --> 00:40:40,895
'cause it's got an ocean view.

381
00:40:41,939 --> 00:40:44,941
Listen, there's something
you don't understand.

382
00:40:47,278 --> 00:40:50,196
This ticket is magic, and it really works.

383
00:40:50,531 --> 00:40:53,783
Any second we're going to drive
right into a theater.

384
00:40:57,204 --> 00:40:59,706
Maybe l need to warm it up first.

385
00:41:00,749 --> 00:41:04,294
Of course. My decoder ring has to warm up,
too. All the time.

386
00:41:04,378 --> 00:41:06,713
Okay, okay. The house looked European.

387
00:41:06,797 --> 00:41:10,175
Like maybe you get a postcard
from ltaly or something.

388
00:41:10,342 --> 00:41:14,721
Like that one. ln fact, just like that one.

389
00:41:15,389 --> 00:41:17,265
The bad guys are in there.

390
00:41:19,935 --> 00:41:23,396
You know something?
l think you should be wearing this.

391
00:41:23,647 --> 00:41:26,608
-l don't think l've earned it yet.
-You don't understand.

392
00:41:26,692 --> 00:41:28,651
You just solved the entire case.

393
00:41:28,736 --> 00:41:31,696
You just revolutionized
the entire history of police training.

394
00:41:31,780 --> 00:41:35,033
l mean, all these years at the academy,
studying human character,

395
00:41:35,117 --> 00:41:37,410
psyche of the terrorist, fingerprint analysis.

396
00:41:37,495 --> 00:41:39,746
All the courses that l've taken
in surveillance,

397
00:41:39,830 --> 00:41:42,665
hostage negotiation
and criminal psychology...

398
00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:45,627
When all l had to do is just drive around
the neighborhood

399
00:41:45,711 --> 00:41:47,295
and point my finger at the house and say,

400
00:41:47,379 --> 00:41:49,589
"The bad guys are in there."

401
00:41:50,966 --> 00:41:53,635
-You think you're funny, don't you?
-l know l am.

402
00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:56,346
l'm the famous comedian,
Arnold Braunschweiger.

403
00:41:56,430 --> 00:41:58,681
-Schwarzenegger.
-Gesundheit.

404
00:42:14,865 --> 00:42:16,032
May l help you?

405
00:42:16,116 --> 00:42:19,327
Yes. Could l speak to the drug dealer
of the house please?

406
00:42:19,411 --> 00:42:20,870
l beg your pardon?

407
00:42:20,955 --> 00:42:24,457
lt's a beautiful day
and we're out killing drug dealers.

408
00:42:24,708 --> 00:42:26,834
Are there any in the house?

409
00:42:31,298 --> 00:42:32,799
Be ready for anything.

410
00:42:36,470 --> 00:42:39,931
-Wait. Where are you going?
-l'll be back.

411
00:42:40,349 --> 00:42:43,059
You didn't know l was going to say that,
did you?

412
00:42:43,143 --> 00:42:46,187
-That's what you always say.
-l do?

413
00:42:47,731 --> 00:42:49,732
Everybody keeps waiting
for you to work it in.

414
00:42:49,817 --> 00:42:52,360
lt's kind of like your calling card.

415
00:42:54,863 --> 00:42:57,407
l understand you're interested
in drug dealers.

416
00:42:57,491 --> 00:42:58,616
Yes.

417
00:42:58,701 --> 00:43:01,953
Jack, that's him,
the henchman with the glass eye.

418
00:43:02,663 --> 00:43:05,206
Sir, are you a henchman?

419
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:10,378
No. l only go as far as lackey.
Will there be anything else?

420
00:43:10,462 --> 00:43:12,672
Yeah. Take off your sunglasses.

421
00:43:13,007 --> 00:43:16,009
-Who's asking?
-The tin man.

422
00:43:17,970 --> 00:43:22,348
-Well, tin man, suppose you hit the bricks.
-No. They're the wrong color.

423
00:43:22,433 --> 00:43:27,312
Are they? Oh, dear. By all means, let's
change them. Would arterial red suit you?

424
00:43:33,902 --> 00:43:37,030
Make no mistake.
They are exceptionally well-trained.

425
00:43:41,619 --> 00:43:44,704
l snap my fingers again,
and some time tomorrow

426
00:43:44,788 --> 00:43:47,540
you emerge from several canine recta.

427
00:43:48,542 --> 00:43:51,544
Or you and Toto can go back to
the land of Oz.

428
00:43:51,629 --> 00:43:53,463
-Questions?
-Yeah.

429
00:43:55,090 --> 00:43:56,424
Two of them.

430
00:43:57,301 --> 00:44:00,553
Why am l wasting time
on a dime store putz like you

431
00:44:01,055 --> 00:44:03,890
when l could be doing something
much more dangerous?

432
00:44:04,099 --> 00:44:06,476
Like rearranging my sock drawers.

433
00:44:06,727 --> 00:44:10,563
And two, how exactly are you going to
snap your fingers

434
00:44:10,648 --> 00:44:13,024
after l rip off both of your thumbs?

435
00:44:20,324 --> 00:44:21,908
Have a nice day.

436
00:44:28,582 --> 00:44:32,251
He had one with a bull's-eye
when he was with your second cousin.

437
00:44:32,336 --> 00:44:35,588
He hates his boss.
He calls him a Sicilian schmuck.

438
00:44:50,938 --> 00:44:54,524
How did Slater find out? Will you tell me?

439
00:44:55,651 --> 00:45:00,988
l want him to join me, but he's nuts.
He keeps going after the bad guys.

440
00:45:01,073 --> 00:45:04,117
Where is it written l'm a bad guy?

441
00:45:04,868 --> 00:45:07,078
Find out who talked and have him killed.

442
00:45:07,162 --> 00:45:09,247
Then, Slater.

443
00:45:11,291 --> 00:45:13,543
Hey. Hey!

444
00:45:13,627 --> 00:45:15,169
What's with you?

445
00:45:15,671 --> 00:45:18,089
We should change
the funeral arrangements.

446
00:45:18,173 --> 00:45:22,218
Are you crazy?
When l say bloodbath, there is

447
00:45:22,761 --> 00:45:24,554
-a bloodbath.
-A bloodbath.

448
00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:30,518
l'm going to find out more
about Slater's short friend.

449
00:45:31,645 --> 00:45:33,229
Come on, Jack.

450
00:45:33,313 --> 00:45:36,065
That guy has got to be guilty of something.

451
00:45:36,150 --> 00:45:39,068
Yeah. He's guilty of acting like an asshole.

452
00:45:39,445 --> 00:45:42,196
lf l arrest him,
l have to arrest half of Congress.

453
00:45:42,281 --> 00:45:43,823
Why did we park back there?

454
00:45:43,907 --> 00:45:45,491
ln case my ex-wife is around.

455
00:45:45,576 --> 00:45:49,245
Don't worry, she's not.
Her name wasn't in the credits.

456
00:45:49,329 --> 00:45:52,999
Kid, who does the doctor treat?

457
00:45:53,333 --> 00:45:54,500
Patients.

458
00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:57,086
Look at the elbow of my jacket.
What is it doing?

459
00:45:57,171 --> 00:45:59,505
-Wearing thin?
-Bingo.

460
00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:03,718
Geez, that was a stretch.

461
00:46:05,012 --> 00:46:08,181
Wow! ls this
what you drive on the weekends?

462
00:46:08,599 --> 00:46:10,600
No, this is my little girl's car.

463
00:46:10,684 --> 00:46:12,560
Come on. Knock on the door.

464
00:46:13,437 --> 00:46:15,730
l told you, your ex-wife's not home.

465
00:46:16,273 --> 00:46:18,524
Her name wasn't in the credits.

466
00:46:24,114 --> 00:46:25,281
Meredith?

467
00:46:25,365 --> 00:46:27,158
l hope you mean Whitney.

468
00:46:27,701 --> 00:46:29,118
Sorry. Whitney.

469
00:46:29,203 --> 00:46:31,412
You're not Skeezy, are you?

470
00:46:34,458 --> 00:46:36,959
Daddy! Oh, my God.

471
00:46:38,212 --> 00:46:41,005
-Daddy!
-You've gained some weight.

472
00:46:41,590 --> 00:46:46,719
Hi. l'm Danny Madigan
and l realize l haven't had that long of a life,

473
00:46:47,429 --> 00:46:51,808
but l just want you to know that
from now on, it's all going to be downhill.

474
00:46:51,892 --> 00:46:54,811
-Hello, sweetheart, you look wonderful.
-Thank you.

475
00:46:54,895 --> 00:46:58,648
So, who's your friend? He's cute.

476
00:46:58,732 --> 00:47:02,485
No, he's not cute, he's hopelessly insane.

477
00:47:02,569 --> 00:47:05,404
Very soon he's gonna tell you
he loved you in Gone with the Wind.

478
00:47:05,489 --> 00:47:08,825
-This is her first movie.
-You see?

479
00:47:08,909 --> 00:47:12,203
-Now who is Skeezy?
-lt's just a sorority thing, Dad. What they do

480
00:47:12,287 --> 00:47:15,832
is they assign you a freshman, and
when he comes to the door, you kiss him.

481
00:47:15,916 --> 00:47:19,335
-Do you have to kiss him?
-Dad, would you come on?

482
00:47:19,419 --> 00:47:23,005
Okay, would you grab the phone
and if it's for me, l'll be out of the shower

483
00:47:23,090 --> 00:47:25,424
in less than one hour for sure.

484
00:47:26,927 --> 00:47:29,095
What a cutie.

485
00:47:30,681 --> 00:47:35,351
lt's old evidence. Counterfeit case.
Looks real, doesn't it?

486
00:47:35,435 --> 00:47:37,854
Turns funny colors when you burn it.

487
00:47:37,938 --> 00:47:40,231
Try using it for alimony.

488
00:47:48,991 --> 00:47:50,575
What's wrong?

489
00:47:56,290 --> 00:47:59,041
You don't happen to have a cigar, do you?

490
00:48:04,506 --> 00:48:06,674
"l'll be back." l know, l know.

491
00:48:26,862 --> 00:48:29,572
Dad! Dad!

492
00:49:03,774 --> 00:49:06,275
He would have been your age.

493
00:49:08,362 --> 00:49:09,695
l know.

494
00:49:11,490 --> 00:49:15,576
The Ripper killed him three years ago.
Pulled him down off the roof.

495
00:49:16,995 --> 00:49:18,871
Your dad saw everything.

496
00:49:18,956 --> 00:49:20,957
How did you know all that?

497
00:49:24,044 --> 00:49:28,130
Your pop gets in the papers a lot.
l'm interested in crime stories.

498
00:49:29,091 --> 00:49:32,551
-That's Skeezy.
-l'll get rid of him.

499
00:49:41,228 --> 00:49:42,603
Hello, Toto.

500
00:49:47,985 --> 00:49:51,487
There, there, and there.

501
00:49:51,571 --> 00:49:55,741
No! Let go of me! Let go of me!

502
00:49:58,161 --> 00:50:01,038
-Stop it!
-Evening. Uncle Jack around?

503
00:50:01,123 --> 00:50:03,916
Mr. Slater's off tracking a lead somewhere.

504
00:50:06,336 --> 00:50:08,963
Joey, would you teach her
the virtue of silence?

505
00:50:09,047 --> 00:50:11,590
-Right.
-Benedict.

506
00:50:11,675 --> 00:50:15,803
-lf you harm a hair on her head...
-Stop!

507
00:50:25,981 --> 00:50:30,443
Go away! Stop it! No!

508
00:50:32,654 --> 00:50:34,405
You were saying?

509
00:50:38,285 --> 00:50:44,832
Now, l believe
it was Sherlock Holmes who said

510
00:50:45,834 --> 00:50:48,753
that if you eliminate
all the logical solutions to a problem,

511
00:50:48,837 --> 00:50:52,506
the illogical, however impossible,
is invariably true.

512
00:50:53,508 --> 00:50:57,428
You see, l know
that your name is Daniel Madigan.

513
00:50:57,512 --> 00:51:00,556
What l don't understand
is how you know mine.

514
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:07,646
Slater showed me some mug shots.
We made your face easy.

515
00:51:09,691 --> 00:51:12,401
Daniel Madigan from New York City.

516
00:51:12,486 --> 00:51:16,947
Awfully long way away from home,
aren't you? When did you get here?

517
00:51:17,032 --> 00:51:18,074
Just.

518
00:51:18,158 --> 00:51:20,910
And how do you know
what l said on Vivaldi's terrace?

519
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:24,121
l heard a recording.

520
00:51:24,206 --> 00:51:26,665
Microphones in the statues, are there?

521
00:51:27,209 --> 00:51:29,877
You wouldn't believe how many.

522
00:51:29,961 --> 00:51:32,963
And the eye l was wearing?

523
00:51:34,299 --> 00:51:36,801
l saw it. l saw it in a movie.

524
00:51:37,761 --> 00:51:39,553
There are micro cameras in the statues.

525
00:51:39,638 --> 00:51:45,476
l should tell you that l have killed people
smarter and younger than you.

526
00:51:53,610 --> 00:51:57,738
Look, whatever this is,
it's between you and Slater.

527
00:51:57,823 --> 00:52:02,243
There's some money in the desk.
Take it and leave me and Meredith...

528
00:52:02,327 --> 00:52:03,911
Whitney alone.

529
00:52:08,792 --> 00:52:10,918
Holy shit, boss.

530
00:52:11,002 --> 00:52:12,753
lt looks like 2K in here.

531
00:52:12,838 --> 00:52:15,131
Just a minute.

532
00:52:15,215 --> 00:52:16,757
Give it to me.

533
00:52:22,848 --> 00:52:25,057
These bills are marked, aren't they?

534
00:52:25,767 --> 00:52:30,563
You were trying to sucker me
with marked bills, weren't you?

535
00:52:32,399 --> 00:52:33,691
Burn it.

536
00:52:35,152 --> 00:52:37,736
-Burn it?
-Yes, burn it.

537
00:52:38,613 --> 00:52:42,616
Don't play games with grownups, little boy.
You'll get hurt.

538
00:53:02,929 --> 00:53:05,181
Stop it! Stop it! Oh, God.

539
00:53:05,265 --> 00:53:06,932
Big mistake.

540
00:53:24,951 --> 00:53:26,869
lt's great, isn't it?

541
00:53:26,953 --> 00:53:30,414
Now, we'll hurt you just a little bit,
but you'll...

542
00:53:30,498 --> 00:53:31,874
Freeze!

543
00:53:31,958 --> 00:53:35,836
Lose the guns or l redecorate
in brain-matter gray, got it?

544
00:53:35,921 --> 00:53:37,463
Yes!

545
00:53:39,382 --> 00:53:42,009
You kill me and l'll kill him.

546
00:53:48,934 --> 00:53:51,143
Leave it. Get the door.

547
00:54:01,029 --> 00:54:02,112
Boss?

548
00:54:04,366 --> 00:54:05,574
Hi.

549
00:54:42,237 --> 00:54:44,071
Don't give up your day job.

550
00:55:17,188 --> 00:55:19,023
Jack!

551
00:55:24,446 --> 00:55:26,488
Don't leave home without it.

552
00:55:27,282 --> 00:55:28,282
Go!

553
00:55:35,915 --> 00:55:37,458
Where are you going?

554
00:55:39,294 --> 00:55:41,295
Got to catch the red-eye.

555
00:55:51,222 --> 00:55:53,932
l don't believe this. l'm in the movie, and...

556
00:55:56,061 --> 00:55:58,520
l'm in the movie,
and l'm missing the best action!

557
00:56:01,983 --> 00:56:04,568
Punch it. Let's get the hell out of here.

558
00:56:20,919 --> 00:56:22,711
Go back up to the top!

559
00:56:29,677 --> 00:56:32,137
Next time, we get thicker armor.

560
00:56:33,431 --> 00:56:34,723
Like a tank.

561
00:56:54,994 --> 00:56:56,495
Chicken, it is.

562
00:57:06,756 --> 00:57:11,552
This is gonna work. lt's a movie.
l'm a good guy. This has got to work!

563
00:57:15,890 --> 00:57:17,724
l'm a comedy sidekick.

564
00:57:18,226 --> 00:57:21,520
Oh, shit! l'm a comedy sidekick!

565
00:57:21,604 --> 00:57:25,023
lt's not gonna work!

566
00:57:51,259 --> 00:57:54,761
Well, l think l scared him pretty good.

567
00:57:54,846 --> 00:57:57,055
You did great. Come on.

568
00:57:58,725 --> 00:58:02,186
-Benedict's got the ticket.
-That's too bad.

569
00:58:02,270 --> 00:58:04,480
l wanted it for my collection.

570
00:58:26,753 --> 00:58:29,671
I told you, Blanche isn't here.
She won't be back for two hours.

571
00:58:29,756 --> 00:58:32,257
I know. I'm gonna wait for her.

572
00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:37,721
It is a shame. It's so romantic.

573
00:58:38,473 --> 00:58:42,893
Well, I'll never get any work done
if I stay here and think about that.

574
00:58:42,977 --> 00:58:45,103
I'll run with Jane to the store.

575
00:58:46,981 --> 00:58:50,150
What a shame. Two tickets to Hawaii.

576
00:58:50,235 --> 00:58:55,197
Oh, I've gotta get her a husband.
Maybe Blanche can help out.

577
00:59:00,954 --> 00:59:04,206
We'll be right back
after this commercial announcement.

578
00:59:04,290 --> 00:59:06,250
You know, if you're looking
for a new or used car, see me first.

579
00:59:06,334 --> 00:59:08,544
Give me first crack at the deal.
I'll beat anybody else's deal.

580
00:59:08,628 --> 00:59:11,046
I'd gargle anti-freeze
to beat anybody else's deal.

581
00:59:11,130 --> 00:59:12,548
So see me first, give me first shot.

582
00:59:12,632 --> 00:59:15,717
Now here's a nice car.
Seventy-three, this is a Landau,

583
00:59:15,802 --> 00:59:18,554
top power steering, power brakes,
air conditioning. $999.

584
00:59:18,638 --> 00:59:23,559
If you're looking for trucks, we got trucks.
We got all kinds of trucks. '79 pickup, $2,999.

585
00:59:23,643 --> 00:59:27,854
Here's another one. This is a Long Bed.
This is $3,999. Can't beat that.

586
00:59:28,022 --> 00:59:29,398
Give me first shot...

587
00:59:43,663 --> 00:59:45,998
You're traveling
through another dimension.

588
00:59:46,165 --> 00:59:49,876
My name is Skeezy. S-K-E-E-Z-Y, sir.

589
00:59:50,461 --> 00:59:53,005
S-K-E-... No l-E. Thank you.

590
01:00:38,176 --> 01:00:39,593
Say this.

591
01:00:43,973 --> 01:00:46,141
Hey, grow up.

592
01:00:46,809 --> 01:00:48,393
Just say this one word.

593
01:00:49,771 --> 01:00:52,481
ls this another one of your movie proofs?

594
01:00:52,565 --> 01:00:54,107
Maybe.

595
01:00:55,151 --> 01:00:57,736
Kid, l don't want to say it.

596
01:00:58,404 --> 01:00:59,780
Say what?

597
01:01:00,657 --> 01:01:03,742
You can't. You can't possibly say it

598
01:01:03,826 --> 01:01:07,579
because this movie is PG-1 3. Admit it.

599
01:01:07,664 --> 01:01:09,122
Officer Slater,

600
01:01:09,207 --> 01:01:12,209
the guy with the missing eye,
l saw his license plate.

601
01:01:12,293 --> 01:01:14,044
Well, good for you.

602
01:01:17,423 --> 01:01:20,175
-You mean the guy with the glass eye?
-No.

603
01:01:20,259 --> 01:01:23,762
When he was running for the car,
it was missing.

604
01:01:24,764 --> 01:01:26,765
lt's got words.

605
01:01:29,310 --> 01:01:31,687
"Vengeance is..."

606
01:01:33,773 --> 01:01:34,815
Don't touch!

607
01:01:40,154 --> 01:01:41,154
You flipped up on all of it!

608
01:01:41,239 --> 01:01:42,489
God damn it, that's all l can take from you!

609
01:01:42,573 --> 01:01:44,241
l got the California Raisin Counsel doing

610
01:01:44,325 --> 01:01:45,784
an all-male version
of The Diary of Anne Frank,

611
01:01:45,868 --> 01:01:47,369
doing an all-male version
in my fuzzy slipper!

612
01:01:47,453 --> 01:01:49,037
Tiny Tim is tiptoeing through the tulips!

613
01:01:49,122 --> 01:01:51,164
-Did you catch that?
-You ball-peen jack-a-menace.

614
01:01:51,249 --> 01:01:54,209
l slurped about all the cock-sucking toast
l can take from you!

615
01:01:54,293 --> 01:01:55,877
You know you...

616
01:01:59,132 --> 01:02:01,133
l think some of it's English.

617
01:02:01,426 --> 01:02:03,844
Well, see if this is clear enough!

618
01:02:03,970 --> 01:02:05,303
Give me your badge!

619
01:02:05,388 --> 01:02:07,723
And this time, you won't get it back.

620
01:02:17,108 --> 01:02:20,152
Wohlschlager, you're partnered up
with the black-and-white digitalization

621
01:02:20,236 --> 01:02:22,696
of Humphrey Bogart.

622
01:02:34,292 --> 01:02:36,835
What, are you making some changes?

623
01:02:37,628 --> 01:02:40,672
Come on, why don't you come
and work the funeral with me, anyway?

624
01:02:40,757 --> 01:02:44,551
l mean, l don't know, l wouldn't miss
this one. l hear Torelli spent a bundle.

625
01:02:44,635 --> 01:02:48,263
He's got a damn helicopter
circling the building.

626
01:02:48,347 --> 01:02:52,100
A rooftop funeral service in Long Beach.
How's that for taste?

627
01:02:52,185 --> 01:02:53,477
Who died?

628
01:02:53,978 --> 01:02:55,896
Leo the Fart was shot yesterday.

629
01:02:56,814 --> 01:02:59,191
Somebody was trying for Torelli and missed.

630
01:02:59,275 --> 01:03:01,401
Leo was tough.

631
01:03:01,486 --> 01:03:04,279
He could do everything
but sneak up on you.

632
01:03:04,781 --> 01:03:08,742
Look, look, if you change your mind,
l'll be in front of the hotel.

633
01:03:27,762 --> 01:03:31,306
-Where are we, anyway?
-Home.

634
01:03:46,239 --> 01:03:48,698
Geez!
How did you know there was a guy in there?

635
01:03:48,783 --> 01:03:50,992
There's always a guy in there.

636
01:03:51,077 --> 01:03:53,453
Costs me a fortune in closet doors.

637
01:03:53,538 --> 01:03:57,499
Right. Like in Slater, Part ll:
The Sagittarius Strangler.

638
01:03:57,583 --> 01:04:01,294
Yeah, in a few seconds,
you're gonna meet the Madigan strangler.

639
01:04:01,379 --> 01:04:02,879
l just got fired.

640
01:04:02,964 --> 01:04:06,091
What you find so entertaining
happens to be my life.

641
01:04:06,175 --> 01:04:08,426
Now l'm not even a cop anymore.

642
01:04:09,428 --> 01:04:11,012
You'll get your badge back.

643
01:04:11,097 --> 01:04:15,141
He was just pulling rank because you
destroyed more of the city than usual.

644
01:04:15,226 --> 01:04:18,353
Jack, you're not just my hero,
you're everybody's hero.

645
01:04:18,437 --> 01:04:21,773
And it will all be okay again. Trust me.

646
01:04:22,483 --> 01:04:24,985
No, Danny. lt's getting harder.

647
01:04:26,279 --> 01:04:29,698
l never started out
to be anything but a decent cop,

648
01:04:29,782 --> 01:04:33,034
but l kept getting involved
in these crazy adventures.

649
01:04:34,120 --> 01:04:38,331
But the craziest part is, l kept surviving.

650
01:04:38,416 --> 01:04:41,626
Jack, these are the sequels.
They gotta get harder.

651
01:04:44,672 --> 01:04:46,339
But look on the good side.

652
01:04:46,424 --> 01:04:48,842
l mean, you've got a great daughter.

653
01:04:48,926 --> 01:04:50,802
And your ex-wife wouldn't keep calling if

654
01:04:50,887 --> 01:04:52,679
somewhere deep down
she didn't want you back.

655
01:04:52,763 --> 01:04:55,181
Danny, do you think l would marry
someone so stupid

656
01:04:55,266 --> 01:04:58,226
that doesn't know
the real voice from a taped one?

657
01:04:58,311 --> 01:05:01,396
l pay a cashier at the drugstore
to call me every so often at the station

658
01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:04,149
so the guys think l have a private life.

659
01:05:05,651 --> 01:05:08,194
My ex-wife, she's happily remarried.

660
01:05:08,529 --> 01:05:10,155
She never calls.

661
01:05:11,198 --> 01:05:12,616
And Whitney.

662
01:05:13,701 --> 01:05:16,411
Why can she not be like
every other teenager?

663
01:05:16,495 --> 01:05:20,040
On prom night, she stays home
and field strips an AK-47.

664
01:05:21,417 --> 01:05:24,336
She's going to die a young maid. l know it.

665
01:05:26,172 --> 01:05:28,381
l'm going to buy it soon, too.

666
01:05:28,466 --> 01:05:31,509
No way.
You can't die till the grosses go down.

667
01:05:34,555 --> 01:05:36,222
That guy Vivaldi,

668
01:05:36,307 --> 01:05:38,725
l heard him say something
was going to happen at a funeral.

669
01:05:38,851 --> 01:05:42,145
Now this Leo the Fart is going to have one.
Maybe we should look into that.

670
01:05:42,313 --> 01:05:44,189
Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say.

671
01:05:44,273 --> 01:05:48,151
Jack, it's a funeral for a guy named Fart.
Hello?

672
01:05:49,070 --> 01:05:50,236
Funeral?

673
01:05:50,321 --> 01:05:54,115
Check this out.
Someone tried to kill old man Torelli, right?

674
01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:56,826
Missed and shot Leo the Fart by mistake.

675
01:05:56,911 --> 01:05:58,453
-Right.
-Wrong.

676
01:05:58,704 --> 01:06:02,207
Who took the shot? Was it Benedict?
Most likely.

677
01:06:02,833 --> 01:06:06,711
Would he miss? No way.
Unless he wanted to miss.

678
01:06:07,046 --> 01:06:10,423
You're saying he meant to miss?
Why?

679
01:06:10,716 --> 01:06:14,386
Because, amigo,
Leo the Fart was very, very fat.

680
01:06:15,179 --> 01:06:17,263
-Get it?
-No, l don't.

681
01:06:17,556 --> 01:06:20,433
They broke in last night.
They cut Leo open like a turkey,

682
01:06:20,518 --> 01:06:23,853
stuffed him with TNT,
he goes off at the funeral

683
01:06:23,938 --> 01:06:26,982
and takes out the entire Torelli mob,
all at once.

684
01:06:27,149 --> 01:06:30,568
Vivaldi owns the town.
That's what all this has been about.

685
01:06:30,653 --> 01:06:33,029
Vivaldi's going to blow up that funeral.

686
01:06:33,114 --> 01:06:35,699
No. No. lt wouldn't just be a bomb.

687
01:06:35,783 --> 01:06:38,827
l mean, we've already had
a dozen explosions in this movie.

688
01:06:38,911 --> 01:06:41,246
Danny, don't start that again.

689
01:06:42,581 --> 01:06:44,833
-Nerve gas!
-What are you talking about?

690
01:06:44,917 --> 01:06:49,212
Three canisters of nerve gas were stolen
from military trucks the night before last.

691
01:06:49,296 --> 01:06:53,258
They could have stuffed those inside him.
And you know what that means, don't you?

692
01:06:54,927 --> 01:06:58,096
Leo the Fart is going to pass gas
one more time.

693
01:07:12,862 --> 01:07:16,364
Mr. Torelli,
l hope it's all right with you l am here.

694
01:07:16,449 --> 01:07:19,826
-l don't want to be no fourth wheel.
-Nonsense, Antonio...

695
01:07:21,370 --> 01:07:22,787
Fifth wheel.

696
01:07:22,955 --> 01:07:25,123
That's nice. Thank you, thank you.

697
01:07:25,207 --> 01:07:27,375
Did you hear that, Benedict?

698
01:07:27,501 --> 01:07:28,752
Family.

699
01:07:29,378 --> 01:07:31,463
Go pay your respects, huh?

700
01:08:06,207 --> 01:08:09,292
-Stay in the car.
-No way. l'm coming with you.

701
01:08:09,376 --> 01:08:11,711
Kid, let's say this is a movie.

702
01:08:11,796 --> 01:08:15,006
How many times have you heard someone
say, "Stay in the car" and the guy doesn't?

703
01:08:15,091 --> 01:08:16,633
What happens?

704
01:08:17,009 --> 01:08:19,385
-He saves the day.
-Or gets killed.

705
01:08:19,470 --> 01:08:21,846
Good point. l'll stay in the car.

706
01:08:22,098 --> 01:08:26,184
Wait a minute! What if staying in the car
is what gets me killed?

707
01:08:26,685 --> 01:08:29,395
There's a gun in the glove compartment.

708
01:08:35,069 --> 01:08:37,237
-Practice!
-Makes perfect.

709
01:08:39,490 --> 01:08:42,408
-You decided to join me, huh?
-The Fart is a bomb.

710
01:08:42,493 --> 01:08:44,828
They're going to take out the whole
Torelli mob. We've got to stop it.

711
01:08:44,912 --> 01:08:47,789
That explains the break-in at the mortuary.
Geez, that's brilliant.

712
01:08:47,873 --> 01:08:50,917
Come on.
We'll use the service entrance in back.

713
01:08:55,673 --> 01:08:59,217
-Who are you working for, John?
-What do you mean?

714
01:08:59,385 --> 01:09:02,679
We both know
there's no side entrance to this hotel.

715
01:09:06,851 --> 01:09:10,520
Sorry, Jack.
l didn't want it to go down this way.

716
01:09:14,233 --> 01:09:16,568
Danny told me not to trust you.

717
01:09:16,986 --> 01:09:19,154
He said you killed Moe Zart.

718
01:09:19,738 --> 01:09:22,157
-Moe, who?
-Zart.

719
01:09:24,326 --> 01:09:26,953
l kill a lot of people.
l can't remember half of them.

720
01:09:27,037 --> 01:09:29,414
How do you get to Carnegie Hall?

721
01:09:31,125 --> 01:09:33,793
ln a body bag, if you don't drop that.

722
01:09:35,004 --> 01:09:36,838
That's doubtful, kid.

723
01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:40,133
Real doubtful.

724
01:09:43,596 --> 01:09:46,097
Thanks for the fingerprints, kid.

725
01:09:46,265 --> 01:09:48,600
You're about to murder Jack Slater.

726
01:09:48,976 --> 01:09:51,436
Here. Chain yourself to that pipe.

727
01:09:53,189 --> 01:09:57,025
See, Jack, these drug guys, they got
more money than the U.S. Government.

728
01:09:57,109 --> 01:10:00,570
So you cut a deal
with a Sicilian scumbag like Vivaldi.

729
01:10:00,821 --> 01:10:02,405
Right you are.

730
01:10:02,865 --> 01:10:06,659
You see, Vivaldi made up with Torelli,
but it was a phony.

731
01:10:06,744 --> 01:10:08,453
He's going to destroy him.

732
01:10:08,537 --> 01:10:12,999
So, in exchange for letting him alone,
he gives me a profit percentage.

733
01:10:13,626 --> 01:10:15,376
l'll be rich, Jack.

734
01:10:15,753 --> 01:10:18,046
-You'll be dead, but...
-Freeze!

735
01:10:18,964 --> 01:10:20,632
Toss me the cuffs.

736
01:10:21,800 --> 01:10:25,386
Man, are you an idiot!
You made the classic movie mistake.

737
01:10:25,471 --> 01:10:29,557
Don't explain so much.
You had to get in those last few words.

738
01:10:29,683 --> 01:10:32,936
l mean, if you had just fired,
you would have won.

739
01:10:33,145 --> 01:10:36,147
But, no, you're the typical villain. Dumb.

740
01:10:37,524 --> 01:10:39,984
You ain't no genius yourself, kid.

741
01:10:41,237 --> 01:10:44,489
-The Fart goes off in seven minutes.
-Get my car.

742
01:10:46,992 --> 01:10:48,284
Move it.

743
01:10:50,996 --> 01:10:54,999
Well, l'd love to stay and watch the fun,

744
01:10:55,084 --> 01:10:59,837
but l have to go and establish my alibi.

745
01:11:05,177 --> 01:11:07,220
So, is this the day
you were talking about saving?

746
01:11:07,304 --> 01:11:11,015
-l don't see you doing anything.
-l wouldn't want to steal your thunder.

747
01:11:12,101 --> 01:11:13,393
No, no, no.

748
01:11:13,477 --> 01:11:17,146
You stay here and make sure
everything goes on as planned.

749
01:11:17,898 --> 01:11:23,027
You had Slater in front of the eight ball
before, but you always screwed it up.

750
01:11:24,238 --> 01:11:26,030
All right. Let's go.

751
01:11:28,867 --> 01:11:31,953
lt's behind the eight ball, you moron.

752
01:11:33,038 --> 01:11:36,916
Somebody once told me l talk too much.
No more words.

753
01:11:41,213 --> 01:11:43,673
Whiskers! Where the hell have you been?

754
01:11:43,757 --> 01:11:46,009
Sorry, Jack. Fur ball problem.

755
01:11:47,094 --> 01:11:51,472
Seal off the area. There's a possible
chemical explosion in five minutes.

756
01:11:51,557 --> 01:11:56,394
-Thanks, Whiskers. l owe you one.
-Forget it. You saved my fur plenty of times.

757
01:12:00,316 --> 01:12:02,108
You see the hook of that crane?

758
01:12:02,192 --> 01:12:05,570
l want it on top of the roof
in two minutes. Go.

759
01:12:05,779 --> 01:12:08,281
Wait. How do l get them to do that?

760
01:12:34,308 --> 01:12:37,643
You got to help me move that crane!
You got to help me!

761
01:12:37,728 --> 01:12:40,521
-l got to get that crane to the roof.
-Shit.

762
01:12:40,606 --> 01:12:43,608
Hey, wait a minute!
You got to work this thing!

763
01:12:53,410 --> 01:12:55,703
l don't even know how to drive.

764
01:13:27,486 --> 01:13:30,988
-Pardon me. Excuse me.
-Hey!

765
01:13:36,995 --> 01:13:38,329
Pardon me.

766
01:13:41,667 --> 01:13:44,544
He was a good man. A flatulent man.

767
01:13:49,007 --> 01:13:50,633
Do you hear this?

768
01:13:51,176 --> 01:13:53,636
Help me. Get me out of here.

769
01:13:54,304 --> 01:13:57,140
My God! This man's not dead!

770
01:14:05,941 --> 01:14:09,861
Get out of the way! This man needs a doctor!
Out of my way.

771
01:14:09,945 --> 01:14:12,697
-This man needs a doctor!
-l'm a doctor.

772
01:14:13,073 --> 01:14:14,949
-You're a doctor?
-Yes.

773
01:14:15,534 --> 01:14:17,076
Check his chin.

774
01:14:19,037 --> 01:14:21,747
The doctor has fainted.
Can somebody help this man here?

775
01:14:21,832 --> 01:14:24,375
l'll take the corpse... l mean, the patient.

776
01:14:24,877 --> 01:14:26,586
Look, an elephant.

777
01:14:34,136 --> 01:14:36,596
Hold it! Don't shoot! He'll drop Leo!

778
01:15:00,329 --> 01:15:01,787
Don't shoot!

779
01:16:11,316 --> 01:16:12,650
Oh, shit!

780
01:16:17,990 --> 01:16:19,323
Watch out!

781
01:17:00,198 --> 01:17:04,827
lt's a no-fly zone, fella.
Shit!

782
01:17:49,915 --> 01:17:55,044
Danny! He's ticking!
Move the crane as fast as you can!

783
01:18:18,151 --> 01:18:22,029
Danny! Stop the crane now! Stop it!

784
01:18:23,323 --> 01:18:26,867
Drop! Go! Go! Go! Go! Damn you! Go!

785
01:18:26,952 --> 01:18:30,413
Gas bag, drop! Damn you! Drop!

786
01:18:31,456 --> 01:18:34,625
Drop! Gas bag, drop!

787
01:18:55,605 --> 01:18:58,566
Get out of here! Everybody out!

788
01:19:38,690 --> 01:19:40,399
Silent, but deadly.

789
01:19:44,696 --> 01:19:46,489
Bring the car around.

790
01:19:46,698 --> 01:19:49,241
Can't. The helicopter landed on it.

791
01:19:50,619 --> 01:19:52,661
l hate when that happens.

792
01:19:52,829 --> 01:19:55,790
You know, tar actually
sticks to some people.

793
01:20:06,301 --> 01:20:10,596
Hey, Dad! l heard you were here.
l thought you could use some clothes.

794
01:20:10,764 --> 01:20:13,224
-Thanks, honey.
-Wait a minute.

795
01:20:14,017 --> 01:20:16,268
No one finds this a little convenient?

796
01:20:16,353 --> 01:20:19,772
Hey, kid, you always said
this is a movie, didn't you?

797
01:20:24,569 --> 01:20:26,070
How did it go?

798
01:20:29,449 --> 01:20:31,242
Hey! How did it go?

799
01:20:34,955 --> 01:20:39,333
Come on. l'm dying out here.
How was it? l want to know how it went.

800
01:20:46,842 --> 01:20:50,177
Come on, move your butt.
How did it went?

801
01:20:50,345 --> 01:20:51,637
Splendid.

802
01:20:52,305 --> 01:20:53,430
What?

803
01:20:55,100 --> 01:20:58,894
-lt went splendidly!
-Wait, wait a minute. l can't hear you.

804
01:20:58,979 --> 01:21:02,606
l don't want to miss a thing.
Come here. Come here.

805
01:21:04,276 --> 01:21:06,360
-Hey, Benedict, get your stuff.
-Yes.

806
01:21:06,444 --> 01:21:09,697
-Was it beautiful?
-Perfect in every detail.

807
01:21:10,365 --> 01:21:13,367
And the gas tanks. Poof! Were they okay?

808
01:21:13,785 --> 01:21:15,327
Like clockwork.

809
01:21:15,912 --> 01:21:17,371
You should have been there.

810
01:21:17,455 --> 01:21:22,167
Men, women and children dropping
left and right, writhing and screaming.

811
01:21:22,252 --> 01:21:25,671
Wait a minute. Wait, wait. Wait a minute.
l want to enjoy it all.

812
01:21:26,089 --> 01:21:27,673
Go on, go on. Tell me, tell me.

813
01:21:27,757 --> 01:21:32,553
They were writhing and screaming and
leaping to their doom to escape the pain.

814
01:21:33,138 --> 01:21:36,140
-Really? Really?
-No, not really. l'm lying.

815
01:21:36,224 --> 01:21:38,142
lt was a complete and utter balls-up

816
01:21:38,226 --> 01:21:41,520
and l've had a terrible day,
thanks largely to you.

817
01:21:42,981 --> 01:21:47,192
What is this, Benedict?
First, you're my friend. Now you turn a

818
01:21:48,653 --> 01:21:50,446
-360 on me.
-God.

819
01:21:50,530 --> 01:21:54,366
One-eighty,
you stupid, spaghetti-slurping cretin.

820
01:21:54,451 --> 01:21:57,161
One-eighty! lf l did a 360,

821
01:21:57,245 --> 01:22:00,831
l'd go completely around
and end up back where l started!

822
01:22:02,709 --> 01:22:04,710
-What?
-Trust me.

823
01:22:08,173 --> 01:22:11,926
lf that little turd, Daniel Madigan,
can move through parallel worlds,

824
01:22:12,010 --> 01:22:15,429
l can move through
parallel worlds, in and out.

825
01:22:15,764 --> 01:22:20,434
ln, steal whatever l want, and out again.
lmpossible to catch.

826
01:22:23,104 --> 01:22:25,064
lf God was a villain,

827
01:22:27,192 --> 01:22:28,525
he'd be me.

828
01:22:30,445 --> 01:22:33,364
-You want me vacuum now?
-No, thank you.

829
01:22:34,366 --> 01:22:37,451
But the pool could benefit
from some attention.

830
01:22:37,619 --> 01:22:38,994
Very good.

831
01:22:53,969 --> 01:22:55,386
Don't move.

832
01:22:58,848 --> 01:23:02,518
-All right, Slater, l'll go quietly.
-The hell you will.

833
01:23:10,610 --> 01:23:14,196
That was for blowing up
my second cousin, Frank's house.

834
01:23:14,280 --> 01:23:18,283
And this is for blowing up
my ex-wife's house.

835
01:23:20,704 --> 01:23:24,248
But this...
This is for my daughter's black eye!

836
01:23:28,753 --> 01:23:31,588
Usually, when l do that, it leaves a hole.

837
01:23:32,924 --> 01:23:37,094
The ticket. Jack, he's got the ticket!

838
01:23:38,430 --> 01:23:41,140
lt's the key to everything. lt's magic.

839
01:23:42,183 --> 01:23:46,437
See? That's my world!
He's gone over to my world!

840
01:23:47,188 --> 01:23:50,024
The door, it must still be open. Come on!

841
01:23:51,026 --> 01:23:53,861
l'm not worried that you're crazy anymore.

842
01:23:54,779 --> 01:23:57,072
l'm worried that you're right.

843
01:23:58,867 --> 01:24:01,201
But if l go, how do l get back?

844
01:24:01,369 --> 01:24:04,329
You can't go through life
nitpicking every little thing.

845
01:24:04,414 --> 01:24:05,914
Now, come on!

846
01:24:11,212 --> 01:24:12,838
The hell with it.

847
01:24:19,429 --> 01:24:21,430
There was nothing to it.

848
01:24:23,933 --> 01:24:27,811
-We're still here.
-Are you sure about that? Look.

849
01:24:32,400 --> 01:24:34,068
Quickly! Quickly!

850
01:24:36,237 --> 01:24:39,281
-l want to see if Nick's okay.
-There's no time. Come on.

851
01:24:42,577 --> 01:24:45,496
What the hell? We're in New York.

852
01:24:45,997 --> 01:24:47,915
Jack, it all makes sense.

853
01:24:47,999 --> 01:24:51,668
No, actually it makes absolutely no sense,
but l'll try to explain it you. Later.

854
01:24:51,795 --> 01:24:55,339
Meantime, please be careful.
Things work different here.

855
01:24:59,511 --> 01:25:02,179
-Get out!
-All right. Don't get feisty.

856
01:25:02,806 --> 01:25:06,225
-The car's a piece ofjunk, anyway.
-Drive, bonehead!

857
01:25:09,437 --> 01:25:12,481
Here's another explosion for your movie, kid.

858
01:25:18,321 --> 01:25:20,531
Not a word. Not one word.

859
01:25:31,835 --> 01:25:35,420
-My hand. lt really hurts.
-Things work different here.

860
01:25:35,505 --> 01:25:38,507
You can't smash a car window with your
bare hand and not have it hurt.

861
01:25:38,591 --> 01:25:42,344
Thanks for sharing.
You couldn't have told me this earlier?

862
01:25:46,182 --> 01:25:50,519
-l think the taxis are bulletproof.
-Jack, We got to get that ticket back.

863
01:26:10,081 --> 01:26:14,418
No way, Slater. Please. Listen to me.
lt won't work, you hear me?

864
01:26:14,752 --> 01:26:17,546
You can't play chicken in real life.
You'll crash!

865
01:26:17,630 --> 01:26:19,548
Out of the car, amigo.

866
01:26:20,091 --> 01:26:23,677
This isn't the movies anymore, Jack.
Here, you have to reload guns...

867
01:26:23,761 --> 01:26:27,181
-Go, Danny! Get out!
-Car crashes can kill you! You hear me?

868
01:26:28,183 --> 01:26:32,561
You are going to die! Jack!

869
01:26:33,897 --> 01:26:35,439
What did l do?

870
01:26:42,947 --> 01:26:44,698
Oh, Christ, please.

871
01:26:56,044 --> 01:26:57,586
Damn it, that hurt.

872
01:26:57,670 --> 01:27:00,881
You're lucky you're still alive,
you dumb idiot!

873
01:27:00,965 --> 01:27:06,261
Hey, '89 Mercury Sable,
standard driver's-side air bag.

874
01:27:06,512 --> 01:27:09,097
Checker Cab, no air bag. Who is dumb?

875
01:27:09,182 --> 01:27:11,558
Okay, okay. Just make sure they're dead.

876
01:27:11,643 --> 01:27:13,977
-Give me a break. They're dead.
-Just check, will you?

877
01:27:14,062 --> 01:27:17,856
-Look. Dead.
-They always look dead! Like in Die Hard.

878
01:27:17,941 --> 01:27:22,653
The guy's hanging there by his neck
and at the end of the movie he comes back.

879
01:27:24,822 --> 01:27:27,199
All right. Make sure to cover me.

880
01:27:27,408 --> 01:27:29,993
l think he's got a windshield wiper.

881
01:27:36,125 --> 01:27:38,126
Maybe he used the ticket.

882
01:27:41,130 --> 01:27:43,465
Maybe it's on all the time now.

883
01:27:58,022 --> 01:27:59,815
What is this place?

884
01:28:01,484 --> 01:28:03,026
Where am l now?

885
01:28:06,072 --> 01:28:09,491
Danny, you got a place l can sit down?

886
01:28:11,786 --> 01:28:13,787
Yeah. Come on.

887
01:28:16,708 --> 01:28:18,292
Nick! Nick!

888
01:28:18,751 --> 01:28:22,921
Danny. Oh, my God.
l was so worried. Are you okay?

889
01:28:23,131 --> 01:28:25,215
Did you see what happened?

890
01:28:25,383 --> 01:28:27,801
No, l slept the sleep of the dead, kid,
in here until

891
01:28:27,885 --> 01:28:30,971
l woke up at 2:00 in the morning
and l figured you'd gone home.

892
01:28:31,055 --> 01:28:33,807
l wasn't home, Nick. l was in the movie.

893
01:28:35,685 --> 01:28:38,979
l'm getting a little up in years, kid.
Define "in."

894
01:28:39,272 --> 01:28:41,398
Whitney kissed me on the mouth.

895
01:28:41,482 --> 01:28:45,360
l drove one of those great big cranes and
dropped Leo the Fart in the La Brea Tar Pits.

896
01:28:45,445 --> 01:28:48,488
l was with Jack Slater every step of the way!

897
01:28:52,243 --> 01:28:54,202
Oh, my God.

898
01:28:56,789 --> 01:28:58,582
The ticket works?

899
01:29:00,084 --> 01:29:04,212
l could have used it all this time
and l never used it 'cause l...

900
01:29:04,756 --> 01:29:06,590
l was too frightened.

901
01:29:08,259 --> 01:29:11,303
But it's not too late. l can still go visit

902
01:29:12,680 --> 01:29:14,348
Garbo in Camille.

903
01:29:15,850 --> 01:29:18,935
Jean Harlow. Oh, boy, l had a crush...

904
01:29:20,313 --> 01:29:22,105
Monroe in Bus Stop.

905
01:29:25,610 --> 01:29:30,238
Forgive me for going on like that, sir.
l'm a great admirer of your work, too.

906
01:29:30,656 --> 01:29:32,908
Nick, it isn't who you think.

907
01:29:34,243 --> 01:29:36,411
You mean, it's... ls he...

908
01:29:37,622 --> 01:29:40,624
This is a wonderful moment
for me, Mr. Slater.

909
01:29:40,792 --> 01:29:43,919
l've never met a fictional character before.

910
01:29:45,630 --> 01:29:48,632
How new and exciting
this must all be for you.

911
01:29:50,051 --> 01:29:52,928
Hey, l just found out l was imaginary.

912
01:29:53,471 --> 01:29:56,765
l mean, how would you feel if you found out
that somebody made you up?

913
01:29:56,849 --> 01:30:00,435
Yourjob, your marriage, your kids.

914
01:30:02,271 --> 01:30:05,315
Oh, yeah.
Let's push his son off the building.

915
01:30:05,691 --> 01:30:07,901
Gives you nightmares the rest of your life.

916
01:30:07,985 --> 01:30:11,279
But you're fictional, so who cares? l'm sorry,

917
01:30:11,656 --> 01:30:13,782
but l don't find it so new and exciting
to discover

918
01:30:13,866 --> 01:30:16,159
that my whole life has been a damn movie.

919
01:30:16,244 --> 01:30:18,912
Well, you're young and impressionable.

920
01:30:19,997 --> 01:30:22,791
You know,
there's lots worse things than movies.

921
01:30:22,875 --> 01:30:28,672
There's politicians and wars and forest fires,
and famine and plague...

922
01:30:30,508 --> 01:30:34,719
-Sickness, pain, warts, politicians...
-You already mentioned them.

923
01:30:35,012 --> 01:30:38,348
l know l did.
They're twice as bad as anything else.

924
01:30:39,308 --> 01:30:42,602
Most of my life's been movies, too.
Well, showing them.

925
01:30:42,687 --> 01:30:45,021
But that's all over for me now.

926
01:30:45,815 --> 01:30:50,068
The theater's shut. l'm gonna clear out
my stuff, and then it's the wrecking ball.

927
01:30:50,153 --> 01:30:54,406
But now, l got another chance.
Could l have the ticket back, please?

928
01:30:54,699 --> 01:30:58,452
Well... We've got this one little

929
01:31:00,663 --> 01:31:03,206
-hiccup.
-What do you mean "hiccup"?

930
01:31:04,375 --> 01:31:07,419
Benedict's here, too, and he's got the ticket.

931
01:31:07,545 --> 01:31:09,880
That madman with the glass eye?

932
01:31:13,718 --> 01:31:17,471
-How the hell are you going to get back?
-That's a good question.

933
01:31:17,555 --> 01:31:20,557
But we wouldn't want to nitpick.
Right, Danny?

934
01:31:25,188 --> 01:31:27,522
Now, you just follow my lead.

935
01:31:32,653 --> 01:31:36,406
Where have you been?
Have you got any idea what time it is?

936
01:31:36,741 --> 01:31:39,951
The police called.
You're not there, you're not here.

937
01:31:40,036 --> 01:31:41,870
Mom, l'm sorry. Okay?

938
01:31:43,247 --> 01:31:44,289
"Okay?"

939
01:31:45,041 --> 01:31:47,626
There are nine million kids
out there with guns

940
01:31:47,710 --> 01:31:50,921
and that's all
you have to say to me, "Okay?"

941
01:31:51,464 --> 01:31:54,341
-Will you get in here?
-Well... Mom, wait.

942
01:31:55,259 --> 01:31:58,929
You know how you always say
you wished l had more friends?

943
01:31:59,180 --> 01:32:00,430
Well...

944
01:32:08,439 --> 01:32:10,273
Hello, Mrs. Madigan.

945
01:32:11,150 --> 01:32:13,068
Arnold Braunschweiger.

946
01:32:32,755 --> 01:32:35,173
Sweetheart, want to have a party?

947
01:32:39,512 --> 01:32:42,138
-How old are you?
-Forget it.

948
01:32:53,109 --> 01:32:58,488
No, you get the shoes! Take the shoes!
Come on, we ain't got time. Come on!

949
01:33:02,618 --> 01:33:04,160
Take his shoes?

950
01:33:29,020 --> 01:33:30,395
No screams?

951
01:33:34,108 --> 01:33:35,483
No sirens?

952
01:33:41,032 --> 01:33:42,365
Excuse me!

953
01:33:44,368 --> 01:33:46,536
-Excuse me!
-Yeah?

954
01:33:49,206 --> 01:33:53,335
l'm sorry to bother you.
l wonder if you'd help me test a theory.

955
01:33:53,419 --> 01:33:55,545
Sure. What can l do for you?

956
01:33:56,589 --> 01:33:57,839
Well...

957
01:34:16,734 --> 01:34:17,901
Hello?

958
01:34:19,570 --> 01:34:22,947
l've just shot somebody. l did it on purpose!

959
01:34:28,371 --> 01:34:33,541
l said, l have murdered a man,
and l want to confess!

960
01:34:34,418 --> 01:34:36,419
Hey, shut up down there!

961
01:34:41,676 --> 01:34:46,179
l don't know what to say.
l feel a little shy and embarrassed right now,

962
01:34:46,263 --> 01:34:50,183
but, l mean, l understand that,
for some reason, we look alike.

963
01:34:50,976 --> 01:34:52,143
lt's crazy...

964
01:34:52,228 --> 01:34:56,940
The thing is, you really do look uncannily
like him except for one thing, the eyes.

965
01:34:57,024 --> 01:35:00,735
-You are obviously much more intelligent.
-Thank you.

966
01:35:00,820 --> 01:35:03,530
Good morning. Good afternoon.
Good to see you.

967
01:35:03,614 --> 01:35:05,240
What kind of eggs do you want?

968
01:35:05,324 --> 01:35:09,077
Scrambled.
Have you guys been up all night?

969
01:35:09,161 --> 01:35:11,246
Why didn't you tell me that Jack was a cop

970
01:35:11,330 --> 01:35:13,039
and why didn't you tell me
you spent the whole night

971
01:35:13,124 --> 01:35:14,999
in a police station looking at mug shots?

972
01:35:15,084 --> 01:35:17,335
You could have taken two minutes
to call your mother.

973
01:35:17,420 --> 01:35:19,671
Why didn't you tell me you had no friends?

974
01:35:19,755 --> 01:35:22,257
And what is this business
about going to the movies at midnight

975
01:35:22,341 --> 01:35:25,176
when you knew
your mother would be worried?

976
01:35:29,014 --> 01:35:33,935
Mom. You turned him into a wimp.

977
01:35:34,562 --> 01:35:36,730
Oh, l think not. Toast?

978
01:35:37,064 --> 01:35:38,481
No, thanks.

979
01:35:39,817 --> 01:35:42,193
Jack, are you okay?

980
01:35:44,488 --> 01:35:45,822
We talked.

981
01:35:46,157 --> 01:35:49,826
l mean, l neverjust talked
to a woman before. lt's neat.

982
01:35:50,619 --> 01:35:51,745
Neat?

983
01:35:53,998 --> 01:35:57,375
Wimp. Next, they'll be talking about sex.

984
01:35:58,794 --> 01:36:02,255
Me and Jack are going out today!
l'm helping him on a case!

985
01:36:02,339 --> 01:36:03,298
Oh, no.

986
01:36:03,382 --> 01:36:06,760
Your license to kill
expired at 4:00 this morning, young man.

987
01:36:06,844 --> 01:36:09,012
Get in here and eat some eggs.

988
01:36:10,473 --> 01:36:14,225
Mom, l have to help. l'm the only witness.

989
01:36:14,310 --> 01:36:16,936
You know, like the kid in the movie
with Harrison Ford?

990
01:36:17,021 --> 01:36:18,980
There is no comparison.

991
01:36:19,857 --> 01:36:21,065
We're not Jewish.

992
01:36:21,150 --> 01:36:23,276
-Amish.
-Whatever-ish!

993
01:36:23,360 --> 01:36:29,115
lrene. Don't worry. lt won't be that hard.
There are eight million in this city.

994
01:36:29,200 --> 01:36:31,117
And l'm very good at catching people.

995
01:36:31,202 --> 01:36:35,705
Yeah! And the future of
the world may be at stake, and, and maybe...

996
01:36:38,918 --> 01:36:40,835
Could you turn this up, please?

997
01:36:45,758 --> 01:36:47,175
What's that?

998
01:36:47,760 --> 01:36:50,386
-Mozart.
-The guy Practice killed?

999
01:36:52,973 --> 01:36:54,766
That's right, Jack.

1000
01:36:55,518 --> 01:36:57,560
You like classical music?

1001
01:37:00,356 --> 01:37:04,651
l don't know. l think l will. Wow.

1002
01:37:14,662 --> 01:37:17,080
You tell my mom who you really were?

1003
01:37:17,164 --> 01:37:18,665
Yeah, a cop from LA.

1004
01:37:18,749 --> 01:37:20,124
l mean, really.

1005
01:37:20,751 --> 01:37:23,378
Well, real enough. For right now.

1006
01:37:25,923 --> 01:37:28,258
So you think for sure
you're going to catch him?

1007
01:37:28,342 --> 01:37:30,426
l always catch everybody.

1008
01:37:30,511 --> 01:37:32,846
And you're going to spot him from up here?

1009
01:37:32,930 --> 01:37:37,267
Hey, give me a break.
lt's the first time l've been to anyplace real.

1010
01:37:39,603 --> 01:37:41,771
Now, this ticket of yours...

1011
01:37:42,439 --> 01:37:44,566
lt worked in one movie.

1012
01:37:45,234 --> 01:37:47,610
Does that mean
that Benedict could use it again?

1013
01:37:47,695 --> 01:37:50,780
You mean on other movies?
Why would he want to do that?

1014
01:37:52,533 --> 01:37:54,242
l don't know.

1015
01:37:56,078 --> 01:37:57,453
But it's a start.

1016
01:37:57,997 --> 01:38:00,582
The possibilities are limitless.

1017
01:38:00,666 --> 01:38:03,668
But l realized after the car crash

1018
01:38:03,752 --> 01:38:06,379
that the ultimate freedom
would always elude me

1019
01:38:06,463 --> 01:38:10,717
until Jack Slater was,
and forgive the pun, taken out of the picture.

1020
01:38:11,635 --> 01:38:16,431
And l thought perhaps
you might like to be inclined to help.

1021
01:38:18,767 --> 01:38:23,104
Look, l understand that
all this must be strange and difficult for you,

1022
01:38:23,188 --> 01:38:27,483
but if you do this right,
the world is your oyster. Trust me.

1023
01:38:29,653 --> 01:38:33,114
You can have complete freedom
to do whatever you want.

1024
01:38:34,074 --> 01:38:36,409
Beyond even your wildest dreams.

1025
01:38:37,703 --> 01:38:41,873
And you'll never have to
go back to this film again.

1026
01:38:45,044 --> 01:38:49,964
Now l know you've never heard of this man,
but his actual name, believe it or not,

1027
01:38:50,049 --> 01:38:52,050
is Arnold Schwarzenegger.

1028
01:38:53,844 --> 01:38:56,512
Jack, there's got to be a thousand theaters
in this city

1029
01:38:56,597 --> 01:38:58,348
and we've been looking for five hours.

1030
01:38:58,474 --> 01:39:00,683
We are that close in catching him.

1031
01:39:00,768 --> 01:39:02,769
No, Jack.
We're that close to catching pneumonia.

1032
01:39:02,853 --> 01:39:05,939
-Look, in my world, they just leave clues.
-But we're not in your world!

1033
01:39:06,023 --> 01:39:08,066
Or they just show up and then kidnap me.

1034
01:39:08,150 --> 01:39:12,278
That kind of stuff doesn't happen here, Jack,
because this world stinks!

1035
01:39:12,363 --> 01:39:15,448
Hey.
The world is what you make of it, Danny.

1036
01:39:15,532 --> 01:39:18,952
Now if you want to give up
and go home, then go ahead.

1037
01:39:20,371 --> 01:39:23,247
You believed in me in the movies.
Why not now?

1038
01:39:23,332 --> 01:39:25,458
Because here, you're just...

1039
01:39:27,461 --> 01:39:28,836
Just what?

1040
01:39:48,941 --> 01:39:52,068
Jack... Jack, there he is!

1041
01:40:07,459 --> 01:40:08,584
Jack!

1042
01:40:16,427 --> 01:40:17,635
Are you nuts?

1043
01:40:18,929 --> 01:40:20,805
-Damn it!
-Hey, you crazy asshole!

1044
01:40:20,889 --> 01:40:22,223
Jack, he's just a cabbie!

1045
01:40:22,307 --> 01:40:23,683
You've seen those movies where they say,

1046
01:40:23,767 --> 01:40:25,727
"Make my day"
or "l am your worst nightmare."

1047
01:40:25,811 --> 01:40:28,980
Well, listen to this one,
rubber baby buggy bumpers.

1048
01:40:29,064 --> 01:40:31,774
Ha! You didn't know l'm gonna say that,
did you?

1049
01:40:33,193 --> 01:40:34,527
-Where did he go? Talk!
-How would l know?

1050
01:40:34,611 --> 01:40:37,405
The guy was in the back reading the paper.

1051
01:40:39,867 --> 01:40:43,536
You were right, Jack.
He has been going to the movies.

1052
01:40:43,620 --> 01:40:46,039
Kid, that ain't the half of it.

1053
01:40:48,083 --> 01:40:51,461
Hi, I'm Army Archerd,
and we are live to you from New York.

1054
01:40:51,545 --> 01:40:53,755
We're just moments away
from the world premiere of

1055
01:40:53,839 --> 01:40:57,050
Arnold Schwarzenegger's Jack Slater lV.

1056
01:40:57,134 --> 01:41:00,595
And here's the man they've come to see,
folks. There's no mistaking that car.

1057
01:41:00,679 --> 01:41:05,767
Here they are, Arnold Schwarzenegger
and his lovely wife, Maria Shriver.

1058
01:41:07,895 --> 01:41:10,772
-So good to see you all.
-Are you a big-time fan of Jack Slater films?

1059
01:41:10,856 --> 01:41:15,401
l've enjoyed...
lt was just beautiful... l just loved it.

1060
01:41:15,486 --> 01:41:17,570
The National Enquirer. Don't talk to them.
Okay?

1061
01:41:17,654 --> 01:41:20,615
Hi, how are you?
Look, Time magazine. That's great. Hi.

1062
01:41:20,783 --> 01:41:22,992
Hi. How are you? Hello.

1063
01:41:23,619 --> 01:41:25,536
Now remember, don't plug the restaurants.

1064
01:41:25,621 --> 01:41:29,082
l just hate it when you plug
the restaurants or the gyms. lt's so tacky.

1065
01:41:29,166 --> 01:41:30,666
So why was he going to the movies?

1066
01:41:30,751 --> 01:41:31,918
Maybe to get help.

1067
01:41:32,002 --> 01:41:35,755
Benedict can do damn near anything
with the ticket, but we still know who he is.

1068
01:41:35,839 --> 01:41:38,508
-So he's got to take us out.
-He can't get to you.

1069
01:41:38,592 --> 01:41:42,762
Suppose he doesn't have to get to me.
Suppose all he has to do is get to him.

1070
01:41:42,846 --> 01:41:45,306
Benedict is going to kill Schwarzenegger.

1071
01:41:45,390 --> 01:41:49,435
-Who's Schwarzenegger, who's Slater.
-Bingo.

1072
01:41:51,188 --> 01:41:52,855
We kill less people in this movie.

1073
01:41:52,940 --> 01:41:55,191
This movie we only killed 48 people

1074
01:41:55,275 --> 01:41:57,860
compared to the last one,
where we killed 1 1 9.

1075
01:41:57,945 --> 01:41:59,987
And l want to make sure that the action fans
understand

1076
01:42:00,072 --> 01:42:04,033
we make up for it with a good story,
lot of emotions, depth, dimensions...

1077
01:42:04,535 --> 01:42:06,410
There are thousands in attendance
here tonight.

1078
01:42:06,495 --> 01:42:09,455
And millions more are
listening to us live around the world.

1079
01:42:09,540 --> 01:42:12,208
l'm going to direct it,
produce it, and star in it.

1080
01:42:12,292 --> 01:42:14,460
-ls this guy a success story, or what?
-lt's unbelievable.

1081
01:42:14,545 --> 01:42:15,795
Only in America.

1082
01:42:15,879 --> 01:42:17,421
Well, only in Hollywood, l would say.

1083
01:42:17,506 --> 01:42:19,006
And talking about Hollywood,

1084
01:42:19,091 --> 01:42:22,468
at Planet Hollywood, we have this incredible
memorabilia. Yes, l'm telling you...

1085
01:42:22,553 --> 01:42:24,345
Excuse us, we're just gonna get going.
Thanks very much.

1086
01:42:24,429 --> 01:42:25,930
...absolutely fabulous. l'm telling you.

1087
01:42:26,014 --> 01:42:28,307
You embarrassed me, you low-forehead.
lt was humiliating.

1088
01:42:28,392 --> 01:42:30,059
How could you do something like that?

1089
01:42:31,270 --> 01:42:34,647
Chris, check this out. Look, it's the Ripper
from Jack Slater III.

1090
01:42:34,731 --> 01:42:36,190
Scary.

1091
01:42:36,567 --> 01:42:39,652
Let's "ax" him a question, okay?
See if we can get him over here.

1092
01:42:39,736 --> 01:42:41,070
Wow, will you look at this?
A method villain.

1093
01:42:41,155 --> 01:42:43,865
Rip, Rip, come here.
What brings you here tonight?

1094
01:42:43,949 --> 01:42:48,703
l... l thought l might kill someone.

1095
01:42:49,705 --> 01:42:51,497
Maybe you should start with
your designer.

1096
01:42:51,582 --> 01:42:54,709
Nobody wants to miss out tonight.
The limos just keep coming.

1097
01:42:54,793 --> 01:42:57,503
The stars are really shining in Times Square.

1098
01:42:57,588 --> 01:43:00,715
Excuse me, sir.
Could l see your invitation?

1099
01:43:02,384 --> 01:43:05,428
Pete, it's okay.
He's with me. l'm his agent.

1100
01:43:05,512 --> 01:43:07,555
Jesus Christ, Tom, come here.

1101
01:43:07,639 --> 01:43:10,141
My goodness, it's Tom Noonan, of course,

1102
01:43:10,225 --> 01:43:13,686
the actor who played the Ripper.
Who plays the Rip...

1103
01:43:13,770 --> 01:43:14,770
What?

1104
01:43:14,855 --> 01:43:17,190
What are you, nuts? You want to play
ax killers the rest of your life?

1105
01:43:17,274 --> 01:43:18,357
Honey, honey, come here.

1106
01:43:18,442 --> 01:43:20,276
l'm gonna need the manager's office
for about five, 1 0 minutes.

1107
01:43:20,360 --> 01:43:21,986
-l'm sorry, sir...
-You're sorry? Here's 50 bucks.

1108
01:43:22,070 --> 01:43:23,070
How sorry are you now?

1109
01:43:23,155 --> 01:43:25,156
What do you think
Jack Slater says about America?

1110
01:43:25,240 --> 01:43:26,574
l really want to hear it.

1111
01:43:26,658 --> 01:43:27,658
l don't really want to hear it.

1112
01:43:27,743 --> 01:43:31,454
l'm not really a big fan ofArnold's
but she is, you know.

1113
01:43:32,289 --> 01:43:36,626
Arnold really turns her on and l just want to
be there when it happens, that's all.

1114
01:43:36,960 --> 01:43:39,670
Good, Tom, you got the props, too.
That's terrific.

1115
01:43:39,755 --> 01:43:41,964
Why don't you just whip a hibachi
out from under your coat there?

1116
01:43:42,049 --> 01:43:44,217
And we could make some shish kebabs
for the critics. That'd be good.

1117
01:43:44,301 --> 01:43:47,136
You're lucky l have a friend
who rents tuxedos.

1118
01:43:47,221 --> 01:43:50,932
Hello. Yeah. l know it's late. Tell him it's me.

1119
01:43:52,059 --> 01:43:54,560
Did Nicholson show up to the premiere
of Batman dressed as the Joker?

1120
01:43:54,645 --> 01:43:56,395
l don't think so.

1121
01:43:57,022 --> 01:43:59,565
Hi, Murray,
get me your brother-in-law, will you?

1122
01:43:59,650 --> 01:44:01,108
Yes, it's important.

1123
01:44:01,193 --> 01:44:04,612
lt fits nice. Moving the button was
a good idea. Just get...

1124
01:44:04,696 --> 01:44:06,739
Hey, Marv. Yeah, l need a tux.

1125
01:44:10,994 --> 01:44:13,454
-What the hell was that?
-Hey! Watch it!

1126
01:44:13,538 --> 01:44:16,540
You're a big action guy.
What do you think about this?

1127
01:44:16,625 --> 01:44:19,001
l would never miss
the premiere for a second.

1128
01:44:19,086 --> 01:44:23,547
Where am l sitting? Where?
Where am l sitting?

1129
01:44:24,383 --> 01:44:25,675
There's two balconies.

1130
01:44:25,759 --> 01:44:29,345
l believe you're in the upper...
Lower balcony.

1131
01:44:29,429 --> 01:44:30,930
-You stay here...
-Yeah, l know. l stay here.

1132
01:44:31,014 --> 01:44:32,390
And be careful.

1133
01:44:43,485 --> 01:44:47,989
Somebody should
be checking that other balcony. Definitely!

1134
01:44:58,750 --> 01:45:01,627
Arnold, look. Deal's done, right?

1135
01:45:02,254 --> 01:45:04,672
-What?
-Slater V, the soundtrack.

1136
01:45:47,799 --> 01:45:49,675
l'll be a son of a...

1137
01:45:49,760 --> 01:45:51,218
Jack!

1138
01:45:51,303 --> 01:45:54,805
Jack! lt's the Ripper!
He's brought back the Ripper!

1139
01:45:56,475 --> 01:45:59,268
Jack, Benedict's brought back the Ripper!

1140
01:46:02,939 --> 01:46:05,274
Everybody down! Now!

1141
01:46:11,114 --> 01:46:12,573
Get off me!

1142
01:46:20,999 --> 01:46:22,792
Get the hell off me.

1143
01:46:24,544 --> 01:46:27,713
The studio should let me know
when they're planning a stunt.

1144
01:46:27,798 --> 01:46:31,133
You know, you are the best
celebrity look-alike l've ever seen.

1145
01:46:32,636 --> 01:46:33,886
Why not?

1146
01:46:45,649 --> 01:46:47,566
Hey, if you get to Los Angeles,

1147
01:46:47,651 --> 01:46:50,361
call my office.
We can get you shopping center openings...

1148
01:46:50,445 --> 01:46:54,615
Look, l don't really like you. All right?
You've brought me nothing but pain.

1149
01:46:54,699 --> 01:46:56,409
Jack, help!

1150
01:46:59,329 --> 01:47:01,205
Did anyone come out of here?

1151
01:47:01,289 --> 01:47:03,499
Did you see anyone come out here?

1152
01:47:04,793 --> 01:47:07,795
Did you see a crazy guy with an ax
coming out of here?

1153
01:47:07,879 --> 01:47:09,338
No, no. l didn't.

1154
01:47:21,101 --> 01:47:24,228
Hey, Jack. What kept you?

1155
01:47:27,691 --> 01:47:29,692
Are you all right, Danny?

1156
01:47:30,360 --> 01:47:31,986
Yes... Yes, sir.

1157
01:47:35,782 --> 01:47:38,826
You know, l tried to change, Jack.

1158
01:47:38,910 --> 01:47:45,749
l really tried to do what he told me to do,
but you know, l kept hearing that old music.

1159
01:47:47,002 --> 01:47:49,712
That's how l knew you'd come here, Jack.

1160
01:47:51,131 --> 01:47:52,548
Now, lose the piece.

1161
01:47:57,554 --> 01:47:58,679
There.

1162
01:47:59,514 --> 01:48:03,100
lt's now between you and me,
so let the boy go.

1163
01:48:03,185 --> 01:48:06,145
Hey, we've played this number before,
haven't we, Jack?

1164
01:48:06,229 --> 01:48:07,938
Let's see, what comes next?

1165
01:48:08,398 --> 01:48:13,569
You throw the gun away, right?
We did that part and...

1166
01:48:14,571 --> 01:48:18,699
And then you tell me to let the kid go and...

1167
01:48:20,160 --> 01:48:23,287
l'm getting bored.
Why don't we just skip to the end?

1168
01:48:35,592 --> 01:48:38,469
Come on, Jack! Come on.

1169
01:48:38,553 --> 01:48:40,846
Over here, right here, Jack. Come on.
Right here.

1170
01:48:40,931 --> 01:48:45,935
Come on, Jack! Let's go, man.
Come here, Jack. Come on, Jack.

1171
01:48:46,019 --> 01:48:49,730
Let's go, let's go. Come on. Let's do it, Jack.

1172
01:49:09,501 --> 01:49:15,214
l'll be back!

1173
01:49:21,471 --> 01:49:23,180
The hell you will.

1174
01:49:27,435 --> 01:49:29,186
Jack!

1175
01:49:30,939 --> 01:49:32,815
-Danny?
-Jack, please!

1176
01:49:32,899 --> 01:49:34,233
Danny!

1177
01:49:36,152 --> 01:49:39,822
Danny! l'll be right there.
l'm coming! Hang on!

1178
01:49:44,744 --> 01:49:46,579
Just hang on now.

1179
01:49:49,666 --> 01:49:53,627
-Jack, help!
-Hold on, Danny! l'll be right there.

1180
01:49:55,589 --> 01:49:57,006
l'm coming.

1181
01:49:58,216 --> 01:49:59,842
Jack, hurry!

1182
01:50:00,427 --> 01:50:03,345
Hold on, Danny, and don't look down!

1183
01:50:05,557 --> 01:50:08,017
Oh, God, please, don't let him die.

1184
01:50:09,769 --> 01:50:11,353
Now, listen, kid.

1185
01:50:12,188 --> 01:50:14,898
You grab my hand, and we get out of here.

1186
01:50:15,817 --> 01:50:18,360
l can't, Jack. We'll fall.

1187
01:50:18,445 --> 01:50:22,072
Come on, now. Danny, trust me.

1188
01:50:23,408 --> 01:50:24,533
l can't do it, Jack.

1189
01:50:24,618 --> 01:50:26,869
Listen to me, Danny. Listen to me.

1190
01:50:26,953 --> 01:50:29,455
You hold on with your feet, with your legs

1191
01:50:29,539 --> 01:50:35,127
and you let your hands go
and l will catch you. Okay? Believe in me.

1192
01:50:35,211 --> 01:50:39,298
l will catch you. Now, get my hand. Let's go.

1193
01:50:39,382 --> 01:50:42,593
Go for it, now. Come on, Danny. Yes.

1194
01:51:03,031 --> 01:51:05,449
This hero stuff has its limits.

1195
01:51:13,458 --> 01:51:18,003
l need a hospital.
l think my shoulder is out of the socket.

1196
01:51:18,088 --> 01:51:20,422
Will the morgue suffice?

1197
01:51:21,716 --> 01:51:23,092
Get down, Danny.

1198
01:51:28,431 --> 01:51:32,851
Give it up, Benedict.
The whole lobby is swarming with cops.

1199
01:51:32,936 --> 01:51:37,064
l think l can manage to avoid them,
but if not,

1200
01:51:37,148 --> 01:51:40,943
l've another
little explosive surprise for them.

1201
01:51:44,447 --> 01:51:47,491
Gentlemen, since
you're about to die anyway,

1202
01:51:47,575 --> 01:51:51,370
l may as well tell you the entire plot.

1203
01:51:51,454 --> 01:51:57,042
Think of villains, Jack.
You want Dracula? Dracula? Hang on.

1204
01:51:57,585 --> 01:52:02,798
l'll fetch him. Dracula. l can get King Kong.

1205
01:52:03,299 --> 01:52:08,554
We'll have a nightmare with Freddy Krueger.
Have a surprise party for Adolf Hitler.

1206
01:52:08,638 --> 01:52:10,973
Hannibal Lecter can do the catering.

1207
01:52:11,057 --> 01:52:14,977
And then we'll all
have a christening for Rosemary's baby.

1208
01:52:17,105 --> 01:52:21,066
All l have to do
is snap my fingers and they'll be here.

1209
01:52:21,151 --> 01:52:24,737
They're lining up to get here,
and do you know why, Jack?

1210
01:52:24,821 --> 01:52:26,572
Shall l tell you why?

1211
01:52:26,656 --> 01:52:31,660
Because here in this world,
the bad guys can win.

1212
01:52:33,037 --> 01:52:35,164
l shall miss you, Jack.

1213
01:52:43,506 --> 01:52:49,845
Gee, did you make a movie mistake!
You forgot to reload the damn gun.

1214
01:52:49,929 --> 01:52:53,849
No, Jack. l just left one chamber empty.

1215
01:53:00,398 --> 01:53:01,857
Son of a...

1216
01:53:10,116 --> 01:53:12,868
My arm! You broke my arm!

1217
01:53:17,499 --> 01:53:18,999
You see, Jack,

1218
01:53:20,376 --> 01:53:23,170
bad guys can win.

1219
01:53:39,062 --> 01:53:40,270
Jack!

1220
01:53:42,065 --> 01:53:43,565
Now!

1221
01:53:44,734 --> 01:53:47,027
No sequel for you.

1222
01:53:54,369 --> 01:53:55,744
The ticket.

1223
01:54:47,797 --> 01:54:49,298
Take him home.

1224
01:54:49,924 --> 01:54:53,135
Take him back to
where this is just a flesh wound.

1225
01:54:55,471 --> 01:54:59,808
Don't you understand?
We got to get him back to the movies.

1226
01:55:01,644 --> 01:55:03,729
l said turn around.

1227
01:55:08,985 --> 01:55:12,654
Great! Just great!
They always run away.

1228
01:55:12,739 --> 01:55:14,281
Hang on, Jack.

1229
01:55:16,367 --> 01:55:19,286
Danny, do you know how to drive?

1230
01:55:19,370 --> 01:55:21,330
Sure. l watched you, didn't l?

1231
01:55:59,535 --> 01:56:01,536
Get out of the way!

1232
01:56:12,507 --> 01:56:15,467
Nick, fire up the projector. Hurry!

1233
01:56:15,551 --> 01:56:16,885
-Slater's dying.
-What happened?

1234
01:56:16,970 --> 01:56:21,223
-You got the ticket?
-No, but it's got to work, anyway. lt's got to!

1235
01:56:35,238 --> 01:56:38,281
Just hold on, Jack. You'll make it.
This is gonna work.

1236
01:56:40,743 --> 01:56:42,244
lt's got to be here, Jack.

1237
01:56:48,126 --> 01:56:52,462
Please, please.
Nick, hurry! The door won't open.

1238
01:56:52,547 --> 01:56:55,882
No sweat, kid. You tried.

1239
01:56:58,720 --> 01:57:00,679
lt's got to be here.

1240
01:57:09,689 --> 01:57:11,106
Just hold...

1241
01:57:15,028 --> 01:57:19,031
Where do you think you're going?
Back off. You can't have him.

1242
01:57:19,115 --> 01:57:22,784
l've had it up to here with you, Mister.
Who stays, who goes...

1243
01:57:22,869 --> 01:57:26,163
Well, l'm telling you this one stays.

1244
01:57:32,003 --> 01:57:33,795
l was only curious.

1245
01:57:35,214 --> 01:57:38,050
He's not on any of my lists.

1246
01:57:39,135 --> 01:57:42,137
Though you are, Daniel.

1247
01:57:44,265 --> 01:57:45,599
Now?

1248
01:57:45,683 --> 01:57:46,892
Oh, no.

1249
01:57:48,061 --> 01:57:49,978
You die a grandfather.

1250
01:57:57,278 --> 01:58:00,864
Hey, wait a minute. Help us.

1251
01:58:01,657 --> 01:58:05,243
You got to get him back.
You can do it. l know you can.

1252
01:58:05,328 --> 01:58:11,792
l don't do fiction. Not my field. Sorry.

1253
01:58:14,504 --> 01:58:17,422
You are a very brave young man.

1254
01:58:19,926 --> 01:58:22,677
Unfortunately, you're not very bright.

1255
01:58:23,471 --> 01:58:25,055
lf l were you...

1256
01:58:28,601 --> 01:58:31,895
l might be looking
for the other half of the ticket.

1257
01:58:41,114 --> 01:58:44,866
They're all gold. They're all gold.

1258
01:58:46,661 --> 01:58:48,161
Yes!

1259
01:58:50,373 --> 01:58:54,000
l've got it, Jack. l'll get you home, you'll see.

1260
01:58:55,503 --> 01:58:57,003
You can't die.

1261
01:58:58,047 --> 01:59:02,676
l know. Not until the grosses go down.

1262
01:59:02,760 --> 01:59:05,720
No. This is going to save us.

1263
01:59:08,015 --> 01:59:11,685
Throw that silly thing away.

1264
01:59:13,813 --> 01:59:15,397
Holy cow!

1265
01:59:38,421 --> 01:59:41,464
Let's hear it for Houdini!

1266
01:59:45,511 --> 01:59:49,598
Slater!

1267
01:59:50,391 --> 01:59:52,684
Damn it. Anybody seen Slater?

1268
01:59:52,768 --> 01:59:56,438
You see Slater,
you tell him to get in my office right now.

1269
02:00:14,290 --> 02:00:16,166
Help, somebody!

1270
02:00:17,168 --> 02:00:22,130
They got Jack! Doctor! Hey, doc! Move!

1271
02:00:23,466 --> 02:00:27,636
Here, take this. You've got to get back
before it changes its mind.

1272
02:00:27,720 --> 02:00:30,722
No way. l'm not going to leave you.

1273
02:00:30,806 --> 02:00:34,684
l'm just an imaginary hero, Danny.
You have a real life.

1274
02:00:35,645 --> 02:00:38,980
You're real to me. Don't you get it?

1275
02:00:39,774 --> 02:00:44,069
You're the best thing in... l need you to...

1276
02:00:44,528 --> 02:00:48,573
To be here where you can always find me
but l need you to be out there.

1277
02:00:48,658 --> 02:00:49,866
To believe in me.

1278
02:00:49,951 --> 02:00:51,284
Doctor, doctor!

1279
02:00:51,369 --> 02:00:56,623
l need you to take care of your mother for me
'cause... Oh, l would love to...

1280
02:00:58,834 --> 02:01:00,460
You have your whole life ahead of you.

1281
02:01:00,544 --> 02:01:03,672
And pimples and premature ejaculation.
l heard.

1282
02:01:07,885 --> 02:01:10,512
-What?
-lt's just...

1283
02:01:12,181 --> 02:01:15,141
l'm scared l'm never going to see you again.

1284
02:01:17,228 --> 02:01:22,357
Whoever thinks that,
will be making a big mistake.

1285
02:01:30,825 --> 02:01:34,327
Get out of the way. Out of the way.
You want a doctor? l'm a doctor.

1286
02:01:34,412 --> 02:01:37,205
Get out of the way.
l'm a doctor. Get out of the way.

1287
02:01:37,331 --> 02:01:40,875
-What happened? What happened, pal?
-What is it, doc?

1288
02:01:47,883 --> 02:01:51,511
What is this, some kind of a joke?
l wouldn't even call this a flesh wound.

1289
02:01:51,595 --> 02:01:53,471
Come on, here, let's get him up.

1290
02:02:11,824 --> 02:02:14,075
Damn it, where the hell have you been?

1291
02:02:16,370 --> 02:02:18,330
Ha. lt's working again.

1292
02:02:18,414 --> 02:02:20,832
And you know the cost of that door is
coming right out of your meager

1293
02:02:20,916 --> 02:02:22,042
but undeserved paycheck

1294
02:02:22,126 --> 02:02:24,169
on account of
l got the Save-The-Eagle foundation

1295
02:02:24,253 --> 02:02:26,504
doing a fucking tango up and down
my Hershey Highway!

1296
02:02:26,589 --> 02:02:27,964
Put a sock in it.

1297
02:02:28,049 --> 02:02:30,342
l don't care
who does what to your Hershey Highway,

1298
02:02:30,426 --> 02:02:34,846
and stop shouting. l'm not deaf.
You know why you're shouting?

1299
02:02:34,930 --> 02:02:37,682
Because it's in the script.
You're the comic relief.

1300
02:02:37,767 --> 02:02:42,145
Yes, and you know what else?
l'm the hero so shut up!

1301
02:02:47,735 --> 02:02:51,571
You see, Hollywood is writing our lives
and you know something?

1302
02:02:51,655 --> 02:02:54,324
I don't want to shoot people
anymore and blow up buildings.

1303
02:02:54,492 --> 02:02:55,533
You know why we do this here?

1304
02:02:55,618 --> 02:02:58,620
You got to be a magician, after all, Nick.

1305
02:02:58,954 --> 02:03:00,622
lt really does work.

1306
02:03:01,832 --> 02:03:05,460
The ticket's yours, Danny,
and you know something?

1307
02:03:06,921 --> 02:03:09,297
l think the magic was yours, too.

1308
02:03:10,674 --> 02:03:11,966
Come on.

1309
02:03:12,718 --> 02:03:14,677
Ever tell you about the time
l was about your age

1310
02:03:14,762 --> 02:03:17,514
and my pop took me to see Buffalo Bill?

1311
02:03:17,598 --> 02:03:21,059
Yeah, well, we went backstage to see
Sitting Bull who was his medicine man.