1
00:00:15,433 --> 00:00:18,394
(FESTER MOANING)

2
00:00:23,482 --> 00:00:26,527
(FESTER HOWLING)

3
00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:34,452
(HOWLING)

4
00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:38,789
(WOLF HOWLING)

5
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:44,503
(HOWLING)

6
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:51,468
WEDNESDAY: Come, sorrow.
We welcome thee.

7
00:00:51,469 --> 00:00:55,972
Let us join in grief,
rejoice in despair

8
00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:59,267
and honor
the fortunate dead.

9
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:01,395
Dearly beloved.

10
00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:05,482
(CAT MEOWS)

11
00:01:05,483 --> 00:01:06,734
Shh!

12
00:01:07,026 --> 00:01:08,527
(TSKING)

13
00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:18,412
(PLAYING ORGAN)

14
00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,017
(GRUNTING)

15
00:01:44,230 --> 00:01:45,606
(GRUNTING)

16
00:01:46,357 --> 00:01:48,776
Good show, old man.

17
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:50,819
Gomez.

18
00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:51,694
<i>Cara mia?</i>

19
00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:55,449
Marvelous news.
I'm going to have a baby

20
00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:57,827
right now.

21
00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:06,084
DOCTOR: Nurse, how close
are the contractions?

22
00:02:06,085 --> 00:02:07,418
Every 15 seconds, Doctor.

23
00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:09,170
Are you
in unbearable pain?

24
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:12,967
Is it inhuman?
My darling, is it torture?

25
00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:14,760
<i>Oui.</i>

26
00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:20,974
YOUNG GIRL: And then Mommy kissed
Daddy, and the angel told the stork

27
00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:23,059
and the stork flew down
from heaven

28
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:27,939
and left a diamond under a
leaf in the cabbage patch

29
00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:31,025
and the diamond turned
into a baby.

30
00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:34,279
Our parents are having
a baby, too.

31
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,198
They had sex.

32
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,409
Push, Mrs. Addams.

33
00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:40,368
(MOANS SOFTLY)

34
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,496
- Forceps!
- Forceps.

35
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,249
Forceps.

36
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:46,834
(SCREAMS)

37
00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:49,878
(BABY CRYING)

38
00:02:49,879 --> 00:02:52,463
Mrs. Addams,
would you like anesthesia?

39
00:02:52,464 --> 00:02:55,508
No, thank you.
But do ask the children.

40
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,261
<i>Cara mia.</i>

41
00:02:58,304 --> 00:02:59,429
<i>Mon cher.</i>

42
00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:01,348
Mrs. Addams, the baby?

43
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,473
<i>Pardon.</i>

44
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:05,686
- It's a boy.
- It's a girl.

45
00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:08,354
- Gomez!
- What news?

46
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:10,024
Father,
what is it?

47
00:03:10,149 --> 00:03:11,942
It's an Addams!

48
00:03:55,653 --> 00:03:59,322
I've arranged a little
surprise, my dearest.

49
00:03:59,323 --> 00:04:01,367
I hope you like it.

50
00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:24,931
MORTICIA: Oh, Gomez, it's dark,
it's depressing, it's desolate.

51
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:28,434
- GOMEZ: It says, "toddler."
- It's a dream.

52
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,521
Come,<i>cara mia.</i>

53
00:04:32,690 --> 00:04:35,109
MORTICIA:
The Addams' cradle.

54
00:04:38,654 --> 00:04:40,739
(COOING)

55
00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:43,617
(BABY CRYING)

56
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,913
(BABY STOPS CRYING)

57
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:49,790
(TOY GROWLS)

58
00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:51,791
Welcome home, my son.

59
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,668
(BABY LAUGHING)

60
00:04:53,669 --> 00:04:54,961
That's not true.

61
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,170
It is so.
Everyone knows it.

62
00:04:56,171 --> 00:05:00,633
When you have a new baby,
one of the other children has to die.

63
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,969
- Really?
- It's a tradition.

64
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,805
One of us has to go.

65
00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:06,431
Which one?

66
00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:09,852
Well, they only
need one boy.

67
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:14,981
He has
my father's eyes.

68
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:18,152
Gomez, take those
out of his mouth.

69
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:20,278
(FESTER COOING)

70
00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:22,447
GRANDMA: A baby
in the house.

71
00:05:22,448 --> 00:05:26,117
It's about time.
Hey, kiddo.

72
00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:27,911
(ALL EXCLAIM)

73
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,455
Did you see that?

74
00:05:30,456 --> 00:05:31,999
(BABBLING)

75
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,918
GRANDMA:
He's a real devil.

76
00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:37,421
(GRANDMA CHUCKLES)

77
00:05:39,465 --> 00:05:41,133
(THUNDER RUMBLES)

78
00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:46,387
Pugsley, the baby weighs
10 pounds.

79
00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:48,306
The cannonball
weighs 20 pounds.

80
00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:50,641
Which will hit
the stone walkway first?

81
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:54,730
- I'm still on fractions.
- Which do you think?

82
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:55,646
The cannonball?

83
00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:59,109
Very good.
But which one will bounce?

84
00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:01,527
The baby?

85
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:04,198
There's only one way
to find out.

86
00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:05,866
Ready?

87
00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:11,371
One, two, three.

88
00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:12,288
(BABY EXCLAIMS)

89
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:14,541
What a glorious evening.

90
00:06:14,792 --> 00:06:16,167
Rain.

91
00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:17,586
(GIGGLING)

92
00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,467
<i>Cara mia.</i>

93
00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:25,886
Oh, dear.

94
00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:30,724
(GRUNTS)

95
00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:34,227
Children,
why do you hate the baby?

96
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:35,520
PUGSLEY:
We don't hate him.

97
00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:37,355
We just want
to play with him.

98
00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:38,564
Especially his head.

99
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:42,485
Children, do you think we love
the baby more than we love you?

100
00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:43,403
- Yes.
- Yes.

101
00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:45,363
Do you think that when
a new baby arrives

102
00:06:45,364 --> 00:06:47,949
one of the other children
has to die?

103
00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:48,825
- Yes.
- Yes.

104
00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:51,787
GRANDMA: Well,
that's just not true.

105
00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:53,246
(SIGHS)

106
00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:54,831
Not anymore.

107
00:06:54,832 --> 00:06:57,542
It's just sibling rivalry.

108
00:06:57,543 --> 00:07:01,754
Gomez, do you remember
what we were like?

109
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,215
- I hated you!
- I despised you.

110
00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:07,885
I choked him
until he lost consciousness

111
00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:10,221
and had to be put
on a respirator.

112
00:07:10,222 --> 00:07:10,930
I tied him to a tree

113
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:14,767
and pulled out four
of his permanent teeth.

114
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:15,852
When he was asleep,

115
00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:20,148
I opened his skull
and removed his brains.

116
00:07:20,149 --> 00:07:21,774
You did?

117
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,861
(LAUGHING)

118
00:07:25,988 --> 00:07:27,865
Brother!

119
00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:30,534
Brother!

120
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,036
(LAUGHING)

121
00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:43,421
Children, you see?

122
00:07:43,422 --> 00:07:44,715
(LAUGHS)

123
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,135
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

124
00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:57,811
(MOANS SOFTLY)

125
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:11,950
"Death! Death to the enemies
of the people of the Republic."

126
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:13,910
Hurrah!

127
00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:15,870
Justice is served.

128
00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:18,123
Bring forward
the evil one.

129
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:42,855
You have betrayed
the people of France.

130
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,024
You are evil incarnate.

131
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,484
How do you plead?

132
00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:48,444
PUGSLEY: (IN HIGH-PITCHED
VOICE) Guilty.

133
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:50,988
Guilty by her
own admission.

134
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,490
The sentence is death.

135
00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:56,245
Executioner,
place her on the block.

136
00:09:08,674 --> 00:09:10,217
One,

137
00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:11,259
two...

138
00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:14,136
MORTICIA: Children,
what are you doing in there?

139
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:16,097
- Playing!
- Playing!

140
00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:17,724
Three!

141
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:20,727
(COOS)

142
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:23,397
Woe to the Republic.

143
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:26,315
GOMEZ: Look at you.

144
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:29,695
Midnight, moonlight,

145
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,030
surrounded by death.

146
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,241
It's been too long.

147
00:09:35,117 --> 00:09:36,200
WEDNESDAY: Do it!

148
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:36,909
PUGSLEY: Hold him still!

149
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,830
- (GUNSHOT)
- WEDNESDAY: You missed.

150
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:45,918
WEDNESDAY: Here, catch!

151
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,253
PUGSLEY: I don't want him!

152
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:48,129
(GLASS BREAKING)

153
00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:50,549
One house,
three children.

154
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:51,924
So many windows.

155
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,594
My darling,
it's you I'm worried about.

156
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:57,138
The stress,
all this squabbling.

157
00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:57,763
Oh, I'll be fine.

158
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:01,225
I'm just like any modern woman
trying to have it all.

159
00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:03,686
Loving husband, a family.

160
00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:06,063
It's just I wish
I had more time

161
00:10:06,064 --> 00:10:11,111
to seek out the dark forces
and join their hellish crusade.

162
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:12,486
That's all.

163
00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:16,282
You can. You shall.
So it must be.

164
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,118
(GLASS BREAKING)

165
00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,702
But how?

166
00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:21,912
Children, as your new nanny,

167
00:10:21,913 --> 00:10:27,502
I know that we're all concerned
about the environment.

168
00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:29,253
So, this morning,

169
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:33,300
let's discuss how
to prevent forest fires.

170
00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:35,093
Prevent them?

171
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:39,305
All right, children,
I've had it up to here.

172
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:43,393
Now you just answer
one simple question.

173
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,979
Where is that baby?

174
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:47,438
Which part?

175
00:10:47,439 --> 00:10:48,522
WOMAN:<i>Hello, kiddies.</i>

176
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:52,485
I'm Polly the puppet.
What shall we do today?

177
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:56,657
I know.
Let's all clean our rooms.

178
00:10:58,909 --> 00:10:59,450
Hello, Polly.

179
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:04,665
I'll clean my room in exchange
for your immortal soul.

180
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:11,004
(POUNDING)

181
00:11:13,632 --> 00:11:15,132
Hi. Addams residence?

182
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:17,511
- (LURCH GRUNTS)
- Ooh. It's old.

183
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,182
And big.

184
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,226
MORTICIA: Lurch.

185
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:29,397
Hi! Hi. I'm Debbie
Jellinsky from the agency.

186
00:11:29,398 --> 00:11:30,439
The agency?

187
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,150
But they claimed
no one else was available.

188
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:34,568
They suggested a Doberman.

189
00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:37,863
Surprise!
I've been out of town.

190
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:38,906
Are you the mom?

191
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:40,616
I am Mrs. Addams.

192
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:44,662
I love your dress.
It's so tight.

193
00:11:44,663 --> 00:11:46,123
Thank you.

194
00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:47,873
Gomez.

195
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:51,252
I believe we may have
a new nanny,

196
00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:52,838
Miss Jellinsky.

197
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,297
Deb.

198
00:11:54,673 --> 00:11:57,216
Isn't he a lady-killer?

199
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,927
Acquitted.

200
00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:00,594
I can show you
all my references

201
00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:02,680
so you know
I'm not a homicidal maniac.

202
00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:06,058
- Of course you're not.
- You're too young.

203
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,728
(DEBBIE LAUGHS)

204
00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:09,311
GOMEZ:
Welcome to our home.

205
00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:11,731
There's a belfry,
a swamp

206
00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:14,150
and the dungeon
down below.

207
00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:16,695
- DEBBIE: Cable?
- Of course.

208
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,239
(WHISPERS) Debbie.

209
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:25,619
Oh, is that
the little critter?

210
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:26,954
Oh, no.
This is our baby.

211
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:31,208
He's adorable. He's perfect.
What's his name?

212
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:31,751
It was agony.

213
00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:35,212
We went through all the books,
all the usual baby names.

214
00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:37,047
- Lucifer.
- Benito.

215
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:37,340
Mao.

216
00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:38,632
MORTICIA: And then
we came to our senses.

217
00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:42,845
Something simple,
something a child could live with.

218
00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:44,389
Pubert.

219
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,266
Pubert.

220
00:12:46,475 --> 00:12:47,683
I like it.

221
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,560
(CHUCKLING) It's filthy.

222
00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:50,686
May I?

223
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,104
Your dress,
is it flammable?

224
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:56,359
You've had your shots,
measles, mumps, rabies?

225
00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:02,365
Oh!

226
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:07,328
Oh, I just adore
little babies.

227
00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:09,121
I just want to grab 'em
and squeeze 'em

228
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:12,792
till there's not a breath left
in their tiny, little bodies.

229
00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:14,211
(CHUCKLING)

230
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,338
Hello, Pubert.

231
00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,298
I love you.

232
00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:22,176
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

233
00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:22,677
(DOOR OPENS)

234
00:13:22,678 --> 00:13:26,722
Children, this is Miss
Jellinsky, our new nanny.

235
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:27,807
What do we say?

236
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:30,977
Be afraid.
Be very afraid.

237
00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:33,646
Look at you,

238
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:38,317
all cooped up in this house
with a new baby.

239
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,946
That's not easy, is it?

240
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:41,987
No.

241
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:46,660
Why, I bet sometimes you wish it
was still just the two of you.

242
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:48,954
Or less.

243
00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:51,497
Well, don't you worry.

244
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:55,335
Everything's going to be
just fine.

245
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,087
I love them.

246
00:13:58,088 --> 00:13:59,923
(FINGERS TAPPING ON FLOOR)

247
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:02,716
Thing, stop that.

248
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,344
He likes you.

249
00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:06,470
(GOMEZ LAUGHING)

250
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,431
(JOINTS CRACKING)

251
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,687
I'm good with my hands.

252
00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:16,272
(THING THUMPS ON FLOOR)

253
00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:18,983
What a wonderful family.

254
00:14:18,984 --> 00:14:23,780
Although there's one fellow
I haven't met yet.

255
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,573
Hi, there, mister.

256
00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:26,740
(FESTER EXHALES NERVOUSLY)

257
00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:28,075
- Your nephew?
- My brother.

258
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:31,078
- No!
- Fester, come out here.

259
00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:32,037
He's very shy.

260
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:36,625
Fester, this is Miss
Jellinsky, our new nanny.

261
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,712
Hello, Fester.

262
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,714
(GRUNTING)

263
00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:44,174
These Addams men,
where do you find them?

264
00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:46,136
It has to be damp.

265
00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:48,178
I can't wait.

266
00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:50,765
I'll start first thing
tomorrow.

267
00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:53,934
(PUBERT COOING)

268
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:56,229
Why not tonight?

269
00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:02,359
(DOOR CLOSING)

270
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:03,944
(LOCKING)

271
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:05,821
MORTICIA:
Good night, Debbie.

272
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:06,906
Good night!

273
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:09,701
Scream if
you need anything.

274
00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:12,286
So we've hired
Miss Jellinsky.

275
00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:15,915
- She's a gem, don't you think?
- She's perfect.

276
00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:16,707
(BOTH LAUGHING)

277
00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:19,168
Oh, Fester,
I'm such a lucky man.

278
00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:23,130
I hope that someday you'll
know the indescribable joy

279
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:24,173
of having children,

280
00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:26,008
and of paying someone else
to raise them.

281
00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:28,052
But first,
wouldn't I have to get married?

282
00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:33,515
Oh, but you're just a boy.
There's plenty of time.

283
00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:35,976
You'll meet someone,
someone very special.

284
00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:40,690
- Someone who won't press charges.
- Oh, I'd like that.

285
00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:43,443
You rascal.

286
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:47,280
Oh!

287
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,616
And what's this?

288
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,288
- Mom.
- Mom.

289
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:01,503
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

290
00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:05,422
<i>Tonight on</i> America's Most
Disgusting Unsolved Crimes

291
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:09,094
<i>we investigate
the case of Ursula,</i>

292
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,178
<i>Carmen</i>

293
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:12,513
<i>and Nadine.</i>

294
00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:16,684
Three very different women
with one thing in common.

295
00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:17,185
<i>Murder!</i>

296
00:16:17,186 --> 00:16:18,727
<i>And they're all
the same woman.</i>

297
00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:21,397
<i>She's known by the police
as a black widow.</i>

298
00:16:21,398 --> 00:16:23,983
<i>She mates, then she kills.</i>

299
00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:25,484
<i>She investigates wealthy men,</i>

300
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:28,112
<i>finding the richest,
loneliest bachelors,</i>

301
00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:30,864
<i>gaining their trust
and their love</i>

302
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:32,616
<i>and finally she marries them.</i>

303
00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:37,079
<i>Then on the wedding night,
she kills them.</i>

304
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:37,913
The deaths appear accidental.

305
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:41,750
<i>Then after the funeral,
she disappears, cash in hand.</i>

306
00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,127
<i>But the money never lasts,</i>

307
00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:45,921
<i>and soon the black widow
is hungry again.</i>

308
00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:47,673
<i>Hungry for cash,
hungry for love.</i>

309
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:52,594
<i>A mistress of disguise,
she has eluded the authorities for years.</i>

310
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:53,095
<i>Who is she,</i>

311
00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:57,057
<i>and what seemingly innocent
pose will she next assume?</i>

312
00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:59,810
<i>- All we can say is,</i>
- (THUNDER CRASHING)

313
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:01,729
<i>bachelors, beware.</i>

314
00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:04,190
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

315
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,202
(BIRDS CALLING)

316
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,997
(COOING)

317
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:21,708
(CREAKING)

318
00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:36,305
We'll be going out
for most of the morning.

319
00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:41,853
All the important numbers,
police, fire department, morgue.

320
00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:46,483
Fester, come along!

321
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,693
Goodbye, Fester.

322
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:52,155
GOMEZ:
Say goodbye to Debbie.

323
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,575
(MUMBLING)

324
00:17:58,244 --> 00:17:59,536
Have fun!

325
00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,372
(DOOR CLOSING)

326
00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:07,128
DEBBIE: Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

327
00:18:07,462 --> 00:18:11,382
Fester Addams. My, my.

328
00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:14,301
Stocks and bonds,

329
00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:15,804
deeds,

330
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,013
gold bullion.

331
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,599
(METALLIC SQUEAKING)

332
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:27,398
(PUBERT COOING)

333
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,067
Treasury bills,

334
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:31,235
IRAs.

335
00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:32,612
(CREAKING)

336
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,952
What a strange, old house.

337
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:40,911
It's so drafty.

338
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:44,124
It's really no place
for children.

339
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:51,256
No place at all.

340
00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:56,009
- (PUBERT GIGGLING)
- (ANGRILY) Hold still, you little brat.

341
00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,846
He's not a brat.

342
00:18:59,222 --> 00:19:03,476
Of course not.
He's an adorable, little baby.

343
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:04,685
Fine. Rub it in.

344
00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:09,189
We're getting him all ready
for a nice, little walk.

345
00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,649
Would you like to come?

346
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,902
Are you really a nanny?

347
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,154
What a question.

348
00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:17,157
Why did you come here?

349
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:20,910
Why, to take care of you,

350
00:19:22,245 --> 00:19:24,038
all of you.

351
00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:26,583
Especially my uncle?

352
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,883
DEBBIE: I shouldn't be
telling you this.

353
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:39,970
They swore me to secrecy,
the little angels.

354
00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:43,974
But they want to go.
It's all they talked about all morning.

355
00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:45,934
They're just afraid
to ask you.

356
00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:50,064
They're afraid you'll think
that they don't love you.

357
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:51,565
The poor things.

358
00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:54,651
- It is a bizarre request.
- It's horrifying.

359
00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,320
They have their hearts
set on it.

360
00:19:56,321 --> 00:20:00,908
I knew you'd want to know
as concerned, caring parents.

361
00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:03,160
Oh, Gomez,
what shall we do?

362
00:20:03,161 --> 00:20:04,453
How can we say no?

363
00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:06,747
Don't even
mention it to them.

364
00:20:06,748 --> 00:20:07,956
Just do it.

365
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:12,211
I'm sure they'll deny
everything, but they want to go.

366
00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:14,214
God love 'em.

367
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:18,134
- Summer camp.
- Summer camp.

368
00:20:20,428 --> 00:20:22,095
MORTICIA: Camp Chippewa.

369
00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:23,680
How charming.

370
00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:24,723
What's a Chippewa?

371
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,850
It's an old
Indian word.

372
00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:28,686
It means orphan.

373
00:20:31,189 --> 00:20:35,108
Fresh air,
the scent of pine.

374
00:20:35,109 --> 00:20:37,694
MORTICIA: Wednesday,
look at all of the other children,

375
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:43,826
their freckles, their bright, little
eyes, their eager, friendly smiles.

376
00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:45,535
Help them.

377
00:20:45,536 --> 00:20:48,664
Hi. I'm Amanda Buckman.

378
00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:50,791
Why are you
dressed like that?

379
00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:51,333
Like what?

380
00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:53,252
Like you're going
to a funeral.

381
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:56,380
Why are you dressed
like somebody died?

382
00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:57,757
Wait.

383
00:20:58,591 --> 00:20:59,549
Hi. Don Buckman.

384
00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:03,637
Isn't this place something else?
Very exclusive.

385
00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:04,429
- GOMEZ: Really?
- Oh, yeah.

386
00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:06,765
A kid has to be extra
special to get in here.

387
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:07,849
Gifted, exceptional.

388
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:10,602
Our Amanda's already
skipped two grades.

389
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,104
How about your boy?

390
00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:13,564
Probation.

391
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:15,315
We just love Chippewa.

392
00:21:15,316 --> 00:21:19,278
Amanda couldn't wait.
It's all she talked about.

393
00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:22,156
She's got
a whole new wardrobe.

394
00:21:22,365 --> 00:21:24,074
And this little lady?

395
00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:26,535
Oh, Wednesday's
at that very special age

396
00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:29,789
when a girl has only
one thing on her mind.

397
00:21:30,164 --> 00:21:31,748
Boys?

398
00:21:31,749 --> 00:21:33,293
Homicide.

399
00:21:34,294 --> 00:21:35,836
(WHISTLE BLOWING)

400
00:21:35,837 --> 00:21:38,297
Attention!
Hey, listen up, everybody.

401
00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:39,548
I'm Gary Granger!

402
00:21:39,549 --> 00:21:43,343
And I'm
Becky Martin-Granger.

403
00:21:43,344 --> 00:21:43,885
(ALL CLAPPING)

404
00:21:43,886 --> 00:21:46,305
GARY: We're the owners and
directors here at Camp Chippewa,

405
00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:50,475
America's foremost facility
for privileged young adults!

406
00:21:50,476 --> 00:21:54,771
And we're all here
to learn, to grow

407
00:21:54,772 --> 00:21:56,773
and to just
plain have fun!

408
00:21:56,774 --> 00:22:00,110
'Cause that's what being
privileged is all about.

409
00:22:00,111 --> 00:22:01,988
(ALL CHEERING)

410
00:22:03,865 --> 00:22:04,865
- Buffy!
- Debbie!

411
00:22:04,866 --> 00:22:07,659
- (ALL YELLING IN EXCITEMENT)
- I'm fine. How are you?

412
00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:09,453
How are you doing?

413
00:22:09,454 --> 00:22:10,912
(CHATTERING)

414
00:22:10,913 --> 00:22:13,498
Mom, I don't... I don't
think I like it here.

415
00:22:13,499 --> 00:22:14,750
Oh, will you
stop already?

416
00:22:14,751 --> 00:22:16,168
Do you know
how dirty you are?

417
00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:18,045
Selma,
please leave him alone.

418
00:22:18,046 --> 00:22:18,628
I can't breathe.

419
00:22:18,629 --> 00:22:21,131
Oh, stop it, Joel, please.
Now stand up straight.

420
00:22:21,132 --> 00:22:23,050
This is why
he's sick all the time.

421
00:22:23,051 --> 00:22:24,760
Oh, Dell, don't start
with me on that, please.

422
00:22:24,761 --> 00:22:29,181
This is it, you did this.
This has nothing to do with allergies.

423
00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:31,683
MR. GLICKER: You did this.
You did this.

424
00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:33,101
Can you breathe?
Can you breathe?

425
00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:35,355
Stand up straight.
Stand up straight.

426
00:22:35,646 --> 00:22:36,605
"Everyone at the ball

427
00:22:36,606 --> 00:22:39,024
"turned and stared
at Cinderella.

428
00:22:39,025 --> 00:22:42,819
"'Who is that beautiful
woman?', everyone asked.

429
00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:46,239
"Even Prince Charming noticed
the new arrival.

430
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:49,701
"'Who are you?, '
he asked Cinderella.

431
00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:51,287
(DOOR CREAKING)

432
00:22:52,246 --> 00:22:56,584
"'My name is Cinderella, '
she said to the prince.

433
00:22:56,959 --> 00:22:58,418
"'Could you tell me,

434
00:22:58,419 --> 00:23:01,380
"'who is that man
over by the punch bowl?'"

435
00:23:01,381 --> 00:23:04,634
"That fascinating man,

436
00:23:05,051 --> 00:23:08,346
"that oddly sensual man.

437
00:23:08,429 --> 00:23:13,893
"That man who makes me quiver
under my bodice.

438
00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:17,187
"That bald man."

439
00:23:17,188 --> 00:23:18,523
(GASPS)

440
00:23:22,652 --> 00:23:23,568
(DOOR OPENS)

441
00:23:23,569 --> 00:23:25,654
She's driving me wild!

442
00:23:25,655 --> 00:23:27,281
- Who?
- Debbie!

443
00:23:27,448 --> 00:23:27,907
Debbie.

444
00:23:27,908 --> 00:23:31,535
Even the sound of her name.
Debbie.

445
00:23:31,536 --> 00:23:33,078
Isn't it beautiful?

446
00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:37,040
She makes me think of vinyl.
Chemicals!

447
00:23:37,041 --> 00:23:40,669
Truly, Fester, has it finally
happened at long last?

448
00:23:40,670 --> 00:23:41,962
I don't know.
I think so.

449
00:23:41,963 --> 00:23:45,006
All these years
I've watched you and Morticia

450
00:23:45,007 --> 00:23:48,093
through windows,
doorways, keyholes.

451
00:23:48,094 --> 00:23:49,761
I've been so happy for you.

452
00:23:49,762 --> 00:23:52,848
But I have to confess,
I've been jealous, too.

453
00:23:52,849 --> 00:23:58,270
I've dreamed that sometime maybe
there might be someone for me.

454
00:23:58,271 --> 00:24:01,314
- There's Thing.
- Oh, I know, I know.

455
00:24:01,315 --> 00:24:03,066
But I want more!

456
00:24:03,067 --> 00:24:06,737
Legs, elbows, a head.

457
00:24:07,238 --> 00:24:08,613
Two legs?

458
00:24:08,614 --> 00:24:09,239
Dare I...

459
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:12,534
Dare I ask
Debbie to dinner?

460
00:24:12,535 --> 00:24:15,370
What if she says no?
What if she says yes?

461
00:24:15,371 --> 00:24:18,206
Oh, Gomez, if I asked her,
would you come?

462
00:24:18,207 --> 00:24:22,044
- You and Morticia.
- Of course.

463
00:24:26,966 --> 00:24:28,301
(SWALLOWS)

464
00:24:28,509 --> 00:24:29,676
(BLOWS WHISTLE)

465
00:24:29,677 --> 00:24:30,385
Lifesaving.

466
00:24:30,386 --> 00:24:32,721
Now I know we're all
top-notch, little swimmers,

467
00:24:32,722 --> 00:24:34,389
but now we get
to show our stuff

468
00:24:34,390 --> 00:24:38,060
and earn
those certificates!

469
00:24:38,686 --> 00:24:42,772
Hey, how about our first little
pair of lifesaving buddies?

470
00:24:42,773 --> 00:24:45,109
Amanda, Wednesday.

471
00:24:45,276 --> 00:24:46,902
Is that your
bathing suit?

472
00:24:46,903 --> 00:24:48,278
Is that your overbite?

473
00:24:48,279 --> 00:24:50,363
Now one of you will be
the drowning victim,

474
00:24:50,364 --> 00:24:54,618
and the other one
gets to be our lifesaver.

475
00:24:54,619 --> 00:24:56,161
I'll be the victim.

476
00:24:56,162 --> 00:24:57,204
All your life.

477
00:24:57,205 --> 00:24:59,749
I'm going to be
an actress.

478
00:25:00,583 --> 00:25:01,000
<i>Brava!</i>

479
00:25:01,001 --> 00:25:05,087
Now, Amanda, jump in,
swim out a few yards and start drowning.

480
00:25:09,217 --> 00:25:11,218
Help me! Help me!

481
00:25:11,219 --> 00:25:14,721
I'm drowning! Help me!

482
00:25:14,722 --> 00:25:16,682
I'm dying!

483
00:25:18,267 --> 00:25:20,186
I can't swim.

484
00:25:26,192 --> 00:25:29,153
(PLAYING TANGO MUSIC)

485
00:25:43,459 --> 00:25:46,127
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

486
00:25:46,128 --> 00:25:50,340
It's our favorite bistro.
We've been coming here for years.

487
00:25:50,341 --> 00:25:53,386
Of course,
it has been redone.

488
00:25:54,053 --> 00:25:56,055
Oh, it's just lovely.

489
00:25:56,347 --> 00:25:58,391
Isn't it, Fester?

490
00:26:00,643 --> 00:26:01,978
Fester.

491
00:26:07,984 --> 00:26:10,277
MORTICIA: It's a quaint
French custom,

492
00:26:10,278 --> 00:26:12,529
sharing half-eaten bread.

493
00:26:12,530 --> 00:26:14,322
GOMEZ: Fester is
truly continental.

494
00:26:14,323 --> 00:26:16,199
He spent
many years abroad.

495
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:19,160
He speaks 12 languages
fluently.

496
00:26:19,161 --> 00:26:19,703
I could tell.

497
00:26:19,704 --> 00:26:23,873
You know, when I first saw him,
I thought he was from Europe.

498
00:26:23,874 --> 00:26:24,624
(CHUCKLES)

499
00:26:24,625 --> 00:26:27,253
- You did?
- It's true.

500
00:26:27,378 --> 00:26:29,297
But I took a bath.

501
00:26:35,136 --> 00:26:39,931
Fester's really a wonderful man.
He's just terribly shy.

502
00:26:39,932 --> 00:26:43,602
Really, I just can't tell.
Does he like me at all?

503
00:26:43,603 --> 00:26:46,813
Of course, he does.
He vomited.

504
00:26:46,814 --> 00:26:47,606
That's true.

505
00:26:47,607 --> 00:26:50,984
Does he always do that
with women he likes?

506
00:26:50,985 --> 00:26:53,821
Oh, no. Just you.

507
00:26:53,946 --> 00:26:55,281
(SIGHS)

508
00:26:55,489 --> 00:26:57,449
Do you think she minded?

509
00:26:57,450 --> 00:26:58,617
Of course not.

510
00:26:58,618 --> 00:26:59,492
She adores you.

511
00:26:59,493 --> 00:27:02,955
Ugh! I'm making
such a mess of things.

512
00:27:03,497 --> 00:27:06,666
Gomez, how do you do it?

513
00:27:06,667 --> 00:27:09,294
How can I be like you?

514
00:27:09,295 --> 00:27:11,755
How can I be suave?

515
00:27:11,756 --> 00:27:13,465
Woo her, admire her.

516
00:27:13,466 --> 00:27:18,678
Make her feel like she's the
most sublime creature on earth.

517
00:27:18,679 --> 00:27:20,931
Yes. That's it?

518
00:27:21,349 --> 00:27:23,016
MORTICIA: We're back.

519
00:27:23,017 --> 00:27:25,269
Noses powdered.

520
00:27:28,481 --> 00:27:31,150
Perfection achieved.

521
00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:35,445
We are the luckiest
brothers on earth.

522
00:27:35,446 --> 00:27:38,615
We are unworthy
of such splendor,

523
00:27:38,616 --> 00:27:42,078
undeserving
of such radiance.

524
00:27:46,666 --> 00:27:47,749
That's right.

525
00:27:47,750 --> 00:27:51,629
We should have
ugly girls.

526
00:27:54,090 --> 00:27:57,259
(BAND PLAYING TANGO MUSIC)

527
00:29:06,412 --> 00:29:07,747
(GASPS)

528
00:29:16,130 --> 00:29:17,923
(CHUCKLING)

529
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:01,467
(KNIFE REVERBERATING)

530
00:30:29,245 --> 00:30:31,664
(PEOPLE CHEERING)

531
00:30:35,417 --> 00:30:37,837
(OWL HOOTING)

532
00:30:39,338 --> 00:30:42,131
And then the ghost said,

533
00:30:42,132 --> 00:30:45,802
"And I will haunt you
forever."

534
00:30:45,803 --> 00:30:47,596
(GIRLS EXCLAIMING)

535
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:51,851
Wednesday, you have to
continue the ghost story.

536
00:30:51,934 --> 00:30:52,809
This is dumb.

537
00:30:52,810 --> 00:30:55,521
Well, if you can't do it...

538
00:31:01,235 --> 00:31:02,861
And so the next night,

539
00:31:02,862 --> 00:31:06,114
the ghost returned
to the haunted cabin,

540
00:31:06,115 --> 00:31:08,366
and he said to the campers,

541
00:31:08,367 --> 00:31:11,202
"None of you really
believe in me,

542
00:31:11,203 --> 00:31:14,206
"so I'll have to prove
my power."

543
00:31:14,290 --> 00:31:18,878
And the next morning,
when the campers woke up,

544
00:31:19,378 --> 00:31:23,339
all of their old noses
had grown back.

545
00:31:23,340 --> 00:31:26,343
(ALL SCREAMING)

546
00:31:31,473 --> 00:31:34,393
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

547
00:31:45,195 --> 00:31:46,237
(BAT SCREECHING)

548
00:31:46,238 --> 00:31:49,825
Oh, Fester,
how you must hate me.

549
00:31:50,409 --> 00:31:51,744
What?

550
00:31:52,286 --> 00:31:56,998
Here you are,
a debonair man of the world.

551
00:31:56,999 --> 00:31:59,500
How I must bore you.

552
00:31:59,501 --> 00:32:01,378
Oh, never.

553
00:32:01,962 --> 00:32:06,257
Fester, before we go
any further,

554
00:32:06,258 --> 00:32:07,926
I have a confession,

555
00:32:07,927 --> 00:32:10,596
something I must tell you.

556
00:32:14,183 --> 00:32:16,267
I'm a virgin.

557
00:32:16,268 --> 00:32:18,519
- You are?
- Yes.

558
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:20,397
What's that?

559
00:32:21,106 --> 00:32:26,111
It-it's someone
who's never experienced

560
00:32:26,528 --> 00:32:28,489
physical love.

561
00:32:28,656 --> 00:32:30,823
Oh...

562
00:32:30,824 --> 00:32:33,285
You mean,
with another person.

563
00:32:35,204 --> 00:32:39,959
Then, Debbie,
I have a confession to make as well.

564
00:32:40,292 --> 00:32:42,211
I'm one, too.

565
00:32:42,461 --> 00:32:44,379
You? You?

566
00:32:44,380 --> 00:32:45,338
Yes.

567
00:32:45,339 --> 00:32:48,174
But with your looks,
your charm,

568
00:32:48,175 --> 00:32:50,635
women must follow you
everywhere.

569
00:32:50,636 --> 00:32:52,805
Store detectives.

570
00:32:53,055 --> 00:32:54,263
Oh, Fester.

571
00:32:54,264 --> 00:32:59,520
I always dreamed of meeting
someone untouched,

572
00:32:59,603 --> 00:33:01,145
someone pure,

573
00:33:01,146 --> 00:33:04,482
someone just like you.

574
00:33:04,483 --> 00:33:06,234
You'll meet him.

575
00:33:06,235 --> 00:33:10,697
And... And I dreamed
that when I met him,

576
00:33:10,698 --> 00:33:14,659
that we would wait
until our wedding night

577
00:33:14,660 --> 00:33:16,786
to give ourselves
to one another,

578
00:33:16,787 --> 00:33:20,708
to make
the ultimate sacrifice.

579
00:33:21,333 --> 00:33:22,835
A goat?

580
00:33:23,419 --> 00:33:26,921
Until now I thought
it was impossible.

581
00:33:26,922 --> 00:33:29,299
But, Fester Addams,

582
00:33:29,383 --> 00:33:31,343
I love you.

583
00:33:32,845 --> 00:33:33,678
You do?

584
00:33:33,679 --> 00:33:37,433
Please, be brutally honest.
I have to know how you feel about me.

585
00:33:38,434 --> 00:33:40,184
I love you.

586
00:33:40,185 --> 00:33:44,188
I worship you.
I'd do anything for you.

587
00:33:44,189 --> 00:33:45,858
I'd pay.

588
00:33:46,191 --> 00:33:47,567
Fester!

589
00:33:47,568 --> 00:33:49,028
Debbie!

590
00:33:59,496 --> 00:34:01,122
Look at him.

591
00:34:01,123 --> 00:34:02,916
So peaceful.

592
00:34:03,542 --> 00:34:07,003
This evening as I watched
Fester and Debbie,

593
00:34:07,004 --> 00:34:09,630
I kept my fingers crossed.

594
00:34:09,631 --> 00:34:11,799
- I hoped.
- I prayed.

595
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:13,217
Let them fall in love.

596
00:34:13,218 --> 00:34:15,261
Let them know happiness.

597
00:34:15,262 --> 00:34:16,847
Let them adopt.

598
00:34:17,056 --> 00:34:20,808
Gomez, Morticia,
great news.

599
00:34:20,809 --> 00:34:23,895
Something impossible,
a miracle.

600
00:34:23,896 --> 00:34:26,190
- The rash!
- It's gone.

601
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:28,734
I'm engaged.

602
00:34:31,987 --> 00:34:34,781
- That ring.
- It was our mother's.

603
00:34:34,782 --> 00:34:36,617
She was buried with it.

604
00:34:46,335 --> 00:34:47,168
Mail call!

605
00:34:47,169 --> 00:34:49,712
- Addams.
- Barkley, Castleman,

606
00:34:49,713 --> 00:34:52,965
Calloway, Dexter, Donman,

607
00:34:52,966 --> 00:34:54,884
Edwards, Evans,

608
00:34:54,885 --> 00:34:58,471
Finley, Fisher,
Framingham...

609
00:34:58,472 --> 00:35:00,389
- Oh, no.
- What is it?

610
00:35:00,390 --> 00:35:01,557
WEDNESDAY: This is
unspeakable.

611
00:35:01,558 --> 00:35:03,768
Is something wrong,
Wednesday?

612
00:35:03,769 --> 00:35:04,644
Bad news?

613
00:35:04,645 --> 00:35:06,521
This is the worst thing
that has ever happened

614
00:35:06,522 --> 00:35:08,773
in the history
of human events.

615
00:35:08,774 --> 00:35:10,691
Uncle Fester
is getting married.

616
00:35:10,692 --> 00:35:14,070
A wedding?
But that's great news.

617
00:35:14,071 --> 00:35:15,071
To whom?

618
00:35:15,072 --> 00:35:16,114
The nanny.

619
00:35:16,115 --> 00:35:17,490
Get out of the cabin.

620
00:35:17,491 --> 00:35:20,868
I mean, I'll kill myself.
The help?

621
00:35:20,869 --> 00:35:24,038
I'm sure she's
a very nice lady.

622
00:35:24,039 --> 00:35:25,248
I think that's disgusting.

623
00:35:25,249 --> 00:35:29,293
I think their whole family's like
some weird medical experiment.

624
00:35:29,294 --> 00:35:32,421
I think they're like
circus people.

625
00:35:32,422 --> 00:35:35,342
- What did you say?
- Tempers!

626
00:35:35,759 --> 00:35:37,469
Group hug.

627
00:35:43,684 --> 00:35:45,352
Wednesday,

628
00:35:47,229 --> 00:35:48,814
Pugsley,

629
00:35:49,940 --> 00:35:51,732
will a hug hurt us?

630
00:35:51,733 --> 00:35:52,817
We don't hug.

631
00:35:52,818 --> 00:35:55,403
Oh! They're
just shy.

632
00:35:55,404 --> 00:35:58,824
- We're not shy.
- We're contagious.

633
00:36:00,617 --> 00:36:04,203
I'm sensing
some friction here,

634
00:36:04,204 --> 00:36:06,539
something not
quite Chippewa.

635
00:36:06,540 --> 00:36:07,415
(ALL AGREEING)

636
00:36:07,416 --> 00:36:08,291
But, hey, no problemo.

637
00:36:08,292 --> 00:36:12,086
All they need are
good friends, good fun and

638
00:36:12,087 --> 00:36:15,090
a little time
in the harmony hut.

639
00:36:15,924 --> 00:36:17,842
(HAPPY MUSIC PLAYING)

640
00:36:17,843 --> 00:36:21,180
PUGSLEY: How long
do we have to stay in here?

641
00:36:21,221 --> 00:36:23,223
Until we crack.

642
00:36:25,851 --> 00:36:27,477
Have fun.

643
00:36:28,270 --> 00:36:29,645
What are you in for?

644
00:36:29,646 --> 00:36:32,732
JOEL: I wouldn't go
horseback riding.

645
00:36:32,733 --> 00:36:34,192
That's all?

646
00:36:34,193 --> 00:36:37,612
And I wouldn't make
a bird house.

647
00:36:37,613 --> 00:36:38,738
Why not?

648
00:36:38,739 --> 00:36:40,364
I just wanted to read.

649
00:36:40,365 --> 00:36:42,825
Not on my time,
four eyes.

650
00:36:42,826 --> 00:36:44,161
(LAUGHING)

651
00:36:48,081 --> 00:36:49,875
(SCREAMING)

652
00:36:54,588 --> 00:36:55,463
Hurry up.

653
00:36:55,464 --> 00:36:57,549
PUGSLEY: I'm coming.

654
00:36:58,300 --> 00:36:59,884
- JOEL: Wait.
- Who's there?

655
00:36:59,885 --> 00:37:02,762
Be careful. Tetanus.

656
00:37:02,763 --> 00:37:03,304
(SIREN WAILING)

657
00:37:03,305 --> 00:37:06,599
- (WHISTLE BLOWING)
- There they are! I saw them sneak out.

658
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:08,060
(DOG BARKING)

659
00:37:11,021 --> 00:37:12,855
Children,
what do you think you're doing?

660
00:37:12,856 --> 00:37:16,525
We have to see our family.
It's very important.

661
00:37:16,526 --> 00:37:19,070
More important
than a summer of fun?

662
00:37:19,071 --> 00:37:21,530
More important
than making new friends?

663
00:37:21,531 --> 00:37:23,407
More important
than sharing?

664
00:37:23,408 --> 00:37:27,704
And, Joel Glicker,
I'm surprised at you.

665
00:37:27,871 --> 00:37:30,998
I-I have to get out of here.
I have allergies.

666
00:37:30,999 --> 00:37:32,583
- (KIDS LAUGHING)
- Oh, you're allergic?

667
00:37:32,584 --> 00:37:35,711
To sunshine
and archery and crafts?

668
00:37:35,712 --> 00:37:36,379
Yes.

669
00:37:36,380 --> 00:37:38,881
I think
they should be punished.

670
00:37:38,882 --> 00:37:39,382
Punished!

671
00:37:39,383 --> 00:37:41,342
ALL: (CHANTING)
Punished! Punished!

672
00:37:41,343 --> 00:37:44,220
Punished! Punished!

673
00:37:44,221 --> 00:37:47,181
No! No!
We are not here to punish.

674
00:37:47,182 --> 00:37:49,225
We are here to inspire.

675
00:37:49,226 --> 00:37:51,352
GARY: Campers,
do you know what I think

676
00:37:51,353 --> 00:37:53,062
our little ninja friends
here need?

677
00:37:53,063 --> 00:37:54,897
Do you know what just
might turn their sad

678
00:37:54,898 --> 00:37:58,277
and potentially wasted
little lives right on around?

679
00:37:59,111 --> 00:38:00,487
What?

680
00:38:00,862 --> 00:38:01,570
(GUITAR PLAYS)

681
00:38:01,571 --> 00:38:05,951
ALL: (SINGING)
<i>♪ Kumbaya, my Lord</i>

682
00:38:06,034 --> 00:38:08,620
<i>♪ Kumbaya</i>

683
00:38:08,912 --> 00:38:11,956
<i>♪ Kumbaya, my Lord</i>

684
00:38:11,957 --> 00:38:14,793
<i>♪ Kumbaya</i>

685
00:38:15,127 --> 00:38:18,296
<i>♪ Kumbaya, my Lord</i>

686
00:38:18,297 --> 00:38:20,673
<i>♪ Kumbaya</i>

687
00:38:20,674 --> 00:38:24,845
<i>♪ Oh Lord, kumbaya ♪</i>

688
00:38:29,933 --> 00:38:31,475
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

689
00:38:31,476 --> 00:38:33,936
Now, Debbie,
have you met everyone?

690
00:38:33,937 --> 00:38:37,190
- Morticia.
- Margaret.

691
00:38:38,191 --> 00:38:41,068
Margaret, this is
our bride-to-be.

692
00:38:41,069 --> 00:38:41,986
Welcome to our family.

693
00:38:41,987 --> 00:38:46,782
I can't tell you what it's meant
to me joining the Addams clan.

694
00:38:46,783 --> 00:38:49,785
Have you met my husband,
Cousin Itt?

695
00:38:49,786 --> 00:38:51,287
Cousin Itt?

696
00:38:51,288 --> 00:38:52,496
We've been so happy.

697
00:38:52,497 --> 00:38:54,832
And just as little
Pubert arrived,

698
00:38:54,833 --> 00:39:00,422
we were blessed with our
own little bundle of joy.

699
00:39:01,548 --> 00:39:03,342
(BABBLING)

700
00:39:06,553 --> 00:39:07,595
What.

701
00:39:07,596 --> 00:39:08,846
Oh, I didn't say anything.

702
00:39:08,847 --> 00:39:12,808
No, that's the baby's
nickname, What.

703
00:39:12,809 --> 00:39:14,977
From the obstetrician.

704
00:39:14,978 --> 00:39:16,937
Isn't he precious?

705
00:39:16,938 --> 00:39:18,105
We've had offers.

706
00:39:18,106 --> 00:39:22,443
ALL: (SINGING)
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow

707
00:39:22,444 --> 00:39:26,448
<i>♪ Which nobody can deny ♪</i>

708
00:39:26,782 --> 00:39:30,159
You guys are
the best bunch of friends

709
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:32,078
a fellow could hope for.

710
00:39:32,079 --> 00:39:33,120
(MEN LAUGHING)

711
00:39:33,121 --> 00:39:34,497
What a party!

712
00:39:34,498 --> 00:39:39,168
And now,
for the <i>piece de resistance!</i>

713
00:39:39,169 --> 00:39:41,129
(MEN EXCLAIMING)

714
00:39:45,133 --> 00:39:46,885
Ta-da!

715
00:39:55,018 --> 00:39:57,354
Ta-da!

716
00:39:58,897 --> 00:40:00,399
(MUMBLING)

717
00:40:10,575 --> 00:40:12,076
That poor girl.

718
00:40:12,077 --> 00:40:16,622
Lurch, was she in there
before you baked?

719
00:40:16,623 --> 00:40:17,999
(SNICKERS)

720
00:40:18,166 --> 00:40:19,835
(GRUNTS)

721
00:40:22,838 --> 00:40:24,922
(CHATTERING)

722
00:40:24,923 --> 00:40:26,591
<i>C'est la vie.</i>

723
00:40:26,842 --> 00:40:29,428
(ALL LAUGHING)

724
00:40:31,638 --> 00:40:33,305
Are you
really allergic?

725
00:40:33,306 --> 00:40:36,435
Uh-huh.
To almost everything.

726
00:40:36,643 --> 00:40:39,311
- No, you're not.
- Am, too.

727
00:40:39,312 --> 00:40:42,690
I can't have dairy products,
or wear wool,

728
00:40:42,691 --> 00:40:44,692
or drink
fluoridated water.

729
00:40:44,693 --> 00:40:49,030
Do you know what happens if
my mom uses a fabric softener?

730
00:40:49,489 --> 00:40:50,865
What?

731
00:40:50,866 --> 00:40:52,409
I die.

732
00:41:03,003 --> 00:41:04,336
WEDNESDAY:
Where are you?

733
00:41:04,337 --> 00:41:05,671
JOEL: Over here.

734
00:41:05,672 --> 00:41:06,422
Where?

735
00:41:06,423 --> 00:41:08,008
By the skeleton.

736
00:41:12,220 --> 00:41:15,222
I-I got your message
inside my cutlet.

737
00:41:15,223 --> 00:41:17,683
I need to ask you
something.

738
00:41:17,684 --> 00:41:18,184
What?

739
00:41:18,185 --> 00:41:21,605
Do you believe
in the existence of evil?

740
00:41:22,022 --> 00:41:23,689
Well, did you meet my mom?

741
00:41:23,690 --> 00:41:30,237
My uncle Fester's about to get married
to this woman in a white uniform.

742
00:41:30,238 --> 00:41:31,780
A radiologist.

743
00:41:31,781 --> 00:41:32,531
A nanny.

744
00:41:32,532 --> 00:41:34,283
But I have to go
to the wedding.

745
00:41:34,284 --> 00:41:38,288
I have a pass.
Do you want to come?

746
00:41:38,997 --> 00:41:41,874
You mean, like, on a date?

747
00:41:41,875 --> 00:41:43,126
No.

748
00:41:43,543 --> 00:41:45,003
I'd love to.

749
00:41:46,922 --> 00:41:49,841
(ORGAN PLAYING)

750
00:42:24,292 --> 00:42:26,711
(PLAYING <i>THE WEDDING MARCH)</i>

751
00:42:46,356 --> 00:42:48,942
(CHATTERING)

752
00:42:49,067 --> 00:42:51,027
(CHATTERING)

753
00:42:52,445 --> 00:42:55,656
I, Fester Addams,

754
00:42:55,657 --> 00:43:00,245
do hereby declare
my unending love.

755
00:43:00,787 --> 00:43:02,454
(SOBBING)

756
00:43:02,455 --> 00:43:05,250
I will worship you forever.

757
00:43:06,668 --> 00:43:08,335
I will devote

758
00:43:08,336 --> 00:43:12,464
my every waking moment

759
00:43:12,465 --> 00:43:14,800
to your happiness alone.

760
00:43:14,801 --> 00:43:16,344
(SOBBING)

761
00:43:17,887 --> 00:43:18,637
Oh!

762
00:43:18,638 --> 00:43:22,182
FESTER: Henceforth,
I am your eternal

763
00:43:22,183 --> 00:43:24,436
and helpless slave.

764
00:43:27,314 --> 00:43:28,815
Nice.

765
00:43:30,775 --> 00:43:32,109
Ditto.

766
00:43:32,110 --> 00:43:35,322
(ALL CHEERING)

767
00:43:45,123 --> 00:43:48,500
You're going to have
a wonderful life together.

768
00:43:48,501 --> 00:43:49,752
Yes, I am.

769
00:43:49,753 --> 00:43:53,922
Come, darling,
let's see who's the next happy bride.

770
00:43:53,923 --> 00:43:55,049
WOMAN 1: Come on!

771
00:43:55,050 --> 00:43:56,425
WOMAN 2: Here, Debbie!

772
00:43:56,426 --> 00:43:57,635
WOMAN 3: To me!

773
00:43:57,636 --> 00:43:58,636
To me! Me!

774
00:43:58,637 --> 00:43:59,928
- I have it!
- No, I have it!

775
00:43:59,929 --> 00:44:03,808
- No! I have it!
- It's mine! I got it!

776
00:44:04,893 --> 00:44:06,935
Now you have
to get married.

777
00:44:06,936 --> 00:44:09,606
- It's not binding.
- Tramp.

778
00:44:09,856 --> 00:44:11,231
WOMAN 1: Bye!

779
00:44:11,232 --> 00:44:12,816
WOMAN 2: Congratulations!

780
00:44:12,817 --> 00:44:14,193
MAN 1: Congratulations!

781
00:44:14,194 --> 00:44:16,071
MAN 2:<i>Bon voyage!</i>

782
00:44:30,710 --> 00:44:32,461
DEBBIE:
The key ingredient

783
00:44:32,462 --> 00:44:35,798
to a successful
Hawaiian honeymoon

784
00:44:35,799 --> 00:44:38,801
is romantic music.

785
00:44:38,802 --> 00:44:41,887
(ROMANTIC MUSIC
PLAYS ON STEREO)

786
00:44:41,888 --> 00:44:45,391
I ordered this cassette
from <i>Time Life.</i>

787
00:44:45,392 --> 00:44:50,312
5,000 of the world's
most romantic melodies.

788
00:44:50,313 --> 00:44:52,398
It's superb.

789
00:44:52,399 --> 00:44:54,024
What do you call this?

790
00:44:54,025 --> 00:44:56,236
Number 438.

791
00:44:56,569 --> 00:45:00,699
So, do you like
romantic living?

792
00:45:00,824 --> 00:45:03,075
I do, so far.

793
00:45:03,076 --> 00:45:04,785
I love romantic living.

794
00:45:04,786 --> 00:45:08,330
Oh, Fester,
how much do you love me?

795
00:45:08,331 --> 00:45:09,707
With all my soul.

796
00:45:09,708 --> 00:45:12,000
Would you do anything for me?

797
00:45:12,001 --> 00:45:13,001
Anything.

798
00:45:13,002 --> 00:45:15,212
Would you die for me?

799
00:45:15,213 --> 00:45:16,381
Yes.

800
00:45:17,173 --> 00:45:18,717
Promise?

801
00:45:19,467 --> 00:45:22,053
(FESTER SCREAMING)

802
00:45:31,730 --> 00:45:33,440
DEBBIE: Pumpkin?

803
00:45:36,443 --> 00:45:38,611
Muffin.

804
00:45:42,907 --> 00:45:44,491
(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

805
00:45:44,492 --> 00:45:48,704
Darling,
I know you're nervous.

806
00:45:48,705 --> 00:45:50,789
(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)
So am I.

807
00:45:50,790 --> 00:45:54,209
I'm not nervous.
I'm upset.

808
00:45:54,210 --> 00:45:57,338
Because of the bathtub?

809
00:45:58,715 --> 00:46:00,048
(LAUGHING)

810
00:46:00,049 --> 00:46:01,925
That was an accident.

811
00:46:01,926 --> 00:46:02,968
I know.

812
00:46:02,969 --> 00:46:04,762
- I'm fine.
- I know.

813
00:46:04,763 --> 00:46:07,264
Don't give it
another thought.

814
00:46:07,265 --> 00:46:12,979
Don't be frightened.
This is as new to me as it is to you.

815
00:46:14,397 --> 00:46:17,317
Have you really
never had sex?

816
00:46:17,650 --> 00:46:18,942
Never.

817
00:46:18,943 --> 00:46:21,195
Well, then how do you know
we're not having it right now?

818
00:46:21,196 --> 00:46:25,783
Sweetheart, we'll be just
like Gomez and Morticia.

819
00:46:25,784 --> 00:46:28,327
Pretend we're at home
in my room,

820
00:46:28,328 --> 00:46:32,331
Granny down the hallway,
Lurch by the door.

821
00:46:32,332 --> 00:46:33,749
(LAUGHS)

822
00:46:33,750 --> 00:46:34,625
Oh, my God.

823
00:46:34,626 --> 00:46:38,588
Please, what is it?
What do you need?

824
00:46:42,550 --> 00:46:46,304
Only you, my dearest.

825
00:46:49,599 --> 00:46:51,183
Really?

826
00:46:51,184 --> 00:46:53,852
Fester, I'm ready.

827
00:46:53,853 --> 00:46:55,020
(INHALES DEEPLY)

828
00:46:55,021 --> 00:46:56,355
Just one thing.

829
00:46:56,356 --> 00:46:58,315
Gomez told me.
No giggling.

830
00:46:58,316 --> 00:47:00,067
- And?
- No hand puppets.

831
00:47:00,068 --> 00:47:00,859
- And?
- What?

832
00:47:00,860 --> 00:47:05,615
After we've made love,
you can never see your family again.

833
00:47:07,450 --> 00:47:07,950
What?

834
00:47:07,951 --> 00:47:11,286
Otherwise,
I could never really enjoy myself.

835
00:47:11,287 --> 00:47:15,374
I could never
give myself completely.

836
00:47:15,375 --> 00:47:18,043
Unless I never see
my family again?

837
00:47:18,044 --> 00:47:21,046
Yes. If I picture them
in our lives,

838
00:47:21,047 --> 00:47:25,260
I could never achieve,
you know.

839
00:47:27,053 --> 00:47:28,262
Never?

840
00:47:28,263 --> 00:47:30,180
Don't you love me?

841
00:47:30,181 --> 00:47:31,181
Of course.

842
00:47:31,182 --> 00:47:33,016
Don't you want me?

843
00:47:33,017 --> 00:47:34,352
Yes.

844
00:47:36,896 --> 00:47:38,356
Never?

845
00:47:40,692 --> 00:47:42,151
Stud.

846
00:47:43,820 --> 00:47:45,738
(MOANING)

847
00:47:59,085 --> 00:48:02,796
MORTICIA: It's so odd we haven't
heard from Fester and Debbie.

848
00:48:02,797 --> 00:48:04,381
It's been almost a week.

849
00:48:04,382 --> 00:48:06,091
Hasn't it, little fellow?

850
00:48:06,092 --> 00:48:07,217
(PUBERT MOANS)

851
00:48:07,218 --> 00:48:08,385
Look at him.

852
00:48:08,386 --> 00:48:11,306
Too much fun
at that reception.

853
00:48:13,308 --> 00:48:14,767
(COOS)

854
00:48:16,853 --> 00:48:18,730
Hair of the pup.

855
00:48:23,318 --> 00:48:25,444
Excellent, Amanda!

856
00:48:25,445 --> 00:48:27,447
Thank you.

857
00:48:27,530 --> 00:48:28,990
GARY: Next!

858
00:48:29,198 --> 00:48:31,283
(KIDS SINGING <i>KUMBAYA)</i>

859
00:48:31,284 --> 00:48:33,076
"Dear Wednesday
and Pugsley,

860
00:48:33,077 --> 00:48:37,415
"I love you dearly but I
can never see you again."

861
00:48:38,207 --> 00:48:40,376
Glicker, go!

862
00:48:41,002 --> 00:48:42,754
BECKY: Good try!

863
00:48:44,964 --> 00:48:47,257
"When you are grown up
and very lonely,

864
00:48:47,258 --> 00:48:51,804
"you will understand.
Love, Uncle Fester."

865
00:48:52,847 --> 00:48:54,933
He's a dead man.

866
00:48:55,141 --> 00:48:56,601
Go!

867
00:48:57,352 --> 00:48:59,103
(BIRD SCREECHES)

868
00:49:02,815 --> 00:49:06,234
It's an American
bald eagle!

869
00:49:06,235 --> 00:49:08,111
But aren't they extinct?

870
00:49:08,112 --> 00:49:09,739
They are now.

871
00:49:12,033 --> 00:49:13,283
(PLANE PASSING)

872
00:49:13,284 --> 00:49:14,993
- Mrs. Addams?
- DEBBIE: Yes?

873
00:49:14,994 --> 00:49:16,995
Your hearse, ma'am.
Where's the body?

874
00:49:16,996 --> 00:49:19,915
- He's right there.
- But he's alive.

875
00:49:19,916 --> 00:49:21,584
Tell me about it!

876
00:49:27,048 --> 00:49:29,133
(PANTING)

877
00:49:29,801 --> 00:49:32,928
Fester, we may be together
for a while.

878
00:49:32,929 --> 00:49:35,555
All our lives,<i>cara mia.</i>

879
00:49:35,556 --> 00:49:36,848
- What?
<i>- Mon cher.</i>

880
00:49:36,849 --> 00:49:38,308
- Speak English.
- Pumpkin.

881
00:49:38,309 --> 00:49:43,064
And if I have to be seen with
you, we need to make some changes.

882
00:49:43,272 --> 00:49:44,816
Changes?

883
00:49:49,487 --> 00:49:51,280
(ENGINE STARTS)

884
00:49:57,996 --> 00:50:00,789
DEBBIE: Be careful!
It's a credenza!

885
00:50:00,790 --> 00:50:04,543
These are beautiful things.
They're from catalogs.

886
00:50:04,544 --> 00:50:05,502
(DEBBIE GASPS)

887
00:50:05,503 --> 00:50:08,506
Fester, get over here!

888
00:50:12,510 --> 00:50:12,927
It itches.

889
00:50:12,928 --> 00:50:14,886
Don't touch it,
not until the scab falls off.

890
00:50:14,887 --> 00:50:19,057
Pumpkin, do you think
these clothes are really me?

891
00:50:19,058 --> 00:50:20,475
Of course not.
That's the point.

892
00:50:20,476 --> 00:50:21,893
Ma'am, where do you
want this thing?

893
00:50:21,894 --> 00:50:23,937
DEBBIE: The second floor
boudoir.

894
00:50:23,938 --> 00:50:24,855
And be careful.

895
00:50:24,856 --> 00:50:27,232
- I'm her husband.
- Fester!

896
00:50:27,233 --> 00:50:28,525
Give me a kiss.

897
00:50:28,526 --> 00:50:29,484
Give me a 20.

898
00:50:29,485 --> 00:50:30,819
- (THUMPING)
- Watch it!

899
00:50:30,820 --> 00:50:34,866
That's a Queen Anne
chandelier!

900
00:50:35,241 --> 00:50:36,950
GOMEZ:
<i>"Hawaii is wonderful.</i>

901
00:50:36,951 --> 00:50:42,289
"I wish you were here
and I can never see you again!

902
00:50:42,290 --> 00:50:44,916
"PS, Debbie says hi."

903
00:50:44,917 --> 00:50:46,376
I don't understand.

904
00:50:46,377 --> 00:50:49,546
For weeks not a word,
and now this.

905
00:50:49,547 --> 00:50:51,423
Darling, come to bed.

906
00:50:51,424 --> 00:50:52,382
He can't be serious.

907
00:50:52,383 --> 00:50:55,302
Have I done something,
said something?

908
00:50:55,303 --> 00:50:57,721
Why does my brother
despise me?

909
00:50:57,722 --> 00:50:58,722
He adores you.

910
00:50:58,723 --> 00:51:00,182
I'd do anything for him.

911
00:51:00,183 --> 00:51:03,852
At his request,
I would rip out my eyes.

912
00:51:03,853 --> 00:51:07,939
At his command,
I would crawl on my belly

913
00:51:07,940 --> 00:51:11,359
through hot coals
and broken glass.

914
00:51:11,360 --> 00:51:12,444
Why wait?

915
00:51:12,445 --> 00:51:13,987
Has Fester gone mad?

916
00:51:13,988 --> 00:51:16,698
This is all just
some sort of phase.

917
00:51:16,699 --> 00:51:20,787
Post-honeymoon <i>malaise.</i>
It's very common.

918
00:51:21,496 --> 00:51:24,248
Do you remember
our honeymoon?

919
00:51:24,624 --> 00:51:27,042
That glorious cruise.

920
00:51:27,043 --> 00:51:28,585
No calls.

921
00:51:28,586 --> 00:51:30,420
No cares.

922
00:51:30,421 --> 00:51:32,256
No survivors.

923
00:51:33,674 --> 00:51:35,425
<i>Cara mia.</i>

924
00:51:35,426 --> 00:51:40,597
So, you still desire me
after all these years?

925
00:51:40,598 --> 00:51:42,808
The old ball and chain?

926
00:51:42,809 --> 00:51:44,143
Forever.

927
00:51:44,852 --> 00:51:46,854
I'll get them.

928
00:51:49,023 --> 00:51:49,648
Heads up, campers!

929
00:51:49,649 --> 00:51:53,485
Jamboree's only two weeks away,
and you know what that means.

930
00:51:53,486 --> 00:51:54,903
Clean cabins.

931
00:51:54,904 --> 00:51:55,862
Creating with clay.

932
00:51:55,863 --> 00:51:58,115
TOGETHER: And canoes,
canoes, canoes!

933
00:51:58,116 --> 00:52:01,618
So we better get cracking, huh?
'Cause it's gonna be one...

934
00:52:01,619 --> 00:52:05,080
JOEL: Look at this.
I got them.

935
00:52:05,081 --> 00:52:07,666
Schizos and serial killers.

936
00:52:07,667 --> 00:52:09,042
I have almost
the whole series.

937
00:52:09,043 --> 00:52:13,296
I'm only missing Jack the
Ripper and that Zodiac guy.

938
00:52:13,297 --> 00:52:14,589
But look.

939
00:52:14,590 --> 00:52:16,174
"The Black Widow."

940
00:52:16,175 --> 00:52:18,510
WEDNESDAY:
It might be Debbie.

941
00:52:18,511 --> 00:52:23,640
At least three
rich husbands, all dead.

942
00:52:23,641 --> 00:52:26,477
- I'll trade you.
- For what?

943
00:52:29,063 --> 00:52:30,188
Amy Fisher.

944
00:52:30,189 --> 00:52:35,443
Each year, we conclude our summer
with a very special presentation.

945
00:52:35,444 --> 00:52:37,946
Book, music
and lyrics by...

946
00:52:37,947 --> 00:52:39,866
Gary Granger!

947
00:52:40,533 --> 00:52:45,328
And this year, the old bean has come
up with something pretty exciting.

948
00:52:45,329 --> 00:52:49,207
My own personal salute
to the first Thanksgiving.

949
00:52:49,208 --> 00:52:52,335
Now we have thought
long and hard

950
00:52:52,336 --> 00:52:55,589
about choosing
just the right little actress

951
00:52:55,590 --> 00:52:57,716
for the leading role
of Sarah Miller,

952
00:52:57,717 --> 00:53:01,304
our beautiful
and kindly pilgrim lady.

953
00:53:01,387 --> 00:53:04,515
And we have selected

954
00:53:06,559 --> 00:53:08,143
Amanda Buckman!

955
00:53:08,144 --> 00:53:09,520
(SCREAMS)

956
00:53:09,562 --> 00:53:13,107
And in the roles
of her pilgrim pals,

957
00:53:13,149 --> 00:53:17,778
- (ALL SCREAMING EXCITEDLY)
- Lily, Jennifer, Tiffany, Missy, Michelle and Melissa!

958
00:53:19,238 --> 00:53:24,242
But, of course,
not everyone can be a star.

959
00:53:24,243 --> 00:53:24,577
No.

960
00:53:24,578 --> 00:53:28,205
Let's not forget
our cheery, little Chippewas,

961
00:53:28,206 --> 00:53:31,417
Mordecai, Yang,

962
00:53:31,626 --> 00:53:33,084
Esther,

963
00:53:33,085 --> 00:53:34,879
um...

964
00:53:34,962 --> 00:53:38,674
Consuela, Irwin

965
00:53:38,758 --> 00:53:39,883
and, um...

966
00:53:39,884 --> 00:53:43,553
I'm still not sure just
how to pronounce this.

967
00:53:43,554 --> 00:53:45,889
Jamil? Jamel?

968
00:53:45,890 --> 00:53:47,432
Jamal.

969
00:53:47,433 --> 00:53:48,725
Whatever.

970
00:53:48,726 --> 00:53:50,810
And as their leader
in the secondary,

971
00:53:50,811 --> 00:53:55,148
but still compellingly
written role of Pocahontas,

972
00:53:55,149 --> 00:53:56,900
guess who we have
in mind?

973
00:53:56,901 --> 00:54:01,113
Our own little
brunette outcast,

974
00:54:01,530 --> 00:54:03,908
Wednesday Addams.

975
00:54:11,207 --> 00:54:14,502
(DOOR BELL RINGS)

976
00:54:17,380 --> 00:54:20,716
We want to see
Debbie and Fester.

977
00:54:22,343 --> 00:54:24,469
Miss Debbie!

978
00:54:24,470 --> 00:54:26,097
DEBBIE: Debra!

979
00:54:28,015 --> 00:54:30,225
Gomez, where are we?

980
00:54:30,226 --> 00:54:32,102
GRANDMA:
It looks familiar.

981
00:54:32,103 --> 00:54:35,940
Of course,
the gates of hell.

982
00:54:36,691 --> 00:54:38,608
Welcome to my home.

983
00:54:38,609 --> 00:54:39,693
Might we see
my brother?

984
00:54:39,694 --> 00:54:43,990
No. He doesn't want to see
you, any of you or that.

985
00:54:45,491 --> 00:54:46,449
Why not?

986
00:54:46,450 --> 00:54:47,325
Because he's in love.

987
00:54:47,326 --> 00:54:51,121
He's wrapped in a gossamer
blanket of ecstasy,

988
00:54:51,122 --> 00:54:52,956
and he hates your guts.

989
00:54:52,957 --> 00:54:53,374
But why?

990
00:54:53,375 --> 00:54:58,086
Because you flaunted yourselves,
your great love affair.

991
00:54:58,087 --> 00:55:02,048
You kept him a child.
I've made him a man.

992
00:55:02,049 --> 00:55:04,926
Let me hear this
from his own lips.

993
00:55:04,927 --> 00:55:07,012
His lips are busy.

994
00:55:07,013 --> 00:55:11,392
- DEBBIE: You want to talk to these people?
- Debbie.

995
00:55:15,896 --> 00:55:16,771
Go away!

996
00:55:16,772 --> 00:55:18,690
That is not my brother!

997
00:55:18,691 --> 00:55:20,900
- Sorry.
- You have enslaved him.

998
00:55:20,901 --> 00:55:25,363
You have placed Fester under
some strange sexual spell.

999
00:55:25,364 --> 00:55:26,573
I respect that.

1000
00:55:26,574 --> 00:55:28,908
But, please,
may we see him?

1001
00:55:28,909 --> 00:55:30,785
Don't even think about it.

1002
00:55:30,786 --> 00:55:31,703
You have gone too far.

1003
00:55:31,704 --> 00:55:35,749
You have married Fester,
you have destroyed his spirit,

1004
00:55:35,750 --> 00:55:37,334
you have taken him from us.

1005
00:55:37,335 --> 00:55:41,796
All that I could forgive,
but, Debbie...

1006
00:55:41,797 --> 00:55:43,174
What?

1007
00:55:43,674 --> 00:55:45,300
Pastels?

1008
00:55:45,301 --> 00:55:47,302
Get out of my house!

1009
00:55:47,303 --> 00:55:47,969
Hit the road!

1010
00:55:47,970 --> 00:55:51,931
And if you ever show
your faces around here again,

1011
00:55:51,932 --> 00:55:56,394
I'll have you locked up
for trying to visit.

1012
00:55:56,395 --> 00:55:57,479
Right, Fessie?

1013
00:55:57,480 --> 00:55:59,023
FESTER: Right!

1014
00:56:07,656 --> 00:56:12,827
Luxor, nexor,
burst and burn!

1015
00:56:12,828 --> 00:56:13,495
What is she doing?

1016
00:56:13,496 --> 00:56:17,249
Just a curse.
Have a nice day.

1017
00:56:18,834 --> 00:56:20,294
(DOOR CLOSES)

1018
00:56:21,670 --> 00:56:23,630
I demand justice!

1019
00:56:23,631 --> 00:56:26,424
Someone has married
my brother.

1020
00:56:26,425 --> 00:56:27,175
No.

1021
00:56:27,176 --> 00:56:28,718
She took him to Hawaii.

1022
00:56:28,719 --> 00:56:29,260
Get out of here.

1023
00:56:29,261 --> 00:56:32,138
They have moved into a large,
expensive home

1024
00:56:32,139 --> 00:56:34,849
where they make love
constantly.

1025
00:56:34,850 --> 00:56:36,393
I hate when that happens.

1026
00:56:36,394 --> 00:56:38,520
Arrest her at once
without delay.

1027
00:56:38,521 --> 00:56:39,729
- Who?
- Debbie.

1028
00:56:39,730 --> 00:56:44,192
My brother's wife,
the temptress of Waikiki.

1029
00:56:44,193 --> 00:56:47,529
Who are you? What are you?
Who moved the rock?

1030
00:56:47,530 --> 00:56:52,951
Officer, you must issue a subpoena.
I believe they own...

1031
00:56:52,952 --> 00:56:54,619
- Gomez, no!
- ...A Buick!

1032
00:56:54,620 --> 00:56:57,539
Just leave.
Leave quietly. Leave now.

1033
00:56:57,540 --> 00:57:01,168
Don't make me call
Ringling Brothers.

1034
00:57:01,544 --> 00:57:04,754
(YELLING) Has the planet
gone mad?

1035
00:57:04,755 --> 00:57:07,549
My brother,
passion's hostage!

1036
00:57:07,550 --> 00:57:09,593
I seek justice!

1037
00:57:09,635 --> 00:57:11,095
Denied!

1038
00:57:11,178 --> 00:57:14,973
I shall not submit!
I shall conquer! I shall rise!

1039
00:57:14,974 --> 00:57:20,604
My name is Gomez Addams,
and I have seen evil!

1040
00:57:21,021 --> 00:57:23,857
I have seen horror!

1041
00:57:23,858 --> 00:57:25,234
(GRUNTS)

1042
00:57:25,359 --> 00:57:27,861
I have seen
the unholy maggots

1043
00:57:27,862 --> 00:57:31,030
which feast
in the dark recesses

1044
00:57:31,031 --> 00:57:33,533
of the human soul!

1045
00:57:33,534 --> 00:57:34,868
They're at camp.

1046
00:57:34,869 --> 00:57:37,370
I have seen
all this, Officer.

1047
00:57:37,371 --> 00:57:42,960
But until today,
I had never seen

1048
00:57:44,879 --> 00:57:46,213
you!

1049
00:57:46,297 --> 00:57:50,259
Hook him, book him,
cook him. Now!

1050
00:57:51,010 --> 00:57:52,552
- (BELL RINGING)
- CLERK: Next in line.

1051
00:57:52,553 --> 00:57:55,305
Yes, I'd like to renew
my passport, please.

1052
00:57:55,306 --> 00:57:57,765
I'll be leaving the country
very shortly.

1053
00:57:57,766 --> 00:57:59,225
Will you be
traveling alone?

1054
00:57:59,226 --> 00:58:00,936
Yes. I'll be a widow.

1055
00:58:02,897 --> 00:58:05,191
(PIANO PLAYING)

1056
00:58:06,358 --> 00:58:08,902
ALL: (SINGING)
<i>♪ Happy, happy turkey day</i>

1057
00:58:08,903 --> 00:58:10,695
♪ Hunger pains will go away

1058
00:58:10,696 --> 00:58:12,822
<i>♪ When you hear
the pilgrims say</i>

1059
00:58:12,823 --> 00:58:14,908
<i>♪ It's happy turkey day</i>

1060
00:58:14,909 --> 00:58:16,576
♪ Happy, happy turkey day

1061
00:58:16,577 --> 00:58:18,786
<i>♪ Let's all eat
the Indian way</i>

1062
00:58:18,787 --> 00:58:20,955
<i>♪ As Bastille
and Cape Cod day</i>

1063
00:58:20,956 --> 00:58:23,708
<i>♪ On happy turkey day ♪</i>

1064
00:58:23,709 --> 00:58:24,584
(GASPS)

1065
00:58:24,585 --> 00:58:25,585
BECKY: Look at you.

1066
00:58:25,586 --> 00:58:28,713
Oh, Amanda,
you look perfect!

1067
00:58:28,714 --> 00:58:29,255
(BOTH LAUGHING)

1068
00:58:29,256 --> 00:58:32,967
You're just the prettiest
pilgrim I've ever seen!

1069
00:58:32,968 --> 00:58:36,095
Gar, come
and take a look at this.

1070
00:58:36,096 --> 00:58:36,763
BOY: Here they are!

1071
00:58:36,764 --> 00:58:38,890
We caught them
by the pay phone.

1072
00:58:38,891 --> 00:58:39,974
We were calling the FBI.

1073
00:58:39,975 --> 00:58:42,644
Their uncle is in trouble.
We were running a check.

1074
00:58:42,645 --> 00:58:44,521
And you are late
for your fittings.

1075
00:58:44,522 --> 00:58:46,064
I don't want to be
in the pageant.

1076
00:58:46,065 --> 00:58:48,733
Don't you wanna help me
realize my vision?

1077
00:58:48,734 --> 00:58:50,902
Your work is puerile
and under-dramatized.

1078
00:58:50,903 --> 00:58:55,573
You lack any sense of structure,
character or the Aristotelian unities.

1079
00:58:55,574 --> 00:59:00,537
Young lady, I am getting just a
tad tired of your attitude problem.

1080
00:59:00,538 --> 00:59:05,250
Everyone, campers!
I have a wonderful idea.

1081
00:59:05,251 --> 00:59:08,169
Wednesday and Pugsley
and young Mr. Glicker here,

1082
00:59:08,170 --> 00:59:13,591
well, they have just never quite
latched on to the Chippewa spirit,

1083
00:59:13,592 --> 00:59:17,096
nor have some
of their little comrades.

1084
00:59:17,388 --> 00:59:19,347
Isn't that sad?

1085
00:59:19,348 --> 00:59:20,056
ALL: Yes!

1086
00:59:20,057 --> 00:59:22,016
Don't we just hate that?

1087
00:59:22,017 --> 00:59:22,476
ALL: Yes!

1088
00:59:22,477 --> 00:59:25,061
Don't we wish
they would just die?

1089
00:59:25,062 --> 00:59:25,937
ALL: Yes!

1090
00:59:25,938 --> 00:59:26,604
Oh, no, we don't.

1091
00:59:26,605 --> 00:59:28,982
But you know
what we're gonna do with them?

1092
00:59:28,983 --> 00:59:32,068
We're going to make
an example.

1093
00:59:32,069 --> 00:59:34,445
We are going to show
that anyone,

1094
00:59:34,446 --> 00:59:38,157
no matter how odd,
or pale or chubby,

1095
00:59:38,158 --> 00:59:41,244
can still have
a darn good time.

1096
00:59:41,245 --> 00:59:43,997
Whether they
like it or not.

1097
00:59:43,998 --> 00:59:46,417
What are you
gonna do?

1098
00:59:47,376 --> 00:59:50,461
GARY: Yes, indeedy.
Just the ticket.

1099
00:59:50,462 --> 00:59:51,462
<i>Bambi.</i>

1100
00:59:51,463 --> 00:59:53,631
Lassie Come Home.

1101
00:59:53,632 --> 00:59:55,592
<i>The Little Mermaid.</i>

1102
00:59:55,593 --> 00:59:58,637
- Stop it.
- He's only a child.

1103
01:00:00,014 --> 01:00:03,684
Don't worry.
We're getting out of here.

1104
01:00:04,018 --> 01:00:07,938
But, it's Disney.

1105
01:00:08,439 --> 01:00:09,982
Yes.

1106
01:00:10,691 --> 01:00:11,941
(SIGHS)

1107
01:00:11,942 --> 01:00:15,486
(PLAYING ON TV)
<i>♪ The hills are alive</i>

1108
01:00:15,487 --> 01:00:19,199
♪ With the sound of music

1109
01:00:19,825 --> 01:00:21,868
<i>♪ With songs they have sung</i>

1110
01:00:21,869 --> 01:00:22,785
♪ For a thousand years ♪

1111
01:00:22,786 --> 01:00:27,957
(CHILDREN SINGING)
♪ And they knew that it was much more than a hunch

1112
01:00:27,958 --> 01:00:31,794
<i>♪ That this group must
somehow form a family</i>

1113
01:00:31,795 --> 01:00:34,756
♪ That's the way we all became
The Brady Bunch ♪

1114
01:00:34,757 --> 01:00:39,136
♪ You're always a day

1115
01:00:40,179 --> 01:00:42,181
<i>♪ Away ♪</i>

1116
01:00:57,946 --> 01:01:00,281
Well, good evening.

1117
01:01:00,282 --> 01:01:03,827
Is there anything
you'd like to say to everyone?

1118
01:01:04,078 --> 01:01:04,536
Yes.

1119
01:01:04,537 --> 01:01:07,623
BECKY: And just what
might that be?

1120
01:01:12,336 --> 01:01:13,878
I'm not perky.

1121
01:01:13,879 --> 01:01:14,587
(SCOFFS)

1122
01:01:14,588 --> 01:01:16,005
That's for damn sure.

1123
01:01:16,006 --> 01:01:18,342
WEDNESDAY:
But I want to be.

1124
01:01:19,718 --> 01:01:20,885
You do?

1125
01:01:20,886 --> 01:01:25,515
I want to smile
and sing and dance

1126
01:01:25,516 --> 01:01:28,059
and be Pocahontas
in Gary's vision.

1127
01:01:28,060 --> 01:01:32,106
Oh, darling,
do you really mean it?

1128
01:01:49,498 --> 01:01:50,373
(ALL GASP)

1129
01:01:50,374 --> 01:01:52,250
Isn't she pretty?

1130
01:01:52,251 --> 01:01:53,876
She's scaring me!

1131
01:01:53,877 --> 01:01:54,877
(EXHALES)

1132
01:01:54,878 --> 01:01:57,172
- Gar.
- Yeah.

1133
01:01:58,590 --> 01:02:00,883
(SCREAMS)

1134
01:02:00,884 --> 01:02:05,055
Stay back!
He's very sick.

1135
01:02:07,891 --> 01:02:09,601
(GIGGLES)

1136
01:02:10,102 --> 01:02:11,895
My baby!

1137
01:02:13,397 --> 01:02:14,690
(THUDS)

1138
01:02:15,899 --> 01:02:18,234
GRANDMA: Lumbar, dison,

1139
01:02:18,235 --> 01:02:22,530
pox and thither,
curad, brattle,

1140
01:02:22,531 --> 01:02:25,743
bone and brine!

1141
01:02:26,034 --> 01:02:27,952
(LAUGHING)

1142
01:02:27,953 --> 01:02:30,288
Bone and brine!

1143
01:02:30,289 --> 01:02:31,539
(COOS)

1144
01:02:31,540 --> 01:02:35,376
Well, he's stubborn.
It works on cats.

1145
01:02:35,377 --> 01:02:38,505
- What are we going to do?
- Is it hopeless?

1146
01:02:40,507 --> 01:02:42,049
Here it is.

1147
01:02:42,050 --> 01:02:44,927
"Chapter 18.
Infant possessions."

1148
01:02:44,928 --> 01:02:46,262
He's possessed?

1149
01:02:46,263 --> 01:02:47,096
"Warning signs,

1150
01:02:47,097 --> 01:02:50,641
"severe alterations
in appearance and personality.

1151
01:02:50,642 --> 01:02:54,270
"Such alterations can
become permanent."

1152
01:02:54,271 --> 01:02:57,273
Permanent?
Those golden curls?

1153
01:02:57,274 --> 01:02:58,775
Those rosy cheeks?

1154
01:02:58,776 --> 01:02:59,276
That smile?

1155
01:02:59,277 --> 01:03:03,029
"These terrifying changes are
most often the result

1156
01:03:03,030 --> 01:03:05,782
"of a troubled family life.

1157
01:03:05,783 --> 01:03:06,657
"Separations..."

1158
01:03:06,658 --> 01:03:09,327
- Separations? You mean...
- Fester!

1159
01:03:09,328 --> 01:03:09,703
Bingo!

1160
01:03:09,704 --> 01:03:12,038
This kid knows that something
is not right around here.

1161
01:03:12,039 --> 01:03:16,918
Unless Fester comes back,
we're talking dimples.

1162
01:03:16,919 --> 01:03:18,377
Not in this house.

1163
01:03:18,378 --> 01:03:23,257
He could stay this way
for years. Forever.

1164
01:03:23,258 --> 01:03:26,511
He could become a lawyer.

1165
01:03:26,512 --> 01:03:28,304
I won't listen!

1166
01:03:28,305 --> 01:03:30,389
An orthodontist.

1167
01:03:30,390 --> 01:03:32,100
Mama, stop!

1168
01:03:33,435 --> 01:03:34,685
President.

1169
01:03:34,686 --> 01:03:35,978
(PUBERT GIGGLES)

1170
01:03:35,979 --> 01:03:36,938
(GRUNTS)

1171
01:03:36,939 --> 01:03:42,402
Please! I beg you, take me!

1172
01:03:42,945 --> 01:03:44,696
(SOBBING)

1173
01:03:46,490 --> 01:03:47,031
(FEEDBACK)

1174
01:03:47,032 --> 01:03:48,658
<i>Each summer
we take this occasion</i>

1175
01:03:48,659 --> 01:03:52,078
<i>to celebrate a seminal event
in American history.</i>

1176
01:03:52,079 --> 01:03:57,166
This year, we depict
perhaps the most important day

1177
01:03:57,167 --> 01:03:58,918
in our shared past,

1178
01:03:58,919 --> 01:04:00,419
the first Thanksgiving!

1179
01:04:00,420 --> 01:04:04,590
<i>A day for maize,
the Native American word for corn,</i>

1180
01:04:04,591 --> 01:04:07,176
<i>a terrific turkey dinner</i>

1181
01:04:07,177 --> 01:04:09,720
<i>and brotherhood!</i>

1182
01:04:09,721 --> 01:04:14,433
<i>So white meat
and dark meat,</i>

1183
01:04:14,434 --> 01:04:16,811
<i>take it away!</i>

1184
01:04:16,812 --> 01:04:18,187
(APPLAUSE)

1185
01:04:18,188 --> 01:04:21,233
(PIANO PLAYING)

1186
01:04:35,831 --> 01:04:37,164
ALL: (SINGING)
<i>♪ Eat us</i>

1187
01:04:37,165 --> 01:04:39,333
♪ Hey, it's Thanksgiving day

1188
01:04:39,334 --> 01:04:42,962
<i>♪ Eat us,
we make a nice buffet</i>

1189
01:04:42,963 --> 01:04:46,424
<i>♪ We lost the race
with Farmer Ed</i>

1190
01:04:46,425 --> 01:04:50,136
<i>♪ Eat us
'cause we're good and dead</i>

1191
01:04:50,137 --> 01:04:51,804
<i>♪ White man or red man</i>

1192
01:04:51,805 --> 01:04:53,848
<i>♪ From East, North or South</i>

1193
01:04:53,849 --> 01:04:55,391
<i>♪ Chop off our legs</i>

1194
01:04:55,392 --> 01:04:58,102
<i>♪ And put 'em in your mouth</i>

1195
01:04:58,103 --> 01:04:59,312
<i>♪ Eat me</i>

1196
01:04:59,313 --> 01:05:01,939
<i>♪ Sauteed or barbecued</i>

1197
01:05:01,940 --> 01:05:02,523
<i>♪ Eat me</i>

1198
01:05:02,524 --> 01:05:04,901
<i>♪ We once were pets,
but now we're food</i>

1199
01:05:04,902 --> 01:05:08,070
<i>♪ We won't stay fresh
for very long</i>

1200
01:05:08,071 --> 01:05:12,116
<i>♪ So eat us
before we finish this song</i>

1201
01:05:12,117 --> 01:05:16,495
<i>♪ Eat us before
we finish this song ♪</i>

1202
01:05:16,496 --> 01:05:18,916
(DEBBIE SOBBING)

1203
01:05:23,754 --> 01:05:25,338
Thank you.

1204
01:05:25,339 --> 01:05:28,592
It was a senseless tragedy.

1205
01:05:33,555 --> 01:05:34,932
(CHUCKLES)

1206
01:05:48,362 --> 01:05:50,948
(TIMER TICKING)

1207
01:05:53,116 --> 01:05:57,370
Angel, I'm going out
for just a minute.

1208
01:05:57,371 --> 01:06:00,456
I forgot the champagne.

1209
01:06:00,457 --> 01:06:03,376
Our three-week anniversary!
I'll go.

1210
01:06:03,377 --> 01:06:06,754
No, no.
You're working hard enough.

1211
01:06:06,755 --> 01:06:11,301
I'll just put your present
on the table.

1212
01:06:11,718 --> 01:06:13,595
Don't peek!

1213
01:06:14,388 --> 01:06:17,057
Please, please!

1214
01:06:17,474 --> 01:06:18,808
What is it?

1215
01:06:18,809 --> 01:06:21,018
Is it string?

1216
01:06:21,019 --> 01:06:22,228
You never know.

1217
01:06:22,229 --> 01:06:23,354
(FESTER GROANS)

1218
01:06:23,355 --> 01:06:25,314
Is it a dog toy?

1219
01:06:25,315 --> 01:06:27,651
Just you wait.

1220
01:06:27,943 --> 01:06:30,277
(TICKING)

1221
01:06:30,278 --> 01:06:31,529
It's a bomb.

1222
01:06:31,530 --> 01:06:32,030
What?

1223
01:06:32,031 --> 01:06:36,535
Oh, I know.
Wait for my birthday.

1224
01:06:36,576 --> 01:06:40,579
Fester, let me look at you.

1225
01:06:40,580 --> 01:06:45,585
I want to remember you
just this way.

1226
01:06:46,128 --> 01:06:47,753
What do you mean?

1227
01:06:47,754 --> 01:06:48,546
Rich.

1228
01:06:48,547 --> 01:06:49,588
Will you miss me?

1229
01:06:49,589 --> 01:06:53,343
But you'll be right back,
won't you?

1230
01:06:53,760 --> 01:06:55,387
Of course.

1231
01:06:55,929 --> 01:06:57,264
(SIGHS)

1232
01:06:57,973 --> 01:06:59,850
(WHOOPING)

1233
01:07:01,268 --> 01:07:02,936
(DOOR CLOSES)

1234
01:07:03,478 --> 01:07:07,523
I am so glad
we invited the Chippewas

1235
01:07:07,524 --> 01:07:09,775
to join us
for this holiday meal.

1236
01:07:09,776 --> 01:07:13,821
Remember,
these savages are our guests.

1237
01:07:13,822 --> 01:07:17,867
We must not be surprised at
any of their strange customs.

1238
01:07:17,868 --> 01:07:21,787
After all,
they have not had our advantages,

1239
01:07:21,788 --> 01:07:24,373
such as fine schools,

1240
01:07:24,374 --> 01:07:28,294
libraries full of books,
shampoo.

1241
01:07:28,295 --> 01:07:29,880
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

1242
01:07:30,547 --> 01:07:31,006
How.

1243
01:07:31,007 --> 01:07:34,050
I am Pocahontas,
a Chippewa maiden.

1244
01:07:34,051 --> 01:07:35,301
An Indian.

1245
01:07:35,302 --> 01:07:36,010
Enough said.

1246
01:07:36,011 --> 01:07:40,766
And I am Running Bear,
betrothed to Pocahontas.

1247
01:07:41,141 --> 01:07:41,974
In the play.

1248
01:07:41,975 --> 01:07:45,978
20 grand for summer camp,
he's Mr. Woo Woo.

1249
01:07:45,979 --> 01:07:50,358
We have brought a special gift
for this holiday feast.

1250
01:07:56,323 --> 01:07:58,741
I am a turkey. Kill me.

1251
01:07:58,742 --> 01:08:02,537
What a thoughtful gift!

1252
01:08:04,790 --> 01:08:08,000
Why, you are
as civilized as we,

1253
01:08:08,001 --> 01:08:10,753
except we wear shoes
and have last names.

1254
01:08:10,754 --> 01:08:11,254
(CHUCKLING)

1255
01:08:11,255 --> 01:08:15,382
Welcome to our table,
our new primitive friends.

1256
01:08:15,383 --> 01:08:16,383
Thank you, Sarah Miller.

1257
01:08:16,384 --> 01:08:19,428
You're the most beautiful
person I've ever seen.

1258
01:08:19,429 --> 01:08:21,055
Your hair is
the color of the sun.

1259
01:08:21,056 --> 01:08:26,393
Your skin is like fresh
milk, and everyone loves you.

1260
01:08:26,394 --> 01:08:29,106
Stop! Sit.

1261
01:08:29,523 --> 01:08:31,148
- Wait.
- What?

1262
01:08:31,149 --> 01:08:33,485
We cannot break bread
with you.

1263
01:08:34,194 --> 01:08:35,027
AMANDA: Huh?

1264
01:08:35,028 --> 01:08:36,529
Becky, what's going on?

1265
01:08:36,530 --> 01:08:37,655
(WHISPERING)
Wednesday.

1266
01:08:37,656 --> 01:08:42,119
You have taken the land
which is rightfully ours.

1267
01:08:43,620 --> 01:08:44,328
Years from now,

1268
01:08:44,329 --> 01:08:48,207
my people will be forced to live
in mobile homes on reservations.

1269
01:08:48,208 --> 01:08:51,836
Your people will wear
cardigans and drink highballs.

1270
01:08:51,837 --> 01:08:54,755
We will sell our bracelets
by the roadsides.

1271
01:08:54,756 --> 01:08:58,384
You will play golf
and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres.

1272
01:08:58,385 --> 01:09:01,637
My people will have pain
and degradation.

1273
01:09:01,638 --> 01:09:04,140
Your people will have
stick shifts.

1274
01:09:04,141 --> 01:09:05,933
The gods of my tribe
have spoken.

1275
01:09:05,934 --> 01:09:09,436
They have said,
"Do not trust the pilgrims,

1276
01:09:09,437 --> 01:09:12,148
"especially Sarah Miller."

1277
01:09:12,149 --> 01:09:14,275
Gary, she's changing
the words.

1278
01:09:14,276 --> 01:09:19,364
And for all these reasons,
I have decided to scalp you

1279
01:09:19,698 --> 01:09:22,826
and burn your village
to the ground.

1280
01:09:22,993 --> 01:09:24,327
(WHOOPING)

1281
01:09:30,000 --> 01:09:32,210
(ALL SCREAMING)

1282
01:09:33,044 --> 01:09:34,003
Children!
Campers!

1283
01:09:34,004 --> 01:09:36,548
Stop it!
You're destroying my text!

1284
01:09:36,882 --> 01:09:38,383
(WHOOPING)

1285
01:09:43,597 --> 01:09:44,471
(SCREAMING)

1286
01:09:44,472 --> 01:09:45,222
He's not a team player.

1287
01:09:45,223 --> 01:09:48,058
Well, he's a special child,
but he needs friends.

1288
01:09:48,059 --> 01:09:50,729
He needs
friends like this?

1289
01:09:51,688 --> 01:09:53,064
(SCREAMING)

1290
01:10:00,989 --> 01:10:02,407
(BOTH GASPING)

1291
01:10:06,244 --> 01:10:08,079
(SCREAMING)

1292
01:10:16,713 --> 01:10:18,548
Uh, I beg your pardon.

1293
01:10:23,136 --> 01:10:25,429
- (SCREAMING)
- Do something!

1294
01:10:25,430 --> 01:10:26,848
(SCREAMING)

1295
01:10:39,694 --> 01:10:41,947
(AMANDA SCREAMING)

1296
01:10:52,832 --> 01:10:54,876
(SCREAMING)

1297
01:11:00,840 --> 01:11:03,885
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

1298
01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:16,272
ALL: (SINGING)
<i>♪ Macho, macho man</i>

1299
01:11:16,273 --> 01:11:20,067
♪ I've got to be a macho man

1300
01:11:20,068 --> 01:11:23,570
<i>♪ Macho, macho man</i>

1301
01:11:23,571 --> 01:11:26,031
♪ I've got to be a macho!

1302
01:11:26,032 --> 01:11:28,033
♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

1303
01:11:28,034 --> 01:11:31,453
Hey! Wait!
What time is it, Jorge?

1304
01:11:31,454 --> 01:11:32,454
6:25.

1305
01:11:32,455 --> 01:11:33,372
(GASPS)

1306
01:11:33,373 --> 01:11:34,790
Oops! Got to go.

1307
01:11:34,791 --> 01:11:36,083
- No! No!
- Wait!

1308
01:11:36,084 --> 01:11:40,337
Wait here. It's my anniversary.
I'll be right back.

1309
01:11:40,338 --> 01:11:43,590
Oh, your husband
is a very lucky man.

1310
01:11:43,591 --> 01:11:45,802
Don't say that!

1311
01:11:47,178 --> 01:11:50,347
<i>♪ Macho, macho man</i>

1312
01:11:50,348 --> 01:11:54,768
<i>♪ I've got to be
a macho man! ♪</i>

1313
01:11:54,769 --> 01:11:56,646
(TICKING)

1314
01:11:58,565 --> 01:12:00,108
Cheers.

1315
01:12:00,608 --> 01:12:02,152
No, no.

1316
01:12:13,913 --> 01:12:15,540
(SNIFFLING)

1317
01:12:15,915 --> 01:12:17,917
And, Officer,

1318
01:12:18,918 --> 01:12:22,296
my husband was in that house.

1319
01:12:22,297 --> 01:12:25,342
(WEEPING)

1320
01:12:26,509 --> 01:12:29,846
(REPRESSING LAUGHTER)

1321
01:12:32,098 --> 01:12:35,894
(LAUGHING)

1322
01:12:37,228 --> 01:12:38,605
(SIGHING)

1323
01:12:40,023 --> 01:12:44,527
Happy anniversary, Debbie.

1324
01:13:23,316 --> 01:13:26,569
(QUIETLY)
Help. Help.

1325
01:13:37,163 --> 01:13:41,542
Sweetheart!
Did you get the champagne?

1326
01:13:41,543 --> 01:13:42,919
Freeze!

1327
01:13:44,796 --> 01:13:46,089
Pookie?

1328
01:13:46,172 --> 01:13:47,673
I tried to make it look
like an accident.

1329
01:13:47,674 --> 01:13:52,344
I tried to give you some dignity.
But, oh, no. Not you.

1330
01:13:52,345 --> 01:13:53,178
What are you saying?

1331
01:13:53,179 --> 01:13:57,099
I'm saying, I want you dead,
and I want your money.

1332
01:13:57,100 --> 01:14:00,395
But... But...
Don't you love me?

1333
01:14:00,687 --> 01:14:03,064
(LAUGHING)

1334
01:14:04,107 --> 01:14:06,024
Is that a no?

1335
01:14:06,025 --> 01:14:08,569
DEBBIE: Do I love you?
Look at yourself!

1336
01:14:08,570 --> 01:14:11,071
You're a nightmare!
You're the missing link!

1337
01:14:11,072 --> 01:14:13,907
You shouldn't be married!
You should be studied!

1338
01:14:13,908 --> 01:14:16,577
You're a big, dumb,
weird thing!

1339
01:14:16,578 --> 01:14:19,621
No woman in her right mind
could love you!

1340
01:14:19,622 --> 01:14:20,706
(DEBBIE SCREAMS)

1341
01:14:20,707 --> 01:14:21,874
(DEBBIE GRUNTS)

1342
01:14:21,875 --> 01:14:23,668
FESTER: Thing!

1343
01:14:33,219 --> 01:14:37,556
I'll get you!
And your little hand, too!

1344
01:14:37,557 --> 01:14:39,976
(TIRES SCREECHING)

1345
01:14:41,769 --> 01:14:43,146
(SCREAMS)

1346
01:14:52,614 --> 01:14:54,032
(GASPING)

1347
01:15:00,622 --> 01:15:01,956
(SCREAMS)

1348
01:15:11,925 --> 01:15:12,633
Come on.

1349
01:15:12,634 --> 01:15:15,886
No. I have to go back.
For the others.

1350
01:15:15,887 --> 01:15:17,012
You're very brave.

1351
01:15:17,013 --> 01:15:20,599
And to watch the place burn.
You go.

1352
01:15:20,600 --> 01:15:21,600
Save your uncle.

1353
01:15:21,601 --> 01:15:24,520
Joel, I may never
see you again.

1354
01:15:24,521 --> 01:15:25,145
I know.

1355
01:15:25,146 --> 01:15:27,523
There are forces
tearing us apart,

1356
01:15:27,524 --> 01:15:31,569
Gary, Debbie,
seventh grade.

1357
01:15:33,613 --> 01:15:35,822
I'll never forget you.

1358
01:15:35,823 --> 01:15:37,115
You won't?

1359
01:15:37,116 --> 01:15:38,325
You're too weird.

1360
01:15:38,326 --> 01:15:42,037
We'll always have today
and Chippewa.

1361
01:15:42,038 --> 01:15:43,706
And this.

1362
01:15:45,625 --> 01:15:46,792
What is it?

1363
01:15:46,793 --> 01:15:49,045
Amanda's retainer.

1364
01:15:50,129 --> 01:15:51,922
<i>Cara mia.</i>

1365
01:15:51,923 --> 01:15:53,550
<i>Mon cher.</i>

1366
01:16:00,723 --> 01:16:02,183
(HORN HONKING)

1367
01:16:02,392 --> 01:16:04,060
Come on!

1368
01:16:08,231 --> 01:16:09,899
(EXPLOSION IN DISTANCE)

1369
01:16:16,656 --> 01:16:17,614
(HORN HONKING)

1370
01:16:17,615 --> 01:16:19,158
(TIRES SCREECHING)

1371
01:16:20,243 --> 01:16:21,869
Move it!

1372
01:16:24,330 --> 01:16:25,956
Move out of the way!

1373
01:16:25,957 --> 01:16:27,417
(HORN HONKING)

1374
01:16:32,380 --> 01:16:37,594
"We looked!
Then we saw him step in on the mat!

1375
01:16:37,719 --> 01:16:41,431
"We looked! And we saw him!

1376
01:16:41,848 --> 01:16:44,183
"The Cat in the Hat!"

1377
01:16:44,976 --> 01:16:47,186
Are you enjoying this?

1378
01:16:48,938 --> 01:16:53,359
To think, a child of mine.

1379
01:16:54,569 --> 01:16:59,239
"I know it is wet,
and the sun is not sunny,

1380
01:16:59,240 --> 01:17:05,288
"but we can have lots
of good fun that is funny."

1381
01:17:07,165 --> 01:17:09,125
(PUBERT COOING)

1382
01:17:12,337 --> 01:17:13,630
Oh, no.

1383
01:17:14,505 --> 01:17:16,132
He lives.

1384
01:17:16,299 --> 01:17:19,469
(GASPING)
Come on! It's Gomez!

1385
01:17:20,136 --> 01:17:23,138
<i>♪ Swing low</i>

1386
01:17:23,139 --> 01:17:26,767
<i>♪ Sweet chariot</i>

1387
01:17:26,768 --> 01:17:32,981
<i>♪ Comin' for
to carry me home!</i>

1388
01:17:32,982 --> 01:17:34,524
<i>♪ Swing low ♪</i>

1389
01:17:34,525 --> 01:17:39,905
My baby is ill,
and my husband is dying.

1390
01:17:39,906 --> 01:17:41,156
(GOMEZ SINGING)

1391
01:17:41,157 --> 01:17:44,743
Oh, Mama, what shall I do?

1392
01:17:44,744 --> 01:17:47,579
Well, you have a black dress.

1393
01:17:47,580 --> 01:17:49,666
(GOMEZ CRYING)

1394
01:17:59,092 --> 01:17:59,925
Gomez!

1395
01:17:59,926 --> 01:18:01,093
- Fester!
- Fester!

1396
01:18:01,094 --> 01:18:03,011
Fester? Where is Fester?

1397
01:18:03,012 --> 01:18:05,806
He's right here,<i>mon cher.</i>

1398
01:18:05,807 --> 01:18:07,391
It's me, Gomez.

1399
01:18:07,392 --> 01:18:10,602
I've tried to be
someone I'm not.

1400
01:18:10,603 --> 01:18:12,897
I live in shame

1401
01:18:13,106 --> 01:18:14,106
and the suburbs!

1402
01:18:14,107 --> 01:18:19,903
But you belong to Debbie.
You're Debbie's love toy.

1403
01:18:19,904 --> 01:18:24,659
You are Mr. Debbie!

1404
01:18:24,742 --> 01:18:27,077
I am an Addams!

1405
01:18:27,078 --> 01:18:28,663
Fester!

1406
01:18:32,125 --> 01:18:34,210
Uncle Fester!

1407
01:18:34,293 --> 01:18:35,795
Children!

1408
01:18:38,673 --> 01:18:41,008
You sent us to camp.

1409
01:18:41,759 --> 01:18:43,970
They made us sing.

1410
01:18:50,601 --> 01:18:53,062
My own dear family.

1411
01:18:56,232 --> 01:18:59,068
How I've missed you all.

1412
01:18:59,235 --> 01:19:03,363
Our whole family,
together at last.

1413
01:19:03,364 --> 01:19:07,326
Three generations
above ground.

1414
01:19:07,702 --> 01:19:09,579
DEBBIE: In-laws!

1415
01:19:15,960 --> 01:19:18,628
DEBBIE: I don't want
to hurt anybody.

1416
01:19:18,629 --> 01:19:20,922
I don't enjoy hurting anybody.

1417
01:19:20,923 --> 01:19:24,217
I don't like guns, or bombs,
or electric chairs.

1418
01:19:24,218 --> 01:19:30,475
But sometimes people just won't
listen, and so I have to use persuasion

1419
01:19:30,892 --> 01:19:32,267
and slides.

1420
01:19:32,268 --> 01:19:34,895
My parents, Sharon and Dave.

1421
01:19:34,896 --> 01:19:38,690
Generous, doting,
or were they?

1422
01:19:38,691 --> 01:19:43,445
All I ever wanted
was a Ballerina Barbie

1423
01:19:43,446 --> 01:19:45,530
in her pretty pink tutu.

1424
01:19:45,531 --> 01:19:46,865
My birthday.

1425
01:19:46,866 --> 01:19:51,037
I was 10,
and do you know what they got me?

1426
01:19:51,496 --> 01:19:56,875
Malibu Barbie.

1427
01:19:56,876 --> 01:19:58,084
The nightmare.

1428
01:19:58,085 --> 01:19:59,211
The nerve.

1429
01:19:59,212 --> 01:20:03,423
That's not what I wanted.
That's not who I was.

1430
01:20:03,424 --> 01:20:09,388
I was a ballerina.
Graceful, delicate.

1431
01:20:09,555 --> 01:20:11,599
They had to go.

1432
01:20:14,977 --> 01:20:17,146
(PUBERT COOING)

1433
01:20:26,823 --> 01:20:29,991
DEBBIE: My first husband,
the heart surgeon.

1434
01:20:29,992 --> 01:20:33,787
All day long,
coronaries, transplants.

1435
01:20:33,788 --> 01:20:35,247
What about your needs?

1436
01:20:35,248 --> 01:20:40,336
"Sorry about dinner, Deb.
The Pope has a cold."

1437
01:20:41,838 --> 01:20:45,925
An axe.
That takes me back.

1438
01:20:59,021 --> 01:21:00,857
(COOING)

1439
01:21:02,775 --> 01:21:05,235
Husband number two,
the senator.

1440
01:21:05,236 --> 01:21:08,738
He loved his state.
He loved his country.

1441
01:21:08,739 --> 01:21:10,282
What about Debbie?

1442
01:21:10,283 --> 01:21:14,035
"Sorry, Debbie.
No Mercedes this year.

1443
01:21:14,036 --> 01:21:16,706
"We have to set an example."

1444
01:21:16,998 --> 01:21:19,709
Oh, yeah? Set this!

1445
01:21:36,559 --> 01:21:38,310
DEBBIE: My latest husband.

1446
01:21:38,311 --> 01:21:42,064
My late husband, Fester.

1447
01:21:42,356 --> 01:21:43,690
The fool.

1448
01:21:43,691 --> 01:21:45,568
The corpse.

1449
01:21:45,651 --> 01:21:48,403
And his adorable family.

1450
01:21:48,404 --> 01:21:52,283
You took me in.
You accepted me.

1451
01:21:52,408 --> 01:21:55,201
But did any of you
love me?

1452
01:21:55,202 --> 01:21:57,121
Really love me?

1453
01:21:57,455 --> 01:21:58,915
Hands.

1454
01:22:08,215 --> 01:22:09,759
(GIGGLING)

1455
01:22:13,346 --> 01:22:15,347
So I... I killed.

1456
01:22:15,348 --> 01:22:16,222
So I maimed.

1457
01:22:16,223 --> 01:22:21,979
So I destroyed one innocent
life after another.

1458
01:22:22,063 --> 01:22:26,149
Aren't I a human being?

1459
01:22:26,150 --> 01:22:27,984
Don't I yearn

1460
01:22:27,985 --> 01:22:31,948
and ache and shop?

1461
01:22:32,615 --> 01:22:37,954
Don't I deserve love

1462
01:22:39,705 --> 01:22:41,540
and jewelry?

1463
01:22:52,760 --> 01:22:54,428
(LAUGHING)

1464
01:23:05,314 --> 01:23:07,023
MORTICIA: Adieu, mon cher.

1465
01:23:07,024 --> 01:23:07,941
<i>Adios, cara mia.</i>

1466
01:23:07,942 --> 01:23:12,404
FESTER: Debbie, let them go.
Take me and my money.

1467
01:23:12,405 --> 01:23:15,491
For what I've done,
I deserve to die.

1468
01:23:15,866 --> 01:23:17,159
Sorry.

1469
01:23:17,660 --> 01:23:20,121
(STEAM WHISTLING)

1470
01:23:32,049 --> 01:23:33,426
(LAUGHING)

1471
01:23:39,515 --> 01:23:41,851
Goodbye, everybody.

1472
01:23:42,184 --> 01:23:43,685
Wish me luck.

1473
01:23:43,686 --> 01:23:45,730
ALL: Good luck.

1474
01:24:02,329 --> 01:24:03,873
(GASPS)

1475
01:24:17,762 --> 01:24:19,180
(EXCLAIMING)

1476
01:24:26,854 --> 01:24:29,065
(LAUGHING)

1477
01:24:41,160 --> 01:24:44,120
A birthday party!
What a treat!

1478
01:24:44,121 --> 01:24:47,415
And to think
I might have missed all this.

1479
01:24:47,416 --> 01:24:49,960
What was I thinking of?

1480
01:24:50,294 --> 01:24:52,170
Physical pleasure.

1481
01:24:52,171 --> 01:24:52,879
(GROANS)

1482
01:24:52,880 --> 01:24:55,965
Uncle Fester,
do you miss Debbie?

1483
01:24:55,966 --> 01:24:59,594
Well, sometimes,
late at night.

1484
01:24:59,595 --> 01:25:02,722
I remember how she used
to turn to me and say,

1485
01:25:02,723 --> 01:25:06,434
"Jesus, Fester,
go back to your room."

1486
01:25:06,435 --> 01:25:07,770
(LAUGHING)

1487
01:25:09,522 --> 01:25:11,898
MARGARET: Yoo-hoo.

1488
01:25:11,899 --> 01:25:14,276
(BABBLING)

1489
01:25:14,652 --> 01:25:15,819
Are we late?

1490
01:25:15,820 --> 01:25:17,070
(CHATTERING)

1491
01:25:17,071 --> 01:25:19,614
Not at all.
We're just getting started.

1492
01:25:19,615 --> 01:25:23,159
I hope no one minds.
We brought along a guest.

1493
01:25:23,160 --> 01:25:27,706
This is our new nanny,
Dementia.

1494
01:25:30,126 --> 01:25:31,793
(GROWLING LUSTFULLY)

1495
01:25:31,794 --> 01:25:33,294
Dementia.

1496
01:25:33,295 --> 01:25:36,005
What a beautiful name.

1497
01:25:36,006 --> 01:25:38,175
It means insanity.

1498
01:25:38,509 --> 01:25:43,472
My name's Fester.
It means to rot.

1499
01:25:44,265 --> 01:25:45,808
A toast.

1500
01:25:46,100 --> 01:25:48,852
To the glorious mysteries
of life.

1501
01:25:48,853 --> 01:25:52,272
To all that binds
a family as one.

1502
01:25:52,273 --> 01:25:56,776
To mirth, to merriment,
to manslaughter.

1503
01:25:56,777 --> 01:25:58,987
ALL: Hear, hear.

1504
01:25:58,988 --> 01:26:00,572
To dear friends.

1505
01:26:00,573 --> 01:26:04,493
(CHATTERING)

1506
01:26:04,785 --> 01:26:06,829
To new friends.

1507
01:26:09,081 --> 01:26:10,540
To youth.

1508
01:26:10,541 --> 01:26:13,711
- How do I look?
- Disturbing.

1509
01:26:14,795 --> 01:26:16,588
To passion.

1510
01:26:16,589 --> 01:26:17,964
To paradise.

1511
01:26:17,965 --> 01:26:19,675
To pain.

1512
01:26:19,925 --> 01:26:21,510
Tonight.

1513
01:26:23,345 --> 01:26:24,387
(GRANDMA EXCLAIMS)

1514
01:26:24,388 --> 01:26:28,142
Make way for
the birthday boy!

1515
01:26:28,851 --> 01:26:30,227
(LAUGHING)

1516
01:26:30,686 --> 01:26:33,564
Thing, will you do
the honors?

1517
01:26:38,861 --> 01:26:41,906
(PLAYING ORGAN)

1518
01:26:44,700 --> 01:26:47,785
JOEL: Your family
is really interesting.

1519
01:26:47,786 --> 01:26:52,041
Your parents are so
involved with each other.

1520
01:26:54,126 --> 01:26:57,712
Wednesday, do you think,
like, maybe someday

1521
01:26:57,713 --> 01:27:01,550
you might want to get
married and have kids?

1522
01:27:02,009 --> 01:27:03,302
No.

1523
01:27:03,636 --> 01:27:06,179
But what if you met
just the right man

1524
01:27:06,180 --> 01:27:10,934
who worshiped and adored you,
who'd do anything for you,

1525
01:27:10,935 --> 01:27:13,478
who'd be your
devoted slave?

1526
01:27:13,479 --> 01:27:15,898
Then what
would you do?

1527
01:27:16,106 --> 01:27:18,025
I'd pity him.

1528
01:27:26,533 --> 01:27:28,910
Poor Debbie.
She was sick.

1529
01:27:28,911 --> 01:27:31,080
WEDNESDAY:
She wasn't sick.

1530
01:27:31,330 --> 01:27:33,456
She was sloppy.

1531
01:27:33,457 --> 01:27:34,916
What do you mean?

1532
01:27:34,917 --> 01:27:36,918
If I wanted
to kill my husband,

1533
01:27:36,919 --> 01:27:41,131
I'd do it,
and I wouldn't get caught.

1534
01:27:41,173 --> 01:27:42,340
How?

1535
01:27:42,341 --> 01:27:44,927
I'd scare him to death.

1536
01:27:45,886 --> 01:27:47,930
No, you wouldn't.

1537
01:27:48,264 --> 01:27:51,474
We're all
very sorry, Debbie.

1538
01:27:51,475 --> 01:27:54,853
We wish you
only the best.

1539
01:27:55,020 --> 01:27:57,064
(SCREAMING)

1540
01:28:03,153 --> 01:28:06,740
<i>(THE ADDAMS FAMILY WHOOMP!</i>
PLAYING)

1541
01:28:07,574 --> 01:28:10,076
<i>♪ Whoomp!
Addams Family</i>

1542
01:28:10,077 --> 01:28:11,244
<i>♪ There it is</i>

1543
01:28:11,245 --> 01:28:14,290
<i>♪ Whoomp!
The Addams Family</i>

1544
01:28:14,915 --> 01:28:17,500
<i>♪ Whoomp!
Addams Family</i>

1545
01:28:17,501 --> 01:28:18,459
<i>♪ There it is</i>

1546
01:28:18,460 --> 01:28:21,212
<i>♪ Whoomp!
The Addams Family</i>

1547
01:28:21,213 --> 01:28:23,047
<i>♪ Come on, dig it,
back again</i>

1548
01:28:23,048 --> 01:28:24,007
<i>♪ The Addams Family</i>

1549
01:28:24,008 --> 01:28:25,466
<i>♪ New baby in the house
makes three</i>

1550
01:28:25,467 --> 01:28:27,510
<i>♪ Wednesday, Pugsley,
Lurch, you ring</i>

1551
01:28:27,511 --> 01:28:29,220
<i>♪ Fester, Grand-mama
and Thing</i>

1552
01:28:29,221 --> 01:28:31,055
<i>♪ Wait,
can't forget Cousin Itt</i>

1553
01:28:31,056 --> 01:28:32,390
<i>♪ Tag Team rips
another party hit</i>

1554
01:28:32,391 --> 01:28:34,517
<i>♪ It's the Addams Family
movie theme</i>

1555
01:28:34,518 --> 01:28:36,769
<i>♪ Gomez, Morticia,
come on sing</i>

1556
01:28:36,770 --> 01:28:39,188
<i>♪ Whoomp!
Addams Family</i>

1557
01:28:39,189 --> 01:28:40,398
<i>♪ There it is</i>

1558
01:28:40,399 --> 01:28:43,360
<i>♪ Whoomp!
The Addams Family</i>

1559
01:28:43,902 --> 01:28:46,487
<i>♪ Whoomp!
Addams Family</i>

1560
01:28:46,488 --> 01:28:47,572
<i>♪ There it is</i>

1561
01:28:47,573 --> 01:28:50,617
<i>♪ Whoomp!
The Addams Family</i>

1562
01:28:51,535 --> 01:28:52,952
<i>♪ The A-D-D-A-M-S</i>

1563
01:28:52,953 --> 01:28:54,245
<i>♪ The Addams Family,
aw, yes, yes</i>

1564
01:28:54,246 --> 01:28:56,205
<i>♪ They're creepy, kooky,
mysterious, spooky</i>

1565
01:28:56,206 --> 01:28:57,749
<i>♪ As loony as can be,
when you see the movie</i>

1566
01:28:57,750 --> 01:29:00,084
<i>♪ It goes on and on,
the madness won't stop</i>

1567
01:29:00,085 --> 01:29:01,753
<i>♪ Tick to the tock
around the clock</i>

1568
01:29:01,754 --> 01:29:03,629
<i>♪ Tag Team catch the flow,
really though</i>

1569
01:29:03,630 --> 01:29:05,882
<i>♪ With The Addams Family,
so here we go</i>

1570
01:29:05,883 --> 01:29:08,426
<i>♪ Whoomp!
Addams Family</i>

1571
01:29:08,427 --> 01:29:09,469
<i>♪ There it is</i>

1572
01:29:09,470 --> 01:29:12,473
<i>♪ Whoomp!
The Addams Family</i>

1573
01:29:13,057 --> 01:29:15,641
<i>♪ Whoomp!
Addams Family</i>

1574
01:29:15,642 --> 01:29:16,768
<i>♪ There it is</i>

1575
01:29:16,769 --> 01:29:19,772
<i>♪ Whoomp!
The Addams Family</i>

1576
01:29:20,606 --> 01:29:26,027
<i>♪ Whoomp! Family</i>

1577
01:29:26,028 --> 01:29:27,904
<i>♪ The Addams Family</i>

1578
01:29:27,905 --> 01:29:33,201
<i>♪ Whoomp! Family</i>

1579
01:29:33,202 --> 01:29:34,494
<i>♪ The Addams Family</i>

1580
01:29:34,495 --> 01:29:36,412
<i>♪ Something's strange,
something's funny</i>

1581
01:29:36,413 --> 01:29:38,956
♪ Nanny's got a plot to get
the family money

1582
01:29:38,957 --> 01:29:40,083
♪ Makes Fester fall for her

1583
01:29:40,084 --> 01:29:41,918
<i>♪ Thing gets wise,
spreads the word</i>

1584
01:29:41,919 --> 01:29:43,711
<i>♪ The family comes
to Fester's aid</i>

1585
01:29:43,712 --> 01:29:45,380
<i>♪ The plot is spoiled
no one gets pad</i>

1586
01:29:45,381 --> 01:29:47,423
<i>♪ It's the Addams Family
running things</i>

1587
01:29:47,424 --> 01:29:49,467
<i>♪ Get buck wild,
Tag Team swings</i>

1588
01:29:49,468 --> 01:29:51,969
<i>♪ Whoomp!
Addams Family</i>

1589
01:29:51,970 --> 01:29:53,096
<i>♪ There it is</i>

1590
01:29:53,097 --> 01:29:56,058
<i>♪ Whoomp!
The Addams Family</i>

1591
01:29:56,683 --> 01:29:59,227
<i>♪ Whoomp!
Addams Family</i>

1592
01:29:59,228 --> 01:30:00,353
<i>♪ There it is</i>

1593
01:30:00,354 --> 01:30:03,314
<i>♪ Whoomp!
The Addams Family</i>

1594
01:30:03,315 --> 01:30:05,525
<i>♪ It's a family thing,
it won't quit</i>

1595
01:30:05,526 --> 01:30:07,276
♪ They keep together, y'all, and that's it

1596
01:30:07,277 --> 01:30:09,070
<i>♪ They're not ordinary,
they're strange</i>

1597
01:30:09,071 --> 01:30:11,447
<i>♪ Some say loco,
insane in the brain</i>

1598
01:30:11,448 --> 01:30:12,615
<i>♪ But you know
that you love 'em</i>

1599
01:30:12,616 --> 01:30:14,992
<i>♪ In a class by themselves,
nothin' below, nothin' above 'em</i>

1600
01:30:14,993 --> 01:30:16,411
<i>♪ It ain't nothing
to be ashamed of</i>

1601
01:30:16,412 --> 01:30:18,871
♪ So give love to the folks
who go by the name of

1602
01:30:18,872 --> 01:30:21,207
<i>♪ Whoomp!
Addams Family</i>

1603
01:30:21,208 --> 01:30:22,083
<i>♪ There it is</i>

1604
01:30:22,084 --> 01:30:25,129
<i>♪ Whoomp!
The Addams Family</i>

1605
01:30:25,796 --> 01:30:28,381
<i>♪ Whoomp!
Addams Family ♪</i>

1606
01:30:28,382 --> 01:30:29,507
<i>♪ There it is</i>

1607
01:30:29,508 --> 01:30:32,510
<i>♪ Whoomp!
The Addams Family</i>

1608
01:30:32,511 --> 01:30:34,470
<i>♪ The Addams Family theme,
I'm gonna kick it</i>

1609
01:30:34,471 --> 01:30:36,431
<i>♪ Step to the mic
like Cube and get with it</i>

1610
01:30:36,432 --> 01:30:38,141
<i>♪ Props to the number one
family of horror</i>

1611
01:30:38,142 --> 01:30:40,226
♪ This song's for the movie
and the dance floor

1612
01:30:40,227 --> 01:30:41,686
<i>♪ Tag Team always
delivers the funk</i>

1613
01:30:41,687 --> 01:30:43,688
♪ From the old school,
with the bump for the trunk

1614
01:30:43,689 --> 01:30:45,398
<i>♪ And it humps
with big bass on the low</i>

1615
01:30:45,399 --> 01:30:47,775
♪ Like my homie always said, yo, here we go

1616
01:30:47,776 --> 01:30:49,986
<i>♪ Whoomp!
Addams Family</i>

1617
01:30:49,987 --> 01:30:51,279
<i>♪ There it is ♪</i>

1618
01:30:51,280 --> 01:30:54,324
<i>♪ Whoomp!
The Addams Family</i>

1619
01:30:54,992 --> 01:30:57,452
<i>♪ Whoomp!
Addams Family</i>

1620
01:30:57,453 --> 01:30:58,578
<i>♪ There it is ♪</i>

1621
01:30:58,579 --> 01:31:01,623
<i>♪ Whoomp!
The Addams Family</i>

1622
01:31:02,207 --> 01:31:04,750
<i>♪ Whoomp!
Addams Family</i>

1623
01:31:04,751 --> 01:31:05,835
<i>♪ There it is</i>

1624
01:31:05,836 --> 01:31:08,337
<i>♪ Whoomp!
The Addams Family ♪</i>

1625
01:31:08,338 --> 01:31:11,508
<i>(EXPRESS YOURSELF</i> PLAYING)

1626
01:31:18,056 --> 01:31:20,976
<i>♪ Express yourself</i>

1627
01:31:23,228 --> 01:31:26,148
<i>♪ Express yourself</i>

1628
01:31:28,484 --> 01:31:31,110
<i>♪ You'll never need help</i>

1629
01:31:31,111 --> 01:31:34,030
<i>♪ From nobody else</i>

1630
01:31:34,031 --> 01:31:37,242
♪ All you've got to do now

1631
01:31:37,868 --> 01:31:39,286
<i>♪ Come on</i>

1632
01:31:39,495 --> 01:31:41,120
♪ Express yourself, come on
Express yourself, come on

1633
01:31:41,121 --> 01:31:43,789
<i>♪ Let it out and scream and shout
because you know you could</i>

1634
01:31:43,790 --> 01:31:46,125
♪ Express yourself, come on
Express yourself, come on

1635
01:31:46,126 --> 01:31:50,297
<i>♪ Come on, people, come on, people
'cause you know it's good</i>

1636
01:31:50,631 --> 01:31:52,798
<i>♪ Express yourself ♪</i>

1637
01:31:52,799 --> 01:31:57,513
<i>♪ Breaking hearts
just ain't my game</i>

1638
01:31:58,430 --> 01:32:03,100
<i>♪ All I want to do
is love you</i>

1639
01:32:03,101 --> 01:32:03,601
<i>♪ Well</i>

1640
01:32:03,602 --> 01:32:08,189
<i>♪ Now, sugar I won't
fill you with regret</i>

1641
01:32:08,190 --> 01:32:09,148
<i>♪ No, no</i>

1642
01:32:09,149 --> 01:32:13,945
♪ If what you're looking for
is real lovin'

1643
01:32:13,946 --> 01:32:14,904
<i>♪ Real lovin'</i>

1644
01:32:14,905 --> 01:32:19,451
<i>♪ Then what you see
is what you get</i>

1645
01:32:20,702 --> 01:32:22,912
<i>- ♪ What you see
- ♪ What you see</i>

1646
01:32:22,913 --> 01:32:24,622
<i>♪ Yeah, is what you get</i>

1647
01:32:24,623 --> 01:32:26,249
<i>♪ It's what you get</i>

1648
01:32:26,250 --> 01:32:28,292
<i>- ♪ What you see
- ♪ What you see</i>

1649
01:32:28,293 --> 01:32:30,878
<i>- ♪ Is what you get
- ♪ Is what you get</i>

1650
01:32:30,879 --> 01:32:36,342
♪ I said, what you see
is what you get, now, baby

1651
01:32:36,343 --> 01:32:37,134
<i>♪ It's what you get</i>

1652
01:32:37,135 --> 01:32:41,347
<i>♪ And the real thing
is the best thing yet</i>

1653
01:32:41,348 --> 01:32:43,892
<i>♪ The best thing yet</i>

1654
01:32:44,810 --> 01:32:46,979
<i>♪ What you see</i>

1655
01:32:48,647 --> 01:32:50,314
<i>♪ It's who I am</i>

1656
01:32:50,315 --> 01:32:53,193
<i>♪ It's what you get</i>

1657
01:32:54,570 --> 01:32:59,741
<i>♪ Feels so good
I can't stand myself</i>

1658
01:33:02,786 --> 01:33:04,997
<i>♪ Ooh, baby</i>

1659
01:33:05,205 --> 01:33:07,665
<i>- ♪ What you see
- ♪ What you see</i>

1660
01:33:07,666 --> 01:33:10,918
<i>- ♪ Is what you get
- ♪ Is what you get</i>

1661
01:33:10,919 --> 01:33:13,296
<i>- ♪ What you see
- ♪ What you see</i>

1662
01:33:13,297 --> 01:33:15,673
<i>- ♪ Is what you get
- ♪ Is what you get</i>

1663
01:33:15,674 --> 01:33:21,137
♪ I said what you see
is what you get, now, baby

1664
01:33:21,138 --> 01:33:21,929
<i>♪ It's what you get</i>

1665
01:33:21,930 --> 01:33:26,768
<i>♪ And the real thing
is the best thing yet</i>

1666
01:33:26,893 --> 01:33:28,770
<i>♪ Are you ready for me? ♪</i>

1667
01:33:31,231 --> 01:33:34,901
<i>(DO IT ANY WAY YOU WANNA
(IT'S ON YOU)</i>PLAYING)

1668
01:33:35,110 --> 01:33:39,363
<i>♪ Do it
Do it any way you wanna</i>

1669
01:33:39,364 --> 01:33:40,406
<i>♪ It's on you</i>

1670
01:33:40,407 --> 01:33:41,490
♪ Do it any way you wanna

1671
01:33:41,491 --> 01:33:43,701
<i>♪ Do it
Do it any way you wanna</i>

1672
01:33:43,702 --> 01:33:46,121
<i>♪ It's on you, baby</i>

1673
01:33:47,039 --> 01:33:49,875
♪ Do it any way you wanna

1674
01:33:51,293 --> 01:33:53,461
♪ Do it any way you wanna ♪

1675
01:33:53,462 --> 01:33:56,088
<i>♪ Whoomp!
Addams Family</i>

1676
01:33:56,089 --> 01:33:57,214
<i>♪ There it is</i>

1677
01:33:57,215 --> 01:34:00,635
<i>♪ Whoomp!
The Addams Family</i>

1678
01:34:00,636 --> 01:34:04,473
<i>♪ Whoomp!
The Addams Family ♪</i>