1 00:00:10,469 --> 00:00:14,430 Don't, don't, don't. Don't do that, don't do it! 2 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,349 Don't do that, you tickle me. 3 00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:18,601 You made the spray paint come out of my nose. 4 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:20,937 What, do I have paint on my face? 5 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,022 Dude, look at the moon! 6 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,441 Oh, whoa... 7 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,196 What? 8 00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:31,906 When you see a moon like that, 9 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:35,827 do you ever think life is so amazing 10 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,413 and maybe we shouldn't waste it 11 00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,498 by just getting high all the time? 12 00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:42,166 No. 13 00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:45,586 I think about how I wish I were a werewolf. 14 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:47,922 What would you do if you were a werewolf? 15 00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:50,341 Get high all the time. 16 00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:54,512 What's that? 17 00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:56,472 Where'd that come from? 18 00:01:07,443 --> 00:01:09,235 Did that just happen? 19 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,446 Oh! 20 00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:13,406 Hey. Hey, hey. 21 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,992 Whoa, whoa. Dude. Dude, are you okay? 22 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,368 Yeah, I think so. 23 00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:18,828 Dude, are you okay? 24 00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:21,038 Dude, he just said that he was. 25 00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:22,957 No, not this dude. 26 00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:25,877 This dude. 27 00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:29,046 Whoa, dude. 28 00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:36,095 I don't think that 29 00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:38,181 that dude's okay. 30 00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:29,982 Mulder, what are you doing to my poster? 31 00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:32,735 Scully, since we've been away, 32 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:36,197 much of the unexplained has been explained. 33 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,991 The "Death Valley Racetrack"? 34 00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:41,285 Turns out it was just ice formations, 35 00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:44,413 moving the rocks around as it melted. 36 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:45,623 Yeah, ice. 37 00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:48,167 Humility prevents me from recounting how I once thought 38 00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:49,335 it had something to do 39 00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:50,837 with a series of mysterious sightings 40 00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:52,922 of a rock-like creature in Colorado, 41 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:55,800 which turned out to be just a publicity stunt 42 00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:57,760 by a local landscaping business. 43 00:02:57,928 --> 00:02:59,178 It's amazing, 44 00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:01,889 going through these archives with fresh, 45 00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:04,183 if not wiser, eyes, how many of these cases, 46 00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:07,478 whether it's "The Amarillo Armadillo Man" 47 00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,939 or "The Hairy Whatzit of Walla Walla," 48 00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:13,609 can be explained away as fraternity pranks, 49 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:16,320 practical jokes or people making stuff up 50 00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:18,656 simply because they're bored and/or crazy. 51 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,032 And if that doesn't explain it, 52 00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,450 well, then it was probably just ice. 53 00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:24,620 Mulder, have you been taking your meds? 54 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,707 Scully, Charles Fort spent his entire life 55 00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:30,668 researching natural and scientific anomalies, 56 00:03:31,295 --> 00:03:32,545 which he published in four books, 57 00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:34,630 all of which I know by heart. 58 00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:35,923 And at the end of his life, 59 00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:37,216 Fort himself wondered 60 00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:38,885 if it hadn't all been a waste. 61 00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:40,553 I get it. 62 00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,763 I'm a middle-aged man, Scully... 63 00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,849 No, I am, I am. 64 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:49,478 I'm thinking maybe it's time to put away childish things, 65 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,315 the Sasquatches and mothmen 66 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,941 and jackalopes. 67 00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:58,487 I thought it'd be great to get back to work. 68 00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:01,616 But is this really how I want to spend the rest of my days? 69 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,701 Chasing after monsters? 70 00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:05,828 We've been given another case, Mulder. 71 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:08,247 It has a monster in it. 72 00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:14,420 One witness claimed that the creature had three eyes 73 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:15,838 and the other one, one. 74 00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:18,925 Notice they didn't get a picture of it, which is odd, 75 00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:21,510 because everybody always has a camera on them these days. 76 00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:24,472 You want to talk to these witnesses while we're here? 77 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:26,682 Oh... 78 00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:30,144 Anyway, this is the area 79 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,438 where they say they saw the creature 80 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,023 attacking the animal control officer, 81 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,942 even though he claims to not have seen 82 00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:37,818 whatever it was that was attacking him. 83 00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:39,070 Of course not. 84 00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,738 Mountain lions always attack from behind. 85 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,740 He was out here responding to a call about a mountain lion. 86 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:45,201 It was a mountain lion. That's what killed the other victim, too. 87 00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:48,329 Well, that is what the local authorities thought, 88 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:50,081 until they did a search the next morning 89 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,707 and they found this area over here, 90 00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:55,711 where they found three more victims. Hmm. 91 00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:58,297 Gray wolves, Scully. 92 00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:00,216 They've made a comeback in this region. 93 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,219 Wolves take their prey back to a lair. 94 00:05:03,679 --> 00:05:07,098 Well, they were all mutilated in exactly the same manner. 95 00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:10,643 However, the third victim wasn't wearing any clothes. 96 00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:12,520 Maybe he was a nudist. 97 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:13,938 Took a midnight hike in the nude, 98 00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:16,691 got attacked by a wolf or a lion or a bear. 99 00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:18,985 Maybe all at the same time. 100 00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:20,152 That's how I'd like to go out. 101 00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:25,032 The uniqueness of the wounds, Mulder, implies a human element. 102 00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:28,995 Aw, Scully, I gave up profiling before I gave up monsters. 103 00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:31,414 You've seen one serial killer, you've seen 'em all. 104 00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:33,666 Mulder, I can see that you're going through 105 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,376 a questioning phase of some sort, 106 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,336 but people have been killed here. 107 00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:39,797 And if we can help stop that and save some lives, 108 00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:43,801 I think that is a unquestionably worthwhile thing for us to do, 109 00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:48,389 regardless of whether the thing we find is animal or human 110 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,016 or otherwise. 111 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,434 Okay. When you put it that way. 112 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:52,935 But mark my words, Scully, 113 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:56,105 when we catch whatever is doing these killings, 114 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,065 it's only going to have two eyes. 115 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:04,613 You want to party? Oh, come on, there's a full moon out. 116 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:07,324 Let's get freaky, baby. 117 00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:09,118 Two for the price of one. 118 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:11,454 Or a solo... Nah. 119 00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:13,706 You cheap bastards. 120 00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:20,796 Looks like you gave it a pretty good shot. 121 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,382 I think I hit it right in its horn. 122 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,010 Hmm. It had a horn? 123 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,137 Like a unicorn? 124 00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:29,722 It had horns. 125 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:30,931 At the back of its head, 126 00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:32,641 like a lizard or something. 127 00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:35,019 Did it look anything like this? 128 00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:36,187 No. 129 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,731 The thing I saw only had two eyes. 130 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,566 And it was wearing underwear. 131 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,318 Boxers or briefs? 132 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,153 Tighty-whities. 133 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,863 Same kind I used to wear. 134 00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,866 I transitioned last year. 135 00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,493 Did you see which way it headed? 136 00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:54,997 I told the officers it slithered off that way, but they think I'm on crack. 137 00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:58,125 Are you? Yeah. 138 00:07:00,796 --> 00:07:02,338 Hey... 139 00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,008 Any sign of anything? 140 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,093 Don't! 141 00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,804 Sneak up on a guy like that. 142 00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:10,888 Sorry. 143 00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:14,058 Hey, aren't you the officer who was attacked the other night? 144 00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:15,351 That was me. 145 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,977 So do you have any idea what kind of animal 146 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,437 this woman might have seen this evening? 147 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,649 I got a call earlier about a stray puppy running around. 148 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:22,942 I'm... 149 00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:25,277 I'm sort of hoping it's just that, 150 00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:27,947 'cause I can handle cats and dogs. 151 00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:31,951 Anything bigger than that, and I really start to question my... 152 00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,202 Career decisions? 153 00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,121 No, my life. 154 00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:43,671 What are you doing? Mulder... 155 00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:45,798 If this thing looks like what people say it looks like, 156 00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:47,424 I'm gonna get a good picture of it. 157 00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:48,801 If this thing looks like those drawings, 158 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,010 I'm emptying my clip into it. 159 00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:52,388 Even if it is in its underwear. 160 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,348 Mulder... It's this new camera app. 161 00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:56,308 I'm not sure if it's working right. 162 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,476 What is that? 163 00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:04,859 It's a fresh kill. 164 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,427 I heard a noise over there, so I ran over here! 165 00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:33,512 What is up with your phone? 166 00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:34,680 I don't know, it's this new app. 167 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:35,848 I don't know if it's working right. 168 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,850 Are you taking picture or video? I don't know. 169 00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,768 Well, go to "settings." Where? 170 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:40,853 Go to the settings. 171 00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:51,614 Mulder! 172 00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,701 Mulder! 173 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,203 No, I'm okay. 174 00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,913 You've got blood on you. 175 00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:00,247 I don't think it's mine. 176 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,796 Okay, that's it. 177 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,089 I quit. 178 00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,300 Did you get a good look at it? 179 00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,135 I got a picture. 180 00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:31,028 Oh! Sorry. 181 00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:33,072 A bit of privacy, please. 182 00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:35,699 Have you seen a... 183 00:09:58,223 --> 00:09:59,515 That's its ear. 184 00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:02,142 Or maybe it's a foot. 185 00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:04,103 Mulder... This one, 186 00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:06,522 if you squint, looks like 187 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:07,982 something. 188 00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:09,441 And then this... 189 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,026 That's in focus! 190 00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:13,654 But what is it? It's a close-up. 191 00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:15,781 Of the creature. Now, mind you, I didn't say "monster." 192 00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:17,408 And it wasn't a Sasquatch. 193 00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:20,160 But it was definitely an animal, man-sized and hairless. 194 00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:22,579 Maybe it was a mangy Sasquatch. 195 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,791 Hey. You're overlooking the video. Look. 196 00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:30,629 Mulder, you've got the lens pointed the wrong way. 197 00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:33,382 Yeah, it's the new camera app. But look. 198 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,885 It shot blood at me. 199 00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:39,680 From out its eyeball, Scully, I think. 200 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,433 It was hard for me to see, because I had blood in my eyes. 201 00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:44,351 I haven't done the blood analysis yet, 202 00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:46,979 but it's probably residue from the prior attack 203 00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,105 on this victim. 204 00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:51,150 And animals don't shoot blood out of their eyeballs. 205 00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:54,069 Oh, no? Well, tell that to the horned lizard. 206 00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:57,531 Which shoots blood out its eyeball, Scully. 207 00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,325 Yes, it's a defense mechanism. 208 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:00,576 Scientific fact! 209 00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:02,953 Mulder, the Internet is not good for you. 210 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,330 Doesn't this bear a resemblance 211 00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:05,581 to what witnesses claim they saw? 212 00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,291 What, so now you're saying that you were attacked 213 00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:08,792 by a six-foot horny toad? 214 00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:10,919 Whoa! Let's just keep this within the realm 215 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,588 of the natural sciences, shall we? 216 00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,299 My initial exam of the bite marks 217 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,717 on this wound would suggest 218 00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,385 that they were made by a human being. 219 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:22,014 So we're looking for a man-sized horned lizard 220 00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:23,599 with human teeth. 221 00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,395 Sounds a bit silly, doesn't it? 222 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:29,938 Yeah. 223 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,858 You're really enjoying yourself, aren't you, Scully? 224 00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:35,527 Yeah. I am. 225 00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:39,156 I forgot how much fun these cases could be. 226 00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,326 It's been a long day, Mulder. 227 00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:44,119 Why don't you go back to the hotel 228 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,996 and get some sleep? 229 00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:47,956 And try not to dream about monsters. 230 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:57,549 Monster! Help me! It's a monster! 231 00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,351 Everything okay in here? 232 00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:10,270 Yeah. I apologize for the disturbance. 233 00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,814 Just an argument with an unruly guest. 234 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,315 Now, please, go back to your room. 235 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,025 I heard someone yell, "Monster!" 236 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:17,027 That's what he had the nerve to call me, 237 00:12:17,112 --> 00:12:19,196 just because I asked him to pay his overdue bill. 238 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,989 Does that make me some kind of a monster? 239 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,825 Of course not. Exactly. 240 00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:25,744 Now, please go away or I'll kill you. 241 00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,719 Oh. Hello again. 242 00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:07,346 Just looking for the ice machine. 243 00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,472 Hey. 244 00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,599 What the hell were you... That's private back there. 245 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,434 You're not supposed to be... 246 00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,061 Oh... 247 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,939 That's a security feature. 248 00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:18,774 I had it put in after 9/11. 249 00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:20,609 I'm not gonna report you. 250 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,195 When one checks into an establishment such as this, 251 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,280 one expects the manager to be a Peeping Tom. 252 00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,366 But I do harbor suspicions 253 00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,076 that you saw something in that trashed room 254 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,827 that greatly disturbed you. 255 00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,287 You mind telling me what that was? 256 00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:33,872 You're... 257 00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:35,457 You're not gonna believe it. 258 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,252 Try me. 259 00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:44,424 Mmm. Mmm. 260 00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:47,177 Yeah, nice and tidy. 261 00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:53,058 Every day it's the same thing! Why? Look at you! 262 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,686 I can't go on like this! 263 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:58,939 I'm going insane having to look at you every day! 264 00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:01,275 Enough! 265 00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:05,112 That's going on his bill. 266 00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:07,281 And you! You bastard. 267 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,413 You are not waking me up again tomorrow. Do you understand? 268 00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,123 I'm sick of it! 269 00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:17,291 Ah... 270 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:18,834 It's happening again. 271 00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:23,297 Please! Let this be the last time. 272 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:27,968 Huh? 273 00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:43,400 Monster! 274 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,068 Help me! It's a... 275 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:46,361 Monster. 276 00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:51,533 Is this the creature that you saw? 277 00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:53,785 But with two eyes? 278 00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:56,121 Yeah. That's exactly it. 279 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,540 And is this the man? 280 00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:03,128 Oh! That's what I've been trying to tell you. 281 00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:05,839 They're one and the same. 282 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,467 It's a monster, Scully, plain and simple. 283 00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,677 And not just your everyday, run-of-the-mill monster, 284 00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:12,804 but we're talking transformation here. 285 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,806 Man into monster and back again. 286 00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:16,391 To which I know you're going to say, 287 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:19,061 "But, Mulder, that only happens in werewolf myths 288 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,104 "that were originally concocted to explain away 289 00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:22,481 "the violent behavior of people 290 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:23,815 "who'd been bitten by rabid animals, 291 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,484 "before the medical discovery of rabies." 292 00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:28,111 But is it so outlandish to believe that some legends 293 00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:30,447 are based on actual occurrences and not just ignorance? 294 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,741 To which I know what you're going to say, Scully. 295 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,117 You're going to say, "But, Mulder, 296 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:37,079 "it defies every known law of science and nature." 297 00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,915 Exactly, Scully. Every known law. 298 00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:41,958 What if this creature that we've stumbled upon 299 00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:43,627 is here to create a whole new paradigm 300 00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:46,129 for our understanding of life itself? 301 00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:50,384 Or maybe science was used to create this unnatural being. 302 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,344 Maybe this is some GMO experiment run amok 303 00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:55,347 by some military-agro-big-pharma corporation. 304 00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:58,183 Maybe this guy is its chief geneticist, 305 00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,185 who recklessly experimented on himself 306 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:01,978 and now transforms into a fiend 307 00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,730 who needs to feast on human flesh. 308 00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,024 To which I know you're going to say, 309 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:08,318 "But, Mulder, that sounds like the paranoid ravings 310 00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:10,445 "of some lunatic madman." 311 00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:13,198 I don't know what this thing is, Scully, 312 00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,951 and I don't know exactly how it came to be, I just... 313 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,537 All I'm saying is, it's a monster. 314 00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:24,501 Yeah, this is how I like my Mulder. 315 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,211 So you're agreeing with me? 316 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,546 No! 317 00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,673 You're bat-crap crazy! 318 00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:31,675 But what about the facts? What facts? 319 00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:33,176 This guy, 320 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,930 who the manager just saw turn into a monster, 321 00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:39,099 was wearing the clothes of one of our victims, 322 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,600 which we did not notice at the time, 323 00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:42,853 because we thought we were looking for an animal. 324 00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:44,312 Turns out we were only half right. 325 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,273 Yeah, okay. Well, we need to talk to this guy. 326 00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:47,899 Well, I doubt he's coming back to his room. 327 00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:50,068 I did retrieve some personal items from it, though, 328 00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:51,570 that might help us track him down. 329 00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:54,656 Well, that sounds like a good investigative plan. 330 00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:57,200 The first thing we need to do, though, 331 00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,288 check out of this motel. 332 00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:07,294 Once upon a time, there was a village 333 00:18:07,378 --> 00:18:11,673 that was being tormented by a man-eating lizard-dragon. 334 00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:15,677 The local constable did everything to try to kill this creature, 335 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,846 but nothing could stop it. 336 00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:20,515 So, finally, he visits a Gypsy, 337 00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:24,019 who tells him the only way to kill this monster 338 00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:28,857 is to stab it in its appendix with a lance made of green glass. 339 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:32,652 Why the green glass? And why the appendix? 340 00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,571 Who the hell knows? 341 00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,281 In these old fairy tales, 342 00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:40,494 the monster must always be destroyed by some form of penetration. 343 00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:43,038 A silver bullet, a wooden stake... 344 00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:48,126 Obviously, our ancestors were as obsessed with impotency as we are, eh? 345 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:51,213 So, he fashions a lance of green glass 346 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,757 and stabs the monster in its appendix. 347 00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:56,802 But as the monster is dying, 348 00:18:56,886 --> 00:19:01,181 the constable realizes he's been looking in the mirror. 349 00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:04,142 He was the monster all along, you see? 350 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,269 The moral being? 351 00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:10,982 It's easier to believe in monsters out there in the world 352 00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:14,820 than to accept that the real monsters dwell within us 353 00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:15,904 here 354 00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:17,989 and sometimes here. 355 00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,242 Maybe sometimes here, right? 356 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,787 Not everything can be reduced to psychology. 357 00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:25,080 That's what you think. 358 00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:27,833 At any rate, I was reminded of this tale 359 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,584 because of your suspect's delusion 360 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:33,046 that when the moon appears, he would turn into a werewolf. 361 00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:34,339 Werewolf? 362 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:37,008 I'm sorry. I meant "were-lizard." 363 00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:39,886 The werewolf was my patient on Monday. 364 00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:44,391 At any event, I prescribed for him this antipsychotic, 365 00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:46,852 but I doubt it did him much good. 366 00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:48,019 Why not? 367 00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:50,105 He seemed pretty crazy. 368 00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:56,361 Your, uh, records don't provide much information, 369 00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:59,948 and I'm assuming that "Guy Mann" is not a real name. 370 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,492 Do you have any idea of how I might find him? 371 00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:06,288 I recommended, the next time he felt an episode coming on, 372 00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:09,833 that he go for a quiet stroll in the local cemetery. 373 00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:15,589 A reminder that no matter how overwhelming our anxieties might be, 374 00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:17,591 they will soon be resolved 375 00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:20,760 when we are dead and buried for all eternity. 376 00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:23,930 Do you really think that's sound therapeutic advice? 377 00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,474 It's what I do. 378 00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,227 Thank you, doctor. 379 00:20:29,312 --> 00:20:30,478 Uh, a moment. 380 00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,815 A prescription for yourself. 381 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:35,984 For me? Why me? 382 00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:39,696 Perhaps I've read you wrong, Mr. Mulder, but I wonder, 383 00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:43,074 who is in more need of an antipsychotic, 384 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:46,828 a man who believes himself to be a were-lizard 385 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:49,205 or a man who believes that man, hmm? 386 00:20:51,626 --> 00:20:54,002 Mmm. 387 00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:57,756 Mulder, it's me. 388 00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:00,926 I can't believe I'm about to say what I'm about to say, 389 00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:03,887 but I think I just found your horny toad lizard man. 390 00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:05,972 Really? Yeah. 391 00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:07,098 Where are you? 392 00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:10,894 At the phone store by the motel. I think he works here. 393 00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:12,228 I'll be right there. 394 00:21:12,313 --> 00:21:16,191 But, Mulder, I just got an e-mail with the lab results, 395 00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:17,734 the blood tests from yesterday, 396 00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:20,278 and there are some discrepancies. 397 00:21:20,571 --> 00:21:21,780 Mulder? 398 00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:32,290 Welcome to Smart Phones Is Us. How may I help? 399 00:21:32,375 --> 00:21:34,334 I'm wondering if I can ask you some questions. 400 00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:49,724 What the hell happened? I don't know. 401 00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:52,060 I came in and I asked him if I could ask him some questions, 402 00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:55,313 and he suddenly yelled, "I quit," and he went on a rampage. 403 00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:56,648 He fled out the back through the stockroom. 404 00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:58,149 What are you doing? You know it's not safe 405 00:21:58,234 --> 00:22:00,402 to approach a dangerous suspect without backup. 406 00:22:00,903 --> 00:22:02,153 Which way did he go? 407 00:22:02,238 --> 00:22:03,530 He went that way, down the back alley. 408 00:22:03,614 --> 00:22:06,533 But, Mulder, I got the results back from the lab, and... 409 00:22:48,451 --> 00:22:49,451 No. 410 00:22:51,328 --> 00:22:52,787 Did you lose somebody recently? 411 00:22:53,622 --> 00:22:54,748 Yeah. 412 00:22:54,915 --> 00:22:55,999 Myself. 413 00:22:58,002 --> 00:23:00,086 I know this sounds weird, 414 00:23:00,171 --> 00:23:02,130 but until a few days ago, I didn't know we die. 415 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:04,632 I mean, I always knew we could die, 416 00:23:05,134 --> 00:23:06,968 I instinctively knew to avoid death, 417 00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:10,096 but what I didn't know is, 418 00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:11,514 no matter what we do, 419 00:23:12,058 --> 00:23:14,976 eventually you end up in a place like this. 420 00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:17,562 It doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense, does it? 421 00:23:17,646 --> 00:23:19,522 It doesn't make any sense. 422 00:23:19,607 --> 00:23:21,274 Nothing makes sense. 423 00:23:21,358 --> 00:23:22,525 I don't mean to intrude, 424 00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:25,904 but you seem to have something weighing heavily on you. 425 00:23:26,197 --> 00:23:28,531 It might help to get it off your chest. 426 00:23:28,991 --> 00:23:31,576 You mean to confess? 427 00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:34,788 If you have something to confess. 428 00:23:35,289 --> 00:23:38,792 Well, I confess that, if life is nonsense, 429 00:23:39,460 --> 00:23:41,002 I just want this madness to end. 430 00:23:41,212 --> 00:23:43,630 But you're not thinking of doing anything crazy, are you? 431 00:23:43,798 --> 00:23:44,839 No. 432 00:23:45,341 --> 00:23:47,884 I'm just gonna kill you. 433 00:23:49,261 --> 00:23:50,595 You ready? 434 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:56,226 No, not the gun, you fool! 435 00:23:57,728 --> 00:23:59,020 You okay? Huh? 436 00:23:59,605 --> 00:24:00,605 Oh! 437 00:24:01,190 --> 00:24:03,191 Oh, no! I've lost my weapon! 438 00:24:03,526 --> 00:24:04,776 Here. 439 00:24:07,029 --> 00:24:08,780 Come on, defend yourself! 440 00:24:09,865 --> 00:24:11,282 I know what you're trying to do. 441 00:24:11,367 --> 00:24:13,660 The green glass, the appendix. 442 00:24:14,328 --> 00:24:16,204 But I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna kill you. 443 00:24:18,374 --> 00:24:20,208 I want to help you. 444 00:24:21,127 --> 00:24:23,670 The only way you can help me, mister, 445 00:24:23,754 --> 00:24:25,463 is by killing me. 446 00:24:25,548 --> 00:24:26,756 Please. 447 00:24:27,049 --> 00:24:28,383 Just put me out of my misery. 448 00:24:31,178 --> 00:24:33,304 Okay. I'll do it. 449 00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:34,472 I'll kill you. 450 00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:37,517 Thanks, mister. 451 00:24:37,601 --> 00:24:40,228 You're, like, the only nice person I've ever met! 452 00:24:40,521 --> 00:24:42,564 But first, I want to hear how this happened to you. 453 00:24:44,567 --> 00:24:45,775 The whole story. 454 00:24:46,277 --> 00:24:47,402 Okay. 455 00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:51,072 But you're gonna need this. 456 00:24:52,741 --> 00:24:54,242 It's a shocker. 457 00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:07,338 Stop! No! 458 00:25:26,275 --> 00:25:28,359 Wait. I'm confused already. 459 00:25:28,444 --> 00:25:29,986 You said you were going to start at the beginning. 460 00:25:30,070 --> 00:25:32,864 I am. That's how the whole thing started. 461 00:25:33,449 --> 00:25:35,366 I should have stayed still, but I panicked. 462 00:25:35,451 --> 00:25:37,327 I tried to scare off that predator. 463 00:25:37,411 --> 00:25:39,537 Of course, that only made him more rabid. 464 00:25:39,622 --> 00:25:42,248 I didn't even get a chance to shoot blood out of my eyeballs. 465 00:25:42,458 --> 00:25:45,168 So you're saying a man bit you? 466 00:25:47,671 --> 00:25:48,796 That looks like a hickey. 467 00:25:49,089 --> 00:25:50,465 Well, it looks different when I'm normal. 468 00:25:50,758 --> 00:25:54,344 Is this what you look like when you're "normal"? 469 00:25:54,929 --> 00:25:56,012 What? 470 00:25:56,931 --> 00:25:58,473 Three eyes? 471 00:25:58,974 --> 00:26:00,475 But yeah, that's actually quite close. 472 00:26:00,643 --> 00:26:03,228 So... When did you 473 00:26:03,437 --> 00:26:05,271 first transform? 474 00:26:05,439 --> 00:26:07,023 Oh, that didn't happen till the next morning. 475 00:26:10,486 --> 00:26:14,489 My transformation wasn't just physical but mental. 476 00:26:15,407 --> 00:26:18,326 I heard a voice in my head. My voice. 477 00:26:18,535 --> 00:26:21,996 I became conscious of my own self-consciousness, 478 00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:24,916 and then I had my very first thought, 479 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,751 "I'm naked!" 480 00:26:26,835 --> 00:26:30,505 I became overcome by some irrational need to cover up. 481 00:26:32,633 --> 00:26:33,758 For some unknown reason, 482 00:26:33,842 --> 00:26:36,511 there was a bunch of dead bodies lying around. 483 00:26:40,015 --> 00:26:41,432 Now, I had never worn clothes before, 484 00:26:41,934 --> 00:26:44,435 but through some primordial instinct, I... 485 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:46,396 I knew how to put them on. 486 00:26:47,064 --> 00:26:49,732 Once clothed, I became possessed. 487 00:26:49,858 --> 00:26:54,070 I fought against it as much as I could, but I lost control. 488 00:26:54,154 --> 00:26:55,822 I had to go on a hunt. 489 00:26:55,906 --> 00:26:58,074 I had to hunt down a... 490 00:26:58,158 --> 00:26:59,284 A human victim? 491 00:26:59,576 --> 00:27:00,994 No, a job. 492 00:27:01,537 --> 00:27:02,578 Uh... 493 00:27:03,330 --> 00:27:06,457 My craze wouldn't be satiated until I found steady work. 494 00:27:07,042 --> 00:27:10,169 So I walked straight into town, and rather tragically I... 495 00:27:10,254 --> 00:27:11,587 I found something right away. 496 00:27:11,672 --> 00:27:15,675 Now, this model comes with 3,000 gigabertz of pixelbitz... 497 00:27:15,759 --> 00:27:16,926 It's perfect for me. 498 00:27:17,011 --> 00:27:19,595 I have no idea what I'm saying, and neither do my customers. 499 00:27:19,805 --> 00:27:22,432 You can see from the shape of it that it's quite rectangular... 500 00:27:22,516 --> 00:27:24,726 By the end of the day, I was the manager. 501 00:27:24,935 --> 00:27:27,520 Putting aside the logistics of no Social Security number, 502 00:27:27,604 --> 00:27:28,604 no references... 503 00:27:28,689 --> 00:27:30,356 I don't need any of that stuff. 504 00:27:30,441 --> 00:27:32,817 You see, now I possess the one Darwinian advantage 505 00:27:32,901 --> 00:27:34,235 that humans have over other animals, 506 00:27:34,945 --> 00:27:37,405 the ability to BS my way through anything. 507 00:27:37,489 --> 00:27:39,240 I mean, it's better than camouflage! 508 00:27:39,408 --> 00:27:41,117 You wouldn't happen to be BSing me 509 00:27:41,201 --> 00:27:42,827 right now about all this, would you? 510 00:27:42,911 --> 00:27:44,746 I don't know. Maybe. 511 00:27:45,289 --> 00:27:47,206 I don't understand half the things I'm telling you. 512 00:27:47,291 --> 00:27:48,916 I find that 513 00:27:49,001 --> 00:27:50,251 disconcerting. 514 00:27:50,627 --> 00:27:51,794 What's even more disturbing 515 00:27:51,879 --> 00:27:54,380 is what I did after work that first day. 516 00:27:54,465 --> 00:27:58,092 I was so exhausted, out of my mind, I... 517 00:27:59,345 --> 00:28:00,636 I committed a murder. 518 00:28:01,430 --> 00:28:02,430 Who did you kill? 519 00:28:02,931 --> 00:28:04,265 A cow. 520 00:28:04,391 --> 00:28:07,685 I'd like a double cheeseburger and a large order of fries. 521 00:28:07,770 --> 00:28:09,520 Sir, if you're not in a car, 522 00:28:09,605 --> 00:28:10,938 you have to come inside to order. 523 00:28:11,357 --> 00:28:12,440 Why? 524 00:28:12,566 --> 00:28:15,526 In your natural state, you're a vegetarian? 525 00:28:15,652 --> 00:28:17,070 No, an insectivore. 526 00:28:17,446 --> 00:28:20,114 But no one likes insects, not even other insects. 527 00:28:21,116 --> 00:28:24,118 Anyway, I took my kill, checked into a motel, 528 00:28:25,037 --> 00:28:29,332 and then I just spent the rest of the day helplessly watching porn. 529 00:28:42,346 --> 00:28:45,473 But then, sometime during the night, a change occurred. 530 00:29:00,072 --> 00:29:01,781 Yeah, all right! 531 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:07,453 Come on. 532 00:29:07,538 --> 00:29:08,830 Yeah! 533 00:29:09,498 --> 00:29:11,040 I'm back, baby! 534 00:29:13,877 --> 00:29:16,462 I was myself again. 535 00:29:16,547 --> 00:29:18,589 And everything was fine 536 00:29:18,674 --> 00:29:20,675 until the next morning. 537 00:29:53,167 --> 00:29:55,835 Coffee. Need coffee. 538 00:29:57,171 --> 00:29:59,672 Alas, I was human again. 539 00:30:08,307 --> 00:30:09,807 I went back to work. 540 00:30:09,892 --> 00:30:11,434 But now that I had a job, 541 00:30:11,518 --> 00:30:14,812 all I could think about was how much I hated my job. 542 00:30:15,147 --> 00:30:16,355 Oh, that's it. I quit! 543 00:30:20,527 --> 00:30:23,321 But I was too overcome with human fear to quit. 544 00:30:23,405 --> 00:30:25,156 How would I pay my bills? 545 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:28,659 Without a job, I'd never get a loan and start a mortgage, 546 00:30:28,744 --> 00:30:29,911 whatever that is. 547 00:30:30,162 --> 00:30:33,456 Already, I was terrified I wasn't saving enough for my retirement. 548 00:30:33,624 --> 00:30:35,833 And what else was I supposed to do? 549 00:30:35,959 --> 00:30:37,502 If I haven't written my novel by now, 550 00:30:37,586 --> 00:30:39,086 I'm never going to write it, you know? 551 00:30:39,338 --> 00:30:40,671 I just couldn't go on. 552 00:30:40,923 --> 00:30:43,382 So I visited a witch doctor. 553 00:30:44,593 --> 00:30:46,427 Psychiatrist. Ah. 554 00:30:46,512 --> 00:30:48,429 But the medicine he gave me didn't cure me, 555 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,640 it just clouded my thoughts. 556 00:30:50,724 --> 00:30:52,308 And as a result, 557 00:30:52,392 --> 00:30:53,643 I did something insane. 558 00:30:54,019 --> 00:30:55,394 You attacked and killed someone? 559 00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:56,938 No, I got a puppy! 560 00:30:57,523 --> 00:30:59,106 I named him Daggoo. 561 00:30:59,191 --> 00:31:01,234 Daggoo! Daggoo! 562 00:31:01,318 --> 00:31:02,318 Daggoo. 563 00:31:02,611 --> 00:31:05,071 And I quickly realized that the only way to be happy as a human... 564 00:31:05,155 --> 00:31:06,239 Daggoo! 565 00:31:06,323 --> 00:31:09,450 ...was to spend all of your time in the company of non-humans. 566 00:31:10,369 --> 00:31:12,578 We played all through the night. 567 00:31:12,829 --> 00:31:15,915 But the next day, when I came home from work... 568 00:31:16,291 --> 00:31:18,960 Daggoo, I'm home! Daggoo? 569 00:31:21,838 --> 00:31:22,880 Daggoo! 570 00:31:22,965 --> 00:31:26,634 Well, I guess the maid must have accidentally let him out. 571 00:31:27,302 --> 00:31:28,427 Daggoo! 572 00:31:29,137 --> 00:31:30,179 Daggoo! 573 00:31:30,305 --> 00:31:33,266 I searched everywhere. All night long. 574 00:31:33,350 --> 00:31:35,142 But it was hopeless. 575 00:31:35,811 --> 00:31:36,811 Daggoo! 576 00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:38,479 Because life's hopeless. 577 00:31:38,647 --> 00:31:40,815 A few fleeting moments of happiness, 578 00:31:40,899 --> 00:31:42,984 surrounded by crushing loss and grief. 579 00:31:43,277 --> 00:31:44,819 Daggoo! 580 00:31:45,946 --> 00:31:47,321 Daggoo... 581 00:31:47,990 --> 00:31:49,115 Why bother? 582 00:31:54,037 --> 00:31:56,080 Just when I'd given up the search, 583 00:31:56,164 --> 00:31:57,331 I saw him. 584 00:31:57,541 --> 00:31:59,417 Daggoo? No. 585 00:31:59,501 --> 00:32:02,336 No, the man who had bit me and turned me into a human. 586 00:32:03,630 --> 00:32:06,841 Just catching sight of that son of a bitch made me even more human, 587 00:32:07,009 --> 00:32:08,593 because I was filled with the one thing 588 00:32:08,677 --> 00:32:10,553 that only humans can understand, 589 00:32:10,721 --> 00:32:11,929 revenge. 590 00:32:12,347 --> 00:32:13,931 I got up, and I stalked after him. I just wanted to... 591 00:32:14,683 --> 00:32:15,766 Strangle him and eat his flesh? 592 00:32:15,851 --> 00:32:16,851 Yes! 593 00:32:17,144 --> 00:32:18,269 Now we're getting somewhere. 594 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:20,187 But just as I was about to do that, 595 00:32:20,647 --> 00:32:23,774 I saw him do the same thing to someone else. 596 00:32:26,361 --> 00:32:28,946 I'd never seen such pointless brutality. 597 00:32:33,201 --> 00:32:34,744 I was so transfixed by the horror 598 00:32:34,828 --> 00:32:36,245 that I didn't notice the moon had come out. 599 00:32:40,292 --> 00:32:43,002 But having caught a glimpse of what human nature was capable of, 600 00:32:43,086 --> 00:32:44,629 I wanted no more part of it. 601 00:32:44,713 --> 00:32:47,214 I decided to shed my clothes and return to the wild! 602 00:32:53,055 --> 00:32:55,014 Man, she hit like a man. 603 00:32:56,224 --> 00:32:58,351 That's because she used to be... 604 00:32:58,769 --> 00:33:01,854 She once... She's transgender. 605 00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:05,483 What? You can't transform into a different sex! That's nuts! 606 00:33:05,567 --> 00:33:08,402 It's not nuts. It's actually a very common medical procedure. 607 00:33:08,487 --> 00:33:10,071 You don't need the surgery, technically... 608 00:33:10,155 --> 00:33:11,322 Maybe that's what I could do! 609 00:33:11,406 --> 00:33:12,490 It's a cure! No. 610 00:33:12,574 --> 00:33:13,866 Well, I've got to stop transforming. 611 00:33:14,326 --> 00:33:16,327 I'll do the surgery. Completely different. 612 00:33:16,411 --> 00:33:18,329 I don't care how much it costs. I'll do it. 613 00:33:18,413 --> 00:33:20,456 They cut off your genitals. 614 00:33:22,751 --> 00:33:25,461 Nah, I'll leave it. That's a step too far, isn't it? 615 00:33:25,545 --> 00:33:27,463 Yeah. Okay. 616 00:33:27,547 --> 00:33:29,507 Well, anyway, I think she gave me a concussion. 617 00:33:30,175 --> 00:33:31,717 Rest of the night's pretty foggy. 618 00:33:32,094 --> 00:33:34,553 Some people chased me around a truck, 619 00:33:34,638 --> 00:33:36,597 and a man took a picture of me in the Porta Potti. 620 00:33:37,140 --> 00:33:38,766 That was me, actually. 621 00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:41,769 I thought I recognized you! 622 00:33:41,853 --> 00:33:44,021 But wait, how could you have changed back into a man? 623 00:33:44,106 --> 00:33:45,481 It wasn't morning yet. 624 00:33:45,607 --> 00:33:47,692 I don't know how it works. I'm not a scientist. 625 00:33:47,776 --> 00:33:50,194 I'm just looking for some kind of internal logic. 626 00:33:50,278 --> 00:33:53,447 Why? There isn't an external logic to any of it. 627 00:33:53,990 --> 00:33:55,241 I mean, I went back to the motel, 628 00:33:55,409 --> 00:33:57,952 and a jackalope head on the wall started screaming at me. 629 00:33:58,036 --> 00:33:59,286 Explain that. 630 00:33:59,705 --> 00:34:01,122 And I'm creeped out by jackalopes, 631 00:34:01,206 --> 00:34:03,290 ever since a friend of mine got gored by one. 632 00:34:03,875 --> 00:34:05,042 Jackalopes aren't real. 633 00:34:05,127 --> 00:34:09,922 They were a hoax perpetrated by a Wyoming taxidermist in 1932. 634 00:34:10,006 --> 00:34:11,549 They don't exist. 635 00:34:11,633 --> 00:34:14,093 Well, I'd like to see you explain that to my dead friend George! 636 00:34:15,595 --> 00:34:17,722 Anyway, I fled the motel, 637 00:34:18,557 --> 00:34:21,016 turned into a human again the next morning and went into work. 638 00:34:22,853 --> 00:34:25,479 Welcome to Smart Phones Is Us. How may I help? 639 00:34:25,605 --> 00:34:27,565 I'm wondering if I can ask you some questions. 640 00:34:27,691 --> 00:34:30,401 Mmm-hmm. I think maybe my phone isn't working right, 641 00:34:30,485 --> 00:34:33,779 'cause guys don't send me pictures of their junk on it. 642 00:34:34,990 --> 00:34:38,242 I think maybe I'd like to take a picture of yours. 643 00:34:42,581 --> 00:34:45,958 Come on. I want to make you say "cheese." 644 00:34:52,591 --> 00:34:56,761 You're an animal! An animal! 645 00:34:56,845 --> 00:34:58,053 This feels good! 646 00:34:58,138 --> 00:35:00,055 Oh! Don't stop! 647 00:35:00,140 --> 00:35:01,098 Don't... 648 00:35:01,183 --> 00:35:02,308 Stop. 649 00:35:03,894 --> 00:35:06,937 That did not happen. 650 00:35:07,022 --> 00:35:08,564 I know it's hard to believe, 651 00:35:09,357 --> 00:35:11,108 but apparently I'm terrific in the sack. 652 00:35:11,401 --> 00:35:12,443 You made that up. 653 00:35:14,488 --> 00:35:17,072 Oh. All right, you got me. 654 00:35:17,157 --> 00:35:20,117 Ever since I became a human, I can't help but lie about my sex life. 655 00:35:21,578 --> 00:35:24,288 But that's the only untruthful bit in the whole story. 656 00:35:24,831 --> 00:35:26,207 So, please, 657 00:35:27,209 --> 00:35:28,501 will you kill me now? 658 00:35:31,046 --> 00:35:32,421 You don't believe me, do you? 659 00:35:32,506 --> 00:35:35,007 I thought I was going to believe you, but it's all... 660 00:35:35,091 --> 00:35:37,676 It's just too fantastic. 661 00:35:38,386 --> 00:35:40,638 It's not fantastic. It's tragic! 662 00:35:40,722 --> 00:35:43,933 No, I mean it's just silly. 663 00:35:44,017 --> 00:35:45,518 That's my life you're talking about. 664 00:35:45,602 --> 00:35:47,228 It's my life, too. 665 00:35:48,021 --> 00:35:49,480 You and me, we're the same, Guy. 666 00:35:49,564 --> 00:35:52,775 We both want to believe in things that aren't real, 667 00:35:52,859 --> 00:35:54,026 or even possible. 668 00:35:54,236 --> 00:35:55,945 "There are more things in Heaven and Earth, 669 00:35:56,029 --> 00:35:57,404 "than are dreamt of in your philosophy." 670 00:35:57,489 --> 00:35:58,572 I know that. 671 00:35:58,782 --> 00:36:01,659 Ah. But did you know the First Folio version reads 672 00:36:01,743 --> 00:36:03,702 "Than are dreamt of in our philosophy?" 673 00:36:03,954 --> 00:36:07,206 So Hamlet is not just calling Horatio an ignorant idiot, 674 00:36:07,290 --> 00:36:09,250 he's calling us all ignorant idiots? 675 00:36:09,417 --> 00:36:11,794 It's a comforting thought, isn't it? 676 00:36:12,003 --> 00:36:15,548 Because if there's nothing more to life than what we already know, 677 00:36:15,632 --> 00:36:18,092 then there's nothing but worries, 678 00:36:18,885 --> 00:36:21,470 self-doubt, regret 679 00:36:21,930 --> 00:36:23,472 and loneliness. 680 00:36:26,518 --> 00:36:29,270 Fox, man, you've got to put me out of my misery! 681 00:36:29,396 --> 00:36:31,438 I don't want to wake up tomorrow and have to go to work! 682 00:36:34,067 --> 00:36:35,860 What the hell's this? 683 00:36:37,153 --> 00:36:38,153 You're the fuzz? 684 00:36:38,697 --> 00:36:41,073 I'm in town investigating the murders. 685 00:36:41,241 --> 00:36:42,533 And you think I'd do something like that? 686 00:36:43,743 --> 00:36:45,828 What kind of a monster do you think I am? 687 00:36:46,121 --> 00:36:47,746 You didn't want to help me. 688 00:36:47,831 --> 00:36:50,291 You just wanted to arrest me for something I didn't do. 689 00:36:51,084 --> 00:36:53,878 Who takes advantage of someone like that? 690 00:36:54,546 --> 00:36:57,506 A human, that's who. 691 00:36:57,591 --> 00:36:59,133 Human rat fink! 692 00:37:00,468 --> 00:37:04,388 I'm not delusional. I know what I am. I'm no monster. 693 00:37:04,472 --> 00:37:06,098 You're the monster! 694 00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:08,767 J'accuse, Monsieur Mulder! 695 00:37:11,021 --> 00:37:13,230 Run for your lives! There's a monster! 696 00:37:14,816 --> 00:37:16,984 Run! Monster! 697 00:37:18,653 --> 00:37:19,862 Monster! 698 00:37:38,882 --> 00:37:40,090 Hey, Scully. 699 00:37:40,884 --> 00:37:42,843 Hey, Mulder, where have you been? 700 00:37:43,553 --> 00:37:45,596 I fell off the wagon, Scully. 701 00:37:46,389 --> 00:37:49,058 I got a little taste of my old monster-hunting ways, 702 00:37:49,142 --> 00:37:50,768 and then I downed the whole bottle. 703 00:37:50,852 --> 00:37:52,937 I take it you found your were-lizard. 704 00:37:53,021 --> 00:37:55,147 Yeah, it turns out it wasn't a man who turns into a lizard, 705 00:37:55,231 --> 00:37:56,690 it was a lizard who turns into a man. 706 00:37:56,858 --> 00:37:58,275 I don't see the difference. 707 00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:00,194 That's the point, Scully, there is no difference. 708 00:38:00,278 --> 00:38:02,780 Both scenarios are equally foolish. 709 00:38:02,864 --> 00:38:04,698 And I was foolish to believe... 710 00:38:05,533 --> 00:38:08,118 Well, maybe I was just a fool, Scully. 711 00:38:08,203 --> 00:38:09,954 Maybe I always have been. 712 00:38:11,748 --> 00:38:13,832 Where are you? I'm at the animal shelter. 713 00:38:13,917 --> 00:38:16,919 I'm waiting to see that animal control officer. 714 00:38:17,087 --> 00:38:19,129 So, he didn't quit after all, huh? 715 00:38:19,214 --> 00:38:21,256 No, I guess maybe he's like us. 716 00:38:21,383 --> 00:38:22,925 Some jobs keep pulling you back. 717 00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:24,969 Ow! 718 00:38:25,387 --> 00:38:26,971 What was that? What happened? 719 00:38:27,055 --> 00:38:29,181 This little puppy here just tried to take a bite out of me. 720 00:38:32,185 --> 00:38:33,477 "A bite"? 721 00:38:33,561 --> 00:38:34,895 He's a cute little guy, though. 722 00:38:35,897 --> 00:38:38,232 Kind of reminds me of Queequeg. 723 00:38:39,401 --> 00:38:41,318 You know, there was a recent comparative cognition study 724 00:38:41,403 --> 00:38:43,320 that showed that dogs 725 00:38:43,405 --> 00:38:45,948 hold hostilities toward people that harm their masters? 726 00:38:47,117 --> 00:38:49,827 I guess maybe I miss having a dog to love 727 00:38:51,037 --> 00:38:53,163 and someone to hold my grudges for me. 728 00:38:56,626 --> 00:38:57,835 Scully? 729 00:38:59,462 --> 00:39:00,963 This is Agent Mulder with the FBI. 730 00:39:01,047 --> 00:39:04,091 I need emergency backup to the animal control shelter. 731 00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:06,719 And where the hell is the animal control shelter? 732 00:39:07,595 --> 00:39:08,887 Scully! 733 00:39:11,933 --> 00:39:14,351 Hey. You missed all the fun. 734 00:39:15,311 --> 00:39:16,353 Are you okay? 735 00:39:16,438 --> 00:39:17,688 Yeah, but I hate to disappoint you. 736 00:39:17,772 --> 00:39:20,149 It wasn't some monster running around killing people 737 00:39:20,233 --> 00:39:22,651 and eating their flesh. It was a normal human being. 738 00:39:23,028 --> 00:39:24,528 Did you know it was him before coming here? 739 00:39:24,612 --> 00:39:25,612 Yeah. 740 00:39:25,697 --> 00:39:27,197 That one autopsy result showed 741 00:39:27,282 --> 00:39:28,532 that the actual cause of death 742 00:39:28,616 --> 00:39:29,908 was strangulation. 743 00:39:29,993 --> 00:39:33,245 And so, on a hunch, I analyzed the pole that he left behind, 744 00:39:33,329 --> 00:39:35,039 and there was tissue and blood from previous victims. 745 00:39:35,790 --> 00:39:38,083 It all started when I was a child. 746 00:39:38,168 --> 00:39:41,336 This uncontrollable urge to torture small animals. 747 00:39:41,421 --> 00:39:43,047 As I got older, my compulsion didn't vanish... 748 00:39:43,131 --> 00:39:45,215 Okay, all right. Leave it for the trial. 749 00:39:45,300 --> 00:39:46,717 You're right, Mulder. 750 00:39:46,801 --> 00:39:48,719 You've seen one serial killer, you've seen them all. 751 00:39:48,803 --> 00:39:51,555 But I have a whole speech prepared that I... 752 00:39:51,639 --> 00:39:52,848 Come on. 753 00:39:54,267 --> 00:39:55,684 Scully, that is the second time 754 00:39:55,769 --> 00:39:58,062 you've approached a dangerous suspect without backup. 755 00:39:58,146 --> 00:39:59,563 What's going on? 756 00:39:59,647 --> 00:40:01,148 Thought maybe you'd want some more quality time 757 00:40:01,232 --> 00:40:03,025 with your lizard man. 758 00:40:03,318 --> 00:40:06,153 And besides, you forget. I'm immortal. 759 00:40:07,614 --> 00:40:11,575 Oh, Mulder, how did you figure out it was him? 760 00:40:11,659 --> 00:40:13,077 Oh, I was going over those photos I took, 761 00:40:13,161 --> 00:40:14,578 and I realized one was of a bite mark. 762 00:40:15,163 --> 00:40:19,208 So, if Guy's story were true, it means he must have been bitten by... 763 00:40:21,044 --> 00:40:22,628 "If Guy's story were true"? 764 00:40:29,260 --> 00:40:31,637 Hey, buddy. You want to come home with me? 765 00:40:44,651 --> 00:40:47,361 Guy! Hey, Guy. 766 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:50,989 We caught the killer. 767 00:40:51,407 --> 00:40:52,449 So? 768 00:40:52,534 --> 00:40:55,035 So, for a while there, I thought maybe it was you. 769 00:40:55,161 --> 00:40:57,246 Well, thanks, I guess. 770 00:40:57,497 --> 00:40:59,289 It means that I know now 771 00:41:00,708 --> 00:41:02,084 you were telling the truth. 772 00:41:02,836 --> 00:41:04,545 Sounds like you're still unsure. 773 00:41:05,380 --> 00:41:07,589 Well, you have to admit, it's... 774 00:41:07,674 --> 00:41:08,924 It's a little absurd. 775 00:41:09,008 --> 00:41:11,426 A little bit absurd? 776 00:41:11,511 --> 00:41:13,178 It's a lot absurd. 777 00:41:13,596 --> 00:41:14,930 I mean, look at this thing. 778 00:41:15,014 --> 00:41:18,392 Whose genius idea was it to tie a piece of cloth around your neck? 779 00:41:19,227 --> 00:41:20,394 It's waiting to strangle you. 780 00:41:21,813 --> 00:41:23,730 Do you want a hat? No. 781 00:41:24,899 --> 00:41:26,024 What are you doing? 782 00:41:26,109 --> 00:41:28,861 This is the time for my kind to go into hibernation. 783 00:41:29,571 --> 00:41:33,323 I'm hoping I won't turn into a human again during it, 784 00:41:33,408 --> 00:41:35,450 and maybe when I wake up again, 785 00:41:35,535 --> 00:41:37,995 I would have slept off this whole transformation thing. 786 00:41:38,079 --> 00:41:40,330 I didn't know that reptiles hibernated. 787 00:41:40,415 --> 00:41:43,250 Whoa! I'm not a reptile. That's racist! 788 00:41:43,334 --> 00:41:45,419 Okay. Okay. 789 00:41:45,503 --> 00:41:48,255 How long do you hibernate for? 790 00:41:48,506 --> 00:41:52,009 Well, I never really did get the hang of human constructs of time. 791 00:41:52,093 --> 00:41:53,886 Let me see... 792 00:41:53,970 --> 00:41:55,888 Lunar cycles, you got four of those, 793 00:41:55,972 --> 00:41:57,848 then you got your seasons, just... 794 00:41:59,142 --> 00:42:00,392 Ten thousand years. 795 00:42:01,394 --> 00:42:03,854 That's not possible. 796 00:42:03,938 --> 00:42:06,565 There you go again, not believing me! 797 00:42:11,529 --> 00:42:12,905 I want to believe. 798 00:42:22,248 --> 00:42:23,790 I don't mean to get too personal, 799 00:42:26,336 --> 00:42:28,545 but this has been a real trying time for me. 800 00:42:28,630 --> 00:42:29,796 I've been through a lot. 801 00:42:30,465 --> 00:42:33,300 But just having someone like you to... 802 00:42:35,136 --> 00:42:37,471 Look, what I'm trying to say is, 803 00:42:37,805 --> 00:42:39,181 I'm glad to have met you. 804 00:42:45,813 --> 00:42:46,980 Like... 805 00:43:09,170 --> 00:43:10,545 Likewise.