1 00:00:02,383 --> 00:00:05,233 Oh, my neck is killing me. 2 00:00:05,266 --> 00:00:09,500 Who ever knew a tennis match could be so strenuous? 3 00:00:09,830 --> 00:00:11,160 Agassi's tush. Sampras's tush. 4 00:00:11,500 --> 00:00:13,300 Agassi's tush. Sampras's tush. 5 00:00:13,333 --> 00:00:16,330 Fran, you've never been to a tournament before? 6 00:00:16,660 --> 00:00:19,100 Well, a Mah Jong tournament. 7 00:00:19,133 --> 00:00:21,000 The only thing that gets those tushes moving 8 00:00:21,330 --> 00:00:22,483 is to rip the cellophane off the deli platter. 9 00:00:24,133 --> 00:00:26,660 You know, I came here to see some famous athletes. 10 00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:28,316 Where's Monica Seles, Shaq, Joe Montana? 11 00:00:28,350 --> 00:00:30,183 Brighton, just because they own the place 12 00:00:30,216 --> 00:00:33,466 doesn't mean they're actually gonna be here bussing tables. 13 00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,116 Hi. I'm Monica Seles. 14 00:00:38,166 --> 00:00:40,283 Welcome to the All Star Cafe. 15 00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:45,150 Oh, my God, do you know who this is? 16 00:00:45,183 --> 00:00:46,383 What am I, an idiot? 17 00:00:46,416 --> 00:00:49,366 Honey, can I substitute slaw for beans? 18 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,466 Miss Fine, this woman has won 19 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,316 every single major tennis tournament in the world. 20 00:00:54,350 --> 00:00:57,183 Well, actually, Dad, I don't think she's won Wimbledon. 21 00:00:58,316 --> 00:01:01,500 You know what? I'll take her beans. 22 00:01:01,830 --> 00:01:03,383 Oh, Miss Seles, I am so embarrassed. 23 00:01:03,416 --> 00:01:06,333 I mean, I never expected you to be serving. 24 00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:09,216 Oh, serving! [CHUCKLES] 25 00:01:11,366 --> 00:01:13,233 I'll send your waiter right over. 26 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:18,500 You know, I have always wanted to learn how to play tennis. 27 00:01:18,830 --> 00:01:19,233 What happened? 28 00:01:19,266 --> 00:01:21,200 Well, it's a very big time commitment, 29 00:01:21,233 --> 00:01:23,483 and I was always very career-oriented. 30 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:25,266 What happened? 31 00:01:27,383 --> 00:01:28,466 You know, Fran, if you wanted, 32 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,660 I could teach you how to play tennis. 33 00:01:30,100 --> 00:01:31,150 Oh, well, thanks, B, 34 00:01:31,183 --> 00:01:32,433 but I kind of have my eye on that 35 00:01:32,466 --> 00:01:34,416 cute blond instructor at the end of the bar. 36 00:01:34,450 --> 00:01:37,166 Am I not cute? Am I not blond? 37 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,233 Shut up, Maggie! 38 00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,500 Sweetie, let's put it this way, 39 00:01:41,830 --> 00:01:44,450 if things don't work out between me and gorgeous, I am all yours. 40 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,330 I'm all yours. 41 00:01:51,150 --> 00:01:53,216 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 42 00:01:53,250 --> 00:01:55,433 SINGER:♪♪ She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens ♪♪ 43 00:01:55,466 --> 00:01:57,233 ♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out ♪♪ 44 00:01:57,266 --> 00:01:59,166 ♪♪ In one of those crushing scenes ♪♪ 45 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,830 ♪♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪♪ 46 00:02:01,116 --> 00:02:04,216 ♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪ 47 00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:06,466 ♪♪ So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door ♪♪ 48 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,166 ♪♪ She was there to sell makeup, but the father saw more ♪♪ 49 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,216 ♪♪ She had style! She had flair! She was there! ♪♪ 50 00:02:11,250 --> 00:02:15,660 ♪♪ That's how she became the nanny! ♪♪ 51 00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:18,150 ♪♪ Who would have guessed that the girl we've described ♪♪ 52 00:02:18,183 --> 00:02:20,116 ♪♪ Was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? ♪♪ 53 00:02:20,150 --> 00:02:21,400 ♪♪ Now the father finds her beguiling ♪♪ 54 00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:23,133 ♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪ 55 00:02:23,166 --> 00:02:24,400 ♪♪ And the kids are actually smiling ♪♪ 56 00:02:24,433 --> 00:02:26,000 ♪♪ Such♪♪ 57 00:02:26,330 --> 00:02:27,316 ♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪ 58 00:02:27,350 --> 00:02:31,316 ♪♪ When everybody else is wearing tan ♪♪ 59 00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:33,316 ♪♪ The flashy girl from Flushing ♪♪ 60 00:02:33,350 --> 00:02:35,333 ♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪ 61 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,660 Oh, dear God. 62 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,233 Niles, please tell me you've cut out 63 00:02:48,266 --> 00:02:49,466 all the reviews of my new play 64 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,400 because they're so good you're having them framed. 65 00:02:54,830 --> 00:02:56,500 Okay. 66 00:02:56,830 --> 00:03:00,150 Damn it! I was hoping this show would be my Cats. 67 00:03:00,183 --> 00:03:03,366 Oh, Niles, what's wrong with me? I'm-- I'm bloody 68 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,366 With all due respect, sir, there are so many people 69 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,416 in this world less fortunate than you. 70 00:03:07,450 --> 00:03:10,233 Some are in this very room. 71 00:03:10,266 --> 00:03:12,316 Oh, you mean because you're just a servant. 72 00:03:12,350 --> 00:03:13,416 Well... 73 00:03:13,450 --> 00:03:17,200 No family, no home of your own. 74 00:03:17,233 --> 00:03:18,300 Mmm-hmm. 75 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,350 No future. 76 00:03:21,383 --> 00:03:25,300 Been doing the same thing for the last 25 years 77 00:03:25,333 --> 00:03:29,400 that you'll most likely be doing till the day you die. 78 00:03:31,333 --> 00:03:34,160 Right. How are you feeling now, sir? 79 00:03:38,830 --> 00:03:40,350 You know-- you know what's really bothering me? 80 00:03:40,383 --> 00:03:43,250 Carrying around that big fat wallet giving you a hernia? 81 00:03:45,133 --> 00:03:47,660 -What did you say? -Tea? 82 00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:53,160 Maxwell, did you read Vincent Canby's review in theNew York Times? 83 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,160 Oh, it was brutal. 84 00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:59,133 I just put it on the floor and let Chester give him a little rebuttal. 85 00:03:59,166 --> 00:04:01,150 C.C., you are amazing. 86 00:04:01,183 --> 00:04:03,483 Thank you, Maxwell. 87 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,233 But don't you want to know why? 88 00:04:05,266 --> 00:04:06,333 Why push? 89 00:04:08,150 --> 00:04:11,300 Oh, hi. Hi, Chester. 90 00:04:11,333 --> 00:04:14,116 Hi, sweetie. Hi. 91 00:04:16,133 --> 00:04:17,416 Oh, gee, 92 00:04:17,450 --> 00:04:20,300 Chester, if only you were Jewish 93 00:04:20,333 --> 00:04:22,300 with a dog house in Great Neck. 94 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,466 C.C., we just put our heart and soul 95 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,133 into this new play, and it bombed. 96 00:04:28,166 --> 00:04:29,333 Why aren't you more upset? 97 00:04:29,366 --> 00:04:34,660 Because Broadway will be dead in 50 years, but I won't. 98 00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:36,466 Cryonicsuspension. 99 00:04:38,366 --> 00:04:41,383 Do you mean you're gonna have your body frozen after you die? 100 00:04:41,416 --> 00:04:44,400 Yep. I'm planning the ultimate revival. 101 00:04:44,433 --> 00:04:45,483 Me. 102 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,316 Nobody wanted to see the original. 103 00:04:48,350 --> 00:04:51,116 Who'd want to bring it back? 104 00:04:51,150 --> 00:04:52,450 I wouldn't want to come back. 105 00:04:52,483 --> 00:04:55,100 I mean, it would be so hard to adjust. 106 00:04:55,133 --> 00:04:56,433 You'd feel like a freak of nature. 107 00:04:56,466 --> 00:04:58,166 You'd have no friends. 108 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:01,266 Your last date would have been 100 years ago. 109 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:04,116 And you know what? Go for it. 110 00:05:04,150 --> 00:05:09,166 I'm even thinking of having Chester frozen so we can come back together. 111 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,483 -Wouldn't that be nice? -Oh. 112 00:05:15,366 --> 00:05:17,133 Come on, you little hairball. 113 00:05:19,330 --> 00:05:21,200 You know, I should freeze myself right now. 114 00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:23,133 I mean, here I am, 42 years old, 115 00:05:23,166 --> 00:05:25,333 and what have I really achieved, hmm? 116 00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:28,233 Produced one mediocre play after another. 117 00:05:28,266 --> 00:05:31,830 Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself. 118 00:05:31,116 --> 00:05:33,333 There's a lot of people much less fortunate than you 119 00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:35,233 right here in this room. 120 00:05:35,266 --> 00:05:36,450 Look at Niles. 121 00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:41,116 Hey, Dad. 122 00:05:41,150 --> 00:05:44,183 So, are you off to another disastrous day of tennis with Miss Fine? 123 00:05:44,216 --> 00:05:46,500 Well, I can't today, but you know what? 124 00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:48,183 She's actually pretty good. She even taught me a few things. 125 00:05:48,216 --> 00:05:49,483 Like what? 126 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:53,150 How to return a serve when you don't have the receipt? 127 00:05:53,183 --> 00:05:56,660 -Oh, Brighton, come on, let's go play tennis. -Oh, sorry, Fran. 128 00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:57,466 I gotta read To Kill a Mockingbird by Friday. 129 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,183 Oh, Brighton, I have two words for you. 130 00:06:00,216 --> 00:06:02,660 "Blockbuster Video." 131 00:06:03,366 --> 00:06:06,116 Oh, to enhance the reading experience. 132 00:06:09,233 --> 00:06:10,316 Perhaps you would like to go out 133 00:06:10,350 --> 00:06:12,000 and play tennis with Miss Fine, sir. 134 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:13,116 Yeah. 135 00:06:13,150 --> 00:06:16,216 Niles, the last thing I need right now 136 00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:18,316 is a round of beginner's tennis. 137 00:06:18,350 --> 00:06:20,830 Of course, sir, 138 00:06:20,116 --> 00:06:22,283 you'd completely destroy and humiliate her, 139 00:06:22,316 --> 00:06:24,483 making her feel like a bigger loser than you are. 140 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,383 Get my racket. 141 00:06:28,416 --> 00:06:32,316 So, Miss Fine, are you ready to play with me? 142 00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:35,133 You bet. 143 00:06:36,316 --> 00:06:39,466 And when we're done, how about a little tennis? 144 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,350 -Little big shot. -So I won a tennis match... 145 00:06:49,383 --> 00:06:51,300 -I had the sun in my eyes. -...who cares? 146 00:06:51,333 --> 00:06:53,350 It was no fair. 147 00:06:53,383 --> 00:06:56,160 We weren't even keeping score. 148 00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:58,400 I slaughtered him, six-four. 149 00:06:58,433 --> 00:07:01,300 I creamed his little Englishtokhes. 150 00:07:02,383 --> 00:07:04,400 Get out. You beat Dad at tennis? 151 00:07:04,433 --> 00:07:07,433 Oh, I'll tell you, I felt so bad for the guy. 152 00:07:07,466 --> 00:07:09,166 It was really sad. 153 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:10,400 He had this look on his face, 154 00:07:10,433 --> 00:07:12,266 like when I'm eating Haagen-Dazs 155 00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:14,366 and my spoon hits the cardboard. 156 00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:18,830 Oh, this is bad. 157 00:07:18,116 --> 00:07:19,150 Perhaps he'd feel better 158 00:07:19,183 --> 00:07:21,160 if I prepared his favorite soup. 159 00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:22,450 Cream of Englishtokhes. 160 00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:24,316 [BOTH LAUGHING] 161 00:07:24,350 --> 00:07:27,150 -Niles, have this restrung, would you? -Absolutely, sir. 162 00:07:27,183 --> 00:07:29,160 Is there anything else I can do for you? 163 00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:31,000 Yes, you can make me some of that soup. 164 00:07:31,330 --> 00:07:33,166 Oh, and you may use your owntokhes 165 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,283 because it's soon to be canned. 166 00:07:36,433 --> 00:07:39,350 He's got no sense of humor. That's why his comedy's a flop. 167 00:07:41,316 --> 00:07:45,233 Niles, he is really going over the deep end about this. 168 00:07:45,266 --> 00:07:48,266 This must be some kind of underlying problem. 169 00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:50,216 And do you know what that is? 170 00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:53,660 Daddy's inability to cope with minor setbacks 171 00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:55,383 indicating a larger and deeper emotional problem? 172 00:07:58,216 --> 00:08:02,500 Well, there's no point in me saying it 'cause 173 00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:05,160 Well, look, obviously he needs some therapy. 174 00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:08,100 You know, maybe Dad should get some therapy. 175 00:08:08,133 --> 00:08:11,366 -It really hurts me to see him in pain. -Yeah. 176 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:14,266 Hey, we wouldn't have to go as a family or anything, 177 00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:17,266 'cause, you know, I've got dates and stuff. 178 00:08:17,300 --> 00:08:19,216 You people are dreaming if you think you're gonna 179 00:08:19,250 --> 00:08:20,416 be able to get Dad into therapy. 180 00:08:20,450 --> 00:08:23,400 Oh, I'll get him there. And do you know how? 181 00:08:23,433 --> 00:08:25,433 Under false pretenses by telling him 182 00:08:25,466 --> 00:08:27,416 Dr. Bort needs to talk to him about me 183 00:08:27,450 --> 00:08:31,330 when in reality the session's for him? 184 00:08:31,660 --> 00:08:35,160 Well, there's no point in me saying it 'cause she already did. 185 00:08:42,830 --> 00:08:45,233 You know, I always thought that I'd make a good therapist. 186 00:08:45,266 --> 00:08:47,830 Yes. Well, I guess you would... 187 00:08:47,116 --> 00:08:49,250 Because I'm really a good listener, you know, 188 00:08:49,283 --> 00:08:52,483 and some people just can't get a word in edgewise. 189 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:54,333 Yeah. That always seems to be... 190 00:08:54,366 --> 00:08:56,150 I mean, it takes a very sensitive person 191 00:08:56,183 --> 00:08:59,150 to know when someone needs to talk. 192 00:09:03,116 --> 00:09:04,300 You know, when the doctor comes in, 193 00:09:04,333 --> 00:09:06,433 you could chime in once in a while. 194 00:09:08,166 --> 00:09:09,433 I'm terribly sorry. 195 00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:12,266 Dr. Bort has been called away, but her associate can see you. 196 00:09:12,300 --> 00:09:14,383 Oh, but when will she be back? 197 00:09:14,416 --> 00:09:17,233 I don't want some second-rate associate. 198 00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:19,330 [GASPS] 199 00:09:25,383 --> 00:09:28,150 Dr. Joyce Brothers. 200 00:09:28,183 --> 00:09:31,116 I'm filling in for Dr. Bort. I hope you don't mind. 201 00:09:31,150 --> 00:09:33,000 Oh, who cares about that loser? 202 00:09:33,330 --> 00:09:35,660 Was she ever onHollywood Squares? 203 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:41,150 Oh, Dr. Brothers, I have read every one of your books. 204 00:09:41,183 --> 00:09:43,166 The Language of Feeling. 205 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,300 That's David Viscott. 206 00:09:45,333 --> 00:09:47,400 The Ten Stupid Things Women Do. 207 00:09:47,433 --> 00:09:50,330 Laura Schlessinger. 208 00:09:50,660 --> 00:09:51,350 You're Much Taller In Person. 209 00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:53,100 Dr. Ruth. 210 00:09:55,830 --> 00:09:56,300 Well, enough about you. 211 00:09:56,333 --> 00:09:58,316 Tick-tock. Ka-ching. Ka-ching. 212 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,433 Now, the reason why I made this appointment for Mr. Sheffield... 213 00:10:03,466 --> 00:10:05,183 W-what? Wait a minute. 214 00:10:05,216 --> 00:10:07,266 You mean you brought me here under false pretenses? 215 00:10:07,300 --> 00:10:10,400 You know, I told Gracie that was a bad idea. 216 00:10:10,433 --> 00:10:12,300 Oh, this is ridiculous. 217 00:10:12,333 --> 00:10:15,183 -I don't need any bloody therapy. -No, you don't. 218 00:10:15,216 --> 00:10:19,500 -Are you Maxwell Sheffield, the Broadway producer? -Yes, that's right. 219 00:10:19,830 --> 00:10:21,183 Now, if you don't mind, I'm a very busy man, so I'll... 220 00:10:21,216 --> 00:10:23,250 I just loved your new show. 221 00:10:23,283 --> 00:10:27,433 I thought the reviews were completely off the mark. 222 00:10:27,466 --> 00:10:31,383 Well, I suppose I could stay for a little while. 223 00:10:31,416 --> 00:10:35,216 Wow! You are good. 224 00:10:35,250 --> 00:10:36,300 For your information, 225 00:10:36,333 --> 00:10:38,433 I have written 10 bestsellers. 226 00:10:40,830 --> 00:10:41,483 Let it go, Joyce. 227 00:10:44,483 --> 00:10:49,100 Now, why are we here? 228 00:10:49,133 --> 00:10:50,300 Well, the fact is, Dr. Brothers, 229 00:10:50,333 --> 00:10:51,450 there's nothing wrong with me. 230 00:10:51,483 --> 00:10:55,233 My-- my last show failed, so I've just been 231 00:10:55,266 --> 00:10:57,250 in a little bit of a bad mood lately. 232 00:10:57,283 --> 00:10:59,300 [SCOFFS] A bad mood? 233 00:10:59,333 --> 00:11:02,333 You have been biting everyone's head off, left and right. 234 00:11:02,366 --> 00:11:03,416 Watch this. 235 00:11:05,383 --> 00:11:10,500 I sat on some Junior Mints on your new suede chair. 236 00:11:10,830 --> 00:11:13,830 [YELLS] You what? 237 00:11:13,116 --> 00:11:15,150 Can you believe what I have to live with? 238 00:11:16,450 --> 00:11:18,466 Do you know what your problem is? 239 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,216 You don't know how it feels to fail 240 00:11:21,250 --> 00:11:23,350 at something you put so much effort into. 241 00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:25,216 Oh, yeah? 242 00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:28,366 Well, you know that new suede chair with the Junior Mint stain? 243 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:31,366 I tried to color in the rest with brown Magic Marker. 244 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:37,166 A huge failure. Happy? 245 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:40,416 Look, I don't know why everyone wants to make such an issue out of this. 246 00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:43,250 The fact is I just have to come to grips 247 00:11:43,283 --> 00:11:46,500 with the fact that I am 42 years old, 248 00:11:46,830 --> 00:11:49,216 and despite having every opportunity money can buy, 249 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,400 my life has amounted to zip. 250 00:11:51,433 --> 00:11:54,333 -Oh, Mr. Sheffield. -Let him go. 251 00:11:54,366 --> 00:11:57,183 He's just going through a little midlife crisis. 252 00:11:57,216 --> 00:12:00,330 It's very common among men his age. 253 00:12:00,660 --> 00:12:02,400 Oh, you know, I've read about that. 254 00:12:02,433 --> 00:12:05,433 Next thing you know, he'll be trying to prove his virility 255 00:12:05,466 --> 00:12:10,500 in the arms of the next gorgeous young thing to cross his path. 256 00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:11,483 Out of my way, Joyce. 257 00:12:20,660 --> 00:12:22,283 Oh, this book is fascinating. 258 00:12:22,316 --> 00:12:25,433 -It chronicles the stages of your life by decades. -Mmm-hmm. 259 00:12:25,466 --> 00:12:29,233 Look at this. "Women in their 30s often lie about their age." 260 00:12:29,266 --> 00:12:32,830 -Oh, I know so many women like that. -Mmm. 261 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,250 Here's me, the 20s. 262 00:12:37,216 --> 00:12:40,366 Oh, Niles, how did you handle midlife crisis 263 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:43,000 back when you were in your 40s? 264 00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:48,233 I think I killed someone who lied about being in their 20s. 265 00:12:50,433 --> 00:12:53,316 You two are not going to believe this. 266 00:12:53,350 --> 00:12:57,150 -I got a message on my answering machine. -Oh, my God. 267 00:12:57,183 --> 00:12:59,660 Crack the champagne. 268 00:13:01,383 --> 00:13:04,150 I am so happy for you, dear. 269 00:13:05,350 --> 00:13:08,000 Very funny, Mrs. Doubtfire. 270 00:13:09,283 --> 00:13:12,116 Maxwell is quitting the theater. 271 00:13:12,150 --> 00:13:16,830 Oh, he is a classic textbook case. 272 00:13:16,116 --> 00:13:21,660 If Maxwell leaves the theater, what am I gonna do? 273 00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:24,116 Oh, you were born rich. Retire. 274 00:13:24,150 --> 00:13:26,283 Go spend time with all your friends, 275 00:13:26,316 --> 00:13:29,350 and when you come back, you can lick the spoon. 276 00:13:33,660 --> 00:13:36,160 Oh, look, Dr. Brothers said it'll probably pass. 277 00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:40,183 I mean, at least it's not like when my father went through his midlife crisis. 278 00:13:40,216 --> 00:13:42,416 He wanted ma to get into swinging. 279 00:13:42,450 --> 00:13:44,233 What happened? 280 00:13:44,266 --> 00:13:46,316 Well, the other swingers saw them. 281 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,660 Fran, Fran, you gotta hide me, quick. 282 00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:52,250 -What? What's wrong? -[MAXWELL] Hey, Mags, 283 00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:56,450 what do you say we hit Tower Records, hey? 284 00:13:56,483 --> 00:13:58,483 Cruise the bins. 285 00:14:00,250 --> 00:14:02,383 Fran, help me. Help me so much. 286 00:14:02,416 --> 00:14:05,483 [CLEARS THROAT] Mr. Sheffield, 287 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,300 Maggie cannot go to the record store 288 00:14:08,333 --> 00:14:11,433 because I caught her smoking and drinking. 289 00:14:11,466 --> 00:14:15,200 What? You are grounded for three weeks, young lady. 290 00:14:15,233 --> 00:14:17,233 Oh, thank you, Dad. 291 00:14:18,283 --> 00:14:19,450 If he's not over this by then, 292 00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:21,200 I'll tell him you're pregnant. 293 00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:25,500 C.C: Maxwell, I'm only saying this 294 00:14:25,830 --> 00:14:28,660 because I am thinking of you. 295 00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:31,183 Why are you doing this to me? 296 00:14:31,216 --> 00:14:33,383 C.C., life is short. 297 00:14:33,416 --> 00:14:37,000 You should go back to doing what you did when you were young. 298 00:14:37,330 --> 00:14:40,450 Oh, sir, there's so little call nowadays for Civil War nurses. 299 00:14:44,433 --> 00:14:47,300 Miss Babcock, you're being so selfish. 300 00:14:47,333 --> 00:14:50,133 I mean, this man is questioning 301 00:14:50,166 --> 00:14:53,200 the very meaning of his life. 302 00:14:53,233 --> 00:14:54,350 [GASPS] 303 00:14:54,383 --> 00:14:57,283 You died your gray streak? 304 00:14:57,316 --> 00:15:00,330 What the hell is wrong with you? 305 00:15:01,383 --> 00:15:06,283 I happen to like it. I think it takes 10 years off. 306 00:15:06,316 --> 00:15:08,000 Catch you later, babe. 307 00:15:08,330 --> 00:15:09,483 That was my gray streak. 308 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,483 I caused it, and it was mine to remove. 309 00:15:14,660 --> 00:15:16,183 Were those Brighton's jeans? 310 00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:19,000 Oh, I'll tell you, it is so pathetic 311 00:15:19,330 --> 00:15:21,830 seeing someone trying to desperately 312 00:15:21,116 --> 00:15:23,350 recapture their youth by dyeing their hair 313 00:15:23,383 --> 00:15:27,000 and wearing skin-tight clothes. 314 00:15:27,330 --> 00:15:29,500 Oh, you know, I shouldn't be so hard on him. 315 00:15:29,830 --> 00:15:32,283 I mean, who knows? Someday, the same thing could happen to me. 316 00:15:43,166 --> 00:15:45,283 Oh, ma, you're on a diet? 317 00:15:45,316 --> 00:15:47,830 You can tell already? 318 00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,500 Actually, your can gave it away. 319 00:15:51,830 --> 00:15:53,133 Oh, thank you. 320 00:15:55,483 --> 00:15:58,383 Have some, darling. It's delicious. 321 00:16:00,830 --> 00:16:02,333 Mmm. What's in this? 322 00:16:02,366 --> 00:16:07,350 You just add powder and some non-fat milk and ice cream. 323 00:16:10,366 --> 00:16:13,266 Ice cubes, ma. 324 00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:16,283 The ice cream gives you a little body. 325 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,166 No, it doesn't. 326 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,300 Ma, I need some advice. 327 00:16:27,333 --> 00:16:30,000 Mr. Sheffield is going through a midlife crisis, 328 00:16:30,330 --> 00:16:32,500 and I don't know how to pull him out of it. 329 00:16:32,830 --> 00:16:33,433 Marry him. 330 00:16:34,450 --> 00:16:36,300 Well, how's that gonna help him? 331 00:16:36,333 --> 00:16:39,830 Who cares? Better we should be happy. 332 00:16:42,266 --> 00:16:45,283 Just be grateful that he's not going through 333 00:16:45,316 --> 00:16:48,300 what your father went through in the '70s. 334 00:16:48,333 --> 00:16:50,233 Do you remember this? 335 00:16:54,433 --> 00:16:58,166 That's Daddy's old Mod Squad 336 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,166 I can't believe you held onto it. 337 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:03,500 It's non-abrasive on Teflon. 338 00:17:05,466 --> 00:17:08,166 Why's he going through a midlife crisis, anyway? 339 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,433 I mean, just because he's over 40 340 00:17:10,466 --> 00:17:14,250 and his play's a flop, and I beat him at tennis. 341 00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:15,400 What? 342 00:17:15,433 --> 00:17:17,333 Have I taught you nothing? 343 00:17:19,216 --> 00:17:22,350 You never beat a man at anything 344 00:17:22,383 --> 00:17:24,416 until after you're married. 345 00:17:26,250 --> 00:17:31,160 Is that how daddy won that pie-eating contest on your first date? 346 00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:35,283 It wasn't easy. It was chocolate cream. 347 00:17:35,316 --> 00:17:38,150 [FRAN EXCLAIMING] 348 00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:41,433 Ma, what you did for love. 349 00:17:41,466 --> 00:17:42,466 [CAR HORN HONKING] 350 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,283 MAXWELL:Miss Fine. 351 00:17:44,316 --> 00:17:47,266 Oh, Mr. Sheffield? 352 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:50,660 Oh, my God. Ma, look at what he did. 353 00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:51,466 He bought himself a Porsche. 354 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,466 Now, what does he think that's gonna get him? 355 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:59,330 Mrs. Feldman's daughter, Mrs. Lieberman's daughter, 356 00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:01,000 Mrs. Winetraub's daughter. 357 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:02,283 Hey, hey, hey. 358 00:18:02,316 --> 00:18:05,150 Ma, lower the fire escape. I'm going in. 359 00:18:07,830 --> 00:18:09,333 Hi. I'm Dotty. 360 00:18:09,366 --> 00:18:11,416 You new here in the building? 361 00:18:11,450 --> 00:18:14,166 -[CAR HORN HONKING] -Oh, well, actually, I'm just... 362 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,660 I'm talking here, Vito. 363 00:18:19,330 --> 00:18:21,500 My fiancé. 364 00:18:21,830 --> 00:18:23,330 If you like me, I'll dump him. 365 00:18:24,283 --> 00:18:27,250 Are you stalled? Do you need a jump? 366 00:18:27,283 --> 00:18:29,660 FRAN: Hey! Hey! Hey! 367 00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:32,166 If anybody's gonna jump him, it's gonna be me. 368 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,500 Keep moving. 369 00:18:34,830 --> 00:18:35,400 Come on, you gold diggers. 370 00:18:35,433 --> 00:18:38,216 Dotty, you're engaged. 371 00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:42,250 Haven't you ever seen a single, gorgeous millionaire before? 372 00:18:42,283 --> 00:18:44,116 [EXCLAIMING] 373 00:18:44,150 --> 00:18:49,216 SYLVIA:Louder, Fran, they didn't hear you in Jersey. 374 00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:52,216 Mr. Sheffield, what are you trying to prove? 375 00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:54,416 I'm not trying to prove anything, Miss Fine. 376 00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:57,500 I'm just trying to enjoy the rest of my life. 377 00:18:57,830 --> 00:18:59,466 So I'm not successful. So what? 378 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,100 Everyone has a flop every now and again. 379 00:19:02,133 --> 00:19:04,200 Even Andrew Lloyd Webber had... 380 00:19:05,416 --> 00:19:07,830 well, let's just get in the car. 381 00:19:07,116 --> 00:19:08,250 Oh, what are you talking about? 382 00:19:08,283 --> 00:19:10,283 You're the most successful person I know. 383 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,300 Miss Fine, you don't understand. 384 00:19:12,333 --> 00:19:14,350 I had a privileged upbringing. 385 00:19:14,383 --> 00:19:16,466 I should have achieved much more than I did. 386 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:20,483 I wasn't brought up like you just to find a husband and get married. 387 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,100 Well, finding a husband isn't all I want. 388 00:19:24,133 --> 00:19:26,216 [EXCLAIMING] 389 00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:28,183 Oh, come on, can we just move? 390 00:19:28,216 --> 00:19:33,150 Because she's got a frozen lasagna up there that could wipe us both out. 391 00:19:33,183 --> 00:19:35,250 Look, all I'm saying is that you didn't have 392 00:19:35,283 --> 00:19:37,116 the same advantages that I had. 393 00:19:37,150 --> 00:19:41,416 I-- I was sent to the best schools money could buy. 394 00:19:41,450 --> 00:19:45,350 Yeah. Well, meanwhile, your parents sent you away when you were six years old. 395 00:19:45,383 --> 00:19:49,433 I mean, where were they when you lost your first tooth? 396 00:19:49,466 --> 00:19:51,133 Hi, how you doing? 397 00:19:51,166 --> 00:19:53,383 On safari in South Africa. 398 00:19:53,416 --> 00:19:55,383 But they sent me a Kruggerand 399 00:19:55,416 --> 00:19:57,166 to my headmaster to put under my pillow. 400 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,450 Uh-huh. 401 00:20:00,830 --> 00:20:02,383 You know, how many times did you get 402 00:20:02,416 --> 00:20:05,133 to run into your mother and father's bedroom 403 00:20:05,166 --> 00:20:07,300 when it was thunder and lightning out? 404 00:20:07,333 --> 00:20:08,483 Well, I tried once. 405 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:12,116 But by the time I got there, the storm had passed. 406 00:20:12,150 --> 00:20:14,660 Very big house. 407 00:20:14,100 --> 00:20:15,416 Sounds like I was the one 408 00:20:15,450 --> 00:20:17,333 with the privileged upbringing. 409 00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:22,250 I mean, I come from a very close and loving family. 410 00:20:22,283 --> 00:20:24,330 Am I bleeding? 411 00:20:25,133 --> 00:20:27,233 I think it's just raspberry filling. 412 00:20:28,233 --> 00:20:30,216 Hmm. 413 00:20:30,250 --> 00:20:32,150 You know, a lot of people with your kind of money 414 00:20:32,183 --> 00:20:36,660 would have just sat back and nightclubbed with the jet setters. 415 00:20:36,100 --> 00:20:38,330 That would have been my route. 416 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,183 But you went to work, mister. 417 00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:44,200 You know, you're right. 418 00:20:44,233 --> 00:20:48,200 -I-- I came to this country all by myself. -Yes, you did. 419 00:20:48,233 --> 00:20:50,483 Started a very successful business out of nothing. 420 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,216 Plus you raised three terrific kids 421 00:20:53,250 --> 00:20:56,000 absolutely without any help from anyone. 422 00:20:56,330 --> 00:20:57,333 Wait a minute. 423 00:20:57,366 --> 00:20:59,166 It's true. It's true. 424 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:02,830 You know, I really haven't done that 425 00:21:02,116 --> 00:21:05,133 considering I was bloody handicapped emotionally. 426 00:21:05,166 --> 00:21:08,450 Please, you're completely dysfunctional. 427 00:21:10,183 --> 00:21:11,483 Feel better? 428 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:16,300 [CHUCKLES] Yes. Yes, Miss Fine, as a matter of fact, I do. 429 00:21:16,333 --> 00:21:18,433 I feel a lot better. 430 00:21:18,466 --> 00:21:20,350 Thank you very much. 431 00:21:25,266 --> 00:21:30,100 Now, um, while I'm still feeling a little bit 432 00:21:30,133 --> 00:21:33,160 what do you say, you and me, 433 00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:35,660 one last hurrah? 434 00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:38,830 Mr. Sheffield. 435 00:21:41,416 --> 00:21:43,466 Isn't this thrilling, Miss Fine? 436 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,216 [MUMBLING] 437 00:21:46,250 --> 00:21:49,450 What a machine! Just feel it vibrate. 438 00:21:50,466 --> 00:21:54,350 Yeah. But who can enjoy it? 439 00:21:54,383 --> 00:21:57,160 I'm not really used to driving on this side 440 00:21:57,500 --> 00:22:00,830 so if I start drifting over, just let me know. All right? 441 00:22:00,116 --> 00:22:03,660 Okay. Drifting over! Drifting over! 442 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:09,000 All right. Let's really gun it, huh? Hang on, Miss Fine. 443 00:22:09,330 --> 00:22:11,383 [TIRES SKIDDING] 444 00:22:11,416 --> 00:22:15,266 Oh, God! Oh, God! 445 00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:18,100 Wait! Wait! 446 00:22:23,250 --> 00:22:27,200 I just had such a flashback to my old boyfriend. 447 00:22:41,100 --> 00:22:44,100 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING]