1
00:00:01,483 --> 00:00:04,116
[♪♪♪]
2
00:00:05,166 --> 00:00:07,660
Oh, I can't believe
you saw Maggie
3
00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:09,400
and her new boyfriend
smoking cigarettes.
4
00:00:09,433 --> 00:00:11,366
Well, I'm just glad
she wasn't smoking
5
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:15,283
because they just had...
you know.
6
00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:18,830
She's too young to...
you know.
7
00:00:18,116 --> 00:00:23,660
Believe me, kids nowadays
are you-knowing
before you know it.
8
00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:25,116
So what are you gonna do,
tell Mr. Sheffield?
9
00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:29,116
Oh, no.
I could never betray
Maggie's trust like that.
10
00:00:29,150 --> 00:00:31,830
Then she'd start
telling on me.
11
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:34,150
No. I've got a better idea.
12
00:00:34,183 --> 00:00:36,316
I am going to
let Mr. Sheffield
13
00:00:36,350 --> 00:00:39,466
catch me smoking
right in front of Maggie.
14
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:44,000
Oh, Fran, that is
a brilliant idea.
15
00:00:44,330 --> 00:00:45,333
You don't get it,
do you, Val?
16
00:00:46,366 --> 00:00:48,500
No.
17
00:00:48,830 --> 00:00:51,000
When Maggie sees
Mr. Sheffield reaming me
out,
18
00:00:51,330 --> 00:00:52,283
she's gonna be
so petrified
19
00:00:52,316 --> 00:00:55,250
she's never gonna
want to smoke again.
20
00:00:55,283 --> 00:00:57,166
Oh, here they come.
21
00:01:01,233 --> 00:01:03,383
Oh, boy, does this
bring back memories.
22
00:01:03,416 --> 00:01:05,330
You miss smoking?
23
00:01:05,660 --> 00:01:06,660
No.
24
00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:08,333
I miss you-knowing.
25
00:01:11,333 --> 00:01:13,483
Sweetheart,
you want a cup of...
26
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,350
Miss Fine,
what the devil
are you doing?
27
00:01:16,383 --> 00:01:19,416
Oh, my God.
Mr.
Sheffield.
28
00:01:19,450 --> 00:01:23,216
I didn't expect you to
come home and catch me.
29
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,333
Don't you hate
when that happens?
30
00:01:25,366 --> 00:01:27,150
Have you lost your mind?
31
00:01:27,183 --> 00:01:29,133
Oh, I know.
32
00:01:29,166 --> 00:01:31,200
Smoking in front
of the children?
33
00:01:31,233 --> 00:01:33,366
Oh, I know.
34
00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:35,283
Well, I've always known
you weren't too bright,
35
00:01:35,316 --> 00:01:37,483
but of all
the stupid things
you've ever done...
36
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,330
I...
what'd you say?
37
00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:43,830
You think I'm stupid?
38
00:01:43,116 --> 00:01:46,133
Well, I'd love to find
some other explanation,
39
00:01:46,166 --> 00:01:48,350
but there doesn't seem
to be one.
40
00:01:48,383 --> 00:01:51,100
Look, there may be
somebody stupid
in this room,
41
00:01:51,133 --> 00:01:53,500
but it sure ain't me.
42
00:01:53,830 --> 00:01:54,466
What did I do?
43
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,333
Wait, wait. Do you know
who you are speaking to?
44
00:01:57,366 --> 00:01:59,330
Yeah. I'm
speaking
to the guy
45
00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:01,483
that if he doesn't take
back
what he just said,
46
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,116
he's gonna be
looking
for a nanny.
47
00:02:04,150 --> 00:02:06,466
I've been looking
for one for the last
three bloody years.
48
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,283
I am out of here.
And Niles feels
the same way, too.
49
00:02:10,316 --> 00:02:11,316
Tell him, Niles.
50
00:02:12,350 --> 00:02:14,116
Who loves you, baby?
51
00:02:19,283 --> 00:02:21,350
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
52
00:02:21,383 --> 00:02:24,233
SINGER:♪♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens ♪♪
53
00:02:24,266 --> 00:02:26,000
♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪♪
54
00:02:26,330 --> 00:02:27,283
♪♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪♪
55
00:02:27,316 --> 00:02:29,183
♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
56
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:32,100
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
57
00:02:32,133 --> 00:02:35,660
♪♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door ♪♪
58
00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:37,433
♪♪ She was there
to sell makeup,
but the father saw more ♪♪
59
00:02:37,466 --> 00:02:39,316
♪♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there! ♪♪
60
00:02:39,350 --> 00:02:43,100
♪♪ That's how
she became the nanny! ♪♪
61
00:02:43,133 --> 00:02:46,216
♪♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl
we've described ♪♪
62
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:48,333
♪♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
63
00:02:48,366 --> 00:02:50,116
♪♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling ♪♪
64
00:02:50,150 --> 00:02:51,350
♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪
65
00:02:51,383 --> 00:02:53,100
♪♪ And the kids
are actually smiling ♪♪
66
00:02:53,133 --> 00:02:54,200
♪♪ Such♪♪
67
00:02:54,233 --> 00:02:56,000
♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
68
00:02:56,330 --> 00:02:59,366
♪♪ When everybody else
is wearing tan ♪♪
69
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,483
♪♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪♪
70
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,133
♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪
71
00:03:05,166 --> 00:03:08,660
[♪♪♪]
72
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,183
Um, Dad,
if you and Fran split up,
73
00:03:14,216 --> 00:03:16,116
uh, who do we live with?
74
00:03:16,150 --> 00:03:17,383
Me, sweetheart.
75
00:03:17,416 --> 00:03:19,183
Oh.
76
00:03:19,216 --> 00:03:20,300
Find her!
77
00:03:23,330 --> 00:03:24,300
Dad, you know,
I really just
cannot believe
78
00:03:24,333 --> 00:03:25,466
that you called her
a moron,
79
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,333
threw her out in the snow
without a winter coat.
80
00:03:27,366 --> 00:03:30,233
I did no such...
who told you that?
81
00:03:32,383 --> 00:03:34,183
Does it really matter
where the boy,
82
00:03:34,216 --> 00:03:37,116
who has aPlayboy
in the hamper, heard it?
83
00:03:40,366 --> 00:03:43,000
I never said "moron."
84
00:03:43,330 --> 00:03:45,233
But you must admit
she has done some things
85
00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:48,660
that would qualify her
as the fourth Stooge.
86
00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:50,316
Shave him.
87
00:03:57,266 --> 00:03:58,450
All right.
88
00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:07,433
You're the doctor.
89
00:04:11,133 --> 00:04:14,116
[HUMMING]
90
00:04:19,350 --> 00:04:21,000
What are you doing?
91
00:04:22,283 --> 00:04:24,266
Well, I have no idea.
92
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,166
I mean,
the man has a slight
five o'clock shadow,
93
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,330
but it's not like he's
going
to a bar mitzvah.
94
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,450
Shave him for surgery!
95
00:04:36,483 --> 00:04:39,466
Well, where do you
want me to shave him? Oh!
96
00:04:43,830 --> 00:04:44,366
You know,
I'll be back
in a minute.
97
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:47,160
I have a girl
that does a bikini wax.
98
00:04:48,183 --> 00:04:49,266
Now!
99
00:05:00,183 --> 00:05:01,450
Oh, all right.
100
00:05:38,466 --> 00:05:40,366
Bucking for a raise?
101
00:05:46,350 --> 00:05:48,433
Or perhaps she behaves
the way she does, sir,
102
00:05:48,466 --> 00:05:50,133
because you intimidate her.
103
00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:52,160
You're always
yelling at her.
104
00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:54,400
I most certainly am not.
105
00:05:54,433 --> 00:05:56,100
Miss Fine!
106
00:05:56,133 --> 00:05:57,350
Miss Fine!
107
00:05:57,383 --> 00:05:59,000
Miss Fine!
108
00:05:59,330 --> 00:06:00,500
Miss Fine!
109
00:06:00,830 --> 00:06:01,116
Miss Fine!
110
00:06:01,150 --> 00:06:04,450
You've got
some 'splaining to do.
111
00:06:04,483 --> 00:06:07,450
[♪♪♪]
112
00:06:10,366 --> 00:06:14,316
Oh, look at the time.
Where did the day go?
113
00:06:14,350 --> 00:06:17,266
Time flies when you're being
unreasonable...
114
00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:19,233
Sir.
115
00:06:19,266 --> 00:06:22,216
Oh, how can anyone be expected
to get any work done
116
00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:24,200
without that door flying open
117
00:06:24,233 --> 00:06:26,266
and someone barging in?
118
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:30,330
Mr. Sheffield, I'm sorry
to bother you,
119
00:06:30,660 --> 00:06:35,330
but we've got a problem,
and, boy, you are never
gonna guess this one.
120
00:06:35,660 --> 00:06:37,283
Niles, do you need to speak
with me as well?
121
00:06:37,316 --> 00:06:39,250
Oh, no, sir. I simply
wanted to be here
122
00:06:39,283 --> 00:06:41,133
in person
for this one.
123
00:06:43,233 --> 00:06:44,433
Brighton was in gym class.
124
00:06:44,466 --> 00:06:46,316
And, well, when
he looked around,
125
00:06:46,350 --> 00:06:50,350
compared to all
the other boys,
he's small.
126
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,166
Small?
127
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,000
You know, like in, petite.
128
00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:00,400
Poquito.
129
00:07:03,416 --> 00:07:05,330
Gherkin.
130
00:07:09,466 --> 00:07:12,500
Hello, friend.
131
00:07:12,830 --> 00:07:15,160
You're sitting
on John Malkovich.
132
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:17,000
I don't hear him
complaining.
133
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:21,483
You are going to rectify
this situation.
134
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,000
-Wow! That sounds painful.
-Mmm.
135
00:07:27,283 --> 00:07:28,433
Yes.
136
00:07:28,466 --> 00:07:30,400
Thanks to you,
in eight weeks,
137
00:07:30,433 --> 00:07:35,116
the curtain goes up
on a six-foot, 300-pound
stage manager with a Mohawk
138
00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:39,000
singing, "Consider
yourself one of us."
139
00:07:39,330 --> 00:07:43,330
Well, all right.
What do you have
in mind?
140
00:07:43,660 --> 00:07:44,333
You're gonna talk him
back into the show.
141
00:07:44,366 --> 00:07:46,660
Oh, but Mr. Sheffield...
142
00:07:46,100 --> 00:07:48,000
No buts, Miss Fine.
143
00:07:48,330 --> 00:07:51,383
You are going to
march yourself upstairs,
put on something smashing,
144
00:07:51,416 --> 00:07:53,266
take him to
the best restaurant in town,
145
00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:56,330
and order the most
expensive thing on the menu.
146
00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:59,316
Well, all right,
but I'm not taking the limo.
147
00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:01,416
Oh, yes, you are.
148
00:08:05,233 --> 00:08:06,466
Slave driver!
149
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:14,150
But there is no way
you're gonna buy me
a new dress.
150
00:08:15,150 --> 00:08:16,266
Get out!
151
00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:21,433
Sir, it's obvious
you miss Miss Fine.
152
00:08:21,466 --> 00:08:23,133
She's probably
at her mother's.
153
00:08:23,166 --> 00:08:24,216
Why don't you just call?
154
00:08:25,166 --> 00:08:28,150
I most certainly will not.
155
00:08:28,183 --> 00:08:30,483
Mr. Sheffield,
I haven't heard from Fran
156
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:34,416
since you called her a
brainless, big-haired
shmegegi.
157
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,383
Fran is a very sensitive girl.
158
00:08:39,416 --> 00:08:42,200
You should take
a lesson from me.
159
00:08:42,233 --> 00:08:44,133
I know how to talk to her.
160
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,200
Ma, these are not
Fran's children.
161
00:08:47,233 --> 00:08:49,233
Fran doesn't
have any children.
162
00:08:49,266 --> 00:08:51,483
She's not married.
She's all alone.
163
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:57,116
Louder, ma.
I don't think they heard you
in Uruguay.
164
00:08:58,233 --> 00:09:01,830
Still, their side never did
as well as us.
165
00:09:01,116 --> 00:09:03,200
What well?
My daughter's a maid.
166
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,830
Nanny, ma.
167
00:09:07,266 --> 00:09:11,500
Never mind me.
Have the party
wherever you want.
168
00:09:12,266 --> 00:09:14,166
Oh, ma, you're just
saying that
169
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,330
to try and make me
feel guilty.
170
00:09:16,660 --> 00:09:19,283
I'm not trying to make you
feel anything.
171
00:09:19,316 --> 00:09:22,133
Feel this.
Is this a lump here?
172
00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:30,433
I am so upset about
this whole thing
I can't even eat.
173
00:09:34,233 --> 00:09:37,450
This is between
you and my daughter.
I don't like to mix in.
174
00:09:38,316 --> 00:09:40,233
Miss Fine,
I think you're very wise
175
00:09:40,266 --> 00:09:41,483
not to rush into this.
176
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,830
You're far too sensible
a woman to marry a man
you just...
177
00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:45,183
[SHRIEKS]
178
00:09:45,216 --> 00:09:47,283
Oh, I'm sorry.
179
00:09:52,333 --> 00:09:56,316
Did this fork accidentally
puncture your tuckus?
180
00:10:01,316 --> 00:10:04,500
Maxwell, is it true
that you called
181
00:10:04,830 --> 00:10:08,133
Nanny Fine a witless,
man-chasing floozy?
182
00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:10,450
[SIGHING]
I did no such thing.
183
00:10:10,483 --> 00:10:13,166
Oh, then it must
have been me.
184
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,400
Oh, kidding aside.
I am going to miss
Nanny Fine.
185
00:10:19,433 --> 00:10:21,383
We were getting so close.
186
00:10:22,133 --> 00:10:24,100
I'll kill you!
187
00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:33,166
Sir.
188
00:10:38,316 --> 00:10:41,166
You want something,
don't you?
189
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,350
Nanny Fine
wants something.
190
00:10:43,383 --> 00:10:46,383
Oh, yes! Yes!
191
00:10:46,416 --> 00:10:50,150
Oh, God, this is good!
192
00:10:56,150 --> 00:10:57,433
Are you done?
193
00:10:59,316 --> 00:11:02,183
You want to have
a ciggy butt
and cuddle now?
194
00:11:05,830 --> 00:11:08,330
Question. When they
shot Bambi's mother,
195
00:11:08,660 --> 00:11:10,266
did you find that
a sad moment
196
00:11:17,150 --> 00:11:18,283
at all?
197
00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:25,300
Well, I, for one,
hope she comes back soon.
198
00:11:25,333 --> 00:11:27,483
I don't like wandering
around the house alone.
199
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,133
I can never think
of anything to do.
200
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:39,300
[LIP-SYNCHING]
SINGER:♪♪ Just take them
old records off the shelf
♪♪
201
00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:43,400
♪♪ I'll sit and listen
to them by myself ♪♪
202
00:11:43,433 --> 00:11:47,333
♪♪ Today's music ain't
got the same soul ♪♪
203
00:11:47,366 --> 00:11:51,266
♪♪ I like that old time
rock 'n' roll ♪♪
204
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:55,100
♪♪ Don't try to take me
to a disco ♪♪
205
00:11:55,133 --> 00:11:59,500
♪♪ You'll never even
get me out on the floor ♪♪
206
00:11:59,830 --> 00:12:02,416
♪♪ In ten minutes I'll be
late
for the door ♪♪
207
00:12:02,450 --> 00:12:06,433
♪♪ I like that old time
rock 'n' roll ♪♪
208
00:12:06,466 --> 00:12:10,250
♪♪ Still like that old
time
rock 'n' roll ♪♪
209
00:12:10,283 --> 00:12:14,316
♪♪ That kind of music
just soothes the soul ♪♪
210
00:12:14,350 --> 00:12:17,416
♪♪ I reminisce about
the days of old ♪♪
211
00:12:21,133 --> 00:12:24,233
You realize, of course,
now I'm going to have
to kill you.
212
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:35,466
I'm not apologizing, Niles.
I happen to be right.
213
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:37,200
Well, if she doesn't
come back
214
00:12:37,233 --> 00:12:39,133
until we find
a new nanny,
215
00:12:39,166 --> 00:12:40,433
you can take care
of the children.
216
00:12:40,466 --> 00:12:41,450
[DOORBELL RINGS]
217
00:12:41,483 --> 00:12:43,116
Oh, dear God,
218
00:12:43,150 --> 00:12:44,266
please let that be her.
219
00:12:45,283 --> 00:12:47,300
Please, please, please.
220
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:48,466
Oh, Yetta.
221
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,300
Yetta, what happened?
222
00:12:51,333 --> 00:12:54,250
We found her
wandering around
on Queens Boulevard.
223
00:12:54,283 --> 00:12:56,660
She says she lives here.
224
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:58,416
Play along. It's cheaper
than a cab.
225
00:13:00,266 --> 00:13:02,166
Officer, thank goodness
you're here.
226
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,000
Look, our nanny is missing.
227
00:13:04,330 --> 00:13:05,383
She stormed out of the house
this morning,
228
00:13:05,416 --> 00:13:07,266
and we haven't heard
a word since.
229
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:11,433
She got upset
when he called her
a gorgeous sexy vixen
230
00:13:11,466 --> 00:13:14,160
he couldn't live without.
231
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:15,150
I never said that.
232
00:13:16,116 --> 00:13:18,830
Don't you wish you had?
233
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,233
If she's still missing
after 48 hours,
234
00:13:21,266 --> 00:13:22,400
call the precinct.
235
00:13:22,433 --> 00:13:24,150
We'll send someone right over.
236
00:13:24,183 --> 00:13:26,660
Send Officer Kertz.
237
00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:28,283
We listen to
Howard Stern together.
238
00:13:30,233 --> 00:13:34,366
Meanwhile, it looks
like
I'm sleeping over.
239
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:38,100
Well, Yetta, our door
is always open for you.
240
00:13:39,266 --> 00:13:40,483
FRAN: [EXCLAIMS]
241
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,660
[GASPS]
242
00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:50,500
Oh, my God. Yetta.
243
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:51,350
What a coincidence.
244
00:13:51,383 --> 00:13:54,450
Saul said the same thing
not 10 minutes ago.
245
00:13:59,450 --> 00:14:01,116
What the devil's burning?
246
00:14:01,150 --> 00:14:02,166
Oh, God.
247
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:05,660
Oh, Saul,
I ruined your bagel.
248
00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:07,316
Oh, no, no.
249
00:14:07,350 --> 00:14:10,333
You could just
scrape off the top.
It's still good.
250
00:14:12,830 --> 00:14:14,350
What did you do with
all the cream cheese?
251
00:14:22,133 --> 00:14:26,283
Yetta, you didn't drop
anything under the table
and go look for it, did you?
252
00:14:26,316 --> 00:14:30,283
One time, just to see
if I still had it.
253
00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:38,000
Oh, God. That was you?
254
00:14:42,830 --> 00:14:45,166
That was you?
255
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:50,500
Wait till you get a load
of the chick I fixed
him up with. Ta-da!
256
00:14:55,266 --> 00:14:57,450
I'm sorry I'm late.
257
00:14:57,483 --> 00:15:02,500
I had to dig up a brassiere
that hooks in the front.
258
00:15:05,150 --> 00:15:07,116
What? No good?
259
00:15:11,416 --> 00:15:14,316
[GIGGLING]
That was nice.
260
00:15:14,350 --> 00:15:16,133
Do you want a cigarette?
261
00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:19,166
No, no. I told you I quit.
262
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,300
Here, put those away
before my dad walks in.
263
00:15:21,333 --> 00:15:23,000
I'd like to
live long enough
264
00:15:23,330 --> 00:15:26,250
to see if Ross and Rachel
actually get together.
265
00:15:26,283 --> 00:15:29,500
Boy, your dad catching Fran
really freaked you out.
266
00:15:29,830 --> 00:15:31,400
Yeah. It's almost like
they set this whole thing up
267
00:15:31,433 --> 00:15:34,000
to scare me
out of smoking.
268
00:15:34,330 --> 00:15:36,330
Oh, no, they couldn't have,
though.
269
00:15:36,660 --> 00:15:38,160
My dad's a really
bad actor.
270
00:15:43,330 --> 00:15:45,500
-Niles. Psst! Niles.
-Mmm-hmm?
271
00:15:45,830 --> 00:15:48,183
-Do you think...
-That Miss Fine allowed
you to catch her smoking
272
00:15:48,216 --> 00:15:50,433
simply to teach
Miss Margaret a lesson
that would be more effective
273
00:15:50,466 --> 00:15:53,250
than you screaming at her,
thereby breaking her
of a disgusting habit
274
00:15:53,283 --> 00:15:56,150
and keeping your fragile
relationship intact?
275
00:15:57,216 --> 00:15:59,000
Yes. That.
276
00:15:59,330 --> 00:16:01,183
Well, I wouldn't
be a bit surprised.
277
00:16:01,216 --> 00:16:04,233
She does have a certain
unique way of dealing
with the children.
278
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,830
Okay. Well, we gotta
make Maggie beautiful.
279
00:16:07,116 --> 00:16:08,450
Yeah. Like that's
gonna happen.
280
00:16:08,483 --> 00:16:10,500
Shut up, Brighton.
281
00:16:10,830 --> 00:16:12,830
Hey, be nicer
to your sister.
282
00:16:12,116 --> 00:16:13,433
Why? Because
we're a family?
283
00:16:13,466 --> 00:16:15,133
Yes, that's right.
284
00:16:15,166 --> 00:16:18,150
And someday your father's
gonna be old and sick.
285
00:16:18,183 --> 00:16:20,366
You're gonna want him
to live with her.
286
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,166
Everything you need
to know about a man,
287
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,266
you can find
right in his cart.
288
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:31,000
If there's a box of Midol,
keep moving.
289
00:16:31,330 --> 00:16:33,366
Corn pads means he lives
with his mother.
290
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,400
Learned that the hard way.
291
00:16:36,433 --> 00:16:38,266
And if you see two guys
292
00:16:38,300 --> 00:16:41,433
with sweaters tied around
their necks buying pesto,
293
00:16:41,466 --> 00:16:44,000
save yourself the pain.
294
00:16:45,283 --> 00:16:47,100
What about him?
295
00:16:47,133 --> 00:16:51,400
Hmm. Let's see.
Cabbage, chili,
refried beans.
296
00:16:51,433 --> 00:16:53,333
[EXCLAIMING]
One dinner with him
297
00:16:53,366 --> 00:16:57,000
and you'll spend
the rest of the night
blaming the dog.
298
00:16:59,266 --> 00:17:01,160
How could you embarrass me
like that?
299
00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:02,283
What's going on?
300
00:17:02,316 --> 00:17:05,830
That-- That boy
was mauling her
on the balcony.
301
00:17:05,116 --> 00:17:06,250
It was just a kiss.
302
00:17:06,283 --> 00:17:07,466
He kissed you?
303
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,660
Yeah.
304
00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:11,383
[SQUEALING]
305
00:17:11,416 --> 00:17:14,216
Your first kiss.
That's so exciting.
306
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:16,216
[GASPS]
Let me get the camera.
307
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:20,500
Oh, God, Niles,
what have I done?
308
00:17:20,830 --> 00:17:21,500
Well, let's see.
309
00:17:21,830 --> 00:17:22,266
You insulted
her intelligence...
310
00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:25,383
It was a rhetorical
question, Niles.
311
00:17:25,416 --> 00:17:27,383
What-- What would you do
if someone was missing?
312
00:17:27,416 --> 00:17:29,183
Well, that depends on
who it is.
313
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:31,000
If it were Miss Babcock,
314
00:17:31,330 --> 00:17:32,483
well, you know
how much I love her.
315
00:17:33,366 --> 00:17:35,166
I wouldn't be caught
dead in that dress.
316
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,000
You'd have to be dead
six months to fit into it.
317
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:42,830
He wants these contracts
in London by morning.
318
00:17:42,116 --> 00:17:43,266
Well, here, hop on.
319
00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:46,330
With the time difference,
you'll just make it.
320
00:17:47,216 --> 00:17:49,416
Unwanted dirt
just slides right off.
321
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:57,330
Why? I want to die.
322
00:17:57,660 --> 00:18:01,216
There, there, now,
don't do anything rash.
323
00:18:03,433 --> 00:18:07,000
Maggie, go see
if you can find
some bottles.
324
00:18:07,330 --> 00:18:10,350
Niles, do we have any
old nipples around the house?
325
00:18:10,383 --> 00:18:12,116
Hello, hello.
326
00:18:16,330 --> 00:18:19,330
All right, Niles,
I give up.
327
00:18:19,660 --> 00:18:21,500
Look, since Miss Fine
is so damned smart,
328
00:18:21,830 --> 00:18:22,383
if I were missing,
what would she do?
329
00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:26,283
Well, knowing
our little Margie,
330
00:18:26,316 --> 00:18:28,166
she'd run next door
to Roger Clinton's
331
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,160
and have him call the FBI.
332
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:34,216
Oh, don't be absurd.
No one in their
right mind's gonna...
333
00:18:34,250 --> 00:18:35,450
-I'll get my coat.
-I'll get my coat.
334
00:18:39,830 --> 00:18:40,250
[DOORBELL RINGING]
335
00:18:40,283 --> 00:18:42,283
-Hello, Maxwell.
-Hello, Roger.
I'm desperate.
336
00:18:42,316 --> 00:18:45,100
Do you have any contacts
in the FBI?
337
00:18:45,133 --> 00:18:48,150
I'm sorry, Max. I can't fix
any more parking tickets.
338
00:18:49,133 --> 00:18:51,330
No. Miss Fine ran out
of the house this morning.
339
00:18:51,660 --> 00:18:52,416
I can't find her anywhere.
340
00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:54,433
Well, I heard
you called her a...
341
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:57,333
No, no, that's what
Newt's mama called
my sister-in-law.
342
00:18:58,466 --> 00:19:02,183
You know, Newt's lucky Bill
even let him on that plane.
343
00:19:02,216 --> 00:19:03,466
I'd have made him
fly Continental.
344
00:19:06,830 --> 00:19:10,200
Chelsea, honey,
I know exactly what
you're going through.
345
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,250
Miss Fine, what the...
346
00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:12,383
[SHUSHING]
347
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:16,266
Yeah, sweetie.
You don't know whether
the boys like you for you
348
00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:19,500
or because of
who your father is.
349
00:19:19,830 --> 00:19:24,660
Look, my father
was the president of
the Jewish Auto Mechanics Club.
350
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:27,200
Well, it wasn't
a very large group.
351
00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:29,000
FRAN: Let me talk
to your mother.
352
00:19:29,330 --> 00:19:31,333
Hillary's looking
for a new nanny
for Chelsea.
353
00:19:31,366 --> 00:19:34,333
Wow! You'll pay me
that much?
354
00:19:34,366 --> 00:19:35,433
I'll match it.
355
00:19:35,466 --> 00:19:38,433
And my room will be
in the East Wing?
356
00:19:38,466 --> 00:19:41,166
New carpets,
new-- new drapes.
357
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,466
Oh, I'll get
to meet Barbra?
358
00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:46,116
Oh, Walters.
359
00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:50,330
I'm-- I'm sorry
for what I said.
360
00:19:50,660 --> 00:19:51,316
I really am.
And-- And you're right.
361
00:19:51,350 --> 00:19:54,166
I... I was the stupid one.
362
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,483
Hold on a minute, Hil.
363
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,283
Please, Miss Fine,
please come back.
364
00:19:58,316 --> 00:20:01,350
You know the children
love you, and I...
365
00:20:01,383 --> 00:20:03,183
I...
366
00:20:03,216 --> 00:20:06,366
Well, I mean,
we were getting so close.
367
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,466
Close?
368
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:11,330
Well, in a, in a
strictly professional way.
369
00:20:11,660 --> 00:20:12,660
Yeah, right.
370
00:20:35,350 --> 00:20:37,000
Uh, Miss Fine...
371
00:20:37,330 --> 00:20:38,366
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
372
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:42,500
you want to play that game.
Okay.
373
00:20:42,830 --> 00:20:44,416
You're the boss,
and I'm the nanny.
374
00:20:44,450 --> 00:20:48,450
You give me a raise,
and I'll give you one.
375
00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:51,383
Stop it!
376
00:20:53,366 --> 00:20:55,483
Stop it, Miss Fine.
We're in your mother's house.
377
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,283
So? The couch has protection.
378
00:21:00,250 --> 00:21:01,416
Hillary,
on second thought,
379
00:21:01,450 --> 00:21:03,416
I thank you
for the job offer,
380
00:21:03,450 --> 00:21:05,366
but I'm gonna
have to take a pass.
381
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:09,300
I just remembered something
my old boss could give me
that you can't.
382
00:21:10,433 --> 00:21:12,216
Oh?
383
00:21:12,250 --> 00:21:14,333
Fran, I'm gay.
384
00:21:14,366 --> 00:21:16,830
[GASPING]
385
00:21:17,830 --> 00:21:19,266
You're gay?
386
00:21:19,300 --> 00:21:22,160
Oh, thank God.
387
00:21:32,116 --> 00:21:33,150
Uh.
388
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:39,333
Uh, I'm letting go
and you're not. Why?
389
00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:44,183
Hillary, honey,
it's very flattering,
390
00:21:44,216 --> 00:21:47,200
but I just can't do it.
391
00:21:47,233 --> 00:21:51,830
Honey, all right, already.
392
00:21:51,116 --> 00:21:53,200
Oh. Miss Fine.
393
00:21:53,233 --> 00:21:57,333
Hillary, this is getting
embarrassing, babe.
394
00:21:57,366 --> 00:21:58,400
Miss Fine.
395
00:22:00,830 --> 00:22:04,100
What? Camp David
on the holy days?
396
00:22:04,133 --> 00:22:06,500
Miss Fine!
397
00:22:07,183 --> 00:22:08,483
Gotta go, Hillary.
398
00:22:10,116 --> 00:22:14,433
Letting you think I was
talking to the First Lady,
that was smart.
399
00:22:14,466 --> 00:22:18,333
Forgetting to plug
the phone in, stupid.
400
00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:21,266
[EXCLAIMS]
401
00:22:22,116 --> 00:22:24,150
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
402
00:22:42,166 --> 00:22:45,116
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]