1 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:06,200 Maxwell, I can't believe you won't let me read your first novel. 2 00:00:06,233 --> 00:00:09,830 I've never been so insulted in my life. 3 00:00:09,116 --> 00:00:11,116 You've never been so insulted? 4 00:00:11,150 --> 00:00:13,216 Well, now, I'm insulted. 5 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:18,266 C.C., my writing is very personal to me. 6 00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:20,500 Look, if it makes you feel any better, 7 00:00:20,830 --> 00:00:23,183 I can assure you no one has read it, and no one ever will. 8 00:00:23,216 --> 00:00:27,100 Here's your book, Mr. Sheffield. 9 00:00:27,133 --> 00:00:30,200 I got a little Slim-Fast on page nine. 10 00:00:30,233 --> 00:00:32,250 Miss Fine, this manuscript was in a folder 11 00:00:32,283 --> 00:00:37,160 marked "Personal" in a file marked "Private" hidden in my desk drawer. 12 00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:39,100 Oh, I get you. I get you. 13 00:00:39,133 --> 00:00:42,116 You don't want certain people reading it. 14 00:00:43,366 --> 00:00:45,166 Miss Fine, that included you. 15 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:48,160 You're kidding? If you didn't want anybody reading it, 16 00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,830 you should have put it in your secret wall safe. 17 00:00:50,116 --> 00:00:53,283 You want me to open it for you? Get out. 18 00:00:53,316 --> 00:00:57,433 All right. Okay. But I'm telling you, this man is gifted. 19 00:00:57,466 --> 00:00:59,150 Come back. 20 00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:03,116 You really think so? 21 00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:05,266 Oh, I was so engrossed in it. 22 00:01:05,300 --> 00:01:07,330 Now, remember that script you asked me 23 00:01:07,660 --> 00:01:08,366 to hand-deliver to Mandy Patinkin 24 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:09,433 before 12:00, 25 00:01:09,466 --> 00:01:12,160 or he was gonna pass on your new play? 26 00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:13,116 Didn't do it. 27 00:01:15,330 --> 00:01:18,000 What? He's getting on a plane for the coast in an hour. 28 00:01:18,330 --> 00:01:19,416 Oh, well, do you want me to rush and catch him, 29 00:01:19,450 --> 00:01:22,416 because, you know, I can tell you how great your book is later. 30 00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:27,166 Oh, no, no, no. Sit, sit, sit. C.C. can go. 31 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,316 Maxwell! Oh, just give me the script. 32 00:01:32,350 --> 00:01:34,283 I'll never get to the airport in an hour. 33 00:01:34,316 --> 00:01:36,383 That's true, sir. She needs at least two people on her broom 34 00:01:37,250 --> 00:01:39,000 to use the express lane. 35 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:45,400 So, uh, Miss Fine, you were saying? 36 00:01:45,433 --> 00:01:48,266 Well, I just loved the lead character. 37 00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:51,250 You know, the rich, handsome movie producer 38 00:01:51,283 --> 00:01:54,830 tragically widowed in the prime of his life, 39 00:01:54,116 --> 00:01:58,316 struggling to raise three children all by himself. 40 00:01:58,350 --> 00:02:02,166 Oh, I don't know how you come up with this stuff. 41 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:05,333 I just let my imagination run wild. 42 00:02:05,366 --> 00:02:09,216 And my favorite was the over-the-hill houseboy. 43 00:02:09,250 --> 00:02:10,316 Hmm? 44 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:17,250 What a riot. Thinks he should be king of the castle. 45 00:02:17,283 --> 00:02:19,183 Every time the boss turns his back, 46 00:02:19,216 --> 00:02:22,333 he's smoking his cigars and drinking his brandy, 47 00:02:22,366 --> 00:02:25,366 mumbling something under his breath. 48 00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:29,250 [MUMBLES] Probably make another million. 49 00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:31,100 Like he needs it. 50 00:02:33,350 --> 00:02:35,433 Well, now that they're gone, 51 00:02:35,466 --> 00:02:38,160 can we talk about the producer 52 00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:40,416 and that sexy, gorgeous governess 53 00:02:40,450 --> 00:02:44,400 he's got prancing around in those short skirts. 54 00:02:44,433 --> 00:02:46,200 Oh, I'll tell you, 55 00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:48,116 they've got so much... 56 00:02:48,150 --> 00:02:51,830 [GROWLING] ..between them. 57 00:02:51,116 --> 00:02:54,660 -You like that, huh? -Oh, baby. 58 00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:59,660 And that wedding night after all those years of sexual tension. 59 00:02:59,100 --> 00:03:00,383 Hoo-ah! 60 00:03:02,330 --> 00:03:04,400 Miss Fine, they don't get married. 61 00:03:04,433 --> 00:03:07,283 Well, I'm just telling you what the public wants. 62 00:03:11,183 --> 00:03:13,216 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 63 00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:16,166 SINGER:♪♪ She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens ♪♪ 64 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:17,400 ♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out ♪♪ 65 00:03:17,433 --> 00:03:19,216 ♪♪ In one of those crushing scenes ♪♪ 66 00:03:19,250 --> 00:03:21,200 ♪♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪♪ 67 00:03:21,233 --> 00:03:24,250 ♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪ 68 00:03:24,283 --> 00:03:26,483 ♪♪ So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffields' door ♪♪ 69 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,233 ♪♪ She was there to sell makeup, but the father saw more ♪♪ 70 00:03:29,266 --> 00:03:31,383 ♪♪ She had style! She had flair! She was there! ♪♪ 71 00:03:31,416 --> 00:03:35,116 ♪♪ That's how she became the nanny! ♪♪ 72 00:03:35,150 --> 00:03:38,333 ♪♪ Who would have guessed that the girl we've described ♪♪ 73 00:03:38,366 --> 00:03:40,366 ♪♪ Was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? ♪♪ 74 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,116 ♪♪ Now the father finds her beguiling ♪♪ 75 00:03:42,150 --> 00:03:43,366 ♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪ 76 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:44,466 ♪♪ And the kids are actually smiling ♪♪ 77 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,150 ♪♪ Such♪♪ 78 00:03:46,183 --> 00:03:47,350 ♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪ 79 00:03:47,383 --> 00:03:51,366 ♪♪ When everybody else is wearing tan ♪♪ 80 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,160 ♪♪ The flashy girl from Flushing ♪♪ 81 00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:55,466 ♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪ 82 00:03:59,166 --> 00:04:03,266 Wait a minute. Is this fat-free, sugar-free and artificially sweetened? 83 00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:06,330 No. But I used an eight-inch pan instead of a ten. 84 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:09,483 -Close enough. -Hm. 85 00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:12,483 Spit that out. 86 00:04:14,250 --> 00:04:18,830 She's like one of those dope-sniffing dogs. 87 00:04:18,116 --> 00:04:20,830 Fran, this is how you spend your day, 88 00:04:20,116 --> 00:04:22,233 standing around the kitchen eating cake? 89 00:04:22,266 --> 00:04:23,416 Thank you. 90 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:29,333 Fran, you're probably wondering why I'm acting so strange. 91 00:04:29,366 --> 00:04:31,200 Ma, you've been here for two seconds. 92 00:04:31,233 --> 00:04:32,216 You yelled, you ate. 93 00:04:32,250 --> 00:04:33,433 The only thing strange is that 94 00:04:33,466 --> 00:04:35,266 you haven't showed me a wedding announcement 95 00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:37,660 from a girl I went to high school with. 96 00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:38,483 It's in my purse. 97 00:04:40,166 --> 00:04:44,183 Meanwhile, Cousin Susan's kid is getting circumcised, 98 00:04:44,216 --> 00:04:47,216 and she wants me to throw the bris party. 99 00:04:47,250 --> 00:04:49,250 Well, you're the one that wanted to have the apartment 100 00:04:49,283 --> 00:04:52,330 professionally decorated. 101 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:54,830 Fran, it's too much for me. 102 00:04:54,116 --> 00:04:57,316 I'm just gonna tell them I'm having a hysterectomy. 103 00:04:57,350 --> 00:05:02,483 You've already had four. Don't you think someone's gonna get wise? 104 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:05,333 I only said that to your father's side. 105 00:05:05,366 --> 00:05:07,483 Meanwhile, four times, 106 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:10,416 not one card. 107 00:05:10,450 --> 00:05:14,330 Oh, why don't you just tell them the truth, that it's too much for you? 108 00:05:14,660 --> 00:05:15,200 What are they gonna do? 109 00:05:15,233 --> 00:05:18,330 Never invite me to their place in Florida again. 110 00:05:18,660 --> 00:05:20,350 I'll have to spend all my winters here. 111 00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:24,160 Oh, Ma, we better look alive. 112 00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:25,133 Now, the first thing we got to do 113 00:05:25,166 --> 00:05:27,000 is find ourselves a mohel. 114 00:05:27,330 --> 00:05:30,500 Well, there's a doozy right there. 115 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,400 Not a mole. A mohel. 116 00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:36,433 That's the person that performs the circumcision. 117 00:05:36,466 --> 00:05:39,830 That's chocolate. 118 00:05:39,116 --> 00:05:40,333 Thank you. 119 00:05:44,116 --> 00:05:47,250 Fran, tell that little stain that if he doesn't quit filming me, 120 00:05:47,283 --> 00:05:50,450 he'll be able to turn that thing off by pressing his navel. 121 00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:53,116 Oh, yeah, like you're gonna shove it down my throat. 122 00:05:53,150 --> 00:05:55,830 Guess again. 123 00:05:55,116 --> 00:05:58,830 B, why don't you do something constructive with yourself? 124 00:05:58,116 --> 00:06:00,200 Because I've got a trust fund that kicks in at 18, 125 00:06:00,233 --> 00:06:03,100 and everything between now and then is all filler. 126 00:06:05,133 --> 00:06:09,660 That's terrible. You should be thinking about college, career, 127 00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:13,450 what retirement condo you're gonna buy for your nanny in Boca. 128 00:06:13,483 --> 00:06:16,166 Hey, if someone got me some milk, it could happen. 129 00:06:21,433 --> 00:06:23,150 B, you're gonna make something 130 00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,233 out of yourself, mister. 131 00:06:24,266 --> 00:06:26,660 Now you love that camera so much? 132 00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:28,183 There you go. Why don't you become a director? 133 00:06:28,216 --> 00:06:29,366 You can move to Hollywood. 134 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,350 Hey, I'm not married to Boca. 135 00:06:31,383 --> 00:06:33,333 I wouldn't mind living in Beverly Hills. 136 00:06:33,366 --> 00:06:35,300 You know, I'm three hours younger there. 137 00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:39,283 Oh, Ma, I've got a great idea. 138 00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:42,416 Why don't we hire B to take the videotape of the bris? 139 00:06:42,450 --> 00:06:47,416 You're going to trust an event like this to the boy? 140 00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:49,133 Yes, I trust him completely. 141 00:06:49,166 --> 00:06:51,250 He's a very mature, responsible young man, 142 00:06:51,283 --> 00:06:55,133 and I think this would be a great experience for him. 143 00:06:55,166 --> 00:06:57,266 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 144 00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:04,500 Fran, my future freeloading in Florida 145 00:07:04,830 --> 00:07:05,383 depends on this party. 146 00:07:05,416 --> 00:07:08,183 -There is no way that I am going to... -He'll do it for a 10. 147 00:07:08,216 --> 00:07:09,466 You're hired. 148 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:17,233 Sweetheart, I don't like to be filmed when I'm eating. 149 00:07:19,216 --> 00:07:22,483 Which is why there's more footage of Bigfoot than her. 150 00:07:29,830 --> 00:07:32,383 Ma, would you calm down? I'm on my way. 151 00:07:32,416 --> 00:07:35,266 Oh, well, if you want an honest answer, yes. 152 00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:39,266 I think serving miniature franks at a bris is tasteless, okay? 153 00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:49,383 Miss--Miss Fine, do you really think you should wear that? 154 00:07:49,416 --> 00:07:53,133 You don't want to distract the man doing the deed. 155 00:07:54,366 --> 00:07:59,216 Oh, he's only got his mind on one thing. 156 00:07:59,250 --> 00:08:00,200 Do you guys want to come? 157 00:08:00,233 --> 00:08:02,250 -[MUMBLING] -No. 158 00:08:04,216 --> 00:08:06,216 Brighton, come on! 159 00:08:06,250 --> 00:08:08,483 Oh, he's upstairs in my closet trying on ties. 160 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,283 He wanted to look right for his first job. 161 00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:14,166 Oh, well, trust me, nobody in my family is gonna look at him twice 162 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,000 unless he's wrapped in smoked turkey 163 00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:18,233 with a toothpick shoved through him. 164 00:08:18,266 --> 00:08:20,133 You know, Miss Fine, I'm very impressed 165 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,433 with the way you've gotten Brighton off his duff and pushed him into this. 166 00:08:23,466 --> 00:08:26,660 Well, you know, this is what I do. 167 00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:29,830 I mean, I've been at it for years. 168 00:08:29,116 --> 00:08:30,350 I thought this was your first nanny job. 169 00:08:30,383 --> 00:08:33,166 What nanny? I'm talking about being ayenta. 170 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,483 I mean, do I have great instincts or what? 171 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:38,366 You're the best. 172 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:42,183 And I do know when it's the right time to give a guy a little push. 173 00:08:42,216 --> 00:08:43,483 You're amazing. 174 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:47,316 So then, I was right to send your book to a publisher? 175 00:08:47,350 --> 00:08:49,660 You're fired. 176 00:08:50,266 --> 00:08:52,160 Come on, Miss Fine, you knew perfectly well 177 00:08:52,500 --> 00:08:53,333 I didn't want anyone to see that book. 178 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,216 Well, then, why did you let me read it? 179 00:08:55,250 --> 00:09:00,500 Well, because I value your-- I didn't ask you to read it! 180 00:09:00,830 --> 00:09:01,183 Will you just calm down? 181 00:09:01,216 --> 00:09:04,216 You're beginning to pulsate over there. 182 00:09:04,250 --> 00:09:06,000 You're very talented. 183 00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:07,383 If I didn't push myself, 184 00:09:07,416 --> 00:09:10,266 I wouldn't have a mansion, a butler, and a limousine. 185 00:09:14,166 --> 00:09:16,383 Miss Fine, you don't have those things. 186 00:09:16,416 --> 00:09:20,116 Look, I like to see the glass half-full. Do you mind? 187 00:09:21,350 --> 00:09:23,300 The bottom line is the book's great, 188 00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:25,500 and you're a great writer. 189 00:09:25,830 --> 00:09:27,216 Well, I suppose there can't be any harm 190 00:09:27,250 --> 00:09:29,660 in sending it to one publisher. 191 00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:30,316 One, 12. 192 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,483 The point being, I was right about Brighton, 193 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,133 and I'm right about you. 194 00:09:37,166 --> 00:09:38,383 Brighton, come on! 195 00:09:38,416 --> 00:09:41,266 We're gonna be late for the bris. Chop, chop! 196 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,216 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 197 00:09:48,283 --> 00:09:50,450 FRAN: Gorgeous boy. 198 00:09:50,483 --> 00:09:53,233 Beautiful boy. 199 00:09:53,266 --> 00:09:56,160 Handsome boy. 200 00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:57,233 Oh, is that the ugliest baby 201 00:09:57,266 --> 00:10:00,383 you have ever seen in your life? 202 00:10:00,416 --> 00:10:04,830 Please. I had to come in here so I could eat. 203 00:10:09,466 --> 00:10:14,830 If they were ever making a Mr. Gefilte Fish Head, that's the model. 204 00:10:16,466 --> 00:10:19,266 So, what do you think of my boy? 205 00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:23,100 -Beautiful. -Beautiful. 206 00:10:23,133 --> 00:10:28,830 Meanwhile, everything is just delicious. 207 00:10:28,116 --> 00:10:30,283 Aye! What is this? Cost Club mustard? 208 00:10:30,316 --> 00:10:32,350 How dare you? 209 00:10:35,366 --> 00:10:37,233 Ma, it is Cost Club mustard. 210 00:10:37,266 --> 00:10:40,433 But I put it in a Gray Poupon jar. 211 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,250 How the hell did she know? 212 00:10:43,283 --> 00:10:45,483 What is she, a mustard tester? 213 00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:52,350 I owe you? You owe me. 214 00:10:52,383 --> 00:10:57,100 1965,Fiddler on the Roof. I paid for the parking. 215 00:10:57,133 --> 00:11:00,483 You remember that? Who took three sips of my Coke? 216 00:11:03,383 --> 00:11:05,366 -Franny. -Yeah? 217 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:09,300 You let someone bring a mangy pet in here? 218 00:11:10,316 --> 00:11:14,000 It's very unsanitary for the baby. 219 00:11:15,116 --> 00:11:17,316 Yetta, that is the baby. 220 00:11:20,433 --> 00:11:24,233 I guess I shouldn't have given him that meatball that... 221 00:11:25,366 --> 00:11:29,330 that fell on the floor? 222 00:11:29,660 --> 00:11:32,216 Ma, don't you think we should get this show on the road? 223 00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:35,466 Morty, we're not waiting for halftime. 224 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,116 Get out here! 225 00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:42,300 Okay, B, we're about to get started. 226 00:11:42,333 --> 00:11:43,316 What are you doing? 227 00:11:43,350 --> 00:11:45,350 BRIGHTON: I'm shooting the bris. 228 00:11:45,383 --> 00:11:47,200 FRAN: That's brisket. 229 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,366 Don't you know what a bris is? 230 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,116 No. 231 00:11:53,150 --> 00:11:56,450 Oh, well, fasten your lens cap. You're about to find out. 232 00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:58,100 Shoot the baby. 233 00:11:58,133 --> 00:12:00,100 All right. I'm just here to do whatever you... 234 00:12:00,133 --> 00:12:02,160 Oh, my God. 235 00:12:05,166 --> 00:12:06,416 Oh, my God. 236 00:12:09,166 --> 00:12:11,183 You don't look so good. 237 00:12:13,183 --> 00:12:14,366 B, are you okay? 238 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,660 BRIGHTON: I don't really think so. [CRASHES] 239 00:12:18,183 --> 00:12:21,100 B, B, are you okay? 240 00:12:21,133 --> 00:12:22,400 Get up. You're gonna miss it. 241 00:12:22,433 --> 00:12:26,200 There's no "Take two" in this. 242 00:12:26,233 --> 00:12:29,266 [ALL CHEERING] 243 00:12:38,150 --> 00:12:40,433 Oh, Miss Fine, the bris was a week ago. 244 00:12:40,466 --> 00:12:43,233 The baby's gotten over it. I should think you could. 245 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:48,330 Oh, but Brighton is humiliated. 246 00:12:48,660 --> 00:12:51,330 My mother is barred from Boca. 247 00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:53,416 None of the family is speaking to me. 248 00:12:53,450 --> 00:12:56,160 Well, there's the silver lining. 249 00:12:58,150 --> 00:13:01,266 Oh, B. B, please, cheer up. 250 00:13:01,300 --> 00:13:04,133 Nobody cares that you didn't tape the bris. 251 00:13:04,166 --> 00:13:06,200 Your cousin Susan spit on me. 252 00:13:07,233 --> 00:13:10,333 Well, that's a Jewish blessing. 253 00:13:10,366 --> 00:13:13,150 Why do you think we have plastic on the furniture? 254 00:13:14,483 --> 00:13:17,330 Just be glad Yetta didn't bless you, 255 00:13:17,660 --> 00:13:19,333 'cause when her teeth shoot out, you can lose an eye. 256 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:26,350 Oh, Niles, God, I thought it was such a great idea. 257 00:13:26,383 --> 00:13:29,483 You know, I think the old instincts are just gone. 258 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,316 Watch. The next thing I'll hear, 259 00:13:31,350 --> 00:13:33,266 Mr. Sheffield's book isn't any good. 260 00:13:33,300 --> 00:13:35,200 MAXWELL: Miss Fine! 261 00:13:35,233 --> 00:13:37,300 I guess the old instincts are back. 262 00:13:40,166 --> 00:13:42,216 Niles, have you seen Miss Fine? 263 00:13:42,250 --> 00:13:45,000 Um, sorry, sir. I think she's gone out. 264 00:13:45,330 --> 00:13:48,000 Oh, what a shame, because here I am 265 00:13:48,330 --> 00:13:50,100 standing with Barbra Streisand... 266 00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:52,200 I love you! I love you! 267 00:13:54,183 --> 00:13:57,133 What is the one thing 268 00:13:57,166 --> 00:14:01,433 I asked you never to joke about? 269 00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:05,383 Nice work, Miss Fine. My book was rejected. They hated it. 270 00:14:05,416 --> 00:14:08,660 Oh, I'm sure you're exaggerating. 271 00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:11,160 They couldn't have hated it. "We hate it." 272 00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:15,466 Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Sheffield. I don't know what's happening. 273 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,660 I'm making mistakes left and right. 274 00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:21,160 I've lost my powers. Oh, no. 275 00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:24,830 I'm like Aunt Clara onBewitched. 276 00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:28,400 Fran, did you send my videotape of the bris 277 00:14:28,433 --> 00:14:31,483 toAmerica's Wackiest Home Videos? 278 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,660 I quit. That's it. 279 00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:34,483 I'm not fit to raise children anymore. 280 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,100 I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know anything anymore. 281 00:14:37,133 --> 00:14:39,150 I don't know anything. 282 00:14:39,183 --> 00:14:41,183 Well, my tape got picked. 283 00:14:41,216 --> 00:14:44,500 I knew it. I knew it! 284 00:14:44,830 --> 00:14:47,200 Well, the best part is we all get a free trip to Hollywood. 285 00:14:47,233 --> 00:14:50,233 Oh, do you know what this means? 286 00:14:50,266 --> 00:14:53,450 You and Ethel are gonna steal John Wayne's footprints? 287 00:14:53,483 --> 00:14:57,500 No, no. It means that my instincts are back, 288 00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,330 and I'm better than ever. 289 00:14:59,660 --> 00:15:01,660 What about this? 290 00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:03,183 Mr. Sheffield, I'm a nanny. 291 00:15:03,216 --> 00:15:05,183 You hired me to take care of kids. 292 00:15:05,216 --> 00:15:06,483 You're a grown man. 293 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:08,383 You want your problems solved, 294 00:15:08,416 --> 00:15:10,266 get a wife. 295 00:15:13,333 --> 00:15:15,383 SINGER: ♪♪ Out where they say ♪♪ 296 00:15:15,416 --> 00:15:17,830 ♪♪ Let us be gay ♪♪ 297 00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:20,400 ♪♪ I'm going Hollywood ♪♪ 298 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:23,383 ♪♪ I'm ballyhoo ♪♪ 299 00:15:23,416 --> 00:15:25,330 ♪♪ Greetings to you ♪♪ 300 00:15:25,660 --> 00:15:28,100 ♪♪ I'm going Hollywood ♪♪ 301 00:15:29,416 --> 00:15:33,216 Well, here we are back at Stage 6 again. 302 00:15:33,250 --> 00:15:35,483 You know, my people found their way out of the desert 303 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,450 faster than you're gonna find Stage 14. 304 00:15:38,483 --> 00:15:42,000 Can you please ask someone for directions? 305 00:15:42,330 --> 00:15:45,350 Miss Fine, I have been in show business my entire life. 306 00:15:45,383 --> 00:15:48,366 I think I can find my way around a studio. 307 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,250 Okay. Do you want to write it down this time? 308 00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:52,383 It's complicated. 309 00:15:52,416 --> 00:15:57,330 You go down there past Stage 12 and next to it, 310 00:15:57,660 --> 00:15:59,400 what do you know, 13. 311 00:15:59,433 --> 00:16:03,183 And surprise, 14 is after that. 312 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,300 All right. No need to be so snide. 313 00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:09,660 Really. You know, he's a big-time producer. 314 00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:10,233 Really? 315 00:16:14,660 --> 00:16:15,183 What do you produce? 316 00:16:16,316 --> 00:16:18,500 Broadway. 317 00:16:18,830 --> 00:16:21,216 Theater? All right. Move on. Move on. 318 00:16:21,250 --> 00:16:23,383 These things cost a buck fifty each. 319 00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:26,333 Maybe I should just catch up with you guys atWackiest Videos. 320 00:16:26,366 --> 00:16:28,233 I got to find myself a bathroom. 321 00:16:28,266 --> 00:16:31,166 Oh, ah, well, there's one of those right there. 322 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:35,400 Yeah, you go down to wardrobe and make a right... 323 00:16:35,433 --> 00:16:37,483 no left. Left. 324 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,150 [SCATTING] 325 00:16:46,183 --> 00:16:48,333 ♪♪ Bonanza ♪♪ 326 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,500 ♪♪ Meanwhile, where do you pee? ♪♪ 327 00:16:54,830 --> 00:16:58,300 ♪♪ Gotta go, gotta go, gotta really go ♪♪ 328 00:17:07,450 --> 00:17:10,660 We don't want everyone to panic, but this could be an epidemic. 329 00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:12,283 Well, maybe we should move the children. 330 00:17:12,316 --> 00:17:13,400 Pardon me. 331 00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:15,200 WOMAN: Cut! Cut! 332 00:17:15,233 --> 00:17:17,100 Oh, well, as long as you're stopped. 333 00:17:17,133 --> 00:17:20,500 Oh, Dr. Quinn, I just love you so much. 334 00:17:20,830 --> 00:17:23,316 I watch you every Saturday night. Not that I don't date. 335 00:17:23,350 --> 00:17:26,166 I mean, I can tape it if someone would ask me out. 336 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,366 -Hi, I'm Fran Fine. -I'm Joe Lando. 337 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,133 DR. QUINN: Excuse me. Excuse me, please, but we're... 338 00:17:30,166 --> 00:17:31,400 we're--we're in the middle of something. 339 00:17:31,433 --> 00:17:32,483 FRAN: Honey, honey, 340 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:34,116 you're only married to him on the show. 341 00:17:34,150 --> 00:17:36,216 When they yell "Cut," let it go. 342 00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:41,216 Meanwhile, that coat is to die for. 343 00:17:41,250 --> 00:17:43,233 Did you get that over at the mercantile? 344 00:17:43,266 --> 00:17:46,160 Well, that's just a storefront, a set. It's-- 345 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:47,350 Everything here is fake. It's... 346 00:17:47,383 --> 00:17:49,266 -Fake. -Oh. 347 00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:52,830 Even the john in your clinic over here? 348 00:17:52,116 --> 00:17:53,400 Mmm-hmm. 349 00:17:54,266 --> 00:17:56,133 Fake. 350 00:17:58,330 --> 00:18:01,250 I'm sorry. It looked real. 351 00:18:01,283 --> 00:18:04,150 Oh, now I know how Tom Arnold felt. 352 00:18:05,330 --> 00:18:07,333 [♪♪♪] 353 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,216 Excuse me? Pardon me? Cute shoes. 354 00:18:42,466 --> 00:18:45,350 -Where's everybody going? -Miss Fine, where have you been? 355 00:18:45,383 --> 00:18:47,000 You missed the entire show. 356 00:18:47,330 --> 00:18:50,216 Oh, I wandered onto theDr. Quinn 357 00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:52,330 Say, you know that meeting that you were gonna have 358 00:18:52,660 --> 00:18:54,466 -with Jane Seymour about that new play? -Hmm-hmm. 359 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:56,233 Don't bring her to the house. 360 00:18:58,233 --> 00:19:00,400 -So, what happened? Did B win? -Uh, no. 361 00:19:00,433 --> 00:19:02,450 Something calledMeet the Dunson Twins 362 00:19:02,483 --> 00:19:05,266 Oh, is Brighton crushed? 363 00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:08,000 No. Meet the Dunson twins. 364 00:19:11,166 --> 00:19:12,416 I love show business. 365 00:19:14,250 --> 00:19:17,450 Oh, another happy ending. 366 00:19:17,483 --> 00:19:19,466 Oh, you know, a lot of people told me 367 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,133 that I should move here and get into movies. 368 00:19:22,166 --> 00:19:24,116 Oh, what stopped you? 369 00:19:24,150 --> 00:19:25,183 Talkies. 370 00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:41,133 Oh, Maxwell, you're home. 371 00:19:43,330 --> 00:19:44,350 Very funny. 372 00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:46,316 You know, he's due back any moment 373 00:19:46,350 --> 00:19:48,266 so you'd better get out of his suit. 374 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:55,233 So the big, nosy butler just couldn't wait to read Maxwell's book. 375 00:19:55,266 --> 00:19:56,383 How pathetic. 376 00:19:56,416 --> 00:19:59,316 For your information, this is not his book. 377 00:19:59,350 --> 00:20:02,133 It's chapters one through five. 378 00:20:02,166 --> 00:20:04,333 -I've got six through ten. -I'll trade you, trade you. 379 00:20:07,150 --> 00:20:08,166 [EXCLAIMING] 380 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,300 Oh, Mr. Sheffield, you're home. 381 00:20:10,333 --> 00:20:12,250 Oh, right. [CHUCKLES] 382 00:20:14,150 --> 00:20:16,333 Like I'm gonna fall for that? 383 00:20:16,366 --> 00:20:21,500 [EXCLAIMING] I'm reading Maxwell's stupid book. 384 00:20:21,830 --> 00:20:24,383 -C.C. -And it's great! It's good! 385 00:20:25,483 --> 00:20:27,233 I tried to stop her, sir. 386 00:20:27,266 --> 00:20:29,350 Look, I ripped half of it out of her hand. 387 00:20:31,250 --> 00:20:34,133 Oh, I'm so glad to be home. 388 00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:37,150 But I'll tell you, I'm gonna miss that room service. 389 00:20:37,183 --> 00:20:41,250 Niles, could you make me some hot tea and turn down my bed? 390 00:20:41,283 --> 00:20:42,400 I can't wait to show my class 391 00:20:42,433 --> 00:20:44,216 the pretzels that Joey Lawrence... 392 00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:46,133 -..left on the plane. - [SQUEALING] 393 00:20:46,166 --> 00:20:48,000 Joey Lawrence wasn't on the plane. 394 00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:49,483 Neither was my class. 395 00:20:52,366 --> 00:20:54,333 -I--I don't believe it. -What? What? 396 00:20:54,366 --> 00:20:57,116 Someone's going to publish my book. 397 00:20:57,150 --> 00:21:01,250 Oh, now you see, I knew you had talent. 398 00:21:01,283 --> 00:21:04,133 I hope you never doubt yourself again. 399 00:21:04,166 --> 00:21:07,466 Well, I must say, Miss Fine, this is a little thrilling. 400 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,166 I, uh... I suppose I do owe you a bit of an apology. 401 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:13,660 Oh, please, please, all I'm happy about 402 00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:15,350 is that everyone knows how good you are. 403 00:21:17,183 --> 00:21:19,233 -Miss Fine? -Yeah? 404 00:21:19,266 --> 00:21:22,830 How much are you paying to have his book published? 405 00:21:22,116 --> 00:21:23,416 [SHUSHING] 406 00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:25,150 $2,500. 407 00:21:25,183 --> 00:21:26,450 Where are you getting the money? 408 00:21:26,483 --> 00:21:28,383 I thought I'd ask you for it. 409 00:21:28,416 --> 00:21:31,233 Old instincts are gone again. 410 00:21:31,266 --> 00:21:33,366 Miss Fine, what if he finds out? 411 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:35,333 Oh, trust me, he's never gonna find out. 412 00:21:35,366 --> 00:21:37,333 What? They enclosed a bill with the letter? 413 00:21:37,366 --> 00:21:39,316 Miss Fine! 414 00:21:51,283 --> 00:21:53,433 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING]