1
00:00:05,133 --> 00:00:07,250
Ahh!
2
00:00:07,283 --> 00:00:09,216
Ahh!
3
00:00:09,466 --> 00:00:12,660
Ah!
4
00:00:12,100 --> 00:00:14,283
-Hi.
-Hi.
5
00:00:14,316 --> 00:00:16,366
Say, are those flowers
for your girlfriend?
6
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,266
Yeah actually,
they're for my
fiancée.
7
00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:21,330
She's wonderful. We're getting
married in a couple of weeks,
8
00:00:21,660 --> 00:00:22,400
over at the...
9
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:30,333
Is there something
I can do for you?
10
00:00:30,366 --> 00:00:34,366
Yes. But we hardly
know each other.
11
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,400
Actually, I wanted to order
two-dozen white tulips
12
00:00:37,433 --> 00:00:41,116
to be delivered to my son,
Maxwell Sheffield.
13
00:00:41,150 --> 00:00:43,466
Sorry. That woman has
the last of the
tulips.
14
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:44,483
Who?
15
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,133
That girl.
16
00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:49,830
[THAT GIRL
17
00:00:52,183 --> 00:00:55,830
I had my eye on those.
18
00:00:55,116 --> 00:00:57,466
Oh, well, I had my eye
on Antonio Banderas,
19
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,830
but I ain't taking him
home either.
20
00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:04,333
Darling, what if I bought you
some plastic flowers
21
00:01:04,366 --> 00:01:08,150
to go with that petroleum
product you're wearing?
22
00:01:10,330 --> 00:01:12,450
Well, as if the
Brits
are so stylish?
23
00:01:12,483 --> 00:01:17,466
News flash, the royal
wedding
pictures looked likeMama's
Family.
24
00:01:19,466 --> 00:01:22,400
These New Yorkers
are so pushy.
25
00:01:22,433 --> 00:01:24,283
Give me the damn tulips.
26
00:01:24,316 --> 00:01:27,350
Hey, my boss sent me out to buy
tulips for his mother,
27
00:01:27,383 --> 00:01:29,433
and I want the old
bat
to like me.
28
00:01:29,466 --> 00:01:31,183
Give me
that.
Give me...
29
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:33,450
Oh, what are we fighting
about?
You keep it.
30
00:01:33,483 --> 00:01:35,660
There's a whole fresh batch
31
00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:37,166
right there in
the refrigerator.
32
00:01:38,250 --> 00:01:40,316
In that case, you keep
the wilted ones.
33
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,150
Fine.
34
00:01:48,183 --> 00:01:50,216
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
35
00:01:50,250 --> 00:01:53,150
SINGER:♪♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens ♪♪
36
00:01:53,183 --> 00:01:54,383
♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪♪
37
00:01:54,416 --> 00:01:56,250
♪♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪♪
38
00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:58,166
♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
39
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:01,183
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
40
00:02:01,216 --> 00:02:04,160
♪♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing
to the Sheffields' door ♪♪
41
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:06,283
♪♪ She was there
to sell makeup,
but the father saw more ♪♪
42
00:02:06,316 --> 00:02:08,466
♪♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there! ♪♪
43
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:12,830
♪♪ That's how
she became the nanny! ♪♪
44
00:02:12,116 --> 00:02:15,150
♪♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl
we've described ♪♪
45
00:02:15,183 --> 00:02:17,433
♪♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
46
00:02:17,466 --> 00:02:19,830
♪♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling ♪♪
47
00:02:19,116 --> 00:02:20,316
♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪
48
00:02:20,350 --> 00:02:21,416
♪♪ And the kids
are actually smiling ♪♪
49
00:02:21,450 --> 00:02:23,466
♪♪ Such♪♪
50
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:28,416
♪♪ She's the lady in red
when everybody else
is wearing tan ♪♪
51
00:02:28,450 --> 00:02:30,466
♪♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪♪
52
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,300
♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪
53
00:02:35,483 --> 00:02:38,660
Niles, when I meet
Mr. Sheffield's mother,
54
00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:39,316
do I gotta curtsy
55
00:02:39,350 --> 00:02:42,416
because if I do, this
skirt
turns into a tube top.
56
00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:46,266
Oh, I'm sure you're
exaggerating,
57
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,160
but go ahead, try.
58
00:02:49,483 --> 00:02:53,316
Bad butler.
Anyway,
I think it's
gorgeous.
59
00:02:53,350 --> 00:02:55,366
If she doesn't like it,
tough.
I'm not changing again.
60
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,416
Oh, Miss Fine, is
that
what you're
wearing?
61
00:02:57,450 --> 00:02:59,433
Hell, no.
62
00:02:59,466 --> 00:03:01,000
Thank you.
63
00:03:01,330 --> 00:03:02,216
My mother derives sustenance
64
00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:04,133
from criticizing everything
in my life.
65
00:03:04,166 --> 00:03:06,333
Yeah? So? Oh, I keep
forgetting.
66
00:03:06,366 --> 00:03:07,483
You're not Jewish.
67
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:11,400
Maxwell, your adversarial
relationship
68
00:03:11,433 --> 00:03:13,266
with your mother is
your own fault.
69
00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:15,433
I find I catch more flies
with honey.
70
00:03:15,466 --> 00:03:18,133
I always thought your
tongue
darted out.
71
00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:21,133
[DOORBELL RINGS]
72
00:03:25,216 --> 00:03:26,366
Hello, Mother.
73
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,150
Hello, darling.
74
00:03:29,166 --> 00:03:30,416
Oh, look at you.
75
00:03:30,450 --> 00:03:33,330
The spitting image
of your father.
76
00:03:33,660 --> 00:03:35,366
Same eyes, same smile.
77
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:39,200
All that's missing is the
naked
secretary in your bed,
78
00:03:40,250 --> 00:03:42,183
wearing my pearls.
79
00:03:44,333 --> 00:03:46,316
It's so wonderful to see
you
again, madam.
80
00:03:46,350 --> 00:03:48,330
Liar.
81
00:03:48,660 --> 00:03:50,416
Niles, where are your tails?
82
00:03:50,450 --> 00:03:54,330
He had them cropped when
they did his ears.
83
00:03:54,660 --> 00:03:56,160
[BOTH LAUGHING]
84
00:03:56,500 --> 00:04:00,330
Oh, C.C., you're a
stitch.
I missed you.
85
00:04:01,383 --> 00:04:04,383
Maxwell, you should have
her
write a comedy for you.
86
00:04:04,416 --> 00:04:07,233
God knows, you need a hit.
87
00:04:07,266 --> 00:04:09,660
[MAXWELL CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY]
88
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:11,450
Shall I poison
them
at supper, sir?
89
00:04:13,150 --> 00:04:14,450
Niles!
90
00:04:14,483 --> 00:04:16,250
It's two hours away.
91
00:04:18,266 --> 00:04:20,200
Oh, Elizabeth, I can't wait
to tell you
92
00:04:20,233 --> 00:04:23,116
all the exciting things that
are
going on in my life.
93
00:04:23,150 --> 00:04:25,166
Right after I visit
the powder room,
dear.
94
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:28,183
Oh, please, she'll be done
before you get there.
95
00:04:32,150 --> 00:04:35,316
Is this any better? This
skirt's a designer label.
96
00:04:35,350 --> 00:04:38,216
The label's lovely.
Where's the rest of it?
97
00:04:39,466 --> 00:04:41,333
Oh, I got your
mother
a little present
98
00:04:41,366 --> 00:04:44,660
and lucky for you, I think
I left it upstairs.
99
00:04:47,233 --> 00:04:49,433
Oh, I forgot my handbag.
100
00:04:49,466 --> 00:04:53,366
Oh, you know, on second
thought,
I think it's in the kitchen.
101
00:04:58,500 --> 00:04:59,200
[CAR HORN HONKING]
102
00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:03,133
Oh, I brought my chauffeur
over with me.
103
00:05:03,166 --> 00:05:05,500
I'll just tell him to go.
104
00:05:05,830 --> 00:05:07,830
When did you hire
a new driver?
105
00:05:07,116 --> 00:05:10,150
When your father hired
a new secretary.
106
00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:13,433
Jean Luc.
107
00:05:15,450 --> 00:05:19,660
I had Grandma Yetta make your
mother her famous prune Danish.
108
00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:20,383
I figured, you know,
with all the flying,
109
00:05:20,416 --> 00:05:22,383
the change in water,
she could use it.
110
00:05:23,366 --> 00:05:25,233
That's a lovely
thought,
Miss Fine.
111
00:05:25,266 --> 00:05:28,316
But my mother's not
really
the prune Danish type.
112
00:05:28,350 --> 00:05:32,116
Oh, well, she will be after
she eats ma's stuffed derma.
113
00:05:32,150 --> 00:05:33,116
[DOORBELL RINGS]
114
00:05:33,150 --> 00:05:35,000
Oh, I'll get it.
115
00:05:38,660 --> 00:05:39,333
-You?
-You?
116
00:05:39,366 --> 00:05:41,200
What are you, nuts?
117
00:05:41,233 --> 00:05:43,660
You followed me home?
118
00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:44,400
What kind of a psycho case
are you?
119
00:05:44,433 --> 00:05:47,300
Would you get a life,
you fruitcake?
120
00:05:53,450 --> 00:05:56,233
Do you know who that
weirdo was?
121
00:05:58,100 --> 00:05:59,250
That's my mother.
122
00:06:03,216 --> 00:06:05,116
You think she liked me?
123
00:06:05,150 --> 00:06:06,450
[♪♪♪]
124
00:06:10,466 --> 00:06:13,100
Turn around. Let's see
how you look.
125
00:06:16,233 --> 00:06:19,383
Isn't it wonderful?
We could be twins.
126
00:06:21,116 --> 00:06:23,350
Margaret, do take that off.
You look 50.
127
00:06:27,830 --> 00:06:30,450
Uh, grandma, Fran and I sort
of
have a shopping routine.
128
00:06:30,483 --> 00:06:34,183
You see, I buy
outfits
I actually like,
129
00:06:34,216 --> 00:06:37,166
and she looks for a
husband
in the men's department.
130
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:43,660
Darling, I know you prefer
a more plunging neckline,
131
00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:45,330
but don't you think
we should wait
132
00:06:45,660 --> 00:06:48,830
until you have something
more to plunge into?
133
00:06:50,183 --> 00:06:51,250
Oh, God!
134
00:06:54,133 --> 00:06:56,160
You're so good with her.
135
00:06:58,330 --> 00:06:59,233
C.C., I'm really worried
136
00:06:59,266 --> 00:07:02,266
about this-- this nanny
that Maxwell's hired.
137
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:06,333
So am I, but I don't
want to say anything...
138
00:07:06,366 --> 00:07:09,183
except she's a
low-life
gold digger
139
00:07:09,216 --> 00:07:10,483
who's trying to move
in
on the family.
140
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,660
Did I tell you she
has
designs on Maxwell?
141
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,216
Oh, please, C.C.
142
00:07:15,250 --> 00:07:17,450
Maxwell would never fall
for a trollop like that.
143
00:07:17,483 --> 00:07:20,100
If he's anything
like his father...
144
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,350
Oh, God.
145
00:07:24,383 --> 00:07:28,483
Well, let's just pray
that she'll take good
care of the children.
146
00:07:30,830 --> 00:07:32,216
All right, honey.
Just hold up your nose.
147
00:07:32,250 --> 00:07:33,266
You're leaving a trail
of blood
148
00:07:33,300 --> 00:07:36,660
even the O.J. jury
couldn't ignore.
149
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:38,166
Lord, what happened?
150
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,116
We won.
151
00:07:40,150 --> 00:07:41,250
C.C., call a doctor.
152
00:07:41,283 --> 00:07:44,250
Oh, no. It's okay. The coach
said he's fine.
153
00:07:44,283 --> 00:07:46,200
Just to watch out
if he vomits
154
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:48,660
or falls for no reason.
155
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:50,416
Okay, sweetie, go upstairs
and get cleaned up.
156
00:07:50,450 --> 00:07:54,116
But scream if your
shoulder
blade pops out again.
157
00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,283
You know, just
forget
what I said.
158
00:07:57,316 --> 00:08:00,400
If you had Maxwell fire
her,
I'd just hate myself.
159
00:08:00,433 --> 00:08:02,500
[POPPING]
160
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:05,433
Miss Fine.
161
00:08:05,466 --> 00:08:07,660
Yes?
162
00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:09,433
Where were you when the boy
was brutalized?
163
00:08:09,466 --> 00:08:12,450
I was schmearing eggs on
the other team's bus.
164
00:08:14,150 --> 00:08:16,383
Oh, look, when did
you two get so
thick?
165
00:08:16,416 --> 00:08:19,333
Oh, well, for me, it happened
around the 14th,
166
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:22,350
but she must have had salty
nuts
on the plane.
167
00:08:25,216 --> 00:08:28,183
Maxwell, do
do up your-- your shirt.
168
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:30,450
I can't distinguish you
from the servants.
169
00:08:30,483 --> 00:08:33,350
Oh, that's easy. I'm the
one
who's actually working.
170
00:08:33,383 --> 00:08:35,433
[FRAN LAUGHS]
171
00:08:38,330 --> 00:08:39,283
Oh, that's a good one.
172
00:08:39,316 --> 00:08:42,216
I can't wait to tell Niles
when
he comes back from the track.
173
00:08:42,250 --> 00:08:47,216
Ma... Mother, do you
mind?
It's hot in my office.
174
00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:52,200
-Oh, I don't remember
coming in there.
-[BOTH CHUCKLE]
175
00:08:52,233 --> 00:08:53,383
You know, sometimes Miss Fine
176
00:08:53,416 --> 00:08:57,350
sits on the edge of my
desk
in one of her outfits.
177
00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:04,350
Yes, well, carry on.
178
00:09:04,383 --> 00:09:07,466
Oh, is he adorable or what?
179
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,100
Boy, when he was
a little baby,
180
00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:11,466
how did you keep
from
biting his tushy?
181
00:09:15,330 --> 00:09:17,283
I guess that prune
Danish
didn't kick in yet.
182
00:09:19,250 --> 00:09:21,000
Bad news, sir.
183
00:09:21,330 --> 00:09:22,416
I'm afraid there's
been
an emergency.
184
00:09:22,450 --> 00:09:26,366
Your mother's been called
back
to London and is packing as
we
185
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,330
Really?
186
00:09:33,330 --> 00:09:35,830
Early April Fool's, sir.
187
00:09:40,433 --> 00:09:42,233
Not funny, Niles.
188
00:09:42,266 --> 00:09:44,483
This is not a good day
to tease me.
189
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,366
Miss Babcock never made it
to the theater.
190
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,333
-I'm afraid she's missing.
-Really?
191
00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,266
April Fool's to
the second power.
192
00:09:58,183 --> 00:10:01,166
Mine was funny, sir.
That's just plain cruel.
193
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:05,500
Maxwell, I have
something
to discuss with you.
194
00:10:05,830 --> 00:10:08,333
Oh, Mother, much as I'd love
to stay and chat,
195
00:10:08,366 --> 00:10:12,200
I'm afraid I have
a meeting with...
196
00:10:12,233 --> 00:10:13,350
Ethel Merman.
197
00:10:13,383 --> 00:10:15,333
Yes.
198
00:10:15,366 --> 00:10:19,166
And I may be a while
because she's dead.
199
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:24,483
Then I'd better go cancel,
sir.
200
00:10:27,433 --> 00:10:30,416
Maxwell, I'd like to
dismiss your nanny.
201
00:10:30,450 --> 00:10:32,483
Don't you mean
discuss,
Mother?
202
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:34,383
No.
203
00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:38,450
Mother, why this sudden
interest in my life, hmm?
204
00:10:38,483 --> 00:10:40,416
Did your poodle die?
205
00:10:42,450 --> 00:10:45,116
Well, about this nanny,
206
00:10:45,150 --> 00:10:48,150
I think she has far too much
influence over the children.
207
00:10:48,183 --> 00:10:51,200
I can assure you, Mother,
I don't know what you mean.
208
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,300
Daddy, look at me.
Who am I?
209
00:11:01,333 --> 00:11:03,830
[IMITATING FRAN LAUGHING]
210
00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:11,330
[CHUCKLES] That's very nice,
sweetheart. Now go change.
211
00:11:11,660 --> 00:11:12,433
I can't. I'm playing doctor.
212
00:11:12,466 --> 00:11:17,200
Ooh, ha, are you married?
Ha, ha!
213
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:27,830
Maxwell, let me make
myself
quite clear.
214
00:11:27,116 --> 00:11:28,483
I know that there's
something going on
215
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:30,416
between you and
this
nanny person,
216
00:11:30,450 --> 00:11:32,300
and I will not allow it.
217
00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:35,283
Mother, there is nothing
going on between...
218
00:11:35,316 --> 00:11:36,300
Wait a minute.
219
00:11:36,333 --> 00:11:38,200
What do you mean
you won't allow it?
220
00:11:38,233 --> 00:11:40,333
You are a Sheffield, dear.
221
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:43,166
This woman's not of our class.
222
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,383
Oh, that is preposterous.
223
00:11:45,416 --> 00:11:48,250
Knock, knock. Oh, you've
gotta see this.
224
00:11:48,283 --> 00:11:52,660
Hello, Dolly!
spelled out in SpaghettiOs.
225
00:11:55,660 --> 00:11:59,183
I swear, it poured
right out of the can.
226
00:11:59,216 --> 00:12:02,133
I mean, is that freaky or what?
227
00:12:04,250 --> 00:12:08,100
Maxwell, if you pursue this...
228
00:12:08,133 --> 00:12:09,450
that...that,
229
00:12:09,483 --> 00:12:12,450
I will have no choice
but to disinherit you.
230
00:12:12,483 --> 00:12:16,133
Well, I don't need your money,
Mother, or your approval.
231
00:12:16,166 --> 00:12:17,433
And I'll do whatever
the bloody hell I like.
232
00:12:17,466 --> 00:12:20,416
Oh, don't talk to your
mother
like that.
233
00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:25,183
Miss Fine, will you
marry me?
234
00:12:25,216 --> 00:12:27,133
-[FRAN GASPS]
-What?
235
00:12:30,133 --> 00:12:31,200
Are you out of your...
236
00:12:31,233 --> 00:12:33,416
Oh, let him get a
word
in edgewise, lady.
237
00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:38,383
Maxwell, stop making a
spectacle
of yourself.
238
00:12:38,416 --> 00:12:41,300
Oh... oh, did you think
that was a spectacle?
239
00:12:41,333 --> 00:12:43,433
Oh, no, Mother.
240
00:12:43,466 --> 00:12:45,183
This is.
241
00:12:57,433 --> 00:13:01,350
Oh, Mr. Sheffield, marry you?
242
00:13:01,383 --> 00:13:03,133
Oh, this is all so sudden.
243
00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:06,483
I mean, I'm really gonna
have to think about--
okay.
244
00:13:17,133 --> 00:13:18,166
Oh, God, Niles,
245
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,416
I've really done it
this time.
246
00:13:20,450 --> 00:13:22,416
You're not gonna believe
what I just did.
247
00:13:22,450 --> 00:13:25,300
You mean your attempt
to get back at your mother
for missing you inHamlet
248
00:13:25,333 --> 00:13:27,150
by asking Miss Fine to marry
you
in front of her,
249
00:13:27,183 --> 00:13:30,000
resulting in Miss Fine
skipping
from the room...
250
00:13:32,183 --> 00:13:35,160
singing, "Sadie, Sadie,
married lady"?
251
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:42,830
Cleaning the intercom
with that big, fat, nosy
ear of yours again, Niles?
252
00:13:42,116 --> 00:13:44,500
No, sir. I just guessed.
253
00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:47,283
You mean I'm right?
254
00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:51,450
I don't know what came over me.
I mean, what am I gonna do?
255
00:13:51,483 --> 00:13:55,330
Well, I'm afraid
you've got no choice, sir.
You have to marry Miss Fine.
256
00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:56,433
You'll honeymoon in Provence.
257
00:13:59,133 --> 00:14:01,316
I'll make the reservation.
258
00:14:01,350 --> 00:14:04,100
Whatever my mother says,
I have to do the opposite.
259
00:14:04,133 --> 00:14:06,233
You see, I'm not happy
unless I defy her.
260
00:14:06,266 --> 00:14:08,350
Well, she deserves it,
sir.
Punish her.
261
00:14:08,383 --> 00:14:09,466
Rub her nose in it.
262
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,483
Oh,bonjour.
263
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,100
Hang up, man. I'm not going
through with it.
264
00:14:14,133 --> 00:14:16,266
Oh, you stupid fool.
265
00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:19,100
Monsieur, au revoir.
266
00:14:21,166 --> 00:14:23,000
The French, sir.
267
00:14:24,183 --> 00:14:26,000
What a rotten thing to do,
268
00:14:26,330 --> 00:14:29,250
dragging Miss Fine into
the middle of all this.
269
00:14:29,283 --> 00:14:31,200
Poor thing has a crush
on me as it is.
270
00:14:31,233 --> 00:14:33,266
Oh, she does, does she?
271
00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:36,350
Oh, come on, man,
wouldn't you?
272
00:14:40,266 --> 00:14:43,466
Yes, well, you've always been
the sunshine of my life, sir.
273
00:14:45,383 --> 00:14:47,000
Oh, I don't know, Niles.
274
00:14:47,330 --> 00:14:48,450
Maybe I'm making
too much of all this.
275
00:14:48,483 --> 00:14:50,830
I mean, surely she
must realize
276
00:14:50,116 --> 00:14:53,150
I just blurted it out in
the heat of the moment?
277
00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:56,400
Yes, she couldn't possibly
have taken me seriously.
278
00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:04,250
Now, Ma, I want the wedding
to be really classy
279
00:15:04,283 --> 00:15:07,466
so don't invite
anyone
from our side.
280
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,450
Oh, Fran, these invitations
are gorgeous.
281
00:15:10,483 --> 00:15:12,660
Invitations?
282
00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:13,416
Ma, I called you
two hours ago
283
00:15:13,450 --> 00:15:16,160
and said I was
getting married.
284
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:19,133
Sweetheart, I have been
preparing for this
moment
285
00:15:19,166 --> 00:15:22,100
since before your
embryo
had a yolk sac.
286
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:28,433
Let's go over the wedding
list
that we made out together.
287
00:15:28,466 --> 00:15:30,100
Alright.
288
00:15:36,830 --> 00:15:38,330
Dead. Dead.
289
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:41,466
Dead.
Any minute now.
290
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,266
Oh, Ma, gee, this affair
might end up
291
00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:47,500
being cheaper than
we thought.
292
00:15:47,830 --> 00:15:51,160
Maybe you could spring for
the double-stuffed potato.
293
00:15:52,266 --> 00:15:53,350
Do you still want to dance
294
00:15:53,383 --> 00:15:56,316
your first dance
toSexual
Healing?
295
00:15:56,350 --> 00:15:58,216
Oh, no, no.
296
00:15:58,250 --> 00:16:01,150
I filled that out,
like, 20 years ago.
297
00:16:01,183 --> 00:16:04,100
Let's go with
Play That Funky
Music White Boy.
298
00:16:09,216 --> 00:16:12,466
Meanwhile, my gown looks
gorgeous on you.
299
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:17,216
Can you believe that I was
that
size when I was your age?
300
00:16:17,250 --> 00:16:19,350
Yeah, well, let's not
tell
Mr. Sheffield.
301
00:16:19,383 --> 00:16:22,166
No reason to give
him
a crystal ball.
302
00:16:29,333 --> 00:16:31,150
Oh, by the way, Ma,
you know,
303
00:16:31,183 --> 00:16:32,400
Daddy's gonna give
me away
304
00:16:32,433 --> 00:16:34,483
so you better get his good
hair
out of the fur vault.
305
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,233
All right.
306
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:40,383
Oh, Morty,
307
00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:44,483
could you stop sucking the
chocolate off the Raisinets?
308
00:16:48,450 --> 00:16:51,000
Remember?
309
00:16:51,330 --> 00:16:53,483
Oh, Fran, you and
Mr. Sheffield.
310
00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:55,200
This is like a fairy tale.
311
00:16:55,233 --> 00:16:57,283
I know. Isn't it great?
312
00:16:57,316 --> 00:16:58,483
And it's so sudden.
313
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:01,000
You don't even call each other
by your first names
314
00:17:01,330 --> 00:17:03,333
and boom, he pops
the question.
315
00:17:03,366 --> 00:17:05,250
I know. Isn't it great?
316
00:17:05,283 --> 00:17:09,266
And what's amazing
is that he asked you
in front of his mother.
317
00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:10,383
You said they didn't
get along
318
00:17:10,416 --> 00:17:13,160
and that he would do
anything to spite her.
319
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:16,166
My God, Val, Mr. Sheffield
proposed to me
320
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,166
just to get even
with his mother.
321
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,233
Oh, wow!
322
00:17:21,283 --> 00:17:23,300
Good thing she showed up,
huh?
323
00:17:25,133 --> 00:17:30,000
Val, I can't marry
someone
under false pretenses.
324
00:17:30,330 --> 00:17:31,166
You can't?
325
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,200
Gee, you think you know
a person.
326
00:17:34,233 --> 00:17:35,316
So what are you gonna do?
327
00:17:35,350 --> 00:17:38,183
What any woman in my position
would do.
328
00:17:38,216 --> 00:17:41,000
I'm gonna screw with his
head
so bad
329
00:17:41,330 --> 00:17:43,216
he's gonna look
like
Mister Softee.
330
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,400
[DOORBELL BUZZ]
331
00:17:52,433 --> 00:17:54,433
-Hello, darling.
-I just...
332
00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:59,333
Miss Fine, I mean, Fran.
I mean...
333
00:17:59,366 --> 00:18:01,366
Oh, what difference does it
make
what you call me?
334
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,416
After the honeymoon
night,
it's just gonna be...
335
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:06,300
[GROWLING]
336
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,660
Oh, I'm so glad
you got my message.
337
00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:12,216
I really wanted to see you.
338
00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:13,383
Uh, Miss Fine...
339
00:18:13,416 --> 00:18:16,330
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
340
00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:19,160
you want to play that game.
Okay.
341
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:22,160
You're the boss,
and I'm the nanny.
342
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:26,366
You give me a raise,
and I'll give you one.
343
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,100
Stop it!
344
00:18:30,466 --> 00:18:33,200
Stop it, Miss Fine.
We're in
your mother's house.
345
00:18:33,233 --> 00:18:35,383
So? The couch has protection.
346
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,416
Miss Fine, there's
something
I have to tell you.
347
00:18:40,450 --> 00:18:43,150
Oh, I knew it. I knew it.
348
00:18:43,183 --> 00:18:45,116
Are you very
upset
with me?
349
00:18:45,150 --> 00:18:48,150
No. I want my parents
to move in with us, too.
350
00:18:48,183 --> 00:18:50,283
Oh, Morty. Did you hear that?
351
00:18:50,316 --> 00:18:53,166
We're moving on up
to the east side.
352
00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:57,250
No, no, no, Sylvia.
353
00:18:57,283 --> 00:18:59,400
Uh, I--I was just trying
to explain to Miss Fine...
354
00:18:59,433 --> 00:19:03,266
Sylvia? Why so formal?
Call me Ma.
355
00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:05,100
We're family.
356
00:19:05,133 --> 00:19:06,283
[SPEAKING YIDDISH]
357
00:19:08,366 --> 00:19:11,433
Oh, sweetheart, I'm
gonna
make you so happy.
358
00:19:11,466 --> 00:19:14,000
The first thing you
hear
in the morning
359
00:19:14,330 --> 00:19:18,183
and the last thing you hear
at
night is gonna be my voice.
360
00:19:19,166 --> 00:19:21,366
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
361
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,433
Oh, look who's here.
362
00:19:29,660 --> 00:19:31,500
Wait, I schmeared you.
363
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,400
Mother, what are you
doing here?
364
00:19:35,433 --> 00:19:38,166
Well, I invited her, honey.
365
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:41,160
Come on in. We gotta get to
know each other better.
366
00:19:41,500 --> 00:19:42,283
Sit down, Ma.
367
00:19:42,316 --> 00:19:43,450
And if you stick
to the plastic,
368
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:47,000
don't get up quick
unless
you need a waxing.
369
00:19:50,116 --> 00:19:52,233
Would you like to take off
your shoes, honey?
370
00:19:52,266 --> 00:19:56,116
I got a bunch of slippers
from TWA.
371
00:19:56,150 --> 00:19:58,160
No, no, no. Thank you so much.
372
00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:02,166
I've got something far more
comforting from the
Concorde.
373
00:20:08,216 --> 00:20:09,366
Maxwell,
374
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:12,383
I only came here because I know
what you're up to.
375
00:20:12,416 --> 00:20:15,830
A mother doesn't raise a son
for the four years
376
00:20:15,116 --> 00:20:18,283
before boarding school
and come away with nothing.
377
00:20:18,316 --> 00:20:21,133
Oh, that was you
for
those four years?
378
00:20:21,166 --> 00:20:24,316
I thought it was Niles
disguised as Kim Novak.
379
00:20:26,830 --> 00:20:29,366
Maxwell, just admit that you're
marrying this girl to spite me.
380
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:33,433
Oh, hey, now, wait a
minute
there, Ma.
381
00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:36,160
I've lived with this
man
for three years,
382
00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:40,160
and there's no way that he
would
ever use me like that
383
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:44,316
or play with my
feelings
or hurt me so deeply
384
00:20:46,100 --> 00:20:49,300
that only a Caribbean
cruise
could make up for it.
385
00:20:52,660 --> 00:20:55,316
Well, you obviously don't know
how much my son detests me.
386
00:20:55,350 --> 00:20:58,150
Go on, Maxwell, tell her.
387
00:20:58,183 --> 00:21:01,233
Oh, I don't detest
you,
Mother.
388
00:21:01,266 --> 00:21:03,283
I don't know
you
well enough.
389
00:21:04,283 --> 00:21:06,350
All I do know is you made me
angry enough
390
00:21:06,383 --> 00:21:09,366
to hurt someone I care
very deeply about.
391
00:21:10,450 --> 00:21:13,466
Oh, you're so right,
Maxwell.
392
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,433
We've never been close.
We don't talk.
393
00:21:17,466 --> 00:21:19,383
Perhaps we could
work on that.
394
00:21:19,416 --> 00:21:21,133
[CAR HORN HONKING]
395
00:21:21,166 --> 00:21:23,250
But not now, darling.
396
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:25,283
Jean Luc is waiting for me.
397
00:21:27,466 --> 00:21:31,200
So all this was just
to torture me?
398
00:21:31,233 --> 00:21:33,416
Yeah.
399
00:21:33,450 --> 00:21:36,000
Was it as good for
you
as it was for me?
400
00:21:39,216 --> 00:21:43,100
Miss Fine, I'm... I'm
sorry to
have done this to you.
401
00:21:43,133 --> 00:21:46,350
But believe me, if I was
going
to marry anyone in the
world
402
00:21:46,383 --> 00:21:50,233
to make my mother
miserable,
it would be you.
403
00:21:50,266 --> 00:21:53,250
Oh, how sweet.
404
00:21:53,283 --> 00:21:55,383
There must be something I can
do
to make it up to you.
405
00:21:55,416 --> 00:21:58,330
-No, there's really not.
-No, please, I insist.
Anything.
406
00:21:58,660 --> 00:22:00,660
-Come on, you're insulting me.
-Are you sure?
407
00:22:00,100 --> 00:22:01,483
Well, maybe three things.
408
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:03,483
Don't tell Miss
Babcock
for 48 hours.
409
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,200
I promised Niles.
410
00:22:06,233 --> 00:22:10,316
Oh, and someone's
gonna have to tell Ma.
411
00:22:10,350 --> 00:22:13,183
I figured you'd wanna
do that personally.
412
00:22:13,216 --> 00:22:17,150
And then the third thing is,
well, you can return this.
413
00:22:17,183 --> 00:22:20,216
It's what I was gonna wear
on our honeymoon night.
414
00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:23,233
There's nothing in
here
but lip gloss.
415
00:22:27,133 --> 00:22:29,100
Suffer.
416
00:22:41,366 --> 00:22:44,366
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]