1
00:00:08,483 --> 00:00:12,660
This is what they call
"slightly irregular"?
2
00:00:14,166 --> 00:00:16,330
-MAGGIE: Fran.
-Yeah, honey?
3
00:00:16,660 --> 00:00:17,316
Fran, does it show yet?
4
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:19,166
Wait a second.
5
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,300
What are you talking about?
Does what show?
6
00:00:21,333 --> 00:00:24,250
-That I'll be 16 next week?
-Oh.
7
00:00:24,283 --> 00:00:27,116
Oh, honey. Gee, I felt just
like
my mother
8
00:00:27,150 --> 00:00:31,183
when I told her I lost
my virgin... airline
tickets.
9
00:00:31,216 --> 00:00:33,500
Well, did they give
you
another one?
10
00:00:33,830 --> 00:00:35,500
Oh, no, honey,
11
00:00:35,830 --> 00:00:39,316
when you lose that
ticket,
it's non-refundable.
12
00:00:39,350 --> 00:00:41,216
Unless you get engaged
to Prince Charles,
13
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:44,200
and then it miraculously
reappears.
14
00:00:45,433 --> 00:00:49,233
Maggie, we gotta plan something
special for your sweet 16.
15
00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:51,333
You know, with my panache
and your father's check book,
16
00:00:51,366 --> 00:00:54,830
we could... we could be
two chicks in Aruba,
17
00:00:54,116 --> 00:00:56,166
that's what we could be.
18
00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:59,166
-Well, Dad hasn't said
anything about my
party.
-Hm.
19
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,000
All he does is
pinch my cheek
20
00:01:01,330 --> 00:01:03,166
and call me his almost
grown-up little girl,
21
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:05,316
with this lame grin.
22
00:01:06,183 --> 00:01:08,283
Mmm.
23
00:01:08,316 --> 00:01:13,266
There she is, my
almost
grown-up little girl.
24
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,433
Oh, I can't believe how
big
you've gotten already.
25
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:17,150
You know, it only seems
like
yesterday
26
00:01:17,183 --> 00:01:19,183
I was putting you
on Mr. Potty.
27
00:01:20,466 --> 00:01:23,283
-Dad, you're making me vomit.
-Oh.
28
00:01:23,316 --> 00:01:25,300
Do you remember our
favorite game, hm?
29
00:01:25,333 --> 00:01:29,116
Here comes Mr. Snake.
Oop! Hello.
30
00:01:29,150 --> 00:01:31,250
That's funny, that was
my ex-boyfriend Danny's
31
00:01:31,283 --> 00:01:33,830
favorite game, too.
32
00:01:35,316 --> 00:01:38,166
You know, Dad, for
Tiffany's
sweet 16,
33
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:41,660
her dad flew all of her
friends
to South Africa,
34
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:43,830
and he even got Whitney Houston
to sing.
35
00:01:43,116 --> 00:01:46,300
Okay. If Maggie gets a sweet
16,
I'd like a bar mitzvah.
36
00:01:46,333 --> 00:01:48,660
Brighton, you're not Jewish.
37
00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:50,383
You know, a sizable donation
to Temple Emanu-El
38
00:01:50,416 --> 00:01:53,830
could take care of that.
39
00:01:53,116 --> 00:01:54,450
All right, let's go, Grace.
40
00:01:54,483 --> 00:01:58,300
All right, Margaret, how does
this sound for your sweet 16?
41
00:01:58,333 --> 00:02:01,116
World famous, exquisitely
decorated,
42
00:02:01,150 --> 00:02:03,383
-visited by royalty...
-[FRAN GASPS]
43
00:02:03,416 --> 00:02:05,233
Leonard's of Great Neck?
44
00:02:05,266 --> 00:02:10,233
Oh, they make a shrimp scampi
made out of scrod... Mwah!
45
00:02:10,266 --> 00:02:13,500
Miss Fine, what royalty
would you see
46
00:02:13,830 --> 00:02:14,483
at Leonard's of Great Neck?
47
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:18,466
Oh, well, excuse me, at
my
cousin Merril's wedding,
48
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,300
the ballroom
right next
door?
49
00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:23,160
Prince
Matchabelli
convention.
50
00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:25,483
Who looks stupid now?
51
00:02:27,216 --> 00:02:30,166
Margaret, I have booked
the solarium
52
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,160
at the Guggenheim Museum.
53
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,350
Gloria Vanderbilt just had
a big party there.
54
00:02:34,383 --> 00:02:36,166
Bobby Short played the piano.
55
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:37,483
Yeah, I think I might
be able to
56
00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:40,000
pull a few strings, hm?
57
00:02:40,330 --> 00:02:42,100
You like Itzhak Perlman, hm?
58
00:02:42,133 --> 00:02:45,000
[FRAN AND MAGGIE EXCLAIMING]
59
00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:47,283
Let's just hope he's in town.
60
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:54,330
Oh, Fran, what are the odds of
me dying in my sleep tonight?
61
00:02:54,660 --> 00:02:56,333
Not good enough.
62
00:02:56,366 --> 00:02:59,233
My party's gonna be
so boring and stuffy.
63
00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:00,416
All my friends
are gonna hate it.
64
00:03:00,450 --> 00:03:04,150
Oh, don't worry,
sweetie.
No one will come.
65
00:03:05,266 --> 00:03:07,316
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
66
00:03:07,350 --> 00:03:10,300
SINGER:♪♪ She was working in
a bridal shop in Flushing,
Queens ♪♪
67
00:03:10,333 --> 00:03:12,330
♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪♪
68
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:13,350
♪♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪♪
69
00:03:13,383 --> 00:03:15,183
♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
70
00:03:15,216 --> 00:03:18,183
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
71
00:03:18,216 --> 00:03:20,433
♪♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing
to the Sheffields'
door ♪♪
72
00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:23,416
♪♪ She was there
to sell makeup,
but the father saw more
♪♪
73
00:03:23,450 --> 00:03:25,416
♪♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there! ♪♪
74
00:03:25,450 --> 00:03:29,266
♪♪ That's how
She became the nanny! ♪♪
75
00:03:29,300 --> 00:03:32,166
♪♪ Who would have guessed that
the girl we've described ♪♪
76
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,300
♪♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
77
00:03:34,333 --> 00:03:36,500
♪♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling ♪♪
78
00:03:36,830 --> 00:03:37,250
♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪
79
00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:38,450
♪♪ And the kids
are actually
smiling ♪♪
80
00:03:38,483 --> 00:03:40,483
♪♪ Such♪♪
81
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:45,133
♪♪ She's the lady in red
when everybody else is
wearing
tan ♪♪
82
00:03:45,166 --> 00:03:47,416
♪♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪♪
83
00:03:47,450 --> 00:03:49,450
♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪
84
00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:55,150
Well? Well?
What did they say?
85
00:03:55,183 --> 00:03:59,283
The sweet 16 is all set
at the Guggenheim.
86
00:03:59,316 --> 00:04:02,250
The curator and I were
in the same sorority.
87
00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:04,216
Delta Felta Guy?
88
00:04:07,383 --> 00:04:09,433
C.C., you are amazing.
89
00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:10,416
I don't know how you do it.
90
00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:14,250
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, Maxwell, stop.
91
00:04:14,283 --> 00:04:18,660
You know I adore the children
like they were my very own.
92
00:04:18,100 --> 00:04:19,283
Especially...
93
00:04:22,166 --> 00:04:24,000
you know, the big one.
94
00:04:25,183 --> 00:04:27,483
Okay. Now remember, honey,
be strong.
95
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,830
We gotta stick together.
96
00:04:29,116 --> 00:04:30,466
He can't say no
to the both of us.
97
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,316
-You ready?
-Yeah.
98
00:04:32,350 --> 00:04:34,233
Okay.
99
00:04:34,266 --> 00:04:37,483
Mr. Sheffield, we have
something
that we want to tell you.
100
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:39,200
MAXWELL: Mmm-hmm.
101
00:04:39,233 --> 00:04:41,416
-We who?
-Oh, me...
102
00:04:41,450 --> 00:04:44,416
Boy, I taught that kid
too well.
103
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:46,830
All right. Now, don't get
offended.
104
00:04:46,116 --> 00:04:47,350
I don't wanna hurt
your feelings.
105
00:04:47,383 --> 00:04:49,400
You don't like the new
curtains
in your room.
106
00:04:49,433 --> 00:04:51,216
Fine, we'll replace them.
107
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:53,316
All right.
108
00:04:56,466 --> 00:04:57,466
Now what?
109
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,266
Well, there is
one other thing,
110
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,316
you know, besides
the wallpaper.
111
00:05:03,350 --> 00:05:06,830
Maggie hates the Guggenheim.
You'll have to cancel. Bye.
112
00:05:06,116 --> 00:05:08,283
What? Wait! Wait! What are you
talking about?
113
00:05:08,316 --> 00:05:11,160
The Guggenheim's a perfect
place
for the party.
114
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:14,300
Just picture it. Margaret
coming
down that grand foyer,
115
00:05:14,333 --> 00:05:18,133
long white gloves,
pink satin gown.
116
00:05:18,166 --> 00:05:21,133
Well, while Cathy adores
a minuet at Ballets Russes
117
00:05:21,166 --> 00:05:22,383
and crepes suzette,
118
00:05:22,416 --> 00:05:25,300
our Patty likes to
rock 'n' roll.
119
00:05:25,333 --> 00:05:28,316
So you're saying I have to
come
up with another idea, hmm?
120
00:05:28,350 --> 00:05:32,450
Oh, well, you're so close.
121
00:05:32,483 --> 00:05:35,216
Actually, I have to come up
with another idea.
122
00:05:35,250 --> 00:05:37,483
She wants me to take
over
from here.
123
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,383
Maxwell, I bent over backwards
to get the museum.
124
00:05:40,416 --> 00:05:42,466
Well, it wouldn't
be the first time.
125
00:05:47,316 --> 00:05:48,350
All right, Miss Fine.
126
00:05:48,383 --> 00:05:50,333
Let's just cut to the chase,
shall we?
127
00:05:50,366 --> 00:05:54,100
Where have you already decided
to have my daughter's party?
128
00:05:54,133 --> 00:05:56,500
Tanta
129
00:05:56,830 --> 00:05:58,416
What on earth
is aTanta
130
00:05:58,450 --> 00:06:02,150
Not Frito. Freida.
131
00:06:02,183 --> 00:06:04,383
My father's sister owns
a nightclub in Queens.
132
00:06:04,416 --> 00:06:07,366
Oh, well, that sounds
dreadful, Miss Fine.
133
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,200
No. Actually,
it's gorgeous.
134
00:06:10,233 --> 00:06:12,466
It used to be a restaurant,
but it went out of business.
135
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,150
Whose bright idea it was
to
open up a Tony Roma's
136
00:06:15,183 --> 00:06:18,383
in a Hasidic
neighborhood,
I'll never know.
137
00:06:18,416 --> 00:06:23,000
[♪♪♪]
138
00:06:23,330 --> 00:06:27,100
Oh, boy, does this
bring back memories.
139
00:06:27,133 --> 00:06:31,830
I used to hang out at this
bar,
wear really short skirts
140
00:06:31,116 --> 00:06:37,116
and big teased-up hair and way
too much makeup on.
141
00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:41,116
Oh, well, times change.
142
00:06:42,116 --> 00:06:44,483
Oh, boy, I would have
given anything
143
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,116
to have my sweet 16 party here.
144
00:06:47,150 --> 00:06:49,160
Why?
145
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,200
Oh. I mean, why didn't you?
146
00:06:51,233 --> 00:06:53,250
'Cause my mother
wouldn't let me.
147
00:06:53,283 --> 00:06:54,383
She and Freida
had a big
fight,
148
00:06:54,416 --> 00:06:58,000
and they haven't
talked
since 1979.
149
00:06:58,330 --> 00:06:59,200
Oh, that must be awful.
150
00:06:59,233 --> 00:07:00,466
Oh, it's destroying them.
151
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,133
They both gained
40 pounds,
152
00:07:02,166 --> 00:07:05,300
and they can't even rub
it
in each other's faces.
153
00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:07,466
Hello!
154
00:07:08,433 --> 00:07:12,100
Watch this.
Health inspector!
155
00:07:12,133 --> 00:07:14,100
FREIDA:Just one moment.
156
00:07:18,483 --> 00:07:21,150
There you go.
157
00:07:21,183 --> 00:07:23,150
Franny, it's you!
158
00:07:23,183 --> 00:07:24,450
-Hi.
-Hi, Aunt Freida.
159
00:07:24,483 --> 00:07:27,330
BOTH: Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah,
mwah!
160
00:07:28,450 --> 00:07:32,660
Oh, you must be Maggie.
You're too thin.
161
00:07:34,830 --> 00:07:35,283
So how's your father?
162
00:07:35,316 --> 00:07:38,100
Oh, he's great. So's Ma.
163
00:07:38,133 --> 00:07:40,166
Oh, she still alive?
164
00:07:41,166 --> 00:07:42,383
Be nice.
165
00:07:42,416 --> 00:07:44,483
Maggie, you know Aunt Freida's
a celebrity.
166
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:47,116
She once sang on Merv
Griffin's
show.
167
00:07:47,150 --> 00:07:48,416
Don't embarrass me.
168
00:07:49,316 --> 00:07:50,416
Twice.
169
00:07:52,333 --> 00:07:54,100
Now I work here.
170
00:07:54,133 --> 00:07:56,300
When you're a woman alone,
you gotta earn a living.
171
00:07:56,333 --> 00:07:58,283
Freida buried
four husbands.
172
00:07:58,316 --> 00:08:02,250
The perpetual care alone
is enough to choke a horse.
173
00:08:02,283 --> 00:08:04,183
At least I got 'em all
in one plot
174
00:08:04,216 --> 00:08:07,183
so holy days, I'm in, I'm out.
175
00:08:11,383 --> 00:08:15,316
So talk to me.
You like?
176
00:08:15,350 --> 00:08:18,166
Fran, let's not completely
rule out the Guggenheim, okay?
177
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:23,283
Oh, honey, honey, I think
I can help you visualize.
178
00:08:23,316 --> 00:08:25,400
I once worked here one summer
when I was 15.
179
00:08:25,433 --> 00:08:28,100
[SHUSHING]
I'll lose my license.
180
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,383
Freida, if you didn't lose
your license for waterbugs
181
00:08:30,416 --> 00:08:32,400
that could double
as bouncers...
182
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,416
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
183
00:08:35,450 --> 00:08:37,116
Oh, now I get it.
184
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:39,333
This is like one of
those
discos.
185
00:08:39,366 --> 00:08:42,233
My party can be retro.
186
00:08:42,266 --> 00:08:44,100
Hey, Fran, maybe we can
even dress up
187
00:08:44,133 --> 00:08:45,316
like they did
in the olden
days.
188
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,300
-Yeah.
-Did you save your stuff?
189
00:08:51,416 --> 00:08:54,160
No. When I transferred
from thePinta
190
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:57,150
to theSanta Maria,
they lost my luggage.
191
00:09:00,466 --> 00:09:03,830
Here. Here's a menu
so you can plan.
192
00:09:03,116 --> 00:09:04,333
Oh.
193
00:09:04,366 --> 00:09:08,330
Oh, you don't have the Tony
Manero Marinara no more?
194
00:09:08,660 --> 00:09:09,150
No.
195
00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:13,133
Now it's the Ed Marinaro
Marinara.
196
00:09:15,166 --> 00:09:17,330
Damn butterflies.
197
00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:22,500
Fran. Fran,
198
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:23,433
if your mother and your
aunt
don't get along,
199
00:09:23,466 --> 00:09:26,266
won't she be upset
you're
planning a party here?
200
00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:30,166
Oh, honey, your sweet 16 has
nothing to do with my mother.
201
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,330
What could she possibly
be upset about?
202
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:35,300
Let me go. I want to die.
203
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:38,330
Ma!
204
00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:40,200
No, you are not my daughter.
205
00:09:40,233 --> 00:09:43,383
Well, then, who gave me these
thighs, so I can shoot them?
206
00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:47,433
How could you
do this to me?
207
00:09:47,466 --> 00:09:51,200
Ma, you have nothing
to do with this.
208
00:09:51,233 --> 00:09:53,160
I have nothing to do with
209
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:56,133
my daughter's boss's
daughter's sweet 16?
210
00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:02,300
Fran, if you have the party
at Freida's, I am not going.
211
00:10:02,333 --> 00:10:05,300
Good, Ma. 'Cause you are
not invited.
212
00:10:07,183 --> 00:10:08,450
Not invited?
213
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:14,466
You hear this, Morty?
I'm not invited.
214
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,483
Your sister got me blackballed
like she did at Hadassah.
215
00:10:22,183 --> 00:10:24,433
Ma, Freida didn't
get you blackballed.
216
00:10:24,466 --> 00:10:26,300
They threw you out
of Hadassah
217
00:10:26,333 --> 00:10:30,330
because you donated cakes with
half the frosting licked off.
218
00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:34,316
I felt light-headed in the car.
219
00:10:38,116 --> 00:10:40,166
She has turned you
against me.
220
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,400
I don't want to
know
from that woman.
221
00:10:43,350 --> 00:10:46,183
Is she bigger than me?
222
00:10:46,216 --> 00:10:49,433
Ma, this isn't about you
and
Freida. It's about
Maggie.
223
00:10:49,466 --> 00:10:52,233
It's her party, and
it's all about her.
224
00:10:52,266 --> 00:10:55,000
-Fran...
-Butt out, honey.
225
00:10:55,330 --> 00:10:58,200
Now, this stupid fight has
already ruined my graduation
226
00:10:58,233 --> 00:11:00,830
because I couldn't
have it at Freida's.
227
00:11:00,116 --> 00:11:02,000
And it was still lovely.
228
00:11:02,330 --> 00:11:03,450
We had ital dente.
229
00:11:03,483 --> 00:11:05,283
That means outdoors.
230
00:11:06,450 --> 00:11:09,160
Fran, that
sounds
sort of nice.
231
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:12,116
Oh, yeah? We had it on
Grandma Yetta's roof
232
00:11:12,150 --> 00:11:14,116
of her old building.
233
00:11:14,150 --> 00:11:17,166
Middle of June,
114 degrees.
234
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,433
People stayed all night.
235
00:11:19,466 --> 00:11:22,200
That's because they were stuck
to the tar.
236
00:11:25,283 --> 00:11:27,283
Oh, Fran, I really want
my party at Freida's,
237
00:11:27,316 --> 00:11:30,216
but not if it's gonna come
between you and your mom.
238
00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:32,116
Mmm?
239
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:33,416
Oh, I feel terrible.
240
00:11:33,450 --> 00:11:36,233
-I'm being so selfish.
-Yeah, well.
241
00:11:36,266 --> 00:11:39,283
You're only 16
once.
Never mind me.
242
00:11:39,316 --> 00:11:42,183
Have the party
wherever you want.
243
00:11:43,316 --> 00:11:45,250
Oh, Ma, you're just
saying that
244
00:11:45,283 --> 00:11:47,500
to try and make me
feel guilty.
245
00:11:47,830 --> 00:11:50,216
I'm not trying to make you
feel anything.
246
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:53,266
Feel this.
Is this a lump here?
247
00:12:00,366 --> 00:12:03,150
Did you pick up Miss
Margaret's
present for Mr. Sheffield?
248
00:12:03,183 --> 00:12:05,166
No. I spent the entire day
249
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:07,133
driving around
Greenwich,
Connecticut,
250
00:12:07,166 --> 00:12:09,316
looking for that
damn
jewelry store.
251
00:12:09,350 --> 00:12:11,233
Oh, did I say Greenwich,
Connecticut?
252
00:12:11,266 --> 00:12:13,100
I meant Greenwich Village.
253
00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:18,830
That's 10 minutes
away,
you boob.
254
00:12:18,116 --> 00:12:20,200
Well, you'd better hurry
before they close.
255
00:12:20,233 --> 00:12:22,160
Oh, this is ridiculous.
256
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:25,100
I don't know why that
stupid
store doesn't deliver.
257
00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:28,483
Oh, they do.
258
00:12:32,660 --> 00:12:34,433
Oh, dear,
I wonder if I can catch her.
259
00:12:38,266 --> 00:12:40,350
[SOFTLY] Oh, Miss Babcock...
260
00:12:44,433 --> 00:12:47,300
Miss Babcock.
261
00:12:50,150 --> 00:12:51,466
Oh, Niles,
262
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,350
I'm gonna have to
tell Mr. Sheffield
263
00:12:53,383 --> 00:12:55,250
I'm backing
out
on the party.
264
00:12:55,283 --> 00:12:57,316
It's turning out
to be
a real disaster.
265
00:12:57,350 --> 00:12:58,450
Oh, what's the matter?
266
00:12:58,483 --> 00:13:01,166
Can't get the 10-foot hero
through the door?
267
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:04,166
You know, Niles, if you're
not
part of the solution,
268
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,166
you're my mother.
269
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:10,100
I'm just gonna have to bite the
bullet and tell him the truth.
270
00:13:10,133 --> 00:13:12,660
MAXWELL: Miss Fine.
271
00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:14,250
Oh. Burnt down?
272
00:13:14,283 --> 00:13:16,283
Oh, Aunt Freida,
273
00:13:16,316 --> 00:13:19,383
what are we gonna do
about Maggie's party?
274
00:13:19,416 --> 00:13:22,216
Well, I guess I'll just have
to
see if Mr. Sheffield...
275
00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:24,830
[PHONE RINGING]
276
00:13:25,830 --> 00:13:28,483
Damn call
waiting's
so loud.
277
00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:32,416
I want the truth, and you
have exactly five seconds.
278
00:13:32,450 --> 00:13:35,183
Maggie wants to have
it
at Aunt Freida's,
279
00:13:35,216 --> 00:13:36,350
and Aunt Freida said
that Ma can't come,
280
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:37,383
and Ma said
if I have it
there,
281
00:13:37,416 --> 00:13:39,133
she'll never talk to
me
again.
282
00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:40,483
Oh, you're growing your
hair
long. It's very sexy.
283
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,333
Miss Fine!
284
00:13:44,250 --> 00:13:46,333
All right.
All right.
285
00:13:46,366 --> 00:13:48,466
If you'll just
remain calm,
286
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,250
I will answer all of your
questions.
287
00:13:51,283 --> 00:13:55,216
How did your mother get mixed
up
in his daughter's sweet 16?
288
00:13:55,250 --> 00:14:00,000
I said I would answer
all of his questions.
289
00:14:01,150 --> 00:14:02,233
All right.
290
00:14:02,266 --> 00:14:04,330
If we can't have
the party there,
291
00:14:04,660 --> 00:14:06,330
then what do you
propose we do, hmm?
292
00:14:06,660 --> 00:14:09,116
Well, I was thinking
about the Guggenheim.
293
00:14:09,150 --> 00:14:11,200
What? It's gone.
I just cancelled it.
294
00:14:11,233 --> 00:14:13,183
Oh, well, what did you
do
that for?
295
00:14:13,216 --> 00:14:16,450
It sounded so lovely, with the
grand foyer, long white gloves,
296
00:14:16,483 --> 00:14:19,233
pink satin gowns.
What are you looking for?
297
00:14:19,266 --> 00:14:22,266
The murder confession I wrote
the night I hired you.
298
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:26,500
Margaret has her heart
set onTanta
299
00:14:26,830 --> 00:14:28,366
so you better bloody well
make it happen.
300
00:14:31,383 --> 00:14:33,150
[DOORBELL RINGS]
301
00:14:34,150 --> 00:14:35,466
Hello.
302
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,100
Wow!
303
00:14:38,133 --> 00:14:40,216
Get a load of this joint.
304
00:14:41,333 --> 00:14:43,660
If I knew it was so fancy,
305
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:46,100
I would have slipped
on the stairs outside.
306
00:14:46,133 --> 00:14:48,433
Aunt Freida, you're late.
Where have you been?
307
00:14:48,466 --> 00:14:52,830
I wanted to talk to you
before she gets here.
308
00:14:52,116 --> 00:14:53,133
Who?
309
00:14:53,166 --> 00:14:55,660
Hi.
310
00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:57,200
Her.
311
00:14:57,233 --> 00:14:59,216
-What is she doing here?
-What is she doing here?
312
00:14:59,250 --> 00:15:01,160
-She invited me.
-She invited me.
313
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:02,466
-You're not welcome here.
-You're not welcome here.
314
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,300
-Fine. I'm leaving.
-Fine. I'm leaving.
315
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:09,660
Block 'em, they're
getting away!
316
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:13,100
[RUMBLING SOUND]
317
00:15:20,466 --> 00:15:24,133
No!
318
00:15:26,416 --> 00:15:28,266
Cake!
319
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:32,150
See the nice frosting.
320
00:15:32,183 --> 00:15:36,200
And it's chocolate,
not yellow on the inside.
321
00:15:36,233 --> 00:15:40,116
Come on, Freida.
Come on, Ma.
322
00:15:40,150 --> 00:15:43,366
Come to the couch.
Sit down.
323
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:47,483
Sit. Sit. Sit down.
That's good, girls.
324
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:50,366
No. No treats
until I tell you.
325
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:52,466
First we're gonna talk.
326
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,830
You want to talk? Fine.
327
00:15:55,116 --> 00:15:57,216
I'll be the bigger person.
328
00:16:01,283 --> 00:16:03,000
Drop dead.
329
00:16:04,266 --> 00:16:06,216
Cook for me and I will.
330
00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:11,660
Your father was the
first
bulimic in Flushing.
331
00:16:14,183 --> 00:16:17,216
Hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey!
332
00:16:17,250 --> 00:16:19,183
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
333
00:16:19,216 --> 00:16:22,000
[EXCLAIMING]
334
00:16:22,330 --> 00:16:25,350
Now, I wanna find out how this
whole feud got started.
335
00:16:25,383 --> 00:16:26,466
Well, it was a...
336
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,830
It was lots of things.
337
00:16:28,116 --> 00:16:29,266
Plenty stuff.
338
00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:32,400
You know, I don't believe
you two yentas.
339
00:16:32,433 --> 00:16:34,333
You don't even remember.
340
00:16:34,366 --> 00:16:37,250
What happened?
You were both so close.
341
00:16:37,283 --> 00:16:39,350
Do you remember
at that wedding
342
00:16:39,383 --> 00:16:43,450
when your Dynel wiglet caught
on
fire from Uncle Zev's cigar?
343
00:16:43,483 --> 00:16:47,166
Who was the one that poured
the celery dish on your head?
344
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:48,300
It was an emergency.
345
00:16:48,333 --> 00:16:50,450
Anybody would have
done the same.
346
00:16:50,483 --> 00:16:55,150
And do you remember at little
Irvy's bar mitzvah
347
00:16:55,183 --> 00:16:59,000
when there was only one end
cut of prime rib left?
348
00:16:59,330 --> 00:17:02,400
Who took the middle?
349
00:17:02,433 --> 00:17:08,830
I know how she loves it, and
it
didn't mean that much to me.
350
00:17:08,116 --> 00:17:11,100
Oh, Freida, she's right.
351
00:17:11,133 --> 00:17:13,316
Have the party with
my blessing.
352
00:17:13,350 --> 00:17:16,216
FRIEDA: And you'll come
and you'll dance?
353
00:17:16,250 --> 00:17:19,200
Oh, you lost
so much weight.
354
00:17:20,450 --> 00:17:26,283
Oh, now, you see, this is the
way it should be. Hugging.
355
00:17:26,316 --> 00:17:29,450
Not trying to screw each other
out of Grandma Fine's pearls.
356
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:32,160
She took my mother's pearls?
357
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:34,216
I have to sleep
with her son.
358
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:39,283
-Chocolate sauce.
-Chocolate sauce.
359
00:17:44,266 --> 00:17:47,383
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
360
00:17:47,416 --> 00:17:49,116
Well, Miss Fine,
361
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:51,333
you certainly seem to have
outdone yourself this time.
362
00:17:51,366 --> 00:17:52,366
Thank you.
363
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:55,183
So what are your
plans
for later?
364
00:17:55,216 --> 00:17:57,316
Going to raffle
off
a Ford Granada?
365
00:17:59,216 --> 00:18:00,433
Very funny.
366
00:18:00,466 --> 00:18:04,283
Why don't you just admit that
this place is fabulous?
367
00:18:04,316 --> 00:18:06,830
What's that on the bar?
368
00:18:06,116 --> 00:18:07,250
Where?
369
00:18:10,316 --> 00:18:12,000
Milk Dud.
370
00:18:14,216 --> 00:18:17,116
Oh, gee, I hope Aunt Freida
took the vending machines
371
00:18:17,150 --> 00:18:18,283
out of the bathrooms.
372
00:18:18,316 --> 00:18:21,330
-What vending machines?
-Daddy, can I have a dollar?
373
00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:22,416
You can buy
balloons
in the bathroom.
374
00:18:22,450 --> 00:18:25,183
Oh, honey, honey.
Go boogie.
375
00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:29,150
So who does your hair?
376
00:18:29,183 --> 00:18:31,330
I wish I could get
that height.
377
00:18:31,660 --> 00:18:33,416
Oh, please, I wish I
had
your voice.
378
00:18:33,450 --> 00:18:37,366
I swear, I close my
eyes,
it's Julie Budd.
379
00:18:39,316 --> 00:18:41,316
-Oh, wait, Freida. Look at
that.
-What?
380
00:18:41,350 --> 00:18:44,450
You're giving everyone a
show
that they didn't pay for.
381
00:18:44,483 --> 00:18:48,200
Ma, didn't you see?
Why didn't you say
something?
382
00:18:48,233 --> 00:18:51,300
Oh, now I remember.
383
00:18:51,333 --> 00:18:53,300
That's what started all this.
384
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:56,133
We were at Irwin
and Cookie's 25th.
385
00:18:56,166 --> 00:18:58,350
I'm on the dance floor
doing the alley cat
386
00:18:58,383 --> 00:19:01,250
with my tush hanging out for
the whole world to see,
387
00:19:01,283 --> 00:19:03,400
and she didn't say
one word.
388
00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:07,250
What do you want from me?
I'm oblivious sometimes.
389
00:19:07,283 --> 00:19:09,160
Sometimes?
390
00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:11,483
You are so
focused
on your rear,
391
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:16,433
meanwhile, you got two
watermelons for sale up
front.
392
00:19:16,466 --> 00:19:18,100
What?
393
00:19:18,133 --> 00:19:21,466
You're jealous, 'cause I
worked
on Broadway.
394
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,150
And who could forget
your big line,
395
00:19:24,183 --> 00:19:26,400
"Goobers or Raisinets?"
396
00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:28,133
Ma.
397
00:19:31,116 --> 00:19:33,160
Oh, good, Freida.
Calm down.
398
00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:35,183
- What? What? No!
- [SYLVIA GASPS]
399
00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:42,216
Ma, Ma, Ma, please, take
it
back. [FRAN SCREAMS]
400
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:46,150
What are you doing, guys?
401
00:19:46,183 --> 00:19:48,433
You're trying to start
a food fight?
402
00:19:48,466 --> 00:19:50,116
Food fight!
403
00:19:50,150 --> 00:19:52,316
[ALL SCREAMING]
404
00:19:52,350 --> 00:19:56,160
FRAN: Stop! Don't worry.
Don't worry.
405
00:19:56,500 --> 00:19:58,350
[ALL YELLING]
406
00:20:13,450 --> 00:20:15,330
[MUSIC STOPS]
407
00:20:16,450 --> 00:20:19,160
Miss Fine.
408
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:21,183
Oh, Miss Fine.
409
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:37,183
Oh, I see you
found
the camera.
410
00:20:38,433 --> 00:20:42,216
Miss Fine, what happened?
411
00:20:42,250 --> 00:20:45,233
Why do you always
think
something happened?
412
00:20:46,466 --> 00:20:48,400
Lovely party.
413
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:59,000
I am gone two seconds
and bedlam erupts.
414
00:21:00,250 --> 00:21:01,400
Maxwell.
415
00:21:09,133 --> 00:21:11,133
She started it, sir.
416
00:21:15,216 --> 00:21:17,830
I wanted this to be perfect
417
00:21:17,116 --> 00:21:19,250
and just--just look what
you've done.
418
00:21:19,283 --> 00:21:21,483
Go ahead. Go ahead.
Look at this mess.
419
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:27,000
Oh, I know.
Bad nanny. Bad nanny.
420
00:21:28,283 --> 00:21:30,200
I'm sorry, Mr. Sheffield.
421
00:21:30,233 --> 00:21:32,266
Oh, save it, Miss Fine.
422
00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:34,433
It's not me you should be
apologizing to. It's Margaret.
423
00:21:34,466 --> 00:21:36,483
She's the one whose party
you've ruined.
424
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,100
Fran, we were all having
such a wonderful time,
425
00:21:39,133 --> 00:21:41,283
but who's the idiot
who turned on the lights?
426
00:21:44,383 --> 00:21:46,450
Do you know,
Mr.
Sheffield?
427
00:21:46,483 --> 00:21:49,366
No. I--I went to
get the camera.
428
00:21:50,300 --> 00:21:53,500
Aunt Freida,
hit the
breaker.
429
00:21:53,830 --> 00:21:54,233
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
430
00:21:54,266 --> 00:21:57,333
Fran, all my friends say
this is the best party ever.
431
00:21:57,366 --> 00:22:00,233
Thank you so much
for being so cool.
432
00:22:00,266 --> 00:22:04,116
And, Dad... well,
thanks for paying for it.
433
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,660
Now, Miss Fine...
434
00:22:10,100 --> 00:22:14,433
Miss--Miss Fine, remember
who signs your check.
435
00:22:14,466 --> 00:22:17,166
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
436
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:20,216
I'm not gonna hit you
with this.
437
00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:21,450
Fake out.
438
00:22:23,483 --> 00:22:25,250
Friends?
439
00:22:25,283 --> 00:22:28,300
Oh, all right, friends.
440
00:22:28,333 --> 00:22:29,466
Come here.
441
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:48,450
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]