[Fran] Previously on The Nanny...
He's a heavy sleeper. Sometimes, 3 a.m., 4 a.m. in the morning,
I'll ring him up for a diet soda, I get no answer.
[music playing]
Oh, my God!
Oh, this is worse than when I walked in on my parents.
At least they had the decency to be covered in crumbs.
[stammers] I don't ever want to see that again.
I just don't understand. What happened?
Five hours ago, they were at each other's throats.
Well, apparently, they've decided to move downward.
What are we going to do?
What are we gonna say to them when we see them?
Oh, darling, I think the best course of action
is to exercise self-control and say nothing.
And what about for me?
♪I'm too sexy for my apron
♪Too sexy For my bagel cutter
♪Too sexy for my Sub-Zero
♪Too sexy...
I, uh....
I couldn't sleep. I was, uh...
Too sexy?
Oh, Niles,
I know what's troubling you.
You're probably all torn up.
You know, about resigning.
But judging from the smile on your banana,
I'm guessing you decided to stay.
Uh... Yeah.
Niles, you've got an arm full of toppings there.
Don't you need something to put all that on?
I have something in my room.
[theme song playing]
♪She was working In a bridal shop In Flushing, Queens
♪Till her boyfriend Kicked her out
♪In one of those Crushing scenes
♪What was she to do? Where was she to go?
♪She was out on her fanny
♪So over the bridge From Flushing To the Sheffield's door
♪She was there to sell make-up But the father saw more
♪She had style! She had flair! She was there!
♪That's how she became The Nanny
♪Who would have guessed That the girl we described
♪Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed?
♪Now, the father Finds her beguiling
♪Watch out C.C.!
♪And the kids Are actually smiling
♪Such joie de vivre
♪She's the lady in red
♪When everybody else Is wearing tan
♪The flashy girl From Flushing
♪The Nanny named Fran!
[music playing]
Honey, I made you some tea.
I hope you don't mind sugar.
If you want honey,
you're gonna have to scrape it off of Miss Babcock.
What's the matter, sweetie?
Well, my play closed,
so it's not gonna open on Broadway.
Aw.
You know, I was so sure this was the year
I was gonna beat out Andrew Lloyd Webber for a Tony.
Sweetie, Andrew Lloyd Webber didn't have a show opening this season.
I know. I really had a chance.
I've already rented the 49th Street Theater.
It's gonna cost me a fortune. Money I'm never gonna see again.
Oh, sweetie, you can always get your money back.
You know, Ma once got a refund on a chicken carcass
that she claimed the meat fell off on the way home.
Good morning, Max.
Franny, don't you look pretty today.
Babies! Babies! Babies! Babies!
Oh, Miss Babcock,
aren't you in a good mood.
What got into you?
Hello, hello.
C.C., I, uh...
I thought, uh...
I thought you resigned last night.
Oh, can't a girl have a change of heart?
I think a change of clothes would do you better.
Aren't you wearing the same thing you wore yesterday?
Um, yes.
Whenever I find something I love,
I always buy two and wear it the next day.
-Haven't you ever noticed? -No.
Well, get used to it. It's gonna start happening a lot.
Anyway....
Maxwell, I have fabulous news.
Someone wants to rent 49th Street Theater to open their new play.
Oh, that's fantastic.
That completely lets us off the hook.
-So who's opening a new show? -Andrew Lloyd Webber.
What? No. Absolutely not.
I don't care if I lose a fortune.
That man is not having my theater.
Oh, honey, stop it.
Just remember, it doesn't matter what he does.
His hits, his Tonys, his knighthood.
You better be building to a big finish.
You'll always be the pretty one.
Well, he can forget it.
And you can call the newspapers
and tell them Maxwell Sheffield is opening his own new show.
Oh, and, uh, have them print our pictures side-by-side.
I want everyone to see I'm the pretty one.
Oh, hey, did either of you guys
happen to seeDiagnosis Murder last night? I fell asleep.
-No. -No.
Oh, that's so too bad.
I was so hoping to find out if the butler did it.
[music playing]
[man on TV]The gestation period for the female elephant
is up to two years.
Oh, my God.
What I don't get, Fran, is elephants are always so big.
How can you tell when they're pregnant?
[elephant trumpets]
That's how.
-[bell dings] -Oh, I'll get it.
What happened to Niles? How come he doesn't get the door anymore?
Oh, sweetie, he's been getting the door for years.
Now he's finally getting something
he hasn't gotten for years.
-Hi. -Hello.
Oh, what a gorgeous chest.
Oh, thank you.
Sammy says I've got the boobs of a 73-year-old.
Darling, I brought Yetta's hope chest.
It's antique.
I thought it would be perfect for the nursery.
Oh, yeah. Yetta, you've got everything in here.
Wow.
Look at this picture. He's gorgeous.
Who is that? Grandpa?
Uh... Yeah.
-Oh! -Oh, look how cute that is.
-Was this yours? -Yeah, that was my first baby dress.
Your mother's first one is in there, too.
[squeals]
-Ooh! -Oh.
Those are my old love letters that I wrote.
Aw! To Grandpa?
Uh... Yeah.
It says, "Dear Richard." Daddy's name was Joe.
Would you believe Richard is short for Joe?
-No. -All right.
I'm busted.
I never told anyone this to anyone,
but I was in love once
before your father.
Wow, Yetta.
You have like a whole Dawson's shtetl thing
going on back then.
We met on the boat coming over from Romania.
My marriage to your grandfather was already planned
and he was waiting for me
but once I saw Richard...
[music playing]
[Yetta]He was so handsome in his captain's uniform.
[Fran] He was a captain in the Navy?
[Yetta]No. In the first class dining room.
[Fran and Sylvia]Ooh.
[Fran]And when our eyes met...
[music continues]
Did anything intimate happen between you and Richard?
Of course not.
I was on my way to meet my future husband.
[music playing]
We got separated on Ellis Island.
Your grandfather was there waiting for me
but I told him I couldn't marry him
because I wasn't sure of my feelings.
So I looked for Richard
for five years.
I wrote him a letter every day.
How did you know where to send the letters?
I guess that's why I still have them.
So, Yetta,
you're keeping us all in suspense.
Who did you end up marrying?
Richard or Fran's grandfather?
[music playing]
Hi, sweetie.
Did you get a play for your theater yet?
Well, you tell me.
Here's a hip-hop musical
calledBooty and the Beast.
Oh, and yes, someone had the brilliant idea
of writing the musical version of the filmWitness.
Get this.Amish Behavin'.
Well, I've got your next hit right over here.
Oh, no. God, please don't tell me
it's a boring three-act play about a butler's life
which mysteriously keeps creeping its way to the top of my pile.
Then I guess you wouldn't be interested
in reading Yetta's Letters for a play.
-Nope. -Then I'll read them to you.
Sweetheart, I'm a producer. I know what makes good theater.
Trust me, Yetta's Letters won't.
-Fine, fine. -[phone rings]
Hello, Mr. Thinks-He-Knows- Everything Productions.
Hold on.
Andrew Lloyd Webber's secretary.
Pretend you work for me.
Oh, I could do that. Did it for five years.
Uh, yes, this is Mr. Sheffield's secretary.
With what may I help you with doing, please?
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Uh.
He wants to talk to you.
He doesn't understand why you won't rent him your theater.
Tell him I'm not in and I'll explain everything in a letter.
He says he's not in.
And he will explain everything in a letter.
What's your address?
Uh-huh.
Oh, that's a lovely neighborhood.
Mm. The entire floor, you say?
He's got the entire... Oh, you're not interested in this.
Okay. I've got it. Thanks, honey.
-[Fran] Yeah, goodbye. -Excuse me, sir.
The messenger's here to pick up all the scripts you've rejected.
-Well, that'll be all of them. -Including mine,
Love, Valet, Compassion?
Particularly.
Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
You know I don't like ranch dressing. Where's my Italian?
It seems we're all out of olive oil.
[music playing]
-Oh, hi, B. -Oh, hey, Fran.
-Hey, do you know if Dad saw this? -What?
"Andrew Lloyd Webber announces plans to mount new musical."
Oh, my God, let me see that. He always gets so upset
when Webber's doing a Broadway musical.
"Based on the love letters of a young immigrant woman...
Yetta Rosenberg"?
What's Andrew Lloyd Webber doing with your grandmother's letters?
Oh, my God.
I must've written his address down on Yetta's envelope.
Your father can't find out about this,
because you know who he's gonna blame, don't you?
-[Maxwell] C.C.! -Oh, thank God, thank God.
-[Maxwell] Where's Fran? -[gasps]
How did Andrew Lloyd Webber get Yetta's Letters?
Now, I don't know exactly how, I don't know exactly why,
but I do know that this is somehow your fault.
I had nothing to do with it.
But I'd fire that idiot secretary you hired. I think she steals.
How could you do this to me?
How could she do this to me?
I'm mishpachah.
Well, excuse me, but as I recall, I offered them to you
and your exact words were, "No, no, no."
And since when did you take "no, no, no" for an answer?
You know what, lady? Married life has made you soft.
Oh, stop it.
You're getting all worked up over nothing.
Come over here. Look at this.
It says that he's only negotiating. Negotiating.
Now, you're her favorite grandson.
Trust me. I know what I'm talking about here.
Why is she gonna go pick a perfect stranger over you, huh?
Paris is lovely, Mr. Lloyd Webber.
We could have gone to Epcot and seen all of Europe.
Where do I sign?
[music playing]
Hello, hello.
There's spring in the air.
Yetta signed the rights to her letters over to Andrew Lloyd Webber.
-What do you have to say about that?
Why are these doors closed?
It's such a beautiful day.
[inhales]
Smell that breeze.
Well, hello, little birdie.
Aren't you beautiful?
[whistling]
[bird chirps]
♪I'm as restless As a willow in a windstorm
♪I'm as giddy As a baby on a...
Sweetie, I brought...
I brought you some ice cream to make you feel better.
Oh, you know, I'd really love some chocolate syrup.
Yeah, well, who wouldn't?
You know, darling, I've been thinking.
There's no way this contract
between Yetta and Webber could possibly be valid.
I mean, let's face it, Yetta isn't exactly in her right mind.
Sweetie, just because she thinks we're Rob and Laura Petrie
and she's our neighbor Millie,
only means she's occasionally confused.
Occasionally?
Oh, sweet doggie.
Nice, puppy.
Wow, she don't feed him enough.
-[banging keys on piano] -[clapping]
Beautiful.
Thank you.
Why doesn't anyone ever eat these fruits?
Because they're wax.
Even the grapes?
Yetta.
[Yetta] What?
When you coming out of there?
[Yetta] I can't decide whether to vote for Nixon or Kennedy.
Something terrible happened. I just heard it on the news.
What happened, Yetta?
Wait a minute.
I lost it.
Don't worry, Yetta. You told me in case you forgot.
Who are you?
Oh, you're right. That contract is so not valid.
What the hell is my mother doing in Paris
posing next to Jim Morrison's grave?
Ma, you know, Andrew Lloyd Webber is trying to schmooze Yetta
into signing the rights to her letters.
Well, he's schmoozing the wrong lady.
I got power of attorney years ago.
What? Thank God.
So you could just sign the rights over to us.
-Sure. -Well, that's great.
So, what do we have to do to get things started?
This wasn't really necessary,
but we better get our check
because our flight to London leaves in an hour.
Frère Jacques!
Dormez-vous.
[music playing]
♪I'm torn between The man I love
♪And the man Whose name is Joe
♪I fear he is a furrier
♪So we know he isn't po'
♪On the island
♪Ellis Island
♪A new life will begin
♪If they'll only let us in
♪I'm in love with a waiter
♪Who cannot afford To date her
♪On the bright side He can cater
♪Oy, his folks Are gonna hate her
♪On the island
♪Ellis Island
♪If I say yes to a waiter
♪Am I totally meshuga?
♪Stick with your intended
♪You'll have champagne And beluga
♪On the island
♪Ellis Island
♪On the island
♪Ellis Island
♪On the island
"Sheffield has the hit of the Broadway season."
"A surefire Tony contender."
"The feel-good sing-along of the year."
Marble rye, 49 cents at D'Agostino's?
Oh, wasn't that some story?
The way she gave up the handsome waiter
for the simple furrier.
What a schmuck.
Well, I'm feeling a little tired.
I, uh, I think I'll retire.
-Congratulations again, sir. -Thank you.
Well, I've had a long day, too
and I have all that publicity to get rolling tomorrow.
-I'll see you in the morning. -Good night.
-You know what, sweetheart? -Yeah?
After all these years, I finally beat out Andrew Lloyd Webber
and it doesn't feel as good as I thought it would.
Which is why I'm gonna send him these.
You know, honey,Yetta's Letters would make a great movie.
Oh, I know, that's exactly why first thing in the morning
my lawyer is gonna get in touch with Sylvia for the film rights.
Yeah. I'm not gonna let an opportunity like this
slip through my fingers.
So, Steven,
are you of the Rego Park Spielbergs
or theJurassic Park
Sonny Lamatino!
Ding! Dang! Dong!
Maxwell, I just read Niles' play and it is genius.
-Oh, well, I don't see it. -How about now?
[music playing]
♪I scrub and I dust And I do what I must
♪For a millionaire With a full head of hair
♪But it doesn't matter What I'm paid
♪'Cause I'm finally getting
♪Six bucks an hour
♪Includes a room and shower
♪Which I myself must scour
♪No wonder he's so dour
♪He's a six-bucks- An-hour man
♪We don't mean seven
♪And I'm in heaven
♪He's a six-bucks- An-hour man
[vocalizing]
[theme music playing]
[theme music ends]