1
00:00:05,183 --> 00:00:06,466
Oh, Niles.
2
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,466
Can you believe this?
3
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:13,483
I am married, I have twins
on the way, a beautiful family.
4
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:16,830
How could life get any better?
5
00:00:16,116 --> 00:00:17,350
Yeah, life's a cabaret.
6
00:00:20,330 --> 00:00:22,200
Well, I have some exciting news.
7
00:00:22,233 --> 00:00:24,200
Let me guess. It's for her.
8
00:00:25,383 --> 00:00:27,416
Darling, you remember that play
I did last summer?
9
00:00:27,450 --> 00:00:29,300
You mean the one
where the critic said,
10
00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:31,830
"And this is what he left
Chicago Hope
11
00:00:31,483 --> 00:00:33,160
Yes.
12
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,160
Well, anyway,
Columbia has decided
13
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:37,200
to option that dreadful thing
for a film.
14
00:00:37,233 --> 00:00:40,266
Oh, honey, you are so talented.
15
00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:44,400
Leave it to you to take
a piece of dreck and turn it
into a movie.
16
00:00:44,433 --> 00:00:48,250
No, actually they do
this sort of thing
in Hollywood all the time.
17
00:00:48,283 --> 00:00:51,416
Well, if the deal goes through
and I start producing
18
00:00:51,450 --> 00:00:54,500
we are moving to Beverly Hills.
19
00:00:54,830 --> 00:00:57,300
Oh, sweetie, Beverly Hills.
20
00:00:57,333 --> 00:00:59,283
With your smarts and my style
21
00:00:59,316 --> 00:01:03,150
we could be the next
Aaron and Candy Spelling.
22
00:01:03,183 --> 00:01:06,500
Maxwell, when we head out this
weekend to close the deal
23
00:01:06,830 --> 00:01:08,500
maybe we should hang out
for a few days.
24
00:01:08,830 --> 00:01:10,166
Just scope things out,
stay at the beach.
25
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:14,450
Five words:
Over my dead body... missy.
26
00:01:17,116 --> 00:01:20,183
Darling, she meant all of us.
Didn't you, C.C.?
27
00:01:20,216 --> 00:01:24,166
No, I booked a romantic weekend
for me and a married man
at the Malibu Inn.
28
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:25,450
Room 308 with the Jacuzzi.
29
00:01:25,483 --> 00:01:29,383
[laughs]
Of course I meant all of us.
30
00:01:34,330 --> 00:01:35,233
When are we leaving?
31
00:01:35,266 --> 00:01:38,483
Tomorrow morning. I've actually
set up some appointments for you
32
00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:40,450
to look at houses to rent
while we're out there.
33
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,660
Wow.
34
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:44,000
The children are so excited
to be going.
35
00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:49,200
Wow. Who is not going to be
excited about our family
going to California?
36
00:01:49,233 --> 00:01:51,000
Hello.
37
00:01:51,330 --> 00:01:54,500
Oh, my God. It's Ma.
I'm gonna have to tell her.
38
00:01:54,830 --> 00:01:55,200
This is gonna kill her.
39
00:01:55,233 --> 00:01:57,350
Oh, don't worry, darling,
we'll tell her together.
40
00:01:57,383 --> 00:02:00,416
Oh, thank you, sweetie.
You're so wonderful.
41
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,250
[clears throat]
42
00:02:03,283 --> 00:02:05,160
Come in, Sylvia.
43
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,383
Your daughter and I have
something very important
to tell you.
44
00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:16,416
♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪
45
00:02:16,450 --> 00:02:18,116
♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
46
00:02:18,150 --> 00:02:19,283
♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪
47
00:02:19,316 --> 00:02:20,466
♪ In one of those
Crushing scenes ♪
48
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,466
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪
49
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:26,500
♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
50
00:02:26,830 --> 00:02:27,183
♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪
51
00:02:27,216 --> 00:02:29,000
♪ To the Sheffield's door ♪
52
00:02:29,330 --> 00:02:31,133
♪ She was there to sell make-up
But the father saw more ♪
53
00:02:31,166 --> 00:02:33,250
♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there ♪
54
00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:34,350
♪ That's how she became ♪
55
00:02:34,383 --> 00:02:37,330
♪ The Nanny ♪
56
00:02:37,660 --> 00:02:39,450
♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described ♪
57
00:02:39,483 --> 00:02:42,150
♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪
58
00:02:42,183 --> 00:02:43,366
♪ Now, the father
Finds her beguiling ♪
59
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:44,483
♪ Watch out C.C. ♪
60
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:46,350
♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling
61
00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:47,366
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
62
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,660
♪ She's the lady in red ♪
63
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:52,830
♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪
64
00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:55,216
♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪
65
00:02:55,250 --> 00:02:56,366
♪ The Nanny named Fran! ♪
66
00:03:05,660 --> 00:03:07,316
Darling. Darling.
67
00:03:07,350 --> 00:03:11,330
Darling, we have something to
say to your mother together.
68
00:03:11,660 --> 00:03:12,450
I know. I know.
69
00:03:12,483 --> 00:03:17,133
Ma, Max and I wanna talk to you
about...
70
00:03:17,166 --> 00:03:18,216
Max!
71
00:03:19,350 --> 00:03:20,466
Copycat.
72
00:03:22,283 --> 00:03:23,466
Here's the deal.
73
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,366
You know how you're always
bragging about your son-in-law,
74
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,383
the big Broadway producer?
75
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:30,466
Well, soon you're gonna be able
to brag about your son-in-law
76
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,160
the big movie producer,
77
00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:36,233
because we're all moving
to California and I'm gonna be
3000 miles away.
78
00:03:40,233 --> 00:03:45,500
What do you think
would happen if I wore
a push-up bra with this?
79
00:03:46,433 --> 00:03:48,216
I think you'd suffocate.
80
00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,000
Ma, did you hear me?
81
00:03:54,330 --> 00:03:57,660
This isn't like the time
when I threatened to run away
82
00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,000
and become a roadie
for Peaches and Herb.
83
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,350
We're really moving.
84
00:04:01,383 --> 00:04:05,433
How do you think I would look
if I lost the bra altogether?
85
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,366
Like Daddy at the beach.
86
00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:14,150
Ma, I'm serious. We're gonna be
leaving the state.
87
00:04:14,183 --> 00:04:16,100
Darling, I understand.
88
00:04:16,133 --> 00:04:18,150
You're a grown woman now.
89
00:04:18,183 --> 00:04:20,183
You have your life.
90
00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:23,150
I just want you to be happy.
91
00:04:23,183 --> 00:04:26,400
-Does my makeup
look natural to you?
-Yeah.
92
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:29,660
Then I need more. Love you. Bye.
93
00:04:31,660 --> 00:04:33,160
So? So how did she take it?
94
00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:36,166
Oh, it was unbelievable.
I mean, I was expecting...
95
00:04:37,233 --> 00:04:39,100
That.
96
00:04:39,133 --> 00:04:42,383
I don't wanna move to
California. It's a desert.
97
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:46,150
Do you have any idea how much
dust collects in a desert?
98
00:04:46,183 --> 00:04:50,330
And it's hot, which means
she's gonna be
walking around in shorts.
99
00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:55,400
Oh, yeah, like the hot
California sun bouncing
off your pink thighs
100
00:04:55,433 --> 00:04:58,660
is gonna get you cast
inDawson's Creek
101
00:05:24,483 --> 00:05:27,283
Oh, Niles, can you believe this?
102
00:05:27,316 --> 00:05:30,200
We are shopping for a house
in Beverly Hills.
103
00:05:30,233 --> 00:05:32,830
Oh, I wonder who our neighbors
are gonna be.
104
00:05:32,116 --> 00:05:34,383
Well, not everyone
in Beverly Hills is a celebrity.
105
00:05:34,416 --> 00:05:38,216
I mean, it's not all
swimming pools and movie stars.
106
00:05:38,250 --> 00:05:39,433
Well, howdy.
107
00:05:42,266 --> 00:05:45,116
Niles, this is Elly May.
108
00:05:45,150 --> 00:05:47,660
Hi, I'm Fran.
The realtor sent us.
109
00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:49,183
Oh, come on in and set a spell.
110
00:05:52,183 --> 00:05:56,433
Well, here's the living room
and out there
is the cement pond.
111
00:05:57,433 --> 00:06:00,183
Oh, your home is so gorgeous.
112
00:06:00,216 --> 00:06:04,100
Oh, by the way, this is Niles.
Niles, this is
Elly May Clampett.
113
00:06:04,133 --> 00:06:05,450
Donna Douglas.
114
00:06:05,483 --> 00:06:07,433
Oh, forgive me.
115
00:06:07,466 --> 00:06:10,166
Oh, it must be
so annoying to you
116
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,160
when people always confuse you
with your characters.
117
00:06:13,466 --> 00:06:15,433
So have you seen much of Jethro?
118
00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:20,166
Oh, have you noticed
these high vaulted ceilings?
119
00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:22,316
Why, you know,
they're spectacular.
120
00:06:22,350 --> 00:06:25,250
And the previous owner,
he add this here skylight.
121
00:06:25,283 --> 00:06:27,166
You know, it's a nice effect.
122
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,450
Did he also prepay the trapeze
lessons for the butler
123
00:06:29,483 --> 00:06:32,283
who's going to have to learn how
to fly so he can clean it?
124
00:06:34,116 --> 00:06:36,300
He sure is
a bitter fellow, ain't he?
125
00:06:38,116 --> 00:06:43,660
Oh, my God,
it's the Tonetech 2000
intercom system.
126
00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:46,000
With the voice-activated
hypersensitive speakers.
127
00:06:46,330 --> 00:06:47,483
Damn, this baby
picks up sign language.
128
00:06:49,133 --> 00:06:51,233
Ooh, I love L.A.
129
00:06:52,433 --> 00:06:54,133
Let's sit down.
130
00:06:54,166 --> 00:06:57,466
Oh, I cannot believe
I'm sitting with Elly May.
131
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,200
I mean Donna. Sorry.
132
00:07:00,233 --> 00:07:03,283
I'll tell you, my mother and I
used to watch your show
133
00:07:03,316 --> 00:07:05,366
all the time together.
We just loved it.
134
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,300
Well, that's so sweet.
135
00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:10,100
Oh, are you and your mama close?
136
00:07:10,133 --> 00:07:12,000
Like two hogs in a--
137
00:07:12,330 --> 00:07:15,350
Oh, I can't do this.
We're close.
138
00:07:15,383 --> 00:07:17,116
Oh, she lives out here, too?
139
00:07:17,150 --> 00:07:20,150
No, no.
Actually, she lives in New York.
140
00:07:20,183 --> 00:07:24,100
Well, her heart must be broken.
You're moving so far away.
141
00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:27,150
Well, actually, she said that
she's fine with it.
142
00:07:27,183 --> 00:07:30,233
And she said that I'm a big girl
and it's time for me
to live my own life.
143
00:07:30,266 --> 00:07:32,150
You fell for that?
144
00:07:32,183 --> 00:07:33,366
Oh, vey.
145
00:07:35,283 --> 00:07:37,133
Clampett's a Jewish name?
146
00:07:37,166 --> 00:07:41,000
Well, Granny covered up her
feelings the same way
your ma did
147
00:07:41,330 --> 00:07:44,250
when we loaded up the truck
and moved to Beverly.
148
00:07:44,283 --> 00:07:48,116
She said she was staying behind
and she was happy for us
149
00:07:48,150 --> 00:07:51,200
but inside,
it was just killing her.
150
00:07:51,233 --> 00:07:54,433
Oh, my God, have I been blind.
151
00:07:54,466 --> 00:07:57,266
Of course that's
what Ma is doing.
152
00:07:57,300 --> 00:08:01,266
Oh, if I move here,
it's just gonna break her heart.
153
00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:05,416
Oh, well, you know, sugar,
my critters has got a saying:
154
00:08:05,450 --> 00:08:08,116
"A mother
can have a thousand daughters
155
00:08:08,150 --> 00:08:11,416
but a thousand daughters
only have one mother."
156
00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:13,416
A critter said that?
157
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:30,333
I'm telling you, Maxwell,
your play, impressive.
158
00:08:30,366 --> 00:08:32,466
-Oh, so you saw it.
-No.
159
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,283
-Read it.
-No, no.
160
00:08:37,366 --> 00:08:40,266
But I've got some great ideas
for the rewrite.
161
00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:41,466
Nothing big.
162
00:08:43,150 --> 00:08:45,160
We turn it into a sitcom.
163
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,483
-Why?
-Because I like funny.
164
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,483
Uh, Mr. Sherry, my play
is an allegory
165
00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,433
dealing with early man's
struggle to survive.
166
00:08:55,466 --> 00:08:57,316
So wasThe Flintstones.
167
00:09:00,830 --> 00:09:05,160
You-- You see, Maury, uh,
I'm a man of the theater.
168
00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:07,450
And there is such a thing
as artistic integrity.
169
00:09:07,483 --> 00:09:11,000
And I can't sign this.
I have an obligation to my work.
170
00:09:11,330 --> 00:09:12,400
You can make more money
171
00:09:12,433 --> 00:09:16,000
in one season of a sitcom
than you can
in a 10-year run ofCats.
172
00:09:16,330 --> 00:09:17,300
Do you have a pen?
173
00:09:18,483 --> 00:09:21,830
You're doing
the right thing, Maxwell.
174
00:09:21,116 --> 00:09:23,250
Let me tell you, a lot of people
are frightened of success.
175
00:09:23,283 --> 00:09:26,330
They're afraid
of that little voice
in their heads.
176
00:09:26,660 --> 00:09:29,400
Honey, don't sign.
We can't move here.
177
00:09:32,330 --> 00:09:33,233
Sorry, Mr. Sherry.
178
00:09:34,166 --> 00:09:35,383
She snuck off the tour bus.
179
00:09:35,416 --> 00:09:37,400
And if you ask me,
180
00:09:37,433 --> 00:09:41,000
twenty-eight bucks is a lot
of money to charge to see
Weezie's old dressing room.
181
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,250
What are you doing here?
182
00:09:44,283 --> 00:09:47,383
Oh, Maury, I'm so sorry.
This is my wife.
183
00:09:47,416 --> 00:09:50,350
How do you do, Mr. Sherry? Hi.
184
00:09:50,383 --> 00:09:53,183
Oh, what a gorgeous head of hair
you got there.
185
00:09:53,216 --> 00:09:55,450
Tell me. Does it turn yellow
in the California sun?
186
00:09:57,466 --> 00:10:02,100
Honey, we can't move here.
Ma doesn't want us to be
so far away from her
187
00:10:02,133 --> 00:10:04,333
and frankly, I don't wanna be
away from her either.
188
00:10:04,366 --> 00:10:07,200
I want her to be a part
of our twins growing up.
189
00:10:07,233 --> 00:10:09,483
Darling, darling, I understand.
Believe me, I do.
190
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,100
But this is
a terrific opportunity.
191
00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:14,283
Now, if I could find some way
around this situation
with your mother,
192
00:10:14,316 --> 00:10:16,216
of course I'd take it.
193
00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:18,330
Listen, Sheffield.
194
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,483
I have no idea
what you're talking about,
195
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,160
but here's what you should do.
196
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:26,150
You bring your mother-in-law
out here to live with you.
197
00:10:26,183 --> 00:10:30,266
Oh, Mr. Sherry,
that is a fabulous idea.
198
00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:32,416
Maxwell, I see your reflection
in the glass.
199
00:10:32,450 --> 00:10:35,183
Oh, all right. All right,
sweetheart, all right.
200
00:10:35,216 --> 00:10:38,100
If it'll make you happy,
of course we'll bring
your mother out here.
201
00:10:38,133 --> 00:10:41,500
Oh, thank you, sweetie.
I love you so much.
202
00:10:41,830 --> 00:10:44,330
You know, Maury,
since you like funny,
203
00:10:44,660 --> 00:10:47,133
I've got a little pitcherino
just between us.
204
00:10:47,166 --> 00:10:52,500
Cops. Funny cops.
But here's the twist.
205
00:10:52,830 --> 00:10:56,166
The cell where they hold the
criminals is in the squad room.
206
00:10:58,660 --> 00:10:59,183
Sucks.
207
00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:11,250
Fran, the guest house
is like one big room
with a giant kitchen.
208
00:11:11,283 --> 00:11:14,183
Are you sure that your mom's
gonna like living
in a place like that?
209
00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:15,450
What? Shangri-La?
210
00:11:18,183 --> 00:11:19,383
What's the matter, B?
211
00:11:19,416 --> 00:11:21,466
Well, I can't believe
we have to leave New York
212
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,450
just as I get a girlfriend.
213
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:26,100
Honey, you'll fold her up,
put her in your suitcase
214
00:11:26,133 --> 00:11:28,116
and take her
on the plane with you.
215
00:11:30,433 --> 00:11:33,283
That's a good idea. Yeah.
216
00:11:33,316 --> 00:11:38,660
Fran, how would you feel
if I didn't move to California
with you?
217
00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:40,116
You know, honey,
the critters have a saying:
218
00:11:40,150 --> 00:11:42,366
"Do you wanna put a knife
through my heart?"
219
00:11:43,483 --> 00:11:45,350
They're minks. Jewish critters.
220
00:11:46,433 --> 00:11:47,466
[doorbell rings]
221
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,166
Oh, hi, Ma.
222
00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:54,216
Hi, darling. What did you
wanna talk to me about?
223
00:11:54,250 --> 00:11:57,300
Well, I've got some thrilling
news for you.
224
00:11:57,333 --> 00:11:58,350
Oh.
225
00:11:58,383 --> 00:12:01,160
We're not gonna
have to be separated.
226
00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:03,300
Your heart is not
going to be broken.
227
00:12:03,333 --> 00:12:06,500
What would you say if I told you
228
00:12:06,830 --> 00:12:09,250
that Maxwell and I
rented a house in Beverly Hills
229
00:12:09,283 --> 00:12:12,183
and you and Daddy
are moving with us?
230
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,160
No thanks.
231
00:12:17,183 --> 00:12:19,333
Ma, it's okay.
You could drop the act.
232
00:12:19,366 --> 00:12:21,366
I know that you've
been covering up.
233
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,160
That you feel like
your heart's gonna be broken
234
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:28,233
because you're not gonna be
with me, and you really
wanna move with us.
235
00:12:28,266 --> 00:12:29,316
No, I don't.
236
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:33,100
Ma, enough already.
237
00:12:33,133 --> 00:12:36,160
You're moving to California
so your heart won't be broken
238
00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:38,000
and you'll be
near your damn daughter.
239
00:12:39,433 --> 00:12:42,233
Darling, I can't move
to California.
240
00:12:42,266 --> 00:12:44,400
-You have your life,
I have mine.
-What?
241
00:12:44,433 --> 00:12:47,133
You shouldn't revolve your life
around me.
242
00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:49,483
You know,
I'm not gonna be around forever.
243
00:12:52,466 --> 00:12:57,160
But you'll be three doors down
from Rue McClanahan.
244
00:12:59,350 --> 00:13:02,483
Life shouldn't revolve
around her?
245
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:06,000
She won't be around forever?
What's that supposed to mean?
246
00:13:06,330 --> 00:13:09,330
[gasps] Oh, my God.
247
00:13:09,660 --> 00:13:11,830
Oh, there's something wrong
with my mother.
248
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:21,660
Oh, Val, I'm so glad
that you're here.
I'm going crazy.
249
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:24,160
You're going crazy?
I've been here since noon,
250
00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:27,150
I've had three cups of coffee,
I'm ready to burst, and look.
251
00:13:32,350 --> 00:13:34,183
Has Ma been here?
252
00:13:34,216 --> 00:13:37,200
What would your mother be doing
at Krispy Kreme?
253
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:40,433
Even I knew
that was a stupid question.
254
00:13:40,466 --> 00:13:43,233
I need to talk to her
and I can't find her anywhere.
255
00:13:43,266 --> 00:13:45,100
I went to the Carnegie Deli,
she's not there.
256
00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:47,183
I went to Pizza Hut,
she's not there.
257
00:13:47,216 --> 00:13:49,500
And you know she's banned
from the Sizzler
258
00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,316
ever since she had them cater
her last dinner party.
259
00:13:51,350 --> 00:13:53,416
They don't cater.
260
00:13:53,450 --> 00:13:56,466
Well, they do if you carry
an extra-large shopping bag.
261
00:14:01,366 --> 00:14:04,383
-Fran, what's the matter?
-Oh, Val, I'm really worried.
262
00:14:04,416 --> 00:14:07,416
She told me I had to get used
to her not being around.
263
00:14:07,450 --> 00:14:09,100
You know what that means,
don't you?
264
00:14:09,133 --> 00:14:10,350
Oh, Fran.
It doesn't mean anything.
265
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:12,450
My grandmother
said the same thing to me.
266
00:14:13,383 --> 00:14:15,166
She died, Val.
267
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,350
Yeah, but she said it
before she died.
268
00:14:19,466 --> 00:14:23,166
Well, I really
gotta talk to her.
269
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:27,200
This is really driving me nuts.
I'm gonna call my father.
270
00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:29,300
-Yeah.
-Maybe he knows where she is.
271
00:14:29,333 --> 00:14:33,366
Hi, Daddy. It's-- Hello? Hello?
272
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,183
Hi. Hello. Hi.
273
00:14:35,216 --> 00:14:37,483
Hi, Dad. Hi.
274
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:40,483
Fran. Fran. Yeah.
275
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:43,150
Where's Mommy? Do you know?
276
00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:45,416
Oh, oh, the beauty parlor.
277
00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:51,000
Okay. Thank you.
I love you, too. Love you too.
278
00:14:51,330 --> 00:14:52,400
-Aren't these amazing?
-Yeah.
279
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:05,433
Bonsoir.
280
00:15:06,233 --> 00:15:07,333
Today?
281
00:15:07,366 --> 00:15:08,383
It's not gonna happen.
282
00:15:11,330 --> 00:15:14,000
-Hi. I'm Fran Sheffield.
-Yeah, yeah, I know who you are.
283
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,416
We keep your wedding picture
up here for advertisement.
284
00:15:16,450 --> 00:15:19,333
But I didn't get my hair
done here for my wedding.
285
00:15:19,366 --> 00:15:21,266
So? No one else knows that.
286
00:15:23,483 --> 00:15:27,116
Your mother said we could
use it if we comped
all her bikini waxings.
287
00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:30,000
Who's sorry now, huh?
288
00:15:31,450 --> 00:15:34,150
Meanwhile, I gotta talk to her.
Where is she?
289
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:36,160
Sylvia don't have
an appointment here today.
290
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,383
But she told my father
that she did.
291
00:15:38,416 --> 00:15:40,233
Well, then she's a big fat liar.
292
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,400
I would go check out
Mount Sinai.
293
00:15:44,433 --> 00:15:46,150
The hospital?
294
00:15:46,183 --> 00:15:48,383
Yeah, she goes there every
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,
295
00:15:48,416 --> 00:15:50,233
four o'clock, fifth floor.
296
00:15:50,266 --> 00:15:53,450
And she carries that imitation
Prada bag and she thinks
no one can tell.
297
00:15:53,483 --> 00:15:55,830
But I know.
298
00:15:57,830 --> 00:15:59,116
Oh, I don't believe this.
299
00:15:59,150 --> 00:16:01,450
Why would Ma be going
to a hospital?
300
00:16:01,483 --> 00:16:03,416
I don't know.
What am I, a yenta?
301
00:16:05,216 --> 00:16:07,383
Oh, it can't be true.
It can't be true.
302
00:16:07,416 --> 00:16:09,830
You must be mistaken.
303
00:16:09,116 --> 00:16:11,100
Maybe she's in the back
getting a pedicure.
304
00:16:11,133 --> 00:16:13,133
Trust me. She's not here.
305
00:16:13,166 --> 00:16:15,000
Those are feet
one doesn't forget.
306
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,300
Chatterbox. How you doing?
307
00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:22,283
Today? It's not gonna happen.
308
00:16:31,660 --> 00:16:33,316
Oh, Ma, you're here.
309
00:16:35,316 --> 00:16:37,366
Sorry, Fran. Just me.
Still no luck?
310
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:41,166
Oh, I have looked everywhere
for her.
311
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,350
Look how weird,
her chair is empty.
312
00:16:45,233 --> 00:16:47,100
I don't think
I've ever seen the seat.
313
00:16:49,830 --> 00:16:52,383
And all that's left
is the imprint of when she
was 40 pounds heavier.
314
00:16:55,330 --> 00:16:57,200
Sweetheart, where have you been?
315
00:16:57,233 --> 00:17:00,330
Oh, I've been looking all over
for Ma. And you know what?
316
00:17:00,660 --> 00:17:01,466
Libby from the Chatterbox,
317
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,266
she said that Ma's been seeing
a doctor three times a week.
318
00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:09,300
Oh, honey, I think there
might be something
seriously wrong with her.
319
00:17:09,333 --> 00:17:13,100
Darling, darling, I hardly think
you should be taking the word
320
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:16,160
of a girl who answers the phones
at a beauty parlor.
321
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:17,283
Oh, I don't know.
322
00:17:17,316 --> 00:17:21,200
Libby is usually pretty right on
about this stuff.
323
00:17:21,233 --> 00:17:25,216
And why are you optioning
your play for 275
324
00:17:25,250 --> 00:17:28,300
when you know you could have
held out for 300,000?
325
00:17:29,433 --> 00:17:31,316
How the devil did you know that?
326
00:17:32,350 --> 00:17:34,150
Oh, God. Libby?
327
00:17:35,266 --> 00:17:39,266
Oh, what are we gonna do?
328
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:41,483
Oh, my God.
That's Ma. That's Ma.
329
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,183
I don't want her to know I know.
330
00:17:43,216 --> 00:17:45,400
-I don't want her upset.
You get the door.
-Yeah.
331
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,166
Sylvia, come on in.
Well, we were just--
332
00:17:53,383 --> 00:17:54,483
What's with her?
333
00:17:58,166 --> 00:18:01,133
Your hair looks pretty.
334
00:18:01,166 --> 00:18:04,200
Oh, darling, what's the matter?
335
00:18:04,233 --> 00:18:09,283
Oh, Ma, I can't believe
you didn't say anything.
336
00:18:09,316 --> 00:18:11,383
How can you go through this
all by yourself?
337
00:18:11,416 --> 00:18:13,483
Why didn't you tell me
if you were sick?
338
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,116
Sick? I'm not sick.
339
00:18:16,150 --> 00:18:17,350
It's all right, Sylvia.
340
00:18:17,383 --> 00:18:21,300
Libby told us.
We know you're seeing a doctor.
341
00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:23,266
And if you're not sick,
342
00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:28,830
then why would you be going
to this guy's office
three times a week?
343
00:18:31,830 --> 00:18:33,200
What's that look
on your face about?
344
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,416
Ma, what are you saying?
345
00:18:43,350 --> 00:18:48,416
Are you telling me
that you're having an affair?
346
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:52,350
Oh, my God.
347
00:18:52,383 --> 00:18:56,150
How could you just go
and blurt that out like that?
348
00:18:56,183 --> 00:19:00,233
I'm sorry,
but I do not wanna discuss this.
349
00:19:00,266 --> 00:19:05,316
Well, if you don't wanna
discuss this, too bad.
350
00:19:05,350 --> 00:19:08,216
-Is there a fight?
Did we miss anything?
-What's going on?
351
00:19:08,250 --> 00:19:12,100
When the two of them talk
at the same time,
the intercom shorts out.
352
00:19:12,133 --> 00:19:15,250
Fran's having a rather delicate
conversation with her mother.
353
00:19:15,283 --> 00:19:18,200
I think it best we just stay out
of their way till they're done.
354
00:19:18,233 --> 00:19:20,416
Get away from me.
Leave me alone.
355
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:23,160
-Oh, I'd say they're done.
-Ma, freeze.
356
00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:25,316
Ever since she lost the weight,
she's like the Flash.
357
00:19:25,350 --> 00:19:27,500
Now, I want an answer.
358
00:19:27,830 --> 00:19:30,330
Are you having an affair?
359
00:19:30,660 --> 00:19:33,330
-I've got a phone call
I need to make.
-I think I have to go now.
360
00:19:40,216 --> 00:19:42,100
Since when are you my keeper?
361
00:19:42,133 --> 00:19:44,416
Since I heard you're being kept.
362
00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:47,830
Ma, doesn't this ring
on your finger mean anything?
363
00:19:47,116 --> 00:19:48,266
What ring is that
on your finger?
364
00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:51,283
Oh, QVC.
It's a ring-slash-pillbox.
365
00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:55,100
-Now, leave me alone.
-Ma.
366
00:19:55,133 --> 00:19:57,366
[Sylvia] Why don't you stop
giving me the third degree?
367
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,200
Who do you think you are?
368
00:19:59,233 --> 00:20:02,000
[Fran] I'm your daughter,
that's who I think I am.
369
00:20:02,330 --> 00:20:04,250
Just because I have the figure
of a teenager
370
00:20:04,283 --> 00:20:07,433
doesn't mean I'm not
a mature woman who's
entitled to her privacy.
371
00:20:07,466 --> 00:20:09,400
Now, nothing is going on.
372
00:20:11,433 --> 00:20:13,383
If your father calls,
373
00:20:13,416 --> 00:20:16,483
tell him I took the little girl
brassiere shopping.
374
00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:22,660
Is this unbelievable or what?
375
00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:26,000
You're telling me
she's having sex and I'm not?
376
00:20:34,383 --> 00:20:36,416
[music playing]
377
00:20:53,450 --> 00:20:56,660
Y'all come back now, you hear?
378
00:20:58,133 --> 00:21:00,150
[theme music playing]
379
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,183
[theme music ends]