1
00:00:04,433 --> 00:00:06,200
I can't wait any longer.
2
00:00:06,233 --> 00:00:09,660
-Sweetheart.
-Mom.
3
00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:11,200
How is she? How is the baby?
4
00:00:11,233 --> 00:00:13,500
Fran, I am so sorry.
5
00:00:14,283 --> 00:00:16,330
I lost the baby?
6
00:00:16,660 --> 00:00:17,316
Well, let me explain.
7
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:19,266
In rare instances
8
00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:23,660
the HCG levels can elevate
to such a vast concentration
9
00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:24,166
that it emulates--
10
00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:27,160
What the hell are you
talking about?
11
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:30,150
A false positive. It turns out
you were never pregnant.
12
00:00:30,183 --> 00:00:31,416
[all] What?
13
00:00:31,450 --> 00:00:35,133
My married daughter
isn't pregnant?
14
00:00:35,166 --> 00:00:37,450
How could you screw up
like this?
15
00:00:38,483 --> 00:00:41,216
Screw up has
a negative connotation.
16
00:00:42,183 --> 00:00:46,830
We prefer to use
the word mishap.
17
00:00:46,116 --> 00:00:48,400
Well, what was all that
stomach pain I was feeling?
18
00:00:48,433 --> 00:00:50,466
That was caused
by something you ate.
19
00:00:52,350 --> 00:00:54,483
Fran, I can't tell you
how sorry I am.
20
00:00:56,250 --> 00:00:59,316
Darling, everything is okay.
21
00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:02,100
The important thing is you're
all right.
22
00:01:02,133 --> 00:01:03,383
Yeah.
23
00:01:03,416 --> 00:01:05,316
But you, however...
24
00:01:07,433 --> 00:01:12,133
You are going to call
Myra Needleman herself
25
00:01:12,166 --> 00:01:16,116
and explain why
the Hadassah Newsletter
26
00:01:16,150 --> 00:01:18,366
suddenly has no headline!
27
00:01:26,166 --> 00:01:29,216
Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
28
00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:30,466
Oh, you must be feeling--
29
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,216
I can't even imagine
how you're feeling.
30
00:01:33,250 --> 00:01:36,383
Oh, it's okay.
You know, what are you gonna do?
31
00:01:36,416 --> 00:01:40,400
I guess it just--
It wasn't meant to be.
32
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:42,400
Look on the bright side,
now this'll give you time
33
00:01:42,433 --> 00:01:44,433
to get used to the name Shlomo.
34
00:01:47,100 --> 00:01:48,300
Why don't you go pay the bill
35
00:01:48,333 --> 00:01:51,200
and I'll get my things together
and then we'll go home.
36
00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:58,350
-You sure you're all right?
-I'm fine.
37
00:01:58,383 --> 00:02:01,133
I'm absolutely, perfectly fine.
38
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:03,330
All right.
39
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,383
[sighs] Yeah.
40
00:02:30,283 --> 00:02:34,660
Honey, you forgot
to kiss me goodbye.
41
00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:38,416
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart.
Are you sure you're gonna be
all right?
42
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:42,316
-You don't want me to stay
with you here?
-I'm okay. You can go to work.
43
00:02:42,350 --> 00:02:43,366
All right.
44
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,216
-Love you.
-Love you.
45
00:02:49,350 --> 00:02:51,466
Darling, you do realize you're
still holding on?
46
00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:55,100
Yes, I do.
47
00:02:56,116 --> 00:02:58,333
Sweetheart, would you like
to talk?
48
00:02:58,366 --> 00:03:00,660
Yes, I would.
49
00:03:01,316 --> 00:03:03,233
Do you mind if we do it
sitting down?
50
00:03:04,333 --> 00:03:05,383
Okay.
51
00:03:09,150 --> 00:03:10,316
There we are.
52
00:03:10,350 --> 00:03:13,166
Now, darling, what's the matter?
53
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:16,266
Oh, honey, I know that I was
really strong at the hospital
54
00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:18,383
but to tell you the truth,
55
00:03:18,416 --> 00:03:21,330
I already started
loving that baby.
56
00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:24,383
Oh, darling, I know, so did I.
But you know what they say.
57
00:03:24,416 --> 00:03:27,400
If at first you don't succeed,
try and try again,
58
00:03:27,433 --> 00:03:30,183
and again, and again, and again.
59
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:33,333
I love you so much right now.
60
00:03:33,366 --> 00:03:35,433
Come with me,
I wanna show you something.
61
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,400
Look at this.
62
00:03:39,483 --> 00:03:43,830
I already did a little shopping.
63
00:03:43,383 --> 00:03:45,183
Oh, Fran.
64
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,316
-What if it's a boy?
-Oh, well...
65
00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,233
Darling, the child isn't
even born yet
66
00:03:59,266 --> 00:04:01,466
and already you're
pressuring him to be a doctor.
67
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,330
Well, they didn't have
little lawyer suits.
68
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,316
-Darling, I love you so much.
-I love you.
69
00:04:08,350 --> 00:04:11,000
I can't wait to come home,
climb into bed,
70
00:04:11,330 --> 00:04:13,266
and start again-ing again.
71
00:04:14,316 --> 00:04:16,250
Oh, Ma, guess what.
72
00:04:16,283 --> 00:04:18,116
Maxwell and I decided
that we're gonna try
73
00:04:18,150 --> 00:04:19,383
and make a baby right away.
74
00:04:19,416 --> 00:04:21,433
Oh, mazel tov, darling.
75
00:04:21,466 --> 00:04:23,400
No jumping. No jumping.
76
00:04:23,433 --> 00:04:26,150
-Love you.
-I love you, son.
77
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,500
Everything is gonna be
wonderful.
78
00:04:28,830 --> 00:04:30,433
You'll have a baby
before you know it.
79
00:04:30,466 --> 00:04:33,160
Oy, it's gonna take forever.
80
00:04:34,383 --> 00:04:38,450
He's over 40, and his sperm are
practically in a coma.
81
00:04:41,100 --> 00:04:42,466
Ma, what are you saying?
82
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:48,330
I'm saying his little fish are
gonna need a little help
swimming upstream.
83
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,250
-Franny?
-What?
84
00:04:52,283 --> 00:04:56,366
I know someone
with the exact same problem.
85
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:59,400
Just got married,
thought she was pregnant,
86
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:02,160
found out she wasn't.
87
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:03,300
Yetta, that's me.
88
00:05:05,330 --> 00:05:07,216
Oh. Well, then you tell it.
89
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,330
You know something?
90
00:05:10,660 --> 00:05:11,416
When my mother
couldn't get pregnant,
91
00:05:11,450 --> 00:05:13,316
she went to an herbologist.
92
00:05:13,350 --> 00:05:16,133
And then, she had three of--
93
00:05:16,166 --> 00:05:19,150
Of the dumbest kids
I have ever met.
94
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:25,100
Yetta, you're talking about Val.
95
00:05:25,133 --> 00:05:27,116
-Yeah.
-Oh.
96
00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:29,450
Well, then you tell it.
97
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:36,266
You know, it might not be
a bad idea going
to a herbologist.
98
00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:40,500
Your cousin Merle went.
Remember? Mr. Fu?
99
00:05:40,830 --> 00:05:42,216
Ma, you want me to put
my husband's little swimmers
100
00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:45,400
in the hands of a man
whose office is
in a Chinese restaurant?
101
00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:48,433
It's Cantonese.
102
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,116
And it's behind the restaurant.
103
00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:57,183
Meanwhile, he gave Merle
a bunch of roots and crap
104
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,450
and bam, she got pregnant.
105
00:06:01,483 --> 00:06:03,250
All right, I'll talk
to Max about it.
106
00:06:03,283 --> 00:06:04,416
No.
107
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:07,133
-Why?
-He'll lose confidence,
108
00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:08,350
he'll feel emasculated
109
00:06:08,383 --> 00:06:10,100
and then he'll never
wanna have sex
110
00:06:10,133 --> 00:06:12,660
with you again and then he'll--
111
00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:14,166
And then you'll have her
marriage.
112
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:27,283
Oh, nice.
113
00:06:27,316 --> 00:06:31,160
-Would you look
at all this stuff.
-Yeah.
114
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:33,660
Oh, I wonder what this is for.
115
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:35,383
Oh, this is very good
for the brain. Makes you smart.
116
00:06:35,416 --> 00:06:37,330
Fifty cents a bottle.
117
00:06:37,660 --> 00:06:38,483
And how much for two bottles?
118
00:06:43,466 --> 00:06:45,166
You better take the large.
119
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,216
Thank you.
120
00:06:49,166 --> 00:06:51,330
Hi, Mr. Fu, I'm Fran.
121
00:06:51,660 --> 00:06:53,350
And, you know, we're having
a little trouble conceiving.
122
00:06:53,383 --> 00:06:54,450
Say no more.
123
00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:59,500
This is an ancient
Chinese mushroom root.
124
00:06:59,830 --> 00:07:02,450
You put it in a shake
and he takes one every 24 hours.
125
00:07:02,483 --> 00:07:04,400
But how many times a day?
126
00:07:08,830 --> 00:07:10,660
Oh, thank you.
127
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:21,300
So this stuff is really
gonna make his little soldiers
swim faster?
128
00:07:22,316 --> 00:07:24,100
Just ask Mrs. Fu.
129
00:07:26,283 --> 00:07:29,116
Congratulations, Mrs. Fu.
130
00:07:29,150 --> 00:07:31,830
So the shake got you pregnant?
131
00:07:31,116 --> 00:07:34,333
No, unfortunately,
I also had to use Mr. Fu.
132
00:07:38,383 --> 00:07:41,150
-And if you need
a little extra help...
-Yeah?
133
00:07:41,183 --> 00:07:43,100
...eat these special
almond cookies.
134
00:07:43,133 --> 00:07:46,133
It'll make the two of you
really hot for each other.
135
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,300
Wow, that's very thoughtful
136
00:07:51,333 --> 00:07:55,660
but to tell you the truth,
my husband and I don't need
any help
137
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,133
-in that department.
-Yeah.
138
00:07:57,166 --> 00:07:59,200
Why would a woman under 30
need any help?
139
00:07:59,233 --> 00:08:01,660
You know what?
You better give me three dozen.
140
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:04,466
Yeah. Here, just give me
the whole box.
141
00:08:09,330 --> 00:08:11,466
Val, I find these instructions
so confusing.
142
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,216
No, it's easy, Fran.
143
00:08:13,250 --> 00:08:16,250
Look. Here's the protein shake
that'll help Max's swimmers.
144
00:08:16,283 --> 00:08:17,433
And if he's not in the mood,
145
00:08:17,466 --> 00:08:20,100
here are the cookies
that'll help make him frisky.
146
00:08:21,233 --> 00:08:24,330
Val, I'm the cookie
that'll make him frisky.
147
00:08:25,433 --> 00:08:29,283
Meanwhile, I think it is
high time that the Western
medical community
148
00:08:29,316 --> 00:08:31,450
recognize the value
in ancient Chinese medicine.
149
00:08:31,483 --> 00:08:34,383
Val, those smart pills
are really beginning to kick in.
150
00:08:36,233 --> 00:08:38,830
Isn't it prodigious?
151
00:08:41,183 --> 00:08:43,116
Well, now you're
just showing off.
152
00:08:44,333 --> 00:08:47,500
Fran, you have time
to help me with my homework?
153
00:08:47,830 --> 00:08:50,330
Sure, honey,
I always have time for you.
154
00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:51,830
What's the subject?
155
00:08:51,116 --> 00:08:53,830
Honors Algebra II.
156
00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:56,116
Look, sweetie,
your square root's all off.
157
00:08:56,150 --> 00:08:58,233
-Fran, look, her square root's
all off.
-Yeah.
158
00:08:58,266 --> 00:09:01,216
-Oh, yes. I see.
-Yeah.
159
00:09:03,366 --> 00:09:06,233
Valerie, why don't you take
young Gracie upstairs
160
00:09:06,266 --> 00:09:10,233
and, you know, do whatever
to make it more prodigious.
161
00:09:14,416 --> 00:09:16,350
What's that, Nanny Fine?
Slimfast?
162
00:09:16,383 --> 00:09:18,000
No.
163
00:09:18,330 --> 00:09:19,250
Swimfast.
164
00:09:23,266 --> 00:09:26,350
Why would a woman go
to such lengths to have a baby?
165
00:09:26,383 --> 00:09:29,200
You know, in fact,
I was thinking about having
one of those operations
166
00:09:29,233 --> 00:09:31,483
but then I thought
what if I marry a wealthy man
167
00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:34,000
who insists I produce an heir?
168
00:09:34,330 --> 00:09:36,500
Oh, stop deluding yourself.
169
00:09:36,830 --> 00:09:38,266
Go ahead and have the vasectomy.
170
00:09:39,483 --> 00:09:41,466
Oh, Niles.
171
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,350
I have such a good comeback.
172
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:46,216
But don't you have to go
wash your boss's underwear?
173
00:09:50,216 --> 00:09:53,500
You know, Nanny Fine may not
know how to work an oven
174
00:09:53,830 --> 00:09:55,100
but she knows
how to get good takeout.
175
00:09:55,133 --> 00:09:57,830
These cookies are delicious.
176
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:04,660
Well, they are pretty good,
aren't they?
177
00:10:09,383 --> 00:10:12,383
In fact, they're not bad at all.
178
00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:18,330
Niles, is that a new apron
you're wearing?
179
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,350
Have you guys seen Mom or Dad
in the past couple of days?
180
00:10:28,383 --> 00:10:30,150
Yeah, what have they been doing?
181
00:10:36,233 --> 00:10:38,830
Hey, Niles, you know
what Mom and Dad
have been up to?
182
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:39,416
Erm...
183
00:10:39,450 --> 00:10:42,500
They're trying to co-produce
a new project.
184
00:10:45,333 --> 00:10:48,100
Wow, Dad's gonna let Fran
handle his business?
185
00:10:57,283 --> 00:10:58,316
Eat your eggs.
186
00:11:03,250 --> 00:11:04,366
Hi, baby.
187
00:11:09,116 --> 00:11:10,183
Hi, dumpling.
188
00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:15,100
Um, you smell good.
What is that?
189
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,383
Lemon bowl fresh.
190
00:11:20,383 --> 00:11:24,150
You're wearing those extra-wide
shoulder pads today, aren't you?
191
00:11:25,416 --> 00:11:27,166
I'm not wearing any.
192
00:11:30,660 --> 00:11:31,150
Better.
193
00:11:33,830 --> 00:11:34,433
Should we worry about this?
194
00:11:36,433 --> 00:11:39,300
Let them experiment.
I hope it's just a phase.
195
00:12:03,166 --> 00:12:05,450
-Niles!
-What?
196
00:12:05,483 --> 00:12:07,150
Niles, quick, quick.
197
00:12:07,183 --> 00:12:10,366
Throw this pregnancy test away.
Quick, quick as you can.
198
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,350
Well, I could have done that.
I meant throw it away outside.
199
00:12:13,383 --> 00:12:15,183
Well, you could have done
that, too.
200
00:12:17,150 --> 00:12:19,466
It's another negative. I've been
trying to hold off this bad news
201
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,330
as long as possible.
The poor thing will fall apart.
202
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,183
Yeah, yeah.
203
00:12:25,216 --> 00:12:27,200
You know, Maxwell,
as long as I have you here,
there's some business
204
00:12:27,233 --> 00:12:29,383
we need to take care of.
It seems that--
205
00:12:33,660 --> 00:12:34,100
Stop it.
206
00:12:35,333 --> 00:12:37,266
It seems Andrew Lloyd Webber
was slated
207
00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:39,160
to doHollywood Squares
this week.
208
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:41,483
Oh, that is so typical
of the man.
209
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,500
Oh, he's all commercial.
210
00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:46,000
Honestly, he'd sell out
at the drop of a hat.
211
00:12:46,330 --> 00:12:48,166
And he has the gall
to call himself
a man of the theater?
212
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,200
Well, they couldn't get him.
They want you instead.
213
00:12:50,233 --> 00:12:52,660
Oh, I'm gonna do
Hollywood Squares?
214
00:12:53,133 --> 00:12:54,233
Honey.
215
00:12:55,250 --> 00:12:57,500
Honey.
216
00:12:57,830 --> 00:13:00,000
You seen my pregnancy test?
217
00:13:00,330 --> 00:13:03,330
Sweetheart, guess who's going
to meet nine celebrities
218
00:13:03,660 --> 00:13:05,233
and I'm gonna let her
bring her camera?
219
00:13:05,266 --> 00:13:06,300
What are you talking about?
220
00:13:06,333 --> 00:13:08,116
I'm gonna doHollywood Squares.
221
00:13:08,150 --> 00:13:11,316
Oh,Hollywood Squares.
I loveHollywood Squares.
222
00:13:11,350 --> 00:13:15,160
Oh, honey, that's so exciting.
Have you seen my pregnancy test?
223
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,300
Whoopi Goldberg's
gonna be on the show and--
224
00:13:17,333 --> 00:13:19,250
I know, why don't you invite
your mother?
225
00:13:19,283 --> 00:13:22,330
You're inviting my mother too?
226
00:13:22,660 --> 00:13:25,250
Oh, the test was negative,
wasn't it?
227
00:13:25,283 --> 00:13:28,266
Oh, darling, darling,
I'm so sorry.
228
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:31,300
I don't understand this.
Why aren't we getting pregnant?
229
00:13:31,333 --> 00:13:34,200
I mean, we keep trying
again and again and again.
230
00:13:34,233 --> 00:13:37,350
I know, darling. I know, I know.
231
00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:40,333
Look, look, I'm tired,
you're tired.
232
00:13:40,366 --> 00:13:45,200
What do you say we just rest
for a while and wait a bit
until we try again, hmm?
233
00:13:45,233 --> 00:13:46,400
What do you say I go
234
00:13:46,433 --> 00:13:49,660
and make the arrangements
forHollywood Squares
235
00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:55,000
and then I'll take
my beautiful wife out
for a lovely, romantic dinner.
236
00:13:55,330 --> 00:13:58,660
Oh, that's so sweet. I love you.
237
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,433
We're not going to wait.
238
00:14:05,466 --> 00:14:08,160
We're gonna try again right now,
aren't we?
239
00:14:08,450 --> 00:14:10,366
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
240
00:14:16,330 --> 00:14:17,160
[sighs]
241
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:18,350
Fran, don't be so depressed.
242
00:14:18,383 --> 00:14:21,500
Dr. Reynolds said
there's nothing wrong
with you or Maxwell.
243
00:14:21,830 --> 00:14:24,266
Oh, well, then why'd
she prescribe those stupid
hormones for me?
244
00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:27,416
Darling, taking hormones is
a natural thing.
245
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:31,333
Your Aunt Addie
and your Uncle Artie,
both took them.
246
00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:37,116
Ma, that's because Aunt Addie
was Uncle Artie.
247
00:14:38,333 --> 00:14:39,433
Shh.
248
00:14:39,466 --> 00:14:42,250
She's collecting
two Social Security checks.
249
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:45,216
All right.
250
00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:48,250
You know, I never understood
why people buy toilet water.
251
00:14:48,283 --> 00:14:51,330
You ever smell the water
in a toilet?
252
00:14:52,133 --> 00:14:53,466
It's not that great.
253
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:57,330
What's the matter, Val?
You stop taking
your smart pills?
254
00:14:57,660 --> 00:14:59,400
I had to,
it gave me terrible gas.
255
00:14:59,433 --> 00:15:03,830
What is the use of being
brilliant when nobody wants
to come near you?
256
00:15:04,266 --> 00:15:07,183
Mrs. Fran Sheffield,
your hormones are ready.
257
00:15:08,216 --> 00:15:09,350
Shh.
258
00:15:09,383 --> 00:15:11,466
Does everybody have to know
my business?
259
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,366
It's not like when you had
that nauseous-making rash.
260
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:15,366
Stop it.
261
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,433
Just give me my prescription,
and I'll take an ovulation kit,
please.
262
00:15:18,466 --> 00:15:21,383
-And here.
-Oy, are you a mess.
263
00:15:21,416 --> 00:15:24,830
I'm glad I didn't ask you out
like your mother wanted me to.
264
00:15:25,330 --> 00:15:26,366
Ma.
265
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,233
Well, you weren't married
266
00:15:28,266 --> 00:15:31,316
and... that was really it.
267
00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:35,183
Well, Val, we better hurry up
268
00:15:35,216 --> 00:15:38,283
because Maxwell's expecting me
back at the house in an hour.
269
00:15:38,316 --> 00:15:41,150
You know, the one good thing
that has come out of all of this
270
00:15:41,183 --> 00:15:44,200
is that it's made me and Max
inseparable.
271
00:15:44,233 --> 00:15:46,416
If you know what I mean.
272
00:15:46,450 --> 00:15:49,330
And remember,
until you're ovulating
273
00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:51,450
you and your husband
cannot have any sex.
274
00:16:05,233 --> 00:16:09,200
Well, so far I think
abstaining is going quite well.
275
00:16:09,233 --> 00:16:11,660
Darling, it's been five minutes.
276
00:16:12,233 --> 00:16:14,330
Would you like
to watch television?
277
00:16:14,660 --> 00:16:16,266
No, then we'll just have
to go downstairs.
278
00:16:16,300 --> 00:16:17,450
No, we've got one right up here.
279
00:16:17,483 --> 00:16:19,500
Really?
280
00:16:20,133 --> 00:16:21,416
We just haven't had occasion
to use it.
281
00:16:21,450 --> 00:16:23,283
Why don't we just try talking?
282
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,100
Oh, right. That's a good idea.
283
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:39,150
Oh, sweetheart, what's wrong?
284
00:16:39,183 --> 00:16:43,183
Oh, maybe sex is the only thing
we have in common.
285
00:16:43,216 --> 00:16:45,316
Now, darling,
don't be ridiculous.
286
00:16:45,350 --> 00:16:48,200
We have lots of things
in common.
287
00:16:48,233 --> 00:16:51,000
-I don't think we do.
-Oh, yes.
288
00:16:51,330 --> 00:16:53,250
Yes, of course we do.
289
00:16:55,233 --> 00:16:57,150
All right, darling,
we should stop this.
290
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,316
Oh, I know.
291
00:16:59,350 --> 00:17:01,283
No, darling, really.
292
00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:04,100
I know, I know.
293
00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:07,300
All right, I'm serious now.
Stop.
294
00:17:07,333 --> 00:17:09,100
All right, you know what?
295
00:17:09,133 --> 00:17:15,330
Why don't we just count
to three, and then
we'll pull apart.
296
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:18,416
All right. On three or count
to three and then pull apart?
297
00:17:18,450 --> 00:17:22,116
I know. We'll make it easy.
Let's just count to 300.
298
00:17:22,150 --> 00:17:23,183
Right.
299
00:17:25,133 --> 00:17:26,483
Oh, no, no, no.
300
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:31,350
I don't wanna do anything
that's going to jeopardize us
making a baby.
301
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:33,333
This is ridiculous.
It can't be as hard as all that.
302
00:17:33,366 --> 00:17:36,416
I mean, you abstained
for five years. How on Earth
did you manage that?
303
00:17:37,366 --> 00:17:38,466
More M&M's, sweetheart?
304
00:17:47,350 --> 00:17:50,133
And in our center square,
as always,
305
00:17:50,166 --> 00:17:51,200
Whoopi Goldberg.
306
00:18:00,416 --> 00:18:03,100
-Yetta.
-Ma, are you nuts?
307
00:18:03,133 --> 00:18:04,383
Why are you dressed like that?
308
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:07,116
I didn't know what to wear
to this game show,
309
00:18:07,150 --> 00:18:09,383
so I put on what I wore
to the last one.
310
00:18:14,483 --> 00:18:16,383
This is so exciting.
311
00:18:16,416 --> 00:18:21,830
I can't believe that I'm this
close to Whoopi Goldberg
and Howie Mandel.
312
00:18:21,116 --> 00:18:23,283
Now, Fran, don't take this
the wrong way,
313
00:18:23,316 --> 00:18:27,150
but why is your husband up there
with all those famous people?
314
00:18:27,183 --> 00:18:30,350
-Val, a lot of people know
who Max is.
-Oh.
315
00:18:30,383 --> 00:18:34,200
I'll take that guy who replaced
Andrew Lloyd Webber.
316
00:18:34,233 --> 00:18:37,300
Okay. Maxwell Sheffield,
famous Broadway producer.
317
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:41,150
Four shows on Broadway,
Tony Award winner,
recently knighted.
318
00:18:41,183 --> 00:18:43,160
What have you got
to say for yourself?
319
00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:46,416
Actually, Tom, that's
Andrew Lloyd Webber's bio.
320
00:18:48,383 --> 00:18:51,483
Sorry. All right, here's
your question, Maxwell.
321
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:56,100
"In England, what do you get
when you ask a waitress
for a banger?"
322
00:18:57,116 --> 00:18:58,316
Well, Tom, I've got--
323
00:18:58,350 --> 00:19:01,333
I'll tell you what I got, I got
six months of penicillin shots.
324
00:19:04,660 --> 00:19:06,133
Thank you, Martin.
325
00:19:06,166 --> 00:19:08,450
I'll just wait for the laughter
to die down before I give
my answer.
326
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,000
[clears throat]
327
00:19:12,330 --> 00:19:15,350
Well, Tom, when I ask
for a banger, I get a slap
in the face.
328
00:19:21,466 --> 00:19:23,160
Sausage?
329
00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:26,100
Buy a vowel.
330
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:32,433
-I agree.
-Sausage is right, yes.
X gets the square.
331
00:19:34,483 --> 00:19:37,660
I'll take Howie Mandel to block.
332
00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:39,500
All right, that's it.
I want a new square.
333
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:41,116
Brad Pitt wouldn't get picked
in this box.
334
00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:45,160
I wanna be on top of Whoopi.
335
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,133
Honey, if you was Brad Pitt,
you would be.
336
00:19:50,330 --> 00:19:53,500
All right, all right, now.
Howie, "In the story of Hanukkah
337
00:19:53,830 --> 00:19:56,316
what miraculously lasted
for eight days?"
338
00:19:56,350 --> 00:19:57,350
Esther's husband.
339
00:20:02,416 --> 00:20:04,366
Where is Fran, already?
340
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:08,000
She went to the bathroom
to take her ovulation test.
341
00:20:08,330 --> 00:20:09,416
-Now?
-Yeah, she has to take it
342
00:20:09,450 --> 00:20:12,100
the exact same time every day.
343
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:15,200
Val. Val, Val.
344
00:20:15,233 --> 00:20:19,150
I'm ovulating. Now is the
perfect time for me
to be with Maxwell.
345
00:20:19,183 --> 00:20:21,830
-What am I gonna do?
-What can you do?
346
00:20:21,116 --> 00:20:23,383
-He's in the middle
of a TV show.
-I know, I know.
347
00:20:23,416 --> 00:20:25,266
All right, all right.
Relax, Fran.
348
00:20:25,300 --> 00:20:27,483
You know, you've gone
without sex for this long.
349
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,116
Is another month
really gonna kill you?
350
00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:38,366
-Excuse me? What are you doing?
-Oh, Ms. Whoopi Goldberg.
351
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:43,166
I'm so sorry, I just--
I have to have sex right now.
352
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,400
You know, usually they ask
for my autograph. What is this?
353
00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:54,100
Honey. Honey, honey,
my temperature's right.
It's time.
354
00:21:05,216 --> 00:21:06,166
[clears throat]
355
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:07,350
I think that one took.
356
00:21:13,116 --> 00:21:16,200
-Is that lemon bowl fresh
I smell again?
-Yes.
357
00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:18,483
Well, it's disgusting.
It smells like a men's room.
358
00:21:20,500 --> 00:21:21,100
And you'd know.
359
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,333
I don't know what I found
attractive about you
the last few days
360
00:21:26,366 --> 00:21:28,416
but you are totally back
to repulsive.
361
00:21:28,450 --> 00:21:29,433
Ditto.
362
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:50,300
Would you be interested
in taking a Jacuzzi?
363
00:21:59,466 --> 00:22:01,483
[theme music playing]
364
00:22:17,183 --> 00:22:18,450
[theme music ends]