1
00:00:03,266 --> 00:00:06,383
Niles,
here I am Mrs. Sheffield now
2
00:00:06,416 --> 00:00:08,233
and you're still making the bed,
3
00:00:08,266 --> 00:00:11,660
making the meals,
laying out his clothes.
4
00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:14,100
-I feel so guilty.
-Well, would you like to help?
5
00:00:14,133 --> 00:00:16,830
No,
I just wanna figure out a way
6
00:00:16,116 --> 00:00:18,250
to stop feeling so damn guilty.
7
00:00:18,283 --> 00:00:20,200
Honey, have you seen
Grace's Halloween outfit?
8
00:00:20,233 --> 00:00:21,450
-No.
-She's looking
a little more like
9
00:00:21,483 --> 00:00:22,466
a trick than treat.
10
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:23,433
Uh-oh!
11
00:00:23,466 --> 00:00:25,433
Gracie, honey, come on in here.
12
00:00:25,466 --> 00:00:27,416
Let me see your costume.
13
00:00:30,250 --> 00:00:32,283
Oh, are you insane?
14
00:00:32,316 --> 00:00:35,483
There's no way you can go
to your Halloween party
dressed like that.
15
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:39,133
Black is over.
This year, gray is the story.
16
00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:41,366
Better?
17
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:45,450
Oh, it's totally inappropriate.
She looks like... Well, like...
18
00:00:46,283 --> 00:00:47,183
Me?
19
00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:49,350
All right, Miss Grace,
20
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:50,450
let's leave
Mommy and Daddy alone
21
00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:52,450
-to fight in private.
-But I wanna hear.
22
00:00:52,483 --> 00:00:54,830
It's none of our business.
23
00:00:57,450 --> 00:01:00,333
Darling, how could you
let her go out
looking like that?
24
00:01:00,366 --> 00:01:02,450
I mean, what kind of example
are you setting?
25
00:01:02,483 --> 00:01:04,416
What? She's dressed like me.
26
00:01:04,450 --> 00:01:06,266
You love my style.
27
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:08,116
Yes, but you're much,
much older.
28
00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:13,366
But than little, teeny, tiny
12-year-old Gracie, that is.
29
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:16,500
Look, the point is sweetheart,
since you've become her mother,
30
00:01:16,830 --> 00:01:17,400
you carry much more weight.
31
00:01:17,433 --> 00:01:20,216
Oh, no. Well.
32
00:01:20,250 --> 00:01:23,333
Look, would you stop
staring at me like that?
It's spooky.
33
00:01:23,366 --> 00:01:25,233
What? I'm just listening
to my husband
34
00:01:25,266 --> 00:01:27,250
charm his fat, old, spooky wife.
35
00:01:28,316 --> 00:01:30,350
Darling,
the point is now we're married.
36
00:01:30,383 --> 00:01:33,266
We have to be much more careful
about what we say and do.
37
00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:34,383
Like tonight, for example,
38
00:01:34,416 --> 00:01:36,216
when Margaret's boyfriend
comes over.
39
00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:37,450
You have to remember that a boy
40
00:01:37,483 --> 00:01:39,383
looks to a girl's mother
to know what to expect
41
00:01:39,416 --> 00:01:42,350
-in the future.
-Is that what you did with me?
42
00:01:43,450 --> 00:01:45,333
Who's sorry now?
43
00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:47,400
No. Just promise me one thing,
44
00:01:47,433 --> 00:01:49,433
you'll try to be a little more
conservative tonight.
45
00:01:49,466 --> 00:01:52,350
I mean,
that outfit you've got on.
46
00:01:52,383 --> 00:01:54,250
I mean,
it suggests any woman would...
47
00:01:54,283 --> 00:01:58,266
What? Jump into bed with a guy
after five years?
48
00:01:58,300 --> 00:02:01,350
Look, darling, we have to set
the right tone.
49
00:02:01,383 --> 00:02:04,183
-It's important you
and I are of one mind.
-Yours?
50
00:02:04,216 --> 00:02:05,200
Yes.
51
00:02:07,116 --> 00:02:08,483
Okay, honey. You got it.
52
00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:10,166
-We're of one mind.
-Right.
53
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:11,483
-And by the way, tonight?
-Mm?
54
00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:13,330
We have a headache.
55
00:02:19,133 --> 00:02:20,416
♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪
56
00:02:20,450 --> 00:02:22,100
♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
57
00:02:22,133 --> 00:02:23,266
♪ Til her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪
58
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:24,483
♪ In one of those
Crushing scenes ♪
59
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:26,433
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪
60
00:02:26,466 --> 00:02:29,383
♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
61
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:31,183
♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪
62
00:02:31,216 --> 00:02:33,000
♪ To the Sheffield's door ♪
63
00:02:33,330 --> 00:02:35,200
♪ She was there to sell make up
But the father saw more ♪
64
00:02:35,233 --> 00:02:37,216
♪ She had style
She had flair
She was there ♪
65
00:02:37,250 --> 00:02:38,166
♪ That's how she became ♪
66
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,330
♪ The Nanny ♪
67
00:02:41,660 --> 00:02:43,450
♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described ♪
68
00:02:43,483 --> 00:02:46,166
♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪
69
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,383
♪ Now, the father
Finds her beguiling ♪
70
00:02:47,416 --> 00:02:49,150
♪ Watch out C.C. ♪
71
00:02:49,183 --> 00:02:50,250
♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪
72
00:02:50,283 --> 00:02:51,366
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
73
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,660
♪ She's the lady in red ♪
74
00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:57,133
♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪
75
00:02:57,166 --> 00:02:59,183
♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪
76
00:02:59,216 --> 00:03:00,366
♪ The Nanny named Fran ♪
77
00:03:05,350 --> 00:03:07,350
[Fran] Can you believe
the nerve of Maxwell
78
00:03:07,383 --> 00:03:12,233
suggesting that I am not
a good role model
for those kids?
79
00:03:12,266 --> 00:03:16,266
I mean,
would I ever steer them wrong?
80
00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:19,316
Oh, this was the worst day
of my entire life.
81
00:03:19,350 --> 00:03:21,316
Why, honey? What happened?
82
00:03:21,350 --> 00:03:23,166
Well, you know, Kim,
still won't go out with me.
83
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:26,183
Well, did you nonchalantly drop
your Platinum Visa card
84
00:03:26,216 --> 00:03:27,416
like I told you to?
85
00:03:29,116 --> 00:03:30,383
No, the regular Visa.
86
00:03:30,416 --> 00:03:33,233
Oh. You don't listen.
87
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,316
You see,
you are a great role model
88
00:03:38,350 --> 00:03:40,830
-for those kids.
-Thank you.
89
00:03:40,116 --> 00:03:42,100
You can talk to kids
90
00:03:42,133 --> 00:03:43,350
and then just turn right around
91
00:03:43,383 --> 00:03:46,233
and conversate
with the sophisticatos.
92
00:03:46,266 --> 00:03:48,433
[Fran chuckling]
93
00:03:48,466 --> 00:03:50,233
-Fran, I am so nervous...
-Hi, sweetie.
94
00:03:50,266 --> 00:03:53,116
about my new boyfriend
coming over for dinner tonight.
95
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:55,330
Why? Because you have to prepare
96
00:03:55,660 --> 00:03:56,416
the Chateaubriand,
polish the silver,
97
00:03:56,450 --> 00:03:58,283
and comb the fringe
on the area rugs?
98
00:03:58,316 --> 00:03:59,483
No, you do that.
99
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:01,166
Then chill out, girlie.
100
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:06,150
Niles, what's the matter?
You seem so bitter.
101
00:04:06,183 --> 00:04:09,100
Oh, I'm sorry. It's just that
it's a very
emotional day for me.
102
00:04:09,133 --> 00:04:11,330
I was here when
Miss Margaret was born.
103
00:04:11,660 --> 00:04:13,166
I watched her grow up,
go off to college,
104
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,333
and now she's starting
an exciting new life.
105
00:04:15,366 --> 00:04:17,350
And I'm still a butler.
106
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:24,350
Oh, I wish he can just adjust
to the fact
that he's a domestic.
107
00:04:24,383 --> 00:04:27,283
I mean, it took me five years,
but I made peace with it.
108
00:04:30,283 --> 00:04:32,350
So, honey,
what are you gonna wear tonight?
109
00:04:32,383 --> 00:04:34,000
Well, I was thinking of wearing
110
00:04:34,330 --> 00:04:35,266
one of Fran's
short little skirts.
111
00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:39,150
No, no, no, I don't think
that's a good idea at all.
112
00:04:39,183 --> 00:04:43,266
I think you gotta wear something
much more tasteful, longish,
113
00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:44,400
and turtleneckish.
114
00:04:44,433 --> 00:04:46,283
-Why?
-Why?
115
00:04:46,316 --> 00:04:49,500
Because I'm a frigging
role model, that's why.
116
00:04:55,830 --> 00:04:56,200
Daddy, just please,
117
00:04:56,233 --> 00:04:58,100
promise me that you're not
gonna embarrass me
118
00:04:58,133 --> 00:04:59,400
in front of my
new boyfriend tonight.
119
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,830
Fine, I'll tell you what.
120
00:05:01,116 --> 00:05:03,830
Why don't I just lock
myself in my study
121
00:05:03,116 --> 00:05:04,300
and stay there until he leaves?
122
00:05:05,416 --> 00:05:07,200
Do you want Niles
to bring you a tray?
123
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,383
I'm not hiding in my office.
124
00:05:10,416 --> 00:05:13,366
This is my house.
I'll do as I please.
125
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:17,500
And if I want to tell my funny,
Kaye Ballard stories,
126
00:05:17,830 --> 00:05:18,250
which always kill,
127
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,350
then I shall.
128
00:05:21,383 --> 00:05:24,283
Oh, Fran, do something,
say something.
129
00:05:24,316 --> 00:05:26,450
Kaye Ballard.
130
00:05:26,483 --> 00:05:30,483
-Honey,
let your father be himself.
-Thank you.
131
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:32,450
Sweetie, if you're serious
about this guy,
132
00:05:32,483 --> 00:05:34,466
you are gonna have to let him
meet your family sometime.
133
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,400
I mean,
you can't hide them forever.
134
00:05:36,433 --> 00:05:38,100
God knows I tried.
135
00:05:39,316 --> 00:05:41,330
Oh, and you, don't embarrass me
136
00:05:41,660 --> 00:05:42,300
in front of my
new boyfriend tonight.
137
00:05:42,333 --> 00:05:44,483
You turned off the last two guys
I brought home.
138
00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:46,350
Oh, yeah. I bored them to death.
139
00:05:48,383 --> 00:05:49,400
Honey, calm down.
140
00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:51,830
You're acting
a little nutsy here.
141
00:05:51,116 --> 00:05:52,283
I mean, there is really nothing
142
00:05:52,316 --> 00:05:55,100
as pathetic as an over-anxious,
desperate woman.
143
00:05:55,133 --> 00:05:56,350
-[doorbell ringing]
-There he is.
144
00:05:56,383 --> 00:05:58,500
Wet your lips.
Arch your back up.
145
00:05:58,830 --> 00:06:00,660
Please don't let this one
slip through your fingers.
146
00:06:01,166 --> 00:06:03,000
Oh, not you, sweetie.
147
00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:07,300
-Hello, honey.
-Hey.
148
00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:09,216
Everyone, this is Michael.
149
00:06:09,250 --> 00:06:12,300
-Michael, these are my parents.
-Hi.
150
00:06:12,333 --> 00:06:15,216
Gee,
you look very familiar to me.
151
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,183
Yes, yes you do.
Are you an actor?
152
00:06:17,216 --> 00:06:20,200
-Have you read for me before?
-No, I'm a model. I don't read.
153
00:06:22,366 --> 00:06:24,216
Michael has
a billboard in Times Square
154
00:06:24,250 --> 00:06:25,450
that's ten stories high.
155
00:06:25,483 --> 00:06:27,450
Oh, my God.
156
00:06:27,483 --> 00:06:30,000
You are the underwear guy.
157
00:06:30,330 --> 00:06:33,333
Honey, honey, this is the tushy
that hangs over your marquee.
158
00:06:33,366 --> 00:06:36,433
-Please, show him. Show him.
-No, I really don't--
159
00:06:36,466 --> 00:06:37,466
-Oh, please.
-Well, all right.
160
00:06:42,383 --> 00:06:45,830
Yeah, that's it.
161
00:06:45,116 --> 00:06:47,316
He looks much better
without his pants on.
162
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,233
What?
163
00:06:50,433 --> 00:06:52,333
Honey,
why don't you go tell Michael
164
00:06:52,366 --> 00:06:54,383
your funny Kaye Ballard story.
165
00:06:54,416 --> 00:06:56,116
You know Kaye?
166
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:05,183
So, Michael, how did you become
an underpants model?
167
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:10,366
Well, I was going to college,
getting my liberal arts degree,
168
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,433
then one day someone offered me
$40,000 for a day's work.
169
00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:15,133
[sad laughter]
170
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,250
And I worked
five days that week.
171
00:07:19,283 --> 00:07:20,350
[sad laughter]
172
00:07:23,266 --> 00:07:25,416
So tell me, Michael,
what does your father do?
173
00:07:25,450 --> 00:07:27,830
He's a doctor.
174
00:07:27,116 --> 00:07:28,116
Ka-ching.
175
00:07:29,466 --> 00:07:33,330
He's one of the most prominent
plastic surgeons on Long Island.
176
00:07:33,660 --> 00:07:35,233
Ka-ching! Ka-ching!
177
00:07:35,266 --> 00:07:38,266
Really, Dad,
you would not believe
how huge his practice is.
178
00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:40,483
Well, there's a lot of
older women out there
179
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,383
trying to recapture their youth.
180
00:07:42,416 --> 00:07:44,433
It's sad. I mean,
most of them are so embarrassed,
181
00:07:44,466 --> 00:07:45,450
they use phony names.
182
00:07:45,483 --> 00:07:47,383
Good night, everyone.
183
00:07:47,416 --> 00:07:48,466
Miss Bouvier?
184
00:07:53,333 --> 00:07:58,500
I'm sorry, obviously,
you have mistaken me
for someone else, Michael.
185
00:08:01,416 --> 00:08:03,450
So, Michael,
186
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:08,183
how long have you been dating
my beautiful, young daughter?
187
00:08:08,216 --> 00:08:09,333
-Five weeks.
-Five weeks.
188
00:08:10,433 --> 00:08:12,133
[Fran awing]
189
00:08:12,166 --> 00:08:15,283
Reminds me of the first time
I brought a boy home for dinner.
190
00:08:15,316 --> 00:08:17,250
Only it was Ma
that was kissing him.
191
00:08:18,283 --> 00:08:19,466
She was so grateful.
192
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,366
Michael, do you have anything
to fall back on
193
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:28,330
when your rear end
is no longer supporting you?
194
00:08:29,150 --> 00:08:30,466
-Dad.
-What?
195
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,466
Look, Mr. Sheffield I know,
what you're thinking.
196
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,216
A male model's not good enough
for your daughter.
197
00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:37,283
Even though
I gross $800,000 a year.
198
00:08:37,316 --> 00:08:39,166
[clattering]
199
00:08:41,316 --> 00:08:43,366
Niles, are you all right?
200
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:47,100
Oh, nothing an additional
$790,000 a year couldn't fix.
201
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:51,116
I want you to know
that I really love
your daughter.
202
00:08:51,150 --> 00:08:53,300
And I'm gonna do everything
I can to make her happy.
203
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:57,150
Oh, this is what
nachas is all about.
204
00:08:57,183 --> 00:08:58,350
What's nachas?
205
00:08:58,383 --> 00:09:00,266
Nachas means
feeling a sense of pride.
206
00:09:00,300 --> 00:09:02,266
Oh, my God, he's Jewish.
207
00:09:04,433 --> 00:09:06,416
Oh, my life is complete.
208
00:09:06,450 --> 00:09:10,283
My daughter is marrying
a Jewish, male model.
209
00:09:11,483 --> 00:09:14,466
Marrying? Wait a minute,
no one's marrying anyone.
210
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,100
Look, it's important
young people take it slowly
211
00:09:17,133 --> 00:09:19,150
when they think
they're falling in love.
212
00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:20,350
Yeah, but you don't wanna
pace yourself
213
00:09:20,383 --> 00:09:22,383
like you're gonna live to be
140 either.
214
00:09:25,450 --> 00:09:28,100
-Did you just kick me?
-Yes.
215
00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:29,216
Ow!
216
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,233
Uh, listen, everyone,
we gotta go.
217
00:09:34,266 --> 00:09:36,266
Michael and I are going
to the Roxy tonight.
218
00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:38,433
So, we probably won't be back
till real late.
219
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,450
Aw, well, you have a good time.
220
00:09:41,483 --> 00:09:43,150
You're adults,
you're responsible,
221
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,500
you can do whatever you-- Ow!
222
00:09:46,350 --> 00:09:48,266
Well,
unless you're expecting candy
223
00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:50,150
to come flopping
out of my tuchas...
224
00:09:50,183 --> 00:09:52,330
quit whacking me
under the table!
225
00:09:57,660 --> 00:09:58,466
Well, will you quit
acting like a sister
226
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,283
and act a bit more like
her mother.
227
00:10:00,316 --> 00:10:02,116
Oh, why don't you just
give the kid a break?
228
00:10:02,150 --> 00:10:04,183
He's a hardworking
decent fellow.
229
00:10:04,216 --> 00:10:07,150
-He rents a beautiful apartment.
-Actually, I own it.
230
00:10:07,183 --> 00:10:09,416
Oh, why don't you just shoot me?
231
00:10:16,150 --> 00:10:17,333
When we're in
the middle of an argument,
232
00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:20,830
why do you always walk out
when it's my turn to speak?
233
00:10:20,116 --> 00:10:22,300
So I don't have to hear you.
234
00:10:24,450 --> 00:10:26,450
You know what your problem is,
don't you?
235
00:10:26,483 --> 00:10:28,216
You wanna be
the children's friend.
236
00:10:28,250 --> 00:10:30,160
Well, you can't be.
237
00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:32,433
We have to be like lawyers.
Like agents.
238
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:35,100
If the children like us,
we're not doing our jobs.
239
00:10:35,133 --> 00:10:38,383
Oh, What is so terrible about me
being supportive of my daughter?
240
00:10:38,416 --> 00:10:40,100
What do you think
is gonna happen?
241
00:10:41,366 --> 00:10:43,250
Well, aren't you gonna run out?
It's my turn to speak.
242
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:48,160
No, because obviously
you have nothing to say.
243
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:51,100
Really?
Well, how about this then?
244
00:10:51,133 --> 00:10:54,500
Did it ever occur to you
that your support
245
00:10:54,830 --> 00:10:57,100
simply gives them
carte blanche to do
whatever they bloody well want?
246
00:10:57,133 --> 00:11:00,266
Sweetie, my support helps build
her self-esteem,
247
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:03,100
which gives her the confidence
to make the right decisions.
248
00:11:03,133 --> 00:11:06,283
Now, will you please
trust me on this?
249
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,250
-Oh, I don't know.
-Well.
250
00:11:10,283 --> 00:11:12,366
-Oh, maybe you're right.
-Yeah, well.
251
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,216
Oh, God. What happened to me?
252
00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:17,283
I used to be such a hip,
with-it, mod kind of father.
253
00:11:19,450 --> 00:11:20,400
Okay.
254
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,133
You know what, darling?
255
00:11:24,166 --> 00:11:27,116
I just thank God
that you are in my life.
256
00:11:27,150 --> 00:11:28,266
Oh, and I don't have to tell you
257
00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:31,100
how grateful I am
to have you in mine.
258
00:11:31,133 --> 00:11:35,000
But I can show you.
259
00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:37,466
I'll light the candles.
260
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,350
I'll get the Haagen-Dazs.
261
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:44,250
-For what?
-Gotta have something to wear.
262
00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:49,483
-Fran. I am so sorry
-Hi, honey.
263
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:50,483
that you and Daddy
got into a fight.
264
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:51,450
Listen, can we talk on the way
265
00:11:51,483 --> 00:11:53,450
-to the freezer?
-No. But, Fran,
266
00:11:53,483 --> 00:11:57,166
it really meant a lot to me
that you consider
Michael and me adults.
267
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,350
And we should be able to do
whatever we want.
268
00:11:59,383 --> 00:12:02,133
Sweetie, I was your age once.
269
00:12:02,166 --> 00:12:03,316
Twice.
270
00:12:03,350 --> 00:12:07,233
And I know how important it is
to have a role model
271
00:12:07,266 --> 00:12:09,300
that believes
in all of your choices.
272
00:12:09,333 --> 00:12:12,116
-I know, Fran,
and because of your support
-Yeah?
273
00:12:12,150 --> 00:12:14,100
Michael and I have decided
to move in together.
274
00:12:15,133 --> 00:12:17,333
Honey, that's fantastic!
275
00:12:17,366 --> 00:12:19,283
Are you gonna be
needing a nanny?
276
00:12:19,316 --> 00:12:21,150
Because I'm gonna be available.
277
00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:31,283
Honey, have you seen Maggie yet
this morning?
278
00:12:32,450 --> 00:12:35,483
-No, not yet.
-Okay.
279
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:41,133
Hello, my darling,
love of my life.
280
00:12:43,383 --> 00:12:45,100
You know, honey,
there was something
281
00:12:45,133 --> 00:12:47,830
that I neglected
to tell you last night.
282
00:12:47,116 --> 00:12:48,233
Oh, well, there was something
283
00:12:48,266 --> 00:12:50,383
I neglected
to tell you last night.
284
00:12:50,416 --> 00:12:52,330
You know what? You go first.
285
00:12:53,830 --> 00:12:56,160
All right. You were amazing.
286
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,283
Not that you're not
incredible every night
287
00:12:58,316 --> 00:13:01,300
but last night
you were so generous.
288
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:06,166
Well, you know,
I'm trying something new.
289
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:10,330
I want to approach each time
like, well, it could be my last.
290
00:13:11,350 --> 00:13:13,330
I like the sound of that idea.
291
00:13:16,166 --> 00:13:20,316
I thought this crap was supposed
to stop once you got married.
292
00:13:20,350 --> 00:13:23,133
Miss Babcock.
What is the matter?
293
00:13:23,166 --> 00:13:25,483
You look very tense.
294
00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:27,416
Well, I just got back
from the plastic surgeon.
295
00:13:27,450 --> 00:13:31,416
He might have hit a wrong muscle
with the Botox. No biggie.
296
00:13:31,450 --> 00:13:35,000
Yeah, I think he might
have paralyzed half your face.
297
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:39,250
Well, perhaps he was distracted
by the fact that your daughter
298
00:13:39,283 --> 00:13:41,333
is moving in with his son.
299
00:13:41,366 --> 00:13:43,660
[laughing]
300
00:13:48,250 --> 00:13:49,300
What happened?
301
00:13:49,333 --> 00:13:50,433
Maggie's moving in
with her boyfriend.
302
00:13:50,466 --> 00:13:53,160
It's all my fault
and Miss Bouvier told him.
303
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:56,166
Will you get back here
this instant?
304
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,400
No!
305
00:13:59,350 --> 00:14:01,183
I told you this would happen!
306
00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:04,133
Well, that just makes you right
and me faster!
307
00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:10,000
This is what happens when you
don't act like a parent.
308
00:14:10,330 --> 00:14:11,400
Yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah.
309
00:14:21,366 --> 00:14:23,383
Oh, my God. Kaye Ballard!
310
00:14:23,416 --> 00:14:25,333
-Kaye Ballard!
-What, Kaye? Where?
311
00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:39,100
[door buzzing]
312
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:41,283
I'll get it, I'll get it.
313
00:14:43,330 --> 00:14:44,830
-Trick or treat?
-Trick or treat?
314
00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:46,660
Oh, I'm so scared.
315
00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:49,133
One minute, boys.
316
00:14:49,166 --> 00:14:51,400
Ma, there's no more
candy in the bowl.
317
00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:52,466
It's only 5 o'clock.
318
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,433
What'd you do,
give it all out already?
319
00:14:54,466 --> 00:14:56,166
Uh, yeah.
320
00:14:58,100 --> 00:14:59,383
Do have something
we could give the kids?
321
00:14:59,416 --> 00:15:01,333
Maybe a few pennies
or something.
322
00:15:01,366 --> 00:15:03,450
Ah, that's a good idea.
323
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,333
Here you go.
324
00:15:09,216 --> 00:15:12,116
-Thank you.
-Happy Halloween.
325
00:15:15,150 --> 00:15:17,183
Hey, that lady took my candy.
326
00:15:20,416 --> 00:15:26,830
You know, Halloween was always
Sylvia's favorite holiday.
327
00:15:26,116 --> 00:15:30,300
She'd start collecting
at 7 o'clock in the morning.
328
00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:33,166
She even took extra bags
to collect
329
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,433
for the underprivileged kids.
330
00:15:35,466 --> 00:15:37,000
Remember?
331
00:15:37,416 --> 00:15:39,100
Uh... yeah.
332
00:15:41,133 --> 00:15:43,150
Ma, I want to talk to you.
333
00:15:43,183 --> 00:15:46,330
You know,
Max and I had another fight.
334
00:15:46,660 --> 00:15:48,450
Now Maggie wants to move in
with her new boyfriend,
335
00:15:48,483 --> 00:15:50,350
and he's saying
it's all my fault.
336
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:53,160
-Sweetheart, you know
what your problem is?
-What?
337
00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:55,433
You're spending too much time
with your husband.
338
00:15:55,466 --> 00:16:00,266
The 35 years that I have been
married to your father, combined
339
00:16:00,300 --> 00:16:03,160
maybe I've seen him totally...
340
00:16:03,433 --> 00:16:05,330
six months.
341
00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:09,330
Well, Ma, if I don't figure out
342
00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:10,333
a way to keep Maggie
from moving in
343
00:16:10,366 --> 00:16:13,266
with her boyfriend, I may be
moving back in with you.
344
00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:16,400
Franny, you can't move in here.
345
00:16:16,433 --> 00:16:19,266
I'd have to move out
and go to a home.
346
00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:23,266
Ma, we put you in a home
10 years ago.
347
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:26,466
You bastards.
348
00:16:38,433 --> 00:16:40,250
Sweetheart, I can't believe
349
00:16:40,283 --> 00:16:42,400
you're fighting
with your husband.
350
00:16:42,433 --> 00:16:45,150
It's giving me palpitations.
351
00:16:46,383 --> 00:16:50,150
I probably won't live to see
Thanksgiving.
352
00:16:50,183 --> 00:16:52,183
And I already bought the bird.
353
00:16:53,333 --> 00:16:54,416
And ate it.
354
00:16:57,116 --> 00:17:00,283
You're fighting with him,
and it's killing me.
355
00:17:00,316 --> 00:17:03,200
Ma, Ma,
I didn't come here to upset you.
356
00:17:03,233 --> 00:17:04,416
I feel terrible.
357
00:17:04,450 --> 00:17:07,216
What can I do
to make it up to you?
358
00:17:07,250 --> 00:17:08,266
Learn.
359
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:13,233
The performance that you
just saw is called guilt.
360
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:15,333
It's every mother's
secret weapon
361
00:17:15,366 --> 00:17:17,300
that she uses on her daughter.
362
00:17:17,333 --> 00:17:21,166
Use it to get the girl back.
363
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:25,316
Ma, do you think that I'm ready
to unleash the power?
364
00:17:26,450 --> 00:17:29,450
Darling, embrace it.
365
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:31,233
Use it.
366
00:17:31,266 --> 00:17:32,350
Pass it on.
367
00:17:49,450 --> 00:17:50,400
Coming.
368
00:17:52,416 --> 00:17:55,150
-Fran.
-Sweetie,
I will get right to the point.
369
00:17:55,183 --> 00:17:57,330
There is no way
you are moving in here.
370
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:58,250
No daughter of mine
is going to live
371
00:17:58,283 --> 00:18:02,333
in the most gorgeous condo
I've ever seen.
372
00:18:02,366 --> 00:18:05,416
-I know, isn't it beautiful?
-Yes, but that is not the point.
373
00:18:05,450 --> 00:18:08,830
You are too young to be
living here with him.
374
00:18:08,116 --> 00:18:10,200
Don't you realize you're falling
in love with an image?
375
00:18:10,233 --> 00:18:12,133
Nobody looks like that
in real life.
376
00:18:16,450 --> 00:18:19,416
Except the guy
you're living with.
377
00:18:19,450 --> 00:18:21,416
-Hey, Fran.
-Hi, Michael.
378
00:18:21,450 --> 00:18:24,100
-You're our first visitor.
-Oh.
379
00:18:24,133 --> 00:18:26,830
It's real sweet how close
you and Maggie are.
380
00:18:26,116 --> 00:18:27,450
Yeah, well, that's the perks
381
00:18:27,483 --> 00:18:31,330
of having grown kids
in your 20s.
382
00:18:31,660 --> 00:18:33,150
-You mean in their 20s.
-No.
383
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:36,450
Now, tell me you guys,
384
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:41,266
are you really, really,
really sure about this?
385
00:18:41,300 --> 00:18:43,000
-Yes.
-Yes.
386
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:45,483
Okay. Well, then I guess
I'll just have to accept--
387
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:48,416
Fran. Fran, are you okay?
388
00:18:48,450 --> 00:18:50,333
I'll be all right.
Just give me a minute.
389
00:18:50,366 --> 00:18:52,200
Oh, my God, I think your mom's
having a heart attack.
390
00:18:52,233 --> 00:18:54,160
Listen to the boy.
Listen to the boy.
391
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,200
Fran, I'm so sorry.
392
00:18:55,233 --> 00:18:57,466
-Michael, I'm moving back home.
-Really?
393
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,000
When pigs fly.
394
00:19:00,330 --> 00:19:03,160
Fran, Jewish guilt does not work
on a shiksa.
395
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:09,216
Oh, fine. Well, at least I can
tell your father that I tried.
396
00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:13,160
Look, you guys are adults
and I give you my blessing.
397
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:15,330
I'll be at Ma's if you need me.
398
00:19:15,660 --> 00:19:18,500
I think it's best
that I spend a few days
away from your father.
399
00:19:18,830 --> 00:19:20,660
You know, my health.
400
00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:22,483
-[Maxwell] Margaret!
-[all clamoring]
401
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,466
Michael, flex your pecks!
Hide me! Hide me.
402
00:19:27,116 --> 00:19:29,250
Daddy, don't even try.
I love Michael.
403
00:19:29,283 --> 00:19:31,250
Fran gave me her blessing.
Why can't you?
404
00:19:31,283 --> 00:19:33,830
You gave them your blessings?
405
00:19:36,316 --> 00:19:38,366
Cut the guilt.
It doesn't work on the British.
406
00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:42,416
Well,
what do you want me to say?
407
00:19:42,450 --> 00:19:44,183
I mean,
they've made their decision,
408
00:19:44,216 --> 00:19:46,830
and I am going to accept them.
409
00:19:46,116 --> 00:19:48,160
That doesn't mean
I have to accept them.
410
00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:49,133
You know, I can't believe that
411
00:19:49,166 --> 00:19:51,330
you would rather
alienate your daughter
412
00:19:51,660 --> 00:19:53,433
than try and understand her.
I mean, who did I marry?
413
00:19:53,466 --> 00:19:56,500
Well, you know, I was asking
myself the same question.
414
00:19:56,830 --> 00:19:59,000
Oh, well, then maybe
we should try and answer it
415
00:19:59,330 --> 00:20:00,200
separately for a while.
416
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,383
-Well, maybe we should.
-Well, fine then.
417
00:20:02,416 --> 00:20:04,416
Stop it. Stop it. This is crazy.
418
00:20:04,450 --> 00:20:06,500
Margaret, you stay out of this.
419
00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:08,133
Michael, this is gonna separate
my parents.
420
00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:09,416
Listen,
we don't wanna hurt anybody.
421
00:20:09,450 --> 00:20:11,300
We can't do this.
I can't do this.
422
00:20:11,333 --> 00:20:13,216
-I'm sorry.
-I'll take you home.
423
00:20:13,250 --> 00:20:15,450
Dad, I'm packing up my bags.
We're going home.
424
00:20:24,333 --> 00:20:26,266
I can't believe that worked.
425
00:20:29,383 --> 00:20:33,116
-Did I not tell you to trust me?
-You were terrific!
426
00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:36,160
I had no idea you were
such an incredible actress.
427
00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:37,116
And how about you?
428
00:20:37,150 --> 00:20:40,500
You were so forceful, so strong,
such a turn-on.
429
00:20:42,830 --> 00:20:43,133
I'm sorry to interrupt,
430
00:20:43,166 --> 00:20:44,466
but the doctor just sent
your results over.
431
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,200
You only have
four months to live.
432
00:20:46,233 --> 00:20:48,283
Never mind, Niles.
Plan A worked.
433
00:20:48,316 --> 00:20:49,216
Oh!
434
00:20:53,660 --> 00:20:54,466
This is his apartment?
435
00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:05,433
Rule number one,
436
00:21:05,466 --> 00:21:08,830
never eat anything unwrapped.
437
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,233
See, that's not good.
438
00:21:14,133 --> 00:21:15,466
Rule number two...
439
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,830
never eat loose candy.
440
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:20,200
See, that's bad.
441
00:21:22,283 --> 00:21:23,466
You know something?
442
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,283
None of this is safe.
443
00:21:27,483 --> 00:21:29,250
You're gonna
throw out the whole pail?
444
00:21:31,350 --> 00:21:33,183
Um, yeah.
445
00:21:38,333 --> 00:21:40,200
[theme music playing]
446
00:21:56,330 --> 00:21:57,333
[theme music ends]