1 00:00:02,330 --> 00:00:05,160 [music playing] 2 00:00:08,433 --> 00:00:10,233 Yetta. 3 00:00:10,266 --> 00:00:12,150 What are you still doing here? 4 00:00:12,183 --> 00:00:16,660 This is exactly where I left you when I went to bed last night. 5 00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:18,466 Your grandfather's supposed to pick me up. 6 00:00:20,250 --> 00:00:21,450 Oh, sweetie. 7 00:00:21,483 --> 00:00:23,416 Grandpa passed away. 8 00:00:24,366 --> 00:00:28,300 -When? -Well, 1973. 9 00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:32,183 Come on, sweetie, you gotta go home. 10 00:00:32,216 --> 00:00:34,250 To who? My husband's dead. 11 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,433 Come on, Yetta, we're having company. 12 00:00:37,466 --> 00:00:40,830 Maxwell's late wife's parents are coming 13 00:00:40,116 --> 00:00:42,433 and it's always best that new people 14 00:00:42,466 --> 00:00:46,150 only meet one Fine per sitting. 15 00:00:46,183 --> 00:00:49,830 -I completely understand. -Good. 16 00:00:49,116 --> 00:00:52,200 I'll be out of here as soon as Grandpa picks me up. 17 00:00:53,450 --> 00:00:56,000 There's Grandpa now. 18 00:00:56,433 --> 00:00:58,266 Where have you been? 19 00:01:02,330 --> 00:01:04,160 Oh, sweetheart, 20 00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:06,000 Sara's parents are gonna be here any minute. 21 00:01:06,330 --> 00:01:07,433 All right. What are you so nervous about? 22 00:01:07,466 --> 00:01:10,483 I thought you said they were thrilled when you told them we got married. 23 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:14,000 Well, darling, I lied. 24 00:01:14,330 --> 00:01:16,830 What do you mean? You didn't tell them? 25 00:01:16,116 --> 00:01:19,000 Are you ashamed of me? Am I embarrassing to you? 26 00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:20,466 Why aren't you answering? 27 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,200 Oh, sweetheart, you're very special. 28 00:01:23,233 --> 00:01:25,250 You're-you're an acquired taste 29 00:01:25,283 --> 00:01:28,400 like, uh, Feta cheese. 30 00:01:28,433 --> 00:01:31,216 You're comparing me to smelly Greek cheese? 31 00:01:32,333 --> 00:01:34,466 Sweetheart, these are Sara's parents. 32 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,166 This is a very sensitive situation for them. 33 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,160 I mean, in their minds, 34 00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,266 you're, in effect, replacing their daughter. 35 00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:44,330 So I wanna break it to them gently. 36 00:01:44,660 --> 00:01:47,216 Who compares a wife to cheese? 37 00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:50,160 All right, forget the cheese. You're not a cheese. 38 00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:52,300 You're a beautiful, vibrant, sexy, charming woman. 39 00:01:52,333 --> 00:01:54,133 Now, they're gonna be here any minute. 40 00:01:54,166 --> 00:01:55,466 I want you to make a good impression. 41 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,450 -So please get out of that robe. -All right. 42 00:01:57,483 --> 00:01:59,450 What do you think they'll think of this? 43 00:01:59,483 --> 00:02:01,283 I don't know. Why don't you ask them? 44 00:02:05,350 --> 00:02:08,166 [theme song playing] 45 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:11,500 ♪She was working In a bridal shop In Flushing, Queens 46 00:02:11,830 --> 00:02:12,366 ♪'Til her boyfriend Kicked her out 47 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,166 ♪In one of those Crushing scenes 48 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,150 ♪What was she to do? Where was she to go? 49 00:02:16,183 --> 00:02:19,266 ♪She was out on her fanny 50 00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:22,830 ♪So over the bridge From Flushing To the Sheffield's door 51 00:02:22,116 --> 00:02:24,350 ♪She was there to sell make-up But the father saw more 52 00:02:24,383 --> 00:02:26,400 ♪She had style! She had flair! She was there! 53 00:02:26,433 --> 00:02:30,116 ♪That's how she became The Nanny 54 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,450 ♪Who would have guessed That the girl we described 55 00:02:32,483 --> 00:02:35,000 ♪Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed? 56 00:02:35,330 --> 00:02:36,366 ♪Now, the father Finds her beguiling 57 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,000 ♪Watch out C.C.! 58 00:02:38,330 --> 00:02:39,283 ♪And the kids Are actually smiling 59 00:02:39,316 --> 00:02:40,416 ♪Such joie de vivre 60 00:02:40,450 --> 00:02:42,133 ♪She's the lady in red 61 00:02:42,166 --> 00:02:45,100 ♪When everybody else Is wearing tan 62 00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,266 ♪The flashy girl From Flushing 63 00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:49,400 ♪The Nanny named Fran! 64 00:02:51,316 --> 00:02:54,300 [music playing] 65 00:02:57,333 --> 00:02:59,383 Oh, that was so embarrassing. 66 00:02:59,416 --> 00:03:03,150 I'm so humiliated, although he had a smile on his face, 67 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:06,200 but I think she was a little stand-offish. 68 00:03:06,233 --> 00:03:09,200 Well, darling, I smoothed things over, I think, when I told them 69 00:03:09,233 --> 00:03:13,233 the naked nanny in my living room is now my naked wife. 70 00:03:13,266 --> 00:03:16,116 I just hope she didn't hurt her head when she passed out. 71 00:03:17,233 --> 00:03:19,160 You just have to give them time. 72 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:22,330 I know-I know they can be a bit abrading, but-- 73 00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:23,500 What? 74 00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:26,283 -Pains in the tuchus. -Oh. 75 00:03:26,316 --> 00:03:29,450 When you marry someone, you're rather stuck with the parents. 76 00:03:29,483 --> 00:03:31,150 Oh, that's true. I mean, 77 00:03:31,183 --> 00:03:34,133 how often are you blessed with a Morty and a Sylvia? 78 00:03:35,250 --> 00:03:37,200 Once in a lifetime, darling. 79 00:03:37,233 --> 00:03:39,100 Well, I'm not concerned. 80 00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:42,000 We'll win them over, and just to cinch the deal, 81 00:03:42,330 --> 00:03:45,660 how about if we take them to Wiley's Ribs? 82 00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:48,433 We'll order the onion loaf, go the whole nine yards. 83 00:03:48,466 --> 00:03:50,433 I'm not so sure that's a good idea. 84 00:03:50,466 --> 00:03:52,483 Why? They're not good with the fried? 85 00:03:55,660 --> 00:03:56,466 No, it's just that Sara's parents 86 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,216 aren't really the ribs, beans and slaw types. 87 00:04:00,250 --> 00:04:03,316 They like to end their meals with a liqueur, not a wet nap. 88 00:04:04,233 --> 00:04:05,416 Oh, excuse me. 89 00:04:05,450 --> 00:04:08,450 I just thought that it would be a nice way to celebrate 90 00:04:08,483 --> 00:04:12,100 after we sign the adoption papers for the kids on Friday. 91 00:04:12,133 --> 00:04:14,466 Ah, yes, well, now, um, about that. 92 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:18,166 Uh, you see, we've just told them we're married. 93 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,433 I don't want to overwhelm them 94 00:04:19,466 --> 00:04:23,100 with too much good news all at once. 95 00:04:23,133 --> 00:04:25,466 What, are you saying? Do you think they're gonna have a problem 96 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,283 with me adopting their grandkids? 97 00:04:27,316 --> 00:04:29,183 No, no, I'm sure they won't have a problem. 98 00:04:29,216 --> 00:04:30,483 It's just I think it would be better 99 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,466 if we maybe put off telling them 100 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,216 till you've really impressed them with your charm 101 00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:38,000 and your warmth and elegance. 102 00:04:38,330 --> 00:04:42,283 I gotcha. I see where you're coming from. 103 00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:45,160 So tell me, what do you think? Should I wear this? 104 00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:48,330 [music playing] 105 00:04:52,416 --> 00:04:54,383 Oh, my God, what a mess. 106 00:04:54,416 --> 00:04:56,433 This is how you plan to impress Sara's parents? 107 00:04:56,466 --> 00:04:57,483 What did you cook? 108 00:04:58,316 --> 00:04:59,300 Juice. 109 00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:04,100 Plus I managed to save three whole muffins. 110 00:05:04,133 --> 00:05:07,160 -What about these others with the icing? -Oh, don't touch those. 111 00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,400 That's fire extinguisher foam. 112 00:05:09,433 --> 00:05:12,200 Don't worry. Don't you worry about a thing. 113 00:05:12,233 --> 00:05:14,183 I've got it all under control. 114 00:05:14,216 --> 00:05:16,660 I'm just waiting for the bell to ding. 115 00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:17,400 -[bell dings] -Done. 116 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:21,366 -Hi. -Hi. Here you go. 117 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,116 -Okay. -That'll be $85. 118 00:05:23,150 --> 00:05:24,466 Oh, 85. Wowie. 119 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,830 Here you go. 120 00:05:26,116 --> 00:05:28,283 -Thank you. Keep the change. -Thanks. 121 00:05:28,316 --> 00:05:31,183 I can't believe you spent 85 dollars for breakfast 122 00:05:31,216 --> 00:05:32,450 just to avoid cooking. 123 00:05:32,483 --> 00:05:34,366 I spend 30 at the IHOP. 124 00:05:36,330 --> 00:05:39,660 Twenty at the diner if Shirley's on the counter. 125 00:05:39,100 --> 00:05:41,233 Are you telling me those delicious, fluffy pancakes 126 00:05:41,266 --> 00:05:43,233 with the pineapple smile you don't make? 127 00:05:43,266 --> 00:05:45,383 Do you think if I had the foresight to come up with 128 00:05:45,416 --> 00:05:49,330 the pineapple smile concept, I'd keep this swell job? 129 00:05:49,660 --> 00:05:52,160 I haven't cooked a breakfast in this kitchen in six years 130 00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:54,000 that they haven't gone nuts for. 131 00:05:55,333 --> 00:05:57,133 Sara's parents are beginning to wonder 132 00:05:57,166 --> 00:05:58,433 how much longer they're gonna have to wait for breakfast. 133 00:05:58,466 --> 00:06:01,166 Breakfast is always made much quicker when Niles orders it. 134 00:06:02,483 --> 00:06:05,150 -You knew? -Oh, please. 135 00:06:05,183 --> 00:06:08,283 Like you'd have the smarts to come up with that pineapple smile concept. 136 00:06:10,330 --> 00:06:12,116 Well, the sausage patty yarmulke for Rosh Hashanah 137 00:06:12,150 --> 00:06:13,316 was a Niles exclusive. 138 00:06:15,366 --> 00:06:18,333 Oh, honey, I'm sorry that breakfast is taking so long. 139 00:06:18,366 --> 00:06:20,400 I just want everything to be so right. 140 00:06:20,433 --> 00:06:22,116 I mean, while they're here, 141 00:06:22,150 --> 00:06:25,200 I just want to come across as the perfect wife and mother. 142 00:06:25,233 --> 00:06:26,416 And after they're gone? 143 00:06:28,183 --> 00:06:30,233 Don't hurt my feelings, I'm injured. 144 00:06:30,266 --> 00:06:33,333 Oh, I'm sorry, darling. 145 00:06:33,366 --> 00:06:35,300 Listen, I want you to go in the dining room, 146 00:06:35,333 --> 00:06:37,233 gather everyone together in the dining room. 147 00:06:37,266 --> 00:06:39,116 And while you're there, maybe you can smooth over 148 00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:41,330 that little faux pas you made with Roberta. 149 00:06:41,660 --> 00:06:43,660 What faux pas? I would think that 150 00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:44,450 if I had a hair growing out of my chin, 151 00:06:44,483 --> 00:06:46,250 I'd want someone to tell me. 152 00:06:46,283 --> 00:06:48,266 [music playing] 153 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,483 I was just telling Roberta and Ernest-- 154 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,383 Oh, well, after what you saw today, 155 00:06:55,416 --> 00:06:58,383 I think I can call you Bert and Ernie. 156 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,433 -What is this? -A Band-Aid? 157 00:07:06,466 --> 00:07:10,433 Oh, and we have a winner. 158 00:07:14,366 --> 00:07:17,233 I like to keep the kids entertained. 159 00:07:17,266 --> 00:07:19,350 I don't think it's going very well. 160 00:07:19,383 --> 00:07:22,660 -Hi. -Oh, this ought to pick things up. 161 00:07:23,266 --> 00:07:26,383 I was in the vicinity picking up Metamucil 162 00:07:26,416 --> 00:07:28,250 for your father, Morton. 163 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,333 Oh, I see you have company. 164 00:07:32,366 --> 00:07:35,166 Uh, Sylvia, these are our grandparents. 165 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:38,100 Oh! Uh, I'm Fran's mother, 166 00:07:38,133 --> 00:07:39,333 Sylvia Ray Fine. 167 00:07:41,830 --> 00:07:43,116 -Ma. Go. -No. 168 00:07:44,483 --> 00:07:47,333 Sweetheart, aren't you gonna be late for the museum? 169 00:07:47,366 --> 00:07:49,200 -What? -Mrs. Sheffield loves 170 00:07:49,233 --> 00:07:50,450 taking the children to the museum 171 00:07:50,483 --> 00:07:52,400 and other cultural activities. 172 00:07:52,433 --> 00:07:54,830 What museum are you going to? 173 00:07:54,116 --> 00:07:56,483 Uh, it's Brighton's day to pick. 174 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:00,283 Oh, um ,well, we're going to the Whitney Museum. 175 00:08:00,316 --> 00:08:02,300 She's got a museum? 176 00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:06,383 I wonder if they're gonna have that metallic outfit 177 00:08:06,416 --> 00:08:08,100 that she wore inThe Bodyguard. 178 00:08:09,316 --> 00:08:12,300 [music playing] 179 00:08:15,350 --> 00:08:17,183 -Hi. -Oh, you're home. 180 00:08:17,216 --> 00:08:18,250 How was the museum? 181 00:08:18,283 --> 00:08:21,660 Oh, well, first of all, you know, 182 00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:24,160 they have these little electronic eyes. 183 00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:26,100 So if you as much as touch a painting, 184 00:08:26,133 --> 00:08:29,266 all these big alarms go off. 185 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:32,133 Do I really need to tell you the rest of the story? 186 00:08:33,383 --> 00:08:35,416 Oh, Niles, what's wrong with me? 187 00:08:35,450 --> 00:08:38,366 -Why can't I fit in? -Because you're like me. 188 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,416 We're movers. We're shakers. 189 00:08:40,450 --> 00:08:43,466 We're creative people who live outside the box. 190 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,450 Look what I came up with. Velcro pot holders. 191 00:08:48,350 --> 00:08:50,433 Oh, Niles, I don't know how to tell you this 192 00:08:50,466 --> 00:08:53,283 but they have those in all the stores. 193 00:08:53,316 --> 00:08:54,416 Oh, great. 194 00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:58,000 You tell one big-mouth cashier at Pottery Barn. 195 00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:00,660 What am I gonna do? 196 00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:02,266 I really want Sara's parents 197 00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:05,216 to feel comfortable with me raising their grandkids. 198 00:09:05,250 --> 00:09:08,366 Oh, give up, Nanny Fine. You're never gonna win them over. 199 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:11,000 They prefer a woman like me. A woman of-- 200 00:09:11,330 --> 00:09:12,830 Sixty. 201 00:09:14,316 --> 00:09:17,333 You're a real riot, Niles. Here's a punch line for you. 202 00:09:17,366 --> 00:09:20,350 Yetta, your husband's in here! 203 00:09:20,383 --> 00:09:22,200 Oh, God. 204 00:09:22,233 --> 00:09:26,133 Oh, look at him go. He can't wait. 205 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:29,133 I'll surprise him. I'll take the elevator. 206 00:09:38,133 --> 00:09:40,100 The elevator's out of order, Yetta. 207 00:09:44,133 --> 00:09:45,416 Oh! 208 00:09:45,450 --> 00:09:48,450 Poor Nanny Fine. 209 00:09:48,483 --> 00:09:51,116 I wish I could help, 210 00:09:51,150 --> 00:09:52,400 but I won't. 211 00:09:52,433 --> 00:09:55,250 Because you have him, I don't, and I want him. 212 00:09:56,333 --> 00:09:58,333 You know, Miss Babcock... 213 00:09:58,366 --> 00:10:00,300 I think that herbal Prozac 214 00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:03,283 doesn't have quite the same kick as the real. 215 00:10:04,466 --> 00:10:06,450 Don't you worry about me, Nanny Fine. 216 00:10:06,483 --> 00:10:08,383 I'll be very calm tomorrow night 217 00:10:08,416 --> 00:10:11,216 after I have martinis with Roberta and Ernest 218 00:10:11,250 --> 00:10:13,383 before I take them to the symphony. 219 00:10:15,150 --> 00:10:18,133 Well, it just so happens... 220 00:10:18,166 --> 00:10:20,216 that I have plans to take them out 221 00:10:20,250 --> 00:10:24,200 for cocktails and entertainment tonight. 222 00:10:24,233 --> 00:10:26,660 You're not the only one 223 00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:29,660 that knows how to impress, girlfriend. 224 00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:31,216 ♪Ain't no mountain High enough 225 00:10:31,250 --> 00:10:33,400 ♪Ain't no valley low enough 226 00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:36,160 ♪Ain't no river wide enough 227 00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,366 ♪To keep me from you 228 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:41,500 ♪Ain't no mountain High enough 229 00:10:41,830 --> 00:10:43,233 ♪Ain't no valley low enough 230 00:10:43,266 --> 00:10:45,333 ♪Ain't no river wide enough 231 00:10:45,366 --> 00:10:47,116 ♪To keep me from you 232 00:10:47,150 --> 00:10:49,330 She don't know the words. [laughs] 233 00:10:49,660 --> 00:10:51,300 ♪Ain't no mountain High enough... 234 00:10:51,333 --> 00:10:53,000 This is horrendous. 235 00:10:53,330 --> 00:10:54,216 I'm getting the check. 236 00:10:55,250 --> 00:10:57,300 Oh, look, Nana's waving at us. 237 00:10:57,333 --> 00:10:59,383 She loves me. 238 00:11:00,366 --> 00:11:03,330 Oh, ladies and gentlemen, 239 00:11:03,660 --> 00:11:06,500 staff here at Ping Chow Restaurant, 240 00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:11,000 this Friday is a very special day for our little family. 241 00:11:11,330 --> 00:11:15,330 Nana Roberta, Papa Ernest. 242 00:11:15,660 --> 00:11:18,500 I know that I could never replace Sara. 243 00:11:19,116 --> 00:11:20,450 And I never want to try. 244 00:11:21,433 --> 00:11:24,350 But I love these kids so much. 245 00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:27,433 And that is why on Friday, 246 00:11:27,466 --> 00:11:31,330 I will officially adopt them. 247 00:11:31,660 --> 00:11:33,433 Over my dead body! 248 00:11:33,466 --> 00:11:36,100 -♪Ain't no mountain High enough -Ah! 249 00:11:36,133 --> 00:11:38,366 -♪Ain't no valley low enough -[cries] 250 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:41,500 -♪Ain't no river wide enough -[cries] 251 00:11:41,830 --> 00:11:43,133 -♪To keep me from you -[cries] 252 00:11:44,183 --> 00:11:47,500 [music playing] 253 00:11:47,830 --> 00:11:49,266 How could they be contesting the adoption? 254 00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:50,350 On what grounds? 255 00:11:50,383 --> 00:11:52,133 They think you're an unfit mother. 256 00:11:52,166 --> 00:11:55,000 Unfit? I'm in the best shape of my life. 257 00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:58,333 Oh, no, I know what this is all about. 258 00:11:58,366 --> 00:12:00,266 They don't like my people. 259 00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:02,283 No, sweetheart, they're not anti-Semitic. 260 00:12:02,316 --> 00:12:04,250 They're best friends with the Rothschilds. 261 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:06,400 I meant my mother. 262 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:11,250 Nanny Fine, I just heard the news. 263 00:12:11,283 --> 00:12:13,233 Now, I know that we've had our differences, 264 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,150 but this is truly unfair. 265 00:12:15,183 --> 00:12:17,166 Those children mean the world to you, 266 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,283 and if there is anything I can do to help. 267 00:12:19,316 --> 00:12:21,333 Well, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. 268 00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:23,133 I am going to go see my lawyer. 269 00:12:23,166 --> 00:12:25,466 You do that, Maxwell. Those people have no case. 270 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,416 They can't do this to you because... 271 00:12:27,450 --> 00:12:30,160 You are such a loser. 272 00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:35,500 You know, Miss Babcock 273 00:12:35,830 --> 00:12:37,366 I really appreciate your Linda Tripp-type friendship. 274 00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:42,250 But my husband is a very powerful man 275 00:12:42,283 --> 00:12:44,660 and we will win. 276 00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:46,400 Not before Sara's parents get their lawyers 277 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,216 to prove you are not mother material 278 00:12:48,250 --> 00:12:51,830 by digging up every little thing about your past. 279 00:12:51,116 --> 00:12:53,000 Oh, what are they gonna dig up on me? 280 00:12:53,330 --> 00:12:55,000 Except something that happened in high school 281 00:12:55,330 --> 00:12:56,250 and maybe right before I came here 282 00:12:56,283 --> 00:12:58,383 and once last year. 283 00:12:58,416 --> 00:13:00,000 I'm dead. 284 00:13:00,330 --> 00:13:02,160 [music playing] 285 00:13:04,433 --> 00:13:07,466 Ma, I'm upset. I'm about to lose my kids. 286 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,283 Why don't you have anything sweet in this house? 287 00:13:10,316 --> 00:13:12,350 I got rid of it all. I went to the doctor 288 00:13:12,383 --> 00:13:14,483 and according to my weight chart, 289 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:17,233 I should be seven foot nine. 290 00:13:17,266 --> 00:13:20,250 Why don't you just solve your problems like other people? 291 00:13:20,283 --> 00:13:21,450 Without food. 292 00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:26,333 -You wanna try it? -I'll give it a whirl. 293 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,000 Oh, Fran, this is so sad. 294 00:13:31,330 --> 00:13:33,350 You are such a good mother to those kids. 295 00:13:33,383 --> 00:13:36,200 Why would Sara's parents go rooting around in your past 296 00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:37,333 to prove that you're unfit? 297 00:13:37,366 --> 00:13:39,183 I know, Val. I mean, I thought that 298 00:13:39,216 --> 00:13:41,133 they were just gonna focus on the things 299 00:13:41,166 --> 00:13:43,300 that I teach them that might be inappropriate. 300 00:13:43,333 --> 00:13:47,330 You know, like how to make a phony ID. 301 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,216 -How to change a D into a B. -Right. 302 00:13:49,250 --> 00:13:52,283 -How to return a dress that you've worn for a year. - Yeah. 303 00:13:52,316 --> 00:13:56,183 But I didn't think that they were gonna start looking for bad things. 304 00:13:57,433 --> 00:14:00,416 Darling, this is a very serious problem. 305 00:14:00,450 --> 00:14:03,133 I don't know. I don't know. 306 00:14:03,166 --> 00:14:06,350 You know, some things even a mother can't solve. 307 00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:11,283 All right, I'm back. 308 00:14:13,830 --> 00:14:17,283 Fran, you don't want your husband to hear about your past. 309 00:14:17,316 --> 00:14:19,450 These grandparents are rich people 310 00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:23,366 and rich people can dig up anything on anyone. 311 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,200 Look at this Ken Starr. 312 00:14:25,233 --> 00:14:29,300 Oh, yeah, but I read that report on what they said she did to him 313 00:14:29,333 --> 00:14:31,660 and I don't believe it. 314 00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:33,483 You don't think a president would do that? 315 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:36,266 A Jewish girl would never do that. 316 00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:40,250 [clears throat] 317 00:14:40,283 --> 00:14:42,283 Ma, what is in this coffee? 318 00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:43,383 Cognac. 319 00:14:44,483 --> 00:14:46,483 It acts like an expectorant. 320 00:14:48,183 --> 00:14:49,450 And gives me a little buzz. 321 00:14:51,283 --> 00:14:53,483 Oh, Val, this is just terrible. 322 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,150 I mean, I wish I knew what Sara's parents were going to find out about me. 323 00:14:57,183 --> 00:14:58,400 I've done a lot of things. 324 00:14:58,433 --> 00:15:00,283 Does that mean I remember them? 325 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:03,660 Well, there was that one time you went to jail 326 00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:05,160 but they let you go when you proved 327 00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:07,200 it was powdered sugar from a doughnut on your nostrils. 328 00:15:07,233 --> 00:15:09,660 That's true. 329 00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:11,316 So you spent a lot of time in the high school principal's office. 330 00:15:11,350 --> 00:15:14,333 Was that any reason to blame you for his divorce? 331 00:15:14,366 --> 00:15:17,116 All right, Val, you've said enough. 332 00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,433 Remember what happened in Acapulco? 333 00:15:18,466 --> 00:15:20,283 When were you ever in Acapulco? 334 00:15:20,316 --> 00:15:22,416 Uh, she means the restaurant. 335 00:15:22,450 --> 00:15:24,383 Remember, Ma, you stole the dip. 336 00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:25,400 Oh, sure. 337 00:15:26,466 --> 00:15:29,316 Oh, I just love those kids so much 338 00:15:29,350 --> 00:15:33,150 and I want to make them legally mine. 339 00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:36,433 You know, don't rock the boat. It's a dangerous thing. 340 00:15:36,466 --> 00:15:39,450 Anyway, you know, it's not so great having kids. 341 00:15:39,483 --> 00:15:42,500 Most of my life, I wished I didn't. 342 00:15:42,830 --> 00:15:44,483 [gasps] Ma. 343 00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:47,300 Did that come out of me? 344 00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:50,183 Forgive me. It's the cognac talking. 345 00:15:51,233 --> 00:15:54,200 [music playing] 346 00:15:56,333 --> 00:15:59,416 Fran, we don't wanna go out to dinner with our grandparents. 347 00:15:59,450 --> 00:16:02,500 If they don't like you, then we don't like them. 348 00:16:02,830 --> 00:16:04,300 How are we supposed to be nice to people who hate you? 349 00:16:04,333 --> 00:16:08,100 Oh, sweetie, they don't hate me. 350 00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,330 Yeah, Fran, they really hate you. 351 00:16:11,416 --> 00:16:14,166 I don't understand why you don't even try to fight for us. 352 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:18,100 Oh, sweetie, this is a very big decision. 353 00:16:18,133 --> 00:16:20,350 I mean, it's all very confusing. 354 00:16:20,383 --> 00:16:22,333 I just don't know what to tell you. 355 00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:24,350 Okay, I'm back. 356 00:16:25,466 --> 00:16:28,466 Look, you guys love me, I love you. 357 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,433 What does the adoption paper do? 358 00:16:30,466 --> 00:16:32,233 It doesn't change a thing. 359 00:16:32,266 --> 00:16:34,000 It's just a little piece of paper. 360 00:16:34,330 --> 00:16:35,233 It doesn't mean anything. 361 00:16:35,266 --> 00:16:38,160 A piece of paper meant a lot when you wanted to marry Daddy. 362 00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:39,283 Well, that's different. 363 00:16:39,316 --> 00:16:41,660 That's community property. 364 00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:46,660 Fine, don't fight for us. We don't want to be a burden. 365 00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:49,000 We'll see each other at weddings and, God forbid, funerals. 366 00:16:49,330 --> 00:16:51,350 Oh, sweetie. 367 00:16:51,383 --> 00:16:53,250 They're not taking you away. 368 00:16:53,283 --> 00:16:56,200 They're just trying to stop the adoption, that's all. 369 00:16:56,233 --> 00:16:58,333 Now, come on, I want you to have a nice evening 370 00:16:58,366 --> 00:16:59,433 with your grandparents. 371 00:16:59,466 --> 00:17:02,233 Go put on something pretty and handsome. 372 00:17:02,266 --> 00:17:04,250 Just no animal prints or sequins. 373 00:17:04,283 --> 00:17:07,160 These people have no regard for haute couture. 374 00:17:08,283 --> 00:17:10,366 You know, Fran, if something did happen to Daddy 375 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,216 they could take them away, 376 00:17:12,250 --> 00:17:15,000 because you're not our legal mom. 377 00:17:15,330 --> 00:17:18,660 Darling, do you think I should go with the brown suit 378 00:17:18,100 --> 00:17:19,183 or the gray herringbone? 379 00:17:19,216 --> 00:17:22,216 All right, look, I was arrested in '84. 380 00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:24,160 It was powdered sugar. 381 00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:25,416 And my principal did have an affair, 382 00:17:25,450 --> 00:17:27,216 but it was with Mrs. Simon. 383 00:17:27,250 --> 00:17:29,830 I had nothing to do with it. 384 00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:31,350 Darling, darling, darling, what are you talking about? 385 00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:35,500 Oh, sweetie, if we go and fight in court, 386 00:17:35,830 --> 00:17:37,200 they are gonna do an investigation on me. 387 00:17:37,233 --> 00:17:40,100 There are things you don't know about me that might come out. 388 00:17:40,133 --> 00:17:41,350 I mean, ugly things. 389 00:17:41,383 --> 00:17:44,100 Very ugly things. 390 00:17:44,133 --> 00:17:48,216 Darling, darling, I know all about your past. 391 00:17:48,250 --> 00:17:50,830 Before I hired you as my nanny, 392 00:17:50,116 --> 00:17:52,330 I had you thoroughly investigated. 393 00:17:52,660 --> 00:17:54,183 -What? -Yeah. Well, I'm not about to trust 394 00:17:54,216 --> 00:17:57,233 some stranger with my children, am I? 395 00:17:57,266 --> 00:18:00,830 Come on, didn't you... Didn't you check me out? 396 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,383 I checked you out. 397 00:18:04,133 --> 00:18:06,466 So you see, you have absolutely nothing to confess. 398 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,183 I know everything about you. 399 00:18:08,216 --> 00:18:10,483 Everything? Even my age? 400 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,133 Ah, actually, that was the one thing 401 00:18:13,166 --> 00:18:15,250 even the FBI couldn't verify. 402 00:18:16,350 --> 00:18:18,300 The closest they could get was 31. 403 00:18:19,233 --> 00:18:21,183 Thirty-one? 404 00:18:21,216 --> 00:18:23,433 Well, I guess the truth is out. 405 00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:27,283 [music playing] 406 00:18:31,150 --> 00:18:34,133 Listen, you guys, we really need to talk to you 407 00:18:34,166 --> 00:18:36,166 about this whole adoption issue. 408 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,383 Yes, we don't want to fight you, but we will if we have to. 409 00:18:39,416 --> 00:18:42,330 Now, we wanna do what's best for the children 410 00:18:42,660 --> 00:18:45,450 and what's best for them is for all of us to be a family. 411 00:18:45,483 --> 00:18:48,233 Well, if Sara were still here, we would be. 412 00:18:48,266 --> 00:18:50,316 Calm down, Roberta. They didn't kill her. 413 00:18:52,116 --> 00:18:56,660 Oh, Roberta, I don't mean to seem insensitive. 414 00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:59,383 I understand that the kids are your link to Sara. 415 00:18:59,416 --> 00:19:03,830 But my adopting them is never going to change that. 416 00:19:03,116 --> 00:19:04,283 Well, I'm sorry. 417 00:19:04,316 --> 00:19:06,183 But I worry that they don't even 418 00:19:06,216 --> 00:19:08,000 think about their mother anymore. 419 00:19:08,330 --> 00:19:09,433 That's not true, Grandma. 420 00:19:09,466 --> 00:19:11,350 We think about Mom all the time. 421 00:19:11,383 --> 00:19:14,200 And sometimes when we really miss her 422 00:19:14,233 --> 00:19:16,000 Fran puts on old videotapes of her 423 00:19:16,330 --> 00:19:18,330 and watches them with us. 424 00:19:18,660 --> 00:19:20,000 And every year on Mom's birthday, 425 00:19:20,330 --> 00:19:22,330 Fran has us light ayahrzeit 426 00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:23,383 -A what? -It's a Jewish tradition. 427 00:19:23,416 --> 00:19:26,116 It sort of lights the way to a happy afterlife. 428 00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:27,283 Also in the Hebrew tradition, 429 00:19:27,316 --> 00:19:29,200 we're only allowed to light one candle 430 00:19:29,233 --> 00:19:30,283 on Fran's birthday cake. 431 00:19:30,316 --> 00:19:32,150 But I forget what that means. 432 00:19:32,183 --> 00:19:34,000 It's in the Torah. 433 00:19:35,330 --> 00:19:37,830 It's very sacred. 434 00:19:37,116 --> 00:19:39,183 Roberta, Ernest, 435 00:19:39,216 --> 00:19:40,466 you'll always be welcome here 436 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,330 and you'll always be part of our family. 437 00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:44,116 Yes. 438 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:48,330 Why don't you two join us and the children for dinner 439 00:19:48,660 --> 00:19:49,366 and we'll continue this conversation. 440 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,450 [giggles] 441 00:19:50,483 --> 00:19:53,183 Listen, Ernie, is there anything that I can do 442 00:19:53,216 --> 00:19:55,266 to get on Bert's good side? 443 00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:58,830 Well, is there a Wiley's for Ribs around here? 444 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,000 She's wild for the onion loaf. 445 00:20:02,416 --> 00:20:05,000 [Fran humming] 446 00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:06,183 [chuckles] 447 00:20:06,216 --> 00:20:07,466 Listen, you guys, 448 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:11,383 I want you to know that I love these children 449 00:20:11,416 --> 00:20:13,150 so very much 450 00:20:13,183 --> 00:20:15,160 and I promise you 451 00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:16,483 that I am going to provide them 452 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,100 with a warm, loving, 453 00:20:19,133 --> 00:20:21,316 and most of all, stable environment. 454 00:20:22,166 --> 00:20:24,330 [knocking] 455 00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:27,183 What time do you open? 456 00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:31,316 [Fran laughs] 457 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,166 Oh, please, Niles, take pity on her. 458 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,660 She's old, she's lonely, 459 00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:39,166 she's losing her mind. 460 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,216 It's just one night. One dinner. 461 00:20:41,250 --> 00:20:42,400 How's it gonna kill you? 462 00:20:42,433 --> 00:20:44,316 Oh, all right. 463 00:20:44,350 --> 00:20:46,150 But I'm only doing this for you. 464 00:20:46,183 --> 00:20:47,400 Thank you. 465 00:20:47,433 --> 00:20:50,100 Come on, Babcock, I'll let you buy me dinner. 466 00:20:51,216 --> 00:20:54,183 [music playing] 467 00:21:00,233 --> 00:21:03,250 [theme music playing] 468 00:21:17,433 --> 00:21:19,250 [theme music ends]