1
00:00:02,466 --> 00:00:07,350
[sighs] Darling, please,
you've kept me waiting
for 45 whole minutes.
2
00:00:08,233 --> 00:00:10,830
This is torture.
3
00:00:10,116 --> 00:00:14,500
[Fran] No, sweetie,
torture is five years.
4
00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:18,166
Hi, hubby.
5
00:00:19,316 --> 00:00:22,366
Oh, my God, you look gorgeous.
6
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:25,350
[chuckles]
Oh, I'm so glad you like it.
7
00:00:25,383 --> 00:00:28,366
Now, let me just take it off.
I saved the box.
I'll return it tomorrow.
8
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:33,500
No. Darling, wait, wait.
You don't have to
do that anymore, remember?
9
00:00:33,830 --> 00:00:35,233
You're a wealthy woman now.
10
00:00:35,266 --> 00:00:38,450
You can buy
whatever your heart desires.
11
00:00:38,483 --> 00:00:42,200
Oh, are you good in the bedroom.
12
00:00:46,433 --> 00:00:52,150
Oh, sweetie, do you realize
how long I've waited
for this moment?
13
00:00:52,183 --> 00:00:56,350
Making love to my husband,
in my house,
14
00:00:56,383 --> 00:00:58,300
in my bedroom,
15
00:00:58,333 --> 00:01:00,183
in my 20s.
16
00:01:02,500 --> 00:01:03,830
-[chuckles]
-[laughs]
17
00:01:03,116 --> 00:01:04,133
I'm so funny.
18
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:09,830
[Fran laughing]
19
00:01:09,116 --> 00:01:10,316
Oh, Max.
20
00:01:12,830 --> 00:01:14,233
Oh, Maximillian.
21
00:01:14,266 --> 00:01:17,333
[loudly] Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Sheff!
22
00:01:17,366 --> 00:01:18,450
Shh!
23
00:01:21,233 --> 00:01:22,300
Shush?
24
00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:27,133
I'm sorry, darling, but you were
getting a little too loud.
25
00:01:27,166 --> 00:01:32,330
I'm too loud and now was
the time when you
chose to tell me?
26
00:01:33,416 --> 00:01:35,450
Well, perhaps
I chose the wrong moment.
27
00:01:35,483 --> 00:01:37,266
You think?
28
00:01:39,150 --> 00:01:44,400
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt
your feelings.
29
00:01:44,433 --> 00:01:47,166
Well, I just wanted
our first night in the house
30
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,160
from the island
to be very special.
31
00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:51,283
Just a little higher, honey.
32
00:01:59,266 --> 00:02:01,300
You know, you're really not
getting into it, darling.
33
00:02:03,150 --> 00:02:07,133
You know, that's because
I keep waiting for the shush.
34
00:02:07,166 --> 00:02:10,660
-I didn't shush you.
-Yeah, but you were about to.
35
00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:11,450
I had that feeling.
You were holding back.
36
00:02:11,483 --> 00:02:14,216
-Any minute, there was gonna be
a big shush coming.
-Shh!
37
00:02:14,250 --> 00:02:15,450
There it is! There it is.
38
00:02:18,483 --> 00:02:22,830
-What are you...
What are you doing?
-You know what?
39
00:02:22,116 --> 00:02:24,400
I can't be with you tonight,
because our relationship
40
00:02:24,433 --> 00:02:27,500
cannot afford one more shush.
41
00:02:28,660 --> 00:02:29,216
So where are you going?
42
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,400
I'm going home to my mother's.
43
00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:34,300
Why don't you just wait
till breakfast? She'll be here.
44
00:02:34,333 --> 00:02:37,330
[gasps]
45
00:02:37,660 --> 00:02:41,133
You know, I cannot believe
how this evening
has just disintegrated.
46
00:02:41,166 --> 00:02:42,416
Our first night here.
47
00:02:42,450 --> 00:02:44,416
Boy, you know,
when we were on the island
48
00:02:44,450 --> 00:02:47,133
you were really turned on
by the way I screamed.
49
00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:50,433
In fact, you were so turned on,
that you screamed.
50
00:02:50,466 --> 00:02:53,400
Do you remember
how we screamed together?
51
00:02:54,483 --> 00:02:57,283
Do you know
how precious that is?
52
00:02:59,366 --> 00:03:02,183
Darling, it was different then.
We were alone on an island.
53
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:05,830
Well, we're alone here,
except for thisyenta.
54
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:16,400
♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪
55
00:03:16,433 --> 00:03:18,100
♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
56
00:03:18,133 --> 00:03:19,266
♪ 'Til her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪
57
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:20,450
♪ In one of those
Crushing scenes ♪
58
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,383
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪
59
00:03:22,416 --> 00:03:25,350
♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
60
00:03:25,383 --> 00:03:27,166
♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪
61
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:28,483
♪ To the Sheffield's door ♪
62
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:31,100
♪ She was there to sell make-up
But the father saw more ♪
63
00:03:31,133 --> 00:03:33,100
♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there ♪
64
00:03:33,133 --> 00:03:34,150
♪ That's how she became ♪
65
00:03:34,183 --> 00:03:37,160
♪ The Nanny ♪
66
00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:40,500
♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described ♪
67
00:03:40,830 --> 00:03:42,133
♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪
68
00:03:42,166 --> 00:03:43,350
♪ Now, the father
Finds her beguiling ♪
69
00:03:43,383 --> 00:03:44,483
♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪
70
00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:46,150
♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪
71
00:03:46,183 --> 00:03:47,250
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
72
00:03:47,283 --> 00:03:48,466
♪ She's the lady in red ♪
73
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:52,160
♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪
74
00:03:53,183 --> 00:03:55,150
♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪
75
00:03:55,183 --> 00:03:56,316
♪ The Nanny named Fran! ♪
76
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:07,133
[keys jingling]
77
00:04:08,660 --> 00:04:09,166
I have a gun.
78
00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:11,366
It's me.
79
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,383
And that's a lamb chop.
Now, give it to me
before someone gets hurt.
80
00:04:14,416 --> 00:04:16,100
I know that trick.
81
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,466
What are you doing
eating baby lamb at two o'clock
in the morning anyway?
82
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,200
I can't take a pill
on an empty stomach.
83
00:04:23,233 --> 00:04:26,160
-What are you taking pills for?
-Indigestion.
84
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:32,300
Oh, Ma, me and Max
had a horrible fight.
85
00:04:32,333 --> 00:04:35,150
And it was on our first night.
86
00:04:35,183 --> 00:04:38,000
When we were really together
as husband and wife
87
00:04:38,330 --> 00:04:40,100
in our very own bedroom.
88
00:04:41,283 --> 00:04:45,000
And I'll tell you,
just to make matters worse--
89
00:04:45,483 --> 00:04:47,350
My God, these are like butter.
90
00:04:49,350 --> 00:04:51,116
So, what happened?
91
00:04:54,216 --> 00:04:59,383
Max thinks I'm too loud
in the bedroom.
92
00:05:01,330 --> 00:05:03,100
So eat quieter food.
93
00:05:07,450 --> 00:05:12,316
Oh, Ma, I think my marriage
is falling apart.
94
00:05:12,350 --> 00:05:16,100
I think he's wondering
whether I'm the right person
for him or not.
95
00:05:17,233 --> 00:05:20,830
I don't wanna go
on and on, but...
96
00:05:20,116 --> 00:05:23,350
Did you marinate this
in zesty Italian?
97
00:05:23,383 --> 00:05:27,216
Darling, if you want to
have a successful marriage,
try to adjust.
98
00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:32,160
Your father likes to speak
Spanish to me in the bedroom
and it drives me crazy.
99
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:36,216
But meanwhile, I learned
how to say,
"I have a yellow pencil."
100
00:05:37,483 --> 00:05:40,333
"May I have some extra cheese
on my enchilada?"
101
00:05:42,830 --> 00:05:43,433
-"Where are my--"
-Ma.
102
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,400
I know it's very enlightening
to find out
103
00:05:48,433 --> 00:05:52,660
that you can make love
and order from El Pollo Loco...
104
00:05:54,133 --> 00:05:57,100
but can we please get back
to my life?
105
00:05:57,133 --> 00:06:01,166
Look, if you wanna have
a good marriage,
it's about give and take.
106
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:05,350
Compromise. That's how you have
a long-lasting relationship.
107
00:06:05,383 --> 00:06:08,283
Oh, Ma, you are so wise.
I love you.
108
00:06:10,116 --> 00:06:14,400
And when it gets
a little heated up,
why don't you do what I do?
109
00:06:14,433 --> 00:06:17,483
You stick a Hostess Sno Ball
in your mouth.
110
00:06:19,416 --> 00:06:23,333
It keeps you quiet
for a good 30 seconds.
111
00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:29,330
What do you do
with the rest of the time?
112
00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:30,216
What rest of the time?
113
00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:43,433
Oh, come on, please,
come out here and talk to me.
114
00:06:43,466 --> 00:06:45,300
You've been in there forever.
115
00:06:46,333 --> 00:06:48,150
All right. I'm sorry.
116
00:06:50,383 --> 00:06:52,300
Do you think
I'm too old for bangs?
117
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:56,400
So, what did I do
that was so wrong, hmm?
118
00:06:56,433 --> 00:06:59,266
Well, you don't
talk to me nicely.
119
00:07:00,333 --> 00:07:02,133
My birthday's come and gone.
120
00:07:02,166 --> 00:07:04,333
To her, Niles, to her.
121
00:07:05,233 --> 00:07:06,333
Well, was she right?
122
00:07:06,366 --> 00:07:09,660
-I mean,
do you think I'm uptight?
-Nope.
123
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:10,333
-I won't fire you.
-Yep.
124
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:16,416
But seriously, sir, you know,
marriage is a compromise.
125
00:07:16,450 --> 00:07:18,183
Oh, yes, I know, I know.
126
00:07:18,216 --> 00:07:21,266
When she's passionate,
aggressive, exciting, and I'm--
127
00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:23,133
Not?
128
00:07:23,166 --> 00:07:27,500
Look, would it kill you
just for once in your life
to be on my side?
129
00:07:27,830 --> 00:07:29,330
You know, I'm the one
who hired you
in the first place.
130
00:07:29,660 --> 00:07:31,160
I'm the one who lets
you get away with
all those little things
131
00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:33,150
you think I don't know about.
132
00:07:33,183 --> 00:07:35,366
Sometimes I wonder
why I bother keeping you on.
133
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:37,200
That's the passion.
134
00:07:37,233 --> 00:07:38,450
That's what she wants.
135
00:07:38,483 --> 00:07:41,216
That's the man
she's looking for.
136
00:07:41,250 --> 00:07:43,000
[whispers] Although I could
live without him.
137
00:08:03,333 --> 00:08:06,316
I was just going out
to get some fresh bagels.
138
00:08:06,350 --> 00:08:09,283
Yeah. Fran, we heard
the fight last night.
139
00:08:09,316 --> 00:08:11,116
It happens your voice carries.
140
00:08:12,266 --> 00:08:13,466
All the way to your bedroom?
141
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,330
Yeah, to Michigan.
142
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,830
All right. Okay. It's true.
143
00:08:19,116 --> 00:08:22,316
Your father and I
had a little tiff,
144
00:08:22,350 --> 00:08:26,466
but I don't want you kids
to worry about it at all.
145
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,416
I mean, just because I spent
the night at Ma's
146
00:08:29,450 --> 00:08:33,200
does not mean that we're
going to be getting a divorce.
147
00:08:33,233 --> 00:08:35,233
Then why did Daddy
call his attorney?
148
00:08:35,266 --> 00:08:36,450
What?
149
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:38,160
Kidding.
150
00:08:45,183 --> 00:08:47,150
-Oh, Fran. Fran.
-Oh, hi, honey.
151
00:08:47,183 --> 00:08:50,216
You know that pre-med student
that I told you about
that I'm madly in love with?
152
00:08:50,250 --> 00:08:52,433
-Yeah.
-Well, I got a date
with him tonight.
153
00:08:52,466 --> 00:08:55,150
Oh, honey, that's fabulous.
154
00:08:55,183 --> 00:08:58,330
-I know, and guess what,
he's Jewish.
-Ahh!
155
00:08:58,660 --> 00:09:00,133
I mean, ah.
156
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,466
I'm not mad
at you anymore, honey.
157
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,830
Where the hell is honey?
158
00:09:09,366 --> 00:09:10,350
Ah...
159
00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:15,316
Hi, sweetie.
160
00:09:15,350 --> 00:09:16,466
What's this?
161
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,166
Well, darling,
I heard what you said.
162
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,466
Thought I'd try to be
a little more loosey-goosey.
163
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:25,250
Oh, how sweet.
164
00:09:25,283 --> 00:09:27,233
But, you know, honey,
165
00:09:27,266 --> 00:09:29,483
saying loosey-goosey
166
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:33,830
just means
you're not loosey-goosey.
167
00:09:35,166 --> 00:09:39,133
And I want you to know
that I heard what you said too.
168
00:09:39,166 --> 00:09:43,366
And, well, I'm going to try
and be a little more
[quietly] demure.
169
00:09:45,483 --> 00:09:47,100
What?
170
00:09:47,133 --> 00:09:51,350
Try and be a little more...
[quietly] demure.
171
00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:54,000
-What?
-I'm gonna be more demure.
172
00:09:55,250 --> 00:09:58,333
You know, darling,
I had a wonderful idea.
173
00:09:58,366 --> 00:10:01,416
What do you say
we make arrangements
for the children tonight
174
00:10:01,450 --> 00:10:04,450
-and have the whole house
to ourselves, hmm?
-Ooh!
175
00:10:04,483 --> 00:10:09,266
That way, when we come back
from the business dinner,
we can party hearty.
176
00:10:09,300 --> 00:10:11,366
Oh, honey.
177
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,330
Just a hint.
178
00:10:13,660 --> 00:10:16,216
Party hearty, right up there
with loosey-goosey.
179
00:10:19,433 --> 00:10:23,333
Oh, sweetie, you feel so strong.
180
00:10:23,366 --> 00:10:28,830
Makes me feel so...
[quietly] demure.
181
00:10:28,116 --> 00:10:30,250
-What?
-Demure.
182
00:10:37,150 --> 00:10:39,300
Well, Brighton's out,
Maggie's out.
183
00:10:39,333 --> 00:10:43,250
Oh, and, Val, thank you so much
for getting Gracie out
with you tonight.
184
00:10:43,283 --> 00:10:46,483
Oh, honey,
it is no problem at all.
I just had to cancel a date.
185
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,200
Oh, no. You had to
cancel a date?
186
00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:52,116
-No. I just wanted to hear
what it sounded like.
-Oh.
187
00:10:53,283 --> 00:10:55,216
Oh, wow, Fran,
you look gorgeous.
188
00:10:55,250 --> 00:10:57,200
Oh, thanks, honey.
189
00:10:57,233 --> 00:11:00,316
Sweetie, there's the door.
Why are you walking that way?
Why you sitting down?
190
00:11:00,350 --> 00:11:03,166
What are you doing?
You're making me nervous.
191
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,383
Fran, my new boyfriend's
coming over.
192
00:11:05,416 --> 00:11:07,830
I thought you were going out.
193
00:11:07,116 --> 00:11:10,200
Already he's here all the time?
Doesn't he have a home?
194
00:11:10,233 --> 00:11:13,150
What, you want me to
go over to his apartment?
195
00:11:13,183 --> 00:11:15,233
Can I trust you
at his apartment?
196
00:11:15,266 --> 00:11:17,183
Well, you raised me.
197
00:11:17,216 --> 00:11:18,333
You're going to her house.
198
00:11:20,150 --> 00:11:22,316
Val's? Well, she doesn't even
have her own room.
199
00:11:22,350 --> 00:11:24,183
She lives on her parents' couch.
200
00:11:24,216 --> 00:11:27,330
You'll have privacy.
I just got the accordion door.
201
00:11:28,383 --> 00:11:32,366
I get it. You want everybody
out of the house
so that you and Dad can...
202
00:11:33,333 --> 00:11:34,316
Ugh!
203
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:37,266
Everyone's a critic.
204
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:42,160
[Niles coughing]
205
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:43,400
Niles?
206
00:11:43,433 --> 00:11:47,000
What are you doing home
on your night off,
rubbing and coughing like that?
207
00:11:47,330 --> 00:11:49,450
I think I'm coming down
with something.
208
00:11:49,483 --> 00:11:53,330
-Oh, you know what would be
perfect for that?
-Hmm?
209
00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:55,433
A night at the Waldorf Astoria.
All expenses paid.
210
00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:01,830
Room service, Jacuzzi,
special movies.
211
00:12:02,216 --> 00:12:04,830
Oh, I'm just feeling so awful.
212
00:12:04,116 --> 00:12:06,233
I don't even think
I could make it into the taxi.
213
00:12:06,266 --> 00:12:07,366
How about a limo?
214
00:12:08,150 --> 00:12:09,183
Stretch?
215
00:12:10,366 --> 00:12:12,200
You know, so I can lie down.
216
00:12:14,450 --> 00:12:17,660
Fine. Fine.
217
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,100
Oh, and, Niles,
by the way, you know,
218
00:12:19,133 --> 00:12:22,250
when I used to pull this act
with Mr. Sheffield,
219
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,150
I got per diem too.
220
00:12:24,183 --> 00:12:27,116
I can assure you
this is not an act.
221
00:12:27,150 --> 00:12:28,483
[whispers]
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
222
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:33,660
[both] What are you doing
all dressed up?
223
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,450
[both] I have
a business dinner with Max.
224
00:12:38,250 --> 00:12:42,416
Didn't you assume that
he was going to be
taking his wife along?
225
00:12:42,450 --> 00:12:45,183
[scoffs]
Well, it'd be pretty hard,
considering she's dead.
226
00:12:46,383 --> 00:12:47,416
Oh, you meant you.
227
00:12:49,183 --> 00:12:53,000
Miss Babcock, you know,
now that Max and I are married,
228
00:12:53,330 --> 00:12:55,433
I think that it would really be
much better for your health
229
00:12:55,466 --> 00:12:59,150
if you would just go out
and get a life.
230
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:03,483
Make friends,
meet people, move on.
231
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,216
No.
232
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,483
I want him, he's mine,
and nobody's gonna
take him from me.
233
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:13,300
And I will tell him that
to his face.
234
00:13:14,266 --> 00:13:16,660
Tell me what?
235
00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:19,160
-What a stunner your wife is.
-[Maxwell] Aww.
236
00:13:20,283 --> 00:13:23,830
You know, she's right, darling.
You are stunning.
237
00:13:23,116 --> 00:13:25,160
Very classy.
238
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:28,233
And don't think your effort
to compromise
has gone unnoticed.
239
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:31,266
Oh, sweetie, I know
how important
this evening is to you.
240
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:33,133
-Oh... Do you really?
-Yes.
241
00:13:33,166 --> 00:13:36,216
Because, you know, in the past,
every time a writer's
had to choose
242
00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:37,416
between me
and Andrew Lloyd Webber
243
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:41,416
-they've always chosen not me.
-Oh...
244
00:13:41,450 --> 00:13:43,433
Honey, you're
a wonderful producer.
245
00:13:43,466 --> 00:13:45,316
Don't doubt yourself.
246
00:13:45,350 --> 00:13:47,416
And, you know,
this time Webber's out of town,
247
00:13:47,450 --> 00:13:49,100
so he won't even
be at the party.
248
00:13:49,133 --> 00:13:52,366
Oh, my God,
you might really have a shot.
249
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:56,266
That's why it's important
we don't take any souvenirs
from Wendell's house.
250
00:13:56,300 --> 00:13:59,500
-Honey, that's why I took
my demure purse.
-Ah.
251
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,450
Look, I'm your wife now.
252
00:14:01,483 --> 00:14:05,483
If you want conservative
and classy, you got it.
253
00:14:26,830 --> 00:14:30,160
Mmm. These crab cakes
are delicious.
254
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:32,433
You know what, I'm just gonna
take a few home
255
00:14:32,466 --> 00:14:35,300
so my mother
can re-create it with scrod.
256
00:14:36,366 --> 00:14:38,483
-Darling.
-All right already.
257
00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:42,183
I told you, sir,
the recipe would suffice.
258
00:14:42,216 --> 00:14:43,283
Thank you.
259
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:46,483
Darling, I've just been
having a word
with Wendell Kent.
260
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,416
And at the risk
of sounding immodest...
261
00:14:49,450 --> 00:14:51,316
-he loves me.
-[laughs]
262
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:55,200
Of course, he does, my darling,
and that's why
you're gonna get the job.
263
00:14:55,233 --> 00:14:59,366
What's he need with that guy
who brought
CatsPhantom and Sunset?
264
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,416
You know what,
I'm gonna shush myself now.
265
00:15:03,466 --> 00:15:05,483
Maxwell, look who I found.
266
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,350
Oh, Wendell, I'd like you
to meet my lovely wife.
267
00:15:08,383 --> 00:15:12,160
Yes, she's already
introduced herself to me.
268
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:15,283
Oh, Wendell, you misunderstood.
269
00:15:18,660 --> 00:15:21,200
No. No, Wendell,
this is my lovely wife.
270
00:15:21,233 --> 00:15:23,116
-Ah!
-How do you do?
271
00:15:23,150 --> 00:15:26,216
The lady who's making
every woman in the room jealous.
272
00:15:27,450 --> 00:15:31,300
Is that because I'm married
to such a handsome husband?
273
00:15:31,333 --> 00:15:34,350
Actually, it's the way you look
in that dress.
274
00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:38,183
Especially from the back.
275
00:15:40,830 --> 00:15:43,216
Stop it, you're embarrassing me.
276
00:15:43,250 --> 00:15:46,183
-Now I can't even look at you.
-Oh...
277
00:15:57,433 --> 00:16:00,660
Oh, honey, honey, you did it.
278
00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:04,160
-Wendell wants you
to do his play.
-Yes, I know, I know, I know.
279
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:05,366
And I couldn't have done it
without you.
280
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:08,283
Ooh, I always want you
by my side. Now go.
281
00:16:10,266 --> 00:16:13,000
-Why?
-Because I have to.
282
00:16:13,330 --> 00:16:15,483
Well, I'll wait for you.
I just wanna powder
my nose, anyway.
283
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:26,150
Honey, it's a very classy joint.
I'd pick up the lid.
284
00:16:32,350 --> 00:16:33,466
What's the matter, sweetie?
285
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,416
Too uptight to go
in front of me?
286
00:16:35,450 --> 00:16:37,450
Me? Uptight? No. No.
287
00:16:37,483 --> 00:16:40,183
Oh, good.
288
00:16:40,216 --> 00:16:43,100
Oh, honey, you know,
I just wanted to say,
289
00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:45,300
if ever we outgrow
the townhouse,
290
00:16:45,333 --> 00:16:50,500
boy, this place is the kind of
place we should move into.
Man, it's always--
291
00:16:50,830 --> 00:16:51,166
-Get out!
-Ahh!
292
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,450
I can't do it. I can't do it.
293
00:16:53,483 --> 00:16:56,160
All right, I admit it,
I am uptight.
294
00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:59,150
Now, please, I had two
very large martinis. Go.
295
00:16:59,183 --> 00:17:02,233
Okay. All right.
Yes, I hear you.
296
00:17:02,266 --> 00:17:05,100
Marriage is
all about compromise.
297
00:17:05,133 --> 00:17:08,183
This will just be something
that you'll have to
get used to gradually.
298
00:17:08,216 --> 00:17:11,416
No, never.
There are certain intimacies
that should never be shared.
299
00:17:11,450 --> 00:17:13,830
But I'm your wife.
300
00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:15,400
Yes, I know, darling,
and I love you very much.
301
00:17:15,433 --> 00:17:17,483
But I'm English.
302
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,466
And in my country,
people don't go
in front of their wives.
303
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,660
-What's it, a law or something?
-Yes, as a matter of fact,
it is.
304
00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:25,350
Why do you think Henry VIII
had so many wives?
305
00:17:25,383 --> 00:17:27,433
They kept walking in on him.
306
00:17:27,466 --> 00:17:30,100
You know, I'm sorry,
but this isn't as if
307
00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:33,330
I was trying to invade
your space or something.
308
00:17:33,660 --> 00:17:34,266
-I just wanted--
-I'm about to explode.
309
00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:38,500
Oh, all right,
I'll give you your privacy.
310
00:17:38,830 --> 00:17:39,433
I'm going, okay?
311
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:50,216
Hi.
312
00:17:53,116 --> 00:17:57,266
Boy, you never know a person
until you go through
their medicine cabinet.
313
00:17:57,300 --> 00:18:02,416
No bromo, no Tagamet,
no little soap bars
from Sheraton Hotel.
314
00:18:02,450 --> 00:18:05,000
Obviously not
a Jewish household.
315
00:18:06,183 --> 00:18:08,660
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
316
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:10,133
Oh, well, this is
just ridiculous.
317
00:18:10,166 --> 00:18:12,316
-Help!
-Shh!
318
00:18:12,350 --> 00:18:15,316
Again you're shushing me?
319
00:18:15,350 --> 00:18:18,366
I don't want anyone
finding us in here.
320
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,133
Do you know what
they'll think we're doing?
321
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,183
Tinkling?
322
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:27,183
God, that's worse than
thinking what I thought
they'd be thinking.
323
00:18:27,216 --> 00:18:29,483
You know,
you either let me call for help,
324
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:32,830
or you learn how to tinkle
in front of your wife.
325
00:18:32,116 --> 00:18:35,150
Those are your choices-s-s-s-s.
326
00:18:35,183 --> 00:18:38,316
Oh, stop it. You're insane.
327
00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:42,466
I'm insane? I can't scream,
you can't go to the bathroom
in front of your wife.
328
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:44,133
What do you want me to do?
329
00:18:45,183 --> 00:18:46,233
You almost done yet?
330
00:18:49,133 --> 00:18:51,250
[Maxwell]
Just one more second, darling.
331
00:18:51,283 --> 00:18:53,483
Oh, honey, you should see
the master bedroom suite.
332
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,500
Ooh...
333
00:18:56,830 --> 00:18:58,116
Oh, they have that comforter set
that I wanted
334
00:18:58,150 --> 00:19:01,830
and the saleslady said
it didn't come in king.
335
00:19:01,116 --> 00:19:05,216
Oh, you know, if they have
the dust ruffle too,
heads will roll... Ahh...
336
00:19:06,116 --> 00:19:07,183
Wahh...
337
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,250
Oh, my God!
338
00:19:14,266 --> 00:19:18,660
[man]
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
339
00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:21,100
we commit thy servant
Wendell Kent to you.
340
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,200
Honey, try and be
a little positive.
341
00:19:24,233 --> 00:19:27,366
I mean, I heard that Wendell
left the rights to his plays
to his wife.
342
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,366
I think you still
might have a shot.
343
00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:36,300
You landed on her husband
and you crushed him to death.
344
00:19:38,450 --> 00:19:42,116
What kind of shot
do you think I still have?
345
00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:45,660
Oh, don't be
such a negative Ned.
346
00:19:46,450 --> 00:19:48,830
Meanwhile, you're here.
347
00:19:48,116 --> 00:19:50,483
I don't see Andrew Lloyd Webber
paying his respects.
348
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:52,200
He doesn't have to.
349
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,266
His wife didn't crush
Wendell to death.
350
00:19:56,283 --> 00:19:58,466
I'm sorry I crushed your writer.
351
00:20:00,183 --> 00:20:03,150
It was a freak accident.
These things happen.
352
00:20:03,183 --> 00:20:05,416
I'm lucky that I walked away
with just this.
353
00:20:07,266 --> 00:20:09,183
It hurts much worse
than it looks.
354
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:12,000
That's the widow.
355
00:20:15,116 --> 00:20:16,166
Well, move.
356
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:21,316
You know, none of this
would've happened
if we weren't
357
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:23,166
trying to change
each other so much.
358
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:27,330
-I don't know about that.
-Well, let us
just recap, shall we?
359
00:20:28,233 --> 00:20:30,400
You tried to loosen up,
I tried to be demure,
360
00:20:30,433 --> 00:20:32,300
and an innocent man is dead.
361
00:20:35,330 --> 00:20:39,200
Now, I just say that
we learn to live with each other
exactly the way we are,
362
00:20:39,233 --> 00:20:41,300
or senseless bloodshed
shall continue.
363
00:20:44,150 --> 00:20:47,250
There's practically no one here.
364
00:20:47,283 --> 00:20:50,830
Honey, what do you expect?
The man was hardly a saint.
365
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:53,166
I mean, he cheated on his wife,
stole money from his family--
366
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:54,316
That's the mother.
367
00:21:00,330 --> 00:21:01,660
Can we go?
368
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,100
[Maxwell laughing]
369
00:21:10,133 --> 00:21:16,830
Oh, good God.
[continues laughing]
370
00:21:16,116 --> 00:21:17,450
-What's he doing?
-Oh.
371
00:21:17,483 --> 00:21:21,350
He's reading the play he lost
to Andrew Lloyd Webber.
372
00:21:21,383 --> 00:21:24,350
-Oy, it sounds hysterical.
-Mm-hmm.
373
00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:26,383
-[Maxwell] Fran!
-Tell him I'm working.
374
00:21:26,416 --> 00:21:29,500
No, you're his wife now.
375
00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:32,500
Tell him I'm spending,
I'm spending.
376
00:21:32,830 --> 00:21:34,233
[Maxwell] Oh, Fran,
you've gotta read this.
377
00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:38,433
This... This play is hysterical.
378
00:21:38,466 --> 00:21:41,183
Honey, you're happy? Why?
379
00:21:42,233 --> 00:21:44,233
Because it's a drama.
380
00:21:44,266 --> 00:21:47,000
I would have lost my shirt
if you hadn't fallen on Wendell.
381
00:21:47,330 --> 00:21:48,166
-Really?
-Yes!
382
00:21:52,283 --> 00:21:54,216
[both] May he rest in peace.
383
00:21:59,330 --> 00:22:01,160
[theme music playing]
384
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,483
[theme music ends]